Chapter 48. The Difference
All was dark. Just pitch-black nothingness. Astrid tried to open her eyes but it seemed they were already open, but everything was still dark. She called out. There was no answer, just the echo of her own words. She began to sob, tears should be falling from her eyes, but she felt nothing on her cheeks, she didn't feel her cheeks at all. Looking down she expected to see her body, but instead, nothingness, just more black space. Where am I? She asked herself, looking around.
"Hello!" She called out into the darkness; her words echoed through the black. "Is anybody there?" She asked. Again, nothing.
Severus' eyes grew tired as he sat in a chair by her side, she had been in St Mungo's for five hours now under the care of their green clad healers. They had told him she would wake up within the hour, but that hour had long gone. He sighed, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling, he clasped his hands together and waited.
He thought back to the moment she fell, how he failed to catch her fall, she slipped from his fingers so easily. When she wouldn't wake up he remembered the pain in his chest, and when he felt her non-existent pulse, it was like finding Lily all over again.
Except this time, the man who took his beloveds life was the one who saved Astrids. The Dark Lord had heard the commotion and come forth. He tutted, kneeling down next to Severus and felt her wrist with his long pail fingers, his pointed claw-like nails pressing into her soft flesh.
"This simply won't do." He had muttered before pressing his wand to her chest and giving her a shock, nothing. The Dark Lord did it again, pressing his wand against her sternum he shocked her once more. Though her eyes didn't open, a slow faint pulse was detectable in her body. A small breath had escaped her lips and Severus sighed deeply with relief. The Dark Lord had ordered him to take her to St Mungo's, it simply wasn't acceptable for her to die… yet. Severus picked her up bridal style, his arms cradling her against him. As he quickly made his way to the fireplace he spotted Lucius Malfoy at the end of the corridor, a worried, sickly look on his face. He looked regretful, pained. Severus narrowed his eyes on the man before disappearing in a flash of green.
Severus looked back to the girl with a numb expression, her chest was falling and rising slowly, now and then her eyes flickered beneath her eyelids. She was there, she just… wasn't ready to come back yet. Severus withstood the need to hold her hand, caress her palms with his thumb, cup her face… with so many Death Eaters within St Mungo's he would not be spied upon and considered weak.
"Has she awoken yet?" The weak voice of a man asked from the doorway. Severus didn't need to even glance in that direction to know who it was. He could tell by the sorry, sad tone to his voice.
"No." Severus drawled as he rested his head in his palm, propped up by his elbow.
"Will she?" Lucius asked hesitantly, he walked into the room, his cane clicking on the marble floor. He sat in the chair on the other side of the hospital bed.
"Do you care?" Severus asked monotonously, his dark eyes flickering up to his old friend. Lucius was visibly hurt by Snape's question.
"How could you ask such a thing, Severus? Of-course I care… despite all goings on… I love her Severus." Lucius admitted with a deep exhale.
"Really? This is how you treat someone you love?" Severus asked as his eyes glanced over her comatose form. "Cheating on her with your ex-wife, stealing her daughter?"
"I am not the only one who has been unfaithful Severus," Lucius sad and sorry tone was gone, replaced with one much more formidable.
"There is a difference, Lucius."
"What difference?" Lucius sneered, looking away, he couldn't be under Snapes judging eyes for any longer.
"You have brought your ex-wife back into your bed… allowed her to raise Astrid's daughter and call her mother… you have replaced Astrid with another, and what… when the opportunity arises to have her again you will simply exchange the two? Are you that desperately scared of being alone?" Severus sneered.
"You have no idea Severus, how isolating these months have been, under constant pressure to perform, to please… whilst also raising a young daughter, and a teenage son." Lucius spat, gripping his cane tightly, "I slipped… I was lonely and needed support, Narcissa was there to give it to me… I do not love her Severus… but she has been there for me… like you have for Astrid. There is no difference."
"The difference, my slimy friend, is that Astrid does not seek to replace you with me. No, when we lay together her mind opens up to me, and all I see… is you. She thinks of you, your touch, not mine." Severus announced with a clenched jaw. Lucius glanced to his old friend, tears welling in his tired eyes. "Astrid has not been raising Everly to call me father."
Lucius looked as if he wanted to say something, but his lips began to tremble and so he closed his mouth into a thin line, gripping his cane tightly a tear slipped down his cheek.
"My… foolishness… has killed her, hasn't it?" Lucius asked, tear filled eyes looked over her motionless body.
"The healers are confident she will wake… but the timescale they gave has been and gone…" Severus trailed off. He stood up and walked to the window, his arms crossed over his chest tightly. He looked up at the moon, sitting low and large in the sky, casting a bright glow across snow covered muggle London. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lucius prop his cane aside and take Astrids hand in both of his, he squeezed her hand tightly, planting kisses on her knuckles and fingers.
"Oh, my sweet Astrid, I am sorry, I am so, so sorry." Lucius murmured into her skin. Severus pretended not to hear. He continued to stare out of the window, he pushed down the pain and jealousy inside. For a brief flash, at Malfoy Manor, when she found out about Lucius' antics, there was moment when Severus thought perhaps the two of them could fall together. Free of Lucius' hold on her she could be his. But those thoughts slipped away just like she slipped from his grip. As if by cruel fate she was destined to fall away from him, from the idea of them. She was always destined to be just out of his reach, the same as Lily. Severus thought to her son, Harry, he was meant to be carrying out a task on this night, to aid the boy, but his mind had been elsewhere. He sighed deeply as he adjusted his priorities.
"I have something… that I need to go take care of… I've put if off for too long, I'm afraid I cannot wait any longer…" Severus sighed as he watched flakes of snow fall passed the window, dancing in the winter breeze. Severus turned to Lucius with dark eyes, he regarded the man before him, watched how he caressed Astrid's hand with so much care and love, you wouldn't even imagine him capable of his betrayal. "I trust… I can leave her safely with you until I return?" Severus asked hesitantly, with one brow cocked.
"Of course," Lucius croaked. "I will take care of her, Severus."
Severus nodded, he had his doubts about the Malfoy, but at least she would not be waking alone. Severus stalked towards the door, pausing for a second to look over her serene face, before making off down the long corridor of St Mungo's hospital.
"Hello! Someone, help me! Please!" Astrid called out to the darkness, but there was no one there to offer their aid. She was alone, stuck there, with nothing but her own thoughts, her own echo. "Please," she sobbed, "please I want to go back." He cried hard, her sobs ringing in her ears, their echoes haunting her. But a small echo pricked up her ears, it wasn't her own. She stifled her cries and listened carefully.
"Astrid." The voice called, no, begged, it was only a small echo, as if it was uttered millions of miles away. The voice was greatly saddened, pleading her name. "Astrid, please." The voice called out again faintly.
"Severus?" Astrid asked as she listened carefully, "I'm right here! Please!" She called back.
"Astrid, my love, please… wake up." The voice begged weakly. She wanted to move her legs in the direction of the echo, run to it. But she had no legs, no body, just black.
"I'm here, please, Severus!" Astrid yelled frantically. In the distance she saw something, if she had eyes she would have squinted, it was bright, white light, a small dot at first, and then growing larger, and larger, heading straight for her.
"Is that… heaven?" Astrid asked herself. No, it couldn't be, not after the things she had done. She wanted to run from the light, frightened of where it would take her. Hell perhaps?
"No, no, no!" She cried as the light neared her.
"Astrid, wake up, I'm here." The voice called… more clearly now, it was coming from the light! "Astrid, please, my love, I need you."
Astrid recognised the voice now, it was clearer, crisper. It was not the voice of Severus, as she first thought, no, to her surprise it was Lucius.
Lucius gripped Astrids hand in one of his, kissing her cold fingers, his other hand smoothed down her hair, he called to her hopelessly.
"Astrid, wake up, I'm here." He told her. The healers had come around again, and were clearly uneasy about her prolonged stay in her comatose state, she should have woken up by now they said. Lucius wondered if that meant she wasn't going to wake up at all. He cradled her hand, calling to her hopelessly. He closed his eyes and rest their clasped hands to his forehead. He had convinced himself he had lost her, and it was all his fault, he had broken her, stopped her heart, killed her. All because of his foolish fear of being alone. He would take it all back if he could, he no longer cared that she had slept with Severus, especially if what he said was true, that she thought of him throughout… All would be forgiven, if she just woke up.
"I'm sorry, Mr Malfoy, there isn't much we can do from this point." The healer told him from the door. She avoided his gaze, lowering her eyes to the floor when Lucius turned to her.
"That's simply not good enough!" He yelled. "Go get me somebody competent at their job!" The healer scurried off with a nod, her green robes flowing behind her. Lucius closed his eyes, a tear slipping from his right. He sighed deeply, wondering what he should do, what could he do?
He was about to set her arm back down peacefully at her side when Astrid's plump lips parted, and a small whimper-like breath escaped them. Lucius stood quickly, and leaned over the girl. He took her cheek in his hand and looked down on her beautiful face.
"Are you there my love?" Lucius asked, his voice quivered uncontrollably. There was silence. He sighed, and as he was about to retract his hand, her thick dark eyelashes began to flutter.
"Astrid?" He whispered, smoothing her soft blonde hair away from her face. "Astrid, wake up."
As if by his order, Astrid's eyes fluttered open slowly, groggily. She squinted, adjusting to the harsh medical lighting above her. A blurry figure loomed over her body, their hands on her cheeks, stroking her softly with their thumbs. She blinked a few times, and the image of Lucius Malfoy became clear in her view.
"L-Lucius?" She choked out.