Chapter 27: Shallow Water

Cressida stares at the two Horcruxes on her desk, laid out a few inches apart. The longer she sits there, the more she can feel the unique taste of magic they both seep with. She studies them, in an odd sort of way. Familiarising her ever being with what they make her feel. It has been an hour, maybe two.

There are only about four days left of Polyjuice and every moment that she is not around the Death Eaters is spent as herself to preserve it as much as she can. Cressida could stretch it to a week or more if there was no meetings or surprise visits.

Regulus would be coming over soon. He tended to do that in the afternoons, between lunch and dinner which he would retreat to his mother for. He knew too, that he only had about four days left. Then he would go with her and betray his family.

When Regulus does arrive, he announces it as his presence by knocking once on wood then once on the frosted glass then enters at the flick of her wand which unlocks the magical locking on the door. He comes in silently and sits down on the bed next to her desk. Cressida's eyes stay on the ring.

"Why don't we go after the locket?"

Cressida finally sighs in release. She looks to her right, smiling grimly at the boy. "Because I don't think we could do it by ourselves. A wizard and witch against hundreds of Inferi? We'll need help."

"Yet you don't want to tell anybody about what we're going in the Order."

Cressida gently picks up the ring and the cup then places them in her locked trunk. "There are people I do trust in the Order. But I don't trust Dumbledore and there are moles." Her brown eyes harden and turn to Regulus. "Do you know who they are?"

Regulus shakes his head. "No. They've been keeping identities hidden. I'll try and find out though. Who do you trust?"

"Sirius and James," is her immediate answer. Admittedly, it takes a few more moments before she adds, "And Remus. Elias."

Regulus gives her an odd look. "Not Pettigrew?"

Cressida sighs again, shrugging her shoulders softly. "He's always been… quiet. I do love the boy but I don't think his loyalty to us was because he was- I don't know how to explain it. I have seen Sirius, James and Rem have always just been there, no matter what the problem is. And they want to help. They want to be there for you. But Peter… Is sort of a loner really. And then there was this one Christmas that…"

"That what?"

"That he was asking me about the Dark Arts. He asked me if he thought Voldemort was going to win right after telling me that he thought he didn't belong with us. I didn't put much to it since I was feeling rough about things myself but now I've been wondering what's going on inside his head."

Cressida stares at Regulus, guessing that she'd find him laughing or scoffing at her thoughts. Peter had been their friend for nine years now and it feels like a betrayal in itself to even be questioning his intentions. But Regulus only nods as he listens. "Have you shared that with anybody? Is anybody watching him?"

"Only you. I knew if I told the others that it would make me look sceptical. James is too trust-giving; it would be like asking if it was Sirius who was a mole. And Sirius couldn't fathom the idea of a friend not being loyal. I think Remus would believe me, but he would try and refuse to." She shakes her head vigorously. "It could be anyone. I'm just overthinking a lot right now."

"You're not," Regulus smiles, standing now at her side. He rests a hand on her shoulder. "If you don't trust him then I think you already have reason enough with your instincts."

Cressida sucks on her lips, tipping her head against his shoulder. "If I start questioning my own friends, then others are going to do the same. I've already… heard talks about Remus."

"Why him?"

Cressida scrunches her nose painfully, realising what she's said. But for all the things that Regulus is, or has become, it's trustworthy. "Remus… he's a werewolf. And with a lot of werewolves joining Voldemort, people are questioning him."

There is no jump of surprise or gasp. Only a mirthful puff of air through his nose. "Severus tried to tell us. Back in fourth year he wouldn't let it go until I screamed at him in the Common Room that I didn't care."

Cressida lifts her head, a broad grin spreading. "You yelled at Snape?"

"Yes," he laughs with a quick roll of his eyes. "We're not as buddy-buddy as your probably think."

She spins around in front of him, shaking his upper arms. "Why was this not the ultimate gossip?!"

Regulus' eyes shrink as he matches her laughter, his head falling back to let out the sound. "I told you already. We kept our House drama inside the House." Cressida continues smiling as his laughter dies naturally, her head cocked to the side. He raises a brow, copying her stance. "What?"

"You don't care that Remus is a werewolf?"

He rolls his eyes again as though dismissing the observation. "Why would I? There are a lot more worse things to be. A Death Eater for example."

"You know," she sings, "I had a very similar conversation with him. And I told him that we never put ourselves down to make others feel better."

Regulus only grins. "I'm not. I'm not a Death Eater anymore."

"I'm proud."

His tongue runs over his bottom lip slowly as a peaceful expression paints his face. "I think that's the first time somebody that wasn't my father or mother told me that. Or the Dark Lord for that matter"

"Well, I am. And I'm sorry about your father." She hadn't offered those apologies to Sirius knowing he'd whack her up the side of the head for them, but Regulus still had a relationship with his father that day until he died.

Regulus stiffens but forces himself to breathe. "Don't be. If he was still alive, I don't think I could do this." Cressida doesn't know how to respond or if a response is even necessary. She wanders over to the window that looks down on the mildly busy street. There are a few cafes and even a tattoo shop within the block. Her arms fold over on the window sill, watching two young teenagers race down and a policeman follow behind not long after.

"Hooligans," Regulus chuckles, leaning on the wall next to the window. Cressida laughs too, but more so at his response.

"They're probably having the time of their lives."

"You miss setting off pranks."

Cressida shrugs, turning to rest her hip against the wall and lean her shoulder gently against the glass pane. "I miss how it all was. Just the senselessness of it all. The biggest worry we had is if detention would mess with Quidditch. Now if I say one thing wrong, I could be killed on the spot."

"I won't let that happen." Cressida pinches her lips, her thumbnail twisting under the opposite forefinger. "I won't," he restates. She looks up. Regulus smiles but it isn't filled with laughter or joy. "I've grown really…fond of you and I won't let them hurt you."

"Fond of me?" she chuckles, turning back around, her forehead against the glass. "I think friendship is a fine enough word. I don't want to let anything happen to you, either." The skin of her face grows placid, watching two elderlies sit together under a red umbrella. "I miss him."

"Potter?"

She nods, not taking her eyes off the couple. "We're getting married, did you know? I think he'd have a conniption if he knew I was here and what I was doing."

"He doesn't already?"

"Moody told them I was going off with Snatchers to track their movements and try and help get Muggle-born out before they got there. That's what he told me too, until the very last minute. I didn't… I didn't have a chance to even think this through. Merlin, he only even gave me a night's warning that I was leaving."

"Would you have said no? If you could have thought it through?"

Cressida finally moves her gaze, staring at Regulus but she isn't truly seeing him. Her eyes fill with memory. "I might have. Sirius and I went stargazing on the roof. I didn't want to leave then."

"You didn't spend the night with James."

"I-I did. After Sirius and I went inside, I stayed up almost all night with James. Neither of us wanted to go to sleep."

She wipes her nose with the back of her hand, tears prickling at her pure misery of missing them all. The comfort of her own bed. Not having to look at a different face in the mirror and know it is the mask of someone who has killed relentlessly.

"Are you in love with my brother?"

Cressida doesn't react at first, only blinking and watching a trickle of rain patter against the glass. Then her head slowly turns to Regulus whose expression is even but curious. "Would that be so terrible?" Her lips part with a shaken laugh that is mirthless. "I told Sirius, that he if was put in a position where he could save either James or myself, I made him promise me that it would be James. I had two reasons, only one that I told him. I told him that I would fall apart completely if I knew I didn't have James waiting for me and that is true. I can't even fathom that idea. But I know that if I survived and James didn't, Sirius would become the only person I could go to completely. It sounds stupid and pathetic, but I wouldn't be able to function without him. I love James beyond comprehension, but if I didn't have Sirius with me, I don't know who I would be, and I can't help but love him." A tear, cold and stinging travels over her cheek in sync with the drop of rain she watches. "I am so terrified that I would ruin his life because he wouldn't leave me and it would just consume him entirely. I'd be a burden and there's only one way I can think to relieve that entirely, but I know that if James and I both left him, he'd be gut wrenched. If I'm dead and James lives, James could move on, and Sirius would finally be free of me."

Cressida turns her head, unashamed of her red eyes and cracking lips.

"That's why I'm here. Because I need to help fix the world and myself. I came so Sirius would be able to live just a few weeks without having to constantly feel the need to check on me. Because I don't mind being the one to die. So yes, for all intent and purposes, I love him. And maybe I shouldn't go back because of it. Maybe you and I should just go on the run together and hunt down these bloody Horcruxes and probably die trying. Let them think we died fighting."

Regulus held his reaction the entire way through. He isn't shocked, dismayed or even happy at her response. It's like he knew exactly what was going on inside her-

"You were in my mind, weren't you?" she scoffs with a croak.

"It was hard not to. It was practically screaming."

"It's always screaming." Her teeth curl inwards as she softly pounds the side of her fist on the wood of the windowsill. "You're the first person to just directly figure that out, you know?" She stops hitting the wood once her skin starts to go numb. "Can I ask you a favour?" Regulus nods. "I want to write them all letters, just in case something happens before I can see them again."

He nods again. "I would hand-deliver them. But on the promise that you'll do me the same. I want to write something to Sirius too. With words a lot kinder than our last exchanges'."

Cressida nods her head quickly. "We're in deep, aren't we?"

"I think it's going to get deeper."