GOD IS AN IDIOT
Chapter 15 - The Cancer
It had been two days since Nigun had learned of the wonder transpiring in the south. As Maduo had told him, the tip of the returning troops' convoy had arrived at Humanitas' walls yesterday, but only this morning the public speaker system had called for the inhabitants of the capital to greet the returning young heroes.
The Theocracy's leadership hadn't yet announced the official reason for the return of so many troops, but everyone seemed to know something huge must have happened, for many had fought in the South themselves and witnessed the seemingly endless stalemate between men and elves on their own tour. Nigun was sure none of them, including him, had seen so many of Slane's soldiers at once in the city, and wondered how the Theocracy would accommodate for so many in excess of Humanitas' normal capacities.
"I don't recall them putting up that much effort when our expedition force returned from the Abelion Hills, and that was a frigging suicide mission." Dana commented next to him with crossed arms, while they watched from the crowd the columns march by. "Back then, victory was expected when you wanted to return home, and no one said 'thank you' just for doing your duty. I get it's supposed to be a celebration of the end of the war, but those pimple mugs act like it's been their effort which secured victory."
"Would you not have been glad if the wereworm hive had been destroyed by a natural disaster, instead of us having to go in and plant charges?" Nigun asked while he studied the youngsters himself. They positively glowed and walked with an optimistic energy he hadn't witnessed before in his lifetime in any returning regiment. For most Slane, their tour of duty was a radically sobering experience, which left no few with lasting mental scars for their lives – be it because they lost close friends, experienced personal hardship, or just realized how desperate mankind's fight for continued survival truly was.
Dana snorted. "Nig, even then we weren't so green to believe there was any shortcut to the tour, and even if there was, they would be stupid to accept it. Who would take them seriously ever again if they get branded as 'the years who got off easy'? And command would be even more retarded if they'd allow the surviving weaklings among them to pollute our blood."
"It is unlikely they will stay long in Humanitas or get discharged before completing their time. Even if most will not be aware yet of the escalating tension with the Argland City Councils, the smarter ones among them will have realized the cardinals will just send them to another front. Gods know we are not lacking those. I think they are just restocking and recuperating before marching further north, and their commanders will have already prepared them to await such an order," Nigun offered his most realistic estimation. Although there was a tiny chance the soldiers really thought they made it, his pessimistic gut told him that wasn't the reason for their excellent mood and the sheer confidence they expressed, and he feared Maduo was right and they indeed witnessed something they saw as divine intervention.
She pointed at the unfamiliar banners with a thin sickle crossing a stylized spire carried before each company, in addition to their own ones, and asked, "And what are those supposed to be? The rules of conduct are clear any décor apart from military designation are strictly forbidden."
"General Laisze must have approved. Otherwise, I couldn't imagine the regiment leaders taking the liberty of breaking the protocol." Nigun shrugged his shoulders. Dana had always been a stickler for the rules even when they were fresh recruits just having arrived in Humanitas for their own education. It was an excellent trait for internal investigators like her, and combined with her eye for detail, often gave her an edge when her targets misjudged her rough tone for a lack of intellect or education. She had learned to use those qualities to seamlessly move through civil and military circles alike.
Dana frowned contemplatively. "I know the general's psyche profile, and it didn't fit. He had been specifically selected to replace his predecessor Dolci because he would follow his orders to the letter, and won't deviate from them one inch unless told so by a superior, and he commands with that same expectation of his subordinates. This smells fishy."
"So you agree there is more going on than we are told." Nigun looked at her. He told her of the nightmare he had to endure under Ainz, but while certainly well-meaning, she had consistently tried to convince him it must have been the enormous stress of losing his entire Scripture which made him mix up his nightmares and memories. Even when the news hit Humanitas – that Braesla had been eradicated – she remained adamant all signs pointed to a Dragonlord being responsible, arguing further no undead who could match the power of the very best mankind had to offer had ever been reported. For weeks, they had fought and argued about it – he with desperate conviction of a prophet, and she with caring concern for a sick loved one – until they both must have realized they were not progressing on the topic and did not talk about it any-more.
That had been a novel experience in their marriage, where before they never dropped a topic they did not agree upon until one of them finally convinced the other of their opinion. It had always been one of Dana's qualities he liked the most about her: being extremely headstrong, but not unreasonable and capable of admitting when she had been wrong. To have her not voicing her opinion for peace's sake had felt alien, and by now, he wondered if the reason he lately felt like she was drifting away from him was because she sensed his uneasiness about it.
Dana ignored his question, so he tried to fill the encroaching awkward silence with a simpler problem. "We should head for the market and stock up on food and another set of sheets. With so many troops in the city, the quartermaster will likely use even our small home as a billet."
"Yeah, guess you're right," Dana spoke. "We should get to it, before the rest of the civilians think of the same and the congestion forms. Can you take care of the food while I try to scrounge up a bed, Nig? Maybe Flores still has one laying around. He owes me a favour."
"I can do that. I will try to be quick," Nigun said, pulling her closer for a departing kiss, yet when he pressed his lips upon hers, she felt stiff, and he missed the reassuring strong hug he had come to associate with her.
"How you like the stew?" Dana inquired as she helped herself to another filling from the large pot on the table's centre.
Their guest, Venn, a young woman with a mouse-blonde buzz-cut and a bony facial structure, signalled with a gesture to wait while she still chewed on a large bite of black bread, before she answered, "It's great, Ma'am. I haven't eaten that well in months. Field rations may fill your belly and last an eternity, but they are no gourmet food. Can't figure what's so hard about adding some salt and spice."
"Actually, that is on purpose," Nigun explained, who was already full and now watched the two females empty the rest of their simple meal. "The idea is soldiers will only eat when they are hungry, not out of boredom or pure appetite."
"And I guess it's also cheaper," she grinned back and helped herself to her third filling and a fresh cup of watered wine.
"Of course, but it actually helps us to survive."
Venn snorted and 'lectured' through her nose, "Because we will have nutrients when we need them, as we need them."
Dana took the empty pot from the table and quickly corrected the girl. "Because they are designed to keep you as healthy as possible. Strong while lean, as was practical to minimize the weight you have to move about with, and increase your stamina and natural healing capabilities. The added minerals aid your bone growth and stability, and the added fibres makes your faeces compact."
"What?! Why would the army care about my poo?!"
"So you can burrow it easier," Nigun pointed out and with his index down on the table. "You pick soft ground when available, twirl some cloth tight around your spear as a handle, and use the blunt end to push in a hole." Nigun added quickly as Venn started to question, "It helps to keep the camp clean, lessen your scent mark on a strategic level, and is simply more dignified."
"And when you're camping on rock, set up at least a deposit area," Dana suggested seriously as she sat down again with crossed arms.
"Or two, and play poo ball." Nigun leaned back, sated and mused to the ceiling.
Venn was at a loss, and stammered, "You're not telling me you kicked the… t-the..."
"Often enough." Dana shrugged. "Sometimes you have to pass the time, and when there's nothing to do, you play some poo."
"What?! Mr. Luin, you can't tell me you played- y-you did that!"
"I was an excellent faeccer player." It was his turn to cross his arms and lean on the table.
"'Faeccer'?" Venn turned desperately to Dana, who shrugged again while rolling her eyes.
"It's what the nerds called it, though 'have to admit, he was damn brutal on the field. Still couldn't beat me by score average." She nudged his elbow with hers and threw him a quick-but-warm smile, to which he had no choice but to mirror and hold. The room just happened to warm a tiny bit.
He reached for her hand and leaned closer to her, and then his heart startled as she leaned on his shoulder. Careful, without simply dumping her body into him, but paying enough attention so she shared the warmest contact. He grumbled happily. "No one dared to block her nukes."
Already, his heart startled again as he felt her thumbs brush over his palm's back, and Dana purred, smitten. "Oooooohhh… You remember all my old habits." She beamed at him.
"Of course I did."
Suddenly, they both must have remembered they were not alone in the room.
Venn performed some inconclusive signs of a stroke. Her eyes blinked uncoordinated for a few seconds, before she raised her hands in utter incomprehension. "…!" She exhaled, and her arms slumped. "I have no words..."
Dana exploded into a mad cackle. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He smirked softly, as Dana rushed over to the broken girl and ruffed up her hair. She howled. "Wuhaha-he-he-heeeeeh… Lass, we're just shitting you! Ease up!"
"What?" Venn croaked weakly.
"Dana and I used to have our own little game while on tour." Nigun stood up and walked over to pump water into the sink. He added some soap and placed a few bowls into it, letting her wait and hang to his lips, before he elaborated while scrubbing, "Making people believe absurd tall-tales."
"Nig was the only one who got it and could keep a straight face indefinitely. It really wasn't fair. One time the whole platoon went straight for a priest. Maaan, the sergeant wasn't pleased at all."
"What did he made you do?" Venn asked with her chin propped on her crossed arm. "Night watch duty? Extra exercise? Scrubbing something disgusting?"
"We had to take extra theology seminars and tests, in addition to the normal work load… and extra exercise until we vomited, of course."
"'To fill our moral and social competence's blank spaces'," mimed Dana with clasped hands – a prig before snorting again, but softer, and she added "But it was seriously good for us. Turned us straight and successful. You should consider it, too."
Venn looked unsure to Dana, and asked, halting, "Those dry guys? If I make my tour, I have a whole life to talk with those folks. I have more important things to learn. Like keeping my gear serviceable."
His Dana nodded. "And you should listen to those lesson. I'm saying you shouldn't be satisfied with just meeting your peers' standards when you still have potential to reach more. If you have reached your plateau, you have to be wise enough to acknowledge your limit and be content with the place you have worked to reach. But if you still feel you could do yet even more, reach even higher, then you should follow that incentive. Only after hard work, till you have given it the best try you've got, you will feel content. Then, you will be able to accept with a calm heart any outcome, victory and failure. That is how you will earn heaven."
Nigun sat down again with a clean kitchen corner behind him, and started to shuffle a deck of cards he had picked up on the way back. "Striving for your full potential is a spiritual duty to yourself, but thanks to the Six Great Gods, you don't have to err, be blind and desperate like a mole on rock with just a glimmering idea of salvation. By their greatest design, you are blessed with the unbiased, superstition-ridden truth about the ultimate question. You are offered the best chance to reach your salvation because they provide you with all you could ask to march there, and you can feel safe in that your brothers and sisters are just as strong as you, because the gods bring truth. They don't promise anything in exchange for nothing except for truth. The gods don't comfort us, because they trust us.
They have faith in us to follow in their unequalled example, for they have taught us how to see how cruel and hard the world really is. Monsters, man-eaters, the undead, magic and idiots. Each could prove your horrible, agonizing death. They won't think once about all you have lost while they gorge on your flesh.
"But their inspiring brilliance illuminated a path to the light just breaking in the distant, dark horizon. It is a path you cannot walk alone. You must do so with your brothers and sisters, hand-in-hand!"
Nigun loudly clasped his own hands. "One long chain from the brilliance of the Six Great Gods, all the way to light at the far horizon so no one will be lost. Trust in your siblings because they can trust you, for they are the only allies you will ever have. In the empire of heaven, it doesn't matter who let you suck her teat, for you were all born by the same loving and providing mother: Slane. You grew all in the same womb, shared the same comfort and the same food, you listened to the same songs and stories, you will experience the same pain of birth as you will be reborn as a new human, delivered by the hands of the Gods."
Dana nodded and snorted deeply, agreeing.
"So how about a match of poker?" Nigun suggested and picked up the stack of cards again, as he felt he shuffled enough for fairness' sake. He had had his fun and Dana too, and although he longed to provoke another moment of nostalgia from her, he felt he should let the girl relax at last. She wouldn't stay in Humanitas forever – by his reckoning, a few days or weeks – depending how efficient logistics worked. In the end, sanity dictated she would be sent back into the field as soon she was battle-, physically-, and mentally-capable – to ease the pressure or work load on existing projects or speed up tasks. Idle soldiers were wasted soldiers, and the Theocracy made sure to keep the troops busy when available with further education, exercise, or construction work. Training camp ended only with the tour.
"Huh? I don't know the rules." Venn awoke from a train of thoughts. Dana reached over and forced Venn with a gentle touch into a proper sitting position again, and then explained, "Each of us gets 5 cards, and we play in turns. At the start, we place one open card, and in each round, you have to place one of your own cards matching the motive or colour. If you can't do that, you have to pick an additional card, and your turn also ends. Now, if you place a 7, the next player has to pick a card; two, if you place a nine. If you place an ace, he has to skip a turn…"
Nigun loved to watch Dana let her motherly side show. He felt her natural impulse to offer aid – when not messing with people – would make raising kids with her a privilege, not a task, and he had some confidence he would make a good father to their kids, too. They would know; they could always come with the big questions in their heart to him, Dana would be their veritable rock every day, and he would worship her for it.
That had been his dream. Just months ago, he still had planned to stay in active service for a few more years and then retire to start with Dana a family, when she also felt satisfied with her career's progress in Internal Investigations. But since he met Ainz, that dream was in shambles. He had no idea what the despicable undead could have done to him without him even knowing. He could bear a curse, be a sleeper agent, or carry a tailored disease, etc.; the potential security risk he posed was too great, especially when his superiors did not believe him and instead pitied and framed him as a broken war veteran.
So he had to quit his service early with a stain to his reputation. Then, the devastating dragon attack in the middle of Humanitas he knew was Ainz's work to frighten them of the north happened, and consumed almost everything of value he ever owned, singing the bond between him and Dana… and perhaps weakening it forever.
Suggesting a baby now would have been foolish, and could also have been interpreted as a desperate attempt to patch over their problems with a kid. Bringing up such a stupid and insecure idea would have alienated her even further – the last thing he wanted.
For the same reason, he did not ask Venn what had happened in the elf forest, if perhaps she saw something herself. For one, others would ask those question for him already, so he just had to be a little patient and listen. Second, Dana would know he suspected Ainz, provoking an unnecessary fight or at least her deep annoyance. In conclusion, it was unwise to show Venn any sign of special interest in the appearance of the messengers.
Losing his nerves and doing something just for doing something's sake was a familiar impulse, but Nigun had learned to reign it in and bid his time when it promised to be more efficient to do so. He would have loved to bring the fight to Ainz and at least start to hinder his presence, but so far, he had no intel where to begin. Without a tangible chance of success, he would have raised suspicion and likely wasted resources like the rest of his reputation and owed favours. But he knew the time was nigh when there would be an abundance of bread crumbs to follow, no matter how many crows Ainz would send to pick them up.
"...and remember to so say 'Po!' when you place your second-to-last card, and 'Poker!' when placing the last card, or you'll have to pick a new card from the stack," Dana finished instructing and ordered the deck Venn was holding one last time.
"Can I assume we can start?" He smiled to Dana, which she returned.
"I suppose, Venn's got a head."
"Thanks, Ma'am."
"And I mean it." Dana fondly stroked Venn's arm, before they accepted a fresh deck.
Nigun shuffled their old cards and the rest again, dealing himself a new deck and starting the first turn. "Seven on Nine, Dana, dear. Please pick three cards." He felt his mouth's corners stretch.
It turned out as one of the most entertaining and relaxed evenings he had in a very long time. Venn quickly got a taste for the naturally-involved Schadenfreude when playing poker, resulting in a lot of funny and purposely obscene banter, which was hilarious to listen to and incite with the occasional odd remark.
He was dealing the 37th round, and Dana flashed at white smile to him behind her cards and provoked him with her eyes as she picked up her 5th one. "Nig, you should simply fold. You won't get to lose one card, looking at my deck. You must have absolute shit in your hands."
She was right, but he was unwilling to concede that. "You should not worry about me when Venn has first turn. You finishing in one turn is no given."
"I wouldn't count on that, Mr. Luin." The girl sighed and picked a new card.
Dana triumphantly grinned and slammed a 7 down. "Start by picking two, honey!"
He was not done yet, and flashed a matching 9 while challenging her tearing face with stiff lips. The gesture was in vain, as Venn followed with another 9, and Dana kept spamming him with 7s and 9s until she finally yelled "POKER! Ha ha ha ha ha! Pulled down your pants again, Nig! He he he!"
Luck had indeed been on her side this evening, but he was happy to play his part of the unshakable gentleman in their often practised game. He picked up Venn's remaining two cards and laconically answered. "But this way, I save work shuffling the cards."
"As if…" Venn snorted to his side.
He turned to her at the 'undignified' defence, but was interrupted by a soft double knock on their door.
'Now?' It was nearing midnight.
"Leave it to me." Nigun said and swiftly rose to a stand, before Dana could get up, while he answered her worried look with a brief, but hard stare, which had always been their signal to remain calm, for now. She complied and he walked to the door and moved aside the shudder of the peephole to look through.
A bloody eye, whose iris was a thin blue ring around the enlarged pupil, stared back, and in its black depths Nigun could see a bed of writhing golden tentacles.
'Dominic!? HERE?'
He wasted no time unlocking the door and stepped back, puling it open.
A metallic jingle, like pouring coins, echoed from the other side and he was briefly blinded by a golden shine, as the room's light hit the friend he had known for so many years but rarely ever truly met in person.
Or what was left of him.
The hunched thing that walked in on metallic raptor claws resembled in its richly decorated robes more a vulture than a man, even held its long arms with terrifying curved daggers for fingers close to its body like a bird. It turned its long, segmented neck at him, and from below a grey and thinning mane the haggard face of a wasted man with a beak like nose regarded him with the utmost melancholy.
Nigun heard Dana whisper to Venn to stay calm, as it reached with a paw for him, and he accepted it with two grateful hands and an implied kiss on the single topaz encrusted ring it wore.
"My Lord, I did not expect you. I believed you to no longer leave the confines of Cor Sanctum." He said, as he quickly checked the corridor for possible witnesses and, after seeing none, locked the door.
"I did not intent to." Spoke Dominic with a warped voice, as if a second man spoke through a pipe at the same time. "But recent events are forcing my hand."
It, Dominic, the cardinal had not yet revealed any details for such need, but the vague sentence was enough to force a perverse tension upon his soul. If a cardinal, one of the most powerful humans in the world, was visiting him, an official failure, thought to have carved in under the demands of duty , instead of a still whole asset, he had to be desperate. Desperation was by now an all to familiar feeling to Nigun, but never did he expect to see it upon his once superior.
With good reason the former commander of the Sunlight Scripture had been chosen to take the place of the old Cardinal of Wind, as Nigun never met a will as strong as Dominic's with scope that bordered on precognition. Nigun would be the first one to admit he could never fill the large footprints his predecessor left, neither in magical prowess, skill with the blade or tactical insight. In his prime Dominic had been in a league all of his own. If He admitted, even if indirectly, the pressure, matters had to be grave indeed and his, acknowledged biased, mind concluded at once Ainz had to be involved.
But Dominic's presence here also meant there was a chance to finally react to, and hopefully counter, the schemes of the monstrosity.
"Hearing you say that…" Nigun was about to voice his uneasiness about Dominic's visit, when he heard and noticed from the corner of his eye Dana restraining their first guest.
Venn was ash pale and struggling with all her might against his wife, who held her mouth shut and forced her with a trunk like arm around her torso to stay on her seat, while fruitlessly whispering words of comfort into her ear.
'if only she knew the honour bestowed upon her.'
"Venn, you do not understand-" Nigun stopped when Dominic sharply raised a deadly paw. The cardinal wished to deal with girl himself and so it would happen. He moved closer, step by unnatural step on his digitigrade legs and cocked his head like a raptor inspecting a final time an easy prey.
"You fear me." Dominic stated the obvious and stretched his neck to watch her from even closer so his beak nose almost poked the spot between her eyes. "You feel I am an abomination. You think I am less than human. You believe I should be dead. You are right, my girl." Venn's panicking eyes were glued to the golden talon, that reached for her face, to put a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "But it still pains me, even more than the sacred armour, that is consuming me bit by bit, for I feel only love for you, child."
Dominic pulled back his head like a resting crane and lightly touched her forehead with his talon, speaking "[Remove Fear]", and a scintillating wave of light spread over her. In a mere moment she stopped shaking as the magic seeped into her.
"Release her." Ordered the cardinal and Dana obeyed, although she still kept careful watch of the girl, who was slowly regaining her colour.
"What are you?"The young soldier almost whispered.
"I am one of your fathers, as I was your father's father and your grandfather's father and your great-grandfather's father. I am your shepherd, your Cardinal of Wind, Dominic Ihre Partouche."
"But I have seen the Cardinal of Wind before and he was nothing like you." Venn admitted her doubts, but they were obviously not born out of resentment but out of confusion. Nigun could not blame her. When he met Dominic the first time in person he had to be restrained by three senior members of the Sunlight Scripture, Detlef among them, so he would not attack him, before the cardinal could explain himself.
The fate of the Miko Priestesses, young women in the service of Slane who gained almost godlike magical power for the price of their sanity by wearing [Crowns of Wisdom] was an open 'secret' the Theocracy had willingly shared to cower its enemies, but there were many more individuals, who gave up almost everything for their motherland.
Dominic had once been born as one of the brightest and most talented humans of his generation and had thus been condemned to a fate worse than death. He had been chosen to wear the [Armour of the Gold Aquila], the armament Yalla Himi himself wore in his greatest battles. It magnified the skills of its user exponentially, the greater his abilities the greater the power it granted, but once donned it could never be removed without completely annihilating its user, leaving not even a body for resurrection, and the horror did not stop there.
For the armour seemed not to have been designed to be worn by the user but to wear the user. It deadened almost all sensations and took over all bodily needs, becoming a lifetime prison that ate away at its user's sanity as it slowly grew like a cancer that displaced the original flesh while ever improving upon the presented material. Before Dominic no one managed to wear it for longer than a few months or years before their souls no longer had the willpower to hold onto their identity and it consumed them completely, turning inert again and leaving no even a scrap of the men or women beneath.
By now the cardinal wore it for more than 4 generations, having his life unnaturally sustained by the same force that tried to kill him every second. He had managed by sheer force of will and even greater sacrifice.
"And I wish you would have never had to." Answered the cardinal. "I have hidden this perversion from the public for many decades. Who you saw was my great-grandson Florent standing in for me. Please grant this old man this wish and always honour his name and memory, for his sacrifice was even greater than mine."
"Why? What did he lose?"
"If you respect the cardinal, you will heed his request and not pressure him for more details. Be assured of your lords truthfulness as I can vouch for it. All that matters is that Florent is a hero in his own right." Nigun interjected, who felt Venn had bothered the cardinal enough for now.
'And it is also supposed to be a state secret, so why would Dominic, of all people, so carelessly reveal it?'
It must have been a shocking revelation for Dana, too, as she was only aware he had been conversing in private with Dominic for a long time, but never met the real one herself. Thankfully she had not panicked, when he entered, and trusted Nigun enough to keep Venn from screaming and alerting the guard.
When Venn confirmed she understood he helped her up from her seat and spoke, holding on to her her hand. "I do not think I will get the opportunity to hand them to you, so listen carefully. There is a magical dagger hidden under my mattress. Come back tomorrow and take it with you on your tour, and hand it to another sibling when you can't return it. Also, take all the bacon from the store save for one, as much grain as you can carry, and ask Dana for a healing potion. She will gladly give it to you. Now, get out and party till morning, and do not forget what I told you!" He finished with an out of the blue smack to Venn's head. While the surprised teen was still reeling he slipped a few coins into her her bags and roughly shoved her out the door.
If the cardinal had chosen to forgo secrecy, then there was no point in telling her to remain silent on what she had witnessed. Since such sacrifice on the lord's part indicated an immense pressure the teen was far better off learning as less as possible so to minimize the chance of her becoming a viable target of intervention. His gut told him Ainz was above wasteful brutality such as ordering her execution, but it was better to be safe than sorry in this instance.
He had not wanted to scare the girl or bully her, but neither had he the time to get involved in a long discussion or demands for explanations. He had done his duty and provided for the tourer as good as he was able to in the short time available to him. Providing soldiers of the Theocracy the best possible hospitality, and aiding them whatever way possible without ruining yourself, was one of the longest- and closest to heart-held traditions in Slane.
It was a custom detailed and justified by the God of Fire, who decreed universal welcome would remind the soldiers what they truly fought for, while the civilians would not forget the never-ending war and who fought it. Universal support would help to numb the grief of the young against those who came before them and forced them into a war, while the universal experience of the tour would open everyone's eyes to why such cruel measures are necessary.
Nigun's own memories of his tour were still crystal clear, when he lacked decades of experience and training and was just one battle virgin like any other. When his bowels still violently clenched, when a comrade got shredded next to him, or he had to kill younglings and brood for the first time. The few times he had lived like a true son among his billet families were his life boats of normality back then –a needed reminder there still existed a place worth fighting for against so many, terrible enemies, and not to lie down and give up before finishing his tour.
His and Dana's had been a noteworthy brutal one, with a total regiment casualty rate of 79 %, but almost all regiments suffered heavy losses before finishing their duty. Slane had a similar life expectancy to its neighbouring human nation, despite its vastly superior free medical services for its population. Infancy and child death were only a minor problem, and extensive vaccination schedules and research made plagues a tested-and-contained problem. The chances for a baby reaching its 16th birthday was well over 90%, but it was with the tour the chance to reach its 20th birthday dropped to about 56%. On the other hand, the overall chance of a baby reaching its 80th birthday was 51%, in good health 47%.
The tour was the number one reason of death in the Theocracy, and human empathy alone, without the reminder of a wisest god, should have been enough to feel with the poor souls, who still had not finished walking that hellish path.
Satisfied to have helped Venn a little bit on her way, he turned back from the door to the table, where Dana shifted her stare from Dominic to him just an eye blink too late, while the cardinal watched him with a mild smirk take a seat. With a brief glance he reminded Dana to remain calm and trust him. He was given ample time to find the words and then asked "My Lord, I feel you would prefer to save time so I will be to the point: How long do you have left by your reckoning and how can I serve?"
Dominic did not flinch a single muscle. "Days. A few weeks. How can a man truly reckon his own end? As you pointed out it is near. Very near. Florent is failing from a wasting not even the greatest priests can slow, my valiant sanctuary is rotting."
"Your sanctuary? Florent? Frigging gold chicken in my home!" Dana's fist crashed on the table and put a new split into it. "If you think it's okay to walk in that dress into my life you can gimme at least the whole picture."
"Chi-, chi-"
'Chicken!?'
"Are you calling me 'chicken'?
"Yeah, I call you a chicken!" Dana touched her index hard on the unperturbed cardinal's front head and before Nigun could shake off the shell shock she already spoke on. "Sorry, not sorry for the generalization, but I've a deep mistrust rooted in experience of the clearly inhumane, comes with the job and indoctrination, you supposedly should know the drill. So if you want to stay friendly with me you either get me into the circle or send me off, my Lord, for times I act like a stupid red-neck with a short fuse and an even worse manners than I look."
'- - - - -'
'- - - - -'
'- - - - -'
"hmf"
'…?…'
"He-hmf!"
'Is he actually…'
"He-He-He Ha Ha ha ha ha !"
The golden vulture creature was indeed laughing, even though it sounded terrible, like a flock of ravens gathering at sun's set. Dana's accusing finger dropped as her bravado took a heavy hit. Nigun felt relieved. The cardinal still remembered his inherent good nature and Dana had realized how insignificant her threat, even if it was told as a hint to make up his mind, really was. Even if Dominic had been utterly helpless Dana had absolutely no hope of drawing blood from him, much less kill him.
"Oh, my good woman, your heart still rattles with anxiety for my backlash, but be assured I am no sociopath or monster. I laughed in true humour. I was glad to be identified with something cute like a humble chicken."
"You were?" The Luins asked.
"I was. And you can know about the details of my plight, for secrecy was only worth the effort as long as there is still something to hide. I was and am the original Dominic Ihre Partouche. In service to my home I donned the Gold Aquilla armor and have been trapped in it ever since in anguish that even demons would consider cruel. To preserve my talent and service for Slane for more than 6 generations the patriarchs of my noble line would sacrifice their own identity to allow me to flee my maddening end and experience mortal life in their stead. It is a terrible sacrifice, but each one does it on his own volition and in return I was able to avert so many catastrophes from Slane that I say with all conviction: their sacrifice was worth it. 6 lifes for Hundreds of Thousands in return.
Yet even if you think I am just a coward fleeing death, fret not. My current avatar, Fronet, is dying well before his expected time. His intended successor is still on his tour and has not yet had the time to life his own life and sire a son.
Were before I could flee the pain and numbness of this existence…" spread the cardinal his lanky arms with the wide cloth like a pair of wings. "...I am now forced to endure every moment of every day in this wretched prison. Every touch, cold and distant, The early morning frost the same as the midday's blazing sun on my unbending skin, no desires, no needs, just existence and insidious, borrowing, consuming pain, like a bed of maggots crawling over my bones and gnawing at the muscle and bowels around them with acid dripping suckers."
"Oh my gods, that sounds so awful I can't eve think of fancy words to describe it!" She blurted.
"It is fine, my child. I never held grudges or ill-will and I won't start now. My fate is terrible, but my dear heir fares even worse." Dominic sighed and at last sat down, his head held low and almost skimming the table.
Had the cardinal been human Nigun would have offered him a comforting pad or a drink, but as he had said himself: he enjoyed barely any sensation or need. Such a gesture would have only reminded Dominic once more of what he had lost and so Nigun had to resign himself to waiting a tactful moment, before pressing on. "I am sad to hear these are your final days, my lord, but why do you not care any more about keeping your status secret You know I would have come at once, would you have invited me. Has your attendance been compromised? Can you not trust your servants, is that why you came to me?"
"It is everyone!" Dominic suddenly croaked with a tar black hate, that send shivers down Nigun's spine. "All of them!"
'All of them? Since when does Dominic use hyperbole or has he grown paranoid?'
"When you say every-"
"Then I mean everyone!" Hit the cardinal his flat hand with the screech of scraping metal. "The holy fraternity, even the holy father, have been corrupted by this imposter!"
'Imposter…'
Just one word triggered a new clarity and understanding for the need to listen very, very carefully, as Nigun felt his paranoia about to prove prudent very soon.
"No doubt, you have heard rumours of what happened in the elven forest." Dominic asked just a little bit calmer. "Maybe you heard a version telling of a new god that descended? Be honest, it is only shameful to hide heresy, not expose it."
With a nod he told Dana, who looked unsure, it was okay to share what she heard. "Actually, I heard such a rumour, yeah, what about it? Don't tell me it's true?"
"No it is not!" Dominic vehemently tossed his head. "Absolutely not! But something did descend upon us, something that wants us the believe it's benevolent and a brother to the Six Great Gods. He calls himself El Elyon and appeared in the middle of a meeting. He defeated the Secret Seat in a literal eye blink and turned an irredeemable traitor in the most law-abiding citizen a state could ask for! All the other cardinals and the holy father have been blinded by his charms, but I know better. He his no saviour, he is our doom. A fiend in angel robes, full of lies and treacherous gifts!"
'Sounds exactly like Ainz.'
"So he's probably strong as the gods? No idea, what 'Secret Seat' is, but I take a guess it's something of a last resort, so likely a god-kin." Dana rubbed her chin. "Not taking positions here, but if he's also a chill guy to hang around I can sort of understand, why the other cardinals and the father would like him. What if he is actually a nice guy?!"
"He is not!" Nigun blurted by instinct, and then noticed Dominic had said exactly the same and looked confused at him.
Dana sighed, clearly annoyed. "Nig, not that fuss again, enough about your horror story. It's not related..."
"I think it is." Dominic cut her off and Nigun, despite his foreboding thoughts, thought he felt a warm ray of hope trace over his heart. Dominic threw a rueful glance in his direction, before he told Dana. "I, too, did not want to believe Nigun's report at the time and I was a fool for not following his warnings, for now I know El Elyon and this Ainz have to be in cohorts, if they are not the same creature in the first place. El Elyon, despite his friendly demeanour and gifts, is an undead creature just as the Ainz Nigun met."
"And so was Lord Surshana, who stood up for the people of Slane till the end." Dana crossed her arms. "I get that being undead would raise alarm bells, but if that El Elyon indeed defeated the elf king and tries to make the Theocracy a safer place, one should not put too much weight in his living status. If, mind you. I am all for looking closer in that guys whereabouts and making sure, he isn't up to something, but as an investigator I remind you to stay unbiased till further facts have been uncovered, my Lord. You wouldn't want to spoil a great chance for humanity out of rushed paranoia, do you?"
'Dominic, rushed?'
It was Nigun's to turn briefly snicker.
"What?"
"Just your choice of words, dear. I would have never associated the cardinal with 'rushed', but you point is of course valid. My Lord. I agree that your description of El Elyon sounds just as I would expect Ainz to act, so you can count on me to do everything necessary to hinder him."
"And I wouldn't have expected otherwise of you." The cardinal weakly smiled. "You have spent the most time with the fiend and saw his character when he felt no prying eyes on him. You are the only one I can think of who can face him."
"Nig's good, but he can't fight a possible god."
"No one in the Theocracy can." Dominic instantly brushed her argument off and Nigun felt actual relief for it, for confronting Ainz in a fight was utterly hopeless, when he could kill of entire cities and surroundings in an eye blink with but a thought. Thank the gods he favoured lies and plots to simply applying his crushing power, giving them a chance to exploit the mistakes of his less competent minions and pawns. "Our only chance is to expose him for what he really is to all of Slane and hope its combined might will be enough to slay or drive him off."
"You are a frigging cardinal! Why don't you do it? Your words hold weight, while Nig's just a burned-out vet, no offence, Nig, but you know what I mean!"
"None taken, I do realize I am an unknown in the Theocracy, but this fight won't be won by climbing a podium and holding a speech. If the holy father is already under Ainz's sway, even Dominic's position would not be enough, never-mind the opposition of the other cardinals."
"And my public face is in no state to appeal to the masses, much less me." Dominic sighed.
Nigun continued. "An uproar would only further chaos within the nation, which would help Ainz to hide his activities more than us exposing them. In a revolt or civil war many irregularities can be dismissed, which would raise suspicion other times. I do not believe we will be the only ones questioning this new god, so there will be enough of that mess without us adding to it."
"If you even get the chance to do so." Dominic sighed a bucket of ice into Nigun's bowels.
"I do not like where you are leading." He voiced his growing worries, while watching Dana turn pale.
'Has he been been followed by a pro-active party? Maybe a member of the Wind Scripture or even of the Black Scripture, to silence him, before he could spill really important secrets or I could escape with them?'
'Unlikely. Dominic would not have without good reason come here, if he thought he could not hide his tracks or endanger me, without anything to gain from it and for now he has only lamented the sorry state of things without telling hard numbers, places or times.'
'Does he maybe think, I am not careful enough, that I would make rookie mistakes or actually start turning into a punk and forgetting my social dues? I am still a veteran with decades of elite operations experience, why would I suddenly forget finely honed instincts and training? Dominic got to know me better than that, so that can not be it either.'
"To the point, friend." Nigun stared at Dominics melancholic face. "Am I already a target?"
He nodded without breaking the stare.
"I feared so. Should I expect guests or will I be invited?"
He searched Nigun's eyes for far too long before he answered. "I have come to invite you myself, Nigun. When I learned you had been marked for close supervision shortly after El Elyon's appearance I inquired the Cardinal of Fire for the reasons, but I only received a clipped answer, that I should not interfere and not look into it. I have no insight, why they changed their attitude to you and all my old contacts in the Ministry for National Security have become silent over night."
"You think someone purged them?" Dana asked.
"No, they are well enough and still attending their work, but suddenly no one is willing to hand me even a morsel of information, if it falls outside their official duties. Where before I could use my reputation and rank for favour, I now get stone walled by even the lowest clerks, a situation I haven't experienced since I was recruit." Answered Dominic with a deep frown. "Maybe you have an idea, what changed? You work for the ministry, after all."
"Sorry, no idea, birdy. It is standard procedure to keep members in the dark, if a next of kin is being investigated."
"So not to give them an early warning. I understand." Sighed Dominic. "Nigun, all I could wrest from them was the privilege to invite you myself to a session at the Ministry, and even that only grudgingly. I warn you to stay alert at any moment and to not put your faith in your exemplary service to keep you safe. You must not give them any reason to suspect you are not absolutely loyal or law abiding!"
"I value my life, Dominic. I not so stupid to openly defy suggested measures-"
"It is not that easy, any more, Nigun! El Elyon has provided the other cardinals with an abundance of supposedly benevolent artefacts, while excluding me, so I can not tell you, what they could do to you. Just keep in mind that he turned around one of our worst traitors in an instant with one of those. I am not just talking about an existential threat to your life but to your very soul! You have to play for time to carefully gather trusted friends and associates, but do not accept any treatment they offer you!"
"I will be careful." Nigun said, but the cardinal put his cold claws on his shoulders and implored.
"Promise me, you won't take any treatment! No spells, no potions, no wonders!" Nigun could see naked fear in the cardinals eyes, a fear that encompassed far more than just Nigun's personal well being. "I beg you!"
"I promise I will not." Said Nigun and put a reassuring hand on the cardinals shoulder himself. It was the first time he had to comfort Dominic since he had known him. "I can guarantee you I have no wish to become that monster's puppet..."
'...again.' Nigun added ruefully for himself.
Dominic let go of him with a weak smile. "Thank you, my friend. Your words could very well be the last rays of hope in my twilight days, but as long as you are still free, there is hope we can avert disaster from humanity. Come now. My coachman Ginter is waiting and will drop you off at the ministry's headquarter in the Merseborg Street. The sooner you attend the invitation the less suspicion you will raise. You can come with us, Dana, if you want to."
Nigun had always hated to visit Dana at work. The Merseborg Street ran outside a beautiful 8-story tall construction with high and slim rectangular windows which invited admiring looks to the golden dome resting on its top. It looked like a city light house with its bright halls full of plants and the flood lights turned to the dome.
They were waiting in the entrance hall with wooden tea cups in their hands the friendly receptionist had urged them to take, while Dana was still changing into her work clothes. He understood it wouldn't help if people ignored Dana's status just because they did not recognize her. Thankfully, he only had to take a few sips from the admittedly excellent tea, before she stood again before them in her fresh set of black scrubs, with the only glamour to her uniform being the peaked cap. When he had been to Humanitas for the first time and saw an internal investigator, he had been puzzled why they picked the short straw on the uniform lottery, but only till he saw one in action not much later and witnessed how quickly their clothes got stained in their line of work.
The scrubs had only short sleeves not without reason, which emphasized Dana's tattoos and bulging muscles she had not worked for in a gymnasium, but earned on the streets. She used them to pull him into a tight hug as she softly asked, "Are you ready to go, or do you still want a minute?"
He would have liked so much more than a minute, but he knew he could not evade what was to come. Postponing would do nothing but earn him more pain in form of fear. The fear of not knowing was one of the most insidious tools of National Security. One never knew before why they called them in. They only send a truthfully-friendly request to visit at the nearest convenience.
He let go of her, sliding along her arms with his hands, till he held hers and said, "I am ready to face it."
"That's good." Dana nodded with a sad smile over her shoulder to a large mechanical number bracket. "Cause it's our turn."
He understood and nodded, and took Ginter's side with Dana behind him as they strode for the white, heavy curtain separating the tropical entrance area from the true offices. Nigun pulled back the massive cloth and remembered exactly what he hated so much about Dana's workplace.
The clean, high, and white walls, the navigation system with 6 cute god images in different colours sprinkled onto the walls serving to guide newcomers… and most of all, the mindless-but-catchy soft doodle playing from hidden speakers in an eternal loop. So primitive and mindless – without drama, evolution, or any deeper sense – but so damn catchy!
"Dab dah, da dab dah, de da daee, dob doh, do dob doh…"
"Ginter!" Nigun snarled instinctively at the coachman, who stopped singing along the tune at once.
With a red face, he pointed along the blue water god symbols and said, "This way." After passing close to a hundred motivational and educational posters, they finally arrived at yet another white, windowless door like the dozens they had ignored on their way here. "That's Room 041. Your assigned investigator is Jailo Gol Fee – a hard-ass, but a fair one. Stay calm and cooperative, and don't get provoked into an emotional reaction, but I guess I'm telling you nothing new," Ginter warned with a clap on Nigun's shoulder.
He and Dana embraced for a last time, before he reached for the door knob and went in.
The room with the high ceiling was almost devoid of any furniture, apart from 5 chairs facing a small desk with two extra ones on both of its sides. On the other side of the room was a door like the one he had entered from, and the same hidden speaker system playing the endless tune.
Nigun was not the first to enter. A gruff-looking greyed man in a sturdy-but-worn travelling mantle regarded him from the furthest seat of the chair group, while next to him sat a nervous nobody, who mindlessly scratched with his nails the by now-bloody base of his thumb's nail. Only when Nigun sat down next to him did he wake from his sweating feverish dream, and almost whipped the gruff man's face with his dreadlocks as he locked on Nigun. He stared at him like a carp, as if he was weighing a question, but then returned to staring at the ground and mutilating his thump.
The other man mirthlessly chuckled. "Ha! From all I have seen, your law system is a joke. Honestly, I'm just here cause I thought the invite so cute. Do you even have cops here? Or just nannies? Ha ha ha…" he truly laughed about his own joke. "I've been to a lot of places, but I've never seen a police institution nicer than a church congregation. Name's Graven Hicks, travelling bard and sometimes adventurer, but I try to earn my living with my stories. You wouldn't believe how much people like to read about exotic places they'll never see their own. I am the man who goes to those places for them, and prepare for them a truthful and accurate depiction of the alien culture. I am sworn to check my texts for any biased or morally devaluating language before publishing them, and I am trying to advocate a new system of source verification, so-"
He got Graven's attention with a winking hand, and before the bard could start all over, Nigun indifferently stated. "I do not care about you, so save your speech."
Indeed, Graven speechlessly stared at him and Nigun leaned back to catch a few last moments of peace, but then Graven had to ask, "You don't feel you acted somewhat rude, do you?" And when he did not care to answer, added, "Hey, ignoring me is definitely rude!"
"Shut up!" The Nobody screamed in a high pitch which startled even Nigun, and angrily mumbled, "Both of you…" before returning to his nervous stare.
'I did not say anything-' Nigun wondered briefly, before the entrance opened and another guest entered. '-dear gods, please don't have her met Dana!'
"My trousers' exploding!" The bard eloquently summed up Nigun's thoughts.
A black, extremely tight leather skirt and navel-exposing top desperately clung to a literally fantastic sex icon with a voluptuous-but-athletic body, long legs, near-perfect buttocks, and huge breast. The blonde bombshell regarded them with a dismissing look and curled her lips, before walking over and sitting down cross-legged next to Nigun.
He turned very consciously to avoid contact with her boots-clad legs. He had to put considerable effort into suppressing thoughts extremely unfaithful to Dana. On the one side, he felt guilty for even having ideas when he had pledged his loyalty to his wife, whom he expected to act predictably. On the other hand, they were both educated in human nature, including the male psyche tendencies. It was only natural for a man to feel a reaction when stimulated, and there had not necessarily be any emotional component in it.
'Although current Theocracy sex theory proposes males correlate coitus and love stronger than females,' his consciousness kept nagging.
Graven had no such qualms. "Lady, I love you're not afraid to show you're sizzling hot! I am Graven Hicks – Exactly! – the traveling author of by now canonized hits like 'Wonders of Roble' and 'Miracles in Baharuth'! You are in luck, cause I can already see a whole chapter in my newest book dedicated to a singular beauty like you. And I can ease the work with a good dinner and the wine on me…?"
"Wow, seriously? You're asking me out?" She asked in a raw and markedly masculine bass, befitting an executioner.- 'Say again!?'
"What is wrong with your voice?" Graven pointed, not one smidgen ashamed at her, whose face darkened and shrugged.
"Nothing is wrong with my voice."
"But it's so deep. You sound like a bouncer."
Nigun tried his physically best to press his back into his seat, while she glared past him at Graven and snarled. "Pay attention, because I'm getting tired of this speech." She leaned over Nigun, closer to Graven, who defiantly stood his ground and waited for her without blinking an eye, not even when she sensually fondled all her assets and revealed in her deep bass, "These, I wasn't born with. This, I'll keep!" Before Nigun's disbelieving eyes, she reached for her crotch and a grabbed a suspiciously large package.
'This is a penis.'
'I should write Jerkins again.'
The staring match between bard and trans ticked on for a few seconds, before the latter challenged, "Still asking me out?" and won, as Graven sat down with crossed arms and huffed.
"Pass."
"Then you can shut up." She finalized their introduction and also sat down with crossed arms, to Nigun's great relief, who would have very much preferred some hardened criminals sticking to their own business instead of this hand he had been dealt. At least then he would be waiting in peace.
Time slowly trickled on, just as the endless tune did. Nigun had read the little note on the desk saying, 'Be right back!' for what felt like a hundred times and began worrying about looking stupid by staring at it, when a hoarse bass whispered in his ear, "So how is the procedure? Are they calling us in one at a time? Will I be fine if I cooperate, or will they beat me anyway…? Because then I'll want at least some gratification!"
'Did she not see the desk? Why think when you can ask others?'
Knowing she would not ignore him ignoring her, he slowly turned his head and consciously made no attempt to hide his annoyance, when he explained, "This is the interrogation room. We are here to serve each other as witness."
"-you are kidding me." She stared at him, bewildered as she processed the words, before she confirmed. "They are making us watch each other's interrogation?"
"Yes." He turned back to reading the note, watching her leaning back, noticeably paler, from the corner of his eyes. At least she had gotten an understanding of the severity of their situation.
Graven, unfortunately, did not. "Bu ha ha ha!" The fool laughed his ass off. "This gets better and better. It is a frigging church circle! The readers will love this-"
"SHUT UP!" The Nobody jumped from his seat. Nigun briefly felt a touch of sympathy for him, until he realized he was not screaming and gesticulating at Graven. "BE QUIET, ALREADY! I AM TRYING TO LISTEN! But you keep whispering- SHUT UP, I SAID! -you keep whispering!"
"Great! Even the idiot loves me-"
"NOT YOU! SHUT UP!" The little man raged at the bard with a threatening, scarred finger. "Glorinel is singing." He added with moistening and surprisingly soft eyes, before he jerked his head to his side and glared past Nigun with blowing nostrils. By sheer instinct, Nigun's muscles tensed, and all kinds of attack scenarios and their most appropriate counter measure started flashing before his eyes, but then the door opposite the entrance opened.
A rather young man with shoulder-long brown hair and a thin build rushed in. His scrub looked two sizes too small for his long limbs, and when he hastily sat down and put away a shield, he hit the table's edge with his knees. He suppressed a high yelp and finally addressed them with a forced, yet still honest smile. "Good evening, gentlemen and gentleother, I am Jailo Gol Fee, your assigned investigator, here to help you."
"Aha." She sceptically huffed, giving voice to the words he kept to himself. The nobody obediently sat down, while Graven, clearly amused, leaned forward on his knee.
The bard asked, "With our criminal record, am I right? Why don't you just get to the point and quote us our fees, so we can go home? It can't be anything serious. I mean, I didn't do anything illegal I'm aware of. You?" Graven turned to others.
'Please, do not procreate.' Nigun icily stared at the waste of social investment, as his intellect felt insulted by the idea of a self-styled travelling author who did not study the law. His presence here was a boon to mankind.
"Mr. Hicks, 'criminal record' is such an ugly word, and actually wrongly applied. You see, 'criminal' implies you have broken a set of laws – which you have not, I can assure you." Jailo said with a perfect smile.
"Then why am I sitting here?"
"We have invited you here, Mr. Hicks, to discuss your gross social deficit before we have to intervene. National Security is a social institution guaranteeing national stability by monitoring and regulating communal service."
"Damn," she hissed, prompting Graven to briefly turn to her and wonder. "You got that?"
The Bard looked undecided at the official. "So you want to discuss my manners?"
"Not that social deficit, Mr. Hicks, but the harmful influence of your readings, where you encouraged the mostly young audience to rebel against social norms… and question, I cite, 'laws, they didn't write'."
"So you want to get me for what? Anarchy? Moral corruption? Bah, don't make me laugh."
"Mr. Hicks, I repeat: We are not here to discuss a penalty for your actions, but options to repay your social due as a guest of Slane. We know this information must be a surprise to you, so we have already prepared a number of options to equal the score, like a lecture tour or a gifted composition for our young literature. Those are just examples and I would be happiest, if we, together, could find a solution you can be happy with, too," Jailo spoke as kind as a kindergarten teacher, yet without sounding condescending.
Graven shook his head in disbelief, then looked in pity at Jailo. "If you think I'll warp my art with your doctrine, you are hitting a dead end. I'm only working for my own, am a free man just visiting, and not one of your citizens. Gimme a bill, put me in the bail, but I won't produce my wonders for anyone but myself. I am free."
"Of course, you are, Mr. Hicks." Jailo nodded. "Yet, how do you know you would warp your art if we have not even discussed one concept? Maybe there are existing works in your repertoire we can both agree upon, without need for editing."
"You don't get it, do you?" Graven barked, annoyed. "It's not happening. Just working with you would discredit everything I represent. Even if I didn't find the idea distasteful, it would ruin my career. So, if a deal with the devil is all you have to offer, I would like to leave, now. I am free to leave, right? You agreed I am a free man."
"Yes," Jailo nodded. "That is correct. Yet I still recommend you come to an agreement with us, Mr. Hicks."
"Or what? A squad of goons storms in and gives me a trashing?" Graven snarked.
"Oh, that would be absolutely unnecessary. Nobody in this building will attack or hinder you, so long as you do not attack them, I swear."
The fool stood up and made a show of dusting himself off, casually remarking. "Then I'll be leaving now."
"That is, of course, your right to choose, Mr. Hicks." Jailo politely said, but Nigun did not miss the missing friendliness.
"It is." Graven smirked, as he strutted with long, heavy steps to the entrance and teased them. "Bye, you wimps."
"Farewell." Nigun couldn't help himself but answer with a pleased smirk. He was keenly aware how much he enjoyed the uncertain look appearing in Graven's eyes. He decided to lose the game of cool on purpose, lest the bard changed his mind, and overdid it with a teasing brow raise.
As predicted, the proud artist defiantly grunted and rushed out the room. Far away, he noted how a 'Milton' was asked to sit down to discuss his therapy, but he felt himself staring at the door.
Until he noticed her slack-jawedly glaring at him, and this very recognition prompted her to hiss at him in equal measure of anger and disgust. "You send that man to his death! You knew exactly what you did! You're a soulless monster! A scourge and waste of blood!"
"And if I had remained silent, he would have walked out anyway. Why then did you not say something?" He countered a complain he had heard in one form or another a hundred times, and caught her off-guard as she faltered.
"I-I hadn't figured it out back then!"
"That is why you have been staring at me from the moment the door shut?" Nigun turned back to at least look into the desk's direction. "Do not delude yourself you had any sympathy for the man – when you are really outraged, that I do not maintain a false ignorance, so you can feel okay."
"So you are an arse."
"On point, perfectly summarized. Now, leave me alone." Nigun hoped to settle the discussion on easily-understood rejection.
"Okay, if we are to be enemies, I see no point making this comfortable for you."
'Will you shut – Ahhhh! Tickles!' Nigun cringed involuntarily as she poked his flank with a finger repeatedly.
"W-Will you stop it?!" Nigun snarled and trapped the forward-rushing finger in a tight fist. "Now, or I swear I will break it!"
"Fuck you!" She retorted bluntly, and Nigun felt a sudden jolt tear through his arm, slapping him like a whip and forcing him to let go.
'Mage…. Never met one I liked.'
He had to concentrate very hard, but he managed to not cry out, and at last glare through a blurry vision at her. "The day I get a cheap… nngghh... shot at your balls, ...mmmmhhh…! I will kick them through your nose!" The electrical jolt kept painfully burning for an unreasonable long time.
"If you don't stumble over your own by then."
'Just stay quiet. It is not worth the effort.' – "Die in shame." – 'Damn it!'
"Meet your gods," she bluntly replied and stubbornly stared forward.
"I would like that."
"Of course, because they already stole your soul. Have you never questioned the nightmare you are living in?"
"Spoken like a true weakling, who would rather dream in ignorance than face reality. Be glad we do not work for your gratitude, or you would have been extinct centuries ago." Nigun could not completely suppress the bile.
"And you do it for the good of humanity. I have been long enough in the city to get the drill. You think yourself so educated and enlightened, but you already killed everything human. Baby culling, eugenics, child soldiers, euthanasia, slavery!"
"First: The euthanasia program is completely voluntary and heavily supervised by individual, randomly-selected board of witnesses. Second: Slavery has been forbidden in Slane since its founding. The word you are looking for is 'herding'." He smugly informed her and enjoyed her silence.
Only after close to a minute she rumbled, "Even forgetting elves are thinking, feeling beings; not animals… Is that all you have to say? Nothing on the child soldiers or eugenics? Not a little regret for the babies?"
"No one denies those are painful measures, but we are an equal society, where no one is defined by their birth but their talent. Is that not better than the crushing majority living in degrading conditions their short and pitiful lives?"
"You are ignoring my point. Some gulfs are not to be crossed, and don't start with one of your priest's sermons, how morale and values are relative and individualistic to each culture. Those are basic truths every human feels a deep revulsion for, even you. That should be a hint to leave it untouched, even if all logic would ignore it."
Nigun kept staring at the ruefully shaking back of Nobody Milton and nodded in his direction, while whispering, "Look at the man sitting on that stool. He has his very own sets of truths and a perception of life, neither of us hopefully will ever share."
"That man is sick."
"My point exactly. He is heavily defective, just as each of us is in one way or more. There is no perfect human being – even the gods were not perfect, as every priest will tell you. Even if they were, you are not so arrogant to tell me you are; making a philosophy for perfect humans unsuitable. The gods acknowledged the reality of limitations, of the power of hard chances in the grand scale. They told us about human nature and natural drives, so we understood why a bloody gauntlet as the tour was needed, why we could only invest in our strongest children, so they would have a better chance – all to guarantee there would be many generations following them. Ours is a faith of love and sustainability, built on a foundation of science and evidence."
"…when you present it this way, it makes perfect sense to convert to your faith - when you are on the winning side." She spoke after a moment of consideration. "But when you are on the losing side, that set of beliefs will be a cold comfort. What are they gonna do to that guy, what do you think? They will kill him."
"That would be barbaric. They will give him a one-month period to clean his house and apply for an euthanasia centre or squad. Should he fail, the social net would still catch him, and National Security would help."
"So in the end they will still kill him!" She hissed.
'That is her point?'
"Only as a last measure, if he cannot afford the treatment. It is best to think of it as a terminal diagnosis with one month to live, pain-free and relieved of duty." It was the kindest practice in all the known kingdoms, far better than exiling them into the wilds or have them suffer an incalculable time of wasting and degradation.
"We should just stop talking. There is no sense in speaking to you, when you deconstruct every point I make instead of accepting it." She sighed bitterly.
'Are you stupid? The whole idea of discussing is about analysing and countering arguments to reach a common truth. Just why did I waste time talking to her, when she probably cannot even grasp me?'
He agreed, "An outstanding idea," and paid attention again to Jailo and Milton.
The official was patting Milton's shoulder, who was digging his face into his hands and miserably wailed. "But I can't take the medicine either!" He made long pauses between each sentence, where his body seemed to freeze. "You… you don't know how it feels." – "Sometimes I wake up in my bed and don't remember what happened all day." – "Then I go out, to do something…"– "I'm hungry, more than in the past."– "And the people look at me."– "But they don't want to talk to me."– "No one, does."– "They, too, feel I should go."
Despite the terrible situation he was in, Nigun felt another spark of warmth caress his heart, as he felt genuinely happy for the nobody Milton.
'Your suffering will finally end.'
If he was lucky, as Nigun hoped, he would get, as a hard case, a state-funded stipend for a euthanasia centre, where they would make sure he would find the most peaceful and content death he could hope for, and enter heaven.
Jailo sadly grimaced in sympathy. "Maybe I understand better than you feel, Milton. I have worked with patients with a similar condition before. I know about the crushing side effects of the medicine, and for many those are even worse than their original problem."
"Yes. That is right," mumbled Milton.
"Milton, I have good news." Jailo began to smile and reached for his hands. "There is a new therapy which makes the medicine obsolete."
"No more potions?" He asked an eternity of contemplating later.
"Yes!" Jailo nodded happy, and the nobody quickly caught on. "A divine miracle which has yet to fail! It will give you a new life, where you will finally find your place in society. No more black-outs, no more voices, but peace and a deep understanding for what is right."
What Jailo tried to sell with golden optimism sent an ice-cold shiver down Nigun's spine. 'Divine? Miracle? Works without fail? - almost too good to be true – a lie – Ainz!' His first instinct told him, but the empirialist and the rationalist in him warned from rushing into unconsidered action, but to listen. For now.
"You' re not making fun of me?"
"I am not!" Jailo happily cried out and produced what looked at first like a small block of gold with a fainter top from under the table, before he ripped off a fine sheet which was glued to a kind of expendable book's back. He triumphantly held up the sheet even smaller than the palm of his hands. "This [Scroll of Absolution] will cure your soul's wound. The pain will end, Milton, my friend."
Milton stared a long time at the sheet, even as Jailo dropped it on the desk before him and folded his hands. He finally asked, "And how will I pay off such a debt to society?"
Jailo briefly chuckled, before he turned more serious with a warm smile and said, "That is the miracle, Milton. It is free! You will repay us just by having proven trusting in your ability to pull through was right." He reached once more for Milton's hand and nudged them friendly. "Milton, you had a rougher journey than almost any of us, but you finally made it. I don't even know, if you can even grasp how happy I am for you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Jailo nodded and pulled back his arms, revealing the 'scroll'.
Milton picked it up and looked at it with a silly smile, and Jailo guided. "Put it on your forehead, and be whole at last."
Nigun felt a distant pain as his finger dug into his legs, whoe Milton raised his hand. It touched his skin and at once started to glow like heated metal, flowing in a scant few eye blinks into Nobody. It did not look painful in the least, but rather like 'Nobody' was sucking in the 'Milton' he had missed all his life. As the scroll paled to nothing, his back straightened and his shoulders relaxed.
"So, how are you, Milton?"
'An open-ended question? How much trust does he have in the process!?'
For a few seconds, he looked calmly at all the room's corners, and also regarded Nigun and her for a few moments, before he answered in a relaxed tone, "Surprisingly fine, considering I am sitting in National Security's H.Q, – no offence intended." He added and Jailo released him to continue with a chuckle.
"None taken. Go on."
"Now I can say I was afraid until the last moment, but it actually feels nice. Nicer than ever I remember."
"So calm?"
"Yes, I can finally clearly hear my own thoughts, and I feel… like I can really relate to you, like for the first time I can mirror in my mind what you could be thinking. Thinking back now, so many things make sense, and… and…" Milton's voice started to crack. "And I am starting to realize, how much I have lost because of this debilitating illness."
"It is only natural to feel overwhelmed, and your feeling of loss is just, but you can start anew and be who you were supposed to be. I expect you to look into the future, not into the past." Jailo leaned back and, satisfied, crossed his arm.
"Yes, that is the only sensible path to take. I see your point." Milton rubbed his chin and then clicked his fingers, earning Jailo's attention. "Say, do you have open positions?"
"It's not that simple!" Jailo laughed. "But I like your spirit and can help you map out the application process. But we will also help you with any other career path you wish to enter."
"Yes, I thought so too." Milton rubbed his ears, before he playfully drummed on the desk and asked, "So… do you want to do this now, or would you like to agree upon a next date, considering I am not your only client today?"
"That is very considerate of you. Thank you for not having me bringing that up. For some silly reason it always makes me feel uncomfortable." Jailo admitted and produced a small booklet from under the desk. "Leeeet's seeeee…" he browsed through the pages. "How does 4th of next week sound, at 11.00 a.m.?"
"I think I will find the time." Milton chuckled and Jailo noted him. When he had finished and put back the book, Milton rose. "Well, I guess till next week, then."
"Yes, you are right. There's nothing else to do for us, today." Jailo stood up to and shook Milton's hand.
"Anything I should bring, aside from my qualifications and time?"
"Nothing; those should be fine. Have a good day."
"Thank you, I will." Milton released the handshake and walked to the exit, friendly waving to them and genuinely wishing, "Best of luck." And then he was gone, and it was their turn.
Nigun's mind flashed through scenarios, in which Jailo would diagnose him with a similar mental disability as Milton, and a similar treatment. Would he be able to convince Jailo to give him a little more time to 'get his ideas straight' in a classic manner, or would he take the short cut and 'cure' him with a scroll? Maybe he would try to present it as the new standard treatment, or if not, he could argue the words of a man with his training could not be trusted, if his judgment was in doubt. But if he denied the treatment, he would signal the silent alarm Dana had mentioned, and a hit mark would paint him as he stepped outside the building. On average, the hit teams returned to base after 21 minutes. He could run to the cities' edge at this time of night in probably 15 minutes, but he needed to secure a faster means of travel than his legs and pass through the walls. 21 minutes – if he got that many – would not be enough to manage all those tasks. He needed more time! But how could he trick Jailo into giving him a head start?
"Where do I find a bathroom?" She asked.
"Out the door, turn left, 8th door on the right side."