Chapter 44. Rest

The pitter-pattern of heavy rain on glass, the crackle and pop of a warming fire. Astrid's eyes began to blink open slowly, the calming sounds stirring her gently. She could feel gentle fingers brushing her hair back off her face and over her head, petting down the soft waves on her back. A delicate hand tucked shiny blonde strands behind her ear and ran down the back of her neck, stroking her soft locks. Her neck and scalp began to tingle lightly as she enjoyed the comforting feeling, it had been so long since she had such close contact with another.

Her chest rose and fell steadily as she took in her surroundings. The last thing she remembered was crying herself to sleep in the hospital wing, but she now found herself in her chambers, laid on the bed she had adopted as her own. She was aware of another person laid behind her, not quite spooning, but they were close. For a moment she thought it was Lucius, her heart skipping a beat at the very thought, but her senses told her she was wrong. No, their hand felt different, their touch was feather light, almost hesitant, not at all like Lucius' gentle yet confident caresses. The familiar smell of firewhiskey was not there, instead she smelt parchment, ink and faintly… cherry.

Astrid was almost certain she knew who it was, and as she was about to turn over and confirm her suspicion the sound of thundering boots up metal stairs echoed through the chambers. Astrid's eyes immediately fluttered shut as she pretended to be asleep.

"I've been waiting outside for fucking ages Snape." The irate voice of Amycus hissed.

"I don't recall giving you permission to enter my office Carrow… let alone my private chambers," The deep slow drawl of Severus Snape said from behind her, there was an annoyed hiss to his words that Astrid was all too familiar with.

"Sorry headmaster, didn't realise you were… wrapped up…with something else." The male Carrow mocked, sucking his teeth.

"Get out." Snape sneered. "I will reschedule our meeting for a later date."

"Sure thing… headmaster," Amycus huffed, his tone made a turn for the creepy as he glanced over Astrid's body… "You have fun now."

Astrid could only imagine the disgusting leery look on Amycus' face, his words alone were enough to make her skin crawl. The sound of his stomping boots descending the stairs and the dramatic slamming of Snapes office door signalled the Carrows leave. The sound of the raindrops and crackling fire took over once again as silence filled the air… until someone broke it:

"My apologies if he woke you…" Severus deep drawl said slowly. He was acutely aware that Astrid was awake, from the shiver that ran down her spine in response to Amycus' words.

"It's fine, I woke before…" Astrid admitted, her breathy voice was barely above a whisper. Slowly she turned over, and the comforting hand retracted from her hair. She faced Snape now, on her side she tucked her face in her arm as she looked upon him. He wasn't quite laid on his back or his side, he was rather in between, with his right arm tucked under the pillow that his head rested on gently. His dark hair fell away from his face, allowing Astrid to clearly see his strong features for the first time, he had always hidden behind his curtain of black hair. He was staring at the ceiling, taking in the details of the stars painted there. He rested the arm he had so gently petted her with on his stomach, which was dressed in his usual black buttoned jacket.

"How are you feeling?" Severus asked, his eyes glancing over Astrid's face momentarily before flickering back up to the ceiling. It pained him how beautiful she looked… fresh faced, freckles popping against her skin, her blue eyes still a little drowsy and clouded.

"I presume you've been told?" She exhaled as she blinked long a slow. He nodded his head lightly. "I just feel… numb…." Astrid whispered.

"That is understandable," Snape nodded.

"I feel awful about it… guilty…" Astrid's voice croaked slightly, "I feel like I should be crying… but I'm empty of tears… and now there's just this numb dull feeling inside of me…"

"You've suffered greatly Astrid… many times, in quick succession… you do not need to validate your feelings… not to me." Severus exhaled.

"I wish I could see him… I need him more than ever…" Astrid whispered sadly, mostly to herself. Her words wounded Severus slightly, even though he knew she was not his to comfort, not his to hold, caress or pet.

"I know." Snape nodded.

Then something took Snape by surprise, Astrid wriggled closer to him and then a weight rested upon his chest near his shoulder. The action made him stiffen and freeze, his breathing stopped all together as he glanced down to see the top of a blonde head of hair. Astrid brought her hand up and rested it on his chest. Severus began breathing again as he swallowed hard and closed his eyes.

"I hope you don't mind… I just need to feel close to someone, to not feel so… alone," Astrid sighed into him. Severus responded by sliding his arm out from under his pillow and wrapping it around her back, drawing her in further.

"Go back to sleep… you need to rest." Severus told her after a period of comfortable silence. Her eyelids were already fluttering, fighting to stay open.

"What about my class?" Astrid asked, her voice sounded drowsy, her words slightly mumbled, she glanced up to the clock on one of the book shelves lining the walls, it was nearly lunch time of the next day, she had been out like a light for so long, and yet still felt as if she could easily drift off to sleep once again in Severus' arms.

"I've ordered Professor Binns to take it for the remainder of the week." Severus told her, but by time he'd finished his sentence Astrid had slipped back into a slumber.

Severus glanced down at the girl; her light breathing came out like small sighs against him. Guilt and shame brewed within him as he enjoyed the sight of her resting on him, enjoyed how her fingertips pressed into him lightly as she began to dream. Snape told himself he wasn't doing anything immoral, he was just being a friend, in Astrid's time of need. Looking down at her sleeping form he wondered if Lucius ever appreciated the sight of her like this, or whether he took what he had for granted. Against his better judgment Severus rolled his head over to hers, and inhaled her sweet scent, before resting his cheek against her.

Astrid awoke in the large bed, her eyes blinked open to find herself immersed in darkness, night had come, but no moon was showing this night. She ran her hand across the sheets, feeling a large abundance of empty space. Astrid's eyes adjusted to the darkness and confirmed what her hands had felt, Severus was not there. For an unknown reason to her, his absence was almost a sting of disappointment. Sitting up she spied the warm glow of a fire peeping through a small gap where the drapes met like lovers in the centre of the entranceway to the chambers.

Astrid peered through the darkness for the time, she couldn't be sure of it exactly, but it was passed midnight. She crossed her legs and sighed, looking about the space, unsure of what to do with herself. She'd usually read of course; it brought her great joy and comfort, the feel of crisp pages beneath her fingers, the sound of one being turned and pressed... Whether it be muggle fiction or a potions book, she found sitting down to read would always lift her up. But she didn't feel like reading, surrounded by hundreds of interesting rare books, and no energy or will to read them, was this a new curse placed on her she wondered?

Slowly she pulled her legs off the bed and pressed her toes to the wooden floor. It was cold on her skin, the fire up there was out, the wood not even cindering. Astrid looked down at her clothes, crumpled and unclean, she wasn't sure how long she'd been wearing them, but it felt too long. She tiptoed over to the armoire, opening its mirrored doors, half of the hanging rail occupied by Severus, the other half by her. Even in the dark of night it was obvious how different each side was. Severus' wardrobe was entirely monotone. Astrid's however was a rainbow of clothing, pastels to vivids, the only colour she actually lacked was black. Astrid exhaled as she crouched and opened her drawer under the hanging rail, revealing a bounty of undergarments and sleepwear. She plucked out the top pieces, lacey lilac knickers and a white oversized sleep shirt. Lazily she undressed, kicking her soiled clothing to the side, and dressed afresh. She hoped it would make her feel better, make her feel more like herself - it didn't really. She still felt an emptiness within her.

Astrid's stomach let out a low grumble, when had she last eaten? She couldn't recall… even when she did it, they were small nibbles at best. Against her usual behaviour Astrid wanted to eat, to gorge herself on food in attempt to fill the empty space inside her. With a small sigh she headed towards the drapes, she knew Snape was down there, he always was, plus the glow of the fire gave him away. Astrid thought maybe he could summon a house elf for her so that she could relieve the rumbling in her stomach.

When Astrid got to the drapes, she paused, her keen ears picking up on something… out of place.

The faint sound of laboured shaky breathing.

With furrowed brows Astrid slowly and silently pushed back the jacquard drapes and stepped through the threshold on her tippy toes. She wondered if Snape was okay, perhaps he was in distress, hurt, or even saddened by something. Hesitantly Astrid stepped forward to the iron balcony that overlooked the office and peered over… her eyes turning wide, she covered her mouth to keep from yelping at what she saw in the warm light below.