Chapter 34: Each Their Own Way

Aberfoth was right. The night is long and rather tedious to sit through. As soon as the sun peeks through the large arched windows, Cressida slips on her shoes and sneaks back up to the Gryffindor Tower before Madam Pomfrey can check her over. The girls are still fast asleep so she slips into the shower undisturbed and rids herself of the grime that's been building since Thursday evening.

When she comes out, the entire bathroom is steam-filled, but Cressida hasn't felt so clean in a long time. As quickly and quietly as she can, tiptoeing around the sleeping girls, she pulls on a clean and simple outfit.

What today has instore for her, is a complete and utter mystery. All she knows is that it is going to be chilly, and wraps a red scarf around her neck.

Cressida expects the Common Room to be just how she left it; empty. But someone has come down through her short shower, reading over the cork noticeboard. Her eyes narrow, wanting to sneak behind them until she recognises him. "Sirius?" she calls.

He spins around at her voice, eyes wide and his mouth agape as though she's caught him in the middle of something private. "Cress? I thought you were in the Hospital Wing?"

"Snuck back out," she answers, sauntering forward. "What are you doing up so early?"

Sirius swallows heavily, folding his arms over his chest. "I was going to come to see you and Remus. McGonagall wouldn't let us go last night and we thought you might have wanted rest anyway." His voice is hesitant, eyes reading her expression at every word. She doesn't blame him. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know how to answer that if I'm being honest." Cressida smiles softly and extends her hand out towards him. "Do you wanna walk with me? We have a bit of time before breakfast."

Sirius glances over his shoulder towards the noticeboard as though it would hold his interest. Then he smiles softly back at her and slips his hand into her hold. Cressida leads them both out of the Tower and down into the second floor corridors which are filled with large arched windows that have the early morning light streaming through them.

She brings him over to one, sitting down on the thin slab of stone at its base. Sirius sits down opposite. "Tell me what's going through your head," she says to him.

His jaw rolls outwards then back, his head hanging low between his shoulders. Cressida waits, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. She wonders what James has heard from. What Remus has. Had they listened to him? What are they thinking?

"Reg talked to me Friday morning," Sirius begins after the pregnant pause. "He told me that my mother burned my name off the family tapestry." Cressida doesn't say anything yet. She's aware of the tapestry the Black family keep in their house. Sirius' isn't the first name she knows has been removed. "I'm not upset about that-"

"I think you are," she cuts in gently. "You don't want to admit it, but it's still a part of who you are. You're a Black."

Sirius tilts his head to stare at her but says nothing in response to her interjection. His hand around hers tightens considerable, his knuckles turning a stark shade of white and the tips of her own fingers red. "I just… hate everything that they stand for. The Blood purity. Muggle hating. It's vile, Cress, just even listening to them. And it makes me sick to think that they're talking about you. I was just going to ignore it. It doesn't matter to me if my name isn't on that stupid tapestry – I'd rather it not be – but when you came to the dorm and James told me that you had been cursed…" He stares at her with glossy eyes and Cressida finds herself unable to look away, listening to every single word that pours from his lips. "You mean everything to me. Not only as my friend, but as the epitome of everything that I stand for. I never believed what my father used to tell me even before I came to Hogwarts, but it's like you became this reason for me to…to fight for that belief." There's a flicker of relief behind his dark eyes, as though he's only finally realising what he is saying himself. "You remind me every day that leaving my family behind was the best decision I've ever made. I thought that they won't be able to hurt me anymore. But they can. I'm terrified that they're going to hurt you to hurt me."

Cressida feels her own eyes begin to sting. "Snape wasn't the one to curse me," she says quietly, forcing herself to keep the conversation going where she intends for it to. "Your brother wasn't even there."

"No," Sirius agrees. "But he was there. He believes the same things they do. It could've been him just as easily. Besides, Snape was asking for it by following us all the time – wondering where Remus goes every month." Cressida tips her head forward with a sharp look that makes the boy drop his defence. "I know," he says in a quieter tone. "It was really stupid of me."

"Mm-hmm," she hums in agreement. "What has James said to you."

"What I needed to hear," he huffs with a flat smile on one side of his mouth. "I apologised to Remus too. I'm not sure if he's forgiven me."

Cressida squeezes his hand, bringing it to her chest. "Sirius, I'm not going to say what you've already been told. But I do need you to realise how much danger you put all of us in. This isn't just a forgive and forget situation. James, Peter and I can move on from it, but you're going to have to give Remus more time."

"That's what James said."

Cressida nods gently. He's not completely forgiven in her books, but she's not going to make him do some valiant quest to redeem himself. He needs to learn and accept the guilt and consequences of what's he's done. If he can do that, then Cressida will accept that he's taken it as an opportunity to grow. "Come here." She lets his hand go, opening her arms wide and leans towards him. His face quickly buries in her neck and whatever he didn't want to show to her finally releases. There's no sound, but she can feel to jolts and spasms from his chest. When he finally pulls back, Cressida straightens out his jacket's collar, smiling meekly. "Breakfast should be ready. You wanna eat?"

His lips pinch together, and he nods once. "Yeah."

They take their time towards the Great Hall, despite her growling stomach that hasn't had a decent meal in many hours. But it gives Sirius the opportunity to collect himself. As they walk in, both are surprised to see Remus already sitting at the table alone with a drink in front of him.

"Good morning," Cressida greets him brightly but softly. "I didn't realise you'd be out so early or I would've waited for you."

Remus smiles up at her. It wavers slightly, watching Sirius slide into the seat next to her but he keeps his eyes towards her. "I had to deal with her ranting about patients not listening to her orders because of you. Always the Gryffindors, she said," he grins over the rim of his tea mug. "You must've left pretty early though, I've been up for a while."

"I needed a shower," she grins back, rubbing her cold hands together under the table. "I'm surprised you didn't complain that I stunk last night."

Remus gives her a cheeky expression. "I thought it would've been a bit rude." Cressida rolls her eyes, laughing at his dorky smile and finds some toast to butter. Sirius stays quiet next to her, doing the same thing. The two more expressive pair keep a small banter as the Great Hall fills with more students. That is, until the final two members of their group enter the hall. James is limping slightly and Peter is trailing behind him as usual.

Cressida quietens down, not unmissed by neither Sirius nor Remus.

"We went looking for you two this morning," James greets with a charming smile. He slides into the seat next to her, Peter across on the other side of the table. "Cress, what happened yesterday?" She shrugs her shoulders, eyes wandering the long table in search of some bacon. "Cressida? What's the matter?" he questions with a soft, but unsure laugh.

She mutters a quick, "Nothing." Why does he do this to her? Why does he not want her around one moment then go back to being normal the next?

"Well obviously it's something," he counters, growing in frustration but trying to keep it at bay from showing. "Is it because I didn't come see you last night. I thought you would've wanted some sleep-"

"Merlin's beard I don't care about that," she snaps. Everybody's eyes are either on her or James so she keeps her gaze pointed at the food in front of her.

He half-turns in the seat to face her and reaches out to grasp at her arm that's reaching for a pair of tongs. "Well then tell me what you do care about," he demands gently. She can't bring herself to answer in front of everybody. She can't admit out loud how she let simple words affect her so much.

Taking a long draw of air, Cressida looks to him. "I'm sorry. I've been on edge."

His face softens as does his grip turning to a soft hold that slithers down to her forearm. "I'm sorry too." Maybe's she's just overly sensitive to everything that he does and says because of her feelings for him. She tries to imagine Sirius or Remus or even Peter saying the same words to her. Sure she'd be peeved, but would she this petty? James leans closer. "Can I make it up to you?"

Her brow twitches, oddly amused by his offer. He doesn't even know what he's done. Or that he's done anything. "We're map making tonight, right?" she asks. James glances around the table. They all shrug or nod in agreement so he nods to her. "Get me some sugar quills while you're at Hogsmeade today."

"Hogsmeade?"

"Your date with Lily. Unless you've decided to postpone it."

James' eyes widen into saucepans. "Shit." Remus immediately snorts, choking on his drink as James hastily scans the Great Hall. Cressida's mouth pulls apart, watching him frantically figure something out in his head.

"Did you actually forget?" Sirius goads.

James gives him a nasty glare. "A little preoccupied with other things." He groans loudly, digging his elbows into the table and pressing his forehead into the palm of his hands. "I have to tell her I can't do it."

"You're being ridiculous," she laughs. "You have at least two hours until the carriages even begin to leave. Why can't you go?"

James looks over her shoulder towards Sirius with an expression that she can't read. Cressida continues watching him for a moment, befuddled then tosses her head over her other shoulder to see what Sirius is doing in response to James' gaze. Sirius' eyes snap to hers as soon as she does so, giving her nothing on their silent exchange. Are they hiding something from her?

Don't jump to conclusions, Cressida.

In a more sober voice, she says, "Don't waste the opportunity you've been chasing after. If you love this girl, don't hesitate with her. Not out of fear."

"She's right," Remus adds with a small toast of his mug towards her. "You never get to experience missed opportunities." Cressida ignores his odd choice of wording, putting it down to his bookish nature.

James swallows thickly, running his tongue over his bottom lip as he looks in the direction of her legs. "What are you doing today?"

Cressida purses her lips in thought. She won't be going to Hogsmeade if James and Lily would be there together. That would be too painful to see. "Might go find Arthur. I owe him a date."

James breathes slowly, eyes flickering off in another direction. "Suppose I should go get changed for a date then."

My my, aren't they painful? Anywho - thank you once again Ravenclaw53, anniestark, WritingInk, shell2523, and KelseyBl. This story has a long way to go and I'd love to see you all at the end of it!