Ehhh! life happened, but here it is Chapter no 5!
enjoy your gospel of best girls church
If you asked Jiraiya what hell felt like, at this moment, he would tell you it felt like sitting in an uncomfortable chair and explaining the last three months of your life to his sensei.
Writing a report over an S-ranked mission was enough of a chore. Having to verbally deliver said report was another matter entirely. It didn't help that he knew he should be somewhere else.
Normally, successful mission reports were short, sweet and to the point. However, Jiraiya's recent mission to Suna was only a success on technicality. So there he sat, going over the specifics of his so-called "reconnaissance mission" to the Land of Wind.
Behind his desk, Sarutobi laid down the written report, a loud breath leaving his mouth as he finished reading it, "So you're telling me—"
"He's dead." Jiraiya sharply interrupted his teacher. "And before you ask," he added, "I am completely sure. Even examined that bastard's corpse." He shuddered at the less than pleasant memory.
Sarutobi said nothing for a few long seconds before taking a long drag from his pipe. Jiraiya watched as he slowly moved towards the window before letting out another plume.
"He smelled pretty bad, y'know." Jiraiya continued, trying to fill the silence. He was known for being blunt and brash, and normally would be able to keep said bluntness under control, but today his patience was wearing thin.
The Hokage stared out the window for another long moment before speaking. "So it's starting already, huh? The 2nd Kazekage, dead."
"It's been a long time coming, it's been incident after incident. The truce we've enjoyed for the last five years was fragile at best, and killing a village Kage is the last straw," said Orochimaru in his characteristic uninterested fashion.
"Well, I didn't do it, if that's what you're wondering." Jiraiya made a show of shrugging. From the corner of the room, he heard Orochimaru snort in amusement. As much as he pretended to be a stick in the mud, Jiraiya knew he secretly enjoyed his jokes.
"What's the reaction like in Suna?" Sarutobi asked, ignoring his last statement.
"Shamon's tribe is calling for blood." Jiraiya answered. "The general public is under the impression that Iwa is responsible."
Sarutobi simply hummed in response.
"Considering the wounds and how precise the job was, though, it's been locker room gossip that it was an inside job."
"And what do you think?" Sarutobi prompted.
"Well, something that's pretty clear in Suna is that the people inside the village are as different as the colors of the sand in the desert. The village is the newest one, and they run themselves as tribes rather than a unit. And the word on the street is," Jiraiya continued, "many of the tribes weren't happy with how things were being run."
"Also, if it was Iwa, they'd blow half the village up as well. No such thing as too much force when a Kage is involved, y'know?" added Jiraiya, trying to lighten the mood
"But would any of the tribes dare go against a Kage?" Orochimaru interjected, still slouching in the corner.
This was a question that Jiraiya had asked himself many times during his mission in Suna. Fortunately, he had found the answer as well. "Most of them wouldn't outwardly say anything, but there's one, though. They were always nemesis with Shamon's tribe, even before Suna was founded."
"And if they saw a chance to blame Iwa, they'd take it," Sarutobi replied. "I know of that tribe. Strong, skilled, and above all, foolhardy."
"Even then," Jiraiya responded, "staging something like that in the middle of a tense peace is a stupid move. They're launching their whole village into the frontlines again."
"They really don't care about it, they don't see themselves as a village." Sarutobi answered dejectedly. "As long as their own kind survives, they see it as justified purging."
The worst part was that none of the people in the room were surprised at the turn of events. As cynical as it was, they were all expecting things to devolve into this at one point.
"If they've already decided to blame Iwa,then it might be too late now. Suna is far too stubborn." Sarutobi continued "Any idea who will be taking up the mantle now?"
"Well, they've got some powerful ninja over there," Jiraiya answered, "but the problem is that they're mostly pretty young, so they don't have the respect of the people or the council. That doesn't leave a lot of options."
"So someone who's strong and experienced with war, huh?" the Hokage muttered, "One face comes to mind right now."
"Chiyo of the Honored Siblings," Jiraiya posed.
"That old hag with her toys?" Orochimaru scoffed. "Does that really fit the stature of a Kage?"
"Well, she's still alive and highly respected. Crossed paths with her once in the village, and people regardless of their tribe seemed to hold her in high esteem."
"That sounds like her." Sarutobi added before turning to face Orochimaru. "And don't dismiss her puppets as mere 'toys.' I taught you better than this. I know from experience that she's very dangerous, far more than she lets on."
Orochimaru said nothing, criticism just sliding off him like it usually seemed to. But they all knew that he got the message now: don't underestimate her. Many had learned that lesson the hard way.
"Besides, anyone who's given Hanzo of the Salamander a good fight is more than worthy of the hat." the Hokage added.
"Of course," Orochimaru replied, not seeming impressed in the slightest. "And if that's the end of the report, I'll take my leave."
Jiraiya watched as his friend quietly exited the room without waiting for a reply. A part of him wanted to speak out, ask him to meet up for training or food later…but not tonight. He had other things to do.
"I know I brought some bad news, but he's even sulkier than usual." Jiraya muttered, turning to the Hokage. "What's up with that?"
"If you can't see it, then it's not my job to tell you," Sarutobi dismissed. "I'm not your teacher anymore, and you're adults. Go and ask him if you want to know."
'Like he'll tell me', Jiraiya thought. But still, he had to try, so he made a quick mental note.
"Anything else you need from me, sensei?" Jiraiya asked. As much as he wanted to be thorough, he had something important to attend to.
Sarutobi seemed frozen in time at the moment, pipe in hand and staring out the window at the monument. In that moment, Jiraiya could see his wrinkles, stress marks, gray hairs that were showing through, and baggy pouches under his eyes, far more clearly than he'd ever seen.
Sarutobi wasn't a young man anymore, and even looked a bit older than his actual age would suggest. Hiruzen's years of service to Konoha were clearly weighing down on him and making him age quicker than other civilians and shinobi. But right now, he just looked far more spent than ever before.
Jiraiya felt like he was intruding just by looking. Quickly enough, the moment passed, and Sarutobi turned towards him, looking like his usual self again.
"That'll be all." His voice sounded far off, almost resigned.
Quickly leaving his spot on the chair, Jiraiya made his way to the window. Taking one swift jump, he was finally free. Right now, the thought of the Hokage, Orochimaru, Suna, or the upcoming war had all left his mind.
His only thought was to reach Tsunade as soon as he possibly could.
Jiraiya felt the wind roar around him as he ran across the rooftops, away from the Hokage's tower and towards the marketplace where they met earlier.
He would never forget when the news of Nawaki's death reached Tsunade's ears. He had never seen her so…hysterical. That little kid was the light of her life, and it felt like losing him had destroyed her completely.
He perfectly remembered those eyes that still haunted him to this day. Up until that point, he had seen Tsunade in almost every emotion in the spectrum. He had seen her anger and felt it too, that time she caught him spying on him still made him shiver.
But the look in her eyes that day was something that was etched into his memory. He'd never seen her so lifeless. He'd never seen her eyes carry so much pain and grief.
When they met earlier today, he could still see lingering vestiges of her grief. She was doing a better job of hiding it, but to him, it was clear as day. And that worried him beyond, Tsunade had never been the one to keep her emotions to herself. She felt what she felt without any shame and let the whole world know. And there was just something beautiful about it.
For him, she always seemed to shine, brighter than anything else. She would smile the brightest, yell the loudest, mope the longest, and love the hardest. And that was what worried him.
For someone like her, losing a brother would be hard. Jiraiya just didn't know how she'd handle it, and his mind couldn't help but conjure up the worst-case scenarios.
He didn't want to remember how lifeless Tsunade had been for the past few months but the images kept forming in his mind.
Jiraiya suddenly slowed down as he approached the marketplace, before landing with deceptive quietness. There were still plenty of people around, but he couldn't pick out Tsunade from the crowd. A few heads turned towards him, surprised by his sudden appearance, but he ignored them.
Instead, he gathered his concentration and stretched all of his senses, desperate to find any trace of her.
What wouldn't he give to be a Hyuuga or an Inuzuka at this moment...
Konohagakure no Sato, 10 months ago
Her door closed, the blinds shut, no light entering the room. Tsunade hadn't gone to the funeral. Instead she locked herself in her bedroom and cried her heart out.
Just outside the door, Jiraiya listened in as he leaned against the wall. He tracked the rhythm of her breathing - far too quick for her to be asleep.
He wanted to throw open the door and go inside and hug her, tell her to cry it out, that he was gonna be there, and that sometime in the future everything was gonna be alright. But here he was, frozen, too much of a coward to do anything.
It was hell.
Just sitting there, not being able to do anything to help and just waiting for something to happen and things to magically get better. He was just useless and all he could do was wait for her. Every so often, he heard a small whimper, and he felt his heart drop for a second before a sudden feeling of helplessness passed over him.
He was Jiraiya, a ninja, a man of action, but the paper-thin wall between him and Tsunade felt almost impenetrable.
Between her breathing, the hard wooden floor under him, and the myriad of sensations in his stomach, a sense of tiredness crept upon him. Laying his head on his arms for a second closing his eyes.
Before he knew it, the world, his aches, his worries all disappeared and he was whisked away. It wasn't until gentle hands softly ruffled his hair that he realized he'd fallen asleep right outside her room.
Lifting his head up, he saw Mito with a cup of hot chocolate in between her hands.
"Go home Jira-chan" she pressed the warm cup in between his hands. Gripping the cup, he sat up properly and took a quick glance at the elder Uzumaki.
She was still wearing the ceremonial black funeral robes, and her hair was loose instead of in her characteristic buns. A closer look at her face revealed puffy and bloodshot eyes.
"Mito-sama, there's no need for this!" He tried to hand the cup back. "Don't worry about me!"
"Jiraiya, don't try to fool me. I can feel you hurting, too," Mito responded, showing her real softer side. "And she's doing fine," Mito added before he had the chance to ask. "She's still resting. And now it's your turn."
Jiraiya finally stood up, his whole body cracking after finally relieving the tension of so many hours in that uncomfortable position.
"Look at the size of you," Mito commented with some fondness in her voice. "Remind me to buy more groceries whenever you're coming over for dinner."
Jiraiya instinctively scratched his head in embarrassment. "I'm still a growing boy, y'know." For a second, their typical greeting made him forget the current situation, and he found himself starting to grin at her.
And then the second quickly passed, and so did the feeling. Noticing the quick change in his expression, Mito laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"Go and rest, kid. You're not doing anyone a favor by putting yourself through this."
"I know that, it's just… I just don't want to leave her alone."
"And she isn't, I'll be right here. Besides, you can't support her by hurting yourself. How do you think Tsuna will feel if you continue doing this?"
He opened his mouth to retort before shutting it with an audible click once his brain managed to process the words.
How do you think Tsuna will feel?
With a defeated sigh, he slowly moved away from the wall of Tsunade's room. Mito's expression shifted a tiny bit as she watched him finally leave the position.
Jiraiya stood there awkwardly for a second, before finally stepping up towards Mito.
"Thanks, Baa-chan," he finally said and wrapped Mito in a one-armed hug, careful to avoid spilling the hot chocolate. She returned it with twice the strength.
Jiraiya let out a sigh of frustration as Tsunade was nowhere to be found in the market area. As the evening slowly approached, more and more people filled the place, making the search even more difficult. If he had time, he could investigate, find traces of her, and track her down, but time was the one thing he didn't have at the moment.
And that left only one way.
It was risky, and Pa didn't think he was ready yet, but that risk was nothing right now. Biting his left thumb and smearing a bit of blood in his right palm, he wove through hand seals...
Boar, dog, bird, monkey, and ram.
"Calm down, frog boy. You can just ask for directions."
Jiraiya jumped and turned around to see Mito Uzumaki standing right behind him.
She was wearing plain white robes, but the way they caught the sunlight almost made it seem like she was glowing. This time, her hair was tied up neatly into two buns, and she had a stoic expression on her face.
How did he not manage to sense her?
"Don't look so surprised, I know a thing or two about sneaking around. I've done my fair share of it," she said in an all-too-pleased with herself tone.
It never ceased to surprise him when he was reminded of the kind of woman Mito truly was. Her polite demeanor always fooled everyone, and he had learned the hard way that the Uzumaki woman had a temper and more than enough strength to back it up.
"Mito Baa-chan? What are you doing out here?"
"Helping my granddaughter out. Something we have in common, it seems," she responded, before shooting a pointed glance at the blood smeared on his fingers. "And don't even think about it. You're not ready for that, I can sense it. As much as I call you frog-boy, I doubt you want to turn into one."
Jiraiya swallowed a groan of frustration before putting his hands down, wiping the blood in his hands. "I need to find her."
"Now calm down, you aren't thinking straight."
"I'm calm," said Jiraiya, lying through his teeth.
"The hell you are." Mito immediately shot his lie down. "Remember, I can feel it."
Jiraiya tried to take a calming breath, but his heart was thudding like drums. How the hell was he supposed to calm down?
"In this state, you are not going to help anyone." Mito paused. "She's at the graveyard. You know the one."
As annoying as that emotion sensor was, the ability was really useful sometimes.
"Go ahead, you're faster than me," she made a shooing motion with her hand. "And the next time, just ask for help instead of rushing alone like an idiot." she punctuated with a slap to the back of his head. The pain that spiderwebbed from the back of his skull.
Yup, Tsunade had definitely inherited her strength from her grandma.
With that, he took a leap in the direction of the graveyard. Jumping over the roofs with practiced movements, every jump faster and with more strength than the one before.
Konohagakure no Sato, 3 months ago
Jiraiya watched with fascination as Mito Uzumaki neatly poured tea out of the kettle and into his cup. He was completely full right now, of course, but she'd already decided to make him tea, and he wasn't going to tell her no.
"I… I think that's enough tea, Mito-sa-" The rest of his words died in his throat as Mito gave him a quick glare.
"I thought we were past formalities at this point, Jiraiya."
But she's just too scary!
Even with her express permission, the thought of informally addressing Mito Uzumaki was a scary one. However, Jiraiya was just the brave warrior to tackle this challenge.
"I think...that's a bit too much tea uhh.. Mito Baa-chan."
"No it isn't," she responded without missing a beat. She filled his cup to the brim, adding some biscuits to the side. "So what brings you here this afternoon?"
Jiraiya immediately felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach at the question. Quietly, he produced a package from the inside of his robe and placed it on the table.
"I'm being sent to a mission for the next few months in Suna," he took a sip of tea."You know how the tensions are with them right now, so I just wanted to leave this thing here just in case."
Mito took the package in her hands and inspected it without saying a word.
"It's a birthday present for Tsunade-hime," he hastily added.
Mito didn't react to his addendum and continued closely examining the gift. After a few slow seconds, a small smile crossed her face.
"It better not be a bikini, Jiraiya."
"Oh definitely not!" Jiraiya almost jumped from his seat and hastily denied the accusation. Perhaps a bit too hastily. "Not at all! I'd never do something like that, you have my word!"
"Hmm? Are you saying that you'd refuse to buy her a bikini if she asked?" Mito questioned, shaking the package for emphasis. "Or do you think she'd look ugly in one?"
Jiraiya's brain screeched to a halt as he wondered how to respond. Either way felt like a trap, and one wrong move here would leave him dead. His frantic thoughts were interrupted as Mito whacked him on the head with the package.
"Stop fretting." She ordered. Jiraiya responded with a nervous salute.
Wait, what the hell am I doing?
Mito just shook her head at his awkwardness. It was only when Mito laughed out loud that he realized he'd fallen victim to one of Mito's jokes.
Well, she called them jokes. Jiraiya thought torture was a better descriptor there, but he wouldn't really voice that opinion.
"I guess being nervous is better than being morbid," she finally said after her laughter subsided. "Seriously, kid. Your face was everything."
She flipped a switch, her tone now serious. "Don't even fathom the thought of dying. If you do, you are leaving the door open for it to happen."
"I'm just trying to be realistic," Jiraiya protested. "I mean, you just don't know how a mission can go."
"Believe me, I know better than anyone what you mean, but just thinking about the possibility strips you of the will of fighting to make it out alive."
She put both of her hands on the table and leaned towards him, getting almost uncomfortably close. "You don't win battles by thinking about being defeated," she added with no small amount of ferocity, and Jiraiya felt a shiver run down his spine as she continued. "And you don't live a good life by constantly expecting to die."
There were a few times when Jiraiya felt there was something just wrong with Mito Uzumaki. Well, not exactly wrong, but there was something scary about her in a way that didn't feel right. He'd fought scary people, been in battles, and seen a fair bit himself, but these small moments with Mito dwarfed it all. As if there was something frightening lurking just underneath her skin, ready to burst out at any moment.
Jiraiya's thoughts were interrupted as something whacked him across the face once again.
"Oww!" He stumbled backwards, falling off his chair. "The hell was that for?"
"If I were an assassin, you'd be dead," Mito replied matter-of-factly. "Because you were spacing out in the kitchen instead of answering my questions."
"Or you could take a misstep in the forest outside," she continued, "fall into a pit and get bitten by something venomous and die. Or a shopkeeper sells you poisoned food and the next morning, you shuffle off the mortal coil."
"Was that supposed to make me feel better?" Jiraiya asked, rubbing his cheek.
"You could die at any moment, even right now, even this very evening. And you sulking about it won't change anything. So don't mourn your death when you are still living."
"I get it! So you're saying that I should stop worrying too much about dying and go ahead and buy that bikini for her?"
"Of course, some ways of dying are more painful than others,'' Mito reminded him, cutting his celebrations short.
Her face softened. "Just make sure to come back alive." Her usual demeanor returned. "Also, you shouldn't be giving this gift to me anyways. She is in her room, and Tsun-chan is going to be even more pissed at you if you leave without saying goodbye."
"You're right, Baa-chan!" Jiraiya leapt to his feet and gave her a mock salute. "I'll be off then."
After Mito's unorthodox pep talk, he now actually felt ready to face Tsunade and blow her away with his amazing gift.
With newfound confidence in his step, he stepped on the wooden plank of the staircase.
Instead of feeling the familiar thump of his feet against the wood, there was nothing. He had been running so fast he didn't realize the fact that he had run out of roofs to land on until he jumped and landed harshly on the ground.
"Talk about great ways to stop spacing out," he thought as he dusted himself off before setting off again.
As he rushed towards the graveyard, heart thudding so loud he couldn't hear anything else, his mind wandered back to that moment.
Konohagakure no Sato, 3 months ago
There he stood, that door. Lately, it has been feeling more like an iron wall rather than a door. He took a deep breath to collect himself. The confidence he felt at the bottom of the stairs was rapidly waning, so he had to do it before it could empty.
Right now!
Knocking lightly three times, and there he stood waiting for it to open. He'd had his fair share of action in his life, yet there he was, on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of a damn door. He consciously regulated his breathing to keep his heart from pounding its way out of his chest.
But underneath the nervousness, fear, and worry, there was still something else. An eagerness to see his friend, and hope. Just that hope that maybe this time, Tsunade would be closer to her old self.
And because of that, he couldn't allow his fear to overtake him. He just couldn't.
Just as he brought his hand up to knock again, the door creaked open, revealing a rather disheveled looking Tsunade. She looked so tired, with bags under her eyes, and a messy head of hair as if she'd been sleeping.
"Hey, Hime."
The noncommittal grunt wasn't what he wanted to hear in response, but he'd been expecting it. Truth be told, a large chunk of his bravado petered out after seeing that.
Mito's words echoed through his mind: "Stop fretting."
Undaunted, he continued, "Sensei just gave me this really boring and long mission so I figured I'd visit you before I left."
He was received with a hum until she finally noticed the package he'd been holding. Noticing her glance, he raised the gift in front of him.
"What is that?" she spoke in a soft voice.
She spoke; that was a win in his book.
"That thing, Hime, is a gift for you. Since this boring mission will hold me up for a bit, I'm just dropping this by in case I miss your birthday."
There was a slight shift in her expression. He didn't know what exactly that was, but something changed.
"Anyway," he maneuvered out of the topic of the mission. "I'm giving this to you in one condition. Well, actually, make that two conditions." Jiraiya added, making a V with his fingers.
Tsunade's expressions remained unchanged at his antics.
"First, you gotta wait till your birthday to open it," Jiraiya declared. He looked directly into her eyes, trying to find some semblance of emotion; anything to give him even a bit of hope of seeing the old Tsunade that he loved.
"The second one is up to you but…" he brought a finger up and pointed at his forehead, "Can I get a good luck kiss?"
As soon as he entered the graveyard, his eyes were immediately drawn to the statue of a flame. The sun streaked through it, bathing the area in front of it in reddish orange.
And right in front of the statue, there she was... Tsunade.
Sitting down on the stairs with her shoulders hunched, staring at the floor. The statue right behind her caught the light of the sun, and bathed her with a slight red normally blonde hair looked almost golden.
She was slouched and unmoving, her hair forming a sort of curtain that hid her face from the world. Even from a distance, he could tell that she was tired.
As he approached her, Jiraiya had a thousand things running through his mind. It was just like when they first heard the news of Nawaki's death.
What could you even say in that situation? What use are words?
All his words to break ice were stolen.
He was almost in a trance as he approached her. So much so that he didn't notice the vase in his path until he knocked it over. The sound of the porcelain shattering snapped him out of his stupor and startled the blonde, who's head immediately snapped towards him.
Jiraiya was about to offer a greeting, but his words died in the back of his throat when Tsunade's gaze locked into him. In those eyes, he swore he saw something he thought to be lost.
He knew Tsunade was never going to be the same, yet when he saw those eyes, something told him that maybe it wasn't a bad thing.
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