Chapter 26 - Marceline (Originally Published: 29 January 2016)

Marceline stared up at the ceiling, ignoring the blaring of her alarm clock. She'd already been awake for the past hour, unable to find solace in sleep since the other night. Every time she closed her eyes, her thoughts were bombarded with images that threatened the shaky stability of her contentment. The things she dreamt were pleasant things, oddly enough, but upon opening her eyes she found them to be falsified fantasies - and thus, the end of each day was met with the same struggle of tossing and turning as she tried to get back to sleep.

"Marceline!" Her bedroom door swung inwards, allowing a gust of icy air to penetrate her fortress of warmth. Simon's head of wild alabaster hair poked in, annoyance written on his face. "Are you going to turn that off?" When he saw the sorry state she was in, his features softened. "What's wrong, Marceline?"

"Not feeling my best, sorry." She shut off the offensive device and sat up, pulling a blanket over her shoulders.

"Do you want to stay home today?" He sat on the edge of her bed, reaching out with a cold hand to feel her forehead. "It's not a fever, but my offer still stands."

She shook her head. "If I stay in, I'll get behind in my coursework. I can't afford to miss out on anything at this point in the term. Earle will have my head on a stake if I muck up my marks again."

He made a face, concerned more for her well-being than the school principal. "That's fair."

Marceline hugged her knees to her chest, resting her head on them. If she looked at Simon now, she wouldn't have the courage to talk to him about what was on her mind. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Always."

She squeezed her legs harder, hoping to somehow draw strength from them. "Have you ever been so in love with someone that the feeling tortured you? You can't be near them, because you know that nothing good could ever come of it… and at the same time, you can't be away from them, because you ache for their presence." Her shoulders slumped. Getting the words out was a relief and a drain all at the same time. "Have you ever cared so much that it tore you to pieces knowing there was someone better than you for the person you loved? But you have to be happy for them, because they're happy… and the other person is someone who could give them everything they deserve."

Simon inhaled sharply, his nose whistling with the intake of air. "Yes, actually." He scratched his beard, humming softly to himself. Whatever was going through his mind at that moment was a mystery to her. "Believe it or not, I have quite a bit of experience in that area," he said, finally.

Thinking back, she'd never known much about him. Simon had always just been a friend of her father's, and then her guardian. The thought of him having a past before that was beyond her comprehension until now. "Did everything turn out okay in the end?" she asked, eagerly urging him on.

"All things do." He smiled, looking off to the side as he recalled a memory. The sorrowful appearance of his eyes belied the upturn of his lips. "When I was at university, I'd met a nice girl called Betty." He laughed sadly, as if each syllable of her name was a stab through his heart. "I grew to love her dearly, and we were happy - for a time." He shrugged with the nonchalance of someone who'd long accepted the worst case scenario. "We were not meant for each other, I suppose. Between stress and the general hardships of life, I'd changed for the worst. Near the end of our affair, I was no longer the man she fell in love with. I was devastated when she left, of course, but I think I understood. In the end, my princess moved on without me."

Marceline clenched her jaw, her teeth clamping down painfully. How could she have been so selfish to never have talked to him about his life before? Not that she was the best of listeners, but she'd known Simon for all of her life and still knew next to nothing about the man. "I'm sorry. I'm sure if the two of you ever meet again, she'd totally come back to you. You're one of the greatest dudes I know, Simon. Especially for an old tosser."

"I appreciate that," he said with a laugh. "But she's happy, and I'm content with that. Anyway, I'm fulfilled knowing that I can live vicariously through you." Simon stood, patting her on the head. "Come on, kiddo. You've got to get ready for school. Phoebe will be here shortly, I'm sure."

"Are you still going out of town this weekend?" Marceline asked, hoping to spend some more time delving into the untold history of her guardian before he left on business.

"Yes, but I'll be back before you leave school for holiday break." He stopped at the door, turning to look at her for a long time - his expression unreadable. Marceline was about to ask him if something was the matter when he said, "Bonnibel will understand if you tell her."

"How did you-"

"Call it magic," Simon said, and with a wink, he was gone.

Marceline didn't want to believe it was that obvious she was talking about Bonnie, but to be fair, her childhood best friend was the only logical solution. She just hoped that anyone else - specifically someone who would be deeply wounded by the information - wouldn't be able to figure it out as easily.

Throwing the covers off of her, she grabbed her clothes for the day; after a moment's thought, she paused to collect the small space heater that she kept under her desk as well. It was too cold when she got out of the shower not to use such a valuable resource, and though it was a dangerous idea, she wasn't a total dolt. Marceline knew to at least set it a good distance away from the water source to avoid any kind of electrical hazard.

After setting up the heater and placing her clothes on the counter, Marceline hopped into the shower. Her girlfriend didn't have her driving license yet, so whoever was coming out all this way to get her would not be happy if she took her sweet time.

Hopefully soon, she wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to drive her around. If things went as planned, she'd get the job at the record store and finally be able to save up enough money for a new car. However, with the way things looked right now, the record store was out of the question. She'd gone in several times to talk to the owner about the job offer he'd made her, but their schedules never seemed to line up.

One of the workers - the owner's son, she presumed - promised to give her a ring when he returned. To Marceline, it seemed a rather underhanded way of denying her the position.

Despite the disappointment of losing a job she never had, it was still nice to fantasise about what she would do if her wallet wasn't so empty. A car, first and foremost. That way I won't have to feel bad about always needing someone to drive me somewhere. She tongued the inside of her cheek, deep in thought. There's still holiday shopping to do.

Who would she even buy gifts for? Among her friends, the only person who ever expected anything out of her was Keila - due to a long running competition of who could come up with the most clever gift. Phoebe was her girlfriend, so she wanted to do something special for her as well, and Bonnie…

A sharp pang of guilt shot through her.

What Bonnie did to Phoebe was wrong, and even though she appreciated the sentiment—that Bonnie was trying to protect her—doing it so publicly was unforgivable. To make matters worse, Marceline was ultimately conflicted about the whole situation. She hated that Bonnie could sink so low, and her pride heavily outweighed her tendency to forgive people. However, ever since the other night, she was finding it harder and harder to stay away from Bonnie.

I wish she hadn't given up on me so easily.

Marceline shut off the water, her movement burdened by heavy thought. Her body was on auto-pilot - drying off, getting dressed, washing her teeth - each action mechanical, mindless in nature. She unplugged the miniature heater from the wall socket and took it with her back to her room.

The figure sitting on her bed snapped her out of whatever trance had sunk its poisonous talons into her. Instantly, the grief that had been consuming her since she'd woken up had been completely erased. In its place, a warm, happy feeling emerged.

"Good morning," Phoebe said, watching as Marceline tossed her dirty clothes into the laundry hamper. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did," she lied. Phoebe would only worry if she knew the truth of it, and it would be a crime to disturb such a delicate beauty. Marceline took a moment to truly admire the girl before her: the smile she wore, the way her hair fell down her shoulders, the blouse she flaunted so stunningly… "You wore that same outfit the first night that we…" she trailed off, a blush creeping up her neck.

Phoebe hummed to show that she understood, before reaching out to take Marceline's hand. Tugging gently, Phoebe pulled her closer to greet her with a long, passionate kiss.

A volcanic burst of fluttering waves erupted in Marceline's stomach. Being with her girlfriend had become less about simply coping with the loss of Bonnie. There were feelings there now, growing in intensity every day. Of course, the way she felt about Bonnie hadn't lessened. In fact, lately, it seemed that those emotions were growing as well.

"We should probably get going," Marceline said when they broke apart. "Is your father taking us to school again today?"

"He is." Phoebe caught her bottom lip between her teeth, noticing the way Marceline tensed up at the affirmation. "Daddy isn't as intimidating as he initially appears to be. It's stressful, politics."

"I know." Marceline tried to shrug off the pit of fear in her stomach. She grabbed her school bag off the floor and slung it over her shoulder. "I'd rather not keep him waiting anyway."

"Wait, before we go…" Phoebe rubbed her hands together, nervously. Her voice faltered ever so slightly when she spoke. "There's someone I want you to meet."

Phoebe was breaking down yet another one of the walls she kept up around herself. The simple, yet arduous task only made the girl more appealing to Marceline. "Can I ask who?"

"You may not," Phoebe said sternly. Then, more playfully, "It's a surprise."

Marceline ran through a mental checklist of everyone that Phoebe could possibly want to introduce her to. As far as she knew, her girlfriend wasn't necessarily close to anyone. At least, the people that came to mind, she'd already met. "Could I at least have a hint?"

Phoebe smirked, moving past Marceline to the door. "Don't think too hard. I wouldn't want you to have to miss out on it because of a migraine."

A jumbled stutter fell out of her mouth, unassembled comebacks being disarmed before she could fully form them into a sentence. She'd almost forgotten how completely flustered the other girl made her. "Fine!" she managed, eventually.

School, which had once been a refuge for Marceline to sleep and goof off with her friends, had become a stressful environment full of book reports and multi-page essays. The only respite from this nightmarish world was lunchtime, and even then, she couldn't seem to catch a break.

"That Finn seems a bit off today, what do you reckon?" Guy said, nudging her.

"I hadn't noticed."

He waved a hand in front of her face, cutting her line of sight to Bongo and Bonnie snogging below them. "Maybe because you aren't looking? Seriously, Marce, you're just going to make yourself more sad." Satisfied that she was now paying attention to him, Guy gestured over to Finn and Bea sitting on the first step of the bleachers further down from them.

There was truth to the observation. Finn didn't have his usual peppy smile, and the way he sat slouched over and staring absentmindedly at the gymnasium floor made Marceline wonder what was wrong with him. Bea didn't seem to be feeling all right either. While both of the younger teens were normally bursting with sunshine, they both seemed to have had it drained from them. However, it was the way that Bea curled in on themself - closing off from everything - that truly caused alarm. None of their other friends seemed to pay them any heed at all.

"Maybe you should go over and talk to them," Guy suggested.

Marceline would have liked to. She was still reeling from all the emotions she felt on the camping trip, so checking up on Finn was out of the question, but Bea didn't deserve to have a petty feud getting in the way of their friendship. "Maybe we should wait for Keila to get back. She's better at that stuff than I am."

"I don't think she'll be back, mate. Not during the lunch period." Guy leaned against the wall, looking out over the other students gathered on the bleachers below. "Speaking of girls, where's yours?"

"Phoebe went to talk to the theatre professor about Leslie. She's hoping to get that whole thing sorted without causing too much of a scene." Marceline found herself watching Bonnie and Bongo again. She averted her eyes, feeling dizzy all of a sudden.

"I guess that's probably a good thing, yeah?" When Guy noticed, he put a hand on her shoulder. "Bonnie's in good hands, Marce. I know you wanted those hands to be yours, but Bongo's good for her. They both seem happy."

Marceline nodded. There was a bitter taste on the back of her tongue. Something made her want to purge herself of the caustic flavour, but she knew it was all in her head. Guy had the right of it of course - she could never be enough for Bonnie.

Phoebe, on the other hand, loved her in a way that no one else had before… and perhaps, a way that no one would again.

"We don't hang out much anymore, just the two of us," Marceline said. If there was anything she could count on Guy for, it would be his ability to distract her from her problems. No one knew how to escape better than he did. "I think that should change."

A big, toothy grin spread over his face. "I'm going to be at Keila's after school today. It's Wednesday, right? I know a pub we can go to. All the best adventures start there."

A deafening shriek sounded just above them - the school bell warning them to go to class. Marceline and Guy both covered their ears and looked at each other, trying to remember which moron decided to sit so close to the speaker. When the sound died down, the ringing in their ears did not.

"I didn't realise lunch was over already," Marceline shouted, unable to hear herself.

Guy pointed at his ears. "What?!"

"Nothing!" Annoyed, she grabbed her bag and started down the steps. Literature was her least favourite class, but it was leagues better than sitting there with nothing to do aside from watching Bonnie flirt with her boyfriend.

A gentle hand touched her arm, stopping her when she reached the floor. "Marcy?"

"Hey, Bea. What's up?" She mussed up blonde locks that were already in disarray. Finn was no longer with them, having gone on to class alone. "Is everything okay?" she asked, knowing that something was indeed off.

"I'm really scared." They opened their mouth to speak again, but stopped and shook their head. "Never mind. It's nothing."

But of course it wasn't nothing. Not when Bea was so distraught. Marceline pulled them to the side, out of earshot of anyone else. "You can talk to me," she whispered. After a short pause, she added, "It's about Finn, isn't it?"

Bea nodded, and then in a flurry of words they said, "Please forget I said anything. I don't want to get him in trouble. I mean, I'll talk to you about everything if I absolutely have to… but I think it may still be too early to interfere. I'm not entirely sure what's going on myself, but you've noticed it as well, haven't you?" Marceline nodded. "He's shutting himself off from everyone else. Jake thinks I'm being paranoid, that Finn's just upset because of the whole Phoebe thing. And Aeryn told me it was just hormones, but I know it's neither of those. And then there's-" They stopped, their train of thought coming to a screeching halt. "Just… Let me try to figure it out on my own. I'm sorry for bothering you."

Marceline couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped her. The thought of Bea being a bother in any way was amusing. "You don't have to worry about that. If you ever need my help - with anything at all - don't hesitate to ask. You have my number, Bea. Just give me a ring." She caressed their cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. "You're not a bother. Not to me, or anyone else."

Bea bobbed their head. "Okie dokie. Just promise me that you'll be there when I need you."

"Of course, Bea. If there's one thing in this world I'm certain of, it's that I'll always be there for you."

She was nervous. The prospect of meeting this mysterious person that was so close to Phoebe was intimidating. No matter how many times her girlfriend told her that she would do fine, Marceline couldn't shake the fear that things were going to go poorly. Nothing about her ripped jeans and wrinkled shirts read 'proper'. In reality, the two of them were on opposite ends of the social spectrum, and Marceline's greatest worry was that she would somehow embarrass Phoebe by being too much of herself.

"You're going to do great," her girlfriend said again, pushing the door to her bedroom open. Just as they entered, she unbuttoned her blouse and let it fall to the floor.

On any other day, Marceline's eyes would have hungrily traced the smooth skin of the other girl's body. Right now, she was too nervous to notice. "You're changing? Aren't we going to meet your friend?"

Phoebe paused and looked at her, an entertained smile playing on her lips. "My friend?" With a chuckle, she pulled a sweater over her head, and then undid the zipper of her skirt. "We're not going anywhere. Please, just try to relax a bit."

"What about-"

Phoebe silenced her with a kiss. "Relax," she said, softly. "Sit on the bed. I'll explain in just a moment."

Marceline huffed, but she crawled onto the bed nonetheless, patiently waiting for her girlfriend to finish changing into something more comfortable.

"Hold this," Phoebe said, handing her the laptop that they'd once watched a foreign film on. Marceline smiled at the memory. If someone had told her then that this girl would have become such a huge part of her life, she wouldn't have believed it.

When Phoebe eventually sat down, she took the laptop back and opened it to a chat app. There were only two contacts on her sidebar. One was a person called Sunny, and the other…

Just then, Marceline understood. She watched as Phoebe started a call with the second of her two contacts. The small bit of nervousness she'd felt earlier returned tenfold, a surge of emotion that made her ill. She found herself grateful for the comfortable seat, having been hit with a case of light-headedness.

"Hello, Mummy," Phoebe said cheerfully when the call connected. Her bright smile could burn fires in the back of Marceline's mind.

"Hello, dear." Phoebe's mother bore a striking resemblance to her daughter, the only differences being the signs of age she'd earned and her chestnut hair. The years had still been kind to her, Marceline could tell, and the way she carried herself was already different from the current Mrs. Edan. "And who is this lovely young woman?"

Marceline was about to answer for herself, but the anxiety of the situation kept her mouth glued shut. She was glad when Phoebe took the liberty of responding instead. "This is my girlfriend, Marceline." The admission came with such ease and pride.

Her mother smiled beautifully, her features all the more flattered by the dimples in her cheeks. "It's lovely to meet you, Marceline. You may call me Shula."

"It's nice to meet you too," she mumbled. It was embarrassing to be so tongue tied in front of another person. If first impressions were anything, she'd mucked this one up beyond repair. She looked to Phoebe for guidance, only to find her staring back. Something about this moment, right here, told Marceline that this was exactly where she belonged. The tightness in her stomach seemed to loosen itself automatically after that.

Phoebe and her mother talked in depth about the things going on in their lives, and Shula showed great interest in getting to know Marceline as well - her hobbies, her hopes and dreams, what she planned on doing in the future. The pair had plenty of stories about Phoebe's childhood to go around, many of them involving a frail, little boy that Phoebe bullied to no end, despite being her best and only friend as a child. Both of them made jokes about the little misadventures children so often stumble into. Shula was rather funny herself, although not in the same dry, sarcastic way that her daughter was. She was lively, and just by speaking, she brought out a side of Phoebe that Marceline hadn't yet seen.

"I do wish I could send for the two of you to visit," Shula said with a sigh. "Not now, of course. Winter where I'm living is nothing like it is back home."

"Over the summer, perhaps?" Phoebe kissed Marceline on the cheek. "Does that appeal to you?"

She felt so at home with the two of them, that it just seemed natural. "Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. Count me in."

When the conversation eventually dwindled down to bittersweet goodbyes, Marceline kept to herself unless it immediately concerned her. From the vibe they gave off, she sensed that the two of them rarely had the chance to speak like this. It was an honour to be involved in something so precious.

Phoebe reluctantly closed the laptop, getting up to set it on her chest of drawers. "Will you be staying for the night?"

As much as she wanted to, Marceline had to decline. "I'm sorry. I promised Guy I'd hang out with him tonight."

"Be careful," Phoebe said, gently. That kind of remark might have made Marceline angry, had anyone else said it, but she understood Phoebe's intentions were pure. To be fair, Guy wasn't the most tame person. "Do you have a ride?"

"I can walk. Keila's house isn't that far from here." Marceline opened her arms for Phoebe to curl up inside of. The least she could do was stay and hold her for a while, quietly reassuring her that things would be all right.

Marceline peered into the window, being as covert as possible in her attempt to spy on the occupants of the house. When she was positive that no one was around, she slid the glass up carefully. It'd been left unlocked, as per usual.

The odd, hilly shape of the garden was an architectural disaster, causing the house to appear disproportionate to the ground. It made the window sit about a foot higher than Marceline was normally comfortable approaching, but she'd scaled this particular building at least a hundred times before.

Grabbing onto the wooden ledge, she hoisted herself up. The grip her shoes had on the brick wall allowed her to scramble up the side, and when she was over it, she threw herself inside. Somewhere between swinging her legs under her and the landing, her foot caught in the curtain. The world seemed to slow down for her then, forcing her to live in this embarrassing moment for longer than it lasted, until she hit the ground with a loud, disorienting thump. The curtain rod clattered as it followed her to the floor, its curtains whipping behind and covering Marceline in a heap.

"You are aware that we have a front door, child?"

"Hey mum," Marceline groaned from her spot on the floor. Imani was not her true mother, of course, but the woman had practically raised Marceline alongside Keila and her five other children. "I wasn't really in the mood to socialise."

Imani set the laundry basket she'd been carrying in one hand on Keila's desk and helped her up. On her hip was one of Keila's younger brothers.

"Hey Alfie," Marceline said, tickling his tummy. He laughed, and it was the brightest thing she'd heard all day. When she was done tormenting the three-year-old, she asked, "Is Keila home yet?"

Imani pointed with her chin. "She and Guy are in the kitchen."

"Thanks, mum." Marceline kissed her on the cheek. "Sorry if I scared you dropping in like that."

The house was small, only five rooms in total, and not nearly big enough to fit the many people that lived there. Getting by was hard for the Harrison family, especially when Keila's mother was the only one supporting them financially, but they made due with what they had. The loose threads were held together by a system of chores and responsibilities, and as extended family members, Guy, Bongo, and Marceline had their own duties to uphold whenever they were present.

"Here you go," Guy said, pushing a bowl in front of Keila's sister. "Eat up."

The little girl looked at it, turning down her nose. "The vegetables too?"

"Absolutely." He crossed his arms to show that he was serious.

She huffed, pouting out her bottom lip. "Do I have to?"

"'Fraid so, slugger." He gave her a sympathetic smile, and she obeyed, although not without making it obvious that it was unfair.

It was a pleasant change to see the way he acted around the kids. There was so much love and care in his actions; Marceline could really understand what Keila saw in him when he was like this. Despite all the bullying and the wild behaviour, Guy was a good person. The only people who could see that were the few he allowed to get close to him.

"Hey babes." Keila tilted her head to examine her. "How're you feeling?"

She shrugged. "I kind of wanted to talk to you about something before Guy and I headed out. About a lot of stuff, really. Mind if I steal you for a minute?"

"Take her." Guy turned his back to them. "It's not like she was helping me cook or anything," he grumbled.

Keila rolled her eyes. "Meet me in the garden. I'll grab my coat."

There was a spot - a little pond where frogs ran amok in great numbers, and an over-sized tree that kept it hidden from view. It was their territory, the only place on the property that was free from the threat of a privacy breach.

Keila sat down, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of the hidden pocket inside her coat. "Want one?"

"I've never been much for the stuff," Marceline said. Keila hadn't been either, only picking up the bad habit when there was something weighing heavy on her mind. "You started again?"

She shook her head, shielding her lighter from the wind. "Not really. Guy's just stressing me out lately." Keila took a long drag, letting the smoke blow out through her nose. "It's getting to be that time of year again."

Marceline nodded. She completely understood what it was like - the lacklustre glimmer of 'holiday cheer' for someone who'd experienced loss so vividly. "Sorted."

Keila tapped the butt of her cigarette, flicking grey ashes into the garden. "What's on your mind, darling?"

She took a deep breath. "I don't know. A lot?" She grabbed hold of just one of the many thoughts floating around in her head and started with that. "It's really hard to see Bonnibel and Bongo together. I care deeply for both of them, and I want them to be happy, but it kills me every time I have to see how well they get on without me around."

Keila nodded slowly, her eyes following the wisps of white smoke as they drifted through the air. "That's natural, but that's not the only thing bothering you. What-"

"I had a dream the other night," she blurted out, before she could stop herself. "It was weird and humiliating, but it's been keeping me up. I'm not even sure I remember it all too well, but it was definitely about Bonnibel."

Keila sat up straight, her body rigid. "What kind of dream? Like a sex dream?"

"Yeah. Exactly." Marceline hid her face in her hands. She'd never been prudish about this kind of thing before, but something about the situation made her cheeks glow as red as the hair tie she kept around her wrist. "That's probably too much information. I'm sorry." She tried to occupy her hands with something else, embarrassed about being embarrassed. "Until that dream, I had a grasp on how I felt. It was hard, but at least I could control it. I mean, after everything that happened at the lake, I was totally content with letting her go. It was working for a bit, just knowing that Phoebe needs me. More than Bonnibel ever could. I think I was also really angry with her for how she handled things." Marceline waved a hand, disregarding the less important detail. "Now I'm all out of sorts. Every time I see Bonnibel it's like I'm trapped in this box of how I feel for her, forced to suffocate. There's no escape for me, and I don't even know what to do anymore."

Keila dropped the cigarette at her feet and stomped it out. "Let me have a think on that. What I want to know is why do you think Phoebe needs you? What happened out there in the woods that night?"

How could Marceline begin to explain? It wasn't her business to share, and if someone else - especially someone that hated her - knew about Phoebe's fragile condition, they could use that to their advantage. Marceline had seen the worst of Keila, and she knew that it wouldn't be wise to trust her with that kind of information. "It doesn't matter, K. Phoebe has her problems just like the rest of us. The only thing you need to know is that we're right for each other."

Keila leaned against her, providing support in physical contact. "I understand that you don't want to tell me. I won't force you, but if you really think so then why are you holding onto these feelings for Bonnie? Why talk to me about everything if you're so sure of yourself?"

"Because. It's not that I don't want to let them go. I've tried. I just can't." Marceline wiped her eyes, only just now noticing the wetness that streaked down her face. "It feels so wrong to feel this way, and then to also feel the way I do about Pheebs."

"The way you feel?" Keila asked, trying to understand.

"I think…" Marceline sniffled, wiping her eyes again. "I think I'm really starting to fall for her, K."