Chapter 23 - Phoebe (Originally Published: 8 January 2016)
"There's a party at Noah's house tonight," Leslie said. She readjusted her shirt, tugging it this way and that so as to show off maximum cleavage. "I rather fancy his older brother."
Phoebe watched her in the dressing room mirror. The obscure invitation felt more like a threat, a trap riddled with thorns. Luckily, she had a valid excuse. "I'm not going."
They locked eyes in the reflection, Leslie's face contorting into an ugly scowl at Phoebe's defiance. She turned around. "What do you mean you're not going? I need you to talk me up to Noah's brother."
Phoebe just glared back at her. She could care less about pacifying Leslie right now; she was too distraught and emotionally exhausted over everything that had already transpired that day. "I'm going to stay the night at Finn's house. Isn't that what you've wanted?"
Leslie's eyebrow lifted, and the disturbing twist of her face curled into a devilish grin. "Is that so? Then fine. You're off the hook for tonight. I hope you make progress by Monday." She ran her fingers through her hair, messing it up in the way that she thought made her look more attractive. "I was beginning to think you'd changed your mind… and that would not have been very good, would it?"
"Who cares?" Phoebe muttered, and grabbed her bag. She'd already changed out of her costume, and taken off her stage makeup. There was really no reason for her to be backstage any longer, except to keep Leslie from becoming suspicious, and she'd already tolerated the other girl for long enough. Phoebe just couldn't be bothered to hold up the guise any longer. Today had destroyed what little resolve she had left to appear the way others were accustomed to seeing her - too many stressful encounters and overheard conversations. She just wanted to see Marceline again.
The thought brought about a painful wrenching in her gut.
She pushed open the back doors to the auditorium. Finn and Bea were standing just outside the front entrance to the theatre room when she found them.
Bea nervously shifted their weight from one foot to the other, and then back again. "I'm going to go wait outside. Just in case."
Phoebe watched them go, saddened by her own inability to turn Leslie down. It couldn't be helped, sadly. She was sick and she needed help.
Finn leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He smelled heavily of a musky cologne, and the scent made Phoebe sick to her stomach. It was as if he'd completely doused himself in it. "I called my brother already. They're on their way."
She nodded. No one wanted Leslie to know the truth of what was happening that night. Instead of compromising their plans, they'd all agreed to go their separate ways until play rehearsal was over. Even if they hadn't been avoiding Leslie, it would have raised a few questions as to why seven students were standing around outside the auditorium for two and a half hours.
"Do you know the seating arrangement?" Phoebe asked. "I wouldn't think that we could all fit into one car."
"You'll be riding with me in Jake's car." Finn smiled.
"And Marceline?" she asked, afraid of the answer. Finn would likely be sceptical about her concern for the other girl, but Phoebe was losing her ability to stay afloat. It would be more wise for her to go home, forget about the camping trip completely. However, she feared for what might happen if she didn't go.
Finn wrinkled his brow. "Jake doesn't really like her. She's going to be in Bongo's car with Bonnie and the others."
It was the answer she'd been expecting, but knowing what would come did not lighten the blow any more. Phoebe swallowed a few times, trying to regain composure after having the breath knocked out of her. "Very well," she muttered. It came out quiet, and vulnerable. She scolded herself mentally for the slip-up.
Finn undoubtedly didn't catch her faulty self-control. "Do you want to go for a walk with me before they get here? It's a tad chilly outside today, but... I've kind of been meaning to have a talk with you about something. I figure since this is the only alone time we're going to get for the whole weekend, I'd rather like to take advantage of that."
Phoebe wanted to say no. She had a fairly decent idea of where this was going, but she nodded and linked her arm with his. The quicker she could put this behind her, the quicker she would be done with Leslie's latest request.
But what comes after this? What's next once I get rid of Finn and Bea?
Phoebe squeezed his arm just a little tighter. She really didn't want to know. "Lead the way."
Finn's little stroll turned out to be a set destination, confirming her suspicions that this was indeed much more than just a simple walk.
He'd led her to a seating area just around the side of the school that had been left forgotten and overgrown with now-dying vines. A gargantuan cypress tree stood over them, providing cover from the whispering wind. Its branches appeared almost ominous, stretching out from the elder being with bare, crooked fingers. Fallen leaves lay mostly undisturbed. The only sign of life among cement furniture and coils of brown vegetation was the noticeable path taken by the caretaker on his daily rounds.
Finn took both of her hands in his sweaty palms, his hands cooled by the temperate air around them. Her immediate instinct was to jerk away, but she restrained herself to the best of her ability. It felt like she was trying to leave her body, trying to push past the shell of her physical self.
"We've been spending a lot of time together lately, Phoebe," he began. There was a glimmer in his eye as the fantasy he'd constructed unfolded before him. It was his intention to make this dream a reality, she could see. "You're g-gorgeous. And I think quite highly of you, really. I've never met anybody so-" he shrugged, "brilliant." Finn inhaled sharply. "I think what I mean to say is-" Before Phoebe could stop him, he leaned in, catching her lips in a wet kiss.
Every molecule in her body shook, her muscles tensing up in disgust. Had it not been for the shock of the moment she would have pushed him away, but by the time her mind registered what was happening the kiss was well underway. She knew that this was necessary; it was just one consequence for her careless actions, and she knew that there would still be more to come.
He tried to deepen the kiss, darting his thick, gross tongue out, and that was when she'd had enough. She pushed him away. "Sorry. I'm not-" Calm down. You're almost there. Phoebe filled her lungs with the thin, late November air. "I'd like to take things slow, please," she said, her voice trembling.
Finn's lips stretched across his face, turning up into a big, toothy grin. "Anything for you, Phoebe." His fingers intertwined with hers. "Should we head back then?"
"Yeah," she muttered. This is so wrong, she thought, and her heart agreed - sounding off its dismay with an incessant thumping.
When the pair returned to the front of the school, Bea was still waiting by the door. Thankfully, the others hadn't arrived yet. She wasn't sure what she'd do if Marceline had seen the two of them holding hands.
"They'll be here in just-" Bea swallowed audibly, and the sheer look of panic in their eyes shamed Phoebe. "Just... a minute."
She shook free of Finn's grasp. Bea had never been cruel to her, and they certainly didn't deserve to feel this way. If Phoebe had never seen them around the school before, she would have never known what Bea was normally like - a cheerful person, always ready to lend a hand when anyone else needed something to smile about. This Bea just fell in with the monotonous stereotype of a brooding teenager.
Phoebe sat on top of one of the flat platforms by the staircase and opened her bag. It was the same knapsack she'd used for school before she ever started handling a purse. She reached her hand in, blindly searching for the device that would connect her to the only person she really wanted to talk to at that point.
When she found her phone, she turned it on. The start-up screen couldn't have taken longer if it tried, but eventually she got through. Waiting for a signal was always the worst part, staring at her phone - on, but not online - waiting to see if a notification would pop up. When the bars on her screen were full, she opened the ongoing text string between her and Marceline.
In the very same instant that she'd opened the keyboard to start typing, she received a message.
"We have to talk before we head out to the lake. Don't freak out. I'm not leaving you."
Phoebe clenched her jaw, gritting her teeth so hard she thought they might crack. 'We have to talk… Don't freak out.'
How could she not? The wording was delicate enough, at least for Marceline, but it was a socially ingrained omen - 'we have to talk' never meant anything good.
"When will you be here?" she sent back, trying desperately to quell the roaring waves within her.
The answer came quickly. Marceline had probably been holding her phone, ready to text back so as not to worry her. "I won't be. Jake's picking you up, and we're all meeting at a petrol station. I'm already here with Guy and Keila."
Phoebe dropped the phone back into her bag. It was hard to convince herself that everything was going to be okay. The longer her thoughts simmered, the worse she felt about the outcome of this conversation they were to have. She pinched the bridge of her nose, wishing that Finn's brother would be there sooner.
When he finally did arrive, Phoebe grabbed her bag and strode towards the car. She was glad it was only a few metres away from her, because she wasn't sure if she'd have been able to force her feet much further.
The petrol station they were to meet at was ten minutes from the school, or two of Jake's eighties power ballads. It was a tidy little place, bigger than most of the ones she'd seen before. Guy and Keila were standing just outside Bongo's car, but Marceline was nowhere in sight.
When she exited Jake's car, Keila waved her over. "Marceline's waiting for you. She's in the ladies."
Phoebe tried to remain calm as she made her way to the bathroom on the inside of the service station. Marceline was pacing back and forth, her arms crossed over her chest. She paused when she saw Phoebe. "We're going to leave soon, so I'll make this quick," she said, and started pacing again. "I know Bonnibel knows now, but I don't think that we should be so open in front of her."
"Why?" Phoebe asked, hurt. She knew that she couldn't show her affections freely just yet, not in front of Finn's friends - but Bonnie had walked in on them. There was no hiding it now. "What did you tell her about us?"
Marceline ran a hand through her thick black hair. "Whatever would get her off my back. Don't worry about it, Phoebe." She shook her head. "Let's just keep it under wraps for now. Okay?"
It solved one problem - not having to worry about Finn seeing the two of them together - but she hadn't figured out yet how to do the inverse.
"Okay," she said quietly. "Is that all you wanted to say to me?" No 'hey baby, how was your day?', no 'I missed you as much as you did me.'?
Marceline seemed to catch on to her mood. "Look, it's just better this way." She put both of her hands on Phoebe's shoulders. "I told everyone you and I were going to share a tent, and they're all cool with that. So, until then we're just going to have to hang in there. Okay?"
"Yeah. I already said I wouldn't."
"Great. Thank you," Marceline said. "Let's go then. They're going to be wondering where we are. Just go about this casual-like and we'll talk more when we get there."
Phoebe wasn't really comfortable with sharing the ride to the lake with Finn and Bea, and even more so, she was unhappy with Marceline and Bonnie riding together. Bongo was there, of course, but that didn't make it any better.
She followed Marceline out of the bathroom, going their separate ways as nonchalantly as possible. It felt so strange to not even say goodbye to her, but she'd agreed to this.
Phoebe squeezed into Jake's car, sitting uncomfortably next to Finn. He of course didn't mind the close proximity. She supposed it wouldn't have been so bad if the ride was short, but they'd been driving for forty-five minutes with no sign of stopping. She stared out the window, trying to shove the sounds of Finn and Jake singing badly to the back of her mind.
Eventually, the car in front of them pulled over, off to the side of the carriageway on a long stretch of road and into a patch of grass.
"What are they doing?" Jake muttered, unbuckling his safety belt. "This better not be a prank or anything."
Phoebe quickly undid hers as well, jumping at the opportunity to escape the cramped car. The lack of room made her feel immensely claustrophobic, and she desperately needed space to breathe.
All the passengers of Bongo's vehicle were standing to stretch. Marceline seemed to be in a better mood, and had they not been surrounded by other people, Phoebe would have gone directly to her girlfriend.
Jake looked up and down the road, finding just as little as anyone else saw. "What's going on? Why did we stop?"
"We're here," Bongo said quietly.
The older Mertens boy shook his head, and then gestured all around them. "We're in the middle of nowhere. There's no lake here."
Marceline grabbed her bag from the boot of Bongo's car. "Trust me, mate. We're here." She slung the bag over her shoulders and started towards a seemingly indifferent spot in the wood. "This is our spot. Any one of us could find it with our eyes closed."
Jake watched as Guy and Bongo gathered their things, contemplating whether or not this was some kind of joke. When he saw Bonnie following closely behind her boyfriend, he just shrugged and grabbed his own things. "Are our cars going to be safe out here?"
"I wouldn't worry about it," Guy shouted over his shoulder. "No one ever drives down this way."
There was no set path, no ingrained trail for them to follow, yet somehow Marceline and her friends knew all the right twists and turns to take when navigating the forest. Phoebe watched her girlfriend walking confidently ahead of the pack, using a broken tree limb she'd found lying on the ground as a walking stick. The incline was a steep route, riddled with fallen trees and dead leaves obscuring the view of the ground. As a precaution, everyone walked in single file, following the footpaths that Marceline made in order to avoid holes and unseen disasters.
Phoebe only wished that she could fully enjoy the experience - to be at the front of the line with her beloved - but no, she was stuck with Finn.
"Careful, there's a bit of a drop here," Finn said, reaching his hand out to help her down.
Her skin crawled when she took his hand, reminding her of the kiss she hadn't wanted. "Thank you," she said politely, retracting her hand as soon as she was on solid ground.
Bea shot a glance at the two of them over their shoulder, and for a brief moment their eyes met. I'm sorry. I want this even less than you do.
The thicket of trees became progressively more sparse until, suddenly, it opened up into a clearing - revealing their location atop a cliff, maybe twenty feet up. Below them was the juncture where one of Whitewater's many rivers ran into a lake. The waters below them were calm, flowing lazily at their own pace.
They were surrounded on all sides by dense wood and undergrowth, rock faces overlooking the river, and solitude. Even without their leaves, the trees all loomed over them, full and robust.
The group came to a stop, waiting for Marceline to direct them, but she just stood for a long time staring out over the landscape. It was beautiful, surely, but in that moment—with the sun beaming down on the horizon of trees and distant mountaintops, and the quiet hum of the river flowing over rocks below them—all Phoebe saw was Marceline.
Guy stood at the edge of the world alongside her, watching this place that had been secluded from all the bustling of traffic - a place lost in time, its purity preserved. Then, he cupped his hands around his mouth and howled. The whoops echoed back to them, like a chorus of freedom.
Marceline laughed, and then she hollered into the technological void, adding her own voice to the disturbance. When the echoes finally faded, Marceline continued on her course with the rest of them following closely behind her.
They walked down the side of the cliff to a cluster of misshapen boulders forming a naturally occurring bridge across the bank of the river. The only way to cross to the other side was to climb atop the eroded stone and jump the small gaps between each one. Marceline warned them to be careful, but the task was simple enough.
Finn would not leave Phoebe though, and he tried to advise her on how to approach each and every boulder. The implication that she could not do it herself irritated her, and she could see that Keila was peeved as well, despite their hostile relationship with one another.
When everybody touched down on the other side, Marceline led them a little ways further into a glade. The river, and the spot where it flowed into the lake, were all visible from their location.
"This is beautiful," Bonnie said, to no one in particular. She walked around the firepit in the middle of the glade, looking out all around them.
"Well, this is where we'll be staying for the night." Bongo dropped his belongings into a small pile with Keila and Guy's. "We'll set up camp and then we can go swim."
Jake looked as though Bongo had personally offended him with the comment. "Are you bloody mental? It's about seventeen degrees out!"
"Don't be a baby, Jake," Keila said, and Phoebe could see his ears turning red. "That's not even the coldest we've gone swimming this week, what with the temperature fluctuating so much… but if you don't want to go, you can go and gather the firewood."
That was all that was said on the matter. Rather than arguing, they'd set about the frustrating task of putting up their tents. Because not everyone had one, some of them shared.
Bongo and Bea went about trying to make heads or tails of their own shared tent, not listening to Bonnie when she tried to read the directions to them. A few feet away from them was Guy and Keila who both handled their camping materials with expert finesse. Next to them, Finn and Jake set up the tent that they'd be sharing with Aeryn. The girl didn't seem to know what she was doing, but she didn't try to get in the way either.
"All done," Marceline said, distracting her from watching the others. "Come on in. We'll set up your sleeping bag." Phoebe smiled at that, and at the wink her girlfriend shot her.
"Are you sure you don't want to sleep in our tent?" Finn called over from where he and Jake were setting up. "It's a deluxe, so there's plenty of room."
"I think that's a bit inappropriate, Finn. Don't you?" she said, and went inside after Marceline.
The interior was much bigger than she'd expected looking at it from the outside. She set her bag down by the exit and closed the tent behind her, thankful to finally have some privacy.
Marceline was laying down on top of their sleeping bags with her hands behind her head, smirking confidently. Both of their beds had been unzipped all the way so as to open up like a blanket.
Phoebe grinned and crawled over to her, straddling her girlfriend's hips. "I missed you," she whispered, leaning down to kiss her.
Marceline's lips were soft, like the gentle caress of flower petals on one's fingertips. Phoebe felt comfortable with her. Unlike when Finn kissed her, she felt right. Not only that, but Marceline brought out this primal hunger in her. There was just something about the other girl that made her ravenous. It was in her soft feminine form and the smell of her skin. It was in the way that Marceline touched her, delicate fingers leaving a trail of prickled skin as they trailed down Phoebe's flesh. The simple thought of the other girl was lightning in Phoebe's bones, a fiery surge of electricity.
She bucked her hips forward, grinding against Marceline. Whatever had come over her infected both of them, making their kisses sloppy and their breathing ragged.
"Marceline?"
Phoebe had never wanted to legitimately strangle a person, but at that moment she could make an exception for Bonnie. "Not right now," she hissed, against her girlfriend's lips.
"Do you happen to have a safety pin? Bongo needs one to secure a rain shield on the roof of the tent."
"Just a second!" Marceline groaned. She kissed Phoebe in an attempt to placate her. "Do you have a safety pin on you that they could use?"
"I suppose I could look," she said, bitterly. Phoebe rolled off her girlfriend and went to check her knapsack for something to send Bonnie away with. There were safety pins hidden somewhere among her belongings; she used them for quick costume fixes in theatre. By the time she'd found them at the bottom of the bag, Marceline had already turned her attention to other things.
"I know what you're doing," Bonnie whispered when Phoebe pulled the tent opening back.
She rolled her eyes. "What I'm doing? Please, enlighten me, Bonnibel."
The other girl grabbed the safety pin from Phoebe's hand. "I'm sure everyone else would like to know too, wouldn't they?"
The venomous remark hung heavy in the air, following Phoebe like a shadow and reminding her to keep her guard up. Because of this, she'd spent a lot of time away from everybody to avoid the chance of her doing something incriminating.
It was exhausting to keep her walls up for so long, and she wished she could just enjoy the time they all spent together. However, all her restless thoughts allowed her to do was stand on the sidelines and watch everyone else have fun. If at all she thought it would be safe to join in, Bonnie was there to make good on her vague threat.
She hadn't even wanted to join in on the horror stories told around the campfire, but Marceline urged her to at least sit with them. They'd gone around in a circle, each of them telling their own tale of murderers and madmen... until it was Bonnie's turn.
"I have a unique story for you all tonight," she started, and already Phoebe knew that something was amiss. "This one just happens to be true."
"Don't you think you should stick to the format?" Phoebe asked, trying to appear calm despite her growing panic.
"It's funny that you would say that, Phoebe, because this story happens to be about you." Bonnie pointed an accusing finger. "Do you want to tell Finn and Marceline what horrible thing you've been doing to them both?"
She clenched her jaw. Phoebe could feel everyone's eyes on her at that point, but she kept her own trained on Bonnie.
"What does she mean, Pheebs?" Marceline asked, genuinely confused.
Bonnie was staring back at her. "I mean how she's been seeing Finn behind your back."
"That's not true," Phoebe said, her voice quaking. "I'm only seeing Marceline."
"You've been on several dates with Finn already," Jake said. He sounded angry. They all did.
Keila laughed bitterly. "I knew you were shit."
The chorus of accusations grew louder. She just couldn't take it anymore, so she did what she did best - she set the thin blanket she'd been huddled under to the side, and she ran.
Adrenaline pumped warmth through her body, keeping the freezing temperature off of her skin. She wanted to escape, to go where no one would know her name. Or simply just to vanish from the face of the earth completely. All these thoughts running through her head kept her distracted from regulating her breathing, and she soon began to feel lightheaded. All she had to do was get lost enough that no one could possibly find her. She just had to make it one more step, and then another, but her lungs were on fire.
Phoebe clutched at her chest. She was a better runner than Marceline was, but it was nearly impossible to outrun your problems while suffering an anxiety attack. If only she could get away, then she could just lie down and sleep away the pain.
Only, she hadn't gotten far enough, and she could hear voices calling her. It was unmistakably Marceline and Finn, both of her issues chasing her like the darkness that already followed her everywhere. Phoebe pushed herself forward, a short burst of speed that fell flat. Maybe, she thought, if she just laid down in a random patch of dirt no one would ever find her again. She could just rot into the ground where she belonged.
Her internal organs felt non-existent - not empty, rather, as if they'd never been there at all. Her body was still functioning somehow, because she could feel the weight of constant panic on her chest.
Phoebe lay down in a bed of fallen leaves that crinkled loudly in her ear. She pulled her legs in, hugging them close to her chest, and cried.
The voices calling her name grew closer and further, always changing direction. She hoped to never be found. She'd caused too much trouble already. No one would ever forgive her. No one would ever want someone so broken. Especially not Marceline.
Phoebe sobbed louder, scorning herself for being so selfish. Marceline deserved better.
Everyone did.
"Phoebe?! Is that you?"
She held her breath, trying to choke back audible tears, but it wasn't enough. Nothing she ever did could be enough.
Finn dropped to his knees beside her, trying to pull her to a sitting position. "Come on, get up! It's too cold out here. We need to get you back to camp."
A lump of guilt was lodged in her throat when she opened her mouth, making her gag and choke when she tried to speak around it. "Please, just leave me alone," she said, "I don't want to go back."
"You have to. Come on," he said, all but dragging Phoebe to her feet. "It's too cold out here. You're going to catch ill!"
In the corner of her eye, Phoebe could see a tall figure storming towards them. It was too dark to make out any sort of details, but it was definitely Marceline. Phoebe could pick her out in a crowded street, like the beam of a lighthouse leading her to safety. Only now, it felt as though the lighthouse was malfunctioning, and she was crashing on the shore. If she hadn't felt so drained right now, she would have run again.
Marceline shoved Finn away from her, nearly causing him to lose his balance. "Get your fucking hands off of her!"
He spun on his heel, drawing his fist back. Phoebe felt her heart stop. "Stop," she tried to say, but it came at barely above a whisper. "Please stop."
"What? Are you going to hit me, you little twat?!" She shoved him again, and the look in his eye led Phoebe to believe that he would actually do it.
Finn's clenched fist shook as he restrained himself from punching her. An eternity of anticipation passed before he finally lowered his hand. "You knew I was in love with her! Why did you do it? For revenge?!"
In the dim shine of the moon, Phoebe could see the incredulous look on Marceline's face. "Love her? You don't even know her!"
It was too much. Phoebe sat on the ground, covering her head with her arms. She was so tired of the fighting, and she was sick of everything always being her fault.
Finn came to her almost instantly. "Phoebe? Come on, let's go back to camp. We can just pretend that none of this happened. I forgive you."
"Stay away from my girlfriend!" Marceline roared.
Finn shook his head, his chest heaving with heated breaths. "Okay. Fine! You know what? Why don't we ask Phoebe? She can pick who she wants to be with."
"I'm a lesbian," she said, weakly.
"What?" Finn sounded both pained and shocked. "But you kissed me!"
"You did what?!"
Phoebe covered her ears, but there was no escaping what she'd done. The hurt in Marceline's voice made her dizzy. "No. You kissed me."
"You kissed me back!"
Marceline's voice cracked. "Is that true?"
The rate at which Phoebe gasped for air escalated, until she was submerged in a full blown anxiety attack. She was drowning, unable to breathe without the feeling that her lungs were collapsing.
"Phoebe?!" It was Marceline's voice, maybe. She felt hands. People touching her, but she couldn't see, couldn't think.
She begged them to leave her alone, to let her disappear so that no one would ever have to hear from her again. The world would be a better place without her.
The voices, now completely indistinct to her ears, were talking to her. She couldn't make out what they were saying. Words were foreign to her, whether they came from someone else or from herself.
She didn't know what she was saying anymore, only that she was talking.
The next thing she knew, she was lying down, her head in somebody's lap. The cool, humid air of a river was fast on her face. Her eyes adjusted, allowing her to take in her surroundings.
"You're awake," Marceline said gently. She moved a strand of hair out of Phoebe's face. "How are you feeling?"
"I don't know yet." She sat up, looking around. It was rather disorienting, but she was warm at least. Phoebe looked down. She was wearing Finn's jacket, but... "Where's Finn?"
"I'm over here."
She turned her head to see him sitting on a rock behind them. "You're still here?"
The shape moved through the darkness, until she could make out his features better. "You're my friend. I'm sorry I made a move on you." Finn sat down next to her. "I'm confused though. You were flirting with me, and you can't say that you weren't. You don't even act like that around anyone else. So yeah, I'm a bit confused."
"Leslie," Phoebe's voice broke. Clearing it with a cough, she continued, "Leslie doesn't want you or Bea around. She wanted me to get you both to leave the play."
Finn's expression ran dark. "So… You wanted to hurt me. For Leslie?" He stared directly into her eyes, grinding his teeth together.
"You-" Her words were strained, spaced out as she struggled to continually battle the anxiety creeping back up on her. She couldn't calm down, every thought in her head was bleeding fear and insecurity. "You don't… understand. Leslie has something against me."
Possibly the most terrifying thing was that Finn's voice remained calm when he spoke, but hatred and anger layered each and every word like oil on water. "Is your reputation so important that you can just fuck with people's heads?"
She turned to Marceline, hoping to see some kind of support, but the girl only sat and stared ahead of her. Phoebe inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. She was stuck between two people that hated her, and rightfully so. She relinquished the vice grip on her stubborn pride. "I never meant to 'fuck with your head'. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Truthfully, I think you and Bea are two of the most competent tech hands I have ever seen, but I can't… Say no to her."
"Why the hell not? What does Leslie have against you?" Finn took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It didn't seem to be working.
"She doesn't have to tell you shit. Back off," Marceline spat. Then she turned her attention to Phoebe, and much more gently, she asked, "It's the bottle… isn't it?"
Her entire body was shaking. When did that happen? "She's my friend. My only friend… and she's the only person who can get me the help I need."
Finn's features softened, his eyes darting back and forth between the two girls. "Help?"
"I'm sick in the head, Finn." She wanted to disappear. "Broken."
"Hey." Marceline placed a warm hand on her back, rubbing it comfortingly. "Don't say that. You're not broken. Maybe a little bent at the edges, but everyone is."
Finn put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Well, it figures. Leslie was being too nice to me. She never did that until I joined the play." He paused. "Are you feeling better?"
"You don't hate me?" she asked, surprised.
Finn shrugged. "I told you - you're my friend. You have more than just Leslie. Bea and I can leave the play, and you won't have to pretend anymore."
The words lifted her spirits in a way that she'd never felt before. Phoebe hugged him, burying her face awkwardly into his shoulder, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that she had a friend - a real friend who wouldn't punish her for mistakes, but forgive her. "I'm sorry. I don't want the two of you to leave. I just don't know what else to do anymore."
"You know, Phoebe, everyone knows about us now," Marceline said slowly. "You told me that you don't feel as bad when we're together... Do you think it would help you to stop relying on Leslie?"
Phoebe gave her a perplexed look. Just earlier that day, Marceline had told her that she didn't want Bonnie to see them together. Perhaps, what confused her more was that Marceline still wanted to be with her after everything that happened. Phoebe didn't want to question that part, scared that she would change her mind if prompted to think about it again, so she said, "To spend more time with you?" Marceline nodded. "What happened to being discreet?"
She tucked another strand of hair behind Phoebe's ear and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. "Don't worry about me. Just worry about yourself now, okay?"
It was confusing to have all of this support despite being a horrible person. No one had ever been so comforting before, and she wished that the moment could last forever. "I think you should stay in the play, Finn. Both of you. Leslie doesn't care if the play goes to shit so long as there's drama to get caught up in, but I do. Stay, please. For me."
"It is a lot of fun working the spotlight." He yawned. "Let's get back to all our friends. I'm really tired, and they're probably worried about us."
A thorn of sadness pricked her, reminding her that though this moment was rather nice, her happiness could never last for long. Those other people that were there with them were not her friends. They belonged to Marceline, and Bonnie, and Finn. In fact, they probably hated her most of all, and come Monday morning, they would all go back to treating her as if she didn't exist.
It didn't matter. Nothing did, so long as she had Marceline.
The three of them made their way back through the forest, following Marceline's expert guidance. The campsite was much further than Phoebe realised, and she was somewhat proud that she'd made it out so far.
When they arrived, Keila was on them in seconds. "Are you guys okay?! We were just about to come looking for you!" Keila grabbed Marceline by the head, examining her face. "You look rubbish. Don't ever scare me like that again!"
"We're fine," she said, muffled by squished cheeks.
Phoebe stood behind Marceline, too ashamed to show her face. She wasn't sure what to say to remedy the situation. No amount of words or actions could make up for what she'd done. The ideas she plotted only managed to get worse and worse.
Suddenly, she heard Finn's voice. She looked over in time to see him step forward to address everyone sitting comfortably by the bonfire. "I'm sorry about that, guys. This whole thing was just a big misunderstanding. Phoebe was never flirting with me. I just got excited that she wanted to be friends and misinterpreted it."
How selfless of him, Phoebe thought, to set himself ablaze for her. She wished that she could help him pick up the pieces, help him heal from being humiliated time and time again, but she wasn't thoroughly equipped for that job.
Despite Finn's sacrifice for her, she still worried that there would be negative repercussions from the others. The majority of their cohorts didn't seem to care though, and everything resumed as if Bonnie hadn't exposed her duplicity. In fact, Bonnie and Bea were the only ones who didn't seem to buy Finn's story. Their eyes flickered over to her suspiciously, but if either of them had any more to say, they kept it to themselves.
For the first time during their camping trip, Phoebe felt like everything was okay. No one really acknowledged her, but they didn't bother her either, and she got to enjoy the experience with Marceline.
Phoebe awoke shivering.
Her girlfriend slept behind her, unbothered by the cold weather. Sometimes she was totally in awe at how different the two of them were. The bonfire was still burning, she could tell, and she supposed she could slip away to warm up. Making a mental note to have their tent closer to the heat source the next time they came out here, Phoebe untangled herself from Marceline's arms and rummaged around in her bag for the spare clothes she'd brought. Putting them on provided no extra warmth. She actually felt colder somehow.
"I'll be right back," she whispered to the sleeping girl, and left the tent.
The only person that seemed to be awake right now was Bea. They sat in front of the firepit, unaware of her creeping up behind them. Phoebe watched the peaceful scene, contemplating whether or not she truly wanted to disturb it with her vile presence. She could turn back, snuggle up to Marceline where she was safe... or she could confront her demons for once in her life.
Phoebe decided to sit down. Bea noticed her, to be sure, but they didn't say anything for a long time. The pair of nocturnal introverts stared straight ahead, both of them sitting awkwardly on the same makeshift bench.
"It wasn't a misunderstanding, was it?" Bea finally said.
"No." Phoebe sat up straighter, trained to hide her vulnerability under a rigid stance.
Bea nodded slowly. They got up to grab some of the firewood from the pile Jake and Aeryn gathered earlier that day and fed the flames. "Do you want a marshmallow?" Bea asked when they sat down again.
"I don't like the mess," she said. Being raised in a home under strict guidelines for how a child should behave, she found the concept of such things preposterous.
Bea went about roasting a marshmallow for themself, turning it so that all the sides were an even colour. They pulled out a small plastic bag of digestive biscuits and sandwiched the golden-brown glob of fluff between the chocolate coated sides of the two biscuits. "Here," they said, handing it to her. "It's a little more messy than eating the marshmallow directly off the stick… but they're really good. My grandpa said that he used to do this when he was a kid in America."
Phoebe pursed her lips. It would be rude of her not to accept it, and despite her reservations, she gingerly took the semi-sweet sandwich from Bea. "What is this?"
"It's called a S'more. Because after you eat one, you'll want some-more. Try it."
Phoebe hesitated, eyeing the treat warily. With a sigh, she bit into it. The marshmallow exploded in her mouth, and subsequently down the side of her face, but it was delicious.
Bea smiled. "That's going to be impossible to get off until we get to a proper bathroom."
She made a face. "I wish you'd told me that."
In the quiet of the night, the loud ding of a phone notification made them both jump. Bea scrambled to pull their phone out of their pocket, shocked to have received anything at all so late in the night, especially when all their friends were gathered in one spot.
"Oh. It's Finn's friend, Ashley. His phone died earlier, so he borrowed mine to call her. He just wanted to ask if their plans for tomorrow were still on." Bea read the text quietly to themself. "Which, it looks like they are."
Only, Phoebe was sitting close enough that she could see the screen. "I recognise that number." Her attempt to wipe marshmallow from her mouth had been forgotten. "That's not someone called 'Ashley'."
Bea's brow furrowed in confusion. "It's not?"
Phoebe shook her head, watching the screen as it dimmed and turned off. "That's Ash Williams. Marceline's ex-boyfriend."