Chapter 43. Phantom
Astrid knocked upon the large arched door of McGonagall's classroom. When there was no answer Astrid knocked again. Eventually the door slithered open a crack to reveal the transfiguration figures face in the one-inch gap.
"Minerva I-" before Astrid could even speak the door was closed on her. Astrid inhaled shakily as she knocked again, she knocked and knocked until she was banging on the door with her fist.
"Professor Moody!" Minerva scolded as she swung the door open a little wider this time. "I'm sorry, but you are simply not welcome here." Professor McGonagall attempted to close the door once again, but Astrid kicked her foot at it, propping it open.
"Minerva please, I just want to talk with you," Astrid pleaded. Minerva looked down with a sigh, and then hesitantly opened the door further to let her younger colleague pass.
"What is it you wish to discuss, Professor?" Minerva asked as she walked down the long room to her desk. She cast a silencing charm on the room, to stop any stray ears listening in. Her tone with Astrid was off, as if she was slightly mocking the young woman. The way Minerva said professor reminded of Astrid of how her esteemed elder used to address Umbridge. Was Astrid the new Umbridge? Universally despised by staff and students, bar a minor few.
"Ginny told me that it's yourself and Kingsley leading the Order now," Astrid breathed as Minerva reached her desk.
"Ginny Weasley informed you of this?" Minerva gasped, clearly displeased. "That girl clearly needs to be reminded what the word classified means!"
"She thought I should know as-"
"As nothing! You no longer stand with us professor!" Minerva's harsh words cut Astrid deep, did she really believe she'd switched sides. "Mr Longbottom and Miss Weasley tried spinning your tale to me Astrid, but I just can not believe it! How can you stand beside that man, that murderer! You share his bed, carry his child… he killed Albus in cold blood!" Minerva screeched.
"No, Minerva, please, I am not here by choice, not with him by choice, please let me explain," Astrid pleaded with tearful eyes. Astrid knew she couldn't give Minerva the whole truth, but could certainly spin a version of it.
"The evidence points to the contrary dear!"
"I was taken! You-know-who, he gave me to Snape… like property!" Astrid yelled now as tears slipped from her eyes, "He has my daughter, held his wand to her, threatened her right in front of my eyes! What am I to do but play along Minerva?"
"I'd die Astrid! I'd rather perish than become a puppet of You-Know-Who!" Minerva huffed.
"That's easy for you to say Minerva, but I have a young daughter, a fiancé, I am just trying to survive, for them," Astrid sniffled, her chest began to rise and fall dramatically as her heart pained inside her ribs.
"Yes, your death eater husband-to-be, you must be so proud," Minerva breathed, shaking her head disapprovingly.
"Minerva, you don't understand I-"
"I understand perfectly well Professor Moody, you have been dealt a poor deal, however what you've made of it… I cannot condone, and neither will the Order. You have a crossed a line Astrid, I'm sorry." Minerva made it clear she was finished with the conversation, finished with Astrid, on a personal front at least. Astrid just nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes and retreated down the long line of desks and out of the classroom door, which slammed dramatically behind her. Astrid leant her back against a nearby wall and breathed long and deep breaths as she placed her hand over her racing heart, her head dizzying with nausea.
"Madam Pomfrey?" Astrid asked with a pained expression. She wondered onto the ward in search of the matron, who was seeing to some students in their hospital cots. Astrid had never seen so many in the hospital wing at once, she was only ever the sole patient on the times she was admitted. There must have been seven or eight girls and boys of various ages tucked into beds, looking worse for wear.
"Ah, it's you," Madam Pomfrey murmured as she looked up at the young professor. "I was wondering when you were going to show your face down here."
"What happened to these children?" Astrid asked, looking around the ward. Pomfrey turned from Astrid and began checking over a second-year girl.
"Victims… of your new beau's regime." Poppy Pomfrey said coldly.
"Madam Pomfrey, I don't condone this at all, you know me, you know I couldn't," Astrid said sadly as she looked around at the children, most of them unconscious.
"Enough, professor, I don't want to hear it," Pomfrey sighed, approaching Astrid slowly. "Let's have a look at this baby then."
Astrid followed Poppy onto the adjacent ward, which thankfully lay empty. Astrid sat on the closest hospital cot and swung her legs on, laying down.
"My heart, I've been having trouble recently, I get worked up and the pain is... too much. It takes so long then for it to calm down, for the pain to go away, it's getting worse I'm sure of it." Astrid told the nurse.
"It very well could be, each blood curse is different. What age did your mother succumb to it?" Madam Pomfrey asked as she fetched her stethoscope. Her voice lacked any empathy for Astrid's worsening condition.
"I'm not sure exactly, my father never said… I know she was young though." Astrid sighed sadly as she stared at the ceiling, avoiding Pomfrey's unsympathetic gaze.
"I heard about your father, a great man, such a loss to the wizarding world… I only find solace in the fact he was taken from us before he saw your downfall, you would've broken his heart, Astrid." Madam Pomfrey's voice hitched in her throat as she spoke.
"I'm being forced to be here Poppy, you-know-who has Everly, he made me come here, with Snape…" Astrid closed her eyes as a single tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away with her thumb quickly.
"Don't say his name." Pomfrey sneered, her lip trembling. She had considered Severus a friend, and since the day of his deep betrayal she couldn't look upon the man, the very sound of his name made her blood boil.
"I don't know why I even bother trying to explain this to people," Astrid sighed, shaking her head. "No one believes me."
Madam Pomfrey pressed the stethoscope slightly under the neckline of Astrid's pale blue blouse, the sudden cold surface shocking Astrid slightly, she let out a small gasp.
"Your heartbeat's weaker than it once was, but nothing too alarming. The pain, I'm afraid you'll have to manage, you know I can't allow you to use Bitterroot balm in your condition… Let's have a listen to this baby then."
Poppy swapped her stethoscope for a bigger one, popping it in her ears. Then she simply untucked Astrid's blouse and rolled it up her stomach over a tiny bump that resembled bloat more than pregnancy.
"A late bloomer again I see," Pomfrey commented. She pressed the stethoscope to Astrid's skin, her stomach erupted in goosebumps.
"I know I left it a while… coming to see you for a check… I'm worried, I was lucky with Everly, born without this curse that plagues me… but my second, they may not be so lucky, I don't want to pass this on..." Astrid spoke to mostly to herself as she continued to stare at the ceiling. She could feel Madam Pomfrey moving the stethoscope around her stomach, left, right, up, down, pressing both lightly and with force.
"Is everything okay?" Astrid asked, glancing down. Madam Pomfrey pulled the stethoscope from her ears and discarded it on the silver surgical tray.
"Legs up." Madam Pomfrey ordered, tapping her leg with two fingers. She turned and grabbed a blue blanket from the bed next door and draped it over Astrid's knees as she raised them. Poppy then disappeared to her store cupboard for a moment, before returning with a strange looking device.
"Is the baby alright?" Astrid asked, her voice quavered with worry.
"This will be cold." Madam Pomfrey warned the young woman as she crouched at the end of the bed and dipped under the draped blanket with the device. The sensation was cold, and unpleasant. Astrid's heart rate quickened as worry and dread filled her. It felt as if Madam Pomfrey was under there an age, and when she finally returned, she did with a stony face, albeit sad eyes.
"You don't have to worry about passing on your curse Astrid… there's no child." Madam Pomfrey sighed as she discarded the device onto the surgical tray.
"What?" Astrid choked out, she sat up on her elbows, her eyes stung with fresh tears. "Have I lost it?" Astrid's voice was barely a whisper.
"No," Madam Pomfrey told her, she fought her hatred for the girl and sat on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in hers. "I checked… there was never any foetus."
"No, no, no, I haven't bled… not for months now, I- I've been sick… nauseous… my stomach-"
"It's called a phantom pregnancy Astrid… pseudocyesis…." Madam Pomfrey told her giving her hand a light squeeze. "They happen due to trauma… and Merlin knows you've had plenty… the trauma causes your body to elevate hormones… mimics the physical symptoms of pregnancy, but there is no baby…"
"I can't believe this," Astrid covered her mouth and nose as she shut her eyes tight, she shook slightly as she held in her sobs.
"The symptoms should cease now you're aware… you and…" Madam Pomfrey paused as a bad taste filled her mouth, she forced herself to say it… "Severus…can start trying again when you're ready."
"I'm not trying, I never was and especially not with him!" Astrid cried, then she rolled onto her side, burying her face into the pillow and pulled her knees up. She wrapped her arms around stomach, grabbing at her skin desperately. "Severus has never touched me, I thought it was Lucius'" Astrid admitted.
"But you share chambers…" Madam Pomfrey furrowed her brows.
"N-not by choice, mine or his. H-h-he did it to s-save me, but I wish I'd died Poppy." Astrid cried deeply into her pillow. Madam Pomfrey put a delicate hand on Astrid's arm, rubbing her lightly.
"I don't follow, explain it to me Astrid…" Madam Pomfrey pried.
"You-know-who was going to k-kill me, S-Severus s-stopped him… s-said he w-wanted me… but it was just to s-save me, he hasn't laid a hand on me Poppy…" Astrid sobbed, moving her hand to her heart that pained as deep as the day Everly was taken. Madam Pomfrey stood suddenly and moved to a cabinet, unlocking it with her wand and taking something from its mirrored shelves. She returned to Astrid with a small jar of Bitterroot balm.
"Here dear, take this, it will help." Madam Pomfrey offered the jar which Astrid took with shaky hesitant hands. She applied it over her heart, and handed it back, but Madam Pomfrey pushed Astrid's hand away.
"Keep it, you might need it." Poppy sighed.
After a few minutes the tingling sensation on Astrid's skin sunk into her heart, dulling the pain, relaxing her and slowing her heartbeat to a normal-ish rate. Her cries had lessened now, but her body still trembled with the odd stuttered inhalation. She stared straight ahead, numb to the world. She could hear Pomfrey's muffled words, feel her comforting hand. But it was as if Astrid was underwater, drowning her out.
"Sigrith," Madam Pomfrey stood and addressed the portrait of a young nurse on the hospital wing wall. "Quickly now… go and find the headmaster…" Poppy swallowed… "Summon him and tell him of what you saw here."
"Where is she?"
"Ward two headmaster." Madam Pomfrey responded with a tight face, she averted her eyes, unable to look on Albus' murderer. Snape nodded and brushed passed the matron, his black cloak billowing as he made fast long strides.
When Snape set his eyes on the curled-up form of Astrid in the hospital cot he swallowed hard. He stared at her for a moment, she was asleep, having cried herself into exhaustion. He strode forward and stood over the young woman. Bending slightly he brushed a few stray blonde strands from her face, his hand hesitating over her cheekbone as his thumb scraped it gently. He noticed in her hand a small jar, taking it from her he twisted off the lid, smelling it.
"Bitterroot balm, for her heart." Madam Pomfrey told him from the doorway. Severus wondered how long she had silently stood there, watching him, he wondered whether she had witnessed his small act of affection.
"I remember a time Madam Pomfrey when you vindicated me for prescribing this very balm to this very girl."
"Circumstances and situations change headmaster." Madam Pomfrey told him matter-o-factly. "I didn't recommend then; she didn't need it. But she needs it now headmaster, her heart weakens."
"Thank you… Madam Pomfrey." Though it was a thank you, it came out as a growl from Severus' lips, as the news she gave him wasn't received well.
"You're well aware of my feelings towards you headmaster," Poppy started. Severus was aware of everyone's feelings towards him, they varied from hate to loathing. "But I wanted to say… thank you… for saving that girl. Despite what I once thought… she's one of the good ones." Madam Pomfrey told Severus firmly before turning her back on him and walking away.
Severus pocketed the Bitterroot balm and carefully maneuvered his arms under Astrid, followed by picking her up bridal style. He was careful not to wake her, watching her serene face for a moment, checking for any signs of a stir. And then with a pop he and Astrid disapperated.