For the Longest Time

by Social Coyote

Monika is back in the literature club after having been deleted, but the world she finds herself in is not the game nor reality, but some surreal mixture of the two. Monika will have to prove she's willing to face her own flaws as well as her clubmates' for a chance at a happy ending. After all, a poem never is never actually finished, it just stops moving.

24. The Disappearance of Kisaragi Natsuki

Chapter 24: The Disappearance and Finding of Kisaragi Natsuki

The chapter of unknowns.

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Monika groaned and leaned over to smack her phone off, the incessant buzzing and chirping of her alarm signifying it was time for school feeling like a requiem bell to her half asleep mind. She sighed, rolled over, and snuggled deeper into Sayori's curled form beside her after pushing the enormous mound that was Mr. Cow off of the mattress. The warmth of her neck was more than enough to send Monika back into the peaceful grasp of sleep, but she managed to resist the temptation as she listened to Sayori's breathing. Warmth. Peace. Comfort. Perhaps it was selfish, but this was not something she would easily relinquish to people who wanted only to interfere with what was not theirs. Like Sayori's mother.

That thought alone was enough to wake Monika up fully as a fury strolled through her, plucking at her nerves like roses as she silently grew frustrated at the unfairness of it all. She didn't want to be grumpy when Sayori awoke however, and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend to try and think of much more happy things, like how Christmas was less than a week away and she was able to buy all of her friends gifts! She was naturally excited to see Sayori open her gift, but she hoped Natsuki would like her clothes and that Yuri would be satisfied with the mug. The thought of her and all her friends sitting comfortably around a tree opening presents, perhaps in Yuri's house, laughing and eating baked goods while watching holiday movies and opening presents. Yes, that was a happy thought indeed…

A second wave of chirping and beeping alerted Monika to her back-up alarm and she sighed yet again to match it. She pulled her hand out from under Sayori's side and swiped the alarm off, stepping up from off the mattress so as to ensure she awoke, and quickly kicked their heat on. After a quick but silent lecture about how warm she would be now if she had turned it on after her first alarm, Monika knelt down and gave Sayori a kiss on the cheek.

"Time to wake up love. We gotta get ready for school."

Sayori did not stir. Monika rolled her eyes, assuming she was trying to feign sleep so that she would get more kisses, as it was a trick she had used before to great success. Not that Monika minded, of course, and so she leaned down and kissed Sayori's cheek again, and then again, and then again. She kissed her jaw, her ear, her nose, her lips, until Monika was sure that had she been wearing lipstick, Sayori's face would have been a completely covered from all the kisses. It was only when Monika gave her a particularly passionate kiss upon her lips that she stirred, though rather than the warm smile and sleepy eyes she was used to Monika was instead greeted by red eyes with dark circles beneath them and a look that was slowly transforming into despondence. Sayori had clearly been awake for much longer than she had.

"Say?" Monika asked gently, growing concerned. "What's wrong, did you have a nightmare?" She leaned forward to hold her, but Sayori shook head and buried her palms into her eyes.

"I don't want to…" She whimpered. "Please, Monika, I don't think I can do it today. It's… it's not a good day." Monika frowned, knowing that a bad day for Sayori was leagues worse than a bad day for her. It seemed like she had been having more bad days than normal lately, but Monika wasn't surprised. Between the looming outcome of her mother's custody battle, the intense amount of schoolwork that had been placed upon them, and yesterday's event at the arcade, Monika didn't blame her in the slightest for wanting to shut the world away.

A part of her wanted to nod, to tell Sayori that she could lay in bed all day and Monika would be there for her to help her and make sure she took care of herself. She wanted to lay down beside Sayori, and tell her that everything was okay, and that she could lay down and try to sleep again. The part that desperately wanted to spoil Sayori begged her to do so, but the more rational part of her head said that she could not.

"I know, Sunflower, I know." She wrapped Sayori into a tight hug and held her close against her chest. "If it were up to me I'd let you, but we have to go to school today. We were out yesterday from the snow, and we have our end of term exams today."

Oh shit, our exams are today.

Sayori sighed and just nestled against Monika. For a moment they sat there against one another as the kerosene heater slowly blew warmth into the apartment. Monika had a schedule for waking up and getting ready, and she was mentally kicking herself for every second she pushed against their time limit. And yet she couldn't bring herself to get up, to leave Sayori to get herself ready. Not yet, she would try and encourage her a bit first if she could, though she had already decided that if she had to dress Sayori herself to help get her going she would.

"Hey, you know you can't skip out on the exams. I'll tell you what though, if you can get through that you could probably get away with going home, you know. You know how forgiving the teachers are after exams, especially since next week we start the winter holidays!" This was enough to bring a surprised eye-peek from Sayori; it wasn't everyday Monika suggested skipping classes after all. Monika gave a small cough and quickly added, "I'm just saying, if that's more manageable then I'd much rather you get through the exams and go home then not go at all." But Sayori shook her head again, nuzzling Monika's chest as she did so.

"Nuh-uh, I'd rather grin and bear it and get to walk home with you than walk home alone, and then be here, alone, for another five hours." Sayori mumbled. Monika smirked and ran a hand through Sayori's hair. It was telling just how strongly Sayori felt for Monika that she would suffer through half a day of school as well as time during clubs she was no longer in, just so she could spend half an hour walking with her. It warmed Monika's heart. "It's just… it's hard sometimes, to get up, to walk and do the things I know I need to do. Knowing I have to go and pretend to understand my work and talk to people is exhausting in of itself, and I just feel like a useless lump of garbage who can't even get out of bed- Umph!"

Monika chuckled to herself as she lifted Sayori up off of the mattress and gently set her down, feet first, on the floor. "Well, sometimes you just need someone to help you, and that's okay." Sayori did not smile at her, something that at first disheartened Monika until she reminded herself that Sayori not smiling was proof of her trust to not force a fake one, and Monika was grateful for it. As Monika slipped on her uniform and began making them both a nice but humble breakfast of two raw eggs cracked over bowls of steamed rice with sesame seeds sprinkled inside, she could hear Sayori shuffling behind her, slowly getting her own uniform and supplies together.

They ate in general silence as for once Monika wasn't quite sure what to talk about. Talking any more about the exams seemed like a surefire way to stress Sayori out unnecessarily, but so did just about any other present topic. Her mother, their friends, her upcoming birthday on the twentieth (Which Monika realized with a jolt, was tomorrow.) all seemed likely to lead to a bad train of thought that Monika wanted to avoid. With their breakfast finished, Monika held Sayori's hand, fingers interlocked warmly, and trudged out into the leftover snow. It had certainly thinned out during the late night and now only a mere few inches remained of the wintery wonderland. If the weather was to be believed however, it wouldn't be the last big snow they faced by winter's end.

Their walk was just as quiet as their breakfast, interrupted only by the gentle crunching of snow beneath their boots. She wanted to say something, felt like she had the responsibility to as Sayori's friend and partner, but the few subjects she could think of that didn't lead to uncomfortable situations felt hollow and empty, and she knew Sayori would only actively participate in them for Monika's sake. Feeling more than a little useless, Monika shrank closer to Sayori and simply held her hand tight. Sayori, to her relief, did not let go.

When they arrived at the school, Monika pulled Sayori behind a pillar out of view from the other students and stared into her eyes. Or she would have, had Sayori not been pouring her attention into the floor beneath them.

"Hey, look at me." She insisted, lifting Sayori's chin up with her fingers. "Today is going to be rough, okay? No point in pretending otherwise. But you're a tough cookie, and I know that no matter what you do or choose, you'll make it through. You're going to do great, whether you believe it or not, and at the end of all of these exams and tests we're going to go swing by Yuri's for a little bit for something important, and then we can go home, and you can decide the rest of our evening, alright?" Monika thought she almost saw something faintly like a smile on Sayori's face, but it didn't last long.

"So, if I say I want us to eat ice-cream for dinner and listen to sad music?" Sayori asked, looking as though she expected to be reprimanded, but Monika only smiled and nodded.

"Then I guess I'll have to pick up some cookies and cream on the way home, won't I?" She teased, and leaned forward to rub the tip of her nose against Sayori's affectionately, and although it didn't garner a giggle like she had hoped, she did notice Sayori exhale a bit harder through her nose and smile weakly. She'd take what she could get. "Text me if you get overwhelmed, okay? You know I'm not far." They exchanged a quick, farewell kiss that was almost seen by a group of students as Monika quickly slipped away from Sayori and departed for her own classroom. She knew, or at least severely hoped, that Sayori would have a good day.

Monika, on the other hand, could not hold a candle of hope to having one herself after the disaster that was her first period exam. Ms. Fujita seemed to have high expectations for all of her class, however her usual glares seemed to put several already anxious students on edge and increase their nerves tenfold as one student retched horribly and caused an interruption to their focused test taking. The smell of sick seemed to resonate with Monika in a less than favorable way, and Himari gave her a good-natured smack on the back after seeing her gag into her hand. Even with her natural fluency of the English language, she still felt hesitant about half of her answers after she had left.

Her second and third period exams went mildly smoother, as she had a bit more confidence in what she had learned regarding European history, and living by her own means had helped put her Home Economic skills to the test plenty of times already. It was with a relieved mind and an eager stomach that she went to lunch, searching around for Sayori and Natsuki as she usually did. She found Sayori in the hallway they usually took refuge in during their lunch period, and slid down the wall beside her as they both pulled out thermoses of leftover egg drop soup Monika had made for them the night prior. Sayori looked up at Monika, smiled in acknowledgement, then turned silently back to her soup.

"Hey, how'd your exams go so far?" Monika asked casually. Sayori just shrugged, and Monika scooted a bit closer so that their shoulders were nearly touching. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Tanaka Aika puked during my first period and we had to take the exam in a separate classroom." Sayori looked a bit perturbed at that and glanced back at Monika as she blew on her soup.

"Why would that make me feel better?" She asked in a serious tone. "That sounds awful." Monika silently cringed and managed an apology through her soup.

"Sorry, I didn't- I thought it might help to know that at least you haven't puked on your exam paper, so you know, you're doing good by Tanaka's standards." Sayori shrugged in a way that seemed to say 'Fair enough' before burying herself in her soup, and Monika felt a buzz in her blazer. She pulled out her phone and swiped up to see that she had received a text message from Yuri. Curious as to why she was getting a text now when Yuri was in class, she clicked on her message.

O. Yuri: Have you by chance seen Natsuki today? I fear I might have upset her last night and figured a physical approach might be more appreciated than text to make amends, but I have yet to see her.

Monika thought for a moment and realized she hadn't seen Natsuki yet, and what was more was she hadn't come to sit with them either. Immediately Monika's head assumed the worst, knowing how sick Natsuki had been recently with a cough that had yet to go away, it meant that her concern for her was a bit more easy to rile up than normal. Yuri must've realized this because before Monika could ask Sayori or text a reply back, she was met with another message.

O. Yuri: I do not mean to alarm, I understand we are likely both worried for her safety given her housing conditions being… shall we say, less than ideal? But as I do not share any classes with her it is little wonder I have not seen her, and knowing Natsuki she is not one to respond to texts when she is upset at someone. Do you still plan to stop by my house after school?

Monika's heart steadied a little at the reassurance and took a look at Sayori before replying back with haste:

You: Yeah, if that's okay! You might be the only one who can help us with this, so any assistance you can lend would be appreciated! I'll let Natsuki know if I see her that you wanted to talk.

"Everything okay?" Sayori asked tentatively from behind her soup. Monika nodded and pocketed her phone, giving a little shrug as she did so.

"Ah, mostly. Looks like Yuri and Natsuki got into a little spat. Again." Monika thought for a moment before asking, "Hey, have you seen Natsuki at all? Yuri wanted to apologize in person." Sayori leaned her head back to drink the broth from the thermos, further and further until Monika had to prop her head up so that she didn't fall over.

"Nope." Sayori gasped and wiped her mouth, sighing contentedly and leaning forward again to Monika's relief. She fiddled around with the cap for a moment before glancing at Monika with a look of concern she could not hide. "You think she's alright? It'd be weird for her to miss the exams, like, I know she skips occasionally and stuff but you would think she'd at least stay for something this important, right?"

Monika hummed softly and whipped out her phone again, sending a quick but casual text to Natsuki just to be sure. A small part of her seemed to be knocking on the side of her head telling her that something was wrong, that Natsuki could be in danger. Sickness, injury, she might've even been pushed to her limit at home and ran away. But Monika told herself that it wasn't as big a deal as she was trying to make it out to be. She knew Natsuki was sick, and had a bad living situation, so anytime she didn't show up she was bound to think something was wrong with her friend. She worried for all of them after all, of course, but Natsuki had always been a wild card. In the end, she decided if she didn't receive a text by the end of the school day, she'd talk it over with the others. Her last attempt at jumping the gun and chasing after Natsuki on a whim to help her had ended up getting her knocked out after all.

The rest of the day seemed to drag by for Monika, her socioeconomics exam a maze of confusing statistics and graphs that she constantly had to backtrack for so she could double and triple check, only to get mixed up while flipping between pages. After spending her free period trying to study for the second parts of the exams that she would be taking tomorrow, she finally found a bit of relief in playing tennis with her fellow clubmates for a little over an hour. After changing back into her uniform and waving her farewells, she stepped out into the bright clear skies as the sun filtered down onto the leftover snow.

Sayori was waiting for her outside the gym to Monika's surprise, and she quickly ran over to meet her girlfriend and wrap her arms around her in apology.

"What are you doing out here, it's freezing!" Monika said, her voice dripping with worry. "You could've come in, you know. I would've loved to introduce you to my club mates, and show off what a cutie I have dating me." She also felt a twinge of excitement at the idea of getting to show off in front of Sayori, having her cheer from the bleachers and swelling with pride and confidence. Sayori, however, shook her head.

"No, that's okay. That's your time, after all, and I hung around the library until you were about to get out. Plus, I don't really feel like interacting with people much today." Sayori mumbled. It was obvious her bad day hadn't gotten any better so far, and Monika sensed that familiar useless feeling clawing at her conscience again. She wrapped Sayori in an extra tight hug and simply stood there for a minute, not saying a word. She hoped that if she squeezed extra hard, her love might just be able to pierce through Sayori's cloak of melancholy and self loathing. After a time, Sayori raised her arm and gave Monika's back a tight squeeze. The sound of tires treading through the snow alerted them to a familiar hatchback pulling around the school, and stopping beside them.

Monika held the door open for Sayori, who climbed into the back seat with a friendly greeting to Yuri who responded in kind, while Monika took the front seat and with a shiver noticed that Yuri's heat still refused to work right. Monika dug herself a little deeper into the seat for warmth, and sighed.

"Sorry Yuri, I didn't think about the fact I'd be getting out of tennis when you picked us up. I hope I don't smell too much like sweat or anything." She said, but Yuri shook her head and pulled out of the school, down the street with rows of trees on either side. She glanced at Monika as if asking a silent question, one that Monika had expected and checked her phone to see if Natsuki had ever responded. Her notification bar remained empty, and she gave a small shake of the head. It was obvious to Monika that this was distracting Yuri, her fingers tapping along the steering wheel in an anxious fashion as they drove.

"Hmph, nasty smelly girlfriend." Sayori teased with a dry smile. Monika grinned. Their ride was quiet, though thankfully quick as they soon pulled into the long driveway leading up to the Yuri's elegant and pristine house. Sayori was quick to hop out and stroll up to the doorway, while Monika stayed behind for a moment to ask a question that she hadn't quite decided how to word, and was forced to simply blurt out her thoughts haphazardly.

"Hey," Monika whispered while hanging by the car, "What happened? You said she got home okay, and you guys seemed fine when you dropped me and Sayori off. Did you confess-" But Yuri shot her a glare and shook her head fiercely.

"No! I told you what an awful idea it was, did I not?" Yuri hissed. She closed her eyes and took a breath, covering her eyes with her free hand in apology. "I'm sorry, Monika. I am just… concerned. But let us speak no more of it for now, Natsuki is a… a big girl and can take care of herself, and as I understand it, you and Sayori require my assistance right now." With that she closed her door, with Monika standing back and doing the same to her own before following her up the stairs to where she unlocked the door for a shivering Sayori. Monika was thankful they didn't have to break in through any windows this time and quickly hurried inside, though it was scarcely warmer inside than it was outside.

Sayori deposited her shoes in the entrance hall and hurried in the direction of where a guaranteed source of warmth was to be found in Yuri's bedroom, but Yuri called to her as she locked the door.

"Actually, Sayori, we'll be somewhere else today. N-not that you cannot make yourself at home, of course, but I uh… well, I think you'd rather follow us. I have the room heated already." Yuri teetered on her toes, but without looking at either began to lead them down the left hall that ended with the room that had belonged to Yuri's parents. Monika noticed it was closed off by a curtain now, the cobalt cloth concealing what was likely a room still scarred by wanton destruction.

"What exactly is it we're doing? Monika made it sound like we were just hanging out at your house, so I thought…" Sayori sounded as though she was trying to avoid getting her hopes up, though for what Monika wasn't sure. Yuri shot her a look that clearly said 'You didn't tell her?' and Monika tried to return one that conveyed she simply hadn't got around to it. Yuri gave a small sigh and pulled a door on their left open for them all to enter, a gush of warm air meeting them like an old friend and both girls quickly stepped inside the glowing room.

The room had clearly been a study at one point, with a polished wooden desk below a sliding shoji window and a small vase shaped stove that held a cast iron kettle atop a bed of coals. A small desk lamp and a radio sat atop a small cabinet in the other corner, clearly offering the opportunity for night time reading in a cozy environment. The entire left wall was completely blocked by shelves of books that had been neatly organized to perfectly fit within the confines of the bookshelf. Yuri shut the screen behind them and stepped over to the little stove, grabbing three cups from a tray and nodding towards the kettle.

"That was a gift from my mother to my father, it's connected to a clock and I can set the time for it to start warming up, so that way I have tea ready as soon as I get home. As you can see, it's quite effective." The sweet earthy scent of dark tea had soon spread to the entirety of the room and instilled a rather tranquil feeling as Monika and Sayori watched Yuri step over to the bookshelves a motion to them much like a gameshow host would to a fabulous prize.

"Monika texted me last night and voiced her concern for how your mother would react should she win custody over you." Yuri explained. "She wouldn't give me all the details, something that was admittedly frustrating whilst trying to search for the subject matter, but respectable given it dealt with your personal business. However she made it quite clear that your mother seems to base much of her feelings towards… our crowd, as it were, on very incorrect and outdated ideals regarding sexuality and religion. Monika's idea, therefore, was that if we can prove to your mother that your feelings do not stem from corruption, but are rather completely natural, we may avoid any unpleasantness on her end."

Sayori stared at Yuri for a moment, her mouth agape before slowly glancing over at Monika and muttering a solitary, "Oh." that sounded almost disappointed. Was she mad at Monika for involving Yuri? Before she could check however, Yuri continued on, holding a hand out and running her fingers along the spines of the myriad of books before her.

"It's really quite an interesting case, given how your mother is of the Shinto faith. Shintoism rarely sees this kind of behavior, since to be quite honest it's more of a way of life as opposed to a religion – but that's beside the point." Yuri stopped and pulled a rather newer looking hardcover that she added to a pile in her arms. "Frankly, this kind of narrow-minded obsession reminds me too much of religious-fanaticism. Poisonous mindsets that seek to put stock in cult-like groups or figures that pretend to be doctors and healers, men and women of science." She took another book, placing it a little harder than necessary on her pile.

Sayori sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth as she watched Yuri grab book after book. "That sounds about right. This isn't the first time my parents have considered this kind of thing, you know. Back before money got tight they were convinced religious doctors and all that kind of stuff would work, like they thought the Gods would help fix my depression." Monika laid her hand on Sayori's shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "So now I guess it's the same story, they've just replaced my mental problems with my sexuality."

"You can thank westernization for that, I'm sure." Yuri muttered as she pulled out another book before turning around. "These are the ones I own that should be able aid you in your goal of changing your mother's mind. Gods, Nature, and their People in particular should actually touch on the subject of 'abnormal' sexuality amongst the Gods and Goddesses. As much as I'd like to join you, I'll be rather busy during the holidays due to the fact I'll be taking on work at the library starting tomorrow. I'll keep a lookout for any more books of course, especially since I'll be in the best place to look." Yuri offered the stack of books out to Monika who gladly accepted, stumbling slightly under its surprisingly heavy weight.

"Thanks, Yuri." Monika said as she adjusted the books against her hips. "This'll help a ton. I thought books might be a more convincing source than a webpage online, at least for someone like Sayori's mom. Why do you have so many books on the subject anyway, you didn't go out and buy any of these last night did you?" She peered at Yuri for a moment, but Yuri shook her head again.

"Actually, I snuck most of these in after I was taken out of my therapy. I was… still trying to understand and come to terms with myself." Yuri closed her eyes for a moment and let out a deep sigh, clearly reflecting on memories. When she opened them again, she turned to Sayori and gave an apologetic but warm smile. "Apologies, I was merely thinking. Would you two like to stay to read? I'm sure given the day you'd much rather be at home, and you're more than welcome to take the books with you, just please be mindful of them." Monika didn't quite understand what Yuri meant by 'Given the day', but Sayori gave a small little nod.

"Um, well maybe, if that's okay." Sayori mumbled and gave a small glance towards Monika. "I'm so sorry you brought us over to your house just for us to leave, Yuri, I just-" But Yuri held up a hand, not unkindly, and shook her head.

"There is no need." She said simply, and moved back to the sliding door to allow them to leave. Monika gave Sayori a worried look; was she having that bad of a day that she didn't even want to stay at Yuri's? "Nobody understands more than I the comfort of being in one's own space. Let me grab something for you real quick, and I can drop you both off." Yuri headed off in the direction of her room while Monika and Sayori turned towards the entrance and stepped back out into the driveway, Monika having to peer around the stack of books she was carrying.

She had the distinct feeling something was off, though she couldn't quite place what. She had planned originally for them all to read up on Shintoism and find compelling arguments to use against Sayori's mother, but things just didn't seem to be lining up properly. It didn't help that Sayori was being unusually distant and quiet, though she could chalk that up to her less than stellar day thus far. What she really wanted was to just sit and talk to Sayori alone for a minute, but before she could hop in she heard Yuri's voice calling to her from the porch and turned to see her motioning for her. Monika sighed, gave the books to Sayori, and trudged back through the snow to where her friend was waiting for her.

Yuri was wearing an expression Monika had seen on her face time and time again: fear. She knew where the conversation was headed before it even started, and Monika had barely reached the steps when Yuri rushed forward with her phone in hand. Monika raised her hands to try and reassure her, but it was no use.

"Yuri, I-"

"Monika, I know I sound like some kind of sick stalker, but I am worried." Yuri whispered as though she feared being overheard. Monika thought this to be a bit of a stretch given she knew Yuri's voice was often quiet enough to not hear while having a regular conversation with her, much less a private one. "After she stormed out of my car yesterday, I'm worried her displeasure with me will have resulted in an argument between her and her father. I feel terrible as it is without thinking I started a fight between them, as I have heard them go at it whilst me and Natsuki were on call with one another and I could hear the commotion in the background. It was…" The muscle in Yuri's jaw seemed to tighten as she recalled the conversation. "Loud."

Monika let out a low sigh; Yuri's choice of words was ironic at best. Monika knew all too well that Yuri was not a stalker. She was, like many girls, someone who found it hard to latch onto people, and when she did, she did so hard. The traits that Monika had tampered with in the game had indeed been characteristics that already existed within them, just raised to an unnaturally high level. Yuri's "obsessiveness" had been one such victim, though Monika thought personally that an untampered Yuri was at best described as "clingy". Not entirely healthy, but certainly understandable given her experiences and upbringing. She wondered if this Yuri ever feared her clinginess being misconstrued as obsession, much like Monika feared her own possessive nature.

"Look, I get it." Monika assured her. "I do, God knows I'm worried too. There's no point pretending we don't know she gets roughed up at home. We saw the bruises. As soon as you told me she wasn't at school I immediately panicked and thought the worst, but… we just don't know, do we?" Monika's head zoomed through a hundred possibilities and outcomes; they could blow up her phone and get yelled at for running up her data cost, they could assume the worst and call the police only for nothing to be wrong and get Natsuki in serious trouble that could lead to the very thing they were trying to prevent. "We can't just assume everything has gone wrong because she's not in school one day. Maybe her phone is off, or it got taken away, or maybe she's at the doctor for that cough-"

"She is not in the hospital." Yuri interjected bitterly. "Were it just that she was absent and the fear of her getting into a physical altercation with her father, well… I would still worry, but I could keep that to myself. No, Monika, I know for a fact she's not in the hospital because her father would not buy her so much as an ibuprofen!" Yuri's voice was becoming shrill despite her hushed tones. "She is sick, malnourished, and being denied a basic human right! Do not stand there and tell me that now, out of all times, her father might grow a conscience and take her to the hospital? You saw her at the arcade. Do you really think she can walk off something like that?"

No. No I do not. "Give it one day." Monika said, almost pleading. "I agree with you, I'm with you all the way, but just give it one day before we all go rushing off. Okay? I mean, if you want to swing by yourself, say that you were letting her know about the exams and just generally checking on her, that probably wouldn't hurt. Hell, at this point I'll encourage it! Just…" The truth was Monika was scared, just as scared as Yuri was. If there was something wrong with Natsuki, it was her fault for not looking out for her friend as she promised. What about Sayori, who was already suffering an intense depressive episode? The mystery of whether Natsuki was actually in any trouble at all was the true kicker here, and it was driving Monika batty. Yuri, thankfully, seemed to think about what Monika had suggested. The best solution was naturally the most obvious one.

Finally, Yuri nodded and opened her mouth for what was another apology, but Monika beat her to it. "Don't worry about it, seriously. I'm just as worried, and I bet Sayori is too. Just, let us know, okay? Keep us updated." Monika smiled at Yuri, who gave another nod, and in a feeble attempt at moving on from the tense conversation, pointed at the parcel Monika had only just noticed tucked beneath Yuri's arm. "What'cha got there?"

"Hm? Ah, this is merely Sayori's birthday gift. I wish I could've gotten her something better, but with Christmas around the corner… well, I'm thankful I still had the wrapping paper in the trunk otherwise I might've forgotten to wrap it."

Monika nodded as they walked back to the car. "Oh, I see! Why not give it to her tomorrow though? Are you not going to be at school or something?" Yuri's hand paused as she reached for the handle, and she gave Monika a puzzled look.

"Why would I give it to her belatedly when I'm here with her now?" She asked. Now it was Monika's turn to look confused, and she too pulled back from the door handle. Had Yuri forgotten Sayori's birthday? This didn't seem likely, but with the stress of Natsuki on her mind Monika couldn't entirely blame her. Monika leaned over the car and spoke in a hushed whisper, not wanting to let Sayori overhear that one of her closest friends forgot when her birthday was. She had the feeling that it wouldn't improve her bad day in the slightest, though early was better than late she supposed.

"Yuri, her birthday is tomorrow." Monika explained quietly. "It's on the twentieth. I had it memorized because the beginning of our exams were on the nineteenth, so naturally her birthday would be the day after." She was going to give her a reassuring smile and say that this sort of thing happened and not to worry over it since she was still early, but Yuri's look of confusion slowly melted into an expression that resembled the face of someone who was watching a close friend get swindled.

"Monika." Yuri's voice was quiet, and had taken on the same tender tone as Monika's. "Yesterday was the nineteenth. The exams were pushed back a day due to everyone being out of school yesterday, so they had them today. On the twentieth." She stared at Monika with a pitying look, but Monika barely registered it. Her stomach was sinking like a leaded weight and a cold feeling washed through her head as well as her heart. She was the one who had forgotten Sayori's birthday.

No wonder she's been upset! She barely slept and probably expected a 'Happy Birthday' from you at the very least! And then you made plans to meet at Yuri's and rather than anything happy you just reminded her of what she's probably trying to forget! Monika got back in the car without a word, Yuri following shortly after with concern etched on her features. No wonder she looked so disappointed when you showed her the books, she had probably been secretly expecting some kind of celebration from her friends! Some girlfriend you are!

Monika could've hit her head against the dashboard. She was an idiot, no doubt about it. She tried to think of a plan in the short time it would take to arrive at their apartment; she had no decorations, no cake, and hadn't even wrapped her gift yet. What was she going to do? Could she run to the convenience store without Sayori noticing? Did a convenience store even have party favors? She tried to think back to when she and Sayori had visited the one just down the street from them, but she had spent far more time looking at her girlfriend than the inventory of the store.

Fat lot of good that did me.

They should have been going on a date, each of them dressed in lovely attire at a nice restaurant while they laughed and stared into the other's eyes. That would have been a great way to celebrate Sayori's eighteenth birthday, but she had gotten too distracted, too preoccupied with the snow and the planning on convincing Ms. Moriyama that her daughter was perfectly normal. Now she was stuck as the cause of what had undoubtedly been a terrible birthday for her girlfriend. Yuri was pulling into the parking for their apartment complex, she was out of time for ideas.

"Sayori, could I talk to you for a minute?" Yuri asked.

As Sayori got out and bent over to thank Yuri for the ride and the books, Monika noticed Yuri giving her a pointed look and nodding towards the back of the car before handing Sayori her gift. The wrapping paper, of course! Monika stepped lightly on the leftover snow and opened the back door, leaning over to grab the tube of blue wrapping paper with little cranes speckled across, and hid it behind her back as gracefully as she could. She stepped around the trunk and, making sure to keep the wrapping paper out of view, spoke as she passed by.

"I'll go make sure the heat is on. Thanks for everything, Yuri! You're the best!" Monika called, mouthing a second thanks to Yuri for keeping Sayori distracted. The moment she stepped inside she shoved the tube underneath their mattress and kicked on the heater, looking wildly around the room. What could she do with a barren apartment? Decorations were almost certainly a no-go, but as she glanced over to their tiny kitchen she wondered to herself what exactly someone needed to make a cake? Flour, of course, as well as sugar, eggs, milk, as well as butter and salt, and she knew she had only a few of those stored away. But what about icing? She knew she didn't have enough time to do all of that under Sayori's nose, regardless.

Monika's mind jumped to the convenience store again and in a spot of brilliance knew exactly what to do for the cake. It would give her the perfect chance to wrap Sayori's gift as well, so long as she could get Sayori busy for half an hour. It was at that moment the door opened behind her and Sayori stepped inside, gently setting the books down beside their television before giving Monika a brief but not entirely genuine smile. Monika smiled back, and nodded towards the bathroom.

"Hey Sunflower, were you going to take a shower?" She asked in her most casual tone. Sayori shrugged and stood for a moment as if contemplating it before dropping her school bag off as well.

"Maybe." She mumbled. "Although, I think I'd kinda like to just sit and soak in the bath for a minute. If that's okay? You don't need to, do you?" But Monika shook her head.

"Nope! All you love, go on ahead. Actually," She turned on the spot to try and hide the ingredients she had cobbled together, "How about when you get out we work on your memory skills, try out the flashcards again? And then after that we can work on getting you ready for your next exam tomorrow!" Monika hated seeing Sayori pout because of her, but it was for a good cause. She hoped it was at least. Sayori gave a slow nod and gathered some of her clothes, stepping into the bathroom with a small wave as she closed the door behind her. The muffled sound of the faucet running followed by the melancholy tones of trumpets and guitars told Monika that Sayori was listening to music, and that it was time for action.

Without changing out of her uniform, Monika burst out of the apartment door, calling out a hurried explanation of grabbing a coffee as she barreled down the street towards the convenience store. She knew her fake promise of flash cards and studying had at least succeeded in stalling for time, as she knew all too well Sayori would stay in the bath for as long as possible to put them off. Her slippers crunched beneath the snow and several times she almost slipped in her rush, but she managed to make it inside on both of her feet as the doors slid open with a small jingle. A polite wave to the cashier. A sidestep around a customer. Her eyes scanned the aisles, but most of the items held little to no interest to her.

Sandwiches, bread, chips, tea, beer, batteries, no… where's the- milk! Monika wrenched open the freezer and grabbed a carton of milk, tucking it in her arm. The next aisle proved to be her goldmine, a row of various little cakes and desserts lined the racks from eclairs to pudding crepes, as well as cream tarts and packages of baumkuchen that Monika practically swept into her basket with her arm. On another day, she would have stopped and calculated what would have mixed the best and produced the best results. On another day, Monika wouldn't have needed to come here to begin with. Hastily paying for her bag of various sweets and milk, and grabbing a color-changing light-bulb that caught her attention, Monika stepped back out into the snow.

When she returned home she was relieved to hear the sound of music still playing from the bathroom, hanging up her jacket and rolling up the sleeves of her button-up before getting to work. She opened the desserts, deciding to stick with primarily the chocolate ones for consistency, and threw them in a bowl while adding splashes of milk. Without a mixer to do it for her, Monika was forced to whisk as she poured and nearly spilled the bowl as well as the carton of milk several times over. It was, in Monika's opinion, the worst possible time for Natsuki to go on radio silence.

Monika sighed as she closed the oven, a cake pan filled with the sludgy amalgamate that didn't resemble a cake whatsoever now subjugated to bake for half an hour behind her. She stood up and strolled over to the mattress, grabbing the wrapping paper and the movies she had bought. It occurred to her that they didn't have a DVD player to actually play the movies, but she would worry about that later, instead she managed to carefully wrap the box and in a fit of desperation, used the ribbon she kept her hair up with to tie it off. A gleeful little squeak escaped from her lips as she realized that though she had forgotten Sayori's birthday, she might actually have a chance at salvaging it.

Ding!

The timer for the cake went off just as Monika finished screwing the light-bulb into their lamp and connected it to her phone, but at that exact moment the sound of a blowdryer starting up from their bathroom caught her attention; Sayori was out of the bath. Had she heard the timer? Music was still playing, and Monika couldn't help but hope that it had somewhat covered her tracks. The cake as it turned out was not a cake whatsoever and more resembled a pan full of lumpy looking brownies with various shades of chocolate stretched across it. She threw open the freezer, hoping they still had some ice-cream she could serve that might smooth the process of eating her failed experiment.

To her surprise she found her freezer to be surprisingly full, two similarly sized boxes blocking the tub of ice cream. She took them out, looking confusedly at the boxes until Sayori opened the bathroom door behind her in a towel that Monika had to admit gave a rather eye-catching view of Sayori's legs. She looked away instinctually, but in a flash Sayori had gasped, given her a reproachful look, swiped one of the boxes, and then dutifully returned to the bathroom while closing the door behind her. Monika stared in utter confusion at the bathroom for a moment, wondering if her girlfriend had caught her staring before realizing that she had probably just accidentally taken out her own Christmas present – only Sayori would have used a freezer as a hiding place for a gift after all. Setting the other box on top of the fridge so Sayori wouldn't think she was snooping for gifts, she set the pan of not-cake on the stove to cool and decided to finally change out of her uniform into something more comfortable for the evening.

Monika had just thrown her favorite blue sweater over her head when the bathroom door opened again, and a very clean Sayori stepped out into the kitchen in her pajamas. She took a deep breath and seemed to soak in the heat of the room until the near oppressive smell of chocolate caught her attention and she turned back to look at the stovetop, her mouth agape. Monika took this as her cue and swiped her phone open, setting their new lightbulb to gently pulse a rainbow of colors in lieu of actual decorations. As the lamp softly changed from blue, to orange, to green, Sayori looked back at Monika with her mouth slowly opening as if to speak, only to close again. Monika decided to close the gap and speak for her.

"So, I know you've had a really bad day and uh… I know I didn't make it any better this morning because…" Monika grimaced; this was harder than she had thought. "Because, I forgot today was your birthday. But I didn't forget about it completely! I thought it was tomorrow because the snow-day threw me off, and so I had to kinda rush some things that, frankly, should not have been rushed." She took the gift she had only just finished wrapping and placed it in Sayori's hands, hoping that her smile would show how she felt more than her gift. "This is for you. It's not much, it's not nearly enough to show you how I feel, but I hope it'll help fight off those storm clouds, if only for a little bit. Happy eighteenth birthday, Sayori."

Sayori took the gift from Monika gingerly, as if she feared it might leap from her hands, and unwrapped the flimsy wrapping paper. She glanced up at Monika knowingly at the bow and carefully untied it before giving it back to its owner. There was a sort of intrinsic joy in someone opening a gift, for Monika could see the flash of excitement behind Sayori's beautiful blue eyes as she did so, in what was surely the closest thing to expressing joy that anyone had seen from her all day. Sayori's mouth gaped as she looked up at Monika, a smile slowly spreading on her face as she held up the box to show off all the movies it contained. Words didn't come quite yet, instead Sayori just let out little squeals of excitement that left Monika feeling lightheaded.

"This…" She finally said. "This is amazing! Oh my gosh, it is so hard to find these things online in good quality! Moni, you didn't have to- when did you- aaaaah! This is the best!" Her arms flung around Monika as the lights gently flickered upon them and the smell of baked goods began to fill the entire apartment. Monika gripped her tightly, ignoring the still wet hair that clung to her cheek as she nestled into Sayori's shoulder. For a moment they stood there, Monika silently wondering if Sayori was secretly mad at her, or still hurt over her forgetting her birthday. Perhaps that was why Monika clung so tightly to Sayori, even when her girlfriend pulled back and tried to get the other to look at her.

"Hehe, it's nice to not be the one forgetting for once." She giggled softly. Monika smirked, even on her worst days, Sayori would always try to bring joy to others. "Look at me. I'm not mad at you for forgetting today was my birthday." At Monika's skeptical glance she continued. "Okay, maybe it hurt just a teensy bit, but I was already in a bad headspace. The fact that I originally lied to you about when my birthday was probably didn't help, ehehe. But… this is all really sweet, I don't know when you had time to get the gift or a cake, and I'm really sorry that you felt obligated to stress yourself out just to make me happy."

"I didn't-" Monika started but Sayori cut her off.

"Lemme finish. I know… I know you do this because you want to. It's hard to accept that and I'm still getting used to letting other people do that, especially you. But that's not why I've been all… gloom and doom." She took a deep breath and motioned for the bed upon which they both proceeded to sit upon, side by side. "Today is really special to me, and not just because I turned eighteen. Today is- was, my bad, today was the day that I uh…" She winced before a moment and with an almost indistinguishable break in her voice, but carried on. "I was supposed to die."

Sayori continued on before Monika could interject her sympathies or comfort. "I marked it back in April, right before school started. I told myself that I was going to do it, I had until my birthday to change my mind. If I still felt… you know, useless and like a constant burden with no hope of being anything other than that, I would take my life on this day. I even had a sort of checklist! It was really morbid, so I threw it away, but the idea was that if I felt like I had earned the right to exist, that I was happy to be here in any shape or form, then I would stay. If not, well…" Her voice trailed off, and though Monika knew saying the words were hard for her, she had to give Sayori praise for being so calm and direct. Monika rubbed her thumb along Sayori's hand.

Sayori rubbed back.

"I almost gave up too early, at the bridge." Sayori admitted softly. "I was watching all the good things I surrounded myself with crumble before my eyes and I thought to myself, 'There's no way in heck it's going to get better in three months.' and well, that was that. Until you showed up, ehehe, really threw me for a loop there." She paused for a moment before shaking her head. "Sorry, that sounds like I'm romanticizing it. I know you went there to die too. But you chose to try and bring me down. You literally saved my life, Monika, and I would not be here if it weren't for you. I wouldn't have ever gotten to hold your hand, or k-kiss you… which is silly that that's what I jump to, but I love being here. I love being with you."

Monika gently leaned her head against Sayori's, scooting closer. "I wish I could've stopped you from falling off altogether." She sighed. It would forever be one of her biggest regrets. "So is that why you were awake this morning? You were thinking about… about what today was?"

"Sorta. I already had the thoughts in my head, and was just laying there constantly trying to convince myself I deserved to be alive, that I had people who cared for me. Dad called me while I was waiting for you outside the gym, and I was kinda hoping Mom would text me, at least… and everything just seemed to close in and make my head swim." She let out a sigh that transformed into a groan, turning to Monika with a strained smile throughout it all. "Sorry, I can't help being a gloomy butt sometimes."

"Yeah, but I like your gloomy butt." Monika teased. She gave her girlfriend a playful shove, but Sayori retaliated by swinging her legs over Monika's lap and gently taking her cheeks in her hands and kissing her firmly on the lips. Monika didn't complain, she welcomed it eagerly after spending the whole day worrying and rushing around. Her lips were slightly dry from the winter weather, and her strands of wet hair tickled and grazed Monika's skin as they did so, but she didn't mind. Each kiss was special, because each one was a reminder that they were real, and that they had each other. Each kiss was a silent promise to the other that they weren't going anywhere; that they belonged to one another while still belonging to themselves.

Monika hadn't realized she was out of breath until Sayori pulled back for air, and there was a distinct pink tint that was spreading from her cheeks to her ears. The room suddenly felt much warmer, but before Monika could separate them Sayori was kissing her again, pulling her hair back and planting kiss after kiss on Monika who felt her own face growing red with heat.

"If you really like my gloomy butt…" Sayori mumbled, and suddenly Monika's hands were being pulled away from Sayori's back. Pulled away and down, down below her waist until Sayori pressed Monika's hands against the fluffy pajama pants that she was wearing. "Then you can hold it for me." Something rose in Monika's chest, an instinctual cry of alarm to ask if she was allowed to, but she couldn't ask permission due to the amount of kisses being peppered around her cheek, her neck, and lips. Each one was a welcoming embrace, an invitation to return the favor, a request to stay. Monika squeezed her hands against the fuzzy cowhide pajamas. How could she say no?

She hadn't expected this, hadn't dared to even dream of this level of intimacy, but here it was being displayed before her. Sayori's legs were curling around her own, and the kisses were becoming more heartfelt and passionate as her lips lingered a little longer each time. Pressed a little harder into her skin. Left little teeth marks as she bit near Monika's shoulder. Was she allowed to want this? Suddenly she felt Sayori's lips meet hers again, this time being gently pried apart by her tongue and could not have stopped the noise of want that escaped from her even if she tried. Sayori stopped, pausing to smile a mischievous grin and met Monika's eyes as hundreds of thousands of words swapped between them in their gaze, and then Sayori condensed it down to only three.

"I love you." She murmured. Her gaze remained fixed, her voice a soft lullaby, and Monika could not help but choke. She had misheard, surely? It was a joke, or a lie, or a phrase uttered purely in the heat of the moment. It could not, would not be true, no matter how she desired it. She had told herself this a thousand times, and yet she still could not help but crave those words, to know there was truth behind them and to hear them finally aloud to her. Monika gripped harder, not out of passion, but out of the growing tenseness she felt in hearing those words.

"You… you what?" Monika whispered, not daring to breathe.

"I love you."

There it was again, said in the same veracious manner with such soft warmth and care dripping from each syllable. "S-say it again… please." Monika couldn't help but ask, be it for her own pleasure or from a belief that if it was said enough times it might truly be a grounded fact. Sayori did not see the tears well up within Monika's eyes, and looked to have assumed that Monika was becoming more aroused from hearing it aloud. Monika wouldn't admit it wasn't a baseless assumption.

"I love you, with all of my heart. I love you like the sun loves the sky, and I love you like kudzu loves growing everywhere." Her smile widened as her eyes closed, as though reciting a poem for the club in the days long before they had joined together. "I love you for what you do for me, and what you do for everyone you meet. I love you and want to support you in everything you do, to give you my heart, my hands, my mind, all for you. I love you for- Moni? What's wrong?!" Sayori had opened her eyes again, and in doing so saw the stream of tears and a quivering lip Monika was trying so hard to hold back, and in an instant retreated off of the mattress.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay? Did I go too fast? Oh my gosh I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I thought- augh, I shouldn't have said that all so soon! We've barely been dating two months!" Sayori tried to stand up but Monika held onto her wrist, pulling her back down atop of her and hugging her girlfriend with all of her strength. She needed Sayori to understand, to know how it made her feel. What she had gone through just to be worthy of that kind of feeling towards someone, the trials that told her how valuable having meaning behind those three words meant. For a moment she just laid there, holding Sayori close and making sure she wouldn't leave, unable to bear the thought of losing the heat Sayori's body offered her.

After a few moments of gathering herself she loosened her grip and felt Sayori wipe a tear away from her eye. Their eyes had met yet again. "I'm sorry, I… I spent a long time thinking I didn't deserve to hear those words be said to me. I just want to make sure that you're truly okay with saying that because, I mean, Christ Sayori, those words have a lot of weight." It was a lot to take in, and as much as she enjoyed all the pleasant and exciting feelings coursing through her, she had to be absolutely sure first. "I'm okay with what we're doing, I mean I think it's pretty obvious I'm enjoying it. I just need to know before we go any further that you're really, truly and absolutely, okay with me." The right words wouldn't come, they never seemed to when it was most important, but Sayori smiled at her all the same and kissed her nose.

"I'm absolutely okay with you, Moni. Here, in our apartment, with our little blow-up mattress and kerosene heater, with you. I wouldn't want to do this kind of thing with anyone else, you know that." She took a deep breath and leaned back on her knees, fumbling with her nightshirt and slowly undoing one button at a time until it sat open before Monika's eyes. Beneath her pajamas Monika could make out pure white decorative fabric that was both firm and loose, solid and lacy, that covered her chest while also showcasing far more than any normal bra. Monika saw that it was indeed a matching pair as Sayori's fingers dug into the hem of her cowhide sweats and pulled them down over her legs, revealing the rest of her lingerie with lace that Monika could only describe as reminiscent of angel wings. Her heart did a backflip with each second, and her anticipation only grew.

Sayori's face had turned beet red, and Monika could tell by the twitching of her arms and legs she was fighting the urge to cover herself out of sheer embarrassment. Trying to lighten the tension, Monika giggled and said, "Well, at least now I know what you hid in the freezer! What was in the other box though, a Christmas present?" But Sayori shook her head.

"Um, no, ehehe. I'm a dummy and forgot I bought this one and bought another yesterday at the mall… I even tried to put it in the same hiding space, which is when I realized I had… you know." Sayori was trying to avoid Monika's gaze, but she could see the quick glances that told Monika she was secretly searching for approval. An idea struck her instead however and Monika rose from the mattress and proceeded to the kitchen where she took the extra box out of the freezer and retreated to the bathroom. When she came out, her sweater, pants, and underwear were neatly folded over her arms, a black two piece of lingerie now covering her body tied together neatly with red ribbons that Monika thought complimented her body quite nicely, despite having not been bought for her size.

Sayori stared at Monika as though she had never seen her before, and Monika understood how flattering and embarrassing it must've felt on Sayori's end. Not wanting to seem unwilling, she kept her arms lowered and added an extra sway to her walk as she sat down gently beside Sayori, hands on her knees as they locked eyes. There was no more need for stalling, or hesitation, they had both given their answers to one another before ever uttering a single word.

"Nervous?" Monika asked as Sayori leaned forward to brush a stray hair out from her eyes, and kiss her cheek at the same time.

"Nah. I've done this a few times before, so I know what I'm doing." Sayori said nonchalantly. Monika felt a cold dread swirl through her head like a bad toothache, trying and failing to hold back both her surprise and disappointment.

"What?" But Sayori just snorted and shook her head.

"I'm kidding you goofball! I've never done anything like this and have no idea what I'm doing, but um… I can try taking the lead if you want? I know I probably made you a little jealous yesterday, so know that you're the only one who has ever seen me… um, like this. This is all for you." Her arms caressed Monika's stomach and chest, a low sigh escaping as Sayori's gentle touch sent a shiver through Monika's spine, and she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend protectively as their bodies pressed together. Sayori's knee was placed in-between her legs and caused her to twitch and breathe rather heavily as she felt her girlfriend's lips begin to peck down her neck and chest. When Sayori lifted her head she placed it right beside Monika's ear, eliciting another shiver as she whispered in a voice so soft and pleasant that Monika wanted to hear it for all time.

"This is the day I was supposed to die. So please, make me feel alive." And in an instant Monika's mouth found Sayori's, no longer able to withhold her love and desire for the girl atop of her, their arms furiously swirling and moving along one another in a passionate embrace as their breaths became ragged and their desire insurmountable. It was a warm and tender process, with both girls learning from one another as they went along. There was laughter, awkward giggles and eyerolls as they explored and experimented with each other for nearly thirty minutes, until after many stifled gasps and soft whispers of love they found themselves both on their backs, covered in sweat and out of breath. The comforter lay on the floor, kicked aside to escape the heat of their passion along with their lingerie that lay haphazardly atop the blanket.

Monika's mind was dizzy, her eyes closed and a soft ringing in her ears as she listened to Sayori beside her do the same. She didn't know what to think, or what to say, but she didn't think she had to do either. At that moment all she knew was that she and Sayori were both happy, and that was all that mattered to her. Eventually Sayori's voice reached her and she opened her eyes, looking over to see her girlfriend staring at her with big blue eyes and frazzled hair.

"Mon?"

"Say if you ask to cuddle me while we're both sweaty and sticky, I'm sorry, but the answer is going to be 'no' until we're a little less hot."

"Actually, um… I was wondering if we could eat some of the brownie-cake thingy that you made, because doing that made me really hungry…" She glanced at the television and then her laptop, twiddling her fingers and asking a slightly softer voice. "And maybe we could watch one of the movies you got me, since I can connect my laptop to the TV? And… maybe go again?"

Monika shook her head and smiled, giving Sayori a playful shove as she stood from the bed knowing full well that despite how intimate the two had just been, Sayori was still staring her up and down behind her back. "Alright, that sounds like a plan. But we're going to need some water after all that, and probably a scoop of ice cream to go with that chocolate monstrosity." The two exchanged smiles as Monika strolled into the kitchen to get food while Sayori readied their movie, pride swelling through her as she turned and glanced back to see Sayori still there. Sayori still on their mattress typing at her keyboard with her tongue between her teeth. Sayori still bare but smiling comfortably as she awaited Monika's presence. Sayori happy, and if she was to be believed, very much in love. Monika couldn't stop smiling as she returned with plates and cups in hand, knowing that she too felt exactly the same, even if she didn't have the courage to say it just yet.

Monika had awoken the next day wrapped in the arms of Sayori, now clothed in her pajamas for warmth as a sliver of drool leaked onto their pillow. She smirked and leaned down to kiss her girlfriend's cheek before getting up and began to get ready, laying Sayori's uniform out and getting their breakfast and lunch ready for the day. Just as she was slipping an extra large chunk of the birthday brownie into Sayori's bento box, she felt her phone buzz from a notification and flipped open her phone to see two messages from Yuri.

O. Yuri: I stopped by Natsuki's house, and though I know someone was home due to the car in the driveway, I did not receive an answer from her or her father when I knocked. Should this concern me, or am I merely biased in my feelings towards the situation?

Monika grimaced, a hot fountain of shame welling up within her as she read the text and saw from the timestamp it was from the night prior. She had been so caught up in Sayori's birthday that she hadn't even bothered to check her phone, especially as they had fallen asleep early. She felt terrible for almost forgetting about Natsuki, especially as she had yet to receive word back from her either, and her fear grew the more she thought about it. Her eyes flickered to the second text that had alerted Monika in the first place.

O. Yuri: I must insist that complacency is no longer a viable tactic in this situation. Please meet me outside of the school entrance near where I usually park, I wish to discuss the matter with you and Sayori both in person. Also, how did she like her gift?

Monika glanced over at the basket sitting beside the television, bottles of essential oils for aromatherapy that had once been neatly stacked now sticking out in odd angles after Sayori had tried each one (Monika had narrowed her eyes at the inclusion of ylang ylang and lavender in the bundle.) as well as various self-care products. Candles, bubble bath, and scrubs had all been included along with a pair of cozy socks that now sat on Sayori's feet. Monika had to admit she was impressed, as it was clearly a care package to help Sayori alleviate the weight of her depression, while also being composed of things that Yuri might have bought for everyone.

You: She loved it, she's wearing the socks right now actually. I agree, we really can't just sit around if she doesn't show up today either. We'll meet you at your car, don't worry.

It was the hard truth that as much as Monika wanted to ignore the problem, and pretend that it wasn't a problem at all, she couldn't afford to do so. She had been ready to let Natsuki beat her to death at one time, so pushing a few social boundaries to ensure she was okay was in theory no more challenging to cross than a waist-high picket fence. At least, it shouldn't have been. What was it she feared more, Natsuki being in danger, or being mistaken and landing any of them in trouble with her father? What did she have to fear of someone she didn't even know? Perhaps that was the reason itself in that she simply did not know.

Sayori woke up far happier than she had on her birthday, and though Monika could tell her mind was bogged down with the usual fears and lack of motivation, she had a bit more pep in her step as she stumbled over to her favorite position behind Monika as she cooked at the stove, the comforter wrapped around her as let out a yawn. Monika turned and gave her a kiss, sliding the bacon from the skillet onto Sayori's plate and handing it off to her.

"Good morning. Yuri wants to meet us by her car this morning, probably to talk about Natsuki, are you okay with leaving a few minutes early?" Monika asked. Sayori nodded sleepily and sat at their little kitchen table as Monika finished up. Five minutes later Monika saw that Sayori had fallen asleep again with a piece of bacon hanging from her lips and gently shook her awake. "Come on love, you gotta stay awake. We gotta leave a little early, remember?" Sayori grumbled and threw on her blazer haphazardly, chewing on the last of the bacon as well as a strand of her hair as she did so.

"It's your fault for wearing me out last night."

"Excuse me," Monika scoffed while finishing her own breakfast, "I'm not the one who insisted on going again in the middle of the movie." They both glared at one another before breaking out into small giggles and finishing their morning preparations. The sun cowered behind the clouds outside and the snow had yet to still fully disappear just yet, with Monika only spotting a few patches of grass that sat uncovered by the thin white blanket that couldn't have been more than half an inch. Monika was sure by the end of the week they would have another snowfall, and soon everything would be buried beneath the powder yet again.

Sayori held her hand as they walked, though whether it was because her own hands sought warmth or comfort, Monika wasn't sure. She didn't complain of course, she relished every opportunity to show off their relationship in little ways through the day. A quick kiss here, a hand squeeze there, all relished for every second. They found Yuri parked in her regular space when they arrived, sitting in her car with a large blanket resting over her front in what was likely an attempt to fight off the lack of heating. Monika tapped on her window gently, withholding a smile as Yuri still started and the sound of a slight thump told Monika she had smacked her hand while reaching for the door handle.

"Ah, good. It's good to see you both." Yuri greeted. She remained sitting in the driver's seat, her legs hanging out of the opened door as she tightened the blanket around her shoulders protectively. "I will not mince words; I'm sure you already know what this is about and I can only assume you both feel the same since you agreed to meet with me before school."

"We're worried about her too, Yuri." Sayori said, and Monika gave a nod of agreement. "Between her being sick as a dog for the past few weeks and everything that goes on at her house…"

"My thoughts exactly. I stopped by her house last night with the excuse that I was simply wanting to borrow notes to study for the exam, but I never received an answer." Yuri placed her hand on her chin in thought, staring at the space between Monika and Sayori. "It is, of course, possible that I simply arrived at an unlucky moment; Natsuki could've been listening to music while her father could've been in the bath and neither one heard my knocking. However, this atop of everything else that concerns me leaves me with no choice but to fear something is amiss."

"Today, if Natsuki is still not in school and has not contacted any of us, I would like you two to come with me to visit her. Students who finish their exams today can leave after they're over at 10:00, so we can swing by and check on her and be absolutely certain that she is well. I understand this is unorthodox, but the situation by this point should surely warrant certainty in regards to her health." Yuri finished as if she had given a performance, letting out a small sigh and shaking her hands away. She looked at the both of them clearly awaiting their reactions with an anxious but firm expression. Sayori looked at Monika, and Monika looked back. The answer was obvious before the words ever even left Sayori's lips.

"Of course! I'm all in, are you Monika?" She asked. Monika thought about it for a moment, letting the pros and cons tumble against one another in her head. She had already decided of course, and hesitant as she was she would not allow it to change or dampen her resolve. She nodded and Yuri gave a relieved sigh as Sayori turned back to her. "But, what will having me and Monika there change if nobody answered you last night?"

Yuri gave a noncommittal shrug and didn't meet their eyes. "I hope that I was indeed simply there at the wrong time and that I'll be answered this time around, however if that is the case, I feel having you two there would be much more reassuring and possibly garner us more answers than if it were just myself." The sudden but familiar ringing of the Westminster chime caught their attention, and all three girls turned to see the throng of students entering into the school behind them. "Ah, the first bell. We shouldn't be late, especially on exam day. Assuming you all are still willing, I'll meet you out here shortly after ten."

With that all three girls took their leave, Monika and Sayori swapping a quick kiss beside Yuri's car before hurrying off to their respective classes. The weight of the impending visit to Natsuki's house lingered on Monika like a bad odor, unable to shake the trepidation that seemed to constantly follow her throughout the day. No matter how hard she tried to focus on the questions about certain philosophies and constructs, the idea that something had happened to Natsuki was ever prevalent in her mind. Images of bruises on a frail and malnourished body attacked her relentlessly, more than her fears of Sayori's mother.

If something had happened to Natsuki and Monika had failed to act in time, it would be on nobody's shoulders but hers.

The end of her exams came both all too soon and not fast enough, terrified of what may lie in wait for her while also unable to take the exhaustive tension that had settled from it. While other students talked eagerly amongst each other, discussing plans for their winter holidays or celebrating the end of their exams with congratulatory outings, Monika could only think of Natsuki. The slim chance that she had arrived at school today seemed feeble and so unlikely that Monika barely entertained it. She met with Sayori just beside the exit, who looked far more anxious than when they had departed earlier and tried to give her an assuring smile, but the look on her girlfriend's face told her she wasn't convincing anyone.

Together they stepped out into the freezing winter breeze, a welcome respite from the numbingly still air of the school. "She wasn't here today either. I asked Mr. Sakurai if he had heard anything from Natsuki since he has her in his homeroom, but he said that the school has called twice and received no answer."

"Wouldn't it be a relief if she had just forgotten to pay her phone bill?" Monika asked with a hollow chuckle. Sayori said nothing. They found themselves yet again at Yuri's car, with its owner already in the driver's seat with the car running as she motioned for them to join her. Monika climbed into the backseat with Sayori beside her while Yuri pulled out of the school, turning down the road to the left that followed a stretch of pines she recognized from when she had foolishly chased Natsuki down. The horrendous aftermath of that day did little to bolden Monika, and she could not help but wonder if this attempt at helping Natsuki would end in a similar manner.

The ride itself was almost silent, as any attempts at small talk fizzled out like a match in the rain. Monika had run out of things to say, and thoughts to think, before they had even got in the car. It was simply a loop of anxious foreboding and regret piling within her, and since she refused to dump this on the other two occupants as she knew they likely felt the same, all she had was the outside whizzing by them. She had never been in this area before, nestled in a clustered flat neighborhood of similarly designed two-level houses. Many of the buildings looked to be in various states of disrepair on neglect, from peeling paint to clouded windows with dim orange light filtering out between the specks of dirt. She supposed some would have labeled it as a "bad neighborhood", but to Monika it was simply a poor neighborhood, one with people who had probably done their best but still ended up short.

She didn't even realize they had reached Natsuki's house until the car stopped, and she turned to see a shabby looking two story building along a plot of patchy grass and coarse dirt. Faded blue paint on chipped wooden paneling and dead trees the house fit in with the surrounding residentials quite well, though this was certainly not a good thing. The building certainly had a western influence in its architecture, from the chain link fence and gable front design to the small tin shed sticking out in the backyard, Monika wouldn't have found it out of place in a small American neighborhood. An old station wagon sat parked in the driveway, a cover of snow still lingering on the top of it as well as the yard that crunched with dead leaves as the girls exited the car together.

As Monika stepped out of the back seat she saw Yuri reach for the glovebox and take something out, but she moved with such speed and purpose that Monika hadn't even caught a glimpse of it before Yuri tucked it into her blazer and made no mention of it. Sayori stared at the house disconcertedly, eyes flickering over the windows before glancing back at Monika.

"Well, the lights are on, and that's definitely her dad's old car." She said blankly. Monika turned to the car as well, taking in the snow around it and on top of it. Even from the sidewalk she could see the trash built up on the dashboard.

"No snow underneath it though, see?" Monika pointed towards it with a frown. "No tracks or indents in the driveway either, so it's been sitting there for at least a few days. Maybe it's busted?" Yuri walked past both Monika and Sayori and lifted the latch on the gate, a rusty creak sounding through the wind that whipped at Monika's hair as it banged gently against the fence. Together they walked up the discolored steps and onto the front porch, and with small shared glances between the other two, Yuri knocked on the front door. Monika half expected a scurrying of feet on the other side, or for the door to suddenly burst open and reveal some angry and disheveled man wondering why three strangers were on his porch, but nobody answered.

Monika let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding, and Yuri knocked again. Her knuckles rapped harder against the door, and Sayori leaned over the porch to peer down the side of the house.

"Yuri, I'm not sure if they're home…" Sayori said, looking worried back towards them. "You don't think maybe her dad took her somewhere and didn't tell anyone, do you?" But Yuri shook her head, a loose strand of short violet hair falling over her face.

"The car is still here." Yuri muttered. Her fist suddenly slammed against the door causing Monika to jump and Sayori to cry out, but they all fell silent as the force of the blow forced the door to slowly glide open with a whining creak not unlike the metal gate they had entered through. Nobody was there to greet them, but a musty mildew like odor was as it wafted out of the open door. Sayori's nose wrinkled, Monika winced, and Yuri stepped inside to the deserted living room. The lights were off except for the television in the foyer to their left where a news reporter was discussing the Winter Festival taking place in Asahikawa.

Monika followed behind Yuri while Sayori lingered by the door. The glint of something silver reflected what feeble light emanated from the television, and Monika glanced down to see a blade as long as her hand gripped tightly in Yuri's palm. A sudden realization of what had been in the glovebox mixed with Yuri's insistence on their joining her began to paint a vivid picture of her mind and she looked in shock and alarm at Yuri, but Yuri's eyes were darting around the room rapidly from the stairs to the kitchen down the hall where empty cupboards stared back at them. Monika wanted to ask Yuri what on earth she was thinking, breaking into somebody's home with a knife, when Yuri froze beside her, her eyes bulging and a sharp intake of breath alerting them all that she had seen something.

Monika followed Yuri's line of sight up the stairwell against the right wall, and saw the dark stain that had dribbled down the stairs and onto the wall beneath it. Blood. Sayori's gasp seemed to bring Monika out of a stupor that she had begun to slip into, and she turned to face her girlfriend while trying and failing to keep her voice as steady as possible.

"Sayori. I need you to go out to the car, and call the police." She whispered. Her heart was hammering so loud in her chest that it seemed pointless to whisper, but she did so anyway. "Call the police and stay out there until they arrive, okay?"

"No, no no!" Sayori hissed as she shook her head violently, tears welling up in the eyes she had clenched shut. "No, come with! Please please, God don't leave me, I swear to God Moni don't stay in here and leave me out there." But Monika knew that she could not leave. Was it her desire to do right, or was she like so many others compelled by a curiosity that had to be sated? Somehow, she knew she had to see the result of her actions, even if she feared what lay at the end like nothing else. And she knew that Yuri felt exactly the same, and she knew that Sayori, beautiful and burdened Sayori whose innocence had already been shattered did not need to add a corpse to add to that weight.

"Go. I'll be out there soon." Monika whispered. She gently pushed Sayori back towards the door, towards safety, trying to ignore the rising urge to vomit and the tears and frustration on Sayori's face as she carefully stepped out of the front door and off the porch. Monika did not watch her go, too focused on the doorways and waiting for a towering figure to step out and charge her. Yuri seemed to share this sentiment, standing beside Monika with her knife gripped tightly in her hand as she nodded towards the stairwell, eyes fluttering around in a silent panic as she moved to take the lead. They treaded up the stairs with their breaths held and their steps light, careful to avoid the trickle that had descended down the stairs.

Maybe it's not blood, Monika tried to convince herself, maybe it's just something that spilled like wine. But Monika had seen wine before, and plenty of fresh blood in her lifetime to know that this substance was too thick, too coagulated to be a spillage of red wine. Yuri stopped ahead of her just as a new smell hit their nostrils, a sickly sweet smell mixed with rot that made Monika want to gag and add a new substance to the stairwell, and she barely managed to keep her composure. The top of the stairwell was covered in the same dark substance, splatters along the wall and tiny pools on the floor made it look like nothing short of something out of a horror movie, and Monika watched the trail of stains lead from the room directly ahead of them, the door wide open to reveal a room with torn pink wallpaper and a window directly over a single bed.

Yuri peered into Natsuki's room with Monika close behind, the sound of glass shattering causing both girls to jump as Monika raised her foot to see shards of glass beneath her shoe. Remnants of a smashed bottle that lay discarded. Natsuki's room was small, freezing, disorganized from the floor to the ceiling with a few sparse dirty clothes and a tipped over shelf that held various knick-knacks and books. The blood was thick on the window and bed, and Monika could no longer remain inside of the room, turning back to see to the left of the stairwell was a door just barely ajar where the blood also seemed to lead. The light was on in this room, and the white tile Monika could see on the wall suggested that this was a bathroom.

Monika did not want to open the door and check. Her stomach was weak and her head dizzy, and a hollow feeling was rising inside of her as she knew that Natsuki was dead. She's dead. She's dead and her father is gone, bolted no doubt, run away God knows how long ago. She's probably lying in the tub, lying in a pool of her own blood because you fucking turned away. Monika swayed, slowly walking to the bathroom door. She needed to see. She had to see what she had done. What she had failed to do. Why every nightmare she had ever had was coming true.

She knew it would cause a reaction; she would puke, or have an episode, and somebody would have to deal with it, but she did not care. She just wanted to suffer the consequences of failing to save her friends yet again, and with stifled breaths she pushed open the door, unknowing and uncaring if Yuri saw Natsuki's corpse as well. She had to see her mistake. The sickening smell was stronger, and she knew that when she opened the door, she would see its source.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

The body in the tub was not Natsuki, it was far too large, far too masculine, to be their frail and sickly friend. Scruffy blonde hair that was matted down and a thick beard with glasses askew, he laid with one leg hanging out and the shower curtain haphazardly covering his form. His arm had clearly been the source of the blood, with multiple large lacerations across his hand and wrist having gushed an excessive amount of blood. An opened artery. Monika gaped and heard a muffled, "Oh dear God." behind her as Yuri took in the scene herself, unable to bring herself to look away from the scene.

After a moment Monika stepped back, taking a deep breath as she silently told herself that there was still a chance. Natsuki may not be dead. But the fact remained that she was still missing. Yuri turned back towards the bedroom that held Natsuki's belongings and tapped Monika on the shoulder, startling her.

"Monika. The window."

Monika looked up, unsure of what Yuri meant until she glanced underneath the window and saw a large pile of broken glass, and she suddenly understood. The blood was on the top pane, but the bottom was open and broken, letting in the chill from outside. Monika and Yuri raced to the window both peeking their head out while avoiding the tiny shard of glass still jutting out from the pane, and beneath the window in the snow they saw the trampled snow with tiny feeble tracks that led into the shed just out back. It was as if both girls had been electrocuted, each turning and running at full speed out the door and down the stairs, nearly slipping on the blood of Natsuki's father as they flew down the stairs and out on the porch. Monika saw Sayori in Yuri's car, unsure of whether to motion for her lest she risk seeing something else grisly, but Sayori was already tailing after them.

The tin shed was rusted, its door barely open as Yuri grabbed hold and forced them to pry against the snow weighing against it. Sayori was speaking, asking what was going on, but Monika couldn't bring herself to answer. She just wanted to see what was on the other side of the door. She wanted to know Natsuki was okay, that she had managed to keep all of her friends alive after all. Sayori and Monika joined in pulling the door aside, forcing their way inside as sirens sounded in the distance. The dim lighting gave them only vague gray shapes, and Monika had to squint just to be able to peer through the dust and snow. There, behind a pushing lawnmower and underneath a blue tarp, two bare legs laid still across the cold concrete.

"Natsuki!" Yuri howled, pushing the lawnmower aside as Monika and Sayori ducked inside to help. The first thing Monika noticed was the paleness of Natsuki's legs as she pulled the tarp aside, the pink underwear she wore clearly offering nothing to fend off the cold. Her hoodie was filthy and covered in stains, and her hair was flecked with dirt and snow, but beneath the mess of pink and white was a tiny puddle of red, thick and syrupy as it leaked from the bloody pulp where her right eye had been. Monika could not tell if she was breathing, if she was even alive at all, if they had come in time or been too late. Yuri's hand shook as she tried to gently shake Natsuki while calling her name, and Sayori could not stop the tears that were flowing freely from her while Monika simply stood there, trying to muster her courage.

She knelt down, listening as the sound of the sirens approached outside, as Sayori rushed out to grab the officer's attention, as Yuri begged for Natsuki to say something, anything to her. As she apologized profusely for everything she had ever said, and how much she loved her. Monika tried to feel for a pulse, to listen for the beat of a stubborn heart that refused to die, to look for the climatic twitch of a finger to indicate life just like in the movies. But her fingers shook and could not feel properly, and her ears filled with blood and voices outside of the shed, and her eyes had clouded with tears that would not go away no matter how hard she blinked.

Before she could clear her thoughts and try one more time, she felt hands pulling her away. She saw people surrounding Natsuki's still form, some grabbing Yuri and pulling her away as well, voices she did not recognize calling out commands and questions that she did not hear. She reached out, desperate for the touch of Sayori to comfort her, for Yuri's eyes to meet hers and reassure her, to feel Natsuki's wrist one more time and be certain that she was alive.

But her hand only grasped air as she was pulled away from the shed, away from her friends, away from Natsuki.