Chapter 35: Eve

Sirius fell asleep on the lounge at some point. Already rested enough from six hours of sleep, Cressida's eyes stay wide open. She lays a blanket over his body and shifts a pillow underneath his head. She stays with him for a while, sitting on the lounge by his head, her fingers idly playing with his hair.

What's her next step? What does she have to do to make sure things get better? For everybody.

There isn't a definite answer that comes to her as the sun peeks through a window in the dining room on the opposite side of the hall, visible through the large archways. Cressida moves from the lounge, opening the backdoor to the veranda. She pulls the jumper she was wearing yesterday around her tighter to fight the frigid morning weather. Christmas Eve.

James would rise soon. He leaves his curtains open because he enjoys waking up to the sun in his room. But she needs a little longer. Marching back inside, Cressida climbs up the grand staircase and makes her way to James' room. Rather than knocking, her hand carefully turns the knob of his door.

James looks fast asleep on his bed, sprawled out on his stomach, his head lying on the mattress rather than the pillow. A slither of morning sun creeps along his floor, reaching towards his bed. Tiptoeing across his room, Cressida pulls his curtains shut, the rays disappearing. Then she leaves him once more, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Whilst the rest of the manor sleeps, she heads to the kitchen, opening a plethora of cupboard doors and draws to find what she needs. The stovetop is soon frying a pan with bacon and two eggs, but she also has another going with a pancake batter cooking. Toast is being prepped in the toaster and the kettle boiling for tea. No magic, just how Euphemia and James do it.

Cressida piles it all onto one large plate and a smaller side plate. Taking a fresh batch of grapes, she pinches a fresh stem and lays it opposite that bacon so the grease wouldn't touch them. Then all the food goes onto a serving tray which she takes in both hands and returns to James' room.

This time, she knocks with her knuckles but doesn't expect him to be awake just yet, so opens the door straight after. Unlike the dark room she was expecting, the window's curtains are pulled back open and his bed is empty. Cressida pauses on the threshold, finding James standing near his dresser in only his pants. "You're awake," she notes, dumbfounded.

"Merlin, Cress," James breathes. He leaves his shirt draw open, striding towards her. "How are you feeling?"

Her throat bobs as his hand reaches out, stroking hair away from her face and back behind her ear. "I'm fine. Why are you awake?"

The sides of his lips twitch upwards, almost remorsefully. "Couldn't really sleep well. I was having nightmares."

"I know how that feels," she sympathises.

James sighs with an expression of mutual understanding. His eyes trail along her face, then down her arms to what they hold between them. "What's this?"

"Breakfast," she declares. "In bed. It was meant to be, anyway. Can you get back into bed for me?"

James begins to laugh. Cressida thinks it is at her paltry attempt at a joke at first, but the sound is a more mocking laugh of disbelief rather than humour. "Are you serious?" Cressida blinks, looking down at the food then back to him, nodding. "You're the one that has been emotionally and physically exhausted enough to send yourself into a faint, and you're making me breakfast in bed?"

A small smile rises to her cheeks. "Yes. I thought you'd like it."

James' lips are pulled wide, hazel eyes dazzling. He takes the tray from her hands, turning around and placing it on his desk before facing her once more. Then his arms are sneaking under hers and crossing the landscape of her back. Cressida closes her eyes, her own arms immediately encircling his shoulders and neck. Though she isn't exactly sure what it's for. "When will you learn to care for yourself first, and others second?"

Cressida chokes out a laugh. "When I know you will all survive without me," she jokes. "Besides, I think I have some really good people in my life who care for me enough that I don't need to worry about it."

"That is not good logic," James laughs, swaying her from side to side. She can't help but continue laughing along, pressing her forehead into the crook of his neck. "You know, I hate to admit it, but I'm not that hungry." Cressida's smile dampens considerably, but she can't blame him for it. She pulls her head back up but is met with a smile still donning his lips. "Why don't we share it? Assuming you haven't eaten yet."

"Okay," she agrees with a small nod. James beams in satisfaction. Her arms loosen as he pulls away, picking up the tray once more, and gestures to his bed. Cressida follows him over, sitting on the edge while he crosses his legs underneath him. She picks at the grapes for a while but ends up munching on some bacon after James quite literally forces it to her. "I'm going to go out today," she says after a while. "I have bought nobody gifts yet. I know what I'm getting so it shouldn't take all day though."

James smiles softly. "I'm glad. I'll come with you."

"It's Christmas Eve."

"So?"

"You should be with your family."

"And you're a part of that family. Like you said, it's not going to be all day and I know you want company, or you wouldn't have taken my offer to eat with me." Cressida can't find any good argument, so she does. "We can try and find you a charm too, for that bracelet. I was thinking about just going to find one without you, but I want you to pick it out and you said that you wanted to be a part of it."

"I do," she agrees, swallowing a forkful of egg. She places the fork back down so James can use it now that she's done. "How… How much did you hear? Last night."

James picks up the fork, his words softly spoken. "Do you actually want to talk about this now, or do you feel like you have to?" Cressida doesn't answer. "We can talk about it when you're ready. I'm done trying to force you to do that when you're not ready. That's a mistake I'm not willing to make again."

Cressida shakes her head. "It wasn't a mistake. I should've-"

A hand lays over hers, cutting her words short. "It was," he affirms firmly. "But we can talk about this when you're ready. Go get dressed. We'll leave in an hour or so."

Before she makes a move to leave, Cressida stares at his bare chest. "Aren't you cold?"

"Freezing," he laughs. "But I think giving you a pleasant view was the least I could do in thanks for the breakfast in bed."

Cressida's eyes dart back up to his face, cheeks tinting red and an embarrassed smile rises. "Arrogant prick," she mutters, sliding from the bed.

"I thought we agreed to take prick off," he calls her.

"I'm putting it back on."

Cressida shuts his door behind her, his laughter ringing through the wood even still. Her embarrassed smile stays put, cheek between her teeth. This is good.

Xx

Cressida shakes the snow off her shoulders, biting the tips of her thick gloves off and stuffing them in her pockets. The music store has an odd scent of something lingering, and she doesn't dare question what it is. The walls are lined with posters of Muggle bands; some recognisable, some from times before her age. James trails behind her but keeps his gloves on and hands in his pockets. She has already gotten Remus and Peter's gifts, leaving Sirius and James. But she isn't going to buy James' present.

He rifles through one of the piles next to her, picking out a random cover. "I don't understand how these things play music. Where does it come from?"

"You can't comprehend that music comes from that, but you attend a school with floating staircases?" she rebuttals under her breath, knocking his elbow. James tauntingly nudges her back, letting the vinyl case drop back into its slot. "I need to buy him stuff that my ears can bare too."

"So we can knock out over three-quarters of the store?"

Cressida side-eyes him with pursed lips. "I'm not that picky."

"No, no, of course not." Cressida places the vinyl down, turning and raising her brows at the adamantly amused boy. James pretends not to notice her expression, picking up another cover. His grin grows with every second. "I may exaggerate," he concludes, only glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "Only slightly." Cressida continues to stare at him with an expectant expression. "I'm just getting back at you for the prick thing."

Cressida laughs easily, going back to her searching. "Thought so." Going back to the records, her admittedly stiff fingers pull out a new album of David Bowie. As she looks over the back, noting the song names, two equal weights settle on either hip. She leans back ever so slightly, bumping into the chest of another. "I think he'll like this one."

"Padfoot would be content if you brought him a toffee apple."

"Yes, but that would take the fun out of searching for something." In response, Cressida feels the soft pressure of something on her head. She isn't sure how to take it, considering they haven't talked yet, but it isn't some awkward, nerve filled action. It's gentle and steady. He follows right behind her as she looks for more, settling on four different artists.

As they walk back out onto the white streets, Cressida hums to herself the tune that was playing in the store, pulling her gloves back on. "I think I'm done."

"You're done, but I'm not." James winds an arm around her shoulder. "I've got a few places to check out."

They walk around for a while, entering different jewellers and even a few pawn shops. For a long while, they have no luck. Cressida even keeps an eye out for something along the lines of a wolf, or mouse, along with a stag.

"It feels a bit conceited," James murmurs, bent over a glass cabinet, eyes searching the animal-themed charms. "Giving a symbol of me as a gift."

Cressida leans next to him. "Is that a new feeling?" she goads. James mutters an 'fuck you' under his breath. "I do really want one though. I want one of everybody. Not to mention I asked you for this."

"Is that a new concept?" James questions. Cressida frowns, turning her gaze away from the set of silver jewels to a smirking James. "Asking for presents?" She realises his play on her words and scoffs, pushing off the glass. James laughs, trailing after her out of the store since they couldn't find anything. "I'm happy you did. It makes spoiling you easier."

"Was trying to spoil me ever that difficult?" she counters lightly.

"Yes, actually," James replies matter-of-factly. "I don't want to spoil you with things you don't want. And you are very hard to get to admit what you want sometimes."

"Maybe because I don't want to be spoiled."

"But I like to spoil you, so can't we come to a compromise?"

James walks in front of her, turned so he walks backwards. They link both of their hands and Cressida walks slowly so if he does run into something, it wouldn't be too sudden. At her lack of answer, James sighs with a soft smile and turns back around to walk by her side.

They walk into what they both know is their last place for the day. A fancy jeweller with tiled floors and a heavy chandelier hanging over the countertop. The employees are all donning suits or black vests over white shirts. Cressida's displeasure grows, already seeing high numbers in her head at the pricing. But James wouldn't let her just walk out so she lets him guide her along the viewing glass. They make it almost all around the store, the employees barely giving them a second glance. Two almost eighteen-year-olds are barely the promise of a sale.

"Here."

James waves her down, excitement running through his face. Cressida hurries back over, peering down into the cabinet. She finds it almost instantly. A charm in the shape of a stag's head. Its antlers are embellished with diamonds. It's beautiful. She almost wishes he hadn't found it. At least, found it here. James waves down a sales attendant who looks peeved at the concept of serving them.

"Can we have a look at that one, please? The stag?"

"Of course," the man replies stiffly. He pulls the black velvet cushioning out, placing it on the glass table. James looks at her. "Any reason for this one in particular?"

"She loves deer," is James' swift reply.

Cressida presses her lips together in a sad smile. Delicately, she reaches for the display box, tilting it around. The diamonds reflect beautifully off the store lighting.

"Fourteen carats white gold and platinum with diamonds."

Cressida turns the box around, her stomach dropping even further at the price tag. Immediately she places it back on the table. "Thank you," she tells the salesperson. "We'll think about it."

Pushing off the counter, her eyes set on the shop's exit. "Cress?" James calls. He catches her elbow, but she only continues pulling him outside. "Cress, what was wrong with it?"

She doesn't answer until they are well out of ear. "I can't ask that of you, James." Her head shakes adamantly, loose hair crossing over her mouth and nose. "It was too much."

"That's not for you to decide," he breathes out. Cressida shakes her head again, refusing the idea of that much money on… on a charm. "Please, this is the only thing you've ever asked of me. Let me give it to you."

"And now I'm asking you not to buy it. So please, let's just go get lunch. It's Christmas Eve and I'm sure you already have something for me, anyway. Not to mention the shops are going to be shutting early."

James exhales fiercely, lips pulling towards his teeth. "Sure," he murmurs in discontent. "What do you want to eat?"

"Hot chips."

James doesn't lead them far away from the Jeweller, picking out a small park that overlooks a frozen lake. The weather is nice enough that it is fine sitting outside, but it makes the idea of returning home to a warm house even more enjoyable. "Stay here, I'll go get the food."

Cressida goes to argue that she'll come with him, preferring the company over sitting alone but he's already jogging back across the street. Her arms flap against her thighs, turning away with heavy shoulders. The lake is pretty but lifeless. There is a family on the other side, with two kids having a picnic. They must be used to the snowy weather.

It takes James a while to return with a large newspaper roll. They dig into it without words to each other, greedily warming and filling their stomachs. Cressida uses the time to think. She feels ready. More than she did yesterday. Not ready to push everything behind her—not at all, but ready to explain.

"I'm sorry." It's the best way to start. They sit with their backs against the table, watching the frozen lake. "You came to me, upset and told me everything that you were feeling. And I could have fixed it then, but I didn't. And I'm really sorry."

"I owe you an apology too." Her wide eyes stare at the side of his face. "I thought that what I was doing was better for both of us, but I was being selfish. I was upset because you weren't telling me things, but I didn't think about how you felt like you couldn't. I should've kept my promise and waited. Not just for you to tell me how you felt, but about everything. You're the one that's been hurting, and I made it about me."

"You didn't," Cressida denies. "Everything you said was true. I wasn't talking to you like I used to. I was keeping one foot behind me because I was scared of so many things that it felt natural to be cautious of us as well. But I didn't need to be. Communication is important, and I think I've failed that in every aspect."

James' lips rise in a smile so small that it's hard to see. "Still, I should've recognised so many signs that I plainly ignored. I thought that going back to being your friend would erase things and make it all better, but I can't go back in time. Except with a time-turner but even then, you can't change anything."

Cressida twists one of her fingers around. "Apparently you can. I read something about when the correct stars align, you can travel back in time and create a new future. But I don't want to do that. I'm learning so much in this one."

"Is that from one of those books you have in your room?"

She nods. James leans closer to her side, his arm stretching behind her shoulders along the table. "You overhead last night, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he whispers. "Not intentionally, but I heard screaming, so I wanted to make sure you both were alright. I think I got the gist of it." His thumb rubs over her far shoulder, soon followed by his other fingers. "Is this you telling me that you want to talk about it?"

Cressida stays still for a minute before her head falls into a bowed nod. It rises again, eyes glossy. "I love you, James."

James simply looks into her eyes, the movement of his hand on her shoulder never wavering. "I thought the deal was, that I would choose the moment." His smile grows with every second. Cressida's lips bubble in a mix of a chuckle and a sob of relief. "I love you. An unbelievable amount."

"Unbelievable is the right word," she whispers, their noses close.

"Let me fix that then."

He closes the rest of the gap, capturing her completely. One of her hands goes to his face, the other to his leg. The one around her shoulders tightens and turns them towards his chest then-

He breaks away, panting. Cressida' eyes widen, wondering what the sudden stop is all about. "This is the movie moment," he grins. Cressida lapses into loud laughter, her head dropping to his shoulder, settling into a tight cuddle. "Do you want to talk about some things?"

"I do."