A week had passed since the 11th Angel's defeat, and while I was still having trouble sleeping, my mood while awake was at an all-time high.

I mean, I had helped in killing an Angel! I had a hand in that! Not a big hand (I was little more than an assistant actually), but I was there. So, I was taking this opportunity to bask in this rare feeling of elation.

Unfortunately, doing so was met with the chagrin of a certain someone.

"Y'know, at this point, I think you're just purposely trying to mess with me." My redheaded housemate was both groggy and accusatory this morning, it seemed. In fact, she had been snippier than usual every morning since the Angel was stopped. It wasn't hard to guess why.

I gave her a cheeky grin. "Oh? Now what good reason would I have to do that?" I was playing it up a bit with my tone only because she looked positively vexed. As I placed more rice into my mouth, she lowered her eyelids, visibly annoyed with my response.

"I don't care about your reasons, and I don't need you teasing me!" I suppose I was poking fun at her a little bit, but I really didn't mean anything by it. To tell the truth, I was glad she didn't have to get involved. "Just drop your stupid mood and go back to normal already."

This really seemed to be making her mad, which honestly confused me. This isn't the first time I've been in a good mood, but for her to get put this out of sorts by it was strange.

"Hey, it was a big moment for me. I just wanted to ride the high a little." I chuckled with my joke making, but her expression didn't change. If anything, it grew even more dour. "...I haven't meant to upset you, really."

We both took another bite, chewing in silence.

It's not like I was gloating or anything, though… this is Asuka. I should've known she'd probably be more sensitive to the topic of Angels and their defeat than anyone else. Man, now I kinda feel like a jerk.

Asuka sighed. "...yeah, I know, but…"

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"...but..?"

She gritted her teeth. "I just think it's not fair, okay? Looking at you like that makes me sick." I blinked in shock for a moment.

"...That's a pretty strong way to react, wouldn't you say?"

"It's perfectly normal! Now just… drop it. That dumb grin and this conversation." She began poking at her breakfast, any intention of actually eating vanishing into thin air.

I didn't really know what to say. I was just dumbfounded. Asuka's a girl who feels her emotions burn hotter than most, but even this was just… a lot, so suddenly. There had to be some deeper reason for it than just simple annoyance.

"Maybe I'm overstepping here, but I don't think I can do that. Drop the conversation, I mean." She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "Something's really bothering you, isn't it? You'd be better off just telling me rather than act like–"

"Mein gott, it's none of your business!" She cut me off in retaliation.

I could feel my expression becoming more stern. "It absolutely is, when you're acting like this."

Once again, her teeth gritted. "It's not something someone like you can understand!"

"Try me, you're not even giving me a chance."

Her eyes bore straight into me as soon as the words left my mouth, seemingly taking them as a challenge. "Okay, fine. FINE!" She slammed the table, startling me. "Why the hell do YOU get to feel like that, huh!? I'm the one who's supposed to be jumping for joy and smiling ear to ear when I win! That's supposed to be MY feeling! So why am I only ever allowed to feel like... like…" After so violently rising in tempo, she trailed off, immediately retreating into herself.

My heart sank.

Damn it, these last couple days I hadn't kept my mind to that at all. After all this time, she's still been striving for that victory she can call her own. A victory she doesn't have to share with anyone else, a chance to put herself definitively above the others. It was a selfish wish, and one whose requisite was not easily presented in chance, but it was hers. Yet, every time an Angel has been killed, she's had to share the resulting attention with Shinji and Rei. I had hoped she would have grown past that, given the praise I've personally handed to her…

…and now she's even been holding some of her jealousy towards me.

Asuka pushed off from the table, the chair making a loud squeak as it jolted backwards, and she stood up. In a quick motion, she grabbed her school bag and began her stride towards the door. I didn't quite know what to say, but before I even had a chance to think of something, I had already stood up and clasped her forearm.

"What's your problem!?" She growled.

Her eyes tore through me like razors. Despite the white-hot anger written across her face, however, she was quivering. This girl was trying her hardest not to show me how she actually felt. What good would that do her? Hasn't she realized yet that I'm only here to help? I didn't care if she yelled at me, or cried in front of me, but bottling everything up is the worst thing you can do to yourself. I knew that better than anyone, and I wasn't about to let her walk through that door feeling like this.

"Just listen to me." Keep your tone level. Don't yell at her, no matter what she says. This is your chance to allow her to vent. That's… probably all she needs to do. "I just want you to be honest with me. I know you're hurting. It's okay."

Where was I going to go with this? I really had no plan of action. All I could do was be supportive and see where she'd take it.

She turned her head away. "I'm not hurting, but if you don't let go of me, I'll… hurt you!" She tried wrenching her arm out of my grip, her nails digging deep into my fingers. I winced at the pain.

"...would that make you feel better?" Asuka looked up to face me, her eyes widening.

"Of course not..!" I let go of her arm. She just stood in the kitchen, holding her arm tight to her chest, still glaring at me. I'm teetering on a precarious edge here, clearly out of my depth, but I need to nudge her along. She's obviously got something affecting her, somewhere. If I can help her get it to the surface, like she did for me, we can work on that!

"These battles are draining you. No matter how much you relax and have fun, the only thing ever on your mind is fighting and winning. Am I wrong?" She tensed up.

"Shut up." She spoke softly, making her words sound all the more dangerous. "Don't act like you know me just because we live together, schwachkopf! Having this conversation wasn't my idea, you should've just let me leave. Now I'm… I'm…" She was starting to get flustered.

"Don't you see how dangerous that line of thinking is? I'm worried about you."

"Shut up!"

"I'm worried that all this is getting to you too much. Maybe you should take a step back and–"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" She shook her head, her auburn hair flowing around her shoulders rhythmically. Was she even listening?

"You get yourself so wrapped up in competition that you constantly ruin your own mood. Pardon me for finding a little bit of joy in being able to defeat one of those bastards without you needing to get in your Eva and feel any of that!"

"That's MY JOB!" She screamed in my face, causing me to take a step back in reflex. "That's the whole point! The only reason I'm here is to fight!" Her voice was starting to shudder, you could practically hear her eyes welling up. "That's the only reason I put up with that stupid school, and dumbass Shinji, and that bitchy doll! I'm the one who's supposed to be the best here! Me! It's all… supposed to be… me..!"

Her knees buckled, and she crumpled to the kitchen floor in a sobbing mess.

…

…..Oh Asuka. This…

This might've been a mistake. I really didn't want to make you feel all this right now, believe me. Yet, the fact that you're getting this worked up just from barely pushing in that direction proved to me that I was on the right track. I see now just how much it's hurting you. I really don't know how deep these issues go either, so I'm not sure if I'm equipped to help you. I mean, I'm not a therapist or a doctor. I wouldn't even say I'm particularly good at giving advice. I'm just Matsuo, and you'll have to forgive me for that, but at least let me try to comfort you.

So, what can I do?

Do I stroke her hair and apologize? Do I just let her cry it all out herself? Should I call the school and tell them she's going to be out for the day? That's not a bad idea. Whatever I do, I need to get her back to her baseline. She may feel awful right now, but if we can have some kind of positive resolution come from this, then…

I know this probably isn't how you intended for me to use your advice, Hikari, but we're here now.

I knelt down in front of her. She was pawing at her eyes, batting away her tears. I put a hand on her shoulder.

Immediately, she ripped herself away from my touch.

Pretty much what I thought she'd do.

"...Do you want me to call the school, tell them something came up?"

She didn't respond. She just continued sobbing into her arms.

Thinking about it, she'd probably appreciate if I did that anyway. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the school's number. After a couple rings, an older sounding woman on the other end picked up. I quickly explained that Asuka wouldn't be in today due to some unforeseen circumstances. I guess the school had some kind of rule for the pilots being taken out, as the woman just said she understood, and we promptly hung up. Surprisingly easy to take her out for a day, though given the nature of her schedule, I probably should've guessed that would be the case sooner than now.

I turned my attention back to Asuka. The sobs had subsided somewhat, and now she was just holding herself. It's all well and good to want her to talk to me, but… what the heck am I supposed to do with her like this?

Guess I'll just try talking, for now.

"I apologize to you a lot, don't I?" I spoke softly. Once again, she didn't respond. "I've made so many mistakes, and I'm grateful that you've been patient with me. However, making you feel overwhelmed like this now has probably been my biggest mistake yet, and while it might be selfish of me to ask, I really need you to be patient with me one more time. All I want is for you to talk to me. To tell me what's on your mind, and to feel comfortable with doing that…"

"Why?"

Why? Her quivering voice rang loudly in my ears despite her saying it in a whisper. Why? That is a very good question. Why? Why was I so concerned with how she felt? Why? Why did it matter if she aired her grievances to me or not? Why? Why did I care? Why?

Well, it was obvious, wasn't it? Asuka's… like a little sister to me. This isn't a sudden realization, I had felt this kind of relationship between us ever since I broke away from how I used to be. It's normal to be worried about how a sibling is feeling, right? It's just that we had never come this far before; to talk about things that would make her cry for just trying to parse, that is.

"I don't need a reason, Asuka. I have no motives here other than helping you feel better. I felt better when you let me spill my heart to you, so…"

She snapped her chin upwards, locking her eyes with mine. She wore a grim sneer.

"So what, you think just talking about our feelings will make all this go away!? Get real. That's not how this works!" She stood up quickly, now glaring down at me. "You were just sad and lonely. Absolutely pitiful, but you had a job! You did your work! You were a valued cog in the machine! You're not like me! I can't keep failing like this! I can't keep pushing out meager results! I don't have that luxury! This is all I have, dammit, and if I can't be the best then… then why would they…"

I swallowed the lump in my throat as she began shuddering. I could tell she was on the verge of crying again. Her perspective was skewed, but I couldn't blame her for not understanding. Realistically, I could've been replaced at any time myself. There's probably tons of people who work at NERV that can do my job better than I could; both as Dr. Akagi's underling and Asuka's guardian. It didn't really bother me.

…but that's all irrelevant! Just tell me, Asuka! What are you so scared of!? I can make my guesses here all day, but I want you to say it! Vocalize it! Tell me!

"...Why would they what, Asuka?"

She gritted her teeth.

"WHY WOULD THEY KEEP ME AROUND!?" Her tears streamed down her cheeks. "If… If I can't handle an Angel on my own, then they wouldn't have any reason to keep me here!" She sniffled, her sobs breaking her words apart. I stood up, looking at this pitiable girl. "Th-That's not who I am. I can do it. I can do it! I'm not like those idiots, I'm a warrior! I'm not worthless! I can fight! Just watch me! Watch me kill the next one, all on my own! I'll do it! I don't want to be tossed out like tr–!"

"Asuka!"

I couldn't just let her keep going like this, so I shook her by the shoulders, and immediately her bleary eyes locked back onto me. She was shivering relentlessly. Just what in god's name happened to you, Asuka? What made you think like this? I had my thoughts about your troubles, but I never imagined they were as serious as… as this.

Her body relaxed somewhat as she slumped backwards, letting herself be held up only by my hands on her shoulders. No expression of any kind could be traced from her features now. All she did was stare at me, mystified.

…if this was Suzue, you idiot, what would you've done? Would you just stare back at her like there's not a thought in your head!? Do something!

After my stint of hesitation reached its end, I slowly pulled Asuka forward into a hug, holding her head into my shoulder.

She immediately began to sob quietly again into my shirt.

"Nothing bad is going to happen to you, Asuka. I won't let it."

"That's easy for you to say." Her voice, as muffled as it was against my shoulder, still clearly portrayed how upset she was. "What the hell can you do? You're a nobody."

"Yeah, that's true. I'm no one special, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't fight tooth and nail to help you, or Shinji, or whoever else out."

"...because it's your job, right?"

"I already told you before. All of this goes beyond being a job, doesn't it?" I smirked, reminiscing for a moment. "While I may not always know what's best, I'd still do anything to help. That includes taking down an Angel instead of risking any of your wellbeings, if I'm able."

Ignoring my comment, Asuka just flatly spoke. "...I should be better than this."

"...you shouldn't judge your self-worth based on some arbitrary reasoning. All you're doing is making yourself sick." I stroked her hair softly. She didn't respond, so I continued. "If you truly trust me, then let me just say this. No one can look at how far you've come, how much work you've put in, and have anything but praise and respect for you. I don't know how you've come to view your own performance, but I can assure you, you're the furthest thing from worthless. You have nothing to worry about. I just want you to stay as safe as possible."

I felt her press her face into my shoulder more, yet she still stayed silent.

In a way, this all felt like a continuation of that night from before. It felt the exact same way for me, almost like a pressure had been released from somewhere I didn't realize it had built up in. I don't know if Asuka felt the same way, but I'd like to imagine she did.

"Bleh, I feel gross. All teary and stuffy." Asuka wiped at her face with her wrist again. Her eyes were puffy and reddened, which was causing her a bit of irritation. A result of sobbing into my shirt for hours without stirring, I bet. She sniffled. "Talk about embarrassing. It's gonna take me a long time to live that scene down…"

I smiled lightly at her complaints. "...well, other than that, how do you feel? A bit better?"

She scoffed, refusing to answer directly. "Why do you always have to be like this? Why can't you just… leave me alone sometimes?" It didn't sound like her being aloof, and more like genuine confusion.

"That's funny, coming from the girl who never really wants to be left alone." As she turned her face away, I chuckled. "Honestly though, I hover a lot because I care. You're kinda like a sister to me, so…"

"Ugh, weirdo. Isn't there anything better for you to call me than your sister? You already have one of those."

"...daughter?" I joked.

"Just shut up. Forget I asked if you're gonna make dumb jokes." I chuckled again as Asuka played around with the edge of her skirt. Her next words were much softer than before. "...It's stupid, but… I mean, I don't know…"

I almost figured immediately what she was trying to get at.

"Yeah, don't worry, I understand. It's not something that's easy to explain, or easy to just sweep away, is it?" She slowly shook her head. "I guess I got off lucky with my problems, but… now I sorta know how you're feeling, Asuka."

"...yeah, so?"

"So, we can work through it together. I know I'm not Kaji or Misato, but I'm here for you all the same. You can talk to me."

Asuka stared at me for a second, looking a little bewildered. "I don't think you need to be Kaji, Lieutenant." I cocked my head to the side. "I-I just mean… I've gotten used to being around you, duh. I know you're not a jerk, or whatever, but let's just drop it for tonight, okay? We can talk about it again… some other time, after I have time to think."

She was right, in any case. We've been here for the entire afternoon at this point. To be completely honest, I was exhausted. Wasn't expecting to have these kinds of revelations today.

"Hey, no worries. Whenever you're feeling up for it, I'm right here." I said, standing up from the floor where I had been sitting for the past however long. "Anyway, we've got the rest of the evening to kill, so how about I make us something to eat?"

Asuka still sat, occupied with whatever was on her mind right now. I opened the fridge, taking a quick survey of things to see what I could whip up.

"Hey… Lieutenant?" It was off-putting to hear Asuka speaking so meekly. "Could I, uh… watch?"

"Watch? …me cook?"

"Yeah."

I mean, as weird as it was for her to even ask, it would be awfully rude of me to say no.

It wasn't anything fancy, just yakimeshi, but having Asuka standing so close, with her eyes pouring over every movement I made, it was almost making me nervous.

Add the frying oil. Add the garlic. Add the leftover rice. Toss. Add the scallions. Add the carrot. Add the peas. Toss. Whisk the egg. Move the rice aside. Add the egg. Stir. Season. Toss. Remove from heat. Finish with a splash of sesame oil.

Asuka was in awe. "That smells incredible! You barely broke a sweat too!"

"Well, I've had a lot of cooking practice these past few months. It's pretty much second nature to me." I grabbed two bowls and filled them, handing one to her. "Maybe next time, I'll let you try and make this. It's pretty straightforward, but there's tons of room for personal flair. I'd like to see what you'd do with it."

Her spunkiness returned after my show of culinary ability, she boasted. "I'll make rice that'll knock your socks off! In the best kind of way, of course." As she sat down, scanning her food, a melancholic look cast itself over her face. "...and just so we're clear, what happened today stays between us, okay? I'm not even sure what came over me, but I don't want anyone thinking I'm some weak little girl just because of something ridiculous like that."

I nodded as I sat down beside her.

"You've got my word."

Author's Note : A bit of a difficult bout for Asuka. No Angel thus far has given her the satisfying victory she had been craving, and now, even her Lieutenant was able to feel the joy she desperately felt she deserved. I do wonder how Matsuo's words will affect her for the future. Could this be a turning point for her, allowing her to face the challenges that continue to grow before her with a clearer mind? Or will she just selfishly take the attention to reinforce her own self-destructive mindset once again?

I suppose that's part of the fun in watching this fic play out, is it not?

Hope you all enjoyed this one. The timeframe of the next chapter's plot (as put forward by Raising Project's in-game calendar) will roughly be early December. For those of you that know Evangelion trivia, the significance of this coming chapter should be relatively clear. Look forward to it!