Scar Tissue

by deathbringer374

After Third Impact fic. The world goes to some semblance of normality. Shinji Ikari lays in bed, unmoving, tubes and wires all over, machines beeping away. Asuka stares, horrified, at the result of her violence. Maybe revenge tasted...bitter. AXS. Revised version has been uploaded! R&R

10. Chapter 10

AN: Indeed, New Chapter fresh off the oven! Enjoy! I own nothing.

Scar Tissue

Chapter Ten. Ninth Act: Comfortably Numb

Life.

Some say life is the most precious gift ever given. Some say life is to be respected at all costs, that there is nothing in this world more valuable than life. What is it, to live? It is to exist, to follow ones instincts and survive in a given environment, as all the other billions of creatures all around us? Or is it more? Is it to love, to hurt, to forgive, to avenge and to weep? What is the essence of living? How valuable is life, truly?

If by killing one person, one single, special person, you could prevent a mayor catastrophe and save billions of lives, would you do it? Even knowing that this person has family, friends and loved ones? Would you? Would you do it? The fact remains, all life is valuable, a treasure, a gift to be respected and cherished; but if it so, then why is it that there is so much death all around? Why is there so much pain all around? Why is there so much suffering?

I'll ask again, if by killing one single person, you could prevent billions from getting hurt, from being involved in a horrible, horrible disaster, would you do it? Even knowing that this person has been manipulated their entire life, in order to bring them to such a state, in which they have no choice but to provoke that disaster? Even knowing that this person was, in fact, not at all responsible for the events to unfold, yet was necessary?

No. You wouldn't. Not with him, anyway.

For years, I asked myself why I didn't do anything to stop it, why I allowed a cold, ruthless man to be the object of my desire, why I actively participated in the end of the world, why I used children in sickening ways to obtain a pathetic, insipid paradise of nothing. I don't know.

I don't know. For all the knowledge I posses, for the life of me I cannot think of a good enough reason.

I could have killed Shinji at any point in his life. I could have sent a mercenary, much like the ones soon to be after our heads, to rid him of his misery, or I could have poisoned him at any moment during the year he spent working at NERV, and it would have been considered an act of compassion, towards both humanity and the boy himself. I could have created a malfunction in his EVA and it would have looked like an accident, but I didn't. At first, it was because I simply had no interest in him at all, besides his use in the Commander's plan, and later it was because I thought I could use him to get my revenge on that bastard father of his. In the end, though, after seeing it all, after sensing his pain, his anguish and his anger, I could do nothing but feel guilty and pathetic.

Oh, but I did something. I showed him just how sick and twisted his father was, and just how much like him I had become just by wishing to be in his poisoning, pestilent presence. I used and regarded that boy as nothing more than an asset, means to an end, just like his father. Ha, I never did understand why the boy craved his father's acknowledgement with such ferocity. Just for that man's praise, for his presence, Shinji climbed countless times in that monster that took away his mother, his dreams and his sanity. How very fucking ironic life is, Me, the Head of the Evangelion Research Department, me, the one person who understands the nature of Evangelions like the palm of my hand, would end up hating these beasts with all my heart. I want nothing more than to blow them all half way to Hell and prevent anyone else from suffering this curse, this penance for playing God. Everything the Evangelion touches, it leaves broken and unrecognizable behind. I only find it fitting if this takes my life as well.

For longer than I'd like to admit my consciousness swam in that ocean, I continued feeling sorry for myself, lying to myself in a fake world after the other, existing within the womb of Humanity and being one with every last person in this world. Now, when I think of it, it makes me sick. Every time I see those monsters, every time I remember the Angels, it makes me sick. Hell, even the smell of LCL makes me sick now.

I wanted to run away for ever, to stay in that place and not be bothered again, but I felt it; I felt her presence as she attempted to reach out for me, to save me from despair and illusion. It's amazing, how blind and forgiving the human heart is. In the midst of all my horrible actions, in the midst of me loosing whatever humanity I had left, one single person accepted me, with all my flaws, with all my shit and with all my traumas.

Maya is the reason I'm doing this. Don't get any funny ideas, I really do feel like a monster for what I did to those children, I feel like a monster every time I go to bed, but unlike Misato, I will do something to ensure their lives are better. I promised Maya, I promised her I would change, I promised I would be a better person, and what better way to start than by trying to aid the people I helped destroy?

Everything is so complicated right now. It's not over. Misato thinks it is, but it's not, it will never be over unless we destroy those monsters, those beasts for good. Countries will always be at war with each other, be it direct, economic or psychological, there will always be conflict between the powers that be, and because of that Evangelions cannot exist. As long as they roam the Earth, there will be a constant danger over the world.

I will work until there is nothing left in me, I will work until my eyes bleed and my head explodes, but I will protect them. I will not allow anything else to happen to them, and under no circumstances whatsoever will I allow them to ever fight again. They deserve better, they deserve to be happy, to be complete with each other. I will protect them, with every fiber in my being.

God, don't you just hate the fact that Instrumentality makes you grow a conscience?

---

The brilliant fake-blond typed furiously, her eyes glued to the screen and her brain solving impossible equations in lightning-fast speed. These readings, these readings she was getting made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Just that night, the MAGI had detected some kind of pattern at the south of Okinagua. What existed on this Earth that could manifest an AT-Field, but was neither Angel nor EVA? She had to figure this out before her pen-pal decided to pay her another non-scheduled visit.

She continued analyzing the readings and comparing the pattern with that of all the registered Angels, but there was nothing like it on the MAGI´s memory. That was bad. That was really, really bad. Head between her hands, she glared at the screen which didn't seen to be willing to give her proper answer to her problem before a cup of hot, steaming, delicious coffee was presented to her by a hand she knew only too well.

"Here you go, Sempai," said Maya as she placed the mug on the table beside her working station.

"Thank you, Maya. I needed that." The faux blonde answered.

"Haha, yeah, you looked just about ready to pass out. Why don't you take a break, Sempai? I'll keep running over this data."

Ritsuko sighed at her companion, smiling slightly at her.

"That's just like you, isn't it? Don't worry Maya, I'll rest in a bit, I'm just waiting for some information I requested from NERV-Moscow. I'll go to bed in a few…" She lied to her assistant. She could not possibly tell her who´s call she was waiting for.

"I heard Sub-Commander resigned, is it true Sempai?" Ritsuko laughed good-heartedly at that, remembering her friend's outburst in the cafeteria.

"Just give that woman a day, Maya. She can't sit still and do nothing, it's not like her. I can assure you that before this day is over, she´ll take her job back."

"Care to bet on that?" Yelled Hyuuga from the hallway, showing his face through the door. Maya fumed, puffing her cheeks.

"Makoto-kun, you should know better than that!" Maya looked positively insulted at the thought of healthy betting, oh well. She´d have to make a proper woman out of her yet.

"Oh, give it a rest, you two. Fine, I´ll bet you. Two thousand yen say she´ll be asking for her job in the morning." She watched with amusement as Makoto gave her the thumbs-up and hurried through the door before a lamp came in contact with his head.

"Take a break, Maya. Go home, get some rest, I'll be there soon." Smiling, Maya nodded, and turned back before she remembered something.

"Okay! Just don't strain yourself too much. Here, I brought you your gum." With that, she handed Ritsuko a small pack of chewing gum and turned to leave, a satisfied smile on her young face. Maya was sort of the conscience of NERV-Tokyo, and most specially, she was the scientist's conscience.

She happily eyed the pack of strawberry-flavored gum by her coffee mug and snatched one. Ah, yes, her new addiction. It was amazing how a pack of gum and some good company managed to rip her off her dependence on cigarettes. Bless those plastic-tasting delights.

She relaxed for a few minutes, simply enjoying the silence of Headquarters at one o'clock in the morning. The brief period of relaxation was brutally interrupted; however, as a message beeped on her computer. She was force to get back to business.

_: THIS LINE IS SECURE. THEY ARE MOVING. YOU HAVE A FEW MONTHS BEFORE IT BEGINS.

She frowned at this. A few months, how comforting. Were those more than two, at the least, they would provide enough time to finish all the preparations, enough time to put everything in place and be ready for the strike to come. Her frown deepened; this person, this John Doe had communicated with her, this person had managed to hack the MAGI's mainframe and access her personal information, which meant whoever this person was, he or she knew all about them, all about NERV.

R.A: It is going according to what we anticipated, then. The preparations are being finished as of yet. When it begins, we will be ready.

_: GOOD. INCREASE SECURITY DETAIL ON THE CHILDREN. CAMERAS ARE USELESS; SEELE WILL HACK THEM AND FOLLOW THEIR MOVEMENTS. YOURS AS WELL.

R.A: Understood. I have questions.

Moments passed, as if the individual on the other side of the line was pondering on her concerns. After a moment, a beep was heard.

_: ASK.

R.A: Who the hell are you? Why are you helping me? Why are you helping them?

Her head was a mess, this secrecy was killing her. It was impossible to trust someone without meeting them, but she had no choice. This character knew so much about everything, about Third Impact, the Childre, and about her. Ritsuko suspected it was some sort of double agent working for the Government who had managed to infiltrate SEELE. If that was the case, she needed to be careful; she really couldn't trust the Government. She couldn't trust anyone.

_: YOU NEED NOT TO CONCERN YOURSELF WITH NONSENSE. TWO MONTHS. IF YOU DO YOUR PART, SEELE WILL DISSAPEAR AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE SAFE. YOU HAVE MY WORD.

`Well, that's comforting. A empty oath made by someone I don't even know. Fuck…´

R.A: How can I believe in an oath given by someone I don´t know?

_: YOU CANNOT. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. HAVE YOU USED THE CONTACT I FACILITATED?

She frowned yet again. He was right, she had no choice and yes, she had used the contact, and it had been oh so very helpful. The good doctor was preparing herself for a war, and now she had the best weapons and soldiers money could buy thanks to the "contact" this so called R had so selflessly provided. How in the hell this person had even known from such matters was totally alien to her, much like the identity of this strange person.

R.A: Yes. Everything will be ready according to schedule.

_: GOOD. BE AWARE OF THIS; IT WILL NOT ATONE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. YOU WILL, AT SOME POINT, BE PROSECUTED AND PROPERLY INCARCERATED. WILL YOU BE READY?

She smiled at that. Yes, she´d be ready. She couldn't die, not anymore, not when Maya was dependent of her. She couldn't leave the person who had searched and found her in the endless Nothing that was Instrumentality.

R.A: I will be ready. Just ensure their safety.

_: UNDERSTOOD. I WILL CONTACT YOU TO SCHEDULE OUR NEXT DEFRIEFING. OVER AND OUT.

And just like that, her computer shut down and rebooted, as was protocol. This was the only way to ensure their… conversations were not available to anyone. She smiled lightly. Two months could be more than enough, any extra time beyond that would be a blessing. If SEELE wanted war, they would have war. She had her own little army prepared to protect what needed to be protected, ready to fight until death. Even if it took every last ounce of strength and sanity she had left, she would protect the members of her organization.

`God is in His heaven, and we are here. All will be right with the world.´

With that last thought, Ritsuko turned to watch vthe video feed from Shinji's room, watching as both him and Asuka snuggled closer to each other with every passing hour. It still amazed her how the girl had managed to snake around him while being so careful, even in her sleep, as to not upset his injuries. That was a very weird pair, alright.

Remembering what this unnamed individual had informed her, she cut the video feed clean off, taking extra precautions to ensure no additional cameras were on the room. The machine reading Shinji´s vitals was connected to her portable PDA, so should anything happen, she´d be the first to know. It made little difference, she had a team of doctors, nurses and even agents to make sure Shinji´s recovery was complete.

Sighing one last time, she picked up the files scattered all over her desk and left, feeling exhausted, but strangely safe.

---

June Sixth, 2016.

He had been cooking dinner, she remembered. She always preferred to attack him when he was at his happiest, at his weakest, which was when she was finally able to break through the thick, broken layer of armor slowly solidifying around his heart. It was getting extensively harder to make him suffer, make him emit those choked, pathetic sounds of despair she both loathed and adored so much. Some part of her attempted to reason with a brain refusing to understand, pleading, demanding, crying in despodence. She ignored the side of her that begged on hands and knees to please, please stop, just like always. She only listened to the voice when it was too late. But she would not stop, she could not. It had become her addiction, her only way of survival, of washing out the rage that poured through her every time she laid naked, facing the bathroom mirror and watching with utter disgust the scars that ran all around her body.

It was the only way to feel like everything she had done had not been in vain, the only way to still feel somewhat superior, the only way of dealing with all the pain was making someone else taste it. He was such a bastard, pretending that by staying, by being her servant, her slave, he could repair the damage he had done. Such a selfish, disgusting little creature, only wanting to serve her and get punished so he could feel a bit less sick with himself. Selfish, oh so very very selfish. Selfish, just like Mama.

The thoughts repeatedly ran through her mind as she observed from the corner of the room, observed how meticulously he added every ingredient, how he carefully, almost lovingly, stirred the mixes and inhaled the sweet scents he was able to create. Comfort food, such was his specialty. How very fucking ironic.

At times like these it was almost difficult to hate him, almost. The same happened whenever she touched his hand or gazed at his scars. The ones on his hands were specially gruesome, the perfect circles ran all the way through his palm gave her the creeps, the skin itself felt like a callous around the circle. On the outside of his hand, it was merely a slight discoloration, but his palms…

Whatever. It didn't matter, nothing did anymore. The only thing that mattered, the only thing keeping her from putting a bullet through her head, the only reason she had not gone back to her own pathetic, ruined miserable excuse of a country, was revenge. She wanted retaliation, she wanted to watch him squirm and hurt, wanted to make him suffer and use him until he broke. Or maybe that is what she told herself so she wouldn't have to admit that she needed his presence, she still felt drawn to him, even after all that had happened, or that the though of being away from him terrified her.

He kept doing his fancy little cooking act, not even noticing her. The disconnection was beggining to worry her, before; whenever she was near him, he would react to her presence, in some way. After the Impact, though, it was as if he was unreachable most of the time, caught too far away in a world beyond reality, running away from life, from everything. Bah, the little bastard hadn't changed one bit.

She smiled coldly as the plan unfolded itself in her brain. She had very special birthday present for him, oh yes she did…

'Please, stop it…'

Misato would not come that night. She had apologized so profoundly, being the hypocritical bitch she was, and poor, gullible little Shinji had believed she would truly honor her oath to be home by seven to celebrate his birthday, he had believed they would have a birthday party just like any other family. She had even promised a cake. Ha, how laughable, a cake. A fucking cake of all things. Even if the drunkard had managed to drag her sorry ass on time, she would have probably found out she had forgotten the cake, or would have probably brought the wrong flavor.

She waited until he finished his preparations and settled the table into place. She watched with twisted amusement that he had made a small chocolate muffin for himself, one for Misato and the other presumably for her. They were neatly arranged, cooling off on a colorful little plate. She noticed one of the muffins had frosting on it, hmm, that was probably hers. How pathetic, to try to gain someone's attention with food.

She allowed him to have his one single moment of happiness before she proceeded. Once he laid the last dish on table; a small smile on his face, his eyes glazed, distant and haunted, she advanced from where she stood. Finally at the sound of her footsteps, Shinji noticed her and blinked. Ha, he had not even noticed she´d been standing behind him the entire time, what an idiot.

"Oh, Asuka…" Pathetic, wimpy and saddening, just like always. She smirked coldly at him.

"Smells nice, Shinji. What's on the menu tonight?" She spoke with a sweet voice, a honey-dipped tone that soothed him and set him right where she wanted him. Just like the cobra that eats the mouse, she liked to hypnotize and play with her meal.

"Umm… I made some Nikujaga, rice, chicken lasagna and… ummm… some chocolate muffins. Would you like to eat now?" asked the boy hopefully, a shimmer of happiness glimmering in his eyes as he expected her answer.

"Well, now that you mention it, I was getting hungry remembering a certain meal I had a while ago…" Ever cautions, her tone was seductive, inviting him to continue the conversation. Poor, poor little Shinji.

'No. No… please… stop…'

"Really? What was it? Maybe I can cook it for you!" He sounded so hopeful, the idiot. He truly believed her little act. God, this was so good t was almost sad to break the magic.

"Oh, it was a special meal alright, Shinji. As a matter of fact, I think you're the one who prepare this for me…." She trailed off, playing absently with her reddish locks she knew he loved so much. When he nodded like a content little pup; his eyes gleaming with hope, she crushed him. Her smile turned cold.

"Oh, I was just remembering that time when you jerked off on my face, remember?" She watched as hope turned to horror, watched as he recoiled into himself, knowing that punishment was about to come, and enjoyed every second of it.

"Boy, that sure was a special meal, huh? Your jizz all over my hair, my breasts, I bet it turned you on a hell of a lot more, didn't it? How many times did you do it, huh?"

He lowered his gaze to the ground as she circled around him, closing in on him ever so slowly.

"How many times, Shinji?" He did not answer; the bastard would not even lift his face from the ground. What a worthless human being.

"Answer Me!"

"Once." He croaked, his hand clenching and unclenching reflexively, tears already starting to stain his cheeks. She smiled. "Once, huh…" She took a deep breath, burying the little voice that begged her stop for the time of being.

"I want you to do it."

She advanced on him, pinning him on the table. The food was still warm, the delicious smells of lasagna almost made her regret her decision, but she decided to damn it all.

"Huh?"

"I want you to do it. Right here, right now." She stood on the other side of the table, glaring hatred into him. Finally his eyes snapped open, catching her venomous gaze in utter shock.

"W-What?" 'He looks so shocked, the poor little monster', she thought. 'Oh, poor poor little Shinji.' She wondered what his expression had been when he had seen what his inaction had caused, when he watched as those things ate her alive and tore at her limb for limb, as they literally violated and dismembered her, to feast on her carcass while he sat, doing nothing.

"You heard me. Do it, right now. I want to see it. Maybe I could lie down, unbutton my shirt a bit, maybe even bring a IV drip, you know, make myself look in a coma. Would that help?" Her tone changed again, turning sweet and inviting, almost forcing him to react to her approach. She could see his hand tighten in a closed fist, and for a moment she felt terrified.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

Now he was glaring at her. Incredible, the nerve of him, he couldn't even be a god damn slave right. She too fisted her hands and with a mighty pull grabbed the lasagna trey and smashed it on the floor.

"No."

"I said do it now!" Asuka stomped on her foot like a petulant child who had been refused her favorite toy. Grabbing a glass from the table, she hurled it at him in her rage, but he didn't move an inch, made no effort to try and avoid it, and for a moment she felt scared of killing him. The glass grazed his face and broke spectacularly on the wall. Her rage boiled at his calmness.

"Now, god damnit!" The scream rang through the empty apartment.

"No."·

Finally, she grabbed the pot holding the meat stew, burning her hands in the process, and hurled it at him. He screamed in pain as the hot broth came in contact with his shirt and skin, loosing his footage and falling ass-first on the dining room floor. She wasted no time and went straight to the kitchen as he attempted to remove the warm meat and potatoes over him without making an even bigger mess. Idiotic little bastard, even like that he tried to be tidy and neat.

In the kitchen, she grabbed the biggest, sharpest knife available on the pantry and marched back to the small dining area, kicking a chair in her path and grabbing a fistful of Shinji's shirt with her free hand, her scarred hand. She lifted his sorry humanity enough to force those haunted puppy eyes to her so the frightened, alarmed and alive expression could be enjoyed in its fullest. Yes, there it was. Fear gripped at his heart, the sight of the knife probably having set alarms on his head, the idiot surely believed she'd use the glittering, sharpened metal on his flesh, but such was not the case. That would be too easy, too insipid. She had already tried to make him bleed and succeeded, and her conclusion was that psychological pain was more suitable and enjoyable to both administer and admire on him.

Inching his face close to hers, she brought the knife to her own neck, loving the way his eyes seemed to gauge out in sheer horror. So he was still there. She saw his hands steady themselves, as if ready to move and rip the knife off her hands in one swift move. But he did nothing; just lay paralyzed as she gripped the knife´s handle harder and pressed the cold metal deeper into her skin. He was on his knees, hanging by her grip like those rag dolls she hated so much. A fallen chair lay behind him and the smell of meat broth covered the entire room.

'Okay, I get it. I have… I have to accept this…'

She glared hatred into him, twisting her face into what she knew to be a very, very ugly snarl.

'I get it… But it hurts so much… God… Ugh…'

"If you don´t do what I say, I'll kill myself. Right here. Right now."

Oh, yes; how absolutely beautiful it was to see that expression in his face. She was what he cherished the most, the only person who acknowledged him and more than that, the only person who hated him just as much as he hated himself, and she knew that. She was so precious to him, so precious. She was his idol, his fantasy, the price of the Great and Mighty Shinji-sama. There was no love, no understanding there, just lack of a better option, because his doll had been taken away from him.

There was no satisfaction involved. There truly was not. It was simply justice, karma, the universal will to maintain balance. She was practically forced to hurt him, it was her duty to punish him for the sins his dirty, dirty hands had perpetrated upon mankind, upon his friends, his family; and most emphatically, on her. It mattered not if she enjoyed herself in this task or not. It had to be done; this was the world´s most vicious mass-murderer ever, after all. She was the only one who knew just how much he had done, just how dirty his pathetic little hands were, so it was her duty to punish him, to restore balance. Balance.

"Y-You wouldn't…" He said, his eyes horrified, tears streaming down his face. Huh, he even looked paler; the idea must have really scared him. Good.

"I wouldn't?" She asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't…?" The tone of her voice thundered through the room. There was a thumping noise when she slammed him on the floor.

"I wouldn't!" She kicked the table, making every last plate clutter around and shake under her rage.

"AND JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS SO GREAT ABOUT MY FUCKING LIFE?"

She raged at him, knife still in her hand.

"I'm a scarred fucking freak! I'm ruined! I have noting left, nothing at all! You made sure I had absolutely fucking nothing left! So do what I say or so help me God I´ll slice my throat open right now!"

His eyes dawned in comprehension, so lips trembling and tears falling pathetically, he stood back up, nodding to her with his gaze firmly set on the ground. He had seen her eyes, and her eyes told him what her mouth had just informed. If he did not do what she wanted, she´d kill herself.

"O-Okay…"

"I'll do it… I'll do it. Just… just stop, okay... put the knife away, please…" Hands trembling, he tried to reach for the deadly blade, but she snatched it away from him.

"NO fucking way, Third Child." His shoulders slumped, hands shaking before hesitantly reaching for his belt buckle. The idiot´s eyes searched for her own, as if begging her to differ from her idea. Oh, poor little Shinji. She nodded viciously, bringing the knife to her throat again as he unbuckled his pants and proceeded with his underwear.

"Do it. Fast"

He started masturbating in the dining room, tears falling from his eyes, his face hidden. No, no, no, no, no. That would simply not do. She wanted to see his eyes, she wanted to taste his pain and enjoy every last second of it, so she removed her own pink T-shirt, exposing her bare skin to him.

"Look at me." He wouldn´t, he just kept stroking, the dirty bastard.

"Look at me!" Eyes opened by the scream, Shinji stopped and stared unblinkingly at Asuka's naked chest. He could see them, every scar, every bite, every circle, and every tear. They weren't even that noticeable, but to him, they glared with the ferocity the first time he had ever seen them.

"Did I tell you to stop!? Keep doing it!"

Soon enough, he resumed his action, and unable to tear his eyes off her, he stared. Nothing but the sound of flesh hitting flesh and a heavy breathing that grew intensely faster could be heard around the apartment.

"Faster."

Yes, that is what she wanted. There it was, the face he probably had when he had raped her, when he had defiled her. The face she could hate to her heart's content, the face of her defiler, her defeater, her torturer. Bastard. Fucking bastard. She could hear his breathing quickening with every thrust, which meant he was close. Good. Soon enough, he emitted a grunt, his breathing stopping, and threw his seed all over the floor; the white stains making an ever bigger, more disgusting mess on the already ruined dining room. As soon as he was done, wracked sobs invaded his body as he fell on his knees, covering his face with his hands, not even bothering to cover up his disgrace. How disgusting.

She stood over him, delighting herself in a job well done. Insane satisfaction rose from her chest as he lay there, crying like a poor baby on the floor, surrounded by all kinds of debris and mess, yes, this was the look that suited him the most, like this he looked as if Divine Punishment had been delivered. Ha. She had won, again. The fleeting sensation of victory overwhelmed her misery for a few precious moments. Again, she had proofed just how much she could push without him lashing out, she knew the secret, yes, she did. He could take punishment, he could take pain and hatred, but indifference was insufferable to him. He needed to be made sure that this was, in fact, reality, that he was alive and his existence was recognized. He would kill himself if she decided to ignore him. That or kill her and then kill himself. She had ignored him for two days one time, and she had seen just how much he depended on her attention, the poor boy had looked even more like a rotting zombie. The least she could do was fulfill his wishes. Even when she was already starting to feel sick.

Her task done, she picked up her shirt and walked over to him, kneeling to where he lay, head still in his hands, sobs shaking his entire body and fingers digging so deep into his scalp that she could see blood being drawn from where his fingernails pierced the skin. She gently grabbed his hands, feeling as his entire body seemed to flinch out of pure instinct at the touch of another human being. After a moment, her soft ministrations smoothed his grip, and his hands fell limp to his sides. Smiling, she picked his head and kissed him on the lips, hard. He did not respond. Bastard. Fucking bastard. Her lips hadn't totally left his own when the slap shook his entire body to the ground. She rose.

"Happy Birthday, Shinji."

With that, she left, not before heading to the kitchen to grab her muffin and smash the other two with her foot right on the floor. Taking a bite off her sweet delight, she left to her room.

"Oh, and clean up this mess will ya? This place is a fucking dump."

With those last biting parting words she closed the door, sliding against the thin frame and swallowing what remained of her muffin in one bite. She had to stuff something in her mouth so she wouldn't puke. Fuck, how far had she gone this time? What... what had been the point of it all, again?

Through the slender material, she could clearly distinguish the sound of rapid breathing, of hurried, desperate intakes of breath, and then it happened. He screamed. She knew the sound only too well. She heard as he screamed and hurled at the ground, hitting the floor with his bare fists and raging like there was no tomorrow. It made no difference how much he raged or how loud he howled, the building was empty except for them and the walls were as thick as a truck. A feeling started to creep up her spine, and it wasn't fear. His fists stopped hitting the ground. She could hear the faint sobbing on the other side of her door. The feeling moved up to her stomach and from there to her chest. She heard as he stood and slowly started picking up the mess all around the living room, still sniffing and quietly sobbing. She didn't feel satisfied anymore. The satisfaction faded away faster than it had first manifested. She'd gone too far again, too far. But now it was done, and she could nothing to take it back. She had forced him to… to do that. She had forced him.

It wasn't fun anymore. Not when she had to hear him scream like that. Not when he was so very hurt and so very alone. Not when he acted like a human being, a very sad, very traumatized human being.

She lay in bed, pretending to sleep but knowing it would be so very absolutely futile. I did that, she thought. I fucking did that. She tried not moving at all, for she knew that if she did move, she´d break apart. She stayed still, so completely still and absolutely silent. Barely breathing, barely thinking. 'Ill be nice to him tomorrow,' she thought. 'I'll apologize tomorrow,' she thought. 'Yeah, yeah, tomorrow I'll apologize… yeah, I'll do it, I'll really do it this time. Then… Then I´ll… hold his hand, just for a little bit. He'll… He'll like that… Yeah… Just to make him understand… yeah. He´'l forgive me… he always does… he understands…yeah…'

'Yeah… Tomorrow… tomorrow…'

She didn't sleep at all that night, nor did she apologize the next day. She could not. Not when he had received her with a delicious breakfast in the morning, not when he had already cleaned the mess she had made, leaving the small apartment once again nice and spotless, not when she could see the red, angry bruising on his knuckles. She knew it had taken him hours to finish cleaning up. She couldn't even look at him in the eye, couldn't stare into those deep blue orbs that looked so very, very haunted. She couldn't face him.

Two days later, she was back at her screaming and cursing.

The first thing she noticed as the memory faded and light came slowly to focus was the smell of antiseptic and Shinji's distinctive scent mixed the smell of antiseptic. When her eyes adjusted to the light Asuka blinked slowly, staring quietly at his neck and the white bandage that started on his breastbone. The nausea, the fear, anger, and the horrible, horrible guilt slowly dissolved as her mind slowly untangled from the deep slumber. Her right arm felt extremely numb, but she chose to ignore it. It was comfortable, it was worth it. The nightmare was still fresh on her mind, yet being in his presence, with his arm around her and his chest rising and falling in symmetry with her own, she felt as if the nightmare was nothing but a passing memory. Yes, she had done that, but crying over it like a spoiled little brat would solve nothing. Going away would bring absolutely nothing, nor would hiding or denying what she had done. She was tired of all that. This soothed him, it made him relax, and that was all that mattered.

Maybe she was being selfish, because now that she had done all she possibly could, now that there was no more poison to spew, no more hatred to throw, she felt drawn to him, she felt anchored to him by something deeper that regret or guilt. And it scared her, it had always scared her. She wanted to have that comfort his presence seemed to bring her, she craved for his attention and secretly enjoyed the moments he dedicated to her and only her. Strange; Shinji had managed to express his feeling through his food, he didn't act like a servant. A servant would never do such a task with half the enthusiasm and attention he invested in the food he made for them, for her.

Comfort food. Such was his specialty.

The girl raised her head, noticing the random splash of purple somehow swinging between two chairs, wrapped up in cheap, bluish-looking sheets, with an arm well raised over her head and producing the gurgling sounds of a resting ogre. The sight of Misato literally splattered all around her improvised bed brought a light giggle that blossomed in her chest. Feeling somehow calm and soothed, she clutched onto the boy holding her a tad tighter, burying her face back in the crook of his neck, where his pulse worked as a lullaby.

The redhead noticed some perfect idiot had decided to turn on the lamp on Shinji's bedside table, so with her free hand, she defeated the horrible enemy that had so successfully been ignored for well over nine hours.

`Nightmare and all, it's the best night´s sleep I've had in over a year.´

She breathed in a sigh of relief as the room was engulfed by near complete darkness. Her mission accomplished, she went back to her place over Shinji, back where she felt at home.

"You know… you're a great pillow," whispered Asuka softly to his ear. He gave an almost imperceptible grunt of approval, clutching her a bit tighter for a moment at the sound of her voice.

Sighing tiredly, the former Second Child eyed the clock on the wall, reading 2.35 am. She still had a lot of time to enjoy her blessed rest and comfort, so she decided to stay awake for a while, just to think, to reflect on many things, to try to understand how she could be better for him, better for Misato and also for herself. A better person. It would be almost impossible to change her mood, but she could fight her temper, she could fight her violent reactions. She had to.

God, she missed the little things the most. Walking to school together while talking nonsense, the boring, almost non-verbal conversations when eating breakfast, which no longer consisted in just plain toast, watching a sunset together on Misato's balcony, arguing over what to watch on TV, trying to fight Pen-Pen for the fries… She wanted that back.

But… she knew she now had no right to ask any of those things, she had no right to even be sharing the comfort and warmth currently being experienced. She was stealing comfort from him, using him yet again for her own need of self-satisfaction and human touch. Perhaps, perhaps not. It was no longer her decision to make. If Shinji wanted her to leave, if being with her scared and hurt him so much, then… shed leave. It was his decision, but she would offer it for him. Whatever he deemed necessary, she would be willing to perform. Anything. Just like he had done anything and everything for her since they had known each other, it was her turn to sacrifice herself for him. Maybe she just wanted the easy way out, but maybe, maybe for once she wasn't thinking about herself, maybe for once she was considering someone else. Maybe this time she wouldn´t be afraid to get close, should he allow her to stay. Maybe she could forgive him for everything, and they could start fresh, if he forgave her too. Maybe...

Maybe… Maybe I could have this warmth every night… Maybe we could… hold hands… just for a while… every day…

Her efforts were somehow fruitful; she was able to "meditate" for over an hour before the feeling of Shinji's pulse lulled her to sleep. She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

---

It would take another seven hours for any of the three occupants to stir into full awareness. Surprisingly enough, and apparently for once Misato was the first one to recover consciousness. It was not a matter of destiny or the result of enough time spent resting, instead, Misato was awoken as she slipped from her position on the chairs and fell rather unceremoniously on the cold, hard ground of NERV's Medical Ward. The guilt fell upon a mere miscalculation, for had Misato placed the chairs a bit closer to one another, one of them would have probably not slipped over her and forced her to fall, ass-first, on the ground. Groaning audibly, Misato looked around to ensure her young charges had not been awoken by her morning stupor. A slight glance at the clock on the wall let her now it almost 10 o´clock in the morning, which meant she had slept for well over eighteen hours.

'Damn… I hadn't slept like that since college,' thought the Major merrily as she eyed the pair dozing next to her. Making sure they were still very much asleep, Misato grinned mischievously before taking a small, portable camera-slash-cell phone and immortalizing the moment for posterity. Satisfied with the necessary mischief her system demanded, the former Sub-Commander exited the room and headed for the cafeteria, with every intention of demanding a somewhat decent cup of coffee and a pair of muffins or some toast, eggs, rice, miso soup and probably a beer. Being who she was, it was quite clear in Misato's head that while she'd be able to obtain her fill of food, the quality of it would be probably worst than her own failed experiments, and that was saying something.

Soon enough she was feasting on mediocre cafeteria-food while watching the news on the reconstructed lounge at NERV HQ, wondering just what the hell to do about her dysfunctional, strange, unorthodox, broken little family. She knew Shinji, she knew the boy would hate her for eternity, should she send Asuka away. He cared for her to that extent.

Heh… He'd probably follow her just to make sure she was alright… He wouldn´t even care if she was with him… God, why is Shinji so damn commuted and diligent when he wants to be?

Turning her attention back at the meal stitting in front of her, Misato engulfed the trey of cheap food as if it were a rare luxury, an exquisite dinner at an expensive restaurant. She couldn´t help it, being worried made her hungry and the only available supplements were the ones being devoured before the unbelieving eyes of the Cafeteria Staff. Done with the crude, badly cooked eggs, the still young Katsuragi bit off half of a cracker as she eyed the television. The face she saw, however, made her spit the dry cookie all over the table. The Bastard King, in all his glory, was presented to her.

-as he was carried out of NERV Facilities yesterday, at 5.34 in the afternoons. So far, we only know for certain that the former Commander of NERV, Ikari Gendou, is being held in a maximum security cell under UN jurisdiction. It's still unclear weather he will be prosecuted by a jury of his peers, or the International Tribunal. More of this as it develops.-

She stood dumbstruck, watching in frozen horror as the Commander was carried out, handcuffed, from one of the main entrances of the Geo-Front. This was not good. Ikari had returned, Unit 02 had activated, Shinji was in a hospital bed and Asuka was mentally unstable. She could not just stand and do nothing and use her own selfish reasons as a response. She had to protect her children, she had to protect Shinji from his father, and protect Asuka from the greedy, power-hungry bastards that would without a doubt hunt her for her skills in the horrible deathtrap known as Evangelion.

Grabbing her jacket and chugging down an entire mug of coffee in one gulp, Misato ran straight to Ritsuko's office, with every intention of giving her a piece of her mind.

---

Pain.

It was the sensation upon Ikari Shinji arose after what could only be described as spending a night in Hell. The ache, however, was dulled, and mostly on the right side of his head, it felt as though he had hit himself on a table, or a tube of some sorts. His mind was a scrambled vortex, too worn out to articulate any rational thought for minutes.

Hazy memories, incoherent screams and cut-off insults swam all around his barely conscious mind, struggling to accommodate to reality. Somehow, waking up felt like falling asleep, dreams felt so real that they became reality and reality itself came as a shock to him. It was hard to remember falling asleep. Everything felt so real, so true, that for a long time he lay there; barely conscious, his body completely numb and his eyes closed, in fear that if he opened them, he would have to face the monster who dwelled inside his heart and feasted on his suffering. Somehow though, his fears were mental, not instinctual. Something had eased the monster, throughout the night something had managed to make the beast fall quiet and halt its assault on his already decaying sanity.

He remembered her. Asuka. He remembered watching her Entry Plug, watching as she died, still waiting for someone who had not come to her aid. The memory crept up his brain, manifesting so powerfully against his closed eyelids with an undeniable intensity, such that he forced his lids open to keep from screaming in utter horror and despair. A white, sterile ceiling received him. Just like too many other times, the ceiling offered no comfort, nor did it offer any answers. He remembered giving up, falling into a pit of hysteria and all-consuming insanity and relinquishing whatever remained of his miserable soul to any punishment the Beast chose to torment him with, yet somewhere along the line, somewhere along his fall down the dark tunnel of madness, a hand had grasped his own and saved him. Warmth, he remembered warmth. In the midst of endless pain, of horrible tortures and horrid images, he had felt warm, comforted, not alone.

He felt calm unlike any other fall onto him just seconds after opening his eyes. Sadly enough, with the calm he felt, the ability to feel his body slowly returned, allowing him to feel the presence of another body in very close contact to his. Blue eyes opened in alert as Shinji felt the tickling sensation of another´s breath under his neck. He had a faint memory of waking up and finding her next to him, but at the time he had been so drugged and sedated that he had believed it to be a simple dream. Oh, how he wished he were still dreaming.

As soon as he was able to move, his entire body seemed to twitch at the feeling of someone else´s touch on his skin. Fearfully, he realized there was red hair around him, on his chest, and that said red hair was emitting audible grunts of displeasure of being awoken with such violence. Seeing his arm was clutching the other body close to him, the appendage jumped from Asuka´s body as if burned.

He panicked, his body unconsciously starting to shake in fear as he attempted to slowly, carefully disengage himself from the young redhead lying next to him. Terrified of the consequences of touching her and having the image of her mangled body still fresh in his mind, he was far too frightened to even consider the fact that she was the one holding him tightly, refusing to let go.

Groggily, Asuka lifted her head to peak at the reason of her discomfort, being shaken out of her slumber by the shocking image of a scared Shinji trying to run away from his own bed. She could feel anger rising in the bottom of her stomach, but was aware enough to understand it was directed at herself. After all, it was her fault he reacted like that. As he fearfully looked straight at her, as if waiting for a blow or a kick , her heart hurt more than she could endure. It was very hard to be tender, to be comforting for her, but for him, she would do it.

She caressed his face. She slowly raised her left hand and caressed the side of his face, brushing some of his bangs before slowly tracing down his jaw line, just like she had done when he had tried to choke her. The effect was immediate, he seemed to somehow wake of a hazy hallucination and acknowledge her presence fully. He relaxed under her touch, and it clicked in her brain. Tenderness was the only way to reach him, the only way to go pass his armor, his sadness and pain and truly see the real him. She kept her hand steadily on his cheek, allowing its warmth to soothe him. Her eyes told him everything h needed to know. I won´t hurt you, they said to him. I've done it before and I´m sorry, but I'm not going to hurt you now. Blinking, Shinji stayed very still, his eyes locked with hers, frightened pale sapphire staring into electric cerulean.

As quickly as it came, it was gone. He felt no fear anymore, but that left room for the strongest feeling of utter and complete confusion he had ever experienced. Feeling as he breathed out calmly, she slid her hand from his cheek, smiling slightly before letting her lazy humanity fall back on his chest.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was soft, almost imperceptible over the beeping noise of the EMP machine next to Shinji's bed. The boy himself could not possibly get more confused concerning his current situation. There he was, being held quite closely by the girl who had put him in the hospital, and he was not afraid. What the hell was going on? He remembered seeing Asuka lying next to him at some point, but… had that not been a dream too? Could it be possible that the person who hated him most was actually resting with him, soothing him?

Afraid to touch her in the wrong way, Shinji hesitantly laid his right arm across the pillows, away from her huddled form.

"Baka-Shinji?"

Shinji blinked again at the old nickname, feeling somewhat more lucid than he had in months. He felt… like himself. Not far away, in a world of self-hatred and guilt, drawn away from reality. He was there, and alive. The beast was gone, it was gone because Asuka was there.

"Uhm… yeah, I'm… I'm fine." He smiled when the words left his mouth, and unbeknown to the boy, the redhead lying on his chest smiled as well.

"Well… that's good for you."

Exuberant life blossomed outside, flowers, trees and birds danced to the symphony of the winds as it caressed the falling leafs and whispered into the thick forest covering the Geo-Front. The translucent light of dawn grazed the room with a relaxing tone of ember, making the atmosphere. Such were the advantages of having an enormous crater on top of them.

Minute ticked away as they remained still, neither mustering up the courage to speak to the other, a somewhat recurring situation in their relationship as of late. After tense minutes of a dense, uncomfortable silence, Shinji could not help himself.

"Um… Asuka?"

"Mmm?"

"What just happened?" asked the injured former pilot in a quiet yet bewildered tone.

And yet another moment of thick, uncomfortable silence fell upon them. Asuka rose from her position on his chest after some seconds, turning to stare quizzically at him.

"You mean… you don't remember anything?" She sounded incredulous, her voice rasped from sleep and weariness. Her blue eyes gazed softly at him, with something akin to worry shining in them. Shinji bit his lower lip nervously, pondering on just how much to reveal.

Finally, he decided to simply be honest.

"I was… I was having a nightmare. A really bad one. I remember…. Feeling pain all over, in my chest." He clutched his gown for emphasis on his left side, above his heart. "I couldn't wake up."

Asuka saw the fear in the young man gaze, the sheer terror that those dreams meant for him. She did not want to imagine what it had been like for him for all those months, being tortured like that night after night. What could he be seeing? What could possibly be so absolutely terrible? His voice cracked with fear.

"I couldn't wake up, and that thing kept… it kept showing me-"

He cut himself off, looking away. Slowly, Shinji raised himself to a sitting position and rested his head against one of the many pillows on his bed. Asuka too lifted herself, sitting next to him on the bed. She exhaled; a tired gazed across the room and made her realize Misato was gone. Probably breakfast. She hesitated to ask because, somehow, she felt there was little trust between them anymore. She had no clue of whether she had the right to ask him to open up his heart, his soul out to her.

"It's okay. You... don't have to talk about it if you don't want to…"

Whatever bond they had shared in the past, he had tainted with his cowardice, and she had burned whatever was left of it with her malice. Still, in her heart, a yearning still nested and pulsed; there was so much she wanted to say, to do. She had seen so many possibilities in those worlds and had been disgusted by so many of them. She thought he had been running away from reality, from pain and from his own actions when all along, he had been looking for her. The one person he needed to be acknowledged by, the one person who really mattered.

The person ho was so important to him, who he had left to die.

She was familiar with guilt, and only then did she realize that if her guilt was such a heavy burden on her, then his own was probably crushing the former Third Child. For eight months, she had lashed out at anyone, at everyone, she had spewed the hatred in her heart strong and loudly, and he had taken it all, still smiling at her, still caring for her.

"I made some pancakes for breakfast!"

"Asuka… Are you alright?"

"Here's your lunch, sorry it took so long… I had to chop more wood for the fire."

"You're hurt… Here, let me wash that for you."

"Good morning, Asuka!"

"Umm… what's your favorite food?"

"Asuka! I found some clothes! Here, I think you'll like them."

"Don't! You'll hurt yourself!"

"I want you to know…"

She clutched her eyes shut as the memories washed over her, instinctively seeking Shinji´s hand and clasping it with her own. She ignored the way his arm stiffened, or how his hand twitched at her touch. She understood.

"I like you… Asuka…"

Even when he was traumatized beyond repair, even when every day was a slow, painful torture, he endured. He endured because he had a reason to live now. Shinji was not trying to pay some symbolic debt to karma by being punished by her, he was not using as a shield from reality. He was simply with her, making sure she was not alone, making sure she was somewhat cared for, even knowing he could do nothing to help her mind, or mend her heart. Not that he hadn't tried. Deprived of literally anything else, he had anchored his existence to hers in an effort to keep them both alive, whatever the cost.

"You're an idiot." She mumbled, voice shaking. "Why… why did you try to understand me, to get close? Why? All I ever do is hurt you…"

She felt his hand grip her own, drawing her eyes to his gaze. He was smiling that small, pure smile of his. His eyes closed, making him look sheepish and somewhat cute.

"Because I care, even… even if I was too much of a coward to show it. Because I promised you that I'd be with you, no matter what. I already left you… so many times, so I won't do it, not again." No matter what outrageous an onslaugh she threw at him, no matter how many times she smacked him, or used him, or insulted him, all he ever saw in her was the image of that little girl, that lonely, abandoned little girl with nobody to love, to care for her.

Suddenly, Asuka chuckled to herself.

"Geez… we never used to talk about any of this stuff before. I bet we sound so sappy…" Shinji too, let out a small laugh at the image of them.

"Maybe… But I think it's okay. It… It means we're still human, I guess. Everybody has the right to be sappy from time to time." Again, he smiled at her, and Asuka found she couldn´t help but smile back at him.

"Hey, Idiot."

"Yeah?" Shinji answered, blinking.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

Shinji´s hand found itself being slowly crushed by the force of Asuka´s grasp. He was speechless, paralyzed at the image of tears cascading down her face. Her whole body shook with anguished, restrained sobs as she held onto his hand tighter. Shinji felt helpless, he didn´t know weather he should console her or not, hell, he didn't even know how to make her feel better.

Dreading the outcome, he decided to let his rational thinking guide him. Hold her, he thought. And letting go of her hand, he did. It mattered very little to him what she could do, she could very well elbow him and send him to a world of pain, but it didn´t matter. He had to try.

Slowly, he disengaged his hand from Asuka´s, pausing for a moment before placing his arm around her shoulders. Maybe she was trusting him, trusting him enough to see her cry. God, he hated seeing her cry.

"H-Hey… it's okay…."

That simple, seemingly meaningless act meant everything for them. A barrier, a wall that had been erected almost a year before, was finally crumbling. They were trusting each other again, little by little.

"No." She said hoarsely.

"Huh?" Shinji turned to stare at the girl on his arms, the girl who was clutching his gown fiercely, keeping her head on his shoulder and evading his eyes.

"It's not okay, none of this is okay." He could feel her body shivering as her grip on his gown strengthened. Only then did he realize she was gazing at his chest, eyes fixed on the bandages hiding away the two vertical scars the medical procedure had left.

"Look at this. I did this to you, not the Angels, not Misato, not your father. Me. I did this. I put you in a hospital. God… god damn it. I always said to myself, 'I´ll apologize tomorrow, I'll talk to him tomorrow, but I never did. It… it always hurt too much, to see what I did to you on the next day…"

"Asuka… it's okay."

"No!" At last, she tore away from his gown, facing him fully, and Shinji was reminded yet again of the sad, lonely little girl he saw in his Asuka's eyes.

"God damnit, Shinji! Do you even realize everything I've done to you? God! I've hit you so much, my God, I've even fucking raped you and you sit there and tell me it´s okay? Why don't you hate me? You should hate me! Then it… it'd be so much easier…"

Her face lowered, making reddish bangs obscure her features. Shinji just smiled. After so long, she still didn´t understand.

"I hated you at some point, I think." Answered the boy quietly, a distant, nearly invisible smile on his face. Asuka´s eyes were wide behind her bangs.

"I did. It´d be stupid to lie. You were… so annoying sometimes. You kept expecting me to know everything about you, to know how to act, but you never even talked to me. Every time I tried you just… lashed out."

Asuka nodded. "Tell me." She stated as calmly as she could. "Please. I... want to understand."

The redhead lowered her head, tears silently falling from her eyes as she too remembered how she used to be with him. Even then, even when the lines had not yet been crossed, she had never been civil to him. Asuka sank into the mattress, her face flushing wish shame. It was a disturbing sight, specially to Shinji, to watch someone as strong as her bow her head in shame.

"But… it wasn't your fault. Not all of it, anyway. I should have tried harder, I should have been stronger, but every time I tried I got… scared. I thought if I helped you, if I opened up to you, you would hurt me, you wouldn't change the way you treated me. I was… scared of you. I was scared of myself."

His smile disappeared. It was heart-wrenching to relieve those memories, but it was no less than what he suffered every night. He felt compelled to tell Asuka the truth. Perhaps, by sharing his heart with her, for this one occasion, he could mend some of the wounds his inaction and general cowardice had caused.

Asuka was quiet. She tried to assimilate everything he said, everything he felt. There were questions she still needed answered, but they could wait; what was currently transpiring was vastly more important.

"When the 15th… raped your mind, I felt so helpless. I kept trying to make that hunk of junk go berserk, but it just wouldn't listen. She wouldn't listen. I felt so helpless. Then… then you told me to go away, and I did, because I thought I'd only hurt you if I did something. I seemed to hurt everyone around me when I was only trying to help, so I thought fuck it, I'll do nothing."

A frown began to cloud over Shinji's features as the next memory manifested. "Rei died, then came back. I couldn't face her, she was no less than some kind of monster-sibling in my eyes, and she… scared me. She wasn't the Rei I knew anymore. Misato was obsessed with finding the truth behind NERV, and you were… not there. Kaowru came. He… he gave me a hand in the middle of all that mess. He… he filled your place for a bit, I guess."

Asuka tilted her head and gave him a questioning glance. Shinji chuckled awkwardly, realizing how lame that sounded.

"You... you always acknowledged me. Even if it was to insult me, or hit me, or just plain make me suffer, you knew I was alive, you… interacted with me. I felt… something. Some sort of bond, but then you were gone, and Rei was gone, and Misato was always busy, always bitter. Kaowru, he accepted me, he even said he loved me and for a while, for a while I was able to let all this crap behind and just be me. It felt so good."

Melancholy tore through his voice; Asuka was able to perceive it. She knew how hard this was for him, for them both, but it needed to be said.

"Shinji…"

"When I found out you were still alive, I felt so relieved. I thought… I thought we could finally be free of it all. It was done. It was fucking done, and we were free. But there was no we anymore, there was just me, and you, and Misato, each going its own lonely way."

Shinji clenched his fist, his brow suddenly darkening.

"Then I went to see you. You were just lying there. You just… stayed still. I hated you so much. You were so selfish, leaving me all alone to deal with all that god damned, stupid mess, leaving the house… leaving m-"

He cut himself off, turning away. Asuka´s gaze softened at his last comment. She had not known, at that time, how much she meant to hi, and when she did find out, she had used that knowledge to hurt him.

"You weren't supposed to stay still, you were supposed to be energetic, and jumpy, and annoying. I needed you, I needed you so much. I cared.. so much and didn't even know it until it was too late, but I was also so afraid... and so angry. God. You were just like those fucking dolls you hate so much, just doing nothing… so cold… so… far away."

She took a hold of his hand again.

"I needed you to acknowledge me, I needed you to be there, and if you couldn't be there, if you were just running away, then I would, too. I was so fucking sick of being used, of being everybody´s punching bag, of being everybody´s fucking doll. So I said to myself; it´s my turn, now I'll be the one using you, I'll be the one… abusing you. I'll take what I want."

Shinji's head sank. He could feel bile rise up in his throat as he remembered the animalistic rush, the intoxicating feeling of being in control, of being attached. Asuka's hand felt like fire, her gentle touch burned him in his shame.

"Then everything went to Hell. I wanted to die. I just wanted to die. The JSSDF attacked, and Misato dragged my undeserving ass to the cages, hoping in vain that I´d be able to be something more than the piece of useless scum that I am. She died saving me. She told me… she told me you were fighting. I thought I could still save you, I could still do something, even if it meant going into that fucking thing again. But then… then I reached the cages, and Unit 01 was bathed in Bakelite. Completely covered by that red crap. It was the last straw. "

Shinji sighed in misery, remembering the feeling of utmost depression and defeat which had sunk into his heart at the sight of the purple beast immobilized.

"The Comm., I could hear it. You were fighting, and you were winning. God… I was even counting them with you. Somehow, I knew no matter what happened, you were just too strong to be defeated. I had such faith you could do it on your own. Pff, what a pathetic excuse, even hearing it sounds lame. I was so fucking ashamed. I thought I didn't even deserve to help, not even when you, when you said you were waiting for me."

Asuka felt his grip tighten, making her hand squeeze his back. The mere memory of the fight brought shivers down her spine, the feeling of those…things all around her, it made her sick. She dared a quick glance at him, noticing he was once again looking at his cast, as if lost somewhere inside his mind.

"You screamed. I heard it, and it tore me apart. You were losing, those monsters were getting back up, and you were losing. You know what I did? I griped my fucking knees closer and said; `Even if there was anything I could do…´. Just like the wimp I am, the wimp I've always been. I just sat there as they… tore you apart. I just wanted to die. In the last minutes, I was waiting for the soldiers to come and kill me, I thought that if I died maybe I could find you in Heaven and apologize before they sent my ass straight to Hell, but Mother had other plans. She needed her crazy, broken, pathetic excuse of a son to become God so he could go and kill everyone."

Tears fell out of Shini's eyes, pathetic tears of silent pain, buried so long ago.

"When Unit 01 ascended, I saw them. I… I… I can´t-"

"Shinji." Asuka interjected. It was enough for now. It was enough.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, idiot."

He sighed, wheezing a bit in pain as he exhaled. It still hurt to breath too deeply. Asuka stayed still, staring at the wall in front of her, trying to digest everything Shinji had said.

"How come… how come you're telling me all this now? How come… you never talked to me?" Asked the redhead quietly.

"I… used to be very afraid of you. Afraid of what I'd do if... if I lost control. I still am. I'm sorry, but I just can't help it… my body reacts on its own." His left hand clenched and unclenched.

"So what's different, what's different from all the other times you woke up with me in your bed, why couldn't you talk to me then?"

Shinji sighed again, albeit a bit slower. His eyes gazed into hers, relaying an unspoken message.

"I think you know why, Asuka."

She sighed as well, sadly.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

Another uncomfortable silence followed. Neither felt like talking anymore, they had grazed a subject too obscure, too painful to discuss, a subject neither felt like thinking about. Minutes ticked by, and so they remained, hand-in-hand.

"Shinji… there's no way to apologize for what I've done. Fuck… I´m really messed up, Shinj, really messed up. I'm... broken. I don't know, God, I don't know why I even did half the shit I did. Every time I saw you smile, it just, it just made me sick, because it made me think that there was something aside from all that hate I had. If you could be happy, if you could be better, then I could too, and that scared me so much. Then I'd do these horrible things… I´m…"

"I'm so used to being a bitch… that being anything else scares the shit out of me."

Her shoulders sagged.

"You were changing, you weren't the Shinji I was familiar with, anymore. It wasn't comfortable. You knew things about me that I had never shared with anyone and it just made me feel… violated. You were so nice to me, to everyone. Always trying to help, trying to be better… even when you couldn't even get a good night's sleep, yourself."

The memories of the camp were dark. She did not like to remember that time. It had been during that time that she had gotten used to beating Shinji to a pulp whenever she pleased. She had even watched as he was beaten by mobs of angry survivors. She had defended him at first, unbeknown to him, but after a while she had allowed the survivors ´rants to get to her, and eventually, in her insanity, she had deluded herself into believing punishment had to be served.

"I… got used to hitting you. God, even saying sounds so fucking disgusting. You never did anything to fight back, so I felt… superior for a while, but then I´d get angry because you just fucking let me do anything I wanted. I wanted to see how far I could push until you broke, until you gave me something. I think... I was trying to push you to... heh."

She let out a pained chuckle, wondering just how pathetic she sounded.

"Most times you were just… gone, so far away, and it… it worried me so much. Just like you needed to be acknowledged by me, I needed you to notice me, to look at me. You always used to look at me, but after a while, you… you just… escaped into your mind. And I know I can't blame you, I don't know half the things you saw, but… but I didn't understand that then. I'm sorry. I know it´s all just a sick fucking excuse, but it's all I have."

The redhead bit into her lip and breathed in as deeply as possible to keep the tears at bay. "I know I never act like it, but… but I need you too. You're the only one who really gets me, the only one who really knows me. I know what I did, Shinji. I know, so I´m going to ask you ask you something, and I assure you whatever you decide, I'll still care about you, even I if could never show it you you before."

Shinji eyed her quizzically, holding her hand a bit tighter and smiling reassuringly.

"What… what is it?" he inquired, nervous.

"Do you want me to go?"

"W-What!?"

Shinji looked positively shocked. So shocked, in fact, that she could hear the heart-monitor going hay-wire. She sighed again, forcing herself to carry on.

"I know it's hard for you to be around me after… after all I've done to you. I know, it's more than perfectly understandable. What I've done... I shouldn't even be allowed in this room, or within twenty feet of you. And... heh. Look at me." She shook her head, feeling pain grip at her heart. "So… I'll go away, if it makes you happy… I'll go away."

The boy's gaze became crestfallen, as if the mere thought of it broke him completely. Could it be that after so much she had made him go through, he still cared for her? Well, after all he had done to her, she still cared very much.

"So… what would make… you… happ…"

The phrase trailed off as Asuka´s wide eyes gazed at Shinji´s expression. He looked insulted, even angry.

"I don't want you to go away. I want… I want you to stay… to be here with us… with… me. I know, I know it's selfish, but that's how I feel. If you have to go, the only thing I have to ask you is where, because I'll tag along. I promised."

He smiled that childish, purely relaxed smile of his, and her heart melted.

"Really? You… You want me to stay? But I... look at what I just did, Shinji. This is... wrong. You can't possibly mean th-"

"Of course I do!" Answered Shinji, smiling ever so slightly. "Who's gonna be there to call me an idiot if you're gone?"

Asuka lowered her head, a silent tear making it's way down her face, but for once, it wasn't a tear born out out sadness, anger or despair.

"Baka…"

Both of them relaxed on the bed, sinking into the mattress, hands still intertwined. After a while, Shinji gulped, a sudden memory creeping up his brain. He spoke up his concern, which on itself was a giant step.

"Umm…. Asuka. Do you… I mean… if you want… do you think you could maybe…. I don't know… just for a while… umm-"

"Shinji?" She felt the boy gulp and heard his heartbeat increase once more.

"Yes?"

"Either tell me now or shut up, I need to pee." She snickered in an attempt to dissipate the conflicting emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

"Could you stay with me tonight? I'm… kind of afraid of sleep alone tonight." The question produced a pang of guilt and self-disgust so heavy inside the redhead's chest that it made her chest constrict.

Asuka smiled at him, tightening her grip on his hand. If such was his wish, then she would comply; whatever little change or comfort she could provide, she would offer at last. The stupid rule had been broken, at long last.

"Sure."

From her position beside him, Asuka saw Shinji visibly relax. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Ba-ka."

She laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes for a bit before eyeing the remote lying on Shinji´s night stand rather interestingly.

"Hey, Baka-Shinji."

"Hmm?"

An elegant forefinger pointed at the screen. "Turn on the T.V, I´m bored."

Shinji sighed, disengaging his hand from hers in order to reach the remote.

"I thought you needed to go to the bathroom." Said the boy snidely.

"It can wait, now don´t be a smartass and turn on the T.V." barked the redhead, claiming the remote and putting his arm around her shoulders. Comfortably shifting on his embrace, she surfed through the channels, feeling as Shinji´s relaxed aura seemed to soothe her own. Together, they enjoyed the simplicity of being in the company of someone they cherished.

---

As soon as the door to her Nemesis´ office came to view, Misato´s pace quickened three times it original speed. Nostrils flaring, she opened the door and opened her mouth.

"All right Ritsuko, what the f-"

"You saw the news, didn't you." Interrupted the Commander with smugly with a confident smirk.

The simple statement worked the magic of closing the annoying woman´s mouth. Ritsuko really did not want to deal with the defensive, over-protective, clinically insane woman standing in her doorway. The purple hair looked strangely exotic, completely disheveled as it was, and she could smell the stench of Cafeteria eggs from her seat.

Ritsuko sighed as Misato stood dumbfounded on her doorway.

"Let me guess, you want your job back, you'll keep the extra money, and will get to choose your own hours."

With her smirk widening in satisfaction, Ritsuko sank back into her seat, and watched in amusement as Misato struggled to form any sort of rational speech pattern. The former and recently reassigned Sub-Commander blinked, realizing with disgust how easily Ritsko could read her.

"What's the secret, huh? Do you have some sort of device installed in my brain that lets you know what I'm thinking?" Misato demanded in irritation, left eyebrow twitching.

"Nah, although if I had installed something like that in your brain, it´d probably be fried from all that beer you drink." Ritsuko enjoyed her victory, producing another piece of gum out if her lab coat and proceeded to devour it. Misato dejectedly stuck out her tongue, before sighing and taking a seat in front of her old friend.

"So…"

"So." Ritsuko responded boringly.

"So… the Commander came back, huh?"

"Yup." The blonde picked a fresh package of gum and threw one in her mouth.

"And you were going to tell me this, when exactly?" Misato demanded with a frown.

The Commander shrugged in nonchalance. "Mmm, yesterday, actually. But you just happened to quit at that time, remember?"

Misato grimaced and smiled apologetically, scratching her cheek. "Well, let's just say you shouldn't mix sleeping pills and cough syrup, okay."

Ritsuko lifted an eyebrow.

"Why in the world could you possibly want to-Oh." Realization dawned, and the scientist snickered.

"Yeah."

"Gues I'll try that some time."

"Good for you." Misato nodded stiffly, forefinger tapping against the table.

"Yeah." God, I'd kill for a cigarrette, mused the Commander.

"So, the bastard. He won't come near Shinji, is that understood?"

"Of course, the only way for him to get to Shinji would be that of Shinji wanting to talk to his dad. I don´t see that happening in the near future."

"Good. And I want a personal meeting with him. No cameras."

"Go tell that to the UN."

"I will, don´t you worry about that."

"Good to know. Good luck."

"I don't need luck, I have a gun."

"Good for you."

"Yep. So, about Unit 02, we tell nobody, you got that? This doesn´t leave NERV."

"Yeah, I´m pretty sure I´ve got that covered. SEELE already knows, though."

"Then we'll need body guards. Lots of them."

"Already on it."

"Lots. I'm talking army here."

"Yup. I love it when we speak the same language." Ritsuko smirked at the grown the other woman produced.

"I mean right now. We need them right now."

"Ohh, you mean the twelve guys already parked in your apartment building, and the 50 militia soldiers living in your neighbor apartments aren't enough?"

"No."

"I thought so. You don't have to worry about that."

"Cool."

"Yup."

"Great. So… Do you need for anything right now?"

"Not particularly."

"Mmm, so… can I leave?"

"Sure, sure. Go ahead, take a day off. Go get some take-out. Go hiking. Do nothing. I don't care. Just stop bugging me for a while, I'm busy."

"Uhh, touchy-touchy. I guess I´ll go, then."

"Good for you."

"So…"

"So?"

"So… can I have a bonus right now?"

"No."

"Spoilsport."

With that, Misato got back up, sticking out her tongue at her for good measure before leaving in a splash of purple. Ritsuko sighed, sinking into her comfortable seat for good measure. Finally, some days free from the constant nagging of her Sub-Commander. Freedom.

"Hey!"

"Ahhh!"

Ritsuko almost fell out of her chair when the annoying woman she called best friend all but slammed the door back open and poked her head into the office.

"Sorry! I was just wondering when I can take Shin-chan home, that's all. You know how much he hates this place."

After recovering from what felt like a cardiac arrest, the brilliant scientist fixed her glasses and glared at Misato.

"About two days, if you make sure he takes his shots. If you want him home, you´ll have to be very careful. He can´t make any sudden moves, he can´t strain himself for the next month or so. And you have to give him his shots. The serum stops working if you miss the dosage, and trust me, you don´t want that."

"Painkillers?"

"Just one pill a day. It's very strong, so he'll be sleepy for the first two hours or so."

"Awesome, thanks. Anything else I need to know?"

"No. Now, please, please, go home and rest. Or stay here with him, just stop bugging me!"

Recognizing it was her time to leave, Misato hurried out the great double doors.

Commander Akagi sighed. God, she was tired, at last she had managed to earn a full night´s sleep, and as Maya as her witness she´d take full advantage of it. Shakily lifting herself from the all too comfortable seat, Ritsuko proceeded to abandon the lonely office, already feeling the softness of her mattress all over her body. Official matters could wait, and if they could not wait, they could very well go fuck themselves for all the Commander cared.

---

Basic instinct. Flight. Run. Get Away. Flee.

If the urge consuming Unit 09 could be put into words, those would have been the most adequate. It was strange to even consider the fact that an Evangelion could feel fear, but assuming otherwise would be to fall into fallacy. They were, after all, beasts. And beasts could feel fear.

It fled, with whatever power it still possessed, it tried to flee from a horrible fate, a fate that it's brethren had already suffered. The giant gargantuan room was filled with anger; the thirst of revenge consumed the air as terrible shrieks of unimaginable pain thundered through the area. It dragged its body away, crawling through heads, bones, flesh and metal in a futile attempt to regenerate and defend itself. Darkness covered the Graveyard like a cold blanket of death, the stench of rotting meat and gunpowder reigned upon the dark sanctuary.

Its legs had been torn off. Blood oozed through the wounds, leaving a trail of red behind the once invincible beast as the shrieks and gurgling noises came to a halt. Another had fallen, never to rise again. The Core had been shattered and consumed, the flesh assimilated and digested, and now the hungered predator would set its haze on the only remaining prey available, the one attempting to escape at all costs. Soon, heavy steps reverberated through the Graveyard as the deranged Evangelion sought the remains of its meal. Four eyes glowed in the darkness, surveying, looking, sniffing everything.

The Mass Produced Evangelions were semi-sentient beings, capable of emotion, yet not of rational thinking. Simple objects in a greater plan, the EVAs simply followed orders; they fulfilled their purpose, as it had been foretold.

Such purpose, however, had included butchering and feasting on the carcass of what currently hunted the last of them. Perhaps should the beasts be granted the gift of rational reasoning, they could have seen the irony of being devoured by the very being they themselves had torn to shreds. They would have seen the impossibility of such a resurrection, the purely ridiculous, ludicrous fact that Unit 02 had somehow managed to regenerate, without even having a S2 Core.

The time for pondering seemed to be at an end for the poor EVA. A broken core offered little power; there was nothing it could do to survive. Still, the mere aura the beast reeked of hatred, of revenge and pain, and it was coming closer. The gate was close, maybe if it reached it in time there would still be enough power to open it an-

-SNAP-

The sound of the creature's spinal column being broken reverberated throughout the Graveyard. The haunting growls of the Beast forced the MP to shriek in pain and fear. Music to the Beast.

Turning its prey over, it stabbed one of the EVA's hands with a shard of it's own broken and gnawed femur. Sitting on the EVA´s body, the beast tore its remaining arm clean off with a mighty tear. Flesh and bone were separated in a horrendous pull, bathing the Red beast on blood. Wasting no time, the Beast bit off the EVA´s arm, tearing muscle and tendon with razor-sharp teeth, torturing its prey with the sight of its own right arm being devoured. Hunks of tissue were ripped with every bite; bones were crushed by the mere pressure of the Beast´s jaws as they came down on the severed limb.

Soon, the Beast grew tired of just one piece and threw aside whatever was left of the EVA´s arm, which was nothing more than the bones being held together by some surviving tendons and veins. Instead, the Beast closed in on the creature´s snout, breathing rancid, bloodied breaths on its face and grinning at its helpless victim. The surviving armor around the regenerated body stood loosely, breaking occasionally as the Beast´s muscles grew. It was a dreadful sight, to see the broken shards of armor still clinging to its body on some parts, and the grotesque manner in which its flesh seemed to pulse, fizz and strengthen every time it fed. The once graceful, almost feminine Evangelion looked like nothing less than a demon who had just crawled it´s way out of Hell.

The tables had turned, how very ironic. Now it was Unit 02 who grinned sadistically at its kill. Had the MP Evangelion been doted with rational thought, it would have discovered the sheer irony of its predicament.

The Beast lowered its claws to the MP's marrow, caressing the thin sheet of armor before digging powerful fingers into its guts. Blood sprayed freely and horrible howls of pain infested the Graveyard as the Beast tore the EVA´s entrails from its body, feeding on them while its prey was still alive. A truly twisted spectacle, indeed.

Soon, the creature's resistance came to an end. Its´ energies were spent, there was nothing more. The sight was grotesque. Organs and guts were spread all over the room, blood covered the walls and the only thing left of the eight other MP Units were the spewed carcasses and bones lying somewhere around the enormous room.

The Beast observed its prey, four eyes narrowing intelligently at the sight of its exposed Core. It needed no more power than what it already possessed, so this Core meant nothing. Roaring in hatred, the Beast punched the circular heart, shattering what was left of it and making it explode in a shower of blood. The Beast rose to its feet, and crushing whatever was left of the MP´s snout and cranium, it roared. The walls shook as the mighty Evangelion roared, announcing it´s victory to the Heavens, holding the enemy´s spinal column on its right hand, as if daring God himself to question its power and dominance.

It was still not satisfied.

The Mother had gone long ago, only the Beast remained. And the Beast was still hungry.

Sniff…

Sniff, sniff…

And now, now that it´s revenge had been fulfilled; only one more prey remained to be devoured. The Beast tilted its head to the side, its eyes analyzing everything, its nose sniffing the way to the next victim. It walked to a pair of great metal gates located on the Graveyard´s metallic floor, an enormous tank-like container lay hidden under its feet. Growling in anger, it tore the heavy titanium gates open as if they were made of paper, and its new prey was served, on a silver platter.

The severed half or Lilith´s face, pale, bright and not even slightly decomposed, the ever-present cold smile firmly set on her dead lips, was presented to the Red Beast. The Beast growled as images appeared on its brain, broken memories and clinging emotions bled into its eyes. Blue, the color blue, cold, favorite, bitch. You stole him, you stole him from me. Riddles, faces, blood, so much blood. Favorite. Everyone's favorite. It… remembered. Yes, this was the First. This was… Wonder Girl.

"Wuunddrrr…. Grrrrr…"

And so, hatred consuming its entire being, it leapt on the severed head, tearing through its skull like a deranged wolf.

---

Misato stuck her head in the room, surveying the area and searching for a possible murder scene. Seeing nothing of the sort, she allowed herself in, surprised to see both her children still on the bed, only they were… smiling. They were watching T.V, and they were smiling. Laughing even. It was a start. Asuka had kept her end of the bargain, apparently she was working on her rerlationship with her Shin-chan. Good. Slowly, she edged closer to the bed, dragging a chair a dropping on it when she found a good position.

"So. I see you guys are getting along."

Both teenagers blushed, Shinji looking down in embarrassment and Asuka flushing in indignation.

"I don´t remember asking your opinion. If you´re gonna watch T.V with us, `shut it or get out."

"Ohh… did I make the poor little German amazon angry? How saad…"

"Will you shut the hell up? We´re trying to enjoy this movie, for fuck´s sake!"

"Now now, Asuka, language."

"Screw you, Katsuragi."

"Ohh, no fun, no fun at all. Bad girl. Failed."

"Have you been drinking cough syrup again?"

"That´s not of your…"

Shinji smiled, sighing happily and chuckling as he heard his little family tease each other back and forth. There was a wonderful feeling of normality, trust, and overall hope in the air, and for once he did not feel scared, or even nervous in Asuka´s presence. He relaxed on his bed, wondering just how long he´d have to stay in that room. He wanted to go home. He wanted to cook, clean, he wanted to go back to school, God, he wanted to go back to school.

I haven´t felt like this since… Huh, when have I felt like this? It´s… it´s nice, to hope for the future. Maybe, maybe some day I can even be happy… happy with my family, with her…

He knew he had no right to hope, to even ask for a glimpse of happiness, but the simple fact of being there with Asuka and Misato already made him happy. He felt he belonged there, between the two of them.

"Hey, Baka-Shinji! Tell this fat cow how much weight she's gained since Third Impact!"

"I have not!" Misato retorted hotly. "Shinji, do I look fat to you?"

With that, the former major lifted her skirt all the way to her start of hr breasts, exposing her stomach to him.

Shinji's face reddened as he looked away in a haste. "Ugghh… Buh?"

"Ahh! You pervert! I knew it, you're a pedophile-fiend! Shinji, don't just stand there and gape, say something!" Asuka demanded in a reminiscent of her former accusative tone.

"Um… I'm … sorry?"

"Ugh! Shut up then, if that's all you're gonna say!"

"Hey! Don't tell Shin-chan to shut up!"

"Can we watch the movie now?" Shinji interjected, and was promptly ignored by both females.

"I'll tell him whatever I dam well please! Stop trying to make him ogle at you, pervert!"

"Oh! So it upsets you if it's not you he's looking at?"

"I… I did not say that! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"So you're not denying it, huh?"

"Uhm, what?" And again, his words fell on deaf ears.

"Shut up! Both of you! Just… just watch the damn movie! Misato, go get us some food, we're starving!"

"Duh, you've only been asleep for eighteen hours!"

And so, another day passed. For once, it had been a good day. The first good day in eight months, and the small, unorthodox and broken little family was decided to enjoy every second of it. There was not much else to do but relax and slowly heal, after all.

---

The girl kept walking toward the building, her mind still had every map of the city memorized. She knew every way into the Geo-Front, and she had someone she needed to see there. There was nothing that could stand in the way of her anger. Nothing. Nothing other than the tall, dark-suited man standing in front of her, signaling her to stop with an enormous hand.

"What?" Asked Rei irritably. These emotions were truly hard to master.

"Young lady, have you just returned from Instrumentality?"

"No." Answered Rei. She had no time for this, she had no time to waste on a human-sized bear on a monkey suit. She had places to go, redheads to kill. There was no time.

"You sure look like it, though. You smell like LCL and all."

"I went for a swim."

"In there?"

"Yes."

The man gaped at the blue haired girl. For once Rei regretted the fact that she was the least known of the Pilots. Had this monkey known who he was talking to, he would have probably gotten lost long ago. He did not even remember her from Instrumentality, this man was really working hard on being amazingly stupid.

The monkey continued to gape.

"Buh… W…Why would you go for a swim in there?"

Rei tilted her head to the side.

"I find it…enjoyable."

"Okay… geez, people are really messed up these days. Go on, kid, go home or whatever. Let me know if you any fresh returnees."

Rei nodded.

"Understood."

With that, she kept walking towards her destination, the crater was already visible, which meant she was close. Her stomach emitted a low growl, indicating its need for nourishment.

Perhapps some food would be… not ill-adviced.

And so, Rei's attention was momentarily diverted from revenge. One could not, after all, hunt redheads on an empty stomach.

---

Throwing him rather unceremoniously on the cold, hard ground of his King-sized prison cell, the guards chuckled as they watched the once powerful man struggle to reach his glasses. The bastard was a tough cookie, alright. Most would have broken at some point of the Interrogation-slash-Torture session the Commander had just endured. No matter. The guards did not even bother to close the door before beginning their assault on the fallen man. Kicks rained on Gendou Ikari for a solid minute, before the panting guards got fed up with the punishment.

"You had it easy, bastard. Hang on… till the big dogs get here… you´ll sing like a bird then…"

One of the guards, the taller one, spat on the fallen man.

"I lost my fucking sister because of you, you bastard. I hope they have a fucking Sombrero party on your ass."

With that, the heavy metal door was slammed closed, drowning out the sound of the guards ´laughter. Gendou lay there, splattered all over the floor, getting a strange feeling of Déjà-Vu on his chest. How many times had he gotten himself beaten up just like this when he was young? The mere thought brought a pained chuckle to his dried up, split, bloodied lips. He wondered what Shinji was doing.

Screaming could be heard from the cages adjacent to his own.

"You had it easy, boy!"

"Come in here and play, Ikari!"

"I´m gonna go ape-shit on your virgin ass, Commander!"

He wondered weather the boy was alright, weather he was safe. It felt so pathetically disgusting to realize all he had done, all he had festered on for years had been for nothing, but nothing hurt more than knowing he was at blame for his own son´s suffering. Oh, how jealous he had been of Shinji at some point, how jealous. For over a year, the Commander himself had lowered to a level of self-degradation just to gain his lover´s affection, and the boy had gotten it so easily. How pathetic, to be jealous of your own child. In the end, he had been no more than another puppet in Yui´s insane scenario.

For years, for ten fucking years he had believed it was out of love that Ikari Yui had climbed into the death-trap that was Unit 01, out of her love for their son. Oh, he could not have been more wrong. In the end, it all came down to his decisions, his doing, his hand aiming the gun that fired mercilessly against his own flesh and blood. It mattered very little, though. There would be a time to grieve, to regret and repent, but this was not the time to lie on the floor like a broken excuse of a man. Slowly, he raised himself off the ground. That was, until he heard the faint chuckle behind him, and the sound of a song being quietly sang. He recognized the English language.

"There is no pain you are receding…."

"A distant ship´s smoke on the horizon…"

His body reacted, adrenaline shooting though him. In seconds, he was on his feet, facing a shadow hidden on the corner of the room. The figure looked… not so big, actually. He had expected an assassin, a Hitman, but not a boy sitting on his only chair, looking as threatening under the shadows as his own boy. Slowly, he lowered his guard.

"You are only coming through in waves…"

"Your lips move, but I can´t hear -Oh, how rude of me. Where are my manners? Here I am, sitting in your chair and singing. I have not introduced myself, I apologize, Commander." A male, most definitely a male.

The figure stood, calmly straightening what Gendou could induct were combat pants. Slowly, the figure took out what appeared to be earphones, akin to those Shinji used on his SDAT. The, the boy reached for something on his thigh, and the Commander understood his mistake at lowering his guard.

An elegant, black and shiny Makarov. 9mm was presented to him.

"My colleges call me monster, my superior officers call me Bastard or Zero, but you… you Commander will have a special honor, given our future business relationship and all…"

He was able to see the boy under the faint lights of his prison cell. Clad in a black fighting suit, the boy was obviously of Russian descent. Round pommels were accompanied by deep, brown eyes that stood in detail on his white skin. Very dark hair, almost black. Broad shoulders, about 5'9 in size, most likely a hundred and eighty pounds. Most definitely trained in infiltration and assassination. Strong, most likely ruthless. Young…. Almost as young as Shinji. The very thought shot a cold shudder through his spine. He could see faint scars all over the boy´s face, the sort of scratches and small burn marks fists left on the skin. The he saw the boy's eyes.

And knew what it meant, to be face to face with the a young manifestation of the Grim Reaper.

"You may call me Dmitri. I was hired to kill you."

The sound of the safety being unlocked reverberated through the room. Then, a gunshot.

And a body fell heavily on the cold prison floor.

TBC…

---

AN: YES! DONE! In record time, mind you! Let's just say I've been feeling pretty inspired lately, let's hope it lasts! Anyways, there´s a couple of things I wanted to clarify. First, I see not all of you are fond of me changing the plot and introducing a new character and all that, but I personally believe it to be naïve to believe SEELE would just disappear and let everything go in peace. Secondly, to all of you worried that this might somehow affect Shinji and Asuka´s interactions, DO NOT DESPAIR! I will keep it balanced, and while there WILL be fighting at some point, it´s still very, VERY far away. So. Don´t worry about that. About this character, well, I´ve been mulling over it for a while now, I see him like some kind of a metaphor, I´m trying to conceptualize a real problem through him, the child soldiers, much like Asuka and Shinji, and the traumas that war leaves behind. Thus Asuka´s and Shinji´s near mentally ill behavior. I myself have had the honor of meeting some survivors who were forced into war service, and I do believe their stories helped me shape this character. I truly believe this subject to be quite important.

Regarding his involvement in the story itself, again, DO NOT DESPAIR. He´ll be more involved with secondary characters in my story than with the main characters. In any case, their interactions will be minimal; this story IS and WILL remain in the realms of the POSSIBLE in the Evangelion universe.

Finally, I have nothing less to do but to thank all of you yet again for taking the time to read my story. I appreciate your feedback, and hope you´re enjoying this wonderful ride as much as me. Again, thank you so much! Remember to stay healthy and eat your veggies!

PEACE!