AUGUST 20TH, 1993 - LONDON - PAST MIDNIGHT
It was loud and dark yet the scattered light fixtures made it unbearably bright. The room was crowded, filled with loud chatter and drunken laughter. The pianist couldn't play for shit, not that anyone besides Severus noticed. To add to his irritability, next to him a young, well-dressed wizard was obnoxiously flirting and overselling himself to a pretty, blonde witch who was a well-known, high-end prostitute among the frequent patrons.
Severus finished his remaining whiskey unable to ignore the gnawing need for fresh air and a cigarette. He turned from the bar and scanned the room for Narcissa finding her across the room seated on a sectional surrounded by tonight's admirers.
She was the perfect picture of wealth, beauty, and radiance in a silver, flowy gown. He watched as an old smitten fool, who looked far too pleased with himself for holding her attention, leaned in to light the cigarette at the end of her long, slender holder. She puffed at the end and blew out the smoke elegantly, everything Narcissa did was always done elegantly, then returned her coveted attention to the others.
Severus watched as they clung to her every word, laughing at all the right moments and offering sweet compliments whenever possible. Even from across the room he could see the coy looks and flirtatious smirks Narcissa carefully gave each of them. Of course, she had always known the effect she had on men but only Severus knew how much she had always enjoyed it. Tonight she had been particularly bored and with Draco on summer holiday in France and Lucius out on his own nightly excursions, Narcissa had been desperate to leave the confines of the empty manor. So she had contacted Severus and practically begged him to accompany her out tonight.
"Please darling, I cannot stand another minute alone in this dreadfully lonely house with these wretched elves! I will lose my mind if I stay in another night like some old, forgotten crone! Please, darling, you must come with me, we both could use a little distraction," she had said to convince him.
She had been delighted when Severus had agreed only because he had nothing better to do so why not drink on Lucius' tab?
Lucius never accompanied his wife on her excursions into the nightlife of wizarding London preferring to attend Eros, an exclusive, members-only warlock's club opened only to the rich and powerful.
There had been a time, years ago when the couple had enjoyed their nocturnal outings together. One would not be seen without the other and together they were the envy and desire of everyone in the room. It was unreal, almost magical, how they perfectly complimented and matched each other in all virtues, vices, and sexual appetites. In those years, Severus had been invited to their bed twice as had a handful of other wizards and witches selectively courted by the couple. He too, like the others, was unable to resist their charm, wealth, and beauty. Together with Lucius, he had ravished Narcissa but it wasn't a time he was proud of nor wish for it to be known. However, it had been over a decade since he last visited the Malfoy marriage bed, and thankfully it had never been brought it up again, all three parties content with continuing on as if it had never happened.
After Draco was born, Narcissa became solely preoccupied with her son, ergo losing that insatiable appetite for worldly delights and indulgences that had once given her so much pleasure. The same could not be said about Lucius.
Now that their son was older, Narcissa had become more comfortable stepping out at night in search of an ego stroke, flirtatious conversations, and a strong drink. Lucius, however, forever a slave to power and pleasure, had long ago turned to extramarital affairs.
They now led separate private lives only maintaining appearances together at important social events. Whether any affection or love lingered between them Severus did not know nor cared. The only consequence that affected him was becoming Narcissa's unofficial escort.
He hated coming to these pretentious clubs for the wealthy and bored yet he was also guilty of indulging in its nightly raptures from time to time.
Over the years he had taken several lovers who he had encountered in these establishments. Lonely witches, married witches, older witches, younger ones looking to satiate the absence of their fathers, and the occasional high-end prostitute whenever Severus had no desire to put in the effort. He had always been shit at relationships, not that he could pursue one even if he wanted to, and therefore hardly any of these women ever made it past the first night. He kissed, tasted, touched, and fucked them yet when he finished the emptiness returned reminding him of a love long ago lost.
He was condemned to love one woman for the rest of his life. A woman who had been dead for nearly twelve years. What had been left of his heart had been buried with Lily. The witches he used to temporarily ease his loneliness, forget his guilt, and satisfy his selfish sexual desires deserved better.
Even if he had wanted to make a meaningful connection, he was a marked man, and bringing someone into his life would be dangerous. The Dark Lord had no hesitation in threatening much less killing the family of his followers if they failed him. If Severus was unsuccessful in deceiving him, he would not be killed immediately but be subjected to watching those he cared for be tortured and eventually killed. Only after being crushed by guilt and driven to insanity by the horror would the Dark Lord finally grant him death.
No, it was better to remain alone and unattached.
With another glance at Narcissa, Severus resolved that he would not be needed any time soon. Should she decide to leave or need him she would simply come and find him herself. So he made his way out of the lounge and into a grand hallway with rows of individual balconies overlooking the glimmering lights of the city below. Severus searched for an empty one, he passed several occupied balconies including one with a drunken couple locked in an aggressive and sloppy kiss. Severus caught a glimpse of the wizard's shamelessly exposed erect member that was being stroked by the witch. He sneered and rolled his eyes continuing down to the end of the hallway and turning the corner where, thank the deities, the remaining balcony was vacant and secluded.
He stepped onto it and nonverbally lit a cigarette taken from the metal case that he kept in his pocket. He inhaled deeply and instantly felt at ease from the mixture of nicotine and the fresh night air. Breathing out a large cloud of white smoke, he leaned over the stone balustrade, looking out ahead at Muggle London as it gleamed bright with life; the same could hardly ever be said about him.
As term drew closer his reluctance to go back increased tenfold putting him in the foulest of moods. Each year he returned to Hogwarts was a reminder of how he was stuck there. However, he had a job to protect Lily's son and so he stayed the course laid out for him. Of course, he always did wonder who he would be had he made different choices.
Severus had been a bright student with plenty of potential and ambition. Could he have contributed to new potions discoveries and research? Perhaps he could have contributed to the Order the first time around. Would he have married? Could it have been to Lily if he had chosen her over his so-called friends? Would he have been a father?
He would never know.
He had made his decisions and this was the result; Lily was dead and he was condemned to remain in the school that held so many painful memories for him. Unable to have a life of his own for it now belonged to Dumbledore and he only had himself to blame for that.
Of course, this year was different.
Term had yet to start but there were several factors already weighing down heavily on Severus.
The Dark Lord could return at any moment, the faint mark on his left arm reminded him of that every day.
Black was still on the run and Dumbledore had no doubt that his intention was to follow the boy to Hogwarts.
Keeping Potter safe was its own tiring feat and he had once again shown his foolishness by fleeing Petunia's household. The idiot boy truly has no sense of self-preservation!
And, of course, the one he tried his best to ignore, the upcoming year as Rose Potter's Potion's Master.
Normally, he would have dosed himself unconscious with his strongest Calming Draught to end these thoughts. Instead, he distracted himself through other means. In the past, Severus had never bothered to rewrite any of his syllabi, set in his condition that he would only do so when the little dunderheads actually learned all the basic material covered. However, for the first time since his tenure began, he had finally rewritten one, the fifth years. It wasn't that the incoming fifth-years were exceptionally bright but the need to discourage the girl from pursuing potions. Mercilessly he planned more tests and surprise quizzes, projects, and essays.
'If the girl's so talented at Potions as they make her out to be let her prove it.' He had thought as he added painfully long and advanced potions to the curriculum.
This uncalled contempt toward the girl did not take away the fact that she would soon be in his classroom; a dread and annoyance that grew as the month ended.
Taking another drag, Severus recalled his own memory of the girl that he had long ago repressed.
It had been a year since her birth, he had gone to St. Mungo's to observe the wards, taking note of the hospital layout and activity when he reached the bustling atrium in the Research Learning Centre where the Healer Training program and labs were held. Lessons and research had concluded for the night as students and hospital staff poured out into the atrium filling it with lively, incoherent chatter.
He was a young, new Death Eater eager to increase his value and rank therefore willing to take part in attacks, ambushes, and torture disguised by his honored mask and robes. However, their side had also suffered the casualties that war brought and the Healers who had joined the cause were running out of medical herbs, tonics, and elixirs.
The mission was simple, Severus would observe the Research Learning Centre, take note of the activity throughout the day and discover who left last and at what time. Such task required stealth, cunning, and deep observation and so the Dark Lord had granted him with the opportunity to further prove himself. After two days and with the assistance of Evan Rosier and Dorian Mulciber, he carried out the mission successfully after hospital hours. However, something had occurred during his stakeout on the second day that he would take to his grave.
On that evening, he had spotted a familiar shade of long, dark red hair among the departing students and staff. It was a shade that Severus could recognize anywhere and yet that did not prepare him for the sickening, sinking feeling in his chest when her face came into view.
Until that moment, he had not bothered to find out if Lily had pursued her ambition to become a Healer. After discovering that she was pregnant, at the end of their seventh year, he had ignored her existence; not that it affected her in any way she had been doing the same to him since their fifth year. After graduation and the wedding announcement that came only weeks after, Severus had accepted that he had forever lost his best friend.
She was Potter's wife and the mother of his offspring.
Thinking of that reality had made him sick and angry.
She was so unlike the girl he used to know who recoiled at the thought of settling down young with a wealthy husband to care for her every need while she birthed and cared for his bastards for the rest of her life.
However, he should have known better than to underestimate Lily. Her ambition and drive had always been traits Severus had greatly admired and loved among many more and a significant part of him had been glad to see that she had not allowed motherhood to impede her goals.
She had been as beautiful as ever that day.
It had been his first time seeing her since their very last train ride to King's Cross. Their friendship had been dead for years, its grave permanently sealed by him, her marriage to Potter, and the birth of their child. He had burned with jealousy, rage, and self-anger knowing she was now Mrs. Lily Potter. His emotions were not succored by the sight of the waddling toddler around her legs.
'Their little bastard', he had thought venomously.
Lily must have just collected her from the Centre's daycare.
Carefully, he hid behind a large pillar and observed his former best friend speak to a Healer professor; unable to keep his eyes away. He would have given anything to make himself known, to see her smile at him and call him 'Sev' once more.
But she detested him. Seeing him would receive no such reaction and, regardless, he couldn't risk being noticed.
His thoughts had then been interrupted by the toddler, who had wandered off into one of the long and twisting corridors connected to the atrium.
He had silently chuckled and shaken his head at Lily's flighty attention. She remained fully immersed in her conversation and had failed to notice the girl disappear around the corner at the end of the empty corridor.
He didn't think to follow the girl at first, after all, she was nothing to him.
Why should he care if the little brat got lost?
Lily had chosen to willingly become a mother and therefore should have been prepared for the responsibilities. However, the thought of her distress when she realized that her child was missing made him uneasily guilty.
He owed it to her.
For his actions.
For his hurtful words
It was too late for apologies but not for actions even if she never knew.
So he decided to follow the child, careful to remain unnoticed by the passing students, who were fortunately too self-absorbed in their weekend plans to notice him or the wandering girl.
He turned several corners before he caught up to the girl, who had contently settled herself on the floor. When Severus approached she had turned to look up at him and he had sneered with disdain at the large golden eyes that stared back. Despite his threatening demeanor, the child raised her arms out for him. Severus could only continue sneering at the girl.
Of course, Lily's daughter would be beautiful. Her loose, curls were dark red and wild yet beautifully framing an angelic, fair face. It was undeniable that she took after Lily with the exception of that unmistakable eye color.
The girl was Potter's daughter.
She was the living amalgam of the person he most hated and the person he most loved.
Severus could never forget his disgust upon the confirmation of Lily's rumored pregnancy during their last months of school. When he discovered the crushing truth, he instantly hated the unborn child and wished it's death as it was the evidence that Potter had taken Lily from him. His stomach had twisted and churned at the thought of the two in bed, Potter's filthy hands touching Lily's body and experiencing the sensation of being inside her, tasting her and taking her in the ways Severus could only fantasize about. Now the evidence of that sat helpless in front of him.
Yet regardless of what the child represented, she was innocent. Severus could only imagine how much Lily loved her daughter and how affected she would be if anything happened to her. He couldn't, even for a second, allow her to experience that pain for he still undeniably loved her. He would always love her and this small favor that would remain unknown was the only way he could show that love now.
He imagined Lily's beautiful face that used to light up at the sight of him when he had been pulled from his thoughts by the child. She tugged on the hem of his cloak and once again raised her small arms up looking expectedly at him with bright eyes and a wide smile. The thought of touching the child had repulsed him but there was no other humane method for him to use to return her back to Lily.
Looking around to ensure the corridor remained empty Severus had swiftly and rather roughly picked up the child holding her at a distance as if she was a Dungbomb about to go off. Her expression had been curious and alert until she had smiled at him once again. At that moment he had seen Lily in her and his hold on her softened and became gentle. He remembered how he had then brought her close to his chest wrapping one arm under her backside and the other around her back. He had been taken aback when he felt her small chin rest on his shoulder and one little arm wrap around his neck.
He had relaxed and even smiled at how pleasant it had made him feel.
As he carried her back he allowed himself to briefly indulge in a repressed, private fantasy where the girl was his and Lily's. He allowed it and he detested himself for being so pathetic but it was all he had; the closest he would ever get. When they neared Lily's location, he could hear her frantically calling out for her daughter so he gently set her down and disappeared behind a broom closet door just before Lily turned the corner.
"Rosie! Oh, thank Merlin!"
That was the first time he saw Rose Potter.
The second time had been the night he lost Lily forever.
"Mummy won't wake up anymore, sir."
Severus shook the memory away and flicked the ash from his cigarette. Now that he knew of the girl's Legilimency he prayed to the deities that his spell had been strong enough. He had been in such a hurry when he had cast it on her and had not stayed to ensure its effectiveness. There was no knowing until he saw her. A day that he dreaded with each passing second.
"Fancy seeing you here, Severus." came a low, sultry voice behind him.
Severus turned around to see a sophisticated witch with strawberry-blonde hair wearing an elegant, short, black dress approach him. Her thin, black heels hit the hard balcony floor loudly as she made her way to stand close beside him. She was fairly pretty and wore her hair in a coiffed style that added elegance to her appearance.
"Good evening, Elsa" he replied back resuming his position against the railing.
Elsa Jansen was the exception to his string of meaningless sexual encounters. She was a year or two younger than him, a Beauxbaton alumni -thank Salazar!- a no-nonsense witch and a war widow who had lost her young husband to the First Wizarding War during a journalist assignment. After the war, she never remarried and instead took on a steady job writing for the Daily Prophet.
They had first encountered each other five years ago in Paris. As these high-end clubs hosted the same rotating social circles they found each other again in London nearly a year later. She had never asked more from Severus for she was married to her work and, truth be told, she was as lonely and empty as him which made their unspoken, mutually beneficial relationship function smoothly. However lately, Severus had detected her desire for something more.
"Do you mind?" She asked waving a thin cigarette between her fingers and placing it between her ruby lips. Severus nonverbally lit the end for her and returned to his own cigarette.
"Thank you, love," Elsa remarked coyly. "I was beginning to think I had missed you this summer."
And she would have had Narcissa not insisted he come out tonight.
"Sorry to disappoint you," he replied flatly, disinterested with any conversation revolving around him.
Elsa gave a small laugh, "You know," she began as she exhaled the smoke. "Out of all my lovers you are the only one that I cannot understand."
Severus had to exercise great control to keep himself from groaning and rolling his eyes. His behavior was the last subject he wanted to discuss with his paramour. If anything should be easy in his life it should be this! He decided not to reply instead he took another drag of his shortening cigarette hoping to discourage her from continuing.
He hadn't.
"I see you a few times a year, you come to me and fuck me with such passion, such an intensity, and hunger—Merlin, Severus, I've never had such a lover! But then you disappear for months. You won't even stay the night with me," Elsa lamented more humorously than sadly.
Severus was now truly regretting his decision to come out tonight.
"Forgive me," he began, "you're aware my profession takes me away from the city for most of the year," he calmly explained ashing the end of his cigarette over the railing and then flicking it away. He could have vanished it with magic but he chose not to.
"I could come up to visit you," Elsa offered as she worked her way down her own cigarette. "I could Floo right into your office, Professor," she teased suggestively.
Severus cringed inwardly, he did not want to be called that by her. "I'd prefer to keep my personal life away from my workplace."
"Then I can Apparate into Hogsmeade—"
"No!" Severus shot down rather harshly but could she not comprehend that he would not change his mind? "I'd rather you didn't."
He had hurt her, he didn't need Legilimency to know, it was evident in her sea-colored eyes. He hated himself for the pain he brought her it but he could not allow her to think for a second that he was capable of giving what she yearned for.
"Guess I'll just wait for your owl then, whenever it comes," Elsa replied weakly, attempting to regain composure from Severus' unnecessarily harsh rejection.
"I want to know you, Severus." she continued defensively. "You keep everyone out even me." She turned to him and placed her manicured hand on his cold, pale cheek looking pleadingly into dark irises for any sign of emotion. "Who is she, Severus? Someone else has your heart. I can tell when you fuck me you're thinking of someone else. At least tell me her name."
Luckily, Severus was saved from replying by his long-awaited companion who stepped onto the balcony, arms linked with one of her young admirers.
"Darling, there you are!" Narcissa exclaimed unwinding her arm for the young man's and approaching Severus much to the other wizard's disappointment.
Elsa quickly removed her hand from its place on Severus' cheek.
Seeing this Narcissa added, "I hope we're not interrupting but I've tired for the night. Are you ready to leave?" She then glanced in Elsa's direction, "Or perhaps you'd like to stay, my love?"
Severus had been ready to leave the minute they had stepped foot in this damn place. He nodded and she dismissed the young admirer who took her dainty hand in his own and placed a kiss on it before taking his leave.
"Miss Jansen, how are you this evening? I hope Severus has been excellent company." Narcissa inquired finally acknowledging the witch. As one of the most ancient wizarding families, the Malfoys were no strangers to the scrutiny of the press therefore, Narcissa made it a point to know every journalist in the country, especially one who often shared her best friend's bed.
Elsa smiled at the older and wealthier woman, "I'm afraid his company leaves a lot to be desired," she replied, keen to lick her wounds away from the other witch.
Narcissa let out a silvery laugh, "It's up to Severus should he choose to quench that desire." She winked in his direction and he rolled his eyes.
"Did you and your family have a lovely summer, Narcissa?" asked Elsa genuinely curious, and eager to steer the conversation away from the man who so callously rejected her minutes ago.
"Yes, very lovely. Unfortunately, I hardly saw much of Draco. He's been visiting relatives on the continent for the better part of the summer," Narcissa lamented. "Thank Salazar, we decided to take a short holiday in Spain before he takes off for school. We leave tomorrow morning, it's just what we need before the start of Draco's term!"
"That should be lovely for your family," Elsa replied politely although Severus could sense the disappointment at the lack of interesting information. She had most likely been hoping to come upon an unknown Black family tidbit. Perhaps something secret about Narcissa's cousin or her feelings about his escape.
"Oh, it shall be! We have the most beautiful Spanish villa along the coast and Ambassador Vega and his family have agreed to join us. It will be such a lovely time."
'WHAT?!' screamed Severus mentally.
This new information had certainly caught their full attention.
When exactly was Narcissa planning on dropping this information?
More importantly, what was Lucius fucking playing at?! Severus knew him well enough to know this generous holiday invitation was a guise. There were other ways to rub elbows with the influential American ambassador that did not involve spending a week with the family in the Malfoys' home.
Lucius was curious about the girl, there was no other explanation. He had been curious about the boy when he returned to the magical world, it only made sense that curiosity was now aimed at the eldest Potter, but for what sick reason? Severus did not know what he would do if Lucius tried to harm Lily's daughter, only that it wouldn't end well for his old housemate.
"That is quite the holiday and I daresay I agree with you!" Elsa's voice brought Severus back from his thoughts, "I'm sure Draco must be looking forward to it! Miss Potter is a very beautiful, young witch after all."
Narcissa's smile dropped from her aristocratic face at the other woman's implication, "Yes, well, she is older than him. I'm sure she has plenty of more suitable admirers her own age."
"Of course," Elsa agreed congenially. "I'm sure they'll be the best of friends."
Severus definitely did not want to be a part of this conversation any further. The thought that in less than twenty-four hours Lily's daughter would be in Lucius Malfoy's presence for a week-long holiday brought in a new wave of uneasiness. The two witches were so worried about Draco as if Lily's daughter would ever pay him any mind.
She was a Potter.
The idea of a Potter and a Malfoy being the 'best of friends' was utterly ridiculous.
The true threat was Lucius.
He, like Severus and the rest of their comrades, had always wondered why the Dark Lord spared the girl. He had only agreed to spare Lily although he had gone back on his word. Severus should have known that Lily would have never stood down, she would have done anything to protect her children.
But why not kill the girl as he had planned?
Why leave her an orphan who could one day pose a threat with her power?
The Dark Lord must have had a plan for her but what that entailed Severus could only speculate. He only knew that his old master would have used the girl and her ability for evil.
Now Lucius was taking his chance to discover why.
Damn Dumbledore to the deepest circle of hell for allowing her return! His warnings to the old man regarding the fascination the Death Eaters had with Rose Potter were quickly coming true.
But why did he care so much? He didn't care for the girl, his actions that day at St. Mungo's had been for Lily. In fact, he had cared so little for her daughter that he had been unbothered when the Dark Lord had revealed his intention to entirely eliminate the disgraced Potter lineage as preserving Lily's life had been Severus'only priority and concern.
He only realized later how cruel and selfish he had been.
Perhaps this was his karma.
Perhaps this was where this confounded urge to protect Rose Potter originated.
"Shall we?" Severus interjected breaking away from his musings and ending the brief silence as he offered his arm to the blonde witch keen to speak with her privately about this revelation.
Narcissa shot him a grateful smile before nodding and taking a hold of his arm. The group exchanged formal farewells before Severus and Narcissa stepped back into the building and continued on their way out. Severus had sensed Elsa's disappointment at his departure, she had been hoping he'd stay. Now with his mind heavily weighed down by the Potter children, he was beginning to regret his decision to leave.
"Why would you share that with Ms. Jansen?" he asked rather rudely. Thankfully years of friendship with Narcissa had grown her accustomed to Severus' callousness. "She's a bloody reporter."
She smiled smugly as they stepped out onto the main landing, "Oh darling, I'm just so excited that it slipped," she offered simply; obviously lying. Suddenly, she came to a halt and turned to him, her face palpable with concern. "Darling, you don't think Draco might become...smitten with the Potter girl, do you? You must have seen her in those magazines, she is very beautiful. I'm struck by how strongly she resembles her mother."
Before Severus could reply, Narcissa gasped softly, "Oh darling, I am so sorry! How stupid of me to bring her up. Forgive me, my love," she apologized as she tenderly stroked the side of his face. He allowed this, only with Narcissa did he ever allow this. Aside from their sexual history together, she was the closest person to him that he considered a true friend. She had even been the one to console him when Lily died, holding him in her arms as he had shamelessly fallen apart.
Severus was glad his stoic expression hadn't betrayed his true emotions so far that night.
"You have nothing to fear with Draco. I would be more concerned with Miss Potter hexing him than befriending him given Draco's history with her beloved brother. I believe he's also currently more enthralled with the never-ending attention from Miss Parkinson."
Narcissa scoffed and rolled her eyes, "That atrocious, little cow!" she sneered to his amusement. "Severus, you'll let me know should Draco lose his senses and become interested in the little troll. Young boys can be so weak and often fall in with any pretty girl that throws herself their way."
Young boys were weak when it came to pretty girls but so were grown men, however, Severus decided to keep this comment to himself. There was no point in worrying Narcissa or planting any kind of suspicion even if Severus knew of Lucius' hidden agenda, there was no guarantee that he would be successful. It wouldn't surprise Severus if Lucius found nothing extraordinary about the girl just as he had with the boy. Clearly, the American ambassador was comfortable and foolish enough to accept the invitation despite the Malfoy's well-known Pureblood supremacy. The man was an idiot but he was the one in charge of keeping the girl safe not Severus.
She wasn't his responsibility, just the boy.
He needed to keep reminding himself of that. Yet, nonetheless, Severus could feel his worry stirring deep within him at the thought of the Malfoy's upcoming holiday.
He hated it.
He shouldn't worry about Rose Potter!
It was obvious that he needed a release for the sake of mental clarity and rationality.
"Narcissa, forgive me but-," he barely began his sentence when she cut him off.
"You want to go back to Ms. Jansen." she guessed correctly giving Severus an encouraging smile. "Go, my love, enjoy yourself tonight. One of us should."
Severus kissed her gently on the cheek and wished her a good night before turning around to make his way upstairs and find his lover. A loud CRACK behind him announced Narcissa's departure to the manor so he quickened his pace to the lounge.
He found her at the crowded bar, drowning her own lamentations in a glass of strong gin. She smiled when she noticed him approaching even more so when she realized he was alone.
Severus fucked her hard that night, letting go of all his troubles and frustrations with each passionate thrust.
He thought of Lily, who else could he ever think about?
Strawberry-blonde tresses turned into dark red and blue eyes morphed into that unforgettable shade of green.
When his lover reached her climax Severus allowed himself his own release imagining it was Lily underneath him loudly moaning his name. It felt sensational and satisfying until reality and the familiar feeling of emptiness in his chest inched their way back to him.
Still, it was a release if only an empty one.
However, Severus needed that release for a few days later Rose, Draco and a number of his Slytherin students appeared on the front page of the Daily Prophet in what would be known as the scandal of the summer.