AN: So, unfortunately, the author that had adopted one of my very first fanfics, "Welcome Back, Mr. ED!", has handed the story back over to me due to not feeling confident with what he had for the story and realizing that it just wasn't for him.
Now, I have to story back, but I refuse to let it die! I'm putting up for adoption again. I've already got one person that's taking on the story, so hopefully, we'll be seeing it soon with new EDventures. But, until that day comes, let's get onto the story!
In the big city, many miles away from Gravity Falls, there was a back alley, and one of the backdoors of that back alley was to a TV store. All was quiet until explosions started going off from within the building. Suddenly the backdoor busted open as a man in a cloak stumbled out of the building. The sound of gunfire echoing from inside. The man looked around before seeing a van. He ran over to the van and quickly got in. Placing an item in the second seat. He then turned on the engine and slammed down on the acceleration. The van speeded out of the back alley, just as the shooters from inside rushed outside.
The driver drove the van out of town like a bat out of hell. Speeding over the speed limit on the road. So, the buildings were gone, and all that was left was miles and miles of trees.
Suddenly, the man's body jolted when something hit the back of the van. It was a black car that was ramming the van from behind. It then pulled alongside the van, and the windows rolled down. Popping out of the windows were men with various forms of facial hair and various old fashioned haircuts. Armed with MAC-10 SMGs, they were about to open fire on him when the cloaked man rammed the car's side. Sending the black car off the road and then crashing into a tree.
"I can't let them get their hands on this," the man said, placing his hand on the item. "I've got to take it to someplace safe. Somewhere completely off the radar where no one can find it."
He then drove past a sign and continued speeding down the road. Right into the town of Gravity Falls!
{Play Stranger Things theme by Kyle Dixon Michael Stein}
The intro begins by fading in a scene of the road sign that said: "Welcome to Gravity Falls, Oregon."
We then see a view of the town of Gravity Falls, with the strangely shaped canyons in the background, and the sun going down between the two land formations. As the sun was setting, the day turns to a blue night. However, a sinister red light comes from over the horizon. Shining between the canyon.
The next scene is of a large, dinosaur footprint in the ground. It then changed to show the trees of the forest at night, and a pair of glowing eyes staring at the viewer, before the camera switched to a wider shot and showed many more eyes staring at the viewer. The next scene was a far back show of two men dumping a body into the lake, and as that body sank down it was swallowed by a massive creature.
PATRICK
The teenage Pines is shown in a freeze shot of him walking in the woods with a lantern and his crowbar in hand. Behind him, Bill's eye in the sky looked down at him.
DIPPER
The male twin is looking down at the journal with a flashlight. Not noticing that there was a Pteranodon staring down at him, ready to eat him.
MABEL
The female twin is the final one to be seen, and it showed her wearing a sweater that lit up because it was plugged into an outlet. But in another, farther away shot show's Gideon's hand controlling her like she was a marionette.
The finale of the intro shows the Mystery Shack as the sun goes down behind it and the trees of the forest. When the sun goes down and the night came, and just like the beginning, the red light appears, but then a blue light shined from inside the Mystery Shack.
Then the screen when black and the title of the story appeared in a flash of light.
WEIRDER THINGS
It then disappeared, before the chapter title appeared.
Chapter Twenty-Two:
The Last Laserdisc Player
It was another day in the Mystery Shack for Patrick and the twins. The three were once again helping out around the shop, stacking boxes in the gift shop before the shack was open. But as of now, Mabel and Patrick were standing back as they watched Dipper struggling to pick up one of the boxes. As Mabel struggled to not laugh at her brother, Patrick had his arms crossed and stared at Dipper. "Dipper...You're going to hurt your back."
Dipper continued to try and lift the box. "No...I'm..." He then tried harder. Making weird noises as he struggled.
Mabel couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing out loud. "Bro, I can't believe you can't even lift one box!"
"Shut your face! I can lift it!" Dipper yelled at her. He then continued struggling with the box, and Mabel just laughed while Patrick tried to hide his amusement, but failed and chuckled.
"You sound like Stan crying!" Mabel said with a big smile. Patrick walked over and sat down on his knees in front of the box. Dipper had finally just decided to give up.
"What's even in this thing?" He asked out loud before opening the flips and looking inside.
There was the usual old junk that one would find. Patrick pushed some of it aside to see if there was something heavy at the bottom. But he stopped when he pulled out something that caught his eyes. When it came out of the junk and displayed itself fully, Patrick looked at it and gasped a long inhale of breath.
"Dude, it's '21-12 Time Attack' director's cut on Laserdisc!" He exclaimed with wide eyes filled with shock.
"Whoa, whoa. Hold on." Dipper walked over to him, holding his hands up for his cousin to stop. "If I know better, I think you just said 'That's 21-12 Time Attack on Laserdisc!'"
Patrick flipped the cover around and showed the front side of the laserdisc. While Mabel looked a little confused, Dipper gasped with just as much as his cousin.
"That's the director's cut. It's incredibly rare!" He exclaimed, smiling a giddy grin.
"Laserdisc? What's a laserdisc?" Mabel asked, confused as to why her family was getting so excited.
"Only one of the greatest formats that never saw the light of day!" Dipper said with a big smile. "These babies were supposed to the next big thing, but never managed to gain widespread use, primarily due to the high costs for the players and video titles themselves and the inability to record TV programs.
"And when it's one of the greatest sci-fi movies of all time, that means we incredibly have to skip work and watch this right now," Patrick said, sounding more like the love of his life, Wendy.
"But how are we supposed to play it? We don't have a laserdisc player," Dipper asked.
"Why not ask Stan? He's old. He has to have one," Mabel said with a smile.
"No, I don't have a laserdisc player," Stan said, fixing his tie in the living room's mirror.
"Aw, what?" exclaimed the kids.
"But you've got to have one!" Dipper protested, before pointing to the laserdiscs in Patrick's hands. "Why would you have that?"
"Look, kid, get real! The laserdisc died out a long time ago. Besides, I stole that movie to sell it to the highest bidder, and it wasn't even worth a thousand bucks," Stan said to the kids.
"What much did it cost?" Patrick asked.
"Five hundred. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a business to run," Stan said, with his cane tucked under his armpit. Stan placed his hat on his head and walked out of the room. Going outside to attend to the tourist.
"What are we gonna do now?" Dipper said as they all walked to sit in front of the TV in defeat.
"I guess we'll just have to give up," Patrick said, grabbing the remote. "I mean, who else is gonna have a laserdisc player?" He turned on the TV as a new commercial started.
"TV Store Warehouse!" The man doing the advertisement exclaimed, the store was displayed on the screen. Suddenly, the guy raised from the bottom of the screen, almost completely buried in TVs. "We've got TVs!"
"Too many TVs!" Shouted the second man, popping up in front of the camera. The scene then switched to show several TV screens facing the camera. On some of those screens were either an eye or a mouth. One TV showed an alien, another TV, or an ear. "Take your pick! We're practically giving them away!" said the mouths, before the word 'FREE' popped up. "No, wait! We're literally giving them away!" said the man as the word 'LITERALLY' appeared before showing a TV.
The ad then showed hundreds of TVs moving past each other as the first man's voice said, "We're literally giving TVs away!"
"LITERALLY!" both said as the word appeared in red.
"And the other TVs are really cheap!" Said the first man as the commercial showed TV being sent down a metal ramp and then falling off.
"Yeah, so those ones were practically literally giving away for free too!"
"LITERALLY!"
The TV ad then showed that the TV's were falling into a box in the back of a pickup truck that was inside a dumpster. "You better be a truck with a big box in it, 'cause we're just throwing 'em away!"
It then showed a garbage truck lifting the dumpster and throwing the truck, box, and TV in the back. "Yeah, TVs are trash to us, and so are you..."
"AT THE TV STORE WAREHOUSE!"
Patrick and the twins stared at the TV screen with wide eyes. "Does anybody know how far that place is from here?" asked Patrick. Then, Wendy walked into the room with a coffee cup, about to get ready for work when she heard her boyfriend ask the question.
"Not far, actually. Lee and Nate work there, so..." Wendy turned to her boyfriend. To her surprise, she saw Patrick and the kids were gone and the front swinging close after opening.
"Let's do it!" Patrick said to the twins as they were in the Mystery Cart. He slammed on the gas and started doing doughnuts. The three kids cheered 'whoos!' together before Patrick drove off towards the TV Store Warehouse. Wendy watched from the porch of the house with a smile on her face.
Wendy sighed. There he goes again. Off on another adventure to either just have fun or save the world. "And that's why I love him," she said, taking a sip.
While the building looked big on the outside, it was absolutely massive on the inside. Like if you mashed together everything at a Best Buy and just give it the size of an H.E.B Plus. After looking around for the two friends of Patrick and Wendy's, the Pines kids were finally able to find Nate and Lee. Both in uniform, with Lee on a latter and Nate holding it. Kind of hard to see the two jokers in a working environment.
"Alright, let me do the talking," Patrick said as they walked up to Nate and Lee. "Hey, Nate! Lee!"
"Patrick! How's it been?" Nate said, greeting the teenager. The two fist-bumped each other and gave each other a bro-hug.
"Heh, it's going good!" Patrick exclaimed with a smile, pulling away from his friend.
"Heh, hey, I bet! Heard you and Wendy finally hooked up," Lee said from the latter's top, placing a price tag on a box. "That is awesome! You treat her right, buddy! Or else she'll do more than break you!"
Patrick chuckled. "Well, you don't have to worry about me! I'd do it myself if I could."
"So, who are these two kids?" Nate asked, pointing to Dipper and Mabel.
"These are my cousins I've told you about, Mabel and Dipper," Patrick introduced the twins.
Mabel exclaimed excitedly. "I chewed my gum, so it looks like a brain! BLAH!" She stuck out her tongue, which has a wad of gum on it.
"She's not much for first impressions," Dipper cut in with a somewhat awkward grin, trying to play it cool in front of the teenagers. He then pointed at himself. "Unlike this guy!" He exclaimed. Of course, there was another moment of awkward silence as they just stared at him. Some people were even looking at him and whispering. "...this guy..." He tried again, but with less confidence.
"Anyways..." Patrick jumped in to save him from any real embarrassment and to get to the point. "Listen, we're looking for a laserdisc player."
"Oh! You mean 'lamer-disc player.'" Nate joked judgementally with a snicker at his own joke. Patrick's smile dropped. "You're out of luck, dude! Nobody carries those things anymore."
"Come on, man! You gotta have something!" Patrick exclaimed in protest. "This is a warehouse, right?"
"Sorry. Those things are ancient! Why don't you go to the museum?" Nate asked rhetorically with a shrug.
Hearing that, Lee slid down the ladder. "Heyo!" He yelled, and the two friends high-fived. "Because the museum is where old junkie stuff goes!"
"Heyo!" Nate and Lee continued to high five each other and laughing at their own joke. It wasn't even funny, but they wouldn't stop.
"Come on. Let's just go," Patrick said in annoyance, as they turned and left the store.
When they got to the museum, they asked where Graunt Veronica's office was, and the workers pointed them in the direction. She was happy to see her grandkids and was delighted to help when they asked for it. Patrick explained that they had a laserdisc of "21-12" and really wanted to watch it.
"I'm sorry, but the museum doesn't have a laserdisc player," she said to her grandson.
"Ugh!" The kids groaned together, having come all the way over only to be told they were still no closer to their goal.
"Well, what were you expecting?" Veronica asked them, resting her arms on the desk. "Most of the crap in this place are dinosaur fossils, pioneer junk, or some other things we get from other museums. Some of this stuff is fake!"
"There's got to be a place that has a laserdisc player," Dipper exclaimed. Veronica thought for a moment, feeling as though she did know something to help them. That's when the agent remembered something.
"Try the library," she said with a smile. "They rent out some old formats to the museum when we do a movie."
Another driving led them to the library, and they were quick to get in and go over to the computers for information. Patrick sat in the chair as the twins crowded around him. "Okay, we can search for one here," he said and then started typing. "'Laserdisc Player.'"
However, they weren't alone, and two men heard him. One was an old man that was nearly bald but had grey hair on the back. He also wore a mustache and a white suit with a black shirt underneath. The second was another old man who looked similar to the grey-haired man except he had brown hair and his mustache was a little bigger. He wore a red jacket and a white shirt underneath. When the two men heard Patrick say laserdisc, they immediately turned towards him and the twins and started walking towards them.
"Why is it taking so long!?" Mabel wined, slamming her hand on the table. "This is taking forever!"
"Mabel! Give it a second!" Dipper scolded her before noticing the two approaching them.
"Hello, friends! You can call me SP. And this is my associate, LP," said the grey-haired man in a pleasant manner. However, their sudden appearance and the fact that they just walked up to them made them a little uncomfortable. In Gravity Falls, danger came in all forms. "We overheard you looking for a laserdisc player! How about a VCR instead?"
"VHS - 'The VH-Best!'" LP said like a salesman, doing the wave as if the words are supposed to appear over his head.
This confused the kids. Why did these two grown men just walk up to them and started talking to them? "Uh...no thanks," Patrick said, very suspicious of the men. "Our uncle already has one."
"And it still has that rutting eggplant smell," Mabel said, being her usual self.
"And the laserdisc is what we want," Dipper said.
SP scoffed, which annoyed the kids. "Hah! Good luck finding one of those! There's plenty of VHS tapes out there."
"VHS: 'Quantity!'" said LP, making the same gesture as before.
"Laserdisc's are higher in quality though," Dipper argued.
SP looked at his partner, trying to think of a way to convince the kids. "Well, true, but did you know that brain can only process so much information?" He asked.
"VHS: 'Can't tell the difference!'" LP said, shrugging his shoulder.
"Ugh! Look, we already told you no, so get lost!" Patrick said, getting fed up with these two men trying to butt into their personal business.
SP and LP's faces turned to threaten narrow glares. Looking at the kids with warning looks. "You're making a huge mistake," said the white-haired man, before the two turned and walked off.
Patrick continued glaring at them before the sound of the computer beeping caught his attention. He turned around and saw that the computer had found one laserdisc player. Located in the basement.
"Yes! They have one!" He said, before taking a piece of paper and writing down the information. He then got up and walked over with his cousins to the front desk. Standing behind the desk, a tall man has grey/brown hair and a mustache. He also wears glasses and a suit.
Patrick walked up to him and placed the piece of paper on the counter. "Hello, we'd like to rent your laserdisc player."
The librarian took the paper and looked at it. "'Laserdisc player!?'" He asked a little too loudly before shaking his head. "No, no! We don't have one here." He then balled up the paper and threw it away behind him.
"What!?" Patrick exclaimed. He and the twins were frowning now. Having gotten fed up with this wild goose chase, they've been going on. "But the computer said there's one in the basement!"
"The computer's out of date, kid," the librarian said stubbornly. "I suggest that you just go home if you're not going to read or check out something."
"Why not out check out his face, Patty-cakes!" Mabel said, pointing at the librarian. "Because this guy is lying!"
"Yeah!" Dipper added.
"So I'm a liar, am, I!?" The librarian asked angrily. "I'll SHOW ya!"
He turned and picked up the piece of paper. Patrick and the twins hopped over the counter and followed him as he led them to a cage elevator. The four of them stepped inside of it, and the librarian closed the floor. Pushing the button for the fifth floor. The elevator began declining down into the earth. Going down many basement floors before they arrived at the last floor. After the elevator touched down, the man opened the cage door, and the four of them stepped out into the large room.
"Woah..." Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel said all together as they saw many shelves with all kinds of formats on them.
"This is crazy," Dipper said, looking at the formats as they walked through the room. "There must be thousands of different formats here!"
"Of course! This is a library. But as you can see..." The librarian stopped in front of one of the shelves and showed the kids an empty space that was meant to be for a laserdisc player. "No laserdisc players."
The kids groaned with sadness.
"Not that it will do you any good even if you could find one," the librarian said, walking a few feet away from them with his back facing them."All the laserdiscs were destroyed! Wiped out by the VHS."
"Nah uh! We found one!" Mabel said, pointing to Patrick. The teenager reached into his sweater and pulled out '21-12'.
"Yeah, see?" Patrick said, holding the laserdisc over his head. Dipper and Mabel, standing on both his right and left, started chanting 'See' repeatedly as they pointed to the movie.
The librarian turned around to say something, but he was stunned and in complete awe when he did. The laserdisc cover shinned like it was the most precious thing in the world. More precious than even the Holy Grail. It was so bright that he had to shield his eyes from its blinding light. But when he did see the cover, he was in complete shock.
"'21-12.' The last laserdisc..." he whispered.
Patrick and the twins glanced at one another before he lowered the cover. "Uh, yeah, so you don't have a-"
He was interrupted when the librarian suddenly kneeled in front of them, like a knight. He looked up and exclaimed, "The prophecy!"
"What?" Dipper asked, now really confused.
"Years ago. It was foretold, three chosen ones would reunite that last laserdisc with the last laserdisc player and end the Format Wars once and for all!" The librarian said with zeal.
"Uh, that's great and all, but we just want to watch the movie," Dipper said with a raised eyebrow.
"In time." The librarian leads them over to a sign. The sign was of a book with arms, legs, and a face opening another book and the two of them screaming at one another. Under the two, it said, 'READ?' The librarian grabbed the sign. "For you are..." Yanking down the sign, he revealed an ancient-looking door with hieroglyphics. He then pointed to an inscription at the top of the door that resembled Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel. Only with swords. "...the Diskmasters!"
"No! No, no, no, no, no!" Patrick said, waving his hands back and forth. This could only mean one thing and one thing only: another Gravity Falls weird adventure.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" The librarian said with a nod, before turning around and placing his hands on the door. Reading the symbols to the kids. "When the laserdisc came into existence, it was unlike anything that had come before it. This new format was perfect. Too perfect. VHS needed to stop laserdiscs superior imaging, sound developing spread throughout society. Sadly, consumers heard of it through whispers and rumors. But VHS wasted no time in snuffing it out! And killing anyone that stood in their way. Oh, we tried to preserve laserdiscs for future generations. But failed. We did everything stop them, but in the end, they were too strong. When their attack was done, only one laserdisc player remained. Passed down from one protector to another. Until it passed to me. I am the last of my order. Sworn to protect the final laserdisc player. You, you're the chosen ones who set me free!"
"Woah..." Patrick said in amazement. "When did all of this happen?"
"Two years ago," the librarian said. "May I?"
"Fine..." Patrick handed him the laserdisc.
The librarian takes out the laserdisc from the cover and looks at it. Staring in wonder at the golden disc with his eyes nearly on the brink of tears. "Good heavens..."
The Pines Kids stood where they were as the man walked over the ancient door. He placed the laserdisc tape on the spot meant for it. The laserdisc started spinning, and the entire room began to shake violently. The laserdisc started making a whirring before it suddenly stopped. On the door, it said to 'PLEASE FLOP OTHER SIDE.' The librarian took the laserdisc out and flipped it around, then placed it back in. It spun and whirled again, making the building shake again.
When it stopped, the librarian took the laserdisc out again, and this time, the door suddenly opened. The four of them entered through it. However, none of them knew that SP was hiding behind a shelf a few feet behind them. He watched them before pulling out his phone. "SP to LP! SP to LP! Time to fast forward!"
The group entered into a room, and Patrick and the twins were stunned when they saw four giant statues. Each of the sculptures was in armor, but their heads were what caught their attention. Each of the statues' heads was a different format. The first one's head was a Betamax VCR, the second was an 8-track audio tape player, the third was a floppy disk drive, and the last one was a reel-to-reel projection camera.
"What are those statues?" Dipper asked, pulling out the journal and flipped through some of the pages. "I've never seen them before."
"They're the Guardians of Obsolete Formats! Betamax, 8-track, Floppy Disk, Reel-to-Reel. You see, one just not take the last laserdisc player, you must awaken the Guardians first," the librarian said, walking over to a rolling tray off in the corner. Pushing it over the kids, they saw the four items: a Betamax cassette, 8-track tape, a floppy disk diskette, and a two reel-to-reel cassette disks.
Patrick, the twins, and the librarian each picked up one of the items before they were lifted to the heads of Guardians by pillars. Patrick stood in front of Betamax. Dipper stood in front of 8-track. The librarian in front of Floppy Disk. And finally, Mabel in front of Reel-to-Reel.
However, Mabel noticed that her pillar didn't take her up to the head. She looked down in confusion. "What the?" She looked in front of her, and two pegs emerged from Reel-to-Reel's chest. Like they were nipples. "Aw, why?!"
Altogether, they activated the guards by placing their tapes into them. Patrick activated Betamax, Dipper activated 8-track, the librarian activated Floppy Disk, and Mabel activated Reel-to-Reel.
When they did, the pillars that carried them up lowered them down, as electricity sparked from each of the robots. All four of them glowed a bright light before their arms were held up and shot bright beams of light into the air, combining into a single ball of energy. The ball then slammed into the center of the room, and the floor started glowing. A small door in the floor opened, and floating from it was the last laserdisc player, which the kids stared in amazement.
"Diskmasters behold! The last laserdisc player!" The librarian said, kneeling.
"Cool," Patrick said, and grabbed the laserdisc player. Suddenly the Guardians of Obsolete Formats began to move.
Betamax got on one knee and said, "My liege..."
8-track got on one knee and said, "My liege..."
Floppy Disk got on one knee and said, "My liege..."
Reel-to-Reel got on one knee and said, "My liege..."
"Woah..." The kids said all together.
"Okay, this is getting good," Mabel said with a smile.
"They are your protectors," the librarian said to the Pines. "The laserdisc format has many enemies. Who will stop at nothing to destroy those who wield its power. Knowing the dangers, would you still take the player?"
"Yeah! Sure, whatever," Patrick said quickly. Ready to leave and go home. "We just really want to watch this."
As Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel turned around and attempted to leave the laser disc's chamber, Betamax suddenly ran between them and the door. Stoping them from going. "One more thing!" He said, holding up his hand.
The Pines kids all groaned in disappointment and annoyance. "What now, you dumb old tape guy!?" Mabel exclaimed.
"Library card, please."
Patrick and the twins glanced at one another.
Once they got back up to the front desk. Patrick quickly signed an application for a library card. Next, he handed it back to the librarian, who gave it a stamp of approval. He then hit the bell for a new call. And when the card was down being made and laminated, he took it and scanned it. Finally, he gave the library card to Patrick and then handed him the player.
"Okay! All set!" He said. And it was about time. The library was closed, and it was already dark outside. The group started walking down the hallway, with the Guardians following behind the.
"Hold it right there!" Yelled a familiar voice. Patrick and the kids gasped in surprise and suddenly stopped when they saw SP, LP, and a large group of men standing in front of the door. Each of the men was wearing white clothes and were armed with MAC-10 sub-machine guns. "We told you you were making a mistake!" said SP.
"Ah, COME ON!" Mabel yelled.
"Didn't we tell you losers to get lost!?" Dipper exclaimed.
"We can't 'get lost.' For you see..." SP pulls down his shirt, revealing a tattoo of a VHS tape on his chest. "We are the Ancient Order of the VHS! Thank you for revealing the location of the last laserdisc player!" SP laughed maniacally before pointing to them. "Now, hand it over or die!"
"VHS: 'Your VH-Death!'" LP said with a grin.
"Hah! Laserdisc will rise again! For they are the chosen ones, and they would gladly die for laserdisc! Isn't that right, Diskmasters?" The librarian said with confidence. Knowing that the kids would gladly say yes.
The kids looked at one another nervously, with Patrick telling him. "Uh, I don't know about 'die' for say..."
"Very well..." SP and LP took out their guns, then the rest of the Order aimed at the kids. "Fire!" He and the rest of the Order begin firing at the Pines Kids and the librarian. Patrick pulled out his laser-shotgun and fired back at them as they ran behind the Guardians. The ancient robot used their bodies to shield them from the shots. Patrick fired back at the men before just decided to hide with the others.
"Charge!" SP ordered. Members of the Order began moving closer.
Patrick was about to fire back when he noticed the Guardians beginning to power up. Glowing brightly.
"Boomer-Reel!" Reel-to-Reel yelled, throwing two reel-to-reel tapes like they were yo-yos at some of the Order's members. Knocking two of them out.
"RGB-Beam!" Betamax yelled, firing a colorful beam at a group of the members. They tried to shield themselves, but they were instantly vaporized.
"Random Access Mayhem!" Floppy Disk tossed floppy disks at the members. Cutting through their bodies and even decapitating some of them.
Suddenly Nate and Leo entered the library. "Dude, Patrick! Our boss heard us making fun of you and totally fired us!" he said, as the two friends walked into the build. Not noticing the action at first. "So, it's cool if you can talk to your uncle about- What the?!" The two finally saw the battle going on and quickly booked it as the Guardians began to overpower the Order.
"Send in the Tape Rewinders!" One of the Ancient Order's members said into a walkie talkie.
Suddenly, two robots that looked just like old tape rewinders came crashing through the library's walls. The top parts of their body lifted up and fired missiles at the Guardians. Hitting them and knocking them down to the ground.
"RUN!" The librarians yelled. Patrick and the twins made a run for it, dodging the missiles as they hit around their feet. But then one of them knocked Patrick off his legs, and the laserdisc player went flying out of his hands.
Mabel saw it flying through the air and quickly ran to it. Catching it in her hands before it could smash against the ground.
"I got this!" 8-Track said and jumped onto the Tape Rewinder. Punching the Tape Rewinder and using it run down some of the Order members. Sending them flying everywhere.
Another member tried to hurt Betamax with his gun, but the bullets don't work against the robot. He threw the gun down and pulled out a VHS tape with a red switch. He flipped the switch, activating the VHS tape grenade, and threw it a Betamax. It exploded, but it only hurt him slightly. Betamax then grabs the member with a line of film and slammed him onto the wall many times.
Betamax used two other film lines holding defibrillates and used them on the member when the man was knocked out. Bringing him back to life with a shock. "Huh? Where am I," asked the man before he got slammed through the wall.
Seeing Mabel being surrounded by some of the members of the Order, Patrick gasped and rushed in. He ran to one man and bashed him in the head with his crowbar. He then turned to the two other men and shot one of them before rushing in and slammed the last one's face with his crowbar. Patrick then grabbed Mabel's hand and pulled her towards a shelf that Dipper was behind. They hid there as the fight between the Guardians, and the VHS Order broke out even more.
"Yes! We're doing it!" The librarian cheered.
"The day we've worked for is upon us!" 8-Track said
"Indeed!"
"We just wanted to watch a movie!" Patrick yelled. Suddenly there was a strange noise that came from outside and in the sky.
When the librarian saw it through the glass ceiling, he gasped in horror. "Oh, no..."
Suddenly crashing through the glass ceiling came a what appeared to be a large, metal-like monster VHS-VCR-humanoid robot that was mainly black. It also had a remote attached to its right hand. It looked up, and it's little screen said 12:00.
"The VC-Arbitrator!" 8-Track gasped in shock. He looked at his power-up gage on his wrist and noticed he was at full power. He turned to the librarian. "I'll handle this!"
"8-Track! NO!" He yelled as the Guadian rushed at the VC-Arbitrator.
"8-Track Attack!" 8-Track fires green tapes at the VC-Arbitrator. But it had no effect, merely bouncing off the armor of the evil robot. The VC-Arbitrator had the working 'TRACKING' on its visor and then fired a red beam at 8-Track. Completely vaporizing him into dust.
"8-TRACK!" The librarian yelled with horror before placing a hand on his forehead. "He was two weeks from retirement..." He was suddenly hit in the chest with a blast.
The VC-Arbitrator started firing at the rest of the Guardians as they at it. Simultaneously, Patrick pulled the librarian back to where Dipper and Mabel were hiding and laid him on the ground. "Dude, are you okay?" He asked worriedly as the twins kneeled around him.
"Disk Masters...I'm done for..." He said weakly, before coughing. "I didn't think it would come to this, but we're running out of options. It's time I shed this weak, human form!"
"What are you talking about?" Patrick asked.
"Place the laserdisc on my chest!" He pointed to his chest.
"Ok," Dipper said with a shrug. He took out the laserdisc and placed it on the librarian's chest.
"Now, touch hands and chant 'Six Simper Fidelity!'"
"That doesn't even make sense," Dipper said.
"JUST DO IT!"
Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel place their hands on the Librarian's chest, and they start chanting. "Six Simper Fidelity! Six Simper Fidelity!" They were amazed when the laserdisc began spinning on the librarian's chest, before glowing a bright glowing light.
The man's body began to float in the air, as his body became covered with some kind of crystal layer. Everyone stopped fighting and watched as the librarian transformed into a large, golden crystal-like creature.
SP and LP stared at the librarian in wonder, with the white-haired man saying, "The Laserdisc Guardian! It's...beautiful..."
The Laserdisc Guardian turned to the Pines Kids and spoke to them in a weird language, trying to communicate. Placing his hands on the sides of his head. "What?" asked the kids.
"Diskmasters, cover your ears!" Reel-to-Reel said from where he and Betamax were lying down.
"Ok!" The Pines kids did as they were instructed and covered their ears. With their ears protected, the Laserdisc Guardian lets out an ear-piercing sound wave that blew books, shelves, members of the Ancient Order away with its powerful force.
SP had his ears covered, but LP did not. "Hey, you! Cover your ears!"
LP stared at the Laserdisc Guadian in a trance-like state. "Forty-four point one, killer sample ray...!" He said with a bit of strain before his head was suddenly blown off in a bloody mess. Like it was from that one head exploding scene from Scanners.
When the attack was over, the Order's remainders started shooting at the Laserdisc Guardian with no success. All of their bullets simply bounced off its skin. The laserdisc started spinning, glowing in a brilliant light before the Laserdisc Guardian fires an electrical ray.
The ray zapped SP in the eyes, making him scream in agony as covered his face. But then his head shrunk in on itself before his face melted clean off his skull, and then his head exploded. It didn't stop with him; however, just like something out of Raiders of the Lost Ark, the rays passed through his head and zapped into the Order member's eyes. They didn't suffer the same death as SP. They just fell down and died.
The VC-Abitrator rushed at the Laserdisc Guardian and attempted to punch him, but the former librarian dodged out of the way by flying up into the air. Patrick and the twins ran away from the fight. "Inferred Blast! Inferred Blast!" VC-Arbitrator blasted at the Guardian, but all attacks were dodged with ease.
The Laserdisc Guardian laughed at the VC-Abitrator's failed attempts to destroy it. It then flew off to the ceiling and stuck to it. The VC-Arbitrator followed after it, using a jetpack built into itself. The Laserdisc Guardian launched himself off the glass at the evil robot and then fired an energy beam at the VC-Arbitrator.
When the two crossed passed, the VC-Arbitrator's body blew up into many pieces that crashed onto the ground. The Laserdisc Guardian landed safely.
"Huzzah!" The Guardians of Obsolete Formats ran over to their new brother, with the Pines kids joining them. Betamax turned to the three kids and said, "Diskmasters! The Format Wars are over!"
The Laserdisc Guardian spoke again in its strange language, which they could not understand in the slightest.
Understanding what he said, Floppy Disk added, "Agreed!"
"All hail the Diskmasters!" Reel-to-Reel said, raising his fist.
The Guardians and the Laserdisc Guardian raised their fists together and yelled, "Hail!"
"So...can we watch '21-12 Time Attack' now," asked Patrick.
And so they did. As so as the kids, the Guardians, and the Laserdisc Guardian got back home, they plugged the laserdisc player into the tv and popped in the movie. But 30 minutes into the film, the kids started to become bored and realized why the original directors cut was so rare. It was terrible. Nothing made sense, and the end product would have been horrible and not the masterpiece that it was known to be.
"Dude...it's getting late...how much is left?" Patrick asked while sitting on the couch. The Guardians and Laserdisc Guardian were standing behind the chair, and the twins were on the floor. Dipper grabbed the remote and pressed the time. The group noticed it's over 2 hours left, which made them all groan in annoyance. "We spent all day for two and a half hours of this?"
Dipper commented, "The Directors Cut original vision blows..."
The Laserdisc Guardian said something which gets the group pretty excited. Nodding their heads in agreement. Patrick said, "The picture's amazing!"
Suddenly the door opened, and Soos rushed in with a big smile of excitement. "Dudes, I've done it!" He yelled, running over to the Pines kids with the laptop they found in the bunker. "I finally got it to work! By the way, who are they?" He pointed at the Guardians and Laserdisc Guardian.
"Wait, you actually got it to work!?" Patrick exclaimed with wide eyes and a big grin on his face. He and the twin stood up with an equal amount of excitement. He grabbed the laptop and saw it was back in good condition. Laughing with joy. "Soos, you magnificent bastard! I love you right now!"
The kids heard over to the table in the living room and set the laptop on it. Mabel plugged it into the outlet and rejoined the others, with the Guardians, Laserdisc, and Soos joined them. "This is it, you guys!" Dipper said, full of resolve. "If this thing works, we could learn the Author's identity and unravel the greatest mysteries of Gravity Falls."
"Finally, all the answers to all the questions we've been asking this entire summer will be ours! This could be our big break!" Patrick said, placing his hand on the laptop.
"And just when I was about to totally forget about this old thing," Mabel said brightly. Noting how long it's been since they went into the bunker.
"Here goes everything," Patrick said, opening the laptop and flipped the red power switch in the top right corner. All four humans and five Guardians held their breath in with anticipation as the screen lit up with neon green, showing on its screen a power-up sequence.
Once the process was down, it displayed five circles with an upside-down triangle, which read "Welcome" inside it. "Aha! It worked!" Dipper said with a big smile. Everyone, including the Guardians and Laserdisc Guardian, started cheering with joy as Soos pulled the kids into a sudden, almost crushing hug. When he let them go, Patrick pressed the enter button.
The computer's suddenly lit up red on its scream, making a buzzer alarm sound. On the screen, the laptop read "/UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS FORBIDDEN/," then switched over a password input screen.
The group stared at the screen for a moment. While the Laserdisc Guardian and Guardians of Obsolete Formats couldn't show their expressions, Patrick, the twins, Soos had the same expressions on their faces. They stared at the screen blankly, with the male twin and teenager trying to hold in their frustration. Patrick took in a long breath of air before letting it out slowly. "Wanna go finish the movie?"
AN: And so the polls had said that you all wanted to see 'The Last Laserdisc Player' as the Regular Show chapter for "Weirder Things," here is it! And honestly, I'm happy to have down this one, as this was the episode I was leaning towards the most. It's one of the show's most underrated episodes in my opinion.
So, I'm having the laptop be fixed up in this chapter than at the beginning of 'Sock Opera' because this will play into the events of the next chapter. And the next chapter is going to be the one based on The Nightmare Spirit episode from Hilda. And in the next chapter, we'll be getting some backstory for Patrick, and it's not all happy. The backstory is kind of based off Infinity Train but I'm not going to spoil anything.
Thank you very much for reading. "Weirder Things" will return. Please be sure to Favorite and Follow if you like the story, and also Review it so that I know that I'm doing good and what to improve. If you any questions or discussions you'd have for me, then please in a Review or a PM me.
Thank you for reading, may God bless you, and have a wonderful day.