Chapter 17: Little Star

James hadn't gone far, just as she expected. Cressida escorted Sirius to their bathroom, to wipe off the blood from his previously broken nose. Shutting the door with him inside, she saunters towards her bedroom, the door ajar.

He lies on her bed, resting on his side, looking almost asleep if it weren't for his open eyes.

Quieter than a mouse, Cressida slips onto the bed, their fronts facing and makes her way into his hold. Her arm slides under his, hooking over his shoulder from the back.

"It's so unfair," he whispers. "Can't he choose someone else? There are plenty of women in the Order. Why you? Why my fiancée?"

"Because I've proved myself capable," Cressida smiles gently. She reaches up between them, running her thumb over his bottom lip. "I want to do this. My mind was made as soon as he asked me. Before that, really, I wanted something like this."

"That does not make me feel better," he intones. "I know this is about you, but when it's about you, it affects me as well. This is going to be the longest time I haven't seen you in nine years."

"And you think I'm going to enjoy seeing their ugly faces every day when I could be waking up to yours instead?" she drawls out with a small smirk in hopes of pulling a smile out of him. There's a twitch in his lips. With a more sober tone, she says, "I'm doing this because maybe it will be the reason we do get to wake up together until we're old. Maybe it'll be the reason someone else's family gets to watch their children play. It's a short sacrifice of time for a lifetime of betterness. Sirius-"

"Don't bring him up," James cuts her off sharply. "I really can't even think of him at the moment." Cressida burrows her brows in a look urging his release of their small altercation. "He was agreeing with you because he wanted to be on your good side before you went off."

"He wasn't," Cressida sighs.

"And I'm going to be the dickhead again," he continues. "The one that gets jealous because you're close to him. The one that put more distance between us because I have a major fear of rejection. The one that is now trying to beg you not to go on a mission you say that you really want to. The one that pressed marriage onto you." He breathes out a shaky sigh, hazel eyes wide and searching hers. "When am I going to do something right?"

The question strikes her. She asks herself the same question every morning. She smiles brightly, despite his distressed state, though she does try to supress it. "I think you're perfect, remember?"

"Don't," he breathes. Cressida smiles wider, her palm cupping his cheek and jaw. Pulling herself closer, she winds her leg over his hips, using it as an anchor to pull herself up atop of him. James falls onto his back and allows her to straddle him but her hands dive to around the back of his neck, pulling him upwards. With the space now to do so, Cressida winds every limb she has around him, locking her ankles and hands grasping at opposite elbows. "Don't," he repeats. "Don't let go."

They stay like that into the evening. Her joints grow stiff but only reinforce her hold whilst James' fingers explore every crevice like he plans to make a map of her body so he doesn't forget it. The thing that finally breaks them apart is a soft knock at her door.

"I, uh, made dinner."

Cressida lifts her head at Sirius' voice. "I don't want to eat," James murmurs, head still buried in her shoulder.

Ducking her head, she presses a feather light kiss to the shell of his ear before speaking into it. "I do. It might be my last good meal in a while. No idea what I'll get on the 'dark side'." Rolling her own eyes, she unpeels herself from him, sliding off the bed. James sits, arms hanging limply at his side. He stares at the far wall, his jaw sticking out. It is one of the very few times that she has ever seen him look completely helpless. The man that always has a plan, always tells them not to worry now sitting with nothing but flatness. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder," she says with a light mocking tune.

James' eyes snap to her, finally moving off the bed. "My heart is fond of you enough as it is. Anymore and I think I might start hallucinating to compensate."

Smiling softly, she walks backwards towards the door, taking his hand. "Just promise me that you'll try and be happy. No matter what you have to do for it."

"You say that as though it would be something to hurt you."

She shrugs, turning back around but her fingers loosely still hooked with his. Opening the door, Sirius is sitting at the island bench, silently eating pasta. Their happiness is priority. If that meant he turned to someone else, then let her heart die. "Thank you," she says to Sirius, letting go of James' hand to wrap them around Sirius' neck as he eats hunched over. "You know I love your pasta."

Sirius chuckles silently. "Only thing I know how to cook."

James and Sirius downright refuse to talk to one another through dinner. James is beyond peeved at the older man, and Sirius is silent simply because of James's silence towards him. Cressida doesn't bother trying to fix it, knowing that they would mend everything in their own time. That's what brothers do. When she leaves the picture, there would be no reason for unease. The night is quiet with most words spoken by her.

After dinner, James retreats back to her room with the plan to stay the night but before she goes with him, Cressida heads to Sirius' bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She doesn't know how much time they'll get together in the morning. His room is quiet tame compared to his old one at Grimmauld place. He doesn't have anyone to piss of now though, expect for her – but he does that through placing his toothbrush on the sink rather than in the designated cup.

Cressida sits down next to him on the end of his bed, gripping the edge of the mattress.

"Are you sure?" Sirius simply asks her. Cressida nods. "I hate it. But I would hate myself more if I made you stay. I would hate myself if I became the reason-"

She cuts him off, laying her hand over his. "I'm sorry." Sirius raises his brows with a puppy-dog expression, wondering what in Merlin's name she is apologising for. "I shouldn't have said that the only thing keeping me from jumping out of the window is James. That's not true at all. I just wanted you to listen to me that night. There are a lot of things that keep me going, and you're very high on that list. I-I do-don't…" Cressida clenches her eyes shut at the sudden wash of emotion. "I'm scared. I don't think I'd be here without you, and I want to do this, but I'm scared that you're not going to be there with me."

Sirius doesn't respond with words, instead, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and holding her in a way that makes her feel so terribly safe. Admittedly, a few tears drip down, landing on his black jeans from her cheeks. She couldn't tell James the true terror that was seizing her, despite how desperate she is to do this. He would use it to convince her to do otherwise.

"Do you want to go up to the roof?" Cressida lifts her head and Sirius smiles gently, using the pad of his thumb to clear her cheek. "The sky is clear tonight."

Cressida looks to the wall separating their bedrooms, knowing James is lying on her bed. But they would have the rest of the night together. "Yeah. I would love to."

They leave the apartment quietly, Sirius grabbing the lounge's blanket along the way. The roof is only two more stories higher than their flat. It is like a terrace; a small-gated area encircled by the rest of the roof which has a typical English style to it.

He immediately goes to point to a constellation. "That one is-"

"Gemini," she answers with a grin. Sirius scoffs, raising his hands as she proudly looks up to the sky. "And there's Columba."

"I'm proud," he declares easily, hands resting on his hips, looking between her and the sky.

Cressida spins around, eyes wide open and her lips drawn into a grin. She searches the heavens, but it takes her only a few seconds to find it. "And there's Sirius," she says, pointing upwards. "The brightest star in the sky." Sirius chuckles, not even needing to look. "I think you live up to the name."

"You are too adorable for your own good," Sirius drawls, unravelling the blanket. Cressida bites the inside of her lip, beaming innocently up to him. Gesturing to the ground, they find a spot against the small building wall. Sirius leans up against it, pulling her down in front of him. "James would give me a death glare if he saw us, but I don't really care at the moment." Cressida hums, neither arguing nor denying and leans against his front. The blanket billows over them both, tented by his bent knees. "You make me question things, you know that?"

Looking over her shoulder, she finds him staring at her with an amusingly annoyed expression. "Like your sanity?"

Sirius laughs, nodding lightly. "Very close to it some days. It's kept me up a few too many nights." He settles his head against the brick, leaving Cressida to stare at him in patience for an answer. He laughs again. "It's nothing, princess – no, I've got to come up with a new one, don't I? That's rude considering I was the one to first use it. How about sweet cheeks? No, that's a bit too hot girl in the corridor, isn't it? Little Star?"

"Little Star?" she echoes, turning her head back straight and laying it against his sternum. "And what, are you the Big Star?"

"Obviously."

The flats of his palms rest against her thighs under the blanket, drumming them in a rhythm only he knows. "I spent a lot of time imagining what life after Hogwarts would be like."

"And what did you imagine?"

"This. Though not the star gazing part. I always used to think that you'd hate it because of your family."

Sirius sighs soothingly, his arms folding over her front. "Andromeda taught me a lot of it. And then I went straight to Regulus to teach him. Then add on your really weird love of our names, and refusal to use nicknames most of the time, I decided that I like that part of my heritage."

"You all have the best names," she giggles. Reaching up behind her, she blindly twirls a lock of his hair around her finger. "Still thinking of cutting it?"

"Unless you scream at me not to, then yeah." Smiling to herself, Cressida tugs on the hair, pulling his head towards her. "He-ow, ow, ow, ow." Sirius hisses, obeying her to escape the pain of resistance.

Turning her head back to him, she continues smiling. "Do it," she says. "If you've been thinking about it, then do it." Cressida presses a kiss to his now near cheek.

"Not the logic you should be using for everything," he intones with a cocked brow, only eliciting a laugh from her. "Cressida, Cressida, what am I going to do without you?" She shrugs, still grinning. Sirius chuckles at her faux innocent expressions, then plants a rather firm kiss on her cheek. It is enough to tilt her head and she wonders why the pressure until she feels the tip of his tongue scrap against her soft skin.

"Eugh," she cries, leaning away but she realises his plan, now trapped in his long arms. "Stop! That is so gross!" He takes his dog-self too far some days, having no care for hygiene, licking the entire side of her face. She struggles through her own cackles, pushing his arms away.