For the Longest Time

by Social Coyote

Monika is back in the literature club after having been deleted, but the world she finds herself in is not the game nor reality, but some surreal mixture of the two. Monika will have to prove she's willing to face her own flaws as well as her clubmates' for a chance at a happy ending. After all, a poem never is never actually finished, it just stops moving.

21. Komm, süsser Tod

Chapter 21: Komm, süsser Tod

The chapter that shows that something has to die, before something else can live.

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Natsuki let out a sneeze into her elbow, letting out a feeble groan as she turned back to look at Monika with her paper clenched tightly in her hand: an accidental result of her sneeze. Monika gave her a sympathizing look and patted her shoulder, nodding in understanding. December was here, and with it came the unfettered waves of sickness and rampant allergies that seemed to affect everyone. If you were lucky enough to dodge it, then you certainly knew someone who had been hit by it, and the literature club was no different.

"Dude, fuck allergy season." Natsuki muttered as she grabbed at a tissue box sitting at Monika's desk. Monika smirked and handed her a few more, just to be safe, before setting the box back down and crossing her arms while giving Natsuki a look that plainly said she wasn't buying it.

"Nat, it's the first of December. Pollen doesn't kick up until February at the earliest." She glanced up to see Yuri approached from behind Natsuki with two steaming mugs, gratefully accepting one when she offered it to her. "I think you're just sick and are too stubborn to stay home. Thank you, Yuri." Monika enjoyed the warmth the mug brought her hands when she wrapped them around it, and just a sip of the hot tea was enough to clear her own airways.

Yuri, true to her word, had returned to classes immediately after the weekend had wrapped up, and when she returned Monika had to give Natsuki props on just how well she had fixed Yuri's hair. The choppy and crazed mess had been remedied into a sleek crown braid that Yuri wore quite well despite the limited amount of hair to work with; Monika had even been tempted to learn how to do one herself after seeing it for the first time. She had remained adamant about wearing long sleeves that hid any sight of her injuries, and the cold weather only gave more reason for her to do so. Yet on the rare occasion that she would accidentally pull on her sleeve, she was much more calm about it in the presence of her clubmates.

"My pleasure. Here you are, Natsuki, I know you like the raspberry flavor, so I made sure to pick up some extra packets in case you wanted to make some at home." Yuri said whilst fixing her clubmate with a firm glare that served as a sign to drink her tea. Natuski groaned but quickly relented, taking a long sip that left her with a glazed look in her eyes as she glanced back up at Yuri.

"Yeah, thanks Yuri. You're the best." Natsuki mumbled through a stuffy nose. Yuri said nothing, but Monika could see the glimpse of a smile as she turned to make Sayori a mug. The girls had finished their talks on film adaptations of literature after a surprisingly lengthy debate between Sayori and Natsuki about whether a movie ought include all the parts of a book, and Monika had decided some wintery poems would be a good way to get everyone accustomed to the growing cold.

Sayori unpacked her poem from her bag, cleared her throat, and looked around at the others. "Huh, it's been a little while since we've done poetry! Hope I'm not rusty. Ahem, this one is called 'Snowman'."

"Winter brings snow, and snow brings lots of pretty snowflakes.

Snow is rain, and I am the snow you roll into a neat little ball.

The cold air kisses my skin, freezing and freeing me to my core,

But it is your mittens that turn my slush into something tangible.

How will you make me, I wonder?

Am I round and snappy, or lithe and sad?

Ugly and stout, or tiny and bad?

But your mittens do what I cannot,

And turn me into something more.

You dress me up in a scarf and hat,

To fend off winter's unforgiving bite.

I spring to life and a smile spreads

As we laugh and play in the slushed up rain.

We're giggling and screaming with delight,

Too enticed in our running to notice winter's curse.

The sweat of play and fun thaws my body

And the warmth of your hugs make me melt

As you try to hold on to my flaky form.

My carrot nose lies in the pool of water.

The hat is soaked to the brim.

The scarf holds my icy essence

Until you roll me up once again."

Sayori finished with a breath and looked around at the others, a small round of applause filling the clubroom. Monika smiled at getting to hear Sayori's familiar bittersweet writing yet again, taking a stab at the meaning hidden beneath the words. She knew having people care and worry about her own wellbeing made Sayori feel guilty, shameful for the feelings and energy she put towards her. Having a partner, Monika noted, almost certainly magnified those feelings. Much like her memory, it was something to work towards.

As the applause died down and each member gave their approval, Yuri looked at Natsuki, but her look was met with a dismissive wave.

"Nah, you never get a chance to read your poetry. Go for it." Natsuki encouraged. Yuri smiled and straightened her posture at her desk before staring down at her paper in silence. After a few moments of what was likely inner preparation, she began.

"The axe is the tool that chops the wood, the wood that lights my nightly fire.

Everyone can see the axe is destined to slice, to chop, to hack away at the unwanted.

'Such barbarity', so they claim, but just as the nail is fated to seal away what it embeds,

So too must the axe break down what is necessary.

I hear the sound, the sound of the axe as it hacks away at my doors, my walls, and my protection.

How could I not fear what threatens to tear my abode to splinters and dust?

It is only in my nature, I suppose, to cling desperately to what must be cut away.

The axe is an enemy of the familiar, it threatens to break what I hold so close

While I sit unaware that my fire has long gone out and the cold blisters my skin.

Am I unaware, or simply unwilling to see that I sit frozen to the wood beneath me?

The axe is a cunning foe and is rightly feared, for its blade cleaves sinew and bone with ease,

But only if the wielder intends it.

The axe smashes the broken windows and I feel the wind pour in

As it cleaves my walls in two and snow cascades the floors.

These floors that I thought kept me warm are chopped into bits,

Bits that are tossed into the empty fireplace along with my walls, my door.

The axe sits at my side, waiting to chop my walls down when I need it.

It awaits my silent command to destroy what I thought I held so dear,

To destroy the walls that fend off the beautiful blanket of snow I sit against.

In a coat and sweater I sit, beside the axe, as the fire burns bright and long

And I find that Winter is not as cold as I remember."

Yuri swallowed and glanced up from her paper while her head sank into her shoulders, as if she expected her friends to laugh or raise their brows at her. They didn't, of course, there was a hearty round of applause as well as several failed attempts at a whistle from Sayori, who finally gave in and clapped as well. Yuri gave a sigh of relief and slumped back in her seat, giving a small wave of thanks as the clapping died down.

"Oh, I apologize. The title of that piece is, 'The Wilting Woodsman'." Yuri mumbled. She went to curl a lock of her hair, only to remember that she no longer had any locks to curl and Monika could see her face burning at the realization.

"Really beautiful imagery, Yuri." Monika said with a smile. "I liked the line about the axe busting the windows, only to reveal they were already broken. Good stuff as always!" Sayori nodded in agreement from behind her mug, which threatened to spill down her front, while Natsuki leaned on her desk and flashed a smug smirk at Yuri.

"You really couldn't find a way to say 'Axes are jerks" without writing a whole essay, could you?" She teased. Yuri gave her a pointed look, shaking her head and mumbling about "missing the point" as she politely motioned for Natsuki to take her turn. Natsuki sniffed and unfolded her slightly crinkled paper before giving it a little flap and clearing her throat. "Alright, so here's my winter poem. I put a lot of time and effort into this, so I want each of you to give it the respect and attention it deserves, alright?" She shot a serious look at each of them, clearing her throat one last time before holding up her paper.

"Damn it's cold outside."

Sayori dribbled tea out from between her lips as her hand smacked against the desk, clearly trying to hold back her laughter with little success.

"Natsuki, noooo!" She cried out after swallowing her tea, burying her face against the desk as she fell into a fit of hysterics. Yuri rolled her eyes while Monika cleared her own throat and shot a look towards Natsuki that plainly said to get on with it. Natsuki raised a hand to show she wasn't finished, took another sip of tea, and started again.

"Damn it's cold outside,

And it looks like I have nowhere to hide.

So I guess it's back to bed

Where I can bury myself away.

There's pillows and three blankets lying around

And besides the wind there's not a sound

So I guess that makes it the perfect place

To spend the rest of my day.

But the snow keeps piling higher and higher,

And I sure as heck can't start a fire

So you'd think the outcome of the story here

Is that I'm failing to keep the cold at bay.

But, even if there's no heater in my room

And the snow is turning it into a tomb

I've got three blankets to keep me warm!

And you know what, that's okay."

Natsuki frowned as she awaited her clubmate's response, but she didn't have to wait long. The room was once again filled with the clapping of hands (and snapping from Monika) as Natsuki smirked and returned to her seat.

"That's not the first time I've seen that rhyme scheme in your work, is it?" Monika noted. Natsuki glanced up at her and shrugged, rubbing beneath her nose in an off-handed manner. Yuri smiled and gave a small giggle of "Uhuhu" which earned her a suspicious look from Natsuki beside her.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just wondering what color blankets we all were, that's all."

"Oh, shut up! You're the spare in the closet we give out to guests."

There was a round of good natured laughter around the room, and Monika smiled at the other three as their giggles died down. It felt good to simply be in the club and enjoying their time, their work, rather than bickering or fighting or hiding secrets from one another. This, Monika realized, was what her club was supposed to be. A place of literature and expression. No quarrels about the petty things or the fears and worries that lay undetected in the back of her head, just being a normal highschooler with her friends. It truly was what she had always wanted.

She gave a small start as she realized that her club members were looking at her expectantly; there was only one piece of poetry left to present after all. Monika gave a small smile before neatly taking out her composition book and turning to the most recent page. The room was completely still. Monika glanced at each of her members before turning back to her book, and without another moment's hesitation, she began.

"This one is called What Tomorrow Brings."

"There is a roaring in the sky

For it is the time when dusk turns to evening.

It is that time when bears and bats begin to hibernate,

Casting away their lively forms to rest.

Spirits they are, the parts of us that have lived our lives up to this very point

And we are witnesses to their passage from one form to the next."

"When they awake from winter's sleep, they will not be the same.

The bear that stumbles out of the cave is not the same one who sank into sleep

As he is the creature who experienced hibernation, and the one before him has not.

Humans are no different,

The girl who sits in the snow is not the same as the one who chose to stay inside.

She is no longer that girl, just as the bear is no longer the bear who sleeps.

So hibernate, little one. Dream the 'you' that the morning sun will bring.

Let yourself rest and pass from one season to the next,

And know that you had to perish so that something else could live.

Your hands will be stained with the blood of who you were

But you can wash them off in the morning snow."

Monika smiled and looked up from her book, each girl giving her a different expression in return. Natsuki looked perturbed, gazing at Monika with a look that rivaled concern. Yuri seemed reflective, as if she was going through each line of the story in her head and dissecting it from various angles. Sayori was beaming widely with her fingers crossed, a hint of pride on her face as she gave a subtle nod towards her club president.

Monika glanced at the clock hanging above the sliding door. 4:52. "Okay, everyone! I think we're just about done for the day. Excellent work on your poems, guys! I know it's been a hot minute since we've explored poetry, but you all did great!" One by one the girls rose from their seats and begin to restore the classroom to its original condition; Sayori downed the last of her tea before passing the mug to Yuri while Monika and Natsuki arranged the desks. In no time at all the clubroom was spotless, and the girls were packing up their things. Monika smirked. They wouldn't ever get another complaint about leaving a dirty room, that was for sure.

By 4:58 Natsuki was already strolling out the door with a casual wave of farewell, with Yuri trailing behind her as she bowed her thanks to Monika.

"Good session, Prez. I'm gonna go home and soak in the tub."

"Ah, don't forget your tea packets, Natsuki!"

Monika saw them all off, calling out reminders to drum up ideas for their next club activity as they left. With that, she and Sayori were the last ones left. A small cough from behind Monika alerted her to Sayori staring pensively at her, and she gave Sayori a curious look.

"Could uh," Sayori mumbled, "Could we stay behind? Just for a second, I wanted to talk to you about something." Monika could hear the apprehensiveness in her tone and felt concern wash over herself, but she gave Sayori a nod and moved to close the sliding door shut to give them some privacy. Sayori motioned for her to sit at one of the desks and Monika hesitantly did so, glancing up at her girlfriend anxiously. Was it her memory? Did something else happen with her parents? Yet Sayori didn't look nervous, not like Monika did at least.

She motioned for Monika to scoot back a bit, before wrapping her good leg around Monika's lap and carefully sitting herself down. Monika felt a lightning bolt of shivers erupt through her and she met Sayori's eyes just as she felt a pair of warm hands sit upon her shoulders.

"Say, is everything okay?"

"Ehehe, knew you'd worry. Sorry, I should've specified a bit better. Nothing's wrong, silly." She leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on the tip of Monika's nose. "I just never get to spend any time with you because you're always working and you're so tired when you get back to the shelter. I miss you, you know?" She planted another kiss, this time on her forehead, and then one on her cheek. Monika smiled in relief and buried her face into Sayori's shoulder, her arms wrapping around her girlfriend and pulling her in just a bit closer.

"Dummy. You made me worried." For a moment they just sat there, Monika taking in that all-too familiar scent of vanilla and cinnamon and the feeling of someone's body pressed to hers. She loved the feeling of contact, the way it warmed her from head to toe and put butterflies in her stomach. When Sayori untied the orange ribbon keeping her hair up and began running her fingers through her hair, Monika thought for sure she would melt. A tiny sigh escaped her lips and she buried herself deeper, sliding a hand up Sayori's unbuttoned blazer to slowly rub her back. This was nice.

Sayori pulled back so that their eyes met again, and she gave a smile. It was one of those genuine smiles that would appear if the weather was right and luck shined down, and Monika was in love with it. Sayori leaned down and their lips met, perfectly molded to fit one another as a smooth hand wrapped around behind Monika's head and caressed her. It was only after she felt her breath lessening that she noticed Sayori's other hand was no longer on her shoulder, and her ears tinged pink as she pulled back to speak.

"Say?"

"Hm?"

"That's my boob."

"Huh," She looked down and nodded in confirmation, her chest lightly heaving as she spoke, "It sure is. Is that a problem?"

"Nah, I don't think so." Monika smirked and pressed her lips back to Sayori's, feeling the buttons of her blazer come undone. Even through two layers of clothing, Sayori's touch was mesmerizing to Monika. Perhaps she was so unfamiliar and so unused to intimacy that it had made her sensitive, or perhaps she was merely pent up after years of isolation, but when Sayori's lips brushed against her neck she let out a small noise she wasn't even aware she could make. In an instant she pulled Sayori close in an effort to hide her face from revealing just how much she was enjoying this. "Sayori, we're still in school… someone could walk by."

Sayori hummed softly, kissing up the side of Monika's neck and back up towards her ear. "Yeah, I know. I just… I miss you, a lot. I'm not being too pushy, am I? You do want to like, kiss each other and uh… you know, right?" Monika could tell Sayori had lost her nerve, glancing nervously back towards the sliding door before suddenly digging her fingers into Monika's jacket, followed by a sharp intake of breath. Monika glanced up fearfully towards the door, but there was nobody there. "S-sorry, you saying that made me nervous and I thought I saw someone walk by. Augh, I totally ruined the mood and did this all without warning too, I'm really sorry."

But Monika was quick to lean up and silence Sayori's self-doubt with her lips, making sure she felt the smile she was giving her.

"Hey, don't be. Did you not hear me squeal just now? I am very much enjoying this, but I don't want to put you or the club in any more jeopardy." There was another trade of kisses as Monika slowly helped lift Sayori off of her lap and back onto the floor, carefully propping her up while she grabbed her crutches. They were mostly silent as they readjusted their hair and clothing and slipped out of the sliding room door, each checking down the empty hallway for any signs of someone having seen them. Hoping neither of them were too red in the face or out of breath, they scurried along out of the school with the few remaining students and began the walk back to the shelter.

Monika had to admit she was a little surprised. She had never expected Sayori to be so bold as to be so passionate whilst in school, but then she reminded herself that Sayori had made the first move once Monika had given her confession, kissing her despite the fact she was a crying mess. Her legs still shook a little as the adrenaline died down and she tried to keep a collected composure, the last thing she needed was to be tutoring someone while thinking of Sayori in her lap and drowning her with kisses. Their arms wrapped in a tight embrace as their clothing was discarded and their lips sank lower and lower, until nothing was concealed and all she knew was the scent of Sayori and her love for her.

Augh, stop it you horny idiot! Monika silently chastised. Was it her, her logical side, or her emotional side doing the lecturing? Probably the logical one, her emotional side was probably enjoying this all too much. Rein it in a little, Monika, you've been dating for a month. One month. You've not even said that you-

That what? That you love her? Do you love her? Does she love you? Or, was this her logical side? Monika couldn't tell which parts of her were saying what half the time, but she knew they were in there. Always yelling at her. That's a really big word to throw around, and you've already been guilty of using it willy-nilly before. Be responsible, and get a hold of yourself and her. You don't need either of you to get caught pouncing on one another and risk getting kicked out of the shelter or school!

But it's so hard not to! That had to be the emotional part of her, or was it just her own thoughts? She's adorable and clearly wants to be intimate with you, and this could be a very important bonding moment for the both of you!

"Moni, you okay?" Sayori's voice broke through the silence, and in turn her thoughts, like a warm knife through butter. Monika gave her head a little shake, nodded, and turned to Sayori apologetically.

"Sorry, just a lot on my mind, ahaha." Her weak chuckle did little to comfort either of them, but Sayori nodded all the same and stepped a little closer without her crutches getting in the way of their walk. The silence wasn't uncomfortable between them, they both knew if one of them had something to say they could say it, and that they didn't have to force themselves to speak to enjoy one another either. All too soon, the Helping-Hands Shelter sitting nestled beside the little tea shop came into view. Monika was thankful she had the day off as she felt the weight in her backpack bounce with each step up the stairs, holding the door open for Sayori. The pressure of keeping up with her own school work along with helping Sayori this close to the end of term was stressful enough without losing her nights to helping others.

After their showers, Monika and Sayori set up in their cots and took a few minutes to relax before starting their work. Monika could hear the sounds of laughter echoing from Sayori's phone, a small smile visible on her face as she watched someone else watch videos from the internet. Monika smirked at her before glancing down towards the end of the hall where several administrative doors sat and something ticked off in her mind. She gave Sayori a nudge, told her she'd be right back, and strolled up to the one labeled Occupational Recruitment before giving it a sharp couple of knocks. A voice bid her enter, and she stepped inside.

The office hadn't changed since Monika had been in here last, nor had the person sitting behind the desk. Naomi raised her eyebrows at her presence, and it was then Monika realized that they were not entirely alone in the office with a fellow patron of the shelter sitting in one of the chairs across from the desk.

"O-oh, sorry! I can come back later if you're in the middle of something-" Monika began, but Naomi raised a hand to cut her off.

"No need, we're all done here anyway. Mr. Sugiyama, you're all set. Just make sure to check in with your supervisor at around seven tomorrow morning, okay? Got all the directions? Alright, best of luck to you." The man stood and both he and Naomi bowed to each other before turning to leave, giving Monika a polite bow as well upon doing so. Naomi motioned for Monika to take his place in the chair and sat back down on her own before sliding over to her laptop. "So, Monika, what's going on? How's the tutoring going so far, figure you must have a pretty packed schedule since I don't usually see you come in until I'm getting off."

Monika hummed a little and nodded, thinking of her own homework waiting for her back on her cot. "Yeah, it's been a handful. I'm not nearly as good with children as Sayori is, but I think I do well enough to keep their attention." Her voice was idle, and Naomi seemed to sense that her job wasn't the main reason for her being here and drew her attention back to Monika.

"Glad to hear it, but I get the feeling you're not here for a status report. What'cha got going on?" She peered closer with a curious look in her eye and laced her fingers together; Monika couldn't keep back the smile from her face or her voice any longer and scooted a little closer as she ran the thought through her own head again.

"I uh, I got an apartment. Sayori and I got in touch with her dad around a week ago and he's going to cover the upfront security deposit and whatnot, as well as be our guarantor." Her voice quivered a little from the excitement that came with getting to finally say it out loud, but she managed to hold steady enough to finish. "She doesn't know it, but this uh… this is our last night in the shelter. We move in tomorrow. Together." She added with a bashful grin.

Naomi's mouth slowly gaped open, throwing her hands on the desk as she let out a celebratory cheer and spun circles in her swivel chair. Any sense of professionalism was thrown out the window as she leaned over to give Monika a congratulatory pat on the back.

"Hell yeah, you go girl! Oh man, this calls for some celebrations. Let me just- wait, you're not twenty yet are you?" Naomi narrowed her eyes and Monika gave a shake of the head. Naomi gave an awkward cough and pushed something that Monika couldn't see deeper into her desk drawer. "Right, yeah, uh… probably shouldn't be offering that to anyone in a homeless shelter anyway. Stereotypes and all, anyway, congratulations! You guys deserve to have a place to call home, I mean everyone does, but you two especially. So, that makes this goodbye then?"

"I'm more of a fan of 'See you later'." Monika said. "I wanted to thank you, really. You not only helped get me a job when I had no other route to turn to, but you also kept an eye on my best friend. I owe you." She couldn't help but feel a small rush of affection for Naomi, though their meetings had been short she had always seen her as someone reliable. Someone who wanted the best for both her and Sayori. Naomi, however, shook her head.

"Just doing my job. You already paid it back in full by getting her out of here, remember?" The both shared a silent chuckle as Naomi walked her to the door and held it open for her. "Don't be a stranger, okay? We're always open to volunteers, though you've probably seen enough of this place for a lifetime, huh? Anyway, best of luck out there. Have a good life, yeah?"

"That's the idea." Monika said assuredly, and with that the two bowed in farewell before Naomi retreated back to her office. Monika couldn't help but smile as she made her way back to the bunks and found Sayori still lazily watching her phone. She didn't look entirely comfortable since they'd yet to pass out blankets, so Monika decided to sit down beside her to help keep her propped up. Sayori smiled at her arrival, nestling into her shoulder as she held her phone up for the both of them to watch whatever silly video she had been buried in.

After a few clips Monika nudged her girlfriend with an apologetic look in her eyes. "Hey, you ready to get started on homework? I know you're behind on your English." As expected, Sayori let out a groan and fell over to the opposite side of the cot, opening her eyes only to give Monika a pair of puppy-dog eyes that she had to struggle not to give in to. "Nope, nuh-uh. Get up Sunflower, we're both behind and the longer we wait the more behind we are." When Sayori still only gave a feeble groan, Monika rolled her eyes and looked around for something to bribe her with, but as she hadn't been able to resupply on snacks or sweets she knew she'd have to get creative.

"Alright," Monika concluded, "I'll make you a deal." A single blue eye peeked up at her from behind a pair of fingers. "For every question you complete, I'll give you a kiss, and we can stop after dinner. How's that sound?"

"What about questions that have segments, like, 'Question 1. A.' and 'Question 1. B.' do I get a kiss for each segment or for just the entire question?"

"Just the question."

"Aw man." Sayori puffed her lips out to a pout, but rose back up from her slump to grab her work from her bag while Monika grabbed her own as well as a couple of pencils. The evening seemed to whiz by for Monika, having been able to soar through her socioeconomics papers easily enough, though she couldn't say the same for Sayori. Algebra was giving her the hardest trouble aside from English, and switching between complex equations and the mess that was the English language only seemed to make it worse. She kept true to her word though, and planted a kiss each time Sayori managed to finish an equation or word problem. She would give small pecks on the cheek to full on smooches depending on the complexity of the question, and made sure nobody around was paying attention when she did so. By the time dinner rolled around, Sayori was smiling and giggly and had managed to get through a page and a half of her work.

It was strange for Monika, knowing it was the last time she'd sit at the benches she had grown so used to during her time in this world. A part of her forced herself to try and make it more sentimental, but there was only so much sentimentality she could bring about while eating boiled vegetables and tofu. After dinner, while Sayori was relaxing on her cot and playing on her phone, Monika said her farewells to the few patrons of the shelter that she knew by name. Some wished her luck, while others asked if they could pray to the Gods for her (she always said 'Yes' despite her views on the matter), and the old woman who often mistook Monika for her lost daughter gave her a worn but still usable hairbrush to "Take care of that beautiful hair when you're on your own, dear.".

Night came as it always did, and Monika returned her work to her bag as Sayori plugged her phone into the charger for the night before wrapping herself around her stuffed chicken with a contented sigh. The look she gave Monika told her that she secretly wished to be cuddling her girlfriend instead, and Monika's only comfort was that by tomorrow they would be able to do just that. She mouthed a silent 'Goodnight' that Sayori returned with a small smile before closing her eyes and steadily drifting off. It had been a decent day in Monika's eyes, and tomorrow was looking to be an even better one.

Had she known how her day was going to end up, Monika was convinced that she would have crawled into Sayori's cot that instant and begged to be held, if only to comfort her for what was to come.

The morning was peaceful, with a light overcast from overnight showers that left only sparse puddles in its wake. Monika gave her cot a small pat of thanks for giving her a place to sleep for the past several months, though she would not miss that back pain that often came with it. When she and Sayori finished getting dressed and ready ("Hey, nuh-uh. No kisses until you brush your teeth, nasty.") they made their way towards the entrance with the others and Monika couldn't help but smile gratefully towards all the volunteering staff as they passed. These people, out of nothing but a selfless desire to help others, had been her foundation without her realizing it.

It wasn't as if she was leaving for good of course, she silently vowed to return in the hopes of volunteering so as to pay back the kindness that was shown to her. And yet, it was goodbye. It was the end of a chapter, and she couldn't help but already feel nostalgic for the place she had returned to every evening after a long day of school, work, or both. Flashes of her memories from when she first arrived filled her mind; she saw herself stumbling inside for the first time, lost and confused. She felt the warm embrace of a shower for the first time ever here. She remembered Sayori finding her there, and the way they both stared at each other. She could clearly hear her girlfriend's voice as she greeted her, supported by crutches and her head wrapped in bandages.

"Monika, you okay? You look distracted." Sayori's voice interrupted her trip down memory lane, and she gave her an assuring smile in return. She looked back at the Helping-Hands Shelter, and said goodbye to it for the last time.

"All good, just reminiscing. That's all." Monika said, and the two continued their walk to school. It was true that she was leaving that part of her life behind, but that meant she was traveling towards a new chapter. It emboldened her, in a way, to know that by the end of the day she and Sayori would be walking into an apartment instead of a shelter. Something that wasn't just hers, but theirs. The thought kept her beaming the entire walk to school, and though Sayori tried to pry what was making her grin so brightly, Monika would not ruin the surprise.

Monika said goodbye to Sayori after dropping her and her books off at her first class, a quick hand squeeze the only publicly suitable display she was willing to give as she turned and made her way to Ms. Fujita's for her homeroom and first period. The beginning of her day was going by without a hitch, flying through her English work after spending half of the prior evening going over Sayori's, she had even swapped a friendly wave with Himari as the two passed by one another. Like all good things however, it came to a sudden and jarring end when the landline phone sitting beside the door began to ring. Ms. Fujita stood to answer it, whispered quietly for a moment, before turning to look at Monika.

Monika knew something was wrong the moment Ms. Fujita's ever stern hawk eyes pierced her with an unreadable expression. Her stomach dropped. Something had happened. She didn't need to be directed, as all Ms. Fujita said was, "Off you go, Ms. Monika." With the end of the hour almost upon her she knew she wouldn't be returning to her first period, and slung her bag over her shoulder as she made her way through the halls to the front office. With class in session, the halls were utterly deserted and each step she took seemed to reverberate back to her.

Which one is it? She wondered as her stomach seemed to wriggle within her. Did Natsuki not come to school because of something at home? Was Yuri caught bleeding in the bathrooms again? Is Sayori okay? Oh dear God, let Sayori be okay. Her pace quickened to a brisk walk until she arrived, flinging open the door and looking around sporadically. The school's receptionist looked surprised at her sudden arrival, but managed to direct her to the hallway leading deeper into the administrative offices, and at the very back sat Principal Katagiri's office. The door was ajar, waiting for her. Hesitance meeting anticipation, she stepped inside.

None of her clubmates were inside, which was the first thing that struck her as odd. It was just her and the principal, and he motioned for her to close the door behind her. With the quiet bustle of office noise silenced, Monika took her seat across from Principal Katagiri. For a moment the only sound was the ceiling fan above them, then, without a word he pulled something up on his computer and began to read off of some sort of list that had clearly been sent to him.

"Vice-President Moriyama Sayori and President Monika returned to club disgruntled and out of breath after the former was brought to class. Club Member Kisaragi Natsuki is absent from club, but not from school attendance. Club is noticeably on edge. Unwilling to openly present their work." He glanced up at Monika with keen eyes, but a neutral look. "This was a report given to me in the middle of October. Nothing inherently wrong here, let's move on." Monika stiffened. Report? This reeked of Kusumoto's interference.

"I've got one here that says contraband in the form of manga was discovered stashed within the closet." Principal Katagiri said loftily, to which Monika clenched her jaw.

"It is a Literature club."

"Is Manga really literature?" The principal asked. He glanced up at her doubtfully, readjusting his glasses which only seemed to aggravate Monika more.

"Yes!"

"Club is inactive today. That one is from right before Halloween, and it's here we begin to see a lot of similar reports of the club not being active." He was clicking through several tabs now, and each click put Monika more and more on edge. "Club member Kisaragi was caught with contraband on person within school grounds. Administrative report filed and verbal warning issued." Click. "Student Hasegawa Masahiro reported a busted lip and bruised jaw after altercation with Monika, punishment handled by Ms. Fujita of Class 3-A." Click. "Club member Okumura Yuri found with contraband in girl's bathroom, family has been contacted and suspension has been issued." Click.

Monika felt sick. They really had been pushing their luck, hadn't they? Principle Katagiri did not stop, no matter how much bile she felt rise, nor how white her knuckles became as she gripped the edges of the chair beneath her. Surely there wasn't much left?

"Personal discussion regarding consequences with student Okumura interrupted by student's departure. Followed by all club members abandoning club early." Click. "Club is inactive today." Principal Katagiri sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up inadvertently as the room fell into silence. He swiveled back and forth thoughtfully in his chair for a minute before speaking again. "You know, most of these are from incidents outside of the clubroom. They're not correlated to the club itself, and could be forgivable, numerous as they are." Monika's heart skipped a beat at the word "forgivable". Did she have a chance of saving this still?

"Several of the instances you've listed are results of personal issues from my club members, Principal Katagiri." Monika said in an even sort of voice. "People have family obligations, appointments, and even after school jobs that sometimes require them to miss a scheduled club session. With my club meeting the bare requirements for member count, having more than one member missing on any given day results in merely two people, and that is not a club. It is far easier to simply reschedule for days where we are all available." She should've been stricter on their attendance and active club consistency. She was suddenly thinking of a lot of things she could have done better, that she would do better going forward. The principal shook his head.

"And I understand that." He reiterated. "As I said, most of the absences are forgivable, and the out of club problems are likely correlation as opposed to causation. It's when we get into the larger issues that we end up having problems, Monika." Click. "Club president Monika and Vice-President Moriyama witnessed intimately involved in an amorous position during club hours. This one is as recent as yesterday-"

"My club has been subjected to surveillance for months now, with a plethora of interruptions and problems stemming from it that have been nothing short of invasive." Monika seethed, spit flying from her teeth as she tried and failed to restrain her frustration. She hoped her face wasn't as red as it felt, lest it condemn her. "I was given no warning, and my clubmates have had their one safehouse against whatever problems they may face during the rest of their day become another classroom instead of a club! There shouldn't have been an investigation on us to begin with, much less after Himari vouched for the incidents regarding the drama club!"

Principal Katagiri sighed and leaned back in his chair, locking his fingers together before spreading his arms in a 'What do you expert' kind of pose. "Look, Monika. I get it, this is your club and you've put the effort in for two whole semesters trying to keep it running, but facts are facts. You add up all those tiny problems I listed and they become these bigger issues. If it was just one or the other, that'd be one thing, but from the information I've been given, and the repeated issues we've had with your club, I'm really out of options here." Monika's heart sank. This couldn't be it. This couldn't really be happening; she always found a way to weasel out of things and grant them more time. She could do it again, right? This wasn't the end of things, not after everything that had happened.

"Principal Katagiri, please. I know my club has had its problems, but there is so much more you'll be taking away than just a club. The school year is almost at its end and since we'll be graduating-"

"If you're worried about credit, don't worry, you've run the club long enough that it'll still be on your record that you started and successfully ran a club for two semesters when you go to college or university." Principal Katagiri was droning on as if he hadn't heard the rest of her pleas, and refused to let her get a word in. "Aside from that though, there isn't anything else I can do here." The bell had been a minute from ringing, if that. Could she use that? It was still during school hours technically, but there had to be a loophole somewhere right? She could say Kusumoto was lying, but a principal was likely to believe his staff over a student. Perhaps if she got the others to vouch-

"I'm afraid that effective immediately, the literature club is hereby disbanded."

Monika's train of thought froze, shattered and veered off course into a ditch where it immediately caught ablaze. The principal's words repeated in her head again and again as she slowly looked up from where she had been staring at her feet, feeling her mouth open slightly only for it to close. Disbanded? She raised a hand off of the chair, and then lowered it. Her club, the literature club that she had created out of nothing but hope to explore something she enjoyed, was gone. Principal Katagiri looked at her closely, as if waiting for another argument, but when she only stared at him hollowly he stood from his desk and motioned that they were to leave the office.

"I suggest you seek out your former club members and inform them before the end of the school day. Perhaps there are some clubs still willing to take on new members despite how late into the school year we are, in which case you're naturally free to join one. Though I would impose that you join separate clubs from the others so as to prevent any more incidents like yesterday." The principal spoke, but Monika didn't really hear him. It was gone. Just like that, and what kind of defense had she mustered? What was she going to tell the others, that the one place they all felt comfortable was being ripped away? They left the office, and Monika departed back to class without another word as Principal Katagiri seemed to notice her despondency and had stopped making suggestions and half-hearted condolences.

The walk back to class, Monika's head was abuzz with thoughts and lectures towards herself. She barely paid attention in her socioeconomics class, and seemed unable to get her mind to focus on her work because it was too busy trying to decide how to feel. How to respond. How to tell the others. She was heartbroken, but a small part of her felt relieved and she couldn't understand why. It only made her more confused and upset, all the way until lunch when she sat down across from Sayori and Natsuki who were conversing animatedly with one another beside a window.

"I'm telling you, they said there was a thirty percent chance and the ground is already cool because of that rain we had last night- damn, what happened to you?"

"Moni?" Sayori prodded, leaning across the table to try and meet Monika's eyes. When Monika refused, she hopped onto her crutches and slid to the other side so as to sit by her. "Hey, talk to me Coffee-Girl, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Sayori's voice was so gentle and soothing, Monika was sure it was the only thing that could possibly lift her spirits. It didn't, but it did give her the strength to look up and give them an answer. It was the only one she was capable of at the moment.

"The club got shut down." She whispered before slowly putting her head back down. It was silent for a moment, and Monika knew that it was sinking in for them. She could hear Natsuki's mutters of disbelief, feel Sayori's startled but silent gasp. She didn't want to imagine the dejected and downtrodden look on their faces, and so she kept her head buried, trying to make sense of the whirling thoughts.

"They… they can't! That's my club too, that's- this is bullshit, who closed us down? Kusumoto? Katagiri? What, you're not even gonna fight for us?! They're not- they can't do this!" There was the distinct scrape of a chair before it was slammed back into place and the sound of rapid footsteps storming off that she knew belonged to Natsuki. She felt the warmth of Sayori's hand on her back, but she didn't look up to see her.

"It'll be okay." Sayori whispered. "I'll… I'll go and talk to her, unless you want to talk about it?" Monika shook her head. "Alright, I know she probably needs a minute. Does Yuri know?" Monika shook her head again. "I… God, I… I knew we were in danger but I never thought we would actually get shut down like this." Sayori let out a sigh and sat back down for a moment, but said nothing. It seemed they were both trying to come to terms with how fast everything had changed. After a few minutes Monika heard a slight thud and looked to see that Sayori had moved her noodle cup over to sit right in front of Monika's arms.

Some part of her knew she was hungry, but she gently pushed the cup back towards Sayori. Eating just didn't feel right. Sayori didn't push her to eat, which she was grateful for, though a few minutes before the end of lunch she felt her girlfriend stand up beside her and looked up long enough to see that the corners of her eyes held tears in them. A part of her wished she could cry, though she didn't really care for the mess that would follow. Sayori leaned down, planted a kiss on her head, and with a single urge of "Eat." she turned and hobbled away on her crutches.

After a moment's debate, she decided to take the cup with her as lunch came to a close. Her next period would be her free period regardless, and while she didn't feel like eating, she knew Sayori would want her to. Silently she trekked upstairs to the third floor where the music room would be waiting for her, her thoughts heavy with a sick game of back-and-forth from self-deprecation to reassurance that it hadn't been her fault. She had been buried so deep in the self blame that she didn't even notice Yuri walking towards her until she collided into her along the stairwell.

"Ooph! Oh, shoot, I'm so sorry Yuri! Are you alright?" Monika reached out to grab hold of Yuri, nearly dropping her noodles in the process, but both girls were quick enough that neither one took a tumble, much to Monika's relief. Monika sighed and leaned against the railing while anxiously rubbing her free hand through her hair. When she glanced back up, she saw that Yuri was giving her a look of commiseration that told her she was already aware of the fate of their club.

On the one hand, she was glad she wouldn't have to be the one to tell her. On the other, she knew she'd likely have to explain some of the details to her here and now. They had both made a promise on the evening of the festival, that they would do their best to protect the club and the friends they had made within it. Monika had let her down, just as she always did.

"You already know, huh?" Monika asked quietly. Yuri nodded, readjusting her books propped against her hip.

"Yes, Natsuki practically ran into me – not unlike you did, as a matter of fact, before running off in the direction of the front office a little while ago, and I received a text from Sayori. Even without the club, she still takes it upon herself to try and keep everyone in the loop, doesn't she? Truthfully, I always knew we were on borrowed time." Though her voice held sadness in it, Monika didn't hear any condemnation in her voice which surprised her. As if reading Monika's thoughts, Yuri added, "You needn't blame yourself, Monika. This is not your fault."

That got a scoff out of her. "Yeah, right. I appreciate it and everything but, Kusumoto must've walked past the door or something because Principal Katagiri informed me that me and Sayori had been caught making out yesterday. Which, yeah, we were. After you guys left." Normally she'd be embarrassed to admit something like that, but her shame in losing the club seemed to far outweigh any embarrassment in being affectionate with Sayori in this scenario. Yuri nodded thoughtfully.

"I see. Natsuki and I saw her headed that way when we left, but we didn't think anything of it. I am er, rather sorry to hear that, but you must understand that they were surely looking for a final nail to seal the coffin." To Monika's surprise, Yuri let out a slight chuckle and shook her head. "Whether it was Natsuki's anger, or my… well, my issues, one of us was going to sink the ship eventually. They wanted us gone, and so it was to be. All they needed was an excuse."

"But the club was important to you, Yuri." Monika argued. "I know how important it was, it was a place for you to not have to worry about feeling out of place, somewhere that you were welcomed no matter what-"

"And was it not important to you?" Yuri interjected, though not unkindly. "I have not been here since the beginning of the club like Sayori, but even I have seen how you have put your heart and soul into this club, Monika. You have lost something just as much as we all have, and it is most assuredly sad to lose something that I enjoyed so heavily. But out of the many things that sprouted from your club, the clubroom itself was not what I feared losing. I still have three immensely important friends who are as good as family, three people who I would give my all for unconditionally and I know they would do the same." She brushed a short strand of violet hair back into place, giving Monika her best smile. "The loss of the club will not change this."

Monika was surprised to find herself momentarily awestruck, partly from the truth of Yuri's words, and another in how different the girl before was from the one who struggled to form a sentence around her mere months ago. She was proud in a way, as though watching a young family member grow up to become more mature and reasonable than even she was. Yuri seemed to notice her words had gotten through, however slightly, and raised a hand in farewell to Monika as she took to the steps again.

"It hurts to lose the club, make no mistake, but we will recover. You will recover." She said simply, and with that she left to attend her last class. Monika stood on the stairs for a few moments more, running through Yuri's words as she slowly ascended up towards the music hall. She had planned on brooding against the wall and lamenting her actions, but Yuri's words had resonated with her more than she had anticipated. Instead when she arrived in the music hall, she gazed out the window and did as Sayori instructed by finishing her cup of noodles for most of her free period. The pit in her stomach had lessened after that, and so she calmly sat at the ebony piano where she had composed her songs, few that they were.

An idea struck her. As with all of her music there was no sheet music, but despite how long it had been she was certain she still knew the notes well enough to perform. She cracked her knuckles, took a deep breath, and started with the familiar chords of C, F, and G as she played My Song, Your Note.

"We share things because we want to express ourselves. Sharing experience allows us to share emotions. And I just felt like… like I wanted to show you this, because if it wasn't for you I never would have started playing."

"Ahaha. Hey, I think the credit for that one goes to Parfait Girls, not me."

Natsuki had been the reason she had ever started playing piano. It was amazing really, how things blurred over time to the point that she had completely forgotten until this exact moment. It had been the first time she had ever played in front of someone, and it felt like a lifetime ago. She was sure if she had asked Natsuki, she would've told Monika that it had only been half a year. How time flew.

Monika allowed her fingers to glide over the keys gracefully, her eyes closed in concentration so as to remember each note as she pressed down atop the keys. It was the literature club's swan song, a dirge to help put the biggest part of her life to rest. It was calm, but meaningful, and as Monika played the final few chords before letting the notes fade to silence, she realized that she wanted to say "Goodbye" properly. It wasn't long until clubs anyway, and she could think of no better way to do so than in person. She needed to see the room one last time, if only for her own sense of closure.

Depositing her noodle cup into the trash, Monika grabbed her bag and calmly walked to the room that had once held her and her friends for countless afternoons. She passed the third floor bathrooms and rounded the corner, carefully treading down the hall despite the shifting mass of students as they made their way to their respective clubs. She moved herself to take up less space, leaning against the stairwell railing as students either waved to Monika or gazed at her curiously. She wasn't in a hurry after all, and so she simply stood and patiently waited for the crowds to clear until a familiar voice caught her attention.

"-not like I go home and he starts whaling on me or anything, people always think it's tiptoeing around to not be a punching bag. Maybe it is for some people, but Papa isn't… well, he's not entirely like that."

"... What is he like, then?"

Monika glanced through the rails separating her from the open space above the stairs and craned her neck to see a familiar puff of pink and violet sitting beside one another at the very bottom of the stairwell, sitting beneath the bottom flight. Their voices had clearly been raised to be heard by one another while the crowds were bustling which aided in masking their conversation, but now that the corridors were dissipating, so too was the volume of their discussion. Monika decided to slip down the stairs, careful not to let the soles of her feet slap against the stairs too loudly before nestling closer to where her friends had hidden away.

"I dunno, he's… he's just Papa." Natsuki murmured as the last of the students shuffled away. "He's usually fine until something sets him off, but God it feels like everything gets him going. Car in front of him going too slow? 'Rude and inconsiderate douchebags'. Food service doesn't deliver on time? 'Fucking bullshit, bunch of goddamn useless foreigners probably'." She sighed and shook her head, pausing for a few moments as she gathered her thoughts. "And I'm usually a smartass, so then he starts going off on me and the next thing I know one of us has thrown something."

"So, does he throw stuff at you then?" Yuri prodded. Her voice was both coaxing and firm, as though asking a child if they had taken something without permission. Natsuki snorted, but her scoff came just a bit too fast and a bit too hard to be genuine.

"Well yeah, I mean no, Jesus- everyone always- it's not like that, you know. He's loud, and gets mad easily, but when we get into an argument he's got a point behind it. I'm either mouthing off, or didn't clean the house properly, or left the door unlocked. Stuff that you're supposed to get yelled at for, you know?" Monika leaned over the railing, seeing that both girls were stuffed between the vending machine underneath the stairwells, mere inches apart. Only the tops of their heads were visible, but Monika had the feeling Yuri was giving Natsuki a very doubtful look. "It's… look, if you had been raised the way I had, it would make sense. We just grew up different, alright? You know I can be a bitch, I have a lot of it coming."

Yuri let out a low impatient hum while Natsuki sniffed and rubbed her hands through her hair, letting out a small groan. "I'm fucking exhausted though. He and his girlfriend were up all night yelling at each other, and I just get so damn… anxious, I guess would be the word for it, that I can't go to sleep. My body seizes up and I just get all panicky." There was a small hacking as Natsuki tried to empty her nose and throat of mucus, followed by a sigh. "Doesn't help I feel like literal death."

"Is that why you smoke?" Yuri asked. "Because of how anxious your environment at home makes you?" Natsuki gave a shrug that formed into a nod, but didn't look up. "I'm not going to lecture you on your habits, don't worry. If you're not getting proper rest though, you're not going to get better, Natsuki. Have you even taken any medicine? Tylenol? Ibuprofen?" Natsuki just shook her head as if the answer was obvious.

"It's winter, everyone's got a runny nose. Stop fucking faking and trying to get out of going to school and go get a tissue." She replied in a low mocking tone. She went to add in another quip but was interrupted by a sneeze that shook her entire body as if she had been shot, and she let out another groan. "God, can't believe we lost the club. I'd kill for some tea, or a nap, or even Monika saying 'Okay, everyone!' again. It just, it really sucks that it's gone. I don't know what to do with my manga now because Papa'll-" She was cut off by another yawn and finished it with a curse. "Ugh, I can't do this dude. My head is pounding and my eyes are sore."

Monika heard a small thump as Natsuki softly hit her head against the wall, and all was quiet for a few moments before either spoke up again. Yuri's was the first to break the silence. "Um, well I don't know how favorable it would be given the distance between our houses, but if you would like to drop off your manga there I c-could um, hold onto it. For you. Until you find somewhere more accessible for it, u-um I also have plenty of medicine at the house, if you would like I can swing you by? I-if you want, that is. Please do not let my suggestions force you."

Natsuki hummed softly. "That actually sounds nice. Uh, I… not trying to be weird, I'm just really tired. Can I like, take a nap? I mean- I know I can, but could you just hang around so I don't get caught or messed with. If you don't have anything to do, I mean we don't have the club anymore, so… uh, yeah."

Yuri seemed surprised judging by the way she turned to look at Natsuki, but she gave a small nod before reaching into her bag and pulling out a thick book with a crimson bookmark sticking out of the top. She gave her own shoulder a gentle pat, and Natsuki sputtered out hushed excuses about how that was certainly not what she had meant, but all the same leaned her head down to rest upon it, her eyes constantly flicking back up towards Yuri as though she expected her to suddenly kick her away. When she did no such thing, Natsuki's eyes drooped almost instantly and her breathing began to lighten ever so slightly.

"Don't let me sleep too long, 'kay?" Natsuki mumbled. Yuri let out a small chuckle and nodded.

"You're allowed to rest easy. I promise that so long as I am here, no harm shall befall you." Natsuki mumbled something in response to Yuri's promise, but it fell short as she drifted off almost immediately. It was quiet for a few moments as Yuri opened her book and picked up from wherever she had left off, but she slowly turned just enough to get a look at Natsuki without disturbing her. Monika saw rather than heard her whisper her name, but when Natsuki did not respond Yuri began to glance around anxiously, as though deeply considering whether or not to go through with something. With gleaming eyes, Monika watched as Yuri gently lowered her head and undoubtedly placed the softest of kisses atop her head, only for her nerves to get the better of her as she quickly craned her neck to see if anyone had been around to witness it.

Monika smirked and quietly stood up from her spot on the stairs, leaving the two girls to their brief respite as she carefully returned to her task. Her smile didn't fade as she climbed back to the top, and followed the rest of the third floor hall down until she reached it. The clubroom. She took a deep breath and balled her fingers into fists before uncurling them. This was it, wasn't it? No big celebration, no spectacular last club session on the last day of school, just a final farewell to the only other place that had been a home to her. No matter how she felt about the club, it held almost her entire history.

The door slid open, and Monika closed it behind her. There it was, the same room that she knew like the palm of her hand. Sunlight peered through the windows in its afternoon glory, breaking through the clouds as if to shine into the room one final time. She took a tentative step forward, gazing around at the various posters and desks. She could almost smell the refrigerated scent of vanilla cupcakes wafting from a desk at the front, and a hint of lavender that wasn't really there almost made her smile. Almost, almost, almost. She took another step forward, her hand brushing against the teacher's desk that she had sat at day-in and day-out.

Suddenly, a voice causes Monika to snap awake.

"Oh… oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I never do this!"

"Hehe. Is this the napping club?"

She had met Sayori here. Sayori, her best friend, vice-president, victim, and girlfriend. If she could only have known how her world would soon change after she woke up from that little impromptu nap. She felt a light pressure behind her eyes, but she closed them tight for a moment. It was too early for that. She turned to lean on the desk, staring back with glazed eyes at the rest of the club. Any other day she'd be waiting for the others to file in and take their respective places in the desks before her. It had been years for her, since she had started this club. Years since she and Sayori had met, and years since she had felt free.

"This, is the Literature Club." She recited quietly. It didn't feel quite right, so she repeated herself a bit louder and continued in a firm voice. "It's a place where people can express themselves in ways that life normally doesn't allow them to. That's the vision. Our vision… our vision." There was no response, but Monika smiled. As her eyes filtered over the room she noticed that the closet door was slightly ajar. She stood from the table and walked over to it, propping it open with her foot. The usual classroom supplies were still there, and three of the four pink tote bins still sat on the middle shelf. Monika had a fond memory of the first time she had moved them to a higher shelf so as to appease the teacher's concerns, only to meet Natsuki's wrath.

"Ahaha, I can't believe you, of all people, were reading manga behind my back. That's so funny."

"Yeah, well… I just flipped through one of them out of curiosity, but I ended up reading a whole bunch of it."

Monika wondered if Natsuki knew how bad she had been with her own self image before their pink little goblin had entered the clubroom. Always showing the best parts of who she was, only showing what would impress or gain favor, until Natsuki strolled into their clubroom and made it known just how little she cared for what other people thought of her hobbies. It was those things that they all enjoyed the most that had helped define them, that showed who they truly were, and it was really only thanks to Natsuki that she had grown comfortable enough to be herself.

She lugged the totes out of the closet and carried them one by one over to the door, to help save Natsuki the hassle for when she would eventually return to collect them. As she returned to the closet to shut the door, she noticed that the manga wasn't the only thing remaining. A set of teacups and an electric kettle were neatly stacked in the corner of the middle shelf, all spotless and just waiting to be brewed with a bag of Earl Grey. Monika picked up a teacup and smiled, wondering how many cups of tea she had drank from these cups?

"Yesterday you told me something I've been thinking about a lot."

"What was that?"

"The thing about how feelings aren't right or wrong, and that they're just a state of being we need to come to terms with. It made me think about… how a person's behavior isn't always just how they decide to be. It's also made up of their past experiences and their insecurities."

Was her behavior in the game how she had decided to be? Was her lament and regret after sitting in the void for years something she had decided on? Or were they like Yuri had said, a mixture of her past and her insecurities. She didn't know, and something told her she might never find out. She stepped away from the closet and left the door wide open so Yuri wouldn't forget her tea set, and slowly walked out into the middle of the clubroom again, her hands behind her back. The chalkboard where they had written the experiences they learned, the spot beneath the window where Natsuki liked to read her manga, even the little computer desk where she had printed the fliers for the festival. She truly had grown to love the world she had made within this room, her room. Her world. She never thought she would have to say goodbye, but it was slowly starting to feel right in an odd sort of way.

After all, Monika thought to herself as she approached the teacher's desk again, it wasn't always smiles and happy times. She glanced down at the side of the desk where Sayori had huddled up and silently cried during the festival and felt herself wince. That had probably been the second darkest day of the club's history, followed only by the day she had broken through the wall. Her eyes narrowed in on the set of desks in front of the teacher's desk. So many arguments. So many feelings ripped apart.

"Woah, be careful or you might cut yourself on that edge, Yuri. Oh, my bad… you already do, don't you?"

"D-did you just accuse me of cutting myself? What the fuck is wrong with your head?!"

Monika cringed this time, turning away to try and keep her mind from focusing in on the terrible memories she still had locked inside of her. She was a big girl, she was stronger now, and more in control of herself than ever before. Some bad memories wouldn't get the better of her, not here, not ever. She tried to find somewhere in the room where only good things happened, but it was becoming increasingly impossible. Her fist slammed at the desk as she swallowed and kept her eyes wide open, hoping that it would keep her grounded when she knew it wouldn't.

"I'm not… abusing my power."

"Why don't you go look for some coins under the vending machine or something?"

"Fine then, you want to stay here and let her use you like the- like the lonely stuck up bra stuffing bimbo that you are, be my guest!"

"I wanted to thank you for getting rid of Monika. That's right… I know everything that she did."

Natsuki shoved past her with tear-swollen eyes, her manga in hand. Yuri was inches from her face with beady little eyes that were overflowing with lust and obsession for someone who was not there. She was losing, she was falling apart like she always did. Like she always would. Because she was weak, and guilty.

Always guilty.

Always weak.

Always another mistake.

Sayori was walking into club room even though she was dead and no longer existed, and Monika had the inexplicable urge to toss the nearest chair in the vague hope of dispelling these horrid flashes from the past, until the one that was Sayori wrapped her arms around her tight and held her close enough that she could hear her heartbeat. Smell the vanilla and cinnamon waft over her. Monika knew, in that moment, that this Sayori was real.

"Hey, you alright?" She asked, her voice more gentle than the meekest lamb. Monika shook her head, reaching over to pull Sayori closer to her and she simply breathed. Sayori seemed to know the deal by now, and was more than happy to simply sit and play with her girlfriend's hair while Monika hugged her close. The feeling of the open blazer against her, the warmth of her hands caressing her scalp, they were all signs that this was all real. This was safe. "Did you come to say goodbye too?"

Monika slowly lifted her head, and took one last deep breath. "Yeah, yeah I did… it was going pretty well too. Well, until just now, but I thought about when we first met. Do you remember?" She motioned for Sayori to sit on the teacher's desk beside her, and the two sat together with their hands intertwined while gazing around the room.

"Of course!" Sayori beamed. "You were asleep right here, and I nearly scared you to death! You got all nervous about looking like a proper president and stuff, which I thought was funny because it was only me." Her cast thumped against the table and she let out a wince, but pointed up to a spot beside the window with a crooked smile. "And that… that was where you hugged me for the first time. I like to remember that part instead of the other stuff that happened, because the rest is kinda not-nice memories. Ah, I just noticed we never got that hole in the curtains fixed either. Oops!" Monika chuckled in understanding; she knew more than anyone about the good and bad in certain memories.

A thought crossed Monika's mind, though she kept her eyes on the clubroom as she spoke. "Hey, when did you realize that you liked me? Romantically, I mean. Was it a cliched 'love at first sight' type of deal, or what?" Sayori looked thoughtful at that, and screwed her face up in consideration for a few moments.

"Hmm, well I knew you were really pretty. And popular too, like, I had seen you a bunch but didn't really know you, you know?" Sayori explained. "But if you mean did I have a crush on you as soon as I walked in and saw you drooling on your sleeve? Ehehe, not exactly. I was still discovering myself, I think. Over time, especially when you let me confide in you and you kinda worked with me, I felt really… attracted? Connected? Being around you made me happy, and really, that was good enough for a while. I don't think I ever saw myself as someone worth your time though, so I never let my hopes get high enough to consider it a possibility, eheh. Still feels like that sometimes…"

Monika gave a small "Hmph" and leaned over to kiss her girlfriend's cheek. "You are worth every second I have to give, Sayori. Your feelings are not invalid, but that doesn't make them true either." Sayori hummed in what was obvious disbelief, but Monika didn't push the matter any further. There would be time for that later. Sayori seemed lost in her own thoughts for a moment, and Monika wondered what memories she was reliving. Good ones? Bad ones? Both like Monika had? Monika suspected the latter given the fact that she had a smile that was mixed with the sadness in her eyes.

"It was our fault that the club was canceled, wasn't it?" Sayori asked slowly.

"It wasn't-" Monika's first instinct was to lie in an effort to keep Sayori somewhat cheerful, but she knew Sayori was too smart for that. It wouldn't have been fair to even try to keep the truth from her, especially since she had also been the vice-president. Deciding to make use of what Yuri had told her, she said, "It wasn't entirely our fault. We were already knocking on death's door, and something was bound to happen eventually because they had already wanted us gone, right? Making it to graduation in our state just wasn't realistic."

Sayori nodded at that, leaning her head against Monika's shoulder and letting out a low sigh as she gazed out at the pink and gray wisps dotting the sky outside. It was quiet for a moment before she spoke, this time her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry for coming onto you and ruining-" But Monika leaned over and kissed her on the head much like she had seen Yuri do. Sayori tried to speak up, but every time she started with "I'm sorry" Monika interrupted her with a kiss until she eventually got the message and nuzzled a little closer into Monika, a pout on her lips but pink on her cheeks. Finally she seemed to find a way to express her feelings without immediately bashing herself as she said, "You know, we really made something special here. Well, I say 'we' but in reality you were the brains behind this. I was just, I dunno, moral support I guess. This place was really really special to us, and I'm really going to miss it. I know the others are too."

"Sayori, you act like you were just a bystander, but this club wouldn't have made it past the start-up phase without you." Monika said. "You were the one who kept me in check, you were able to handle all the things I just didn't know how to, like mediating and keeping us all glued together. You always had ideas, and an open mind that I desperately needed when I was so unsure of myself." She smiled and wrapped an arm around Sayori's shoulder, thinking of everything that had led to that present moment. "You're right in that we made something really special though. I remember you once said that studying literature and writing poetry lets you help explore your feelings. I hope the literature club was a sufficient medium for exploring and expressing who you are. Who you truly are."

They shared a sad but hopeful smile together, before turning to stare back at the clubroom. It was completely silent for a few minutes, peaceful even, until the sound of a sliding door jogged them out of their stupor and they quickly scooted away from one another, only to see the groggy face of Natsuki peering around the room. She gave them a raised eyebrow before hesitantly entering, followed shortly by Yuri who bowed upon seeing Monika and Sayori.

"Hello Monika, Sayori. Were you saying goodbye to the clubroom as well?"

"So long as they weren't screwing on the desk since apparently that's what got us the boot to begin with. Seriously, some poor teacher is going to put their apple right where Monika's-"

"As a matter of fact, we were." Monika said in a firm tone to cut Natsuki off. Sayori giggled from beside her as Yuri and Natsuki took a look around the room, each one reflecting varying degrees of reminiscence on their faces as they stared at their favorite seats and reading spots. "Sayori and I were talking about memories we had, and how special the club was to us. How much we're going to miss getting to see everyone so often." Yuri nodded in understanding, but Natsuki turned back to give Monika a confused look.

"Why are you guys acting like someone died? I mean, sure the teacher's won't let us host the club here anymore, which sucks. Can't we just meet up at someone's house after school, though? Like, there's nothing stopping us from getting together at Yuri's house and doing the same thing we've always done." She looked at the others in turn, defiantly at first, but at their melancholy expressions her own slowly turned to one of trepidation. "What? What is it, what's the problem?"

Yuri sighed softly and turned to meet Natsuki's eyes. "Time, Natsuki. Time is the problem. We're all entering our last semester soon, and will be wrought with extra homework and studying to ensure we pass. Monika already has a part time job and I've been seeking one myself to alleviate some of the pressure on my brother, and I suspect most of us will be pursuing a higher education of some sort after we graduate." Her smile wasn't forced, but there was a visible strain in the way she held it up for them all. "Even if none of us took to a new club, which I assume we are allowed to, there are simply too many obligations that we will have to keep up a consistent schedule for the club. School allows for rigidity and obligation, but taking that away is likely to make our meetings even less frequent. We weren't exactly punctual with our meetings to begin with."

Natsuki looked heartbroken, and Monika couldn't blame her. She had known scheduling would be tough, but the way Yuri said it really put it in perspective. They did have obligations outside of the club, that much had been apparent since she had arrived. How often would they get to see each other after school? A fear clutched at Monika's heart suddenly; what if this was the last time they were all together?

"Just because the club is gone, doesn't mean we have to stop seeing each other." Sayori added, drawing the other girls' attention. "Monika and I are going to look for an apartment, hopefully by Christmas! You guys can come over on holidays or whenever you're not working, Yuri, and maybe we'll have to coordinate to see each other all at once, but… we're not going anywhere." Her voice was brave and unwavering, until she looked back at Monika and the doubt surfaced in her eyes as she asked, "Right?"

Monika nodded.

"Look, I… I loved the literature club." Monika said, genuinely happy to find that she wasn't lying. "I truly did, despite everything that's happened and all the silly arguments and misunderstandings, I have loved every moment of every hour that I have spent here in this room with you three. And sometimes… sometimes you have to let the things you love go." A single tear formed in the corner of her eye, but she quickly blinked it away. Monika looked at the anxious, but still smiling, faces of her three closest friends before her and knew what she had to do. She stood from the desk, and clapped her hands together.

"Okay, everyone! This is my last order as president of the Literature Club! Your assignment from here on out, is to never let life stop you from expressing who you are. I want each of you to go and find the little passions that you care for and nurture them, the little guilty pleasures and secret hobbies that make you feel different and an outcast, I want you to embrace that side of you!" Her eyes were tingling with a building pressure, and from the looks on her friends' faces she wasn't the only one. "I want you all to take everything you've learned about yourself here in the Literature Club, and never forget it. It's okay if the world doesn't accept or like you for who you are, so long as you can accept yourself. And if you can't… if you can't do that, then that's okay. It's okay, because we will. Any questions?"

"N-none at all, Monika."

"Loud and clear, Prez!"

"Can we get something to eat on the way home? I should've eaten those noodles, ehehe. Sorry, no questions here, my beloved President!"

Monika smiled and brought her arms around Natsuki and Sayori, and they in turn wrapped theirs around Yuri who slowly reciprocated. Without a word they all brought their heads together and smiled, smiled through tears they refused to let fall, and through memories they refused to forget. When they broke apart they did not speak, as everything that needed to be said had already been spoken. Yuri gathered her tea-set while Natsuki stacked her manga boxes and heaved them up with a grunt. Sayori helped give the room one last inspection, and one by one they departed the clubroom for a final time. Some of them cast a solitary glance behind them, while others had no need to.

Monika was the last one out. As she flipped the lights off she looked over her shoulder while her hand held onto the handle of the sliding door that would separate the past from the future. She smiled.

"In that case, club dismissed."

---

Monika and Sayori said goodbye to Natsuki and Yuri at the front entrance, as Natsuki didn't want to be exposed to the frigid winter air any longer than necessary given how under the weather she was already feeling. So it was that while Sayori was saying goodbye that Monika subtly slid out her phone and made a quick call, excited to put her plan into action. The loss of the club had certainly put a dent into what was supposed to be a flawless day, but in coming to terms with it at least her mind was clear to ensure the second half was far less bittersweet.

Sayori hobbled over to Monika on her crutches, and flashed her a tired smile. It had certainly been an emotional day. "I really hope Natsuki feels better, I know what it's like to have a head cold and they are just the worst. Brrr! Ready to head home then? It's getting pretty chilly." Monika smiled as she saw a cab pull around the corner and head their way; she wouldn't have to stall Sayori after all.

"Actually, do you mind if we visit a friend's house?" Monika asked with an innocent expression. Sayori seemed a little surprised, especially since the cab was already waiting, but at Monika's gentle insistence she easily caved. Monika helped her inside, laying the crutches across their knees as they embraced the heat of the inside. The ride wasn't long, but it felt like ages for Monika as she tried to imagine what kind of reaction she was in for.

"Hey, this isn't the way home." Sayori said with a frown as she peered out the window. Monika was so deep in thought that for a second she panicked and thought she had forgotten to tell Sayori they were 'headed to a friend's house'. Then she remembered her girlfriend's condition and carefully slid her hand into Sayori's.

"No, we're headed to a friend's house, Say." She reminded, keeping her voice gentle. Sayori's brow furrowed for a second before realizing her memory was at play again, and gave a quiet "Oh" before turning back to look out the window. Monika squeezed her hand, determined to try and keep their spirits up as the cab turned a corner through the trees and rolled into an opening with a group of apartment buildings. They sat along the curb of several other housing units that faced the sidewalk, and as Monika paid the fee and helped Sayori get out she saw that there was even a convenience store on the corner of the street.

They were outside of the city, but closer to the school than they had been at the shelter. The neighborhood was quiet as the late afternoon descended upon them, and Monika eagerly led Sayori towards the door labeled '1-E' and gave it a hearty knock just for show. When nobody answered she could feel Sayori's tension begin to build behind her.

"Are they home?" She asked. Monika shrugged mischievously and silently pulled out a key from her pocket that she stuck in, gave it a jiggle, and pushed the door open. The smell of dust and stale air flooded them; the entrance room was almost entirely barren, a single old television sat against the wall on their left side while a connecting room that was half the size of the living room doubled as a kitchen lay ahead of them. Sayori looked around, confused at the lack of furniture and otherwise empty apartment before peering apprehensively towards the room on the other side of the kitchen. A single large blow-up mattress could be seen sticking out from the hallway. "Monika, whose apartment is this?"

Monika turned around and smirked, handing the key to Sayori. "A friend's, didn't I tell you? You are my friend, right?" The look on Sayori's face turned from confusion, to surprise, to joy so fast that Monika couldn't help but giggle. Sayori's face lit up and had she not been bound to crutches, there wasn't a doubt in Monika's mind that she would have been bouncing around the room like a bouncy-ball.

"Shut up, no way! No way no way! This… this is ours?! Really?! Oh my god, Monika- how long have you- when did- aaaaaah!" There wasn't much to show off, but Sayori was insistent on seeing everything. The kitchen, though longer than it was wide, held the bathroom on a door to the right while holding a refrigerator, stove, sink, and dishwasher. The bathroom barely held the two of them together and the smell of dust was incredibly prevalent here, so they decided to leave it open. Sayori pointed at the room with the blow-up mattress with a raised brow to Monika, who shrugged in embarrassment.

"Your dad gave us that. I uh, I got everything signed and finished a few days ago, so this is… this is ours." She gave an uncertain look at the bland wallpaper and empty rooms, realizing how unimpressive it all looked. "I know its tiny, it was listed as only being for a single person, and we don't have any furniture or anything and we're not in the city, but uh… well, we can cuddle at- woah!" Sayori had thrown herself at Monika, sending the both of them falling onto the air mattress with a gentle bounce. Monika tried to ask if Sayori's leg was okay, but she couldn't speak as her lips were suddenly preoccupied by Sayori's as her girlfriend embraced her tightly, refusing to let either of them go as they simply lay there and held one another.

Sayori finally pulled back with a satisfied sigh, only to nuzzle her head against Monika's chest. Monika chuckled and ran her fingers up and around Sayori's hair, enjoying the warmth and pure safety she felt being there beneath her girlfriend. When Sayori lifted her head, Monika had to admit that she had never looked as beautiful as she did when she was smiling so radiantly, and so genuinely.

"Hey." Sayori whispered, and Monika smirked.

"Hey?"

"Welcome home." And with that, they wrapped their arms around one another once more, their tears and giggles heard and seen only by them, as they once again found peace and contentment in something that was utterly, and without a doubt, theirs.

---

A.N: This almost feels like a "Goodbye", doesn't it?

It can be if you'd like. You can put this story down knowing that the girls have a bright future, even though the club is gone. You can be satisfied with Monika finding a place of her own to truly call home and living the rest of her life in satisfaction and contentment. You can consider their woes and problems over, as they go on to live the lives that they were meant to live, if you'd like.

But our story is not over.