Scar Tissue

by deathbringer374

After Third Impact fic. The world goes to some semblance of normality. Shinji Ikari lays in bed, unmoving, tubes and wires all over, machines beeping away. Asuka stares, horrified, at the result of her violence. Maybe revenge tasted...bitter. AXS. Revised version has been uploaded! R&R

20. Chapter 20

AN: Yo! Wasssssssssup? Oh, boy, here I go again with my yearly input to my baby! YES! It is here! Kinda long, long chappie… if you get to the end you'll know why, so hopefully you have some time available. Anyways, hi, this is me trying to wrap things up nicely before our big… main event! Ahem! So… some hot, R rated stuff in here too… shit… Well, to hell with it. And… yeah! Story time! Yay!

I own nothing.

Don't think the stars won't align!

Under your scars I pray

You're like a shooting star in the rain

You're everything that feels like home to me, yeah

Under your scars, I could live inside you time after time

If you'd only let me live inside of mine

Live inside of mine - Godsmack

Scar Tissue

Chapter Eighteen; Act Seventeen: Under Your Scars

The faint echoes of flashing lights and questions being aggressively shouted invaded the small hallway, forcing Ikari Shinji to gulp and rethink his own decisions. Running away was out of the question of course; with the amount of cameras covering the event he had just barely been able to get inside the building quick enough and only had about a dozen paparazzi blind him with their camera flashes. He needed to be strong; he needed to give answers… if the worst came to pass.

His legs felt stiff and uncooperative, almost drained of all their strength. I should've listened to Asuka, Shinji mused in despair, noticing how the noise got louder with every step. She's the smart one, after all. She told me this was a terrible idea and I didn't listen. Stupid Shinji, when are you gonna learn? Now I'm stuck here and I don't even know what's gon-

Slight pain flared from the left side of his nape, where a certain redhead had opted to pinch him so he did not run into a metal pillar head first. He smiled sheepishly at her, but Asuka's gloom expression did not change at all which in turn made Shinji feel awkward on top of being scared beyond measure. Misato, who was on his left, took hold of his shoulder and stopped the four from advancing further.

"Hey," she whispered, crouching next to Shinji and offering a long glance to both Rei and Asuka. "Are you sure you're all up for this? 'Cause we can get back in my car and go back to the Geofront. I can have us there in twenty minutes flat." She turned to Shinji and squeezed his arm as a reassuring gesture.

"You don't have to do this, Shinji-kun." Rei nodded empathically, her normally calm expression sporting a slight frown. She would, of course, be one of the main targets, as the hybrid doll created to control the end of the world. The freak with blood-red eyes and blue hair; he was putting his family in danger by accepting Ritsuko's offer.

Yes, just run away with your tail between your legs, whispered the Beast with a grin. Go on, run. Everyone's expecting you to. If you go out there, nobody will believe you. The world is your enemy, you know this; they'll make a fool out of you and possibly burn your sister alive like she was a witch. Go on, Shinji. Run away, you witless cow-

A second pinch, one above the skin on his elbow, flared hard enough for Shinji to move his arm away. "OW! What the hell, Asuka?!"

"Is he talking shit to you?" she asked, inches away from his face. God, Asuka was pretty; even more when she was angry; not the rage she'd express when about to attack, but the 'I'm annoyed at something' angry. Her nostrils would flare, her eyes would shine with pure fire behind them… It was hypnotic beyond belief or reasoning. "-his ass. You got that?!"

"Eh?" he said, blinking. I dozed off looking at her again. Crap, she's gonna get really mad no-

To his shock, and apparently Misato's and Rei's as well, Asuka sighed, glowering at him, and put both her hands around Shinji's head so he could look nowhere but into her eyes. "I said," she repeated. "Tell that dork to mind his own damn business before I get in there and kick his ass." She sounded so serious, so determined that the Beast gulped, murmured a muted 'Yes, ma'am' and enclosed himself in the Void.

"Like the drunk said, you don't have to do this, Baka-Shinji." Asuka's eyes scanned their surroundings for a heartbeat, surveying for the possible appearance of any unwanted reporter, then they alighted back on Shinji's gaze. "You don't owe anyone anything. Not even an explanation. If they can't accept the truth, fuck them. We don't need them; we don't need anybody but the people who are here, right now."

Shinji's eyes softened in understanding; Asuka had no desire to be there at all either. She was very resentful and aggressive with anybody who harbored resentment towards them for what had transpired during Third Impact. Anyone who dared blame her, or him for that matter, was sure to receive at least a well-aimed kick to the gut which would have them kneeling on the ground and vomiting. Of course, Shinji was unaware of the lengths she had gone to in order to get her point across; he knew nothing of the dozens of people she had beaten up or maimed after finding out they had hit or abused him in some way.

"Does the fact that these people hold Nii-san responsible for Third Impact bother you, Sohryu?" Rei inquired with a raised eyebrow. The question earned her a worried, furtive glance from Misato, but she ignored it. "Did you not accuse him for months on end of being a mass murderer? What was it you said… 'It's your fault', something along those lines?"

Shinji realized from the way his chest was expanding that he was about to yell something foul and ugly and disrespectful out of pure instinct, but Asuka's response silenced both his reaction and Rei's questioning.

"Yeah," she admitted, never letting go of Shinji's head. "I did. I screamed at him for months that he was responsible, that he was a coward and a murderer. A monster. I knew I was wrong from the start, because I saw into your soul, too, Rei-chan. Must be nice to act all high and mighty from that imaginary moral high ground."

Rei's eyes widened. Asuka then proceeded to hug Shinji tightly, as if to incite more anger in her. "Third Impact. You knew it would happen; you knew all along. SEELE, the hundreds of hundreds of conspiracies to wake up Adam, Second Impact, the Angels, the Dead Sea Scrolls, Ikari's plan."

"And still," Rei said icily. "You threw lies in his face; you insulted him on a daily basis with lies. You blamed him for something he had no control over; something his father had been manufacturing his entire life. Those people out there are no different than y-."

"Girls," Misato interrupted, catching the shadow of a likely paparazzi or reporter a few meters away. "Maybe this is not the best place and time to do this…"

"Save it for the press conference, Rei." Asuka sighed, finally disentangling from the comfortable embrace. She felt tired. "We can go and beat the shit out of each other once we're done here. I know what I did, I'm aware it was low and horrible and inhuman. I'm willing to face any consequences that come for my actions, so go ahead and scream it to the mob out there if you like. I don't care."

But I'll be damned if I let you sour Shinji's mood any further, you ignorant, blue-haired bitch, she thought, already in a bad mood and slightly enraged. I swear to God if you keep opening your slut mouth to make him feel like crap… I'm gonna do what I should've done with myself; I'm gonna kick your ass!

Shinji's hand was clasped firmly in her own with Misato standing behind them, feeling out of place, and Rei glaring daggers at her. Still, a few seconds later she deflated somewhat and nodded to the pair.

Rei had apparently either read Asuka's mind, or caught onto the fact that she wasn't helping Shinji's current state of mind at all. "Understood. Nii-san, I…" she started, keeping her gaze away from Shinji's. "I apologize if I've caused you more distress."

The corners of Shinji's twitched upwards. He had forgotten for a moment that he wasn't alone, not this time. Asuka was holding his hand, in public at that, and Misato seemed ready to put a bullet in the skull of any person who dared threaten or disturb her 'brats' in any way. Rei's presence alone was intimidating, and the unfriendly glint she'd had in her eye since slapping their father was anything but inviting to reporters.

"Thank you," he said, and squeezed Asuka's hand. "All of you. Thank you so much. I don't… deserv-"

"What-" the next tug to his hand was strong and painful; it purposely laid pressure on the slightly injured side of his knuckles, "-did I tell you about talking like that?" Asuka frostily asked. "Stop that nonsense. We're here, we're doing this, and I'm not letting any of those assholes do what I did, okay?"

A vein popped and pulsed in Rei's forehead. A right reserved only for you, Sohryu? Are you the incarnation of Shinji's sins, given form to torture him? Are you his bad Karma? "Sub-Command-"

"Jeez, Rei. Call me Misato, pleaaaase!" Misato interrupted, annoyed. She had already flashed her pistol at three cameramen, and was unsure how much longer she could stall. "Sorry to be a buzzkill here, kids, but It's either now or never. There's still time to go."

Asuka nodded, and tugged Shinji's hand, albeit much more gently than before. "We can go. I won't get mad. I won't gloat, either. Well, maybe a little bit… Come on, Baka." Her gaze and tone reached that soft quality that only appeared when Shinji was concerned. "Stay or go, we're all in this together. We're a… team."

"We're a family," Misato stated, crouching before them both and grabbing onto both their shoulders. "A really messed up, dysfunctional, absolutely unorthodox one, but still a family. Right, Rei-chan?"

Though decisively sickened by the idea of being in any way related or considered close to Asuka, Rei nodded and approached the group, only to be uncomfortably pulled in a tight hug which consequently forced her face dangerously close to Asuka's head. The sheer amount of human contact was uncomfortable and unpleasant, but Asuka's vicinity and the possessive way in which she held her brother bothered Rei far more than Misato's ungodly strength.

"Mhhmmm," said Misato, hugging them as hard as she could. "I love you, kids. Let's go home, okay? Let's forget about all this shit and go get Shin-chan some nice ingredients for a good dinner, huh? How's that sound?"

Anything to keep me from further touching her, Rei mused while attempting to squirm away. I will even consume the Sub-Commander's cuisine to stop this tort-

"No," Shinji whispered in a quiet, but determined tone. "This is something I have to do. And I know… I know I'm not alone." He groaned, blowing air through his nose, and offered Asuka a sad smile. "Let's go."

The girl who by all intents and purposes was now officially his girlfriend nodded. "You heard him, Misato. Let's get this crap over with."

Exhaling in defeat, Misato released the young trio and crossed her arms. "Just so we're clear, I still think this is a terrible idea."

January the 20th. 2017. 1.30pm, Tokyo 02. International Conference Centre

Not even ten minutes had passed since they had made their way up to the podium during the opening statements, and Rei was already agreeing with Misato. The reporters were merciless, interrupting Ritsuko's speech about four times with loud inquires towards Shinji that made the boy flinch in his seat. From his position near the Second Child, who was all but glowering with ire, Shinji's eyes frantically scanned the surroundings; the sheer mass of press and attendees to the event was overwhelming. More than a thousand attendees, news networks from fifty different countries and more than a few angry returnees had opted to witness Shinji's first public appearance in about six months, and his first ever public statement regarding Third Impact.

They were seated at a large assortment of tables, decorated with the UN's colors and flags, and the majority of the hall served to house the many attendees, demonstrators, protesters, and the like. From the back, Rei could clearly see a few groups holding large, decorated cardboard signs with supportive messages towards them, while others… held nothing but brutish insults. Her crimson eyes wandered back to her brother.

Shinji could probably list the first and last name of every person in the crowd, including the foreign reporters. He could get up and call them by name, and ask about their families with frightening precision. He could most likely recognize more than a few faces which had spat at him before, during his time in the UN shacks. Angry, incensed faces that sneered with misdirected hate and undisclosed rejection. There he was, the Third Child, destroyer of the world. There he was, the boy who had liquefied the inmates of Japan's prisons and brought them back to life, unchained. There he was, the boy who had vaporized their homes, their streets and their lifestyles with a snap of his fingers.

There he was, sitting mere feet away from his enemies. Ikari Shinji. If Rei had had any of her former powers remaining, she'd have given every single person who had come or was otherwise watching a glimpse of the indescribable agony that came with being in the event's center. To feel the world's collective consciousness go through them, steal a part of their soul, rip it to shreds, and put it back together; yes, quite the pleasant experience indeed. Her molars ground when she noticed a man sitting in the front row, with an expensive suit, a microphone, and a smug look on his face.

"-So in short, the Japanese Government and NERV have decided to sign the treaty with the UN which would eradicate any trace of technology used to engineer the Impacts, along with the devolution of NERV's directive to the Emperor. Furthermore, we've asked for the treaty to be signed at once, but the UN's official response was that it would be impossible until their evaluation is complete. As formerly stated, we have also agreed to allow the UN's investigation to proceed undeterred, as we work under its jurisdiction and Board of Directives. However, this frame of time gives the terrorist organization SEELE plenty of oportun-"

"MISTER IKARI! HERE!" a crazed reporter shouted, cutting off Ritsuko's speech for the fifth time. "Harima Tatsuya from 'Japan Today'! Do you have any statements about the alleged case of domestic violence in your house?!"

"Miss Sohryu, do you have anything to respond to these allegations?! Is it true you almost killed Ikari?!"

"Ms. Ikari, is it true that you are part Angel?!"

"Ms. Sohryu, do you have any statement regarding the attempt against your lives?!"

"MISTER IKARI! MISTER IKARI!" Tatsuya screeched, making the boy flinch once more. "Can you please elaborate on your role in Third Impact?!"

Ritsuko took a deep, calming breath. "Okay, that's it," she muttered to the mike. "Security!" Instantly, four large, armed men nodded in her direction. "I want you to escort that man off the premises. I want you escort him off his feet and use his head to open the fucking door."

The tone of her voice was enough to silence the area in seconds. "Ahem." Clearing her throat, her stern gaze fell on the audience. "As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted..." The sound of the man being dragged out by security dissipated fast.

"The fact that the UN affiliates refused to offer any kind of involvement until their evaluations are completed, leaves us open for any sort of attack. Should the terrorist group SEELE assault Japan once again, we will hold them back with every asset in our control. In order to reduce casualties to an absolute minimum, we've evacuated Tokyo and all mayor cities to the best of our capabilities. That would conclude the Emperor and NERV's opening statements. We will now be taking questions from the board. Yes?" Ritsuko pointed at a young, petite female reported who had dutifully been raising her hand for the last ten minutes.

"Um..." The lady stood, offering a hesitant smile to the board, and to Shinji. "Kirishima Mana from the 'Tokyo Times'. Firstly, I would like to thank the Commanding board of NERV, Prime Minister Nakamura, and the brave Evangelion pilots for being present on this day."

Ritsuko nodded once she received an approving glance from Misato, who had refused to sit and instead stood behind Rei, Asuka and Shinji like an overprotective mama bear. "It is the least we can do considering the circumstances," Ritsuko replied. "Did you have a question, miss Kirishima?"

"Yes," said the girl, clearly feeling awkward. "Commander Akagi, considering the state of alert the entire country is in, and the reports of unidentified carriers and destroyers apparently coming our way, is an attack absolutely certain?"

"Yes, it is," Ritsuko answered immediately. "The UN's inaction basically gives this terrorist organization a broad window of time to attack, as stated before. Precisely because of that we've fortified the naval defense in all major harbors, and solicited the assistance of our allies."

The room exploded in a shower of noise then; the poor young woman was almost squashed when three or four other reporters tried to steal her seat at the front. All sorts of screams, demands, yells, wails of terror and insults echoed through the Hall's walls. Objects were being thrown at the stand, many of them in Shinji's general direction. Ritsuko drank in the entire scene and found it oddly pathetic. That was of course, until a piece of debris thrown by one of the demonstrators nearly hit Asuka in the face, and the most feared woman in Tokyo 02, the rebuild site of Tokyo 03 and most of Nagano raised her pistol to the roof.

-BANG-

Misato cleared the distance between her and the microphone in seconds, smoking gun still in hand. "Now," she growled menacingly. "My sincerest apologies for using a firearm in such a public meeting." The edge in her voice cut through the silence like a knife. "So in that spirit of civility, let's stop throwing things, okay? If we all try our best and behave like adults, I will allow you to ask your questions and get your answers. But..." She placed the pistol on the stand. "If anyone else tries to hurt, insult, or even remotely comes close to one of these three youngsters beside me, I will put an end to this conference, and most likely your lives."

The room fell dead. The cameramen stood there with their eyes wide, unwilling to believe how that woman had taken her gun and shot at an international conference that was being televised through the whole world. The security guards and soldiers stayed put; no sane citizen of Tokyo was idiotic enough to stand up to Katsuragi.

"P-Pardon me, Katsuragi-san," one slim, reptilian-looking reporter croaked from his seat on the front row. "Can I assume that you just issued a threat of physical harm in a public debate? Can we truly depend on NERV to protect us, when its Sub-Commander just threatened to shoot us if we displease her?"

If there had been any doubt in Asuka's mind that Misato had, and most certainly would kill again to protect them, it evaporated the moment that woman stared into the main camera facing her with eyes of steel. "Ask anybody. Anybody here, or anybody in this city. I don't do threats." She said, and the way her light brown eyes whipped in the direction of the bespectacled, pale man was enough to make him jump in his seat. "I do promises. And I promise you, all of you, everyone here in attendance and everyone watching at home."

Misato grabbed the stand with her free hand and moved her head towards the microphone. "If you hurt my children in any way, I will hurt you back." Satisfied that the message had been delivered, she nodded. "Now, be nice, or we're done here."

A smattering of applause was heard from the very few supporters who had come. They held their cardboard signs high and yelled some sort of chorus, chanting the pilots' names time and time again. Once the noise settled, Misato nodded towards the female reporter.

"To finish answering your first question; we're doing everything possible to defend this country and its people. You can believe that, or you can reject the truth and side up with the organization that controlled the world and orchestrated Second and Third Impact. Let that be on each and every one of your consciences. Yes?" Misato pointed at the man with the smug look on his face, the one who had barely recoiled at all when she'd used her gun.

"Pardon me, Sub-Commander," he began smoothly. "Nara Katashi, from the 'Asashi Shumbun'. I do believe you are right to so boldly defend the pilots' interest, andI applaud your motherly instincts. We truly are lucky and grateful to have you protecting us."

"Did you have a question?" Ritsuko snapped as she took her place back in the podium.

"Certainly," the man replied with clear smugness. "First, a question for NERV's Command. Can we trust Unit 02 to aid us in this peril that's coming our way? Regardless of the size of the invading army, an Evangelion still would be a far superior defense weapon, no?"

Ritsuko seemed to mull over her response for an instant. "That," she said. "Is an inquiry better suited for the pilots of Unit 02, and not Command. We will not force Children into war again."

Nara nodded, and turned his eyes to the trio, and to Misato's metal piercing glare. "The same question, Miss Sohryu, Mr. Ikari."

"We'll fight," Asuka snapped, barely able to hold her anger. While most of the insults had fallen on deaf ears, she had strained to hear every single one she could. Almost all of them had been addressed to Shinji, and it made her blood boil. "You can bet on that. This is our home, and we'll defend it."

The man lifted a curious eyebrow. "Your home, Miss Sohryu? My, I was under the impression the German Prime Minister came to Japan to personally escort you back to Germany-"

"Then you should be really, really thankful that I didn't accept his offer, shouldn't you?" Asuka interrupted. Shinji was growing pale, she had noticed, and not out of fear. He was overwhelmed with guilt, and the hysteria of being surrounded by so many was short of stifling him. Yet, even through his clear reluctance and discomfort, he placed a hand on hers, and offered a small, encouraging smile.

"Um," he started, looking at Asuka and not the crowd. "W-We'll fight. Like Asuka said, this is our home. We'll do our absolute best."

Then, the aura in the hall turned sour.

Misato was the first to notice the smug little smile of the man representing Tokyo's most respected journal. Ritsuko caught a glimpse of Misato's deepening scowl and followed her line of sight towards the man. The petite girl sitting next to him was positively red with embarrassment, and what she assumed to be anger. Asuka noticed shortly after Shinji had opened his mouth how the man's entire body language had changed, how his shoulders had straightened and his eyes shone with interest.

"Yes, well," Katashi said to the microphone, eyes switching from the ground to Shinji's face and back. "Did you not do your absolute best during Third Impact, Mr. Ikari? And while I have this chance, the question my colleague was asking before still goes unanswered. True, his methods were… not the best ones, but the question does not lose validity because of it."

The sinister small smile let Rei know that she would hunt this man down when it all ended, and she would make sure nobody found his body.

"What was the length of your involvement during Third Impact? Is it true what people say on the street, what SEELE's propaganda implies, that you are to blame for it occurring?"

She would've shot him, Asuka realized when she felt a jolt of motion behind her. Misato was actively looking to shoot an innocent reporter in the head, for doing the job he was being paid to do, on international TV and without a single trace of hesitation, but then Shinji looked at his guardian with eyes filled with sorrow, understanding, and grim determination. He raised an arm to stop Misato from jumping off stage and onto the poor man; with a resolute but somber expression, the Third Child got to his feet.

And bowed deeply at the entire audience.

"Thank you all for coming today," he started, tone muffled by his pose, but strong all the same. "I'll try to answer your doubts to the best of my abilities, Mr…"

"Katashi, Mr. Ikari." If ever there was a self-confident man in the planet, it was that man. He smiled, nodding to the Third Child. "Thank you."

Yeah, how very fucking respectful of you, you son of a bitch. Asuka's jaw was clenched so tight her neck and head were hurting from the strain; for the sake of Shinji, however, she kept a straight face. She had scarcely asked Shinji about Third Impact at all, the few times resulting in him falling into a state of complete hysteria, nausea, and clear psychological agony which had led him to either strangle her or hit his own head against a wall until either she stopped him or he knocked himself out. He'd throw up just remembering her defeat, to this day.

Whatever pain he had suffered, whatever ache Third Impact had left in him harbored enough penance to scare a sentient, all-powerful Evangelion. Asuka's eyes stole a quick glance in his direction. Shinji, she concernedly though. You don't have to do this.

When Ikari Shinji rose, every person watching the interview, every single member in attendance, and even those who sneered and hated him felt like he was looking straight into their souls. A link which had been nonexistent since the beginning of Third Impact activated. Every single soul alive, after all, had passed through him.

Shinji's eyes were sad, and all-knowing. It was the look of a wizened, weathered old man who had seen too much, and lived too long.

"Nara Katashi-san," Shinjibegan, cobalt stare slowly moving to the reporter's conceited expression. "You're… 34. A respected member of the paper you work for, where you're famous in the office for having little regard towards your own safety and for digging up the truth no matter how nasty. You are also renowned for being respectful, but aggressive. You have two children; they are six and two years old. Your daughter was born with multiple sclerosis, and you worry about her."

Shinji winced and clutched his head in evident pain. Misato, Rei, and Asuka were ready to jump and escort him out, but he shook his head, motioning for them to let him continue. He sighed. "…Sakura, that's her name, right? It's a nice name."

Tearing her eyes from Shinji's increasingly drowsy face was very hard, yet Asuka did it to notice the smug bastard's smile falter, just a bit. "Uhm, yes indeed, Mr. Ikari. Of course, that is public knowledge-"

"You proposed to your wife on a trip to Okinawa," Shinji interrupted calmly with a flat tone. "It was night, you were in a nice restaurant. She cried." Another slight wince flared the boy's face. "When your son was born, you told him you'd never abandon him. You're a good father, and a good husband, even if your wife nags you constantly about your safety, and even though you work late hours." Tired, traumatized eyes moved from the slightly shocked expression of the reporter, to the female reporter's face.

"Miss Kirishima. You were at some point involved with the Japanese government's research branch. They were trying to emulate an Evangelion somehow." Yet another slight wince marred Shinji's expression. "Project Trident. You were going to be its pilot. Your parents are quite proud of you, and they tell you so constantly. You like sushi, and… you're right-handed."

Silence. Utter, eerie silence reigned over the once impossibly loud hall. Shinji carried on, undeterred by how pale Mana had become. "The gentleman who was escorted outside is… Harima Tatsuya. Please don't be mad at him. He has every right to hate me. He lost his wife in the fight against the Fourteenth Angel, Zeruel. He has a son who's about my age, and I think his son returned… but his wife did not." Shinji looked at the bespectacled man sitting three chairs to Katashi's right.

"You are Mr…" Shinji closed his eyes and winced once more. "Oboro-san. Your son died in Second Impact, you've been threatened many times by the government to not dig up certain matters, but you want to find out the truth. You want justice for your son and everyone like him. Your wife passed away… three years ago. A... Akane. She always supported you. You called her 'Sunflower'." Shinji hissed loudly and stumbled, but shook his head, took several deep breaths, and grabbed onto the podium for support.

"I know all of this… and a lot more things I wish I didn't, because…" Shinji sighed in defeat. "I was in the center of Third Impact."

A collective intake of breath, several hushed whispers, and yet nobody dared to interrupt.

"I'm sure everybody in this room and around the world has read NERV's statements about what happened, so I won't go into that, but," Shinji nodded to the cameras, "I was in the center of it. My entire life, from the moment my mother died when I was four, until the day Third Impact happened, was controlled from afar by my father so I'd be there. Every aspect of my existence was designed, and calculated… so I'd behave in a certain way during the Angel War and it's… conclusion."

It disgusted Asuka to see the look of unbidden agony on Rei's face. It disgusted her to see Misato close to tears. Unworthy, her pride barked, infuriated. You're unworthy of him, both of you. Unworthy! He's doing his best, he's trying, he's fighting and he's hurting. You shouldn't dare insult him with those puppy-dog eyes. He's being strong. She hardened her own expression and stared straight up at Shinji. Rei would call her a hypocrite, and most likely so would the world, but she realized it did not matter to her. Honor him like he deserves, you weak betas.

"As the attack began, I was… not fit for battle." Shinji pressed his thumb and forefinger between his eyes, hissing. Not real, the visions are not real, not real. Focus. Focus, Shinji. Breathe. Breathe, Shinji. In, out, in, out, deep… deep breaths, slowly, breathe. "The stress of the war had gotten to me, and I was mentally unfit for duty, so I hid under a stairway the moment I heard the emergency alarm go off." The exercises Ishikawa had taught him to hinder a panic attack were quite handy; his heart was beating madly in his chest, and sweat was beginning to dribble down his brow.

"When Lilith was reconstituted, I was already inside Unit 01. But I got there just after the JSSDF fatally shot my guardian, Misato-san." Shinji carried on; the feeling of Asuka's fierce gaze upon his shaking frame gave his strength, but what he said next still drove a shudder of pure nausea down his midsection. "Unit 01 was c-covered in Bakelite when I got to the cages. There was no way into the entry plug, so I sat there, while Asu- while the Second Child, our best pilot, was fighting against the EVA Series. These EVAs were sent by SEELE, engineered by them to help them control and shape Third Impact. They…" His head lowered, just barely, but enough for Asuka to see his expression of pure pain.

Shinji bit the inside of his cheek to keep the emotions in check. "They tore her apart, but she never stopped fighting, never, not until the very end." If you quit now, the Beast murmured in his ear. It will have been for nothing, like everything you do. So lift your pathetic head up, mass murderer, and look at your victims in the face.

Straightening up, Shinji cleared his throat. "You asked me what my role was in this, Nara-san. My mother's soul was trapped inside Unit 01, and… after Zeruel's attack, it also had an S2 engine. That means… Unit 01 was sentient. My mother chose not to move, chose to let me hear… to let me hear Asuka die. By the time it actually moved, there was no point in it, anymore. Unit 01 was always planned to be the center of Third Impact, and I, as its pilot, only had one job to do."

"And what was that?" Katashi asked with forced discretion. Shinji's dead gaze fell on his, making the man shudder.

"To kill humankind," he answered simply. "Or, more accurately, to not stop it from happening. My father achieved his goal: he… he broke me before Third Impact. I had nothing left, nothing but Asuka, and then when Unit 01 rose up from the Geofront I sa-" And Shinji dry-heaved, turning two more shades of pale. "Ugh, I'm sorry for that. I… saw… I saw what the EVA Series had done to her, and I lost my mind and screamed, I screamed so loud my throat was burning. Not that it mattered, SEELE had already gotten its wish, and so had my father… If Third Impact was a loaded gun, then I was holding it."

"And," Katashi managed, swallowing with difficulty. "Was this SEELE's original agenda all along?"

Shinji blinked in a very slow manner, which alerted Rei and Misato even more; to her dismay, Asuka turned her head for a second and glared with such ferocity that it froze them in their tracks. Do not get in the way, that glare told both Shinji's sister and his surrogate parent.

Seconds ticked by. Nobody dared to even breathe too hard, so as not to miss any word that came. Shinji inhaled deeply, glad his ribs were not giving him blinding, constant agony anymore. "No," he answered at last. "Third Impact was underway. The members of SEELE wanted Instrumentality to be irreversible, and eternal. They were convinced it was the next and only step in our evolution. Immortality and bliss mattered more than individuality to them. It was not my father's intentions to have me holding the gun either; he wanted control over Instrumentality for himself. I was simply supposed to… not interfere at all."

"I see," the man muttered, looking pensive. "And did you interfere, Mr. Ikari?"

It feels like he's being questioned in court, Asuka's enraged mind grumbled. Her hand was holding onto her chair with enough strength to make the veins in her arms bulge. I will see you die, Nara Katashi.

Shinji gazed directly to the camera. "No. No, I did not." Looking at his feet for a heartbeat, the boy's haunted gaze returned, making the hearts of millions, billions around the globe constrict for reasons unknown. "I was broken, so I didn't offer any resistance. Rei, my sister who is sitting to my right, and Asuka to my left… they are the greatest heroes of mankind, because despite everything done to them, they never gave up. You all know about the former genetics of my sister, and no," the boy's eyes hardened, making the man two rows behind who had lifted his arm flinch, "I will not be discussing anything regarding my sister's past. That is her story to tell, when and if she feels like sharing it. I beg you to please respect this."

"Ah… of course." Caught off-guard, Katashi turned back to his notes. "B-But regarding your role in Third Impact, Mr. Ikari…"

"Yes." Shinji nodded brusquely. "The reason I mentioned Rei, is because I can't fully explain my role without doing that. She was able to influence Lilith's consciousness and in the end, allowed me to decide whether or not to carry on with SEELE's plan. Along with my mother inside Unit 01 and Lilith, they gave me the gun."

More hushed whispers followed, the mass of people was quickly turning restless. "So, what did you do, Mr. Ikari?" another reporter hastily asked.

The Third Child hung his head in shame. "I… I failed.

"I pulled the trigger."

A massive, heavy intake of breath stifled the Hall; the sound was unison and strong enough to alert both the security personnel and Ritsuko herself.

Clearly taken aback, Katashi tried to recover as fast as possible. "W-W-Uhm, ahem! Do you mean to say, Mr. Ikari, that you caused Third Impact?"

"I did not cause Third Impact," Shinji responded with a broken voice. "But I did initiate it."

The whispers became loud banter, making the air itself in the meeting hall feel heavy. "How is that different?" Omura barked, for once speaking and standing from his seat with clear difficulty. "You didn't cause it, but you started it? What kind of answer is that?!"

"I'm sorry," said Shinji. His head hung even lower.

Asuka saw tears run down his face, but dared not interfere. It would shame him; this was his declaration, probably his last if they did not survive, it would be a dishonor and complete lack of respect on her behalf to interrupt, or show any weakness before him. He needs to do this, and you, bastards, will not break him. He'll show you….

"I'm sorry," Shinji repeated, a bit louder. "I didn't fight, I let SEELE win. I failed you, all of you. I failed my sister, I failed Asuka, Misato, I failed my city, and I failed everyone. I'm so sorry."

"So we're just supposed to accept your apology and shrug it off?!" Omura screamed, and consequently coughed several times. "Do you even know how many people you've affected by not fighting, by failing?!"

To the audience's surprise, and to Asuka's horror, Shinji nodded. No, she realized exactly where in his brain he would find the next answer. No, don't, you stupid jerk. Stop it, don't answer it, just say a whole bunch, or all of humanity or something! Shinji, don't, a pair of familiar crimson eyes appeared in her mind's eye, the same shade as 2.0's, albeit full of hatred and ill intentions. A sinister smile, the one Shinji had worn whilst choking her. She was certain the darkness in him was enjoying his suffering. Don't!

Sadly, Shinji was unable to read minds. "Three billion, five hundred and ninety eight million, four hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty one. Of those, Three billion, five hundred and ninety eight million, three hundred thousand and ninety seven have returned."

Ignoring the abrupt silence that had descended over the hall completely, Shinji continued. The tremors and drowsiness were getting stronger; his vision was beginning to swim. There wasn't much time left. "After Third Impact, two thousand, nine hundred and sixty four people have died, that I know of. Major cities have taken months to bring their populations back under control. Criminals have run free, doing as they please because I released them as Third Impact occurred. In Tokyo alone, four hundred thousand, three hundred and ninety eight citizens had no proper roof over their heads for more than three months... and it weren't for my guardian, Misato-san, many more lives would have been lost in the chaos of those first months."

"So what do you have to say to all these families? To all those who you damaged with your inaction, Third Child?!" bellowed the slim, red-faced reporter with spit flying from his mouth. "What is your statement towards all those who lost everything because of you?!"

One more time, Shinji told himself, pushing the Void's powerful stench away from his mind. Asuka's watching me. I can do this, just answer; just go in there… one more time. Finally, his head lifted up and he furiously wiped the tears away, eyes going from Omura to the main cameras.

"I accept full responsibility for what's happened to you." The statement was uttered without a shadow of doubt. Resolute, Shinji bowed once more time. "I'm truly sorry I was unable to fight, I'm sorry I wasn't strong, and above all… I'm sorry that my weakness has hurt you. I've failed you, but..." There was no more steam left in him; a wave of nausea shook his whole body. Finish it, growled the Beast. "I promise you all, I will not fail you again."

The hall erupted into chaos just in time for Shinji to fall onto his seat in a heap of limbs, exhausted, drained, and losing his grip on reality. The visions, the memories… he had been able to stifle the worst of it by focusing all his energy on the camera's red dot, or the reporters' faces; nonetheless, the effects of reaching deep into the Void were making themselves known. That was, of course, until Asuka's hand gripped his in a strong hold, forcing his eyes to her and, concealed behind the ruckus of hundreds shouting questions, smiled at him. "You did great," she whispered with a tug of their joined hands. "Well done, Shinji."

He managed a tired smirk in her general direction; his eyes were unfocused. ""T-Thanks, Asuka…" muttered Shinji haggardly. "I d-did my best."

"I know you did." She tugged his hand again and motioned for Misato and Rei to move; for Shinji's sake, she had to keep the rage in check just a few minutes longer. "Come on, let's go. You owe me dinner."

This time, Shinji did smile, and his ghostly gaze reached her own while he felt Rei lift his right arm and push a bottle of water in his hand. "H-Hai… I'll make you… a great meal… you'll see…"

"Water Nii-san," Rei muttered, glaring daggers at the man called Nara. "Try to drink some of it, it will alleviate the nausea."

"You too, Rei-chan?" Shinji joked half-heartedly, but complied and took small sips of the already open bottle. He faintly heard the sounds behind him reach an almost deafening crescendo before Ritsuko took the main podium and not so very politely demanded silence.

"That's about enough, Shinji-kun," Misato urged with a tone that would abide no argument. "Let's get you on your nice, comfy bed and your cello. You did incredible." Her hand was about to take a hold of Shinji's trembling arm, but Asuka's fiery glare stopped her again. What the hell is it with her today? she pondered angrily. Shin-chan can barely stand, am I supposed to not help him at all if he falls?!

She was too preoccupied with getting Shinji to stand and leave, too preoccupied to realize the conference was anything but over and there were hundreds of reporters waiting to pose their questions. Ritsuko, however, did take notice of Shinji's horrid state, and of the ridiculous allegations being thrown his way.

"Mr. Ikari! So you do admit to bringing about this cataclysm?!"

"Can you elaborate on why you did not fight?!"

"How does your apology help the thousands out there in need of a roof, Ikari?!"

"I lost my father because of you, you piece of trash! I hope you burn in hell, Ikari Shinji!"

"Ms. Sohryu, can you tell us why you have been sharing living space with this murderer, knowing of his deeds? Were you an accomplice in Third Impact?!"

"Ms. Ikari! Is it true that you are a clone from Ikari Yui? How is it that you played an important role in Third Impact?"

"Mr. Ikari! Can we get a statement regarding your recent hospitalization, and the rumors of Aya-Ikari Rei being your blood relative?!"

"If you couldn't fight for shit before," a random, loud and opinionated heavy man bellowed from his spot in the front row. "How can you ask us to trust you again, you big fucking loser?! Huh? Third Child?! 'I won't fail again'? What kind of bullshit is that?! You can't save anyone from anyth-"

"SHUT UP!"

Surprisingly, the scream which cut through them all did not come from Rei, or Asuka. It did not come from Misato. It was Ritsuko who was standing on the podium, and she was seething. "How dare you…" she said in a low, dangerous tone, knuckles white. "How dare you!?" Both the audience and the security staff recoiled at the venom leaking off the Commander's tone. Many looked over to Nakamura, who adjusted his glasses and nodded absently in Ritsuko's general direction.

"Do you even listen to yourselves?!" she screamed, face bright with anger. "Are you seriously, seriously shifting the blame of an event that the most powerful men on the planet orchestrated… on a fifteen-year-old child?!"

Even the fat man in the front winced as if slapped and thought twice before interrupting the supreme Commander of NERV. She snarled at the microphone, almost unable to hold her ire in check. "Did you all not just hear Shinji admit he was manipulated his entire life so he'd act a certain way during Third Impact?! Can any of you, any of you honestly say you have a hint, a far-off fraction of a concept of how it feels to be in his position for a single second? No! No, you can't!" Ritsuko panted once, twice, then breathed deep and collected herself; she could not show weakness to their enemies, Asuka had been clear on that detail.

"So you, any of you in attendance, all of you watching or hearing this, can you realistically say you would have been able to stop SEELE by yourselves? Are you experts on alien biology, or the applied physics that go with trying to control an Evangelion's core? Are you a one-man army who can stop the planning of an event that had been set in motion since 1947? No, I think not. You cannot possibly sit there and tell me you could've stopped SEELE, even with five Evangelions and all the knowledge in the world."

Ritsuko cleared her throat and took a sip of water. "As a matter of fact, back then none of you even knew of SEELE's existence outside of it being a small religious group. Had you interfered or meddled at all, your death wouldn't have even reached the local newspaper! So I bet it must feel wonderful, to sit so high and comfortably in this chair of your own miserable self-righteousness, and point your fingers at a group of teenagers."

She wondered if Maya would be content, or even proud; the young technician had always had a soft spot for the brats. It pained Ritsuko to admit it, but somehow, she did as well, and would not sit idly by and let Shinji carry the weight of something that was not his fault, nor his penance to carry. It was hers.

"If you're looking for the true culprits of this terrible event, read the list NERV issued to every government, newspaper and website in the globe. You want the culprits? Pressure the UN to sign this treaty, tomorrow at the latest. Publish the names we've given you, instead of cowering in fear behind your big names and fancy offices. But shame on you, on all of you, for trying to make a young boy your scapegoat. If you're looking for someone to blame, then wait until SEELE is officially disbanded and destroyed. You are all dearly invited to my trial, and Ikari Gendou's. We both not only knew SEELE's entire agenda, but were directly involved, and actively pursued to fulfill it."

A chorus of 'Traitors!' and 'Murderers' and 'how can we trust you at all?' was silenced by the woman's intense glare.

Ritsuko pointed in Shinji's direction. "Look at that boy. Take a good, long look, all of you in the back, who have done nothing but hurl insults at him." Once she felt her point was clear, she continued. "Newsflash, everyone; SEELE won. Third Impact was triggered, the world was nearly destroyed, human life as we know it should have ceased to exist… and the only reason, the only reason why any of us are here and alive today… is because of that boy." She gestured at Shinji again.

"That boy you dare to insult, that boy you're blaming for something he had no control over, he and his sister Rei saved us all, in the end. He rejected Instrumentality before anyone else did, rejected that fake reality each and every one of you saw and experienced, he was stronger than any of you. Asuka, our finest Evangelion pilot, fought until her last breath to stop the EVA Series from advancing, and Rei was willing to give her life, her very soul and existence so the effects of Third Impact could be reversed."

Her fist collided with the podium's wooden surface. "So think twice, and deeply analyze yourselves the next time you point your finger at any of my pilots, because on this god-forsaken, pathetic excuse of a planet, there is no human being stronger than them."

The calamity of screams died out some, the avid reporters realizing that if they pressed further, they'd get nothing else and the meeting would be adjourned. The constant, but controlled flow of questions and answers gave Shinji the chance to regain basic motor functions and nod weakly in Asuka's direction. She reacted immediately and slowly got up, signaling angrily at both Rei and Misato.

The trio was on their way to the exit when a last, deafening question rang through the hall. "Pilot Sohryu, PILOT SOHRYU! Is there any truth in the allegations that you were involved in the Third Child's hospitalization in October of last year?! What is your official statement on that matter?!"

Asuka's feet stopped cold, her nose flared and fists clenched, yet in a move that left even Shinji wordless, came back and took the microphone in her hand. "It's true," she stated, gaining another massive intake of breath as response. "After Third Impact happened, due to the… traumatizing defeat I had and… other aspects of my past… I grew unable to control my temper. I'd lash out in fits of rage, as I'm sure many of those people in the back can attest. Shin- my fellow pilot has been living with me since we came back. He took the worst of my… anger."

This time, it was the young reporter girl's turn to stand up from her seat. "Does that mean you truly assaulted your fellow pilot, and almost caused his death in a fit of blind rage?!"

"Yes," Asuka responded without so much as a flinch. "I did. Under any normal circumstances, I should be in jail right now, and by NERV directives I should be handcuffed to a bed in one of the Geofront's deepest dungeons. The only reason I'm not incarcerated is because my fellow pilot has refused to press charges against me."

"Care to elaborate on that, Miss Sohryu?" the smug bastard Katashi asked in turn, suddenly interested in common gossip more than the fate of an entire country. It solidified Asuka's mindset; she would watch that man die. "How is your freedom to be explained? NERV was officially reinstated a month ago as a government branch. Moreover, the police force and NERV's Section 02 must've heard something at some point. There surely are surveillance tapes that could work as substantial evidence to file a lawsuit against you for assault. Why hasn't NERV, the police or at least Child Services taken legal actions to prot-"

"Because..." Shinji had forcefully disentangled himself from Rei's hold in the middle of Katashi's tirade, and limped over to the microphone, grabbing onto it with a sweaty hand. He was as pale as ever, but his eyes were not haunted anymore, nor displayed any sort of sadness whatsoever. "If any of you lay a hand on her, I'm going to rip it off!"

They felt it again, everyone in attendance, everyone watching around the globe, the enemy troops preparing to strike. Instead of an unreadable sadness which had manifested before, however, what they felt when the feeble-looking boy glared at the camera was quite clear.

Dread.

Katashi nodded, wide-eyed, and sat back down. Shinji limped away, swaying with every step with an ill look to his pale skin, yet openly refused any assistance from either Rei or Misato. He staggered away, almost falling twice, with Asuka following close behind. It took a few attempts, but finally Rei nodded and headed in the exit's direction, ignoring the thousands of questions being hurled at her way. She noticed a distinct lack of insults being screamed, and realized it was because Misato walked beside her, a hand firmly clasped on her shoulder while the other held her sidearm.

Why does she not allow anyone to help Nii-san? she thought, already had a game plan manifested in her brain to knock around Asuka's pride some in their next sparring session. She is indeed, a deranged harlot. I will hear your reasons, Sohryu, or they will never find your body.

Asuka ignored the glares both her guardian and the First Child kept throwing her way, always mindful to be in close proximity to the male pilot; should he stumble and fall she'd catch him, but nothing else. She would not help Shinji, and could not; not with the world watching and expecting them to show themselves as broken, not when he was reliving something so incredibly painful to him. Before she marched away, however, Asuka turned and gave the reporter a clear, unspoken message.

I will see you die. There were no words needed, the cold way in which the Second Child glared down at the man, as though he were a cockroach that required extermination, shook the veteran reporter down to his core almost as much as Shinji's statement had. Katashi paled in an instant and gulped, looking away to where the old toad sat, towards the podium, anywhere but those cerulean eyes filled with hatred.

Asuka found herself illogically yet quite pleasantly satisfied to find the same wide, doe-eyed stare in the old goat, and every other person watching her surrogate family leave. They had agitated something they didn't understand, had caught a slight, momentary glimpse of an abyss she knew well, of a monstrous beast that was better off chained deep in Shinji's chest. Yeah, that's what you get, you shits, she mused with satisfaction, I hope you all rot in hell.

Soon, the loud clamor of the conference behind them grew dimmer. Ritsuko managed to take back control of the questions, and continued to answer inquires meant for the pilots to the best of her capabilities. The entire event would take hours; luckily, the four of them managed to sneak out quite early on.

While Shinji was able to maintain a semblance of composure until they reached the heavily-guarded hallway, the white walls began to remind him of his terrible actions in Asuka's hospital room. He had not rejected being helped out of arrogance or the will to show a tough exterior; he literally could not be touched at the moment. The slightest graze of skin would have him convulsing with the memory of three billion souls rushing through his own, and ripping it apart. He would go blind with rage.

In his blotted, darkening vision Shinji recognized the shape of a bench, so his sweaty hands reached for it just before his legs gave out; he held onto the cold, metallic bar supporting the bench's wooden frame and focused on the metal's cold surface. Real, this bench is real. Real, Shinji. Real. Breathe. Breathe, Shinji. There was so much noise around. So many, so many of them screaming at once right into his eardrums. Shigeru cowered under his seat, the naked panic of his lasts seconds whipped through him. Makoto's mind breaking into insanity as a vision of Misato pressed its cold lips against him, and took his soul. Maya's inconceivable joy before her body and entrails exploded in a shower of yellowish liquid.

The sensation of skin and muscle melting off his bones when the flamethrower's cruel kiss touched him was appalling; he could see and hear as it burned both him and his co-workers in one of NERV's panic rooms. Then he was a clerk, cleaning up near Cage 04 as the JSSDF advanced. A soldier put a gun to his chin, demanding to know where the Third Child was, so a shaky finger pointed towards the rusty staircase. He thought of his children before the bullet blew his brains out.

A violent convulsion shook him so strongly that Shinji almost fell over; both Misato and Rei reacted immediately and reached to help him up, but Asuka stepped in front of them, always facing Shinji, and halted them in their tracks. "Do you ignorant, stupid betas have a death wish?" she spat. "Don't," she began, turning her head just she could glower at Rei's eye, "touch him. Not yet."

Maya's voice was so loud in his ears, he wanted, needed so desperately for her to shut up. "Oh my God…! Shinji…! Asuka's…. Asuka is…" He felt the metal nails digging into his back as he sat in the cage, head bowed between his legs. The sight of Unit 02's remains finally washed over him, so Shinji doubled over and retched heavily on the ground next to the bench. He dry-heaved about three more times, right hand clutching his head fiercely while his left kept him from falling head-first on the floor, his body a mess of tremors and twitches.

Once Shinji stopped heaving and his trembling diminished some, Asuka approached with caution, as though nearing a rabid dog. "Shinji," she whispered, and stood before him. "It's okay."

Head bowed and clutched in his right hand, Shinji's one visible eye had no light in it, no recognizable, human warmth, yet Asuka did not move from her place; she took a deep breath instead, already dreading what was to come. She closed her eyes upon feeling the burst of motion.

Shinji's left hand left the bench faster than any of the three could anticipate and clasped around Asuka's neck like a vice. Misato moved in to separate them, and for a third time that day Asuka looked at her like she was a stain on her coffee mug, forcing the woman's body to a complete halt. She raised her left hand to them both, letting Rei and Misato know no immediate harm was done. And truly, there was none; Asuka had half-expected Shinji to strangle her with actual force behind it, but beside the initial pressure his hand was shaking while touching her skin, trying to apply pressure but clearly unable to.

It reminded her a bit of how Unit 02 had tried to crush Shinji, and been unable to. The thought would have made her smile, if she did not have a task to complete. Okay, she thought, here goes nothing. Asuka used her left hand to grasp a hold of Shinji's forearm with as much patience and tenderness possible, while her right lifted and caressed the boy's face in a very familiar way, fingers slowly tracing down his jaw line.

The light she knew well returned, and Shinji's eyes turned from enraged to horrified in a second; she was familiar with those shifting emotions as well, so before he could shrink away and hit himself in the head as he tripped on his own vomit, Asuka pulled the boy's body to her with real strength behind the hold. "Hey," she whispered to his quickly-hyperventilating form. "Calm. Deep. Remember? Just like Sensei said. Come on, slow it down, slow it down, take your time, theeeere you go. Deep, deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Come on, Baka, deep. Deep breaths. There you go. Deep."

Rei and Misato stood nearby, paralyzed and feeling out of place. It felt as though a barrier had manifested over the two pilots the moment Shinji had begun convulsing, and everything in the world besides them had disappeared. It also dawned on them both that Asuka had been right; had any of them touched, or even neared him in that moment, Shinji would have most likely hurled himself at them, and torn open their throats with his teeth.

Shinji inhaled, exhaled, and slowly started to tremble again. He clutched Asuka's hand in his own, giving her a look of pure, unrelenting remorse. "A-Asuka, I…" he started, his lower lip shook. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Shhh," Asuka interrupted, and helped him take a seat on the bench. "I know you didn't mean that. You didn't hurt me, see?" To emphasize her point, Asuka extended her neck to him, showing not only the golden chain's glint under the fluorescent light, but also the lack of any bruises or marks. "It's okay. I'm okay, and you'll be soon enough. This is real." She clutched his arm with renewed vigor. "You feel that, right, Baka?" Shinji nodded. "Good. You're back, it's over. Misato." Without breaking eye contact, Asuka's hand extended in the universal 'gimme' gesture. "Bag."

Misato mechanically handed over the red bag she had been entrusted with upon leaving the Geofront. She watched Asuka take out a fresh bottle of water, hand sanitizer, and to her surprise, mouthwash and even a bean-bun wrapped neatly in a napkin.

"Here." Asuka pressed the bottle into Shinji's hand. "Don't drink it yet. Rinse that taste out of your mouth first." Shinji's cheeks expanded as he obeyed, his eyes widened, however, when he realized he was not in a bathroom and there was no available dumpster or sink for him to spit. Asuka rolled her eyes. "Ugh, who gives a damn about this stupid floor, Shinji? Just spit it there next to the puke. Let the cleaning people deal with it."

Shinji obeyed, drank about three quarters of the bottle in five massive gulps, and gently took the mouthwash from Asuka's hand. "T-thanks…" he muttered, clearly exhausted beyond words.

"Sure." Smiling, Asuka stood up and offered Shinji her hand. "Let's go, jerk. I'm sure you're dying for a shower right now."

"H-Hai." Shinji stood up slowly, following Asuka through the hallway that led to the underground parking space. Neither of them noticed the wide, bewildered look on the other two females in attendance, and of the dozens or armed guards around them. They all felt out of place.

"How… what… ugh," Misato mumbled; a headache not unlike Shinji's was threatening to engulf her tired brain. "I don't know what just happened."

"It would seem," Rei muttered in return, voice low and poignant. "That in terms of helping Nii-san with his trauma, we are… still unprepared." Sohryu has bested me, she realized, walking behind the pair. They did not stop holding hands, even with the many strangers surrounding them. Rei's fist clenched in anger, but she dared utter not a word. She has bested me, this time. You will live to see another day, harlot.

The trio was heading towards Misato's car in a comfortable silence when a thunderous bawl distracted them.

"IKARI SHINJI-SAMA!"

A man rushed at full speed to them, running so fast he managed to sprint past the first five armed guards. He was holding something in his right hand, Misato noticed, so in seconds her sidearm was out, and the man was tackled by three guards. Still, his mind-curling, desperate screams reached them all the same. "SHINJI-SAMA, PLEASE! A moment of your time, only a moment, please!"

"Security, search that man," barked Misato, never lowering her sidearm's sight from the man's forehead. One wrong move, and she'd splatter his gray matter on the pavement, consequences and international gossip be damned. "If they find anything, anything on you, I swear on my father's grave that you'll wish you never crawled out of that puddle, you bastard."

"All clear, ma'am," one of the guards said, pulling the man to his feet. "He's got a piece of paper in his pocket and a small rock in his hand. It's not a bomb or any device as far that we can see," the guard was quick to add when he noticed Misato's pistol aim at the man's limb. Then, she looked, actually looked at the man's face, and had to suppress a shudder.

There were lacerations all over his features, impact scars of something hard and sharp which had been repeatedly slammed into him. A small part of his skull was sunken in, and upon further inspection Misato noticed similar marks on the man's forearms. She recognized him.

"You," she whispered with a voice that alerted both female pilots. Misato stood directly in front of him, ignoring the guards entirely, and pressed the barrel against the man's forehead while partially lifting his body off the ground with a deadly grip on his winter coat. "I know you. I know what you did. Give me a good reason not to kill you right now. You have ten seconds. Go."

"P-Please, Katsuragi-sama!" the man urged, fighting against her grip and crying hysterically. "Sohryu-sama, Ikari-sama, please! Just, please! A few words, I only ask that, just a few words! Then you can kill me!" he wailed pathetically, snot falling from his disfigured nose. "Please, Shinji-sama, please, please, just a few words!"

"Misato-san." Walking with a cautious, dizzy stride, Shinji neared the group holding the man captive. "Can we… listen? L-let him say what he came here to say. He… he went through great lengths to come here, I'm sure."

Unable to resist the boy's pleading gaze, Misato huffed and lowered her pistol, but did not put it back in its holster. "Okay, Shin-chan. For you. Now." She grabbed onto the man's shirt and hauled him in her direction again. "One wrong move from you, just one, and I'll rip your heart out with a spoon. That's a promise." Once she felt the message had been delivered, and once the man was cowering in obvious panic, Misato nodded at the security staff. They released him.

Not a moment later, the man knelt in front of Shinji deep enough so that his forehead was touching the ground. It took Shinji's hazed mind a few moments to remember the stranger's features, but once he did both his fists clenched in blind rage. "You…" he whispered venomously. He did not feel like listening to whatever this man had to say anymore, he actually felt more inclined to take Misato's pistol from her and shoot the bastard himself.

Bowing before him like Japanese had once done to their Emperor, laid the man who had tried to poison his family, who had succeeded in making Asuka sick.

"Shinji-sama," the man said from the floor. "Please listen to my words. I understand that what I did is inexcusable and you have every right to despise me, but please, just a moment of your time." The man's forehead impacted the ground, as if to accentuate the plea even more. "I swear you will never see me again, but please…"

Every wild instinct in his body told Shinji to kill that man on the spot, to put him on his back and rip out his trachea. "What do you want?" He ground out weakly.

Nodding, the man apparently tried to collect his thoughts from the kneeling position and cleared his throat. "Shinji-sama," he began. "My… my mother… was sick with breast cancer by the time the Angel War began, it was so sudden, so aggressive. We were never an accommodated family, we got by… b-but there was scarcely money for surgeries. I was never a rich or a righteous man. I worked two jobs to pay for my mother's medicines; it was hard to watch her wither away. M-My… my lit-… my little sister was born with… acute lymphatic leukemia. Every day was a struggle, Shinji-sama, every day… but… but then..."

The bloodshot, misshapen eyes of the man he had beaten with a metal pipe to within an inch of his life stared at him as though he was the reincarnation of Buddha. "But then… four months ago m-my mother and my little baby sister came back… and… they were so healthy…"

Asuka's would-have-been murderer bowed his head again. "My little sister was never able to play… her cute, tiny feet were so weak from lying in a bed, she was so… so frail, my baby sister… and I was powerless to help her, to see her smile… a-and my m-mother, I hadn't seen her hair so radiant in t-t-t… ten years. I saw m-my sister play in the garden the other day… it's the first time I didn't have to worry that she'd hurt herself, or get sick with a little wind. … S-she even got the flu right around C-Christmas. Oh, how I worried, but my mother just laughed at me… I hadn't heard her laugh like that either… in so long…"

Shakily getting to his feet but never looking up at Shinji, the man searched the worn out winter coat he wore, alerting the guards and Misato but, not even bothering to notice the seven barrels pointing at his head, he took out a small, glitter-covered envelope and unwound the small rock hidden in his palm. He offered them to Shinji with shuddering hands.

"P-Please accept this, Shinji-sama," he said lowly, head bent so deep his chin almost dented his chest. Bowing once more, he presented the neatly-wrapped letter and strange, shiny stone in his hands. "My baby sister loves to collect rocks she finds on the beach. This… t-this is her favorite one, and she asked me to p-please deliver it to you along with this letter. I-It is very important to her that you… h-her hero… receives it… so please… Shinji-sama, for my little girl's sake, the little girl you healed, please accept this small token of our… eternal gratitude."

Shinji's hand extended to retrieve both objects but Misato beat him to it, snatching both of them from the man's hand with clear animosity. "Once these two things are cleared," she bit out, clearly on edge. "Then I'll give them to Shinji. You have my word on that, but… if the slightest trace of poison is found anywhere near these objects, I will keep my other promise to you as well, Nomoru Shigaki."

"Y-Yes, of course." Nodding with vehemence, the man kept his head bowed. "Thank you so much for your time, Shinji-sama, Sohryu-sama, Ikari-sama, and thank you for your service."

"Uhh…" Asuka wondered, not fully grasping what had just transpired. "Yeah, sure whatever."

Rei's eyes narrowed to slits. "This would be your cue to leave, Nomoru-san," she mentioned tersely. "I believe your mission has been accomplished."

The man nodded profusely one last time, slowly walking his hunched figure out of sight as he headed away from the parking lot.

"Well," Asuka remarked, walking towards the car and taking Shinji's hand in hers. "All in all, this entire experience was pretty weird, and I'm really not in the mood to ask what the hell that was about. Can we go back to the stupid pyramid now? I'm hungry, and you need to get those to the lab so the Baka can read his letter."

"Right," Misato holstered her sidearm, unlocked her precious car, and got into the driver's seat. Rei sat beside her, while Asuka and Shinji sat together in the back, hand in hand. Well, Misato mused, noticing how Rei's hardened glare was staring at the reflection on her rear-view mirror. That's new, she's holding his hand in public now.

Misato glanced at the letter she had taken from the man. It was a normal, standardized white envelope, painted and scribbled with all sorts of crayons in bright pinks, oranges, reds, blues and purples. On the front was a depiction of a crudely-drawn unicorn, and a purple stick-man smiling broadly next to it, which she guessed represented Unit 01. On the other side, the sun, moon, and stars, and a butterfly were depicted with what she assumed to be the girl's craftiest drawing techniques. What warmed Misato's heart, however, were the few infantile, decorated letters scribbled down in deep blue.

For Shinji-san

My hero

---

The faint echoes of thunder drummed against his ears, numb as they were from his own screaming; it would rain again. People, he recalled; it was raining people, blood, innocent blood dribbled from the skies and onto the ultimate executioner. It felt like the press conference all over again.

The visage of a post-Third Impact Japan welcomed the boy as he walked aimlessly through the maze of memories, knowledge and horrid pain which was his subconscious. From a distance the faint echoes of his footsteps were lost under the nearing downpour. So magical and terrifying all at once, how the black skies gushed blood and not an hour later plants would start to grow, how even after a curtain of dripping rain he would not get wet. The blood would evade him, as though disgusted with his presence. It would drip off his clothes like water evaded a hydrophobic fabric. He walked past the torn-down railroads, over the rubble of homes, apartment buildings and offices, climbed through the broken-down line of a very familiar train carriage, and stepped through a door which barely hung off its hinges.

Shinji gazed emotionlessly at the figure sitting to his right; its face was covered in shadow, the hunched outline staring at its feet and doing nothing to acknowledge his presence. Human parts; severed arms, maimed legs, organs and innards were strewn across the devastated background. The gray of the fallen buildings was tainted red, whilst the skies roared in a permanent black storm.

"So," said Shinji with a saddened undertone. "What's on today's menu?"

The figure chuckled with fake mirth; crimson eyes shined from the darkness as it recoiled one arm. "You mean you need a side-dish, wimp? I thought your pathetic, imminent death, lying to everyone and putting up that goodie-boy attitude would be enough for you on a daily basis." Teeth white as alabaster with elongated fangs grinned in undisclosed sadism.

"Your ribs are killing you," the figure stated, scratching the side of its skull with a wet, disturbing sound. "You can barely dodge, let alone pivot. You have no control of space in the ring, and can barely gauge the distance. Every time you get hit around the scar, you feel just about ready to puke from the pain alone. Your skills are shit, and even if they weren't… the chance of you winning somehow are non-existent. And yet… there you go every day and plaster that stupid smile on your face; you lie to your friends, to our precious Asuka, to your sister, to yourself. But I've told you, you can't lie to me, Shinji."

The carriage suddenly shook with vehemence and began to move through the broken railway, the sound of twisted metal deafening Shinji as the visage of a broken world, one of many, accompanied both him and the Beast. Instead of the yellowish hue of his former memories, the light was engulfed in a sort of crimson flame. Thunder continued to clatter noisily beside the ocean, and the monster grinned gleefully.

"You're a shivering mess, you're scared," it told him, resolute and laughing. "You want to run away so badly it makes your legs shake even when you're asleep! It truly is amazing that you haven't bailed, or begged Asuka on your knees to come with you! HAH!"

All around him the sight of a destroyed, devastated Tokyo 02 welcomed him, making Shinji acknowledge the terror consuming him, the terror of losing everything he had so very recently learned to cherish. "I…" he began, feeling unsure of himself while facing the Beast for the first time in a while. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, licking his lips. "I can't run away… even if I want to with all my heart… there are things…"

Blue eyes lightly gazed at the streets, marred with entrails and rotting flesh, the building windows dripping blood, the sight of endless soldiers butchered under him, and the lone figure of a mangled, headless, armless Unit 02 before him. His left fist clenched. "There are things I need to protect."

"What, you mean her?" His doppelganger gestured to the behemoth standing before them, body torn and gutted. "She'll die fighting, just like before. You know this; you've seen it, in one life or the other. That's what she does. She fights, and she dies alone… Doesn't even have to be a fight, really; remember reality two hundred ninety-one? She died of cancer in that one, fought to the last breath, too. Or what about sixty-three? Off she goes through that bullet wound, shit, even shot through the stomach, with her innards dragging behind her, she stabs those thugs before she dies. Reality five hundred and fourteen; there's no Angels, you go to Germany on an exchange program. You meet her, you fall in love, she falls into depression. You kill her in a fit of rage after you two start fighting, and then you blow your brains out." The Beast yawned, showing large, bestial fangs and the depths of the Void within its mouth. Thunder roared above them, for a second obscuring the Beast's human façade and letting Shinji see the shadow of Unit 01 beneath.

"Reality two hundred and seventy… nine, right?" It continued, and turned its head in his direction once more. "Ah, that's a good one. You grow balls, huh? Revert time and all that, with the knowledge of everything that's about to happen. Ha! You don't last a full two months before your old man finds you and imprisons you. And what happens? Right! She dies, torn apart by the EVA Series, and you start Third Impact again! HA! Oh, Oh… and what about six hundred and two? That's a fun one!"

It truly was not. In that reality, or dream, or image from Instrumentality; Shinji had fought alongside her against the EVA Series, declaring his feelings on the night they had kissed, and holding her properly for once in his life. She had been stabbed in the eye and leg by two Lances, he had gone Berserker, and she had bled out inside the entry plug while he saved the world. Then, he had started Third Impact.

"Are you seeing the pattern here, you worm? She dies, Shinji. Every… single… time."

Something uglier than the Beast itself began to coil inside Shinji's chest. "Not this time," he muttered, faintly feeling the carriage stop its movement just in front of the eviscerated Evangelion. "She's not the same anymore. Neither am I. I won't let it happen."

Somehow, even knowing it was a dream, it felt different from his previous encounters with the monster. It appeared subdued, nonchalant; almost effortlessly forcing him to be honest with himself. In an instant the Beast's crimson eyes lost some of its malice; it sat down heavily on the bench once more, scratching something that, in the reddened hue, turned out to be a gushing wound on the side of its head. "And how do you propose we do that, Shinji?"

At a loss of how to react or respond, Shinji simply sat next to the personification of his self-hatred, and stared at the mangled remains of Asuka's Eva. "We can't save both the Second Child and Asuka, you know that," the Beast added.

"What world is this?" Shinji asked all of a sudden. Inside the Void, engulfed in the black flames of self-hatred and buried deep beneath his trauma, were the endless memories of the worlds he had visited. "Looks like… reality seven hundred and-"

"-Sixty three," the Beast finished for him. "It's a peculiar favorite of mine. You know, this is the one where you help Asuka against Arael. You burst out of your cage all heroic and help our dear damsel in distress. Oh, but she takes it bad, doesn't she?"

Through the cracked windows of the carriage, Shinji saw one of his many lives flash before his eyes; Asuka slapping him after he had rescued her, him trying to reach out to her only to have her run away. Rei, dying alone in the field as the only able pilot to fight Armisael, since he decided to follow Asuka. The defeat of Kaworu, who in this reality had chosen to simply shoot himself in the head in front of him; and of course, the grand finale.

Asuka, letting him into her heart seconds before the JSSDF shot a baseball-sized hole in his guts, rendering him unable to do a thing but slowly die in her arms. Then, the butchery. With his last, wheezing breaths Shinji remembered hearing her Eva be torn to shreds, have her entry plug removed and forcefully shoved in Unit One to use Asuka and not him as the trigger for Third Impact. One of his many, eternal failures.

The headless torso was a testament to his failure, the same as the stain on the moon. "Heh." The Beast chuckled, red eyes shining. "No matter what you do, it always ends like this."

Shinji's eyes narrowed. "This isn't the end."

He walked out of the carriage with relative ease, faintly aware of the Beast's footsteps behind him. He had watched Asuka die in countless, horrible ways. He had watched her be dismembered in over four hundred separated realities, had watched her be raped and murdered in over two hundred more.

Both sides of Shinji walked through the deserted landscape, over reddened ground caked with drying blood, through sand which was dripping with LCL, and along damaged pavement. Every time he looked back, a part of the Beast's body would start to bleed out, a shadow would grow behind the decaying form of his doppelganger, and heavy steps that shook the Earth would come closer, accompanied by the unforgettable stench of Unit 02's flesh decomposing all over the Geofront.

"That road doesn't have any answers, worm," Unit 01 boomed from behind him. "You wanted it, right? The power. He and your bitch of a mother gave it to you, and what do you do? You raise the dead. You undo things that shouldn't be undone, for selfish reasons. Oh, but you wanted that power, didn't you, Shinji?"

He did. He wanted the power. The power to make Asuka happy, the power to bring back a certain pony-tailed man who meant so much to both her and Misato; it was worth the sacrifice. It was worth never… ever… seeing Kaworu again. Or at least; he had convinced himself as much.

The monster trailed behind, minding its time to keep up with his slow pace, red eyes shining in the darkness. There were puddles all around, puddles of people who had been dissolved, and in their reflection Shinji saw his own failure again, and again, and again, in a thousand different forms.

"Even if you bend reality, you can never save her, not truly. You always fuck it up."

"Yeah," he agreed, and kept on walking, kept moving forward. "I always fuck it up, but I never bothered to look into this world. The real world. What would happen if I just accepted my failure, and did my best to amend it?"

Misato's chopped off head, brutally stuck on a stake, materialized in front of him.

Rancid breath washed over him. "Then you'd just kill them all, eventually. The real world, you say. The world where you lay there, immobile while Asuka suffered and raged and spiraled down in anger and insanity? The world where you let criminals run loose and kill innocent people? The world where Asuka was shot because of you? Don't make me laugh, you witless bastard." The apparition stomped its feet; the concrete and sand bubbled, fizzled and opened like gashed, from which the contorted, slaughtered remains of his friends and family were presented to him, crucified. Their corpses lit up the way to his destination. "You did all of this, and you'll do it again. That's who you are. You are your father's son, remember?"

"I am," Shinji agreed, nodding at the Beast. "But I'm also Ikari Shinji."

There were a few instances, in those worlds where no Angels or aliens invaded, in which she was taken away by a stray bullet, or a disease. There were worlds where he killed her, plain and simple, and worlds where she killed him. There were also empty existences, worlds where their souls would not meet for a lifetime, and to Shinji those tasteless, grayish memories of a reality where Asuka never came into his life were the worst ones. An empty life, mundane, devoid of any extreme feelings, be it grief or longing; emptiness and a void which was never filled, a crack never mended, was all those memories held for him.

Soon enough both Shinji and the gigantic, looming shadow of Unit 01 faced the red ocean. On its shore, a girl in a red plugsuit strangled a brown-haired boy dressed in a school uniform.

Everybody constantly asked the Third Child why he withstood Asuka's abuse, both mental, sexual and physical upon his person. How could he explain, though? How could he tell them that whenever she was close enough for him to smell her scent, the paranoia would stop? How could he explain that for around six months, he had been truly unsure of his own existence? How could he clarify that the air inside his lungs was made real by her presence, by her body warmth? How would any person understand that a hundred thousand different versions of Asuka had been thrown at his face, and that for days he had questioned himself whether she was a simple fabrication of his broken mind?

Every punch had chipped away the disbelief. Every kick had solidified his sense of self. Every time Asuka had insulted him, with clear, pungent hatred dripping off her voice, had realized he existed, she existed. She was alive. The past he remembered was his own.

The world his feet touched was the world he had broken, not one of endless fabrications produced by Lilith. The scars on his body, the pain of his ribs, they served as clear reminders that he was, indeed, Ikari Shinji. Nobody short of Asuka herself knew exactly how far gone he had been upon her return.

When he was within twelve feet of her, a wall similar to a liquefied At-Field jumped into existence, blocking Shinji from any direct interference with the memory. The oceans began to boil and exude a foul-smelling vapor. The Beast grumbled from behind; the broken city had been swallowed up by the tidal wave of darkness and blood that permanently followed Unit 01's shadow. "Always near, never there," the monster grumbled, laughing. "And so it always ends. What make you think this time will be any different?"

A burning sensation invaded his hand as Shinji tried to force his way into the scene. "This isn't the end," he repeated. This version of him was shirtless, with bloodied bandages all around his torso which were meant to hide the gaping hole the shotgun blast had left in his body.

Somehow, even as it burned hotter than the lava on his skin upon jumping inside a live volcano, Shinji managed to break through the barrier. He calmly walked over to the scene, his eyes softening at the sight of Asuka's hands shaking on his neck; Shinji found it strange, how he could so easily go through a wall which for so long had separated him from the memories he had blocked.

The Beast chuckled lowly, and the massive shadow of Unit 01 retreated back into the Void. All that remained was his memory.

One blink and he was laying on his back, feeling Asuka's fingers tighten around his throat. It shamed him to no end; the sensation of her arms shaking with grief, the fact that she was barely putting any pressure at all on his windpipe, whereas he had been hell-bent on crushing hers. And so his hand slowly caressed her cheek, and teary blue eyes widened in shock, only to have the full weight of her body drop on him as Asuka began to cry uncontrollably and clutch his body. They really were, both of them, cut from the same cloth.

"I know this is a dream," he whispered, forcing uncooperative arms to wrap around her. "And I know it's not the end. I won't let it end. We won't. This time, we'll protect you." He wished, truly wished to be able to feel the body above him, to truly bring some form of reassurance to this version of his Asuka who did not exist anywhere but in his mind. "We promise."

The Beast and its permanent stench disappeared along with her, washed away by a warm breeze. Instead of lying on the beach, he now stood immobile next to the logs he had buried in the sand as gravestones, and above him the crimson light gradually became golden. The true version of him stood there as well, clothes disheveled, hair dried up and clammy, bloodied, broken, and insane. It felt as an outer-body experience all of the sudden, like the instance in which Rei had visited his dreams before returning.

The only detail was he had no specific recollection of this day at all. Shinji was wearily used to the visions, memories and systematic torture methods of the Beast, but this recollection he had never seen. It was, by all means, the day he had found Asuka; even from a distance he could smell the rancid stench of his own breath after vomiting up rotten pineapples and discovering the remains of Unit 02's head. Everything before and after finding her had always been hidden in a fog he was unable to break through, the last vivid memory of that day being the shadow of the sun dissipating behind the petrified EVA-Series.

"Ah, a beautiful sunset, wouldn't you say, Shinji-kun?"

His eyes widened impossibly at the sound of that voice. It could not be, it could not. And yet, despite his increasing disbelief and sudden inability to move, when Shinji craned his neck to the right he clearly saw Kaworu walk over to him, engulfed in a strange whitish hue, and place a hand on his dirty body.

The cracked, ragged version of him slowly turned his head, unblinking eyes reflecting no sign of emotion at all. "K-Kawo…ru…kun," he mumbled , more to himself than to the apparition. Kaworu was dead, after all, never to return, never to speak to him again, so Shinji took the scene unfolding before him as nothing more than another of the Beast's machinations, albeit a strange one.

"My dearest friend," he heard the Angel whisper, crimson eyes filled with both endless love, and burdening pain. "It breaks my heart to see you so. Alas, I know that your heart is also broken. It is missing many pieces." The waves crashed calmly against the shore, washing away the dirt on his tattered shoes. It seemed to go straight through Kaworu, however.

"And yet one of these fragments screams out louder than the others, yes?" Feeling increasingly alarmed and trapped inside his own mind, Shinji started to slowly panic. The panic became real when it dawned on his numb mind that he was standing next to the Seventeenth Angel, and he was dirty, weak, and pathetic. The hand on his shoulder was warm, which only worked to worsen Shinji's fear. Kaworu's other hand pressed against his chest, forcing Shinji's broken state of mind to hurtle into him and suddenly, he was reliving a memory that had been blocked more than nine months before.

"Kawo…ru…" he managed; the shattered pieces of his mind tried impossibly hard to piece together who this person beside him was, and why he was so important. "It… hurts…"

"Yes," said Kaworu, and stared off into the distance. "I feel it." His hand clutched Shinji's chest tighter. "There is someone you wish to see again, my friend."

"Will it… hurt… more?" Shinji asked, implying that he knew what was supposed to happen, what would happen, what he wanted. He wanted…

"I am afraid so," Kaworu conceded, and patted him on the shoulder in a reassuring gesture while his other hand left Shinji's chest. "It will hurt so much that many a time you will wish to finish it all. The pain will be physical, mental, spiritual. Your mind will break, so will your body, so will your soul." It would destroy him completely, and yet he wanted…

All of Shinji's knowledge and memories after finding Asuka had somehow dissipated. He was in this dream, for all intents and purposes, the frail excuse of a human his mother had spit out of the ocean. Still, he heard himself say "I want… to see them…see her… again…"

The grief Kaworu exuded upon his pathetic proclamation was so pungent, so strong that Shinji felt tears leak from his eyes just as the Angel started to cry beside him. "Even knowing of the pain that awaits you, you truly are too kind, Shinji-kun."

Pain? Kind? Him? Had he the ability, he would have laughed and laughed like the Beast tended to do. What was pain, anyhow? What was a punch in comparison to his empty existence? What were insults compared to the sensation of no longer being utterly, completely, irrevocably alone? What did it matter if his soul shattered, if it meant she could live again?

"I… want to see them," he repeated, eyes glued to the crimson ocean. He did not intend to make amends. He did not intend to interfere in her life. He just wanted her to be… alive. If she was alive, it was enough.

"Then I'm afraid the choice has already been made," Kaworu said, smiling through the tears. For once in nine months, Shinji was able to see the face of his closest friend clearly. The memory had returned; it felt like breathing the clean mountain air of the lookout Misato had taken him to. "A will such as hers," the Angel commented, smiling wistfully. "A soul so strong… is impossible to keep caged." Shinji felt Kaworu's arms engulf him in what felt like the first hug he'd ever received. "I will miss you, so much, my dear friend. Please, reach the happiness that awaits in this life."

Shinji unconsciously returned the hug with fierceness, and regained his sense of self in an instant. "Kaworu-kun," he mumbled now, unbroken. "Will I… ever see you again?"

Kaworu chuckled; so close was he that Shinji felt the faint tickle of breath against his ear. "I certainly hope so. Perhaps, at some other time, in some other dream. I'd love to hear all about your journeys up to this point."

He did not want to let go, did not wish to leave the boy who meant so much to him, the boy who had loved him, purely and simply. Him, Shinji. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Never feel regret for wanting to reach happiness, Shinji-kun," Kaworu replied, and held him at arm's length while his eyes motioned towards the ocean, where suddenly a orange-golden hue began to shine from the surface. "And if it matters so much to you, then I will say it. I forgive you."

He'd have broken down in tears then and there, had it not been for the way Kaworu gave him a friendly tap on the left shoulder. "I'll miss you," he managed awkwardly while he stole glances at the blazing, intermittent glow drawing him towards the ocean.

"And I you, but this is not the end." With a bittersweet smile, Kaworu began to walk towards the ocean, floating directly over the glow that Shinji couldn't tear his eyes away from. Kaworu stopped and turned to regard Shinji for a second. "I would hate for her to see you like this," he said, and winked at him. In a flash, the tatters which had badly covered Shinji's bruised figure were gone, along with the many wounds he had acquired while scavenging for food. The school uniform felt as fresh as the day he'd put it on. The day of Third Impact. "A parting gift, Shinji-kun. Take care of each other, no matter how much it hurts."

"Hai."

And so he swam over to the glow, to the heat which both stung him like thousands of burning needles and engulfed him in a sensation of completion unlike any other. Bones would heal, skin would stitch back together, his soul could break a hundred times. She'd mend it somehow, and he'd mend her however he was able in turn, if she ever allowed him to.

It was no surprise the Beast was silent. They had decided not to let it end, after all. Impossible as it was, this time, he would protect her. He would protect everyone. Shinji stood, crouching on top of the Second Child, and began strangling her in the never-ending cycle of his grief and guilt. Even as his fingers pressed down to crush her neck, however, Ikari Shinji realized he'd wake up, and he'd have a chance to tell her-

"-ey, hey, Baka. Come on, wake up, you're starting to freak me out here. Come on," A faint pinch on his right elbow forced Shinji's eyes open. Instead of shaking him aggressively enough to cut through whichever nightmare was ailing him, lately Asuka had chosen a more cautious method to rousing him whenever she thought he was having a bad dream... or chose to wake him up just because she wanted a glass of water and felt too lazy to get it herself. She'd shake him gently, pinch him, and then try to act nonchalant when questioning what he'd been dreaming about.

January the 22nd, 2017. NERV Medical Ward. 6.12am

"Uhm," said Shinji, rubbing his eyes tiredly. His barely functional brain registered it was 6.13am, a considerably late hour since he was usually up at dawn. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

Laying beside him, Shinji distinctly noticed Asuka's cheeks redden and her obvious attempt to conceal whatever slight concern she might have been showing before. "Well, duh. Baka," she muttered, reaching under his shirt to pinch the boy near his navel and force a jolt out of him. "You were saying something like 'Karu' over and over again, what was that all about? You've never done that before."

After their most recent progress in their now-official relationship, Asuka had clearly made efforts to be kind, even as far as being tender, on a very limited number of occasions. The fact alone that she made an attempt when it went against her nature, however, made Shinji feel unreasonably pleased and grateful. He, on the other hand, had to keep himself in check to not melt at Asuka's feet every few seconds, was constantly attacked by self-doubt regarding how much of her body he could see and how often he was allowed touch her, and constantly fought both the urge to be glued to the girl's side and to respect her personal space.

A second pinch near the lines on his chest made Shinji blink. "Um…" he started, mulling over how to articulate his latest lucid dream. "I think I was remembering something." The ceiling above him offered, for once in a lifetime, some sort of enlightenment. "Kaworu-kun, I was having a dream about him, or… maybe a memory."

Asuka's eyes widened from her position on Shinji's chest. As far as she could recall, Shinji had rarely spoken about Kaworu. "Oh," she replied. "You mean the scrawny brat that tried to steal 2.0? The one you had to squish like a grape?" She felt him flinch at her words, making her regret the way her mind worked. Most times it was practically impossible for her not to speak rudely; she had conditioned herself to do so for years, after all.

There was no need for an apology or anything of the sort; Shinji had long since grown accustomed to reading between the lines of what she said. By belittling his friend and making little of the situation, Asuka implied she was not judging him, condemning his horrible action, or rejecting whatever he said next. Her attempt to trivialize the event was also a hidden effort to comfort him, and by wording the question the way she had, Asuka had let Shinji know she did not hold him accountable for what he had been clearly forced to do.

As he readjusted the hold on her waist and drew her closer, Shinji sighed. "Yeah," he said quietly. "He was the first person ever to tell me he… uh… loved me." Instead of offering some rude rebuke questioning his sexuality, Asuka chose to listen and observe Shinji's solemn face. She felt nothing but empathy in that regard, they had scarcely heard those words from anyone but Misato; it pained her more to realize she'd probably never muster up the courage to say those words to him.

"He had just met me…" he said in a hushed whisper. "Everything was going to hell. Misato was hell-bent on revenge, Rei was… not herself, you were in a coma." Asuka felt the boy's fingers clutch her with renewed strength. "And then, suddenly he arrived, and he talked to me, ate with me… even played music with me. For the first time in so long, I wasn't alone. And then… I had… I had to…"

"You had to do what he asked you to do," Asuka finished for him. Shinji's body tensed under her.

"Yeah, for all the good that did," he responded with bitterness. "I ended up blowing everything to shit anyway… He gave me a friend at a time when I needed it the most… he put his faith in me…" Shinji did not elaborate on his dream, on how Kaworu, at a large personal cost, had interfered to grant Asuka the possibility to live in a world outside Instrumentality, how he had done it all for him without a moment's hesitation. "I was just remembering him, is all."

"Well," Asuka mumbled, stifling a yawn with Shinji's shirt. "It certainly is an improvement to a nightmare, you know." After a moment's silence, she added. "I'm glad you met him." She had never been one for words, but she knew how much they mattered to Shinji. For her, actions were always more important, and the boy's actions spoke volumes loud enough for even her stupid, prideful, trauma-blocked mind to hear.

The chain around her neck was the embodiment of the words the Kaworu boy had given Shinji, of that much she was certain. Whether she deserved such pure, gentle affection was another matter altogether, one which tormented every aching second of her existence.

"Yeah, me too," Shinji agreed, smiling slightly. "How'd you sleep?"

Yawning loudly again, Asuka stretched like a cat on their bed and curled back against him in a fluid motion. She was still somewhat adamant against public displays of affection, but when alone with him in their room she allowed herself to explore the extent of her ability to be natural, a concept completely alien and not altogether unpleasant. "I swear, you're like the world's greatest pillow," she admitted, and gave Shinji a brief, yet fierce embrace. "Slept like a baby again. No nightmares, no nothing, I actually…" The blush was quick enough to reappear on Asuka's cheeks as she recalled the faint image of their small social group, laughing and eating and drinking on a place that vaguely resembled the garden outside the Geofront. "I was thinking it'd be nice to go out, like, all of us. Just go out and have fun."

We might never, ever get to do that. We could be dead tomorrow. Death is coming our way, and we can't stop it. We're most likely gonna die very soon. I… I don't want to die. Not yet. I don't.

"Yeah," Shinji said instead, ignoring the thoughts that coursed through both their minds. "We'll do that."

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Asuka found herself unable to stifle the confusing feelings sprouting from her chest. Even after so much, she could not force herself to say the words. Kaworu, whoever he had been, had made it appear so easy, to simply go and declare his love for someone without the slightest fear or rejection. Immortality apparently had its quirks, such as not worrying about eternal loneliness.

"Shinji," Asuka mumbled; her forefinger drew invisible circles on the boy's bare skin. "The other day… in the shower," she began; her closeness to the boy's body allowed her to feel it heat up instantly. "You know that… I wanted to do that, right?" I want you, I like you, I'm illogically attracted to the way you smirk like a ten year old brat, I fell in love with you, and I don't deserve you. Her ego thrashed about, denying it all, whilst her pride made her feel cowardly for not voicing everything out at once. "I didn't want to f-force anything." The more she spoke, the quieter her voice became. "So if… if I… made you feel… uncomfortable or… anything, that wasn't my intention at all, and… and you can tell me if I did. I won't get… too angry."

She felt his lips come in contact with her forehead, an infinitely intimate gesture, which brought a deeper shade of vermilion to her face. "I know that, Asuka," he spoke next to her ear, which drove yet another shudder up and down her body. "It was, umm…" Shinji's skin was scalding hot; from her position Asuka would have noticed, had her own skin not been at the same temperature. "It was incredible, and I wanted to do… that… with you, and… a l-lot more… things…"

Seeing Asuka react shyly in any way was a rarity comparable with finding a unicorn, yet it appeared the universe had bestowed Shinji with such a rare opportunity. One of Asuka's clear blue eyes gazed at him from the mane of red locks sprawled on his chest. "R-Really?" she asked with a shaken undertone. The sheer cuteness of it, of her blushed, creamy skin and the way she was almost pouting left his throat dry.

Really good chance to fuck things up here, the Beast voiced out his opinion as time slowed. Shut… up! I'm doing another thing! He gulped, and delicately brushed away the strands from her face. Focus, Shinji, it said, sending a jolt of energy to his arm just as his fingertips made contact with Asuka's face. "R-Really." Shit! His voice had come out shaky and weak, and he hated it, certain Asuka would as well. Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, god damn it, stupid Beast you good for nothing piece of tr-

"A-And…" The small whisper near his cheek successfully crashed Shinji's entire train of thought, and took away his motor functions. The way she was still looking at him, still cuter than anything he'd ever encountered in three billion universes, kept him strangely grounded and focused, however. "And… do you… I mean, do you think we can… someday… d-do… t-those things?"

It felt uncanny, how in such an intimate moment between him and Asuka, the Beast managed to manifest itself, and directly intervene in his admiring of her face. She's guilty about what she did, you stupid fucking wimp, it stated flatly, and Shinji had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his eyes from widening too much. She's feeling super fucking guilty about all those times, and doesn't really buy that you just shrugged it off, because she knows you didn't. She notices the twitching, the way your body just stiffens sometimes, and you're chipping away at her with that, you imbecile.

Realization crashed into his brain like a punch thrown by one of his sparring partners. "I'm such a fucking idiot…" he whispered, to Asuka's shock. Shinji felt saddened that her beautiful expression was slightly colored by surprise.

"What do you mean?"

God, she sounded so feminine, so… Asuka. A side of her he'd never seen before, a part of her she kept hidden away, enclosed in fear and guilt.

"Of course," Shinji answered at last, cupping her cheek. "I know that what happened before… can't be taken away, or forgotten," he began; Asuka's eyes widened even more. Bingo, brat. "And maybe we won't ever forget it… but that's the past, Asuka-chan. I care about us, right now. This-" he motioned to the both of them together, on the bed, "-I've… never in my life had this, I didn't think I'd deserve it, so… maybe… if you feel that way about what… what we did… umm… before, maybe you can think that I kinda feel that way, too, lots of times. G-Guilty and… umm… unsure."

He could drown in her eyes, and most certainly would, if given the chance. There were no words, no actions, no physical form to convey his gratitude towards Kaworu's sacrifice.

"Y-You, too, huh…" Asuka whispered, and tentatively closed the distance between them; he met her halfway.

Their kiss was soft, and tender.

Once they separated and Asuka snuggled a bit closer, Shinji dared to ask a question that had been on his mind since Christmas. "Umm, Asuka…" When her cerulean eyes sleepily gazed into his, Shinji felt his self-control slipping again. "The other night, on C-Christmas, you asked me to… umm… bite you…"

Asuka's whole face colored bright crimson. "A-Ah…" she managed, eyes darting away from Shinji's and comfortably setting on the cello case. "Y-Yeah, about that…"

"Did you mean it?" There was no tremor in his tone, only the scalding murmur close to her face that forced Asuka's heart into overdrive. The hold on her waist was getting tighter by the second, and Shinji's gaze kept darkening.

He wants to know, she thought, engrossed in the depth of his gaze and the tickling sensation of his breath. If I'm willing to carry his mark. "I did," she answered with as much seriousness as she could muster. "I kept thinking that I didn't care if we needed to stitch it up… I… w-when…" Despite her flushed face, Shinji felt remorse and shame oozing from her.

Asuka sighed sadly. "When I look at you… there's hardly a place on your body I haven't… damaged in some way… hardy any part of you is free of scars, or scratches- wait," she urged in a harsh whisper upon noticing Shinji was about to interrupt her. "I didn't want you to bite me and leave a mark because of some stupid sense of justice or whatever… I just…" The thick cotton of Shinji's shirt offered a perfect place to hide her eyes from his.

"I wanted to have something on me… not a chain or… some jewelry, something that doesn't come off… something permanent… that you gave me… f-forever…"

A thick silence fell upon the young pair. Asuka's eyes were wide and cautious, her head essentially tucked into the left side of Shinji's chest, as if unwilling to face him. Shinji, for his part, gazed wide-eyed at the golden-red mane that had so easily caught his attention on that ship, so long ago. And now, the fiery girl he had met there had just asked him to… mark her as his.

If you won't do it, you little wimp, he could feel the Beast licking its fangs with anticipation and hunger. I'll be happy to do it for you. Such a request and the situation itself had been something unthinkable for him months before, years before it had never even crossed his mind. Nevertheless, with Asuka acting so positively cute and feminine and genuine, he could not possibly refuse her.

His silence was badly misinterpreted by Asuka, however. Great, fucking great. There, you stupid little tiny voice in my head. There you go, I did it, and it fucking backfired on me. Great. Just awesome, and probably days before we die too… Now things are gonna be super awkward for days on end and he's gonna think I'm just playing with hi-

"If that's the case..." The caress of Shinji's whisper above her shocked Asuka so much she actually twitched. She heard him lick his lips, which led to her heart drumming madly enough for her to hear it. "The only thing I'd… object to…doing that… would be hurting you. I don't want to hurt you, or make you bleed."

"I don't care if it bleeds," Asuka answered without thinking. She was not certain if the red on her face had a comparable hue to anything anymore. "I don't. It'd… be worth it."

"Okay," Shinji answered; his hand made its way to her face and lifted it so they were eye to eye. An expression of uncertainty, slight vulnerability and shock illuminated Asuka's foreign features. "I'd do it. Only…" This time it was he who broke eye contact, feeling his cheeks blossom. "Only you'd have to tell me… uhmm… to… you know… stop because I… ahem… won't be able to hold myself back."

That's twice he's said that, Asukarealized with additional shock; the fact that Shinji was willing to go along with her request was surprising enough, but to hear him say he'd be unable to control himself left the pit of her stomach in a scrambled, scorching mess. Do I really have such a strong effect on him? Then how come… all those times…

Her mouth was moving before she had a chance to stop. "Then… why did you… hold yourself back all those other times…?" Good going, you stupid, stupid, dumb bitch, way to go. You just ruined another perfect moment with your big, fat fuc-

"I won't hurt you," Shinji answered solemnly, staring right at her. "I wouldn't dare… trying… on those nights… because I wasn't… myself back then. I don't think you were fully… there either, Asuka-chan."

I like it when you call me that, her mind whispered, eyes lost in his once more. Asuka-chan… it sounds nice when you say it. "Then maybe you're not such an idiot, after all…" she mumbled against his chest. Thanks for not letting me ruin the moment, Baka… "That doesn't justify what I did… but… thanks, Baka." She placed a kiss on his collarbone. "So… you really think you'll…"

"Yeah," Shinji finished for her, kissing her temple. "I will. I just hope… you know, that you don't regret in the future…"

He was implying they would survive, of course. He was implying that they were young, and inexperienced, and painstakingly alienated to the concept of human companionship or bonds. Things could go sour, they could end up separated, and she'd end up with another unwanted scar on her body. Asuka decided something then and there: she decided to abandon the guilt, the crushing shame, the regret, the pain, and leave it in a box right next to their bed, to be opened up once the threat which loomed over them was dealt with.

"There will be no more regretting of anything at all for the next few days," she lied, resolute. At least for you, Baka-Shinji. "I'll hold you to that, and I expect that mark to be permanent, you hear?"

"Hai hai, Asuka-chan," said Shinji. Managing to catch her off guard for a change, he pecked her lips and stole the first kiss of his young life. "Hey, so, wanna have a picnic with the guys? I just got a load of fruit from this tropical country, and you said you had a dream about us… you know…uhmm… going out, and maybe… you'd let me help… with that…?"

She giggled, or produced the closest sound Sohryu Asuka Langley would ever come to a giggle, and pinched the skin under her fingertips. She liked doing that, the little pinches, calling him jerk, or jerk-face, or dummy. New things, comfortable, healthy things he accepted and reacted to. "Hmmm? You wanna make my dream come true now, slick?" she asked, and tapped his sternum while giving him the smile he liked so much.

It turned out to be a complete success on her part, for the boy blushed deep crimson and looked anywhere but at her as he stammered quick and violently. "W-W-Well, I just thought it'd be kind of n-nice since it's not snowing so much anymore and I just got these nice lemons so I'd make s-some l-lemonade and sandwiches and we can all go h-hang out with K-Kitsune out in the f-fields, you know?" he stammered, out of breath and clearly nervous.

"You just had to name the dumb mutt, didn't you, Shinji?" Sighing with vastly veiled contentment, Asuka snuggled a bit closer to him; her hand actually came in contact with the scarred lacerations on his rib cage, but she paid no mind and drank in the scent of spices, moist earth and breakfast.

"Come on, even you said he's kinda cute." Shinji pouted, defending his canine companions. "Don't you think his big ears make him look like a fox?"

"I'd say he's more of a fox because of the way he kills pests on those damn crops, Baka," Asuka retorted amiably. "But okay, I'll play. Let's go out with those dumb friends of yours, your little sister dearest and Hikari-chan. We can't get out of this stupid crater, anyway, so what the hell." She patted the knotted mass of healed skin under her palm. "Surprise me."

"Challenge accepted," Shinji said with enthusiasm, and promptly reddened harder than before. "S-S-So…" he stuttered, gulping. "S-So it's a d-d-date?"

She concealed the serene, mellow expression and minute smile under both her hair and his shirt; a date. A date-date. True, it would be with their friends and Shinji's sister in tow, but still a date. Unthinkable, improbable, impossible, that Sohryu Asuka Langley accepted something like that from him. Regardless of the absurdity of it all, however, the stupid tiny voice in Asuka's mind once again decided to act on its own and take control without her authorization.

"It's a date!" she agreed, and began stretching against him; she reveled in this. The sheer closeness, the contact of skin on skin, the sincere care she felt from Shinji only convinced her further of accepting his silly offer. "Now go on, Baka. Time to stretch those muscles! And while we're at it, you can go and make us some breakfast!"

Shinji smiled; after about fifteen minutes of changing positions and holding each other in every conceivable way, they began the daily stretching routine Ishikawa had drilled into them. While it was true that his sore limbs regretted the nasty interruption to their slumber, he could not help but agree with the Seventeenth Angel, his friend. Kaworu's words resonated in his brain.

This was not the end.

---

January the 23rd. Geofront gardens. 2.47pm.

They made a picnic. Shinji cooked, Asuka volunteered to help and Hikari lent a helping hand. Even Rei offered to find some of the ingredients Shinji needed, and actually tolerated Asuka's presence in the kitchen while Shinji taught her the essentials of his cuisine.

"God damn it, you stupid monkey!" The scream made the few crewmen working on the crops shudder. "That's Shinji's favorite mutt! Where do you get off trying to kick him like that?!"

"What?! Kick him? I was trying to shoo the damn dog nicely, Sohryu!"

"With your foot?!" Another shudder. Boy, did the girl have a set of lungs. "He's not a carpet, Stooge!"

"W-Well, Asuka, he's not really my dog, you know…"

"Oh, yeah?" The group stopped about ten meters away from them, accompanied by the entourage of stray dogs which had chosen a home in the pyramid's vicinity. "Tell him to sit, Baka."

"Huh? Why would I-"

"Ugh, just please tell the stupid dog to sit so your monkey friends stops trying to threaten it."

"Hey!" the tallest one interjected, with the cast bouncing off his figure. "That was the one who tried to bite my girlfriend!"

"Uhm… Touji-kun, you know he didn't really bite m-"

"Baka, tell your dog to sit."

"Asuka, he's really not my-"

"Nii-san, I was under the impression that you had named this animal," Rei said in monotone, and gestured at the heavily muscled brown mix-breed. "Does naming it not imply a sort of leadership structure and bond in the canine world?"

"Ahh, uhmm…"

"Hey, you stupid mutt! Stop sniffing her!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Touji! Do you have a thing against dogs?! Do you not see how tiny it is?!"

"So what!?" Touji retorted, and shooed a tiny, black and white dog from the basket Hikari was holding. "It can carry rabies, or some other disease!"

"Mein Gott… Baka, illustrate. I'm hungry and I'm tired of carrying all this crap with one damn hand, and your idiot friends are giving me a headache."

"Ahh… sure." They heard Shinji sigh in defeat. "Kitsune, come." The brown dog, the largest in the pack, approached Shinji, tongue lolling and tail whipping in excitement. "Uhm, Kitsune… sit." The dog sat, staring at the boy with an expectant aura. "Kitsune, up!" The dog jumped up at balanced itself on its hind-legs, to the shock of both the crewmen and the teenagers. "Good boy," said Shinji. He took a small treat from his pocket and gave it to the dog, which barked with enthusiasm and resumed its squirrel-hunting activities.

"There. He's the Alpha, your precious girlfriend's not gonna get bitten Suzuhara! Now can we please sit the hell down and eat?! I'm starving!"

"Not to agree with the Re- ahem, with Sohryu, but I could go for some food." Kensuke shrugged off the heavy bag entrusted to him and began recording the Geofront's gardens. "Damn, you guys really put a lot of effort into this place, huh?"

"Well, duh, doofus." Asuka fell heavily on the ground and immediately unpacked a ripe apple. "This was pretty much the only place where we could try some agriculture after the big blast. As a matter of fact, when the idiot and I managed to come down here with Misato, there was a whole field covered with watermelons! Misato cried when she saw them, I tell ya! They tasted great!"

The crewmen continued their task, minding to keep their shock and surprise to a minimum. The dog Shinji had named 'fox' for whatever reason was a particularly nasty mutt. It would bark at people and try to bite them if they came too close, clearly distrustful of humans. Its muzzle and upper body were covered in healed bite marks, its large, pointy ears sported some holes and healed lacerations, and it had clear signs of mistreatment on its hind legs and back. Judging by the size of the dog's jaw, it had clearly been used to fight. The only reason nobody in the Geofront had tried to poison or shoot the damned mutt was because it was undeniably proficient at hunting mice, rabbits, and other rodents that threatened to eat their crops. And, of course, not a single person in their right mind would go and hurt one of Shinji's dogs.

To their surprise, the male pilot made his way to the group and was offering what looked like a very cold, very fresh, and quite delicious-looking full three liter bottle of lemonade. "Um," he started, blushing and bowing lightly at the five men who were dirty up to their elbows. "Good afternoon!" He offered them a shy, hesitant smile, to which most of the men answered with a content grunt or nod. "I… I saw you've been plowing this field since the morning, so… um… I thought a little lemonade…would go nicely, since it's… kinda cold lately and you're all working hard."

"Heh." The largest of them, a Croatian who had washed up on Japan's shores smiled, cleaning dirty hands on an even dirtier shirt. "Thank you, Shinji," he intoned with a deep, pronounced accent. "We drink this in your honor, yes?" With a brutish, yet friendly tap on the shoulder the man retrieved the ice-cold bottle. "Yes, yes," the man said, taking a long drink and completely ignoring the set of plastic cups the Third Child had offered. "Ahhhhh, Lijepooooo (nice)! You, Kimura, you drink now."

"Jeez, Andelo, it's not your precious grape brandy, you know," another said, and stole the bottle to take four large gulps himself. "By the Gods…!" he exclaimed, pressing the cold container to his overheated face. "That hit all the right spots. Where did you get these lemons, Shinji? This look kinda…orange. And this lemonade is sweeter than any I've ever-" The bottle was snatched away by the next thirsty worker. "Hey!"

While the men drank and laughed, wiping off the sweat off their browns, Shinji fidgeted and scratched his head in embarrassment. "Um… I actually hadn't tried those lemons ever before, Kimura-san," he clarified, already hearing his friends loudly call out to him. "They were a present I received from a country in Central America… I think it's called Costa… Rota?"

"Costa Rica," the fifth man corrected, finishing off the refreshing beverage. "Agh, Buda Almighty! Yeah, nice little country. I think they call these orange-lemons or limmetes or some crap like that."

"Oh, I see," Shinji answered, blinking. "Well, I hope it helped a bit with the wor-"

"Baaaaakaaaaa!" Asuka's voice rang out from behind Shinji, making the five crewmen cringe slightly at the tone of her voice. "Come on, I'm hungry! And these idiots have no clue where you put what food! Hurry up back here before they start making a mess! Hi, Andelo! Hey, Kimura, Tanashi, Kouta, can you mail us back the Baka?"

"Aye, aye!" they yelled with enthusiasm, and began shooing Shinji away with flamboyant drama. The five men grinned at the boy's apologetic expression. "Go, boy," Andelo signaled, laughing out loud. "Or fire girl get mad, and when fire girl get mad…"

"We run!" the group finished for him, and descended into hard laughter as they continued their hard labor with renewed steam.

"You done with the day's good deed, Baka-Shinji?" Asuka received him with a smirk, as was to be expected. The mat they'd brought to sit on was already set out on the grass, and while Hikari busied herself with not letting Touji open up the trays and devour their contents, Rei demurely sat next to Kensuke and ignored the furtive glances the boy threw her way when he thought she wasn't looking.

"Come on", Asuka complained once more. "Sit down already, here's your lemonade, Baka. I want it all gone, you hear?"

Thankful he did not have to be careful about it anymore, in contrast to his three friends, Shinji unceremoniously let himself fall to the ground, muscles aching with exhaustion from his latest training session. Ishikawa had drilled a liver shot into his very being with every conceivable training technique possible, and approved of his form after about six days of practicing almost nothing but thta liver shot. He eagerly took the cold plastic cup from Asuka's hold and drank.

Rei sat to his right, Asuka to his left. Touji had chosen to sprawl out in front of him, making sure everyone in the vicinity noticed how uncomfortable he was with the cast, while Hikari sat very close to him and occasionally took the jock's hand and forced a blush out of him. Kensuke, to Shinji's surprise, had opted for sitting next to Rei, and not with the usual distance he usually put between himself and a girl. Shinji was unsure of whether or not he felt comfortable with Ken sitting so close to his sister, but realized he was too hungry and thirsty to care at the moment.

"Nii-san, these lemons are truly remarkable," Rei said while she sipped from her own cup. "Not quite so sour."

Hikari, who had been preoccupied with settling the eatable goods on their mat, sighed with contentment once it was all ready, and kissed Touji on the cheek. "All done, Touji-kun, now dig in!"

"Yeah," Shinji nodded to the blue-haired girl. "Kimura-san's friend says they call them orange lemons in Costa R… Costa Roca?"

"Costa Rica, Shinji," Asuka corrected as she filled her plate with a sandwich, some assorted pieces of marinated raw fish Shinji had prepared, and a piece of smoked tuna filet. "I'm gonna have to take you there, sometime," she mused out loud. "I hear it's a good country for vacations."

"Yeah, it'd be cool to visit some exotic, far off jungle place like that," added Kensuke in between large mouthfuls of one of Shinji's sandwiches. How he had managed to make a sandwich taste good eluded the EVA otaku. "I bet I could take some pretty awesome shots of birds, and tropical animals."

"If you don't get your camera stolen by a monkey, Stooge," Asuka remarked with mirth. "I mean, a smaller monkey, not quite Suzuhara's equivalent in size, but far superior in intelligence."

"All right, that's it!" Touji yelled, scaring off most of the stray dogs around and managing to get the biggest one, Kitsune, to start growling at him. "Every time, every time with this monkey shit! I am not a monkey, Sohryu, you insufferable witch!"

"Careful there, stud," Asuka coolly replied, unimpressed, drawing Touji's attention to how Shinji was glaring at him. "You don't want the Baka to tell his puppy to maul you, right?"

"Oh, so you get to call me monkey and compare me with some freaking micro-chimps from Gods-know whatever stupid tropical hell-hole, and I can't retaliate at all?!" Hikari gave Shinji an embarrassed smile, hoping against hope he wouldn't choose that moment to practice his liver shot again.

"No, no, you can," Asuka said, tapping her temple for emphasis. "You just have to make your insults a little bit more… refined, Suzuhara. Look at it this way, I haven't called you anything but monkey and still managed to insult your intelligence and ego without trying, and all you managed to do with your retort was piss of Shinji's dog."

Desperate for any form of reinforcement or back-up, Touji heatedly looked over at his girlfriend who flat out shook her head and kept eating her piece of fish. Rei's expression was that of someone deeply engrossed in her meal; she was devouring some mushroom gyoza Shinji had been experimenting with, and was not at all interested in his predicament. Kensuke, his trusted friend, his buddy, his bro, shrugged his shoulders and kept wolfing down the sandwiches without a second thought. He was abandoned.

At the sudden silence, Asuka smiled in triumph. "My point exactly, Stooge. I bet that little monkey from Costa Rica would've come up with something by now."

"Oh, that is it!" Screaming in ire, the jock plunged his hand deep in one particular duffle bag, and extracted a large box of Belgian chocolate he knew was hidden there; if Sohryu was playing dirty, after all, he had a right to play as well. Her eyes widened, and narrowed to slits in seconds, signaling a momentary victory.

"Put. My hand-made, Bruyere dumplings down before something real bad happens to you, Touji." Asuka threateningly said, and poked Shinji's arm. He had already started eating his own sandwich and had been chatting nonsense with his sister, happy to not be a part of their discussion for once.

"Oh, what's wrong Sohryu?" Touji answered, holding the box high in the air. "Monkey stole your candy? I guess that monkey outsmarted you after all, didn't it? You should really be more careful about where you put your precious chocolates when you're in the jungle, Asuka."

And the bomb was dropped.

Asuka absolutely did not want to laugh; those chocolate dumplings were a precious thing given to her by the idiotic German Ambassador who had dared to insult Shinji. She wanted to steal the desired sweets and kick Suzuhara in his bad arm for good measure, then perhaps break his other arm so he'd have two casts instead of just the one. Shinji snorted next to her, almost choking on his own tuna, and tried hard to stifle the sudden urge to explode in laughter for her sake. Hikari's reaction was not so friendly; the girl started giggling uncontrollably behind her hands while throwing an apologetic glance at her. Even Rei, the damn doll, was giggling with without concealing her humor at all.

What really made Asuka lose the tough exterior and chortle as well, however, was Kensuke rolling on the ground, getting up and throwing himself on the grass again. "Oh, Gods! Gods! It happened, it actually happened! Touji sassed Asuka! Oh, Oh, my! Oh, yes, yes, Yes! Hahahahahahaha! I've lived for this moment!" he exclaimed to the skies, hands extended to the firmament. "Thank you, thank you, thank you Gods, thank you Shin-man, thank you! Oohhhh my, buahahahahahaha, oh, oh, wait, I need to breathe, I need to br-he..hahahahahhaha! T-Touji, Touji, come here you stupid, massive jerk, you, he he,, oooohhh, oh my Gods, oh, hahahahahahaha!"

Kensuke even went as far as hugging Touji while he howled in laughter. The jock, for his part, emanated such a smug, self-satisfied aura that it competed with the prick at the press conference. A vein pulsed in Asuka's forehead, but upon noticing Shinji was basically choking on his air to not so much as smirk, her expression softened somewhat and gave his left hand a squeeze. "Okay, okay," she conceded, astounding the small group. "You get this one, Suzuhara. You are now allowed to take one dumpling for having sassed me correctly. You can laugh now, too, Shinji."

And he did; it was a sound Asuka didn't know she'd ever grow fond of, and yet found herself doing exactly that. If Shinji rarely smiled, then to hear honest laughter coming out of him without needing to tickle him was close to a lunar eclipse. In order to enjoy the simple gift of such a sound, she silenced her pride and attempted not to kill one of Shinji's friends as they all shared a small joke at her expense.

It had not gone unnoticed, however, how Shinji had opted to collapse from oxygen deprivation so as not to laugh at her; he was not terrified, expecting her to drag him away to their apartment and kick him a few times for daring to smile. No, he did not want to ridicule or disrespect her, should the joke truly have been offensive, and would not laugh at her expense, even if it cost his consciousness. I don't think I'll ever deserve you, she thought, and reveled in the sensation of Shinji's hand on hers. But I damn sure won't let you go, either, Baka.

It was the first time Asuka successfully silenced her own ego, allowed herself to be the center of the joke for her Shinji's sake, and realized that maybe, once every ten years; she could let such things slide. The group continued chatting amiably; even Rei started a conversation with Kensuke regarding the basic functional details of an entry plug. Hikari blushed every time Touji whispered something in her ear, squealed and smiled like a sappy soap-opera teen and displayed none of her nightly terrors.

Asuka had been holding Shinji's hand the entire time they'd made their way to the fields; ever since leaving the press conference she felt the need to conceal the fact that he was hers, and none others, dissipate. Yet beyond the possessiveness, a sentiment of elation and peace fell down on Asuka when she considered that neither Misato, nor Hikari, Kensuke or Touji had so much as bothered to mention it. Rei had seen their intertwined fingers and scowled at her, as was to be expected, but beyond the glare that could petrify water, Shinji's precious little sister hadn't made any snide comments.

After a few hours Touji and Hikari departed, followed by a reluctant Kensuke, who trailed behind and continuously congratulated his jock friend for the unthinkable deed they had accomplished. Rei, not too keen on watching her interactions with Shinji, had soon followed suit and excused herself, but not before giving Asuka a strange request that left both her and Shinji dumbfounded.

As Rei calmly collected the trays and put them in one of their bags, she addressed Asuka with the usual forced civility. "Sohryu," she muttered, hands clasped around the bag's straps. "I have a request."

Asuka had long since opted to lay flat on her back and use her arms to support her head, yet the sudden comment made her raise an eyebrow. "What, Blue, you want to go?" she wondered out loud, referring to their sparring sessions. "Jeez, let me at least digest my food and then I'll go kick your a-"

Rei was quick to interrupt. "It is not a sparring session." This time even Shinji's eyebrow raised in wonder. "I would greatly appreciate it if… if you accompany me tonight to the Coman- to Father's quarters."

"Eh?" Asuka exclaimed. "You know how creepy that sounds, right, Ikari? Why don't you ask your brother dearest over here? I'm sure he'll be more than happy to deck him for you."

"That is precisely why I require your company, and not Nii-san's."

"Umm," Shinji mumbled, abashed and increasingly worried. "Rei-chan, can I ask what's this about? I mean, I know you don't want me to intrude and all, but… you have to admit that it's a pretty weird thing to ask, to Asuka of all people."

"Your brother's right," said Asuka. "What's up, Blue? Spill the beans and I'll come with you, whatever. Just don't expect me to get any sort of poetic justice for you."

"I…" Rei looked down at her feet, uncertain, which in turn set off all sorts of alarms in Shinji's head. "The last time Father and I spoke, I… may have gotten a bit aggressive. As you know… I've had some problems when controlling my emotions since my return and… I believe if you are there, Sohryu, I can abstain from further unnecessary violent behavior towards Father." Her eyes were shaky, Asuka noticed, and her entire body language screamed uncertainty and discomfort.

This is something that probably bugs her a lot, to have to come to me for help and not Ritsuko, or Misato, or her freaking brother for Pete's sake, she pondered, and turned her gaze on Rei. "So what you're asking me is to keep you in check? Me?"

Rei nodded curtly. "Yes."

After sharing a glance with the boy beside her and recognizing the obvious concern in his eyes, she offered her rival an absent nod in return. "Okay, whatever. I'll go with you and hold you back in case you start stabbing your old man. Sure. And while we're at it, Blue..." Asuka stretched her right arm, pretending to inspect her nails. "You've… you know…. ahem… made some progress controlling that… pfff I can't believe I'm saying this… ahh, that temperament of yours. Of course, I was ready to clobber you at the press conference, but aside from that I'd say you're not doing too terribly."

The venomous, hurtful retort on the tip of Rei's tongue was extinguished when Shinji nodded, and smiled… the smile he offered Asuka, to her. "Yeah," he said. Eyes closed, lips pulled upwards, an air of sheepishness, not a single crevice in his brow; every detail was as clear as the sun that filtered through the crater. "You've been doing awesome, Rei-chan! I keep telling Asuka how strong you are. Ah, umm…" Then he blushed, and second-guessed himself, seemingly unsure if he should say whatever was in his mind.

"Come on, Baka," Asuka pinched him, to Rei's dislike. "You can say it to me a hundred times and not say it to your sister's face? Out with it, Ba-Ka-Shin-Ji." She accentuated every syllable with a well-aimed, but innocuous pinch to Shinji's elbow.

"Okay, okay, As-Ow. Hey, I said I'd do it, okay? OW! Come on, I'll d-Ow!"

Even when it was clear that the pinches did not hurt at all, Shinji still acted as though they burned; she noticed the spot itself, there was a small line just beside where the redhead concentrated her harmless assault. If the vague images in her brain were correct, Asuka had pushed him while they searched for shelter once, during their first days together, and Shinji had cut himself on a broken glass shard. The wound had gotten infected in a day. Asuka had, with, alcohol, dried rags, no access to antibiotics, and honey of all things, managed to heal the cut.

"OW! Can you please stop pinchi-ow, pinching me for a se-ow, for a second, Asuka! OW! That one actually hurt!"

"Haha, my bad, my bad, Baka. Sorry."

Sorry? Truly? His word? Rei pondered as she watched the bizarre exchange; it felt so natural, so organic, their interaction. Nothing was forced, there were no lies, there was no poison, and barely any trauma. Once they opened up to one another, they freed themselves, she realized.

"So, ah… Rei-chan! Since Asuka so graciously decided to stop pinching me on the damn arm like I'm bubble wrap-hey! Sorry, what I meant to say was-" Shinji's dark blue eyes addressed her with a strange light in them she had not seen before, "-I'm really proud to be able to call you my sister."

I love you, Rei.

No words were needed, Shinji's gaze told her everything she needed to know. So Ikari Rei bowed to her older brother, hiding a brilliant smile from the woman she considered a nemesis and unworthy of him. "Thank you, Nii-san. I am quite happy with your maturity as well. I will see you at dinner. Enjoy the rest of the day, the both of you."

And I love you, Shinji-kun. More than you know, but perhaps, less than her after all...

And then they were alone.

For a while Asuka stayed in her position, sprawled all over the mat and enjoying the sun. Once Shinji laid down next to her, however, she opted to use the spot between his shoulder and chest as a pillow. She was wearing the pink dress she'd brought from Germany, which was a bit less comfortable due to the quality of the fabric, but went nicely with her chain's color.

"Mhmm," she muttered while her hand unconsciously snaked inside Shinji's shirt to rest just above his stomach. "See? I told you it was a good idea to use that mustard, Ba-ka."

"Yeah, right as always," Shinji agreed, drawing her close and smiling up at the skies. If there ever was a benefit to having a massive crater where his city had once stood, it was the ability to see the skies so clearly, feel the wind and sometimes, even discern some of the colors of the sunset. "I'm glad we have so much of it, though. What did you say it was called?"

"Rhinegeld, not quite the best stuff, but sure as hell beats that bright yellow paste they have in the cafeteria," she said, shuddering at the memory of its taste and consistency. "Gosh, it looks like a cartoon character's jizz!"

Shinji laughed under her. He laughed hard and loud and did not hiss nor grunt at all; there was no strange, hollow resonance in his rib cage, no signs of his lungs working incorrectly. It was a healthy laughter that had tears streaming from his eyes. One nice thing… she thought, and committed to engraving the sound of him chortling so freely not just in her mind, but in her heart and soul. Ikuhayo, Asuka.

"-Ha ha ha ha… ohh… oohh Gods… I haven't laughed like that… in years!" Shinji grinned, and forced his fingers to work around Asuka's abdomen. "Now it's payback time!"

"Hey, stop, SHINJI! Hey-pfff-no, I said no, you stupid b-pfff- Baka! Stop t- haha- stoooop!"

The tickle war began, and sooner than either of them expected it turned into a kissing contest which had them both panting, flushed and disheveled just as the sky began to show roseate and gold-orange hues. Asuka's head rested flush beside Shinji's, locks thrown about wildly even on Shinji's face, not that he minded. He had both arms around her, holding her close to his chest with a possessive, firm grip.

"So," he whispered, panting heavily. "Was it anything like your dream, Asuka-chan?"

She smiled against his cheek, kissing it for good measure and letting her hand rest on Shinji's face, where her thumb slowly traced a scratch on his cheek. "It was way better, Baka, because it was real," she answered, paused, and kissed him again. "Thank you, Shinji."

He would've cried right there, had the Beast not bitten down on his neck at that precise moment. I did it, I did it… for a second there… I… His hand clutched Asuka closer to his chest. I made her happy. I did it. That means… that I can do it again. I will. I'll make her smile. "You're very welcome, Asuka. Thanks for giving me the idea."

They stayed there until the stars started shining and Misato apologetically came to get them with a pair of jackets, complaining to Shinji about her unrelenting hunger and need for his special curry sauce. Their first day ended, to everybody's surprise, without anyone getting injured, or hospitalized, or so much as demeaned.

Sadly, the family's relative peace would not last.

---

"P-Pants down, Shinji."

The distinctive ruffle of fabric came through the small earphone, an indicator that Shinji had roused at the very late intrusion to his room. It appeared a normal thing; he did not raise his voice or ask what was happening, as he had done on the first two occasions.

"Asuka… can we… I mean… Misato-san might come home any sec-"

"That drunk hasn't been here in days."

The comment stung, but rang true all the same. She had not been home, and Asuka had grown increasingly worse as days went by. The knife came into view and with it Shinji's voice drifted off at the sight of the blade; this was certainly one of their first times. Asuka was still uncertain of how far Shinji would go to keep her alive, still pushing the boundaries of her newfound power over him, so she drew the sharp blade close to her throat with a clear intention to slice it open. She looked desperate enough to do it anyway, in Misato's opinion.

"I-If you won't h-hold your word, then I'll j-"

"NO!" The scream was thunderous enough to have roused her, had she been there at all. "P-Please don't do that, please, just put that thing away and I'll-"

"You… You'll do what I say?!" Even through the awful sound quality, Misato distinctively recognized the girl's voice shrilling at the end. Asuka sounded desperate, and very much afraid. "Y-You'll d-do it?!"

"YES! Yes, I won't touch you this time either, but please, please drop the knife… please…" Asuka could have just as easily asked Shinji to disembowel himself then and there; in order to keep her alive he would have done it in a heartbeat. Ritual seppuku; for Misato, as the failed guardian she was, it was too kind a death.

A clang on their freshly cleaned floor, and the knife was no longer in sight. "Okay… it's gone. Now… t-take them off, Shinji. I…" I need you to save me, Misato's mind finished for Asuka. I need you to reassure me you're not completely insane yet, that I'm not insane, or totally undesirable. I need you to hold me, but I don't know how to ask for that from you, so I'll just take what I can in whatever way my numb, traumatized mind allows me to. Please save me, notice me, and keep caring about me. Kill me, kill us both. You're the only one I'll ever allow. So do it. Or I'll just keep taking, I'll keep getting angrier, and in the end… I'll either heal, or kill the both of us.

"I need this…" Asuka finished.

The video was paused with a press of her index finger on the screen, and Misato let her head hit the desk's metal surface with sufficient momentum to ensure a headache. She took a breath deep enough to fully expand her chest, blew it out through her nose, and kept watching.

The first time she had witnessed this… rape incident, Asuka had simply thrown herself at the boy, grinding against him like a cat in heat and had eventually found a way to have sex with Shinji without him doing much other than move his hips alongside hers. She had mashed her lips against his, moved her body until he climaxed, kept going until she climaxed, and had then fallen asleep on top of him. Both times Misato had witnessed Shinji stare at the ceiling, clutch the sheets, look angry, defeated, frustrated, depressed and utterly helpless in a single night. There had been no evident moans of pleasure, no hot, intermittent kisses, only muffled grunts of satisfaction. No passion at all, only the search for momentary nothingness.

The night she was currently watching, on the other hand, had gone a bit differently.

Asuka had brought the knife, which in itself had been a first after the devastating event on Shinji's birthday. The previous videos had shown a clear decline in the time Asuka spent sleeping, an increase in her sour mood most likely to do with her period, and overall mental instability every single day. It had boiled up to the encounter she was currently inspecting; roughly a week after Asuka had gone berserk on Shinji's birthday.

To Misato's shock, Asuka had actually tried her best to… be nice, this time around. She had caressed Shinji's face instead of slapping it, had not only bothered to wear alluring clothes, but also undressed while walking towards him. Asuka's step had faltered a few times, but she'd made it all the way to Shinji's bed. She had not assaulted him immediately; and instead had chosen to touch him all over first. Misato had seen the girl's face lose the dangerous edges, had noticed how her nails slowly crawled down Shinji's chest and navel.

That night, Asuka had turned a blind eye in a moment of bliss when Shinji had gripped her hip hard enough to leave a mark. It had been different, much less domination and much more raw need for human contact, all for a brief period of bliss where the pain and nightmares were momentarily forgotten. It came as an honest surprise to Misato that the Children had opted for a very twisted, unhealthy form of sex instead of drugs to escape reality, and she felt unsure if it had been the proper course.

Then again, Katsuragi, Kaji said in her mind with his playful voice. That's all your fault. They're just kids, right?

Her lower lip trembled, but she bit the inside of it to keep any sort of tears at bay. Kaji… you would be so disappointed in me. I really fucked this up.

There was noise all around her, things unrelated to her videos and therefore rendered unimportant. Their impending demise was drawing near; the UN's motion of non-interference until the Evangelion Disarming Treaty was signed gave SEELE an open season of hunting; any day of the following two weeks could be her last.

"-er's report." She heard Ikari's voice. "With the resources available, we've managed to build a last line of defense in the shelter's area. As you know, the remains of Unit 00 and its core will be used to produce an AT-Field around-"

The noise faded away; her attention returned fully to the small device in her hand.

Abandoning two lonely, asocial, helpless children to pursue revenge during the war on the Angels was bad enough. She had then abandoned them once more, short after the fucking Apocalypse, to ensure their survival outside the guarded house NERV had provided. Ironic, how in the end it was Asuka who expected a bullet to the head.

How could she ever raise judgment in a situation she had neglected in its entirety? It was she who was deserving of a shameful death out in the field, not the damaged young girl she was using as a shield against forces greater than herself, again. Seppuku was too nice a punishment for her, for it implied the sacred principle of death before dishonor. What greater dishonor could there be, to have failed the most human of tasks? To have failed as a guardian, as a responsible, vaguely sensitive adult?

The Sub-Commander of NERV hit her head against the desk with more ferocity than before.

She had never been a selfless person. If anything, Katsuragi Misato has been very selfish up until quite recently, once she had seen the feral state both her charges had been in after just a few weeks of trying to survive on their own. That day had scarred her more than Third Impact itself. She would fight, kill and die for these two kids who were barely clothed and had snarled at her with wide, unblinking eyes. She would ensure a place for them to be safe first; if such a commitment required drowning herself in the blood of her enemies then so be it, but she would protect them.

Just not from each other, right? Kaji mused in her head, laughing with a cigarette in his mouth. Strange, how he was wearing a coat in her mind's eye.

"-at would conclude this final defense meeting. Colonel Aishida, you have been personally recommended by Ikari Shinji, Ikari Rei, Suzuhara Touji, Lt. General Ishikawa, and the Sub-Commander to lead the battalion who will oversee evacuation route E13. Do you feel physically able to carry out this duty? It is to my understanding you've made a full recovery."

A chair was pushed along the steel floor to Misato's right, never truly diverting her from the videos.

"I do, Ma'am. We will ensure the mission is carried out, even if it costs us our lives. We will not fail."

"Duly noted." The rustling of paper ahead of her, the faint sound of Aishida taking his seat, and Misato's full attention drowned in her self-inflicted torture session. "Lt. Colonel Takanashi, you will lead our airforce through the first and second sortie, your objective will be the destruction of these five carriers, do you copy?"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"We can expect larger numbers than our own, so we must be cautious. Lt. Colonen, you will hold off the initial attack until the invading troops are within reach of our long-range rackets, if my estimates are correct, and judging by the latest satellite Intel, the enemy is roughly 56 hours away from..."

"H-Here," Asuka was pushing a full cup of freshly pressed orange juice into the hands of a barely-conscious Shinji, whose skin was pale as milk. How in the hell had she of all people gotten oranges? "Don't look at me like that, you perverted worm!" Misato flinched in perfect unison with the Third Child. "Just take the stupid juice, damn it! Can't have you transmitting that disgusting disease to me… now go wash up and put on a sweater, you hear!?"

Shinji's voice was weak, and his reply interrupted by coughing and sneezing. "B-But Asuka I… ah... um, sorry… I don't think I have any sweaters…"

"Great, freaking great, Third."

Misato watched Asuka extend her arms to the ceiling in frustration and bit her own lip to keep from cursing when Shinji visibly flinched at the sudden movement. He had been expected to be punched in some way, just for being sick. Asuka apparently took both notice of and direct offense to his reaction.

Misato rewound, and zoomed in on the girl's expression and noticed how it soured when Shinji shrunk away from her. "Stay here, you stupid… Baka," she heard Asuka say in a much quieter, almost defeated tone. The girl sounded sad and guilty. "I'll… go get some things from the storage room. I'm starving, so there better be food ready when I get back, and don't you dare sneeze on it! Got it?!"

"H-Hai…"

The door hissed open and shut. Misato watched as Shinji sat at their table with some difficulty and stared at the glass in his hands as though it were an elixir given to him by God Herself. He took small, demure sips of what was mostly a very sour drink and seemed to enjoy it to the very end. He even smiled, since Asuka wasn't around, an honest, shy little curving of the lips.

Misato stopped the video and stared at that face for a long while, then fast-forwarded to the part where Shinji was trying his best to cook a stew without fainting in the middle of the kitchen; she remembered this. Shinji had gotten ill with the flu twice in the span of one month; it had almost developed to pneumonia when the cold winds had started hitting Japan for once in sixteen years. Nonetheless the disease had not advanced, for reasons completely unrelated to any sort of parental care.

"-difficult for the sortie. Therefore, I still hold my decision firm. Cage 47 is the best course, considering the refugees. Sub-Commander, what is your final vote in this matter?"

"47," she mumbled with obvious distraction, not bothering to look up.

She had been gone for a week that time, and it had not been a single occurrence. A whole, full, seven day and night week of basic civil war in the streets five miles from her home; six days stuck between bunkers in the slums near the beach about a month afterwards, safe-guarding the storage units the refugees had tried to set ablaze, then another full week and three days when the lower slums of Yokohama had invaded to steal their water. The pool of blood she was bathed in was most likely knee-deep by now. I'd do it all over again, Misato mused. I'd stab that guy fifteen more times to get those names. I'd kill that lady who tried to trip Shinji onto the rubble all over again. I'd kill her family… I'd kill them all.

Not that any of her misguided rage served as a valid excuse for almost letting her surrogate son cough himself to death. She had slept in a shed three blocks away from their building during most of the crisis... if nodding off for two hours a day against a steel wall for months on end counted as sleeping. She had never bothered with the security tapes. Not once. I didn't want to know because I was tired and exhausted. I didn't want to see it; every time I came home he had a bruise, or a mark on his arm, or his face, a limp in his leg. Keeping them safe was… hard. I took their bullshit excuses and didn't press any further.

"-General Vladiskov, I heard you had some very important intel for us. If you'd be so kind."

"Da, Uhm, Hai. The storage facility located two hundred miles east of North Korea's capital was assaulted by a well organized paramilitary group on December the 17th of last year. Two hydrogen missiles were taken, despite our best efforts to stop or track them. Were the bombs to be fired, our tracking system would allow us to triangulate the source of the command, since these models must be directly, albeit remotely, activated. We must proceed with extreme caution and prepare counter-measures for a massive strike."

"Yes, well, a nuclear strike was already set in motion to try and destroy Unit 02 when it was still just a torso and a head. The evacuation is almost complete, were the worst to occur the human casualties would be dialed down to a minimum..."

Ritsuko's commanding voice was drowned out when Misato pushed the volume to its maximum, just as Asuka entered the apartment and the video feed changed from Camera 1 to 4. She noticed the girl was carrying a black plastic bag filled with what looked like clothes; the bag was promptly dropped on the floor, nonetheless, when a loud clang and the sound of glass breaking distracted the redhead.

She ran to the kitchen, the video feed changed to Camera 3, and Asuka found Shinji had fallen near the fridge while trying to store a third tray with whatever stew he'd managed to cook. He had tripped on his own overtired feet and fallen heavily on the floor, dragging a plate down with him and hitting his head twice against the ground. She intently observed Asuka pick him up with more care than she'd seen in months of daily interactions, physically drag him to the couch while muttering curses in German, and force him to lie down as he kept trying to rise and continue his task.

Not even two minutes later, Shinji's shirt had been changed for what appeared to be a new, larger one and a thick sweater, his forehead sported a freshly pressed cloth and his body was wrapped in different and varied layers of blankets.

Asuka had then proceeded to sit next to the boy she loudly admitted to hate, and fed him the stew he had slaved over for about an hour. "Stupid Shinji," she muttered softly while the barely conscious former pilot accepted the broth and visibly began to shiver and sweat out the fever. The concern in the girl's tone was more than evident by the way her voice quivered ever so slightly at the end of each sentence. "Stupid damn bastard, I told you to cook something, not to kill yourself trying. Here, open up. Open up! You need to sweat out all that crap or you'll be sick for another week! Come on, you stupid brat, eat up! There you go, gulp it down, just half the bowl left, come on… there you go…"

Asuka had changed the cloth after Shinji succumbed to exhaustion, then had made him put on a different sweater and shirt she'd brought just before he had fallen asleep. "Stupid fucking bastard giving me so much trouble," came Asuka's frayed voice through her earphone. The dim light of the room barely helped matters, bur Misato thought she saw tears running down Asuka's face. "Don't you dare die on me, y-you hear…?! You promised your life was m-mine, and I don't remember giving you any sort of permission to die from a stupid flu of all things…! So… you have to get better, okay?! You have to… because you promised… you damn bastard… Ba-" her cursing was cut off by a yawn, "-Baka… Baka-Shinji… get… better… don't leave…"

She had not bothered to eat herself, even though she'd mentioned being starving before leaving. She sat next to the boy she proclaimed to hate, holding his hand as if to ensure herself he wouldn't die sometime during the night. Misato rubbed tired eyes with exhausted fingers, stopped the video and finally looked up, slightly surprised to see the meeting hall empty. "Huh," she remarked, looking at her clock. "Guess I missed another meeting."

Ritsuko snorted quite audibly from her seat at the head of table; the gargantuan room made the sound bounce off the walls in an annoying way for Misato's overtired brain.

"Did you get any of the vital information that was just discussed for over two hours in this room, Misato?!" Ritsuko demanded, slamming the latest pile of folders in the table. "This was an emergency meeting, for fuck's sake! This is about the safety of your damn brats!"

Misato's eyes were so cold when the woman leveled her gaze at Ritsuko that the Commander understood very quickly why her old friend was a feared woman throughout Tokyo. "Aishida's taking care of the emergency route and the evacuation of the kids' friends and families because they trust him," she recited in monotone, not breaking eye contact.

"The enemy has nukes or something worse, and will use them as a final measure. You came up with a way to have Rei create some sort of AT-Field around the areas where we'll be most vulnerable by jamming the head and core of the first Unit 0 into the MAGI somehow. You want her to protect the area where the refugee shelters are, she accepted, and Shinji probably already threatened you. The preventive evacuation is complete. The enemy outnumbers us three to one, terrible odds for modern warfare, should the reinforcements not arrive in time. Unit 02 is combat ready, and you want to place it in Cage 47. Muraviov opted for cage 12, Takaneshi cage 47, that other Russian prick voted 12, Nakamura voted 47, and I voted 47. The enemy's moving and the UN has declared they will not intervene until the treaty is signed at the end of February. That is basically giving SEELE open season for the next two weeks."

Misato nodded once, and pressed play on her phone. "Fuck. You."

Ritsuko blinked, shocked to silence. "Whoa… that was…"

"Yeah," Misato agreed. "Now leave me be. I'm busy, Rits."

"Why do you keep watching that crap?" Ritsuko inquired with clear distaste after recovering from the initial shock. "It's not like it's gonna make any difference at all, you know. All of that already happened, Misato. We're literally about to be attacked by a gigantic fucking army! What's the big idea with torturing yourself to insomnia with that old security footage?"

Misato clicked to the next video, an event just after Shinji's hand had been put in a cast. "It's my freaking time to do with what I damn well want, Ritsu, so screw you if you don't approve. I'm almost there."

Shaking her head in derision, Ritsuko stood up and strode towards her oldest living friend. "Almost where, Misato? You think those videos hold the answers to why on Earth Shinji didn't break Asuka's neck? Or why he kept quiet about being sexually abused? Come on, even you're smarter than that. This is pointless."

Misato tsked, preoccupied with watching the feed intently. "Takes two to tango, Rits, and this… this was a masochist tango that went on for months under my roof. If I die tomorrow and want to spend today feeling like the useless, drunken slob of a guardian I've been, that's my problem."

"This is pointless," Ritsuko repeated, massaging her temple for the umpteenth time that day. "Look, I just need you to read this, and then listen to what I have to say, so we're crystal clear on my opinion on where this is going."

Grunting loudly to accentuate her discomfort, Misato paused the video and rolled her eyes. "Okay, Commander. Please, do flatten my mood with your data as is custom. I bet money, actual money, that this is about that test subject zero four… zero…"

"Subject Zero four eight zero one twenty four," Ritsuko recited.

She deflated visibly, clicking her tongue and collapsing on the most comfortable chair in the vicinity. She went through the computer's files with clear laziness until she came across the report Gendou had prepared on who he believed to be the thing's pilot. There was no first or last name; just data regarding what she assumed was the pilot's military résumé. Not even a picture to go by; SEELE had clearly made efforts to erase the person's very existence from any record. How Gendou had gotten half-rotten, half-frozen disks containing the last remaining copy of Facility X's data was still a mystery to her. She clicked again, and the image maximized in the Meeting Hall's projector.

Child Zero Program: Synchronization and development of Neural Clip Performance

Initial Subject Director: S-(Data Corrupted. Fungi)

Subject. Designation 0480124. Test Pilot 021. Unit designation X

Date of Birth: Unknown

Country of Origin: Russia

City of Birth: Novokuznetsk (Presumably. Data Incomplete)

Sex: Male

Blood Type: O+

Parentage: Unknown

Blood Relatives: Brother (younger)/Deceased

Estimated Age: 17 Years

First Synchronization: 2005

Last Synchronization: 2016

Total Synchronizations: 1457

Confirmed Kills: 87

Undisclosed Kills: 397

Field Missions: 32

Mission Success Rate: 99%

"What the hell does undisclosed kills mean?" asked Misato. Something about the report made her uneasy. A seventeen-year-old boy with eighty seven confirmed kills? It seemed ludicrous, moreso the idea that someone so young could kill so many people.

"The incident in Research Facility X took the lives of exactly 285 people directly employed by SEELE, about a hundred soldiers and cleaning staff, not to mention the small villages in the vicinity. Some died when the Unit went berserk and started leveling the place, but most just started clawing at their throats and suffocating, if the data is to be believed. When the Unit closes its fist, the video goes silent, the feed gets cut off like they lost power. All of them, simultaneously. SEELE attributed the activation of this power to the Angel… EVA, whatever it is, and not the pilot. They had to detonate ten N2 mines at once to slow it down, and needed another ten to subdue the thing enough to remove the entry plug."

Shaking her head in bewilderment, Misato stared at the bold words on the screen with growing despair. "Do we have anything else on this guy, anything at all? You know, besides the fact that he's some super human killing machine coming our way."

Ritsuko pressed ENTER, letting the rest of the report show.

Subject Status: Unstable. Deactivated.

Project X. Status: Canceled.

Disclosed Summary: 0436 hours. Activation Sequence 0133, Synch Test 1426 with Unit X; Test Subject 0480124 cuts communications with the Command Centre. Synch rate elevates to 148% in seventeen seconds, energy surges in the core interfere with mainframe's security protocol. Bakelite dispersal at 0439 hours. Bakelite insertion unsuccessful. At 0441 hours X expands AT-Field; Command is destroyed in a single attack. 0439 hours: Synch rate measured at 204%. Berserker State declared at 0442 hours; security protocol inside entry plug failure. Mental contamination of the pilot is detected. 0447 hours: Contamination levels reach 92% of pilot's metabolic structure, emergency shutdown is issued. 0451 hours: Emergency shutdown protocol unsuccessful. At 0452 hours firewall 3 protocol is issued. Activation of N2 Mine unsuccessful.

Misato gulped down a massive ball of dread that had been building up in her throat. NERV had effectively stopped the advances of an Angel by bombing it with one N2 charge, the thing had taken roughly a week to regenerate, and yet… SEELE had dropped ten of those charges at point blank to somehow subdue whatever Project X was enough to store it under the ice once again.

Firewall protocol 3: Unsuccessful. At 0501 hours Containment Units 1 through 21 are damaged. Shit, Misato thought with increasing desperation. Those are 21 layers of concrete and reinforced metal alloys made to resist a nuclear blast, and this thing just tore through them in one go. Despite the ever-growing fear, she kept on reading. 0503 hours: Unit X reaches the surface; AT-Field of unregistered composition expands over a hundred mile radius. 0505 hours: Firewall protocol 4 is activated. 0506 hours: Firewall protocol 4 is unsuccessful, AT-Field stops expanding; unusual energy fluctuations are read. 0510 hours: Massive energy fluctuation recorded in Unit X's direct vicinity, AT-Field is released. 0517 hours: No sign of biological or metabolic activity of any kind is detected in a hundred mile radius. Firewall protocol 5 is activated. Detonation of N2 mines successful. 0945 hours: Unit X is retrieved.

Pilot status: Undamaged.

Unit Status: 1500 Hours: Right arm and leg severed, left leg damaged, torso and innards have been destroyed. Left arm vaporized. Armor has melted on 99% of the Unit's body. 1900 Hours: Armor remains have been assimilated by biological components, Unit regeneration at 77%. Core energy level: 62%

Conclusion: Child Zero not suitable for field missions with Unit X. Utilization of Unit X is too dangerous. Project must be finalized.

"So basically," said Ritsuko while she shut the computer down. "This Unit X is not only SEELE's test dummy for the entry plug, it's also able to generate some form of anti AT-Field we've never encountered before and literally stop bacteria from reproducing in a hundred mile radius. I can't even explain to myself how the hell SEELE has kept this thing subdued and hidden for so long. On top of everything, it went from being a torso with a head to a fully grown humanoid giant in three hours. The fact that the last time they experimented on it was in 2016 isn't reassuring at all, either."

It went without saying that Unit 02's reconstruction period had been much, much longer. "The cellular regeneration is off the charts, and the proteins pushing this regeneration are the very same we synthesized to manufacture the serum."

An unpleasant feeling washed over Miato stiff, strained body, her very muscles felt tense enough to rip at any sudden movement. "That means…" she started, staring unblinkingly at the bold letters. "We've been injecting this thing's… blood, into Asuka and Shinji's veins?!"

A stiff nod was the only response to her ire. "And their friends, and thousands of patients all over the globe. The enzymes and proteins themselves are harmless, Misato, and the more we research it, the more benefits for the future of medicine it holds."

"So you're wasting my time with this mumbo-jumbo because you want to feel good about your serum, or does depressing me to the point of near suicide entertain you, Ritsu?" Of course, Misato would try to subdue her with sarcasm and petty words; nonetheless, the facts remained, unbending.

"I'm showing you all of this because..." Ritsuko paused, producing her PDA from a coat pocket. "The serum was first synthesized from a sample of test subject 0480124, or Child Zero. He was apparently the first to fully assimilate the stem cells after his body went through several rejection processes. So whoever's piloting this Unit X can not only control something we've never seen before and has somehow kept it subdued for over ten years, but we're safe to assume he's got an accelerated healing factor, and his… monster… may be not unlike Unit 02."

"Every time we have talks or meetings," Misato sulked. "I get more and more miserable. You make it sound like we have absolutely no chance of winning."

"With the limited data we have on the enemy, and it is limited, the MAGI has calculated a 0.12% probability of success without the use of Unit 02."

Misato mulled over the information, blinked twice and raised an eyebrow at the doctor. "And so, how strong is our EVA?"

The question managed to draw a curt smile from Ritsuko. "Well, you remember Zeruel, right? Strongest Angel we've ever encountered, he broke through hundreds of pillars of reinforced steel armor by just pushing it a little with its AT-Field. The MAGI were still recording when Third Impact happened, which means it recorded the extend of both Unit 01's and Lilith's power. Back when it went Berserk, we measured the strongest AT-Field ever detected, Adam's included. In conclusion," Ritsuko changed the image to that of Unit 02's facial mask. "At its basic activation level, Asuka can pretty much bench-press the planet. She can close her fist and crush the entire Geofront with her AT-Field alone, and that wouldn't even make her break a sweat. Hell, she can begin Fourth Impact on a whim."

"Well, there you go, then!" Misato said with renewed, yet false hope. "How much of a chance does the MAGI give us with Asuka kicking that thing's ass, then?"

The spacious room began to feel colder than the snowy visage before the broken-down windows in the Commander's office; the look of absolute, irrevocable sincerity in Ritsuko's face managed to extract the very soul from her body.

"In the unlikely event that either Asuka or Shinji's extreme emotions don't accidentally initiate an Impact," Ritsuko said. "...48%."

Misato exhaled loudly and grunted once more. "Alright, you've depressed me and thoroughly gotten your point across, can I have this next twenty..." she checked her watch in a quick motion. "Twenty-four minutes I've got left before I go have my dinner with the kids, Commander?"

This time, it was Ritsuko who shrugged. Faith. Misato had faith, and she had numbers… and a headache, whilst Misato looked content enough to continue her ridiculous research and go eat with her brats. As if on cue, her stomach grumbled.

"Do whatever the hell you want," said Ritsuko, shrugging and heading for the door. "I'm gonna go get something to eat."

"Shin-chan left you a tray in your office," said Misato, shrugging nonchalantly at the news that Ritsuko was leaving her alone in the Meeting Hall. The comment, however, did manage to earn a raised eyebrow from the Commander.

"Wait, Shinji made food for me?" she asked, disbelief dripping from her voice. "What is it, poisoned or something?"

"Shin-chan wouldn't poison you, Rits," Misato's far-off voice replied. "You… he'd probably choke you to death. Or, you know, open up your belly with his teeth and pull out your entrails. Something like that."

"Oh, gee, how very reassuring." Sighing in defeat, Ritsuko asked question she did not want answered. "Why would he go through the trouble?"

"Because, believe it or not, Rits, Shin-chan appreciated what you did for him in the press conference. He sat with Maya for lunch yesterday, and she mentioned you haven't had a proper meal in about five months, apart from the tons of food you wolfed down on Christmas and New Year." Misato was so engrossed in the video-watching that she barely noticed the disbelief on her friend's face. "He got this look in his eyes and marched over to the kitchen, but not before going on a loooong interview with your precious, curvy assistant about what sorts of food you like."

Ritsuko stood there at the door, frozen in place while turning the information over in her spacious, brilliant brain. Shinji liked to cook for his family, his friends, and people he considered trustworthy like Ishikawa and the Colonel. He was adamant and overzealous of the food he prepared for his small circle, but too respectful and kind to refuse a plate to anyone who asked. The cooking staff, endlessly annoyed, had given up on trying to compete with him, and left the boy to his own devices in his little private kitchen.

As far as Ritsuko remembered, not a single time had he directly invited her to eat; for both the Christmas and New Year's party either Rei or Maya had come to her with the invitation. Shinji was civil with her at best, barely respectful when speaking with her and clearly holding back a barrage of well thought out and well deserved insults. Perhaps being so close to dying once more awoke some pity in him for us, the damned, she thought dispassionately. "I still don't see why Shinji'd bother with m-"

"Ugh, knock it off, Ritsuko," Misato snapped with some semblance of seriousness. "Stop that logical brain of yours from finding answers to everything like they're equations. You think I'm trying to find anything logical at all, going through these files? Some things just don't have a logical explanation. Shin-chan's being nice, because that's what he does. That's who he is; he cooks, he worries, he fusses and he cooks some more. Accept it, go to your office, reheat that damn food, and prepare your taste buds for an absolute delight."

Despite her disbelief, Ritsuko managed a sad smile. To think Shinji would want even his tormentor to have a nice last meal. I swear, I'll never figure out where in that twisted family he got so much… kindness. "Right," she said, her shoulders dropping in fatigue and defeat. "Tell him I said thank you, would you? I don't think he'd appreciate it if I talk to him right now."

Misato waved her off, engrossed in the old surveillance tapes. "Uh, sure. Yeah, I'll tell him you said thanks. Oh, he said he got something for the cat, too."

Once more, Ritsuko stopped dead in her tracks. "The cat?!" she exclaimed, flabbergasted. Nobody knew about Boots, the small black kitten with white paws who had invited itself to her office shy of three months before and lived in a comfortable box in her living quarters. Nobody knew, not even Maya, and not one person had even seen Boots stroll around the Geofront. "H-How did he know I have a c-"

"Shinji cooks by taste, Ritsu," Misato explained, as though the sentence held any relation at all with the topic at hand. "That means he cooks by smell. He can sniff rosemary from twenty feet away from him, he can smell his mutts from about half a mile away when he goes jogging, hell, he knows where Asuka is just by whiffing her shampoo. I'm sure that catnip you have in your drawer's pretty smelly too. He was asking Asuka what catnip was the other day. Plus, now that you don't smoke, that cat smell gets stuck on you sometimes. Hair, too."

Ritsuko kept waiting for the ruse to be over, for Misato to turn her back and laugh at her for falling into an easy trap. She kept waiting to hear the former Major's footsteps behind her as she neared her office. Once inside, she was taken aback by the neatly-arranged set of trays resting on her desk. There was spicy curry, the kind she liked since smoking had apparently killed most of her taste buds; a sashimi so good she thought Shinji had procured it from a restaurant, and a varied assortment of sushi with generous amounts of both soy sauce and wasabi.

It was a fact; she hadn't had a proper, heavy meal in months. When hungry, Ritsuko ordered whatever was being concocted in the kitchen area to be delivered to her office. Most of the time she ate in a trance, engrossed in one file or the other, and would barely notice if the food was hot or cold.

Ritsuko reheated the various delicacies, ate her sushi with every shred of patience there was, sat down on her small cot with Boots by her side, and understood why people spoke so highly of Shinji's cooking. The taste brought her back to her childhood, to the days when her mother wasn't a deranged nutcase yet, to that one particular occasion on her seventh birthday, when Naoko had cooked a great feast. It had been the last time her mother would cook her a meal.

How, then, could Shinji have known exactly how much of every spice her mother had used to flavor the meal? How had this broken boy replicated the curry sauce she had devoured on an almost daily basis during college?

A lone tear made its way down Akagi Ritsuko's cheek; her glazed green eyes watched the droplets hit the bowl's empty bottom with increasing speed as Boots mewed at her and licked around the surface. What had she ever done to deserve that boy's time and effort? How was someone as horrible as her allowed to enjoy such a simple, yet complex and fulfilling set of dishes?

The paper stuck to Boots' special salmon treat had driven her over the edge.

Dear Commander Ritsuko-san,

I know we've had our differences in the past, but I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for you. Neither would Asuka, nor Misato. This city, and this country are in your debt.

What my father did to you and your family was unforgivable, so I'll understand if you hate Rei and me forever. But please enjoy this meal, and accept my sincere gratitude for doing your best to atone for what you've done, and for saving my life.

Thank you very much.

Shinji

She wailed with the small letter trapped in her right fist and her head between her hands. She cried loud enough to alert Sakura, who in turn called Maya; both young ladies marched into her office and all but forced her away from the desk and into her bed. She didn't let go of the paper, and resolutely placed it in a plastic protective layer to keep it in her pocket in case she died the next day.

Without even meaning to, with something as simple as a home-made meal and a few words hastily scribbled on a piece of paper, Shinji would save her soul.

---

"If I can't have you all to myself, then I don't want you at all."

"Then… why can't you be nice to me?"

Asuka had had no answer; not then, not in the months that came afterwards and the pain she inflicted, not in the first days in which he was connected to wires and machines that breathed for him.

January the 25th, 2017. NERV Gymnasium. 11.02am.

Sitting in the gymnasium while she watched the methodical, one-sided beating Shinji was raining upon his monkey friend, Asuka pondered on a question she'd had no response to for almost a year. She shifted on the seat, abruptly aware that Rei was conversing in monotone with Hikari some meters away from her, and that Kensuke was struggling between rooting for Touji and ogling Shinji's precious sister. A sudden thud drew her eyes to the ring, where Touji fought to regain balance for the eighth time after being knocked down by one of Shinji's left crosses. The larger boy kept falling not because of the force, but because of Shinji's timing; Touji's broad haymakers surely held enough strength to knock out any one teenager, perhaps even an adult. But Touji's moved were telegraphed, slow, and Shinji was fast and accurate.

"Why can't you be nice to me?"

She recalled moving her fingernails ever so slowly through Shinji's hair, telling him over and over that no, it was not his fault, pinching him as gently as possible to rouse him from a nightmare without him screaming bloody murder or running away from the bed. Asuka remembered holding his hand for the very first time after her actions had almost cost the boy his life, and came to a final conclusion.

I didn't know how to be nice. The words rumbled deep in her head, enough for her ego to rattle in its chains and bite down on them. I didn't know I was capable of being tender, or gentle, and for so long I stupidly believed Kaji was the only person who deserved something like that from me. I made you suffer because the guilt of it kept me alive, but also because I wanted to. I wanted to hurt you, I wanted to hurt everyone. I wanted everyone around me to be in as much pain as I was, and even though I knew you were suffering so much already, I… couldn't stop myself.

"Why can't you be nice to me?"

"Shi-" (SLAM) "OW, what the hell was that, man?!" Touji had apparently tried to imitate Shinji's technique and thrown a left cross while fighting southpaw with one arm, not realizing he was overextending himself just enough for Shinji to grab a hold of his still recovering form and use his momentum to throw him like a sack of potatoes onto the mat.

"I'm sorry!" She heard Shinji switch almost instantly from 'kill mode' to 'Baka mode', the way she preferred to call it, and help Touji to his feet. "My body just reacted, I'm sorry! Is your arm alright? How about your he-"

That's what you get, Stooge, insulting me like that. It was impossible for Asuka, for whatever foolish reason, to not grin in the slightest of ways when Touji puffed his chest like some flustered bird and disentangled himself from Shinji's helping hands with haste. "Ah, stop it with that crap, I'm fine, damn it! Now shut up and show me how to do that slamming thing, that was awesome!"

Pff, thought Asuka with mirth. Like you'd ever in your life be able to do a judo takedown performed so perfectly, much less with your arm like that. You're lucky the Baka's going easy on you, I taught him how to do an arm bar right after he uses that takedown.

Shinji shrank ever so slightly, to her strange delight, and proceeded to slam Touji three more times on the mat before he was able to grasp the move's basic elements. Touji complained, Asuka's smirk widened, Hikari giggled at something Rei had remarked, and Kensuke drooled.

She grinned absently, recalling the many occasions in which she was teaching Shinji a lock or how to escape from one, able to touch his skin without fear nor disgust, nor rejection, all the while helping him become healthier. It was a strange new sensation, helping. True, she had done her part in the shacks, giving people electricity and clean water, yada-yada. But those actions had never been born out of an honest desire to help, or be of use. She had simply done her duty, and that was it.

Shinji was dependable now; he was a bit more confident in himself, only a tiny bit, and it made oceans of difference. She trusted him, completely, and had done so for months.

The sounds of the gymnasium soothed Asuka's troubled mind in strange ways; she was surrounded by people who had either had horrible accidents after returning, were in some form of treatment for chronic diseases, or had returned from the ocean broken in some way. Some returnees had problems with recognizing reality; they'd snap in and out of it like Shinji had, only their episodes were much shorter, much more restrained, and they did not have an abusive, hateful redhead to hit them violently until the pain of their bodies reminded them that the authenticity of such agony could only belong to actual, biological life. Nowadays, recovering patients from both the physical and mental wards held the three of them as some ridiculous beacon of hope. If those kids managed half a night of decent sleep every now and again, after all, there had to be some hope for them as well.

A fool's logic it was, in Asuka's opinion. The hope of a drowning man who held onto the last piece of rope on a sinking ship.

"Why can't you be nice to me?"

She had cut herself the day before while slicing onions; it was merely a scratch on her index finger, yet at the sight of her blood Shinji had turned a full shade paler and had attended the wound as though it were a bullet hole. Asuka smirked and gazed at the thin line in her skin. While declaring her gift to him for Christmas, Asuka had lain herself bare at Shinji's feet, devoid of any armor or protection, ripe for any sort of embarrassment or damage to her self-esteem, self-image, body, or her very soul. Shinji had, despite her worst fears and best hopes, treated her with nothing but kindness and acceptance. He had been so nice, so perfect that night… it made her slightly uncomfortable.

He would ask for permission, almost every single time, when he wanted to hold her or take her hand in his, for he knew she was adamantly against contact. He would kiss her hesitantly, attempting to control what she knew to be a burning passion in his chest from consuming his actions. He was nice, considerate, even slightly romantic at times, and she was not.

Asuka took what she wanted, when she wanted, and Shinji never minded nor complained. He'd jump on occasion or twitch when her hands ever so suddenly descended on his shoulders, but one hint of her scent and Shinji would be putty in her hands. The tiny cut tingled with the memory of his hands carefully cleaning and dabbing at it.

I didn't know I was capable of being nice, she concluded with a strange, empty sensation in her stomach as Touji was slammed against the ropes with relative ease. I never had to be nice to anyone; people would either take my abuse or ignore me altogether. Then you came along and… instead of just taking it, you started to be nice to me… without me ever allowing you to. You'd take anything I was able to dish out and still apologized as if my own stupid trauma was your fault. I couldn't be nice to you.

The dull sounds of Touji cursing out the training session and stomping away from the ring distracted her. The jock sounded like he had been the one to give, and not receive a brutal, albeit controlled beating. The distraction was long enough to catch Shinji offering a small, shy smile in her direction before descending from the practice area and marching to the showers with a clear blush on his idiot face. She gave him a distracted smirk without even noticing. It came so natural now; simple, puny details in their shared existence like a smile, or a tug, a friendly pat on the back or a long, quiet hug.

The question drummed in her skull and bounced around her subconscious mind, unanswered. She had dreamed of it again, of those small moments of Instrumentality in which she, or whatever version of her Shinji had in his mind, had interacted with him and purposely shoved him over the edge of an already broken down sanity. She had meant to sting him with the statement, to make him take an impossible choice at the worst possible moment of both their lives; and he had left her mouth sealed shut with his response.

I never had to be nice to anyone, her pride roared from within, muted and distant as it was. It resembled a rabid, badly-trained beast who bit and clawed at whoever dared to so much as glance her way. Why should I have to be nice to you at all?!

Because, Asuka's logical thinking offered, quiet and patient, detached and cold. He's earned it. Our respect, our friendship, our… love. Nobody on this planet is more deserving of it than him. So many times she had hoped and prayed for Misato to snap once and for all, to drag her out of the apartment, put the barrel of her gun right on the redhead's forehead and splatter her brains all over the sidewalk. So many times had she stupidly believed Shinji would stop her; he'd take her hands, push her away and strangle her in the living room in a single, perfect act of righteous vengeance. Her penance, however, was to live every day next to the scars she had inflicted. Now, when all the poison had been extracted from her like a syringe of black bile, now, when Shinji was once again able to breathe without wincing in pain, now she found herself unable to control the need to simply… be nice to him.

It's not fair. Blue would've called me on my bullshit if it were some act to earn his trust back after I literally took away everything, she thought. The sounds slowly ceased, Asuka barely noticing Hikari asking her if she'd be there for lunch; with a stiff, vague nod she confirmed and was soon left alone in the large recovery area of their pyramid. I took everything from him, she realized again.

His friends… I took them. I told him to hide his bruises from them, and he did it because I was more important than anything. I took his kindness and stepped on it systematically. I took his body and made it my comfort toy. I took his mind and shattered it, I took his hand and broke it, I took away his ability to breathe like a normal person. I took his virginity, the last shred of innocence he had left… I took it. I broke him. I'm like those abusive boyfriends, like all those drunken monsters who torment their mate.

She had been convinced of her own reasoning regarding people in general, that humanity as a whole would never accept her, and every person she came across would leave her side. Never had she considered herself able to change, much less have a desire to be friendly, or nice, or stop attempting to silence everyone in the vicinity with her unrelenting greatness. How a simple, boring boy had triggered such a drastic alteration in her own reasoning, her behavioral patterns and overall overview of reality was beyond her. All Asuka knew was that it had hurt, deep and loud, every time her hands had clenched and hit Shinji. The only solace the redhead had found was to fall asleep on his chest after she had used him, lulled to peace with his breathing and heartbeat.

"Why can't you be nice to me?"

The answer had always been clear; an obvious fact lodged inside her brain. "Because you deserve so much better than me and I'd never admit it, because I'm sick and broken and wanted you all to myself," she whispered, and lowered her head. Dark, crimson bangs brushed to shine obscured her face. "I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on you… I knew you were better. You're a better person. You deserve someone who'll be nice to you every day, and I could never be that someone. I don't think I'll ever be… what you really…"

"Need?"

The voice made her jump from the seat almost fast enough to make her dizzy. Once Asuka's vision cleared she recognized the forlorn expression, tired eyes and purplish mane of her legal guardian. In a second, the chains broke and her pride took over. "For fuck's sake, Misato!" she yelled, still surprised. "What the hell are you doing just creeping on me like that?"

Misato raised a curious eyebrow, sat down, and invited her to do the same. Asuka complied, albeit with her arms crossed and a familiar scowl on her face. "I wasn't creeping on you, you paranoid young lady. I just happened to run into Shin-chan in the hallway and he asked me to come pick you up. Seems like you had a bad dream last night, and he's been giving you space… but you know how he gets every time you start forgetting meals."

A bittersweet smile grew on both their faces. Ever since Asuka's sudden sickness in the tents, her constant rejection of food and how close she had come to dying, Shinji had been almost obsessed with ensuring she ate. She'd realized it then, the fact that he so desperately clung to her life because he found no value in his own; she'd realized her power over him, new and fresh.

"I'll be there soon," said Asuka, scratching a non-existing itch on a small scar by her right knuckles. She had broken a mirror in a fit of rage, and Shinji had panicked over the tiny pieces of glass protruding from her skin. The wound had gotten infected due to her negligence, but he had scrubbed away the disease even after she had used her other hand to hit him several times, screaming at the top of her lungs about how much it hurt. In a somewhat ironic twist, Shinji was also terrible at looking after his own wounds; Asuka had been the one to clean and control every infected bruise she gave him.

"The great Sohryu Asuka Langley, wondering if she's worthy of Baka-Shinji," Misato remarked with a biting, sarcastic undertone, as though the statement itself was ludicrous. "What has the world turned into?"

"You know the horrible, exhausting truth about being really, really smart?" Asuka said instead, not bothering to take Misato's bait. "You can be a genius, classify every single one of your issues, know the exact scientific way to go about it, and you'll still end up with zero results when you analyze your own irrational behavior, no matter how much you think."

She almost felt Misato's questioning eyes on her head, so she elaborated. "I can go about every single day I spent torturing your surrogate son," she quietly continued, nail biting down into the old wound. "I can categorize and classify every last thing he did that made me angry, now that… I'm not so angry anymore… I've come to the conclusion that…" That you took the only person who'd ever come close to understanding you and tortured him for shits and giggles. "Almost none of it was real; the reasons why I'd get so mad, it was all in my head. You know I didn't even allow him to smile? Do you have any idea how sick that is?"

Instead of a shove, a punch, or the grated punishment she was still expecting, Asuka was once more disappointed to feel Misato's hand gently clenching her left shoulder. The empty gymnasium's silence stretched around them both, engulfing her in a strange cocoon of turmoil and grimace.

"Why wasn't he allowed to smile, Asuka?" Misato whispered, staring intently at her hunched form.

"Every time he smiled," Asuka began and sat upright, eyes suddenly drawn to the ceiling. "Someone who'd seen what he's seen, who's suffered more than I had, and of all people him… when he smiled because he'd found some meat, or a better shelter, or a shirt I could use, it'd remind me of how petty I was… how petty I am. It infuriated me that he could be happy about something that wasn't even beneficial for him! Back then people were spitting in his face on a daily basis! It reminded me that for all my intelligence, my anger would still blind me for that simple, petty reason and I'd do horrible things. So in my blind stupidity, I thought that if he just stopped smiling, then I'd… eventually stop hurting him."

To her increasing ire, Misato chose a lock of hair to pick at and began untangling non-existent tangles in her perfectly combed hair. Shinji liked running his hand through it sometimes; it soothed him in what Asuka believed to be a subconscious memory of his mother, but she allowed it. She did not allow, however, Misato to play with her hair.

"So you wanted to stop," Misato stated flatly, the apparent warmth in her voice gone. "You told Hikari you regretted every time you hurt him, or demeaned him. I guess that's true, huh."

"I guess," Asuka agreed, nodding. She wanted to slap away the woman's hand, but found no strength left in her. The attack could begin at any moment; every second counted, even if those seconds were spent repenting. Shinji refused to punish her, her friends had somewhat accepted her back into the group, Rei abstained from killing her, and Misato refused to cave into the action they both knew she deserved.

"I know what you're thinking," said Misato, letting the red strand fall from her fingertips. "You think you don't deserve Shinji because you've never been nice to him, and that's the only thing he's ever asked of you. Instead, you unleashed every bad, poisonous aspect of yourself on him, I imagine in the hope that he'd run off like everyone else. Now that you see that being nice is so much easier than you thought, you're going down the road of regretting not doing it all along. You smart people really do overthink things, but at the end of the day, you're right. You don't deserve him."

Asuka felt a ping, deep and scalding, right behind her nape. "Hey, what the hell woman?!" she yelled at close distance, hoping to get a rewarding headbutt, or a punch in the face, or a bullet through the skull.

"I also know exactly why you hate me, Asuka. And no, I'm not gonna shoot you for what you did. No matter how much you want me to, it's never gonna happen."

A tasty, hurtful retort was at the tip of her tongue, but Misato applied actual force to her neck and ever so suddenly, Asuka's body was rendered immobile. Pressure points, she realized in shock. I can't… move. There was no escaping Misato's piercing gaze anymore, and for some reason the look in the woman's eyes made Asuka want to break down sobbing.

"I thought about beating the hell out of you when you put my Shin-chan in a hospital bed, and I do mean hospitalize you for all intents and purposes. I mean breaking your face against the concrete and sending you back to Germany in a box," said Misato. Her eyes made a quick survey of their surrounding and upon confirming they were alone still, continued. "But I'd never think of killing you. I abandoned you both. I ran away into the city, into the booze and the gangs and the shootings, and turned a blind eye to every purple mark you left on Shinji because I was scared shitless of losing what little familiarity I had left around me, so I did nothing." Misato nodded to herself, trying her best to ignore the intense look in Asuka's blue eyes.

"So," Asuka uttered, barely higher than a whisper. "What happened before Third Impact? Why was Baka-Shinji so much more important than I was?"

It was not hatred, not fully, and not anymore; the emotion that shone in the girl's eyes and her very expression were those of someone who had been terribly betrayed. The empty room felt stifling, but with certain death looming their way, Misato knew she had precious little time to attempt some form of mending or healing to the wounds she had caused.

"Before Third Impact it was just..." Misato sighed dejectedly. "… I didn't bother with you. 'Terrible guardian' is a compliment to simplify my irresponsibility. I thought you were strong and able, and I treated you like an adult, and the first two things I said are bullshit. I never really bothered with you at all, and I know that must've stung terribly. In the end, all I wanted was revenge; it wasn't until the JSSDF had put a bullet in my stomach that I realized dragging Shinji to his certain death might not have been the best plan. I was selfish enough to let you both die in the field. And before everything blew up and we all got turned into jelly, I…"

She shook her head, as if to deny the stupidity of it all. "I abandoned Shin-chan too, just after Kaji died. Revenge and the truth were all that mattered. I heard you cry your eyes out the night after Arael. I saw Shinji break, I saw it, I was right there trying to hold his hand, and then I just got up and left."

Looking up at the ceiling, Misato discovered how easy it was, voicing her many mistakes, the sins which had cemented the completion of SEELE's ambition. "Every one of those bruises, Asuka," she muttered, mulling over the words. "Every scratch on Shin-chan's head, or his arm, that scratch on his leg or the cut on his elbow, the lines on his cheekbone, that lump on his fingers, and those two lines down his chest…"

The hold slowly loosened, allowing Asuka to breathe erratically and stare wide-eyed at her guardian. "I put every single wound there with you, don't ever believe otherwise. I'm trying to make it right with whatever time I have left, and I want to make it right by you, as well. I could never punish you, Asuka. It's not my place."

Lips trembling with both rage and agony, Asuka had to bite down on her cheek and break eye contact if only to breathe; Misato's sincerity was intense. "You should have," she murmured. "You should have shot me, you should've stopped me."

"Should have, could have, would have," Misato said, smiling and gripping her shoulder. "Fuck it. I didn't, I was the shittiest of shitty foster parents, and believe me when I say that I regret every second of it. It's my fault, sweetie. I am the adult, you're a teen… at best, no matter how much smarter you are than me. You tried to survive in whichever way you could. I don't blame you for that. It's not my place to dispense punishment for any of it, Shinji's made that abundantly clear, trust me."

Some strange weight lifted off Asuka's shoulders upon hearing Misato's statement. A large part of the animosity towards her legal guardian went into some form of dormant state, forcing her to realize that she did, indeed, care very much for this woman and her acceptance of her and Shinji's closeness.

"Even if it doesn't mean squat coming from me," said Misato, turning brown eyes towards the ring. Asuka and Shinji had broken walls in that ring, had accepted each other's touch and helped each other grow. Misato stared deep into Asuka's eyes a moment afterwards, unyielding. "I'm so incredibly, indescribably, immensely proud of all the progress you've made since Shinji was admitted. If you think people haven't noticed, you're the idiot, not him."

Oh giddy, Asuka thought with a hint of sarcasm. Disguise praise with an insult in the most Sohryu-like manner, why don't you?

"I've noticed," Misato continued. " You've jumped… miles, Asuka. All by yourself. And I know you're just sulking a little bit right now and in a few minutes you'll be smiling again with Shin-chan, but now that we're here... and that I have this chance… and the time, I wanted to say that. I'm really proud of how you've… grown into yourself. How you've made Shinji strive to be better, how you stood again, on your own two feet. You're… freakishly strong, the both of you, together. And I love you. You, Asuka, not the Second Child, not the famous pilot, or the genius from Germany, you. The idiot girl who hurt my Shin-chan."

She'd said it. She said it, Asuka's mind provided, just as dumbfounded. She had said… together. Misato 'I will kill you for breathing his air', Misato 'I will strangle you with your own intestines if you touch my children', had just implied that she approved. She approved of her and Shinji being together. "Bullshit," Asuka heard herself say in utter surprise. "You did not just say that."

To her ever-growing surprise and annoyance, Misato actually laughed out loud. "I did just say that, and I mean it. It's been brought to my attention, many times really in the past month, that after things between you and Shin-chan came to a…." She paused, pondering for the right word. "…disastrous climax, you've done nothing short of going down a brutal road, all by yourself, to break out of your own traumatized, sick behavior. Asuka… not even most adults manage what you've achieved, myself included. So there, I approve. You have my blessing, however little it may mean to any of y-"

"It does," Asuka found herself interrupting while an embarrassed blush covered her face. "It does mean something… it means more than you know." She gulped, staring anywhere but in her guardian's direction. Misato's words had somehow unbalanced her in a powerful way, and she was trying to recover. "T-To the Baka, at least…" she added hastily and cursed herself when her entire face began to feel heated. "He loves you a lot. And I know he'll be very happy you… uhm… approve."

Despite the apparent amiable atmosphere, Asuka noticed how somber Misato had suddenly gotten. Even with a smile on her face; the woman emanated some form of thick, grave aura which made her shiver uncomfortably.

"Asuka," said Misato, deadly serious. "What you did to Shinji on those nights, on the other hand..." Asuka felt her body stiffen like a wooden board and the blood in her veins turn to ice. "That's no small thing, not by a long shot. I'd throw you in jail just for that, let alone the many times you hit Shinji."

Misato knelt before her, holding both their hands together tightly. "You not only deprived him of any chance of a normal experience as a young man, you stole your own chance. You took both your virginities in your blind pursuit of comfort, and that is a wound that I know must torment your every step. The hits I can understand, to a degree, but that…" her shoulders shook with violence. "You stole the innocence of both, you idiot girl. Baka. Baka. That's why..."

Tears started hitting the padded floor all of a sudden. Asuka's eyes widened even further; Misato was hunched over before her, head bowed and hands holding her own tightly enough to make it hurt. "That's why… you have to survive whatever comes our way, okay? You have to make it right to him, you have to go and live all those stupid little innocent moments kids live at your age and take it as naturally as it goes… you have to make it right… and for that, you have to survive. So keep on fighting, keep on being you, keep eating Shin-chan's food even… even if that means taking Unit 02 and getting the fuck out of here, just the two of you with Rei and your friends… all of you packed real tight in that entry plug."

Asuka's mind derailed completely; she stared at Misato before her, a woman who by all intents and purposes should only be concerned with putting her on the front lines to defend an entire country. "Misato… what…?"

"I don't give a shit about these people…!" A single angry eye glared at her from the tangled mess of purple hair; the words were delivered with every bit of resentment and bitterness Misato had for the countless hours she'd spent fighting for a stable city. "I don't give a single crap about this city, this country or my life if any of that means that you won't be in it. So if the worst comes to pass and we're losing, I want you to take Shinji and leave, and make it up to him somehow where you're both safe and happy. You feel like you don't deserve him? Good. Then fight, and run, and survive, and earn him. I'm sure he feels the same way about you, so do that. Promise me."

"You want me to promise you that I'll abandon you, and that stupid penguin, if things go badly? Are you out of your damn mind? Are you this dense? Are you drunk?!" Asuka all but yelled at the empty hall. The grip on her hands tightened even more, turning into a heavy clutch.

"I don't care about it, anymore," Misato admitted, sounding so very, very tired. "I've been running from you guys trying to patch this place together, and it's just not worth it. It's not worth it if you two aren't smiling like dummies together or blushing or holding hands. I won't force you to fight any other war ever again, and I'm begging you, please, please, survive."

After what felt like minutes of a sepulchral silence, Asuka took a deep breath, convinced to the core of her own reasoning. "I promise I'll fight, and in the worst case scenario, grab all my friends and Shinji... and you, and get us all the fuck out of here." With Misato's eyes effectively locked on hers, it was Asuka's time to smirk. "You're the closest thing Shinji's ever come to having a mother, or a sister, or a guardian of any kind. You think he'd forgive me if I just haul ass out of here with our friends and leave you to die?! No, not happening, Sub-Commander. So to whatever mischievous plan B you're machinating in that head of yours, I have this to say: Either you come with us, or we all die."

Despite herself, Misato managed a half chuckle that sounded more like a strained sob. "Okay, Captain Sohryu," she conceded, drying her tears and patting their joined hands. "I promise that. Either all of us, or none of us."

"That's how it's supposed to work, you drunken slob," Asuka snapped with a tinge of her usual tone. "Now come on, you look like shit with your eyes all red and puffy like that. The Baka's gonna worry if you show up looking like Pen-Pen just committed suicide."

"Wark!" A certain very sensitive and clearly offended penguin squawked as it walked towards them, hell-bent on getting his special Saturday sardines.

"Okay, okay," said Asuka, shooing the bird's attempts to nip at her leg. "Hey, come on you damn bird, I was kidding, all right?" Twice the tip of Pen-Pen's beak impacted just above her ankle, drawing out a surprised yelp from the teen. "Eek! You-you know what?! Go ahead and bite, you wouldn't dare! Imagine what Shinji's reaction's gonna be when I tell him you bit me!" She shrilled the last part with enough childish exaggeration to make Misato flinch, while Pen-Pen's eyes widened at the statement, body freezing in a last attempt to peck at the exposed skin over her ankle. With a disgruntled 'Wark', their seemingly sentient pet ceased defending its dignity. There were snacks to consider, after all.

"Blehhhh!" Asuka stuck out her tongue. "Come on, you stupid guardian woman-child, let's go eat, I'm starving!"

Misato let herself be dragged to the kitchen area by a girl who was clearly in a better mood; the very thought made her want to burst into tears once more. I helped, she pathetically told herself. However small of a victory it was, she'd take it. I made her feel a little bit better; I helped, if only a little tiny bit. I helped her.

It was the first time Asuka had ever referred to her as 'guardian' without any sort of sarcastic undertone or bitter resentment. For reasons she could not yet explain, that thought did actually make her stifle another sob whilst the redhead complained, nagged and told her to clean up her act.

Guardian.

---

January the 26th. 11.05am. North Pacific Ocean, seventy kilometers from Tokyo 03

"Tili, tili boom… close your eyes now… someone's walking ouuutside the house… and knocks on the door…"

British Air Force pilot Nathan Taverner tried not to cringe at the disturbing tone in which the precious cargo/passenger/EVA pilot was singing. It sounded like a child's voice, if the child had just seen a ghost and was forced to read the song's lyrics at gunpoint by that ghost. Even if he couldn't understand the language the very aura of the song made the man uncomfortable, and drove a shudder of fear down his spine. As if transporting what SEELE had classified as humanity's most dangerous weapon wasn't bad enough, he was now forced to deal with its pilot.

"Tili tili, boom," Dmitri mumbled as he sharpened the old, rusted kitchen knife on a whetstone. The blade produced a quiet echo as it glided up and down. "The nightbirds are chirping…" Hungry brown eyes turned to the aircraft's pilot, then back to the whetstone. "He's inside the house now, to visit those who can't sleep…" A predatory smile drew on Dmitri's lips when the man flinched. "On he waaalks, ooooon he is coming… closer…"

He had been warned not to engage in any form of conversation or interaction with the subject at all. He was to drop Unit X at the disclosed meeting point with their naval forces, sixty kilometers away from the Japanese shores where twenty of their ships were stationed, disengage the manual override holding the entry plug's lock, and fly back to the carrier. It had been a standard, uneventful transfer for the last hour; he had barely acknowledged Dmitri's presence.

For nigh on a month, ever since arriving from Hokkaido and onto their destroyer, the boy had done little else than train, eat ridiculous amounts of food, nap and snore like a dying bear. Unfortunately for Nathan, a gush of turbulence had shaken the aircraft about twenty minutes before, rousing a certain dangerous, volatile assassin now sitting mere feet away from him. And the brat was singing.

"Tili tili boo, can you hear him closing in…? Lurking around the corner…" The boy's gaze turned to his watch to check the time, and fixed on Taverner's head swiftly afterwards. "Staring right at you…"

Nathan had both heard about the Pride event in Japan, and foolishly watched the video his fellow soldiers had been sharing on their cell phones. Bad, bad mistake, Nate, he realized, feeling a renewed sense of dread. Of course the EVA was to be handled and delivered with as much caution as possible, that much he understood; what evaded the young pilot was why in hell the boy had to be present the moment Unit X had departed from the Sea of Okhotsk.

The image of the scarred young soldier cornering and beating a renowned Japanese champion with apparent ease, after fighting four previous opponents to boot, came to mind again. If the gossip among mercenaries were to be believed, the local mobsters had paid Dmitri a generous amount of money to send a message to not only the televised media, but also to society in general. Mixed martial arts in Japan and Pride Championship belonged to the yakuza.

"Tili tili boom, can you hear him closing in….? Closer…"

On top of being uncharacteristically creepy when asleep, what with his black plugsuit and constant attachment to the dreadful, rusty, blood-stained knife gripped between his crossed arms; as soon as he'd roused the so called Bastard had started humming to himself. One after the other, what Nathan thought to be Russian lullabies were sung with the most innocent-sounding voice he'd ever heard. The childish tone and smile on the boy's face worked to terrify him more than any sadistic grin or deadly speech ever could.

There was a certain air about him, an air of death. The ship's pilot could honestly not say if the energy came from the monstrosity he carried, or the monster in his cockpit.

"Tili tili boom…" Dmitri's hushed voice was suddenly close, and Nathan was scared enough to only stare at the controls before him. Do not engage, do not speak to him, do not look at him. Do your part, drop him off and leave, he thought desperately, hoping against hope he'd survive another day.

"The silent night hides everything…" The boy was so close Taverner could feel hot air against his ear. A hand softly caressed his shoulder. "He sneaks up behind you…" Actively shaking now, teeth chattering with horror, not even aware if he was flying the aircraft in the right direction or not, the man managed a shaky exhale. "…and he is going to get you…"

"Ooooon He walks… he is coooming… closer…" Dmitri whispered, letting his chin rest against the pilot's right shoulder. "Say," he asked, switching to fluent English. "How much did they pay you for this service, mister pilot? Nathan, is it? I bet people call you Nate, huh. Can I call you Nate? I'm gonna call you Nate."

"I-I…" he mumbled, swallowing a tennis-ball sized lump in his throat. Do not engage, do not speak to him. Do not speak to him. If he forces words out of you, do not lie. The General had been crystal clear, so Taverner's lips quivered open. "T-They're o-off-offering me two hundred thousand p-pounds, mister… uhm… mister-"

"Just call me Dmitri, Nate," the boy said, smiling widely and, as far as Taverner could see, sincerely. "I think you've earned the right after such a long shared time with me, wouldn't you say? Hell, most people don't even last a full minute, which practically makes us buddies!"

Nathan tried with all his might to concentrate on the controls and not on the fact that the knife was still in the boy's right hand.

"Hmm, two G's, huh? It's a respectable sum for a simple job, I mean I could fly this solo, it's just that manual override that needs fingerprints to release my little… toy back there. Ugh… the bureaucracy!" The boy's eyes were practically next to his, tone playful and smirk ever present. There was no escaping that twisted gaze. Dmitri beamed, probably upon noticing Nathan was sweating. "And what about family, Nate, do you have any?"

Yes, his mind whispered, sounding like the child he had been. Even after surviving the remnants of Second Impact, coming out of the ocean in one piece, after all his training and conscious decisions to take innocent lives and become a mercenary to ensure a better life for his family, the man's inner voice felt like an infant's in the presence of the raw, unrelenting… evil crouching next to him. Two hundred thousand pounds felt like such a trivial sum all of the sudden.

I have a sister, and two little brothers. My mother's still alive. She's a really kind lady, everyone loves her in the flats, his mind said, paranoid. I have a girlfriend, and we're hoping to have a child this year. I… I have a cat. "I…" he licked lips that felt like sand paper, Dmitri's every breath beside his earlobe felt like a demon was sniffing directly into his soul. "N-Not really, mister D-Dmitri. Just… s-siblings, you know."

The cold hand on his shoulder offered a seemingly innocuous squeeze. "Siblings, huh. Well, I had a sibling once." Dmitri's voice slowly lost the playful, infantile undertone with every new word. "Vasili, he was called," he muttered; his cheek came into contact with Nathan's as he pulled the older man in a tight one-armed hug.

"My mother named him after a national hero of ours, Vasili Zeitzev. I'm sure you've heard of him. Me, I was named after her favorite character in one of Dostoyevsky's famous novels. By the time I was five years old, though, my little brother was all I had left. Now I ask you, my friend Nathan… Nate, dear… how can you say you have no family, when you just admitted to having siblings? Do they not count as family? Did you just lie to me?"

The EVA pilot's voice had turned to deadly ice; Taverner's hands trembled while he tried to keep the aircraft steady. Just two more minutes, two minutes and they'd be in the drop zone, he'd be free to return to England, to his shitty little flat near London with his girlfriend and their cat. Two minutes. "I... it's just, m-mister Dmitri… we were never really… that close, y-you see…"

It was a blatant lie, of course. His sister Delia called him every day to ensure he was still breathing, his two little brothers held him in high regard as a hero of the nation, a brave warrior sent to fight off the monsters of NERV. They were all very dear to him, and oh, how he had deceived them all with SEELE's propaganda, making himself out to be the hero and not some lowlife heading to destroy innocent lives for money. How he had deceived himself.

"Delia, Marcus, and little Johnny might take offense to that statement, friend," uttered the assassin quietly, gripping Nathan's shoulder with renewed vehemence as he spit out the last word.

The man's entire body felt cold, as though touched by Death itself. Wide, unblinking green eyes stared into dead brown ones. "H-How do y-you know their names?" he asked, voice breaking at the last syllable.

"Oh… well, you know, because I'm gonna kill them all, of course. Your mother, as well; dear Ms. Sheila. Sorry about that, Boss's orders."

There was a sudden surge in Nathan's body, the need to take his weapon, damn the whole operation to hell, and shoot the monster who had him basically paralyzed with nothing but words.

"No mercenary shit who thinks he can steal Ikari Shinji from me is going to survive, Nathan, old sport," the boy elaborated, drawing him closer. "Not you lot, and certainly not your families." One minute, literally sixty seconds until the drop off, sixty seconds and he'd be free. Free. He slowly reached for the pistol; fifty one seconds left.

"P-Please, why-?" he started; tears fell inexplicably down his face.

"Shhhh…" Dmiti adorned while the nails of his left hand dug into the pilot's skin. Nathan was immobile, frozen with terror. "Прощай, friend."

Taverner never got around to asking why Dmitri would bother to hunt down his family. He never got to reach for his sidearm, never got to ask who, exactly, this boss was, never got to count down the thirty-three seconds left until they reached the drop zone. He did not even manage to articulate a full sentence.

"Oooon he walks … he is coming…" Dmitri whispered in Russian. "Closer…"

The rusted knife easily dug into the skin of his neck; the tip was so sharp he barely felt the metal's cold bite as it opened a gash wide enough to let his life-blood splatter the controls before him in a horrid spectacle. He tried to stifle the hemorrhage with his hand, but it was stabbed in place a second later, metal embedding on metal when the blade trapped his limb on the control booth. He choked, blood oozing from both his neck and mouth, spitting out globs of pink froth. All too soon he felt his body go into shock as Dmitri's hand held his head in place and kept the wound open.

He would die with the uncertainty of whether the boy's words had been a ruse, a threat, or a promise; he'd die not receiving a cent of the forgotten two hundred thousand pounds. The last thing he'd ever see would be Dmitri's eyes shining red just as his vision blackened and the world went silent.

Nathan Taverner would die forty seven seconds after having reached the drop zone that would have earned him a small fortune.

"Activate Autopilot, security override 3051146558," Child Zero barked at the computer, retrieving the knife and kicking the now dead body to the side. "Redirect target and notify central; drop zone will now be Tokyo 3's former main district. We will be following Directive V-32. Connect me with my men."

Walking over to the cabin, the young assassin cleared his throat and spoke in English. "It's been a while, you bunch of useless runts. We're on! Whoever kills one hundred civilians with artillery first gets twenty-four bottles of vodka! Extra points for the Children's friends, extra women if you bring them to me alive! The old men's artillery should keep the naval force busy, so we're gonna fuck them from behind! I'm gonna have fun digging up those shelters."

He sat in the pilot's seat contently, not in the least bit bothered by the blood coagulating and drying all over the plane's controls and his brand new plugsuit. He turned off communications and extracted a joint from a pocket in the duffle bag which hung beside the co-pilot's seat.

To his dismay the small, black receiver in his right ear; the one which would make his head explode like a balloon at any given time, beeped twice just as the first curtain of smoke covered the ship's direct visage. He inhaled once more, head lolling to the side where the fresh corpse had finished bleeding out. Dmitri's mission was reaching its delightful, final stage. He had been given a week, and stalled for more than a month to ensure that both his skills were honed to its finest, and X's strength was at maximum. Not that the stupid old man could force him into anything, anymore; with X in a twenty mile radius… he was free.

"Now, it begins," his boss said in a deadpan tone after a moment's hesitation. God, he hated the way she spoke; every word was uttered with meaning behind it, as though every single syllable that came out of her mouth was important and necessary for the continued existence of humanity. Such clear arrogance and self-entitlement made him both admire and detest her.

Tokyo was about an hour away, enough time to finish the joint and stretch.

"No," he disagreed, drawing a heavy puff; he waited before exhaling, let the smoke burn through his lungs. At last, it was here; the grand stage where he'd give a performance worthy of Archias of Thuii. Smiling widely, he whispered. "Now it ends."

---

"You have no chance."

The statement was bold and heavy enough on its own, but the way Ishikawa simply deadpanned it, like it was a law of physics or an undeniably evident force like gravity, made it far worse. Still, Ikari Shinji refused, for once in his life, to give up. "B-But," he started, balling his bandaged hands. "But what about all the training?"

They had just finished what was supposed to be one of their final sessions before the great battle began; a last chance for him to blow off steam after the press conference and get a final sweat going. He'd been feeling a bit confident for once in his life, what with his perfected liver blow and right hook combo, his left cross, the evasive maneuvers against knives and blades, the drills with Ishikawa's men, the wrestling training with that huge, Russian brute Ishikawa had procured, the sparring sessions...

It had all been torturous, every step of the way. His ribs had never truly 'stopped bothering him', as he proudly stated again and again. The healing muscles felt like jelly every time a punch managed to land anywhere near the areas where Asuka's heel had dug into his bones, and his vision would explode in a myriad of colors just as his body recoiled just from the memory of his ribs digging deep into his lung.

He'd flinch, but keep fighting. It had all been going so well, lately. He was finally feeling happy!

"What do you mean, no chance? There has to be something, Sensei…!" Shinji all but demanded. "Please! I need to win!"

The massive man's head shook stiffly, as if to solidify the words in his head. No chance. "No amount of training is going to get you ready, in less than a few months at that, to fight someone who's been fighting for a lifetime, brat. Your enemy will annihilate you in seconds. Seconds, Shinji."

"…you wouldn't last three seconds…" The Artist's words rang though Shinji's hazed mind and blazed the embers of his anger and the depth of his despair. Seconds? Seconds?!

He wanted to cry, so badly he wanted to. He wanted so desperately to scream how unfair it was, to be stolen of that little ounce of courage and self-confidence he had. Why was he being forced to part from the perfectly drawn farce that Asuka and he would survive? I deserve this, he thought, enraged and helpless at once. I do, but not her, not them. Not my friends, not the people living in this city, please, not Misato. Why does it have to be them? He refused to give in. "What about t-the liver shot you taught me, Sensei?"

Ishikawa growled down at him, as though he was reprimanding one of his men for leaving their post. His eyes lacked any sort of warmth or mirth at all; he was roughly as menacing as Shinji's father. "Your technique is flawless," the man stated matter-of-factly. "But it won't matter. You heard your friends; if this so called Artist is indeed the pilot, no perfect punch or lock is going to be of any use at all. Frankly, Asuka has way more chance of surviving a fight like this than you do. She's been trained for years, and still I think this is… a losing battle. That boy killed nine trained assassins who hadn't been out of duty, without a weapon. Five active Special Forces members, Shinji. Five. Even for me, that'd be trouble." The man he had come to respect as his master sighed dejectedly. "You have no chance."

Shinji felt something very cold reach into his rotted, mending heart and rip it out in one fluid motion; he felt Lilith's cold fingers coiling around his very soul. No chance. No chance, not even with Asuka. Not even with Unit 02… this is… I didn't want this! No… no, no no no no no. No. No! I won't! I won't accept this! Both his fists were shaking, nails digging deep into the padded material of the was clenching his teeth and sneering openly, eyes wild and bloodshot and muscles tensed to the maximum.

"Under normal circumstances, you'd have no chance."

Shinji's head whipped towards Ishikawa's imposing figure so fast the bones in his spine cracked. Ishikawa seemed adamant on revealing whatever it was he was holding back under the stern face and cold expression; perhaps it was the ultimate formula for an assured victory. A secret technique to kill his opponent where he stood, the Five Finger Death Punch, Asuka's spinning wheel kick, Bruce Lee's Jeet Kun Do, anything would do, anything. It was apparent that the boy's eyes reflected such train of thought, for the soldier known as the Jap Bull snorted loudly from his nose, crouched, and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"I heard Unit 02 has a ridiculously quick healing factor, something NERV's never seen before," he all but whispered in a harsh grate, and sighed heavily once again. "Listen. If you somehow manage to survive the first two or three rounds of the fight, maybe Asuka's offensive will be effective and your opponent will gas out, and that's a very big fat maybe. Now, brat, this is a very long stretch, but it's all I got for you. All the punches, kicks, locks, broken bones, exploding kidneys and spleens, internal bleeding, concussions and probably a heart failure or two; you have to take it."

Shinji gaped like a fish, completely taken aback. "Wha-"

"There is no way you're gonna evade damage. Asuka might; shit, she might actually win… but if this goes to shit like you fear and you have to hold the wheel, well… all you have is your endurance, the element of surprise, and your pain threshold." Another heavy sigh, as if the man was giving advice on how to die, and not how to win. "Those are your only weapons, brat. I've never, ever, in all my years of service, seen a human who can take punishment like you can." Ishikawa chuckled lightly, the corners of his mouth rising in a brief smirk. "You think you have everyone fooled, don't you, brat?"

Shinji's already gaping eyes managed a blink of surprise. "What do you-" he started, and was promptly silenced by an unexpected open-handed slap to his ribs, forcing the boy to hiss and double over in pain.

"Yeah, that's what you get for lying to your trainer, you dumb brat." Instead of crouching before him, Ishikawa chose to sit next to him instead, to his left, and took the boy's left hand in both of his. "You must think you're pretty damn slick, hiding so much pain from clear view. I can't even imagine how much your body has ached, cried and complained these past few weeks. You went from barely having skin on your bones to healthy in less than two months. True, you had that serum, but I know for a fact that the pain and exhaustion were excruciating, at best. And the fact that you barely showed any clear signs of fatigue at all lets me know you've had far, far worse than any Yoga session I can dish out. Besides, after seeing that press conference, damn kid. Just… damn."

Well, Shinji thought, feeling somehow utterly destroyed, hopeless and more like his old self than ever since emerging from the ocean. I can take pain. What's some little exercise, anyhow? What are some broken ribs in comparison to having your innards ripped out? What's to admire about me fidgeting like a whelp in my seat and losing my lunch on international TV?!

"I bet you're going along the lines of 'what is my pain compared to the girl's anyway? She suffered so much more than I did, what's my pain compared to all those people who never came back? Blah blah blah, am I right?"

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Shinji fidgeted, embarrassed that he was so easy to read. "Uhm… maybe…."

"HAH!" This time, Shinji visibly flinched when Ishikawa both bellowed to the Gymnasium and slapped him hard on the back. "I knew it! But that's just my point. Shinji," the man said, clutching Shinji's hand until he heard his own bones begin to crack.

"If it comes down to that scenario, that one we've talked about, you'll have one opening, two at best. You have to take as much punishment as possible; that's why you can't lower your defense, even if he breaks every bone in your arms. You'll just have to stomach it and wait for Unit 02 to put you back together." Ishikawa's arms stiffened before him, his head lowered as he assumed a defensive stance. "Grit your teeth, ball your fists, and take the beating. Retaliate every chance you get, as hard as you can."

Ishikawa's hardened gaze locked onto his; he lifted Shinji's scrawny fist so it was inches away from both their faces, his eyes turned to steel. "You won't be able to get a clean shot unless it's on an exchange, and you'll definitely be taking the worst of those. That's what we want, fucked up as it sounds. When your opponent feels like you can't possibly get back up, when you're so damn torn to pieces you can barely stand, when that one single time comes when the enemy's perfect defense and control of space is not coming to play…"

The man smirked bestially. "That's when I want you to let it out, to let it all out. Start by taking this fist," he clutched Shinji's left hand tightly, "and shoving it deep into the enemy's gut. I want you to take out his fucking entrails, his soul with a liver blow so devastating it'll leave his ancestors crying for help! I want you to dig your hand so deep into his rib cage that you'd take his heart out if possible. I want you to drill your fist into the enemy's body until every knuckle in your hand is shattered, and then I want you to aim for that thing's temple, and put it to sleep. You need to shut him down. Position the target in the center," Ishikawa's knuckles made contact with his temple, "then pull the switch."

Suddenly, the heart which Lilith had so easily stolen and frozen in her frigid hold was hammering loudly against Shinji's eardrums. "I…" he mumbled, more to himself than to Ishikawa. "I can… win…? I can… save her?"

"I don't know, kid," said Ishikawa, at last releasing his hand. "But I know I've seen you do amazing, unbelievable shit in the short time I've been employed by NERV. I saw a scrawny brat beat up strong, trained young men. I saw that same scrawny brat get over his own ass and be a good friend, a loyal companion. I saw you stop a god damned Evangelion, for Gods' sake, Shinji! Do I know you'll win? No, no I do not. But I sure freaking hope you do, kid. And I believe you can do this. I believe in you."

Something stirred in Shinji's chest, something that for once was not the eerie sensation of the Beast's claws running across his sternum. "I…" he swallowed, at a loss of how to respond. "N-No one's ever really... said that before. I mean… I know Misato-san does, and Asuka's… well, Asuka. If she believes she can do something she will… I guess she trusts me, now… uhm..."

"Then why can't you?" The wizened soldier inquired, and offered a lopsided smirk. "She keeps on babbling about how you're both alike. That means if she can believe in you, if I can, then so can you, and if you believe... well brat, then..." The grin widened. "Then that Artist is truly, completely, and irrevocably fucked."

They stayed like that, teacher and student, sitting in their gym and talking nonsense for what remained of the morning. It was fun, and it served to give Shinji the bit of courage required to go along with what probably was the first, and only plan he'd ever come up with.

The stronger the storm, however, the more peaceful the calm before it feels.

About half an hour after Shinji was dispatched to his room, a very familiar siren, one that had not sounded for nigh on a year, began to wail all over Tokyo-3. The ensuing chaos, despair and helplessness every inhabitant of the barely-functional capital felt upon reliving the many attacks of the Angels was enough to send the entire city into disarray. Shelters overloaded, the barely functional streets jammed with the masses of cars attempting to escape at the last minute.

At 12.33pm of Saturday, January the 26th of 2017, a volley of missiles leveled three of the seven ships protecting Tokyo's eastern shores; one missile went off course and impacted a newly-finished apartment building. In the first ten minutes of the attack, sixty four lives were lost, twenty one of whom had rejected the many evacuation orders and had died while trying to escape the rubble. Three people were stomped to death in a train station three blocks away from Misato's apartment.

---

Holding Cage 47. Outskirts of Tokyo 01 Ruins. 1.47pm.

They were moved to the evacuation rails as soon as Aishida's transmission came, ensuring that Hikari, Kensuke, Touji and their families had been safely evacuated and were as far from danger they were likely to get. An entourage of about a hundred armed men, two ships and three helicarriers, with a tank following close behind, had escorted Asuka and Shinji to where Unit 02 had been secretly transported.

As they walked towards the small storage area meant to be their improvised changing room, Asuka and Shinji were accompanied by a thunderous applause from both the soldiers and crew techs all around. Women and men cheered loudly, soldiers hoisted their weapons high in the air or saluted them both as they walked by, earning confused, blushing half-smiles from Shinji and curt, confident nods from Asuka. The visage of Unit 02's shining armor glowed under the artificial lighting, its mere presence intimidating enough to make some techs gulp. When the pilots were visible from across the rail, the four eyes blazed for a second, and the EVA's massive head nodded in their direction.

As they prepared to sortie, a familiar feeling of anxiousness fell over both young pilots; there was absolutely no guarantee that they'd return, or survive for that matter. Back during the battle against the Angels, such reality had barely even crossed their minds since neither of them had considered their life valuable in any sense, nor truly considered the option of dying. After months and months of both endless torture and painful growth, the pair realized they did not want to die, not after reaching such a comfortable and natural stage in their growing relationship.

"Do you think Rei will be all right?" Shinji asked while removing his shirt. The small objects in his pocket came into mind, so he stored them away in the plugsuit's one available pocket before even putting it on. "I'm not really convinced with all that science crap Ritsuko blurted out at us in the meeting."

"She'll be fine, Baka," Asuka retorted, and threw her own shirt on his face. "Do you think that bastard father of your would seriously place his precious, gorgeous little daughter in the line of fire? That disgusting piece of flesh they call Unit 00 is far down on the lower levels. She's as safe as she's likely to get."

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" Shinji mumbled. His hand itched to grab the small objects hidden away in the plugsuit. "So, how did that go? What happened between Rei and Father?"

Asuka shrugged and took off her pants, but minded to not remove the golden chain on her neck under any circumstance; this time, Shinji's present would come along to whatever end they were headed. "Ugh, you know." Her new, state of the arm plugsuit awaited, still neatly packed. "It was sinister, awkward, and I'd honestly have preferred to watch Misato and Kaji have sex in front of me than be there. They talked, your bastard father crouched all lovey-dovey, your sister slapped him, then she cried and he… consoled her. By the end of it they hugged." A tremor went through Asuka's half-naked form. "Gave me the creeps; but your shit of a father behaved."

Shinji chuckled, playfully throwing his own balled up shirt at her head. "Yeah, I bet. Ugh." He squirmed when the thought of embracing his father came to mind. "I bet it's like hugging a python, or one of those giant lizards from that weird island. What were they called again, Asuka-chan?"

"Which ones? The ones we saw on that documentary yesterday?" Shinji nodded before his shirt landed back directly on his face. "Komodo Dragons, Ba-ka. And you're not wrong, you know? Those big-ass lizards have mouths filled with bacteria; so toxic it's almost like a snake's venom. They bite down on their prey once and then just watch as it dies from infection. Kinda like him, don't you think?" She made a motion with her hand mimicking the reptile's tongue.

Chuckling even louder, Shinji took off his pants, his back to her, and recalled his last encounter with Ikari Gendou.

"It is the finest, fastest working anesthetic in our stock; it will work better than any tranquilizer dart, and has no negative side effects." The man's stoic figure stood beside him, a gloved hand extended his way. They had met on the rail overlooking Unit 02, father and son, both with a sneer of anger and hatred on their faces. While Gendou's hard, hate-filled eyes hid under the yellow glasses, Shinji's sneer was clear and pungent.

Shinji ripped the tiny syringe and the piece of paper from his father's hand with clear annoyance. "Thanks," he bit through gritted teeth. "I'm supposing this is the code, then," he motioned towards the mass of black numbers and German words scribbled on the rustled, yellowed paper.

"Correct." Gendou nodded and adjusted his glasses, turning to leave. "Godspeed, Shinji," he said, already heading to the exit. Just before pressing the button, the elder Ikari's head turned. "You have grown into a fine young man." Furious yet exhausted eyes drew to the ceilings, and the skies above. "Your mother would be proud."

Shinji nodded in response; his angry snarl turned into a serious gaze. "Thank you… Father." He pocketed the two innocuous objects and stood there, facing Unit 02 by himself, until the colossal mecha's eyes shone in approval.

"Ba-kaaaaa!" Asuka yelled from behind him. "Pass me the neural clips, pretty pleeease."

Once in the corner of the room, Asuka took off her bra without a single concern for Shinji's presence, which elicited a stream of half-stuttered words from his mouth. "A-A-Asuka! I-I'm right here! Ah-"

"What?" she asked, naked with the exception of her panties and thoroughly enjoying the way Shinji's eyes widened, hungrily traveling up and down her body. "It's nothing you haven't seen before, right?"

She did not count, however, on Shinji's eyes actually turning almost ink black with desire, nor him throwing himself at her, naked except for his boxers, to assault her with an aggressive, bestial kiss not unlike those she had given before. She squealed in surprise in shock when his dark gaze engulfed her and his lips mashed against hers; she noticed that despite the clear, powerful desire, Shinji was doing his best not to hurt her too much as he held her wrists in place with both his hands and pressed her against the wall.

"S-Sorry," he growled, and rained a storm of kisses down her neck. "I… can't… control myself…" His hands were hot, they began to lose their deadly grip on her wrists, slowly relaxing as she dove into the kiss. Then his hands went down her hips, onto her behind, and she could feel his nails digging into her lower back when he pulled her flush against him and sloppily kissed her collarbone. He began to actually kiss her lips in a fashion that felt as though he wanted to fuse together with her.

"Guh," Asuka managed, emitting a loud moan when Shinji not-so-gently turned her around, right hand coming up to grope her breasts as his left dug deep into her moist undergarments. Her body shook under his firm grasp. "B-Baka… what the…oh! What the h-hell… uhhh…" Asuka's body responded in kind; her backside crashed onto Shinji's midsection and her right hand snaked over his head, fingers intertwining in his hair and nails digging into his scalp. "S-Shinji…"

"If anything happens...I want to do this for you."

Shinji did not sound like himself, nor did he sound anything like what she had heard from the thing that lived in his chest. His tone now seemed like some mix between the two, which made her belly turn to lava and forced her quivering legs open.

Something about the entire situation, the impeding threat of death, the days and days and days he had held himself at bay, the strain of trying to act normal under the stressful circumstances of an incoming battle, the guilt, the nightmares, the memories and the pain... once Asuka's naked body stood before him, the Beast had torn its chains apart. Yet it was not his self-hatred, wrath, frustration and guilt which held Asuka like a prisoner, hurriedly pressed against her clitoris and fondling her breasts wildly. It was him, he was in control, somehow drawing strength from the Beast's endless pit of rage. Only one thought reverberated in his brain, a bestial word that was growled over and over.

Mine.

"S-" Asuka squirmed against Shinji when the fingers of his right hand pinched her nipple. "S-Shinji… d-do it." His left hand pressed harder against her. "Gott! D-Do it, do it now!" Both her hands found their way to his right arm; when had he gotten so freaking strong?

"Are you sure?" Shinji demanded, demanded, not asked, harshly against her ear. His left hand was working miracles, forcing her limbs to shake and incoherent sounds to come out of her mouth.

"Y-Yes, god damn it, I told y-oohh… I told you already! Gott!" Her back arched against him. "Now!"

He bit her. It was not the gentle, barely perceptible pressure of his teeth from before; Shinji's jaw hinged closed around her skin with passion, easily tearing through the first layer of skin and digging deep in her flesh. She felt the blood oozing from the newly opened wound, felt the sting of the boy's teeth possessively holding onto her as though they meant to tear off a chunk. The ministrations on her lower half became more delicate, easing off the pain from her mind with gentle, slow strokes. In spite of the throbbing pleasure spiced with sweet pain, all Asuka could hear and feel was one word, resonating deep in her head as his ragged breath caressed her ear.

Shinji's voice, a growl so low and menacing it made her shudder again. Mine, it screamed, enraged and overprotective. Mine. Mine. Mine and mine alone. Mine!

Yes, yours, she agreed, slowly massaging Shinji's scalp. The pressure of his jaw slowly relented; in seconds, she felt him put a large, sloppy kiss on her new bite mark. All yours, Shinji. The vice-like grip around her body relaxed somewhat as Shinji's mind and motor functions returned to him in droplets. He had not quite managed to make her climax, but had come dangerously close. She was panting heavily, her legs felt quivery and her knees were all but jelly; her underwear was certainly ruined, and there was a fresh, hot trail of blood that slowly dribbled from her nape to her back.

Asuka felt Shinji's arm lose their hold and start their retreat, but caught them just in time. "None of that," she growled, turning to him. Yes, she thought, heart hammering against her ears. Shinji's mouth was bloody, his eyes wide and unfocused, as though unwilling to believe what he had just done. All yours, Baka. She wrapped his arms around herself and threw her around his neck, drawing the boy into a kiss before he had the chance to rinse the crimson from his mouth.

"There," she said, smiling brightly and utterly ignoring the sting on the left side of her neck. "Now we both look like we've got lipstick on." Noticing the way his expression turned sheepish and embarrassed, Asuka stole one more peck from his lips. "Thanks, Baka."

"L-Let me get that cleaned up, A-Asuka-chan," he fussed, clearly worried about any possibility of infection. "I-I didn't mean to b-bite down so ha-"

"Yes, you did," she grumbled low in her throat, making Shinji gulp. "Let 2.0 patch that up when we get to the entry Plug. Now, though…"

This time, it was her who pinned him against the wall. There was no terror in his gaze, no revulsion or concealed hatred, no wrath or insanity; there was only the clear fondness for her and his reluctance to hurt her in any way. There was also plenty of desire, as well. Asuka grinned. "Think you can pin me down like that without facing the consequences, huh, Baka-Shinji?" Inches from his lips; she saw Shinji unbelieving eyes stare straight at her. "Not happening. This is payback time."

And she would have had her payback, ten times over if she ever so desired, had the alarm not chosen to wail in that particular moment.

"Verdammte Scheisseeeeeee! Ich werde dieser Arschloch ermördern! Wo ist er?! WO! IST! ER?! Bring ihm zu mir, bring ihm! Wenn es fertig ist, ich werde seine Haut als Hemd anziehen!" (Goddamn shit! I'm gonna kill this asshole! Where is he? Where! Is! He!? Bring him to me, bring him! When it's over, I'm gonna wear his skin like a shirt!)

Neither the staff nor the soldiers around the cage dared to ask why there was a clear speck of blood staining the back left side of Asuka's neck. They did not dare ask why Shinji looked just about ready to murder the first person to cross him, or why both their mouths were stained crimson. The pair marched, undeterred and furious, towards the entry plug, blatantly ignoring the new wave of applause that erupted once they both stomped their way along the catwalk.

All the staff and soldiers knew was that they pitied the poor bastards outside their border, and whoever dared to interrupt whatever had been happening behind that old, damaged plastic curtain.

---

January the 26th, 2017. Geofront. 14.07 hours

The command center was a mass of chaos, red alerts, and terrified screams when Misato reached it. Ikari Gendou barked instructions to the lower tech section, urging their troops to finish assuming their position. The man ran from one place to the other to ensure the pilots and Rei had been safely transported to cage 47 and evacuation route E-13 respectively. He seemed like a man possessed.

Ishikawa bellowed so loud through his PDA and radio that it almost drowned out the sounds of bombs falling; the man's forces were holding off SEELE's advance in both the ocean and air, facing a losing battle against numbers greater than their own. They had volunteered, each and every one of those soldiers; they had volunteered to defend the city, to defend her children. And now they were dying.

The enemy had moved in without warning, half of their units advancing towards the half-submerged remains of Tokyo 01, while the second half advanced with clear intentions of flanking them through the old Nagano prefecture and effectively destroy whatever they had managed to rebuild from Tokyo 02 and 03. The Geofront was still the country's most resistant structure, and therefore its lower levels and cages had been selected to be shelters for the homeless, the infirm, and inhabitants in the neighboring cities with no shelter at their disposal.

SEELE had already tried to drop four N2 mines on Japan, precisely on the populated centers of Tokyo 02, Yokohama, Osaka, Nagoya and Sapporo, which had luckily been hacked from afar and deactivated by the so called 'S' Organization before they reached the ground. SEELE had made it clear that they did not mind slaughtering millions of innocents if it meant NERV would surrender Unit 02 and Asuka.

The meager anti-aerial defenses on their shores were destroyed in minutes by the long-range cannons of the enemy's ships. High in the air, the united forces of the JSSDF, NERV, and surprisingly Iran held back SEELE's air strikes to the best of their capabilities. The battle was currently taking place twenty-five kilometers away from their shores, but the enemy continued to slowly advance, making way with their destroyers while torpedoes from their three submarines sunk the JSSDF's ships one by one. So far, Misato grimly thought. It's all going according to plan. We need to draw them in… when the reinforcements arrive, we will be the ones who have you surrounded, you sons of bitches.

Their strategy was a gamble; they'd concentrate the force of the attack on the ruins of Tokyo 01 by placing Unit 02 in cage 47, the nearest to the bombarded former capital and having that information leak to SEELE's command. From its position, Unit 02 could hold off the enemy's attack with relative ease while NERV's forces and hidden artillery barraged the thirty ships that swiftly moved towards their forces and mowed down NERV's marine defense with relative ease. It was part of her plan; the ships arrayed in the enemy's direct line of fire were being operated remotely, expecting to resist the bombardment and reach a position where they could take as many of the enemy's vessels as possible with a self-destruct sequence.

The image on the Geofront's main screen showed the ships get set on fire by heavy weaponry. "Vessels one through four are taking heavy fire, Sub-Commander!" Shigeru yelled, sweating. "They're three kilometers away from the enemy forces!"

"Five ships are entering the harbor!" Maya added with desperation. "They… they decimated our shields! The enemy troops are thirty kilometers from landing on our soil!"

Misato grinned viciously. The ships were two and a half kilometers from the enemy's forces; time for a little surprise. "Activate the N2 mines, now!"

Makoto nodded grimly, offering the remote to her. Misato activated the switch, and their feed was covered in a gigantic white light.

"Activation successful!" he said. "Twelve… Thirteen enemy ships have been damaged!"

A Trojan horse; the idea had come to her while watching some ridiculous western TV show. She had loaded the two biggest vessels in their arsenal with enough N2 mines and explosives to level half a city from a mile away. Her intentions had been to lure in the enemy forces, to make them believe those ships were her first line of defense, and take out as many of them as possible with once concentrated attack. Her plan had worked, as far as she could see.

"The troops have landed!" Maya shouted. "Twenty airborne carriers have managed to land as well, the enemy is being deployed! They're less than twenty-five kilometers away from the nearest shelter!" Yes, there were no rules in war. Tokyo 03 was the perfect target, a once fortified, technological metropolis meant to be the country's new capital, totally destroyed and reduced to a gigantic crater with a massive bunker underneath called the Geofront. Most of the reconstruction had taken place in the crater's surrounding area, and the population living there was in extreme danger of being targeted, despite the four large shelters in the rubble's vicinity.

Misato shared a cold smirk with the Commander.

Ikari Gendou pushed his glasses up, and stared at the feed with apparent indifference and hands clasped behind him. "As I suspected," he grated loudly. "The enemy's secondary target is the civilian population. We were correct in moving the refugees to the Geofront's lower levels. Sub-Commander." The man nodded in her direction. "At your orders."

You think you can mess with me, can't you? Misato pondered, enraged. Not a single person in this world knows this city like I do. You really thought I'd let those people die at your hands, didn't you?

"Sub-Commander!" Maya called out. "The enemy is opening the gate to the first shelter! They crashed the firewall!"

Stupid fucks, you should've just bombed the whole place. Oh, wait, you tried that already, didn't you? My two ships just blew up your largest long range cannons, didn't they? I guess you can just count on your armed forces, huh? "Well, would you look at that," Misato commented next to Ritsuko. "That looks like a whole bunch of brave men, going in to kill hundreds of innocents, unarmed civilians; wouldn't you say so, Ritz?"

Ritsuko nodded, cold eyes narrowing even further. "Oh, yes," she agreed with sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Quite the fearless ones, this bunch. Off to murder women and children." She opened the link to their armed forces. "You hear that, everyone?" she asked with grim determination. "Those are brave, brave men knocking at our doors."

Shelter 034's gates hissed open to reveal the battalion of black-clothed, heavily armed soldiers S had provided.

Ritsuko's smirk widened. "Let's go kill them."

The mercenaries SEELE had hired never knew what hit them; they were reduced to chunks of exploded, charred flesh under the massive assault. Ishikawa reported that his troops had successfully sunken four more ships, Gendou barked that the AT-Field generators were loaded and ready, with Rei in position to activate them at any given time. The shelters were protected; the enemy's advance was halted. They were starting to actually win, and the heavy atmosphere in the command center slowly began to dissipate.

It was, of course, right up until Shigeru's face turned paper white at the readings in his computer. "Oh… no…" he muttered, noticing the rising surge of a pattern they had never measured before. "C-Commander!" he shouted desperately, and pointed towards the small dot somehow advancing in the air. "It's… it's a carrier! That's the model airplane SEELE used to display the EVA Series!"

"Bring it down!" Ishikawa roared through the radio. "All units concentrate fire on that plane! Do not let it go past the battlefield!" They watched in awe and increasing dread how the heavy artillery of their ships, jets and helicarriers bounced off the plane with no visible effect at all. "Shit!" Glaring at the screen, the large soldier turned to his PDA. "Takaneshi, redirect artillery fire to that fucking plane! Bring it down!"

It was of no use, even the long range cannons they had been reserving for SEELE's secondary advance had no effect. "T-There's something… around the craft, Commander," Maya tried to get the words out. "It's not an AT-Field… I… I don't think we've ever had reading like these before."

Ritsuko brought her face next to Maya's, taking in the data in seconds and feeling her heart sink all the way down to her shoes. "This is no ordinary AT-Field. There's… some sort of interference with the signal. It… resembles… but it can't be… how…"

"The interference signal appears human," Gendou growled. His glare was so pronounced the small device in his hand began to crack under the pressure. "It is as though thousands of tiny, different, AT-Fields are manifesting at once." The plane made its way through the aerial war with little to no resistance, crashing into and destroying any jet it intercepted and forcibly negating the artillery.

"I don't know, and I don't care what the fuck that means," Misato barked to Ikari. "Makoto, is the positron rifle charged?"

The tech nodded, terror more than evident in his face. It was to be expected, after all. Every person in the Geofront was remembering their death at that moment; they were relieving Third Impact, all over again. "Sub-C-Commander… we only have two charges with the energy we've managed to collect over the past three months."

"Then aim right at the center of that plane, and turn it to ash," Misato ordered. Of course whatever was traveling on that plane would not die from the blast, but if they could just damage it in some way… give Asuka and Shinji a clear advantage from the start, then perhaps… perhaps 48% would be enough.

"Roger! Positron charge at 98%! Fire in T minus ten, nine, eight…"

Whatever pieces remained of the positron rifle had been reassembled as a final, ultimate defense system against the invasion. The weapon had been heavily damaged by Third Impact that there was no longer a way for unit 02 to wield it, so Ritsuko's crafty solution had been to connect it directly to the city's power grid True, they could only fire in certain, limited directions, and luckily the plane was stupidly advancing directly towards the Geofront, straight into the rifle's line of fire.

"…two, one… fire!"

Bullseye. The strange barrier protecting the plane was unable to resist the concentrated power; the plane's left wing was vaporized along with the cockpit, forcing the large aircraft to descend rapidly under constant heavy gunfire, and crash unceremoniously three miles away from Tokyo 03's shore. An ensuing explosion blocked out the view, yet Ishikawa and Ikari both urged the armed forces to concentrate fire on the chunks of metal and rubble that had just crashed ashore.

The carrier's rubble and the flames made it almost impossible for everyone in the command center to see. Explosions deafened the surrounding area as the army's artillery sent missiles and bullets towards the ever-growing mass of blackened concrete and twisted metal, while the airplanes were quick to intercept the enemy's air force. SEELE's armada had used the relative defense the plane had provided for its few brief seconds to advance directly into Tokyo 03's territory, and soon enough the skies were filled with the sounds of gunfire and the orange hue of explosions and fallen jets.

With nothing but the clamour of heavy weaponry, buildings exploding and people screaming and dying, it was impossible not to notice when the battlefield was suddenly consumed by a sepulchral silence a heartbeat afterwards. "F-15 through 35, initiate bombardment of the target!" Ikari Gendou roared, willing their twenty long-range cannons and most powerful missiles to be fired directly at the plane's crash site.

The very ground inside the Geofront shook.

Bestial growls were registered at the same time as a shadow rose from the debris and chaos, barely discernible through the devastated visage. The floor beneath the staff, soldiers, and civilians shook again when the shadow's exterior became more evident. Dark armor, shoulder plates, a scythe slung over its shoulder. Red eyes. A gigantic black hand shot up and not a second afterwards a reddish hexagonal shield came to life between it and the bombs. No damage was reported on the thing now standing mere kilometers away from the crater. NERV's entire long range arsenal evaporated when a giant red cross illuminated the shore. The curtain of quiet dread descended over every member of Command. They stared, wide-eyed, at the resulting crater where their powerful long range cannons had once stood.

"A… AT-Field detected, Commander," Shigeru uttered with a shaky voice. "P-Pattern orange… designation… uh…"

"Samael," Ikari Gendou intoned. "He's come."

The Angel of Death had arrived at their shores.

---

"Mhmmm…" He grunted, cracking his neck. The feeling of absolute, uncontrollable power surged through every fiber of his being. "That tickled a little bit." Deranged brown eyes shining with malice squinted lazily at the many aircraft coming his way. "Annoying gnats," He ordered the left arm to move, and swatted away nine jets and helicarriers with a swipe of his hand.

Step by slow, cautions step, the black behemoth emerged from the rubble and paid no mind to the varied weaponry that impacted and dented its armor. Unlike the typical visage of an entry plug, his was bathed in a light crimson hue; the colors of the city before him felt somewhat dulled. Ah, how I missed this, he mused, smiling.

The scythe came down on a recently inaugurated building, cutting it in half with no effort. Three heavily armored aircraft containing dozens of soldiers each flew past him, utilizing the relative defense of his AT-Field.

Samael's left hand extended and squashed one of them without warning or hesitation. "When did I say," he muttered through the comm, sounding disinterested. "That you lot could call dibs on my meal?"

The dark EVA's eyes shone a fraction more, yet its figure remained slouched and reluctant, even as it extended its right leg and kicked the second carrier from the skies, stomping it on the ground. "Better back off, children. You don't want to get in my way today, trust me." The third aircraft managed a hurried, preventive escape from his grasp, only to be blown to bits by NERV's artillery a second afterwards.

He smiled. Samael smiled alongside him, stomach rumbling in profound starvation.

"Yeah, yeah," With an aura of apparent nonchalance and heavy movements, the mecha took the scythe and launched a one-armed slash at four buildings standing before it; then embedded the enormous blade in the ground. Extending its right arm, the EVA closed its fist in the direction where about twenty tanks continued a relentless assault against him. The crimson AT-Field manifested just above the mountain range where the tanks were firing, and plummeted down, flattening every single tank, and a good part of the mountain in the process. "I'm getting you your breakfast, X, but first…"

Dmitri's smirk widened as he directed it to expand the reach of his transmission so every radio, television or device in Tokyo 03 and Tokyo 02 received it.

---

"C-Commander," Maya shakily said, eyes wide and white at the sight of the unrelenting destruction the EVA so effortlessly caused. "W-We have a transmission incoming f-from the enemy…"

Ritsuko nodded, turning to both Misato and Gendou. "Let it through, Maya."

"I-I can't stop it," answered the female tech. "It's… hacking our communication system like a virus… it's range is wide enough to cover t-t-three cities…"

The visual feed showed clear signs of interference; grayish lines violently disrupted the screen until a blank transmission sat in its center, with nothing but the letter X in the bottom right corner.

"So, how are we all!?" a voice demanded loudly from the link. "Now that I have your attention, citizens of Tokyo, citizens of Japan… I'd like to say there is no need for any bloodshed whatsoever…"

As if to contradict itself on purpose the EVA grabbed its massive weapon, pulled it from the ground and totaled two more buildings with a strike; then, it turned to its left and its eyes flickered once more. One of NERV's battle ships, with plenty of men on board, was extinguished in an instant as another red cross decorated the skies.

"Fucking monster…" Misato ground out, jaw clenched. "Just you wait…"

"Oops, sorry about that!" the voice grated with jovial delight. It was clear to everyone listening just how much fun he was having massacring hundreds. "I guess I kinda got a little excited there. Too bad I have a job to do… Aaaanyway, surrender Unit 02 and its pilot Sohryu Asuka Langley to me now, and nobody else has to die. Isn't that a fair deal? Just one little girl and a hunk of red junk in exchange for all your lives? Fair's fair, right?"

Misato walked straight to the transmitter and pressed the button, hatred burning clear in her eyes. "There won't be any negotiation, you sick bastard," she growled, and smiled savagely. "You want a piece of my kids so badly? Fine then."

In the large containment area with the bold, yellow number 47 on its wall, a elevator burst into motion, propelling 1300 tons of flesh, metal and advanced weaponry up to the surface with blinding speed. The cage burst into existence just as the red behemoth reached the surface, issuing a resounding clang as the brakes crashed on the compensators.

Unit 02's four eyes shined bright green.

All around, cheers and reinforced efforts from NERV's armed forces competed against the sound of gunshots and explosions. Their beacon of hope, their greatest EVA pilots piled up together, with the strongest Evangelion in existence since Unit 01, had come to support them. Suddenly the battle did not feel so lost.

They saw the black armored EVA crouch like a beast; the muscles on its lower legs protruded grotesquely as the flesh underneath became exposed, with a reddish hue akin to blood. It jumped hard enough to leave a gargantuan crater where it had once stood and break the windows of several buildings nearby. With seemingly little effort it closed the distance between Tokyo 03 and the ruins of Tokyo 01, landing with a deafening thud.

Both Evangelions stated each other down; the black mecha stood with its relaxed shoulders and massive scythe slung on its right side while its left arm hung limp. Its head elongated, turning left and right like an animal sniffing its prey.

"All right, you worthless punk," Asuka barked through the speakers, she crashed her fists together and produced a large wave of wind pressure from the movement alone, sending a cloud of rubble and dust flying. Beside her, a compartment opened and revealed a slimmer version of the blades the EVA Series had wielded. Her hand clasped around the grip. "Come and get some."

To Be Concluded….

(in like two co-chapters lol)…

---

Inspirational Music: Black Cloulds and Silver Linings (album)- Dream Theater, Ghost of Perdition, The Baying if the Hounds, Atonement- Opeth, Say My Name, Under your Scars, Take it to the Edge, Inside Yourself, Unforgettable – Godsmack, Now That We're Dead, Disposable Heroes, Leper Messiah – Metallica, The Doomed, Passive, Judith – A Perfect Circle, Let me Hear You Scream, No More Tears – Ozzy Osbourne. Change, Butterfly - Crazy Town.

AN: CLIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Before anything, a huge, huge hug and compliment to my brother MisterHalt for helping me correct and improve this chapter. You legend!

Oh my, oh my! The plot… explodes!

As per usual, revising will take place in the following days. This was one crazy writing frenzy, so I'll be taking a few days off to freshen up on some tasty Berserk manga and read a few books.

Yo! So! Details to notice! See how Asuka's telling people, well, penguins, what 'Shinji's going to do to them'? Ohh goody, children! Progress! That's what you call growth. Hope you enjoyed it, it just… flowed out. Like everything else in this story. What else…. Ah yeah. Noticed the amount of mistakes Shinji made in that press conference? He showed weakness, instability, almost puked on live TV, and still his inner circle told him he did good. Positive reinforcement. Growth. A quiet, slow development in our characters. Doesn't that just taste great?

Holy crap, did I just write some lemon? Hope not, truly, truly fucking hope not, but hey, R-rated anyway.

What was all that about, with Ishikawa anyways? Hmm... Maybe Shinji knows Asuka won't stop fighting until she either wins or dies, simple as that. He doesn't want her to die… hmm… what else did he say to his old man in that scene…? What's Shinji planning…? Who knows…

Feel the hype yet? Let me know!

LONG chappy, eh? (Shout-out to Canada! Much love!) Long, long chappie. Sorry if it turned… episodic. Just happened like that. Should I cut it in two? Honest thoughts! And I do mean you! Hey, you, yeah you, you amazing reader you, thanks for reading! Damn, and you read a lot if you got here! Hope it was worth the while. Had to tie the knots, people, had to tie knots. Trust me and fear not, the next chappies are gonna be minimum 28k words each, and we got about… two… roughly three of those to go. Quite the endeavor!

Piece of advice, you want to feel some scary shit? Go back to the plane scene, and look for the song Tili tili bom on Youtube, or just type Baba Yaga song, I think it's like the second or third video. Play that on repeat and read the scene while it's playing. Holy fuck. I mean, I wrote it and I still don't know how the fuck I did that. I liked it, a lot, don't know why, hope you do too! Did you, didn't you? Let me know!

Lots of Misato in this one, huh? Well, we all have the right to know how, and why our purple-haired badass wasn't home, don't we? She was basically holding the city together with… less than friendly methods. People actually fear her, now. To list a couple of the things she had to do… well you have your guerrilla building, your weapon scavenging, seeking intel, planting informants, doing counterintelligence, hunting down criminals, your shakedowns, very important, all this in the middle of a devastated city mind you! So… kinda time-consuming, eh? She's on edge, the attack is coming, and by chappy's end has come! So she's super paranoid and quite literally ready to kill anyone she considers dangerous.

On a non related note, I know we all hate the guy, come on, he's despicable! But if you ever wondered how Dmitri sounds, I'd say he sounds like Muscular from My Hero Academia. Read and Review! Yaaaay reviews!

Ramble!

Yup. It is here. In All Might's words, WATASHIWA KHTAAAA! But no, seriously, I am HERE. As in, I'm home. I'm on vacation, so that means ST is getting concluded. THIS YEAR. Yes. You've read correctly. This YEAR! Most likely by September of this year, if everything goes according to plan. So, yeah. Uhm, like, I've never really written a fight scene between giant robots before, so I'll try to keep it simple, BUT! I am a heavy fan of mixed martial arts, do practice them myself and I know a few things about fighting, so I'll be digging into that. No spoilers, I've been building this up since chapter 12, pretty much, so y'all know what's next.

Sorry for the delay! Hey, so did you like THIS chappy? Nice, not so nice? Terrible, I've lost my touch? I should just stop writing? Still got it? It's boring? Too many word walls? Let me know! Well, gotta keep on writing, so that's it for now! Stay tuned!

Is the hype real? Is it?! GET HYPED!

PEACE.