Scar Tissue

by deathbringer374

After Third Impact fic. The world goes to some semblance of normality. Shinji Ikari lays in bed, unmoving, tubes and wires all over, machines beeping away. Asuka stares, horrified, at the result of her violence. Maybe revenge tasted...bitter. AXS. Revised version has been uploaded! R&R

12. Chapter 12

AN: YES! Another one! Miracles do happen! Sorry for the wait people, but this is my senior year so you'll understand if college takes another level of pain-in-the-assness, but there it is! I hope you like it!

Scar Tissue

Chapter Twelve. Eleventh Act: Wither

Jealousy.

It is a strange sensation, is it not? The burning in one's stomach, the head feeling so light yet so heavy. One wishes to disappear at the same time that one wishes to be a giant, a revolting sensation of the cold flame that hatred is ignites in one's soul, extending like a wildfire throughout a dried up field. There is little this sentiment will not force one to do, little that can stand in the way of such an emotion. So powerful, so poisonous, so addictive.

It is the belief of many cultures that the soul resides not in the heart nor within one's mind, but in the stomach. So, does one's soul wither in pain when jealousy turns your abdomen into a hellish tangle of knots and hollow pulls? Is the soul hurt by such a feeling? Does it later wither and die in a slow process as jealousy turns into hatred? I have seen the capacity of hatred. I have witnessed the lives of thousands and lived many myself, in search for the one thing hatred had left untainted, the one thing it cannot touch, if there even is something hatred is not able to destroy. I have found… troubling answers that will require further study, but for now, the essential outcome of this process is that the search has been fruitful, however tedious and unexpected the results were.

Logic. My mind has always been logical. Always; it was the way I was raised. Ever since I can remember, emotions were shown to me as something to fear, to suppress under any and all circumstances. My purpose offered no opportunity, no space for such unnecessary matters, they would only interfere. I lived my life according to the rules and regulations given to me; never did I feel the necessity to explore those areas of the human experience denied to me because I never saw myself as a human, not even as a singular person. I wished only to return to the nothingness from which I was born.

My birth and conception were the only significant aspects of my existence. I lived my life as a tool waiting to be used, waiting for its purpose to be fulfilled and to then be able to fade into nothing. Nothingness possessed no pain, no joy, simply never-ending darkness. I wished to return into nothing, I truly did. For as long as I can remember, death was always my dream. I had accepted my fate, my purpose, managing to detach myself from what I later learned to be the very meaning of life. I was told I was replaceable, my existence as a sentient being or as a human made little difference, since my very purpose was to die and bring forth the final act of Complementation. For as long as I can remember, Akagi has told me I am expendable, a statement I believed for my entire life, up until a few months before the End. Up until a few months before I stopped taking the pills Akagi had shoved down my throat for more than a decade.

The only person who was ever somewhat kind to me was the Commander; he remained distant nonetheless as to not compromise my purpose. I loved him, for so long I had been so completely detached from emotion that I could not discern or recognize it then, but I did. He was like a father to me, he cared for my safety, to him I was not replaceable, or at least that was what he led me to believe. However important his presence was in my life, I remained isolated from everything else, isolated from all those near me. Coldness, darkness and loneliness were my constant companions.

Then hecame into my life. He came, and offered his kindness without any reason or expectation of reward. For once in my entire existence another human being reached out to me, somebody attempted to break through the barrier of numbness that for so long had been constructed around my humanity. He made me question my choice in solitude, somehow comforting my cold, lonely soul for the first time. I still have problems understanding why he so carelessly offers his kindness to every person he meets, why he so effortlessly manages to put himself in harm's way for the sake of others, but such is his personality. Little by little, he became a constant in my life; he became as important to me as the Commander. I have only experienced genuine concern and affection from him, in those small but thoughtful acts of kindness he so easily addressed my way. Small smiles, bento boxes, comforting and meaningless chatter walking through NERV; it all seemed so alien and unnecessary for me, but I soon came to cherish and treasure those moments.

Shinji. I never called him by his name, just like he never called me by mine. However close we got to each other, there was a wall that we never managed to tear down, a strange wall of formality that haunted our every interaction and restrained our bond. His presence arose feelings in me that had never before been present, feelings that later confused my very sense of being and existence. I have always known of my origins, that fact was never hidden from me, but only after Third Impact did I realize that my human DNA had been extracted from Ikari Yui, Shinji's mother. The world had to end for me to understand that it was normal for me to love my brother. I was never able to grasp the simple fact that he cared for me.

But she did. She knew he cared for her; it was painfully obvious to everyone, even to me. It sickened me, the way she so easily approached and interacted with him, the way she so easily managed to ridicule him in front of the entire class without any regard for his own feelings. It made me want to smash my fist into her smug little sarcastic smile. It made me want to have her confidence, her strength, but back then I did not understand the urge to protect Shinji that arose in me every time she insulted him. I simply stared and detached myself from the entire situation, wondering only about my next assignment. One of my greatest talents, to my utmost shame, is to simply let disasters occur as I watch.

I knew jealousy while watching them both walk home every day. Together. Every day, she had the gift of his presence; his quiet but constant caring made her life better, more normal, more human, but she was unable to appreciate his small tokens of love. Instead, she took it upon herself to make Shinji's existence miserable; she yelled and laughed at him all the way to their apartment building. She had a companion, she no longer needed to suffer her pain by herself; all that girl ever had to do was share her grief with him and he would have opened his arms and embraced her forever. I know very well that he has loved her since the first time he laid eyes on her, and it does not bother me in the slightest. What I cannot stand is her pride, her foolish sentiment for which my brother has suffered greatly.

The Second was too proud to recognize she adored him just as much he adored her, so she deceived herself into believing those feelings to be the exact opposite. So afraid was she to let anyone into her heart that she tried to push Shinji away while at the same time she so desperately struggled to be close to him; a contradiction within a contradiction indeed. In the end both of them were unable to reach out to the other, and soon enough their feelings were corrupted by hatred.

Hatred. I knew hatred while listening to the Second insult Shinji while he was absorbed in Unit 01, only to find her crying in the dressing rooms not ten minutes later. Her duality and childish reactions burned something within me; why could she not be honest with herself? I never felt the need to hide my concern for Shinji, but she seemed unable to even pretend to hate him correctly, or love him correctly for that matter. So engrossed was she in her own failure and shame that not once did Asuka bother to even watch Unit 01 or make herself useful to Shinji's rescue. Pathetic.

She abused him instead, abandoned him in his greatest time of need. I know it, oh yes I do. For a moment I was Lilith, and as Lilith I lived and experienced the lives and pain of all my children. I know every aspect of her and Shinji's life, I understand their traumas, but still I could not understand how hatred had so easily poisoned them both, turning them against each other. I could not understand how hatred had managed to make human beings so cold, so alone and so desperate.

I began my search for the one thing hatred could not taint, the one thing unable to be broken or tarnished by the horrendous sensation that had determined even my own life and death. I lived thousands of lives through many different perspectives, searching for a bond, a life, anything that withstood the tests of time and hate, and for a long time my search was futile. By sharing Lilith's blood, I was able to see through the created realities of each world; every mind and every soul was open to me, even those who had returned to the world shared a bond with me. I could experience glimpses of their lives in the real world, far away from the endless dream of Instrumentality.

I could feel Shinji's mind decay, I witnessed as he fought to survive alone in the world for far too long, unable to sleep, unable to die or even to exist, simply going by as madness and solitude slowly consumed his mind. He, by himself, had managed to give the Second and everyone else a chance return to the world, but for so long humanity neglected his sacrifice. They chose the bland, insipid content of their own personal paradises, but one soul remained restless ever since Shinji abandoned the Sea, and it made me that much sicker to face her duality. I decided to investigate this person, even though I hated the very sight of her. I searched her feelings, her dreams, her worlds. A thousand different world were created for her to live in, a thousand worlds with a single, unchangeable constant. Shinji. He was always in her dreams as she was in turn always in his. My own presence in Shinji's worlds was not as constant as hers.

Soon enough they were both back in reality, both of them struggling to come to terms with everything they had just experienced, but they were not ready. The wounds were still too fresh; their minds had both been closed to the shallow teachings of Instrumentality, so hatred prevailed in their hearts. Shinji could not rid his soul of all the self-hatred that slowly ate away at his sanity, just as Asuka did not manage to understand her own was at fault for her confusing emotions towards my brother. Without the veil of Instrumentality, they were consumed.

So I continued my search in hope of finding an answer for my brother, a possibility to give him the happiness he so deserved, but I neglected the Second. Her hatred blinded her completely, making her unleash all her anger, her fear, her horror and pain on the one person strong enough to take it all and still care for her. Engulfed in a fever of spite, she devoured his already broken heart.

Then it came to me; just as she tarnished the last remains of what lingered of my brother, it came to me. I found my answer, but it was not the one I longed for, not the answer for which I had sacrificed my brother's mental and physical health for more than ten excruciating months. While Asuka ran as fast as her legs could carry her to the phone, as her hatred dissolved under the weight of her actions, I was able to glance at last at the one thing hatred was not able to tear apart.

Their bond. No matter what reality I visited, no matter what world I went to, no matter how many times she hurt him and in turn he hurt her back, they remained bonded by an inexplicable force that I later discovered to be destiny. Fate you can change and play with, but destiny? Impossible.

It's not a matter of them being soulmates, it is far simpler than that. They are the same, two different pieces of the same cloth; they are one, and no matter how much the world, their lives, parents and circumstances drive them to hate each other, their bond will always remain the same. They are one.

This does not mean, however, that I will so easily forgive eight months of torture perpetrated upon my brother. Even when I understand they will at some point find endless joy and love together, her actions towards Shinji will not go unpunished. I shall have my revenge.

Because I am Ayanami Rei.

And nobody fucks with my brother.

---

Darkness. Once again it surrounded him completely, wherever he turned there was nothing to see; he could not see his own body. Nothingness, not even the ever-frequent stench of a million rotting corpses that for so long plagued his mind. Simple emptiness.

Then, a light shone over him. He could hear it, the steps of the decaying remains of his soul as they made their way to his location, but no fear clung to his heart. No running away; he would stand his ground, withstand any agony, any memory the beast chose to torment him with, no matter how much he screamed and burned and bled, he would not run away. Not from his memories, not from his actions, not from himself. He could feel it just as strongly and steadily as Misato's hand been not too long ago. He could feel Asuka's hand on his own, giving him strength, encouraging him to confront his demons. No running away.

Red eyes glistened from the darkness, bored crimson meeting frozen blue in a moment, but the beast did not manifest itself, neither did it speak. Hidden within the shadows it remained, looking Shinji over as if seeing him for the first time, not bothering to so much as utter a word while darkness covered their perceivable landscape. He heard the beast clap sarcastically in the darkness.

"I do believe congratulations are in order." At his lack of reaction It chuckled, staring boringly at Shinji. "What? Aren't you happy that you're not rolling on the ground screaming right now?" it said, yet its tone lacked the usual poison and absolute hatred that so often were its trademark. It spoke in a cold, controlled tone, as if trying to intimidate him with its indifference. Shinji did not budge nor did he bother to respond. Not because he was unable, but simply because he did not want to dignify such a stupid question with an answer.

"Finally manning up to all the shit you did, huh? It was about time if you ask me, and I just happen to be you. Pretty fucked up, don't you think? To be able to talk with your own subconscious so freely, but then again you're fucking cuckoo, so whatever."

A light shone under the beast, surprising Shinji as he saw its decaying state was not as extreme as it had been before. Its skin looked much healthier than before, its clothing was no longer stained by blood, and no visible wounds were seen on the beast's chest. Its face, although mangled and scarred, did not seem to be in the process of rotting away like before. It glared at him, but not in anger; more so in annoyance.

"You just had to take my fun away, huh? I guess you had to grow some fucking balls at one point or the other. It was starting to get ridiculous, I really thought I'd have to start fucking your life up on overtime. Don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of shit for you to see, it's just not so fun anymore."

Shinji lifted a disbelieving eyebrow as the beast drew closer, not limping or hurling itself across the room, but slowly and cautiously walking toward him.

"So, what are you going to do to me today?" he asked. "Third Impact again? Or maybe some of the beatings Asuka gave me? Are you going to force me to watch all the shit before Third Impact even happened? Well bring it. I can take it, whatever you have to throw at me, I can take it!"

The beast chuckled, staring at him sadistically, with the old hatred returning to its unforgiving red eyes as it came face to face with him. Both glared at one another, Shinji's defiant gaze never wavering as the beast scrutinized his expression, smiling all the way.

"You still don't get it, do you boy?" it snarled in his face. "I am you, you imbecile. I am your guilt, I am the representation of all the shit you have done throughout your life. If you try to run away from me, I'll haunt you, I'll torture you, I'll make you wish you were never born, I will show you all the horrible things you have done again and again, like I have before, until you can't take it anymore and scream. And I'll enjoy that scream; I will savor it like a fine meal as you squirm about at my feet. I'll fester in your endless despair and laugh indifferently as you slowly lose your mind."

The beast grasped his throat as it spoke, making him look at the crimson blood within its eyes. Deep in the gaze of the beast he could see them; he could see billions of innocents dying and burning in an instant. He could see Unit 02 being dismembered, Misato slowly bleeding to death, he could hear Asuka fight until her last breath only to have her arm split in two. Through it all he did not break eye contact. The beast, satisfied with his reaction, smiled and released his throat as it started walking away.

"But if you choose to face the consequences of your actions, if you stop running like a little bitch from all your problems and instead withstand the punishment the world has unleashed upon you... then you will earn my respect. Do you know what we call that, you pathetic little worm?"

Shinji shook his head but kept his eyes on the beast as it started laughing and walking away from him. It turned its head to stare with a cold gleam in its eyes and, still chuckling lightly, it spoke with Shinji's own voice.

"We call that self-respect."

The beast idly ran a hand through its tarnished hair before it addressed a bored glance at the boy who continued to stare at it in defiance. Around them, the darkness mingled and folded into itself, as if attempting to disperse but not succeeding. From afar, Shinji could hear faint screams of pain and despair; screams he knew only too well. The beast turned its head, sighing as the howls increased in volume the shadows around them leisurely took form, and the obscurity itself whimpered in pain.

"Sadly enough, self-respect can only do so much for PTSD, as you might understand. So, sorry about this but you're going to have to go through it again, boy."

For the first time since falling asleep Shinji felt fear crawl up his spine and clutch at his chest, but he didn't relent or back away. Resigned to his fate, he merely lowered his head, letting the memories of his failure wash over him yet again. The pain was always the same, the wounds were perpetually open and bleeding somewhere deep inside his heart, pulsing with every beat. He turned to glare at the beast one last time, only to be once again surprised when it looked at him with a glimpse of malice in its blood stained orbs.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Shinji dear boy. You still have a lot to see and a lot to ponder on while you despair. And oh, you will despair."

With a parting smile smeared with sadistic intent the light under the beast vanished, leaving Shinji on his own amidst the darkness once again. There, standing in solitude, Shinji waited for what he knew was coming; he waited patiently for his torture to be served. Shadows blurred and took shape, dissipating as the familiar scenery of Tokyo 3 took form. Thunder roared and water fell from the heavens. In the distance, the boy could make out the shape of Unit 02 standing there with a positron rifle and it dawned on him that he would relive the attack of the 15th, then the 16th, then Kaworu, and so on until he reached Third Impact.

He went through it all, one more time.

Slowly the seat of his Entry Plug manifested itself around him, and Shinji was forced to listen yet again as the Angel tore away Asuka´s mental defenses and left her a mess of traumas and crushing insecurities. Soon enough he heard her cry for help, heard her claw away at her own scalp in a vain attempt to rip the invader off of her, but she was unable to do anything. Just like him, sitting in his Entry plug, completely useless.

Maybe I was useless then… but it's different now. I can protect her, I will, whenever she needs me to, I will.

The pain of his failure had not yet faded when he felt the world shake as Unit 00 exploded right in front of him. Shinji was certain his entire body jolted in his sleep; he felt an electric discharge as it was yet again proven that even with the limitless power of Unit 01 at his disposal, he had been more a nuisance than an actual asset. Had it not been for his stupidity and utter uselessness, Rei might have survived.

But she did survive; at least another clone of her was alive… Maybe she wasn't my Rei, but at least some part of her, in essence, managed to live on through her.

Relentless and constant, the memories continued. Faster than he could even manage to assimilate them, the flashbacks that always felt too real came one after the other; the dead bodies of so many who would never get a chance to return were shown to him yet again, the horrendous massacre he had allowed to be perpetrated on the innocent workers of the organization that had ruined and corrupted his life.

And so they continued, the shrieks and pleas for help silenced by Asuka's scream as the spear went through her eye, the sickening sound of flesh and bone as she was impaled infested his brain. He felt bile rise up to his throat, but Shinji did not close his eyes. He did not turn away, he did not run away. Eyes wide open, for the first time he forced himself to watch everything he so desperately tried to forget.

Third Impact. He could not help but feel the scream rise inside his chest, the sight he detested above any was again shown to him. The remains of Unit 02, displayed in front of him by the white monsters he had come to loathe, creating the disgusting spectacle of flesh that had finally managed to drive him mad.

The unrelenting torture carried on. Always the same pattern, always the same bits and pieces, the same hurtful words Asuka spewed at him, the same hits and insults he had gotten used to for the last eight months. Their first week together, the time when they had drifted apart, the time when Asuka had come to terms with everything that happened to her. The times when she woke up screaming every night.

He withstood it all, crying, whimpering and holding on to the feeling in his hand the entire time. The memories whirled and mixed with each other as the night ticked away, slowly but surely breaking through Shinji's defenses. However painful it was, he never tried to escape his pain; it washed through him with gruesome continuity, but Shinji didn't resist it. For once he accepted the pain, the guilt, the shame and hatred that plagued his soul.

I hate myself… but if I keep hating myself I'll never be able to love others… I'll hurt the people I care about. For their sake, I have to learn to accept what I've done.

The hazy memories dissolved into nothingness yet again, allowing Shinji some much needed rest. The subconscious is, however, most unpredictable. Despite his efforts to better himself, the memories left him with an all-consuming feeling of self-hatred too hard to fend off. This would clearly be yet another restless night. Shinji's insecurities came to full bloom soon after the flashbacks were done. Normally, the memories would feel so real that he'd wake up covered in sweat at some point, but now that the memories had taken their toll, his own doubts and old fears of abandonment slowly took shape. His torture was not yet finished.

But what if everyone moves on and leaves me alone? What will happen then? What am I going to do when Asuka decides to leave? What am I going to do the day I have to move out from Misato's place? What the fuck am I gonna do with my life? Do I even have a life anymore? Do I deserve to life a normal life, even after all I've done?

Slowly the dark haze once again transformed. He saw a dirty apartment, trash and used clothes strewn about both on the floor and some of the meager furniture of the room, which consisted of a worn-out couch and a table filled with boxes of instant food and bottles of beer, whisky, vodka, rum and other beverages. He could also make out what looked like used and bloodied needles discarded on the table and the kitchen bench. The kitchen sink had a gigantic pile of dirty dishes that appeared to have been there for weeks, the paint on the walls was falling off and there was what looked like a small puddle of blood in the corner of the room.

Shinji slowly walked around the living area, taking in the decomposing state of the building, glancing at the drawn but tattered curtains that allowed receding glints of sunlight to shine through and somehow illuminate the room. There was an old television facing the battered couch hosting a brown haired figure, yet it was more than useless. The screen looked as if someone had thrown one of the bottles at it. The walls themselves had obvious fist marks in some parts, the windows were either broken or so dirty it was impossible to see through them, there was even some kind of unreadable graffiti on the wall adjacent to the couch. Overall the place looked too much like the apartment he had seen Asuka in when she was wasting away.

Shinji drew a breath, turning to stare at the figure that lay on the old furniture. He saw himself, perhaps eight to ten years older. There he was, lying on the couch like a broken doll, completely wasted. Drool escaped from his parted, cracked lips as he stared at the ceiling with an empty look on his face, the needle still firmly pressed against his bicep. His skin was almost a sickly yellow; around his face and cheeks it was almost gone, making him look gaunt and disgusting. He was wearing the same white T-shirt, only it looked a tad too small for his decaying adult body, displaying signs of malnutrition and dehydration. The open buttons allowed him to gaze at the scars on his chest. He counted much more than two.

Shinji stared at what he could become; taking in the dreadful, hollow eyes that seemed to ogle at him from the mirror every day for the last year. The disgraced version of him twitched, moving his hands about and muttering to himself as tremors started shaking his body. The junkie itch made itself known as the older Shinji scratched at random parts of his body.

"Everyone leaves," the older Shinji muttered quietly. "They leave me… all of them… fucking bastards… fuck'em… fuck'em…"

As suddenly as it came, the motions of his body stopped and he once again turned to stare stoically at the ceiling, sliding away into the couch. Shinji had to resist the urge to scream in disgust as he watched his broken figure convulse and vomit all over the floor, whimpering pathetically before 'he' attempted to stand up. On wobbling feet he rose, falling back onto the couch twice before managing to obtain some semblance of balance.

There he stood, facing himself. The older version of him locked eyes with the boy, grabbing him by the shoulders as bile dripped from his chin. Eyes glazed, Shinji stared at himself, into eyes that simply looked dead, gone.

"They left me all alone… I drove them away… that's all I know how to do right… fucking wimp… fucking wimp… I couldn't keep her with me… I let her go…. I let her go…" The junkie's knees buckled and there, holding onto his younger version and wailing like a little child.

Shinji felt sick.

The scene dissolved into blackness once again. Shinji felt his stomach drop in fear and revulsion at the image of himself as a poor pathetic drug addict waiting to die of an overdose. That could very well be him in the near future. When everybody abandoned him no one would care whether he fucked himself up with drugs all day long, no one would be there to pick up whatever pieces remained of his broken self. He had considered drugs for months after returning; the idea of somehow numbing the pain forever was more than inviting, but his own fear had ultimately won.

Once again the scene changed; he could see the sunset on the horizon, the rays turned into a translucent shade of yellows and oranges while the breeze blew away. He was at a beach; from the distance he managed to discern Misato's purple hair as it was blown about by the wind. Two small children played on the shore while Misato's kept a vigilant watch; he could clearly see the small smile on her face. There was a man sitting not too far from her, but the shade of a palm tree didn't let Shinji see the man's face. Misato seemed content, more so than he had ever seen her before.

Perhaps this was her future, the key to her happiness was to leave him behind and start a family of her own at last. He felt abandoned, clutching at his own chest when he felt his heart break in anguish. He felt like dropping to his knees as it slowly came to his mind that he was an obstacle in everyone's happiness.

I'm just an obstacle. I take away all of her happiness, all of her hopes and dreams. She could be living her life now, and instead she has to put up with my shit…

He didn't want to see this anymore. He didn't want those feelings to return. The empty dread of abandonment, the hollow sting of spite and jealousy, the burning sensation of helplessness as life crumbled before him. The very same feelings that consumed him for days as he drifted off in a desolate world. The same feelings that led him to try to choke the life out of Asuka twice.

He had been so concerned for so long, so occupied in trying to run away from his past that he had not once stopped to think about his future; everything about it terrified him. He had told himself countless times that neither Asuka nor Misato deserved to be condemned by his poisonous presence, but he had never stopped to think what it would really mean for them to leave.

"I don't want to watch this anymore… stop it, stop it, stop it stop it! I don't want to think about this! Please!" He could feel his body thrashing about in his sleep, but he was unable to wake up.

The scenery changed again, into one he knew very well. His former high school rose from the dark fog of his memory; the tall building took shape, the concrete walls turning visible under the light bulbs on the ceiling. He found himself in the hallway of his old classroom, the only perceivable difference was the marker on the door, which indicated the '2-A' class. At first, he found himself completely alone in the hallway, yet within moments Shinji heard steps behind and ahead of him in the corridors the corridors; soon he was able to see silhouettes of young boys and girls. Before he realized it students had materialized and were walking about chatting nonsense in what appeared to be the first period of the day.

In the distance, he could make out Asuka's red hair; it had always been so very noticeable to him. No matter how far away she was, he could recognize her specific hair color even in a crowd of redheads. He walked down the corridor, drawing closer to Asuka and trying not to bump into the passing students. She seemed to be only a couple of steps away, but somehow he was unable to reach her no matter how much he moved.

She had her back pressed against the wall, and from the distance he could admire her pretty face, which showed clear signals of irritation. Her brow was furrowed but not completely, she was drumming her fingers on her forearm, her foot tapped away impatiently; all signs that she was waiting for someone who had not yet made their appearance. Perhaps she was waiting for him? Inspired by that line of thought, Shinji redoubled his efforts in trying to reach the spot by the stairs where she stood, yet the gap between them only appeared to gain distance. The corridor stretched away as he attempted to walk faster, but it was futile.

A boy came up from the stairwell; someone who was not, under any circumstances, Shinji. The boy looked at least two years older than Asuka herself; he was tall, muscular and good looking, the very definition of a perfect young male. Shinji stopped walking completely when the boy put his arm on the exact same wall Asuka was leaning on, a smile blossoming on her face. Never before had he seen her relax so quickly.

He didn't want to be there anymore; he wanted to leave. There was an awful feeling twirling around in his guts as he saw the boy come closer and press his lips to Asuka's own. He felt many things at the sight of that scene, most of which simply rendered him motionless. When Shinji tried to send the order to his body to get away, it seemed to ignore him, forcing him to stare wide-eyed at the scene before him. He could not even close his eyes to keep himself from watching as they embraced one another in what Misato had taught him to be an 'adult's kiss'.

For once in a very long time, Shinji felt jealousy. Along with it came the boiling fires of anger and hatred. He could not explain it, but he felt the need to break those two apart, smash that pretty boy's face into the wall they were leaning on and knock every one of his teeth out. His hands clenched and unclenched spasmodically as he felt the need to grab Asuka by the throat and squeeze. Squeeze with all his might until she moved no more, squeeze his hatred away into the slender skin of her trachea. Squeeze the abandonment away. At the same time he felt like Unit 01 had just punched him in the stomach; everything about what he was seeing made him feel sick.

But why? Asuka had every right to choose whoever she wanted to be with, did it not make sense that she found a boyfriend of her own, a boy worthy of her, and live her life? He loved her, but why did that image made him want to slam his own face into a wall? Why could he not move? Why was the scenery changing to a bedroom where sounds he knew only too well deafened his ears? Why was he feeling so sick?

"Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop, it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it…."

He clawed away at his own scalp, trying in vain to concentrate on the pain instead of the sounds that seemed to go through the walls and straight into his brain. He wanted to jab something, anything into his ears to make the sound go away. The bed materialized right in front of him, and from out of nowhere the beast grabbed his body in one arm and clawed at his face with the other, forcing his head in the bed's direction.

"What's wrong, Shinji, dear boy?" the beast said directly into his ear. "Did you not say you were through running away? I want you to look at this, I want you to learn how to fucking enjoy those sounds, because in a few months, maybe a couple of years, Asuka's finally going to put her life on track and forget all about you, you sickening little toad."

It whispered to him as the sounds of flesh hitting flesh grew louder and louder inside his brain. Shinji struggled to break free of the monster's clutches, but its arms were too strong and he was still too weak. He could feel the air itself leave his lungs when Asuka's golden mane was presented to him. Her moans of pure, unbidden pleasure threatened to drive him mad as she moved along with her lover, who lay under her on the bed, his face hidden by shadows. The more he tried to ignore them, the deeper the moans and the sickening 'plap, plap' dove into his head, but he could not cover his ears. He could not break free of the monster's hold.

"No… no, don't show this to me. Stop it, damn you… I don't want to see this, stop it, STOP IT! Leave me alone, god damn you!"

The beast's hold tightened around his body and face, and he could feel its rancid breath as it drew its face much closer to his. "Where's all that bravado you had just now, huh?" it asked. "Are you afraid Asuka's gonna abandon poor little you? Don't you remember, Shinji? She hates you. No matter what she says, you know this; you know it very well. So why does this bother you so much, huh?"

He wanted to get away. He wanted to run and hide in some hole where he could rot away in peace. Anything was better than having to suffer that torture anymore. The beast, however, had different plans. It held his face firmly in place as Asuka reached her climax and collapsed on top of her lover whose face, now visible to him, vaguely resembled Kaji's. It forced him to contemplate Asuka's happy expression as she regained her strength and rose from the bed. She looked so radiant, so completely content and so devoid of any pain or trauma. Even her scars were harder to notice.

"Can it be that you love her? You poor, poor bastard. You can't even love yourself, you pathetic excuse for a human. How in the fuck are you going to love her, huh? How are you, the world's most sickening mass murderer, going to provide her with the love and support she needs so she can heal, when you can't even suffer correctly? Face it, Shinji. You will never be happy with her, because you simply cannot make anyone happy. You can never love anyone unless you love yourself, and you hate yourself so very very much, don't you?"

He wanted to scream so badly. No more, he thought pleadingly as tears rolled down his cheeks and his knees buckled underneath him. The beast allowed him to collapse to the floor, whimpering pathetically as the pain overcame his senses. The hollowness inside his chest consumed the meager dreams Shinji had of a future together with the girl he had fallen in love with. The sounds carried on.

Soon he was in a vortex of memories and possible futures of his own creation. All of them negative, all of them leading to the same conclusion: Asuka would leave him, Misato would leave him. In the end, solitude was the ultimate punishment for the ultimate sinner. The beast drew a final rancid breath, grabbing him by the face and forcing Shinji to stare into its deep crimson eyes.

"Your fate is to rot alone in some sewer where you won't bother anyone ever again. You know this, boy, so why do you insist on running away to some safe little dream world where everybody is content? You don't deserve it, Shinji. You don't deserve to be happy," it whispered, releasing his face and allowing the sounds, the fictional worlds without him and the horrible memories that already plagued his mind to consume him completely.

The beast laughed; yet again Shinji was at its feet, his sanity dangling by a thread, but the beast did not relent. It would continue to hunt him as long as he ran away from the truth, from his truth. Ikari Shinji was a monster, and monsters die alone. Monsters don't live happily ever after. Useless, pathetic little boys like him were of no use to a society as broken and confused as what existed now.

He sank deeper into despair, fruitlessly trying to scream, to escape from the visions, from his own corrupted imagination that never seemed to lack a weapon to use against him. The memories, the dreams, the horrid images of him being left completely alone and abandoned, just like before Third Impact when everything had gone to hell. Deeper and deeper he fell, begging the beast, begging himself to please have some peace. He needed to wake up. Shinji tried in a vain attempt to smash a fist into his healing chest so the physical pain would get him out of the nightmare, but something took a firm hold of his arm. He could not move.

"Stop it… please… stop it, stop it, stop i-"

"Shinji! Wake up!"

As if the spell that had captured him broke off in an instant, the world, or more specifically, Asuka's worried face came to view sooner than he could ready himself for it. He reacted like anyone who had just been woken from a nightmare, jerking and trying to move away for a second before it sank into his mind that the dream was over and he was in fact awake. Her voice had finally managed to bring him out of his personal hell.

This had not been a good night for Asuka herself. As they drifted off to sleep in sitting positions, both youngsters had slid onto the bed throughout the night, and while Shinji had somehow managed to find a comfortable position while lying sideways on his bed, she had been subjected to having her head in an awkward position against the wall, making her neck hurt like hell, and as if that was not uncomfortable enough she had fallen asleep resting on her right arm, which was still a tad numb.

Her physical pain, however, was inconsequential compared to the horrors her subconscious had been showing her. Eight months of torture perpetrated upon Shinji, eight months of misguided anger and despair had bled into her resting mind ever since falling asleep, but Shinji's moving about had blessedly awoken her before she herself had woken up screaming. Sometimes, not even each other's presence seemed able to draw them away from their pain.

Shinji had been moving too much, so much so that Asuka had been forced to embrace him as he thrashed around on the bed. She saw the way he gripped at the bed sheets, as if trying to choke someone to death. Saw as he pleaded for it to stop. Held him as he kept thrashing, muttering incoherent nonsense into her hair. Held him when he almost smashed a fist against his own chest, his eyes twitched open from time to time, but he was not there, simply not there. She begged him to wake up, soothed him as he jerked his head around, trying to escape from whatever horrors he was seeing. In the end, she held his face and yelled at him with all her might, which finally managed to fully open his eyes.

Shinji jolted, hurting his side and hissing for a moment. After about twenty seconds of spacing out, he came back to his senses, noticing Asuka had been talking to him the entire time. There was still a dull ache on his ribs and he was having a bit of a hard time to breath, but it soon passed as well.

"..-kay? Does your side hurt? Do you want me to call Misato?" Her face looked uncharacteristically concerned, even in his stupefied condition Shinji could see how sincere her unease was. For that single second, he was able to glance at the Asuka that lay hidden underneath all that anger. He was about to put her worries to rest when his door was violently thrown open and a disheveled and alert Misato turned on the light.

"What? What! Asuka, what did you do!" Misato didn't think twice. She grabbed Asuka by the arm and was about to hurl her off Shinji's bed before his frozen glare petrified her. She had to stay still; Shinji had all but risen from his bed and caught her other hand in a grip so tight she could almost feel his fingers digging into her very bones. His eyes were wide and furious, like a wolf when it protected its mate.

"She didn't do anything," Shinji growled. "Let. Her. Go."

She released Asuka's arm as if the girl's bare skin had burned her hand. The three of them awkwardly stared at anything but each other after the small incident, all of them too embarrassed to say anything. Misato cleared her throat, massaging her arm and silently wondering how was it that Shinji could go from one extreme to the other in seconds, when pushed the wrong way. Something during Instrumentality had changed him greatly, that was for sure. Even so, after releasing her arm he looked down, blushing in shame at his sudden surge of emotion. Be it as it may, he was still Shinji.

He was extremely protective of those close to him, almost obsessively so. As she watched as both teens rummaged about on Shinji's bed, trying to find a position where they were not directly touching each other, Misato remembered the times in the UN shacks. Shinji absolutely refused to eat, or let them eat, anything that was not prepared by him. It had been no secret that many of the returnees had harassed the boy and threatened to hurt both Misato and Asuka to get to him, so he had secretly protected them both. He prepared every single meal for them, even when it meant waking up before the sun rose to go find something to eat, even when it had cost him more beatings, both from the returnees and from Asuka herself. Her Shinji was an odd one indeed.

"So, umm," Misato hesitantly began. "Not to be a buzz-kill and all that, but you just woke me up with your little stunt, so why don't you both stop fidgeting about and spill the beans? What happened?"

Asuka finally exploded, her short temper had been barely restrained up until that point, but Misato's comment and accusatory conduct pushed her beyond limit. "He was having a fucking nightmare, Misato! He was shaking and almost hit himself in the chest! What the hell was I supposed to do, drop a bucket of cold water on him? For fuck's sake!"

Shinji nodded emphatically, glaring at Misato for her interruption and quick judgment. She blinked at them both, feeling out of place. It was like these two had teamed up against her. She had honestly not suspected this scenario, which certainly made the Sub-Commander feel guilty about her quick judgment of Asuka.

Shinji cleared his throat, idly running a nervous hand over his neck. "Umm… sorry, it's my fault, but I'm fine. I was kinda having a very bad nightmare, so Asuka woke me up," He paused for a moment, looking the enraged girl right in her eyes. "Thank you."

Asuka's cheeks too turned scarlet. She avoided his eyes, not really knowing how to respond. "You keep saying that… But what was I supposed to do? You woke me up first, you know."

Shinji scratched his cheek absently, feeling embarrassed at the redhead's accusation, even when it lacked any accusatory tone at all. Misato's train of thought, however, was a tad darker. Her eyes narrowed a bit at the redhead, but soon enough her suspicion was laid to rest when she noticed honest concern in Asuka's expression.

Two months ago, thought the purple-haired Sub-Commander bitterly as both teens blushed and acted sappy and fluffy, you wouldn't have woken him up. You would've let him suffer while you laughed.

It was weird, even to Misato, to believe Asuka saw Shinji as an equal, but she did, and that was why she'd always had such high expectations from him. Asuka seemed to thrive at putting herself at a level above others, be it intellectually, physically or in any other field she managed to exceed at. Watching as she addressed Shinji now, Misato felt somewhat satisfied. It was as though the true Asuka, from whom they had only caught small, brief glances beforehand, was slowly coming up to the surface. Maybe they could go back to the healthy teasing in a few days, perhaps even eat somewhere together. As a family.

Feeling out of place and more than a tad sleepy, Misato let out a yawn, heading for the door. "Okay, kids. Sorry for barging in like that, I guess. And Asuka." Both young women stared at one another, fuming blue glaring into regretful brown. "I'm really sorry for reacting like that; I'll try to… be less judgmental next time, 'kay?" She left the 'I have every right to think the worst' part unsaid, believing it to be unnecessary as the redhead's glare receded and she opted to stare at the bed sheets instead.

"Whatever," Asuka answered finally.

Misato paid no mind to her attitude and headed for the door, turning off the light once again. As she exited the room, Misato bid her children goodnight, quietly sliding the door closed. Once again engulfed in semi-total darkness, neither teen knew what to do next. A quick glance at the small alarm clock on Shinji's bed stand indicated it was barely 2:20am, which left a long time to keep on sleeping. Asuka supposed that she would have to go to her room, but the very idea of sleeping alone terrified her. Now that she had tasted the comfort and reliance that Shinji's presence awoke in her, she was hooked on it. He too, was addicted to her presence. Somewhere along the line, the notions of sharing their sleeping space had become something normal between them as some sort of non-spoken agreement. Neither ever brought it up, they never even spoke to each other. In a way, it was another road to take when running away. But mindless comfort was now insufficient.

Shinji slowly slid back onto the thin mattress, placing his head on the pillow and extending his left arm in an unspoken invitation to his redheaded roommate, who still stoically stared at the bed sheets. She was unsure of what to do, unsure if she should get up and flee to her own chamber or if she should take Shinji's offer and simply lay back down and try to sleep next to him. This… was the first time he was inviting her to share his warmth. He wasn't asking her to stay with him because he was scared of falling asleep, he was asking her to stay because he liked being with her. She didn't have to think twice; Asuka simply sent her own doubts to hell and placed her head on Shinji's shoulder and, minding his healing ribs, she covered them both with the thin blanket. Shinji, however, made no motion to find a more comfortable position or even put his arm around her, still obviously unsure of how much he could touch her.

She couldn't blame him for it, so resisting the urge to slap him silly for being so completely slow, Asuka huffed in exasperation, grabbing his arm and encircling it around her own waist. She made a satisfied sound when Shinji's arm relaxed as it rested on the small of her back. She felt warmth flutter inside her chest, the intoxicating new sensation she was quickly becoming addicted to.

Shinji, for his part, wanted nothing more than to assure himself that the monster's words were untrue. He desperately needed to believe that at the very least, Asuka didn't hate him as much as she used to. When she took a hold of his arm and placed it over her tired frame, he felt safe again. Untouchable by the monster's lies, unassailable by his own doubts.

Both found themselves sighing away the stress, sinking deeper into the mattress as mutual body heat kept them warm. It was comfortable indeed, but they still didn't feel comfortable. The atmosphere around the room felt strained, as if something needed desperate clarification or there was something they absolutely had to talk about, but neither was inclined to break the subtle silence around Shinji's chamber. Neither looked at the other; Shinji had his head turned to the side, his eyes lay solidly on his small desk, while Asuka simply stared at his blue shirt, the one she had gotten for him two days before for his triumphant return. She had many questions, and felt the moment to be adequate for some of them as they shared their mutual comfort.

"Shinji," began the redhead quietly, "what were you dreaming about?" She felt him stiffen at her question, his left arm went rigid and his hand curled the fabric of her shirt for a moment. Asuka glanced at his face, noticing his eyes were caught on the ceiling; his expression was guarded, as if he didn't know what to do next. She had never asked him a personal question like that before, so perhaps it was time for the old Sohryu Asuka Langley to convince the blockhead she called Baka on a regular basis to open up in the only way she knew how.

"How about this, Baka-Shinji? You tell me what you were dreaming about, and I'll answer any question you got for me. anything at all. Sound good?" Asuka playful stare made Shinji chuckle lightly, wondering how much he should reveal to her. He, however, made the mistake of ignoring and not taking seriously the great Sohryu Asuka Langley. So she pinched him.

"Oww!" Shinji complained when Asuka pinched him on the forearm.

"That's what you get for ignoring me, jerkface. Now, about my offer…"

Shinji blinked, quickly remembering the girl's request. On one hand, this could be yet another of her games, perhaps the 'good girl act' was finally over and his punishment was soon to be delivered; on the other side… this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity for him. He cleared his throat, trying to muster up the courage to remember the horrid images of his nightmares.

"It's… memories," he began, still gazing at his familiar ceiling. "All the things I didn't want to remember ever since I came out of that Sea. Third Impact, the Angels, the EVA Series, you… dying. Everything that happened, every little thing, I remember it whenever I fall asleep…" Shinji swallowed, trying not to flinch as the memories slowly bled into his brain. Asuka did not seek his eyes, she simply snuggled a bit closer to him, silently encouraging him to continue. This she could do; it was like a deal, she didn't feel her pride or her defenses tower up, because he was letting his down as well.

"Third Impact, the Angels, the first weeks after I came back, you name it. It's never in any particular order, the memories kinda like mix with each other. There's this… thing that keeps showing me the stuff I don't want to see. Every time it's something different, something I did or something done to me, like someone throwing your guilt straight at your face…"

Asuka pondered on the information for a moment, dreading the question she was about to ask. "Do you… have nightmares about what I've…done?"

Shinji's eyes widened; his breathing accelerated a bit as well, so obviously the answer was yes, he in fact did have nightmares about the horrible things she had done. She fought the surge of bitterness that cursed through her, or the sudden need to push Shinji away from her that came with the hot anger inside her chest.

Shinji felt the redhead's whole body stiffen at his reaction, making fear creep up his spine and wonder whether he should respond, yet the option of not answering altogether was equal to once again cowering under his own fears. "Sometimes…" he finally whispered.

An uncomfortable silence befell them, making Shinji wish he had kept his mouth shut. He dared not glance at the lioness resting on his shoulder for fear of upsetting her, yet in the midst of his own fear Shinji wondered how he could possibly feel so afraid and yet the same time be so addicted to Asuka's presence; not even the clutching terror simple contact produced in him was strong enough to drive him away from her.

Asuka too kept her silence for a while; she chewed her lip pensively, wondering if Shinji's pleas had been caused by a memory of her. "You still haven't told me what you were dreaming about tonight, you know," Asuka finally said, feeling Shinji's heart rate increase at her question.

"I… are you sure you want to hear this? I'm kinda tired, and I'm sure you are t-"

Asuka cut him off. "Don't you fucking dare, Ikari. Don't back away. Remember, if you answer this for me, truthfully, then I'll answer any question you have, but you have to be honest right now." She glared ferociously at him, making him almost jump. She regretted her harsh choice of words, however, when she felt Shinji's entire body stiffen in response to her anger. She could even feel his eyes nearly bulging out in fear.

Again, Asuka resisted the urge to cry, hit and simultaneously hug the idiot at the same time. It made her so angry, the way he reacted to her every time she got upset. It was always the same ever since he was admitted into that fucking hospital, she couldn't even get a little angry because he'd act like an absolute coward and shake like a leaf, or he'll just be staring into space like a little doll or cowering away in some shitty corner, scared to death for his own little ass, just like when he let me die, just like when he sat there and let me get eaten alive, he's going to back out like a little girl, poor little Invincible Shinji can't even fucking look me in the eye and say just what the fuck he was dreaming about, I can take it, I know what I've done and I don't need anyone's pity, much less the pity of this little pretensious fucker, I should just beat the living shit out of him, make him squirm in pain, the bastard, the fucking bast-

"Tonight, it was… all of it. I… all of it… all at once… It all mingled together, then I even started seeing all of these things… like… like visions…I dreamed I was a junkie, rotting away in some run down apartment… alone… just doing drugs and waiting to die."

Asuka's train of thought immediately derailed. She noticed her hand was clutching Shinji's shirt with passion; her nails were almost digging into her own palm, even through the thin material of his shirt. Even so, he was telling her, talking to her.

Her own thoughts scared her; she had come dangerously close to losing control again, and that was something she did not want ever again. She never wanted to see Shinji on the floor, bleeding to death, ever again.

Shinji didn't reveal the rest of his nightmare, he didn't want to sound more pathetic than he already did, and what could be more pathetic than 'I was dreaming everyone left me alone and that you were kissing some other guy'? He was content with the fact that Asuka had not yet reacted violently, but the fierce grip she still had on his shirt was starting to unnerve him.

"Umm… so…yeah," he uttered awkwardly at her silence.

Asuka blinked, suddenly realizing that he had successfully answered her question. He hadn't made up some bullshit excuse nor had he looked to the other side of the room. He had willingly lowered his defenses and shared a piece of his soul with her, with the girl who had beaten him to an inch of his life, the girl who had used him as a comfort toy. She had to blink again when she felt Shinji's fingers lightly poke her back, but when she moved to look at him questioningly he turned away, blushing deep scarlet.

"So-sorry! I thought you were asleep!" Shinji yelped, flustered by having been caught staring. He had gotten lost gazing at Asuka's crimson bangs, lost in the fact that Asuka, Asuka was willingly sharing his bed. She was holding onto him just like in the hospital, when she had saved him from going insane.

"Mmhm, you're so jumpy. Relax already, will you? I'm too tired to knock you over the head for having perverted thoughts, anyway." She heard him huff in annoyance, a sound he rarely emitted, even when she managed to get under his skin.

"I-I wasn´t thinking that!" his voice even thundered a little through the room, and for a second Asuka felt she had crossed the line, but turning to look at the boy in question she saw he was simply blushing and trying to frown, an endeavor in which he failed most spectacularly. "I wasn't!"

"Shhhh! What the hell is your problem? Do you want that crazy woman to barge in here again?" she whispered back, pinching Shinji on the stomach.

"Ow!"

"Shhhhh!" Another pinch to the shallow ridges of his abdomen, this time harder.

"Ow…"

Asuka huffed in annoyance, lifting herself momentarily from what was quickly becoming her favorite place and glared at him with passion. He flinched, but to her utmost surprise Shinji didn't turn his head, he stared right back at her. He didn't feel threatened; she could see it in his eyes. The redhead's expression immediately softened, and satisfied, she placed her head back in its place.

"So… don't you have anything you want to ask me?"

Shinji blinked, quickly remembering their agreement. Now he faced a problem even bigger than upsetting Asuka: he needed to ask one question, one, that could help him understand the puzzle within a contradiction that was Sohryu Asuka Langley. He mulled it over, he had a no holds barren question, just one, but if it was the right one…

"Any day now, ex-Third," Asuka muttered impatiently, drumming her fingers on his stomach.

Shinji gulped, forcing his tired brain to work faster in order to come up with a solid, profound question, but he honestly had no idea of what to ask. He already knew about her mother, her childhood, her traumas, the deep emotional scars she bore out of a life with nothing better to expect than to be crammed up inside an Entry Plug, so what to ask?

Suddenly remembering a German recipe he had learned over two months ago, it came to him. "What do you honestly think of my food? Is it really just edible?"

Shinji had simple yet nearly unreachable goals in life. One of them was to someday render Asuka speechless; he wanted to catch her by complete and utter surprise at least once, a goal he had accomplished at long last. Another was to finally know exactly what Asuka thought of him, sincerely, without any pride or mental barriers or childhood traumas; just the truth. She was one of the few people whose concept of him was important. This question, finally, had managed to achieve both goals. Shinji couldn't help but smile at his own genius, a good idea coming from him was most rare, so he would enjoy the moment.

Asuka, for her part, was in fact still speechless. That was his question? He had a chance to ask anything about any topic and he wanted to know that? For a while she kept her silence, emitting a thoughtful 'mmm', it took her a couple of seconds to decipher why he would want to know something like that, but it suddenly clicked in her gifted brain. She had never given him a compliment, not so much as a 'thanks for the meal' for as long as they had known each other. She couldn't blame him for wanting to know, after all she had done, after all the plates she had smashed on the floor.

"Well?" Shinji snidely asked, "is the great Sohryu Asuka Langley gonna answer my question or should I just assume my food's nothing but avera-owww!" Shinji felt her nails dig deep into the skin of his belly once again.

Asuka huffed before she released her victim, glaring at him from under her bangs. Even so, Shinji chuckled at her silence. "Yeah, yeah; really funny, smartass. Okay, I'll answer your stupid question…" She sighed, remembering the vast amount of dishes Shinji had learned to make in the past six months, even with the lack of ingredients they had suffered for three of them; he had even learned how to prepare some German recipes. Comfort food, meals to feed not only the body but also the soul, meals to make one feel at home; such was his specialty.

"You… always know what to cook to make us feel better. You think I didn't notice but… but I did. All the effort you put into your food, you used to stare at us back then, when the Angels were still coming, I remember how you'd always look at me to try to figure out what I thought about it, but I always yelled at you for staring, so I guess I never told you how much I like it..."

Shinji's breath caught in his throat, his eyes widened and his arm unconsciously drew Asuka closer to him. She was surprised by Shinji's sudden boldness, but she didn't mind. Being closer only meant listening to his heartbeat a bit louder, and she was perfectly content with that.

"No one ever cooked for me back when I was in Germany, not even Kaji. I used to eat what was served in the cafeteria, and sure Kaji took me to some fancy restaurants, but… none of that food was as good as yours, not even the best restaurants I visited. You... you know me, you know what I like and you cook it for me, for me, and it always tastes so good. I… I think you're a great cook, Shinji. Every time we sit down to eat, even for that small moment, I feel like I'm… home."

Shinji smiled, his chest was filled with euphoria his tired brain was unable to comprehend. He had done it; he had shared something truly private about himself, and in turn, Asuka had lowered her own defenses as well. She had allowed herself to be vulnerable, even for a moment, even if it was because of some deal. They had somehow become closer than ever before, yet another wall that separated them had crumbled to the ground.

"If you tell anyone what I just said, I'll –"

"Beat me up? Hmm, you're gonna have to come up with better threats, you know," Shinji finished for her, flashing her a sunny smile.

Asuka felt impressed; tShinji had successfully stood up to her; he was even joking about the fact that she had almost beaten him to death not too long ago. She felt the guilt come back in full force, the horrible feelings of shame and self-disgust quickly coursing through her, making her clutch Shinji's shirt again.

"You shouldn't joke about that, idiot," she mumbled bitterly, disengaging herself from Shinji's embrace in a moment and choosing to assume a fetal position and face the thin wall instead. She decided to ignore the idiot for the rest of the night, even when she was already starting to regret her choice in forsaking his body warmth.

Shinji sighed, knowing fully well he had crossed the line. He still hadn't managed to master the art of teasing yet, but he'd work on it later on. He knew Asuka was vulnerable at the moment; he knew it just as well as the fact that if he did nothing and instead allowed her to simmer in her own anger that all the progress they had made would simply disappear, and both of them would wake up feeling bitter, sad and upset. He could just as easily forget all about it, run away like he always did, look for his SDAT and turn the volume up all the way to drown out the sound of her breathing, but that simply wasn't him anymore. She had literally beaten the wimp out of him.

Shinji sighed and, once again neglecting his personal health and well being, slowly turned to his side, minding to rest on his healthy side, so his healing ribs didn't bother him while sleeping. After he was satisfied with his position, he turned to her and embraced her. His right arm found its way to her waist, clutching her body closer to his. He didn't even give her a chance to relent or complain, Shinji simply followed his instincts, for once.

It was Asuka's turn to jolt and nearly elbow Shinji in the face, but the feeling of his arm around her was far too intoxicating, far too addictive. She relaxed, sinking deeper into his embrace and intertwining her fingers with his. She closed her eyes, feeling drowsy and relaxed at last. Thank you, thought the redhead, feeling sleep slowly winning the battle.

"Sorry, I went too far there," Shinji whispered into her hair, swallowing nervously. "I'll… try not to be so stupid."

Asuka chuckled; gripping his hand a bit tighter to let him know that it was okay, that she accepted his apology and his touch. She whispered her final words for the night. "Don't apologize. You're an idiot, not stupid. Good night."

Shinji smiled, resisting the urge to sink his face in her locks. He chose not to question the difference between being stupid and being an idiot.

"Good night… mein Führer." He received yet another pinch on the forearm for his trouble, but it was worth it, because he could almost feel Asuka smile.

"Baka…"

---

It would take another eight hours before any of the members of the household recovered consciousness; they slumbered undisturbed for the rest of the morning. On the other side of the city, within the confines of NERV Headquarters, Rei rested. She stared at the white ceiling of the room they had prepared for her, occasionally looking out the window and admiring how the sun gently touched the grass. Nature had always baffled her; it seemed as though everything Mother Nature did was meant to maintain balance, no matter how strong Man's efforts were to destroy it or rupture it, life always found a way to survive and flourish. Some bonds, she had learned, also endured just as strongly as life.

Being alive offered many opportunities she had never even considered before. Rei suddenly felt the overwhelming need to live, to experience, to get upset and sad and angry and happy and depressed and jealous and feel it all at once. She wanted to live. Existing was no longer enough, she needed to fulfill her purpose, and her purpose was to find happiness, both for her and her brother.

A deep frown drew over her angelic face when the thought of Sohryu Asuka Langley crossed Rei's train of thought. Her hands clenched the sheets, wondering how delightful it would be to curl her fingers around the redheaded bitch's throat, how fun it would be to smash her fists into that smug face of hers, how endearing and pleasant it would be to snap a bone or two. If Rei didn't know how much Shinji cared for the girl, she'd probably kill Asuka with her bare hands, just like that. What Asuka had done… it went beyond crossing the line; it went beyond anything Rei was capable of forgiving. Flashes of Shinji's pain came and went as she plotted her revenge; the former hybrid could almost feel Shinji's fingers break, she could see the pure hatred in Asuka's eyes as she smashed the lasagna tray on the floor. Rei kept frowning at the ceiling, wondering if it was best to simply hospitalize the Second herself and let her taste some of her own medicine.

Crimson eyes addressed the door when a faint knock shook the young girl out of her relaxation. She muttered a half-hearted 'come in', since she felt too lazy to get up from her comfortable bed. Lazy, yes… She had never been able to be lazy before, and she found it to be fantastic.

The door opened to reveal a sheepish looking Maya carrying a tray. The sweet smell of herbal tea assaulted Rei's nostrils directly, making her remember that she had not yet eaten breakfast.

"Hey there, Rei! I brought you some breakfast!" Maya said happily, letting herself into the chamber. Rei blinked when she noticed the distinctive smell of miso soup and toast, making her stomach grumble quite loudly. The young girl could not stop her pale cheeks turning scarlet; she felt embarrassed… these feelings were troublesome indeed.

Maya giggled, noticing how cute Rei looked when she blushed and realizing this was probably the first time she saw the blue-haired girl behave like a normal, functional human being.

"Ms. Ibuki, hello," answered Rei in her distinctive soft monotone. After ten years of speaking like that, it was a bit hard to break the habit. Maya though, paid no mind to it; she approached the nightstand and placed the breakfast tray on the table, noticing the strange look that Rei seemed only too content to address her way. She appeared to be…studying her. Her eyes were wide open, she had her head tilted to the side and some sort of scrutinizing, interested look in her crimson orbs. Needless to say, she was making the already self-conscious Maya feel a bit too terrified.

It was no secret that many of the employees had some sort of aversion to her presence due to the attenuating circumstances of Third Impact. Shigeru, particularly, seemed only too keen to either faint or run away screaming like a madman whenever she laid eyes upon him. A truly fascinating behavior, indeed. Maya gulped, realizing Rei was still observing her as if she was some sort of living phenomenon that had captured the blue-haired girl's total attention.

"Umm… Rei? Is there something wrong?" Maya asked, hoping Rei would not suddenly transform into a giant angelic Grim Reaper and steal her soul. The child in question, however, simply blinked, clearing her throat.

"I was curious as to when I can see Ika-... Shinji-kun." Rei corrected herself, mentally slapping her own sense of cordiality and personal detachment. Maya's shoulders visibly slackened, she took a deep breath to calm her aching nerves, resisting the need to scold her imaginative brain.

"Well, I don't think you're gonna have to wait for long, Rei. From what I understand Sub-Commander Misato was informed you returned last night, so I'd imagine she'll bring Shinji today!" answered Maya brightly. Rei too smiled, baffling Maya with her expressiveness yet again. Back then, Rei did not even seem to blink, let alone smile. "You should smile more often, Rei. You look really pretty like that."

Rei blushed at her compliment, staring at the bed sheets with a somewhat dreamy expression on her face. "Shinji told me to smile more often, too."

Maya giggled again, and realizing she was no longer needed, turned to leave the room and continue with her duties.

"Ibuki-san."

Rei's quiet voice stopped her when she was about to push the button that opened the door. Maya looked over her shoulder, a bit perplexed at the sudden change in Rei's tone. "Yes, Rei?"

The younger girl glared at the floor, not directing her eyes towards Maya or anything else in the room. She seemed upset, yet another expression Maya had never seen on her.

"Why is the Second still allowed to be anywhere near Shinji?" The tone in which Rei spoke managed to send shivers down Maya's back.

"Umm... I don't... understand. How do you-"

"Know?" Rei interjected. She breathed a sigh that sounded somewhat remorseful to Maya. "I know because I shared a bond with everyone while I was in the Red Sea. I do not know everything… but I am aware that Sohryu has done nothing but torment Shinji ever since she returned. I wish to know why you have all done nothing." She turned her eyes towards the sweating tech, who struggled under her gaze.

Maya sighed, idly running a hand through her short hair. "Rei… things have been very complicated ever since people started returning from Instrumentality. We've all been too busy trying to put the city back together. I know that's just an excuse, I know but… we just don't know how to handle it. We've asked Shinji to move to a different location and we even tried to contact NERV Germany to issue an official withdrawal of the Second Child, but they're only too happy to tell us she's our problem now, and Shinji refuses to move out."

Maya paused, taking a breath to remember what Sempai had told her regarding Shinji and Asuka. She had told Maya that the two pilots had developed a codependent relationship; they could not function correctly around each other, or anyone else for that matter. They were simply too alien to the entire human experience, too deeply hurt to risk getting close to anyone, but due to the vast amount of traumatizing experiences they had both suffered together, neither Shinji nor Asuka would even think of leaving since they believed nobody else would ever be able to understand their pain. To be without the other, it was beyond unthinkable in their minds, even when they were not consciously aware of it. Asuka had managed to put up a good show during the incident of the Fourteenth, but almost everyone who had in any way interacted with the volatile redhead throughout that period had clearly noticed she was affected.

"Asuka and Shinji are codependent. Whatever happened during Third Impact, it made Asuka unable to control her fits of rage, and... and if you had seen what those... things did to her, you wouldn't be so quick to judge. Sempai told me some of her fits might not even be conscious, she just enters a trance and when she wakes up it's too late. And Shinji, he lives and breathes for her; he was alone for a long time, Rei, totally alone. We don't even know because he's never told us, but… Sempai says it could've well been over a month. When Asuka came back, she became his one and only reason to stay alive. "

Maya shook her head sadly. "Look, I know this isn't what you want to hear Rei, but… but if you really shared a bond with them during these eight months, I think you know as well as I do that breaking them apart, breaking whatever they've managed to build ever since Shinji was admitted to the hospital… it'd kill them both."

Rei's eyes turned slightly glazed at Maya's answer. She moved her stare toward the window once again, wondering quietly if her vendetta would end up hurting Shinji that much more. That she definitely did not want to do, yet to let the Second's actions stand, it was beyond inconceivable.

"I…see. Thank you, Ms. Ibuki."

Maya relaxed at Rei's controlled tone, and with a bow, she retreated back the HQ, closing the sliding door behind her and already thinking about having a talk with Ritsuko. The brilliant scientist herself had been called to an official meeting with the heads of the UN, something Maya knew she was only too content about. Sempai wanted nothing to do with Rei at all, and that was no secret to anyone.

Alone once again, Rei got out of bed bed and walked toward the window, losing herself in the beautiful visage of the areas around the Geo-Front. Her face, however, revealed displeasure and anger. She felt the urge to do something, anything to make the aching hatred that corroded her stomach go away. Her anger for the Second was too great; she needed to unleash it, if only for once in her lifetime. For once, she felt the raging necessity to let loose.

"I will enjoy knocking your teeth in… Second."

The wind shook the leaves around the Geo-Front, but to the trained eye, it would seem as though the trees themselves cowered under Rei's fury. The breakfast tray remained on the nightstand, untouched.

---

Waking up this time was not half as unpleasant as it had before; quite the contrary in fact. Always an early riser, Asuka was the first to regain consciousness; she turned her head for a moment to gaze at the clock that flared '9:48am' with blazing red colors, muttering to herself about stupid arms that fall asleep when you lie on them as she regained her position. Behind her, she could clearly hear Shinji's light, slow breathing, meaning the idiot was still very much asleep.

Hm, thought the German to herself, he's always been kind of a slacker.

Choosing to stay in bed for a bit longer, Asuka was content to feel Shinji's hand still faintly gripping her own. They had moved somewhat during the night; Shinji was lying face down completely, lying on his belly like a slob while his arm was still firmly encircling Asuka's waist. As for Asuka herself, she had assumed a more fetal position but was otherwise lying exactly like she had been when falling asleep.

She decided to enjoy the moment as much as possible. Mornings as comfortable and relaxing as this were too few and far between; she honestly could not remember sleeping as soundly and peacefully as she did whenever Shinji was by her side. She was starting to feel… drawn to him, much more so than ever before. Months prior to her worst outburst, whenever she used him for her personal pleasure; the crushing disgust and guilt that consumed her once the deed was done was unbearable. Most nights she was even unable to sleep, no matter how hard she tried or how tired and worn she was.

The night before, however, had been vastly different. Shinji had asked her to stay, he had invited her to stay with him and she had agreed. Two months before she would have pummeled the boy into a bloody mess for even making such a ridiculous proposal. Three weeks before she would have been unable to endure the shaking and raw terror that her mere presence set off inside him. Now... now she could not even picture sleeping by herself, and the thought of assaulting him in any physical way made her sick.

Asuka stopped her train of thought when she felt the boy beside her mutter something incoherent and stir for a moment. She panicked for a few seconds, believing it to be yet another nightmare, but that proved not to be the case when Shinji all but grumbled and yanked her possessively closer to him in his sleep, as if she was some sort of comfort pillow he could not do without and was unwilling to share. Half conscious, Shinji felt the need to bring the soft, warm source of comfort that much near him, but in an effort to find a comfortable position with the aching of the bandages on his chest, Shinji's hand disengaged itself from Asuka's own and unconsciously groped her right breast.

Asuka's face turned positively crimson when she felt Shinji's hand grab onto her. Her basic drive stirred, but she suppressed it violently, noticing the boy behind her was still somewhat asleep. She resisted the urge to elbow the crap out the idiot's head and scream "PERVERT" with all her might, believing it to be karma or something akin to such things. It actually didn't feel bad at all...

I beat you up and in turn you get to cop a feel... not really a fare trade but I guess it's better than nothing, thought Asuka amusedly to herself. You´re really lucky you're asleep. Behind her, the former Third Child grumbled loudly, breathing in.

"Mmhhmm…Uhh….A…Asuka?" Finally waking from his slumber, Shinji was happy to discover the first thing he laid eyes upon were Asuka's golden locks, but something felt terribly wrong. He remembered holding her hand before he fell asleep, but he didn't remember her hand being so soft and round and fleshy and…

"Shinji?" Asuka spoke in a honey-combed voice, trying to maintain a healthy amount of malice in her tone. She heard Shinji gulp behind her.

"Ummm... ah... y-yeah?" he awkwardly replied, feeling as though the temperature of the room had dropped significantly.

"How long have you been awake?"

Again Shinji gulped, making Asuka grin. "Ummm, I… I just w-woke up!"

Satisfied with his honesty, the redhead chuckled lightly. "You know that's not my hand, don't you?"

"AAAHHH!" Shinji's entire body jolted awake, sending a very clear message to his fogged mind: Run. Run now. Run to the hills. Wait, as a matter of fact, fuck the hills. Don't stop until you reach the sea and then climb on a boat.

Shinji's ass hit the floor rather heavily, hurting his already bruised ribs for good measure. Shinji hissed at the impact, trying to put his thoughts in order, but the pain, even for a moment, was stifling. As much as his mind plotted an easy escape route, his body remained unresponsive. When he regained his senses, Shinji noticed Asuka's head above him. In retrospect, he had to be glad that the beds the UN had so kindly provided for them were only three inches from the floor, otherwise his fall could have turned out much more painful.

Noticing Asuka's worried face, Shinji felt like slapping himself for good measure. The expression of concern, even when it was rare, did not befit Asuka's beautiful features in his opinion.

"Are you OK?" Asuka inquired from above, lifting an eyebrow when she noticed no blood or painful sounds coming from the boy in question.

"Yeah… sorry about that." Shinji blinked, quickly remembering why he had fallen off the bed in the first place. He panicked, spluttering apologies not a second after. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I… ughh, I was asleep… and your hand… but I moved… uhmm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me too much!"

Asuka had to struggle to suppress the need to burst out laughing. For whatever reason she still could not understand, the concept of Shinji touching her was no longer something she felt sickened or threatened by; now it seemed only normal to her. Perhaps back then the sickness and reluctance of letting him touch her was born out of her own self-disgust and guilt combined with the hate she felt for his inaction and general pitifulness. Just like that, Asuka felt something click inside her brain, as if she was on the verge of solving a very deep contradiction within her, but she was tired, hungry and Shinji was still waiting for suitable punishment, so she decided to mull it over as she prepared breakfast.

Shinji opened a cautious eye, wondering why no pain had erupted on his face body, and noticed Asuka looking at him with a sly smile on her face, completely relaxed. He stared questioningly at her, raising an unbelieving eyebrow.

"I think that fall on your butt was punishment enough, Ikari. You're really lucky I'm in such a good mood this morning, you know." She gave him a rare sheepish, simply pure smile then, making Shinji sit petrified at her beauty.

God, thought Shinji as he admired her, that's just… beautiful. Perfect… Her smile, it was devoid of any pain, any remorse or disgust, it was the purest smile he had ever seen. Simply breathtaking.

Asuka, on the other hand, noticed how his eyes slowly befell from her face to her chest.

-WHACK-

"Owww! What the hell?" Shinji cradled his aching head, complaining rather loudly about his discomfort for the smack his skull had just received.

"That, however, was for staring, pervert. You get one freebie every day, so use it wisely." Asuka winked at him, graciously lifting her frame from the bed in one fluid movement and leaving the former Third Child once again completely baffled on the floor. She didn't think much about the fact that she was flirting with him.

"I'm gonna go make some breakfast, so get cleaned up Baka-Shinji."

Shinji remained on the floor for a while, quietly wondering if he would ever get to understand anything about women at all.

Breakfast went rather peacefully. It took Shinji about fifteen minutes of painful, cautious changing and injecting the serum he was starting to loathe with a passion, and somewhat combing the mess of brown hair on his head, before he even got to the kitchen. He was content to just sit at the table, sipping occasionally at his coffee and watching Asuka work, knowing better than to try to push his luck by talking, especially after being so mercifully forgiven for his transgression earlier in the morning. He was more than comfortable with admiring how easily Asuka managed to move herself around the kitchen. Soon enough delicious scents emanated from the stove, making Shinji's stomach grumble in response.

Misato did not take long to make her presence known; as soon as the house started smelling like breakfast both teens heard the loud rumblings that came from their guardian's chamber. The older woman navigated through the small corridor, still half asleep, until she reached the fridge and opened the door with her eyes halfway closed. She took a container of what appeared to be canned cappuccino, sitting on the table with tremendous force, and proceeded to chug the entire can in one gulp.

Misato's typical scream of victory bounced off the apartment walls! "Now that's a way to start your morning!"

Both teens glanced quizzically at her, blinking almost in unison.

"You do know I have fresh coffee brewing here, right?" Asuka tiredly asked, wondering what had happened to all the beer in the fridge. It seemed as though alcohol had all but evaporated from the house in the last few days.

"I think it's better than starting your day with beer. It's good you're trying to reduce your drinking, Misato-san." Shinji smiled shyly at her as Misato ruffled his hair from across the table.

"Ohh, thanks Shin-chan! See, Asuka? You should learn to be supportive like Shin-chan over here!" Misato looked extremely happy, much more so than she had in weeks or months. She smiled brightly at everything, as if nothing was wrong with the world.

"Yeah, yeah, let's all cheer and tear for our recovering alcoholic. Here, eat it while it's hot." Muttering to herself, Asuka placed a dish of freshly made omelet in front of both occupants of the table before sitting at her usual spot. Both Shinji and Misato complemented her dish, even when they hadn't tasted it yet, it looked and smelled simply delicious. "Well don't just stare at it, dig in!"

"Thank you for the meal!"

The food was consumed within a few minutes; the taste and texture of the omelet were simply perfect, even to someone as accustomed to Japanese cuisine as Shinji. Soon enough Misato was rubbing her satisfied stomach with a bigger smile on her face, something that was starting to creep them out.

"Misato, don't take this the wrong way, but did you get lucky last night? You've been smiling like an idiot all morning!"

Shinji positively blushed at Asuka's comment. God, it was still too easy to make him uncomfortable. "Asuka!"

"What? It's true! She looks like one of those potheads from the movies!"

Misato brushed off her comments, giggling to herself as Shinji continued to blush.

"Asuka!"

"Okay, okay, geez! I swear Shinji, you're such a spoilsport sometimes."

Shinji huffed, choosing to hide his own small smile under his coffee mug.

"No, I didn't get lucky yesterday, sadly enough. You might have, though." She winked at Asuka, noticing how Shinji got even redder around the cheeks. Maybe if they both tried hard enough they could give him a nosebleed.

"But I do have some very good news." Misato assumed a more comfortable position, placing a leg on the chair and facing both of her charges with a serious expression. Both teens eyed her as if she had finally snapped during the night, and actually retreated a bit when her face broke into a ridiculous grin.

"Shinji, Asuka… Rei returned! She's back, she's alive!"

Neither reacted for a moment, they just sat on the table with a shocked expression on their faces. Slowly but surely Shinji started smiling, she was back! She had promised and had delivered, she was finally back! His sister was alive!

Asuka's reaction, however, was vastly different. Jealousy coursed through her veins like poison as she pictured the face of the little doll she had hated for so long. The favorite. In the end, Shinji had chosen that little bitch over her; he had decided that talking to the little doll and making her smile was better and more endearing than offering a helping hand as she fell apart. She chose to hide her disdain, letting her red locks fall over her face. Shinji's reaction only aided in making her feel more and more furious.

"She's back? That's… that's amazing! We have to go see her, Misato! Can we go today? Can we go right now?" By now, Shinji had risen from his seat and was staring expectantly at Misato who was all but frozen at his sudden outburst.

"Alright, alright! We'll go see her, Shin-chan, but calm down, geez! She's not going anywhere, you know. The doctors say she's in perfect health and quite eager to see you both again!" Misato chuckled when Shinji's smile only seemed to widen, but she noticed Asuka's reaction to the news was far bitterer. She too rose from the table, keeping her face down and her eyes hidden under her bangs, averting her gaze from both of them. Her hands were closed into tight fists that trembled with the amount of pressure she put in them.

"I guess you can go back to your doll, then. You´ll just go running after her, won't you?" She spoke in the same deadly quiet tone she used when she was about to lose control. Shinji took a step back, eyes widened in fear, and she once again felt a sickening satisfaction surge through her.

Asuka swiftly retreated to her room, not bothering to so much as clear the table or make any convincing threats, and slammed the sliding door at least three times until it stayed closed. Shinji stared worriedly at her door; before he knew what he was doing his own legs were dragging him to the red dragon's den as he silently wondered what he had done wrong this time. Was he not allowed to be exited about seeing his sister? He was about to knock on her door when Misato's hand came down heavily on his shoulder. He turned to stare at his guardian in wonder, noticing the tight frown dominating her face.

"Misato! Wh-"

"Leave it alone, Shinji," Misato interrupted him. "Don't let her teenage drama bullshit spoil our day. Go get washed up, I´ll clean up and we´ll go see Rei in a couple of hours, kay?"

"But Misato! Asuka's-"

Misato cut him off again. "Acting like a spoiled brat, and I wouldn't pay too much mind to it if I were you. Go on, Shin-chan."

Shinji looked indecisive; on one hand he didn't want to disobey Misato, but something told him to try and talk to Asuka so he could at least understand what was wrong. The uncertainty quickly turned to frustration and anger, drowning out his joy of knowing Rei was alive.

"But…But I don't even know what I did wrong!" Shinji clenched his fists as he glared at the floor, arms shaking in helplessness. Misato patted him on the shoulder again, albeit much gentler than before.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Shinji. And she knows it, trust me. She's just trying to be the center of the universe like always Anyway, chin up! We´ll go see Rei as soon as I´m done!" Misato left him standing outside Asuka's door, clearing the table as she whistled an upbeat tune. Shinji sighed as he glanced uncomfortably at the redhead's room before he too retreated to his room, feeling guilty for Asuka's bad mood.

Ritsuko, for her part, was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Well… this is a weird and unexpected turn of events." She was trying really hard, but the corners of her mouth kept going upwards on their own accord.

On the other side of the table, Gendou adjusted his glasses. "So it would seem," he stated.

Around them, the heads of the board in charge of pretending to handle NERV arranged their papers and prepared to depart. The meeting had been long, stressful, overly informative and excessively detailed, leaving everyone inside the room -with the apparent exception of a certain doctor- worn out, with a throbbing headache and a very consistent wish to leave. The images the good doctor had eagerly provided; detailing in high quality the rampage Unit 02 had so kindly chosen to unleash upon the graveyard beneath the walls of NERV had left a few of them with their expensive, tasteless lunches jumping in their throats.

Nakamura was the first to rise from his seat, giving the blonde a curt nod. "We appreciate your cooperation, Commander. No less is expected, after all; please keep us informed with regards to the unit's repair process, it is imperative that all the assets are ready within two months. Ladies, gentlemen, if you would join me for a light appetizer…" Respectfully gesturing for the sitting members of the board to accompany him, Nakamura calmly walked toward the exit.

The other nine members of the board too left their seats, some not so much as bothering to be discreet about the hatred they felt for the man still sitting in his chair, looking unperturbed. They glared at him with viciousness, uttering poisonous words of disdain in hushed tones as they left the meeting room.

Soon, only a petite brown haired assistant, along with the former and current Commander were left alone inside the hall. The window behind the elder Ikari illuminated the table with the light of midday, giving a clear image of the scattered papers all around the large table, some of them containing pictures of the Third Child's latest encounter with a hospital bed.

Ritsuko cleared her throat, giving a disbelieving stare to the man facing her. "So, you expect me to believe that Rei coming back only a day after you decided to drag your ass back to the real world was a mere coincidence?"

Gendou remained impassive; simply pushing his glasses upwards with his left hand. "Yes."

"Oh, and you also expect me to believe you had some sort of powerful epiphany in the world of Goo and now you wish to redeem your actions against the Children. Specifically, the active part you played in purposely traumatizing them and making them so withdrawn and damaged that the only soul they would ever be able to connect with was the one inside our biomechanical tin cans, specifically Unit 01, right?" Ritsuko snickered as she took a long intake of breath, lifting her attractive frame from the seat.

Gendou breathed in, his hard expression unwavering. "Yes."

Ritsuko snorted. "I guess Shinji wasn't very fond of his nutcase of a mom, after all."

The former Commander's eyes narrowed. "If you wish to discuss a guilty conscience, doctor, perhaps it would be wise to converse about the use you gave the Children. To you, they were nothing more than simple variables in an experiment, and like any good scientist you maintained your objectivity and complete detachment. While they suffered, you simply stood by and took notes, caring only about the effects that such emotions would cause in their synch rate. And let us not get into detail regarding Rei." He gave Ritsuko a cold, calculating glare from behind his glasses.

The scientist merely shrugged, brushing off his comments with no apparent effort. "I could go on about how it was under your orders that I remained… what was the word you just used? Ah, yes, objective. Or I could go on about how you personally prescribed many of Rei's… medicines, but that's not the reason I was called here, and I really hate it when people make me waste my time."

The Commander marched over to Gendou, unlocking the chain tying him to his chair and shutting off the device on his leg designed to administer a sufficient dose of electricity to his system whenever she felt like it. She was really starting to enjoy this weird and unexpected turn of events.

Gendou rose from his chair, moving his empty right sleeve behind him and clapping his wrist with his left hand. Ritsuko lifted an eyebrow, noticing for the first time that Ikari no longer had a right hand.

"Sakura," motioned the Commander to her assistant, who jolted in response. "Tell our people in Technological Prosthetics to start working on a hand for him. That empty sleeve just creeps me out." The brown haired young woman saluted and retreated, not so much as uttering a word.

The former lovers faced each other, Ritsuko's amused expression remained relaxed while facing Gendou's cold blue eyes. Even after all they had gone through, it was still the same.

"You know, your son was in my hospital for the last month; nothing we couldn't fix though. A shredded diaphragm -trust me it looked like Swiss cheese- four broken ribs dislocated shoulder, broken radius, mild trauma to the skull, and chronic depression, not that that's anything new. But we fixed him up." She smiled when no apparent change came over Gendou's face, but her trained eyes could clearly see she was upsetting him. His brow was a tad furrowed, he was gripping his right wrist with vigor and his breathing was, even for a second, a tad uneven.

"May I inquire as to how he obtained those injuries?" asked the elder Ikari with a frozen tone, glaring at Ritsuko with ferocity.

The Commander maintained her relaxed state, not taking his mood seriously in the slightest. "Oh, from what I understand it was a love feud between him and the Second. Those two really have it for each other, I'm telling you. I always knew that girl would end up institutionalizing him, either in marriage, the hospital or a sanitarium. Not in that particular order anyways."

"So the Second Child is alive."

"Indeed she is, alive and kicking. Your son, that is."

Gendou swallowed the growl that manifested itself at the woman's smugness. Ritsuko herself felt mildly guilty for using Shinji like that, but she wanted to piss off the Bastard King at least once and make him experience the helplessness and powerlessness he had made her feel for so long.

"And I trust you have taken disciplinary actions towards this behavior," he replied.

Ritsuko shrugged again, turning to a folder on the table marked 'IKARI' and slid it over to where Gendou stood.

"We tried; see for yourself. Restraining order, relocation clause, two lawsuits, formal and informal complaint to NERV Germany, persistent calls to her father who just openly rejected any responsibility, anger management sessions, visits to a shrink, even some time in a correctional facility." Ritsuko shrugged. "But we can't damn well do anything if Shinji doesn't sign the papers, and he absolutely refuses to press charges. He's told us, with his lips bleeding and a black eye, that he doesn't feel threatened. So, basically... no. But I do think Misato's being especially hard on her for the last month or so."

Gendou snorted, actually snorted at her last comment. "That boy, he is incorrigible."

Ritsuko chuckled at his tone, slowly and deliberately drawing closer to him. "Is that pride I hear in your voice, Advisor?"

Gendou's smirk widened at her question. "The boy successfully shattered SEELE's plan for the next step of evolution and gave a big fuck-you to Keel Lorenz himself, completely burned my scenario along with any hope of reuniting with his mother, and bit me in half. Literally. Then he proceeded to refuse the godhood I devoted my life towards and the endless ecstasy of Instrumentality, all so he could return to the deserted wasteland we once called home only to be beaten half to death by the deranged banshee he fell for… saving mankind in the process."

His expression turned dead serious, his frozen blue eyes piercing through Ritsuko's own. "What's there not to be proud of?"

Ritsuko grinned, placing a hand on his shoulder. Her gaze softened as she admired the small gleam of actual pride she could see in those cold, blue eyes of his.

"Well then, I'm glad you finally managed to express something for your son other than 'raise the LCL pressure' or 'activate the Dummy Plug'. It won't get you a mug that says 'Best Dad', but I guess its progress, even when to this point you can't even call him by his name." The blonde scientist squeezed his shoulder affectionately; the Ikari charm had not been lost during Third Impact, after all. "Oh, and speaking of progress…" the doctor whispered, closing the distance between them as she sensually spoke into his left ear, her tone soft and silky.

At that moment her left knee collided directly with his groin. The former Commander had to struggle through the unbearable pain to keep the food inside his stomach as his eyes bulged out of their sockets for a second. The blow had obviously been delivered with every ounce of strength Ritsuko possessed, successfully bringing him down to a crouching position as he tried not to cradle his family jewels.

Ritsuko pocketed a small disk with a red X that lay on the table, staring down at her former lover. "That was for shooting me by the way, so consider us at peace for the time being. I expect you to have memorized everything in those files by tomorrow, my dear Advisor. I'll arrange for you to be escorted to your premises in an hour, and I expect a full report on this 'Project X' or whatever it's called."

"Any... thing else...?" uttered Gendou through gritted teeth as he fought to maintain his balance.

"Nope, I think that's it. You know, even when you're a complete and utter bastard, I'm glad you chose to come back. Maybe we can erase some of the damage we've done before it's our time at the gallows, Gendou." Giving him a lopsided smile, Ritsuko turned to depart as well, leaving Gendou alone in the elegant conference room.

"Women." whispered the former Commander to himself, still feeling the crushing pain below his midsection.

"Can't live with them, can't successfully control the Armageddon without them."

Gendou eyes widened when he heard that familiar voice. A small smile, for once devoid of malice, drew over his face.

"I see you're still being manipulated by the women in your life, stupid student."

Gendou chuckled before hissing in pain once again, at last managing to stay on his feet. He smirked at his old friend, even throughout his insufferable pain. "I see you're still… trying to make me see the... error of my ways... Professor."

From the shadows in the corner, Fuyutsuki laughed. "Oh, I stopped doing that a lot time ago; you're as stubborn as a mule. I'm here as your Advisor, actually, and I do plan to retire once this mayhem is over and done with."

Gendou eyed his oldest friend warily, the smirk never leaving his face as he started piling up the folders scattered on the table in an effort to disguise the pain that was threatening to render him blind. "Let us… begin, then. We have a new scenario, old friend, and I believe this one is actually… worth fighting for."

Kozo snickered lightly, pocketing his hands as he approached the table. "So it would seem." He paused. Gendou was still trying to stand up straight. "...Want me to get some ice for that?"

---

The trip to NERV HQ was quiet and uncomfortable, both Asuka and Shinji sitting in the back seats, both gazing out of their respective window. Asuka, for her part, did not look angry at all; she simply stared stoically at the still somewhat devastated visage of the city, her expression distant and cold. She didn't particularly feel like talking to anyone; the jealousy that was clawing away at her patience threatened to stifle her any moment, so the redhead chose to simply be dragged over to the losers' reunion.

The darkest parts of her wanted nothing more than to put Shinji in his place, to remind him exactly who owned his life and crush that little smile he had shown when notified of Wondergirl's return. She was afraid, threatened. Even when the redhead would not admit it to herself, she was terrified that Rei would come and take Shinji away from her. The way in which he reacted, it was a complete one-eighty compared to how he had welcomed her into the world. With his hands around my throat, that's how. She unconsciously closed her fist, feeling anger rise up to her chest.

Shinji stared out his window as well. His eyes displayed sadness openly, but hid guilt and more than a bit of anger. He was just so frustrated! Nothing he did was ever good enough! Did he not have the right to be happy about meeting his sister for the first time? Rei had been the one person who had reached out to him during Instrumentality; she had sacrificed herself for him. In the end, Rei had played a key part in his choice to return.

He clenched and unclenched his left hand, frowning deeply at the decayed buildings. He was supposed to be happy, damnit! Instead he felt guilty, ashamed and upset. He understood, at least partially; it had been stupid of him to react like that, after what he had done on the beach. It was beyond stupid. Downright insensitive. Fuck, the first thing he had done after dragging Asuka to shore... he had tried to kill her. Great, you fucking idiot. That thing is right. I can't even be close to her without hurting her. God... god damnit... I keep fucking it up.

Misato eyed her charges warily through the rear-view mirror, quickly growing tired of their deepening frowns. She cleared her throat while swiftly and dangerously dodging a small chunk of building lying on the street, managing to take advantage of the vicinity of Shinji's head with the window, making him knock his skull against it without any major damage to his wounds and causing Asuka to lose her balance and nearly fall into the boy's lap.

"Owww! Misato, what the hell?" As he rubbed his aching head, Shinji didn't quite catch the new level of crimson that Asuka's face reached as she realized exactly where her head could have been. She caught her balance before Shinji managed to see her precarious situation.

"You're gonna kill us like that, can't you see he's fucking injured? What the fuck is your problem, Misato?"

The Sub-Commander ignored the accusations thrown her way, smirking at both teens. She was a very perceptive human being, however tactless and unsure she seemed. She knew exactly what to do in order to defrost the icy environment in the car.

"Geez, you're both so grouchy about it, just relax! So, Shinji! You exited about seeing your sister?" Throwing deliberate questions to break the ice was certainly one of her finest talents, Misato decided. The way Asuka's eyes bulged out in pure shock was priceless.

Shinji himself was shocked silent for a moment. "Uhm! Yeah!" he replied awkwardly as he cradled his aching head. As a matter of fact, Shinji had no idea what he was going to tell Rei, or even how to address her. Sharing DNA did bring them closer on some level, but he had been so caught up in the excitement of knowing she was alive that he didn't know if the Rei waiting inside NERV was the same person he remembered.

Asuka, as was to be expected, was much more eloquent after she managed to shake off the muted shock she had been under for about a solid minute. Shinji was even glancing worriedly at her. "Back up a second there. She's Shinji's what?"

"His sister, or something like that. Care to explain, Shinji-kun?" Misato smiled with an evil glint, watching as her brown-haired boy glared ferociously at her head.

"Yeah, Shinji. Care to explain?" Asuka repeated dangerously, making him gulp. Every second that went by made Asuka feel worse. Eight months, eight fucking months and she had never heard that tiny detail. Tiny, puny, insignificant. So insignificant that it explained so much in her brain yet brought very little comfort to her heart. He had known all along but hadn't told her about it, but to be fair she hadn't bothered to ask him either.

Shinji cleared his throat, staring straight into Asuka's angry cerulean eyes. "Well, umm… Rei was born out of my mother's DNA mixed with Lilith's DNA. She… she was born to give my father control over Third Impact, but she turned her back on him in the end. Rei… she's like a sister, I guess. Even when I didn't know that, I felt… comfortable around her. Like she was something familiar."

Asuka's expression softened a bit in understanding. Maybe Rei had struggled as well, after all. "Oh… I… didn't know that." Suddenly she felt embarrassed of her little tirade in the morning, god, she had probably sounded jealous!

Shinji gave her a small smile before he turned his eyes back to the city, surveying the reconstructed park they were currently driving next to. "It's okay, it's my fault for not telling you earlier, anyway. She's… been through so much, you know? Father made her, he raised her to be his tool, to do nothing but what she was ordered to, she wasn't even allowed to feel… She's one of us, I guess."

"Yeah… "Asuka looked at her hands, her eyes danced across the faint scar on her right arm, the perfect line that went all the way to her shoulder. Maybe Wondergirl was one of them, just like Shinji had said.

The rest of the trip went about undisturbed; they shared small, aimless conversations and teased each other. Well, not so much teasing each other as Misato and Asuka teaming up to make Shinji blush and utter incoherent nonsense as they giggled in delight. The aura between them became comfortable once again and before they knew it they were slowly walking along the halls of NERV's living facilities, looking for Rei's room as Misato threw jokes around and Shinji occasionally grabbed his side and hissed whenever he moved incorrectly.

Asuka felt more than a bit out of place; something deep in her gut told her this was no place for her to be. She didn't quite understand the depth of Shinji and Rei's relationship; the thought of them hugging and talking so easily, the idea of Shinji sharing his deepest pains with the blue-haired girl made her sick with a feeling she could not comprehend. Why was she so jealous?

Why did she feel like turning back and going back in the car when they were so close to their destination? Why was she, the great Sohryu Asuka Langley, unsure of visiting a comrade in arms? Why was the image of Shinji and Rei, or any other woman for that matter, so disgusting to her? She could not honestly expect to have any kind of close relationship with him, not after what she had done. The mere thought of it was laughable, totally impossible; the most she could ever hope to be was his friend, nothing more. She could not, not after wh-

"Ok, kids, here we are!" Misato called out, interrupting Asuka's thoughts. "Room 317, Rei's penthouse suite! You know Shinji-kun, if you hadn't been such a hothead this morning we could've at least brought some lunch to Rei-chan! You know, as in a present..."

Facing her door, Shinji cringed slightly, scratching his head in obvious shame as he laughed nervously. "O-Oh, yeah, I guess I kinda got a little carried away…"

Asuka stared at him disbelievingly, gesturing at him with a dramatic pose in an effort to force herself to forget about the situation all together. "A little? You hauled us all here in the middle of freaking breakfast! I swear, you're such an idiot sometimes."

Shinji gave her a sheepish half-smile, happy to find no anger or true annoyance in Asuka's voice. He was fairly nervous himself, in all honesty he had no clue of what he was going to say to Rei, and added to that was the fact that in his frantic desire to see her, he had forgotten to bring a gift. Deep down, he felt a heavy pang of guilt nest inside his chest. The first thing he had offered Asuka had been attempted murder and a packet of instant noodles.

"Well? Are you gonna get inside any time today, Shinji-kun?" Misato poked at his head several times, enjoying how he grew more and more annoyed with every small jab.

"C'mon, Misato-san, stop that! I'm going, just… I don't even know what to say…"

Asuka rolled her eyes, turning to take matters into her own hands. "Oh, for the love of… How about 'hello', Baka?" Without any warning, she knocked very solidly on Rei's door, giving Shinji a sheepish smile as he panicked.

"Bu-bu-but! Come on, why do you do this to me?" whispered Shinji forcefully, panicking some more.

Asuka ignored his ruffled his hair, giving him another wide, wolfish grin. "Because If I don't do it then we're gonna be stuck outside this door for about an hour, and I´m getting hungry, Baka," she said, pinching his cheek and ignoring his slight jolt when her fingers touched his face. "Plus, now you can't turn around! No running away, remember?" She slapped his cheek playfully, turning to knock on the door once again.

"Come in."

Hearing Rei's voice through the door made Shinji gulp, but it forced him to stand somewhat straighter. He felt Misato's hand on his shoulder and chuckled when Asuka rolled her eyes again. He pushed the button, and the door opened.

Rei sat at the table with her hands on her lap, watching the trees through her window as the sun caressed her body. Even to Asuka, who under no circumstances would say it out loud, she looked angelic. Free. The light was bright enough to almost shine against her skin, her bluish strands danced with the fading wind that entered both through the window and the open door. Her crimson eyes turned to the small group on the door, stopping completely when she found her brother.

"Shinji," said Rei in a quiet voice. A small smile drew over her face when the boy in question took a few cautious steps forward, still looking unsure. Rei tried, in Shinji's best interest, to ignore the presence of the redhead and act polite and respectful towards Misato; so in such spirits she stood and bowed respectfully to the three of them. "Katsuragi-san, Sohryu. It is fortunate that you have survived."

Both Misato and Asuka blinked in surprise. In all honesty they had both expected to be fully ignored in what was supposed to be some sort of family reunion. They stood quiet while Rei and Shinji shared a brief hug and a few hushed words between each other. Asuka noticed that for a moment, Rei's eyes went over to Shinji's abdomen and chest and narrowed, even if it was for a simple second.

"Umm… We're happy you're back too, Rei! Boy, did you take a while," Misato said, trying not to stare at the blue-haired teen. Rei made eye contact with the redhead for a brief second, noticing the hesitance and discomfort in her posture and expression. In her mind, Rei smiled maliciously.

"Took you long enough, Wondergirl," the redhead spoke with a clearly forced sunny disposition, trying to at least pretend to be happy about Rei being back in the world.

On the inside, Asuka fought the urge to leave that intensified with every second. Her right eye actually twitched when Rei and Shinji sat on her bed, smiling and talking in complete comfort, as if they had never left each other's presence. She felt liquid fire wash through her veins, nestling again in her chest and blossoming in pure anger.

It wasn't fair. How much time, how many hardships and pain and blood had they had to spill and suffer through just to have that same comfort? And yet it was so easy for the First to simply sit, chat and otherwise connect with Shinji in a way that she only dreamed of. There they were, talking nonsense about God knows what and smiling away like everything was fucking right with the world. It had taken eight months to put all the shit she had been through behind and actually try to build a relationship with Shinji. It had ultimately come down to her almost killing him to finally understand how important he was. And yet this… clone, this abomination had to do nothing but stretch out her hand and Shinji would come running.

She felt a heavy hand land on her shoulder. Looking up she saw Misato's stern face gesturing at the door as her hand squeezed the redhead's shoulder. "We'll leave you guys to catch up and stuff, kay Shinji-kun?" said Misato. Asuka lifted a skeptical eyebrow at her, not really wanting to leave at all. "We'll go grab some lunch and bring you guys something to eat too, so…"

Shinji, who had up to that point been fully immersed in his conversation with Rei, blushed when he noticed he had completely ignored his roommates. "Umm, you don't have to-"

"Thank you, Major. I would like something vegetarian, if you would be so kind." Rei interrupted, speaking in her usual monotone and almost making the Sub-Commander jump. Even when speaking words of gratitude; in Misato's opinion Rei was still way too weird.

Asuka's right eye twitched slightly again, her nostrils flaring, but she felt the pressure on her shoulder increase dramatically. "Yeah, lunch. Sure, whatever." The former Second Child simply turned away in a swish of red hair, disappearing behind the door with Misato, not even bothering to turn her eyes towards Shinji's bewildered expression.

As the door hissed behind them, Asuka finally managed to take a breath and relax her tense shoulders. Misato eyed her charge with resilience as the younger woman attempted to untangle her aching nerves.

"You know, if you didn't feel comfortable coming over, you should've talked to me," Misato said nonchalantly, walking towards the cafeteria and motioning for her female charge to follow. Asuka huffed, crossing her arms around her chest but otherwise going behind her guardian. She still kept a stubborn silence as they walked along the corridors while glaring at the ground, keeping her mind on the single task of putting distance between herself and Shinji's sister.

"Why does Rei bother you so much, Asuka?"

The redhead eyed her guardian hotly from beneath her red bangs before answering, minding to keep her tone perfectly level, but failing to contain the sarcastic disdain that spewed from her voice. "Oh, gee, tough question. Let me think… hmm. Oh, maybe it's the fact that's she's a total freak! She does anything you order her to. I bet if Shinji ordered that bitch to undress and give him a lap dance she'd fucking do it!"

Asuka clenched her fists, feeling the anger wash away with every insult. "She's always the victim in everyone's eyes, even to Shinji she's the fucking damsel in distress that needs saving, Ohhh poor little Rei-chan, got to be raised by the Bastard himself, boohoo. Poor little Rei-chan wasn't allowed to feel, boohoo. Ughh, I just hate the very sight of her." Asuka kept walking, not noticing her pace had increases and her glare was deep enough to pierce metal. She fought the need to run a hand through her throat; she always did that when those memories came back. She felt a foul taste in her mouth.

"Everything's so easy for her… you know what was the first thing Shinji did after he dragged me out of that puddle? He tried to kill me." Asuka nodded when Misato actually stopped walking for a second, frozen in shock. "Yeah, but that's not even the point. I… think I understand why he did it, but it's so fucking selfish of him to just go with open arms to her. Why… why can't we ever talk like that? What is it about Rei that makes her so… fucking better than me?"

Misato sighed, stopping both herself and Asuka. She took her charge by the face, forcing her to look at her straight in the eye. Asuka, being who she was, stared right back at her, almost demanding an explanation with her tight expression. This was going to take a while. "Asuka, this is not about her being better than you. This is about Shinji trying to build a family, don't you see? He has a close relationship with Rei, they understand each other. If it's because they're brother and sister or for some other reason we don't know, I'm not sure, but the truth is that Rei sacrificed herself for him. Twice. She fought to her last breath so he could have a chance of finding peace. You, on the other hand, have rarely ever shown anything but spite to him. You put him in a hospital no less than a month ago, Asuka."

She saw Asuka's face tighten even more in rage, her fists balled as if she was ready to deck her right then, but soon enough a heavy pang of guilt and shame flashed over her and those blue eyes fell to the floor.

Misato smiled a bit sadly. "Even so..." The electric blue eyes jumped right back at her. "Shinji worships you, he lives and breaths because you are with him, because you're in his life. Even if he has to take in all your hate, to him it's better than a life without you; go figure why that is. Not even all those hits you gave him were strong enough to make him want to leave. If you want to be close to him, maybe you should just try being yourself. Your real self."

Asuka turned her eyes to the floor, feeling ashamed of her display of weakness. She shook off Misato's already slackening grip from her face, turning to walk away towards the dinning room. Asuka's train of thought was much darker that what Misato could have imagined.

What if this is the real me? What then? What if I have nothing to offer him but this? What's gonna happen when I lose it again and Wondergirl takes him away? I won't let her… I won't let her take him from me…

Misato walked along silently, believing any other words to be unnecessary. She knew deep down that both Asuka and Rei had a vast number of differences that would most likely explode very soon. When that happened, she had no intention of stopping it. That teenage bravado the younger woman was exuding was starting to tire Misato out completely; someone had to teach Asuka a lesson.

"…so after looking for like three days we finally found some meat! And-and you wouldn't believe where! I went into this convenience store; can you believe a convenience store survived the blast? And it was pretty intact, too. Anyway, we were looking for some water and I found dried meat! You wouldn't believe how good it tasted."

Rei gave a small smile as Shinji detailed his experience during the first weeks back in the world, minding to keep her eyes on his face and not glimpse at his midsection every time he glanced somewhere else. She forced her nails deep into the soft flesh of her palms whenever he hissed in pain and pretended to disguise it with laughter.

He had been talking nonstop for about half an hour, telling her all kinds of antics he had been forced into while trying to survive in the post-apocalyptic world he had gone back to. Even as she tried to immerse herself in his strange tales of scavenging through the remains of stores and buildings, her mind's eye traveled over his chest and stomach, wondering how many times Asuka had hit him. How many times she had used him for her personal pleasure. Disgusting, she thought.

Shinji ceased his brief monologue to stare worriedly at Rei, who even unconsciously was almost glaring at his stomach. "Rei, is something wrong?"

She did not turn towards Shinji; instead she lowered her eyes to her hands and avoided his gaze. "I am… sorry."

Shinji blinked, surprised. "Sorry? Sorry for what Rei? You kinda saved the world, you know. You saved me, I don't think there's anything you need to apologize for." He smiled at her, satisfied with himself and his answer, but Rei didn't look too convinced.

"I did not save the world, I was a catalyst for Third Impact and therefore share the blame of its occurrence, but that is not why I am apologizing." Before Shinji could protest to her statement, she continued. "I am sorry for not being here, for letting her do this to you."

Shinji's entire mind ground to a complete halt when Rei's crimson eyes made contact with his own, giving him a clear view of the anger inside his sister. "W-What? What are you talking about?" he asked, his eyes nearly bulging out in alarm. He didn't like the course the conversation was taking at all.

"I told you before, Shinji. I know what Sohryu did, what she's been doing to you for eight months now."

Shinji's entire body went rigid as his pupils dilated in shock and grim understanding, making him feel sick and fearful. Rei kept staring at him with those furious red eyes, making him more and more uncomfortable with every passing second. "Umm… I-I don't think I wanna talk about that, Rei. Can we drop it?"

A heavy silence washed over them at that point. Rei's eyes narrowed to slits, but she wasn't looking at him, she was glaring at the floor with vehement vengeance, her hands were clenched tight against the light fabric of the bed sheets as she tried to control the rage that grew inside her with every passing second.

Shinji suddenly felt like running away. The aura his alleged sister was exuding was starting to send shivers down his back. The way she was glaring at the ground... it was the same expression he used to see whenever he thought about his mother. Pure, unbidden hatred waiting to be unleashed on something, anything in her vicinity.

"Why do you insist on protecting her?" Rei eyed her brother with a scowl, as she finally shattered the silence around them.

"What?" Shinji unconsciously drew away from Rei, almost feeling the anger coming from the blue-haired teen. He could not see her eyes, a thin veil of blue strands kept him from it, but he could clearly distinguish the deep scowl on her face.

"You insist on protecting the Second, even when she almost took your life. Do you not realize that she can do nothing but hurt others? She is but a deranged little girl crying for her mama and letting her anger and frustration out on you. She feels disgraced and pathetic for being such a failure and therefore attacks you to make herself feel better, how do you not see this?" Finally, she glared at him, staring at her brother with every ounce of hatred she felt for the redhead. To actually speak those words had a calming on the First Child, but to her utmost surprise, Shinji was scowling darkly at her.

"Don't talk about her like that," said Shinji in a low, dangerous tone.

Rei met his glare dead on. "Am I saying something untrue?"she evenly retorted, making his scowl deepen at her controlled tone.

"I don't care if it's untrue or not, just don't talk about her like that. Look, let's talk about something else, okay?" Shinji answered harshly. The dull ache in his chest was steadily increasing, fueled by the stress he was forcing on his body and mind. Those thoughts… those thoughts had been the exact same ones going through his head as he choked the life out of her. And Rei knew that.

"No," his sister shot back, keeping her voice steady but glaring at him. "I will not allow this to continue. If you are not strong enough or will not defend yourself, then I´ll protect you."

Shinji fought the urge to scream in frustration. "I don't need you to protect me, alright?" he growled, feeling a bit too much like a child being reprimanded.

"I beg to differ," said Rei as she ignored his heated glare. "Look at yourself. Look at what she's done, what you've let her do. You can barely walk as it is, let alone breathe properly, and you could have stopped this at any point, since you are obviously stronger than her." She lifted a hand to silence her brother, who was about to interrupt her. "Do not even think about telling me you deserve any of this, Shinji. You have suffered more than enough, and whatever your actions were in the past, she has gone too far. I know you are confused and distressed right now, but everything will be fine now. I will not allow this to cont-"

"SHUT UP!" Shinji roared, clenching his fists in absolute rage. Rei belatedly realized she may have pushed him too far, touching wounds that were still too fresh.

"You don't understand, I don't care if you saw into my mind or hers. That you know her past doesn't give you the right to… to just come out of nowhere and judge her!" The pain was turning stifling, but his rage boiled away like hot magma waiting to explode into the surface. "This is our business, not yours! Not Misato's, not Touji's or Kensuke's; it only concerns me and her, okay!"

"No!" Rei exclaimed with equal force. "I am your family; your well being is my concern, Shinji!"

"Then where the fuck were you!" Shinji shouted directly in her face, completely losing his composure. Rei froze in her spot, her eyes widened in pure shock at the tone of his voice.

"She came back, she came back to me and gave me a reason to live, can't you understand that? I was going crazy, crazy! I was starting to have visions, couldn't even tell when I was asleep or awake! She… she helped me find food, even after all I did to her, even after I tried to kill her! She helped me survive, helped me make fires and properly put up a tent, she even taught me how to dress a wound…she helped me get a grip on reality, on my fucking life! You just threw me up into an empty world and expected me to survive!" Shinji coughed heavily for a few seconds, trying to bring some much needed air into his healing lungs.

Rei took it as an opportunity to intervene. "Shinji, she beats you. She's not going to stop, or change for that matter. Does she have to kill you for you to understand she cannot care for anything?" she said, trying to alleviate some of the tension from the room.

Her efforts, however, were fruitless; her comment was only a crude reminder of what Misato, Ritsuko and everyone in NERV had been telling Shinji for eight months, so his rage and frustration exploded. The adrenaline cursing through his body momentarily numbed out the pain of his recovering diaphragm.

"I don't give a shit if she beats me! I can take it, I can take all her hate if it means having her in my life! It's the least I can do after I let her die! I can take it, damnit, and I don't need your help! I'd do the same for you and you know it!"

Finally, the pain won the battle and Shinji had to stop to clutch his side and slow his breathing in an effort to diminish the pain. The problem with any injury to the diaphragm was quite simple; it was a muscle that intervened in much more than just contracting the thorax, an injury to it affected many bodily functions and forced the body to work overtime, which became quite dangerous considering he was having enough trouble bringing oxygen to his body without exerting himself.

His face was scrunched up in agony, making Rei feel guilty and ashamed of her earlier behavior. So that was it; he was not by her side because he felt guilty. That was a part of it, but his reasons went beyond even her understanding. The boy next to her was still struggling to return the torturous pain to the dull ache it was before; he took slow intakes of breath and tried to reduce his coughing to something manageable.

Rei was about to place a hand on his shoulder when the door of her room opened, revealing a distraught redhead carrying a tray.

The first image Asuka laid eyes upon once she entered the small dorm was that of Shinji coughing and clutching his chest with Rei sitting next to him with an arm extended over him. The darkest scowl drew over her stunning foreign features.

Rei turned her gaze just in time to see Asuka swirl furiously and shove the tray into Misato's unexpected and already occupied hands, only to swiftly face them both with a furious snarl on her face.

"Hey, what the hell, Asuka? I can't carry all this shit!" The Sub-Commander complained, trying to divert the girl's rage but failing miserably as Asuka marched over to the pair and grabbed Rei by her shirt.

"What the fuck did you just do, Wondergirl?!" Asuka shouted, pushing Rei away from her brother. "Shinji, are you okay?!" The redhead sat next to Shinji, who was still trying to get his breathing under control.

"Y-Yeah, I'm f-(cough) fine! Don't… worry about it," Shinji managed to reply, feeling the pain slowly recede back into a dull ache and also trying to prevent anything violent from spurring between the two girls in the room. Both his and Misato's efforts would go unnoticed by either female pilot, but Shinji did feel a very strong sting inside his chest, forcing him to almost fall on the bed in pure agony.

Graciously getting back to her feet, Rei glared at Asuka with hatred beyond her own understanding. "You have some nerve asking that, Second," Rei spat. "You are the reason why Shinji cannot even breathe properly; and you dare pretend you care in any way for him? You disgust me." She took a few steps away from the bed as Asuka stood up and momentarily forgot all about Shinji.

"What did you just say?" said Asuka, turning her hands into tight fists. Misato took the opportunity to drop both trays on the nightstand and grab Shinji from the bed, gently pulling him away from what would soon become a fighting ring. He complained, but he was still far too weak to offer any proper resistance against her guardian's tight grip. This, however, did not go unnoticed by the former Second Child.

"Where are you taking him?" she said, not turning her eyes from the albino.

Misato stared at her girl's back, wondering if she was making the right choice. "I'm taking him somewhere safe, where he can get some oxygen and your inflated egos or stupid rivalries won't interfere with his recovery. Just don't kill each other."

Both girls nodded wordlessly, waiting for them to exit the room. Before the door hissed closed, Asuka threw Shinji an apologetic glace, mouthing a silent 'I'm sorry' to him. The door closed, giving them both the privacy the desired.

"Alright, Wonderbitch. Why don't you say that last p-" The rest of the sentence was cut off when Rei's fist made contact with Asuka's left cheek. The strike was so strong that it almost made Asuka fall down to the floor. Regardless, the impact made her head spin for a few seconds.

"You. Disgust. Me," repeated Rei very slowly as she took an aggressive position and threw a roundhouse kick aimed at Asuka's skull. The redhead, however, was far from helpless. She intercepted the former First Child's kick and retorted with a furious punch right above Rei's nose, forcing her to back away against the wall.

Asuka spat on the ground as she felt her mouth for any loose teeth and, finding none, she sneered at Rei, who was covering her face and trying to focus her eyes. "Yeah, well the feeling's mutual, Rei. Who the fuck are you to come here and get involved? This is none of your business, Wonderslut."

Rei quickly recovered and, moving faster than Asuka could perceive, planted a punch in her stomach. As she doubled up in pain, Asuka felt a hand land heavily on her head and grab a fistful of hair.

Just as Rei was about to smash her head onto the nightstand, the redhead elbowed her right in the ribs. Seizing the opportunity as Rei's grip loosened, she turned and punched her on the left cheek. Rei immediately turned her head and retaliated with a fist of her own, this time hitting Asuka above the eye and opening a small wound over her brow. They exchanged blows for a solid minute before separating, both panting heavily and trying to focus through the pain and dizziness.

Rei glared daggers at her opponent. She needed to vent out all the anger inside, so she spoke the words she knew would break the former Second Child. "Not so fun when your victim fights back, Second?"

Asuka's eyes widened in disbelief even as she tried to straighten up and clear her vision. She snarled viciously, blinded by rage and charged directly at the former First Child, tackling her to the ground. Already on the floor, Asuka once again grabbed a fistful of blue hair, but this time she turned Rei's head and delivered a well aimed hook at her cheek, not before feeling the air leave her lungs as Rei connected a knee to her stomach. Both of them rolled away from each other, taking yet another break from the fight as they tried to recover.

Asuka lifted herself by grabbing the edge of the bed while Rei staggered back to her feet and tried to numb out the ringing in her ears. "What… the fuck… is your problem!" Asuka screamed across the room as she tried to bring some oxygen back into her lungs.

"I thought I made it clear," Rei retorted, shaking off the dizziness. "You... are my problem. You and the fact that you've beaten and raped my brother!" She grabbed the nearest thing in her vicinity, which happened to be the cup of tea brought by Maya in the morning, and hurled it directly at Asuka's head. Had it not been for Asuka's training in personal defense she would not have been able to dodge it in time, but luckily her body reacted and the cup smashed against the wall. Asuka finally stared at Rei in the eye, her eyes widened immediately as she saw the vicious snarl on the other girl's face; it was the most expression she had ever seen on the doll's face, and it managed to bring a small shiver down her spine. Asuka was rendered speechless; she simply stared wide-eyed in a complete state of shock.

"Wh-H-How do you-?"

"Know?!" Rei screamed, loosing her composure. "I know because we are connected, but what does it matter to you? He is nothing but a punching bag to you, a big human stress ball you can squeeze whenever your own fears and regrets threaten to eat you alive!"

Asuka stepped back as if stung. Rei, satisfied, continued with what she knew would dismantle the very foundations of Asuka's psyche. She spoke in the same tone that had defined her for so long, enjoying how the mere use of words weakened the pathetic Second Child.

"You cower behind your rage because every time you look in the mirror you see a disfigured monster; you see that your life has no purpose, that it never had a purpose to begin with. The only relief you can find lies within the familiarity of the routine, the safety that hurting Shinji represents. You hurt him because it is familiar, because you need to reassure yourself over and over again that there is at least one person in this world that can stand the sight of you."

Rei suppressed a smile with brutal force as she saw the redhead stare at the ground, clenching onto herself like a dying spider. Good riddance, she thought grimly, not being able to stifle the feeling of utter self-disgust that came with the realization of how much she was enjoying it. She needed to continue, she needed to make sure that what she had seen in the Red Sea was true; that such a future was possible for Shinji, for her.

"Do you still deceive yourself into thinking he cares for you?" Rei asked cruelly.

Asuka retreated back to the door, desperately covering her ears as she slid into the ground. "Shut up… Shut up shut up shut sup shut up shut up shut up shut up…" She clawed at her own scalp as the insecurities that ate her away on a daily basis bled all over her, rendering the redhead completely defenseless.

Rei's voice, her tone never changed. It felt disgustingly like her own consciousness whispering against her ear, unmoved by her suffering. "How can he care for the person who raped him?" She moved closer; almost crawling next to her as she coldly took Asuka's fears and threw them at her own face. "One day," she continued, grabbing Asuka by the throat with deadly force and forcing the other girl to stare at her in the eye. "He will snap and finish what he started on that beach, not too long ago. You still wake up feeling his hands on your throat, do you not?"

Asuka stared wide-eyed at Rei's crimson gaze; she felt wave after wave of pure hatred wash into her. Never before had she felt so despised by anyone; only Shinji's hatred for her while he killed on the living room had been so intense, and it terrified her.

"That is why you need to punch him, why you need to make him bleed, is it not? Pathetic, to think you so desperately need his attention and company that you are scared to sleep on your own; but you are… horrified by what your actions may arouse in him. So horrified that you need to shame him; you need to destroy him so that fleeting sense of superiority can return, even for a few seconds, even when what you do sickens you so much that food frequently finds its way to the toilet, hmm? Then, and only then, when he lies in shambles at your feet, can you allow yourself to be vulnerable and cling to whatever warmth you can steal from him…"

Rei squeezed harder, digging her nails deep in Asuka's skin, letting the pent up frustration and hate she had not even known existed flood her senses. The redhead remained frozen, submerged in a state of paralysis as self-hatred ate away at whatever fight she had left in her. Her arms were useless as they lay on the floor, her entire body seemed useless; her vision was darkened by Rei's piercing stare, and the pride that for so long had determined the existence of Sohryu Asuka Langley remained strangely subdued while her lungs slowly started to burn.

"You need to feel superior to him because the mere thought of him being less of a monster than you would leave the poor Second Child completely and utterly alone, alone to rot in her well deserved misery. You are nothing but a scared little girl, clinging to the one person who makes you feel whole but too terrified to embrace the fact that he is stronger, better than you."

Rei came closer, almost whispering against Asuka's ear. "And if you ever hurt him again, I will break every bone in your body." The albino released her victim and slapped her across the face, making Asuka tumble over to the floor. She rose, holding her side and still trying to recover from the headache that threatened to crack her skull open as the adrenaline washed away from her bloodstream.

Asuka tried to stand from the ground, coughing and wheezing but finally able to breathe properly. Just as Rei's drive was starting to fade, Asuka's rage was ignited. Before Rei could react the redhead screamed in absolute rage and delivered a devastating kick to her stomach, followed by an elbow straight to her neck, but just as she was about to fall Rei grabbed Asuka's hair and brought her to the ground, making the redhead hit her bare knee on the floor. Rei took advantage of the small opportunity and hit her opponent on the cheek with all her might. They spun on the ground, each gaining a bit of leverage over the over for moments and each able to land a few hits every now and then before total exhaustion assaulted them.

Asuka finally managed to position herself over the exhausted Rei, grabbing another fistful of blue hair and extending her arm to deliver a destructive punch to her nose, but in that moment she saw Shinji's face right where Rei's used to be. Her rage disappeared, leaving her weakened and more than a bit sore. Without any energy left, she collapsed next to Shinji's sister.

They both lay on the ground for a while, content with just replenishing their strength and trying to recover from the numerous hits inflicted on their young bodies.

"You… keep talking shit, like you have some sort of right, then…"Asuka wheezed next to her 'nemesis' and she allowed the bitterness to escape. "Where… the fuck… were you, huh?"

Asuka could not see it, but Rei's own eyes widened in surprise at her choice of words. Shinji had told her the exact same thing only minutes before. Asuka managed to bring some clarity into her train thought, but she was still a bit too sore to get up from her comfortable place on the ground.

"We… were a team, regardless of… of what you and I thought of each other. We needed each other, we were all we had and… and in the end you came to your senses at the very last moment." Asuka crawled back to where Rei was laying and grabbed her hair, forcing the other girl to look at her in the eye.

"You knew this would happen. You knew, and you went along with it to the last second. I don't give a fuck about what you are or how that bastard raised you, what I do care about is you leaving us alone to pick up the pieces of the world on our own when it was never our mess."

Asuka broke eye contact, feeling tears stain her cheeks. "What I did to Shinji… what I've done… can't be forgiven. I can never take that back, no matter how hard I try…" She came threateningly close to Rei's face, pinning the other girl's arms with her knees. "But I´ll be damned if a useless little doll like you thinks she can just come and judge me out of nowhere." Asuka's eyes narrowed like a predator's. "You don't know what the fuck I've… we've been through, not all of it. So shut the fuck up!"

Just as she was about to land a solid hit on Rei's face, the albino propelled her lower body and slammed both her knees against Asuka's back, managing to render the redhead breathless long enough to disengage herself. Asuka fell to the side but the adrenaline still pumping through her system managed to numb out the pain and focus her mind on Rei completely. Just as the worn out First Child was trying to stand, Asuka threw an uppercut straight to her kidneys, only to grab her by the head and force Rei to the ground yet again, but she too was a bit too tired to do more than just glare straight at her.

"I know… most," Rei uttered at Asuka's face. "I could feel his pain, his confusion, his insanity. I could feel your fear, your own hatred and your pain. I am aware that he… let you die." Asuka's eyes widened inexplicably upon hearing those words. The pain of the lances, of the teeth; was still very much embedded in her mind. Rei took no notice of Asuka's surprise and instead continued with what she knew would be the final touch. "Have you ever asked yourself, though; if you deserved to be saved?"

Silence was her only answer. Asuka's widened eyes did not change.

"Tell me, can you remember yourself being nice to him at any point?" The redhead finally turned her eyes away from her, in fact, she untangled herself from the other girl completely and sat on the bed, letting her disheveled hair obscure her eyes.

"You were not supposed to survive Third Impact, Second." Once again, Rei felt the other girl's stare from her spot on the ground, but she didn't bother to return it or even get up. "You were the one soul that SEELE and NERV were willing to sacrifice completely for the completion of Third Impact. You were nothing more than an offering, a trigger for Shinji's insanity. And the only reason you are alive here, today, is that Shinji cannot imagine a reality without your presence. You are a part of his world and therefore were able to come back."

Asuka sighed, running a hand through the mess of knots that was her hair. "Yeah… I know that."

Rei huffed angrily at her comment as she slowly rose to her feet. "And yet you continuously hurt him because you are still too frightened to let him take care of you." With whatever strength she had left, Rei walked over to her and gave Asuka another slap for good measure, trying not to succumb to the deafening pain all over her body. Even her palm was starting to sting from all the slapping. "If you ever hurt him like that again, I will not come at you with fists, Second."

Asuka chuckled painfully, trying not to collapse on the bed itself and let out a long scream of agony. "Yeah, I know that too." She settled for lightly kicking Rei on the leg and making her stumble on her way to the door.

Just as Rei was about to exit, Asuka was surprised to hear the girl's normally monotone voice tinted with a bit of sarcasm. "This was… acceptable. Now if you will excuse me, I will seek medical attention and free you of any charges."

Asuka snorted, refusing to look at Rei. "Yeah, we should totally do this more often, girlfriend. Maybe make a monthly routine out of it or something. Next time we should rent a ring and shit." Her only answer was the metal door hissing open and hissing closed.

Completely exhausted, Asuka collapsed on the mattress and remained there for about an hour, not wondering for a second why Rei didn't bother to come back to the room; she rested undisturbed until a disgruntled Misato came through the door. The older woman took a pitying glance at her charge, wondering at what point she had thought cutting off her drinking was a good choice.

"See," the Sub-Commander told Asuka. "This kind of shit is why I never wanted to have kids in the first place." Asuka didn't bother to utter more of a response than a low grunt. "Come on Jet Li, let's go home."

---

Ritsuko's eyes scanned through the file presented on her desktop, wondering how it was possible to have hidden such information for so long. Whatever this thing was, it was too dangerous to have been kept a secret. If SEELE had a weapon this powerful, why had they not used it before? Could it be that such a weapon was responsible for the AT-field the MAGI had detected?

"Hmm… this is not good."

Test Pilot no. 7. Designation 0487110. Age: 13. Contact experiment failed. Subject: deceased.

There was an awful feeling nesting in the Commander's chest as her eyes travelled through the document, every word seemed to glare and threaten her with promises of danger.

Test Pilot no. 8. Designation 0480111. Age: 14. Contact experiment failed. Subject: Post-coma unresponsiveness.

Test Pilot no. 9. Designation 0480112. Age:12. Contact experiment failed. Subject: Deceased…

Test Pilot 11…14…Subject: Deceased…Deceased…Deceased…Contact experiment failed… Test Pilot 19… Brain Death…failed…failed…

At the end of the long list she found one number that did not end in failed or deceased. The test pilot designated 'no. 21' had apparently been able to survive the first synch test, but there was no additional information regarding the procedure or even the score of such an experiment. The text simply stated: Contact experiment achieved. CAUTION. The document ended inexplicably, as if the data had been cut off. What was worse was the fact that the synch rates of the children used in the experiments had been steadily rising up to a certain point, when something happened and they died or ended up no better than a vegetable with no apparent reason whatsoever. The pulses flooded backwards, the synch rates fell to zero and the subjects suffered irreparable brain damage.

Reading on, she came to a chapter in the report called "SIBERIA". Curious, Ritsuko quickly revised the information, her eyes growing wider and her worry deepening with every word.

CAUTION - DNA TESTS INCONCLUSIVE - PILOT IS UNSTABLE - SUBJECT OUT OF CONTROL - SYNCHRONIZATION 147% - EXPERIMENT REACHES DANGEROUS ENERGY LEVELS - EGO BORDERLINE BREACHED - S2 ORGAN ACTIVATED - RED SKY - BERSERKER - DANGER - 285 CASUALTIES - DANGER.

It took the burning in her lungs to realize she had been holding her breath. Berserker. Apparently, SEELE had bitten off more than they could chew with whatever they were experimenting with in Siberia, which was not good news for her or humanity in general. What was so unstable that the old men themselves were reluctant to use to their advantage? What could they possibly have awakened that terrified them so much? The very men who had tried to control the end of the world twice, hesitant to use a powerful asset at their advantage... it made no sense at all.

The disk offered more questions than answers, but it left one fact quite clear. There was still something else out there with the power of an Evangelion, something that SEELE itself was afraid of. She had no doubt that if pushed hard enough, the old men would unleash the so called Project X. That, however, was not what worried Ritsuko; dealing with post-apocalyptic creatures and destroying them was her job, after all. No, what worried her was the method; if they wanted to win, there was only one way.

The only thing strong enough to stop an EVA was another EVA, but the one in their possession was somehow sentient and most likely answered only to a psychotic, bipolar and unpredictably aggressive redhead, who had no less than an hour ago engaged in a fist fight with the recently returned First Child for no other reason other than communicating their mutual hatred for one another. Ritsuko did not like this at all. Every way she analyzed the situation, she came to the same disturbing conclusion.

Asuka would have to pilot again.

---

The ride home was deadly quiet; Misato did not speak a word as she drove through the streets. Nothing beyond a hushed curse could be discerned from the Sub-Commander as she dodged a boulder or another car at dangerous speeds. The only exchange of words between them both had only occurred when Asuka desperately asked how Shinji was and Misato coldly reassured her that he was fine and resting at home.

Her eye was sore and it was starting to swell. The wounds on her neck were starting to sting horribly, her cheek was already red and turning a bit purple on the side. Her sides hurt when she breathed and every part of her throat was a big nasty red bruise. Even throughout the pain, she felt strangely relieved, as if some sort of retribution had finally been delivered. The only thing that worried her was Shinji's reaction upon knowing she had beaten up his sister on her first day back in the land of the living, but other than that she didn't give two shits about what Misato or Ritsuko thought about it. They could give her a restraining order for all she cared, it didn't make a difference. Something had been cleared out between her and Rei; if they hated each other and would continue to do so for a long time, at least they had each stated their peace and could finally move on from some childish rivalry.

Before she realized it they were walking alongside each other through the not quite deserted parking lot at the side of their building, nearing the entrance as Asuka hobbled a bit farther from her guardian.

"So," said Misato as she inspected her nails and pretended not to care about Asuka's beaten state. "Did you have a nice fight with your little friend?"

Even through the pain, Asuka managed to snort out a laugh. "I guess you could say that." Asuka answered snidely, feeling the sting of her cheek every time she spoke.

They entered the elevator chuckling softly, feeling a tad more comfortable with each other. Misato looked down to her charge, noticing the ugly bruise on Asuka's knee and the terrible hand marks around her throat. What worried her, though, was the lack of any fire whatsoever in the girl's eyes. That definitely had not been part of the plan.

"Hey," she said softly, making the redhead stare at her in wonder. "This is the last time you ever pick a fight like that, you got me?" Just as Asuka was about to retort, she raised her hand. "Don't even think about it. I let Rei walk all over your ass because I was getting sick of your little attitude, but I'll be damned I let anyone else hurt you like that again. And I will personally put you in a box and mail you back to Germany if you ever pick a fight with anyone without a good reason."

Asuka simply snorted, wondering where the hell that motherly attitude had been during the Angel attacks, when she had really needed it.

"So… I guess you don't really wanna talk," Misato commented dryly just moments before the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Neither moved.

Asuka stared at the ground, trying to organize the turmoil nesting in her head. "My freaking jaw hurts like hell and I think I bit my tongue, so no. I don't wanna talk."

Misato chuckled, moving alongside the corridor and making sure the snipers and security detail around the building were in their respective positions. "You don't want to talk to me, but I bet you'll be singing and bitching to your little Shin-chan back at home, hmmm?"

Despite the fact that her cheek was turning bluish, Asuka managed to blush but kept her stride nonetheless. Misato chuckled from behind her. "You know, he was pretty upset about your little discussion with Rei. He was screaming through the phone when I saw Rei in the infirmary. Boy, that kid just doesn't understand the term resting."

Asuka didn't say anything; she simply kept walking until they reached the apartment's door. The redhead felt really stupid, although she would never show it. She had masterfully managed to fuck up Shinji's first day at home and his reunion with his long lost sister. She was actually dreading the idea of going into the house and facing Shinji and whatever animosity she had awoken in him. Shinji could be very scary when he was angry, and even if she never said it out loud, she was terrified of that side of him, totally and completely terrified.

The door hissed open before she even had time to smooth out the mess of tangles on top of her head, but it all came to be quite meaningless when she spotted a certain brown-haired boy sitting on the couch. Never one to shy away from battle, Asuka stubbornly raised her head and let herself into the house before her own guardian. She had absolutely nothing to explain; Rei had provoked her and she had responded, simple as that.

"Shinji! We're home! Would you be a dear and patch up our little German she-devil?" Misato pretty much demanded as she strode through the house and rummaged through the kitchen. Once inside, the Sub-Commander stared wide-eyed at the kitchen table.

"You made dinner? Shinji, goddamnit I told you to rest!" She received no answer, so huffing in dejection and exhaustion, Misato poured a healthy portion of food onto her plate and headed for her room, fully intent on eating and then taking a long, relaxing bath. Asuka stayed at the door a bit longer wondering if it was too late to turn back and take a walk through the park for a couple of hours; that way maybe Shinji wouldn't be as mad as he was right that moment. The simple fact that he had completely ignored Misato's demands spoke volumes.

She heard the couch ruffle as Shinji got up and slowly walked to the bathroom, probably to retrieve their first aid kit in order to patiently clean and dress her wounds like she had taught him to not too long ago. Torn between the idea of running away or staying put right where she was, Asuka stared at her feet, wondering why she didn't feel any pride left to help her raise her head. It was simply ridiculous; all she managed to do was cause Shinji pain and suffering, even when what she was trying to do was to change her attitude so they could be closer.

"Damnit," she whispered, trying to contain the tears that threatened to spill at any moment. "God… damnit…"

"Asuka."

Asuka's eyes widened when Shinji called her name. She was surprised to hear such coldness from him; it was completely uncharacteristic of him to act so devoid of emotion. It reminded her creepily of Commander Ikari, but she concluded that facing Shinji right then and there would put an end to this horrid day and that she'd be able to relax in the shower for a bit afterwards.

The redhead sighed when Shinji repeated her name from the table, where he was apparently arranging the bandages, water and disinfectant needed to patch her up. She made her stride as slow and delicate as she could, minding to take her sweet time and delay the inevitable as much as possible and also trying to catch a glimpse of Shinji's face before sitting with him, but his head was lowered and his back turned to her and facing the kitchen wall. Asuka halted her caution and instead unceremoniously dropped herself on the chair next to him, hissing in pain soon after from her blunt actions. To her utmost surprise, Shinji chuckled softly.

"You should be more careful, you know. I've been telling you for eight months." He grabbed her right hand without any warning, inspecting the bruised knuckles and swollen skin around it, seemingly oblivious to the unbelieving look Asuka was giving him. "You always insisted on going to the worst buildings when we were looking for food, remember?"

Asuka smiled bittersweetly at the memories he referred to. The few moments where they had actually understood one another during that week; those few moments of normality and kindness whenever she hurt herself trying to get something fancy for dinner and he cleaned her wounds, prepared a bath and bandaged her soon after.

"Yeah," she whispered, looking at the ground. "I remember."

"Hey, Asuka! I don't think… that building doesn't look safe!"

"Are you an idiot? It's perfectly safe, see? Now come on, I want some meat!"

"Wait, don't jump on it! Asuka!"

"AAHHH!"

"Ow!"

The pain from contact with the wet cloth around her knuckles made her scream, but the soothing sensation of the warm water as it washed away the clotted blood and relaxed the bruised skin felt like a blessing. Shinji chuckled again, minding to keep his attention on the wounds; thankfully she didn't seem to have any wounds that he couldn't fix. The memories of that time were mostly dark, but those rare moments were the few Shinji treasured the most in his own mind.

"You never listened to me, but I guess that's just who you are…"

"Oww…"

"See? I told you not to go into that building, and I told you not to jump on the roof."

"I know, but do you have to be so damn rough, Baka? Have some finesse, for Heaven's sake!"

"Umm… I don't think jumping on an unstable roof is showing finesse either…"

"Ahh! Mm! Uhh…! Shut up and clean the damn wound! When did you turn into a smartass, anyway?"

Once he was done cleaning her knuckles, Shinji dipped the cloth in a small bowl with warm water lying on the table, minding to wring out the extra water before he lifted a section of Asuka's skirt to clean her knee.

"Hey! What the hell, Shinji?" Asuka demanded, blushing profusely as he finally addressed her with an innocent look.

"What?" he asked nonchalantly, blinking at her with those blue eyes of his. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, you know." He continued to clean the wound, even when Asuka gave him an indignant 'hmph' and crossed her arms around her chest, looking at the ceiling in annoyance but still blushing a bright crimson.

"It wouldn't kill you to have some finesse, idiot," Asuka commented softly, making Shinji laugh a bit as he washed and soothed the bruise on her knee.

"Yeah, I know. Hey, there's hot water in the tub if you wanna take a bath, then I can dress these and we can go to sleep."

Asuka humphed yet again, glaring daggers at Shinji as he gently pressed the wet cloth on the cut above her eyebrow and removed the small line of dried blood around it.

"You idiot, you're supposed to be resting, yet you made dinner and set up the bath? What the hell is your problem?" She pointed an accusatory finger at him, feigning indignation and shock. "You're trying to get me in trouble, aren't you?"

Shinji smiled sheepishly at her, baffling the redhead completely with his sunny attitude. Once she settled down and Shinji continued to carefully and ever so gently sooth the skin around her cheek, Asuka managed to muster up the courage to ask the question she was dreading.

"Hey, Shinji," she said uncertainly, gently removing his hand from her face. After he hummed in response, she cleared her throat and braced herself for the worst. "Why aren't you mad at me? I mean, come on! I ruined your first day home! I… I got into a fight with your sister. I..." She sighed dejectedly, frowning at the ground as she waited for Shinji's answer. The fact that he was touching her, being close to her only a month after being terrified of her presence, went unnoticed to the redhead.

Shinji frowned for a second, remembering the bitter feeling he had been stewing in for the last few hours before Asuka's arrival. Sometimes he wondered why it never seemed like he was getting a break, but he didn't feel particularly bad, either. He didn't feel afraid of Asuka's presence anymore, but he was quite upset with Rei.

"Hello? Are you in there?" Shinji blinked when the redhead poked him on the head.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I'm not mad at you, Asuka. You just reacted; Rei was the one who kept pushing it. You were even pushing me to go see her. It didn't matter that you don't like her, you still came to see Rei and if she hadn't goaded you… I know how you react when people pressure you, Asuka. I can't get mad if you were defending yourself."

Asuka lifted an unbelieving eyebrow at him, wondering under what reality would the almighty Third Child be mad at Rei and not at her, specially after a full on fist fight between them both. It made little sense to her, but it didn't fail to bring a twisted feeling of elation to know that finally she had bested the perfect doll in something. Her bruised pride took a small breather when Shinji took her other hand, slowly running the wet cloth through the reddened skin on her arm and the small scratch marks around her skin.

"I don't… I don't like it when people stick their noses in our lives," Shinji said, frowning deeply when he saw the ugly marks around her neck. Rei would have some explaining to do. "It doesn't seem right. They don't… they weren't there. How could they possibly ask me to fight you? I… I don't even deserve to be near you and yet they… they come here and try to play with my life just when things start getting a little better. They try to tell me what to do like I'm some sort of helpless victim and it just pisses me o-"

"Shinji," Asuka interrupted. He looked up at her. "You're hurting me," she said slowly, noticing how tight his grip on her arm was. Not a second after the pressure around her arm lessened and the boy beside her sighed and looked at the ground.

"Sorry," he said. "It's…"

"I know," Asuka finished for him. "It feels like they don't have any right to say anything, like someone's trying to control our life again. It feels like they don't have a clue what I've… what we've been through, but…" Asuka took his hand, wondering pathetically at how sappy she had become and puzzled at just when Shinji's hand had turned so comfortable to the touch.

"But they do it because they care about us." Shinji locked eyes with her, noticing with remorse how sad and guilty she looked. Never before had he seen her so vulnerable. Asuka shifted her eyes towards the ceiling, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I never should have done those things; I had no right regardless of what you did before…" A bittersweet smile drew over her tired frame as he eyes glazed a bit. "Rei was right about that. I was never nice to you, never tried to get close to you or ask you how you were in the morning. I didn't deserve your help, even if what happening was bigger than us."

"Asuka…"

"No, it's okay," she interrupted, "It's kind of getting old, you know. I used to scream for every little thing. I still do sometimes, I guess, but it's not because I hate you. All those things I said, what I did… I did it because I was-" The former Second Child stopped abruptly, almost feeling whatever remained of her pride choke her vocal chords in an effort to not show weakness.

Shinji kept staring at her, patiently waiting for his companion to feel comfortable enough to talk to him. He felt unsure of wanting to know what had inspired the worst of Asuka's outbursts, but if this was something she needed to get off her chest, then he would listen intently.

Asuka finally gave a sad sigh, still looking at the ground. "I was scared. Scared of you."

Shinji's eyes predictably widened in disbelief at her words, he stared at her like it was for the first time, stunned to utter silence by her statement. Not once had that thought crossed his mind, the simple idea of Asuka being scared of anything seemed somehow alien to him. Before he could utter a proper response, however, she asked the question he had been unable to answer nine months before.

"Shinji, why did you try to kill me?"

This time it was Shinji who sighed as his eyes turn downcast and saddened. "I guess I never got around answering that, did I?" he muttered quietly, feeling the redhead's hand slowly grip his shoulder. When they locked gazes once again, Shinji saw a sad smile on her beautiful face.

"You know," she said, "I'm not going to run away again, Baka. And I´m not going to hit you either."

Shinji felt a soft chuckle rumble through his chest, turning to look at the kitchen's ceiling as he idly wondered if the warm water in the tub had gone cold by now. "I… felt betrayed. And desperate. You were the only one who could help me, the only one who understood. I knew what I did was horrible, but I still wanted… needed you to help me. I just wanted for one person to actually give a damn, but when you didn't I… lost it." He clenched his left hand unconsciously, remembering the bitter emotions that had eventually led him to trigger the first phase of Third Impact.

"All the anger from being used, all the frustration of being alone, everything just broke loose when you said no. I didn't have a reason to exist anymore and I didn't want you, or anyone else to have one either. At that point… I hated everything so much."

Asuka nodded wordlessly before swallowing a lump developing in her throat. "And," she all but whispered. "On the beach?"

Shinji closed his eyes, lowering his head slightly. "On the beach… the moment I saw you I thought you were just a doll. There was no light in your eyes but you were breathing, you were warm on the outside but… I don't know. I was alone for a while, sometimes I couldn't even tell what was real, so I thought I was just hallucinating again. You were just another vision to torment me, another reminder of my sins, so I wanted to kill you, make you disappear so I could burn in hell with some peace of mind…"

Asuka stretched on the chair after a small, comfortable silence took reign over the living room. Even when she was nearing the point of absolute physical agony, she felt peaceful beyond anything she would have believed possible. By simply talking, sharing with Shinji it felt as though a giant weight had been lifted off her heart and shoulders.

"You know," the redhead said merrily. "We need new topics for conversation, Baka. All this mushy stuff is getting to me, and under no circumstance will the Great Sohryu Asuka Langley be considered soft and sappy."

Shinji opened his eyes and laughed good-naturedly at her comment. "That's it? You're not going to say anything?" he asked, the honesty of his disbelief shined through his voice as he spoke.

"There's nothing to say, Baka-Shinji. You've done some stupid things, I've done a lot of stupid things, and somehow we're still here. It's like scar tissue, you know." Shinji lifted an eyebrow at her.

"Scar tissue?" he repeated, intrigued.

"Yeah," Asuka answered, smiling as she noticed the long, vertical line going up her arm. "Scar tissue is never like normal tissue; it's broken, sensitive, disfigured and simply different from before, and it can never go back to what it was." She traced the calloused circle around Shinji's palms, for once feeling no disgust or rejection for the reminders of the power once given to him. "But… scar tissue is stronger. It'll endure much more than normal skin or bone, because it's already been hurt but managed to heal and get better. It might never be the same, but maybe that isn't such a bad thing, after all. Maybe a scar or two is the true proof that you've lived and grown."

Shinji rejoiced in the warm feeling of Asuka's hand on his, melting away the stress of the day and the pat month in a environment of openness and sincerity. He squeezed her hand a bit tighter and wondered how to answer such profound words. Finally, an idea popped into his head.

"That was pretty sappy," Shinji commented dryly after a moment.

-WHACK-

"Hey! What the hell? I'm a recovering patient here!"

"Yeah, and a real smartass, too! You just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

"How the hell was I supposed to know it was a moment? You never tell me anything, and when you do it sounds like something out of a fortune cookie!"

"Fortune cookie? Are you comparing my intellect to some lowly written message inside Chinese pastry? That's it!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't hit me!"

"I'm not going to hit you, stupid! I'm going to take a bath, then I'm going to come back here and allow you to bandage these properly, then you're going to carefully explain why in the hell were you cooking when you know you're supposed to be resting!"

Asuka rose from her chair, hobbling over to the bathroom door before Shinji had a chance to retaliate. It felt good, to say the least. Simple teasing, joking around and snarking with the person she felt closest to... that feeling of normality was simply priceless. Before she opened the bathroom door, she turned her head to Shinji's direction, letting her red bangs obscure her eyes.

"Hey, do you think we can work this out?" she asked of him.

"Of course I do," Shinji answered, smiling at her. "We're like scar tissue, remember?"

"Yeah," Asuka whispered back, closing the bathroom door to finally rid herself of all the grime of that day. "Like scar tissue…"

Two parts of the same mark, two wounds bound together by the slow healing process of growth. No more words were exchanged between them; there was nothing else to say. Finally their worst doubts, their dreadful insecurities and hesitations had been laid to rest. They felt stronger, different, forever to remain damaged in some way. Harsher, but sensible at the same time. Like scar tissue.

---

More than nineteen hundred metres away from Misato's apartment, Dmitri pressed a bullet inside the chamber of his recently acquired KSVR, loading the weapon in one fluid motion. The Russian sniper rifle produced a satisfying click and swallowed a modified 12.7x108mm caliber projectile as the young assassin took a firing position. The scope was already set with the necessary adjustments for wind speed, lighting and distance; it aimed a perfect circle right on Ikari Shinji's head as he carefully bandaged the Second Child's hand and applied some sort of cream on her face, most likely to stop the swelling. Both chatted merrily as the sun slowly set behind the hills of Tokyo 3. He almost felt guilty for ruining such a fine evening with the stench of death. Beside him, a man clad in a black uniform slowly wheezed as a puddle of blood grew around his body.

The knife pressed against the man's ribcage continued to soak itself more and more in vital fluid as it dribbled out from its owner's body, small streams escaping from the wound just above the man's stomach. Dmitri stared directly into his face as he greedily twisted the knife, feasting in the agony reflected on his victim's expression. He slowly lifted the dying man to eye level, presented him with the barrel of his own weapon.

"Kind of fitting to die to your own gun, one not unlike the weapon you used to try to kill the Third Child before, wouldn't you say so?" Dmitri pulled the trigger, splashing the other man's brains all over the floor. "It's a pity this time around you won't be back. No Instrumentality to help you now."

He sighed contentedly once the lifeless figure slid to the ground in a bloody mess, picking up the Dragunov and placing himself in a firing position. Fuck, he thought. I´ll have to hurry before the cops hear about gunshots in abandoned buildings, but then again I never thought we'd be meeting so soon, Ikari Shinji. I guess desperate times call for creative measures, after all. The scope was set directly on the boy's forehead, and from the position he was in and the power of the weapon; the bullet would undoubtedly embed itself in the Second's chest before Katsuragi even had a chance to react. A perfect shot.

"Поехали..."

He fired three bullets with a pause of exactly two second between each pull of the trigger; almost anticipating the pink mist and feeling the rifle push against his shoulder every time. In his mind, the noise of the glass shattering into a million pieces created the magnificent symphony of a well-executed plan.

The shots could be heard from half a mile away, but by the time the authorities discovered the place where the shots had come from, the only thing they found was the dead body of an assassin wearing a JSSDF uniform, with his dead supported by a rock and pointing directly at the wall. Just above the corpse's head and written with what appeared to be blood, was a message.

"Pain is the reward of those who tempt with the Will of God. Despair awaits the arrogant and the unjust. The Holy Punishment will be delivered to those who have defied the fate of mankind. Beware, guardian dogs of humanity. The 19th shall rise again."

Under the shrilling message, another one scratched directly into the concrete simply read: "NERV WILL BURN"

To Be Continued…

---

Поехали: Translated to "here we go," also a famous quote by Gagarin. Thank you to skyfoxfor this incredible idea.

I'd like to thank MisterHalt from the bottom of my heart for helping me proof and improve this chapter! Love you, my brother!

AN: OK, yeah so it took like two and a half months and all…. But I´m honestly proud of this chapter, for real. It's an exploration, so to say. You´ll notice that the timeframe it covers is relatively small (barely a day), but what interested me in this particular chapter was to look deeper into the psyche of the characters, to profoundly analyze their motives for doing whatever it is they do or don't do and to study the wonderful ability of the young mind to recover, evolve, adapt and move on. Or something like that idk.

I wrote the last parts of this chapter high on acid, wasn't an isolated event, either. That birthday scene? Yeah. Thank you all for your continuous support and wonderful reviews! I would call individual names, but my memory ain't the best and you know who you are! Thank you for your ideas, your input and patience. I know that it takes long but I try to deliver as much quality as I can, and that takes time hehehe. Anyways, thank you all and stay tuned for more Scar Tissue! Chapter 13 to come!

PEACE!