Huge shout out to our beta Karamidori. Check his story Through the eyes of a god, for one of the few good Rinnegan Naruto stories.
Now after a month of waiting (Sorry for that) HERE IT IS CHAPTER 4!
Tsunade held him for a few seconds, maybe more, revelling in his warmth. After what felt like a lifetime, he was finally back, and she'd be damned if she let him go that easily.
"As much as I don't want this to ever end, I've got important business with the old man, see?" Jiraiya waved a thick folder in her face.
If even Jiraiya was doing paperwork on time, then it must be something extremely important. She wordlessly plucked it out of his hands and opened up the first page. The words "S-rank" immediately caught her eye. She snapped the folder shut, stashing it away from prying eyes.
"Hey, that's an important secret village business, Hime!" Jiraiya called out, stating the obvious.
Tsunade recognized the expression, that mischief in his eyes. It was a sign that he was up to something that might lead to him getting punched. And sure enough, before Tsunade could do anything, he quickly reached out and took the hat she had been carrying.
"Very mature." Tsunade snorted but Jiraiya ignored her, focused completely on the hat instead.
Right now, he'd brought the hat up to his eye-level, studying the thing with the air of a scientist in his lab. He'd probably realized by now that it wasn't a mere copy. And then with a grin, he placed it on top of his head.
"So? Whaddaya think?"
At first she paid little attention to the hat, and instead took a good look at his face. He looked so young. The markings on his face were barely reaching halfway through his cheeks and his wild mane was a bit shorter and more controlled. On the whole, there was still a bit of boy-ishness about his features.
And if she had been a little bit more careful detailing him the second she first saw him, she would have noticed that he was also an inch or two shorter. But even so, it felt like the same Jiraiya that she'd known all her life.
On his head, the Hokage's hat looked a fair bit smaller than it should, and his messy hair made it tilt to the side.
"Yeah, not even the Hokage hat makes you look less dumb," she finally said, shooting him a smile.
"You hurt my feelings, Hime," he replied with mock anger, taking off the hat.
It was better that way. Jiraiya was many things but definitely not a Hokage. She couldn't even imagine how badly he'd chafe in that position.
As she was lost in thought, he placed the hat on her head in one smooth movement.
"Well it's not my style, anyway. The Hokage hat did always look best on a Senju."
He took a step back to get a better view of her.
"See? Perfect for a warrior princess."
Was Jiraiya always like that? She most of the time had been annoyed by his antics, but maybe she missed those little sweet things that he always seemed to do and say.
Her younger self would have told him to stop messing about or maybe even lightly whacked him. But now…it just felt nice.
Tsunade had to stifle a smile as she took the hat off her head.
"What are you doing with that anyways?" Jiraiya asked.
Suddenly, she remembered why she left the house in the first place, and her hands reflexively tightened around the hat.
Something must have changed on her face because Jiraiya was now looking at her with concern. For a fleeting moment, she pondered on telling him where she was going, but time was of the essence. Plus, he definitely had enough on his plate right now.
"Before you go, thanks for the toad, I loved it," she shoved his folder back at him, quickly changing the subject before he could even ask a question. "Now go, Sarutobi-sensei must be waiting for the feedback of this mission."
"Hime, you were supposed to open it on your birthday!" A look of incredulous shock came over Jiraiya's face. "It's a birthday gift, it's in the name!"
"Shouldn't have given it to me early then." She stuck her tongue out at him. It was so easy to fall into their old dynamics, wasn't it?
The white-haired man snorted. "Once I finish reporting to the old man, you're gonna see, Hime."
The second he left, Tsunade turned away from him and forced herself to not look back. Looking at him leaving the same way he did last time would only bring back bad memories.
He wasn't leaving for a dangerous mission this time. Just a meeting with the Hokage. Nothing will happen. Still, she couldn't help the bitter taste it left in her mouth. She pushed those thoughts down. She had places to go and important business to attend to.
She took a deep breath and repeated it in her head.
Nothing will happen.
Tsunade started walking, but her first two steps wobbled, a part of her mind still overwhelmed by the newfound emotion.
She steadied herself with the third and fourth steps and by the fifth, she felt just a bit more grounded. And her head was just a bit clearer.
And before she knew it, Tsunade was confidently walking across Konoha, only her destination in her if she had only stayed a few more seconds, she would have seen a torn-looking Jiraiya stare at her retreating figure from the distance.
After walking the whole way to the outskirts of the village, she was greeted by a massive torii looming ominously over her head. In front of her was the Konoha cemetery, thankfully empty of any visitors.
It wasn't anything grand, like the graveyards in some of the other villages and towns. Just a lot of plain and undecorated graves, equidistant from one another. The whole thing was surrounded by a similarly plain wooden wall. On the outside of the wall, a line of massive trees ran alongside the perimeter, almost as if they were watching guard.
Taking the first step, it was as if she'd suddenly stepped into another world. Tsunade felt a chill run down her spine despite the afternoon sun, and the air suddenly felt a lot colder. Listening closely, she could barely make out the hustle and bustle of the village now.
Tsunade had always hated the energies places like this held, but she needed to let it all out. It was the least Nawaki deserved.
She traipsed along the path, seeing stones that held only names and dates—a lot less than she remembered seeing. Still, the rows and rows of cold, grey stone and the silence that they held reminded her of what kind of world they lived in. Just how many people had this world eaten? How many children like Nawaki?
And how many more will be added in the oncoming wars?
It took all of her willpower to not linger and study the graves, to try to figure out who she'd failed to save so far. She'd sink under that weight. And right now, there was just one grave she needed to see.
At the far end of the cemetery, a red statue in the shape of a flame sat on an elevated platform. Under the afternoon sun, the flame almost felt like it was glowing. The kanji for "Hokage" engraved on the tablet in front of it shone proudly.
On either side of the platform, Tsunade saw a familiar set of stone stairs. They led up the platform, around the statue, and towards a hidden entrance that only a few people knew about.
Her gaze lingered on the statue for just a second before she forced herself to continue onward.
Quickly climbing the stairs going past the statue, she found the small door built into the wall of the cemetery. On the outside, it looked like an abandoned entrance, but it was actually a door to a Senju shrine — the place to worship gods she had long since stopped believing in.
Opening the door, she was greeted by a familiar dirt path decorated by lots of massive trees. It gave the impression that you were roaming inside the forest that surrounded Konoha.
The air was pleasantly cool as she neared the shrine, a far cry from the oppressive chill of the cemetery. This was not quite home, but very close. Where all the Senju rest, their days of serving or sacrificing now long gone.
The torii at the shrine entrance was much smaller than the one on the cemetery. In its age, the wood had darkened, and moss had made its home along the two pillars. Said pillars more closely resembled tree trunks, by now.
The shrine had been part of the Senju since the early days of the warring states era, long before Hashirama Senju was even born. the years on it were more evident than she ever remembered.
In fact, nature had taken back most of the structures around here. Ferns and wildflowers peeked out from between the cracks on the stone staircase and the remaining statues were almost unrecognizable from the nature reclaim.
Her clan preferred it that way, and so did Tsunade, if she had to be honest. The plants breathed a certain life into the shrine that was lost in the village cemetery.
The Senju always believed in surrounding themselves with life.
Death was an anathema to all that the Senju held dear, so all their customs were founded on keeping themselves as far away from death as they could. It could be seen in small rituals they had.
Many of the clan's rituals had been lost through the generations, but they never forgot to keep life and death separate. True to form, the graveyard was on the farthest corner from the Senju a Senju encountered a dead tree or plant it was customary to weed it out and plant twice as many in its place. They also believed their homes were the best place to bring their children to the world, since a child drawing their first breaths in a place where sickness and death occurred was unthinkable.
Life and death both had their place in the world, but according to the Senju philosophy they were never to be mixed. Once their time comes, they would have an eternity with death. As such, they should cherish their ephemeral dance with life when they had the chance.
The Senju weren't the fanciest people, that was a reality that extended also to their graves, which were little more than simple stones. The ones before the Senju-Uchiha pact sported the clan crest and the names of the fallen warriors. The newer ones sported the leaf symbol, those had both the name and the date of birth and death of the person.
As she walked down the path, she passed by various older graves with familiar names that stuck out.
Touka, Itama, Kawarama, Butsuma...
People she never met, but heard endless stories about. Stories so vivid that she felt like she knew them all.
She couldn't stop and look at them. Right now, Tsunade had only one destination in mind.
After a few minutes of searching, she found what she was looking for. His grave stood out because it was the only one that wasn't covered in layers upon layers of surface grime or had wild plants growing on it.
千手縄樹
Senju Nawaki
八月十日
Cold, hard stone bore the name that she'd been looking for. Tsunade stared at the engraving as she sank to her knees on the soft grass. Passing her fingers over the engraving of his name, she noticed a few burnt candles and incense next to it. Judging by the scent of the incense, they must have been put there by her grandmother.
Moving the candles and the incense tray carefully to the side, she laid the Hokage hat as she settled herself in a lotus position. For a while, she sat there, looking for the right words to start a one-sided conversation.
What was she supposed to say here? That she was sorry for letting him die? Those were just words. Empty words that didn't change anything.
So she settled for the same way she always greeted him.
"Hey, Squirt."
She patted the hat to her side.
"I…I don't even know what I'm doing, but I thought you'd like this here with you." She let out a heavy breath. Well, that was one sentence out. Hopefully it would be easier from here.
"And you shouldn't keep a gift like this with all those magazines, y'know. It was a pain to get this hat for you."
"Did I ever tell you how I got it?" she asked, as if he would answer. "I stole it from Sarutobi-sensei, Jiraiya helped me out." she let out a laugh as the memory played in her mind.
"You wanted to be a Hokage so much, I just thought you deserved a real Kage hat."
"Sensei!" Jiraya yelled after kicking open the door to the Hokage's office.
Hiruzen Sarutobi looked up from his mound of paperwork as his excited student sauntered into the room.
"Jiraiya," the Hokage acknowledged, "Please tell me this is important and you're not just wasting my time."
Both of them knew that underneath the stern demeanour, Sarutobi was looking for an excuse to not have to work.
"Oh, trust me. It's super important." Jiraiya made a show of checking all parts of the room, as if to make sure they were alone. "It's about the uhh…my new report."
"Your new report?"
"No, no, no, I meant my," Jiraiya paused to give him an exaggerated wink before lowering his voice, "new report."
" Your…new report?"
"Yes, my new report," Jiraiya confirmed, nodding sagely.
A not so insignificant distance away, Tsunade cursed her fate at having to hear those two in her team.
"Well in that case, it's a matter of utmost urgency."
Was he seriously saying that over reading a smutty romcom novel?
Placing the hat on the desk, he quickly strode towards the door. Behind him, Jiraiya followed, stifling his giggles as he closed the door.
Seconds later, Tsunade shot through the window, left open by Jiraiya, and landed expertly on the floor.
The ANBU guards had followed the Hokage, and the remaining guards outside were being kept busy with some bureaucratic nonsense cooked up by Orochimaru.
That left a moment of opportunity, one that Tsunade seized without a second thought.
Tsunade quickly swiped the hat from the desk, making sure to leave anything else untouched. She then escaped with her bounty, shooting through the window the same way she came in.
Later on she stood in the entrance of the ninja academy waiting for Nawaki to come out. Today was the day he was officially going to be made a genin. Well, he still needed to pass his practical test but he didn't need to know that part.
Her wait was over when an overly excited Nawaki came out of the building shouting, with happy tears he would argue weren't there in his eyes
The forehead protector clutched in his hands said all she needed to know.
"Nee-chan! I made it, I made it! I am a real ninja now!"
"See, I told you you were gonna pass. You weren't one of the best only because of your cute face."
"I'm not cute, I'm amazing!"
"You're cute and amazing. Now hurry up, grandma made lunch: all your favorites Mr Real Ninja," Tsunade ruffled his hair, "And you know how she gets when we're late for lunch."
A shiver ran down both Tsunade and Nawaki's spine just thinking of their grandma's legendary fury.
After arriving home, they saw that Mito had prepared enough food for an army.
Nawaki's eyes instinctevely drifted to the sweets, especially those little red guava and coconut balls that Mito only made for special occasions
He eagerly reached out towards the sweets, before a glare from Mito stopped him on the spot.
"Do you think I am going to let you eat those while the rest of the meal is untouched?" Mito scolded. Despite the harsh tone, Tsunade noticed an undercurrent of amusement in her voice. After all, Mito was in a good mood.
Signaling the dishes that laid across the table. Fried plantain, beet and potato salad, generous servings of rice, dango, and some fish stew as well.
Nawaki eyed the rest of the dinner table, clearly torn between the coconut sweets, and his other favourites.
Suddenly, Mito decided to make the decision for him and pulled out a bowl from behind her back. Nawaki's face instantly brightened again upon seeing the bowl containing his all time favorite: tempura shrimps with noodles.
"Thanks grandma, you're the best!" he said before stuffing his mouth as if he had never eaten before.
"Where are your manners, young man?" Mito reminded, her tone a fair bit less harsh than it usually was, "You are now a fully grown genin."
Nawaki mumbled out an apology through a mouthful of food.
Leaving her place behind the counter Mito then walked to Nawaki's side, before wrapping him in a massive hug.
"I'm so proud of you, my little lynx."
"Grandmaaa," Nawaki whined, "I'm not a lynx okay, I'm a ninja! A real ninja!" he pointed at the headband that now rested in his forehead
'A real ninja, huh?' Tsunade thought, looking at the boy trying and failing to wriggle out of the hug. She couldn't help but laugh.
Once the celebrations were over, and the food-induced coma had worn off, Tsunade called Nawaki to her room. The latter suppressed a yawn as he entered, his new and shiny forehead protector still wrapped tightly on his head.
"Look alive, squirt." Tsunade called out, "It's time for your gift."
Nawaki immediately perked up, all signs of sleepiness disappearing from his face.
"Close your eyes and don't cheat." Almost on queue Nawaki put his hands over his eyes.
She gingerly placed the too-large hat on his head and guided him to the mirror. "Now open them."
The hat was definitely too big on his 9 year old head, the cloth that surrounded it made its way past his shoulders all the way through his chest, and it looked like a massive beach hat on him rather than a Kage hat.
"Is this..?" Complete disbelief was evident in his voice.
Tsunade gave him a slight nod that confirmed his suspicions.
"Nee-chan this is perfect, I love it!" He was literally jumping for joy in that moment, tackling her in a hug.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." Nawaki continued babbling until he ran out of breath.
Tsunade couldn't help but smile at the look on his face. That look of ultimate awe just made everything worth it. He was so happy about it!
Tsunade sat there with her mind lost in a haze of old memories as the sun slowly inched towards the horizon behind her. The silence of the shrine was broken only by the wind rustling through the trees.
Those were good times. Nawaki was still alive, and her team were still free to be kids, not torn apart by war and heartbreak yet. Back then, Tsunade felt like it would last forever.
She wished she could stay in those memories forever, where everyone was alive and nothing hurt. But that would just be living with her head in the clouds.
Sooner or later, she'd fall and hit the ground. And that was the reality. The cold, hard, reality that Nawaki was dead and buried under this ground. Taken from the world far, far too soon because of an insane political conflict. No heroism, no nobility, just the corpse of a child.
And that reality was what made Tsunade turn to alcohol and gambling the first time around. Trying to find cheap thrills that made existing bearable again. Anything that made her feel something aside from the pain and void of grief.
She still remembered that moment when she'd decided to leave the village. Drowning in a haze of alcohol, grief, exhaustion and god knows what else. Filled with disgust at herself, and the people around her. Wondering if that was really it.
Tsunade brought a hand up and wiped her eyes, accidentally smudging a bit of dirt on her face.
"I'm sorry." Her words were soft, almost lost between the sound of the wind. "I should have come sooner, should have stopped you from going on that mission, should have..."
She felt a shudder wrack her body, almost making her double over. From deep inside her, she felt an urge to lash out. Drive her fist into the ground with all her strength, turn the whole fucking place into a crater.
For a few long seconds, she just sat there, all her muscles tensed, hunched over and holding her breath. Far into the distance, she could make out some birds chirping incessantly.
She was still here, still in the graveyard.
Slowly, she released her breath and one by one, loosened her muscles.
"I should have done a lot of things," she continued, feeling less emotional but a lot more tired now, "But I didn't. And now I'm somehow back but I'm still too late. There's no changing it, but..."
Tsunade thought of a boy that looked and acted so much like Nawaki.
"But there's still the future. Still so much to come, you wouldn't even believe me if I told you." Tsunade let out something that sounded similar to a chuckle. "And I still have time now. Time to save others, to stop disasters."
"I couldn't give you a better life and I'm sorry. All I can do is try to keep your dream alive. To make this village as great as you'd have made it."
Sure, she was still cold, tired, afraid, and sad, but at the same time, there was something else. Something Tsunade hadn't felt since the day she went against Madara, nothing to lose and everything to win.
At that moment, she felt that same drive. and even then there was another thing. What she felt was a fire running through her body.
"I'm changing this rotten world for you kid. I'll make sure no other child has to suffer the same fate as you."
Slowly, Tsunade got up from her position on the ground.
Giving one last look to the grave, she spoke, "One day, long into the future, I'll return to you and you'll be proud of me. And that's a promise."
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