Scar Tissue

by deathbringer374

After Third Impact fic. The world goes to some semblance of normality. Shinji Ikari lays in bed, unmoving, tubes and wires all over, machines beeping away. Asuka stares, horrified, at the result of her violence. Maybe revenge tasted...bitter. AXS. Revised version has been uploaded! R&R

15. Chapter 15

Oh Yes! It's ALIVE. As always, my deepest, deepest apologies for the ridiculously large time gap between updates, trust me, it bugs the hell out of me too. Sadly, life and responsibilities must come first. I guess we can thank The Winery Dogs, a month off work, about four bottles of Chilean Cabernet Savignon and varied anime marathons for the inspiration of this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, RHCP, the Winery Dogs, Batman, or any of the music and material I quote. All made-up characters are exactly that; made up.

Also, this is a long, long chapter, so it takes it time. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I have to say, it's the lightest chapter I've made as far as this story is concerned. Doesn't mean there's no angst!

Now. Fluff and angst ahead. Lots of fluff. You have been warned. That would be all. Enjoy.

Scar Tissue

Chapter Fifteen. Act Fourteen: We are One

"Shinji."

The boy remained silent, unwilling to so much as acknowledge the older Ikari's presence at all. He glared at the metal door with vehemence and continued to ignore him as time slowly ticked by along with the elevator's screen. Gendou gazed at him with a mixture of detached apathy and a bothersome sensation of guilt. Knowing fully that his presence would incite nothing but anger in his son, the former Commander had purposely avoided any encounter with him in or out of the Geofront; not that he had much mobility around the place anyway. For once, Gendou had found himself not wishing to bring about more suffering to the boy; besides, there was also his injuries to consider.

Nonetheless, fate had apparently deemed his cowardly actions unworthy, and so here he stood with the young man he had abandoned in every possible way. The numbers on the elevator clicked away, the sound oddly loud in the otherwise muted small space, making the elder Ikari's inability to reach out to his own flesh and blood that much clearer. Throughout his adult life, Gendou had never second-guessed himself or regretted any of his decisions no matter how brutal, or how much pain they brought in others.

This was especially true with Shinji; he had willingly pushed the boy away in the worst moment of both their lives so he could more easily swallow down the sickness that arose when he thought of his wife and the fate that had befallen her. Shinji had always been a reminder of her; of all the love he had stolen from Yui and taken for himself. Pushing him away had been easy then; he had despised the child from his very core, and had seldom, if ever, felt anything but jealousy, for Shinji and God had stolen Yui from him. Or at least, that was what he had told himself until the very end, when both his wife and daughter had turned their backs on him, the monster of the family, and gave Shinji godhood instead of him.

"I will become God. Then I will never lose anything again." He had repeated that phrase in his mind for fifteen years, and all of it had been a lie.

Lies. He had run away, escaped reality and refused to accept that his wife was not there, refused to accept Shinji who he thought had taken her love, and lied to himself until he believed it with every fiber of his twisted soul. He would become God, and Yui's love would not be lost. Only... all Yui had ever loved was her own idea of godhood, not him. Gendou wondered: was she still in Unit 01? He hoped she was, for the EVA would rust and decompose at some point, however many eons it took, however many other forms of intelligent life it passed by. He hoped Yui's soul rusted slowly along with her creation, in exquisite and eternal agony.

The mop of short brown hair, so much like his own, brought Ikari back to reality. The person in front of him was a stranger. He was Shinji, and yet he was not; the end of the world and eight months in a wasteland had turned his weak son into something else, something dangerous. The strange sensation of guilt corroded him again.

He had purposely ruined the boy's ability to empathize with others, just so his synchronization with Unit 01 was more powerful and would thus enable him to use the inexperienced, untrained pilot as yet another variable in his plan. For years, he had only contemplated the teen in front of him as nothing more than the means to an end, foolishly believing he could redeem himself once he took control of Instrumentality. And then it had all been reduced to ashes. He had shattered the only legacy he'd ever leave for nothing.

And yet... here Shinji stood, on his own two feet.

"Shinji," he tried again, clearing his throat. "I've been made aware of your injuries." Shinji refused to answer, but he shrugged his shoulders even when the movement clearly upset his ribs. Gendou frowned. "You should not be walking in your current state." At last, he managed to, partly at the very least, break the cold indifference he had covered himself in.

Shinji snorted snorted derisively, refusing to look at him. "So now you give a damn if I should be walking or not?" he bit back, his words clipped. "I bet if an Angel attacked, you'd drag me to the entry plug even if I was half-dead."

The elder Ikari's frown deepened considerably. "This is true," he answered in his cold monotone. "But the Angels are no more. You should rest so your healing can be swifter." He watched as Shinji's fists clenched and unclenched with something akin to satisfaction sparking in his chest. So the boy had grown past his constant and hindering need of approval, it would seem. Good.

"And since when do you give a shit about my health?" the young Ikari snapped back, still refusing to meet his gaze. Gendou adjusted his yellowish glasses with his remaining flesh and blood hand, untroubled by the increasingly hostile atmosphere within the elevator.

"You never cursed before," he commented dryly, ignoring Shinji's own question. "According to Akagi, your language has become quite… colorful as of late." At last, Shinji cocked his head in Gendou's general direction and glared viciously at the figure that was his father.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, voice dripping venom. The raw, unbidden hatred and indescribable trauma Gendou saw in those blue eyes, eyes that no longer held Yui's warmth, made the half-dead organ in his chest constrict. "It's just that I lived through the fucking Armageddon you and your buddies designed, so you'll have to excuse me if my language is a bit fucking harsh nowadays." Shinji turned his head back angrily, eyeing the elevator's screen, forcing a knowing smirk on Gendou's face. Twenty-nine stories left.

"Besides," the boy added, crossing his arms. "It's not like it's any of your business how I speak or what I do. If I want to go cook Asuka a decent meal, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Misato told me about you; she said you can't order me around anymore, that you're basically a glorified prisoner here. You have no authority over me."

In his mind, Ikari Gendou came closer to bursting out laughing than he had in years. Oh, but he did have some power left. He was, after all, the commander's trusted advisor.

"Did she, now?" he asked, minding to keep his tone to its usual coldness. "She is correct I suppose, yet the matter remains. You have extensive trauma in your mid-section, courtesy of the Second Child if I am not mistaken, and a bullet wound in your leg. The logical course would be rest."

The way Shinji's shoulders tensed instantly made his father aware of how upset he truly was. "She was just shot, you…" The young pilot bit his words off, jaw clenched. "You cold bastard." Once again, he glared dangerously at Gendou. "Do you seriously not give a single shit about anyone but Mother? We were almost killed, do you even realize that?! We could've died!"

Gendou shrugged, unperturbed. "All the more reason to rest, no?"

Shinji huffed, almost unable to keep his anger under control and frowned at the door instead, refusing to dignify the question with a response. He appeared content enough with trying to melt the door's metal with his intense glare, so Gendou smirked once more and pocketed his hand, lulled by the ticking sound of the elevator.

As they were reaching the nineteenth floor, when the stressful atmosphere became almost stifling, Gendou broke the tense silence. "I believe your current arrangement with the Second Child to be detrimental to your health," he commented, as disinterestedly as if he were speaking of the day's weather. Shinji visibly flinched when he said 'Second Child', as though he'd just been burned with a cinder. "If you refuse to be parted from her, I strongly recommend you defend yourself on the next occasion she deems fit to dismantle your thorax."

And there it was. Gendou couldn't help but smile cruelly to himself when the Third Child spun around to face him with a scowl on his face. He really was a low-life bastard, wasn't he? Still manipulating his son, using his extensive knowledge of the boy's nature to lure him into a determined set of actions. When Shinji glared at him with that much hatred, Gendou could not help but see a younger version of himself staring back. From the way he was glowering, he could already tell that the Second Child's life was somehow extremely precious to Shinji. Invaluably so.

"It's none," Shinji began, fists shaking with suppressed anger, "of your business. Don't. Just… don't, all right?"

Gendou returned his son's glare with equal force, letting the worn out sinews of his face contort into what he knew had been the look that terrified his employees. "Don't what, Shinji? The Second Child is clearly unst-"

That was as far as he got. Before the elder Ikari realized it, Shinji's left fist had impacted his groin with more force than the boy had any right to possess. The very air in the former Commander's lungs was apparently decommissioned, for he was breathless for a good five seconds until his legs gave out and his knees painfully impacted the steel floor. It occurred to him, in the milliseconds which transpired between him standing and him kneeling on the floor, that an injured fifteen-year-old should not have been able to move so fast.

Shinji started to shake.

"She's the one who got her mind raped while you forced me to watch. She's the one you served SEELE in a silver platter. She's the one who defeated nine Evangelions by herself, after being half-starved and in a coma. She's the one who fought against all odds for every person in the world!" From his position on the ground, Gendou could see his son's entire body tremble with fury.

Shinji seethed, molars grinding together. "She's the one who was butchered for your sick ambition to be with Mother, to be God, butchered alive while I sat around and did nothing because of how much you broke me."

Judging by his body language, Gendou was expecting a second blow to come flying at his face in any given moment, but Shinji was apparently enraged enough to be rendered unable to coordinate a second punch.

"She's not the Second; she's not a thing you can move like a chess piece and throw away. She's a person!" What would it take now, thought Gendou, to make this stranger fight? The boy who had been his son was truly dead; murdered by him, SEELE, and the Second Child.

Veins bulged in the boy's forearms. "If you dare to speak about her, do it with respect, or I swear on Mother's empty grave that the next time you insult her, I'll take Misato's gun and shoot you in the fucking head."

Gendou's glasses slipped from his face and fell to the ground, allowing the older man to glare right back at the boy's face. It took a great deal of self-control to resist the sudden instinct to repay his son's attack with equal or greater force, and yet at the same time he tried not to be elated with pride upon noticing that Shinji did not relent for a second when faced with him. This was probably the closest they had ever stood to one another in eleven years, and Shinji did not back down.

"She's the strongest person I've ever known, a warrior braver than you could ever be. She was eaten alive, tortured, and still was the first to come back. She was making water distillers out of trash and helping people survive while you swam around in that ocean of blood". In an impulse the former Commander knew was unconscious, Shinji's right hand sprang up and grabbed a fistful of his suit, drawing him even closer. "She saved my life, my sanity, my mind. My soul." Two pairs of dark blue eyes, similar enough to make Gendou sick, glared intensely at one another.

"Call her by her name," Shinji growled, fists trembling. "Call her Asuka."

DING

The elevator door opened, but Shinji continued to glare at him for a few more seconds. "Pathetic," he muttered, turning away to head for the dining area. After a few more heartbeats, the door closed and the elevator continued its way to the top floor and towards the current Commander's office. The pain was blinding, true, but he could not, for the life of him, erase the growing smirk now plastered on his face. Regret was slowly making its way to his psyche, knowing well that he should not be at all proud of how disturbed and clearly traumatized his son was, but for the time being pride was enough. Ikari Gendou had never been truly proud of anything in his entire life, not until the moment Unit 01 had bitten him in half.

"Asuka, huh…" he mused aloud, standing on shaky legs that refused to work properly. The pain was excruciating, but the pieces were set; the scenario was clear.

DING

The dark surroundings of the miniature cellar he called a room came slowly back into focus. He tried rubbing the overly tired eyes that refused to work properly with his right hand out of habit, but was greeted only by the empty stump where a hand used to be. All in all, reliving the experience in the elevator provided much more rest than the appalling nightmares that more often circled his sleeping mind.

Interesting, he thought, flexing his remaining hand. The boy's friend returned with his limbs intact, the Second Ch-Asuka came back to life after being dismembered, Rei now enjoys full health and a completely human anatomy… and I am stuck with this, thought Gendou Ikari dispassionately. Holy punishment, I suppose.

Despite the hundreds, thousands even, who had lost a limb or had been crippled at one point or another during the war against the Angels and returned fully healed, Gendou's hand had remained unaccounted for. His eyes, already damaged and tired, seemed overeager to age much faster than the rest of his body and nowadays troubled him with headaches and dizziness. Working sixteen hours a day with one hand, trying to stabilize the synch matrix with a brand new operating system courtesy of Ritsuko, and performing digitized core depth analysis, along with trying to come up with a stable dual piloting system for the new entry plug, had all taken its toll on him.

Yet, as he sat on the tiny bed and realized for the umpteenth time he was alive and somehow had been granted an opportunity to exist, the ugly stump did not seem half as bad.

The almost imperceptible graying lines on his hair and beard could only mean he was getting old as well. With a muffled yawn Gendou reached out for his glasses, proceeding to quickly turn both the kettle and coffee maker on, eye the clock by his nightstand, and shower and attempt to make himself somewhat presentable; he knew an important visitor was bound to arrive any time now and said person was the very definition of punctuality. After a quick shower, the elder Ikari unevenly dressed with a single hand and tried to put his new mechanical prosthesis on, failing miserably the first two times. The satisfying clicking sound finally occurred on the third, along with the painful jolt that followed the neural connection. He flexed the augmented fingers a couple of times and headed for the tiny wardrobe.

Ikari's clothing selection had never been extensive to begin with. Now, however, it was limited to a pair of shirts, a few undergarments and four of his old suits. It would appear that forcing him to parade around in his old attire, now that he basically had no power nor true authority, brought about great pleasure to the new Commander. I assume it is a fitting sentence, he pondered idly while combing his hair. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

The steady, precise knocking on his door severed his musing in a second; his guest was here. Though he would never admit to anyone, he was somewhat nervous, which was made all the more obvious from the slight, almost imperceptible shaking of his remaining hand. Of all the people he had hurt and destroyed, his son included, this person was without a doubt the one who deserved to despise him the most, and Gendou found that entertaining the possibility of receiving said hatred left him feeling sickened. Mostly with himself.

He made the stride to the door as slow as possible, already dreading the idea of confronting the person behind it, and took an uncharacteristically large breath before pushing the button. The door slid open and Gendou felt his rotten heart jump into his throat.

The crimson eyes of Ayanami Rei regarded him with odd deference. "Commander," she stated softly, turning her gaze to the ground a second afterwards. "I… was told you wished to see me."

Vague memories assaulted Gendou's awareness, of how she used to smile at him, walk with him, speak to him like he were a normal human being instead of a monster, eat with him and request his advice. For nearly a minute he stood there, unbelieving eyes hidden behind the yellow glasses, and tried to come up with a suitable answer.

None came to mind. Perhaps he should not have told Ritsuko.

"Rei," he managed after the silence had become uncomfortable and Rei began to fidget under his gaze. "You look… well. Please, would you like to come in?" His voice sounded rather rough to the former Commander's own ears. He forced unwilling limbs to move -why did he feel so heavy?- and motioned the young woman to enter his ridiculously small living space. She nodded, hands clasped in front of her, and walked in. She did not raise her eyes from the floor until she was in, and once inside her gaze traveled through his few belongings, but did not address him again.

Ritsuko had been kind enough to provide him a small table and two seats, an electric kettle, a coffee maker, some cups and glasses, and even a few selected vegetarian meals for that morning. All this occupied the small room's entire left side, while his small bed and miniature desk were on the right where his wardrobe and endless pile of papers and hard disks were stacked. There was a small door in between that led to his miniature bathroom. It all seemed very pathetic to him; a minuscule seed of shame sprouted in his chest upon considering the way they would previously take their meals in his spacious office.

No matter, he thought when he realized Rei had not moved an inch from her position left of the table. You will not run from this. You will say what needs be said, however painful the consequences may be.

"Rei," he offered as gently as he was able. "I am glad you came. I've made some coffee, and there is hot water for tea. You can take a seat if you wish."

"Yes," Rei mumbled, looking at the ground. She demurely took a seat on the chair closest to the exit and directed her eyes to the small table instead. "Thank you."

None of her behavior went unnoticed; Gendou observed her every move with interest and dread. The fact that Rei was wearing a normal pair of jeans and a cerulean shirt instead of her old school uniform relieved him in ways Gendou could not even comprehend. Her eyes, her very expression, however, crushed the momentary happiness in seconds.

She refused to meet his eyes. She could not even bare to look at him.

"Coffee, tea?" He tried to delay the moment when he'd be faced with her as much as possible, so the mere task of serving a cup of coffee provided the perfect excuse. Coward, his mind whispered while he turned his back on Rei.

"Chamomile, please, if you have it. If not, coffee would be acceptable."

He did have some chamomile in fact, once again courtesy of Ritsuko, so Ikari nodded and poured her a steaming cup. It was the good stuff too, although how in the world Ritsuko had gotten Russian chamomile tea was beyond him. The last time he had checked, their relations with the Russians were strained at best, and nowhere near amiable trading terms.

The task took less time than Gendou hoped. Soon enough he had placed the cup next to the blue-haired girl along with a small jar of honey and had seated himself in front of her. Finally able to see her face, Gendou immediately noticed the subtle differences. There were small lines across her cheeks and lips, clear indication of more frequent facial expression. Her eyes had always held some level of warmth when addressing him but remained detached; he could now clearly see they no longer had the guarded, cold, calculating gaze he remembered. The crimson eyes were softer, yet the hue of her eyes was a bit deeper; they seemed almost brown under the limited light of his room.

Her skin was as pale as he remembered, but was ever so slowly starting to gain color. Her hair was a more vivid tone of blue. Gendou smiled despite himself; she looked better than he had ever seen her. She poured a bit of honey in her tea and took small sips every now and then, constantly averting her gaze from his.

Once the minutes had ticked by and the silence had become unbearable to him, Gendou tried initiating conversation. "How have you been?" he asked, sipping his coffee. "You look quite healthy."

Completely out of character, the young girl blushed and stared embarrassedly at the cup in her hands. "Thank you," she replied, looking at his desk. "I have been eating well, and exercising with Shinji-kun and the Second. We have a quite capable instructor."

Gendou's eyebrow rose. "Yes, I've heard of this man; a former military trainer and Captain, currently holding the rank of Lieutenant General. He is teaching Shinji self-defense, correct?"

The girl nodded. "He is quite… eccentric," she said quietly. "Shinji-kun seems to enjoy their sessions, even when receiving bruises. The Second apparently tolerates him as well."

The way an almost imperceptible frown drew itself on her face upon mentioning Sohryu did not go unseen by him. Said reaction provided the perfect opportunity for him to change topic and hopefully break the unbearably tense energy around them.

"What is your impression on Asuka Langley Sohryu?" he asked, putting the cup on the table so he could sit in his usual pose, hand and prosthesis in front of his face.

Rei's frown deepened almost imperceptibly, albeit her expression remained guarded and she never looked at him. "The Second is unstable," she managed, barely able to keep her deadpan tone. "She is insecure, aggressive, vindictive and paranoid. She constantly berates Shinji-kun on what she believes are flaws, and has abused him both physically and emotionally since they returned."

The elder Ikari nodded. "And this bothers you," he stated; it was not a question, yet Rei nodded nonetheless.

"Shinji-kun has been through… too much." The way she wavered at the end forced Gendou to swallow down the bitterness which suddenly strangled his chest.

I've put him through too much, you mean, he considered grimly. I've destroyed him.

"She attempts to project that she is independent and strong, yet falls to pieces when the one milestone of her life, her pride as a pilot, is wounded." Without her realizing it, the girl's hand tightened around the cup. "She instills in everyone nothing but pain, born out of her own weakness and unwillingness to accept herself, Shinji-kun's presence, his help or so much as acknowledge her own feelings for him."

Gendou repressed a smirk, enthralled by the way Rei so openly displayed anger and discomfort. It brought yet another sprout of momentary happiness in his chest, which he hid under the ever-present façade of coldness. He readjusted his glasses and nodded, turning his stare to the girl's angry eyes.

"You care for Shinji," he said matter-of-factly, trying to sway the conversation in a direction that did not upset her as much. "Very much so, do you not?"

Rei blushed, for once staring at him. He tried to give her his version of an encouraging smile. "It is quite alright," Ikari added. "I am happy for you. It is pleasant to see you've managed to reach out to him."

The girl nodded, throwing shy glimpses at him every now and then. What was it with this strange behavior? "He insists I call him Nii-san," she commented, drawing a tiny smile on her features. "We have lunch together most days, breakfast as well sometimes, and he has introduced me to his friends." Once again, she glanced furtively at him, as if expecting a negative comment or for her actions to be frowned upon.

It dawned on Gendou like a bucket of cold water to the face. She was expecting him to disapprove, to tell her she should cease such activities and concentrate on the scenario, that nothing else mattered. This time, swallowing down the shame was harder than he thought.

"I am glad to hear it," Ikari answered nonetheless, offering her a tight smile and hiding the uncomfortable feeling that settled in his stomach when he heard Rei called Shinji her brother. "It is good for you to extend your social circle and partake in normal teenage activities. I heard Shinji is teaching you how to cook, yes?"

Her smile widened. "Yes, he acquired a book on vegetarian recipes not too long ago. We have been practicing three times a week." At last, she stopped averting her eyes and stared at him openly. God, how he had missed those crimson eyes. "He is a wonderful cook."

"So I've heard," Gendou answered, mulling over his next words. "Referring to our former subject, you disapprove of Sohryu's presence around Shinji? Do you believe it is truly in his best interests if they were split apart?"

As much as he hated seeing the smile disappear from her face, the elder Ikari needed an honest answer and knew he would only get it from Rei. As expected, her face darkened almost instantly at the very mention of the Second Child. She truly hates Asuka, he thought, amused. So the tale of their fight in Shinji's hospital room was no lie.

Despite how much she seemingly wanted to agree with his reasoning, Ikarii was surprised when the girl shook her head, glaring daggers at her now empty cup. "No," she answered tightly, sighing. "Shinji-kun is most dependent on her presence, for whatever reason. Since they… settled some of their differences, he has become healthier and now enjoys a minimum of six daily hours of sleep. As much as it displeases me to say it, they… now seem to be good for one another."

"This was of course not the case before," he provided, feeling the brief tension disperse. "What do you believe may have happened?"

Rei looked pensive for a few seconds. "It is not my place to say; Shinji-Nii san has adamantly requested that I, or anyone else for that matter, not meddle in their relations," she started, a thoughtful expression on her face. "But I believe the Second realized how important he was to her after she almost killed him. Perhaps facing the possibility of life without him forced her to break the shell of anger and insanity she had withdrawn into." She crossed her arms, looking thoughtful.

"Their mutual company now helps them cope with the trauma they've suffered. Also, their nightmares seem to considerably diminish when they are…" Rei's frowned deepened. "Sharing bedding space."

By the way she spoke the words they must have been hard for her to utter at all, considering the amount of clear anger Rei held against Asuka. "Although," she continued, surprising the former Commander yet again. "I do not believe almost murdering one's loved ones necessary to realize they are important."

A sound in between a growl and a chortle escaped Ikari's lips. Perhaps not, he thought bitterly. Perhaps one needs to be betrayed and split in half to realize one has loved ones at all. "Sarcasm?" he said, eyebrows raised. "It would seem you have been spending a bit too much time in Sohryu's presence, Rei."

Her pale cheeks colored again. "I," she mumbled. "I may have acquired a certain level of… disdain… for her."

Gendou smirked, intrigued. Finally it felt like they were truly conversing the way they had before. It was refreshing to him. "And yet you sit with her at breakfast or lunch sometimes, did not attack her while she was injured, did not kill her when you could have during your fight," he countered, unable to keep some of the dark humor from reaching his tone. "You tolerate her presence around who you consider to be your brother, even when she has evidently damaged him before." He secretly enjoyed the way her eyes seemed to suddenly only focus on him. "Why?"

"It has been agreed that further conflict between her and I would be detrimental to Nii-san's recovery," Rei clarified, voice quickly losing its meager warmth. "In addition, Nii-san insists that I must respect her, and she will in turn respect me."

"And if she reverts back into her old ways and injures him again?" he questioned, curiosity gaining the best of him.

"She will not," Rei retorted with a tone of finality. "She has sworn as much."

Gendou tsked. "I do not expect you to be so naïve. What if she forgets her oath, or falls into another episode of blind rage, and this time does not stop?" From the way her eyes hardened, he understood he had nothing to worry about.

"Then I will kill her," she said with ease, voice flat.

Ikari hid the smirk with brutal force. Good girl. "Regardless of how it makes Shinji feel, provided he is still alive in this hypothetical scenario?" he elaborated.

Rei pondered his question for a moment. After a moment's trepidation she nodded curtly. "Yes."

This time, the smirk manifested itself in spite of of his wishes. "Good."

Yet another tense silence followed, accompanied by the ever frequent shy glances the crimson-eyed girl threw his way every now and again. With something strange corroding the base of his stomach -shame?- he swallowed down the lump in his throat. "Rei," he managed, looking straight at her. "Is something the matter?"

Her eyes widened a bit, as if she'd been discovered doing something she shouldn't. She fidgeted once again under his gaze, apparently unsure of whether to tell him or not. Another agonizing needle slammed into his rotten heart. Before Shinji, before Third Impact, she had never hidden anything from him. It seems you've taken her love from me as well, Shinji, he thought cynically as he pushed the chair aside and moved to stand next to Rei.

He crouched and took her hand in his own, surprised of how warm it was when her body temperature had formerly always been cold to the touch. "Rei," he attempted once more, squeezing her hand. "Is something the matter?"

The girl he considered his daughter flinched when he placed his hand on hers, but did not free it from his gentle hold. Rei's eyes traveled from one corner of the room to the other at least twice before they settled on his gaze, looking as uncertain as he had ever seen them.

"I…" she started, hand clenching in his. "It was you, was it not?" Gendou blinked at her, taken aback. "You… helped me. You reached out to me inside the ocean; you helped me be… me."

A sudden rush of unwanted emotion washed over the Bastard King. It constricted in his chest, stealing away his ability to draw breath.

Unaware of how much she was destabilizing him, Rei continued. "After I saw Shinji and the Second on the beach I… was drawn back to Lilith; I felt myself drift away, fall into pieces. The broken pieces of my soul started to shift and fade into Instrumentality, but…" She looked at him, naked emotion dancing in her eyes. "But then you were there. You helped put us back together, the three of us, you helped pull us away from Lilith. You pushed us away from the lies and mirrors, and you... returned, knowing what would await you."

Ikari lowered his head. "I promised you," he said, voice heavy and coarse. "I promised you I'd be here, whatever the cost."

"You helped me solidify my sense of self, even when you were fading away," Rei told him. "You saved me, after I betrayed you."

He smiled cruelly to himself, unable to face her. "Had I not raised you as a slave, as an object, you would not have needed me to help you in the first place. It was the least I could do after… after everything I've done to you."

He shook his head, biting down on his lip with brutal strength so as not to fall apart. He had not cried in eleven years, and frankly thought he had forgotten how to. "I treated you like a thing, raised you like a lamb to the slaughter. I condemned you to a life of pain and confusion, forbade you from exploring your own humanity just so you'd obey me. I pushed pills down your throat and forced you to live in a barely habitable environment. I-"

"You gave me life," Rei cut him off, squeezing his hand, and Ikari's mind ground to a complete halt. "Whatever your motives, you brought me into this world; this world where I was able to meet Shinji-kun and his friends, this world where I was able to choose for myself at the end." Rei looked at him with affection in her eyes, the same affection he'd seen back then, before madness had consumed all but his foolish desire to become God.

"Thank you."

Gendou's hand unconsciously clenched around her smaller one; his lower lip trembled. He felt like the worst bastard in the world. "How can you say such things…" he managed, almost unable to take in the care and warmth he saw in her eyes. "How can you thank me after everything… after all the sins I've committed against you, against Shinji? What I've done is beyond forgiveness, beyond-"

"I forgive you."

His eyes widened, staring shocked at her. She offered him a small, encouraging smile, and placed her other hand atop their joined ones. "Because he never will, and neither will anyone else, I will forgive you." She stared lovingly at him. "I… forgive you. And I've missed you, Commander."

A strained chortle escaped his parted lips. Ikari's head lowered and settled on the girl knee, shame eating away at him in ways he could not even begin to comprehend. "I am no longer Commander of anything Rei," he said, trying to swallow down the bitterness in his throat. "You needn't call me that anymore."

A tiny tug on his hand made him look up. "Then… how should I address you?" she asked timidly, smiling with a bit of uncertainty. He tried to give her a reassuring smile in return, and brutally forced away the sudden need to shed tears for the first time in more than a decade.

"However you wish, Rei," he answered quietly. "However you wish."

She tugged at his remaining hand again. "Then," she murmured, her cheeks rapidly reddening. "May I call you… Father?"

Gendou tasted blood when he bit down on his lip to keep the tears at bay. He was undeserving of such a title, completely undeserving of Rei's affection.

"When…" she started, startling him for the umpteenth time that day. "When we are alone… of course."

He smiled as sincerely as he knew how, hoping against hope that someday, somehow, he would earn such a title. For the time being, that one simple statement worked wonders to douse his exhaustion and give him strength and reason to continue onward with his mission.

"Of course," he answered at last. "That would be more than acceptable, Rei. You honor me." He clutched their joined hands encouragingly, forcing his stiff legs to move. "Would you like some breakfast?"

Rei smiled at him in that way she used to, just for him, and he found that living was not so painful anymore. Sitting at his small table, sharing a modest breakfast with the magnificent young lady who just seconds ago had called him father; Ikari Gendou felt happiness crawl its way into his dead heart for the first time since Yui had left him. True happiness.

---

November the 26th. EVA Holding Cage 3, NERV.

The armor surrounding the arms and legs had had to be modified at the last minute, along with a full renovation of the right arm restraints; the welded pieces of armor inside the flesh had proven to be a true pain. The power restraints themselves had been a subject on its own; trying to plug them into the rock-hard muscle mass which now covered most of the mecha's body had been almost impossible, and way too costly for the Commander's taste, yet it had all been necessary. The old bastards had apparently delayed their play, but she still had less than a month to finish the preparations.

Ritsuko chewed on her nicotine-laced gum with a scowl on her face. The entry plug's operating system had been another pain to program, and no matter how many times she attempted to solidify and stabilize the digital schematic, the stupid program had refused to function until 3:37am, leaving the overtired scientist with only four hours of rest.

Technical difficulties and general tiredness, however, were not what had bothered Ritsuko that morning. It's all too easy, she thought dispassionately while she watched the staff work on the facial mask's last details. The scarred visage of Unit 02's 'face' welcomed her within the large enclosure, satisfied smirk and all, from her perch on the cage's left wing. Misato's right, you are a happy little monster, aren't you? Her frown deepened when she noticed the two scars above the EVA's eyes. How did you do it? Your core was crushed, devoured, never even evolved to an S2 type to begin with. They ripped apart everything, every organ, most of your tissue, there wasn't even gray matter left when I threw your down Central Dogma. Her chewing sped up along with her breathing when the four green pupils dilated and turned to watch her. The EVA did not move, but fear still gripped the back of Ritsuko's neck. All I did was attach your severed head to whatever was left of your empty, slaughtered torso.

You shouldn't exist, she told the Beast. You did not survive, you were in pieces, shreds, you weren't even a corpse when I found you. The faux blonde's hands tightened around her lab coat. Why are you making it so easy on us? Why are you letting us restrain your power? The eyes never left her frame. They appeared bored, uninterested, as though she were nothing but a colorful little insect. In the cage's silence, Ritsuko could hear her own heartbeat speed up.

What are you planning, you weird abomination? she demanded silently, glaring daggers at the green pupils. What do you want from us? All you clones have ever been wired with is how to initiate an Impact. Is that what you want? Are you just waiting for us to stick that entry plug in you with a fresh soul, so you can feast on it and make us all extinct? Unit 02 offered no further explanation of its desire, untroubled by her uncertainty.

'I WANT ASUKA', it had informed them seven weeks before, and had remained silent ever since. It seemed content enough with waiting for what they all knew to be inevitable, as if it were mocking them all. The very sight of the biomechanical weapon made her sick.

"What do you want her for, you Kyoko wannabe?" the Commander whispered to herself. "Maybe a piece of her somehow managed to survive. Is that what you want, to be her mother?" She doubted that was the case. 'I AM ASUKA', it had told them, as clearly as if it had come from the girl herself.

"Or maybe you just want to snack on her soul, don't you, you unholy fucking monster?" She was so engrossed in her imaginary staring contest with the Eva that a pat on her shoulder made her gasp and almost jump out of her own skin.

"Ah, ah, ah," said a familiar voice behind her. "Language, Ritsu-chan. Wasn't it you who told me the kids had been using the f-word way too much? We need to set an example, not lead the damn pack."

The Commander growled and tore her shoulder away from Misato's grasp. Sometimes she wondered whether giving the position of Sub-Commander to her instead of Fuyutsuki had been the right choice. "Bite me, Misato," she snapped back, addressing her friend with a bored gaze. "How did the search go?"

The smile on the Sub-Commander's face disappeared as it had never existed. "Not too good, but we did find something strange."

Ritsuko's eyebrow rose, intrigued. "Oh?" She turned her her attention away from the mecha. "What'd you find?"

Misato crossed her arms and huffed, looking annoyed. "The shooter could've killed them, Ritsu," she said quietly. "From the place we found the body, whoever was using that rifle had a clear shot to our window. When Shinji picked Asuka up and ran to the door… it was a clear shot, even one of those bullets could've gone through them both. The shooter stopped, chose not to kill them."

The Commander hummed low in her throat. So it was true, what her informant had told her, there really was a wild card in their deck. The plan turned stupider and stupider the more she thought about it. "So SEELE decided to leave the kids alive? Hmm, doesn't sound too plausible. But then again, maybe they wanted to speed up the first synch test and thought the best way was to have the kid here," she speculated.

Misato nodded, gaze lost in the unmasked visage of Unit 02. "Yeah," she whispered. "They don't want to send an army to massacre us all until they know that thing there can be of use, huh?"

"Precisely," Ritsuko confirmed. "And isn't it so very convenient for them that we have to try this synch test no matter what." The raw need for a cigarette was making itself known again, so she took the pack of gum from her pocket and popped another one in her mouth. "They must feel so comfortable, the smug old bastards. They just have to wait and see, like they did for ten years, and let us take all the risks and carry the responsibility of another Impact, should this thing choose to annihilate humanity."

Misato frowned and too addressed her glare to the quiet beast currently being held in the enormous cage. "You're not gonna let it hurt Asuka, are you?" Despite her best efforts, worry still bled all over Misato's tone, making Ritsuko smile sadly at her.

"Asuka, huh," she answered, sighing. "Of course not. All security measures are being taken, including an emergency anesthesia shot in case the worst comes to pass, I've even added an algorithm that should work in the Berserker state and enable us to cut the connection clean off and eject the entry plug in a case of emergency." Noticing her friend's worried gaze did not diminish, she in turn placed her hand on Misato's shoulder. "You're worrying over nothing. Do you seriously think Asuka, the strongest personality in this whole damn world, is gonna let go or her sense of self and merge with that EVA's core?"

"Her mother did," Misato answered, bitter. "She climbed into that thing and got her soul sucked out through the back of her neck."

Ritsuko chuckled. "Asuka's mother wanted that to happen, Misato. I don't think her daughter's planning to spiral into insanity again and hang herself over this…" she motioned at Unit 02, "…thing." A playful smile tugged at her lips. "Especially now that she's getting along so well with her little boyfriend."

Misato sighed as well and allowed a tiny fragment of the worry that threatened to consume her entire being ebb away under the apparent confidence Ritsuko had in Asuka. "I really hope everything turns out all right on this test, Ritsu. I don't think Shinji would cope well if anything happens to her." The Evangelion's green orbs moved ever so slightly, turning its bored look to her. "I wouldn't, either. I've gotten kind of attached to that fire of hers."

The Commander gave her a confident smirk. "That's why you shouldn't worry about it. That fire can burn." Ritsuko only knew too well that the Beast facing them was aware of it as well. "We tend to forget she was the first human other than Shinji to return to this world. She was fully aware of what she'd come across and still returned. I wasn't joking when I told you she's got the world's strongest personality."

She took off her glasses and rubbed her tired eyes. "Besides," she added with a tone of definitiveness. "She's got Shinji now, and you. Have some faith in her." Seeing her friend loosen up considerably, Ritsuko directed her attention to more pressing issues. "Misato, what was it that you wanted to show me so bad?"

Misato blinked. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Hold up a sec." She took out a small flash drive from her pocket and went over to the small laptop on Ritsuko's right. A few seconds and clicks after, they both surveyed the files with increasingly wider eyes and attempted to digest the delicate data which was now theirs. Names, addresses, political parties, former spouses, yearly incomes, company names, charge and occupation in the Committee; it was all there.

"SEELE 06: Ikari Shio. Master's degree in biological engineering, Ph.D. in neuroscience. CEO of the Mizuho Financial Group. Head of the biology and manufacturing branch as well; head biological engineer in the EVA Series project. Ikari Yui's father, Gendou's father in law, Shinji's grandfather. So the old bastard is still alive." Ritsuko bit through gritted teeth.

Misato read the next profile. "SEELE 07: Deztel, Peter. Former German ambassador, owner of Rössler Waffen GmbH, Madritsch Weapon Technology, Glock Ges m.b.H., and CEO of another three weapon manufacturers. Head of the Evangelion Weapon Development branch, former Commander of NERV Germany. This man knows intimate details about Asuka and Unit 02."

They continued on, eyes sparking in anger.

"SEELE 08: Prince Ahmed bin Abdullah Alsaud. Major oil entrepreneur, diversified investor, member of the Saudi royalty, confirmed contact with many terrorist groups in the Middle East, involved in large amounts of illegal weapon sales. Third major investor in the Human Complementation Project."

"SEELE 05: Grosvenor, Timothy. 7th Duke of Westminster. Real Estate entrepreneur, former higher ranking member of the British Parliament, close ties to the royal family. Heir to Wembley & Scott Weapons Manufacturer and HSBC Holdings. Seventh richest man in the world."

"SEELE 04: Steinberg, Hugo. Israeli Ambassador, owner of Israel Aerospace Industries, CEO of the Goldman Sachs group, diversified investor, owner of… the Chiba Castle in Satoyama, among... many other ridiculously large estates. Head of the committee in charge of EVAs 03, 04, and sub-chief of the branch in charge of the EVA Series."

"SEELE 03: Rothschild, Daemon. CEO of the Rothschild Group, owner of Chevron Corp. and three other energy companies, allegedly accused of financing six or seven coup d'états in five different nations. Former Commander of NERV US."

"SEELE 02: Kalashnikov, Yuri. Former Russian ambassador, Moscow's Mayor for ten years, owner of Lukoil, owner and CEO of Izhmash Corp, one of the world's largest weapon manufacturers. Second in Command after Keel Lorenz, sub-chief of the Human Complementation Project, head chief of Project X, NERV Russia's former Sub-Commander."

The last known location of every member was also enclosed within the files, along with the latest pictures taken from each individual. The list went on; it included even those members who had been unaccounted for or dead, meaning they had simply not returned from whatever remained of the Ocean. But the file did not end there; it specified the number and type of ships and aircraft confirmed to have been bought by SEELE, the current number of soldiers and mercenaries being drafted to swell up their ranks, the countries and state chiefs currently working alongside the Committee, and… a footnote?

"'Courtesy of your friendly neighbor Pen-Pen'? What the hell is this?" Misato stared unblinkingly at the screen and frowned when its meaning dawned on her. "They know about us, the people who gave us this information," she said, turning to Ritsuko. "Am I right?"

"You're not wrong," Ritsuko answered, mirroring her friend's frown while she massaged her neck. "It's a warning; they're telling us not to stick our noses where they don't belong and to stop looking for them. Apparently they want the pleasure of bringing down SEELE for themselves. How did you get this, anyway?"

Misato gave her a small smile that did not quite reach her eyes. "I did some bad things to some worse people. One of them got me in contact with a mercenary who knew about these guys hunting down SEELE. I tracked him down, but when I did…" She grimaced, looking straight at Ritsuko's eyes. "He was dead, shot in the head, and had this in his pocket. There was a note too, gimme a second." She searched her back pocket and produced a small piece of crumpled paper.

FUN INFO FOR YOU

STOP SNIFFING THIS WAY

"Well," Ritsuko muttered. "They couldn't be clearer. I suppose we should do what they say, whoever they are. We can help track down Ikari and Detzel, but the others are a bit out of our reach."

After checking the file on Ikari one last time, Misato pulled out the flash drive and examined it up close. "I think I can tinker with this thing a bit, know where it came from." Ritsuko's glare was clear enough to make her understand she disapproved. "Just for funsies, Ritsu, I won't keep digging." She gave the Commander a sheepish smile.

Unimpressed, Ritsuko simply leveled a disbelieving eyebrow at her and turned to the computer. "Don't you find it ironic, that most of these men owned weapons manufacturers or whole banks? They were dedicated to waging private wars to gain profit, and then suddenly they decide to bring about their version of world peace."

Snorting in derision, Misato eyed the red behemoth one last time. "Nah," she answered. "They were just greedy. I mean, what's the next step when you basically own the world, when you can bring about war or conflict whenever and wherever you want for personal profit?" The comment earned her a curious glance from the Commander. "They just wanted more, more power; that's what Instrumentality was all about, right? Like Ikari, they wanted to become God, they wanted the ultimate, absolute power so they wouldn't happen to die and lose it. They're all a bunch of scared, rich psychopaths."

Ritsuko seemed impressed at her analysis, slowly clapping in a sarcastic manner. "You're sharper than you look, huh?" she remarked, smirking when Misato's cheeks puffed out.

"What, you think I', all looks and no brains, Ritsu?" her friend snapped back with equal sarcasm. "I'm smarter than you think, and now if you'll excuse me it's lunch time, and Shin-chan said he'd make me some delicious curry, so see ya!"

It was strenuous, to say the least, handling all of the Sub-Commander's mood swings and snappy retorts, yet as Ritsuko watched the purplish hair dance behind Misato's head while she happily walked to the Dining Area, Ritsuko felt a weight lift off her shoulders. If Misato could find a tiny shred of happiness by simply sitting with the brats and sharing lunch, even in the midst of an imminent confrontation, then maybe life was not so bad. Maybe the chances of them winning was not so slim. She gave the red mecha one last, longing glare and headed for the dining area with an increasingly growling stomach.

Unit 02 remained silent, its bored gaze wandering away from the blonde figure and focusing on the red facial mask. If the behemoth had any lips, it would have smiled.

The time was drawing near.

---

November the 27th, 2016. NERV Gymnasium.

The strangled breath that came out of his mouth was ragged, filled with exhaustion and agony, while his body trembled with exertion and the ever-present sensation of needles around the rib cage turned more acute. His fists shook; fingers wet and stiff. Breathing was starting to hurt, and so was standing, but the blurry figure facing him did not abate. A kick aimed at his head missed as Shinji drunkenly tried to dodge, succeeding for once in keeping the man's toes away from his face.

The next kick he did not see coming, however.

It caught him right in the ribs; Ishikawa's foot impacted exactly on the spot Asuka where had dug her heel so deep into his chest that it had pushed a shard of broken bone into his heart, so hard that she had fissured her own heel while doing so. Shinji saw stars, bright red and white and black when the blur, not letting him even take a breath to scream out in pain, caught him by the head and kneed his forehead with ridiculous speed. He fell heavily on the mat on his good side, trying to prevent more agony from sprouting out of the healing bones in his mid section, head spinning and eyes blinded by the fluorescent lights of the gymnasium. A bump was quickly starting to swell on his temple, and the ability to think was slowly dimming with every hit he took to the head.

"Get up," his instructor spat, revulsion evident in his tone.

A month and a half had already passed since the beginning of his lessons, and his progress seemed slow but steady. Today, though, his master had decided to take the training to a whole different level. Hand-to-hand combat was no joke, and every week the exercises had steadily gotten more and more extreme and contact was occurring more frequently than ever.

Shinji went on his hands and knees in a futile attempt to escape his opponent's wrath and bring some air back into his bruised lungs. "I need…" His voice was tiny, barely more than a wheeze. He hated it, hated how weak he sounded, how weak he felt. "I need… to breathe…"

"You need to what, now?" The words were hot, emotional, unlike his smirking teacher at all. What had gotten into Sensei today? He had been knocking him down and keeping him on the ground all day. "You think your enemy's gonna wait for you to catch your breath?!"

A second hard kick pushed Shinji back on the mattress and forced him to roll over in the way he had learned the week before. With way too much effort he managed to regain his footing and lift his trembling arms in a defense pose, not a moment before a straight punch caught him on the forearm Asuka had fissured before. Shinji stumbled clumsily onto uneven feet, trying to keep his guard up yet leaving an opening on his right midsection that his teacher took full advantage of. A hard punch landed swiftly right where his liver was supposed to be, making Shinji want to puke up his lunch. Another straight punch to his face made the boy stumble even more, a kick to the knee cost him his balance and a final punch to the face protector sent him back to the ground, overly exhausted.

Every single part of Shinji's body was soaked in perspiration; the very tips of his fingers were dripping sweat, his gloves were saturated along with the bandages within, and his shirt was clammy enough to stick to the healing skin uncomfortably. The padding around his mid-section, allegedly to keep any damage from reaching his healing side, did nothing short of limit his already strangled breathing and make him feel like a walking oven. From his spot on the ground he could barely discern the gym's white walls and gray ceiling. It hurt to breathe.

"Did you have time to breathe when they were ripping her apart?"

The comment cut through his exhaustion and sank into the boy's mind like a knife to the gut, making him grind his teeth. The pain emanating from the healing ribs started to numb out as the familiar sensation of anger washed through him. "W-Wha… what?" he managed, barely able to pant.

"I see," came the distant response. "So this is what you did back then. You sat on your ass and breathed while the army massacred every employee in this building." The tone turned more disgusted by the second; every remark was spat out like it left a dreadful taste in the mouth, the sickness his very presence abruptly arose in his master's mind seemed clear to Shinji all of the sudden.

As he tried once again to stand, the boy was pushed violently to the ground, a naked foot planted on his scalp. "How was your breathing when you heard them eat your precious Asuka piece by piece, huh?" Ishikawa shoved his other foot into his back, making Shinji see stars all over again. "I bet you could breathe just fine when you left your guardian to bleed out on the floor." The foot trapping his head on the mat lifted, but the brief freedom lasted only a few seconds before the foot impacted on his knee, while the larger man's hand took hold of his hair and pushed Shinji's face into the sweatstained, stinking surface of the gym's floor, rendering him once again unable to move.

Ishikawa's tone turned to a whisper. "I bet it was all so very convenient for you, wasn't it? Just sitting around, breathing happily while the end of the world was going on just outside of your fucking comfort zone."

Shinji's hackles began to rise, along with the black pit that ignited in his stomach and burned its way to his arms and legs whenever someone brought up that particular subject. Blood started pumping faster throughout his body, making him squirm furiously against his teacher's weight, but it was all futile. Ishikawa was at the very least twice as heavy as Shinji, and could probably kill him without even breaking a sweat. The logic behind it, however, was lost to Shinji as helplessness and panic continued to get the better of him.

"I bet you let it happen, didn't you? I bet you didn't even try, did you?!" Ishikawa's other hand shot out and grabbed him right on the spot where he'd been kicked, where the scars were, where his ribs were still healing, and squeezed. Without even consciously realizing it, Shinji let out a scream of pain that had his throat sore by the end of it. After the white, searing agony descended just enough for the boy to register anything other than his growing difficulty to breathe, Ishikawa's flat tone brought him back to reality.

"I saw the tapes," he spat in Shinji's ear. "I saw how you just sat there like a baby and hid while your Asuka was being butchered. Maybe you thought she could handle it, or worse, maybe part of you thought she deserved what happened to her, huh? Maybe you even enjoyed it, right?"

"D-Don't say that…" groaned Shinji from his position on the ground. The hand holding onto his scalp tightened, and he felt his head get lifted up and then slammed back down on the mat. The pressure on his knee and the way his hips were trapped under the man's full weight rendered him unable to move. Unbeknownst to him, Shinji was starting to breathe quickly. The pain was slowly starting to fade under the low hum of the growl that reverberated in his chest.

"What are you going to do about it? Imagine if I were someone sent to kill you both," As if to annoy him, Ishikawa flicked him on the ear. Sensei was mocking him, mocking his weakness. "I could've easily knocked you out half an hour ago, even without my training." The pressure on his ribs increased again, forcing another low growl from Shinji. "My men could be taking turns raping your precious Asuka right now, and here you'd be, asking me for a break so you could breathe…"

He was biting his cheek strong enough to draw blood, yet when his sensei mentioned those two words in the same sentence, the blue of the mat lost all focus on him and suddenly there it was again, the hole in the Geo-Front with the white vultures circling it as they devoured Unit 02.

"Is that what you're going to do when they're all in danger again? Just breathe and sit on your ass like a pathetic little boy?!"

Whatever it was that held the black bile in his stomach started to stretch and teeter. Shinji's left eye glared at the figure above him, a silent warning in his expression.

"Don't-" he managed to croak out before his head hit the floor one more time. From his spot on the floor, Shinji could barely discern the smile on his sensei's lips. He was enjoying this; the man was enjoying making him feel useless, helpless and miserable.

"Don't… you… da-" Once again, he was cut off when the hand pressing against his side squeezed once more, forcing another muffled scream out of him.

"Don't what now?" his teacher asked, slamming his head against the mat. "Don't tell the truth?" Again, his head hit the padded floor. Sensei was mocking him again, making him feel the helplessness of his situation down to the very core. "Don't say it like it is?" Slam. "Don't put the truth in your face 'cause you can't handle it?" Slam. "Don't what?" Slam. "Don't what?!" Slam. "Don't what, Shinji?!" Again, his head hit the mat. "Don't what, you little brat?!" Slam.

"Don't what?!"

Reality started to fade away. Shinji's exhaustion and anger twisted and mixed in a dangerous maelstrom that left him almost snarling with rage. His left hand, currently trapped under his own body, started to clench and unclench violently.

I'm the lowest… of the low. Pilot the EVA. Sorry kid… nothing personal. That's a grown up's kiss, we'll do the rest when you get back… Sorry kid, nothing personal. Shinji… Asuka is… Asuka is… Oh God… Help me! No. If I can't have you all to myself, I don't want you at all. Disgusting… I feel sick. Shinji… Asuka is… Asuk- Sorry kid, nothing personal. That's a grown up's kiss… Oh God… Asuka is, Asuka is…! I feel sick. Don't abandon me! Don't kill me! Help me! No. I feel sick. Pants down, Shinji. Why were you choking me? Why? Why?! …so do as I say or so help me God I'll slice my fucking throat open right now!

He was clenching his jaw so hard that Ishikawa could almost hear the grinding of his teeth. The veins on his neck and forehead bulged as he tried to swallow down the tidal wave he felt building deep in his stomach, his whole face turning a reddish color. Ishikawa, seemingly bored with his silence, lifted his head again and slammed it on the mat hard enough to bruise.

"Don't what?!" he screamed loudly once more, making the other attendants in the gym stop in their tracks. People turned, concerned, when they saw the way Shinji was being held down by the man allegedly teaching him how to defend himself.

"Don't what?! Answer me, boy!"

Deep down, in the dark pit were those memories were kept, the Beast smirked.

"Don't WHAT?!"

Something snapped.

"SHUT UP!"

From one second to another it was coursing all through his body. It burned, the rage burned, and with the burn the exhaustion was scorched to non-existence. The gritting of his teeth stopped, the pain, the agony of the limbs, the orchestra of glass shards in his chest, everything in his body and mind stopped as Shinji unconsciously drew a cavernous breath, took advantage of his teacher's momentary bewilderment and aimed with his limited peripheral vision. What happened next occurred in no more than three seconds, but to Shinji's adrenaline-infused brain it felt like an eternity.

The only part of Ishikawa's body not covered in light padding was his head; the man was not even wearing head gear like Shinji was. As the pressure on his head lifted for less than half a second, Shinji's body reacted on its own and pulled every last bit of strength he had into aiming. He jerked his head up just above the left shoulder, where the enemy's nose was, and smashed his facial protector against it knowing full well the protective padding would prevent a fracture, but would at least stun and momentarily blind him.

It did just that. The blow was hard enough to make Ishikawa reel back, stung, and let go of Shinji's ribs, lifting the knee that had been trapping his leg. Half the man's body weight lifted, allowing the boy to break his left arm free from its hold and elbow Ishikawa's chin with all the force he could muster. He ignored the searing pain firing from his midsection, but smirked harshly when the man's whole body weight lifted for a mere second. As soon as his right hand was usable, Shinji clenched it to a fist and slammed it against the man's face for good measure.

Sprawl jump; when on the ground lift your upper body and swipe your legs under you, the voice provided. He forced his body to jump, once again ignoring the agony at his side and was finally back on his feet, facing the larger man while Ishikawa tried to stop the bleeding from his nose. So he'd drawn some blood, huh? Unbeknownst to him, a sadistic smile grew on Shinji's face.

If the enemy's heavier and taller than you, take the fight to the ground. It doesn't take too much strength to perform a proper lock. In a second, Shinji was back in action. He threw his full body weight on a single tackle aimed at his opponent's right leg, minding to protect his face from the incoming left kick that flew over his head when he crouched.

Shinji's shoulder collided with Sensei's knee, his body's momentum hard enough to make the man stumble and loose part of his footing. Before Ishikawa could stand, the boy kneed him on the chin yet again, almost losing his own footing with the force of the blow. Ishikawa reeled back and punched blindly, managing to smack him on the temple with enough strength to throw him to the ground, but Shinji's bloodstream was overloaded with adrenaline. He snarled, baring his teeth, and was on his feet not a second after. He dodged the straight punch Ishikawa threw at him, apparently hell-bent on knocking him out with it, and managed to slam his forearm into the man's groin and jump atop his back in one fluid motion.

No such thing as rules in a fight, Shinji thought viciously while he wrapped his arm around Ishikawa's thick neck before he even got the chance to put his arm up for defense, and squeezed as hard as he could. He locked both his legs over the man's mid-section, effectively trapping his right arm under the hold, and started applying pressure the way this very same man had taught him a week before. Breathe, the voice provided in the midst of his rage. Breathe and be patient, don't lose the hold. Use your shoulder as an anchor and pull as hard as you can. Shinji's other arm snaked behind Ishikawa's throat and anchored itself on his head. The lock was placed. Shinji's grin widened visibly as he lost total perception of reality.

"Your men were going to do what to her?! Huh?! Apologize right now!" he screamed, mind completely gone while he squeezed hard enough to make his ribs cry out in pain. "Apologize!"

For a few precious seconds, Shinji had the upper hand. He could feel his teacher attempt to break free and fail, felt Ishikawa struggle to loosen the pressure around his windpipe and fail. For those prized little seconds, the young pup dominated the wizened wolf.

But Shinji was a boy; an injured boy at that. Ishikawa smirked as he felt his own face start to turn blue and his testicles protest in utter agony. So the brat was playing dirty, huh? The lock was almost perfectly applied; were he another person, almost anyone else, Shinji would have probably not stopped until he crushed his opponent's windpipe with the irrational strength he was applying to the man's neck. Ishikawa was, however, a professional martial artist and a soldier who had seen and perpetrated his fair share of bloodshed.

With a well-aimed, carefully placed counter, he smacked his elbow into the boy's injured side, believing the blunt surge of pain would force Shinji's legs to weaken. It did not happen; if anything, it seemed to enrage his pupil that much more and make the vice on his neck constrict tighter. A second elbow, harder this time, loosed the lock around his torso just enough so that Ishikawa was able to break his right arm free. He pulled both himself and the boy to a sitting position and slammed Shinji's back against the mat once, twice, thrice. The boy did not let go.

On the fourth time the pain seemingly became too great, for Shinji loosened his hold enough to let Ishikawa snake his own arm from underneath Shinji's and sweep him on the ground with a perfectly performed judo take down. The slam alone should have been enough to put an end to the boy's rampage, but Shinji was having none of it. Surprising both his sensei and the now growing audience around them, he jumped back on his feet and threw a blind left hook in Ishikawa's general direction. The fist impacted just over the man's right kidney, but left Shinji's face open.

A strong barrage of straight blows left him dizzy, and another judo takedown had the young pilot on the floor again, panting heavily.

"Break!" Ishikawa yelled, wiping the blood from his face.

Shinji did not hear him. He stood up, the white of his eyes visible, fists trembling, and bared his teeth. He tried to tackle Ishikawa again, only to have his feet swiped from under him.

"I said," growled Ishikawa, trying to immobilize Shinji's arms. "Break!"

"Fuck you!" Shinji screamed back, arms flailing angrily. "I'll kill you! Apologize, apologize right now!"

"Damn it, you stubborn brat," Ishikawa bit out when Shinji's fist caught him around the eye, almost sinking his damaged nose into his skull. "Stop this nonsense or you'll tear that wound open again! Stop struggling!"

"Go to hell!" the boy yelled, eyes wild and unfocused. "Go to hell! Go to hell, you hear me?! I'll kill y-"

SLAM

The world fell out of focus in a flash of red, yellow, white and black, taking Shinji's rage along with it. Someone turned out the lights, and he knew no more. For a blessed moment he felt all the agony slip away with the light, and dreamed of clouds and blue skies and of Asuka's hair on his face. It felt wonderful, almost like a silken sheet that covered and sheltered him from all things painful and bad in this world. Sadly enough, the pleasant sensation that came with being completely knocked out did not last long enough for Shinji to enjoy it. A voice slowly penetrated his hazed mind, forcing the boy to grunt in annoyance. Why couldn't they just let him sleep?

"-up. Stop closing your damn eyes already. Oi, brat, get up." Something whistled around his ear, forcing Shinji's tired eyes to open. Everything was out of focus, and it hurt to open his eyes, so Shinji closed them forcefully when a pounding headache and an indescribable agony assaulted his head and chin.

"Oi, you, wake up, Follow my voice, come on. La la la la la la, here, kid. Come on, that's it, that's it, come back brat. That's it, open your eyes."

He did, regretting the decision instantly. The world looked foggy, but it slowly came back to normal as his sensei's face became clear. Ishikawa was snapping his fingers around his face, trying to bring him out of unconsciousness.

"What…" Shinji started, feeling a sting on his jaw. "What… happened?"

Ishikawa smirked, helping him into a seating position. It was then that Shinji noticed a bloodied cloth stuck in one of the man's nasal cavities, and a reddish bruise on his chin.

"You went bat-shit crazy on me, kid," his teacher answered, smirk widening. "I had to knock you out to keep you from bursting that wound of yours. I tell ya, you're something else when you get pissed off."

Shinji gulped and looked around, suddenly embarrassed. People were watching them wide-eyed, almost as if they'd just witnessed Fourth Impact or something. He looked back to his teacher's face. The memories sluggishly returned to his half-aware mind.

"Umm… sorry," he said, looking at the ground. "I didn't mean to… umm-"

"Stick your sorrys in a sack, kid," boomed his teacher, patting him on the shoulder. "I got what was coming to me for messing with you like that." He helped Shinji back to his feet with the closest thing to a proud smile any other man had ever given him. "Now go hit the showers, and get Kazumi to look at those ribs for ya, I don' want to get in trouble with your guardian."

After a thorough examination of his injured side by said nurse, who gave Sensei a considerable reprimand regarding the reddish coloring around his rib cage, Shinji was blessedly dismissed. If physical therapy had been a pain, his training was a whole new level of hellish torture; there wasn't a single muscle in his body that did not protest while he slowly strode towards the showers.

Once safely inside, Shinji allowed himself a few minutes of complete and utter exhaustion as he sat on the wooden bench and attempted to ignore the sting on his chin and the painful area all over his face's left side. Being no stranger to punches, kicks, bruises and overall physical abuse, the pain around his body and midsection was familiar to him and thus not so bad, which in turn allowed him to continue onward with training even when his body was agonizing. The power behind Ishikawa's last punch, however, had at the very least been twice as strong as anything he'd received since Third Impact.

He massaged his jaw for a bit, eyes focused on the ceiling. "Ow," he muttered to himself. "Something tells me I'll have yoga tomorrow." Suppressing a groan of protest, he sighed and crawled into the shower with whatever strength he still had.

The hot water felt unnaturally pleasant against his tired muscles and worked wonders in reducing the light pain in his chest and the throbbing around his face. After about ten minutes of silent relaxation and muffled groans of pure bliss, Shinji was standing facing the room's mirror, staring at the scars on his midsection.

Two semi-diagonal lines ran from his pectoral to the base of his stomach. The biggest one started a few centimeters below his armpit and ran all the way to his back, crossed under his chest and almost reached his belly button. The smaller one was about five centimeters away from the large scar, sitting directly over what he had learned were his oblique muscles. The large scar was a bit less than twenty centimeters long, while the small one about six or seven, yet its width was not what had interested the young pilot.

Shinji pushed and prodded around the scar tissue which, no less than four days ago, had still held some reddish coloration, relishing in the fact that it did not hurt nearly as much when he pushed his fingers down to feel the healing bone beneath. There were small, hardly noticeable lumps in the places where his ribs had broken, less evident as days went by and his muscle mass developed. The color around the healing tissue was now a healthier-looking pale hue, a bit paler than his normal skin, with some red around the edges.

The healing scar was not the only difference. When he flexed his arms now, Shinji noticed the growing mass of muscle around them. Moreover, his flat stomach had begun to show signs of proper conditioning, for small, hardened ridges and healthy-looking muscle had taken the place of the loose skin and visible ribs he'd brought when he had first been admitted.

The boy gulped, nonetheless, when he saw the small, almost invisible bluish mark start to form where Ishikawa had elbowed him. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Asuka would find out, one way or the other, before he even managed to get into bed, and would once again explode on him for being careless before launching a tirade and a lengthy explanation of how he was supposed to dodge or block.

The sound of the door slamming shut made him jump and hurry to at least put some underwear on. His teacher marched in the showers with a few papers in his left hand and a handful of bananas along with an ice-pack on his right. Shinji greeted Ishikawa with a shy smile, which he returned with his trademark wide grin.

"Yo," he boomed, throwing an ice bag in Shinji's direction and placing the fruit beside him. "Eat up, brat. You'll need the potassium; otherwise you'll be as flexible as a scarecrow tomorrow, and we've got yoga to do. And put that on your face so it doesn't swell up." Having barely caught the icy package, Shinji grunted upon the news of hellish yoga, but nodded and did as instructed.

Ishikawa sat heavily on the wooden bench and motioned for him to do the same. "I've got the results of yesterday's physical," he commented, patting Shinji on the shoulder as he showed him the MRI on his left hand. "You're healthy as an ox, or a baby ox at least. Look at these lumps here." He pointed at the slightly discolored areas around the left side of his rib cage. "That's new bone. Your ribs have fused back together, in record time at that."

The hand around Shinji's shoulder tightened. "That serum of theirs is something else. A complex fracture like this would take a minimum of six months to heal, maybe even a year before you managed to start exercising. And yet here you are, three months after, good as new."

The boy blinked at him, confused. "But… but I thought the serum only worked on tissue, not bone."

Ishikawa's smirk widened. "That's not entirely right, see. The serum accelerates the healing factor in your body. True, it hits the tissue the strongest, but it speeds the overall recovery process. That's why you and your Asuka have been eating like starved wolves." Shinji blushed at the mention of 'his' Asuka. "Apparently that means that your body also takes care to patch up the bone and cartilage in record time. You, kid, are one healthy puppy." He slapped the boy on the back, making him flinch, and stood up.

"Umm," Shinji said, looking at the ground. "I really am sorry for what I said and did, Sensei…"

"Ha!" Ishikawa's sunny smirk left him blinking in surprise. "I wanted you to do that, brat. Do you seriously think I would insult you like that just for the fun of it? Give me some credit here, come on. I wanted you to see the potential you have in battle when you get so angry."

Shinji's eyes widened. "You mean… you-"

"Wanted to piss you off enough to threaten to kill me? You bet your ass, kid. Look at this-" he pointed at the growing bruise on his chin, "-and this." the slightly discolored area around his nose jumped into view. "I've trained men to become killing machines for years and this is honestly the second time one of you brats has managed to catch me by surprise since I started working here." Ishikawa laughed good-naturedly as he headed for the door. "You've got a lot of anger inside you, Shinji, and it can obviously be useful in battle."

Shinji nodded and went over to look for a shirt. "But!" The boy jumped, shocked, when Ishikawa yelled from the door. "Firstly," he said, lifting his index finger. "You get angry way too easy where certain subjects are concerned, and that can give your enemy leverage over you, so watch it!"

Shinji flinched as if he'd been slapped, yet nodded in understanding nonetheless.

"Secondly!" his instructor continued. "When you snap like that you're unstable, irrational and honestly a bit idiotic. You don't feel pain and that's dangerous to yourself, not your enemy." He nodded at the stunned youngster. "You turn reckless, unable to control yourself. You stop listening to logic and you don't think; you just react out of instinct."

Ishikawa crossed his arms, looking down at him. "If you really want to help and protect your family, you'll get that anger of yours under control, and you'll learn how to use it more productively."

Shinji gulped and averted his eyes from the soldier's hard glare. "I know…" he conceded, nodding again. "But… how do I control it? How do I learn to use it?"

"You train," his sensei answered in a heartbeat, drawing the boy's unsure blue eyes to him. "You train, and you don't stop until you learn; you don't give up. Whenever you feel helpless, or depressed, or so angry you feel like smashing your fist through a wall, you come to me."

Ishikawa raised his chin proudly, exposing the now bluish skin underneath. "You come to me, you put your gloves on and you fight. You fight until you can't breathe, until you can't think, until your legs are shaking and your heart feels like it's gonna burst inside your chest. Then, and only then, you'll learn when and how to let the beast out. You domesticate it, like an attack dog, and let it loose when you need to."

"And..." Shinji said, hands clenching and unclenching. "And what if I can't?"

A heated glare from Ishikawa was his answer. "Then it's like it is right now; a rabid dog, ferocious, unpredictable and dangerous to everyone around it. Then, you run the risk of snapping at your Asuka, or your guardian, or your friends. We don't want that, do we?"

Shinji looked down at his hands again, the hands that had almost killed Asuka three times, and closed them into fists. "No," he answered quietly. "I don't want that. I never want that to happen again."

"Then you'll train," Ishikawa said, turning to leave. "Won't you?"

Shinji stood up, ignoring the agony of his body, and stared determinedly at his sensei's back.

"Yes!"

No running away, he thought, remembering the smirking, red-eyed version of himself who comfortably rested in the back of his mind while the large man waved and left the room. Not even from you. Not ever again. His left fist clenched tightly.

No running away.

---

With a savage yank, she tore the white EVA's arm clean off and bathed in its blood while it whimpered under her power. A boot to the head and the vulture's skull exploded in a satisfying shower of gore and brains. The second one, the bastard who had thrown the spear and pierced her eye, was just starting to raise its guard when her kick caught it in the chest and broke every rib in its way. When she picked it up by the head it weighted nothing, it was nothing. The cervical bones gave in under the lightest pressure; crushing its neck completely felt like squeezing a bottle of mustard.

Asuka smiled, sadistic pleasure running all over her body.

She turned to the others and grabbed the closest one by the neck. Effortlessly, she snapped the EVA's jaws open and bit deep into the thing's neck, tearing out its windpipe. She split the dying remains in half, content with bathing in her enemy's life-blood. A pair of arms encircled her from behind, but it was all for naught. Smirking viciously, she took the enemy's head from behind her shoulder and twisted, relishing in the feeling of bones being crushed under her fingertips. She spun around quickly and impaled the one who'd tried to grab her with a single arm, crushing the core of the EVA behind it with her hand.

Only one remained, motionless and defenseless. She showed her teeth, almost smelling the waves of fear it radiated.

After successfully tearing out its innards with one hand, she slammed her fist into the thing's mouth and brought it to the ground. Her other hand let go of the gruesome mass of organs, grabbed the snout and pulled, ripping off its face completely.

Shinji.

Her eyes widened in terror when the white armor dissolved into nothingness and all that remained was Shinji's butchered body, his dead eyes gazing coldly at her. All trace of the blood-thirst evaporated at once, leaving nothing but the adrenaline and the mind-numbing horror behind. With bile in her throat she turned wildly, noticing the bodies of her friends: Misato's corpse cut in half, her father's head on the ground, Hikari's face partially skeletonized, Touji's neck ripped off, Kensuke's chest with a hole in it. And in her arms, Shinji. Dead.

The ground shook as the EVA rose up from under her. A red arm bathed in gore shot out of the earth and came down on the ground with enough force to crack it like an eggshell, sending the corpses of her friends and family tumbling down into the abyss. Only Shinji's massacred carcass remained, desperately clutched in her arms. Unit 02 rose with a savage roar, its green eyes shining brightly in the pitch black pit where she was, and glared down at her with its mouth salivating. It was breathing, heaving visible puffs of air in the coldness of the pit.

This was the point where she would normally wake up with a gasp, but it was not to be that night. She didn't wake up, not when the EVA roared once more directly at her, not when it dragged its body across the ground to where she lay, motionless, covered in Shinji's blood, and not when its saliva started to dribble down on them both. Placing both gigantic hands on the broken ground at each side of her, Unit 02 crouched and opened its mouth, showing her its sharpened fangs and seemingly ready to devour both her and Shinji in a single bite. In her anguish, she could almost smell the rancid breath coming out of the monster's maw and feel the nauseating spit. She shut her eyes in fear and prepared for the worst, but forced them open in a flash when the corpse twitched in her hold. Horrified, she looked down at what remained of the boy she… the boy she...

Shinji pushed her away from him, bloodied and half-dead as he was, leaving her on the ground while he stood and faced the monster. He turned his head on a broken neck to look at her one last time, eyes filled with warmth and tenderness, and smiled.

"You can't have her," he told the monster, as calmly as if he were speaking to a child. Unit 02 roared again, forcing her to cover her ears and flinch away in terror, yet Shinji did not move, did not so much as blink as the monster stood eye to eye with him. He stood in front of her, his back to her, protecting her.

"You can't have her," he said again, and Asuka looked at him, really looked at him. Had he… had he always looked so tall?

The monster's jaws came down on them both and Asuka-

And Asuka's eyes jerked open with a gasp. For a brief moment she didn't know where she was and sheer panic forced her basic instincts to stir; she wanted to jump out of bed and run, but there was something snaked around her body holding her stubbornly in place. Once her eyes adjusted to the dark and the panic receded enough for her to think, she recognized Shinji's white shirt under her head, the nightstand and a chair on the far back, the faint scent of spices and musky forest in her nostrils, and allowed her instincts to unwind from their over-alerted state.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

Regardless of the familiarity of the objects around her, what truly stopped Asuka from jumping out of bed in a fit of panic were the steady, lulling sound of Shinji's heartbeat, and the faint tickle just above her neck that came every time he exhaled. Asuka drew a shaky breath, shifting a bit and settling into a more comfortable position. Her left arm was starting to feel a bit numb, but she had no intention of moving any time soon.

---

November the 28th, 2016. NERV Medical Ward. 2.27am.

The steady sensation of Shinji's heart under her palm allowed the redhead to calm her hurried breathing and steady her own raging pulse. Due to the adrenaline still coursing through her bloodstream, Asuka was hyperaware of Shinji's right arm safely anchoring her to his chest, his left holding her loosely by the waist, and of the entangled legs that were trapping his right. They were a bit closer than normal, but she could easily blame it on the ever-decreasing cold temperatures nowadays. It was starting to look like they'd have a real winter for the first time in their lives, thanks to whatever cataclysmic cluster-fuck Third Impact had brought about; Misato had said there might even snow at some point.

Asuka shivered despite Shinji's warmth; she had forgotten to put on socks, so her cold feet had sought out the nearest source of comforting heat which just happened to be the boy's leg. While her feet were securely warm under the sheet, however, her shuffling had left both their upper bodies unprotected against the cold. On top of everything, her nightmare had forced the redhead to sweat a bit and Shinji had forgotten to close the window again, so there was no protection for her poor arm when a gust of icy wind made contact with her skin. She started shifting to look for a warmer position, still unwilling to move too much.

The arm around her tightened briefly so Asuka stopped in her tracks, eyes wide. She slowly craned her neck to confirm her suspicion and sure enough, her shuffling around had woken the idiot up.

Shinji's half-lidded eyes watched her with infinite calmness, a small smile on his lips. "Hi," he whispered drowsily as he stretched a bit and loosened his hold on her. "Are you cold? I'm feeling a bree-" he was cut off by a wide yawn, "-a breeze."

She pouted at him, trying to summon a glare from somewhere. "You forgot to close the window last night, Baka." After a few seconds of comfortable silence, she settled back on his chest. "Hi…" she answered back and tried to hide her blush.

Shinji blinked, untangling his left hand from its place between Asuka's hips and his stomach and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry," he told her, voice rough and sheepish. "We fell asleep watching that movie, remember? I was so warm I didn't want to move."

"Mmhm," she mumbled back. "Baka."

A low rumble caressed her ear when he chuckled. "Want me to close it?"

She shook her head slowly, producing her own yawn. "Nah, I'm too comfy. Just pass me the blanket so I don't freeze my arm off." The boy conceded, chuckling again, and covered them both with the blanket, arm quickly sliding back around her shoulders to bring her close. She sighed contentedly and snaked her arm under his shirt to get warmer, but before she reached its proper place by his heart, Asuka felt him flinch when her hand passed by his ribs.

"Ow," he uttered almost imperceptibly.

Asuka's eyes narrowed. Her arm stopped mid-way. In a second, Shinji's whole body went stiff as a board.

"Shinji."

"Umm… yeah?"

"What happened?" She could feel him gulp.

"Umm… what do you mean?"

The redhead growled and patted the particularly warm area around his long scar. "This," she said curtly, feeling him flinch again. "What happened here?"

"Umm… I…"

"Shinji." Her tone turned darker.

"Nothing, really… umm-"

"Shinji."

"Yeah?"

"Stop that and tell me what happened, please." She allowed a bit of the honest worry in her chest to leak into her words, and grinned to herself when she felt him take a deep breath of defeat.

"It was training," he admitted, embarrassed. "I… accidentally hit Sensei… there, you know-"

"His balls?" she provided snidely, which made the boy laugh lightly again.

"Yeah, and then tried to get him in a figure four choke."

This time it was her who chuckled. "Sneaky, sneaky, Shinji. So, you earned it, huh?" She patted the small lump one last time, making him jump slightly, and let her arm go back to its place by his heart.

"Yeah," he answered. She could almost feel his smile when he spoke. "I guess I did."

"You didn't use your leg to keep the rib cage protected, I've told you this how many times already?" she snapped, annoyed.

"Hmm," Shinji pondered for a second. "About five or six, I think. But I was under him, he was pretty much crushing me to the ground with his body, and my legs were keeping his arms in place." He felt the redhead puff her cheeks against him and suppressed a snicker that threatened to make his situation even worse. "If it makes any difference to you, I managed to knee him on the chin."

Asuka let the matter rest for the time being, but made a mental note to retaliate against their instructor with gusto during their next hand-to-hand combat session. "Well, good," she retorted as brusquely as her comfort allowed her to.

"...Does it hurt?" She tried not to sound worried at all, to make her tone as uninterested as possible, but succeeded only partially.

"Not really," Shinji said, stifling another yawn. "So," he said after a while, just as she was starting to drift off. "Are you ok?"

Asuka huffed in annoyance. Did he miss nothing nowadays? Lately, he had been paying a lot more attention to her moods, which in itself was not what annoyed her in the first place. What actually got on her nerves was how he was able to discern what to say and when in order to make her open up, like he knew her better than she knew herself.

"Hey," he tugged gently at her shoulder. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just… I want you to be okay."

The worry in his voice made her squirm uncomfortably in his embrace. "I am," she murmured to the fabric of his shirt. "It was that stupid nightmare again." The sound of his heartbeat and his regular breathing were starting to lull her back to sleep without her wanting to.

Shinji hummed low, bringing about the pleasant sensation under her head. "The one with the EVA Series and Unit 02?" When he felt her nod against him, Shinji brought her even closer and kissed her hair gently. "Sorry," he whispered back at her. "I wish I could help with that."

Remembering the last part of the horrid nightmare, she smiled against him. You are helping, Asuka thought amusedly, blushing. "Don't apologize, idiot," she said instead. "Just hold me so I don't jump out of bed next time." Yeah, she thought, relishing in the feel of warm skin under her palm and the thump-thump of his heart. Hold me just like this. Forever.

Shinji laughed and tugged at her shoulders again. "Gladly," he answered as he settled back on the pillow. "Do you think it actually means something, that nightmare?" he wondered out loud. "You've been having it for days now."

Asuka shrugged, immediately regretting her choice when a tiny needle of pain pressed into her healing stomach. "I guess," she answered. Had she been alone, she would have probably spent an hour at the very least trying to shake off the panic and adrenaline, but with Shinji by her side the nightmare seemed to fade away on its own, like a regular dream. "Maybe my head's trying to tell me something," she admitted quietly to him.

"Like; don't get in the stupid giant robot?" he suggested. She could hear his smirk while he spoke, so Asuka found a little skin under her fingers and pinched it. "Ow!"

"Ba-ka," she grumbled, then sighed. "But you might be right." The girl was completely taken aback when Shinji's left hand let go of her waist and moved to cup her cheek and forehead. It felt wonderful, the slightly calloused surface of his palm caressing her skin. Not that she could ever tell him so, and yet Asuka's cheeks burned despite her best efforts. "W-what the hell do you think you're doing?" She hated the way her voice wavered, and hated it even more when Shinji laughed good-naturedly.

"Just checking," he said between chuckles. "You did just admit I might be right, so I'm checking if you have a fever or something."

"Oh, ha ha." She rolled her eyes, pinching him again for good measure. "You're a jerk."

She didn't want to tell him not to move his hand, to keep it there on her face where she could feel his pulse beneath the calloused fingertips and the hardened surface of his circular scars, but she was still a bit unsure of how much to reveal. A few months ago Shinji had been paralyzed with fear over the idea of her even getting near him, so she'd take whatever he was willing to give and nothing more.

"And you're really warm," he retorted, drowsiness dripping off his voice. He tightened his hold on Asuka's waist and brought her closer. Her skin felt scalding on his, like a little flame pressed against his body. It was addicting, and he had no intention of letting go until the sun came up or Misato came to rouse them. But before he drifted off, Shinji knew he had to speak his mind.

"Whatever you choose to do," he offered, nudging Asuka to look at him. Her electric blue eyes blinked sleepily at him. "I'll support you."

She gave him a tired smile. "I thought you didn't want me to pilot."

"I don't," Shinji responded, looking thoughtful. "But I want you to be happy." I want to make you happy, his mind added quietly. "So if piloting EVA makes you happy, I'm all for it."

"No, you're not," said Asuka. Her hand brushed against the shallow ridges of his pectorals; she had to admit, he was getting more and more handsome with every passing day. "But thanks," she added after a while. "It's not so much that it'll make me happy or not, I just… I guess I need some closure, you know?" She felt him nod against her head, where his chin was resting comfortably. "I just need to do it so I can move on with my life."

"You don't want to be an EVA pilot anymore?" Shinji asked her, a bit too directly for her taste. Still, it was better than him sputtering and second-guessing himself like before. Nowadays she truly felt she could talk to him about anything, really.

"I don't know," Asuka answered truthfully. "There was a time when all I wanted was to be the best pilot in the world, the only pilot in the world, just so people would respect me and acknowledge my…"

"Awesomeness?" Shinji muttered into her hair, drawing a small smile on her face.

Asuka nodded. "Yeah. But look where that got me. After the 15th blasted its way into my mind and my synch rate got to zero, I almost starved myself to death. I wandered the ruins alone like a zombie and almost slashed my wrists open in a dirty bathtub."

Of course, Shinji would not tell her he had seen her wandering the decayed buildings by herself, not even aware of her surroundings, and had been too much of a coward to reach out and try to help her then. But that's all done now, he thought, stifling another yawn. I can do something here, now, and that's what I'll do.

"I'm glad you didn't," Shinji quietly said. Sometimes, when they were so closely entangled, Shinji could not help but think they had been made to fit one another. Her body felt perfect against his, a perfect little red flame that kept him going and drove away the nightmares and the horror. The fear that had assaulted his mind when in her presence dissipated more and more with each day that began with her by his side.

"I'm glad you came back that time too after… after what I did." You're the strongest person I know, his mind provided once more. I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am that you're here, with me.

Asuka snickered against him, tickling his neck. "I couldn't leave you to fend for yourself, Baka. You couldn't even make a decent fire back then." I didn't want to leave. I was scared of you, so I ran away, but you found me. You always find me. She wouldn't tell him either, would not tell him how she had seen into his mind; how she already knew he'd been the one to call NERV to collect her miserable self from the dirty tub.

"And you couldn't clean a wound to save your life," he shot back, amused. Another pinch to the stomach was his response. "Ow!"

"Ba-ka." Instinctively, the teens curled closer when a gust of cold wind rocked the curtains, making them both shiver a bit. Silence descended on their spacious bedroom, and soon enough Asuka and Shinji had started dozing off.

It still was strange to her. She had been sharing Shinji's bed for weeks, the boy who had almost killed her, the boy she had almost killed, and could not be happier for it. More than two weeks had passed since she had last heard him cough or openly complain about the pain of his injuries, and it made her feel both sickeningly guilty and overjoyed at the same time every time his chest filled to its fullest and he exhaled healthily. He always, always brought a mixture of different emotions in her, too many for Asuka to discern which was which.

Lately, though, she had discovered that among many other things she was still not ready to say out loud, she was really starting to love the sound of his heart, and the way her head would sway as he breathed deeply and without pain.

"I like it here," she whispered, half-asleep. Shinji's hand curled a bit tighter around her waist. I don't ever want to leave this, not for Unit 02, not for Mama, not for anything.

"Me too," he mumbled back. "Goodnight, Asuka." The light pressure of his lips against her temple was the last thing Asuka acknowledged before sleep reached her.

"Goodnight, Shinji."

No nightmares bothered them again that night.

---

December the First. NERV Gymnasium

"Break!"

With a deep sigh, Asuka lowered her hands and went to dry off the sweat and search for some water by her duffle bag. Ishikawa smirked, massaging his aching ribs. The girl really did have a set of lungs about her, that last scream of surprise when he'd pushed her right in her sore spot had left his eardrums almost bleeding. Plus, on top of the new ringing in his ears, his chin was still hurting from the previous day's training with Shinji and now his side hurt from the kick he'd received.

The old soldier watched, bemused, while the redhead walked over to the stalls and proceeded to massage her shoulders and neck. He tsked, curiosity sparked; she had been doing that all morning now, those little circular motions. Ishikawa cocked his head to the side, considering his young female student.

Training with Asuka was vastly different than with Shinji or Rei. Ishikawa had realized from the first day that he had to be careful how he addressed the young girl and what was said during their sessions, so as not to bring about her ire and lose whatever shaky communication they had built. The redhead had instilled an uneasy trust in him, the only reason behind it being that Shinji got along well with him, and Asuka would therefore apparently tolerate his presence. Personality wise, she was far more outspoken than any Japanese or German youngster he had ever come across; never shy to point out flaws,or what she considered flaws at the very least, whenever she saw fit, sometimes even going as far as correcting the man himself. She was confident, quick, and more than a bit impatient.

Practicing hand-to-hand combat with her was a world unto itself, full of surprises and completely unlike practice with his other two students. Whereas Shinji usually behaved more like an injured wolf, prone to attack only when provoked and extremely dangerous at close range, and Rei was more of a calculating old King Cobra, Asuka was more akin to a Fer-de-Lance viper or a Black Mamba.

He had come across those nasty snakes on his drafts to Central America and Africa, and Asuka, much like said reptiles, was keen to attack without provocation, lashing out violently against her enemy and baring her teeth at the slightest sign of hostility. She had caught him off guard in their second training session; the girl had easily swiped his left foot from under him and kicked him in the jaw hard enough to leave a bothersome soreness in his mouth for a day and a half. Like the snake she was territorial, easily provoked, and when cornered would strike first and search for an exit route afterwards. She attacked without caution; her body gave almost no indication of what she would do or where she'd move next, but the subtle expressions on her face was more than enough for the old soldier.

Asuka's form was solid, angry, and she clearly enjoyed the stress release that came with the exercise, even to the point where he'd been forced to stop training sessions during the first few days because he knew she had been in serious pain, but had refused to show it. From a warrior's viewpoint she was formidable, but nearly suicidal. Ishikawa had seen through it since the first day.

Asuka fought like she wanted to prove something. To herself, to Shinji, to him perhaps? He did not know, but it was something that needed correcting if she was to survive what was coming.

A low grunt of pain brought Ishikawa back to reality.

It was the fourth time Ishikawa saw his redheaded student massage her neck and move her head in circular motion during their training that day. Thanks to said stiffness, he had been able to land a considerable number of hits to her facial protector this time around, which was a rare occurrence. Even while recuperating Asuka was fast and agile, yet today she had been slower, almost sluggish, as if she were tired beyond compare.

Having read and studied the girl's complete file and reviewed a considerable number of security tapes, he was more than aware of the thin ice he was treading on, should he inquire as to why. The wrong words could very well result in the Second Child cursing at him and sending Misato over to shoot him in the head, but the battered veteran had long since stopped fearing death.

"So," he began nonchalantly, picking up his own water bottle. "Did you not sleep well last night? You've been touching your neck all day." The redhead blinked, surprised, and stopped trying to untie the knots around her neckline in a heartbeat.

"None of your business," she snapped, abruptly angry, before remembering to add, "Sensei."

Ishikawa managed a chuckle. "It's obvious from a mile away, girl," he continued, undaunted by her sudden change in demeanor. "You're in pain, and for the first time in a week it's not coming from your bullet wound. It slowed you down, and that's why I hit your nose." He walked over to her and crossed his arms, putting his back on the wall as he tried not to laugh out loud at the faint red mark above the girl's nasal septum. "Why's your neck bothering you so much?"

He knew he'd managed to hit home when the girl's face went red and her eyes widened in anger. "I said it's none of your business, okay?!" she said, louder this time. "Butt out." She huffed and stood up as well, turning to pick up her towel and duffle bag in an obvious attempt to avoid the conversation by fleeing to the showers.

"As your teacher in self-defense, it's my duty to know what slows you down and what doesn't, so spill," he barked, making Asuka stop in her tracks. By the way her fist clenched, he knew he'd already won. Here it comes…

Asuka spun on her heels, faster than she should considering the healing scar on her side, and snarled at him. "Which part of not of your business do you not fucking understand, huh?! If I was slow today, I'll be twice as fast tomorrow and sit you on your ass again!" she screamed, followed by a tiny, almost imperceptible 'ow' when the healing muscles around her abdomen twisted painfully.

"Ah, ah, ah, language," Ishikawa said, forefinger raised. "And none of the sass either, if you would. There will be no such cursing in my gymnasium or I'll have both you and your boyfriend laying in a pool of sweat tomorrow." He could literally feel the intensity of her glare magnify at his calm words. "You don't want me to accidentally elbow him in the ribs again, do you?"

"Fuck you!" Asuka screamed. "What you do with Baka-Shinji is your own damn business, now leave me alone!" Even when her words left no room for argument, Asuka had long since stopped her stride to the showers. "Besides," she growled. "If you hurt him… I'll – M-Misato will have your head."

Ishikawa smirked smugly when he caught the way the girl's tone wavered at the end. She was obviously trying to mask her concern for the brown-haired boy. She had already been threatened, by both Misato and Ritsuko no less, that she was to obey his orders when training and answer his inquires without an attitude, or her rights to share a bedroom with Shinji would be revoked. It was cruel indeed, using the children's raw need for each other as leverage, although with Asuka it was about the only way to get her to agree to anything.

"No can do, kid," he continued, motioning for the girl to come closer and sit on the wooden bench to his left. "It's my job to know everything, every last little thing about your physique so I can train you properly; otherwise I'm just wasting my time." He grinned when the girl huffed irately, stomped her foot on the ground like a spoiled child and eventually strode back to where he stood, never letting her heated glare fall from his face.

She fell heavily on the stool and crossed her own arms, seemingly unwilling to look him in the eye anymore.

"So," he said, amused. "Spill."

"You sound like Misato," she huffed. "I didn't sleep very well last night, okay?!" Asuka snapped at last, glaring at the pool where Rei was currently swimming. After making sure the girl was out of earshot, she continued. "I went to bed before Baka-Shinji did and forgot to… the pillow was way too soft and uncomfortable, lumbar support and all that, I suppose. So, there. You have your answer, can I go now?" The girl's hand unconsciously reached out and gently massaged the knot above her right collarbone, making Ishikawa's grin widen.

"You normally sleep on his chest, right?"

The next glare had a tinge of embarrassment to it, for the redhead's cheeks lit up like a Christmas tree. "How did you fu-" she started, ready to go on a tirade of colorful insults.

He held up a hand just in time to stop the first f-word from leaving her mouth. "Shinji told me," he said easily, watching the way the girl's eyes bulged and how her face quickly gained a similar hue to her locks. The girl sputtered, momentarily shocked to silence, before she recovered and glared even more vehemently at him.

"Why the hell would he tell you something like that?!" she replied; almost ready to pounce on either him or the poor boy, should he be unlucky enough to walk by at the moment.

"He didn't, actually, I lied," clarified Ishikawa. The girl's glare turned hot enough to melt titanium, which only made his smirk all the wider. "But you just admitted it."

Unable to come up with a decent response, Asuka yelled out in frustration. "Arrrgh! What the hell is your problem?!"

"Why do you like sleeping on his chest anyway?" he asked, ignoring her question. "It can't be that comfortable, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should stop or anything, but how come one night without it has you all beat up the next day? I heard from the Commander you can have your own room if you wanted."

Asuka sunk her nails into the skin of her forearms, jaw clenching. She despised her current situation; suddenly Misato and now this man thought they were good enough to question her on her deepest, darkest secrets and expected her of all people to just open up like a book.

Like hell, she thought, enraged. I bet Misato put him up to this. I bet she heard me last night and now wants her payback 'cause I wouldn't tell her anything this morning.

"None," she tried again, growing increasingly anxious, "of your damn business." The nightmare the day before had been particularly vivid and had forced her to wake up with a scream. In her panic she had once again almost thrown Shinji off the bed, but somehow this time she hadn't hurt him, or accidentally hit his healing ribs.

It always happened like that lately; when she didn't fall asleep on his chest and instead it was him curling up to her, holding her by the waist, she did not rest as well. Not being fully covered in his embrace left her feeling vulnerable, not that she'd ever admit it, and while the nightmares were muffled to a considerable degree, she had been having a bit of extra anxiety contemplating the possibility of becoming a EVA pilot again.

Of course, after she'd woken up they had settled into a more intimate position with Shinji's right arm under her head and his left around her waist, holding her close, but she was not about to tell such things to anyone, least of all the large man she called Sensei.

Asuka hoped against hope the message was clear, but Ishikawa's chuckle had her gritting her teeth once again.

"Let me put it to you this way," he said, bemused. "Either you tell me, or I'll just go down to the security room, look for the recordings, and figure it out for myself. I might just tell your guardian how difficult you're being too, if that makes any difference to you." The fact that there were no such recordings anymore, as per the Commander's orders, was left unsaid.

"Stop treating me like a child, damn you!" the redhead yelled once again.

"Stop evading the question!" Ishikawa answered back with equal force. "Now spill!"

"Fine!" Asuka lowered her voice when she noticed Rei turn her head towards her. Growling like an angry wolf, she tried to swallow down at least a part of her anger. The bite behind it, however, did not diminish.

"Fine, damn you! I broke Shinji's ribs, okay?! Is that what you wanna hear?!" she said forcefully, earning a surprised look from her sensei. "I kicked him in the chest so much that I sunk two of his ribs into his lung and almost killed him. I made the ulcer in his stomach burst; I cracked his skull and dislocated his shoulder." Her voice got quieter and quieter as she went on. "When he was… when he was on the floor I… I heard this noise."

Ishikawa felt hiss amusement evaporate in a second. He had honestly not expected the girl to actually tell him, or their conversation to become so gloomy in such a short time. He nodded, knowing this was something difficult for her to admit, and crouched so that he would be on eye-level with the redhead. She stayed quiet for a few seconds, obviously attempting to master her emotions, so he did not push any further and instead let her continue when she felt ready for it.

Asuka swallowed, addressing another furtive glance at the pool. When she was certain Rei was in the water, she went on. "He was trying to breathe but…" she whispered. "But he couldn't. There was this noise coming out of him, it sounded wet and… and…"

"Horrible?" He provided, noticing how the redhead's own anger was all but extinguished.

Asuka nodded. "He couldn't breathe. I… I messed up his diaphragm so much that he couldn't even get air into his chest and… there was blood coming out of his nose, out of his mouth, and he kept making that noise. The blood wouldn't stop coming out of him and his chest… it was all purple and swollen. But he kept making that noise, wheezing…"

Her lower lip trembled, but Asuka bit down viciously on her own cheek to keep the tears at bay. She would be damned before anyone but Shinji watched her cry. "I don't ever want to hear that noise again," she admitted, a bit forcefully. "Not ever."

Ishikawa sighed and nodded. "So you like to make sure he's breathing properly. It calms you down, doesn't it?"

Asuka nodded as well, unwilling to meet his stare. Something dark and sick moved along the Lieutenant General's stomach. Just how bad had NERV messed up these children?

"You know about the nightmares," Asuka stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you?"

"Yeah," he answered. He watched as Asuka's shoulders dropped, as if a weight had been abruptly lifted off her.

"It's not just his breathing… I mean sure it helps me feel like less of a crazy bitch but… I…" Ishikawa blinked when he saw the skin around the girl's cheeks color once again. "I… like to listen to his heartbeat," she admitted, apparently to herself just as much as to him. "It relaxes me, helps me sleep. It… keeps the nightmares away, you know?"

She fidgeted under the older man's scrutinizing gaze, acting like a teenager for the first time since they'd met. "He has a really strong heart," she whispered.

"I see," Ishikawa agreed, placing his hand on the girl's shoulder and ignoring the flinch that caused. "You're not the only one with nightmares, kid," he spoke on. "I've done some pretty awful things, things so ugly that they make Third Impact look not so bad for me. I know about nightmares so vivid that it feels like you're there again." He squeezed the redhead's shoulder, earning a glimpse at her cerulean orbs. "What you've told me won't leave this room, don't worry about it. Look, if you found a way to stop the dreams, by all means keep at it, I just don't want to see you dragging your feet across my gym again." With a final reassuring pat, he stood up and headed for the dining area, where he was sure Shinji had left a plate for him.

Asuka stayed on the bench a bit longer, contemplating what had just transpired and feeling strangely jubilant. With all the commotion that had been going on, all the preparations for her synch test with Unit 02 and her recovery, she had forgotten how good it felt to exercise; plus, lately she was discovering how much opening up and letting her guard down, even for a second, even when it meant someone could hurt her, had helped her state of mind as of late. And, for the first time since her forceful and constant education had begun, she didn't completely despise her instructor.

"You're right, you know." The redhead looked up, startled, at her teacher's back. He turned his head and smiled at her. "He has a very strong heart, it's not unbreakable though. Take care of it, will you?"

Asuka stared at the man's retreating figure for a few moments, shock evident in her face, but when the words finished sinking in she nodded, and the shock and uncertainty turned into unmovable determination.

"I will," she whispered, too quietly for anyone but her to listen. "As long as he'll let me, I'll take care of it." Her fists clenched.

"I'll never break it. Never again."

---

November the 30th, 2016. NERV Headquarters. Commander's office, 13.00 Hours

The ridiculously spacious NERV Commander's office never ceased to amaze the old warrior; it seemed designed to instill whoever walked in with a sense of insignificance, as though whoever sat behind the large desk wanted to make it crystal clear that they were all insects, and by definition beneath him. Aishida laughed to himself; it took more than a few carefully selected mirrors and a huge warehouse-like room to impress him.

Along with any and every other member of the Organization he had feared, respected and despised the former Commander; the man had projected nothing but an indescribable sense of authority and a ruthless aura, letting every person know they were nothing to him, just pawns. Ever since Shinji had arrived in Tokyo 3, it had been Aishida's responsibility to keep tabs on the boy and assure his security, both of which he had already failed miserably at. He wondered idly if he was walking to his own funeral, or his own awaited dismissal from NERV, for the new commander loved to point out she had no time to deal with people's stupidity. As he had been relieved of his post by the mouse-haired girl who worked as the commander's assistant, Aishida had prepared for the worst.

Upon entering the large office, he noticed some differences instantly. Before, the only objects to be seen had been the large desk and a few chairs. The new commander, on the other hand, had decided to put every bit of space to good use. Piles of documents, hard drives, and about three different computers were cast about in random order around the floor. Gendo's precious desk had been replaced with a much larger one, and already most of its surface was covered by paper along with empty coffee cups, discarded gum wrappers, a few bullets and hundreds of disks and flash drives. What little space remained was taken up entirely by a gigantic computer.

Aishida blinked in surprise; two other men, one bigger than any Japanese person he'd ever seen and the other thick in the chest enough to give him a run for his money, stood facing the desk where Commander Akagi typed incessantly on the keyboard and ignored the men's presence. Noticing there was no immediate danger to his existence, Aishida engaged the safety on his handgun and walked towards the desk.

Both men nodded at him as he approached. The smaller one he recognized; that man had been the one to beat his men to a bloody pulp two days after the assassination attempt and call him 'a useless bag of horse-piss covered in swine shit who couldn't even tie his own shoelaces, let alone protect the saviors of mankind'. The second one looked to be of European descent; he was impossibly tall and blonde, white-skinned and had a not-to-be-fucked-with look in his eye. The fact that the taller man was wearing a lab coat did little to soothe the former Section Two agent's mind.

"Ah, Colonel, you're here," Ritsuko did not even bother to stop typing; her eyes remained glued to the screen while she talked. "Good. We can begin. Now, Lieutenant General, your report."

The thick man, Ishikawa if his memory served him right, had been given Aishida's former station and was now in charge of the Children's safety, and had apparently developed personalized training schedules for each one. Ishikawa cleared his throat, and exposed the bluish bulge under his chin.

"There you have it," he said, his large voice easily resounding against the walls. "I pissed the kid off like you wanted, and he snapped. It was easier than I thought it'd be, making him angry at least. I honestly don't see how the kid could've held in all that anger for so long without going bat-shit crazy on his girlfriend, not after what you told me."

The typing did not stop, but the Commander did avert her eyes from the screen for a few seconds to inspect Ishikawa's bruised chin. She nodded, turning back to the computer. "And how did you get that bruise?"

Ishikawa smirked proudly at them all, leaving Aishida dumbfounded. "Brat kneed me in the chin!" he exclaimed, emphasizing with his arms. "He hit me in the balls, too, the sneaky little wolf, and almost managed to choke me out!"

At the last comment, Aishida couldn't help himself. "The hell?!" he blurted out without thinking. "You're the one who beat the shit out of my men, aren't you?" When the man nodded enthusiastically, Aishida gaped at him. "How the hell could the kid do that to you? Weren't his ribs pulverized or something less than three months ago?!"

The blonde man nodded curtly at him, clearing his throat. "Correct," he stated with a thick accent rolling off his tongue. "The Third Child had extensive trauma on his mid-section, a punctured lung, a shredded diaphragm, dislocated shoulder, cracked skull, broken radius and damaged tissue on his heart when he was first admitted, however..." The man cleared his throat again, albeit a bit louder. "Yesterday's examination proved what you suspected, Commander. His recovery is almost complete. The bones have healed quicker than we anticipated, and all damage to the tissue and organs has been taken care of."

Once again, Ritsuko nodded without turning. Aishida was starting to feel really out of place. "Yes, Doctor Fraedrisch, the new serum's formula has proven to be quite useful indeed. How far along are we in the mass production?"

The large man, Fraedrisch, clicked his tongue and opened a folder Aishida had not noticed had been in his hand the whole time. "About three-quarters done, I would say. We should be ready for export by the end of the year."

Nodding once more, Commander Akagi finally averted her attention from the screen, took off her glasses and massaged her tired eyes. "Good. Now then... Colonel." Aishida almost jumped out of his skin, turning stiff as a board and saluting Ritsuko in a fluid motion. She dismissed his forced politeness with a wave of her hand. "The Lieutenant General also has a degree in psychology; he is the children's trainer and therapist, sort of. Doctor Fraedrisch is in charge of monitoring their health. Now, as for the reason you're here; I wanted to ask you something regarding the day of the assassination attempt."

The three other occupants in the room turned their full attention on him, making Aishida gulp. Ritsuko's cold stare easily pierced right through him. "Your squad was placed at Misato's apartment building, correct?" He nodded nervously. "So, did you interact with Shinji at all whilst he was carrying Asuka down the stairs?"

The question caught him off guard, so Aishida crossed his arms, right hand on his chin, and tried to remember. He hummed distractedly then nodded. "Yes. I ordered half the squad to begin the search once we heard the first shot, the other half I sent to secure the perimeter, and I went to retrieve the Children myself. I called the paramedics on the ground floor, they met us half-way."

"And," Ritsuko interrupted, tone serious. "When you saw Shinji, what happened?"

"Well," he answered, rubbing a certain spot on his forearm. "I tried to tell the kid that it'd be better if we both carried her down, or waited for the paramedics to arrive with the stretcher, but he wasn't listening. I don't think he was even there, you know?"

Ishikawa's eyebrow rose. Commander Akagi looked vaguely interested. "Whatever do you mean by that, Colonel?" she asked.

"Let's see, how can I put this... he wasn't there, wasn't conscious of his surroundings even. He told me to..." Aishida racked his brain for the exact words. "Oh yeah, he said 'Touch her and I'll kill you' and then something like 'get out of my way'." The last detail jumped in the Colonel's memory. "And he bit me!" he hotly added, getting three pairs of surprised eyes gaping at him. "Yeah, he bit me right here, look."

The teeth marks on his forearm were not as visible as they had been a few weeks before, but they were still were unmistakable. Ishikawa hummed. "Why'd he bite you?" he asked.

"I tried to pry the girl off him. I mean, he was wounded, right? I thought it'd be easier if we just waited for the paramedics and began CPR procedures right there, but the kid was having none of it. The moment I touched Asuka he bit me hard enough to almost tear off a chunk."

The sound of Ishikawa's laughter stifled the office again. "Ha!" he boomed, elbowing the European doctor, to which the man responded with an annoyed huff. "I told you! You say one bad thing about the redhead and bam! Off he goes like an animal!"

The doctor, uninterested in Ishikawa's juvenile antics, tilted his head in Ritsuko's direction. "So you were right."

The Commander snorted. "Of course I was right," she retorted. "Ishikawa, how strong would you say Shinji gets when he loses control?"

"Strong enough to give a grown-up a run for his money, I'll tell you that much," Ishikawa replied, gently massaging his jaw. "If the brat learns how to use it, he could very well become a professional boxer, or a martial artist. That left hook of his is something else."

Aishida curiosity spiked. "What exactly are you teaching him, anyway?"

Ishikawa shrugged. "Wing Chun and Escrima, mostly. A bit of counter-terrorist maneuvers, basic defense against armed assailants, locks and counters, some Muay Thai here and here, some boxing, a bit of everything really."

For the first time since he'd arrived, Aishida saw curiosity dance in the tall man's cold eyes. "Wing Chun? What is that?" He asked, intrigued.

"Chinese boxing, sort of," Ishikawa explained. "It's a practical martial art, made to be quick to learn and effective in real-life situations. It's basically a mix of many deadly kung-fu styles and attacks, designed to destroy your opponent in the quickest and most direct way possible. It also includes many counters against armed opponents. It's the style that best suits the brat's personality. Lots of actual boxing, as well."

Nodding his understanding, Fraedrisch once again regarded Ritsuko with cold detachment. "The Second Child has also fully recovered; her vitals are as stable as they'll ever be. Physically, she is ready for the synch test."

"Good," Ritsuko muttered tersely. "Colonel, you are dismissed."

Still completely unsure of what had just transpired, Aishida couldn't help but ask. "Umm, I don't mean to intrude Commander, but what was all this about?"

Ritsuko eyed him with boredom, as if she were dealing with a small child. "Shinji has repeatedly exhibited these strange episodes of absolute rage in which he essentially blacks out and turns feral. Misato still thinks it's something born out of Third Impact, but we all know better than that." The two other men nodded. "I have a theory about the synchronization process with the EVAs. Think of an EVA as an animal, coded with nothing more than basic self-defense instincts and the drive to merge with Lilith and initiate an Impact, should the opportunity arise. Only certain people are capable of synchronizing with these clones, mostly because said people's mothers were willingly absorbed into the core, thus allowing an easier path between the mind of the pilot and the semi-sentient awareness of the EVA."

For a fleeting moment Aishida felt a fuse in his head burst. What.

"What?" he repeated, unaware he had said it out loud.

"Think of the soul within the core as a router, something that picks up the signal, the pilot's thoughts and brain patterns, and transposes them to the EVA's body without risking the pilot's ego-barrier, or AT-Field if you will, corroding or mixing together with the core. Shinji, however, can somehow jump past the router and activate the EVA's fight-or-flight instinct with the raw anger he holds inside. The fact that his mother's soul took control of the EVA once this instinct was activated is irrelevant. Sure, Yui could move the EVA to her will, but that savage fighting we've seen when Unit 01 went Berserk? That was all Shinji."

The last part he managed to understand, even when everything else had sounded like stupid gibberish to Aishida. "So you're saying," he attempted after a while, once the information had finished sinking in. "That the Third, The Twelfth, the Fourteenth, that was the kid, not the EVA?"

Ritsuko tsked, popping a piece of gum into her mouth. "Zeruel was a different case; Shinji reached a synch rate of 400% and was literally turned to yellow goo. Yui, his mother, the one stuck in Unit 01's core, used his anger and ability to awaken the Evangelion to take control and absorb an S2 engine using its instinct. But yes, in those other cases, my theory is that it was partly Shinji, or the side of him nobody really sees. There's something about the anger he has inside that relates to the EVA's in some way. He even managed to get Unit 00 to go Berserk without meaning to." Ritsuko remembered the yellow mecha with distaste. "Although, that could've been another of my mother's hissy fits."

Effectively confused beyond his years, Aishida nodded dumbly and proceeded to excuse himself, feeling more out of place than ever before. The other occupants of the room continued to discuss something related to Berserker, wild animals and other nonsense his brain was thoroughly unable to grasp, so he thanked whatever God existed for letting him keep his job one more day, and returned to his post.

On his way to the medical ward, he saw Shinji walking through the corridors, pushing a food-cart with a smile on his face.

"Colonel Ashida!" the boy called to him and waved, surprising the agent. "Hi! Wait up!"

After a friendly hand-shake and a few amiable words, Shinji offered him a freshly-baked sweet bean bun, which he commented were his sister's favorites, bowed respectfully and left him more dumbfounded than ever. Aishida watched in a strange trance as the boy's back disappeared behind his sister's door, then raised the hand holding the bean bun and bit down into it.

He had been unprepared for such a treat. The bun alone was incredible, perfectly cooked, sweet and yet not sweet enough to be cloying or to restrict the other the flavors to dance around his tongue. Without him realizing it, Aishida devoured the sweet threat in three more bites and licked his fingers afterwards.

How can such a nice kid be a Berserker or whatever they call it? Aishida wondered, staring at Ayanami Rei's door. He remembered the incident with the Fourth Angel, back when Shinji had run away and evaded them for two days. The agent's eyes softened when he recalled the kid's desperate speech to his friend. He's really a nice kid, he thought.

The bite on his forearm disagreed, but he ignored it. A saying he had read years ago suddenly came to mind, as if wanting to agree with the small scar on his arm.

Oh yeah, he reflected while images of Unit 01's many rampages ran through his head.

When the nice guy loses his patience, the Devil shivers.

---

December the Second. EVA Holding Cage 3. NERV Headquarters. First Activation Test.

The sight of the newly-reconstructed mecha welcomed Asuka while she walked on the cage's railing, making her more uncomfortable than she would ever admit. The last time she had seen it, the EVA's head had been rotting just outside of the crater. The large hole in its skull where the vultures had shoved their jaws in to devour the brain had been full of worms and other vermin eating the half-decomposed flesh. The arm that they had split in two, or what gnawed pieces had remained from it, had been on the ground near the pyramid she'd been forced to call home for over two months. The skeletonized torso, core cracked and bitten and shattered, had been left just outside the artificial lake, while the remains of the EVA's other arm had been abandoned somewhere in between the beach and the crater. Whatever had been left of the legs had been thrown into Central Dogma before the redhead had had any chance to see them, where a piece of Lilith's gigantic head had allegedly been stored away as well.

Asuka had been certain for over eight months that she would never again set eyes on her Evangelion, and yet here it stood in all its glory, armor gleaming under the artificial light and looking more powerful than she had ever seen it. Even when she knew it should satisfy her, fill whatever hole her mother's death had left inside, there was little joy about facing the biomechanical clone.

Some part of her, the putrid voice which had encouraged her to take revenge on Shinji in every possible way, demanded she be happy. It snarled against her chest and screamed in the way she used to when a fit of blind rage would cloud her senses, growl ing into her ear that this was what she had always wanted; to be reunited with her beloved Unit 02.

The foul taste of ashes jumped up her throat and into her mouth. Half of her was beyond ecstatic, almost jumping from one foot to the other at the possibility of climbing back in the entry plug and showing the world just how good, how powerful she could be. The other half, the part which had grown alongside Shinji in the past few months, the part she never used to listen before Third Impact, wanted nothing more than to activate the self-destruct system from afar, get Shinji to grab some popcorn and hold her tight, and watch as the monstrosity who had stolen her mother's soul explode from the comfort of a couch.

From her position by the rail, Asuka could still not decide which voice she was supposed to listen to, now that danger and the possibility of death threatened every person in the Geofront once again.

"It's been a while," she said to Unit 02. It may been the stress and uncertainty in her mind, but Asuka could have sworn she saw the EVA's head ever so slightly tilt in her direction. "I wish I could say I've missed you, but I haven't." She frowned at the EVA's mask, which she now knew hid away the scars left behind by the Lances.

Unconsciously, Asuka's hand lightly touched the skin around her eye. "You left me to die. You only moved when I was beaten and dying." Her left hand clenched tightly when she remembered the sensation of having her belly be opened by cold fingers. "Don't think for a second I'm gonna forgive you for taking Mama away, even when she wanted you to take her soul."

Her frown quickly became a heated glare as the phantom pain of her last battle started to make itself known. She stood next to the mecha for a long time, not saying anything, until the faint sting of her right arm started to truly bother her. "We have some things to settle, you and me, and when they're settled I never want to see you again."

The sound of quiet steps on steel rail alerted the young pilot, forcing the heated glare away from the silent giant who observed her with interest. Her heart constricted painfully in her chest when Asuka saw Shinji walk down the metal floor, clearly trying and failing to not stare up at the EVA. She was aware that from the bottom of his heart, Shinji despised anything and everything remotely related to Evangelions; he had even repeatedly told Misato he never wanted to see one as long as he lived. Yet despite his own reservations and wishes to not be faced with the monsters who had stolen away any trace of youthful innocence he had still possessed upon arriving to Tokyo 3, the boy obstinately made his way to her.

Asuka tried and failed to summon a glare; something that was happening more and more often. She was about to berate him for coming so close to her beloved Unit 02 without her approval, however, the glassy, almost detached look in his eyes made her bite her tongue at the last second. Shinji was obviously trying his best not to cringe or run away as fast as his legs could carry him; she noticed the stiff movement of his limbs, the way he was staring at her with enough intensity to force some discomfort in her, and at the same time was not looking at her at all. He seemed so miserable.

Once beside her, Shinji managed to give her a shaky smile. "Sorry I came without telling you," he said quietly. His frightful gaze stole quick glances at Unit 02. "I… I guess I wanted to see it for myself."

Without her realizing it, Asuka's hand searched his and squeezed it. "It's okay, Baka." With her hand in his, the redhead noticed he was shaking. He was terrified. When she next turned to look at him, she noticed Shinji was staring at the EVA's face without blinking, almost as if he were not there at all. It dawned on her when the hand firmly held in hers began to shake more violently and the boy's pulse started to skyrocket.

Shinji had seen the remains of Unit 02, all of them, being paraded before him like some sort of sick offering. During Instrumentality, he had watched her battle from a hundred different angles, had observed with excruciating detail as every Lance pierced her, as the vultures came down on her and tore her apart limb by limb. He had watched and felt the Eva Series' hands tear out her innards and devour her, over and over again, for months. He had been the first person to see Unit 02's decomposing head by the crater, and the images had been seared into his brain like a brand. Even then, when they were sleeping peacefully in their cocoon of warmth, he would sometimes twitch and utter her name in despair. Unit 02 was, for him, nothing more than a gigantic reminder of his failure, of his shame.

"Do you think it's easy for me?! I have to see those freaks tear you apart every day! Every! Day!"

When the boy did not react at her constant tugging, Asuka realized he was relieving it again.

In Shinji's mindscape, reality had just about vanished. He was vaguely aware of a warm pressure on his hand, of the steel platform under his feet, but all he could see was red. The Evangelion's visage shifted before him, one moment being the rebuilt, shining mecha and the next being the scattered pieces he had seen before Lilith had risen and given him godhood. Arms, legs, and innards flew past him in the hands of the horrid white beasts that smirked at him in the Void. They were smiling, clearly having enjoyed taking away the last person he had on the face of the Earth, and now Asuka was dead, dead and torn to pieces because he was a useless, pathetic wimp who couldn't get off his a-

"Shinji! Snap out of it!"

He jolted; something pricked the skin of his arm with enough force to draw blood. Shinji blinked heavily, as if waking from a dream, and turned his still unfocused eyes to Asuka's worried gaze, shaking his head in an effort to rid himself of the images of gore and half-eaten limbs.

"It's okay," she whispered, almost like she was reading his mind. "It's in the past and it can't hurt us anymore. I'm right here." Being no stranger to the episodes in which Shinji's mind would fade to some faraway place within the trauma he held inside, Asuka was aware that some type of physical pain was about the only way to bring him back. She pinched his arm again for good measure. "Wake up."

For the distraught mind of Ikari Shinji, reality returned bit by bit. From the barely-existing pain radiating off his forearm, to the surface he was standing on, to the cold breeze around the cage and finally, the warm hand strongly clutching his; the world came back into focus. Shinji realized he was breathing quick and shallowly, as though he had just run a marathon, and a cold sweat was starting to make his skin feel clammy. He took a deep, calming breath, and hung his head in shame.

"Sorry," he muttered miserably. "I wanted to come here to try and support you, to show you I've got your back, and look at me." His legs were shaking, just barely, but he could see it. He could feel his own weakness radiating and infecting Asuka's resolve. "Pathetic."

"Stop apologizing, Baka," said Asuka. "And stop being so over-dramatic. You're here, now, and that's all that matters." She had begun to hate having to chastise him when he was so clearly upset; she knew, though, that if she did not get him out of the spiral of self-loathing and post-traumatic stress Shinji could very well relapse and stop taking care of himself.

He gave her hand a squeeze, taking big gulps of air to bring his speeding pulse down to normal, but remained quiet. Within the Void, the Beast snorted in derision. Whatever happened to no running away? it reminded him, laughing hysterically inside his head. That's what you're doing right now. Look at you, having to hold her hand just so you don't start throwing up, staring at the ground like a spoiled child, pathetic. Shut up. You're not even the one who has to climb in there, and yet you're the one shaking like a leaf. Shut up. Fucking pathetic. Shut up! I thought you told me you'd make her happy Shut. Up. I thought you told me you'd try your best. Shut up! Fuck you. I said shut the hell up! Then get your fucking head up!

In a flash, Shinji's eyes bulged open and his head jerked up, startling the girl beside him. Now we're talking, the Beast provided, seemingly pleased with itself. Look that girl in the eye and say what you need to say, or I swear I'll break out and strangle her with your own hands, you spineless fucking coward.

"Shinji, let's just leave. You're looking awfully pale, and I have to go suit up. Let's go." Asuka tugged at his hand and started walking towards the exit, fully intent on dragging him out of the cage if necessary. Shinji, however, didn't budge; in fact, to the redhead's eternal surprise, she was pushed back with enough strength to make her loose her footing, stumble and collide heavily with his chest.

For a wild second Asuka's first instinct was to elbow him in the face, followed by a feeling of dread that froze her stomach when she remembered his recovering rib cage. All that disappeared when she felt Shinji's arms encircle her with something akin to desperation; Asuka could literally feel the strange, raw emotion radiating off him with an intensity she'd never felt before, when not a second earlier he had been frozen in fear and about to go into shock. His arms were like gentle vices, strong and steady but careful to not upset the wound that, since the day before, had stopped hurting at all. Shinji pulled her flush against him, burying his face in her hair.

"You've always been right, you know?" he whispered, completely uninterested in the audience watching them from the command center. They could record it for all he cared. "I'm the biggest idiot in the world."

Asuka was still paralyzed against him, eyes wide and cheeks burning for reasons she could not fathom. "W-what the hell, B-Baka? Stop it!" Even to her own ears it sounded just as unsteady as she was feeling.

Shinji let out a low chuckle, ticking her ear. "I'm an idiot. I came here to tell you that no matter how this goes you'll always be the best there ever was, but I froze like a baby deer when I'm not even the one who has to pilot." His arms tightened around her. "You're so brave," he said, feeling the redhead's body relax against his. "I know nothing bad is gonna happen because it's you, I'm just worried, and… and I wanted to tell you to please come back."

Apparently having developed a mind of its own, the redhead's body released all the tension it had been building up since she had learned of Unit 02's existence, and allowed Shinji to hold her fully. Her own arms grasped his, head lulling against Shinji's shoulder.

"What are you, stupid?" she asked him shakily, holding back the strange and sudden urge to cry in relief. Somehow Shinji's blind faith in her, in her 'strength', managed to draw away the girl's own insecurities and enable the old self-confidence to course through Sorhyu Asuka Langley's bloodstream. "Of course I'll be back. Just you wait, I'll be done in no time at all and then you'll feel like a huge idiot for being so freaking dramatic."

Shinji laughed lightly, holding her even tighter. "I know, but I'm already a huge idiot, so I'll worry about you. Promise you'll be back, not only this time, but when it's all over too?"

It sounded stupid, childish; something brats would do to hold onto whatever meager hope remained in their reality. Of course she didn't know if she would come back, safe and sound at that, every time she climbed in the entry plug. Anything could happen; the test could go wrong, she could lose control and crush all of Tokyo 3 in a Berserker rage, she could be killed fighting whatever SEELE was planning to throw at them. There was absolutely no certainty of her survival; she could very well be massacred by nine Evangelions all over again. And this time, even if he wanted to, Shinji couldn't help her; he couldn't bring her back from the dead again.

But for him, it didn't sound half as stupid as it should have been. "Okay," she muttered back, gripping his arms tightly. "Promise." Come with me, she almost said. Climb in with me and keep me close, don't let go. Ever.

"I'll hold you to that," he told her, voice rough with emotion.

He squeezed her one last time before the hold started to loosen, allowing Asuka to spin around and grab his head in both her hands, taking him by surprise. The idiot's eyes widened like saucers, his arms turned to actual vices around her waist, and his face went through three gradations of red before it settled in a deep crimson. "Hey," she whispered against him, ignoring the way his breath tickled her face for once. "Thank you."

Without actually meaning it -or at least she told herself as much- Asuka's lips quickly brushed against Shinji's, the light pressure delicate enough to barely be noticed by his numb mind. After a second or two she pulled away, relishing in the way Shinji's eyes were still wide in utter surprise, but now held a dreamy glassiness about them. She padded him on the cheek to bring the boy back to reality, and gave him her most confident smirk.

Shinji's knees almost turned to jelly right then and there. He wobbled on his feet, but for reasons completely alien to the EVA watching them.

"I'll go suit up and get this over with. Wait for me, okay?" Asuka said while she headed for the exit, leaving a dumbfounded Shinji blinking unevenly at her. That was by all means not their first kiss, but it had been the first time Asuka had felt a literal jolt of electricity go through her whole body the moment her lips had brushed his, and judging from Shinji's shocked gaze and colored cheeks, she knew he had felt the same.

"Y-Yeah!" Shinji managed after too long, just when Asuka was pushing the door's button. "I'll be right here! Be safe, okay?!"

She waved energetically at him from the door, so much like the Asuka he had met on the aircraft carrier Over the Rainbow, and was gone before he could wave back at her. The feel of her soft, warm lips against him lingered though, along with the sensation of walking on clouds and being as light as air.

Once the door closed, however, the boy forced himself to snap out of the dreamy state. There was still one last thing left to do.

Shinji took a deep breath to calm his nerves and faced the red behemoth, hands clenching. Within the Void the Beast began to rattle, standing restlessly while he glared at Unit 02 and tried to keep his shaking under control. This was no time to show weakness. He battled against the horrid images of its head lying beside the crater and the limbs being devoured, of Asuka's screams and grunts while she was disemboweled, concentrating on the red mask instead. He swallowed down the wave of fear and nausea, feeling the Beast punch and claw inside his chest. Let me out! It screamed at him, bent on facing the EVA itself. It clearly hated the EVA just as much as he did, at least. Let me out! He could almost feel its fists collide against him, clawing and snarling, demanding to be released. Let me out! Let me see it! No. Not yet. Wait.

"Misato-san told me you're awake," he told the newly remodeled Evangelion. "You're aware, so you can understand me, you can hear me." His left hand started to clench and unclench. "Can't you?"

It took every last bit of self-control he had not to jump when the silent giant slowly turned its head in his direction. The four eyes blinked lazily inside the mask, shined a vibrant green, and turned black once more in less than a second. Shinji nodded, forcing his hand still as he clenched it in a vicious fist. "Good," he spat thought clenched teeth.

The EVA tilted its head as if curious, making Shinji's frown deepen. It was mocking him; somehow, he knew the monster was mocking him, but it didn't matter. There was something inside him just as terrifying as a sentient Evangelion, and it was demanding to be released.

The Beast pounded against his ribs, enraged. Let me the fuck out! Let me out!

Yes.

Shinji's eyes changed. The Void opened, letting the rage filter through and scorch through his bloodstream. His glare deepened, blue eyes turning cold and losing every trace of rationality in them. His legs stopped shaking. His breathing stilled. The glare on his face transformed into a nasty snarl without him realizing it.

The EVA's head tilted a bit more, eyes shining green again. A low growl ebbed from its chest cavity, reverberating all through the cage and onto Shinji's whole body. He barely felt it, barely noticed how the temperature dropped when recognition shined in the EVA's eyes, barely heard the sound of metal twisting as Unit 02 bent the restraints of its left hand as though they were made of plastic. It was mimicking him, curling its own left hand into a fist, mocking him and the weakness he had previously displayed.

The Beast swirled around his brain, infested his blood, took over his arms and legs and merged with his own sense of self. For an instant, just an instant, both of them became one.

When Shinji spoke, his voice was darker, almost guttural, coming straight from the base of his stomach. Had the EVA had any eyebrows, they would have raised in interest.

"If you hurt her, I'll make you regret ever coming back."

---

The locker rooms felt too big for her. The rows of metal lockers were the same as always, many of which had been witnesses to her many episodes of anger during the war against the Angels, some of them she had even dented by sinking her fists into the doors. Knowing she was beyond anyone's earshot or sight, Asuka allowed herself a few seconds of silent panicking, followed by a self-berating session and lastly a small celebratory dance once her nerves had settled.

She turned to the plastic-wrapped plugsuit with a determined look on her face. No backing out now, thought the redhead, proceeding to undress and remove the packaging from the new suit. Aside from the smell there was little difference about the design; new green lines traced the suit's surface here and there, a bit of white on the legs, mostly red all over with the '02' placed in the center of the chest area and on both arms, and a strange sort of compartment around the wrist, where the decompression button stood out in bright green.

Before she finished undressing, Asuka glanced at the mirror facing her locker. She was down to her bra and panties and could clearly see the slight discoloration on her right side, where the small scar of her operation stood out conveniently next to what had once been one of the seven circular scars that ran over her torso and legs. The scars had systematically disappeared bit by bit, from the straight line running through her whole arm to the slash on her eyebrow and forehead, all the way down to the claw and bite marks on her belly; they had all basically vanished within Asuka's first months back from Instrumentality. If she squinted hard enough, though, she could still trace the lines of each and every one.

Once her curiosity over the new scar had worn off, Asuka occupied herself by actually looking at how her body had developed in the past few months. She was obviously a bit fuller around the hips and in the chest, and had grown about three centimeters in height, whereas Shinji had grown five and was now a bit taller than her. Her belly was flat as always, except now the faint lines of her abs were now visible, thanks to the training schedule and practice with Ishikawa. Her legs, creamy and smooth, were a bit fuller as well, courtesy of both the exercise and Shinji's cooking.

She placed her hands on her hips and shook her head, sending auburn locks cascading down her back. Ever since Third Impact, she only cut her hair to keep it somewhat even and had forgotten to do just that since she'd been admitted, so it was long enough to reach halfway down her back already. It's all good, she considered, running a hand through the curls. Shinji likes my hair.

Actually, 'like' was a weak word to describe what Shinji felt for her hair, and she knew it. He loved it, loved running his hands through it, loved burying his face in it. Maybe it had something to do with the color, she wasn't too sure, but in Germany she had always stood out due to her hair. Whatever reasons he had, Shinji would undoubtedly pout and whine if she were to cut it too much, so Asuka chose it leave it long for the time being.

"I have read that the truest characters of ignorance are vanity, pride and arrogance."

Asuka almost jumped out of her own skin when the quiet voice broke the locker room's silence, startling her enough to shriek loudly. Suddenly embarrassed, the female pilot tried to cover her exposed with her hands, looking desperately for a shirt or a towel to effectively keep her body from view. Once she recognized the cold voice and the blue-haired figure staring at her from the door, she dropped her arms and glared.

"For fuck's sake, Wondergirl!" she exclaimed, hands on her hips. She'd be damned if Rei of all people saw her showing shame towards her own body. "Have you ever heard of knocking or respecting someone's privacy?"

The former albino shrugged, crossing her arms. "This is the female's changing rooms," she stated matter-of-factly. "I was not aware one was required to knock in order to be granted entrance to a public space, much less a public changing room."

Clicking her tongue, Asuka turned back to the mirror. "Sarcasm Wondergirl, really? Shinji wouldn't be too happy about that."

"Nii-san is not too happy about you piloting," Rei countered, undeterred. "I do not see his concern stopping you."

"Well, the idiot might be worried, but he said he had my back on this." Asuka placed the new neural clips on her head, tying her hair into her trademark style. "He's never been a fan of sarcasm, though."

"He is beyond worried."

Asuka sighed despite herself, unaware that Rei's eyes were scrutinizing every inch of her body and recognizing the almost invisible discolorations where her scars had once stood. "I know, I know," she answered. "But someone's gotta do it, and that is my EVA out there, so I'll get this over with and get some lunch with the idiot later."

Rei frowned at her. Now that her clips were in place, she looked almost exactly the same as the day she'd met her, albeit a bit less clothed. It brought an unpleasant feeling in Ayanami's stomach.

"Will you revert back to the way you used to be during the war on the Angels?" Rei asked, ignoring the glare Asuka sent her way. The redhead was all but healed, so if she wanted a fight, a fight she would get. "The old you would never allow Nii-san to get close," she clarified when Asuka did not answer. "The old you would hurt him without reason, would gloat and make him miserable. The old you would live for EVA and EVA alone. There is no place for Nii-san near you if you revert back to that person."

"You know what, Ayanami?" Asuka was seething, her jaw clenching in an effort not to jump at Rei and dash her head against the lockers. "Fuck you. I don't have to prove anything to you-"

"Yes you do," Rei interrupted, returning her glare with equal force. "If you let EVA consume you, if you hurt him, I will make you suffer."

"I'd love to see that, Wonder-bitch," Asuka spat, losing her temper. "If you think for one second that I'll get in over my head, then you don't know me at all and should just get the fuck out of my way!"

"If you allow yourself to become the Second Child again, EVA will consume you," Rei promised her, staring straight at her, through her. "If you do not return, Nii-san will hurt."

Asuka's eyes widened in shock when the true meaning behind Rei's words sunk in, rendering her speechless.

"Asuka," Rei tried, uttering the Second's name for the first time. "Please, do not become the Second Child again. For Nii-san's sake, for your own sake, please." For the life of her, Asuka could not remember ever seeing so much emotion cloud the former First Child's eyes. "Come back as you are, not as you used to be. Do not leave Nii-san, not after everything you've done to him, not after everything he's done to you."

Unable to keep her glare, Asuka averted her eyes to the floor, fists clenching hard enough to sink nail in skin. She was a college genius, of course she understood was Rei was trying to say. If she allowed the EVA to become her life again, it would absorb her, devour her like it had done to her mother, like it always did with every person who got involved with them. For no other reason than not wanting Shinji to suffer, Rei, the person who probably hated her most on this world, was attempting to help her. She knew deep down that, among the living, Rei was probably the person who understood Evangelions the most.

"I won't," she answered after a tense silence. "I promised."

"And Sohryu Asuka Langley always keeps her promises," Rei said, apparently reading her mind.

The redhead nodded, but a faint shadow of doubt jumped to her mind. "How do I do it?" she asked quietly, avoiding the red eyes she had learned to despise. "How do I keep it from sucking out my soul through the back of my neck like it did with Mama? How do I keep it from dissolving me into LCL like it did with Shinji?"

Taking a seat on the wooden bench, Rei tried not to cringe when she recognized claw and bite marks on Asuka's stomach and side. "Find your essence, an aspect of yourself that determines your identity, and hold onto it." Rei nodded at her. "As you did during Instrumentality."

Asuka smirked; an idea was already forming in her mind, a counter against whatever it was that EVA's did, and Rei had helped her develop such a strategy. "I don't like owing people," she said, looking down at Shinji's sister with something akin to respect. "Thanks."

She offered her hand and tried to ignore her own state of undress. If Shinji was right, after all, Rei had little to no problems with partial or total nudity.

For her part, Rei did not get up, for such an action would infer actual respect to the girl in front of her, but shook the offered hand firmly nonetheless. She took the opportunity to narrow her eyes and observe the straight line that started on the redhead's knuckle and faded somewhere around her wrist.

"Are these…?" she began, scrutinizing the girl's hand and oblivious that Asuka was starting feel uncomfortable with the close proximity and prolonged physical contact. After a few seconds the redhead growled and snatched her hand away.

"Not that it's any of your damn business, but yeah." she crossed her arms around her stomach in a vain attempt to hide things that were clearly not there anymore. "You should've seen them at first, like… the first few weeks? They were all red and white and…"

"There?" Rei finished for her, trying to find the circular marks of the Lances and failing. "They are imperceptible now; I can hardly see them at all."

"Yeah," Asuka replied, disappearing behind the curtain to finish changing. "They started to fade after the first month or so; like, crazy fast. One day they were red and pink all over, the next just pink, then white, and like that they started fading. After the first few months… it was all back to normal, sort of."

"But you can still see them," Rei commented. "And so can Shinji."

There was no retort after that, so Rei assumed she was right. She did not particularly mind the silence and did not intend to break it; silence was far more preferable than the alternative of Asuka speaking. She had been tempted to reveal the reason behind the disappearance of said scars, but it was a futile effort meant only to get a reaction out of the redhead. You already know, she thought, turning to the screen when the plug suit decompressed. Do you not, Asuka?

Baka-Shinji did it, Asuka thought while the suit hugged her frame. When he was God or whatever, he brought me back, or more like… She flexed her hands and stretched her arms above her head. He gave me the chance to come back; he let me choose and made the scars fade. He didn't force me, and he didn't leave. A long time had passed since she had last worn a plug suit, and the last time she had taken her old one off had certainly been traumatic enough. Asuka glared at the screen with furious determination.

The Baka's waiting for me, so I can't take too long.

As she was making her way to the exit, she noticed Rei was standing next to it with the cold look she had gotten used to seeing. "Good luck, Sohryu." The blue-haired girl shrugged, offering her a barely-existing smirk. "Not that you need it."

Asuka huffed and spun around, locks flying everywhere. "You're damn right I don't need it. See you later, Ayanami."

---

The command center was alive with movement for the first time in over nine months. As per the Commander's instructions, the MAGI had long since been redesigned and recalibrated to not only work in detecting angelic patterns, analyzing battle strategies in seconds, providing live-data feed 24/7 and coordinating synch tests, but also to analyze and estimate survival probabilities and strategies to be taken for the millions of refugees who had started popping out of the Ocean a month after Third Impact. Ritsuko took great pride in it, for she had been finally been able to put the monster her mother had created to some actual use.

Normally the command center would have been almost empty, with one or a maximum of two people giving maintenance to the MAGI and analyzing their many daily crises. It was a sort of 'haunted' place nowadays, one that brought horrid memories to the survivors who had not only chosen to return from Instrumentality, but also returned to their old posts. NERV had turned into a small government of its own, managing the reconstruction of many other cities in the country, not just Tokyo, and providing shelter, food and supplies for those who still remained homeless. All paid for and sponsored by the friendly, involuntary donations of SEELE's budget, which Ritsuko held in her palm. Oh, her friends chasing down SEELE were good.

Whoever this 'S' was, or whatever organizations integrated it, they had seized a great deal of SEELE's assets before the Old Bastards could reclaim them and not only provided them to NERV, but also many other organizations and sometimes governments, in hopes of easing the arduous task of reconstruction. They had been generous enough to provide her with many important and quite influential people, along with supplying her with whatever resources she needed. It was somewhat relaxing, in a strange way, speaking to the strange character behind the screen while she sat alone in the commander's chair. The command center had sort of become her fortress of solitude, where she'd spent hours upon hours working on keeping people alive during the first few months, and lately trying to turn NERV into an Impact-proof shelter and fortress that could withstand SEELE's next attack.

That day, however, the staff was back to their old positions, monitoring the semi-organic machines that Ritsuko had come to hate almost as much as she hated her dead mother. Sitting in Ikari's old chair, up above every worker, had never worked for Ritsuko, so she monitored every action the crew took from her usual spot near Maya. Misato paced around, arms crossed and a frown on her face, looking pissed enough to make Shigeru gulp whenever she stalked around his general direction.

"Give it a rest, Misato," she said, looking over the charts in her hand. "I don't think glaring at Unit 02 it's gonna intimidate it. Besides," she tapped her aching skull, "you're giving me a headache."

"How can you be so freaking calm about this?" Misato exploded at her, barely able to hold down the stress. "If that thing decides to crush us-"

"Then I'll activate the N2 bombs under our feet and blast it to hell along with everybody else in this stupid pyramid," Ritsuko finished for her, making just about every crew member gulp in fear. "I'm a scientist, this is an experiment. From a logical point of view getting all worked up is not going to change the outcome, so please. Sit. Down."

Puffing her cheeks at her, Misato continued to pace. "I can't sit down, not until this is all over."

"Then at the very least stop making my crew more nervous than what they need to be." Ritsuko eyed the three people currently reading the EVA's harmonics, directing the LCL into the holding tanks, preparing the entry plug's operating system, then the workers underneath them monitoring the EVA's every move, and the security detail underneath them. They had all volunteered, knowing the test could very well backfire and cost the lives of every person in the command center. For said reason Ritsuko had evacuated the pyramid prior to the test, so as to minimize the casualties should the worst come to pass.

Maya, Makoto and Aoba had, surprisingly enough, not been the only ones to volunteer; there was a great deal of new-found appreciation for the kids who a few months ago had moved into the tower for their own protection.

The crew techs smiled sheepishly at her, worry evident in their eyes when Misato continued to pace like a cornered lion, grumbling under her breath and glaring at Unit 02 like it was going to spontaneously jump on them all. And if Misato's furious temper wasn't enough, the digitized map of Tokyo 3's ruins was alight and apparently putting everyone on edge, as if it were a reminder of what an awakened EVA could bring about. Ritsuko sighed and craned her neck to look at the old commander's empty chair.

Since he had been demoted to the station of advisor, Gendou was no longer allowed to sit all high and mighty in his chair above them all, as per her orders. Instead, Gendou stood behind her, glancing at the readings now and then and typing away on his portable device with Rei at his side. He looked just as uninterested as she did, making her fingers twitch for the remote in her pocket. Maybe a shock or two would erase the smug little smirk he had plastered on his face. In addition, she didn't like the way that former hybrid stood so near to the man. It brought about an unpleasant feeling in her gut.

"The Second Child is ready to climb in the entry plug," Maya announced, trying to keep the shaking from her voice and shaking off Ritsuko's train of thought. "Readings are normal; the restraints are in place, all security systems activated, we're ready to begin." The camera's feed offered them a clear view of Asuka, dressed once more in her red plugsuit, waving from beside the plug. She looks eager enough, thought the Commander. Fuck it, let's get this over with.

The entire crew held its breath when Ritsuko nodded. "Proceed. Open the entry plug and begin phase one."

Quiet, stressful minutes followed as the entry plug closed and was lifted. Gendou stopped typing, adjusted his glasses, and directed his attention to the EVA. Rei, who by all means had not been expected to attend the Second Child's synch test, had a strangely serious look on her face. Despite Misato's pleas, orders, threats and ultimately more pleas, Shinji was nowhere to be seen in the command center. He had instead perched by the window closest to the mecha's left, refusing to be in the same room as his father, and was in the most vulnerable position of them all. Should the EVA break its restraints, the reinforced window would do little to protect him.

Before the order could be given, the armor on the EVA's back slid open on its own, deepening Ritsuko's frown. We're giving you what you want, you fucking monster, she thought angrily. Hurt her, come on. Do something; give me a reason to blow us all to hell. She wouldn't mention it to anyone, but there were five N2 heads surrounding the EVA's cage. You're not my god, and you will not kill me.

"Entry plug has been inserted, readings normal," Shigeru reported, trying to ignore the growing need to get as far away from the pyramid as possible. The entry plug was halfway into Unit 02's back. "Ready for second phase."

"Begin second phase."

Misato stopped pacing and started biting at her fingernails. Gendou turned back to his device, typing schematics into the remote control. If the EVA broke free, the former Commander had the control for the forced ejection of the entry plug and the anesthesia's activation, though it brought little comfort to Ritsuko.

The entry plug slid fully inside the Evangelion. The armor closed off, and the video feed showed them Asuka's smirking face.

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road!" she yelled ecstatically, making Makoto cringe.

"Pilot's vitals are stable, video feed activated. Ready for LCL insertion."

Ritsuko nodded curtly. "Fill the entry plug, begin phase three."

They watched as Asuka took a deep breath before the yellowish liquid reached her face. She exhaled and allowed the LCL to wash over her. "Ugh," she said, cringing. "Still as disgusting as I remember it. LCL insertion complete, Unit 02 ready for activation!"

The Commander smirked despite herself. "You heard the lady, begin the activation test!"

"Yes, ma'm!"

Inside the entry plug, Asuka felt the familiar warmth she'd grown accustomed to during her long years of training. The neural clips felt different on her head for some reason, even when they were almost exact copies of her old ones. Having heard Ritsuko's command, she took a deep breath and clutched the controls. Ikuhayo, Asuka.

The kaleidoscope of color washed over her seat, bathing her in its light, before a faint, weird sensation tugged at her psyche. It felt… timid? If she had to describe it, she'd say it felt similar to someone knocking on her mind, requesting permission to enter, but it was gone before she managed to pinpoint where it had come from. Not a second afterwards, the surge of unnatural, godly power coursed through her veins like liquid fire, and she felt it. Unit 02 was under her command, and it felt better and warmer than ever, almost as good as it had felt during her battle with the MP EVAs.

Hands large enough to crush a building. Three-hundred feet tall. Endless power, no operational time limit. The Fruit of Life, the S2 Engine, completely under her control. It felt like an old suit, comfortable and familiar.

Asuka smirked. "Evangelion Unit 02, activated!"

The mecha's four eyes shined a vibrant green, the head jerked up, surprising the crew and… and nothing.

There was no explosion. The world did not open up in two to reveal a giant of Light. The harmonics did not flow backwards; there was no rejection, no red-alert flashing up on the holographic screen. The collective breath that every person in the command center had been holding was unanimously released when Asuka's smiling face greeted them once more.

"I've gotta say, this feels pretty sweet," she said, smile widening. "I think I could beat Zeruel's ass right now if he came down again." She flexed the mecha's gigantic hands, unaware that she was crushing the restraints like they were nothing.

"What's the pilot's synch rate?" Ritsuko demanded. Misato was strangely quiet, the doctor noticed; she had the same look in her eyes that would come about whenever they were about to fight an Angel.

"Synch rate at… 92.87%! Holding steady!"

Ritsuko whistled. "Did you hear that Asuka? You've officially broken all your previous records in one go."

"Sweet!" the girl exclaimed from within the entry plug.

"How do you feel?" Misato asked at last, sounding oddly somber.

"Honestly?" Asuka asked, still smirking in that way of hers. "I feel awesome! It's just like before only… only I think I can go a bit deeper!"

"Be careful," Ritsuko warned. "We don't know what could happen if your synch rate gets too high. Go on, but take it easy."

The girl pouted, yet nodded nonetheless and closed her eyes. Maya's eyebrows rose in utter surprise.

"Synch rate rising… 95-no,97.81% and climbing!"

"Pilot's vitals?" Gendou demanded, drawing the crew's attention. The man did not even bother to look up. Shigeru shifted uncomfortably in his seat; boy, was the man a cold bastard.

"Vitals holding steady, heart rate a bit elevated but within normal parameters. She's… she's exited, I think."

"You bet your ass!" Asuka said, eyes still closed. "How's my synch rate now?"

"102.95%, holding steady," Maya provided, smiling lightly. It was difficult not to be affected by Asuka's sudden energy; she was permeating the entire staff with her newly-acquired positive attitude.

"You hear that, Baka? I rock!"

A small chorus of laughter followed her comment, effectively evaporation the tense atmosphere in the room. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ritsuko started typing on her keyboard. "Alright, Asuka. Excellent work. Don't go any further for the time being, just stay put and let us run some tests and then you'll be free to go."

Once again, the redhead pouted at her. "Aww, come on! I'm having fun here! Why don't we run a simulation or three, I feel like I could kick anyone's ass right now."

This time, the crew actually erupted in laughter, forcing even the tense Sub-Commander to crack a small smile. As the three crew members gazed at her with hope in their eyes, Ritsuko relented.

"Fine, fine. One simulation, and then you're free to go. Can't have you having too much fun. Shigeru." Ritsuko turned to the long-haired technician. "Upload Zeruel's data. The girl says she wants payback, so we'll give it to her."

"Awesome!" Asuka shouted, blue eyes opening in a flash. "Hey, Baka-Shinji, look! I'm about to kick some serious Angel ass, so you better get ready for some unadulterated badassery!"

The simulation was over in record time. More than a few jaws dropped to the floor when the Eva's simulation version rubbed its hands and stretched. It took Asuka exactly four minutes and thirty-two seconds to defeat Zeruel's digital version with apparent ease, without even having to reach 100% synch with her EVA. The first test came and went peacefully, without incidents, and soon enough Asuka was released and the EVA went silent once more.

After the crew had opened a small bottle of champagne, courtesy of Misato of course, they talked amiably with one another, with the obvious exception of the former Commander who had the decency to excuse himself so as not to disturb the festivities for once. Ritsuko managed to actually breathe. It was a nice change to say the least; the crew techs congratulated each other, Makoto tried and failed miserably to flirt with Misato, Shigeru dragged out his acoustic guitar and rendered them all deaf with his singing once the champagne had been consumed, and Maya blushed and tried to stay as close to her as humanly possible.

All in all, it was a good day.

After about two hours of celebration, Ritsuko dismissed the brave volunteers, lifted the curfew in the pyramid and sat heavily in the commander's chair, facing the red behemoth's virtual image directly. She would have lit up a cigarette, but Maya had the nose of a Doberman and would definitely give her a lengthy lesson about the hazards of smoke inhalation, including bringing out disgusting images of cancerous lungs and pushing them in her face afterwards. Sighing in defeat, she popped a piece of gum and massaged her temples.

"Do you mind if I accompany you?"

The blonde's shoulders slackened. Oh, great, and now this is happening, she thought dispassionately when she recognized Gendou's monotone behind her. "As a matter of fact, I do mind thank you very much," she responded snidely, touching the remote in her pocket. "I was just starting to relax, and then you show up."

Gendou said nothing, standing by her side the way Fuyutsuki had stood by his for so many years, and observed Unit 02 in silence. Ritsuko chose to ignore him, turning her attention to the jagged and twisted mass of stress and stiffness that was her neck.

"Well, you didn't get to try out your brand new toy," she told him, giving the man a sidelong glance. He shrugged and adjusted his glasses with his left hand. "Let's hope you don't get to use it tomorrow either."

"Hmm," Ikari muttered. "Asuka was certainly formidable today."

The comment earned him a small smile from his former lover, and a minuscule jolt of electricity for his trouble. "Asuka?" As much as she tried to prevent it, humor permeated her tone. "Since when is she something else than the Second?"

Gendou shrugged. "Shinji has insisted that I call her by her name."

A very unlady-like chortle escaped her lips, followed by a few low chuckles. "So he's ordering you around, now? Gimme a break. The Great Ikari Gendou, the Bastard King himself, coldest man on Earth, intimidated by a fifteen-year-old?"

"Times change," he said simply, ignoring her snide remark. "She was formidable, no?"

"You tell me," she answered as she relished Gendou's slight jump when she jolted him a second time. Boy, was this remote fun, she'd have to thank the UN at some point for it. "She's a feisty little devil; such is the power of Sohryu Asuka Langley. Such is the power of the S2 engine, the Fruit of Life."

Ikari nodded. "The results of the DNA tests…" he started.

"Just as we thought," Ritsuko said, trying to untangle the knots in her neck. "It's got both Adam and Lilith's genetic structure; it's basically looking at the miniature version of your giant Rei/Lilith/Adam hybrid, you know, the one that killed all of mankind before your son decided to save us all."

Scowling behind the safety of his glasses, Gendou remembered his final moments with Rei, when she had taken Adam's embryo along with his hand and merged with Lilith. "So it is basically-"

"A demi-god," Ritsuko interrupted again. "Or a god, something along those lines. Honestly, we're treading water here. There's never been a stable hybrid like this before, and according to the Dead Sea Scrolls the unholy union of Adam and Lilith will only ever bring about the Impact, give someone godhood, yada yada…" She motioned with her hand, feeling the stress build up again. "So I ask you, why is it just sitting there? What does it want?"

"You said it is sentient, yes?" Gendou asked.

Ritsuko nodded and narrowed her eyes at the Beast behind the reinforced glass. "Yes, it's sentient. It's an awakened fucking Evangelion, a demi-god for Christ's sake, of course it's sentient. Didn't you see it turn its head when your son talked to it?"

"Indeed," the elder Ikari replied, having witnessed Shinji's brief encounter with the EVA. "So, perhaps it simply wishes to bide its time, and bring about Fourth Impact when we least expect it."

Ritsuko rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Then why didn't it just get it over with today? I don't think it's trying to lure us into some false sense of security to catch us by surprise and then blow us all to hell, I think… I think it's something deeper."

Ikari raised an eyebrow when the Commander reached under the desk's drawer and produced a piece of paper with bold, black printed letters filling the page.

I AM ASUKA.

"I think," Ritsuko began, frowning at the paper. "That it wants to convince Asuka to blow us all to hell."

---

"Did you see how I busted his face with one punch?! Ohh, that was awesome! I swear, not having to worry about that stupid clock is something else! Hey, hey, Baka, did you see when I broke though his At-Field?"

Shinji laughed and nodded at her, smiling encouragingly. "Yeah! I told you, you're the best!"

Asuka spun around, fists in the air, and exclaimed. "I know, right?! God, it was amazing!"

She had been at it for about forty minutes now, ever since she had come out of the shower fresh and smelling like strawberries, with that smile that made his legs wobble. Shinji felt his smile widen while Asuka went on and on, unaware and uncaring if he was listening or not. Back then, she would have never shared her obvious joy with him like that, she would have looked for Kaji or Hikari to celebrate, but today she had chosen to be with him. Shinji. The boy who had left her to die.

The least he could do was to prepare her a delicious lunch, so he had looked up a few German recipes and managed to concoct a strange mixture of Japan-German style Bratwürst along with various other dishes.

Seeing her eat with gusto was as much as a relief to him as seeing her get out of the entry plug safe and sound. He had been frozen by the window the entire time, glaring at the EVA like it was going to make any difference at all. He had been expecting the worst and, like a coward, wanted to be the first to die alongside Asuka if Ritsuko activated the self-destruct system. But nothing of the sort had happened, and Asuka had proven him once again how amazingly versatile she was. He loved her all the more for it.

"-too. And did you see, Shinji, did you see when I got my synch rate to 102%?"

She looked so happy. He hadn't seen her so happy in a long, long time. "Yeah!" he answered, trying to match her enthusiasm and failing. "That was incredible!"

Asuka turned to face him, feeling elated. Lunch had been beyond anything she had expected, by far the meal she'd had in… days really, but still unbelievably delicious. Shinji had obviously spent some time doing his research and trying to get the ingredients, which in itself was a tremendous task in a post-apocalyptic world. He had also been the first one to congratulate her in person, without a hint of jealousy or false words of encouragement, and the first to tell her how great she'd been. Somehow, at some point in time, hearing such words from him had become more satisfying than a million strangers calling out her name.

In a rush of sudden happiness, Asuka skipped to where the boy was standing and hugged him, ignoring the sudden and initial stiffening of his limbs, and as always careful to not upset his side. Shinji was paralyzed in her arms for a moment but eventually relaxed and hugged her back just as fiercely. "I told you I'd be back, didn't I?"

She felt Shinji smile against her cheek. "Yeah, you did," he murmured, arms tightening against her. "Thanks."

A snicker caressed Shinji's neck. "Thanks for the meal, it was really good. And…" Asuka felt herself blush. "Thanks for… you know… trusting me and stuff…"

Shinji buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply and ignoring the faint scent of LCL. "Always."

Asuka blushed a deeper shade of crimson, feeling better than she had in months, maybe even years. They stayed like that for a while, uncaring that the world outside was still inhospitable, that there were plots to both protect and kill them, and melted into each other's comforting presence. Asuka focused on nothing more than him until she saw the elegant black case placed in the corner of their room.

"What's that?" she asked him, intrigued.

Shinji didn't let go of her, craning his neck instead to look at what she was pointing at. "Huh? Oh, that. It's a cello, someone…" he paused, remembering how he'd gotten it. "Someone just left it here, for me."

Shocked at the new information, the redhead lessened her grip and held him at arm's length. "Someone did what? What the hell?! How did someone just prance his way in here and drop a cello in your room all of the sudden?"

Shinji blinked at her, shrugging. "I have no idea. They've been running tests on it for months to see if it's got any bugs or devices or whatever, but Misato-san told me it's clean." He smiled a bit uncertainly at her. "She said it was a gift so I should keep it. And I kept it."

Asuka gave him a sunny smile. "Okay then, I'll believe you. Is it any good?"

Letting go of their embrace was harder than either cared to admit, but they both relented. Shinji rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment while she made her way to the case and placed it on the ground to open it.

"Actually," he said sheepishly. "It's an original Stradivarius, almost 300 years old."

Asuka's jaw dropped, looking at him wide-eyed. "You're kidding me."

"I wish," he answered as a blush heated his face. "After all the testing they found out the wood was pretty old, and very intricately worked. An original too, it should be in a museum, not being given to an amateur like me."

Taken aback by the news, she carefully lifted the cello and analyzed it closely, observing the minuscule handiwork on the wood, the faded quality around the edges, the worn-out parts around the scrollwork and the fingerboard, the carved figurines delicately placed on the wood's design, and the almost unreadable words inscribed on the case.

'Antonio Stradivari. 1725, Baudiot.'

"Wow," she muttered, running her fingers down the fingerboard's surface.

"Yeah," Shinji said. "I mean, I couldn't believe it at first, but I've been tuning it and stuff the past few days. I even read a manual on how to give it proper maintenance, and it is the real deal."

Looking at the instrument, then back to Shinji, then back to the cello and finally back to him again, a wolfish grin drew itself on Asuka's face. She placed the cello back in the case as gently as she could, stood up, and pointed right at Shinji's face. "Play for me," she ordered, smiling brightly.

Shinji's eyes widened, averting his eyes from hers while his blush deepened. "W-What? I… I mean sure but… you know I haven't really played in a lo-"

"Unless," Asuka interrupted him, still pointing but looking a bit unsure herself. "Unless it hurts because of… you know… your ribs…"

It was then and there that Shinji realized he would do anything, anything to have her smile the way she had a few seconds before. The smile that made his legs weak and made her look all the more beautiful... he'd sell his soul to Lilith a thousand times for it. Besides, the way she was so obviously trying to hide her concern for him melted away whatever uncertainty remaining in his brain.

"They don't bother me anymore," he said, loving the way Asuka's big blue eyes opened in surprise. "It'll be my honor to play for you, Sohryu-sama," he bowed deeply at her, chuckling despite himself.

This time, it was her cheeks that colored deep crimson and her eyes the ones that averted their gaze. "W-Well, good, you better!"

"But I can't promise you it'll be any good," he commented while stretching and warming up his hands. It really had been a long time since the last time he had played anything at all, so the boy hoped against hope he wasn't too rusty.

Asuka stuck her tongue out at him. "That's not the point, Baka," she said in a sing-song voice, making her way to the bed, their bed. She lay down and sprawled out, rejoicing in the soft mattress under her and in Shinji's presence by her side.

Shinji brought one of their chairs over and settled on her left, his back to the window that overlooked the Geofront's gardens, where people from the whole city now came to grow their edible goods. He placed the cello between them and started tuning the strings with a thoughtful look on his face. Asuka, for her part, was content with watching the ceiling and letting the drowsiness take over for the time being.

"Umm," Shinji muttered, scratching his cheek. "So, any particular piece you want me to play?"

All of a sudden, the evening she had come back from her disaster of a date flashed through Asuka's mind. "Remember that time I came back from the amusement park and you were playing in the living room?" Watching the boy nod from the corner of her eye, Asuka smiled and relaxed against the mattress. "Play me that song," she said quietly, and after a second or two "Please."

He returned her smile and caressed the strings with the bow. The first few notes were slow, a bit out of tempo, but as Shinji got used to the instrument and the new strings the notes started to flow with more finesse. Asuka closed her eyes, feeling the reverberation of each note dig into her very chest; she stole a quick glance at Shinji and discovered he had closed his eyes, and swayed along with the cello with every passing melody.

The cello's sound was crisp, deep, almost old, as though the instrument itself had a depth that somehow reminded Asuka of a flowing river, but it was really Shinji's immersion in the piece what stood out and made the notes dance in her heart. It was Shinji, his soul, open and melancholic and angry all at once, and he was sharing a piece of it with her.

Asuka was aware that was she was about to do was low, indescribably so, but she had to be sure. She closed her eyes once more and focused, trying to recall the feeling of an S2 Core under her command, of the EVA's unholy power completely at her disposal, of the warmth and comfort of her entry plug, and compared it to whatever feeling was washing over her whilst Shinji played. It didn't make her feel any less of a piece of human scum, making her wonder if she had truly matured or learned anything at all in the past few months when all it had taken was one synch test to make her wonder what she wanted.

Yet as the song carried on and Shinji gained confidence in his own playing, gently moving the bow through the strings and lulling her mind, Asuka decided that whatever sensations came with piloting, they had nothing on Shinji's cello, on his music, his company. It hit her like a bucket of ice water.

Oh, she thought, stealing another glance at him. The yellowish tinge of the sunset coming through the window and onto Shinji's back; it gave a sort of glow to him, darkening his face but making his playing look… elegant. He looked so handsome. I get it now.

She tried to call the memories of all the things he had done to her to surface, to try and muffle out the sudden awareness which coursed through her body along with every note. She tried to focus on the old hate that had consumed her upon returning, tried as hard as possible to remember the hospital incident or how he had just sat there while she died. But there was no disgust anymore, no more hatred, nothing. There were no walls anymore, not against him, and it scared her.

I…

Instead of the disgust she had hoped for, a different set of memories assaulted Asuka while she lay on the bed and listened to him play. Images of how he had jumped inside an active volcano came to mind; how he, barely even knowing her at all, had saved her from a fiery inferno without a second thought. Images of how he would clean her wounds, feed her soup, dress and tuck her in when she was feverish and dying. Memories of how he'd disappear for hours into the rubble to find something for her to wear that wasn't blue or that didn't smell like LCL. Memories of how he'd smile at her, even after all she put him through back then, and tell her he was happy she was there, and alive.

I… I… fell in love with him…

And... it was nothing new. No new development born out of their mutual desperate need to survive after Third Impact. It had always been there, ever since she had first started living with him, walking with him to school, sitting at the table to eat the food he cooked for her.

Compared to those feelings, to those memories, Asuka realised she did not particularly care very much if she ever had the chance to use Unit 02's full power again. As long as Shinji was there, as long as Misato was there -although she would never say that to the woman's face- everything was somehow right with the world.

The dark voice inside her head snarled and bit and complained, screaming loudly that it had been him who had tried to kill her not once, but twice, and would have done so a third time on that day she had left. It tried to reason with her that it was weak, wimpy little Shinji she was talking about, that there was no way he would ever compare to her Unit 02. That if she opened up to him there would be no turning back; she would unlock her heart and share it with him completely, and then he would leave her and it would hurt worse than any Lance. The voice, however, faded away under the tender melody coming out of Shinji's cello.

That's right, I fell in love with him, she told the voice, uncaring of how it raged against her. I love him, the boy who tried to kill me, the boy I tried to kill. And there's nothing, nothing you can do about it, so you might as well accept it.

The voice screamed in rage, but she didn't listen. The song carried on, muting everything else but the clear, calm sensation of being finally able to accept herself and her feelings for the young man who had hurt her; the young man who loved her despite how much she had hurt him.

Yeah, might as well accept it. I'm Shinji's, and no matter how much of a shit-hole it is, this is the world I want to live in.

Her eyes opened, watching the fading light of the sunset. This is the world I want to live in, not as a pilot, but as Sohryu Asuka Langley. The peace springing from her chest with every melodic note Shinji produced only solidified her resolve.

And he's the one I want to share this world with.

---

December the Third, 2016. NERV Headquarters. Commander's Office.

Knowing his father no longer occupied the large office he was making his way to was a huge relief for Shinji. The past few days had been quite pleasant, with Asuka's successful synch test and all, but in all honesty Shinji did not feel like laying eyes on the man's bearded face again. Sure, hitting the bastard in the balls had been more than pleasant, yet a mixture of very negative emotions still swirled in his head and chest whenever he thought of the elder Ikari. He had gone as far as refusing to be in the command center while the man was there as well, refusing to acknowledge his father's existence at all.

Let's see how he likes the silent treatment, Shinji thought while he walked. He dismissed any remaining ideas about his father, remembering why he was making his way to the blonde bitch's office in the first place.

Asuka's birthday was the following day, and he had been preparing all week for it.

A small smile drew itself on his face while he walked, unaware that he had spent so much time in the pyramid already that he could make his way to almost any part of it without paying too much attention anymore. He recalled the previous night, and what Asuka had told him then.

"So, your birthday's coming up," he commented off-handedly. They were both snuggled under the covers, Asuka's body pressed against him with his arms holding her tightly close to his chest. They had been watching some stupid soap opera, almost drifting off, until Shinji remembered he had something to ask her. "What do you want to do?"

"Huh?" she said, looking up. The redhead blinked heavily at him, yawning. "It is? Hmm, I honestly hadn't noticed." She stifled another heavy yawn. "I don't know, don't really care either."

Shinji nudged her, poking her stomach lightly. "Aw, come on, it's your birthday. We could have a little party, you know. Invite Hikari-chan and the guys, Misato-san and whoever you want to have around." He nudged her again, giving her a tired smile. "I could cook you a big meal, maybe even bake a cake if I manage to get the ingredients."

He felt Asuka shrug against him. "Sure, whatever," she said dismissively, curling tighter against him.

"You really don't care about your birthday?" Shinji asked, sounding worried. Ever since her last synch test, he had wanted nothing but to see that smile on her face as often as possible. He had thought a nice birthday party would cheer her up, but she seemed adamant on ignoring the day completely.

"It's not that I don't care about it, it's just…" She got quiet then, making Shinji realize she was debating whether to tell him or not. After a while, during which he waited patiently for whatever answer she gave him, Asuka sighed. "It's just that when I was in Germany, it was just another day at the job, you know?" The hand that rested against his chest starting drawing small circles around his skin; her nails felt heavenly against his chest. "Sometimes Kaji would show up with flowers and stuff and buy me a cake or a dress, but since everyone else at the base treated it like just another day, I guess I got used to that, too."

Laughing lightly at the pouting way she spoke, Shinji took a strand of crimson hair and swirled it around his finger, marveling in how soft if felt. "Still, it's your birthday; I'd like to do something nice for you. It's a celebration of your birth, and I'm really happy about the fact that you were born."

Asuka huffed; her fingers stopped making that pleasant circular motion and pinched him lightly instead. "You're an idiot. Besides," she whispered, shifting against him as if she were suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't deserve it."

Shinji blinked at her, surprised. "What do you mean?"

Hiding her face from him under the cascade of auburn locks, Asuka lowered her voice even more. "Don't you remember how I ruined your last birthday? You went through all that trouble to make food and bake those muffins and I… I made you do… I did that horrible thing…"

Remembering that particular episode made Shinji flinch slightly; the look of pure rage in Asuka's face he had gotten so accustomed to seeing back then had been blessedly absent for the past few months, but the memory came back as clear as it had happened the day before. Regardless, Shinji shook off the nausea, guilt and pain and focused on the image of a smiling Asuka instead.

"That's in the past," he said softly. "And it can't hurt us anymore. If it makes any difference, I forgave you a long time ago." He squeezed her shoulder encouragingly. "You're here now, and that's all that matters."

Asuka finally looked at him, offering a mocking glare and the puffed cheeks she ever only displayed around him, but even in the dark he could see how glassy her eyes looked, like she was about to cry. She was obviously annoyed by the fact that he'd used her own words against her, but it didn't matter. He wanted to give her a good birthday, something she could recall with happiness in the future.

"You're such an idiot sometimes," she told him, voice uneven. "Why do you forgive me so easily all the time?"

Because I love you, his mind provided, making Shinji smile. "So you've told me since we met," he answered instead. "And it's because I know you didn't really mean it. You told me so, remember?"

And because I love you, dummy. Asuka pouted cutely at him, snuggling closer still. "Fine," she relented after a few seconds. "I'll let you do what you want, just don't do anything too dramatic, okay?"

"Understood, Mein Führer."

She pinched the skin around his chest for good measure. "Baka," Yawning again and forcing a yawn out of him in the process; she settled on his chest where she belonged. "Oh, and don't invite the blonde bitch, or that bastard father of yours."

"Wouldn't dream of it-"

Shinji came back to reality, realizing he had successfully found the Commander's office without getting himself lost and was now standing at the door. It wasn't that he didn't hate the woman behind the desk; he simply hated her less than he hated the sight of his father's face. He had been trying to stop hating him and just be indifferent, something he was learning to master, yet there was still too much anger for him to be completely uncaring to his father's existence.

He knocked, waited, and entered once the buzzing sound came from the door. Once inside, he had to try really hard not to turn around and leave just as quickly as he'd come.

The elder Ikari stood next to the blonde Commander, typing away on whatever portable device he had with the robotic hand and speaking quietly to Ritsuko from time to time. What really made Shinji want to leave, however, was the sight of his sister standing next to said bastard with a device of her own, apparently aiding them both in whatever scheme they were plotting.

Ritsuko looked up from the computer, taking off her glasses. "Shinji, good morning," she greeted as warmly as she knew how. "Sakura told me you wished to see me. How can I help you?"

Ignoring the blonde's question completely, Shinji glared at both his sister and father. "What's going on here?" he asked, tone clipped. "Rei, what are you doing with him?"

His sister had the decency to blush and look away, like a child being reprimanded by her parents, and started fidgeting under Shinji's intense glare.

"We're working, Shinji." Ritsuko answered for her, crossing her arms. "Is there a problem with that?"

"You bet there's a problem," he snapped, growing increasingly angry. "What's he doing with her? Why is he allowed to get anywhere near her?"

Both the former and current Commanders' eyes narrowed. "Why is Asuka allowed to get anywhere near you?" Ritsuko snapped back, unimpressed. Of all things, she did not need an angry, physically healthy and potentially dangerous Shinji Ikari in her office, but the boy was interrupting their arduous work and frankly, she did not have the patience to deal with his rage that day.

Shinji growled under his breath. "That's different and you know it," he barked.

"Different in what way, exactly?" Ritsuko calmly reached for her pocket remote and showed it to Shinji. "If it's such a big deal to you, look." She pressed the button, making the elder Ikari cringe and jump from his spot by her side. "If he gets too close to her I can always electrocute him."

"And what's keeping Rei from getting too close to you, huh?!" Shinji snarled, barely holding onto his temper. He remembered Ishikawa's words, however, and took a calming breath to steady his heartbeat. "I don't want her near any of you-"

"Nii-san," Rei interrupted, looking at him dead in the eye. "That is not your decision to make."

Shocked to silence, Shinji slowly turned his unbelieving gaze to Rei. "W-What?"

Rei sighed, trying to figure out how to best address the situation. "You have adamantly requested that I do not meddle in your relations with the Second Child," she said quietly, trying to ignore Shinji's crestfallen expression. "I ask you to please respect my decision in interacting with our father."

Shinji gaped at her, slack-jawed. "Our what?!" He demanded. Anger quickly won over his surprise and the bitterness of having his words thrown back at him. "That man is not your father, Rei-chan."

"He gave me life," she retorted evenly, keeping her calm demeanor and lifting a hand when she saw Shinji was about to interrupt her. "Please, Nii-san. He gave me life, for his own selfish reasons, true, but the fact remains. Had he not done so, I would never have met you. In addition," His sister's crimson eyes stole a quick glance at the man in question, who had not so much as acknowledged Shinji's presence or the fact that they were talking about him. "He helped me come back to life after Instrumentality. He aided me in restoring the broken pieces of my soul when Lilith and Adam died."

Trying to grasp what he was listening to was hard enough, but having Rei look at the man who had destroyed his life with warmth in her eyes was starting to make Shinji feel nauseated. The fact that he could not speak from any moral high ground whatsoever was also making him incredibly uncomfortable.

"He helped you?" he asked after a few seconds, incredulous. He huffed and turned his angry eyes to the elder Ikari. "I didn't think you were able to help anyone but yourself."

"Indeed," Ikari answered easily, pushing his glasses up. He said nothing else to him, continuing to speak with the Commander in hushed tones and ignoring both him and Rei completely, which only served to anger Shinji all the more.

Shinji stared at them, unable to comprehend how his good morning could have so easily gone to hell. "So you're serious about this father thing, Rei?" he asked at last.

Rei nodded, offering him a small, shy smile, making Shinji drop his head in defeat. "Fine," he said. Turning to the man himself, he said; "If you even try to draw her in, to use her in whatever scheme you're working on…"

"You'll take Misato's weapon and shoot me in the fucking head?" Gendou retorted, raising his own blue eyes to stare at his son.

Shinji scoffed, snarling at the man. "Damn right I will."

As if wanting to upset the boy even more, the former Commander nodded curtly. "Understood."

Ritsuko cleared her throat and massaged her temples. "It's not that I don't enjoy being witness to your lovely little family's antics, Shinji, but I'm really busy today," she said. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss with me?"

Giving his father one last heated glare, Shinji scoffed again and crossed his arms; something very unlike him. "Yeah," he muttered crossly. "I needed some things for Asuka's birthday and wanted to see how possible it was to get them."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, nodding in understanding. "I see, what did you need?"

The boy produced a small piece of paper from his pocket and walked over to the desk, apparently trying to melt the skin off his father's face with a glare. He handed her the small list, with neatly-written kanji specifying every ingredient he was still missing. He had decided to try and bake Asuka a cake comparable to the one she had made for him upon his return to their apartment, but was missing a few key elements; chocolate being the most important one.

Ritsuko hummed, quickly going over the items. "This is all easily attainable. I'll have someone deliver these to you in a couple of hours, does that work for you?"

"Yes," he mumbled, still glaring at the former Commander. "I'll be watching you," he told Gendou. "Make one wrong move and I won't go to Misato; I'll go straight to the UN and watch them drag you out in chains."

"Now, now, boys," Ritsuko interjected. "Please don't start killing each other in my office. Is that all, Shinji?"

Sighing heavily, the boy nodded. "Yeah, thanks. I'll be going now. Rei." The apparent new member of the Ikari family looked at him with enough insecurity in her eyes to start making Shinji feel guilty. "You can come tomorrow if you want, I'll make something for you. I know you and Asuka don't really get along, but I'm sure she'll appreciate it if you show up." He gave Gendou one last glare. "I'll respect your decision, Rei, and I'll trust you. I just hope you understand I don't trust him."

Rei nodded and allowed some of the uncertainty to fade. "I do not trust Asuka, Nii-san," she admitted, smiling. "But I trust you."

Shinji shook his head, still unwilling to believe what had just transpired, and made his way to the door. Asuka had a test scheduled on her birthday, in the morning luckily, which gave him a bit of extra time to work on the last details. He had already called Hikari and the boys, even before Asuka had conceded in letting him plan out a little something for her, so all that was left was the preparation of the dishes and the baking of the cake.

Before he opened the door, though, his father's cold voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Shinji."

He rolled his eyes, already exhausted from dealing with the bastard at all. "What?" he snapped.

"You look quite healthy," Gendou said, monotone never wavering. The comment at the very least managed to get Shinji to crane his neck and lift an unbelieving eyebrow at him.

"So?" he barked, angry. "What do you care?" He really was starting to lose it, a few more minutes in the man's presence and he might have truly snapped.

Gendou simply shrugged again. "That is good for you," he said, turning back to his device. "May your celebrations with Asuka be pleasant tomorrow."

"Yeah, thanks, I guess," the boy retorted, turning to leave.

"One last thing."

This time, Shinji actually groaned in annoyance.

To everyone's surprise, Gendou strode over to where the younger Ikari stood while he searched for something in his left pocket. For a wild moment Shinji thought the man was going to shoot him, or return the punch he had received during their meeting in the elevator, but Gendou merely took out a small, shining object and stiffly offered it to his son, making the boy lower his guard.

"It belonged to your mother," he explained, placing the small metal object in Shinji's outstretched palm. "It is yours now, to do with what you wish."

Shinji opened his palm, staring at the simple, albeit beautifully crafted golden ring. "How did you get this?" he asked, shocked. "I thought you told me you threw everything away."

"I did, but for every rule there is an exception," Gendou answered. "Yui gave it to me before her last test. It has been in my pocket for twelve years, but I do not wish to have it anymore."

"So what do you want me to do with it?" Shinji asked, sounding suspicious. It was the first time in the boy's life that Gendou had given something to him aside from a shove into the entry plug or a free ride to unconsciousness, so red alerts were going off in his head.

"Whatever you wish," his father repeated. "Throw it away, bury it, keep it, give it to someone. It is all the same to me."

"Why would I want something like this, that's gonna remind me of her every time I see it?" He was getting angry again, it was obvious to both his father and sister. The Commander had long since stopped paying attention and kept typing in her computer.

Ikari's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Despite what her actions may have led you to believe, your mother loved you very much." He pointed at the ring in Shinji's hand. "I did not buy this for her; it once belonged to her mother." Both pairs of blue eyes faced each other for the first time in weeks. Gendou repressed a smirk; the stranger he had met in the elevator was slowly starting to look familiar. "If you do not want it, throw it away, but remember." He nodded at the ring. "Your mother loved you."

Shinji clenched the hand holding the ring into a fist, lowering his head. "Fine," he muttered, spinning in the door's direction and placing the ring in his pocket. "Thanks."

"Of course."

Once outside, Shinji stared at the small piece of jewelry. It was a simple gold band with small, carved lines made to represent branches and leaves, with a small red ruby in its middle. He resisted the initial urge to throw it as far away from him as humanly possible, holding it up close between his thumb and forefinger.

"Your mother loved you."

He would go on to tell himself for the following months that he had kept the small ring purely because it had a red ruby and Asuka loved all things red, just so he would not admit to anybody, much less himself, that his father's words had helped him heal an open gash which still bled misery and grief into his heart. Shinji clutched the ring in his hand and silently relished in the feel of the cold metal against his palm. The image of a smiling Yui caressing his cheek, with infinite tenderness in her eyes, washed over him, forcing him to at least partly accept his father's remark. Even though he had been faced with the man who had ruined his life and the lives of many millions around the world; Shinji felt a bit lighter as he made his way to the dining area.

"Your mother loved you."

---

December the Third, 2016. Moscow, Russia.

Dreading what was to come for him once he reached his destination, Kaji searched for his cigarettes out of habit and lit one in a fluid motion, letting the familiar burning sensation of nicotine relax his anxiety. The empty hangar he'd been told to visit once he reached Moscow was a mere seventy or so paces away, and already he could see the ruined state of the entire area. It was his first time visiting Russia, and he agent was clearly ill-prepared for the mixture of impossibly cold wind and permanent fluctuations between blistering sunlight and clouded skies, with the ever-present threat of freezing rain.

Due to Second Impact, it had not snowed for nigh on a decade in the entire country, yet Third Impact had brought about a strange set of changes to the world's atmosphere. The LCL, as it had vaporized and formed clouds and then rained down, had eliminated hundreds of years worth of pollution, nurturing both the ozone layer and the soil as it came down during the first weeks after said cataclysmic event. In a strange way, mused the agent while he expelled a breath of nicotine-filled smoke, humans had paid for their folly in destroying the environment with their very souls. Thanks to said sacrifice, the first signs of snow were expected within a few months in various parts of the world. Just in time for Christmas, Kaji distractedlythought. Just in time for Asuka's birthday.

Knowing his presence in Japan would only draw attention and danger to Misato and the children, he had long since renounced the possibility of seeing them until such time as SEELE had been dealt with. He did not fool himself, did not expect a warm welcome after abandoning both Misato and Asuka for so long, yet he tried to convince himself that it was all for their sake, however much his heart constricted whenever he looked at the small pictures kept in his back pocket at all times. From a logical standpoint, carrying said pictures was extremely dangerous, but given that he was considered to be dead since before Third Impact, Kaji did not dwell much on the possibility of being captured and killed again.

He was nearly freezing, teeth chattering and threatening to sever the cigarette's filter when another strong draft flew past him and lifted a cloud of dust from the nearby rubble. The scenery was depressing at best; all around him abandoned buildings threatened to collapse under the strong wind that so easily disrespected his jacket. How can cold be in your bones? he asked himself, trying not to shiver. As with many grand cities near Second Impact's epicenter, Moscow and most of Russia had been devastated, yet the Russian people had somehow managed to survive in between rubble, floods and a severe lack of sustenance. Fish farms had been created in the many available lagoons; earth that had formerly been covered by permafrost had been worked, plowed and dug until wheat, barley and other basic products started to successfully grow in various formerly unoccupied areas. Russians were tough, to say the least.

With a last despairing sigh, Kaji readied the handgun hidden under his coat and pulled out the target's picture with his left hand. The door leading to the rusted hangar's inside was closed, but the lock had long since been destroyed, and rust threatened to devour the very walls of the once imposing structure. The man in the picture, dressed in a black suit very much like Gendou's, provided neither friendly advice nor a possible way out in case this was a trap. Should he enter the building, the only escape would be the very door he was about to open, which in turn left him an easy target once he turned his back.

His target would not be easy to find at all, being one of Russia's wealthiest men along with being the heir and owner of the world's second largest gun industry. Why this particular target had been given to him eluded the mind of Ryoji Kaji. He didn't speak Russian, and had never even set foot in the country until now. Finding this man would be as easy as looking for the meaning of life, or the true reason behind Shinji's tolerance of Asuka.

"Well," whispered the agent to himself, drawing one last toke form his cigarette. "If anyone wanted me dead, they could've shot me at any point by now." The statement rang true, for all around him were buildings where a sniper could comfortably splatter his gray matter from a distance. With his right hand on his pistol and his left holding the cigarette, Kaji took a deep breath and kicked the door open.

He drew the gun on the figure sitting on the floor, but stifled a groan when Dmitri's familiar features shined under the fading sunlight. He did not lower the gun, however, and instead kept it aimed at the young assassin's head. Despite the raging cold, said assassin was sitting shirtless on the floor without a care in the world. Just one pull of the trigger, Kaji thought grimly, glaring at the short-haired figure. One pull and you'd be dead, and would never be able to hurt her again. Your stupid plan would go to hell along with you, you sick fuck. The weapon trembled in his hand.

"If you're going to shoot me, get it over with," grumbled the boy from his spot on the ground, sounding bored and strangely… flat. "I dislike people who constantly second-guess themselves."

Kaji blinked, shrugged, and pocketed the weapon, feeling strangely out of place. For as long as he had been forced to interact with the mysterious and sickening result of Project X, Kaji had gotten accustomed to the boy's demented laughter and sardonic demeanor. More often than not Dmitri was covered in blood and grime, with a crazed smile on his lips and with disturbingly loud music playing from somewhere. This time, though, the boy had barely acknowledged Kaji's presence at all, making the eerie silence within the building to stand out all the more. He seemed overly preoccupied with filling the magazines by his feet with bullets, a distant look on his normally hate-consumed eyes.

"I'm surprised you're not laughing your ass off to some stupid song, given that we're in your homeland and all," Kaji dryly remarked. "Why did you summon me here? And why on God's green Earth did you give me a target in a country whose language I don't even understand?"

Dmitri stayed quiet, minding to take his sweet time putting every bullet in its rightful place; picking up one empty magazine after the other, hands working mechanically. After a few minutes, and convinced the boy wasn't going to do anything but waste his time, Kaji huffed in anger and proceeded to walk in the exit's direction.

"Do you know how long it takes for a human body to fully burn?" the boy asked at last, tone deadpan. Kaji blinked and turned to regard the young killer with a puzzled look.

Click, click, click. The satisfying sound of every bullet as it was loaded into the magazine was Kaji's only answer. He stared at the boy's features until they somehow lost clarity to him, and lifting the picture of his target to eye level; he realized why Dmitri's face looked strangely familiar now. The shape of the eyes, the chin and the prominent cheekbones were almost identical to the man he was supposed to hunt down.

"Seven hours," Dmitri said, putting yet another full magazine on the small pile to his right. "It takes seven hours for the fire to dissolve the bone and turn it to ash." Click, click, click. The boy continued his task, voice flat and distracted. "When they burned my mother's corpse after she had bled to death, after they'd raped her about a dozen times and stabbed her just as much, they didn't use enough gasoline or firewood. The fire went out after it charred her flesh, so five years later my brother and I found her bones and gave her a proper burial."

He turned his dark-brown eyes to Kaji, eyeing him with cold detachment. "We gave the men responsible similar accommodations, although not as comfortable." The engraved Makarov he kept at all times was suddenly in his hand, and in seconds it was being scrutinized and cleaned with the utmost care. After a few seconds and seemingly satisfied with the way the metal of his pistol gleamed, Dmitri stood and stretched, showing Kaji his back without a care in the world. The pony-tailed agent frowned when he saw a barcode tattoo just under the brat's neck.

At seventeen, Dmitri was probably as tall as Kaji himself, albeit a bit slimmer, and covered in thin muscle. His chest was thick, his belly flat. A warrior's body, a soldier's body, thought Kaji, on a teenager, a child. Every last thing about the boy screamed 'DANGER' from a distance; the way he held himself, his body language, everything right down to the look in his eyes made Kaji more than a bit uneasy.

"The man you're after is directly responsible for her death, and the fate that befell my brother." He dusted off his worn-out military pants, and stretched his arms above his head. Once again, Kaji saw the jagged masses of scar tissue covering most of the area between the boy's shoulders and forearms. It looked as if someone had taken a knife and carved the uneven lines all along the top part of the boy's arms while he struggled, for some were more pronounced and deep than the others.

"If I were to hunt this man down, I wouldn't last two days," continued Dmitri matter-of-factly, drawing Kaji's attention back to the topic at hand. "He knows I've wanted nothing but his death for over twelve years, and I'm theoretically still a part of his little organization. For all he knows I'm still the wild dog he left to rot two years ago, disrespectful but obedient. I want to keep it that way."

For the life of him, Kaji couldn't understand why the boy's cold attitude was bothering him so much. He seemed like a completely different person, devoid of the insanity and sadistic glee he so often displayed and dulled, almost as if all of the hatred and despair had been extracted from him.

"You're the logical choice, Kaji," said Dmitri. He took a large bag sitting a few feet away from him and threw it at Kaji's feet. "Nobody knows or even suspects you're alive. You have no identity, and since you've never been here, my country's database has close to zero files on you. Out of all the people in our group, you are the only one who can actually pinpoint this man's location without dying."

"And," said Kaji as he opened the bag and went through its contents. "Once I find him, which I'm sure will only be possible if he activates a nuclear warhead, what do I do with him?"

Inside the bag was a considerable amount of money, close to twenty million rubles if he had to guess, two computers, two handguns and a large rifle, a pocket state-of-the-art translator, two thick jackets and about five different changes of clothes. Once he was done, he zipped the bag closed and watched the boy calmly pick up the remaining bullets still on the ground and toss them into a small box.

Dmitri stood a good few meters away from him, but even from a distance Kaji felt the heated glare the boy addressed his general direction while he packed the loaded magazines in a smaller duffle bag. Raw loathing had returned to those brownish eyes, making them look almost black and deranged, closer to the look Kaji was used to receiving.

"Take him to the location specified in your file," he said with difficulty, almost as if saying the very words brought about a great disgust in him. "Unharmed," he finished, turning to leave.

A bizarre memory assaulted Kaji then, reminiscent of his last encounter with Dmitri. "My father's head, still attached to his body-." He frowned and once again produced the small picture. The man looked to be about 6'3 in height, strongly built and with sharp eyes of a deep brown color. The hair was a light shade of brown, unlike Dmitri's dark hair, but if Kaji tried hard enough he could discern other similarities. The sharpness of the nose, the ears and the chin. The skin color, originally white but with a burned tinge to it, courtesy of the post- Second Impact permanent summer. Too many similarities.

"Why unharmed?" Kaji yelled, making Dmitri stop by the broken entrance. The boy turned to give him one of his most revolting smiles, the one that made the white in his eyes stand out. A chill went down the agent's back, turning his abdominal area into ice.

"That's for me to know and for you to wonder, Kaji," he said, smile widening. "Revenge is a fickle thing, you see. For some people, death is just too simple a punishment. Now get to work, we won't see each other again until it's over. I've got a meeting with the old bastards, and I don't intend to be late." With those last, cryptic words, Dmitri left the hangar and headed for one of the ruined buildings in their vicinity.

With a freshly-lit cigarette in his mouth and hands in his pockets, Kaji directed his stare at the sunset, and the ruins of the great city that stood a few miles away from him. He didn't trust Dmitri, or the person who had contacted them all to begin with, but their ridiculous plan was about the only way to ensure Asuka's safety and the full destruction of the Evangelions. However stupid it sounded, he hoped against hope that the young assassin would be successful in his own mission despite knowing full well that the brat's success would most certainly translate into more trauma for the children he was so desperately trying to protect.

"What's the lesser evil?" he asked Moscow, smoke rising from his cigarette. "To have them alive and traumatized or dead? To make decisions that'll end in more pain, or to do nothing and let them die again?" The city offered no comfort, no answers, only the ever-present statement of 'I am Here'. A strangled chuckle escaped his parted lips. "Do you think they'll forgive me for all I've done, for all I still have to do?" He looked at his feet in shame, dreading the answer to his own questions.

"Do you think I'll be able to see them, in the end?"

Moscow remained quiet, impassive, impressive and still. No response came, but as the last rays of sun died down and hid under the Red Square, a peculiar warm breeze filtered through the hole in the hangar's wall and, for a few precious seconds, removed the cold which had assaulted Kaji since his arrival.

To Be Continued….

---

Inspirational Music: Unleashed in Japan (live album) –The Winery Dogs, The Oracle, Self Titled (albums) – Godsmack, Snow (hey,oh), The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie - Red Hot Chili Peppers, Reload, St. Anger (albums) – Metallica.

AN: Yup! The lightest chapter I've written so far and probably the longest! I had lots of fun on this one, and on the next one as well. It's been fun, in an obsessive, insomnia-inducing kind of way. I hope you enjoyed it, and as always, don't forget to review on your way out! On a different note, if you see any specific mistakes, grammar-wise or whatever, be sure to PM me to let me know! These have been some busy weeks so I can't help it if I make a few mistakes.

Now, I know this chapter was purely fluff, and contrary to what you think, it was completely intentional. You see, this chapter was thought out to be a two-part huge chappie, so the angst is coming, there some more fluff coming your way, but trust me, it gets... darker. If you bear with me for a few days, I think I might just be able to give you another chappie in record time.

PEACE.