For the Longest Time

by Social Coyote

Monika is back in the literature club after having been deleted, but the world she finds herself in is not the game nor reality, but some surreal mixture of the two. Monika will have to prove she's willing to face her own flaws as well as her clubmates' for a chance at a happy ending. After all, a poem never is never actually finished, it just stops moving.

19. Mourner

Chapter 19: Mourner

The chapter where three pieces unite to bring back their fourth.

---

"I'm listening. Is everything okay? You look really tired." Sayori had sat up beside her and was giving her undivided attention, but it didn't help build Monika's confidence. She gulped and tried to shake herself out of it, what was she thinking? Sayori needed to know, whether Monika was nervous or not. Sayori absolutely needed to know that one of her parents had come to understand just how detrimental they had been to their daughter's mental health.

She woke up with her depression bothering her and we're about to make it worse, Monika told herself. She took a deep breath; she didn't want to mince words on something so serious, but she also didn't want to just throw it at Sayori either.

"I'm fine, promise. How um, how do you feel about your parents?" She asked. Sayori seemed surprised by this line of questioning, but after a few seconds of thought she shrugged her shoulders.

"It's complicated, I suppose. I still love them, but just thinking about them hurts my heart and my head. I guess I feel regret in running away and probably worrying them sick, but then I feel hurt in knowing they didn't care enough to try and find me but at the same time, also relieved?" She put a hand over the side of her face and shook her head. "Ugh, like I said, complicated. Confusion about why they would care enough to try and fix me, but not find me. Confusion about why they stopped responding to me. Confusion about taking my money, about using Ms. Kusumoto as a spy because I just know that's what they're doing. I'm just hurt and confused, I think. More than anything."

Monika nodded sadly. She didn't know what it was like to have a family, or at least not a real one that she could remember, but the thought of having people who were supposed to unconditionally love you just seemingly turn their backs on you was heartbreaking. Maybe she could alleviate some of that heartache and confusion – maybe that was why she had been given this information to begin with?

"Why do you ask?" Sayori inquired, and Monika gulped. This was it, now or never.

"Well," She began, "I was at city hall trying to get my family name changed, or created or- whatever, that's beside the point. I was about to leave and I um… I ran into your father. We had both been inside city hall and he recognized me from that day I came by to check on you after school, and he wanted to ask questions. About you…" She didn't even look at Sayori, she wasn't quite sure she wanted to. Instead she kept her head down and her mouth moving. She told Sayori of how she had wanted to tell her father to shove it, of how she had let the both of their curiosities get the better of her and had eaten breakfast with him. She told her of his surprisingly calm and passive attitude, and how she had accused him of everything from abandonment to neglect at letting his recently suicidal daughter just walk out the door. The entire time she kept her eyes on the cot, not daring to meet Sayori's on the chance that her response would be too much for Monika to continue

She took a second to catch her breath, but she didn't allow Sayori to get a word in. She needed it all out. For nearly ten minutes she sat and hurriedly explained how her father had wanted to contact her, but felt nothing but shame and regret at his actions, and couldn't bring himself to, but when she got to the part regarding the divorce she felt herself hesitate. Did she really have the right to tell Sayori this? It wasn't like anyone else was going to, but what if her parents made up and she worried Sayori for nothing? She sighed and silently chastised herself; to not tell her would be deceitful and irresponsible no matter her reasoning. Unfortunately she had waited too long, and Sayori had taken the chance to speak.

"That… that does sound like my dad, yeah." Sayori mumbled. "But I just- I don't get it, Moni. Why doesn't Mom talk to me, does she feel guilty too? If they realized they were wrong, why am I still out here? Why are we having to live off your hard work just to eat?" Her voice was so urgent, and Monika realized that despite how strong she had been trying to appear, Sayori desperately missed her home. Who wouldn't crave two loving parents and a secure roof over one's head? Food in the fridge and a warm bed to crawl into instead of a nasty and worn mesh cot, they were things Monika had never known but always wanted, so she could only imagine how Sayori felt having already experienced it all before.

"I… Sayori, they're…" God, why was this so difficult? "Your dad said… he said that your mother hadn't agreed with how he wanted to like, fix things. He said he was glad you were gone at the time, only because you hadn't had to see them argue like that and decide…" Come on, deep breaths. "…decide to get a divorce." It was quiet enough for the drop of a pin to be heard. Monika despised it. She wanted Sayori to speak, to yell at her, to say something just to break the silence as the tension grew heavy on her shoulders. Sayori just looked at her as if she was in a daze before slowly turning her head off to the side and staring at nothing in particular.

When she did finally speak, her voice sounded hollow and empty. "So, what? Did they have that one argument and decide that was it? Time to split up? Was there more to it than that?"

"I-I don't know, but-"

"Well who does, Monika? You're the only one who's actually getting to talk to my parents." Sayori snapped. Monika grimaced as this was exactly what she had been worried about.

"Sayori, I am so very sorry to have to be the one to tell you. If there was a way I could've avoided it I would, but this isn't your fault-"

"How?" Her girlfriend interrupted. "How is this not my fault, Monika? They're splitting up because of me, literally because they can't decide on what to do with me because of what I've done and what I am!" Sayori's breathing was labored, and Monika didn't have to look at her face to know she was holding back tears. She didn't blame her though, nor did she take her words to heart. She was hurt, confused, and trying to find her place when she likely felt all too disconnected from everything. Alone in a world where nobody understood. Monika knew that feeling all too well.

"Because you didn't ask for them to split up. You couldn't have known this would happen." She whispered. "You had to make a conscious decision, you could either stay and risk being subjugated to a miserable living experience where you would've been monitored and not trusted twenty-four seven, or to try and do what was best for you. There's a good chance they'd have divorced even if you stayed, Say. Your father… he didn't know about your money being taken out. He was livid when I told him, and he wanted me to give you these as well as let you know that you're still on their insurance." Monika leaned over to reach into her backpack and pull out the fifty-thousand yen, handing the bills to Sayori.

"I don't want them." Sayori instantly said, and she pushed them back towards Monika. "I don't want anything from them, if they're going to be so… so selfish. Just like me, God we're all just a family of selfish jerks!" She clenched her eyes shut and stuffed her palms over them, throwing her head back and letting out a small whine. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, I'm not mad at all, I mean I am but- I'm just- everything's wrong! They're getting a divorce because of me, none of this would've happened if I hadn't been so stupid and tried to jump from that bridge. I chose to do what was best for me, and look at what happened! I'm out living in a shelter and camping out in Yuri's spare bedroom and… just, ugh!"

"Is that what I do, Moni?" Sayori asked weakly. "Do I just, hurt people? Do I just end up making things worse for people just by being around? It's… it's gotta be something, right? I mean, you had that dream where I hurt you so bad that you woke up crying, and my parents are getting a divorce because of me, and the festival- I couldn't even fully forgive Natsuki!" She raised a fist as if she was going to slam it into the tatami, but it just fell limply onto the futon as more tears began to stream down her face. "I just want everyone to be happy, and maybe… maybe if I'm really lucky, and allowed to be selfish, I can be happy with them."

Monika didn't know what to say. What could she say? What could she possibly say that wasn't baseless denial of her best friend's feelings? Instead of saying anything, she gently placed a hand on Sayori's thigh. She gave Sayori her space, but stayed close enough in case she needed a hug or any other comfort. Eventually Sayori laid back on the cot and let out a winded sigh that came with crying, however softly, and Monika laid beside her. They were quiet for a few minutes, with Sayori's breaths slowly becoming calmer and slower as she settled down. Monika decided to break the silence and try to move on to something at least a little more positive, anything to bring a smile out.

"Hey, do you want to set up an appointment tomorrow? For your head, I mean. You've got the insurance, we should get you checked out so that way we can put this behind you." She leaned up and kissed her girlfriend's head, feeling hands that were both gentle and warm slowly wrap around her waist and pull her closer, a sigh of contentment easing from her as Sayori's breath tickled her collarbone.

"I guess." Sayori said, muffled by Monika's shirt. "B-but you have to promise to come with me. Everything is changing, and I've never been to the doctor by myself and if they tell me I have like, super amnesia or something, I… I want you there, Monika. I want something that feels solid if that makes sense. Or maybe I'd rather my head just continue to mess up and make me forget that this all ever happened. I don't know anymore." The bitterness in her voice hurt so badly to hear, and there was no point in telling her not to say such things or to look on the bright side. Censoring her feelings would do no good, and she did a good enough job of that on her own. So Monika simply closed her eyes and did her best to communicate to Sayori that she was there for her in any way she needed, through the lull of her heartbeat and the comfort of her grasp.

"I promise." She whispered, and the two were fast asleep.

---

"Something's wrong with Yuri, she's acting weird."

Monika turned around to see Natsuki standing right behind her with her arms crossed and her gaze boring into the floor. It was Monday, and Monika had just been on her way to lunch after her Home Economics class to find Sayori so that the two could eat together and discuss a few things regarding her appointment. Sunday had seen her working nearly the entire day to make up for taking Friday evening and the entirety of Saturday off, and it had left her so exhausted that she and Sayori had almost no time to talk. The most she had managed was a text telling Sayori that she missed her, and to try and see when she could make an appointment. Sayori's reply a few hours later informed her that they had an opening that Thursday afternoon, just after class.

"What makes you say that?" She asked. Monika wasn't used to Natsuki approaching her on her lunch break though, in fact she wasn't used to seeing Natsuki during lunch at all, even after she had rejoined the club. Her mind had been so preoccupied with work and Sayori that she hadn't even noticed her friend sneak up on her. Natsuki shrugged and kicked at the tiled floor beneath them. Monika raised her eyebrows and looked around at the other students making their way towards various rooms to eat their lunch in, and sensing Natsuki's hesitance stemmed from wanting to keep the matter private, walked them both towards a less crowded part of the hall. She leaned her shoulder against a corkboard and crossed her arms, nodding at Natsuki. "Alright, so what's the deal?"

Natsuki sighed and scratched at the back of her head. "It's… I dunno, dude. It's Yuri, so I don't even know if I'm just seeing things that aren't there or if she's being gloomy like normal. But when she took me home yesterday she got all teared up while she was driving, and she was super jumpy too. I straight up thought she was going to have a heart attack when someone honked at her." Natsuki gave a shrug and rubbed the bridge of her nose anxiously before looking up at Monika with a hopeful expression. "So, have you noticed anything weird lately? Do you think maybe you could like, figure out what's eating her?"

"Me?" Monika asked. "Why me? Don't you have any classes with her?" But Natsuki just clenched her fists and looked away in frustration.

"No, and she's not in any of the usual spots. Why would I check on her anyway? I'm an asshole and she's all, you know, sensitive and I'd just end up making it worse. Besides, she actually likes you!" Natsuki quickly added the last part, but Monika just smirked and raised her eyebrows doubtfully. She considered reminding Natsuki that Yuri had not only forgiven her, but had been the one who had cared for her while she suffered from a hangover and mild hypothermia, fed her, and also comforted her as she relinquished her troubles. This being Natsuki however, Monika knew she'd just deny them all and claim they were 'special cases' or just Yuri 'pitying' her, and so she decided to try a different approach.

"Well, you're the one who cared enough to notice." She replied with a smile. "I think if I were Yuri, I would feel really special to know that someone took the time to notice I was acting out of sorts. She knows I care for her, and she knows you do too, but going out of your way to show you care after everything that's happened might do wonders for her." Natsuki seemed almost thoughtful at that, and she was silent for a moment as they walked a little further down the hall to where Monika usually met Sayori, but her girlfriend was nowhere in sight.

"You make it sound like I'm trying to… like, woo her." Natsuki finally said, sticking a tongue out in mock disgust. There was a sudden rumbling noise and Monika glanced down at Natsuki's stomach from where the noise had come from, and her friend reactively gritted her teeth and turned to walk away from the scene, but Monika wouldn't let her. She twirled around gracefully to block Natsuki's path, reaching into her backpack as Natsuki began hissing obscenities and mumbling that she had to go and find Yuri. Monika slapped a cup of instant ramen into her friend's hand, and she already knew what was coming next.

"Dude, I'm fine, I don't want some pity noodles-" But Monika wasn't hearing it.

"Oh, shut it. They're four for a hundred yen, just eat it, okay? That's not 'pity noodles', those are 'care noodles'. Kind of like how Yuri cares for you, and doesn't pity you." She assured, a teasing grin on her face. Natsuki glowered and looked like she wanted to fight the matter some more, but Monika wasn't letting her do that either. "C'mon, help me find Sayori and we can all sit together and eat. You're not going to find Yuri on an empty stomach after all." Without waiting for an answer Monika strolled down the hall and began scanning the corridors for that familiar mess of strawberry blonde, or the sound of rubber stoppers clicking against the floor.

It wasn't until they turned another corner that Monika finally caught something, though it wasn't a familiar smile or a friendly wave, instead she heard the sound of clustered voices and mean-spirited laughter. Natsuki spotted the commotion first and muttered a weak, "What the fuck are they doing to her?!" as they saw the surrounding students. Monika feared the worst, that Yuri's harmful secret had been discovered by students and she was now the disastrous center of attention, but what she saw infuriated her as opposed to scare her.

Sayori stood in front of her locker which had been left wide open, desperately reaching out while trying to remain balanced on her crutches. Across from her was another student, a cocky smirk on his face as he held a familiar stuffed chicken high above Sayori's reach. Several students had formed a loose circle around them, with some holding their phones and filming the display while others gave disgusted glares, but remained still.

"Please, please give that back! I said I was sorry, please, stop!" Sayori cried out, hobbling forward to make another grab and nearly falling over.

"First off, you are way too old to be keeping toys in your locker." The other student teased, dodging backwards with a chuckle. "Let me guess, your girlfriend bought it for you? Eugh, it's ugly as hell too, like if I saw this staring at me in the middle of the night I'd probably kick it or something. If that's the kind of thing you like cuddling at night, I'd hate to see who you're dating." A few stifled giggles escaped from the crowd.

Natsuki was already cracking her knuckles and a step ahead of Monika, mumbling death threats under her breath as she made to push past the crowd but Monika yanked her by the scruff of her blazer and pulled her back.

"I'm gonna fucking rip and tear his asshole a new one, move!" Natsuki hissed.

"You'll get expelled." Monika shot back in a tone that left no room for argument. She started strolling ahead of her with her fists clenched, her vision had tunneled in, and she could only focus on the student harassing her girlfriend. She recognized him. Knew his name. She even shared a class with him, and she was going to make damn sure he never forgot her. Monika's heart was louder than any of the taunts or jeering that she heard, so loud she didn't even hear the complaints or insults when she pushed someone out of the way too hard or stepped on their feet to get through. She didn't even look back to see if Natsuki had listened, she simply pushed through the circle and clenched her fists so tight that her knuckles were turning white.

Everyone went quiet as Monika entered into the middle and she spoke but a single sentence.

"Hasegawa Masahiro." She said with a smile, but the tone behind it was anything but kind. Both Sayori and the student named Hasegawa turned to face her, but she kept her eyes focused on him. His smile diminished for a second as recognition flashed in his eyes, but quickly resurfaced. "I'm giving you one chance to return the stuffed animal to her, and get to class."

"What the- Monika, relax. I was just teasing her" He scoffed and narrowed his eyes, but didn't relinquish his grip from the stuffed animal. "I guess being class representative makes you the hall monitor now too, huh? Don't be so stuck up, it's not like I was hurting her, I was giving her a bit of a shit for pretending to be 'depressed' for attention. Why don't you go clean a chalkboard or something, be a tattle-tale bitch somewhere else?"

"Don't call her that!" Sayori shouted, reaching up towards the stuffed chicken Hasegawa held aloft. His eyes flickered beside him at the last second and he pushed her back with his shoulder, sending Sayori tumbling backwards with a cry of alarm that was cut off as her crutches clattered to the floor. The crowd gasped and whispers began running rampant, like a stirring wind through a wheat field. Some onlookers turned away in disgust, while others began telling Hasegawa off under their breath.

Even Hasegawa seemed to realize he had stepped over a boundary, because he took on a guilty expression and raised his hands. "Hey, I didn't mean to- she's been hobbling on the bad leg for weeks! She's probably just trying to garner sympathy, acting like a wanna-be genki girl who-" Whatever Hasegawa had planned on saying afterwards was abruptly cut off as Monika's fist slammed into his jaw and sent him stumbling into the lockers.

"Don't you ever touch my girlfriend again, you hear me?!" Monika roared. Her smile was gone, revealing the cold but determined look of hatred underneath. There was nothing but her and this piece of trash that had dared to hurt Sayori; to insult her, ridicule her, mock her injuries both mental and physical. Monika's breaking point had been crossed, and as she took Sayori's open locker and flung it into his face she finally understood something that Natsuki had briefly touched on, but never elaborated.

This felt good.

Hasegawa clutched at his bleeding nose as his back slid down the row of lockers and he sat on the floor, dazed and confused. He raised his other hand to shield his head from Monika and mumbled through the blood that was leaking onto his lips. "I-I'm thorry! I dibn't know, how wath I thupposed to know?!" Monika delivered a swift kick to his side and elicited another grunt of pain from him.

"Don't know who my friends are?" Monika shrieked. Someone was calling her name, but she didn't – or maybe she couldn't – hear them. All she heard were the cowardly mewls of someone who had no idea who the hell he had messed with. "Better keep your fucking hands to yourself just to be safe then!" Before she could throw another punch something reached up from behind her and held her arms back, pulling her away from the fight. She struggled and shouted, getting in a final kick towards him for good measure before she was finally out of reach. He crawled to his feet and bolted down the hall, and Monika watched him the whole way as she tried to frantically throw her assailant off. "Let go, I'm fine! I said I'm fine!"

"Fucking, then chill out dude! He's gone!" Natsuki shouted from behind her. Monika huffed and tried to jerk her arms one last time before letting herself go limp. Natsuki released her and she held her arms out to steady herself as she regained her balance. The crowd was quickly dispersing, and Monika cast one last seething glare down the hall before she turned and saw Sayori trying to stand up against the lockers with her crutches. Monika hurried over to her, the anger melting from her face as concern and worry quickly took over.

"Say? Sayori are you-" Sayori jumped at Monika's voice, and when she looked up towards Monika there was a distinct lack of the affection and relief she had expected to see staring back at her. Instead all she saw was trepidation and horror swirling within her eyes, and it was enough for Monika to know she had done something wrong. She wanted to apologize, to say that everything was okay now and that she didn't mean to lash out, but she never got the chance.

"Ms. Monika!" An icy voice rang clearly throughout the hall, and anyone who had decided to stick around quickly made themselves scarce. Monika clenched her eyes shut as she heard the all too familiar voice of Ms. Fujita, and she knew that 'doing something wrong' didn't quite sum up the severity of just how badly she had screwed up. With a sigh seeped in resignation, Monika cast a final apologetic look towards Sayori and an entrusting one to Natsuki before turning to meet the hawk-like eyes of her homeroom teacher. Ms. Fujita asked no questions, and Monika said nothing; she knew the parts they were both playing, and so she followed her teacher down the hall without a word between either of them until they reached her empty homeroom.

To say Ms. Fujita was furious would have been to do her a disservice, for Monika had never seen her teacher as absolutely livid as she did in that classroom. It wasn't the loud and hot ear-grating anger that brought jerky movements and rapid breathing, instead it was cool and calculated. She did not scream, though Monika would've preferred it, nor did she slam the door, instead she calmly sat in her chair and moved one up for Monika to sit across from her and crossed her fingers. Her eyes were stuck in a permanent glare that held both frustration and overwhelming disappointment, but there was also confusion tucked away inside as if she had finished a crossword puzzle but the answer key was incorrect.

For a moment they just stared at each other as if testing each other's will to see who would speak first. It was Ms. Fujita however, who broke first.

"Did I not make myself clear when we last spoke?" She asked, enunciating each word clearly for emphasis. "Did I not tell you that both you and your club were going to be held under the highest scrutiny after what had happened? Was I not absolutely precise in telling you that I was bequeathing sensitive information unto you, and to utilize my warning to keep yourself from trouble?" Monika tried to show her resolve by keeping eye contact with her teacher, but she just couldn't and instead her eyes fell to the floor.

"You did, Ms. Fujita."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to see your club as one of academic pursuit when we have two of the four registered members causing disturbances in one morning?" She interrogated, and at this Monika shot her an annoyed look. She liked Ms. Fujita, respected her more than she did most teachers, and while she was more than willing to accept the blame for what she had done wrong, she wasn't going to sit by and let people assume that Sayori had started that nonsense.

"Sayori didn't ask to be bullied, Ms. Fujita." Monika retorted with a glare. "There was a crowd of people watching- you didn't see it, there were probably twelve people there just staring and filming! Filming a girl with a broken leg and diagnosed depression, getting taunted and shoved around! Perhaps I went too far, but I wasn't going to watch my gi- my vice-president get humiliated and hurt. Nor will I sit and listen to any accusations of her regarding the matter."

Ms. Fujita's eyebrows raised at that, and she leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed as she gave Monika a look. "Hmph. You misunderstand me, Ms. Monika. I am referring to Ms. Okumura, who was found in the bathroom cutting her hair with a pocket knife this morning. To my knowledge the blade was rather small, but still a blade nonetheless and so the staff had to send her home after a call with her family. So, you'll understand that your altercation with Mr. Hasegawa on top of this is surely going to raise some eyebrows amongst the higher faculty, correct?"

Monika closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, a long deep sigh escaping her lips as she realized Natsuki's warning had come several hours too late. What on earth had Yuri been thinking? What had she been thinking, beating the absolute snot out of someone? Everything had happened too fast, she just couldn't stand seeing Sayori get harassed like that and she had to put a stop to it. Because she cared about her girlfriend, right? The satisfaction of punching him so hard that he had tumbled into the lockers, the adrenaline she felt when she slammed the locker right into his face, they had flowed through her like blood down a river, slowly infecting every part of her. She remembered the uncomfortable look Sayori had given her, the way she had almost seemed afraid of her as if she worried Monika would attack her next. But that was ridiculous, surely Sayori knew her well enough to know that she would never intentionally hurt her best friend?

You've done it before, right, Killer? The resentful little voice in the back of her head reminded her. She's watched her entire family, people she trusted more than anyone in the world, turn their backs and bite her heels in the name of 'helping her'. Now she probably thinks you're going to punch her in the jaw the first time she upsets you. You're making that little nightmare come true bit by bit, without even realizing it.

She begged the voice to shut up, because if she was being honest with herself (something she wasn't prone to be often) the voice had a damn fine point. She didn't need to fully assault Hasegawa, just one punch would've been more than sufficient to get her point across. At that point she had been so concentrated on unleashing her emotions that she hadn't even checked to see if Sayori was okay until after, when that should've been her primary objective.

"-never would have expected this sort of behavior from one of our most prestigious students. The class representative should be setting a better example!" Ms. Fujita was saying. "Frankly, had another teacher been the one to come across this, I've no doubt you would have been subjected to Principal Katagiri's judgment and I'm sure we both know how that would've gone." Monika nodded slowly and met her teacher's eyes, waiting to see where this was going. Ms. Fujita sighed and rested her own head in her hand, giving a defeated look as she raised a hand to indicate she was running out of options. "I believe it might be best if your parents and I had a discussion. You're showing signs of constant stress and exhaustion in class, and after this I personally believe it to be having a continued impact on your mental state."

Monika stared at Ms. Fujita blankly for a moment as she replayed the words in her head. Parents? What parents? The thought of trying to contact one of Monika's so-called 'former caretakers' that she didn't even remember clearly was so absurd that she almost laughed, but the genuine concern and seriousness in Ms. Fujita's eagle eyes told Monika that the lightheartedness would not be appreciated. Did she try to tell a lie, fib up a story as to why it wasn't possible? It wasn't like they had any contact records if her student ID was anything to go by. Perhaps it was best just to give the truth, just this once.

"With all due respect, Ms. Fujita, that simply won't be possible." Monika explained slowly. Ms. Fujita frowned and clearly had a question on her lips but Monika decided to cut to the chase; there was no point in stretching out the inevitable. "I currently do not have any family that I am aware of, nor do I have any current place of residence and have been staying within the Helping-Hands Shelter outside of the city." Her voice was polite but direct, wanting to convey that it was simply the way things were. She didn't want questions, or pity, or anything of that nature, she just wanted her teacher to understand why a parent-teacher conference wasn't on the table.

Ms. Fujita to her credit hid any surprise or pity very well, as Monika only saw the corner of her mouth twitch slightly before locking her fingers together and resting her lips against them. "I see." She said after a minute of silence. "You were in the foster system, I believe? And now you're on your own… that would explain your troubles in getting your school ID readjusted. I was unaware of your unfortunately unique circumstances."

"They said it could take up to three months to get my last name updated, due to irregularities in my koseki." Monika explained, and at that Ms. Fujita showed the first sign of exasperation as she let out a sigh and rubbed her hand up over her face and nodded. She gave Monika a tired look and leaned back in her chair, sliding out her laptop. It was an awkward and tense couple of minutes as she typed at her keyboard, and Monika found herself grateful when she glanced up with a stern glare, if only to end the silence.

"Ms. Monika, I've had you in my class long enough to know you're a bright girl, and one who doesn't give into the whims of your emotions too easily. But I simply cannot ignore you assaulting a student, however warranted you believe it be. If you have no parents or caretakers, I have no other option but to keep you after school, starting Wednesday." Monika's eyes nearly bulged out of her sockets and she felt her heart skip a beat. She would miss Sayori's appointment.

"Ms. Fujita, please! You can't-"

"Do not tell me what I can and cannot do, Ms. Monika." Ms. Fujita's voice was stern as she stared Monika down. "You are lucky the circumstances are as they fell. If you had done any more damage to that idiot boy than a bloody nose, or if any other teacher had found you, then you most certainly would be facing worse than a few days detention, and I have no doubt they would have grouped you and your clubmates together in blame."

"But-"

Ms. Fujita shot a glare so fierce that any rebuttal Monika had instantly died on her lips. "My decision is final. The quicker you come to terms with that, the better for us both." There was a moment of silence between them as Monika sighed and ran her hands through her hair. What was she going to tell Sayori? "As we're approaching the end of term exams coming up on the fifteenth of next month, I will do what I can as your teacher to request an exception so that you may take the exams."

Monika was admittedly taken aback by the change in the situation; hadn't she come in here to be lectured? Regardless, she didn't question the tonal shift and instead nodded her head. If she could push back the fear of her student ID being an issue just a little while longer, that'd be one less problem to bog her down.

"Excellent. I suggest you go and finish your lunch, but do know that I will be watching. Watching and hoping, Ms. Monika. Do not disappoint, for your sake and for your club's. Now, off with you." With that, they both stood from the desk and bowed their heads respectfully, with Monika turning to the door in defeat and Ms. Fujita sitting back down at her computer. Just as Monika reached for the handle, she heard an attention-gathering cough and she turned back to see Ms. Fujita staring her down with something she hadn't entirely expected to see: concern. "You do have something to eat, I take it?"

Monika silently pulled one of the many cups of instant noodles from her bag, giving it a shake. Ms. Fujita gave a satisfied nod, and returned to her work. As she departed from her homeroom she gave a small sigh and shook her head at the mess she had landed herself in. She didn't regret standing up for Sayori per se, but the longer she dwelt on it the more she felt regret at how she had done it. All she had to do was keep him off of Sayori, but she had felt so angry that she couldn't stop herself in time from throwing more punches. How far would she have gone if Natsuki hadn't stopped her? Would she have stopped? Would she have killed a student just for shoving her girlfriend? Was she really still a killer underneath all the progress she had been trying to make?

Those questions and more haunted Monika's mind as she slipped through the hallways and up towards the third floor of the school. Her lunch was already halfway over, and she didn't really feel like spending another ten minutes just trying to find Natsuki and Sayori, so instead she poured some boiling water into her cup and retreated to the music room to think. Most students avoided eating in the music room out of fear of damaging the equipment, but Monika was a bit more careful than most. She didn't quite feel like playing piano however, nor did she feel like attacking herself mentally, and so instead she sat at one of the few desks to focus on a small project she had been working on ever since she had gotten her first check.

She was going to follow through on something she had promised Naomi back in the shelter, and that was finding Sayori, and in turn herself, a place to stay. She had been googling apartment prices as well as how to find the best deals given her income, and she had quickly discovered that trying to rent in Japan held its fair share of struggles. Most of the apartments near the city were roughly fifty-thousand yen a month, something that was feasible with the amount she made by tutoring. The troubles truly came when she discovered the upfront cost of renting. Realtor's fees, insurance fees, a possible guarantor, and even cleaning fees. With all this together, she was easily looking at over two-hundred thousand yen to land an apartment, and that was at the bare minimum.

The rent was feasible, but as to where she was going to get the upfront cost as well as having to possibly go through a guarantor service? That was the part that stumped her. She was hoping to have an apartment for them by the holidays, but the more equations she did the more unlikely it seemed. Even on weekends when she would spend up to twelve hours tutoring, the weekdays where school took up such a large chunk of her day were too draining on her possible finances. She slurped a noodle from her cup and sighed, tapping another calculation into her phone. Being an adult was hard.

The familiar sound of the Westminster chime rang throughout the school, and Monika quickly drank the broth of her noodles before packing her stuff and heading down the hall to where the literature club waited. It wasn't often Yuri missed the club, but given the circumstances Monika certainly couldn't blame her for it.

Cutting her hair in the bathroom with a knife? As if. Maybe to someone unaware of the situation that would be believable, but Monika knew better. Yuri had likely been overwhelmed by something and had gone to cut herself, only to be interrupted by someone. Cutting off a lock of her hair, while concerning, would be a lot easier to explain than slicing open her arms with a knife. She grimaced as she realized she had never even texted Yuri on her lunch break to make sure she was okay. She made a mental note to give her a call during the club session, though doing so would surely require an explanation to the others. Something told her that Yuri's secret might not be a secret for much longer, the way things were going.

As soon as Monika rounded the corner she saw Natsuki already at the door, with Sayori just behind. She raised her hand to greet her friends, but the memory of her last interaction with them made her hesitate. Were they mad at her? Did they think bad of her? Part of her wanted to stop and cancel the session then and there, but she spurred herself onward. She couldn't just run away from the harder aspects of things forever, or at all for that matter. Not anymore.

Natsuki turned and saw her first, and raised her head in greeting. "Yo, look who's still enrolled. See, if that had been me I totally would have been expelled, probably five times over."

"Hence why I told you to stay put." Monika retorted as she entered the room with the others. There was no sign of Ms. Kusumoto, thankfully. They hadn't seen her since her introduction and while Sayori had expressed hope at the issue being let go, Monika wasn't so sure. To her, it felt like they were far overdue for a visit. "I was still given detention, and while I do regret lashing out at him I really can't say he didn't have it coming." She sighed and plopped down at the teacher's desk, looking up at Sayori who was passing by. She tried giving her a smile to let her know she was glad to see her okay, but the one Sayori gave back held little to no enthusiasm. "Okay, everyone. First thing's first, I've heard that Yuri won't be joining us today because of an incident where she had to be sent home. I'm going to check on her here soon, but I thought you all should know-"

"Is she okay?" Natsuki immediately asked. She seemed to realize she had asked a little too quickly and she quickly scoffed before rolling her eyes. "I mean, seriously, can't we have one week where someone doesn't have something going on?"

"To my knowledge, she's okay." Monika replied. "I'm going to call her here in a minute once we're settled in, so let's just try to relax and read a bit for now. I was thinking we could start up those book recommendations, so we can help better understand… what?" She trailed off as Sayori and Natsuki swapped glances, and Sayori held up her book for Monika to see.

"Monika, we've already done that, remember? We finished that last week, and you said you wanted to try discussing literary addictions from a book to a film and what they lose in the process" Sayori was giving her a concerned look, but Natsuki just snorted and crossed her arms.

"You mean 'Adaptation' Sayori. Ugh, Yuri's gone for a day and you already got me sounding like her. Anyway, she's right Monika, I was looking forward to giving my thoughts about how Yokoyama Keiko is turning Parfait Girls into an anime." She shrugged and crossed her arms, but the way she glanced over at the empty seat to her right to where Yuri sat said more about where her mind was at than her words. Monika sighed and shook her head, raising a hand in apology to her clubmates.

"Right, sorry. It's been a bit of a wild day everyone. We'll start our adaptation discussions tomorrow when Yuri is hopefully back with us. In the meantime, everyone enjoy their reading time and we'll group back up here in a bit to talk. Sound good?" Natsuki and Sayori still looked unsure, but they retreated into their books all the same, much to Monika's relief. She slipped out her phone and clicked on Yuri's contact, partly expecting a text of explanation from her. Her notifications were empty however, and so with a cautionary glance at the door leading out to the hallway, she gave her friend a call.

Riiiing. Riiiing. Riiiing. "Hello, this is Okumura, Yuri, of the Okumura family-"

"Yuri! Thank God, hey we were wondering-"

"If you are attempting to reach me, I'm afraid I am indisposed at the moment. Please leave your name and inquiry after the tone, and I will endeavor to return your call when I am most able. Thank you."

"... Seriously?" Monika groaned and shook her head, burying it in her freehand as she backed out of the call and decided to simply leave a text. Knowing Yuri, she'd prefer the option that involved less speaking anyhow.

You: Hey, Yuri. We're all missing you in the club right now. I heard about what happened, but I get the feeling the story I heard isn't quite what actually happened. I'm worried for you, and if the others knew (They don't! Don't worry!) I know they would be too. Even Natsuki. Just, don't do anything rash okay? Please give me a call or a text or something, just to let me know you're doing alright, okay?

Monika sighed and turned in her swivel chair, patting her phone against her knee. She probably wasn't going to get a response and she knew it, but it only made her worry more. Was she too worried? Natsuki's concern about their friend's odd behavior was still prevalent in her mind. She wanted to keep them all safe, but they were all almost grown adults. It wasn't like Yuri was suicidal as far as she knew, she just had a tendency to focus her overwhelming emotions into the act of cutting herself.

But what if she slips and hits an artery?

She's the most medically inclined person you know. She's not going to hit an artery.

How am I supposed to sit here and act like everything is okay when I know it isn't?!

You don't even know if anything is wrong! For all you know she's just taking a nap to sleep the stress away, something you should think about doing before you lose it!

She wished she could talk to Sayori, to confide in her. Unfortunately the incident at lunch had inadvertently driven a small wedge between them that needed to be addressed. Monika didn't want to interrupt her reading anyway; she deserved at least a little bit of time to relax and unwind after all. Monika tried to read as well, but nothing kept her attention. She tried working on session plans for the club, but they fell apart for one reason or another. She scrolled through her phone and the internet for inspiration, anything that might help her know what to do or say.

Monika stared forlornly at one of the few pictures in her gallery, passing by her favorite picture of the four of them making silly faces at the camera. She wanted them to be happy together damn it, but every time something went right there was always something that followed that put them all on edge and kept them anxious. She had never ventured this far into her gallery, a part of her didn't like to see the person she had been when she had taken these photos. Short poems, memoirs, experiences, all things from someone who didn't exist anymore. Nothing inspired her here, there was no hope in these pictures, only despair. Her thumb stopped on one picture as the splash of red caught her eye.

She remembered why she had taken the photo, and a part of her wondered if it would come in handy.

The club session came, and the club session went, but still no word from Yuri as the girls gathered their things and made to leave. Natsuki yawned and glanced back at Monika as the club president reorganized everything for the morning classes. There was a distinct lack of cups needing to be cleaned. "She didn't respond to you either, huh?" Monika's silence was answer enough. All three girls swapped uneasy glances, but Natsuki quickly put on a confident smirk and shrugged her way out into the halls.

"Ah she's fine. Guarantee she got caught up in some weird fantasy novel that's as thick as my arm and forgot to let any of us know what's up But, you know, if you guys are going to look so mopey about it then I'll swing by and check on her, 'kay?" With that Natsuki gave a farewell wave and practically dashed into the hall, leaving a somewhat stunned Monika and Sayori behind.

After a moment of silence Sayori asked, "Since when was Natsuki the one trying to keep us all in high spirits?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure. Actually, I'm not even sure she knows the way to Yuri's house." They glanced at each other and chuckled, shaking their heads as they finished cleaning and took the familiar road that would lead them to the shelter before Monika headed to work. The winds that carried winter on their backs blew through the girls and kept them huddled close together as they walked, with autumn giving its final breaths as a lone yellow leaf blew across the sidewalk before them.

The air was uncertain, but not quite tense as Monika broke the initial silence. "I gotta say, I'm really proud of Natsuki. She's really showing a level of concern and care for her clubmates that we don't really see often."

"Well, it kind of makes sense." Sayori said. "I think Saturday night was the first real time anyone has shown her that kind of compassion, you know? To someone who shys away from physical touch and freezes at loud noises, well, I can only imagine how unnatural and foreign, but also incredibly relieving it must've felt." She gave Monika a smile as she hobbled on her crutches and added, "After all, don't you remember how you felt when I ran away to the shelter and hugged you?"

Monika hadn't thought about it that way, and she had to admit Sayori wasn't wrong. She had thought about that hug plenty of times after that night; it had kept her warm on nights when she felt particularly isolated and restless. Perhaps Natsuki had experienced something similar in being vulnerable to Yuri. The thought of her friends truly becoming closer made her smile, but all it took was the reminder that she hadn't been a particularly good friend today to wipe the smile off her face.

"Hey, I… I really messed up today." Monika confessed, staring at the pavement. "I got so mad hearing those things that asshole said to you. I've never gone off like that before, and I really worry that you might be scared of me. I'm sorry for losing my cool, I really am, and it's ended up costing me big time because now I have detention during your appointment." Why was she always so bad at apologies? She sighed and shook her head, scared of the hurt and disappointment that might be lingering in her girlfriend's eyes. They had stopped walking by now, and for a moment neither one of them spoke. She heard Sayori readjust one of her crutches and felt a gentle hand cup her chin, turning her head so they could see each other eye to eye.

"I knew something was bothering you. Listen, Monika," Sayori began soothingly, "I'm not scared of you. I know in my heart that you would never intentionally hurt me-"

'This would be so much better if I could just disappear!'

"-and you have put yourself on the line so many times for me. I think that's what worries me, you know. I can tell you're worried about Yuri, but you won't say it. I can tell you're worried about us, and about work, and about keeping us fed and staying a perfect student, and that's why I'm worried. I'm not scared of you, I'm scared for you." Sayori looked back to find Monika's face was going pale, sweat beginning to form along her forehead and it looked as if she was trying to swallow grapefruit whole. The look of concern on Sayori's face only intensified, but Monika shook her head.

"I'm okay, Sunflower." She whispered through a dry throat. It had sounded so real, like there were two Sayori's speaking to her: one soothing, one panicked with fear. She tried to push back, she tried to swallow any memories or sights that would distress, she tried like hell to fight off the feeling welling up in her chest. She was not okay. She knew it, and Sayori knew it, and the worst part was they both knew there was absolutely nothing that could be done. Monika took a deep breath, counted down from ten, thought of the sounds and sights around her, all of the things her friends had taught her to keep her cool. After a minute of swallowing the bile rising in her throat, she nodded to signify the worst had passed, and she was ready to move on.

Sayori took her hands and gave Monika a look of worry she knew she didn't deserve. "This. This is why I'm scared for you. You're exhausted from the hours you put on yourself, you have nightmares when you're asleep and flashbacks to things I can't see when you're awake. I have never seen you hurt anyone before, and I never want to be the reason you do." She sighed and leaned against Monika, wrapping her arms around her to show how much she cared, and to keep her standing. Monika held her close and kissed her head through her hair. Even in the chilly winds, this was where she was happiest it seemed. Sayori's hands intertwined with her own and squeezed, warming her to her fingertips.

"No more fights, okay? These hands were made for holding, not hurting. I'm so glad you care for me, even if I feel like I'm dragging you down, but I don't know what you would do if something ever happened to me, and that scares me most of all."

"Nothing is going to happen to you." Monika said firmly, squeezing Sayori tighter. "As long as I'm still here, I won't ever let anyone hurt you ever again. You're all so important to me, and I can't risk losing any of you ever again. You've suffered more than enough." I probably just haven't yet.

Sayori sighed and looked back up at Monika, a forced smile on her face. It was obvious she was doing so for Monika's sake, even though they both saw through it. "You say the strangest things sometimes, Coffee-Girl." There was so much going on at once, all Monika wanted was to rest beside Sayori and be calm but she simply couldn't relax. She had assaulted a student in Sayori's defense and landed detention that was surely going to risk her making Sayori's appointment, she had no idea if Yuri was okay or if they were all paranoid, and she had to continue working every spare hour available if she wanted to land the two of them an apartment.

The simple fact was their conversation on the walk home was going to be the closest either of them would be able to get to comfort for the next few days, and so they stood in relative silence as cars drove by and passerby stared. Monika took in the familiar scent of cinnamon and vanilla and felt her worries flee for just a moment, and Sayori melted into the warmth and love that radiated from Monika's caring embrace. They were like two stars bouncing off of each other, their own lights warming and comforting the other whenever they could until they had no choice but to separate. Eventually time caught up with them both, and they were forced to let go of the other's hands as they always were.

Monika smirked as they continued walking down the street again and with a sly look she asked, "Coffee-Girl, huh? Is that to combat me calling you 'Sunflower'?"

"Oh, hush! I wanted to be sweet and I kept trying to mix 'Mocha' and 'Monika' together but it didn't sound like I wanted in my head, and it was kind of a serious moment." Sayori pouted, but Monika was quick to shake her head to show she didn't mind.

"I actually like it. 'Coffee-Girl' fits since I obviously drink the stuff like water when I can afford it, but you know there is something I like more than coffee." The twinkle in her eyes oozed mischief and she knew it, but Sayori didn't seem to catch on as she cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"What?"

"You." She gave her girlfriend a teasing smirk and chuckled as Sayori's face scrunched up and she shook her head as if she had just swallowed a bitter candy.

"Uwaa! Gosh that's so cheesy, get back here so I can throw my crutch at you, meanie!" They both let out a giggle as Monika skipped further down the sidewalk and Sayori gave chase as best as her leg would allow her. The two enjoyed their walk more than most would, as they knew it was the only time they had together before Monika kissed her girlfriend goodbye at the shelter and departed for her tutoring.

It was a nice, short lived break from the things bogging her mind down, and she spent the rest of the evening with thoughts on whether or not Yuri was okay in the back of her mind as she tutored. When she explained the pythagorean theorem to her client at six, she thought of how Yuri being injured was a worst-case scenario and she was probably overreacting. At eight when she was reminding a younger student of when the Muromachi period ended she reminded herself that it was a possibility for a reason and that she had a duty to make sure all of her friends were okay. When she rode in the back of a cab at eleven to go home for the evening, she looked at the lack of notifications on her phone and wondered if she was doing the right thing for her friends at any given time.

Tuesday came and brought with it little to no answers at first. Monika shared no classes with Natsuki or Yuri, and the stress of the upcoming end of term exams distracted her to the point of forgetting to text either between classes. What she wasn't distracted enough to dismiss however, was the way students had started casting dissecting looks in her direction. It wasn't every student, but every now and again she'd get the peculiar feeling of someone watching her, a prickling on her back that made her hair stand on end. She didn't like it.

When lunch finally rolled around she found herself grateful that she didn't have to experience it alone this time as she found Sayori sitting outside of a classroom, picking at a cup of noodles with a big smile on her face. When she saw Monika her smile lessened, but Monika could tell it wasn't out of disappointment. Their relationship might've been one of the few where one's smile growing fainter was a good thing; it meant that Sayori was casting aside her fake sprightliness and forced chipper attitude for a more genuine look of quiet contentment. Monika was fine with that, so long as Sayori was being honest about how she felt with her.

"Hey cutie." Monika whispered as she slid down the wall with her own cup of noodles. Sayori smirked slightly and scooted a little closer. "How are you doing today? I meant to text you, but even with the exams being a month away all of the teachers have been getting real generous with the extra preparation."

Sayori shrugged, blowing on her chopsticks before sticking a bundle of noodles into her mouth. "Eh, I've been okay. It's hard to tell because like, sometimes an okay day isn't very okay, but it's one where I'm not as down as usual so I get to call it 'okay', if that makes sense." Monika nodded in understanding at that; someone with something as serious as depression had a very different definition of what a good day was. "Have you heard from Yuri at all?

"I'm glad it's not a bad day at least, and I'm afraid not. Natsuki didn't text anything either, which is a little worrisome." They sat in silence for a few moments, simply enjoying the presence of the other and the feelings that came from it before Monika decided to ask something. "Everyone keeps looking at me funny, like I keep turning around but they're always turning their heads back when I do. Do you think word about what happened with me punching Hasegawa yesterday got around?" Even as they ate, Monika could see other students casting furtive glances in their direction as they passed with their own food.

"Well, um… I don't know how to tell you this, but you didn't just punch a student." At Monika's confused expression Sayori looked off with discomfort clearly creeping through her shoulders. "Monika, you're a class representative. You're one of the star students of the school, you run a club, and have probably spoken to every student here at least once. Not only did you get in a fight, but you also proclaimed that I was your uh, your girlfriend." Her voice trailed off and there was a distinct redness on the tips of her ears that stoked Monika's pride just a bit, until she remembered the actual topic at hand. "So you know, you openly announcing your sexuality while fighting someone, with your partner being an absolute nobody like me-"

"Hey," Monika interrupted, "Don't say that. You're not a nobody, you're my vice-president, my best friend, and my girlfriend. That's way more important to me than you being someone with a ton of followers on social-media or some snobby popular kid who's in with the student council." She made sure to instill every ounce of confidence into her voice, just to make sure Sayori knew she was more than satisfied with who she was dating. Sayori ducked her head into her shoulders and turned away, but Monika could've sworn she saw a tiny grin forming in the corners of her cheeks.

"Well, you know, not everyone feels that way… Oh, hey I forgot to ask, have you heard from Yuri yet?" Sayori asked. Monika glanced at her to see if she was joking, but instead she only found genuine curiosity staring back at her.

"Say, love, you already asked-" But she paused as she looked up to see the familiar petite form of Natsuki passing them by. Natsuki did a double take and quickly slid over to the wall they were sitting against, crouching down beside them as Sayori gave a friendly wave that she did not return. Natsuki glanced around with a look that Monika could only describe as mildly paranoid, leaning over to peer down the halls and taking quick checks at her phone as if expecting something.

Monika raised an eyebrow and went to greet her friend, but Natsuki spoke before she could, her voice quick and uneven. "Hey, you guys haven't seen Yuri right?"

"Um, no. We were actually just discussing that, were you able to-"

"Dude, I think her parents are dead. Like, have been dead." Natsuki interrupted. Monika felt her heart fall through her chest and into her stomach at the thought; was it really possible her parents were dead? The first thought she had was that simply wasn't possible, and Sayori seemed to agree as she gave a shake of the head.

"Natsuki, no. Yuri's parents can't be… you know, what on earth makes you think that?" But then, like a crumbling tower of blocks, the revelations fell into place for Monika and Natsuki seemed to bring a voice to the thoughts that she was trying to assemble in her head.

"Dude, have you ever actually seen her parents?" Natsuki asked flippantly. "Have you-" She paused as a student passing by slowed ever so slightly to stare at Monika and Sayori, and Natsuki glared back at the student. When they didn't stop she suddenly jolted forward, sending them skittering off down the hall. "Dick. Have you guys ever seen a car at her house that isn't hers? She only bought dinner for the four of us, and trust me, I know what empty cupboards look like. Hell, I even went to the bathroom to check and sure enough there's only enough soap and shit for one person!"

Sayori's eyes flickered back and forth, clearly searching for something to use as a counter. "B-but we heard her on a call with her parents, remember? Saturday night when she backed out of opening up to all of us." Natsuki didn't have an immediate response to that, but Monika unfortunately did.

"Her brother." She mumbled and the other's looked at her. At their evident confusion she spoke up and clarified, "Yuri has an older brother that's in university. When I heard her on the phone she was talking about the person on the other end not being able to come home again, and I just assumed it was her parents working really late. I'll bet you it was her brother telling her he wouldn't be able to come home to see her."

"But, it's not a holiday or anything. Why would she be so anxious about him coming home?" Sayori asked. Monika thought back to when she had dropped Natsuki off and Yuri had said something that had ticked off a flag in her head about something being wrong, but she had been too preoccupied to look into it at the time.

Yes, it's opportune that this occurred now, I suppose.

Well, this is just a difficult time of year for me. But, in truth, I believe company is a good thing for me…

And then she remembered what Natsuki had said just yesterday about Yuri driving her home.

When she took me home yesterday she got all teared up while she was driving, and she was super jumpy too.

Monika groaned and hit her head against the wall behind her, covering her eyes with her hands. How could she be so stupid, so blind to something so obvious? "Because this must be the time of year her parents died, and then she found out her brother won't be here. That's why she's been acting weird, Natsuki. That's why she didn't mind having us over. God, she must be so lonely." A wave of distaste seemed to wash through the group; the urge to help with something they weren't supposed to know about in the first place was universal among them.

Natsuki kicked her heel on the floor, knocking her slipper off. "Shit, dude. That's… God, I want to find her and say something but like, what are we supposed to say to that?"

"I don't think we can say anything." Sayori mumbled, her noodles left partly uneaten. "She clearly didn't want us to know, and we all know she really values her privacy. But, since we do all know, maybe we should try and talk to her during the club?" She looked to Monika for confirmation but Monika shook her head. This wasn't something they needed to confront Yuri about, not while she was already likely to be in a state of emotional distress.

"Uh, she might think we already know." Natsuki interjected as they all turned to face her again and she buckled under their combined stares. "Ugh, look I went to her place okay? I knocked on the door but she didn't hear me, probably because she was walking in that garden she has outback. I heard her crying on the phone with someone- oh, that was probably her brother now that you mention it. A-anyway! I was listening on the other side of the wall and she was really upset, or I guess her brother was upset at her for whatever happened and I saw…" Natsuki stopped and grimaced, clenching her fists together as if she was remembering something unpleasant.

Sayori and Monika waited for her to finish, but instead she just shook her head. "Look I- she saw me creeping around, and I don't know if she knows it was me and I'm kinda freaked out about talking to her alone after that, okay? But I think we need to like, talk to her at least. Something." Monika narrowed her eyes at Natsuki, not entirely convinced that she was telling the full story. She wanted to prod further especially after their goal to avoid secrets amongst the four of them going forward, but something held her back. She would trust in Natsuki wanting to keep this secret for a good reason, and hope that doing so did more good than bad.

"I guess we'll have to wait and see during the club, and go from there." Monika resigned, leaning her head back. The others looked to her for guidance, she knew, but here she felt woefully unprepared. Family was a foreign concept for her, she knew what it was and could remember bits and pieces from her own scattered childhood, but in this situation she simply wasn't sure how to proceed. None of them were.

Monika's free period passed by so fast she could hardly believe it, and no answers came to her despite her constant pondering. Her nerves felt frayed and rattled as she approached the clubroom, hoping that Yuri had decided to show up today. To her surprise, Yuri was already in the room with a book propped open to read, along with Sayori who seemed to have just arrived. Yuri raised her eyes in acknowledgement to Monika, but something was different about her that Monika couldn't quite place. It was only when she placed her things at the teacher's desk and took a second to get a look at her that she noticed one of the long strands of hair that normally sat on her shoulders was gone, leading to a jagged edge towards her temple.

She really did cut off a slice of her hair, Monika realized with a start. Her eyes were wide and glassy, evidence that she had been crying up until recently. Her blazer was buttoned unevenly for what must've been the first time since Monika had met her, and the way she dug at her sleeves with her fingernails unnerved Monika deeply. She must've failed to hide her surprise because Yuri buried her face in her book almost immediately, her voice quivering as like a leaf as she spoke.

"M-Monika, I apologize for my absence. I have no excuses and I am sure you erm, you probably h-have questions. But, I would very much like to simply have a normal club session. P-please." The way her voice cracked did little to soothe Monika's fears, but she couldn't bring herself to deny such a simple request. She was clearly anxious, She didn't even know if it was right to talk to Yuri about it still, but it could wait until the end of the club at least.

"Sure, Yuri. I just want you to know we're here if you need to talk. All of us." She and Sayori both gave forced smiles, but Yuri didn't rise from her cover.

"Alright, where the heck is she? I got some questions that I need answered!" Natsuki's voice suddenly rang out loudly from the doorway. Monika scowled and turned to lecture her classmate on properly handling a sensitive situation, but her voice fell flat as she noticed the figure looming just beyond the doorway. Standing just a few feet behind Natsuki was the imposingly chipper face of Ms. Kusumoto, her curly hair and towering figure gathering the attention of all four club members and seeming to send a shiver through each one simultaneously. This was not a good day for a surprise visit.

Natsuki quickly stepped out of the way as she noticed the teacher behind her, her face blanched with sudden realization before stiffly walking to her regular seat. Sayori cast a worried look in Monika's direction but she gave her girlfriend a slight shake of the head in response, giving a bright smile as she looked up at their prison warden. Monika knew they had been overdue for a visit, and she silently wondered if they had actually been doing a good job of keeping under the radar until her altercation yesterday. Was that why she had decided to show up today?

"My, how lovely it is to see all of your bright faces again!" Ms. Kusumoto greeted in an overtly cheery tone that sounded far too sweet, even for Natsuki. "I apologize for my absence, the upcoming end of term has kept everyone very busy, as I'm sure you all know. I also had to take a bit of time to help a very dear friend of mine go through some domestic issues, advice and the like as I'm sure you understand." Monika saw Sayori's jaw tighten and she silently prayed her girlfriend was strong enough to resist falling for such bait. Ms. Kusumoto clapped her hands together and continued. "I believe there's a student who I haven't met yet, actually! Miss Kisaragi, yes? I hope not to expect too much trouble from you."

Natsuki scoffed and mumbled something about cigarettes before raising a hand in greeting. "Uh, hey. Nice to meet you. I guess I can say the same to you." There was an awkward silence among the club that Monika despised and decided to take a stand from the desk to address the club. The moment she did, Ms. Kusumoto casually slid into the chair and gave Monika another wide smile, almost as if she had been waiting to take Monika's seat. Monika sniffed in indignation, but kept her smile as she turned back to face the club. The meaning of the action, however subtle, wasn't lost on her whatsoever, but she would play this game as long as needed if it kept her club above water, and she would play it better.

"Alright everyone, so today I thought since a lot of movies are coming out for the holiday season we could discuss film adaptations of books and-"

"Ms. Okumura, it's highly disrespectful to not listen to your club president's announcement." Ms. Kusumoto interrupted. Monika turned to give their visitor a seething glare, but Ms. Kusumoto was looking past her and towards the back of the class towards one student in particular. Yuri was still buried behind her book, but the fingers that were clenching the hardcover so tightly were shaking. Before Monika could remind Ms. Kusumoto that this was her clubroom and her choice as to what and was not disrespectful towards her, the teacher continued. "Ms. Okumura, if you would so kindly see me out in the hallway. I believe I have a certain promise I need to make good on. Ms. Monika, you may resume your club activities in just a second."

Everyone's eyes flickered between Ms. Kusumoto and Yuri, a chill silence in the air as Yuri remained seated at her desk. Natsuki finally spoke up, audibly swallowing in the process. "Hey, she hasn't done anything. This isn't even a class, this is a club, don't go interrupting it just to flaunt your weird superiority agenda." Monika felt a rush of pride for Natsuki, to go from degrading her clubmate to standing up for her was a considerable change.

"Ms. Kisaragi, I suggest you keep your interesting accusations to yourself unless you wish to put your education on the line again." Ms. Kusumoto countered. Natsuki stiffened and glanced off towards Monika, confusion and a silent plea in her eyes. "If you do not wish to take the matter to the privacy of the halls we can certainly do this here, Ms. Okumura. I cannot begin to express the disappointment I face as a teacher to see the sibling of such a prestigious and hard-working student sully their family's good name through sheer ignorance. Bringing a weapon onto the school campus? I would never expect someone related to Ichiro would be capable of causing such a disturbance in our school!"

Yuri's head somehow managed to sink even lower, but Ms. Kusumoto didn't falter in her lecture. "Were it not for the miniscule size of the blade and considerable efforts of your brother, you would be facing far worse repercussions than you are now." She took a quick breath before letting out a huff, her hair frazzled. "Do you think your brother does not stress enough as it is trying to pay for both his tuition and your living expenses, all whilst trying to earn a degree? Have you no shame for dragging your family's name through the dirt?" She clicked her tongue in disapproval, looking at Yuri as though she were a filthy animal tracking mud into the house.

"What must your parents think?"

Yuri stood from her desk so abruptly that everyone in the room jumped, but by the time they had recovered she was already running through the sliding door and out into the hall. Monika wasn't sure what to say, and she could only look in shock between Ms. Kusumoto and where Yuri had just been sitting. Had everything truly gone wrong so fast? How could she have allowed this to happen? Natsuki was the first to rise from her seat, a fury the bowels of hell could not have constructed in their most desperate moments etched onto her face.

Ms. Kusumoto glared at Natsuki as she walked past, her backpack already slung over her shoulders. "Ms. Kisaragi, I suggest you-"

"Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh." Natsuki spoke over without so much as looking at her as she followed Yuri out, venom dripping from her every word. Monika and Sayori were quick to do the same, with Monika turning to face their visiting teacher with one final glare before spitting out her resentment and shutting the sliding door.

"Club dismissed."

Natsuki was pacing back and forth hesitantly in the hall, craning her neck as if she was debating on which direction to go and Sayori didn't know what to do either if the frustrated look on her face was anything to go by. Monika looked at her friends slowly beginning to lose focus and quickly brought her presidential authority out, pointing down the hall for each of them.

"We need to find her. Sayori, check the bathroom between here and the music room. Natsuki, check the spot you have with her beneath the stairs, I'm going to check the bathroom at the other end of the hall." They nodded at her delegations and sprinted (Or in Sayori's case, hobbled) down the halls towards their respective destinations while Monika kept her eyes out for a flash of violet hair as she too sped down the hall. She was speechless, she was embarrassed, and above all she was infuriated.

Monika knew that not all teachers were good people, some simply came for the paycheck or didn't have the heart for dealing with the younger generation. And yet she could not help but feel as though she had been cheated out of the care and due-diligence that someone in a state of teaching authority ought to have exuded. She had met wonderful teachers who had fueled her passions and encouraged her to do what brought her joy, and she had met teachers who had been so unenthusiastic in their own career that she had wanted to change her classes, but this? This was nothing short of enforcement.

Monika reached the bathroom and stepped inside to find all of the stall doors cracked ajar and no feet visible beneath the stalls. Not one to be deterred, Monika started pushing the stall doors open just to see if Yuri was hiding atop the toilets. She had to find her before she did something regrettable, but her head was feeling foggy.

Creeeeeeak. Empty.

This was her fault, wasn't it? Maybe she hadn't listened well enough, or maybe she hadn't paid attention quite as much as she should have.

Creeeeeeak. Empty.

Her mind kept playing a twisted game of back and forth. One part said that Yuri was probably fine, and only emotional. The other part screamed and fought, insisting that her friend had succumbed to taking a blade to her skin for less than this. She had no faith in her friends. She had too much.

Creeeeeeak. Empty.

Her heart pushed her forward. It was too late to go back, they had already left the classroom and probably cost their club another strike in the process. But they had done it together at least, all for Yuri. Maybe they were all overreacting, maybe they just wanted to feel good by going out of their way to ensure she was safe, but at least they had done it together.

Creeeeeeak.

Empty.

Monika bit back a curse and stepped back out into the hall, pulling out her phone and quickly dialing Yuri's number. The phone rang once, twice, three times. Nothing. Had the others found her? She saw Sayori hobbling down the hall towards her with disappointment and mounting worry on her face, no Yuri in tow behind her. Had Natsuki found her? She had to be somewhere nearby if she wanted to engage in her self harm.

She was caught trying to cut yesterday, and played it off as cutting her hair. She was lectured, and sent home, and therefore wouldn't likely bring the blade back out of fear of repercussion. Which means… Her brain came to the conclusion just as she heard the strew of curses from the stairwell between her and Sayori.

"Shit!" Natsuki dashed up the steps, looking at both Monika and Sayori with a panicked expression. "Dude, I just looked out the window and her fucking car is gone! She bolted!" A wave of dread washed over Monika and she faltered in her determination. Now what? None of them had cars of their own, even if they could drive, and Yuri was far too cautious a driver to answer a call while at the wheel. It was a hour's walk from the school, of that Monika was sure of, and she didn't really like to think of what could happen in the time it would take for any of them to get there.

Promised to keep them safe. Keep them all safe. Especially from themselves.

Her brain was clocking into overdrive, trying to put together the right path that would lead to everyone being happy and unharmed. Sayori's gaze flickered between the two of them, confusion and concern being her makeup as she finally spoke up.

"I'm- Guys, I don't understand. I'm worried about Yuri too, but you're acting like she's in danger or something. What's going on?" She pleaded. Monika debated on whether or not it was worth telling Sayori. They had promised no secrets, but this wasn't exactly her secret to tell. With a silent apology to Yuri, she sighed and tried to word it in a way that wouldn't divulge everything, but would help keep Sayori in the loop about the severity.

"I'm worried Yuri might hurt herself." Monika and Natsuki answered in unison. Their heads turned to each other in surprise and they swapped confused looks. Monika was confused as to how she could've let Yuri's secret slip out without realizing it, while Natsuki just looked aggravated at the realization.

"You knew?"

"You knew?!"

"I- yes, I've suspected for a long time and known since Halloween." Monika defended. "I've been trying to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything too extreme. How on earth did you find out?"

"I told you I went to her house yesterday, right? I peeked through her fence and she was changing out a bunch of bandages on her arm while she was on the phone, but you've known this for how long?!" Natsuki ran a hand through her hair, glaring a hole straight through Monika. "What happened to 'no secrets', huh? Jesus dude, you didn't think this might be something to bring up so we could do something about it before it got to this level?"

"It wasn't my place, Natsuki! I promised-"

"Both of you, stop!" Sayori shouted. Monika and Natsuki went quiet as they turned to see Sayori with her eyes clenched shut and her hands gripping her crutches tightly. After a few moments of silence to ensure they were listening she took a breath and continued. "Enough. Sitting here and arguing about who knew what won't help Yuri. We're all worried and stressing out about her, and we're all doing our best to make sure she's okay, so let's go outside, get a taxi or something, and go check in on her. Alright?"

Monika and Natsuki swapped glances again, the worry and responsibility she felt in keeping Yuri safe reflected back at her from Natsuki's own irises. Sayori was right.

"Grr, oh fine… I'm a jackass and kept it a secret too, because I didn't want her mad at me! So I'm no better, and I'm… I'm sorry, alright? Let's just go make sure that dweeb is okay!" With that Natsuki soared down the stairs two steps at a time, stumbling on the landing and turning on her heel to fly down the other set. Monika was silent as she watched Natsuki dash off, turning to Sayori with an appreciative nod before setting off on her own. Before she could take a single step however, she remembered that steps and her girlfriend didn't get along very well, and she turned to look back at Sayori with an apologetic look twinkling in her eyes.

Sayori knew that look and quickly shook her head. "Oh no, don't you dare- MONIKA!" Monika let out a faint smirk as Sayori's arm quickly wrapped around her neck, her crutches clenched as tightly as her eyes as Monika bounced down the stairs with her girlfriend in her arms yet again. Last time she hadn't allowed herself the opportunity, but now she relished the feeling of Sayori holding onto her. Despite the circumstances, seeing her nestled into her shoulder made Monika's heart flutter. Two flights of stairs later she gently set Sayori down on the floor, helping her get her crutches adjusted while Sayori glared toy daggers into her eyes.

"I'm not kissing you for a week, you meanie!"

"Oh, don't even pretend you're going to stick by that."

By the time they got outside Natsuki was already putting her phone away, anxiously tapping her feet as she stared down the street. When she caught sight of them she raised her arms in the air, exasperation turning her face into a pretty shade of pink.

"Stupid asshole taxi drivers won't accept because apparently 'it's not worth it to drive a couple of miles'." Natsuki exclaimed, lowering her voice to mock whatever taxi service she had just attempted to call. "Which is fine considering I'm broke to hell and back. But, now what? Yuri's not going to answer us." Monika sighed and looked up at the sky, its clear blue hue having only tatters of orange along the edges of the horizon that told her they had a bit before dark. The weather was affable, and lacked the bitter chill that she had faced over the weekend.

"Looks like we're walking." She decided with a sigh. An hour's walk while carrying Natsuki could probably be shortened if they kept an even pace, and that was with Sayori's leg taken into consideration. Natsuki didn't seem so sure, she looked antsy and seemed to radiate an aura of impatience that Monika sympathized with.

"Dude, you look like a dead girl walking. Uh, no offense. Sayori's got crutches, and I can't do more than a light jog in the gym without risking blacking out. You really think that's a good idea?" Natsuki objected. Then with a slight groan and a less than confident glance towards the road she asked the same question that had been plaguing Monika's mind for most of the day and then some. "What if… what if she's fine? What if we get there and we're just overreacting, and she hates us? I don't want her to hate me again."

Monika tried to think of something reassuring to say, but the truth was she had yet to find anything that would comfort her own worries, much less Natsuki's. Thankfully Sayori stepped up and gave them both a determined expression, her hopeful smile like oil to Monika's empty tank.

"Then we'll just tell her the truth: we were worried and wanted to check on her after the terrible things Ms. Kusumoto said." Sayori explained. "She's our friend, whether or not we have suspicions or concerns about what she might do, we don't need a reason to make sure she's okay. Yuri was there for me when I was in the hospital, she was there when Monika didn't have me or Natsuki in the club to support her, and she was there Saturday night for you, Nat." She balanced on her crutch to make sure her black and gold hair bow was straight, and then turned towards the road that would lead them to Yuri's house. "We need to be there for her, whether she wants our concern or not."

Monika felt the edges of her lips curl up ever so slightly at Sayori's optimism: forced or not, that girl had a way of inspiring others, and boy did she love it about her. "Sayori's right, we need to at least show that we're thinking of her, even if she turns us away." Natsuki looked indifferent at first, but when Monika and Sayori both looked to her to see if she was still with them, even she couldn't help but grin.

"You know, safe or not, she's not going to let us hear the end of this. Also, if I pass out then Monika has to carry me since I already know she's capable." There was a light chuckle amongst them as they began walking down the sidewalk, and the bitter winds did not deter them from their destination. It only seemed to strengthen their resolve as it pushed at their backs and carried them forward.

"Give me a shot of espresso in a soda and I can probably carry both of you there before I crash and burn." Monika remarked. The leaves fell past them as they left the school behind, the three of them falling into place beside each other. "Although, I'd gladly carry Sayori there and back again. It's like holding a big teddy bear, but you know, a lot cuter."

"Bleh! Nope! Nope, changed my mind. I don't want to be carried by you if you're going to make it all weird and sappy." Natsuki stuck her tongue out which earned a playful shove from Monika and a laugh from Sayori. Although a weight sat on each of their shoulders, they forced themselves to be happy and jovial if only for a few minutes. Monika realized it was similar to when she had walked home with Sayori the day before: they knew this might be the last chance to show a carefree attitude and play before they were met with something serious. It was true that everything could be alright, and that they had worried for nothing, but somehow Monika felt as though they were walking towards a storm.

It wasn't just with Yuri. It felt as though she and her friends had faced several harrowing experiences in the past few months, but there was also something else at play that she couldn't see. It was the way the wind chilled her skin and bit through her clothes. It was the uneasy sleep she found herself in night after night, wondering if she and her friends would be okay. It was the disheartened frown they shared when they thought none of the others were looking. Peril lay ahead, though for why, or when, Monika simply did not know.

What she did know was that as long as they stuck together, and held onto one another taut, they would be able to persevere. They would survive, they would be happy, and Monika would have fulfilled her promise.