No longer having to work on the portal at night in secret, Stan had to readjust to sleeping on a regular sleep schedule for the first time in 30 years. Waking up, Stan stared up at the ceiling with a groan. He wanted to stay in bed, but with work that needed to be done, he couldn't just sleep in.
"Alright Stan, another day, another random body pain. Here we go," he said to himself. Stan slowly rose up from the bed, his back and body making all kinds of cracking and creaking sounds that pained him.
He put on his slippers, only to get an unpleasant surprise when he felt that it was soaked in milk. "Ugh! What the fuck?!" He exclaimed. Noticing a colorful, glittery note on his nightstand, Stan put on his glasses and read it.
"Dear Stan, I need something to carry milk in so I used your slippers. Love, Mabel."
Stan shuddered at his niece's unorthodox idea. He shuddered, even more, when he stood up and trudged out of the room. Walking into the kitchen, he flipped the switch to the light, only for the bulb to burst. He groaned exasperatedly and went to find a new light bulb in a nearby cabinet. When he opened the door and grabbed the box, he found that it was empty, except for a note that reads:
"Dear Stan, I took these to build a planetarium suit for Soos! Sorry! Dipper."
Stan grumbled and crumpled the note.
Still wearing his robe, Stan went over to the grocery store to get some more bulbs. Wanting to make the trip as short as possible, he grabbed the box of light bulbs and stood in line at the checkout counter. However, his morning was going to be ruined again when Robbie, Lee, Tambry, and Nate showed up behind him in line.
"Whoa, let's not take this line. There's an old person in it," Lee remarked.
"Psh, yeah. He's probably gonna pay with like, pennies, or war bonds," Robbie agreed with his arm slung around his girlfriend's shoulder.
"Hey!" Stan snapped fiercely, turning around to face the teenagers. "For your information, I was gonna shoplift most of this."
"Security!" the cashier called out.
When the security guards came rushing towards Stan, the conman was more than ready to make his getaway. "Ha! Smoke bomb!" he proclaimed, tossing down one of his smoke bombs.
Only to realize that it had expired on 11/1996. When the fuse ended, nothing happened.
"Aw, seriously?" he exclaimed, before being tackled by one of the security guards.
Patrick walked down the stairs with a can of Dr. Pepper. He opened it and took a sip from it when the door opened. He stopped when Stan trudged into the Mystery Shack, looking like he just got into a fistfight and holding a box of lightbulbs.
"Tried shoplifting, huh?" He asked with a knowing smile.
"Ugh. Just a rough start to a day, kid," the conman said as he headed to the kitchen and Patrick followed him. "But it's all gonna be worth it when I fix that light bulb—" Stan came to a stop at the kitchen doorway when he saw Ford screwing in a brand new light bulb with Dipper, Mabel, and Soos standing around him.
"And... we're... done!" The author said as the bulb lit up, eliciting a round of cheers from the kids.
"Does anyone see this? This is what a hero looks like right here." Mabel commented, pointing to Ford with a big smile.
"Guys, it's a freakin' light blub. Get over it," Patrick said, standing next to Stan with an unimpressed look on his face.
"I thought we were out of light bulbs," Stan questioned, showing displeasure at his brother's apparent 'heroism'.
"Oh we were, so I invented my own! It will last a thousand years and the light it emits makes your skin softer," Ford said as, before he, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos started rubbing their own skin.
"Oooh!"
"Never have I known such softness!" Soos said with delight.
"Anyway, where were you?" Ford asked.
Stan didn't respond. With a look of disappointment, he dropped the new light bulbs in the trash bin and sulked to the living room. Patrick looked at Ford and the lightbulb before fishing out the new lightbulbs Stan bought and placing them on the counter.
He walked into the living room and found Stan sitting back in his recliner and picking up the TV remote. "You alright, Stan?"
"Would it kill anyone to show a little appreciation? Like my TV!" Stan grumbled, before turning on the television. "Give me the good news, TV."
"This just in," said Tambry's aunt, Shandra Jimenez as soon as the conman turned on the TV. "The mayor is dead."
"What?!" Stan and Patrick exclaimed, startled by this very sudden news.
"Guys, get in here!" Patrick shouted for Dipper and Mabel.
"Whoa, what's going on?" Dipper asked as he walked in with Mabel.
"Raised by bears in the wilderness, Mayor Eustace Huckabone Befufftlefumpter was best known for raising the water tower, possibly starting World War I, and putting town menace Gideon Gleeful behind bars, in actual adult prison. A memorial statue is already being carved in the deceased mayor's honor." After this, the feed cut back to the newsroom, where Jimenez was starting to cry while her co-host comforted her. "I'm sorry. It's just been so long since we've had real news. I'm just so happy!"
As Shandra continued sobbing with joy, her co-host was quick to fill in. "There will be a town hall meeting this afternoon to discuss replacing him."
"New mayor huh? Wonder who it could be…" Stan smirked as he looked at his reflection on the TV as the American Flag appeared, waving on screen.
{Play Stranger Things theme by Kyle Dixon Michael Stein}
The intro begins by fading in a scene of the road sign that said: "Welcome to Gravity Falls, Oregon."
We then see a view of the town of Gravity Falls, with the strangely shaped canyons in the background, and the sun going down between the two land formations. As the sun was setting, the day turned to a blue night. However, a sinister red light comes from over the horizon. Shining between the canyon.
The next scene is of a large, dinosaur footprint in the ground. It then changed to show the trees of the forest at night, and a pair of glowing eyes staring at the viewer before the camera switched to a wider shot and showed many more eyes staring at the viewer. The next scene was a far back show of two men dumping a body into the lake, and as that body sank down it was swallowed by a massive creature.
PATRICK
The teenage Pines is shown in a freeze shot of him walking in the woods with a lantern and his crowbar in hand. Behind him, Bill's eye in the sky looked down at him.
DIPPER
The male twin is looking down at the journal with a flashlight. Not noticing that there was a Pteranodon staring down at him, ready to eat him.
MABEL
The female twin is the final one to be seen, and it showed her wearing a sweater that lit up because it was plugged into an outlet. But in another, farther away shot showed Gideon's hand controlling her like she was a marionette.
The finale of the intro shows the Mystery Shack as the sun goes down behind it and the trees of the forest. When the sun went down and the night came, and just like the beginning, the red light appeared, but then a blue light shined from inside the Mystery Shack.
Then the screen went black and the title of the story appeared in a flash of light.
WEIRDER THINGS
It then disappeared, before the chapter title appeared.
Chapter Thirty-Four:
The Stanchurian Candidate
Just like any news that happens in the small town, word about the mayor's death spread like wildfire. All the citizens of Gravity Falls turned up for the meeting in the town hall. By the time that the Pines and Soos arrived at the hall, everyone was seated in the rather tiny hall. Luckily, Wendy was there to save them a few seats and they sat down at the bench with her and her family. Her father glared angrily at Patrick, but Wendy told him to stop.
"Man, everyone's showed up," Patrick said, looking around at everyone walking to one another.
"The guy's been mayor for a really long time, Patrick. You can't really blame them," Wendy said, holding his hand as they watched Sheriff Blubs take the podium up front.
"Alright. Order! Order everyone! Calm down now! We're here to choose a mayor for the first time in almost a century. According to the town charter," Blubs pulled out a rather old scroll and opened it as a bat flies out of it. "A worthy candidate is defined as anyone who can cast a shadow, count to ten, and throw their hat into the provided ring."
Patrick raised his eyebrow at the requirements. That was basically anyone over ten with a hat.
Deputy Durland then brought out a hoop and placed it on the floor. Almost as soon as he placed it down, the first hat was thrown into it. Everyone turned towards the person that threw it, which was none other than Bud Gleeful.
"Well, now! I do believe I fulfill all the requirements," Bud said, standing from his seat and surprising the majority of the townsfolk.
"Wait, Bud Gleeful?" Dipper asked incredulously.
"He looks good!" Mabel noted.
"Yeah, considering we threw his son in jail," Patrick said.
"That was a good day," Stan said, sitting back in his seat with a satisfied grin.
Bud walked up to the podium and began addressing the crowd. "Now folks, I know our families had its fair share of whoopsie daisies in the past, but I'd like to make up for it by formally announcing my candidacy for the mayor of Gravity Falls! Any questions?"
"Yes, are you still in contact with Lil' Gideon?" asked Toby Determined, still using a turkey baster as a microphone.
"That's a great question-I'm giving you 50% off a used car!" Bud quickly said,
"Fifty percent?! FIFTY PERCENT?!" Toby cried in sheer excitement as he ripped his notebook in half.
"In fact, everyone, look under your seats!" Bud exclaimed and started pointing at people in the crowd as people started to find coupons for used cars under their seats, much to their delight. "You get half off a used car! You get half off a used car!"
Patrick, Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy pulled out a car discount coupon from under their chairs. "Wow, a colorful piece of paper? He's got my vote!" Mabel remarked in amazement
"Guys, I've got a really bad feeling about Bud Gleeful as mayor," Dipper said.
"I hear ya, man. He's obviously been planning for this," Wendy said, waving her coupon around.
"Just think about it. If he gets into office, he can get his son out of jail!" Patrick said, glaring at the car salesman. "We can't let him become mayor."
"I dunno, dude," Soos said with a shrug. "It's not like we have a lot of good mayor options. Everyone in this town is a tad strange. Except, ironically, Tad Strange."
"Hi guys, Tad's the name, and being normal's my game," said a remarkably normal looking man with carefully combed black hair, eyebrows, and eyes, wearing a typical business uniform with a white shirt, black tie, dark grey pants, a black belt with a silver buckle, and a light grey buckled brown belt. He also had on black shoes.
"Loving you, Tad!" Mabel pointed brightly at him.
Tad held up a piece of sliced bread. "And I love bread!"
"It's a shame Ford isn't here, he'd run. And win! And be a great mayor!" Dipper said, much to the frustration of Stan.
At this point, he's had it with his nephew and niece giving so much sentiment to his brother, of all people. What made them think that Ford would succeed in running for major? With the stakes so high, he knew that Patrick was right. Buds couldn't be allowed to win.
"So since everyone's happy I'll just take the oath of office now, sound good, gavel up?" Bud said with a satisfied grin, believing this to be an easy victory.
That chanced when Stan Stan threw his fez in the hoop. This made everyone gasp in surprise as Stan stood up. "Hold it right there Bud! I'm taking you on!" Stan exclaimed boldly.
This claim drew many more gasps from the crowd, all of them shocked that someone like Stan was actually going to compete. The most shocked were Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel. They knew that Stan was a master of showmanship, fraud, and lying, running for mayor was out of his league.
"Stanford?" Bud scoffed. "No o-ffence but you're just some two-bit carnival barker. And your head is more ears than face!"
"At least he doesn't have a kid who's locked up in jail and is a psychopath," Patrick yelled, standing up for his great uncle.
"Yeah! And your face is more fat... than…" Stan trailed for a second. "Not fat, fatass!"
Everyone gasped once more upon hearing this burn. "Oh snap!" Tad said.
Walking up to the podium, Stan turned towards the crowd brazenly. "Whaddya say, folks? Are we just gonna let Bud win? How about a real election!"
"Get in there, cap!" Tyler Cutebiker stood up and threw his hat into the ring, along with a large handful of the town. The townsfolk cheered out in sheer excitement as Bud looked slightly dismayed.
"Well, looks like we've got some competition here folks. Which I'm fine with, totally fine with!" Bud laughed anxiously. His tune quickly changes as he suddenly leaned over the podium and pulled Stan towards him. He talked in a quiet, yet threatening tone. "I was gonna let bygones be bygones Stan, but you just made a powerful enemy. I'll win either way and when I do, you might not like the Gravity Falls you wake up in!"
Bud punches out the Mystery Shack on a map of Gravity Falls hanging on the wall, causing Patrick to flinch and Dipper and Mabel to gasp. Stan's eyes widened, but he wasn't that phased by the threat. The townspeople erupted into a round of wild excited chants.
"Election! Election! Election!"
"Let the madness begin!" Sheriff Blubs exclaimed as he and Durland fired an old and rusty cannon. The cannonball burst through the wall as everyone rushed out of the town hall.
The only one's remaining in the building were Patrick, Stan, the twins, and Wendy. "Heh, thanks for that back there, Patrick," the conman said with a smile.
"No problem," Patrick said, waving him off. "Question."
"What's your question, nephew?"
The young man grabbed him by the front of his suit and shook him back and forth. "What the hell were you thinking?!" Patrick yelled in disbelief.
"I'm thinking of running for mayor!" The conman reiterated, confused why his nephew was so angry. "Did I... did I not make that clear?"
"Yeah, quite clear," Wendy said, as her boyfriend let him go.
"Grunkle Stan, it's not that we think you can't do it," Mabel said hesitantly. "I-It's just —"
"No no, it's okay, Mabel," Dipper told her before turning back to Stan. "We don't think you can do it," he said bluntly.
"Why would you even want to run for mayor?" Patrick asked after calming down.
Stan let out an exasperated sigh. He might as well be honest with them. "Look, kids. The mayor kicking the bucket got me thinking. I'm an old man, and I'm not getting any younger. My cousin's retired with enough money to last her for a lifetime. My dumb brother's research is probably gonna make him famous. And what do I have to show for my life? Do I really want 'crooked grifter' on my tombstone? How about, 'crooked mayor'!"
Patrick turned the other. "Psst, guys, group meeting," he said, leading Wendy and his cousins a few feet away. "Alright, look, we all know that Stan isn't the best candidate."
"He's committing voter fraud right now." Dipper pointed out, gesturing to Stan, who was stuffing in votes into his own ballot box.
"Knock it off, Stan!" Patrick snapped at him.
"What? I wasn't doing anything," Stan whined, stuffing his hands in his pockets and kicking the ground before walking away.
Patrick sighed and turned back to the others. "As I said, not the best candidate, but Bud's definitely up to something. He could be trying to get Gideon out of jail for all we know. Without grandma here with us, we're on our own. We're the only ones who can stop him."
"You're right, Patrick," Mabel agreed. "Besides, Stan has a kind-of charisma. How hard could getting him elected be?"
"Let's do this!" Wendy said. She, Patrick, and Dipper took off their caps and the four of them reached for matching hats. They placed on their election hats and put on "Vote Stan" campaign stickers.
The group headed back to the Mystery Shack and got to work on Stan's campaign. The shack was completely transformed into their unofficial headquarters. The "Mystery" on the sign was replaced to read "Mayorly Shack." With the help of Soos, Candy, and Grenda, there are now several U.S. flags and "Vote Stan" signs all over the property.
Inside the Mystery Shack, Waddles was with Wendy, who had written on the pig's body 'SWINES 4 PINES' on one side and 'BUD'S A DUD' on the other. Patrick chuckled and gave his girlfriend a high-five and a kiss on the cheek.
"Spread the word, pig!" Wendy exclaimed, and Waddles ran off. Running past Stan, who was sitting in a chair while Soos massaged him. The first part of their campaign was to get potential voters to want to rally behind Stan and support him. To do this, they were going to do a radio interview, which was set to be broadcast all throughout Gravity Falls.
"Alright everybody, eyes up here!" Dipper called once he entered the room. He pulled out a rolled scroll and opened it, which caused a lot of dust to come out. "Okay, Gravity Falls Elections are based on two events. The Wednesday Stump Speech, held on an actual... stump, and the Friday Debate wherein townsfolk throw birdseed at the candidate they like most. At the end, they release a freedom eagle who will fly to the candidate covered in more seed and bestow a birdly kiss upon him anointing him mayor."
Everyone stared at him for a moment as they looked at the town's rather bizarre election process. Completely bewildered.
"I couldn't make this up if I wanted to," Dipper deadpanned while rolling the paper.
"Every day, it gets worse with this town," Patrick said exasperatedly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. No wonder the mayor was in office for so long. Just then, one of the phones from the 'Phone Bank' they set up started to ring. Patrick rushed over and picked up the one that looked like a hamburger. "You've reached the Mayorly Shack! We Stand with Stan!"
"Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossip. Is Mr. Pines ready for his interview?"
"He sure is-wait, Toby? You're doing the interview?" Patrick asked.
"No one else wanted to."
"Oh. Hang on while the candidate comes to the phone." Patrick turned to Stan and the others. "Guys, turn on the radio. Okay Grunkle Stan, are you ready for your first radio interview?"
"I got my mouth, don't I?" Stan asked playfully as he walked over to the phone. Soos turned on the radio on the other side of the room.
Patrick nodded and said on the phone. "Okay you're on with the candidate," he said, before handing the phone to Stan. He then walked over to others, listening in on the radio station through the radio.
"You're listening to Falls Radio: 24-hour news and bear rampage alerts, and now here's the T-man."
"You really think this is going to work?" Wendy asked, somewhat unsure.
"Hello! Candidate Stan, first question: How do you feel about the American flag?"
"He knows how important this interview is," Patrick said. "Come on, how bad can he do?"
"Meh, I can take it or leave it, too many stripes. Next question," Stan replied all too honestly for the situation at hand. Making the others look nervous.
"Okay, so maybe he'll do better on the next one," Patrick said with an anxious look.
"What would you do to help educate our kids?"
"Ha, simple!" The conman replied with a confident smile. "Put them on an island and make them fight for dominance. Also, teach kids swears. That'll bring them to the real world. By the time they're by my older nephew's age, they'll be swearing like sailors"
"Oh my God!" Patrick said upon hearing his uncle's blunt reply, voicing just about everyone's shared reaction. Stan's incredibly politically incorrectness wasn't just offensive, they were going to tank his chances of winning.
"What would you do about the crime in Gravity Falls?"
"Wait, do you mean crime in general or just the specific crimes committed by m —" Stan was cut short when Patrick blasted the hamburger phone and most of the phone bank with his laser shotgun. Cutting the interview just in time.
Patrick sighed. Great, now he had to replace the table and that phone. "Okay, that was bad. That went really bad. Candy, what's the damage?"
"Your approval ratings started at zero. Now it's a number lower than zero," Candy reported, flipping the laptop around to show Stan's negative approval ratings.
"You're meme-ing fast, and none of them are good," Wendy said, showing her phone, which had the infamous 'One Does Not Simply Walk Into Mordor' meme from the Fellowship of the Ring movie. Only this one said "One does not simply 'teach kids swears'".
Patrick looked on social media and flinched at some of the comments. "Yeesh. And here I thought only celebrities and presidents could get this much hate," he said, scrolling through his own phone.
"Look, Grunkle Stan," Mabel began, calmly. "People are like smell markers, and you're black licorice! It's not that you're un-sniffable, you just need to learn when to keep the cap on."
"She's right, Stan. This is way too important for you to mess up," Patrick said. "If we don't win, we're going to lose the shack!"
"From now on, maybe you should read our prepared remarks," Dipper said, as he held up a folded piece of paper with "YOUR SPEECH" written on it, with drawings by Mabel.
However, Stan simply laughed and pocketed the speech. "Heh heh. Sorry kids. I always say words that come out of my brain. If my head says, that lady's got an ugly baby, my mouth says, 'whoa, lady, you got one ugly baby!'" He remarked, dismissing their help for his own charisma.
As he walked away, Patrick turned to Mabel and Dipper worriedly. "This is really bad."
"Anyone got any ideas on how to help him?" Wendy asked.
Dipper thought for a moment. However, a moment later, his eyes widened and he gasped in realization. "I think I know someone!" he exclaimed before he ran off towards the gift shop.
"And he's insisting on speaking his mind!" Dipper finished explaining the disastrous Stan's campaign was going to Ford. Pacing around in frustration built as he recounted the events that led him to come to his second great uncle. Ford was looking through one of his journals, but was listening to his nephew at the same time.
"So this is an emergency," Ford remarked.
"The Stump Speech is in a couple of days, and if he continues like this, we'll lose to Bud for sure!" Dipper continued as he began to pace around again.
"Hmm. It's a shame there isn't some device that will allow you to control someone else. Oh. Wait. Of course, yes! There is." The author turned to his desk and pulled out something that would help Dipper: a patriotically striped tie with a small golden dial attached to the front of it. "A long time ago I designed a prototype for Ronald Reagan's masters," Ford explained, handing the tie to Dipper. "Just get Stan to wear this, and you can make him a literal talking head."
Dipper peered inside the tie to see a complex array of circuitry. "Whoa! This is amazing! And ethically ambiguous!"
Ford takes out another tie that was darker than the first. "As long as you wear the matching one, he'll say and do whatever you want him to," he said, handing the second tie to his nephew.
Dipper smiled as he held up both ties. "Thank you Great Uncle Ford!" He said, running off to find the others.
Ford turned around and faced his desk. "Yes, yes. Use it responsibly and all," he said, waving his nephew off. Unconcerned with what he intended to do with the ties.
"I'm telling you, this is a really bad idea," Patrick said, gripping the tie in his hand. Dipper brought the tie outside to show the others. After explaining what it does, the twins decided to test it out. Soos wasn't around to be their guinea pig, so that responsibility, unfortunately, fell upon Patrick.
"It's the only way," Dipper insisted.
"Yeah, but we don't know what kind of effects this could have on Stan," Patrick said. "I'm not exactly comfortable about possessing someone."
"You saw what Stan was like in there. We can't trust him to run against Bud on his own," Dipper said. "Why are you even against this idea?"
"Dipper, my body was controlled before. Twice!" Patrick said, holding up two fingers.
"But it's for the great good," Mabel explained. "If Bud wins, he's gonna take away the Shack and possibly set Gideon free. Do you really want that?"
Patrick thought for a moment. Stan really was bad at running his own mayor campaign. In less than four minutes, he tanked his popularity with just a couple of asinine responses. But even so, was this really the right thing to do? His experience in the past with possession soured the thought about going through with using the tie. On the other hand, Stan wouldn't listen to reason and wouldn't change his ways. If his grandmother was here, she'd be able to run for mayor herself and win. But with her not coming back until Sunday, a full two days after the elections, they were left with few options.
What was likely against his better judgement, he slipped the mind control tie around his neck and secured it. "I just want you all to know, this was never my idea," Patrick said, before walking out in front of the house and waited for them to start.
Mabel turned to Dipper. "You really think this mind-controlling tie is gonna work?" she asked.
Dipper took out the other tie and handed it to her. "Flip the switch and test it out!" he said.
"You better not do anything weird with my body!" Patrick yelled, shaking his fist at them.
"Don't worry, it'll be fine," Dipper said.
Mabel put the other tie on and flipped the switch on. Patrick froze up for a moment and went stiff. Then Mabel started singing and dancing, with her cousin doing the exact same moves. "Oh-oh-oh! I'm a dancing dude! I got some fancy moves and a bad attitude!" She then switched the tie off and Patrick collapsed onto the ground while starting to sweat and pant. "Ha! That's amazing!" Mabel chirped.
Patrick looked at his cousins with a frightened expression. "What did you make me do?!" He yelled before Mabel flipped the switch on again.
"I am Patrick-Tron! Watch me eat this pine cone!" Patrick and Mabel said as she mimicked eating a pine cone, while her cousin actually ate one. Mabel then flipped the switch off. Patrick collapses onto his hands and knees, panting again.
"Mind control is awesome!" She cheered.
"No, it's not!" Patrick yelled, yanking the tie off his neck. After taking a moment to collect himself, he stood up. "Let's just get this election over with, so I can destroy this abomination when we're done."
Soon the day of the General Mayoral Stumpston Speeches arrived, and all of the townsfolk had come out to see the speeches. The event took place on a giant stump near the edge of the forest. As the day passed and most of the contestants gave their speeches, it was now Tyler Cutebiker's turn to give his stump speech.
"Education, get it. Prosperity, get it. A Gravity Falls we can be proud of, get iiiiit!" Tyler cried and the audience clapped for him. Meanwhile, Stan gathered backstage with his campaign team, consisting of his two nephews and niece. Patrick was watching Tyler's speech and was actually impressed with the local enthusiast.
"You know, if I wasn't helping you Stan, he'd have my vote," Patrick said, turning back to the others. Mabel was on a step ladder behind Stan so she could put on his tie.
Stan looked suspiciously at it. "Ugh. Do I really have to wear this thing? It looks like a flag threw up on me," he remarked begrudgingly.
"Grunkle Stan, just trust your lucky tie," Mabel assured him with a sly, knowing wink.
"And now, Stanford Pines!" Blubs announced.
With that, Mabel quickly pushed Stan towards the stage. "You're on, Grunkle Stan!" She encouraged her uncle. However, as soon as he made his way to the podium, she quickly slipped on the mind control tie. She turned to Dipper and Patrick. "Okay, we'll only jump in if he starts doing badly."
"Let's just hope it doesn't come to that," Patrick remarked.
Stan entered through the curtains with his arms spread out. "Hiya there! Stan Pines here." He greeted the crowd before leaning against the podium. "Let's get real. Do you think the women of Gravity Falls wear too much makeup?"
"Jump in! jump in!" Dipper exclaimed and Mabel quickly turned on the switch.
Stan's body stiffened before he cleared his throat. "Uh, what I meant to say was: you ladies all look great," Stan said what Mabel said. "And have you done something with your hair? Girl, you are working it!" She made him snap his fingers in a sassy way. At this, the women in the crowd nodded in approval at his apparently genuine compliments.
"Yes!"
"That is exactly what I needed to hear right now."
"Whew!" Stan wiped his forehead. "I'm Stan Pines. You may know me as the guy who accidentally let all those bees loose in that elementary school a few years back."
"Mabel!" Patrick hissed, before Dipper quickly pulled the tie off of Mabel and put it on, gaining control of Stan.
"But I believe in things. America. Freedom. Ameri-freedom!" He made Stan say it with a patriotic tone.
This drew more applause from the crowd, especially the America guy. "Good! He's saying all the right things!" He exclaimed with eyes filled with tears, before grabbing the people beside him and pulling them into a hug.
"Like my opponent pointed out, I may not have a pretty face. But if you want a candidate that will listen to you, well, I'm proud to be all ears."
The audience erupted into supportive cheers at this. Mabel took control of Stan again, intent on giving the crowd a real show. "Now, watch me break it down!" The girl twin started break dancing, with Stan copying every single move she did. The crowd cheered for him as Mabel finished. After she was down, she turned off the tie and then fell to the ground.
The control went off and Stan was back to being himself. He walked off the stage, scratching his head in confusion.
Mabel was the first to greet him with a hug. "Grunkle Stan, that was amazing!" she exclaimed as the group gathered around him.
"I've got to admit, Stan, that was pretty... incredible," Patrick said with a bit of an apprehensive smile.
"Yeah! How'd you do it, Mr. Pines?" Soos asked.
"Eh, I don't know," Stan said, still somewhat confused by what just happened. "I just opened my mouth and spoke from the heart, or... gut, or something. And what is that sound? Why are people jamming their hands together?"
"You're seriously never heard of clapping?" Wendy asked.
"It's applause! Grunkle Stan, they love you!" Mabel informed him.
"They... love... me?" Stan asked, as if the thought was completely foreign to him. Pushing the curtain away, he saw the crowd cheering for him.
"Stan! Stan! Stan! Stan!" the crowd chanted, with the America guy ripping off his shirt open, revealing a bald eagle tattoo.
It was a little overwhelming for Stan. This kind of support was something that he couldn't remember in his life at all, but as he soaked it all in, he was more than glad to accept all of it.
"There he is!" Toby Determined said as he pointed to them. "Mr. Pines, can we get a picture?"
Patrick, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Wendy, and Soos all got together and posed for the picture. "Yes, we Stan!"
Over the course of the election days, Stan's popularity steadily rose as the cousins continued to use the tie to control him. Maintaining every one of his public appearances, making him out to be a patriotic and positive candidate that was quickly garnering the love and support of the somewhat dim-witted residents of Gravity Falls. He got full support from the lumberjacks, the elderly, and even the beavers.
Yes, the beavers got a vote too.
What had begun as an embarrassing start for the conman had seemingly turned into a victory for Stan. Soon, Stan took the lead in the election.
"Gah! Damnit!" Bud shouted as he slammed the latest newspaper down in frustration. "Fucking hand huckleberry honeysuckle damnit!" When he calmed down, he noticed that the other members of his campaign team were sitting at the table around him with startled looks. Seeing this, he was quick to apologize. "Erm, excuse my language. I'm so sorry."
He then pulled out a pamphlet and started to wipe himself with it. "Oh, this is bad! This is real bad! I need to speak with my campaign manager, please excuse me for a moment." With that, the car salesman hastily retreated into another room. He locked the door tightly behind him as he anxiously turned to face a bright television screen and took his hat off. "Look, I'm sorry about all this," he said nervously, gripping his hat tightly. "This is a minor setback, but... we'll win. I'm sure of it."
A camera that was connected to the TV moved towards him. "Minor setback?" said the all too familiar voice of Bud's 'campaign manager'. On the screen, Gideon Gleeful spun around in his chair to glare at his father. "MINOR SETBACK!? You listen, daddy, and you'll listen good. Prison is a nightmare!" Gideon shouted, slamming his fists down on the table in front of him. Bud backs away from the screen with a frightened look. "I eat the same slop every day! They have no hair products in here! I can't sleep 'cause my cellmate took my pillow for a wife! You think I've been having fun in this hellhole?!
"Hey, best friend!" one of the other prisoners said cheerfully as he and another inmate stepped into frame.
"Don't be late for friendship bracelet class!"
"I have finger painting at the same time, damnit!" Gideon shot back, slamming his fist on the desk and the prisoners left. He then turned back to address his frightened father. "Whew! The mayor dying is my one ticket out of here. Which is why you're gonna win this election, pardon me out of prison and we're not gonna let the Pines get in my way again!"
"But-but you don't understand. He's doing great in the polls! It's almost like magic!" Bud protested.
"Hmm, magic, you say?" Gideon asked before a sly and sinister smirk formed on his face. "Well, maybe it's time to fight fire with fire! I've been saving this for a long time!" The child psychic said as he pulled out a page he ripped out from Journal 2 out of his hair. The page was an ancient incantation for possession. It was only good for a one time use, but that was all it took for someone to take over someone else entirely. "I've been waiting for the right moment."
Boy, now, we've discussed this, no more spooky spells," Bud warned his son as firmly as he could. Trying to use whatever fatherly authority he had left over his son.
"Well daddy, maybe you just need to have more...of an open mind," Gideon said with a smirk, paying no mind to his father's words as he began the incantation. "Lleps live ykoops, lleps live ykoops, live ykoops…"
As he chanted, the lights started to swing and his eyes began to glow stark. The bulbs eventually flickered out and burst violently in his cell. As he continued chanting the same words, Bud started to back away. "Oh, boy. Stop that!" he pleaded, feeling the spell starting to make its way into his mind as he fell back and grabbed his head. "Anything but that!"
Unable to fight back against the incantation, Bud's eyes began to glow white and he let out one final fearful scream.
"Patrick? Hey, Patrick!"
Patrick was looking out the window, deep in thought when he heard Dipper trying to get his attention. He and the twins were gathered at Greasy's Diner for one final campaign meeting. "Huh?" He asked, turning back to the twins. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"Come on, man. Get your head in the game!" Dipper said with a stern look. "You told Stan to come here, right?"
"Yeah," said Patrick, pulling out his phone. "He should be here by now."
"Hey-o!" As if on cue, Stan burst out of the door into the Greasy Diner. His normal suit and tie were swapped out for a more casual look.
"Stan!" Everyone cheered for who was likely going to be the new mayor.
"Now just the ladies!"
"Stan!" The ladies in the diner chorused.
"Now just the ladies my age!"
"Stan!" said a single old woman.
"Woof! Never mind!" the conman cringed before walking over to where his nephews and niece were sitting. Patrick moved out of the seat and just stood to the side of the booth. Leaning on the edge as he and the twins gave Stan annoyed looks.
Lazy Susan came over and served Stan a stack of pancakes with a tiny flag that read "Stan 4 Mayor" on it. "On the house, mister big shot!" She said before walking off.
Stan smiled at the stack of pancakes as he picked up a knife and fork. "Now this I could get used to!" He chirped before happily eating his breakfast.
"Stan, what the hell are you wearing?" Patrick asked, thinking he looked kind of ridiculous in his outfit.
"Yeah. You're missing your lucky tie," Mabel said, gesturing to the clothes on the seat of the booth next to her.
"Power tie, gotta wear it," Dipper added with a deadpan and serious look.
"Aw come on, have you seen the polls?" Stan asked, rolling his eyes. "I can debate naked and I can still win! Huh, come to think of it…"
"Don't even think about it, Stan," Patrick warned. "The debate is today and we've got to look like we're taking this seriously."
"And that means we really need you to wear that suit and tie," Mabel said.
"Suit and tie. Gotta wear it," Dipper added.
"Ugh! What do you kids have to constantly tell me what to do?" Stan exclaimed hotly, annoyed by their badgering. He then crossed his arms defensively and looked away. "Everyone in this town is finally showing me respect! Maybe you kids should too."
"Grunkle Stan, we'd respect you if you took things more seriously!" Dipper argued crossly.
Stan slammed his fist on the table. "I am taking this seriously!" He shot back, before gesturing to the banner over his head. "If you haven't noticed, everything that has come out of this golden mouth has put us on top! With or without your dumb advice!"
"Dumb advice?!" Dipper exclaimed in disbelief.
"Yeah! Dumb advice."
Dipper slammed his own fists on the table then stood up. "Damn it, Stan! Every one of those speeches we were controlling you!"
"Dipper!" Mabel warned, as Patrick punched him in the shoulder.
"What?!" Stan asked.
Patrick sighed. The jig was up, and he needed to know. "Alright, Stan. Here's the thing," he began, grabbing the tie. He then peeled back the front layer of the tie to reveal the circuitry in it. "This tie is a mind-control device invented by Ford. You've been winning all of your speeches because we've used it on you."
"Are you kidding me?!" Stan exclaimed, looking at the trio in shock and dawning anger. "You've been using me like I'm some kind of puppet all week? Were you at least going to tell me about it?!"
"We didn't have a choice!" Dipper said, rubbing his shoulder. "If it wasn't for this tie, you'd be losing!"
Stan stared at him in disbelief, then started shaking with anger. "Well, you can tell that know-it-all Ford that he can keep his fancy light bulbs and magic ties! In fact, I don't need any of you backstabbers! I'm gonna win this debate on my own, without any of you!" He yelled, as he stood up and stormed out of the restaurant.
"Stan, wait! You can't — " Dipper was cut off when Stan slammed the door shut. Leaving the kids behind with a state of worry and dread over just how sour things had turned. Their hopes of winning the elections were over. "Augh, this is bad…"
"I never should have let you use this damn thing," Patrick growled. He walked over to a trash can and was about to throw away the tie when Dipper and Mabel rushed over and blocked his path.
"Wait, Patrick! You can't, we need that!" Dipper exclaimed.
"For what? Stan's not going to let us control him. This was wrong to do in the first place. I can't believe how stupid I was to actually agree to this!" Patrick said, throwing his hands up in frustration.
"Stan will get over it. If we wanna beat Bud, we need another candidate!" Dipper said.
Patrick looked at his cousin in disbelief. "You're seriously thinking about doing this whole mind control thing again? After what just happened?"
"What we need is a blank slate, someone totally suggestible!" Mabel said. "An empty piece of clay we can mold to our whims."
Almost as if on cue, Soos came out of the restroom with a sweater stuck to his head. "Hey, a little help dudes? I accidentally got my head stuck in my shirt sleeve. I guess this is my life now."
Upon this, Dipper and Mabel exchanged a knowing grin. They just found their new candidate. They then looked at Patrick, as he still had the tie. "You can't be serious," he said, shaking his head. "Are we really going to just repeat this whole mind control crap? Stan's one thing, but Soos? You're going to drag poor Soos into this? What would he even say?"
"About what?" Soos asked, peeking out from his sweater.
"Using this mind control tie on you so we can beat Gideon's dad in the mayoral election," Patrick explained, holding up the tie.
"Yeah, I'll be down for that, dudes."
Patrick and the twins turned their heads simultaneously towards their friend. "Really?" Patrick asked.
"Sure thing, dog. It'd be pretty cool to be the new mayor," Soos said, shrugging.
"Uh...well…" Patrick looked at the twins with wide eyes before he turned back to Soos. With a somewhat relieved smile, he shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, if you're cool with it."
"That's great," said a man with his family near the Pines and Soos. "Now can you please take your family drama somewhere else, please? We're trying to enjoy our breakfast. Thank you."
A couple of hours later, and all over Gravity Falls came to witness the final debate taking place directly under the progressing Mayor Befufftlefumpter's memorial. Voters filled into the stands, picking up handfuls of election bird seeds on their way. For when they throw them at their favorite candidate. The 'mayor picking eagle' was waiting in its cage, once the seeds were thrown, the eagle would be released and decide who would win.
"Welcome all to the final debate in what sure to be, on a cosmic scale, a forgettable blip in human history," Shandra Jimenez reported from her news booth to report on the debate live. A moment later, the candidates walk up to the stage waving. "And here come the three most popular candidates!"
Bud, Stan, and Tyler walked onto the stage and to their podiums. However, Bud's manners seemed oddly cutesy and charming as he addressed the conman next to him. "Oh, hello there Stanford! Long time, no see! Tee-hee! Woohoohoo!" He playfully nudged Stan with his hip.
"Don't you tee-hee me. I'll debate you into the ground," Stan said.
Bud's eyes glowed a subtle blue. "Oh, but I have a wittle twist up my sweevy-weeves," he remarked, coyly.
"You're making me very uncomfortable right now," Stan remarked.
"But what's this?" Shandra Jimenez questioned as Soos walked up the stage wearing the mind control tie. "One new candidate has entered the ring!"
"Wait a minute. What?!" Stan turned to see Soos walking onto the stage with the tie around his neck as he blankly smiled and waved at the crowd. The conman leaned back slightly to see the kids backstage, controlling Soos. This infuriated him even more. "Those backstabbing…"
Fine, if they want a debate, they'll get one.
"Let the debate begin!" Shandra announced, ringing a golden bell as the event began.
"First question," Manly Dan said, standing up with a card. "What's your position on AXES!?" Wendy walked up to her dad and whispered in his ear. "Wait, I mean...TAXES!
"Easy! Taxes are the worst," Stan confidently answered as he spoke from his podium. "I propose we stimulate the economy by waging wars on neighboring cities. We. Have. The cannons." This unsavory idea brought about an immediate round of loud booing from the crowd, much to the confused worry of the conman. "What? Uh…" Stan trailed off as he looked desperately on his queue cards.
"I don't know much about taxes," Soos started next, with Mabel taking control of him. "But I can promise you a kitten in every pot!" To the crowd's confusion, Soos bizarrely pointed accusingly to the right. "That doesn't make sense, Mabel." He then points accusingly to the right. "You don't make sense, Dipper!" The tie started to spark up as Patrick took over. "Both of you, shut up! You're breaking this thing."
Tyler tried to make his statement when Bud quickly filled in. "Friends, friends," he addressed the crowd warmly. "Can't you see what's happening on this stage? These politicians are dancing around the issues. Well... I can sing around the issue!" He walked around the podium and ripped apart his clothes to reveal a blue tank top, red sparkly pants, and a belt with a small screen on it showing the American flag.
Patrick had the urge to vomite, but held it in.
Someone tossed him a guitar and he caught it. True to his word, he started to sing and dance. "Oh, crime is bad! Crime is oh-so bad! Vote for Bud and there ain't gonna be no crime! Crime's bad. Vote Bud."
The car salesman ended his song by laying down pose and flashing a wink to the crowd. Tyler Cutebiker was impressed and clapped for him.
"You may now throw your birdseed!" Shandra announced. The crowd threw their bird seeds into Bud's box, almost to the point where they filled it. This really concerned Stan, as well as the kids backstage. "And now a quick intermission."
Dipper paced back and forth in front of Patrick and Mabel. "We're getting eaten alive back there!" He exclaimed fretfully.
"More like we're up screwed creak without a fucking paddle, man!" Patrick yelled, running his hand through his hair. "Since when has Bud been... creepily adorable?"
"I don't know!" Mabel yelled. "It doesn't make sense! He's almost acting just like... like…"
"Wittle ol' me."
Patrick, Mabel, and Dipper gasped as they spun around. A possessed Bud walks towards them with Gideon appearing on the screen. The father had his eyes crossed with a strand of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth as his movements were more rigid. Gideon smirked evilly as he addressed the trio. "Aha! Hello there, long time no see! Except in my revenge fantasies where I see you on an hourly basis."
"Gideon! I knew you were somehow behind this!" Dipper exclaimed, glaring at their nemesis. "You've been controlling Bud!"
"And it seems you've been controlling Stanford! I figured it was the three of y'all. You've gotten much eviller since I last saw you."
"Just to be clear, I was never on board with the plan from the beginning," Patrick pointed out. "But either way, you're not getting away with this!"
"Oh, but I think I will. Daddy!" Gideon commanded, snapping his fingers. Bud started to walk toward them. Patrick pulled out his crowbar and protectively stood in front of the twins.
"Stay back!" He yelled, but Bud's hand slapped his weapon out of his hand. As it dropped to the ground, Patrick tried to grab it. But before he could step towards it, Bud grabbed him by his shirt and held him up. The teenager struggled to break out of his grip, but it was no use.
"Oh, no. You're not getting in my way again." Gideon said, controlling Bud from his cell. "Now it's time for something I've been wanting to do for a long time!"
With a single and powerful punch to the face, it was lights out for Patrick.
When Patrick woke up, his head was pounding and his vision was slightly blurry, but when he tried to move his body, he found that it couldn't.
"Patrick!" He heard the voice of the twins behind him.
"I'm alright, guys…" Shaking his head to clear it, Patrick looked around. With his left eye turning into a black eye, he looked around and saw they were inside the hollowed-out center of the memorial. He was tied to a chair along with the twins. And surrounding them was enough dynamite and fireworks to bring down an apartment.
"Behold, your grand view of the debate!" Gideon announced as Buddy stood in front of them. "Once I win this election, I'll finally rule this backwoods town!"
"You'll never get away with this, you creepy little dork!" Mabel yelled as Patrick glared at Gideon with gritting teeth.
"Oh, I'd be happy to spare you, Mabel," Gideon said with a flirtatious smirk. "If you agree to be mine. I even made you this wedding dress in crafts class!" He held up something that vaguely resembled a wedding dress pulled out of the dumpster. "Don't ask what it's made of."
"Eww, I'd rather die, you creep!" Mabel
"Fine! Have it your way!" Bud then pulled out a dynamite plunger. "Once I win, they'll hit the plunger for the fireworks display, finishing the mountain's construction, trapping y'all inside. I've been trapped behind concrete all summer, now see how you like it!" Patrick and the twins gasped as Bud walked away. "Say hello to the next mayor of Gravity Falls, kids! Muwahahahahahaha!" Gideon laughed wickedly as he commanded Bud to leave the kids to their fate. The twins struggle to get out of their bounds. They only have seconds to escape, or else become a permanent part of the monument's construction.
"And uh, that is why, um... the Statue of Liberty is our hottest landmark," Stan said, trying to salvage what little goodwill he had left with his decreasing supporters. But once again, the crowd booed and Stan's audience approval rating went down. "Alright alright, she's kind of mannish. What do you want from me?"
The crowd continued to shower Bud's box with the bird seeds as his audience approval ratings went up. Bud smiled smugly at the conman, who still had no idea that it was Gideon pulling the strings on his opponent.
"Ugh, fuck." Stan sighed worriedly as he grabbed a piece of paper and wiped his forehead with it. "You're dying out there, Stan," he muttered to himself, now knowing that his chances of winning were next to none. He paused when he saw that the paper was actually Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel's speech for him. As he finally realized just how much of a mistake he had made in his own stubbornness, his approval went to zero. "You kids were right all along. I should have listened to you when I had the chance."
However, his moment of somberness was abruptly interrupted when his niece's voice cried out. "Help! Help us!"
"What the-?" Stan looked up to the mountain towering over the debate.
"We're tied to a bunch of fireworks!" Dipper cried out, hoping that someone outside of the statue would hear them.
"Don't touch the plunger!" Patrick shouted at the open nostrils of the statue. "Hop towards the hole!"
The trio tried to jump over to one of the nose holes but ended up cracking the rock under them. They fell through the hole, only managing to remain tethered to the inside of the cave thanks to the rope that had tied them all up. They hang from the nose screaming with the rope fraying fast.
Tyler screamed and pointed to the cousins hanging. Everyone looked up and gasped.
"PATRICK!" Wendy screamed, seeing her boyfriend in danger.
"KIDS!" Stan yelled in horror seeing the trio in danger. The rope began to fray even more, almost completely snapped in two. The twins and Patrick yelled and stared at it in shock.
Stan gasped, then turned to the audience. "Listen, everybody! This debate is over! I gotta go save my family!"
Bud quickly turned to the audience. "Those, uh, those are just some...demolition dummies," he said, trying to smooth things over. "Nothing to see here!"
"Can it, Gleeful!" Stan pointed at Bud, before ripping off his earpiece and throwing it to the ground. He then fiercely ripped the sleeves off of his jacket and yelled. He ran backstage and began climbing up one of the towers near the memorial.
As they watched this act of heroism, the spectating crowd got up from their seats and moved to get a better look at Stan. As this was happening, Shandra narrated the situation that was unfolding. "In a shocking turn of events, Stan Pines has run to the aid of two children who appear to be in danger!" She said as the excited crowd began throwing their bird seeds at Stan himself. "And the crowd is loving it!"
Stan was still climbing the tower and was adjacent to the trio. But he now had to shrug off the bird seeds being pelted at him. "No, stop it!" He shouted and turned the people down below. "Thank you, but stop it!" That's when three bald eagles began flying around Stan, trying to peak at the bird seeds on him. "Aah! Get back, you terror birds!" Stan fiercely punched America's national animals out of the sky.
He kept on climbing until he reached the top of the tower. Stan then bravely leaped from it to the memorial's nose as the crowd pointed at him in awe. As he regained his balance, he rushed into the inside of the monument, just as the rope snapped in two. Before it fell, Stan caught it just in time and began pulling the twins up.
"Grunkle Stan!" The three kids exclaimed.
Stan continued pulling the rope as he talked to his grandkids. "Kids! Look, I'm sorry I was being stubborn. I guess being the town's hero wasn't enough. I wanted to be yours too."
"We're sorry, Grunkle Stan. We should've supported you, win or lose," Mabel apologized.
Dipper rolled his eyes. "Probably lose."
"Shut up, Dipper!" Patrick snapped at him.
"I can still drop you, you know," Stan told Dipper. But he didn't. He finished pulling the kids up to safety. The moment they were up inside the memorial, Stan hugged the kids while they laughed, glad to see they were unharmed. After cutting them free, they came out of the memorial on top of its nose.
The crowd cheered as Stan stood with the twins on either side of him and Patrick on his right. The young man could make out Wendy in the crowd, cheering as she saw him safe. She and everyone threw their remaining birdseed into Stan's bin, causing it to overflow. Through Bud, Gideon starred in total shock as his opponent's approval rating shot through the roof.
Bud dropped down and banged his fists on the floor. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not again!" he yelled. He stepped down and grabbed a primed remote detonator on the ground. He glanced at the memorial with a sinister smile. "Time to take care of you, once and for all!"
Up upon the memorial, Patrick spotted Bud and gasped. "Oh no! We have to get out of here!" He shouted fearfully.
"Kids. If I die, make sure I get a bigger tombstone than Ford," Stan said solemnly.
While slightly concerned, the kids nod. Stan grabs the twins as Patrick hopped on his back. With all the kids on him, Stan rushed forward, before jumping off of the memorial as Bud pushed the handle.
The kids and Stan screamed as the memorial blew up behind them in a massive explosion with fireworks going off all at once. Completely destroying half of the dead mayor's face on the mountain. However, the Pines family was able to survive after landing in the huge pile of Stan's bird seeds unharmed. All around them the crowd screamed and ran away as chunks of the memorial rain down. One of the rocks hit Bud and knocked him on the ground.
This also broke Gideon's possession over his father, as his TV was knocked offline. This set the child off in a ragging fit.
"No!" He screamed from his own prison cell. Gideon ripped the Journal page in half as a result of his failed attempt to get out of prison. "NO!" He shouted once more, grabbing his own TV and chucking it across the room, and smashing it against the wall. He had failed to rule Gravity Falls. He yelled again while tearing his hair in his ongoing temper tantrum, having failed to get his revenge on the Pines. "NOOOOO!"
Back at the debate stage, the timer had finished counting down, and the mayor picking eagle was set free. The bald eagle let out a patriotic caw before it flew high into the sky overhead. Its choice of who would be mayor was an easy one. The great bird of prey settled down on Patrick's head, who was still submerged in the pile of birdseed with his cousins and uncle. It moved closer to Stan and kissed him on the side of his head.
With the memorial half molten and destroyed, Patrick and Stan helped the twins out of the birdseed pile. The newly appointed mayor of Gravity Falls brushed himself off and straightened his hat.
The crowd stared at him and the kids, before exploding into applause and cheering for their new mayor. "Mayor Pines! Mayor Pines! Mayor Pines! Mayor Pines!"
Fireworks began to go off in the air from what was left of the mayor's ruined memorial. "Well, guess we know who won," Dipper said as the crowd continued to cheer.
"This just in! Stanford Pines loses!" Shandra announced on TV. A red banner appeared over an image of Stan's face with the word "DISQUALIFIED" on it. While most of Gravity Falls was shocked by the news, none were more so than the Pines.
"WHAT?!" Patrick, Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Stan yelled in startled unison from the living room of the Mystery Shack. They had just turned on the TV to hear the report of Stan's winning, only to be met with this startling news.
"Despite winning an overwhelming 95% of the vote, election officials had to disqualify him due to discovery of an extensive criminal record." Shandra Jimenez reported.
"Oh boy…" Stan mumbled.
"Oh my God. Stan, what did you do?" Patrick asked in bewilderment, holding a piece of raw steak to his black eye.
"What didn't I do?"
The news reporter read off the crimes from a piece of paper. "Crimes include shoplifting, teaching bears to drive, a new crime he invented called "burglebezzlement", first-degree llamacide…" Shandra's expression became increasingly confused the more she read.
"Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that," Wendy said.
Stan angrily shook his fist. "That llama knew too much," he growled darkly.
"Due to this shocking development, it would appear the mayorship passes to the only candidate who filled out their paperwork: local enthusiasm enthusiast Tyler Cutebiker." From there, the shot cut to Tyler on the podium. Durland and Blubs gave him a mayoral sash and a bouquet of flowers. He blushed as the crowd cheered for him in the background. "Got it," he whispered, hugging the bouquet.
"You know what, go for him," Patrick said, smiling.
Shandra is then handed a gigantic stack of paper. "We will dedicate the rest of this broadcast to listing Stan's crimes," she said, picking up the first sheet. "First-degree thermometer theft. Pug trafficking." As Shandra read off the list, some crimes were listed on the TV screen. The crimes read "FIRST-DEGREE THERMOMETER THEFT. PUG TRAFFICKING. SNACKS EVASION. PICKPOCKETING. WOODPECKER BAITING. IMPERSONATING A DENTIST. GENERAL INDECENCY. GOLF CART THEFT. BINGO FRAUD. TELLING JOKES THAT JUST GO ON AND ON, I MEAN, I HAVE THINGS TO DO TODAY, REALLY."
As the list continued on, Stan immediately shut off the TV. "Whew! At least they didn't list any of the bad ones," Stan remarked casually. "On an unrelated topic, I have a lot of cheap pugs and I need to move them fast."
"Aw, I'm sorry, Stan," Dipper said with sincerity. "I actually think you as mayor would've been fun."
"Eh, maybe it's for the best. I got close to the dream, though, kids," Stan said.
"Hey, I knit you something," Mabel said with a small smile. She knelt down and gave Stan a knitted sash she had made that reads "OUR HERO" on it in colorful words. "It's not official, but I think it fits."
She gave Stan the sash, who couldn't help but tear up ever so slightly. His heart was warmed by the sentimental gift. "Mr. Pines, are you crying?" Wendy asked, smiling
Stan wiped his eyes. "I got campaign confetti in my eyes!" He denied. Stan then stood up and put on the sash. "Come on, kids. Wanna go vandalize Mayor Tyler's mansion?"
"Yay!" Mabel cheered as they all ran out of the Shack.
"He-hey, vandalism!" Dipper added.
"Let's wreck shit up!" Patrick yelled.
True, Stan didn't win the election, but in the end, he gained the admiration of his niece and two nephews. And perhaps some self-respect in the process. In the end, in spite of the loss, the conman felt more like a winner than ever before.
The same could not be said for Gideon. After his most recent failure to get revenge on the Pines, the evil little boy found himself crocheting in the arts and crafts room with one of his prison mates, Ghost-Eyes. While the rowdy gang of crooks and criminals all deeply respected Gideon and treated him like royalty, the boy found their adoration annoying and suffocating at times.
"I'm sorry the election thing didn't work out for you, bro," Ghost-Eyes said with sincere sympathy. "But if it makes you feel any better, we're gonna throw a riot tonight! Does someone wanna throw a riot~?"
"Thanks, Ghost-Eyes. I'm just not in the mood," Gideon sighed tiredly.
That night in his moonlit cell, Gideon laid in his bed, wide awake as he stared up at the ceiling. The evil child sat up in his bed and looked at the wall across from him. "This poster is the only thing keeping me going," he said, looking at a poster of a cat hanging from a tree that said 'HANG ON TO THAT BRANCH OR DIE, CAT!'
The election was his one chance out of prison. Now, he really had no other plans. But that didn't mean he was going to give up on his revenge and retribution. He may not have a plan right now, but that doesn't mean he still didn't have one last trick up his sleeve.
Gideon got up from his bed and ripped the poster off of his wall. Underneath it was a chalk drawing of the Zodiac. The same one that summoned Bill Cipher into their world. The symbols weren't in their normal positions, and some of them are shaped differently. Bill was drawn in the middle, without his eye, but Gideon drew in the eye using chalk. Completing the Zodiac.
"I'm finally ready to make a deal," he said, as a yellow glow enveloped Gideon.
AN: We're finally at the Last Mabelcorn, which is the part where Patrick and Dipper learn about Ford's involvement with Bill. How will Patrick take this revelation? This was a pretty fun chapter to do. Of course after what happened with the Summerween Trickster and Bill, Patrick would be against the idea of possessing Stan. On the other hand, Soos was willing to allow them to possess him.
Thank you very much for reading. "Weirder Things" will return. Please be sure to Favorite and Follow if you like the story and review it so that I know that I'm doing good and what to improve. If you have any questions or discussions, you'd have for me, then please in a Review or a PM me.
Thank you for reading and, in parting, I wish you all love, peace, health, God's blessing, and to have a wonderful day.