"Glimmer, are you out of your mind?" Adora's voice was a harsh whisper as she chased Glimmer around the edge of the Whispering Woods, though who she thought they had to hide from was a mystery to her. Since Queen Angella's sacrifice, the rebellion was in chaos and the two of them weren't just the only people here outside of the staff, they were the closest the kingdom had to anyone in charge. "You heard the guards! He doesn't want to see anyone."
"Yeah, well, I'm not anyone." Glimmer sized up the shot and let the arrow fly, the other end of the rope tied around her waist just in case. With a thwack, the point embedded in the stone under the edge of Bow's bedroom window. She gave it a tug to make sure it was secure enough to hold her weight.
Adora exhaled, wearing that same frayed expression she'd had since they'd returned from the Fright zone and she gave their best friend the worst news of his life. "Will you at least let me get Swifty to fly you up there? If something happens to you too—"
"Nothing's going to happen to me! I've gotten into his room this way hundreds of times." Of course, that was when she was smaller and didn't have a full backpack weighing her down, but Adora didn't need to know that. She'd already made up her mind when he missed dinner again. The ground was alllll the way down there, but she refused to even look over the edge of the cliff. This was happening no matter what.
"Well, at least let me come! I hate feeling helpless like this!"
"I know you do." Glimmer exhaled and stepped away from the cliff to give her friend a hug. Adora sniffed into her shoulder. She'd been a mess since they'd gotten back. Something else must have happened to her in the fake reality, though her friend still refused to talk about it. "But this needs to be just me, OK?"
She was relieved when Adora pulled away, wiping her eyes and nodding. The last thing she wanted to do was make her friend feel worse by explaining that she'd known him longer, that as close as the three of them were together, she and Bow were still closer. Plus, she wasn't entirely sure Bow would want to see Adora yet, given what had happened with She-Ra and his mom in the portal.
Unfortunately, Adora seemed to interpret her statement in the exact worse way. Sad as she was, she still managed to give her that obnoxious smirk of hers. "So, should I not expect you until tomorrow morning? Are you guys going to be… you know?"
ARGH! WHY did Adora have to witness to that? It made the whole thing a million times more embarrassing! Glimmer rolled her eyes, refusing to dignify her comment with a response. She gave the rope a last tug and stepped to the edge of the cliff. "See you later, Adora."
The swing over wasn't the hard part. Once you got your feet up against the building and you couldn't see the enormous drop under your feet, you could at least lie to yourself about how safe you were. The hard part was pulling the weight of your body up the rope, arm over arm, over what felt like an impossible distance.
Gods, this sucked. She had plenty of upper body strength from years of archery training, but she was barely halfway up before the muscles in her arm started screaming for rest. That sparkly asshole was really lucky she loved him.
Thank fuck. His window was already open. She knew how to hack the mechanism from the outside, but that would be a colossal pain in the ass to do while hanging from a rope a zillion feet from the ground. She used what was left of her strength to pull herself up and over the edge of the circular opening before collapsing ungracefully on the window seat.
"It's… me," she blurted as she heard rustling from the direction of Bow's lofted bed. She was still out of breath and a little dizzy from the climb, but she forced herself upright to tug the rope in behind her. "Don't even think of giving me that 'I want to be alone' crap you're giving everyone else! You've been by yourself in here for almost two days, not eating, not talking to anyone and if you think I'm going to let my best friend waste away because he's a dumbass who'd rather let himself die before he bothers anyone with his problems or asks for help, you're an idiot! Besides, I am fucking NOT climbing back down there, so you're stuck with me!"
She yanked the arrow out of the wall to punctuate her statement, shoving it back into her quiver and throwing all her gear against the wall. This wasn't really how she'd planned this to go. Bow was way better at the comforting people thing. He actually thought before he spoke and knew the right things to say. But she'd been so worried getting in here to make sure he was actually OK, that now that she was here, she didn't know what to say.
And the longer he said nothing, the more awkward she felt. She was intruding on his grief. He probably really did need to be alone. She was going about this all wrong, yelling at him when she should be softer, gentler, all that stuff she wasn't sure she even knew how to do. But now that she was here, worry had turned to frustrated anger and a need to fill the awful silence with words even if they were all wrong.
"I tried to come in the normal way a million times, but the guards at your door told me to fuck off and the ONLY reason I didn't kick the shit out of them is that we're short staffed as it is and I'm the one handling all that logistics crap right now, anyway. We've been running the whole damn kingdom for you, Adora and I, while you're hiding out in here, so, you know, you're welcome!" Glimmer shouldered her backpack and started up the stairs to his bed, dreading what she'd find there. Please be OK. Please, please, please be OK. "And, yeah, I could have gotten Swift Wind to fly me up here, but I figured the LAST thing you'd want is that big mouth on your case so you're welcome for that, too! So, instead, I had to climb my ass all the way up the damn side of the building just so I could check on you, so be grateful I don't just toss you right out that window for making me worry about you for two days straight!"
She wasn't sure what she was expecting. Maybe for him to be crying, in need of a hug. Or angry at her for being a bitch and barging in against his wishes, taking all his rage about the portal out on her. A part of her hoped he'd be happy to see her, touched she'd gone to all the trouble.
What she hadn't been expecting was what she found when she finally reached his bed. Bow, staring at the ceiling, still wearing what he'd worn to the Fight Zone all those days ago, looking pale and sunken, all the light gone. If his eyes didn't flick to her for a second as she climbed onto the bed, she might have thought he was dead.
"Hi," she whispered as she sat down next to him. He glanced at her again and then looked back at the ceiling, not ignoring her exactly, but not welcoming either. There was a dusting of violet facial hair across his chin that, under other circumstances, she would have found adorable. He smelled terrible, not surprising since he was wearing days old clothes, the pants of which were probably still covered in blood from before She-Ra healed his legs. But it was the look in his bloodshot eyes that gave her a painful twist in her chest. They were utterly empty, with none of their usual light.
She swallowed, trying not to cry. "Do you want me to leave? I'll go if you want me to."
He didn't move for so long she wondered if she should repeat the question or just leave without an answer, but then he shook his head. She exhaled, relieved, because now that she'd actually seen him, the last thing she wanted to do was leave him alone again like this. She should have seen this coming. When she got upset, she lashed out, yelled, sobbed and ate too much, but Bow had always done the exact opposite. He made himself small and shut off, bottling everything up until he stopped taking care of himself.
Though she'd never seen it this bad.
"OK, so here's what's going to happen." She was still being too harsh, but it gave her a feeling of control over the situation when the alternative was to fall apart. She set her bag on the bed and took out the food she'd snatched from the kitchen. "You're going to eat something. Enough that I'm convinced you won't starve to death. Then we're going to clean up—" She gestured vaguely towards his clothing, still smeared with grease and grime from the battle at the Fright Zone. "—everything. And once that's done, if you want me to go away and leave you alone again, I will. Deal?"
He blinked in a detached way, like she was something he was watching through a thick window. But after what felt like an eternity, he gave her a small nod. She opened a container of soup and poured some into a mug, hoping the smell would remind him of how hungry he was. She held it out for him, feeling absurdly like they were kids again, having some terrible grim tea party.
Come on, Bow, take it! She really didn't want to have to yell at him or order him to eat. She forced a smile and nodded encouragingly. Finally, he shifted himself slowly into a sitting position and took the mug from her hand. When he lifted it to take a sip, she was so relieved she could have cried.
She threw a half a sandwich and some fruit on a plate and pushed it over to him. "Here. Take something else. And don't worry about crumbs. We're changing the sheets, anyway."
He ignored the plate, just sipped the soup slowly, the silence enough to make her want to claw her face off.
"So, did you smell all that smoke earlier? It was kind of a funny story, actually. Everyone was heading home and of course it was chaos…" She was babbling just to fill the space, watching as he set the empty mug down and then broke off a few pieces of the sandwich to nibble before finally grabbing the whole thing, tearing into it hungrily. She put the other half on the plate too and added one of those spicy buns she knew he liked. He cleared his throat, and she held out the canteen she'd brought, relieved when he took it readily and nearly drained the whole thing at once. "Yeah, so the smoke? Sea Hawk asked Mermista to go back home with him and it was a whole big thing. She was all, 'I'd rather set my boat on fire than go to Salineas with you!' and then she—literally—set her own boat on fire!"
No reaction. Not a laugh or a smile or anything. Though he looked more alert, at least. He was actively listening to her now and not just tolerating her presence. That was something. Thank goodness she'd brought more food than she thought he'd need. She pulled out a second sandwich and refilled his soup, trying to keep her tone casual, like she wasn't completely freaking out about.
"But the stupid part was, after all that drama, of course, they ended up making up. They left for Salineas together this morning." Glimmer forced a laugh, trying to figure out how to describe how bewildered they'd all been as the two of them went from fire and screaming at each other to making out on the charred dock of Mermista's ship in a matter of minutes. "Apparently they'd been married in the portal and it wasn't terrible, so it forced Mermista to re-evaluate all her life choices… or something."
She trailed off, realizing the portal was probably the absolute worst topic to bring up right now.
"Also!" she said quickly, changing the subject. "Your aunt left for Mystacor. She's coming back for your coronation, though. At least, she said she was… but that was before I kind of sort of told her to go fuck herself." Bow's eyebrows lifted slightly, and he paused mid bite. "Look, I know, OK? Adora already yelled at me about it. But I just couldn't believe she was bailing on you when—Anyway, sorry. Not my best work."
She grabbed an apple and took a big bite to stop herself from saying anymore. That Castaspella, Bow's only living relative, had fucked right back off to Mystacor without so much as making sure he was alright first just didn't set right with her at all. And she probably could have handled that conversation a little better, but she'd spent the last two days worried out of her mind for her best friend while trying to keep his kingdom running for him and, oh! also fight a damn war? so she was all out of tact.
When she glanced back at Bow, he was watching her. Maybe it was her imagination, but it seemed like there was a ghost of a smile on his lips before he reached for another drink. When it seemed like he'd eaten his fill, she packed up the rest. She'd leave it here with him. It would all keep and this way he could at least have something to eat while he hid from the world.
"OK, now! You are going to shower, mister, and put on some clean clothes." It didn't feel right, ordering Bow around like this when he was so sad and small, especially since he was only a few weeks away from being crowned the literal king of the planet but tough love had gotten them this far and she didn't really know what else to do. Fortunately, he only blinked at her a moment before resigning himself, throwing the blankets off and climbing slowly down the stairs towards the bathroom. She held her breath, assaulted by the full smell of the dried blood on his pants. HOW had he stood that for so long?
It was weird he used the stairs. Did that mean he hadn't recharged? That was probably some mom and moonstone powers thing she'd have to ask him about later. But first things first. She set to work stripping the dirty sheets off the bed, which proved much harder than she'd expected.
She did not know how long it took her or how many near-death experiences she underwent to get the old sheets off his bed and the clean ones on but by the time she'd finished Bow had emerged from the shower, smooth faced, wearing his pajamas and looking a million times more alive than before.
"Whatever you pay the person who usually changes this bed for you is NOT enough! I almost died at least forty times doing this!" She took the pile of bloody clothes from him and bundled them with the sheets. He didn't respond, but she'd gotten used to that. She opened the door out to the hallway to toss the grossness out into the hallway to deal with later, startling the guards dozing at their posts. She closed the door again before they could think to ask how she'd gotten in here.
When she went back into the room, it took her a moment to realize he'd gone back up to the bed. She raced up the stairs two at a time, afraid this would have all been for nothing and she'd find him staring up at the ceiling, just like before. Instead, he lay on his side, watching, as if he was waiting for her.
OK, now what? She hadn't actually thought further ahead than this. "Have you slept at all?"
He made a guilty face that she read as, Not really.
"Then sleep." She pulled the blanket up over his shoulder and resisted a bizarre urge to kiss his forehead. "I'll come back in the morning to check on you."
She started for the steps, but he reached for her.
"Stay." His voice was such a rough croak it almost didn't register as a word. "Please?"
Stay? Like, sleep in his bed with him? But what would people— His grip tightened a little on her arm, a plea, the look on his face so broken and sad.
What choice did she have? She could just leave him like this! She'd spend the entire night worrying about him, anyway!
"Uh, OK. Sure. I could… I could stay." She couldn't look at him. "Give me a second."
Her heart threatened to beat out of her chest as she climbed back down the steps. She hadn't slept in his room without Adora in ages, hadn't slept in his bed EVER, but considering that was the one and only thing he'd said to her this entire time, she didn't see how she could refuse. There was a drawer in his armoire where she kept a few things for emergency sleepovers when she was too lazy to go all the way back to her room. She grabbed an old nightgown she hoped to heck still fit and her toothbrush and headed for the bathroom. She changed and cleaned up quickly, trying desperately to turn off… whatever the hell was going on inside her right now.
He just lost his mom, Glimmer! It's not like this is… People won't think you're like… He's just sad and he doesn't want to be alone and he hasn't been sleeping, so maybe if you're there he might actually get some rest. It's fine. Just normal friend stuff.
Except as soon as she'd climbed back up to the bed, all she could think about was that the last time they'd been up here together had been in the portal. The weight of him on top of her, his bare skin warm under her touch, his tongue brushing against hers and if Adora hadn't walked in right then they might have—
Gods, what the HELL was wrong with her? He's grieving! Besides, everyone's memories of the portal are foggy. With the shock of his mom and everything, he probably doesn't even remember. You're the only freak who can't stop thinking about it! She flipped out the lights and hoped to hell the dark was enough to cover her blush.
"Been a while since we had a sleepover with just the two of us!" Ugh, shut up! She was apparently incapable of not filling every stretch of silence with awkward comments. Bow was watching her, the sparkles in his eyes bright pricks of light in the dark. He was just so CLOSE like this and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and hold him close and be very very stupid. She shifted backwards a little, trying to put more space between them, and nearly scooted completely off the edge of the bed.
She sat bolt upright fast enough that the bed swayed on its chains, which did nothing to make her feel better about the lonnng drop she'd almost taken to the floor. She laughed to cover how terrified she was.
"Wow, yeah. Circular bed, huh? Lot less sleeping area than you'd think." She lay back down, even closer to him than before, but it seemed like a good idea to stay close to the guy who could teleport them to safety. If he even had any teleports left. Shit, she was going to die, wasn't she? He was watching her, still and silent, which didn't help her nervousness. She laughed, a little manic. "Too bad this thing doesn't come with a seat belt!"
Without a word, he linked his arm around her middle, pulling her up against him. It was the seat belt she'd asked for, just a safety measure, but it send her heart rate skyrocketing. The urge to wrap her arms around him was unbearable, but she kept them still at her sides. Open that box and she'd NEVER get it closed again.
He moved his other hand, and she froze, convinced for one insane moment he was going to grab her face and kiss her like he did in the portal, but he only brushed his fingers against her arm. She realized he was tracing the four thin scars there, the marks from Catra's claws usually covered by her armor.
"If I had let you kill her that day…" He took a ragged breath. "My mom… she might…"
His face contorted, and she reached for him automatically, pulling him closer. She stroked the back of his head while he dissolved into shuddering sobs, soaking the shoulder of her sleep shirt.
"Hey. We're not going to do that, OK?" She rested her head on his curls and tried to think of anything she could possibly say to make this better. The problem was, HE was the one who was good at this, not her. "This is hard enough without… without thinking about what could have happened."
She exhaled, trying to get her own emotions in check. This whole thing sucked. She kept thinking about Queen Angella, how she'd given her a home here, let her stay even though she was a pain in the ass kid who gave the poor woman hell every single chance she got. Glimmer would never forget that day in her entire life, that cold, lonely walk from her dads' Library to Bright Moon, facing Queen Angella at her very lowest moment. Begging to join the rebellion while she felt halfway between throwing up and bursting into tears, lying and running from her own family. The way the woman had agreed to everything, put her hand on her shoulder and pretended not to notice how hard she was crying. Queen of, like, everything and, in that moment, it felt like she could have just run into her arms and hugged her like she was her mother.
But she hadn't, not even once in all these years. And now she was gone.
Ah, shit. Now she was crying. She tried to wipe the tears away, but then they were coming too fast, sliding down her cheeks and landing in Bow's hair.
"Sorry," she mumbled, trying to brush them off. Bow shook his head and wrapped his arm around her tighter. She tensed for a moment and then surrendered and did the same with both her arms, the feeling of having him close too good to resist. What the hell did any of it matter now when it felt like the world was falling apart around them? After everything that had happened, shouldn't she be allowed to hold him together? "I'm so sorry."
His back shuddered with sobs and she shushed gently for no other reason than it seemed like something you were supposed to do when someone you loved was crying. "I'm here. I'll stay. As long as you need me too, I'll stay."
She wasn't sure how much time passed before his sobs evened out into snores, his arm still clutched around her even in sleep. Only then did she let her body relax, cuddling closer, and pressing a careful kiss on the top of his head. Everything about this situation was awful, but this moment?
It was almost perfect.
Author's Note
I deeply love and cherish those of you who are still reading this but readership / engagement / comments / etc for this fic have dropped off significantly and it's demoralizing as heck, so I have decided to cut this AU short and end it with Bow's coronation which is 2-3 chapters away (depending on how I cut things up). I outlined this story up through the equivalent of Season 5 and had a lot of cool stuff planned, but this feels like a good stopping point because a) he'll no longer be Prince Bow from that point on and b) I'll be able to end it on a happy note without worrying about leaving you hanging on angst. This means I've set up some stuff I won't be able to give you the payoff for but, if there is enough interest, I will write up an extended summary of the rest of the chapters so you at least know what was going to happen.
And a reminder that I no longer post new fics on FFnet, only AO3, so you're missing lots of new SPOP fics from me if you're not checking the other site!