Chapter 35. Him
The winter break came to an end and students once again filled the halls of Hogwarts, and Astrid once again found herself stepping foot into her classroom. To her dismay Professor Binns had rearranged her classroom, and Astrid found her second new wand, provided by Dumbledore kindly, a little on the temperamental side so she found herself pushing the wooden desks back into position manually.
"Come on, you, argh!" Astrid grunted as she pushed at the wooden lump of furniture. She'd managed to do almost every one but they seemed to get heavier as she went along, or rather her arms got weaker the more she pushed and pulled the furniture about.
There was a hesitant little knock at the door but Astrid barely heard it for the sound of her groans as she tried to push two desks together.
"Would you… er… like some help with that professor?" Astrid was surprised to hear from a sorry looking Draco Malfoy. His jaw was tight and he avoided her gaze.
"Oh… Draco, you startled me, ummm… yes, please if you don't mind," Astrid stood back and Draco pulled his wand from his black suit jacket, with a little wave the tables slid across the floor almost effortlessly.
"Thank you," Astrid breathed turning to face the boy she clasped her hands together. "You know classes don't start until tomorrow Draco… what brought you here?"
"My father… he wanted me to come…" Draco started with a hard swallow, staring at the floor, "And check how you were…"
"I'm fine," Astrid forced a small smile. "Tell him, I'm fine,"
"And… the umm…" Draco couldn't say it, it felt like a betrayal to his mother.
"The baby?" Astrid hazarded a guess, "She's fine,"
"That's good… I guess," Draco awkwardly shuffled his feet, with his hands in his pockets, "I didn't know it was a girl."
"'She'… she's a girl… her names Everly." Astrid corrected, she understood his use of the word 'it' and didn't take any offence, he had distanced himself from his father, from the idea of having a second family, a sister, a potential step mother.
"That's nice I guess," Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Where is she now?" He looked around briefly, but there was no baby in sight.
"Being watched by someone," Astrid told him. And after a moments silence, she asked him hesitantly "Do you think… maybe you'd want to meet her one day?"
"One day, I may as well yeah… she is my… sister, after all."
"That's… great Draco… I think it'd be great for you to meet her," Astrid nodded.
"Not today though, see I got plans," Draco kicked at the ground, "But whenever is fine…"
"Great, will I be seeing you in my class tomorrow?"
"No," He exhaled in a way that was almost a scoff, "I didn't take History of Magic, wasn't really… my thing," He explained.
"Of course not, far too boring am I right?" She smiled. Draco just nodded.
"Well, I guess… I'll see you around," Draco turned to leave but Astrid called after him before he made out of the door.
"Draco, wait!" She breathed, stepping over to him, "I know that Professor Snape, he's helping you with something, I just wanted to… offer my help too, if you need it,"
"I don't need help from a blood traitor," His face twisted up in disgust, before softening again, he suddenly looked like he was going to cry. "If my aunt found out… If I told you… if I accepted help from you… of all people… she'd kill me herself," Draco told Astrid with a trembling voice.
Before Astrid could press him for more details he shot off into a fast-paced walk, his long strides tapping against the stone floor of the corridor. Astrid leant against her door frame and sighed, shaking her head in trepidation.
"How was your first day back in the teachers seat?" Molly beamed from Astrids sofa as she stepped into her chambers. Molly had kindly been one of three people to volunteer to babysit whilst Astrid was in class, today was her first 'shift' and Molly loved it, loved being able to escape from reality for a few hours.
"Honestly? Nerve-wracking, I kept stumbling over my words, and I just wanted to come back here and snuggle with this one," Astrid smiled as Molly handed Everly over to her.
"I don't blame you; I'd snuggle this one all day everyday if I could," Molly cooed, pinching Everly's cheek lightly.
"How are things? at the Burrow?" Astrid asked sadly.
"You know… we rebuild, stronger and better as Arthur says," Molly smiled, Astrid had so much respect for the woman, to keep so cheery and smiley despite all the hardship, her home was literally destroyed before her eyes not even two weeks ago, and here she was smiling through it all.
"I'm so sorry for what happened,"
"Not your fault my dear, no one was hurt, well except you… but no one died, that's all that matters," Molly smiled. Astrid did feel like it was her fault though, perhaps she could have passed on Snapes warning, maybe the house could have been saved if they decided to hold the festivities elsewhere, like Grimmauld Place. Astrid hadn't laid eyes on Grimmauld Place since the previous Christmas. It felt wrong knowing that Sirius no longer walked its gloomy corridors, that you wouldn't find him reading his paper in the kitchen, or shouting at the house's unsavoury elf.
"So when will the Burrow rebuild be finished?"
"Soon hopefully! Your father's going to come by and sort the protection enchantments, hopefully with your father's expertise it will be safe this time," Molly said.
"You know my dad, he's very…"
"Vigilant," Both women said together with a giggle.
As spring began to come around Astrid eased back into teaching, regaining her confidence and really connecting with her students, old and new. Everly had grown so much, she was dabbling with solid food and sitting up by herself, and was almost ready to crawl. Whilst happy to see her daughter healthily growing and developing, her heart ached for Lucius, knowing he was missing out on all her 'first' moments.
A knock at the door caught Astrid by surprise as she played with her baby upon the rug in front of the fire. Getting up, and keeping one eye on Everly, Astrid answered the door. The knocker was already walking away, hands in pockets. Astrid identified him immediately from his brushed back white blonde hair and black suit.
"Draco?" Astrid called after him, glancing at her daughter to make sure she hadn't wriggled away. Draco turned around awkwardly.
"Yeah… I er… I shouldn't have come… it was stupid, sorry," Draco sighed, he looked tense, as if a great weight was on his shoulders.
"No, it's fine, do you want to come in?" Astrid asked, opening her door wider for him.
"I shouldn't," he looked to the floor, biting at his cheeks.
"You look like you could do with a friend," Astrid sighed. Draco nodded slowly and slinked passed her into the chambers.
"These Chambers used to be my fathers, when he was a governor here," He commented proudly, "They're still exactly the same,"
"He made me take them," Astrid smiled sadly as she re-joined Everly on the rug, kneeling next to her. Draco followed her with his eyes until his gaze landed on the infant, who looked up him from her tummy.
"This is Everly, Everly, this is Draco… your big brother," Astrid sighed with a warm smile. Draco was frozen to his spot as he stared down at his little sister. He had seen his own baby photos, his mother got them out at every opportune moment, he had to admit to himself she looked a lot like him when he was that age. Her blonde hair was thicker and slightly longer now, straight like her fathers, but creamy blonde like her mothers instead of the white blonde of the Malfoys.
"She's… so big," he raised his brows, he had always pictured her as a tiny new-born, and never really thought about her getting bigger than that.
"She's growing, every day, aren't you? Just started trying solids, she loves a little bit of toast," Astrid smiled.
"She looks a lot like father," Draco said as he hesitantly crouched down near his sister. "She has his eyes,"
"You have his eyes too," Astrid told him as she glanced up to the younger Malfoy, who now moved to kneel on the rug near his sister. He reached a hand out to her, which she took gladly, pulling on his finger.
"He talks about her often you know," Draco sighed, "More often than he talks about me,"
"That's not true, your father loves you Draco, his love for you is the reason he's not here with me now," Astrid's soft voice nearly cracked at her words.
"I know he'd rather be here though, with you, and her, as much as I hate it… hate what you did… you're better for him,"
"You will always have a place with your father, with us, if you want it Draco," Astrid shot him a reassuring smile. She reached for Everly, picking her up she held her out to Draco, who instinctively took her from Astrids hands. He held her at an arm's length, quite unsure what to do with her. Astrid let out a small laugh before helping Draco hold her properly against him.
"She's heavier than I imagined,"
"You have no idea, I think my arm muscles have doubled in size since she was born," Astrid smiled as she watched the two of them. "So how are you Draco? You look troubled,"
Draco sighed at Astrid's question.
"You know I can't talk about it," He whispered as he bounced Everly lightly, causing her giggle at the motion. Her laugh softened him inside and glancing at Astrid he opened up a little. "I feel so much pressure, and… I'm scared."
"Scared of what?" Astrid asked, though she had a pretty good idea. She imagined it was exactly what everyone else was scared of in these times.
"Of him." Draco whispered, "Of failing him,"
"What has he asked of you?" Astrid pushed for more information.
"I can't say, it's… I can't say." Draco shook his head. "But if I fail, he will be mad, he will hurt me… like he hurts my father,"
"Lucius? He hurts Lucius?" Astrid asked, her voice cracked.
"All of the time," Draco whispered barely audibly as he handed Everly back to her mother. "For failing him at the ministry, for failing to turn you, for your escape, and for what happened at the Burrow," Draco informed Astrid.
"Lucius didn't do anything at the Bur-"
"Exactly, he didn't do anything, he was supposed to kill you, but when he didn't… because he couldn't… Aunt Bella couldn't wait to inform the Dark Lord," Draco said sadly.
"It's my fault," Astrid whispered to herself as she held Everly to her.
"I blamed you for a long time, but it's not your fault, it's just… circumstance," Draco sighed. "When I prove myself to the Dark Lord, my father will be forgiven, he will be in good graces again and everything will be fine,"
"Prove yourself how Draco?"
"I can't say, I'm sorry," Draco sniffled, suddenly pushing himself to his feet he headed to the door, Astrid called out after him.
"Draco, Draco!" But he did not listen, he didn't even turn around, he headed for the door, pulling it open he slipped through and disappeared from sight.
On a windy spring day when Astrid heard that Ron had been taken to the Hospital wing after an attempted poisoning Astrid immediately grabbed Everly and ran there.
"Is he okay?" Astrid asked as she entered the ward with a quick walk, her little legs were practically a blur as she scurried towards the Madam Pomfrey, Harry and Hermione. Ron was in the hospital cot, tucked in up to his waist in blue blankets. Madam Pomfrey held a hand to his head, monitoring his temperature.
"Yes," Hermione breathed a sigh of relief, "Harry did some quick thinking, saved his life!" She exclaimed proudly.
"Well done, Harry, close call it sounds like." Astrid sighed as she adjusted Everly on her hip.
"Yeah, a few too many of them this year," Harry nodded.
"For once it's not you in this bed Professor Moody," Madam Pomfrey eyed the young professor as she pressed a damp cloth to Rons forehead, cooling his fever.
Soon they found themselves joined by a few more professors, Albus, Minerva, Severus and Horace strolled onto the ward, with worried faces. Dumbledore looked to the Weasley boy, his mouth agape with shock. Astrid tried to pay no mind to Severus, ignoring him all together, things were still awkward after their argument, in fact they hadn't spoken since that day.
"Quick thinking on your part Harry, using bezoar," Dumbledore congratulated the boy, "You must be very proud of your student Horace."
Professor Slughorn looked confused, as if he was still in shock from the accidentally poisoning of a student, in his hand he held the bottle from which Ron was poisoned.
"What? Hm, oh yes, very proud," Horace whispered as he stared at the redheaded boy in the hospital bed.
"I think we agree, Potters actions were heroic," Minerva's voice had a tinge of worry that made Astrid adopt her worries, "The question is: why were they necessary?"
"Why indeed?" Dumbledore asked in thought, as he approached Professor Slughorn. "This appears to be a gift, Horace; you don't remember who gave you this bottle? By the way possesses remarkably subtle hints of liquorice and sherry… but not polluted with poison," Dumbledore raised the bottle to his nose, giving it a sniff, before handing it over to Professor Snape who also took a whiff.
"Actually, I had intended to give it as a gift myself…" Horace trailed off.
"To whom, I might ask?" Dumbledore questioned curiously.
"To you, headmaster," Horace spoke with shock and guilt, he would have almost certainly killed Albus if he had handed over the poisoned drink.
"Where is he?!" The squeaky feminine voice of Lavender Brown called as she ran onto the ward, "Where's my won-won?" She asked in a sickly baby voice that made Astrid sick to her core. "Has he been asking for me?" Lavender asked desperately. Ginny and Hermione only turned away, giving the girl the cold shoulder. Astrid pressed her lips together to keep from smiling at the teen drama unfolding before them.
"What's she doing here?" Lavender breathed, having spotted Hermione. Hermione in turn, jumped up, exasperated with Lavender's attitude towards her.
"I might ask you the same question!" Hermione countered.
"I happen to be his girlfriend!" Lavender all but stamped her foot.
"I happen to be his… friend," Hermione huffed.
"Don't make me laugh!" Lavender hissed, "You haven't spoken in weeks! I suppose you want to make up with him now that he's suddenly all interesting?" The adults in the room awkwardly watched the two teens bicker over the boy. Astrid struggled to keep a straight face as Lavender put on a jealous possessive display for all to see, Severus eyed Astrid's amusement with a sideways glance.
"He's been poisoned you daft dimbo!" Hermione spat, Astrid closed her eyes and tensed her cheeks, trying her best not to laugh. "And for the record I've always found him interesting!"
Ron began to gurgle in his unconsciousness, it sounded as if he was trying to form a word on his lips.
"Ah see! He senses my presence!" Lavender gripped hold of the end of Ron's cot, "don't worry Won-won, I'm here, I'm here," But it wasn't Lavender he was trying to say.
"Her…..my…nee….. hermy…nee… Hermione," He breathed. Lavender recoiled, and in her heartbreak turned and ran from the hospital wing, not giving a second look behind her. Hermione took a seat on Ron's bed, taking his hand in hers caringly.
"Well, that was awkward," Astrid breathed as she readjusted Everly on her hip.
"Oh, to be young and to feel loves keen sting," Dumbledore said poetically, only adding to the awkwardness in the room. "Come, away everyone, Mr Weasley is well tended,"
On Dumbledores orders everyone but Madam Pomfrey and Hermione filtered out of the Hospital Wing.
"Professor Moody," A monotonous voice called after her as she made her way up the stairs towards her tower. Astrid turned to find Severus climbing the flight after her.
"Yes, Professor Snape?" Astrid asked with a sigh. It had been three months since they'd last spoken, she managed to avoid him in the hallways and at meal times, she sat as far away as she could at staff meetings, but here he was chasing her down in the stairwell.
"I simply wanted to issue an apology, our last conversation… it was unbecoming of me, I said some… regrettable things, for that I am sorry," He exhaled.
"Thank you, but I don't accept Severus," Astrid forced a sarcastic smile before dropping it from her face quickly, turning away from him to finish climbing the stairs. Severus followed after her, practically chasing her down a hallway.
"It is ill-mannered not to accept a heartfelt apology Professor," Snape remarked snidely from behind her. Astrid stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face the hook-nosed man in front of her.
"Me ill-mannered?" Astrid scoffed, "After what you said?"
"I apologised for my words just moments ago, unless you have the memory of a goldfish, I'm sure you remember it?" he hissed.
"I remember it Severus, but I didn't accept it," Astrid retorted.
"And you think your words were not worth an apology?" He asked, motioning to her.
"Mine?" She scoffed, her mouth wide open with shock, she could not believe the audacity of the man.
"Wishing the Dark Lord to take away someone I love, how terribly dark of you, it made me think perhaps you are suited for Lucius after all, both cruel and terribly flawed. I'm sure you'll be elated to hear the Dark Lord already took someone close to me, and will take more in time,"
"Just because you've had losses Severus, doesn't make it okay to shit all over everybody else's," Astrid shook her head disapprovingly. Severus didn't really have anything to say in return, because she was annoyingly right. "I'm sorry you lost people, and I'm sorry if my comment… made it seem like I wish more loss upon you, I don't… I just… I needed you to know how much I hurt, and how much you hurt me… it was a childish retaliation,"
"So… we are on neutral ground then, I trust all is forgiven?" Severus asked, his throat bobbed as he swallowed waiting for her to reply.
"Yes," Astrid sighed. "I guess, we can call each other… friends again,"
Severus looked into her blue eyes, her words were genuine, she really did consider her a friend. He wanted to tell her then, that he considered her more, wanted more than just to be friends. But he swallowed those wants down and pushed them as far away as he could, for fear of ruining their friendship. Because if he couldn't have her, and he knew he couldn't, he would at very least be there for her, protect her, offer her a friend and confidant in these trying times. While he could at-least.