AN: Well, first of all, I owe everyone a humongous apology for the delay, but you have to understand, right now I'm in the middle of a scholarship in Cuba, and it's very hard, so I hardly find the time to write or get inspired to do so in the first place, but this story doesn't leave my mind for one day. I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter. Anyways, sorry again for the delay, and i hope you enjoy this chappy. PEACE!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Scar Tissue
Chapter Eight. Seventh Act: Somewhere Around Nothing
Comfort
Such an elusive, painful feeling. Long have humans sought the rewarding, warm embrace of comfort, long have they forgotten how important such a simple thing as a hug can be. The intoxicating sensation of the warmth of another human being is the single most addictive sensation on the face of the earth. In the cold, dark night, when you are all by yourself, truly and truthfully by yourself, with nothing but the whisper of the deep red ocean to lull you to sleep and the cold, hard ground as your only bed, you wonder just what happened to the hand which caressed your face in the dark, you wonder just how to fight the cold of a world out of your reach. Perhaps it is that faraway desire to feel, to share another's warmth and care what impulses the best and worst of our actions. That never-ending need to fill the void in our hearts.
For long I've wondered if that is what has affected my development as a functioning person. For as long as I can remember, I have fleeting memories of a woman's smile and comfort, of a gentle laugh and a loving caress. That memory is stained now, stained by the truth of things. What have I done, I wonder sometimes, to deserve such a life? Besides the fact that I single-handedly murdered every last human on this earth, of course. My life has been filled with lies since my birth, lies that were uncovered when I joined with the rest of mankind. It was comforting, if only for a while, to know at last. What was the cost, though?
I lost everything. Every person I cared about, however few they were, no longer look at me the same anymore. Maybe because they had the chance to see how much of a fuck up I am. Nobody looks at me the same. I remember that back when I was a simple nobody I sought the acknowledgement of those around me, and now that I can't walk down the street without being stared at, I miss the days when I could walk unnoticed. Some say I'm a god or something like that, people stop me in the street and thank me profusely, and every time that happens I have to fight so hard the urge to cry. Others spit on my feet, push me, insult me and hate me, I think that's what I deserve, to be hated. In the midst of it all, I lost the one person who truly acknowledged me, the one person I loved and hated so much, the one person who I thought would not be indifferent to my existence.
Comfort. I did what I did for try and find comfort. You want to know why I 'killed' everyone? Because nobody cared, nobody comforted me, nobody gave a shit about me, or Asuka, or Rei, and I got sick of being used, of being pushed and forced to do horrible things to people I cared so much for. I never wanted to beat Asuka's score, if that bastard hadn't called me to pilot that monstrosity, Asuka would have never started to hate me, but then again, had the bastard not called me, I would have never met her, or Rei, or Misato. I keep wondering now, if it was a good thing.
After the world ended, there was only me for a while, I don't know how much time I spent alone, then it was Asuka me for a week, well, it was all me for close to four or five days, because she ran away. I'd never say that to her face of course, but I know damn well that she ran away from me. Not that I blame her, though. I tried to kill her, I tried to kill her, and I… I don't know why. Wait, I do know why. She rejected me when I needed her the most.
It was so hard to hold yourself together in that place, to keep the things that made you yourself inside and to keep others out. She saw inside me, saw the horrible, disgusting thing I did to her, she saw into me and was obviously disgusted by the things that make me who I am. I… can't say that I deserved to be saved by her, but maybe, if she was a bit more understanding, a bit more caring, maybe she could have helped me. If she would have at least acknowledged me, even to insult and hate me, it would have been enough. Indifference though, I couldn't take it. I needed her help, and she refused.
Oh. Yeah. I didn't help her either. I allowed her to be eaten alive, I let Misato die; I abandoned Rei, my own sister. So why would anyone bother to help me, anyway? I understand that now, after eight months of thinking and suffering. I deserve it, all of it.
Some of you might be wondering why I didn't kill her, Asuka I mean. Why I didn't stop strangling her after the world ended. I'll tell you why. She acknowledged my existence, if only to touch me for that single second. She's like me, in a way. She's never had any comfort in her life, only people lying and using her, hurting her and letting her suffer. Even Kaji. I've actually come to hate that man, that terrible man and his lies. He was the same as everyone, only using her and playing with her emotions so she'd had a higher synch radio. I told her that one time, and she pummeled me to the ground. It's okay, I've come to get used to her abuse, it has kept me... alive. Of all the people I've hurt and maimed, of all the people I've let down, I let her down the most, and I think that point has been made clear.
Asuka has every right to do anything she wants to me. You're probably wondering why I let her do all the things she does, why I just sit there and take the abuse as it comes, why I allow her to use me as a sex toy and a human punching bag. Well, I don't have an answer for you. It feels right, to be punished by her. I know I'm being selfish, but that's all I know how to do right. I'm selfish like that, I let her do anything she wants because it makes me feel a bit less sick with myself every time she does. It's my punishment for the thing I did, for the things I've done. I'm also scared... very scared. I don't like to think of what would happen if I... lost control.
It's so hard sometimes, though. I tried to kill myself you know, after the first time we… had sex. I really don't know what to do when she demands it, I just know my body reacts on its own and, well, I promised I'd do anything for her. Why did promise her that? Does it matter?. I know she doesn't care about it, but I do.
I… I owe it to Asuka. I let her die, I could have saved her, I could have saved Misato and Maya and Shigeru and Aoba and everyone, but I sat on my pathetic ass and let soldiers kill the only mother I've ever known, then I let monsters eat Her alive… ALIVE. I can hear her screaming, every night I see it, the beasts feasting on her. Every time I see the small lines around her body, the small line on her eye I remember, and it torments me.
Now all of my friends look at me with pity shining in their eyes when I'm sitting on this damn bed, and it sickens me. Why the hellshould they pity me? They don't know anything, and they have no right whatsoever to mingle in me and Asuka's business. She's the only real thing I have left on this earth, the only human being that actually understands what I am and what I deserve. You can call me a wimp and a crazy bastard, but I don't care.
Now though, things have changed. I feel so afraid of her, so terrified every time she turns her eyes to me. I don't know why, I really don't. Before, I was able to withstand all of her abuse, but she's never been so brutal before, she's never put me in a hospital like this. I think a part of me is afraid of dying, maybe because I know there's a special place in hell reserved only for me. I'm still afraid of death, even after all that's happened.
But now I see something different in her eyes, something strange. My conscience, the rotten being who to this day torments my dreams and my mind reminds me time and time again just what she feels for me, yet I can't help but hope as I gaze into her eyes and see something else inside them besides hatred. It doesn't really matter, though. Nothing can erase what's been done, nothing can erase what I have done to her, to everyone. But why does she keep staring at me like that? Can you tell me? Please? I don't understand… I don't understand! Damn it! I don't know what to do! Please, tell me what I've done for her to look at me like that? It makes me feel so useless, so strange. Can she please stop looking at me like that? Please…
Please… Just hate me, don't make me suffer like this…
Please…
Just…
Hate me…
After the initial greeting a sepulchral silence descended upon both the occupant and the visitors of the small hospital room. None moved, as if frightened that their next move might alter the already stressed atmosphere which seemed to embrace them. The redheaded girl and her guardian stared in silence at the boy sitting on the bed, delicately observing the change in his appearance. Shinji looked much better, the bruises on his face had healed, leaving nothing behind. His face, if slim and still sickly looking appeared to be fuller. To Misato he almost appeared to be in the same state he had been that day when she had picked him up. Had it not been for his eyes, which reflected the tired and sad gaze of a man beyond his age, he almost looked healthy; it would seem the serum had done miracles to his recovery. Finally something good had come out of the curse that was Eva.
Neither youngster was willing to gaze at one another, one choosing to stare at the trey in her hands and other directing his own gaze to the cast on his right arm. Moving, speaking or even breathing too loudly was evaded by the three of them. After everything the broken family had gone through, they no longer knew how to behave around each other.
"So…"
As was to be expected, it was Misato who managed to rupture the icy atmosphere in the room.
"So… Umm… How, how have you been?" Asked Shinji, attempting to smile again and failing miserably. Asuka seemed to stiffen at the very sound of his voice, which seemed extremely strange considering she had just given him one of her most sincere smiles just a moment before. The trey trembled in her hands.
"Oh fine, fine Shinji, you know how well I can take care of things around the house. You know, stick everything in the closet and hope it doesn't fall apart." Answered Misato, attempting some of her humor. Needless to say, nobody laughed, but Shinji did raise an unbelieving eyebrow.
The older woman could clearly see the uncertainty in her female charge, the redhead's body language spoke volumes; the girl had no idea of what to do, so yet again Misato decided to take matters into her own hands.
"So… Asuka made something for you." The former Second Child finally gave a sign of life, turning to glare colorfully at her guardian for forcing her to take active part in the conversation.
Shinji blushed deeply at the comment, deciding to be guided by his nose, which was happily chatting with his brain about his stomach, who decided to let itself known.
"Really?" asked her male charge, feeling flabbergasted and somewhat flattered by the gesture. "You… shouldn't have…" A small part of his brain told him that the trey could very well end up on his face, or on the wall. Very carefully, Shinji looked at Asuka, noticing that she was focusing her gaze on anything but him.
"Yeah, this is for you, idiot." Not mustering up the courage to look at Shinji in the face, Asuka simply put the trey on his lap, ignoring yet again the tremors and pure terror the boy's body language exuded for the single second she came close to him.
Misato sat on the chair next to Shinji's bed, watching the interaction with interest. Something was seriously wrong, and it took no genius to know it. Shinji was not touching the trey, he was, as a matter of fact, staring straight at Asuka, who was looking at the ground, standing a foot or two away from the boy's bed. It felt as though a violent fight was about to break off, the atmosphere was electrified, the air seemed thick with stress and there was of course the fact that Asuka was there, and Asuka could not control her temper. Or at least that was what Misato thought.
Chaos was reigning inside the young girl's mind, she had no idea what to do or how to act, so she simply decided to stare at the ground. Her shoes were no longer shining, they were in fact dirty and unkempt, her hair was a mess of tangles and curls and her dress was stiff, since she had no idea of how to administer the softener in the laundry machine. She just wanted to run away, she felt dirty and horrible and simply wanted to leave, but she could not. Shinji had still not tasted her stew.
"Asuka, is something wrong?" No stuttering, no second guessing himself. Shinji had asked her a direct question without looking like a wimp. Both Misato and Asuka were shocked, so shocked in fact, that they were both speechless.
"W… What do you mean, idiot?" Asked Asuka, fighting hard not to falter and looking at him in the eye for the first time. Shinji stared at her, worry edging in his calm gaze.
"I… you look like you haven't slept in days, Asuka. Is something wrong?" Shinji seemed awfully decided to find out what was wrong with her, and it was starting to choke whatever mental stability she had been able to obtain. Since when was that any of his business, anyway?
"Nothing's wrong. Are you eating or what?" She hadn't meant to sound so biting, she truly hadn't, but old habits did die hard. She was about to apologize, but Misato's glare petrified her so instead she chose to relax her fists instead. Fuck, fuck, she had done it again.
Shinji reacted as was expected, he recoiled as if struck by a punch and lowered his head. Misato glared hotly at the girl, ready to toss her out of the room from her hair, but she knew better than that, if she did that Shinji would feel guilty about it and get even more depressed.
"Sorry…," said the boy pitifully. "Um… this… looks delicious…" Shinji's voice disappeared at the end of his sentence. Feeling pathetic again, he picked up the spoon next to the trey and started to slowly eat the stew.
"Um… it's awesome…. Thanks, Asuka."
"Yeah… I'm… glad you like it…"
The former Supreme Commander of the most powerful organization in the world walked on a slow pace, attempting not to fall flat on his face again, clumsily evading the rocks and debris all around him. A monstrous headache threatened to crack his skull open, and his body felt like it had been beaten by a furious mob. None of it came to notice, though, no, the person who had once been the most powerful, influential man on earth was observing his handiwork quite carefully. So this was what it had all come down to. An empty paradise which held only bitter truths for him, a broken promise to a woman who had manipulated him and their only son to achieve a pathetic, empty objective. This was what his life's work had been reduced to, ashes and blood.
How much blood did he have on his hand? How much of it had he given to his only son, to the boy he had used and tortured to insanity? Of all the things he had done, of all the lives he had ruined and destroyed, that of his son currently weighed him down the most. The sound, the horrifying scream of Shinji loosing what was left of his sanity would haunt him for the rest of his life, however short it proved to be. Had it all truly been for nothing? He asked himself over and over, and it took nothing more than a gaze at the run-down buildings, the people on the streets begging for some change, the darkened sky, to convince himself that yes, it had all been for nothing.
Ikari Gendou, for once in his life, allowed himself to feel the weight of his actions fall upon him. There was no scenario left to ponder about, no immediate threat to make him forget just how much he had actually done, just how far he had gone to be with a woman who hadn't cared for him in the first place. Oh, how he had fucked it up, so very completely.
Over the ruined buildings he could hear machines working, hammers slamming and trucks driving about. So there was life, after all. He was aware that his son had been the first to return, and that he had spent a good week by himself before the Second had decided to return. How he knew this, he was not certain. The only thing certain in his mind was that he had to make it right. He had to fix whatever he could, not even for himself, but for his son and... for her. The boy did not deserve his punishment, and it had taken Armageddon for him to understand that it was, by all means, not Shinji's fault. Heh, he probably had no right to even call the boy by his name.
So on he walked, directed towards his own certain doom, yet unafraid. He would face his son, and then he would face the rest of the world. So on he walked, loosing himself in the vast crowd of people moving towards Tokyo 3. This was it. The elder Ikari watched the sun glare from above, mocking him with it's greatness and magnificence, as if daring him to turn back and flee. There was a sign ahead of him, burnt and damaged almost beyond recognition, yet the words on it were as clear as day to him.
'Welcome to Tokyo Three'
The sun kept glaring at him, as the world seemed to mock his weakness, his uselessness. Run, mocked the world to its destroyer. Run, run and hide, coward, it screamed at his face. Run away, that's all you Ikaris do right.
"No." Said the former Commander to himself.
"I will not run away."
Asuka still stood next to Shinji's bed; hands at her sides, useless. She wanted to cry. She had fucked it up again, it seemed like it was impossible for her to act like a normal human being, specially towards Shinji. It made her angry when he acted like a fearless hero, because it always seemed to remind her of his failure to her, and she thought she had been able to grow out the anger. It had not been enough to abuse and hospitalize him, she was now terrifying him as well.
Dammit, she thought, I can't do anything. Damn it, damn it…
Shinji ate slowly, rejoicing in the stew's sweet flavor. It was, by far, the best meal he'd had in weeks, but he seemed to be unable to enjoy it to its fullest. The beast's words kept repeating themselves in his head again and again.
"So, do you still believe she made that soup for you out of the kindness of her heart?'"
"She just felt bad for your pathetic state and decided to indulge you with her presence, not like you deserve it, anyways, or do you?"
Shut up
"Hehehe… Don´t you just love it when your little lap dog is well trained?
Shut up!
Trying hard to concentrate on his meal, Shinji hardly noticed how Asuka's face slowly relaxed as she saw how much he was actually enjoying her creation, it felt as though a big weight had been taken off her shoulders.
Silence reigned in the small room, the only distinct sound being Shinji's spoon as he ate. Every time he closed his eyes, the deformed face of his tormentor appeared, rejoicing in his constant misery. He tried to simply enjoy the meal brought to him, trying to ignore the feeling that somehow he'd get hit or insulted anytime soon. Misato's presence did little to ease his mind, he knew well that the woman cared for him, but Instrumentality and eight months of psychological torture had taken its toll on him. Misato had used him as well as Asuka and Rei, she had used them to fight her own personal battle, she had sent Asuka to her death and had sent him to his torment. Misato had allowed Asuka to so what she wanted with him, choosing to get drunk after work instead of taking care of them, like she had promised. He no longer knew what to think of her.
After some time of total silence, Shinji was done with his meal.
"That… was… buuuurpp"
"…"
"Uh, should I consider that a compliment, or should I just smack you over the head?" asked Asuka, fighting to keep her face straight and forcing her lip not to curl upwards. Needless to say, Shinji blushed deep scarlet. Finally, the cold environment was broken when Misato's laughter filled the room. The woman was laughing so hard that she fell from her chair and squirmed about in the floor. Unable to keep her face straight, Asuka soon joined her guardian, both of them hollering laughter at unhealthy levels. The redhead had to actually support herself on Shinji's bed so she too wouldn't fall on the floor.
To Shinji, hearing Asuka laugh so purely, so sincerely, with no hint of malice whatsoever felt worth being tied to a bed for a month. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, so he lifted his head, cheeks still red, and smiled. The first smile he had not forced in years. He joined his roommates, his weird, dysfunctional and broken family in laughter and carelessness.
Suddenly the world did not seem as bad or as cold and unforgiving as before, suddenly there was a newborn hope for the better.
Good things, as they say, are sadly not meant to last long.
The humor-induced ecstasy didn't allow them to listen the door sliding open, nor did it allow them to gaze upon Shinji's newly arrived guests. Since he was a special patient, there was no limit to the amount of visitors he could have, yet, had anyone known of his particular situation, that anyone would have been wiser as to let the present people be in the same room together.
Touji, Kensuke and Hikari were all but flabbergasted at the scene before them. Shinji, Misato and Asuka laughing together like they'd just smoked a pound of some very good ganja. Just what the hell was going on? Misato was rolling on the ground, holding her stomach for her dear life, Asuka as holding onto Shinji's bed as not to fall and follow her guardian on the ground. Shinji himself was trying to not lose control, obviously thinking about his injuries, yet it seemed that his wounds were the last thing on his mind at the moment.
Growing impatient and feeling insulted, Hikari's mood darkened instantly. There was one thing she did not want to see at the moment, and that something was cracking off right besides the person she'd bothered to put him in the hospital in the first place.
"Hm mhm." Hikari cleared her throat rather loudly, feeling Touji's hand tighten around her own. The three laughing subjects, however, heard nothing. Nostrils flaring, she was about to yell when Touji beat her to it.
"Yo, Shinji! We were just dropping off for a visit, but we can come back later if you want." Said the boy, almost yelling. That got the attention of the room occupants, who reacted differently to their presence. Misato seemed to sober up from her outburst, Shinji himself calmed down a bit, still trying to control the giggles that escaped his battered chest. Asuka, though, froze completely if only for just a second before assuming a hostile, defensive pose. She didn't seem to be at all pleased with their presence.
"You can leave, monkey, we're busy here as you can see." Commented the redhead venomously, narrowing her eyes at the three distinct glares that fell upon her. "Unless your primitive brain can't process that simple information, of course." Added the girl, pushing the knife further.
"Come on, guys," Muttered Shinji in al almost desperate tone, attempting to control an already disastrous situation. "We can all stay and have some fun…"
Hikari's face, crimson red from anger until that moment, lost its color when faced with Asuka's bitter comments, yet she was not intimidated. She chose to attack her former best friend in a more political way. Squeezing Touji's hand, who seemed about ready to launch himself at Asuka at any given moment, she attacked in what she hoped was a calculated, hurtful way.
"Miss Misato, are you sure it's safe for Shinji to have that freak in the same room as him? I mean, she is the one that put him in that bed in the first place… Maybe you should get a restraining order Shinji; you never know what monsters like her are capable of."
Asuka was standing in front of Shinji in a strange, protective way. Her fists were tight enough to draw blood, yet she refused to answer anything back. Hikari was not saying anything untrue, after all.
"Yeah, I think you should have her arrested for assault or something like that, Miss Misato, that bitch is very dangerous. She should be behind bars, or in a padded room." Chipped Kensuke, smiling almost sadistically. It wasn't long before Touji included his own dark thoughts in the discussion.
"Yeah, the Red Devil, you really give honor to that name, heh, to think I stood your damn presence for so long in school. You should be packed and sent back to your miserable country, maybe then Shinji can find some peace of mind."
Asuka's frown deepened even more, she could feel hatred running like fire through her veins, yet held her tongue byu clenching her jaw closed as hard as possible. So hard was she fighting to not lose control that she could taste blood where she was biting her lip.
"Come on you guys, don't make me throw you out of here…" Said Misato softly, trying in vain to relax the tense atmosphere.
"No!" Screamed Hikari suddenly. "If there's anyone that should be thrown out of here, it's her! She's the reason Shinji's in the hospital!"
"Yeah!" Added Kensuke hotly. "You shouldn't let her anywhere near him, she's a crazy bitch!"
"The only thing she's good at is hurting the guy, hell, she wasn't even any good in her damn Eva!" Interjected Touji, poison leaking from his voice. Relentless, the insults continued.
Of course, in the middle of the open war against Asuka's presence, everyone in the room failed to notice Shinji's change of mood. With every insult directed towards Asuka, he felt rage unlike any other build inside him like a deadly current threatening to consume him completely. He could stand anything people directed his way, as long as it was him who was offended. No-one, NO ONE had the right to insult Asuka, they had no idea what she had been through, what she had suffered. Such a thing would not stand.
"You crazy slut! You put my friend in the hospital! Get back to Germany and leave us alone!"
"You should have never come here, you've brought Misato and Shinji nothing but heartache!"
"Guys, I'm serious, if you keep this up I'll throw you out for good…"
"Go ahead! I'd just love to see you protect that bitch who put your Shinji in a hospital! You're just as bad as her if you do that!"
"Stop it…"
"She shouldn't be allowed to be here! She's the reason he's in that bed, damnit!"
"I said stop it…."
"Guys…"
"You bitch! What the fuck do you have to say for yourself, huh? What's your excuse to be here? Came to finish the job, right!?"
"Stop…"
"I hate you! Get away from here, you damn bitch!"
"SHUT UP!" Roared Shinji, enraged. His outburst came with a high price, though. As soon as he yelled, he started coughing violently, the machines around him ticking like crazy. Amazingly enough, Asuka turned her back on her attackers as soon as Shinji coughed, forgetting them completely.
"Shinji?! Shinji are you okay? Don't strain yourself!." Asuka wore a worried expression, hoping for the best yet fearing the worst. What if Shinji had reopened his wounds?
The boy, however, was busy getting his breathing in control and glaring hell at his so called friends.
"What… what do… any of you… (cough) know?! HUH?! What do you know?!" Shinji was breathing rather heavily, but he paid no mind to the pain, nor did he pay any mind Asuka's concerned eyes. No, he was focused on putting someone on their place.
"Nothing! You don't know shit! You didn't do shit! Asuka fought for you assholes, she fought nine Evangelions to save you! And this is how you thank her, by insulting her?!"
'Shinji…" Muttered Asuka, finding his left hand and squeezing it, as to calm him. It was the first time she touched him since the incident.
"NO! I will not just sit here and listen to this shit! She was the bravest of all of us, god damn it! I did nothing, nothing while she fought alone, because I'm a good for nothing coward, but she didn't let that stop her! She fought for everyone, until her last breath! And because she was alone, because I'm a fucking coward, she was ripped apart! Literally! And you… you dare insult her?! You have no right, you hear me?! No right! No… (cough) (cough) right!"
Finally, Shinji's exhausted lungs gave out, making him stop and rest. He was panting heavily, coughing from time to time, as the machines around him administered the necessary doses of muscle relaxants and anesthetic into his bloodstream.
Silence reigned yet again. Asuka still had her back turned on them, Misato was at Shinji's right, checking the reading on the machines and making sure he was in no immediate danger. Asuka was still holding onto Shinji's hand.
Hikari, Touji and Kensuke stood petrified in front of them, trying to understand just what had happened. Had Shinji just stood up for the person who had put him in the hospital? The same person who had viciously tortured him for eight months? And why was Asuka acting so concerned for him? Just what was going on?
The visitors, however, had no time to think or apologize. A full squad of doctors, nurses and security staff rushed into the small room, pushing Asuka aside and tending Shinji fully. Ritsuko walked in soon after, wearing a very ugly frown on her still pretty face.
"Alright you three, get the hell out of here. You're disrupting my patient's recovery and I won't have that. You're no longer welcome here until further notice."
With that said, the head scientist turned medic motioned the guards to take them away. Touji, Hikari and Kensuke were so completely astounded by Shinji's outburst that they made no resistance as they were led out of the room. Misato stood beside the door, watching the guards take the young companions away. She too was shocked out of her mind, never in a million years would the Major have thought Shinji, of all people, would stand up for Asuka, after all that had happened between them.
"Get the readings of that MRI, you, hand me that scalpel, doctor Wong, I need you to stabilize them serum injector, doctor Richards, remove the bandages and apply pressure…"
The room was a commotion of rushed movements and noise, the machines were beeping violently and Shinji didn't stop coughing. His bed was in the middle of the room, to his right, standing next to the machine in charge of delivering the serum and muscle relaxants, rested a small desk were some of his personal belongings, his SDAT and a flower vase brought by a very kind nurse. There was a window on the left side of the room, offering a magnificent sight of the reconstructed environment of the Geo-Front. One single chair was next to his bed. There were no posters, no pictures, no get-well cards, no flowers but the simple, vain vase sitting on the desk. Nothing.
Asuka felt something foul stir inside her. Even in her insanity, in her riotous ways, she had always tried to hold onto some kind of personality, something that determined her as a singular person. Shinji, though, he had close to no belongings, and after Third Impact, he hadn't even tried to get new clothes, or new shoes, or even a new cello. It was a depressing thought, to know just how little he actually cared for himself, and how much she had contributed with the lack of interest in his own existence.
"Just what the hell are you all thinking?!" Screamed Ritsuko suddenly. Both Asuka and Misato turned to stare at her. The blonde doctor had definitely seen better days. Her hair was unkept, she had dark bags under her eyes the clothes on her appeared to be at least two days old and she stank of coffee and cigarettes.
"Do you realize that this boy needs a machine to breathe for him at this point? The serum might be effective, but his left lung collapsed no less than a week ago and his ribs were kicked into his diaphragm! I would appreciate if you restrained from trying to kill him again, miss Sohryu, and appreciate that you're being allwoed within fifty feet of him after what you've done." The faux blonde rolled her eyes at the Sub-Commander. "He'll be fine, don't worry Misato, it's nothing worth losing sleep over."
With that one last biting comment, Ritsuko turned her back on both women, directing her focus on Shinji. The boy was still coughing violently, which only helped in complicating the case. Shinji coughed because his thorax kept trying to expand to give the lungs room to inflate, yet since the diaphragm was damaged, it took too much strain to expand the thorax on the required level, which then impulsed the other muscles to contract, thus provoking the coughing. It seemed there was still a blood clog or two around his lungs. That blood needed to be taken out, and Shinji was not going to enjoy it.
Misato and Asuka stood helpless as the former head of the EVA project pushed the other doctors away and whispered something in Shinji's ear, whose face was already flushed and sweaty from coughing. Then, Ritsuko took out some sort of small container, motioning for Shinji to drink it. Seconds after the boy chugged down the strange liquid, another violent coughing episode started. Asuka was about to rush to the boys side when Shinji convulsed, irking his entire upper body upwards and spitting a mouthful of dark blood on a metal mug by his bed.
The image of him squirming and spitting blood brought her back to the dreadful day she had tried so hard to avoid thinking about. For days she had been able to delude herself into thinking Shinji was in the hospital by some freakish accident that had had nothing at all to do with her, but seeing him like that felt like a bucket of cold reality thrown at her face. She had done this to him, she was the reason he was in that bed and not at home with them, where he belonged. The only place where he actually smiled; she had taken it away from him.
Suddenly she felt very cold and so very alone. Voices kept ringing in her head and her world started spinning. All she saw was Shinji, naked, spitting blood all over the floor, gasping and collapsing in a dead heap. The thoughts drowned her awareness, everything seemed to glare and laugh at her. Ritsuko's comments fell on deaf ears; Asuka was too deep in paranoia to notice anything. Hysteria assaulted her, and suddenly she could see the white monsters who had devoured her and tortured her through countless nightmares; they were mocking her, grinning sadistically at her suffering. The twisted grins seemed to tell her something, a dark message imprinted through the bestial snouts.
"You see, we're not that different, you and me…"
Terror, she was paralyzed in fear, her worn out brain darkened in utter fear; fear of herself, of what she was capable of. In her state of restless hysteria, the abused subconscious of the redhead activated it's most primitive defense mechanism. She attacked.
"You Idiot!"
Ritsuko seemed to shut up with that. As a matter of fact, the entire room had gone deadly quiet when exposed to her rage, even Shinji, who seemed to have been dying to seconds before, straightened up and gulped.
"What the hell were you thinking, huh?! Do you realize how injured you are?! And who told you I need to be protected? I could've handled those three asses myself! Even if…! Even if it was… nice of...you…"
The former female pilot trailed off, feeling embarrassed. Looking around, she noticed everyone in the room was staring at her, waiting for the next outburst to break out. Shinji, even in his depleted state, managed to look sheepish and not fall apart, unlike other times when Asuka had raised her voice to him. Somehow, after all that had happened, that particular encounter with Asuka managed to make things feel… normal for the boy. For the first time in about a year, Shinji felt like things were somehow back to normal, and for that short period of time, he allowed himself to rejoice in that feeling.
"Um… I'm… Sorry?" The Third Child all but asked, being cautious as to not irritate Asuka further. The redhead blinked at him, feeling the same normal environment around them. For those precious little seconds, she was able to forget her guilt, her hate, her confusion and simply enjoy the pleasure of Shinji's company. It was heavenly.
"Yeah, whatever. You should be more careful, you know!" With that last, harsh but gentle show of concern, she kept her silence.
"Uh, you guys, I think we need to leave them alone for a little while. Come along, Rits, I'll buy us a drink." Said Misato eagerly, taking the doctor by her hand and dragging her (along with the entire medical staff) out of the room. Soon the only sound in the room was that of the machines that helped Shinji breathe. Asuka knew that the moment had come, she needed to apologize, but she had no idea how to even start. How do you apologize after torturing someone?
Rubbing her left arm and looking down, she swallowed whatever remained of her useless pride and glared at Shinji with defiance. She needed this; she needed to at the very least let him know just how ashamed she was. Looking down from Shinji's perplexed look, she walked to his bed and sat on the chair next to it, trying to muster up the courage to speak her mind.
Shinji himself was more curious than anything else. For once, Asuka's presence didn't seem to frighten him, at least not as much as it normally did. He hadn't started shivering in fear, nor had he started whimpering pathetically. He did not feel inferior or in immediate danger, and that alone was very new and strange.
"Look, Shinji…" The use of his name, instead of some insult got his undivided attention. He stared at her, afraid, yes, but not terrified. The boy even tried to sit as straight as he could, he had, after all, almost choked on his own air mere minutes before.
"I… I don't even know where to start." Asuka muttered, looking at the ground in dejection and uncerteanty. How, indeed, could she start?
"I've… done a lot of bad things in my life. I've laughed at people, I've put down anyone who even looked at me, and for no reason whatsoever…"
Shinji was getting more confused by the second. What had brought that comment? What did it have to with anything? Had she been waiting for everyone to leave so she could punish him at last? Suddenly he didn't feel so safe anymore.
"Asuka, what are y-"
"Please."
That simple word seemed to stop his entire train of thought. Asuka's tone was pleading, almost desperate. What was it that she needed to say? Had she just said... please?
"Please…" And there it was again. "Just… just hear me out, okay? I promise, I promise I won't hurt you. Just listen to what I have to say, please, I… I really need to say this…"
"Um… okay, sorry." Asuka still hadn't raised her head to even look at him, all he could see were her beautiful, if somewhat unkempt fiery golden locks. Even then, after all that had happened, he dreamed of running his hand down those eternally beautiful locks. He loved her hair, just as much as he loved every last part of her. No matter what anyone else said, no matter how much the beast inside of him tortured the living shit out of him, he could never stop loving her. What did it matter if he was unsure of what love was in the first place? She was perfect, to him at least. God, he was a crazy bastard.
"Um… I've been very confused, Shinji. After Instrumentality, when I found you lying on top of me, trying to kill me, I… I didn't know what to do, how to act around you. So much had happened, I had seen so many things in that mess and didn't really know which were real and which wasn't. The only thing that I knew, was that you had done a very nasty thing to me, and that I really hated you." She laughed then, but it was a bitter laugh, empty and mirthless.
"You know, in that Instrumentality world… I saw so many realities, I lived so many lives and watched so many others, and you know what I noticed?" She raised her head, looking at Shinji with an incredibly soft expression, as if caught somewhere in time, caught in a dream far away. She smiled at him, a pure, if melancholic smile, just for him.
"In every world, in every life, I met you, and you always brought conflicting feeling in me. Always, but, at least in most world, you were the reason for my happiness, even if it was false. Sometimes, you and me would meet and I would hate you and then start to like you, sometimes it hurt so much, our lives got so complicated that we ended up hating each other, and I… I realized that no matter what that reality held, you and I would find a way to stay together and be kind to each other…"
Shinji stared at her, realizing that this would be a one-time occurrence. She was talking to him, openly conversing with him, not yelling at him. She was sharing her own experience with him, after eight months, she was opening up to him. Suddenly he wanted to cry in joy, yet he chose to stay quiet and listen.
"Before, when… when you asked me to help you… I… I knew the worst thing I could do to you at that moment was turn my back on you, not care for you at all and let you drown in your on misery… and I did, because you'd just let me get eaten alive. I thought you didn't care at all, so I forced myself not to care about you either, just to hurt you as much as you hurt me by leaving me to die."
The boy seemed about ready to interrupt her, perhaps to explain himself, but she raised her hand to stop him. He was going to apologize, for disappointing her, for abandoning and killing her. Had she ever deserved to be saved by him, anyhow?
"But... I was wrong, I didn't understand half the things you had gone through. I never think of others, it's always about me, about Asuka. It took this, doing this to you, for me to realize what I've done. I'll understand if you never forgive me for this, for the last eight months, I've done so many terrible things to you, things I didn't even know I was capable of. I thought I was doing the right thing, that I was punishing someone who deserved it, and I never saw that you were the victim, the one who suffered the most. I never saw what I was doing to you."
"That's not true." Shinji retorted with resolution.
"Yes it is!" Yelled the redhead, getting up and glaring at him. Her hands balled into fists as an intense gaze fell upon her eyes. Shinji, however, misunderstood her body language and flinched as if struck by a devastating blow.
"See?!" Screamed Asuka, pointing a finger at him.
"I can't even come close to you because you think I'll hurt you! I made you so fucking afraid that you flinch every time anyone comes close to you! I did... I did all of this!" Asuka motioned towards the hospital bed, the bed, and Shinji's bandaged chest.
She was screaming, rage ran through her veins like fire and boiled her blood, yet her anger was not directed at the boy in front of her, it was directed to herself.
Look at him, she thought, Look at what you did, you horrible bitch. He can't even hide how afraid he is. Look, look what your anger gave you, you managed to push the last person who gave a shit to a nervous mess.
Soon enough Asuka realized that Shinji had barely come out of a life-threatening situation. She relaxed, breathing out slowly, trying to control her racing heart. The boy looked down, ashamed of his own fearsome reaction. Maybe it was time that he spoke his mind as well.
"Look, Asuka… The thing is th-"
"I blamed you."
Shinji's eyes shone like Christmas lights. His heart stopped for a second at Asuka's words, he had always known that, but it shocked him to listen to her saying it with such a lost tone. She looked like she was going to cry. There was a very ugly feeling pushing against his chest, but it had nothing to do with his wounds. He found himself angry at her, for the first time in months, he was really angry. Why would she feel sorry for what was right?
"After I woke up in Unit 2, I was finally able to see my Mama. For those moments, all my problems, all the shit I had inside didn't matter anymore. For that special single moment, I felt like I was really invincible, like she never left…" Asuka took a breath to steady herself, trying to maintain her composure.
"But then, then those things got up again, and their blades turned into spears." With a shudder, the redhead faintly touched her eye. "I… I was scared, but even then I thought that I couldn't lose, because I had my Mama with me, and because you were coming… But… you didn't come… you didn't come when they pierced my eye, you didn't come when they started eating me alive, you didn't come when Mama left…"
"The… Eva was covered… it was covered in bak-"
"Bakelite, I know… I… I saw in your mind. But that's not the point… I blamed you for taking my mother away. I understand it wasn't your fault, I understand that now, but… but I didn't before… and… it just ate me alive."
"You were right to hate me. You are right to hate me." Said Shinji grimly. A dark gaze fell on his eyes, he felt so angry, so ready to explode. A part of him was screaming, raging: So that's it? That's all your going to say? I already knew that crap, just hit me and be done with it…
"I wasn't. This isn't right, you idiot." Muttered Asuka tightly. God, she was getting so tired of his attitude. Why the hell couldn't he just get angry like any normal person? Why the hell did he always have to be a damn doormat?
"Look," Said Shinji dryly. "I know why things happened… they way they did, okay? You don't need to explain to me why you hate me so much, trust me, I know. Just, please… Just stop acting like you actually give a damn, I would prefer it if you just hit me and were done with it."
Asuka's eyes widened in disbelief, she felt slapped, insulted. She opened her heart to the boy, and he didn't believe her. He honestly didn't believe that she felt terrible for what had happened. The little bastard had no idea of how much she had gone through, and he dared not believe her? Who the fuck did he think he was?
The rotten part of her told her that maybe he was right, maybe she should hit the little bastard, put him in his rightful place as a good for nothing personal toy and be done with it, but she had already gone through too much to listen to her own stupid, rotten pride. So she took a breath and watched Shinji. He appeared to be angry, with every right, yet he seemed angry for all the wrong reasons. He was angered because in his mind, there was no possible way for her to feel bad for her actions towards her.
Great, Asuka, she thought sadly to herself, you fucked him up so much that he doesn't even think you could feel bad for him. He thinks I don't care for him at all. Damnit… damnit…
"Shinji…"
"Just… stop pretending you care… it hurts more than anything else… I know my place, Asuka. I know what you think of me, okay? I saw into your mind too… so stop acting like this, please… I asked you to let me heal, to leave me be just for this while…just for a little while… then you can keep doing whatever you want… just let me h-"
"S-stop it…. Please… stop it!"
Asuka was crying, she was crying in front of him. She was crying.
At once, the anger evaporated from him, leaving Shinji with a worst feeling of guilt than before. He felt ashamed of his anger towards Asuka, and now he had finally managed to make her cry. God, he was disgusting.
"Don't feel bad because I'm crying, you idiot!"
The comment forced him to straighten up once again. Whenever she used that tone, it felt like he was being lectured and needed to behave. Asuka was glaring at him, but seeing her al teary eyed and trying to look reprimanding made him chuckle a bit.
"See? That's what I wanted to see… (sniff)… You huge idiot, listen… I know what I did, and no matter…(sniff)… what you say, I know there is no reason to treat anyone like I've treated you. Ever since we met, I've been attacking you, insulting you, hitting you, being jealous of you…hating you…"
Her hands were clutching the skirt she wore as tightly as possible, as she gazed intensely into Shinji's eyes. She chuckled as well, yet hers was bitter, melancholic and somewhat nostalgic.
"I used… to be disgusted by the thought of even considering you boyfriend material… And deep down… (sniff)… deep down I dreamed of the day when you'd ask me out. My own insecurities didn't allow me to see my own damn feelings right… I always knew that I liked you, but was never able to accept it… I wanted to be with you so much… and I couldn't stand the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about you. I… I even threatened the girls in our class, because I couldn't stomach the thought of you being with anyone else… that's why I hated Wonder Girl so much…I forced myself to believe it was because you were an idiot, a pervert, a broken male… I made up all those things to try to convince myself to hate you… (sniff) … And I couldn't."
She truly, truly looked guilty. He could almost touch the aura of guilt and self-disgust she radiated. He believed her, but his mind always told him one thing. Even when she felt guilty now, it would pass, and things would go back to normal.
"I don't hate you, Shinji… I never have, not... not really. Not in the way you think."
"Do…do you swear…?"
"I do."
And he believed her for a second. But his heart was too beaten, too accustomed to receiving her hatred. In his mind, it was impossible for her to feel anything but hate for him.
"I wish… I wish there was anything I could do… to turn back time, knowing what I know now… but that would be stupid… You… you always stay with me, even when you're not by my side, you've always been there… but I always pushed you away… I made you believe you were unwelcome… Even then you stayed…"
Asuk took a deep, shaky breath and stared into his fearful eyes.
"I… I'm gonna change, Shinji."
He watched her, watched as her eyes filled with that old determination he had come to admire. He watched as she moved and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly between her silky-smooth skin, engulfing him in a warmth unlike any other. For that perfect, single moment, he felt happy, truly happy.
"And if you'll let me… Maybe with time… maybe I can undo some of the damage I've caused you. And… And it's not because of some… misplaced sense of self-righteousness, it's because… I care about you, even when my actions have always told you otherwise."
Asuka rose from her chair, still holding his hand as tightly as before. Slowly, she uncoiled her right hand from his, cautiously moving to stroke his cheek and lift his face slowly. She had done so much to this, this incredibly kind young man. He had always done so much for her, and she had repaid his kindness with jealousy and hate.
Softly, almost lovingly, she wiped the tears that had unconsciously fallen from his eyes. Shinji had not tried to break away, he had not tried to escape her touch, and he hadn't been scared. That alone brought some sense of calm to her tortured heart. Maybe, maybe she could get better, and make him better, happy even. Maybe one day she would be able to rest on his arms, where she felt safest. Maybe one day she could lie next to him, listen to his heartbeat, breath his air and feel his scent all around her. Maybe one day, they could be happy together.
"I'll come back tomorrow… if you want…"
"Yeah!"
Shinji all but screamed his answer, then promptly blushed deep scarlet and looked down. Asuka giggled a bit, refusing to let go of him until the very last moment. Finally, she released his hand, laying it softly on the side of his bed. The redhead kneeled to be able to be face to face with his ocean blue eyes. She had to ask, even if she didn't like the answer.
"Do… do you think… that someday… you could forgive me…?"
"I… There's nothing to forgive, and if there is, I already have…" Said Shinji resolutely.
The words and the sincerity in his voice constricted her heart. The gentleness he displayed was completely unwarranted and she knew quite well there was plenty to forgive. "Th… Thank you, Shinji… I… I'll be back tomorrow… okay? I'll… Bring you a good lunch."
She rose, and shakily walked off the room. After the door hissed closed, she laid her head on it, trying to understand the feeling inside her. She didn't feel less guilty, or less disgusted at herself, but she felt that she could truly change. Perhaps someday she would actually deserve his forgiveness, his compassion and company, maybe someday they'd be able to find happiness. At last, she was able to recognize the feeling in dancing in her chest and filling her with glorious energy.
Hope, it was hope.
After Asuka left, Shinji felt as though her warmth and delightful presence had been stolen. She'd been so nice to him that day, so open and kind and understanding, but when she left it had felt as though she had never come in the first place. Exhausted by the day's events, he fell into a troubled sleep, filled with horrific images and terrible screams. It was normal; all he ever dreamed of was the End. Every night, every day, it haunted him like a starving vulture waiting on his fall, waiting for its daily meal of misery. He saw the remains of Unit 2, he heard Asuka's screams, felt Misato die, heard the screams of everyone at NERV as they were turned into LCL, heard the screams of terror of humanity as their lives were wiped away by his hand.
Every night. Every night and every day. It was his penance, never to rest, never to find peace of mind, not even in death. He felt it, the thing that haunted his nightmares, he felt as it came close, ready to torture him some more, to extract the last drop of exquisite agony from his withered heart, until there was nothing left.
"I feel proud, Shinji." The voice came from everywhere, suffocating his nostrils with its nauseating breath.
"You finally know your place, boy. I feel so very proud of you, hehe…"
In the darkness, as always, light shined under him and his disfigured soul. This time, it looked even more terrifying than before. It looked more rotten, the skin was withered and infected, multiple wounds could be seen all over its body, The once white shirt the beast wore was reddened and brown, dried and fresh blood drowning the white completely. The monster's chest was ripped open, he could see its inner organs, see the punctured lungs clash with the broken ribs, the blackened heart palpitating so very slowly, pushing decayed blood to the beast's body. The jawbone was visible, as if something had literally ripped a part of the monster's face away, he could see the right eyeball move and bleed all over its face.
Raw terror ran through his veins. There was no more drug-induced sleep to save him anymore, he was at the monster's mercy.
"You see? See that I was right all along about you? I'm happy Shinji, so very happy." It smiled grotesquely at him, touching his face with its hand, cupping it, caressing it, leaving a trail of blood wherever it chose to touch him.
"Now, now things will turn a bit different for us, my dear Shinji, you know why? Do you? My dear little serial killer? Do you? Do you!?"
He shook his head no.
"Hehehe, why of course you don't, hah! You see, you're already used to the good old 'watch Asuka die' thing, so we're gonna explore your memory some more, how does that sound? There's some pretty good stuff stored down that ol' shack, you know."
Grinning madly, it grabbed Shinji's throat, standing eye to eye with him. Demon red faced ocean blue in a hazy showdown inside Shinji's broken mind. Everything felt real, and at the same time he knew he was dreaming, that it wasn't real.
"Just for the fuck of it, why don't we visit your first real sexual experience up close, huh? Then maybe sister dearest would like to show up and grace us with her angelic presence, and we could share some of your many fantasies about her, hmm? Oh, oh, and I know what comes next, hehehehe… After we finish enjoying the sight of you soiling yourself on top of Asuka's virginal body, after we're done with the always reliable incest scenario, you and me, we'll have some real fun…"
It licked his ear hungrily, and it wasn't the feeling of it's cold, putrid tongue in his ear what made him snap and scream in terror, no, it was a memory that much more defying, that much more decayed and frightening and simply horrible for Shinji's mind to handle.
The feeling, the sensation of raw terror came from the recollections of Asuka's ever frequent visits to his bedroom in the middle of the night. She had done that, licked his ear hungrily with a repulsive feeling of self satisfaction as he always recoiled in utter fear and self-disgust. She always did the same, make him feel helpless, insult him, claw at his skin and moan and sweat and bleed on top of him, without letting him so much as move. She was always on top, always with that horrifying predatory look as she used him until she was pleased. After she was done, she'd always say something among the lines of 'you're so disgusting' and leave, pretending it had never happened at the next day.
"Ohhhh, so you DO know what comes next, you intelligent little dog, you. Well, I guess that spoils the surprise, but who cares, right? The whole thing is about having some fun! So let's go, my dear boy… Oh, and try not to jack off too much, kay? I just had the place carpeted, hehe… hahaha… Carpeted! Hahahahaha…!"
And so it began, again and again, on and on for 4 to 5 hours of torturous, troubled sleep. How much time could there be left before he completely lost his mind? What would Asuka think then? Would she still see him with pity in her eyes, or would she just leave him to rot in his hellish personal hell? Would Misato simply turn away too? Just drop him off on the very first loonies' house to be reconstructed? Then what? Talking to the walls and crying himself to sleep every night? Screaming his voice away in terror every last day? Just rot away in a cushioned room until he found an efficient way to kill himself? Sure, he could do that.
Why not? He deserved more, after all. Maybe God was being a little compassionate with him by robbing sanity away from him after some point, he just had to wait it out and see. Why fight the natural process of karmic retribution? Maybe it was better to let it pass, to let it happen and simply give up. Yeah, that sounded nice, he was an expert in giving up and running away. Just like… just like… his father…
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree…"
At five thirty eight of October the third, 2016, a scream unlike any other shook the very foundations of NERV's medical ward. It was a terrible roar of terror and helplessness that traveled through time and space, waking everyone in the medical ward, locking itself in the mind of a young redheaded girl who was being haunted by a recurring nightmare scarring forever at her subconscious and making her notice how much that scream reassembled one she had heard not too long ago, consuming her entire being with unbidden guilt. It spaced itself in the heart of a 30'year old woman sleeping almost peacefully for the first time in years, and forced her to wake up in utter fear, a mother's fear for her child. It possessed the tired brain of a defeated, but powerful man, threatening to bring him to his knees out of pure guilt and shame.
By all means, such a sound could have never been made by a boy with his diaphragm in the shape of Swiss cheese, yet mysteries such as that one had always haunted the medical world. Perhaps adrenaline, some would say.
Even more mysterious was the lack of a latter lesion, or the lack of blood that should have by all means drowned the boy in it. Be it as it may, the boy seemed to be physically fine, although the same could not be said about his mind.
Shinji himself had come to the horrifying conclusion that he did not want to become like his father, but already was very much like him. He would have change himself. He could not run away to insanity in hope of making his punishment a bit less torturous. He had no right to do so, the right path was to take it all, take Asuka's treatment for as long as she wished to bestow it upon him, to be a beacon of hope for some and a living devil for others, to be both applauded and spat on every day he so chose to leave the sanctuary of his broken home, to be ignored, hated, idolized and repudiated for as long as he lived. He would have to take care of Misato's constant drinking, her tantrums, slurred, whispered but so very consistent insults when she came home too drunk to control her own mouth, he'd have to be tortured in his sleep, day in and day out, without so much as a moment's solace.
That alone had been more than enough to make him scream in utter horror, and for the sake of honesty and truth, the strongest man would have broken down long before he had.
For the following 4 hours, not even noticing the arrival of doctors and nurses, without noticing Misato's whispered words to his deaf ears, barely feeling Asuka's hand holding onto his own so very tightly, he cried. Cried because it was all he could do, all he was allowed to do, cried because there was no hope left for him, no light at the end of his torn down, crashed tunnel. Yet most of all, he cried because he found himself unable to make her happy, unable to bring some feeling of peace to the person he had hurt and damaged more than anyone. What could such a pitiful excuse f a human being offer to someone like Asuka, to such a strong, decided young woman?
He had nothing, he was nothing, and soon she'd see it, truly see it and leave him to rot in his own misery. He was terrified of her, yet addicted to her company, her inner fire. Even when it burned him time and time again, even when it burned with hatred towards him. Soon, she'd leave him and live her life, she deserved to live a normal life. He deserved Hell, and Hell was exactly what he would get.
For the following hours, the girl held his hand, trying to assimilate some of the grief that clawed at his heart, but he was far too gone to notice the girl's own tears fall. He was far too into his despair to feel Misato's tears wet his hair, too gone to listen to her honest words of comfort and love. But for once, he didn't feel alone. He was not alone, and that was enough to keep him sane.
Hours of crying and moaning in despair, for hours of torture for an already broken and battered family. It was, regrettably, the same amount of time it took Ikari Gendou to reach NERV headquarters, surprisingly unnoticed, and present himself in the entrance. Evidently, the guard seemed to recognize his name and allowed him passage without a question. As he found himself in the elevator, he noticed with grim coldness that his kingdom was back on its feet. The hellish place where his plans had turned to ash and fire, his unholy castle of solitude was as good as new. What an unpleasant surprise.
As he climbed into the elevator, the former Supreme Commander asked himself what came next. What would happen when he faced his son? What would he say? Would he even be able to talk? How to explain having manipulated his entire life for a stupid purpose? How to explain the distance, the coldness?
How?
The son continued to whimper away into the night, and the father was carried away.
Deep within the most secret graveyards, hidden under tons of metal and flesh, a once cracked, broken core came to life after eight months of slow, cautious regeneration. Two primal eyes shined in the darkness, as the broken carcass of Unit 2 started moving ever so slowly. A powerful heartbeat resonated in the ancient, barren metal wasteland. An S2 core shined brightly in the middle of the darkness, as its eyes surveyed the area around it. Hundreds of ancient failed experiments lay before it, but those were of no importance to the mighty beast, no, its targets were others.
Unit 2 moved with its one useful hand, dragging its rotten carcass to the nearest petrified model of the Eva Series. The shape of the once mighty Evangelion was almost unrecognizable, there was close to no armor left around it, it had one arm split completely in half, the remains of its remaining innards were dragged around as it moved, making a horrifying spectacle of putrid flesh and broken bone. It was missing both legs and most of its muscle tissue, there were holes all over its body where the nine Lances had pierced through, its head, lacking most of its facial mask, had just recently been reattached to the body. Drool and bluish blood dripped from its maw, as skin-crawling growls filled the silence of the Evangelion Graveyard.
Nine preys lay beside each other, helpless to its patient advance. With a mighty pull, it grabbed the closest humanoid figure by the neck and brought it to the ground. An eye dangled back and forth from its head, two small holes allowing the dim light to pass through them and shine upon the Eva Series' mangled snout. Opening its jaws in what could only be described as a grotesque, victorious grin; Unit 2 ever so slowly brought its head down…
And fed.
TBC….
Inspirational Music: Forget to Remember-Mudvayne; Faraway-Apocalyptica, Go to Hell-Carcass, Broken, Beat and Scarred; To Live is To Die, Until it Sleeps-Metallica; Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Fearless, Us and Them-Pink Floyd; Road Trippin', The Zephyr Song, Venice Queen-Red Hot Chili Peppers.
AN: OOOHHH, CLIFF! So… yeah. Well, I guess all I have to say in my defense is… there is very little time to write when you're on a full scholarship, AND there's no inspirational substances around… but hell, I had to write at some point. I'm tremendously sorry for the delay, and I'll try my hardest to write the next chappy a lot faster, but for the time of being, please bear with me… SO! Hope you liked the chappy, hope you enjoyed it, and even if you didn't, please let me know of any opinion, good or bad! Thanks for reading! Revising still going on, writing of Epilogue still going. Remember to eat your veggies and stay healthy!
PEACE!