The phone was dialing.

My breath held, the rhythmic jitter of tones greeted me as I waited for the other end to pick up.

I had no idea what I was going to say, not in the slightest. Before I could decide on something, the line clicked open.

"Hello?"

Hearing her voice, I froze momentarily. Now wasn't the time for nerves. Just like I did a few hours ago, I had to push through.

This was the last thing I needed to do. I cleared my throat.

"Good morning, Suzue." My voice came across weak, and I cringed for a second at how I sounded. I had slept well, but not for long.

"Oh, hey bro, I thought that was your number! What's up?"

Such a casual response, but to be expected from someone as whimsical as her.

I nervously scratched at my neck.

"...I just… wanted to call and see how things have been."

My sister was silent on the other line for a few moments.

"...are you feeling sick? It's not like you to call out of the blue. Or at all, really."

I swallowed. "I was sick, yes. I think I'm getting better now though."

"Oh, well that's good! It's always nice to hear from you. We worry sometimes, especially now that you have that new job!"

A soft smile crept across my face. "I'm… really sorry, Suzue."

"...huh? What for?"

"For… not being there for you. For leaving." Straight into it, huh. My mouth had already spoken the words before I knew I was going to say them. That's just out there now.

Silence again.

"...I had almost forgotten that, you know?"

A weird feeling rushed over me all of a sudden.

"...what do you mean?"

"Oh, I just mean… maybe because I was young, I just don't have a good memory of the past, really. There was a lot of pain there..." I understood that feeling. How could I've ever blamed her. She was hurting just as much as I was, and yet I...

"I see…"

"...Uncle Wataru remembers though. It's because you left that he cleaned his act up, you know?"

That was news to me.

"...I didn't... know that." It's very possible such things were explained to me by her before, but until now, I guess I never cared to hear about him. It never crossed my mind that anything I did back then would've made a difference to that guy, of all people.

She chuckled softly, her voice tinged with sorrowful reflection. "Yeah, he went through a super rough patch. He kept saying how angry he was with himself for treating you how he did, for hurting his brother's son when it was his job to look after you. He took all of his troubles with reality out on you, and at Auntie Eriko, and he repented for it. It weighed on him a lot. He stopped drinking, and he started trying to smile more..." Her voice shuddered a little as she trailed off. "...and then, when we found you again, when you accepted my phone number, even if it was out of pity, he was so happy. I remember he said that even if you never spoke to him again, he was just grateful you were still able to keep a place in your heart for me."

My body started to shake. "I had no idea… I…"

"...so Matsuo, this apology, it's really not necessary! No one here blames you. B-Besides, we found you again, right? You're safe, and we're safe, even if we aren't together, we're all alive. Please, don't worry about any of that... please." She sounded unrecognizable to me from the energetic girl I had known her as.

My eyes couldn't cry anymore, but if they could've, I doubt I would've been able to hold them back at this moment. I just breathed my heavy breaths into the phone, letting my body and mind attempt to sort out my feelings on their own.

After a short while, she spoke again, awkwardly, but her usual bubbly tone was coming back somewhat. "Hey, uh, you should... call more often, okay?"

"...Suzue."

"I know. I know. It may be tough. You have an important job, and you're probably working a lot, huh."

I cleared my throat. My voice was still a bit weak, but I worked through it. "Actually… recently I've had more time. I have a different job now from what I started with."

"...what?"

"Ah, I guess that's confusing. I mean, I still work at NERV, but my… priorities have changed, is all."

"I still don't really get it."

"...well, how do I explain? I guess, the easiest way to put it is that... I'm a caretaker now."

"...that didn't help at all!"

We both chuckled. "You see, because of the work that's being done here, I was put in charge of… raising a young lady."

"Yeah, I'm mega confused right now. You're telling me you went from a… what were you?"

"A technician, essentially."

"Okay, from a technician, to a babysitter? For a young lady? How young are we talking, exactly?"

"Fourteen."

"...never in a million years would I have ever thought that's the kinda job you'd have." She sounded absolutely dumbfounded, and I couldn't blame her.

I laughed. When she put it that way, it really was quite funny. "I know, the silliness isn't lost on me."

"...so are you getting along with her?"

I hesitated. Honestly, I had to be at this point, right? We had a couple rough patches before, but now, I think we might be able to make it work smoothly from here on.

"Yeah, I think I am."

"That's good then! Hey, I have to get going now, but… we should talk again soon, and you can tell me more about her! It really was nice to hear from you."

"...it was nice to call."

"...I hope you can move on from whatever was making you sick before, brother. I really do. I'm proud of how far you've come, and I don't want to see you beating yourself up over the past. It's all over now."

If only she knew how much those words meant to me.

"...thank you, Suzue. Truly."

We said our goodbyes, and the other end of the line clicked off.

I let out a breath that felt like I had been holding it for years. There was a weight off of my shoulders now. She didn't hate me after all. I was… such an idiot.

She told me to move on. If she was encouraging me, then… that must mean it's alright for me to, right?

I'm no longer in the dark. I'm no longer alone. I'm no longer empty.

I just want to move on. I want to face my days genuinely. I want to live. The only thing getting in the way of this life now are the Angels. As long as we could defeat them, someday, I could finally make up for everything I've missed, and to grow to be worthy of my family's respect.

...and, of course, I need to take care of Asuka.

Those are my goals now. I won't lose my way again.

Author's Note: Matsuo has dealt with his big problems now. I hope you all enjoyed his little emotional journey, and hope you're prepared for the rest of the fic to be fun times with Asuka!

Also, I did accidentally upload the last two chapters in quick succession, and it seems like more than half the people that read "Clarity" didn't read "Void" first, so if you haven't and were confused by the story jump, my apologies.