Waking up was always the worst part. There was a moment, just after he woke, when Bow felt normal. Like everything was how it had always been and he'd teleport out of bed and go have breakfast with his mom like he'd done nearly every day of his life.

That moment made it so much worse when he remembered. He'd get a couple of seconds of peace and then it would all come crashing back. Like losing his mother all over again. In that moment, the disbelief, the denial, the absolute unfairness of it all threatened to swallow him whole. Even now, a month after the portal, grief was still this constant ache that there was no shaking.

The only reason it hadn't destroyed him yet was this living nightmare had led to a dream come true.

Glimmer had somehow gotten herself sprawled across his chest again and was drooling on his nightshirt again. Which should probably be gross, but he found it adorable. Having her here in his bed every night had taken some getting used to. She moved around a lot. Kicked and snored and was a million times more clingy than he ever would have guessed, but he loved it.

More than that, he needed it— needed her— desperately. Now more than ever. Every morning his world fell apart, and she was the only thing that helped him pull it back together.

Glimmer shifted in her sleep, grabbing a handful of his shirt. For how much she always seemed afraid of touching him before, it surprised him how cuddly she was now when they're alone. Even sometimes when they're not alone.

Something's shifted between them since the portal. He could excuse the way she touches his arm or takes his hand under the war room table when she can tell he's getting overwhelmed as a friend offering support. She did stuff like that sometimes, even before. But it's this, the way she reaches for him in her sleep, their bodies curled up together, seeking each other out even while unconscious, that feels different.

Almost like when they'd closed the portal, reality had put together them wrong. Reassembled the two of them all jumbled up with bits of each other, so now they weren't whole unless they were together. Or maybe it had always been like that and he'd never realized it before.

Whatever it was, it made it easier to believe Glimmer wasn't just here because he's being needy and pathetic. That maybe she wanted this as much as he does. Which is a dangerous indulgence to allow himself to believe because it's all he wants. All he's ever wanted. If the years of back and forth, the dozens of almosts and maybes between them weren't only in his head? It would mean the reason she's been pushing him away wasn't because she didn't feel the same.

But then, what was it?

"I know you're watching me."

He laughed as she buried her face into his shirt, shielding her eyes from the light. Her hair was spiked up adorably in every direction and he wanted to touch it, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed. Was that sort of thing only OK when one of them was upset? He wasn't sure. The rules were rewriting themselves faster than he could keep up.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I gave you a pillow."

"Yeah, but you're comfier." Glimmer flopped over so she was looking at him, her face puffy from sleep and crisscrossed with lines from the folds of his shirt. She looked so different when it was just the two of them. None of the hard facade or tension from trying to hold the kingdom up when none of them had any idea what they were doing. None of the insecurities covered up by false bravado. Just Glimmer. She wrinkled her brow at him. "What? What are you thinking?"

That I love you. That you might be the most beautiful person on this entire planet and I want to wake up with you like this every day for the rest of my life. That all of this would be so much more bearable if I knew this new thing between us wasn't just for now and I could be sure we'd be facing whatever came next together.

But he couldn't say any of that. Not when it felt like he'd finally gotten a butterfly to land on his palm and the slightest flinch might scare it away and wreck everything.

"I'm thinking it's probably time for the Princess Alliance meeting."

She snorted and made a show of settling back down to sleep. "Sounds like a problem for a princess. And I, as you will recall, am, like, the only one around here who isn't a princess."

Not yet, you aren't. But I could make you one. The thought was so sudden he had to stop himself from blurting it out loud. This happened a lot. This new intimacy between them was just enough that sometimes he forgot they weren't actually together, and he shouldn't be outright flirting with his best friend. "I see. Should I take you back to your room then so you can go back to sleep?"

"In a minute." She shifted onto her side and traced the moon on his pajama shirt. He tentatively rested his hand on her back, but relaxed when she didn't object. They seemed to step farther into… whatever this was every day. In the beginning, she'd insist he teleport her back to her room the second they woke up, but, as the weeks went by, they'd gotten more and more lax with that. Not that he was complaining. These stolen moments were the only thing he had to look forward to anymore. "As soon as we get up, you become everyone's again and I like it when it's like this. How it used to be when you were only mine."

"I'm always yours," he said without thinking and her head popped up so fast he added quickly, "Always your best friend, I mean. No matter how many new people we meet or duties I have."

"Right. Of course." Something passed across her face. Was it… disappointment? She exhaled and pushed herself off his chest, so she was sitting next to him, her legs tucked up to her chin. "Are your powers charged up?"

"Enough." He sat upright and turned so he was facing her. She glared at him. "They are! I promise."

He still wasn't taking all the moonstone power. He couldn't face it. But she'd convinced him to at least take some, so he wasn't totally running on empty until the coronation when he'd have to take it all, like it or not. They couldn't officially crown him until he reached majority age, which wasn't until next week. He'd never dreaded his birthday so much in his entire life.

She was watching him, that no nonsense look of her that seemed to see right through him. Was it odd that he liked how protective she was of him lately, even though she was mostly protecting him from himself? He smiled at her and her face softened.

She put a gentle hand on his knee. "How are you?"

Bow hesitated. Because, comparatively speaking, this was one of his better mornings. He wasn't crying anyway, which was rare enough these days. But when she was comforting him, that seemed to be some special loophole, one that led to cuddling, so maybe he should— Gods, he wasn't really considering that was he? He really was pathetic.

"I'm OK." He gave her what he hoped was a convincing thumbs up.

"But…" she prompted.

"No 'but.' I'm alright today."

"Liar."

Before he could protest, she tackled him hard enough that she threw them both off the bed. He teleported before they hit the ground, crash landing them on the window seat.

"What the heck was that?" he sputtered.

His heart was racing from the near miss, but she was laughing, her arms wrapped around his neck as she lay on top of him. She cuddled down into his neck. "You needed a hug. I could tell."

He opened and closed his mouth, not sure what to say to that. Was she the one looking for an excuse to snuggle now? He was dying to ask, but was afraid that would only make her run. Plus it seemed stupid to object when he was getting exactly what he wanted anyway. "You could have at least warned me!"

"Where's the fun in that? Besides, I knew you had us." She giggled, happier than he'd seen her in months. She put on a faux serious voice. "The future king of Bright Moon is very responsible, very powerful. It's the only reason I hang around him."

"Really? The only reason?"

"Yup."

She patted his cheek and started giggling again. She was joking. At least, he was pretty sure she was joking. Ever since his mom disappeared, it was harder than ever to tell who actually cared about him because he was Bow and who was only interested in his power and position. But if there was one person whose intentions he could be certain of it was Glimmer. Right?

"Hey." She propped herself up on his chest. "You still OK?"

"Glimmer…" Her hand was still resting on his cheek and he closed his hand over it, his emotions suddenly fragile. "If I was nobody, would you still be here?"

"Don't be a doofus." She leaned down and rubbed her nose against his like they used to do when they were kids. Her hair flopped down into his face and he tucked it back behind her ear. Their faces were very close. It would take nothing for him to lean forward and close the distance between them. She seemed to realize it too, and the moment was heavy with something for a tense second before his bedroom door swung open and their friends can pouring in.

"Bowwwww, come out here and tell Perfuma I'm allowed to—" Frosta gasped, stopping dead in the center of the room. "Whoa? Glimmer? What are you doing here? Why are you on top of Bow?"

Perfuma shrieked and covered Frosta's eyes with her shawl. Her face was bright red, and she was trying to look anywhere but at them. "Oh my! We didn't— We were just coming to— We certainly did not know that you'd be uh—"

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" That was Sea Hawk, smirking in the doorway, exchanging a smug look with Mermista.

Bow yelped as Glimmer dug her nails into his arm. "What are you doing? Get us out of here!"

A moment later they'd vanished in a poof of sparkles, but not before hearing Mermista do an obnoxious whistle. They landed on the bed in Glimmer's room, but apparently she was no longer interested in snuggling. She pushed herself up, giving him a shove as she got to her feet.

"What the hell, Bow? Why did it take you so long to teleport us?"

"Because I was surprised and not really thinking." He pushed himself upright. "I don't understand. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Everyone saw!"

"Saw what? We weren't doing anything! Besides, they're our friends."

"But they don't know we weren't doing anything! You saw how they reacted!" She was pacing the room now, agitated. "It's how it looked. It's what they think was going on. Don't you get it?"

He didn't. Not at all. He'd never really gotten what exactly this was about. If their roles were reversed, he wouldn't have given a single thought to how it looked when he snuggled with Glimmer as long as he got to do it. "I'm sorry."

"Just… go before they come here too. Go to your alliance meeting."

"You're not coming with me?" He sounded pathetic, but no matter how much she grumbled about the hour, she always came with him. He hadn't held an alliance meeting without her ever, not since they'd restarted it.

"We're spending too much time together. I knew you were upset, and I didn't want to… but you're better now, you said it yourself. You don't need me anymore."

"Yes, I do. I need you." Desperately. He reached for her, but she turned away. He couldn't go back to this, not after the last few wonderful weeks of feeling like things had finally changed.

"You don't need me. You haven't for weeks. I was the one who… whatever. It was a mistake to let things get like this. It has to stop."

He swallowed. "What does?"

"You know what!" she snapped.

He did. But how could he give up the one thing that was bringing him any peace right now? Though… if she didn't want it...

He swallowed. "Would you… would you rather stay in your own room tonight?"

"Yeah." She was hugging her arms to herself, her eyes on the waterfall in the corner so she wouldn't have to look at him. "I think that's for the best."

"OK!" He was trying to sound cheerful, but his voice cracked, the tears already forming no matter how much he tried to hold them back. "Well, see you later then."

Then he teleported out of the room before she could see his heart breaking.