A Brighter Future

by Blessed Are The Sick

Yui Ikari makes an unplanned reappearance after the Contact Experiment with EVA Unit-01. But all the best plans have their quirks, and even the most amateur player knows when to re-evaluate and re-adjust. With Yui to temper the worst impulses of NERV's staff, the future seems brighter than before, but how far will she go to protect her interests: namely, one Shinji Ikari?

7. Chapter 6: Love Without Trust

.

.

.

AISE, JAPAN

JANUARY 10TH, 2005

.

.

Yui stood in front of her childhood home. Ragged, starving, and disheveled. But he was here. Her Sun, Moon, and Earth. Shinji.

It was the end of an arduous journey, and Yui's memories were stumbling into her consciousness like groggy students into a classroom; there was the Evangelion, and her husband, Gendo Ikari. Her mentor, Kozo Fuyutsuki, and the woman who had eyes for her husband, Naoko. The question of whether they had instigated an affair in her absence was tucked neatly inside of a box and locked into a closet, like the other people and goals in her life, because they were all secondary to the welfare of her son.

She still felt fire in her hands, the consequence of the injuries she had left on her so-called husband. Leaving her son here, instead of raising him and protecting him as a father should? Yui's emotions were muted even now, but a singular rage burned in her stomach.

Even half-mad with worry and reeling from amnesia, Yui knew she had been long absent from this place. Between the University, the flood of offers from prominent labs and companies which sought to utilize her talents, to the beginnings of the Evangelion Project, the time allocated to visit her parents had been sparse. There were calls, letters, and invitations filled with warmth and love, but Yui's work had taken precedence over personal trips.

A pang of guilt tugged at Yui's heart. Shinji should have known his grandparents, as well as his aunt and uncle. Perhaps the time spent with the EVA project had turned her into a cold woman, locked in a lab where people were mere statistics and the question of whether a person would live or die was not a matter of emotion, but equation.

They had a distaste for her husband, as well. Yui couldn't help but sympathize with them.

The door to Yui's former home slid open, and her mother stepped outside. Surprisingly, the woman seemed non-plussed at Yui's presence, as if she had expected Yui to turn up any minute. It was an unusual moment for Yui, because she was at a complete loss as to what to say. Yui hadn't even bought new clothes since she was ejected from the EVA, so her appearance was of a beggar and a vagrant, her hair wild and clothes ripped.

"I…" Yui stepped closer. "Is he here?"

Mom didn't speak for a moment; perhaps the older woman was more shocked than Yui thought. Her eyes met Yui's, unflinching, before her cold expression melted. "It is you, isn't it? Yui?"

"It's me, Mom," Yui said, wrapping her arms around her mother. "Is he here? Is Shinji here?"

"He's with your father, playing with his cousin and some of the other boys in town." There was a wetness on Yui's shoulder, and she looked down to see tears falling from her mother's face. "Oh, Yui. We thought that awful man had killed you. 'An accident in the lab'. I wanted to tear his face off right then and there."

Yui laughed mirthlessly. "No, he didn't. But I almost killed him."

"No less than he deserves."

"Gendo truly loves me, Mom," Yui said. "it's his one redeeming quality."

Mother pulled away and studied Yui's face; a developing crook in her smile told Yui that the woman was worried. "What happened to you, Yui?"

Yui glanced to the side. "A lot."

"Don't play coy with me. My little girl disappears for nine months, then shows up at my doorstep looking like some refugee. What are you involved with?"

Truthfully, Yui didn't know the entire answer to her mother's question. Her mind was a jumble, a scattering of half-remembered scenes and names which may or may not have meant anything to her. One of the only facts Yui knew for certain was that, when she absorbed herself into the Evangelion, she had done it to protect Shinji. Everything had been to protect Shinji, to keep them alive through some calamity she could not put a name to.

Left no other recourse, Yui said as much to her mother. Yui emptied her mind, told everything she could think of to her mother, though some of the information which Yui divulged was dangerous for her mother to even know. Whether Yui's soliloquy made any sense to her mother, she did not know, for there were many parts Yui was equally as confused about.

Through it all, there was only one act which Yui held back; she couldn't image her mother's disappointment if she knew. A subtle, dangerous fact of manipulation was that if you told a person who had reasons to be suspicious seventy-five percent of the truth, and twenty-five percent fabrication, they tended to believe the whole account unless they had direct evidence of the contrary. Yui projected that she had told her mother ninety-eight percent of the truth – of which her tattered mind could conjure up; the remaining two percent, however, was a sound more deafening than Krakatoa.

The sun had near touched the horizon when Yui finished speaking. Mom was deep in thought, taking in her daughter's tale, though even Yui could not see how the news had impacted her.

Finally, her mother spoke. "And you want to take Shinji back to this…Tokyo-3?"

"Of course." Yui was surprised her mother had even asked such a question. "It's why I came here in the first place, to bring him home."

Mother regarded her daughter for a moment, before walking back up the small flight of stairs back into the house. "I'll make some tea, and then we'll talk."

"Talk?" Yui asked, her voice shrill as she followed on her mother's heels. "What do you mean talk? What is there to talk about? Are you going to take Shinji from me, after all I've been through?"

"I am not taking Shinji from you, Yui. I want to have a productive discussion with you about my grandson's welfare." Mother lazily waved her hand towards a futon in the receiving room, grabbing a pot as she entered the kitchen. "Sit. And don't raise your voice at me again."

Yui sat.

It took the space of a few minutes before Yui was sipping from a cup of freshly brewed tea; the sweet taste and smell brought Yui back to her childhood, and the guilt of her absence returned. Mother was a subtle woman, and Yui couldn't tell if this was a light barb intended to chastise her for not returning. Or perhaps Yui's paranoia had reached a climax, seeing imaginary daggers in the hands of loved ones, who had no inkling of such a lifestyle. Yui rested on the latter explanation, finding it to be both more comforting and plausible.

Why had Yui raised her voice at her own mother? It was hardly the most egregious trespass in the world, but she hadn't yelled at her mother in earnest since she was a teenager. Ever since Yui had left the EVA, her emotions had been out of control, adrift in the churning sea of her mind without a guiding light. And worse, this phenomenon wasn't exactly the sort of topic Yui could talk through with a therapist.

Mother's voice broke through Yui's malaise. "I know you're not going to like what I'm about to suggest, Yui, but I do think it's for the best. The best for Shinji."

"You want him to stay here," Yui said. "away from Gendo and I."

"I do. And I don't want to keep him from you. You're free to call and visit as much as you like, though the man who calls himself your husband can go jump in a lake for all I care."

"Why?" It took considerable effort for Yui to keep the outrage from her voice. "Do you think I'm not fit to look after my own son, Mother? I love Shinji…more than anything. More than life itself. I would do anything for him."

"I don't doubt your feelings, Yui, but consider your situation." Mom sipped from her cup, then met Yui's eyes. "I imagine you intend to continue your work on this…Evangelion project. What if you disappear for a second time? Is your husband going to show up at my doorstep again, to give Shinji away?"

"He won't," Yui said, her tone taking a dangerous tone. "I've made sure of that."

"That isn't the only thing. Are there children of Shinji's own age at this place? How much do you intend to be around, to raise him and teach him right from wrong? We've already seen your oaf of a husband won't be there to do it." Mother met Yui with a warm smile. "A simple life is often a better life, Yui. Shinji could go to school here, have friends, and maybe even settle down in time. He doesn't have to be wrapped up in this world of yours."

"He will be one day, Mom. Whether he wants to or not." She heard the pitter-patter of footsteps running up to the door, followed by voices outside. "Is that – "

Mom nodded; seconds later the door opened, revealing Shinji's smiling face, as well as his little cousin, Mokoto. They both scrambled into the room. Neither of the boys seemed to even notice Yui sitting in their living room, until Dad finally spoke.

"Yui," Dad said, running up and wrapping his arms around her. "where have you been, my little girl? Your husband told us that – "

"I know, I know. It's a long story, Dad."

She should have felt a rush of affection for this man, her father, and her mother and nephew as well. But, guilty as she should have felt, Yui only wanted Shinji. This man – her own father – seemed an obstacle to her now.

Shinji's eyes were wide, likely wondering if Yui was real or not. After her father's arms left her, Yui knelt down in front of the boy, running her fingers through his soft hair.

"Shinji, I missed you so much."

The boy wrapped his arms around her neck; a surefire way of telling that the boy had grown, the gesture that was once so natural put a strain on her now, His tears stained the collar of her shirt as she tried to console him, the boy seeking comfort in the warmth of her arms. Before he arrived, the thought of leaving Shinji here seemed almost palatable, but now the notion was insane to her.

As Yui's gaze crossed over a pair of car keys on a nearby countertop, absently placed by her father, a sense of peace overtook her. No one was taking her little boy away from her. Not SEELE, not her parents, not even Gendo. No one else would have him, ever again.

.

.

.

---

.

Chapter Six

"Love Without Trust"

.

---

.

.

.

"You couldn't change the beginning, but you can still change the ending."

.

.

.

NEAR UNIT-00 EXTRACTION SITE, TOKYO-3

AUGUST 16th, 2015

.

.

The cleanup from the previous battle was scheduled to take until the end of the month, possibly longer. Yui hoped the next Angel would be polite, and delay its inevitable attack until the blood and leftover organic matter from its two fallen predecessors – now dubbed 'Shamshel' and 'Ramiel' – had been collected and washed away. But when did the world ever respond to her wishes?

She watched the operation from a nearby office building – commandeered by NERV for the time being -along with some personnel from Section One. Ramiel had left the bottom of half its shell behind, though not nearly as much had been preserved from Shamshel. Yui hoped the core from one of them could be preserved, the so-called Seed of Life, the organ which allowed the Angels to do the impossible. Generate energy from seemingly nowhere, brush past the laws of physics as if they were mere suggestions.

One display of force from these creatures, and Yui knew her work wasn't finished. Not by a long shot. Unit-01 might have taken its pound of flesh from her, but she could still push farther, break the limits of mankind's understanding of the universe. Her curiousity was certain to get her killed one day – it almost had on a couple occasions – but what was life without risk?

One of the technicians signaled to the room that someone was coming up. A door opened, and Yui hardly needed to turn around to know who it was. The familiar sound of her husband's boots clanked against the floor, stopping about ten paces behind her.

"Yui," Gendo said. "we need to talk."

When Gendo stopped speaking, a succession of clipboards and tablets being picked up was heard as the technicians began clearing out of the room. The exodus of people pretended as if the Commander of NERV and his wife weren't there at all as they left, closing the room behind them, and leaving the room in near-complete silence.

"Straight to business?" Yui asked, not looking at her husband. "You've been gone almost two weeks, and all you can say is: 'we need to talk?'"

"I was handling the situation in Aise. If I could have resolved it more quickly, I would have."

"I know you would have, dear. So, what did we need to discuss?"

"Firstly," Gendo said. "I don't think you should have told Shinji about your condition."

"Yes. It was a misstep on my part, but there's no point in talking about it now, is there?"

"I suppose not. But…you need to be more careful about what you tell him. He's just a boy, he might not understand what you're saying, or what we're trying to do."

"You don't think I'm beating myself up over that enough, Gendo?" She crossed her arms, thinking back to her utter despair as Shinji laid in the trauma bay. "Watching Shinji risk his life is something I'm still getting used to. It won't happen again."

Gendo sighed, walking up to the window beside her. "How did he find out about Rei?"

"Rei told him." Yui shrugged nonchalantly. "Or, rather, she confirmed it. Between Shinji's questions and Rei's complete inability to lie, the boy figured it out."

"He's certainly picked up a thing or two from you." Gendo cocked his head to the side. "Us, rather."

Inwardly, Yui winced. Her innocent little boy picking up the worst parts of her personality wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement. "We need to do better with him, Gendo. I know we're hardly the best parents, but we're the ones he's stuck with."

"Hm."

"Speaking of which, we're going to have a little family get-together soon. Shinji's already agreed to it."

"I'll think about it."

"You can think about it all you want, and then you can show up to the get-together – on time and ready to spend some quality time with your son and adoptive daughter."

Her dear husband shook his head, clearly exasperated. "I don't think Shinji will be crying into his pillow at night if I don't make an appearance. The boy isn't exactly fond of me, Yui."

"And how do you expect that to change if you hide from him and pretend that he doesn't exist?"

"That isn't true," Gendo said, a surprising amount of fire in his voice. "I'm not meant to be a father, Yui. I'll only end up hurting him worse in the end."

"Oh, bullshit." Yui's voice trembled with the heat of anger now; enough with the excuses. "We agreed to bring a child into this world, Gendo. Together. This terrible and broken world. And now you want him to fend for himself, because you're too much of a coward to even try talking to him?"

"I'm not – " Gendo shook his head. "he's not alone, he has you."

"Yeah. And that's all he has."

The man's nostrils flared. "I spent more than a week convincing the UN and the JSSDF that a more…humane solution was best. For Shinji. I was with you when he was hurt after the first battle. Why can't my actions speak for themselves?"

"Shinji needs to know that you care about him, Gendo. He's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders when he's in Unit-01, he needs both of us."

"Did Shinjisay this?"

"No, but I know that boy inside and out."

Gendo gave a conciliatory sigh. "I…I will be there. But, don't expect much out of me."

"That's good enough, I suppose" Yui said. "what was the second thing you wanted to bring up?"

"I'm hearing from the Akagis that Unit-01 is acting strangely. What do you know about this?"

"Apparently, it's exhibiting certain functionality that wasn't built into Unit-01's OS. They noticed there were certain audio channels that were shut off during the battle. And then, there were those strange dreams Shinji told me about."

Perhaps it was a piece of her memory that Unit-01 retained, however; though Yui's scientific expertise survived her ordeal intact, there was the occasional grey area that reared its ugly head. And her memory of the time surrounding the Unit-01 activation test was spottier still.

"In any case, I'll run diagnostics on Unit-01 once I've got Rei settled, and see if I can get a video feed from the cockpit as well." Yui narrowed her eyes, thinking of her conversation with Shinji earlier. "I told Shinji to let me know if anything strange happened. I suppose he wasn't aware of this, though. I'll have to ask him."

"There were peculiarities with Unit-01 when we fought the Third Angel as well," Gendo said. "I know we thought Unit-01 would behave in a manner similar to Unit-00, but perhaps they are not alike at all."

"I don't know enough yet to draw conclusions. It turned on during Shinji's first engagement, and that was good enough for us, at the time. Maybe the pieces ripped from my mind have congealed into a sort of second-hand consciousness, or maybe it's just a bug."

"We need to know, sooner rather than later. If another accident occurred, like what happened to you, Yui…"

Yui shuddered at the thought; of an image of Unit-01 spitting Shinji out, the boy screaming and barely aware. She walked her precious boy down such a precarious tightrope, pitting him against alien monsters that humanity could barely comprehend, in a machine they barely understood no less.

It was necessary, necessary to save him. The horrors Shinji experienced in the EVA were a better alternative than the future SEELE had planned, whatever that happened to be. Better Yui kill the boy herself, than to let him become a slave to those old men.

"I'll get to the bottom of it," Yui said. "even if I have to take the whole thing apart and put it back together again."

"Alright." Gendo was smirking at her; what did he find so amusing, she wondered? "I'm surprised you and Naoko didn't kill each other while I was gone."

"Oh, you want to go down that road, do you?"

"No, I was…simply surprised at the degree that you were willing to work together."

"We are adults, Gendo, as well as the top professionals in our respective fields. I would hope we could work together without clawing each other's eyes out, if only momentarily." She didn't hate the woman; they were merely incompatible on anything but a professional level. "She's been getting close to Shinji, overprotective even. But we assigned her as his therapist, so I suppose that's to be expected."

"Is that a problem?"

"No, I don't think so. She seems to have Shinji's best interests at heart, so I've got no problem with the arrangement for now."

"Fuyutsuki told me that SEELE has requested an interview with him."

A gout of fury flared in Yui's gut. "An interrogation, you mean. Of a fourteen-year-old boy."

"I wonder what the motive is? Shinji is hardly privy to any of NERV's secrets…aside from what you've told him."

"They want to rattle me. That's the motive. It's their way of saying 'we can get to your son at any time'." Yui still remembered Keel's face, impassive as ever as he made his demand. "I'm going to kill that old man one day, Gendo, I swear it. Put his head on a spike and stick in the ground outside HQ."

"We are still far from being able to make a move on SEELE directly. Patience, Yui. Their time will come."

"I know."

"Fuyutsuki and I will coach Shinji on what he needs to say, and not say. Though, as I said, the boy simply doesn't know much."

"You need to build his confidence," Yui said. "rather than give him a script to follow. SEELE will expect us to coach him, and you can bet they'll try to poke holes in whatever lines you give him. But if he can sit in that room without panicking, with some amount of self-assurance, it will put them off their game."

Gendo grunted in agreement. "Very well. I…I am not the best at 'inspiring confidence' though."

"Sure you are, dear. Your very presence seems to have inspired everyone to work a tad bit harder."

"That's more fear than confidence, I think."

"Fear and love," Yui said. "isn't that what Machiavelli said?"

"Myself as fear, and you as love? I can't imagine anyone at NERV is overly fond of me." Gendo chuckled to himself, a deep and comforting sound which Yui rarely heard. "You might not like what SEELE has demanded of us, but it seems you'll be getting your way, one way or the other."

Yui laced her fingers between Gendo's; his hands were always akin to stone, but she liked that. She cast her gaze over the corpse of Ramiel, and smiled. "I suppose this is the rock that we'll build upon. The beginning of the dream that Kyoko and I had, after I escaped from the EVA."

Gendo nodded. "A kingdom to last a thousand years."

-[[[]]]-

---

-[[[]]]-

Upon waking from a restless sleep, Shinji laid in bed for a while before resolving himself to the fact that he still had to go to school. With the entire city being in lockdown over the past day-and-a-half, Shinji couldn't imagine he was behind on his schoolwork; Hikari Horaki had called his phone, so he supposed showing up would be a weight off the girl's mind.

Shinji, his closest friend in the city having just run into hellfire to save him, knew the answer to that question to be a resounding no. The state of Rei's health remained a mystery to him, and all anyone could tell him was to wait and have patience. With the 'news' Mom had given him about the mechanics behind her disappearance, Shinji's head was a painful swirling mess, and he wished for nothing more than to make himself some tea and plop back down into bed – with the distant, futile hope that the events of the previous day or so were a bad dream.

The screen of his phone lit up with a fresh call. Mom.

"Hey," Shinji said as he flipped the phone open. "what's going on, Mom?"

"Just wanted to give you a couple updates. First of all, you can see Rei tomorrow. The operation was a success, mostly." Mom's sigh came over as static on the other end. "We actually need to see if she remembers you fully, to ascertain how well the procedure went."

"She's alright?" A weight slid off of Shinji's chest upon hearing the news. "Put her one the phone, I want to talk to her."

"Last I heard, she was fast asleep," Mom said. "better to let her rest for now. But secondly, your father returned to Tokyo-3 today."

Shinji let the awkward silence be his answer to that particular bit of news.

"You're going to have to talk with him at some point, Shinji. Or, be on speaking terms with him, at least." There was a sudden noise on Mom's end, from either clapping her hands together or knocking something over. "In fact, I was thinking of having a little family get-together soon. With us, and Rei if she's well enough."

"Do I have a choice in the matter?"

"Yes, but I would very much like it if you attended." Mom's voice was pleading. "Please? For me? I want us to at least try being a family."

"Fine. But you better not leave me alone with him."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You're going to find an excuse for you and Rei to leave during dinner, so that I have to sit and make awkward small talk with him."

"It doesn't have to be awkward."

"Moooom…."

"Alright, alright." Mom chuckled to herself. "I suppose getting the two of you in the same room will have to suffice for now. Are you doing okay, though?"

Shinji was about to lie, but thought better of it. "Not really. I'm still pretty messed up about what happened yesterday."

"I know. I…I shouldn't have put all that on you, Shinji." Her tone was little more than a whisper. "You deserved to know about my…condition, but I should have done it differently. I told you about everything because I was distraught, but it wasn't fair to you."

He sat on the edge of his bed, his legs splaying out on the floor. Everything felt different today, a new normal which he hadn't yet adjusted to. Mom was always a pillar to him, someone who always had the answers and always knew what to say – to see her as a vulnerable person, like anyone else, was unsettling to him.

"What's it like, Mom?"

"It's a balancing act. Walking a very narrow path, and when I fall off, it's very hard to get back up. But I climb back up, rocks scraping and bloodying my hands, and try again."

"That…sounds hard."

"It is. But I do it anyway, for you."

"Maybe Naoko can prescribe you something. There's got to be a way to make it easier."

Mom laughed. "I don't think it's something a pill can fix, dear. It's honestly like one of those Greek tragedies, where man overreaches and the gods punish them for their hubris."

Thinking back to his 'conversation' with the entity residing within Unit-01, Shinji wondered if there was a way to place Mom back in the EVA – perhaps the entity would take pity reemerge with her. But then he supposed the EVA wouldn't work anymore. Before the last battle, Mom had told Shinji to inform her of any strange behavior from the Evangelion, and the machine sending him messages certainly fell under 'strange'.

He couldn't betray the EVA's trust, though. It had requested for him to keep quiet for now. Oh, how did his life get this complicated? Keeping secrets between the two halves of his mother.

"Like I said, maybe it can get better. It might not always be this hard for you."

"I admire your optimism, dear."

"I mean it. If anyone can find a way, Mom, it's you."

"Thanks." A relieved breath escaped Mom's lips. "I haven't entirely thrown in the towel, mind you…Shinji, don't ever lose that sense of optimism you have. For me. No matter what happens. Okay?"

"I'll try not to."

"Good. Well, I'm going to go back to oversee the clean-up, see if there's anything we can use from those two Angels. You be careful, alright?"

"I will. Don't worry."

"You take today to rest, but I'd like you to attend school tomorrow if you're able. And Misato needs to take you, since Rei needs time to recover."

"I can walk myself to school, Mom."

"Please?"

"Alright, fine."

"Thank you, dear. Have a good day. Love you."

"Love you too."

Getting Misato out of bed was always a task Shinji dreaded, but the boy managed - with some difficulty and more than a little teasing on her part – to get her up and about. He put on a pot of coffee for the woman while she assembled whatever clothes she would wear, scratching certain unmentionable places on her body as she walked around in little more than her underwear.

Misato wasn't what Shinji would call a 'morning person', but the woman looked as if a car had ran over her while she was sleeping. The boy figured he didn't have any room to criticize her on that front.

"Misato?" Shinji asked, his voice a mouse's squeak. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Everything good with you, Shinji?"

"Mom called a little while ago. Said Rei was doing well. We might be able to see her tomorrow."

"That's good. I'll take you in the morning, before school if you want. If it's okay with your mother."

"Sounds good." The boy knew he looked deflated, but he hardly cared at this point. "Mom wants to have a family dinner soon. Even though we're not really a family."

"I wouldn't say that. Might be a good chance to reconnect with your father."

Deciding against dignifying Misato's words with a response, Shinji stepped through the door behind her, turning the room light on and darting into the small kitchen to put a pot on. Misato trailed, the tell-tale light of the refrigerator flashing behind him as she grabbed a beer can from her considerable collection.

He heard the pop of the tab being opened, followed by the gulping of Misato drinking the can's contents. Judging by how fast the woman drained the beer, another pyramid of beer cans would await Shinji

The water came to a boil, Shinji fixing his tea and working his way past Misato, to drift into blissful sleep within the comfort of his room. Only Misato's voice stopped him.

"Shinji."

The boy turned. Misato stood near the small table in the living area, her hand lapsed on a chair she had pulled out.

"I lied. I'm very obviously not okay right now, and neither are you. So let's talk about it."

For the talk of spilling their feelings about the situation, Shinji and Misato did not begin to speak for nearing fifteen minutes. True to form, Misato went through about three beers in that span of time, while Shinji sipped on his rapidly cooling cup of tea. Honestly, Shinji's anxiety was increasingly centered on why Misato was in such a sorry state, rather than anything going on in his own head. A headstrong, confident woman like her – to see her so rattled was unsettling.

It was Misato who finally broke the silence. "Why don't we play a little game? Ask me a question, and I'll answer it to the best of my ability. Then I'll ask you a question. Okay?"

"Alright." Shinji pointed to the cross hanging around Misato's neck. "Why do you wear that all the time? No offense, but you've never struck me as particularly religious."

The woman looked down at the ornament, seemingly surprised that it was still hanging from her neck. "Oh. My father gave it to me, before…before he died."

"You've never talked about him before."

"I know." Misato shrugged, absently rattling her half-empty beer can. "I'm like you, I guess. I've got a complicated relationship with my father. I never liked him, but at the same time, I can't stop thinking about him."

"Oh. Well, I won't press you about it, if you don't want to go into more detail."

"Thanks. Well, I answered one of your questions. My turn." Misato leaned in, her expression thoughtful – a rare one, for her. "Has your mother ever hurt you, Shinji?"

"Physically?"

"Sure."

"No."

Mom's words rang in his ear: 'It's entirely possible I might have hurt you to keep you with me'.

"No, she hasn't," Shinji said. "why?"

"I just…" The woman leaned back, crossing her arms. "Was she okay? Before today, obviously. Did you notice anything off about her behavior?"

"She's been a bit distant, but no. Not really." Shinji was about to ask what exactly was wrong with his mother; but, he already knew the answer to the question, didn't he? "I know she's been acting a little erratic. Is that what you're worried about, Misato?"

Misato raised one of her eyebrows, as if to say: 'a little?'. "I'm just concerned about her. And about you. She said and done some troubling things lately, and I'm just trying to put it all into perspective."

"I don't think – " 'that she would ever hurt me' wafted from Shinji's lips, but made no sound. "She's not crazy, Misato, or whatever they're saying. She loves me."

"Which might be the problem at this point."

"What does that mean?"

"You know I ostensibly work directly for your mother, but I also have an obligation to NERV and your father as well." The woman's lips curled like she had just tasted something foul. "You have an obligation to NERV as well, Shinji, and the world. That's more than you intended, I know, but that's how it is. And I know neither you or your father want to hear this, but if there comes a time when your mother jeopardizes an operation or the safety of one of the pilots, someone might have to step in."

Shinji's expression went blank.

"We might have to temporarily grant someone else guardianship over you. Probably me. Normally, your father could just step in, but that hasn't really worked out well in the past."

"So, I wouldn't be able to see her?"

"If she started exhibiting the kind of behavior I'm talking about, then no. You're too important, Shinji." Misato stood up, walking around the table, then kneeling and placing her hands on Shinji's shoulders. "Don't get me wrong, this isn't strictly legalese. I care about you, Shinji. I care about your mother as well. But I don't want to see you get hurt. You're a good kid, and you've got a bright future ahead of you when all of this is over."

"It's just…she's been fine up until now. As far as I know, at least."

"I'm not trying to scare you, Shinji," Misato said. "this is simply a hypothetical at the moment, but it's something I'm going to have to consider going forward. Alright?"

Wanting to sorely move away from the subject of his mother being of less than sound mind, Shinji opted to change the subject. "I think you owe me a question now."

Misato nodded, lowering her hands.

"What's underneath Terminal Dogma?"

"What's – " The question had clearly caught the woman off-guard, judging by the vacancy in her eyes. "What made you even ask a question like that, Shinji?"

"I can't say. Sorry."

"I'm guessing this is from the talk you and your mother had, a little after you woke up. I'll show you one day, Shinji, it's not really something I can explain in words. But you deserve to know."

"Alright."

"And now you owe me one." Standing up, Misato rubbed her chin. "How do you feel about Asuka?"

"She's nicer than I thought she would be. You and Rei made it sound like she was some sort of devil, but she isn't that bad."

"Asuka can be very sweet, she's just rough around the edges." A mischievous smirk tugged at Misato's lips as she sat back down. "But…I was more talking about what you think of her, you know, as a girl."

"What do you – " A streak of flushed red rushed around Shinji's cheeks. "You mean, like, romantically? I don't know, I only just met her. And she's so much smarter than me, and she's finished university and everything. Why would she be interested in someone like me?"

"I'm only asking. I was just wondering if you thought about her in that way." Misato shrugged, and took another sip of her beer. "Pretty foreign girl like her, I bet the guys at your school will lavish her with attention."

If there were a competition for Asuka's favor, Shinji didn't know how he of all people would win. Asuka seemed like she would go for someone like Suzahara: tall, athletic, and unafraid to speak his mind. Misato was right, Asuka could certainly have her pick of the litter when she arrived, but Shinji still somehow doubted that she plucked him from the scores of boys seeking her attention.

"I think you should call her again," Misato continued. "you know, keep the lines of communication open. You never know what could happen."

"Sure, I can do that," Shinji said. "I imagine she'll probably call me first, though."

"Eh, knowing Asuka, she's probably expecting you to call her. She's old-fashioned like that. And if you need any tips, I'm always here."

"Tips for what?"

Misato didn't look at Shinji, shaking her head in exasperation.

"Oh boy."

-[[[]]]-

---

.

.

.

MEDICAL WARD, NERV HQ

AUGUST 17th, 2015

.

.

Trepidation hounded Shinji's steps as he walked down the hall towards Rei's hospital room, following close behind Misato. It helped knowing that the Lieutenant-Colonel was likely as nervous as he was about the fate of his fellow pilot. Would she remember him? Or, would they have to start from square one, building their friendship anew – if such a relationship was an arrangement that the new Rei even wanted.

In truth, even if Rei remembered everything, the threat of a new Angel always loomed in the distance – a shadow cast wide over all of Tokyo-3. None of them knew what form it would take, or where it would come from. How many times would Rei have to sacrifice herself, and would she lose a little more of herself each time? Even if Shinji wasn't expendable, he didn't know how long he could abide Rei intervening on his behalf.

Rei had the right to live, as much as anyone else. Having copies of herself didn't change that universal human decency.

They stopped in front of Rei's room, the duo staring into the door. His body was practically stone as he stood in front of the room; he wanted to lift his arms, but all of a sudden, they were too heavy. He wanted to run away and hide in the comfort of Misato's apartment; he couldn't, he owed this to Rei. He couldn't simply run away like a coward.

"You ready?" Misato asked, her voice hollow. "Your mother said the operation was a success…but, what they consider to be a success, I don't know."

"I'm scared, Misato. What if she's not Rei anymore?"

"Then I'm sure you'll make friends with her, all over again." Misato's hand gripped his shoulder, and Shinji appreciated the gesture more than she knew. "We can't always keep things the same, Shinji, we can only adapt and move on. Even if Rei isn't the same, the whole world will keep on spinning. For both of you."

He took a breath. Better go in now, before he lost his nerve. "Alright, I'm ready."

Shinji hadn't realized how sterile the rooms smelled here, until he was hit full-force with the scent of cleansing chemicals upon entering Rei's room. Perhaps he had gotten used to the smell when during his tenure here. The room was spare aside from the bleeping and blinking medical equipment, Rei's bed, and a nearby rolling stand with a half-eaten lunch on it.

Rei slept; she rested on her side, dressed in a powder blue hospital gown. Not wanting to disturb Rei's slumber, Shinji eyed Misato for an indication of how to proceed, and the woman simply stepped forward and gave Rei's shoulder a gentle shake. After a moment, Rei stirred, her sharp red eyes staring up at Misato in confusion.

"Hey," Misato said. "sorry to wake you. You remember me, right?"

The girl sat up, dragging herself up to see the room better. Misato received a blank stare in response to her question. "Are you alright, Lieutenant-Colonel? Why would I not remember you?"

"Well, I guess that answers that." Misato waved her hand towards Shinji. "I brought someone to see you."

Rei blinked. "Ikari." Her gaze wandered down, towards the remaining bandages and peeling skin on his arms. "What happened to you? Are you hurt?"

"You don't remember?" Shinji said. "We fought an Angel together. Well, two of them, actually. It's complicated, but these are from the first sortie."

"Oh. That is correct. Doctor Ikari told me about that battle, but my memory still has gaps in it." And then Rei smiled; it caught him completely off-guard, as he didn't know Rei was capable of that expression. "I am glad that you are okay, Ikari. If you were hurt, I would not take it well."

"I'm glad you're okay too, Rei. You saved us all that night." Shinji looked down at his shoes, suddenly unable to meet the girl's eyes. "You're very brave. I don't know whether I would be able to do the same, if it were me."

"I was simply trying to protect you," Rei said. "at least, that is most likely what was going through my head at the time. I do not remember those events quite yet."

"Rei, did Miss Yui give you a time frame for when you could leave?"

"In a day or two, supposedly. More tests have to be run before I am discharged…this is the first time Doctor Ikari has done this procedure, in practice. It seems to have been successful."

"That's good," Shinji said. "I think Hikari has a small pile of schoolwork for you, when you return to school."

"That is fine. It is trivial at this point." Rei laced her hands together, looking down at her bed sheets. "I would not attend at all, but aside from not running afoul of truancy laws, Doctor Ikari has deemed it necessary for me to learn how to interact with others."

Ever since Shinji had gotten to know Rei more, he had been uncomfortable with the level of control Mom wielded over Rei's life. Rei, being a dutiful girl, never complained about the arrangement; however, perhaps it was time for Rei to make her own decisions. After nearly dying, Rei deserved that much freedom at least.

"It might be a little while before you can pilot," Misato said. "which might be a relief to you, considering recent events. Unit-00 sustained heavy damage from the Angel. We're working on restoring it, but it's going to take a couple weeks or more."

Worry darkened Rei's features. "How long until the Second Child's arrival?"

"About four days. All we can do is cross our fingers and hope the next few days are peaceful." Misato slapped Shinji's on the back of his shoulder; he winced. "Otherwise, Miss Yui's pride and joy will be the only one holding the line."

"I will not let that happen."

"Well, I just think you should take some time to rest, Rei. I mean, if things got bad enough during an Angel attack, I guess we would have to send you. But I wouldn't worry about that right now."

A hand grabbed Shinji's wrist. Rei was leaned over the bed, her slender fingers keeping him from moving away. Her red eyes were fixed upon him, and Shinji found it hard to focus on anything else, with how intensely the girl was looking at him.

"I will not let you die, Ikari. I do not care how badly I am injured, do not engage in battle with an Angel without me. Do you understand?"

"Rei," Shinji said. "I think Misato was just – "

"Do you understand? Tell me you understand, Ikari."

"Yeah, I get it, Rei. Alright?"

Satisfied, Rei retreated back into the bed and sunk back between her sheets. Shinji rubbed his wrist where Rei's hand had grasped just moments before; her grip wasn't that strong, all in all, but somehow Shinji felt as if his wrist had been between a vice.

"It isn't up to her, Shinji," Misato said as they left Rei's room. "I won't let her endanger herself like that again, don't worry."

"Even if my mother and father order it?"

"Your father outranks me here, but I outrank your mother. Technically." Even Misato didn't seem entirely convinced, but Shinji had to trust in her abilities of persuasion for now. "I'll do my best, Shinji, that's all I can promise. The Commander doesn't usually question my judgement, tactically, but if your mother were involved…it would be interesting, for sure."

"It would be easier if Rei didn't think she was expendable. Or maybe she's happy this way, Misato. I'm not comfortable with it, but who am I to say otherwise?"

"I don't think Rei has a sense of who she is as a person, Shinji. Fighting Angels, going to school, and protecting you. That's almost all she is right now." Misato pressed the tips of her fingers against her forehead, her lips curling into a frown. "You have to understand, Shinji. Rei was 'born' in a lab, and she hasn't even left Tokyo-3 or even had a real friend since. She doesn't think about even questioning her situation because she doesn't know how."

"I don't think that's entirely true. I mean, she can make jokes…in her own way. And she has a certain curiousity about her." Shinji averted his eyes, thinking about his interactions with Rei. What I'm saying is…she's picked up more than a few things about how to be an actual person, even if she wasn't intended to be one, necessarily."

-[[[]]]-

---

-[[[]]]-

Hikari Horaki welcomed Shinji into the classroom when he arrived that morning, instinctively grabbing his bookbag when she saw the boy's pained gait, and walking with him to his desk.

"Will Ayanami be in today?" Hikari asked. "Is she alright?"

"Rei's hurt, but she should be back soon."

"Oh, well as long as she's not…you know." Hikari looked off to the side, lowering her voice to a whisper. "I'm sure you've noticed that word's gotten around about…you know, your 'after-school activities'. It wasn't me, I swear, but it's just a rumor as far as they're concerned."

"It's fine," Shinji said. "people were going to figure it out sooner or later."

"You aren't going to get in trouble, are you? I can vouch for you…I can try, at least."

"Don't worry about it." Shinji flashed Hikari a smile to put her at ease, and the girl seemed to loosen up a little. "I'm just glad to be back, honestly. It's been a stressful last couple of days for me."

"Must have been, if you're glad to be back here. Not that schoolwork isn't important, but I didn't take you for the studious type." A curious light flashed in Hikari's eyes. "Speaking of which, I've heard you're musically inclined. We've got a classical music club here; would you mind if I showed you?"

Shinji raised an eyebrow. "How did that get around?"

"A lot of kids here have parents who work at NERV. Apparently, a video of you playing something on your cello got passed around." Hikari shrugged, and smiled at him. "Not the worst thing for people to gossip about, right?"

"I suppose not."

"Hey, Class Rep."

A boy in a blue tracksuit was staring at them, sitting aside that boy Shinji had met the other day – Kensuke Aida. He made an imitation of someone talking with his hand.

"Stop flirting with the new kid already. Seems like he's got better things to do than listen to you yapping at him."

Hikari's face reddened, though more from anger than embarrassment. "I am NOT flirting with him, Suzahara!"

"Sure you aren't." Suzahara nudged Aida. "Doesn't it look like Class Rep's trying to get in good with him?"

"Uhm," Aida said. "unlike you, I like the idea of continuing to live. So, no comment."

"Come on, man. We can't just let her walk all over the new kid." A mischievous grin crossed Suzahara's face. "Besides, there's hotter girls here. Class Rep's just trying to get in first, before you see any of them."

Hikari's schoolbag went flying towards Suzahara, smacking him right in the face. The boy rose from his seat, his face flush with anger.

"Hey, you – "

"Say anything," Hikari said, pointing at the boy. "and I'll tell Noriyama-sensei that it was you who knocked one of the windows out in her car. Understand?"

"Alright, alright. I was joking around."

"Mhm. Now pick up my bag and hand it to me."

Suzahara did as he was told, his face downcast like a scolded puppy. Shinji looked at the girl with some trepidation. "Remind me to never to get on your bad side."

"Oh, Suzahara's just an idiot. I'm sure we'll get along just fine." The girl's anger had passed like a sudden storm, her demeanor all sweetness and light. "Anyway, come find me after-school. I'll introduce you to the president of the Classical Club."

"Rei said the president was a little…strange."

"She's a little out there, but she's nice." Again, Hikari shrugged. "I think they meet tomorrow. But I know where she usually hangs out. I could introduce you, if you want."

"Sure, that sounds great."

A little after lunch time, Hikari came and found Shinji; he was eating his bento alone, in the classroom, his mind still flooded with thousands of thoughts. About Rei, about his mother, about his grandparents, and about the quaint and quiet life he gave up back in Aise. Shinji felt as if he didn't have a say in anything that had happened so far, no chance to perhaps influence events for the better.

"Everything okay?" Hikari asked, a thoughtfulness in her eyes. "You seem like you're really thinking hard over here."

"Yeah, everything's fine." A lie, but Shinji didn't have a whole week to explain everything currently wrong with his situation. "What's up? Everything alright with you?"

Hikari crossed her arms. "I told you I was going to introduce you to that girl. Did you forget already?"

"Oh, no. Of course not."

Their journey took them to the roof of the school. On the way, Hikari explained that they weren't technically allowed up there, but the girl always enjoyed her lunch up there regardless. Shinji wondered if the girl was some sort of delinquent, but it was just a quirk of hers, it seemed.

When they opened the roof's door, they both heard a squeak like that of a mouse. They walked out onto a roof devoid of anyone at all, a light breeze flowing past the only noise they could hear. Hikari chuckled to herself, walking out past the doorway, as Shinji followed close behind. In the distance, Shinji could still see the outline of the Fifth Angel, the insides of the creature exposed like a building under construction.

"Hello?" Hikari called out, looking from side to side. "Makinami? It's just me, Hokari Hikari. I'm not here to tattle on you or anything."

Shinji heard a noise from his right. A girl was pulling herself up from the side of the building, her brunette hair tied into a ponytail. When she managed to climb back onto the rooftop entirely, the girl grabbed a pair of pink-rimmed glasses hanging from the vee of her uniform, sliding them back over her ears. And then she smiled, as if nothing odd had taken place at all.

Hikari's eyes went wide. "Sempai, were you hanging from the edge?"

"Well, yeah. I thought you were one of the teachers."

"B-but that's dangerous."

"Eh, I'm a good climber." The girl, Makinami, looked Shinji up and down. "What's the heir apparent doing here?"

"Heir apparent?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah, you're the Commander of NERV's son, aren't you? And the Commander is pretty much the King of the World. That makes you the heir apparent." Makinami shrugged at Shinji's bewildered expression. "It's pretty much an open secret around here. Everyone at school knows."

Hikari had told Shinji as much, sometime before, but Shinji supposed his shock was from experiencing it first-hand. "I guess that makes sense."

"I was telling Ikari about the classical music club," Hikari said. "and I thought it was a good idea for him to meet you, considering that you're the club president."

"Oh, really?" Makinami surged forward, effortlessly invading Shinji's personal space and grabbing the tips of his fingers, lifting his hands up to inspect them. "You must play a lot. Those healed-over callouses on the tips of your fingers. A violinist, I take it?"

"I'm a cellist, mostly, but I play some violin? How - ?"

Makinami poked at a small reddish spot on the side of Shinji's neck, where he had balanced his violin when he played for Misato and Rei the other day. "Unless Horaki over there has been sucking on your neck…?"

Hikari's face flushed red. "C-certainly not."

"Only joking," Makinami said. "you can call me Mari, if you want. I'm not one to stand on ceremony. And I'd be more than happy if you joined, though I don't think the other members are as dedicated as you."

Shinji shrugged. "It would be nice just to have a place to practice, you know, away from NERV and people who work for them."

"That's fair. Well, we meet today, if you want to come." A cheshire smile crossed Mari's lips, the girl stepping back a bit, perhaps finally realizing that Shinji was uncomfortable being that close. "I'm sure you can show him the way, Horaki, wouldn't want him going missing or anything."

-[[[]]]-

---

-[[[]]]-

True to her word, Shinji found Hikari waiting for him outside of his homeroom after his last class of the day. A tinge of nervousness followed him as they walked towards the bottom level of the school, where the art classes and clubs usually convened – normally, the teachers would rotate, but for the more artistically inclined, a standard classroom simply didn't have the amenities necessary.

The soft glare of the ceiling lights followed the duo as they walked down the hall, the walls painted purple and the floors clean enough for Shinji to see his gaunt reflection; Hikari took the time to reference some of the other clubs, if the Classical Club wasn't to Shinji's liking. Shinji didn't consider himself to have any other talents besides music, though he supposed it was never too late to pick up a new skill. If he could fit it in between school and fighting otherworldly horrors, that is.

"So, that guy from the other day," Shinji was asking as they walked. "Suzahara? Is he a troublemaker?"

"Yes, but he isn't very good at it. I always catch him before he causes any real trouble." Hikari shrugged as if dealing with the boy was a routine part of her day. "He's a good guy, deep down, he just likes pretending to be a delinquent. A couple more infractions and he's going to be thrown off the track team, and I know he'll hate that a lot more than me nagging him."

"Seems like you care about him a lot."

"I do n –" The girl was about to swat Shinji's line of thought down, but she recomposed herself. "He's been in all my classes since we started school. It's just the sort of bond we have, that's all."

"I understand," Shinji said, a bit suddenly. "I appreciate what you're doing for me too, Hikari,, but I just…you're taking so much time out of your day for me. I feel kind of bad about it."

Hikari cocked her head to the side. "I don't know, I just want to help. With your…second job, it seems you need all the help you can get."

"Well, thanks."

"Don't mention it." Her gaze trailed towards the burn scars still evident on Shinji's forearms. "I told you before, but my dad works at NERV. He was one of the people who pulled you from the…you know what, after you got hurt defending the city."

"Oh. I guess I was too unconscious to notice."

The girl stifled a chuckle; her expression grew somber afterwards. "He talked to your mother for a little bit. When she was looking at your body, he said he hadn't ever seen someone so devastated. It was like the life went out of her."

"Yeah, my mom's…" An image of the sterile, gray room in Terminal Dogma flashed in his mind's eye, before returning to the comforting light of the school. "…she's always been overprotective, I guess. I'm still here, anyways, I suppose there's no reason to dwell on what could have been."

"Yeah," Hikari said. "your mother must be a good person, to love you so much."

Shinji hesitated for a moment, before nodding. In the past, Shinji would have agreed without question, but now the bated breath of uncertainty reined him in. Where there was once absolute conviction, a small doubtful voice whispered: 'perhaps not'. And Shinji hated it.

As they approached their destination, the soft keys of a piano echoed down the hall. Shinji hadn't ever been much of a pianist, but he could tell the hands weaving the song were practiced. Nevertheless, the pleasant music seemed to lure them into the room; Hikari walked through the door first, and Shinji followed.

The room was large enough for practice, and not much else. A small collection of students sat in a lopsided circle of chairs, the instruments at their side more accessories for their ongoing conversation, than being put to any practical use. The space was disorderly, though not terribly so – a thin veneer of dust laid upon the unused instruments in the room, including a couple cellos and violins. All in all, the 'club' seemed to be more a hangout spot than anything productive.

In the corner of the room, a girl with brunette hair and red-rimmed glasses plugged away on her piano piece; after a moment, her eyes flashed with excitement as she noticed Hikari and Shinji standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Oh, there you are." The girl popped out of her seat and skipped – and Shinji meant that literally – over towards the two. Once again, Mari stopped well inside of what Shinji, and likely Hikari as well, considered to be his personal space. "Everyone, this is the newbie I told you about. And this is the Class Rep of 2-A. I don't think she's joining us, though."

"I don't have any musical talent," Hikari said, abashed. "He does." And Hikari waved her hand towards Shinji.

Mari looked back towards the other club members. "The others were a lot more interested when I told them your name. Being the Commander's son and all, and piloting that giant robot."

"Yeah." Shinji rubbed the back of his head. "You all seem pretty nonchalant about me being a pilot. Not that I want to answer fifty questions about it, but no one's said anything, aside from Hikari."

A blush rose on Hikari's cheeks. "Um, we aren't allowed to ask about anything involving NERV's current operations. Our parents would get in trouble if…what do you call them, Section Two? If they found out, it would be a problem."

"Yeah," Mari said, confirming Hikari's explanation with a nod. "would be a shame if anyone here got disappeared for asking too many questions. We'll just pretend the giant bleeding rhomboid in the middle of the city is some sort of weird reconstruction project and go on with our lives."

"That's not right. If anyone gets…disappeared, just tell me. I'll ask my parents about it."

"Sure, but I feel like that's a little above your paygrade." Mari gave a very animated shrug. "Anyway, let me introduce you to your fellow club members."

Mari proceeded to have the other members of the club line up, and introduce themselves. Afterwards, Mari led them in a quick recital, all the students picking up their respective instruments and playing through a piece…adequately, in Shinji's opinion. A little less than adequately, in fact; considering the school was mostly a lead-in to more scientific and technical fields, Shinji supposed he shouldn't have been surprised.

Judging by Hikari's plastered-on smile, Shinji figured her summation of their performance was the same as his. Shinji didn't consider himself to be particularly talented, though, so he supposed this was the perfect place for him.

"Alright," Mari said, after the recital finished. "time for you to play something for us, Ikari."

"Oh, I didn't bring any instruments. I wasn't expecting to play anything today."

The girl pointed at a spot behind Shinji. A pitch-black cello leaned against the wall, a corresponding bow hanging nearby. The instrument was in fine condition, but…it wasn't his cello. Shinji supposed he would have to make do.

At a loss of what to play, Shinji defaulted to Cello Suite I by Bach, to be safe. The entire music room gathered around his Shinji began his recital, the stares of the people watching him seemingly fading away as he lost himself in the music. Though, unlike his previous impromptu concerto in Misato's apartment, Shinji tried to be cognizant of people's time. He didn't want anyone to get in trouble with their parents for being home late; somehow, he doubted their parents would believe the excuse of 'I was listening to a classical music recital'.

After about five or so minutes, the boy stopped. Applause rang out throughout the room; for once, Shinji felt as if he had played in front of hundreds of people, in an actual concert hall.

"Wow," Mari said. "that was great. Where did you learn to play?"

"My music teacher taught me, back in Aise. Well, he got me started anyway." A strange look passed over Mari's face when Shinji mentioned Aise, her smile returning within the moment. "The rest was just practice."

"It's not everyday you see talent like that."

Shinji shrugged. "It's not like I have any other useful talents. And with my current 'job', playing music isn't exactly a useful skill."

"Oh, come on. Everyone's got something to bring to the table, Ikari, we've just got to find it."

-[[[]]]-

---

.

.

.

IKARI RESIDENCE, TOKYO-3

AUGUST 18TH, 2015

.

.

Misato spent the whole ride over to his parent's apartment hyping Shinji up, telling him how lucky both of his parents were still alive, and about how he needed to spend time with them while he could. While Shinji understood why, since Misato's family was long gone, none of the woman's well-meaning words managed to make the pit in the bottom of Shinji's stomach go away.

On the bright side, Rei had been officially released from the hospital yesterday, and was well enough to eat dinner with them. He wouldn't be forced to endure this likely awkward dinner alone, even if Rei wasn't exactly the best conversationalist.

"I think it's a good opportunity to reconnect with your father," Misato was saying. "I know he seems difficult to talk to…and, well, he kind of is. But if he won't make the first step, then you have to put your best foot forward."

Shinji's attention was directed outside, towards the streets of Tokyo-3. "Who said I wanted to reconnect with him? It feels like you and Mom are forcing this on me."

"Do you not feel anything towards your father, Shinji?"

"Anger? Disappointment?"

Misato shrugged. "That's something, at least. It means you still care."

"If you say so," Shinji said. "I'll be civil, for Mom's sake. But I'm not expecting any major breakthroughs to come from this."

"You guys actually sitting down and having dinner in the same room seems like a major breakthrough to me. Pretty sure that hasn't happened since before your mother's accident."

Accident. Right, Misato still didn't know about that little deception. If Shinji spilled his guts right now about what Mom told him, right before their second sortie with the last Angel, what would Misato say? Would she feel sympathy for his mother, or would she follow through with her suggestion of having Shinji under her guardianship? He wondered how Father would react to that particular move from Misato.

"Misato, would you really not allow me to see Mom? If you thought she was a danger to me, that is?"

"Shinji, I…" The pained expression on Misato's face held the answer. She was a soldier, after all; the mission came first. "I shouldn't have said that so freely. What I said was more of a last resort type measure, and I was more than a little upset about Rei getting hurt as well. You shouldn't have to worry about that."

"You were upset at Mom, weren't you?"

The woman confirmed Shinji's assertion with a nod. "I don't like the way she uses Rei, and judging from some of your conversations with the girl, I'm guessing you feel the same way."

"My conversations?"

"The Section Two agents that drove you to the staging point let me know. Apparently, you managed to make Rei actually yell, so they thought it worth telling me."

"Oh." It shouldn't have surprised Shinji, but he still felt a little betrayed. "I guess there's nothing I can do. Mom says it's necessary, and Rei won't fight back against it."

"Once Asuka gets here, these battles will be easier on Rei. And you as well. Asuka loves the spotlight. Maybe we'll get a couple more pilots as well, so that we can rotate you guys out if you're injured or fatigued."

Shinji didn't want Asuka fighting his battles either, even though he hated piloting Unit-01. Knowing her, Asuka would probably chide him and call him a coward, and he didn't want to disappoint the girl. Both by circumstance and his own twisted pride, Shinji was stuck piloting the Evangelion for now.

When Misato pulled up to his parent's apartment complex, Shinji was reminded of how utilitarian Tokyo-3 truly was. Not even the Commander of NERV and one of the most famous scientists in the world were afforded luxury housing; though, despite the fact that their apartments didn't look much different than Misato's, there was certainly a larger security presence here. Three sets of Section Two agents patrolled the perimeter of the building, and one stood guard right outside one of the doors on the third floor, presumably the space where his parents lived.

"If it gets to be too much for you, call me," Misato said. "but I want you to try to talk to your father, okay? Give it a shot, for me?"

"I'll try. But I'm not the best at…putting my best foot forward."

"Sure you are. You made friends with Rei, after all, and she hasn't really ever had a person to talk to her own age." Misato patted him on the shoulder. "You've got a lot of…what do you call it, emotional intelligence? Got a bit of your mother in you, that way."

The guards let Shinji by without even questioning him, one of them pointing to the door he previously spied on the third floor. Once Shinji stepped foot on the floor, the door opened, his mother stepping out onto the walkway, wearing a teal shirt and a long brown skirt. She clasped her hands together and smiled when she saw Shinji approaching, leading him inside without a word.

A smattering of sticky notes greeted Shinji when he stepped inside; they were on the walls, tables, and even a few on the ceilings. Shinji heard about the mess Mom had created outside of his trauma bay room, while he was unconscious, but he thought of it as a whim thought up on the spot – apparently, it was the other way around.

He couldn't make heads-or-tails of most of them. Some contained diagrams or hastily scribbled formulae or notes, others contained small notes which appeared to be some form of encouragement, but made no sense to the boy. Strange, but Shinji tried waving the obsession off as a quirk of Mom's mental illness.

Rei and Father were already sitting across from each other at a decent sized table of polished mahogany, a collection of delicious-looking food in front of them, organized in a neat fashion. There was steak and fish - though it was likely artificial - along with vegetables and a bowl of miso soup at each seat. Shinji was pleasantly surprised to see that there were no sticky notes in the food.

"Well," Mom said. "everyone's here. Let's dig in."

As Shinji sat down beside Rei, the blue-haired girl said 'Ikari', and Father nodded and said 'Shinji' as a greeting. He greeted them both in turn, though his tone was much warmer when responding to Rei.

The first three minutes of the dinner were silent, punctuated by the clinking of chopsticks against the sides of bowls and drinking glasses being placed back on the table. Mom kept looking around at the table, expecting someone to start a conversation; while normally a prolonged silence wasn't necessarily an issue, Mom had brought them together for the express purpose of catching up and trying to communicate as a family.

Shinji realized, with some amount of consternation, that Misato was right about him – in this situation, at least. At this table, Shinji was the second most socially-capable person aside from Mom. Rei practically grew up at NERV without anyone her own age to talk to, and Father was…Father. He noticed Mom's gaze was on him as well, silently encouraging him to open up.

The boy cleared his throat. The responsibility was on his shoulders, it seemed.

"I'm glad you're back, Father." It was only halfway a lie, but only for the distant hope that life in Tokyo-3 would be less chaotic with him here. "You were gone a long time."

"It's good to be back," Father said. "there is still much work to be done here."

Mom nudged Father, not-at-all subtly, and he spoke again in his usual clipped fashion. "Thank you, Shinji. For welcoming me back."

"You had a letter from Shinji's grandparents," Mom said. "right, dear? Don't forget to give it to him, you know he's been worried sick about them."

That piqued Shinji's interest. "Everyone's safe? Right, Father?"

"Yes, everyone is fine. I made sure they were accommodated for while I was there."

He didn't know whether his father's words could be trusted. After all, what did 'accommodate' really mean in his mind? But his words, combined with the fact that Mom wouldn't let any harm come to his grandparents, took a considerable weight off of Shinji's chest.

"Maybe you'll get to meet them one day, Rei," Shinji said. "they're really nice people. I'm sure they would love you."

Rei nodded. "I would like that. I have never been outside of Tokyo-3, it would be a nice experience."

Shinji supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. Though, it wasn't as if Shinji was Marco Polo himself; his farthest journey was a trip to Tokyo-2 with his grandparents.

"Are you feeling okay, Rei?" Mom asked, genuine concern on her face. "No side effects or anything?"

"No, everything seems stable so far, Doctor.

"Alright. I want you to let me know if anything seems off, okay?"

"Yes, I will."

"What's the latest on the Soryu girl?" Father asked. "With Shinji and Rei still recovering from the last battle, we need to do whatever we can to expedite her journey."

"She's still about three or four days out, dear." Mom met Shinji's eyes, narrowing them in a mischievous way. "I was thinking about flying out to meet her, actually, with Misato. If you would like to accompany me, Shinji?"

Meeting Asuka in person…one thing was certain, the trip would be an interesting one. "I wouldn't mind going. But what about Rei?"

"We can't have both our pilots outside of Tokyo-3," Mom said. "and besides, you have more of a rapport with Asuka, don't you think?"

Shinji made a face. "Feels like I'm going on a blind date or something."

"It wouldn't be blind; you've talked to her before."

"Mooom…"

"I'm only joking. I guess you're still too young for that kind of thing. Or maybe just too embarrassed to discuss it with me."

"Yui, ease up on the boy," Father said; for once, Shinji was glad he was around. "he's turning red."

"Oh, sorry. But I think it would be a nice gesture, and you'll work better as a team if you have some common ground." Mom pointed one of her chopsticks at Rei, wriggling her nose at the girl. "That goes for you too, Rei. Try to talk with Asuka when she arrives. Find some common ground."

"Uhm, I…I find her quite abrasive, Doctor. But I will try, if you insist."

"Oh, she's just prickly on the outside. She's a nice girl once you get to know her."

"She's nice to you because she's scared of you, Yui," Gendo said. "I've never seen the girl so well-behaved as she is around you."

"Asuka's nice to me because she respects me, dear. There's a difference." Mom looked over towards Shinji's and Rei's side of the table, inspecting their glasses of water. "You guys want a refill?"

Both Shinji and Rei nodded, but Shinji spoke. "Yeah, sure."

"Are your studies going well?" Father said to them both, as Mom took their emptied glasses away. "I know school is merely a formality for you, Rei, but I know how your mother is about schoolwork."

"It is going well, thank you."

"And you, Shinji?"

"It's going alright, I guess. Mom makes me – "

A loud bang rang out from the kitchen; Shinji turned, finding his mother hopping around on one knee. She dropped into a nearby chair, caressing her ankle which was flush in an angry red. Father was at Mom's side in an instant, faster than Shinji had ever seen the man move.

"I hit my ankle against the side of the stove," Mom said. "it looks pretty bad, I might need someone to take me back to HQ to get it looked at. Rei, would you mind? I think I'm going to need someone to lean on."

At once, Shinji was caught between concern for his mother's injury, and frustration that the dinner was going just the way he predicted, even though Mom had said she wouldn't do this – but, there was also the chance that Mom had just genuinely injured herself. Once again, even in this minor instance, Shinji felt like someone had tied him to a raft and kicked him into a fast-flowing river. He was powerless, and his desires were akin to spitting into the wind.

Once Mom and Rei were gone, Father sighed and looked back to him, gesturing for Shinji to sit back down. He wondered if Father was as caught off-guard as he was, and as nervous about the possibility of them being alone together.

"Now that Mom's gone, what's with the sticky notes?"

"After…the incident," Father said as he sat down. "which I suppose you now know about, your mother began employing certain mental tricks to keep herself…grounded, I guess you could say. The notes are one of them. She can keep them all catalogued in her head somehow, but I can't make heads or tails of them."

Father looked towards the closed door, and sighed. "I suppose it's a good thing Rei recovered so well, well enough for her to be able to craft this little fiction, anyway."

"She told me on the phone that she wouldn't do anything like this," Shinji said. "but, she might have actually just hurt herself."

"The best lies always have a grain of truth, as well as a little plausible deniability." Father made a noise, though whether it was a grunt or chuckle, Shinji couldn't tell. "In any case, I suppose that's one thing we have in common. Being lied to, supposedly for our own good."

"Did she just make that up? Just now?"

Father shrugged. "Your mother's like the devil, Shinji. She will lie to your face, even if you know it's not true, but tell it sweetly enough for you to wonder if what you thought was true was really the truth after all."

"I…I think you've probably told some as well, Father."

"Not to your mother." The corners of Father's mouth turned up. "Love cannot live without trust."

Since they were already discussing Mom, Shinji thought it was prudent to bring up another related topic. "So, you know that Mom told me about…you know, her condition."

Father looked off to the side; he didn't emote much, but even Shinji could tell that the news agitated him. "I would have preferred to keep that particular detail a secret to you. But I suppose it's out now."

"Why? Don't I deserve to know?"

"It's…" Shaking his head, Father refused to meet Shinji's eyes. "It isn't a question of deserving. We delegate certain information to certain people. It's just how NERV works. A fourteen-year-old boy does not need to know the particulars of what happened at the old lab."

"So, I put my life on the line, almost die defending everyone. Following orders." Shinji was beginning to regret coming to this family 'get-together' at all. "But I don't have clearance to know why my own mother disappeared. Got it."

"Ignorance is bliss, Shinji. Or do you honestly enjoy carrying the weight that your mother put on you?"

"I don't, but at least I can understand what she's going through now." Waving off the urge to bite his next words down, Shinji continued. "I still can't believe it, though. I wouldn't have known anything was wrong if she hadn't said anything."

"Your mother has made a lot of progress since those first days. She's mostly back to the way she was, though with a few foibles." He crossed his arms, his jaw set and tense. "There was…considerable debate over how much your mother should see you. I thought your presence might have been too much, perhaps cause her to relapse, but she seems to have been fine…recent events aside."

"What does that mean? You didn't want me to see her, at all?"

"Defeating the Angels must always be the priority. Following that line of thought, any risks to the pilots of the Evangelions must be minimized." Father's hands gripped the table, clenching his teeth before continuing. "Some of things your mother said, as well as did, after she came back…we had to be sure. Mind you, your mother had reservations as well, as you've been told."

"What did she do?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," Father said. "I think you should know, since the most egregious incident directly involved you, but your mother should be the one to tell that story."

Father didn't seem keen on opening up more about that particular subject, so Shinji changed course. "I think this is the most we've talked in the last ten years."

"Yes."

"It's not…it wasn't the worst experience I've had here."

"I suppose it wouldn't be." There was a ghost of a smile on Father's lips, so Shinji supposed his awkward attempt at humor had succeeded. "Leaving you was for the best, Shinji. I'm talking about the first time. I was always hesitant about being a father, but Yui made me want to try, at least. After she disappeared, I felt that your grandparents could raise you better than I ever could."

Shinji was so stunned that Father chose to directly address the elephant in the room, that he stuttered and tripped around his words until he gathered himself enough to form a coherent response.

"You could have tried."

"I could have. And I would have failed." Father's gaze was focused dead ahead, refusing to meet Shinji's eyes. "Regardless, I stand by that decision. And you turned out well enough. I know your mother wants us to reconcile, but you don't need my approval or guidance, Shinji, you've made that abundantly clear since you arrived. You're better off that way."

His father's approval was a desire Shinji didn't even know he wanted. For a brief moment, a ray of hope filtered through the clouds, before being suffocated by his father's words. Shinji stared at his food, the dreary and empty silence of the room stretching out. His anger at Father abandoning him, it wasn't out of malice or apathy, but because he was deprived of something he wanted. Something he would never have.

"I wish I had stayed in Aise, when I had the chance" Shinji said, finally. "I shouldn't have ever come here. Mom's apparently lost half of her mind, and you don't care about me at all."

"If you had stayed, we would all be dead." Father reached into his coat, pulling out a coffee-colored envelope and handing it to Shinji. "We must all accept our reality, and if we wish to change it, we must fight to do so. There is no other recourse."

With some hesitation, Shinji took the note. He wondered whether the words contained within could even be trusted, but a single correspondence was better than nothing, he supposed. Then, he stood, pulling his cell phone from his pocket.

"I'm going to call Misato to pick me up. I guess I'll see you around."

"Shinji."

Shinji was about to make for the door, when his father's words stopped him in his tracks.

"I never said I didn't care, but…sometimes caring is worse than not. You'll figure that out for yourself, one day."

-[[[]]]-

---

-[[[]]]-

When Misato received a call from Shinji to pick him up, far earlier than expected, she feared the worst for Miss Yui's little 'family get-together'. And watching the boy trudge towards her car, not even sparing to glance towards the Section Two agents patrolling the apartment, her fears were pretty much confirmed. She just wanted the boy to be happy, but it seemed fate had a habit of spitting in his face.

Misato reached over and pulled the door handle, and Shinji slid into the passenger's side, holding a coffee-colored envelope in his hands with a crest-fallen face. The envelope was unopened, so there was still news to come for the boy.

"How did it go?" Misato asked as she drove off. "Did you and your father talk at all? You know, reconnect?"

Shinji nodded, though the gesture didn't carry any confirmation behind it all. "Yeah. We talked."

"And?"

"I don't think anything's going to change with him," Shinji said. "as far as…our relationship goes. And Mom just…"

"Just what?"

"Nothing." And he looked towards the car window. "It's nothing, Misato."

Being a role-model wasn't a position that Misato ever figured she would hold; even in the military, she had a penchant for skirting insubordination while still getting the job done. But it was becoming rapidly apparent that his parents weren't up to the task, and never really were. Distance had created a sort of filter where Shinji could view an unblemished image of his mother, and keep a safe distance from his father. A filter that was breaking down before their eyes.

Misato didn't want Shinji to hate his parents, she knew first-hand how destructive such a feeling could be, the misplaced anger and rash decisions taken to prove a point to people who were either long dead or no longer cared. And she could see Shinji taking his first steps towards that same path, a path lined with years of anguish and heartache, with no discernable end. But she didn't know how to stop him, not without his parents changing their course.

She had to do something, though. It couldn't end like this.

The dying light of evening was upon them when they returned to their humble apartment, the inside of their living space black aside some ambient reflected light from the city. Misato flipped on a light switch; Shinji made an effort to slink off to the comfort of his room, but Misato stopped him before he slid his door shut.

"I noticed that letter," Misato said, pointing towards the envelope hanging precariously from the tips of Shinji's fingers. "have you read it yet? Is it from your grandparents?"

"Yeah. Father brought it back with him." The boy shook his head. "I'm scared to read it, to be honest."

"Well, why don't we read it together, then? If you want? But if you want to keep it to yourself, I completely understand."

"I…" He shifted towards room's door for a brief moment, before walking back into the living room. "It couldn't be anything bad, right? If Father was willing to give it to me. And Mom wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't what?"

"Nothing."

And, with them both sitting down at the same table where they had talked a couple days ago, Shinji began to read.

-[[[]]]-

---

"Shinji,

All is well in Tokyo-3, I trust? I imagine with all the fuss and commotion near town, that you've figured out why your parents wanted you to come. So sorry for keeping it from you. Everyone (that is, me and your grandpa) wanted to tell you so badly, but your mother was insistent on keeping it under wraps for now. I was told that there would be a little more time for you to acclimate…but that's neither here nor there. Surely your brute of a father could have arranged for that at least, but I put nothing past that man.

Grandfather and Mokoto miss you very much. Old man keeps complaining about missing his television dramas, but he should be happy just to be alive, the fool! No idea what all the fuss was about outside of town, and all the blood…all I can do is trust that your mother has it all in hand. Evidently, she loves you from the bottom of her heart, but don't let her overwhelm you, Shinji. There's a point where you've got to put your foot down.

Anyway, just know we love you. 'Koto, the little rascal, hasn't been able to sit still since the town was cordoned off. I don't think we'll be able to see you for a while. No doubt due to your father. Great, big oaf that he is. Us country folk aren't privy to such government nonsense., but we'll come visit one day soon. See that you keep practicing your music! All of us want to see you play in one of those concerto halls one day. With packed seats, headlining your own show. A grandmother's frivolous wish, perhaps, we wish you all the best regardless.

Yui's done her best making the world a better place, you just need to survive in it."

---

-[[[]]]-

By now, Misato was used to the subtle shifts in Shinji's mood. Maybe she was developing a 'mother's intuition', as Miss Yui often talked about. While Shinji was still far from ecstatic, the relief from hearing about his family being safe – even without seeing them in person – was enough to bring back the innocent light in Shinji's eyes. But he still looked ragged, like someone had used him for a punching bag for the past hour or so.

"It looks like they're alright," Misato said, putting on an encouraging smile. "so that's one weight off of your shoulders, at least."

"Yeah. I'd like to see them again, but…" A tear fell down his cheeks, and Misato placed her hand on his knee. "I guess this is good enough, for now."

"We'll take any good news we can get, right?"

A stone of guilt dropped into Misato's stomach; she was the one who tried convincing Miss Yui to let the JSSDF have control of Aise, in order to get access to the Positron Rifle and kill the Angel. A move partially motivated by practicality, and partially by her hatred of the Angels, with only a little forethought about the possible aftereffects on her and Shinji's relationship if the boy found out. If the JSSDF was allowed to have their way, Shinji likely wouldn't even have the letter in his hands.

Misato wondered if the kids would want anything to do with the adults of NERV, if humanity was still alive when all was said and done. Taking the rifle was still the correct decision to have the best chance to protect humanity, and her position demanded a sense of practicality; but these children whom Misato – despite her better judgement – had grown attached to? How could she look at this boy, who had already done so much and had so much taken away, and ask for more?

Though there was still a smoldering bit of justified anger inside of Misato towards Miss Yui, she felt she could understand the woman's perspective, if only a little. The pressure and cold equations required of this job were enough to drive anyone mad.

"Shinji," Misato said, treading softly with her words. "if you don't mind talking about it…what happened with your parents? At the dinner?"

"I don't think Father and I are going to 'reconnect'. He said I 'turned out alright' without his guidance, and I guess he doesn't see a need to really be in my life."

After giving Shinji a moment, Misato pressed on. "And what about your mother? What happened with her?"

The boy averted his eyes, more tears falling down his face as he spoke.

"I…I don't think I can trust her anymore."

-[[[]]]-

---

-[[[]]]-

A/N:

EDIT 09/17/21: I'll post this again at the start of the next chapter, but a couple scenes from this chapter have been redone, cut, or moved up. Hopefully, this change is for the better and more coherent with the story so far. Normally I would just take the L and let it ride, but looking it over after reading skyf0x's review, the scene was pretty of out of place and could have been done better, and I don't want it to knock any future readers out of the story.

/

As Calboghete asked a couple chapters ago, Mari has indeed appeared in the story. Next chapter, Asuka finally enters the story in person. Hopefully you can forgive me for not including her in this chapter, had to setup some elements for later chapters and just didn't have room! And unfortunately, Jet Alone will also not be making an appearance; it's not even that I disliked that episode, but I didn't have an idea of how do the episode justice within the context of this story, and I didn't just want to tack it on in order to follow the 'canon' storyline. I guess I could have added another chapter, but I felt that time could be better spent elsewhere.

To the person who objected to my use of 'Miss': while I understand what you're saying, the characters are assumed to be speaking in Japanese, and I like to have characters express their own vocal quirks when speaking to help each character's voice feel more distinct. It also cuts down on the amount of beats I have to use in conversations with more than two or three people, since for instance, only Misato says 'Miss Yui' when addressing Yui and only Shinji says 'Mom' when addressing her, so (hopefully) the reader can follow along without always having to include a line or a dialogue tag indicating which character is speaking. I use honorifics when it's a nickname or when it would sound awkward not to include it, but going back and editing every instance of 'Miss' would be a hassle, and the lines would have less character as well. If using 'Miss' instead of the proper honorific knocks you out of the story, sorry, but I feel like the tradeoff is worth it.

skyf0x: About your comment about whether it's really going to be a 'brighter future' or not, well, the title of the story did originally have a question mark at the end of it.

SheriffJohnStone: Thanks, I tried to make her distinct. You're not wrong about the Kyoko comparison.

calborghete: Yeah, hopefully this chapter shows that I want to try to do Rei's character justice, even though it's an AsuShin story.

Thanks everyone for the favs/follows/reviews!