For the Longest Time

by Social Coyote

Monika is back in the literature club after having been deleted, but the world she finds herself in is not the game nor reality, but some surreal mixture of the two. Monika will have to prove she's willing to face her own flaws as well as her clubmates' for a chance at a happy ending. After all, a poem never is never actually finished, it just stops moving.

27. Sorry, Miss You, Thanks, and I Love You

Chapter 27: Sorry, Miss You, Thank You and I Love You - Part 1

The chapter where my eyes finally open.

---

Act IV: Begin Again

Sayori awoke with a jolt as though someone had thought it funny to rub their socks along the carpet and give her a nice poke. She knew that couldn't be the case, nobody here had a sense of humor after all. It was far too early in the year for hornets to stir, but she lifted up her blanket to look for one she may have rolled onto all the same until an immediate sense of nausea rose within her. She knew she had been in trouble when they punished her with cold green peppers and beans for a meal, but sticking up for that poor twelve year old girl had been more than worth it. Her stomach heaved again, and there was a sudden pounding in her head as though she had been using bricks for pillows all night.

Her vision was swirling, she crawled out of bed and silently hoped she didn't wake any of her bunkmates until she heard a voice.

"Haaahhh… haaahhh. I overslept again. But I caught you this time!"

She looked around, trying to see which of her bunkmates could have considered waking up this early in the morning to be oversleeping, but the nausea hit her again and she stumbled to the floor.

"Maybe, but only because I decided to stop and wait for you."

She didn't understand; who was speaking? She looked around frantically for the new speaker but everyone was still in their bunks. A few curious eyes peeked out at her, but didn't dare engage. The voices were so clear, it was like they were speaking right into her ears.

"Anyway! This is Natsuki, always full of energy. And this is Yuri, the smartest in the club! And it sounds like you already know Monika, is that right?"

That wasn't just some new voice, that was her voice. Nobody was speaking to her, these were just memories. Loud memories. Her memories. If they were hers, why didn't she remember them? Her amnesia had truly taken so much from her, hadn't it? She tried to stand by grabbing at her bed, but she simply pulled the covers down and tumbled to the floor again. Rain pattered against the walls of the bunkroom.

"I don't want to keep feeling this way, it isn't fair to him or a-anyone else. I want to tell him, about my depression and how I feel but…"

"Oh Sayori, I know it hurts, trust me I do. And what I'm going to tell you is going to hurt too, and I hope you'll forgive me for not being able to give you some... fairytale solution, but after all you've been through I don't think sugarcoating or trying to gloss over the truth will do anything other than hurt you in the long run."

"G-get out…" Sayori muttered. She didn't like this. She didn't like having things in her head that she couldn't remember. She didn't like how artificial they felt, but how utterly natural they were. They were things she knew she'd say, but why was she saying them? "Get out of my head… please, get out…" People were moving around her now. She heard doors opening, voices both in her head and out of her head. Someone asked her something, but she couldn't hear it over the sound of her own blood rushing in her ears. The voices in her head were the only thing that overpowered the sound of her heartbeat.

"It's just us now. And you made me the happiest girl in the whole world. I can't wait to spend every day like this… with you. Forever and ever…"

"Get out of my head before I listen to everything she said to me!" Sayori screamed aloud. Or did she? Was she actually screaming, or was it just another memory? Some of them weren't even her memories. A memory from before. A memory from a time and a place that did not exist. She clawed at her neck, trying to pry apart a hemp rope with her fingernails to stop the tightening around her neck, but strong arms suddenly pinned her hands to the floor as she flailed and cried out. Couldn't they hear? Couldn't they understand? She understood perfectly well. Too well. She opened her eyes to see the staff holding her down, yelling at her, but she did not hear them. Soon their faces became blurred behind the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Amnesia had been a blessing compared to this.

Her body was moving. Was she being dragged, or carried? She couldn't tell. Sayori didn't know up from down or left from right, but she knew so much more. It was like she had been trying to remember something on the tip of her tongue for years, only to give up and forget, and now it was smacked back into her in an instant. At first she didn't even know what she was crying for. The knowledge was scary, alarming, horrifying, but that wasn't what made her cry. She silently wept because through the nausea and the pounding headache, she finally understood. She understood that she understood, and there was only one possible reason she could feel all of these emotions, remember people and events that could not have, but did happen.

She felt herself tumble into a room, cold and bright with fluorescence, isolated with nothing but a cot for comfort in her underwear. Voices from outside, the creaking of wood with a sharp click indicating the door had been locked. She had been put into isolation for her outburst, but she did not care. How on earth could she even begin to care about something so insignificant as what was happening right now when she knew what had already happened? Her eyes blurred with tears again as her body scrunched up into a fetal position against the floor, a single drop sliding off of her nose and onto the wooden floor against which her face was pressed. She understood why, there was only one reason that she could, and she knew she would spend days, weeks, maybe even months, trying to figure out how it made her feel.

"Monika…" Her voice cracked as she pulled her knees up to her chest, and buried her face away from the pale morning moonlight that shined into her room.

---

"How long has she been like this?"

"Two days. Counselor Yami said she was crying and flailing around when he found her, and decided to put her in the observational placement room so she wouldn't endanger herself or other girls. Not sure when they're going to take her out – I'm used to having to take away meal privileges, not the other way around."

"What, she's not eating?"

"Nope. Refuses everything we give her, not sure if she's just being stuck-up or what, but if she thinks starving herself is going to fix anything, she's dead wrong. She keeps mentioning a girl's name, but it's not on any of our registries, so I don't know who it is. Definitely gotta put her on a Cat-5."

"Well, Counselor Yami showed me the applicant history sheet her mother filled out for us when she registered. Said she proclaims to be 'bi-sexual' but has no previous relationships. Has anyone tried talking yet?"

"Knock yourself out."

Sayori could hear them outside the door to her empty room. Wooden doors, however locked, did not in fact prevent sound from traversing beneath the half inch gap between it in the floor. So when the door opened to reveal Counselor Müller carefully stepping inside as if she expected Sayori to charge her, Sayori didn't even look up at her. Counselor Müller was a middle-aged woman with a prominent widow's peak and strands of gray in her sandy hair, and large circular spectacles that made her look like a rather lean owl. Sayori considered her one of the nicer members of the staff, especially against others like Counselor Yami, who had screamed at her for popping her back because of how it was "unladly-like".

Counselor Müller nodded grimly at Sayori, and said, "Ms. Moriyama. I wanted to talk to you so we can get you out of this silly little room and back out into the program, hm? You've been moved up to a Cat-5 because of this little incident, and I'd hate to think of you losing the progress you've made in the few weeks you've been here, revoking privileges and whatnot." She nodded solemnly as if complete control over Sayori's fate didn't sit in their hands, as if it was someone else's responsibility. "Maybe if you tell me some things, I can get this silly business knocked down to a Cat-2 offense, that way you can return to your classes, the courses, and maybe even the Animal Therapy Program. I know how much you like the animals."

Sayori glanced up at her, and sighed. Camp Liberty was described as a 'behavior-modification program' for 'troubled teens' who dealt with things like substance abuse and addiction, depression, and rebellious behaviors. This of course included sexuality. Sayori had been told that the camp was a place to reconnect with oneself and to experience healing, though how someone was supposed to heal when they were forced to walk on eggshells to avoid being labeled as broken, impure, and just downright bad teenagers, Sayori had no idea. Campers, as they were called, were sorted into various levels based on their behavior, grades, and how long they had been at Camp Liberty. The higher the level, the more privileges you had. Level five allowed for excursion trips, so called treats to the outside world for fast food or something of the sort. Level one meant you couldn't even look at other campers.

It was a long three-story tall facility with a fenced in garden behind the building that was roughly the size of a playground. They had classes like high school in the mornings, though the curriculum felt a bit outdated to Sayori, and in the afternoons she would be put to work in the courses; things like sewing and cooking (Though nobody liked cooking, as getting burnt or cut could get you in trouble for 'self-harm'), or gardening for the girls. She had heard the boys spent time learning administrative tasks, mechanics, and programming (The only place on the campus with electronics aside from the classrooms, as Camp Liberty had a strict "No electronics" policy.) but as they kept the boys and girls separated at all times, she wasn't entirely sure. Sometimes, with enough good credit, campers could indulge in things like the Animal Therapy Program, one of the few places Sayori felt any sense of contentment, but always under strict supervision. Privacy was not a luxury to any level of Camp Liberty. Even going to the bathroom required an escort who stayed just outside the stall to ensure no self-harm or substance abuse took place.

Sayori shifted against her cot and turned away from Counselor Müller. She knew that the threat of a Cat-5, or "Category 5" meant that all of her privileges would be reset back to zero, and she would be on suicide watch. A week ago, that might've saved her life. Now it was undoubtedly going to be the biggest pain in the butt. A Cat-5 was usually reserved for serious issues, like attempting to run away or to commit self harm. How waking up and having a mental breakdown was on that level, she hadn't a clue, but she could take a guess at what the game was. An opportunity to pry.

"Let's begin." Counselor Müller said and promptly pulled out a notebook, looking through it and occasionally glancing up at Sayori who did not reciprocate. "Your mother told us you were depressed and lost a close friend to moving when you were young. Do you think him moving away might've instilled a perceived negative impression of men, therefore fooling you into thinking you liked girls in the same way?" She peered closely at Sayori, like she was an interesting fish in a museum, or a particularly repugnant flower, rather than a young girl. Sayori was growing used to it. She didn't want to speak though, she had liked it better when they had left her alone so she could think and try to navigate her new memories and thoughts in peace. Counselor Müller frowned.

"Ms. Moriyama, you can't continue this act for much longer, it'll only make it more difficult." She tutted, and checked something off on her notepad which made Sayori cringel; she knew it was probably docking more points from her. "The rest of the staff has no patience for disgusting delusions, and were it anyone else in here they'd be badgering you a lot harder than I am. I want to help you, to get you back out where you belong, so help me help you, yes?" She looked back at Sayori expectantly, tapping the end of her pen against the notepad, the rapid clicking of plastic against paper shaking Sayori's already fried nerves.

She didn't want to, but compliance was her only path for the time being. The alternative would drive her insane. Thunder roared in the distance, muffled by the walls and the pounding in her head as she made her choice. With a reluctant nod, she swallowed and spoke for the first time in over two days.

"No…" Her voice wasn't as raspy as she had expected, but dry? Unbelievably so. "No, it wasn't that. I was depressed long before any of that, but me liking girls as well as boys was just… I don't know, natural?" She knew she had said something wrong based on Counselor Müller's frown, but she kept going. "I didn't have problems with my mom before all of this, or any problems with guys, I just liked them both. Equally. I met people who made me happy, and I fell in love. I was happy. I'm… not happy now."

"Your unhappiness is a result of you being caught between right and wrong. There is nothing natural about the choices you have deluded yourself into making. Living off of a dirty and unnatural lifestyle is sort of like soda, indulging may seem okay, but there are lasting effects that are slowly eating at you without you even realizing it." Counselor Müller said matter-of-factly. Sayori sighed; she had grown too used to these types of conversations. "You're going to continue being miserable and depressed until you finally let go of those wrongful convictions, shape up, and make yourself into a presentable young lady. This is your path to happiness, Ms. Moriyama. The future is out there, learning skills and growing up, not in here, where you stay and rot from the misery you generate from that lifestyle." There was a silence between the two for a minute. Sayori kept her head down as Counselor Müller wrote on her notepad again. She really wished she was in the Animal Therapy Program right now.

"If I am wrong, and I don't actually… feel the way I think- or thought that I did, how do I fix it then?" Sayori asked hesitantly. Was it too much to hope that she could slide out of this by pretending to be interested in getting "fixed"? The camp therapist looked at her curiously, as if trying to assess whether she was being genuine or not. Sayori tried to meet her gaze, but she had never been good at staring contests, especially ones that were as serious as this. "I… I want to be happy again. And if-" She paused, trying to think of something smart to say. She didn't like lying, she didn't like being sneaky, but something in the back of her head told her what the smartest thing to say was, like a little compass in her mind. "- if this stuff is making me have nightmares, what can I do to make them stop?"

Counselor Müller's eyes lit up like Christmas, Easter, and White Day had all been pushed onto a single date, and boy was she feeling festive. She edged closer and raised an eyebrow, pushing her spectacles further up the bridge of her nose. "I see, are you perhaps insinuating you are willing to finally accept Camp Liberty's assistance in bringing out the true you? You're ready to cast off the unsightly lies and covers you've used as excuses for your actions, to admit the truth that you were never actually attracted to women, but merely confused and blaming your misinterpreted feelings of unworth and self-esteem on certain men in your life?"

Sayori could feel her insides churn. Lying was not nice, she had lied to Monika and she would never forgive herself for that, she had lied to herself for weeks saying that she was strong enough to get through everything, and now she was lying about who she was. They were just words, true, but they were words that meant something to her. Words had power, and nobody knew it better than her. Even if she lied, it didn't mean she wasn't actually thinking about it, wasn't feeling it like a poison that entered through her voice and into her soul.

"I am."

"I am, what?"

Sayori hid a grimace and quickly replied. "I am ready to stop lying to myself, and admit that I was never really bisexual. I just… didn't trust boys because my friend abandoned me, I guess."

"No 'I guess'es, here at Camp Liberty we have to be positive about our place if we want to be sure of where we're going. If you're unstable in your footing, your path will be nothing but bumps and bruises. But, this is excellent progress Ms. Moriyama! Let's see if we can't help you along the path." Counselor Müller clapped her hands together and made for the door, giving Sayori a wink as she peeked back around. "I'll talk to the other counselors, I certainly don't think you need to be in here any longer, hm?" With that she closed the door behind her, though Sayori could still hear her on the other side talking to the other counselor.

"See what just a little bit of communication can get you? That's all it took, and now we can start moving her back towards the path of salvation!"

"Whatever."

Sayori listened to the sound of their footsteps creaking against the wooden floor outside, slowly drifting away until all was silent once again and she could let her shoulders go slack once more. A deep breath escaped her lips as she leaned back against the edge of the cot and wrapped her arms around her knees tightly; she had probably half an hour at most until she would be forced to go back to her routine schedule. She had liked it in the "observational placement room", where everything was quiet and she could think clearly. For all her woes and troubles, getting stuck there of all places was the closest thing to "Good luck" she had received in a month. It said a lot about the rest of her time at Camp Liberty. Here she could think, focus on the wealth of information and memories presented to her.

She knew about the game. She knew who she had been, and what had happened to her. A hand tentatively rose up to her neck, as if she expected the mark of a freshly wrung rope ring to still be there, but of course there was nothing. No blood on her hands, no flesh embedded beneath her nails. When the memories had returned to her, they had felt so fresh and new that it felt like just yesterday she had been in the club all over again. She knew better of course, it had been years, which really messed with her head when she had only been in the club for around one year. It gave her a lot of questions, but as she remembered and laid out the events clearly, she found her answers. There was just one question that she didn't have an answer to yet.

"What the heck have you done, Monika?" Sayori muttered. It was a stupid question. She knew what had happened, but why? How? She remembered memories that weren't hers, memories that took place at the same time as other memories, so how did they happen at all? She was still figuring it out, but it was slowly being revealed to her. Like puzzle pieces fitting into place over time. Like a coma patient waking up and slowly relearning everything around them. In time she knew that she would understand everything, but time was the one thing she didn't have on her side. The one thing that Monika no longer had. She didn't know how, she didn't know if it was even possible, but she knew that one way or another she had to leave this place. She had to find out what had happened to Monika, and either put an end to things for good, or right them. The fuzzy voice in the back of her head told her so.

Just as Counselor Müller had said, Sayori was released back into the regular schedule soon after their talk. At any other private setup word would've spread like wildfire through a dead forest about how Sayori had had a breakdown in the middle of the night and had to be dragged away for everyone's safety like a feral animal. But at Camp Liberty, nobody spoke to one another with express permission and oversight from a counselor. Only in the most secretive and time-sensitive situations could anyone speak to one another without the staff listening in, and the risk almost never matched the reward. Nobody looked at her or whispered snide remarks behind her back, but she guessed that her history as a "bi-sexual" had made its rounds, because several of the counselors made sure to quote how awful and sickening it was to mistake love for females whenever she was around.

Having nobody to talk to had nearly driven Sayori mad her first three weeks at the camp; she loved talking, interaction and meeting others was one of the highlights of her life. Here, where unregulated interaction was so highly discouraged, she felt lonelier than she ever had in her entire life. But then even if anybody could talk to her, would they really understand? Would she ever be able to connect to others again? She felt so strange and out of place, where before she felt like an outcast compared to other people for the way her brain worked, now it seemed to be magnified. How do you try to have a normal conversation with other people when you know things and secrets that nobody would ever believe? It hurt her head just to think about, and Camp Liberty didn't believe in aspirin.

No, there was only one person who would understand. And she was gone.

When her weekly phone call came, she wasn't sure who to call. Normally she called her mother because she was the only person who it made sense to talk to, even their phone calls were monitored for rebellious activity after all. What was the point in calling anyone else when she had to grit her teeth and say she was happy where she was? She almost put the phone up and gave her turn to someone else, but at the last minute an idea struck her. Her memories of the game were back, all horrors and misery included, but it wasn't just the bad stuff was it? She had memories from when she was a child, things she had forgotten over time and for the program to make convenient lapses in her memory. Before she couldn't remember the name of her childhood friend, because her childhood friend had been nothing more than another character – a memory, until now. How did you contact someone who didn't exist?

It was on a whim, or at least she thought it was, but a part of her knew the fuzzy little whispering in the back of her head told her. Offered, never ordered. She'd typed the number out enough times to know it by heart, even after her amnesia there were some things she couldn't forget about no matter how hard she tried. Monika's number was one of them. If you wanted to contact someone who didn't exist, you needed to call a phone number that didn't exist. Perfect sense.

Briiiiiing.

Briiiiiing.

Briiiiiing.

A cool pre-recorded female voice greeted her through the receiver. "I'm sorry, the number you have tried to contact is currently out of service or is not receiving calls at this time. Please leave the compound at 11:30 during the height of the storm to minimize security interference during departure. The fence will be your only chance."

Sayori pulled the phone away from her ear, sweat beading along her eyebrows as she looked at the black receiver in surprise, and fear. Phones were not supposed to say things like that. For a second she wasn't sure what to do until she realized the call was still active, and nervously put the phone back up to her ear. Silence.

"Goodbye."

Click.

Sayori swallowed and with a shaky hand hung the phone back up, unable to take her eyes away from it and repeating what the voice had told her inside of head. There was going to be a storm, though it didn't surprise her given how awful the weather had been the past few weeks, and something about the fence outside? She didn't understand, and the voice of the counselor behind her told her she didn't have the time to try and figure it out.

"Hey! If you can't make it through, budge up and let someone else use the dang thing. Only twenty of you trying at one time, you know." He barked. Sayori glanced behind her at the silent but impatient groups of teenagers behind her and flashed a half-hearted smile in apology.

"Sorry, my bad. The rain must've taken out a pole or something." Sayori muttered and moved out of the way for the others, snaking to the back of the line to watch from afar. She waited a few minutes, gauging the reaction of those who took up the phone and made a call, but she didn't spot anything out of the ordinary. No panicking, no surprised reactions, their phone calls must've been regular calls to their parents, telling of how much more free and liberated they felt from the camp's teaching while the counselor nodded a few feet away proudly, as though he had personally ensured such success. Nobody was having their operator tell them to escape the compound at a quarter to midnight. Lucky them.

Her mind reeled with possibilities as she was led to the program for week's end: animal therapy. Animal Therapy wouldn't give her the quiet to think, but it would relax and calm the frantic state of her head at that given moment. Her mind was a battlefield of memories that were hers from during the game, before the game, and after. Some weren't even hers, like the horrifying images of Yuri sitting in an empty clubroom and coated in blood as she wasted away for an entire weekend. Then she would get memories that she didn't understand where they came from, seeing herself fade away in a hospital bed while Monika wept over her and squeezed her hand. Or the millisecond where her eyes connected with Monika's, Yuri's and Natsuki's as she passed by the clubroom windows - falling to her death from the school roof. Not all of them were so horrific or nauseating, but she could see them, remember the feelings she had felt, and what had led up to those specific events. It was like she was following different corridors of her memories, and they all branched off somewhere else.

She was able to remember events that had come to pass, even the ones that hadn't occurred in this timeline, if she tried hard enough.

Alrighty, that's my limit. Timeline-vision is a little too coo-coo for me, time for doggy cuddles.

The room that was reserved for animal therapy was a small common room on the bottom floor that was often used for more interior-based programs such as sewing or teaching during the week, however every Friday, if one had enough credits from the school week, they could trade them in for time at the program. Camp Liberty hired a handlers program called "ATP" to bring in animals like rabbits, cats, dogs, and even guinea pigs for the campers to play with and relax around. Like everything else at Camp Liberty, there were rules to ensure the safety of both the animals and campers, but Sayori didn't mind all of that. She didn't mind the two counselors who stood at the front of the room and oversaw everything they did. For just a few minutes, she didn't have to worry about the silly camp or her silly memories, she could forget about it all in a wave of fluffy fur and purring.

Sayori immediately found her favorite animal out of the brigade; a shiba with an extra thick coat and a tail that swirled just like a cinnamon bun. Sayori smiled and knelt down on the floor, turning to the side slightly and patting her knees without meeting his eyes.

"Anshin! Hey there big guy, come here chunky-butt, let me get a good look at my favorite pupper!" Sayori coaxed. Anshin rose from between the trainer's legs and hoofed it over to Sayori, his tongue hanging out as he raised his front paws against her shoulders, licking at her face. Sayori giggled and ruffled his thick coat, gently stroking along his ears and back. "Aw, look at you! You sweet little angel, I missed you! I didn't know if I'd get to see you again. Wouldn't that suck? Then who'd give you belly rubs for an hour straight?" Anshin huffed and did a circle around Sayori's lap before plopping down on it like an oversized furry paper weight. Sayori was the only one who played with Anshin from what she noticed, but she didn't mind since that meant she got him all to herself. Anshin was an older dog, and seemed to enjoy small bouts of play before taking a nap on the warmest object around – usually Sayori.

"It's getting pretty rough, Anshin." Sayori mumbled as she backed up against the wall and let her shoulders sag. "I've got all these memories that are mine, but also aren't if that makes any sense. I mean on the one hand, my memory is outstanding now! I used to forget stuff all the time before my amnesia, and even more so after, but now? I could totally play that one game with cards, 'Nervous Breakdown' where you flip up two each turn? Yeah, I could totally play that and win every time. No contest. Probably."

Anshin's eyes blinked and then gently closed, but Sayori didn't mind. She loved it when he dozed on her lap, or her back, or her feet, it was like a giant rumbling heating bundle that she could talk to and not feel crazier than she already was. She glanced up from her petting to make sure none of the counselors were too close by before continuing.

"I don't think I'm going to be here much longer, Anshin. I need to go… but I don't really know how. I mean, it would take me days to walk home, and I don't exactly have any money or a ride to get me out, you know? I don't even have my phone." She thought about trudging down the highway for three days to get back to Yakumo, scavenging for food, hiding out in the woods, and the police would surely come looking for her after she escaped. If she escaped. Even then, what would she do once she got back home? "It's like… I know I need to go home, and do something, but I don't really know what or how. Do you have any ideas?" She looked down at her furry little friend, and Anshin gave another huff. Sayori nodded wisely. "That's okay, you're a dog, you don't have to know this stuff. But I do…"

Sayori closed her eyes for a moment. Monika had done something stupid, and that wasn't a word she ever liked to think of, but calling her "silly" didn't seem to have the weight she really needed. "Do you think anyone even remembers her, Anshin? Or did everyone forget like when I, uh, vanished." A low whine came from Sayori's lap and she crossed her arms. "Yeah, you're right, who'd want to remember her anyway? I wish I could forget her." She tried to keep Monika away from her train of thought because whenever she found herself thinking of her, her body tended to react in a similar manner to the time when every warning light had lit up on the dashboard of her mother's car. Did she feel ticked off? Was she heartbroken? Was she satisfied? Was her transmission slipping? Who knew? Certainly not Sayori.

A voice so soft Sayori almost thought she imagined it pulled at her attention, but she didn't think of it until she glanced beside her and saw two wide hazel eyes staring back at her from behind a pair of big round glasses, making the girl resemble an owl. Sayori reared back in surprise, but managed to stifle her voice lest she attract the attention of the counselors. It wasn't often you didn't have a counselor standing over your shoulder, and she wasn't keen on that ending sooner than need be. The girl beside her was young, with short choppy black hair and a glazed look in her eyes that told Sayori maybe Camp Liberty was taking its name a bit too seriously with the amount of medications this kid was on. It took her a second to recognize the choppy hair and short stature, but Sayori realized after a few seconds that this was the same little girl she had stood up for just a few days prior.

"Oh, sorry!" Sayori whispered. "I didn't hear you, could you say that again?"

"Can I pet your dog?" The girl whispered back. Sayori wasn't sure if it was her natural volume or if she too was trying to avoid the focus of the counselors, but she grinned and nodded.

"Sure, his name is Anshin! He's just a big sleepy old man, but he's really warm and doesn't mind if you cuddle him. I didn't recognize you with your glasses on, but I'm glad to see you were able to get them fixed! That Counselor Yami is a big meanie, he had absolutely no right to snap your glasses just for an accident." Sayori patted Anshin and gently picked the shiba up before setting him down on the little girl's lap. One of Anshin's eyes cracked open, half-lidded, but quickly shut tight again as he settled.

"I heard you say you were going to leave." The girl whispered. A nervous shiver slipped through Sayori's spine, and she quickly waved a hand as though brushing the sheer preposterousness of the accusation away. To her surprise she wasn't scared of retaliation from the counselors, which could get quite nasty for Cat-5 offenses, so much as she simply didn't want to deal with her plan getting put on hold.

"On, no no! Not at all! I was just talking to Anshin, I just say whatever pops into my head when he's around because it helps me relax. Don't worry, there was nothing serious about what I said!" Sayori's eyes kept flicking between the girl and the counselors. She did not need this kind of obstacle in her path. "I'm sorry, you don't have to worry about it though, and the counselors will just get upset for nothing after all - I'd feel bad if the time with animals got ruined because of something silly I said." The little girl didn't say anything for a moment, instead she continued scratching around Anshin's ears and back.

After a few moments of dreadful silence, she finally spoke in a tone so quiet Sayori had to scoot closer just to hear her. "I'm not going to tell. I want to help." She mumbled. "Mommy always told me to help people who help you. I miss my mommy, and… I… I need you to help me, again, miss. Please." The strain in her voice was palpable, Sayori recognized the signs of holding back tears from the years she had forced herself to and she knew where the conversation was headed next.

"I'm sorry, I can't take you with me." Sayori said gently, laying a hand on the snoozing shiba's head as well. "I don't even know if I can get out myself, and taking you would be too dangerous. You could get hurt, or lost, and I wouldn't want that to happen to you." She reached over to give the little girl's hand a squeeze, but she shook her head and pulled her hand away.

"No no, I can't leave! I can't go anywhere until they find my dad since my mommy isn't- isn't here anymore." She sniffed and clenched her eyes shut, petting the shiba a little more forcefully. "Mommy got in a b-bad car accident, and I didn't get to say bye-bye to her. She gave me a-a stuffed kitty, and it had a heart stitched onto it and they took it away when they brought me here. I want to see it again…" The girl's eyes were clenched tight as her voice faded to tiny restrained gasps, and Sayori had to coo and praise Anshin aloud just to stop anyone else from hearing, not that Anshin seemed to mind any. "I… it sounds so stupid, but if I say goodbye to mommy through the kitty she gave me, maybe she'll hear it up in heaven. Right?" She turned to Sayori who realized that she was seeking reassurance; she wanted to believe there was a way to make everything okay.

Her dad had told her she was good with children because she was secretly an old soul whenever she would entertain guests at their house, while her mother had insisted it was just because Sayori hadn't ever grown up herself. Sayori figured it was a little bit of both, since to her the secret to being good with children was just giving them what everyone in life wanted: to be heard. She remembered being young, when nobody would take her seriously or try to look beyond the surface of her thoughts or feelings, and she remembered especially how it made her feel. Children wanted to be heard, and for someone to care. Sayori had always made it her mission to listen, and to empathize with others, but always more so with children.

"Of course she will." Sayori promised without missing a beat. She moved the dozing shiba onto both of their laps and pretended to show her the best spots for rubbing him, but kept her voice slow and gentle. "The people we love are never really gone, they're with us whenever we think about them. So even if you didn't get to say a goodbye to her, she knows that you miss her a lot. So when you say goodbye through kitty, I promise she'll hear you, because you'll be thinking about her really hard when you do!" She wanted nothing more than to hug her and tell her it would be okay a hundred times over, but she knew they'd be caught. They were already pushing for time since it was pure luck the counselors were paying so little attention. "I'm Moriyama, Sayori, and I would be happy to help you. What's your name?"

The little girl swallowed back her tears and lessened her grip on Anshin. "Sh-shibata. Shibata, Yasu. They keep everyone's things in a room on the first floor, in one of those tall metal cabinets. The room is um, by the electrical closet, and I know they keep the extra keys to get in and out in there because one of the counselors was mad he had to go all the way down from the third floor to get them. T-the room, not the closet! You can get out with the keys, and my kitty… please?" Sayori had already long decided to get Yasu her stuffed kitty-cat, whether it hampered her escape or not, and she knew it would.

She knew it would cost her time to go all the way upstairs to deliver the stuffed animal, but nobody really gave a darn how the kids felt at Camp Liberty, except for maybe one or two of the more lenient counselors. Nobody stepped in when someone was crying, or was too stressed to continue up the charade of being good disciplined children. The only time someone cared was when they were convincing themselves that restraining a fourteen year old to stop themselves from committing "self-harm" via popping a pimple, was a noble act. Even the campers had learned that trying to look out for others got you in trouble.

Sayori was not going to follow their lead.

The counselors were coming around and checking on the others, and as Sayori gave a farewell pat to Anshin (For quite possibly the last time, she realized with a pang.) she gave a wink to Yasu who had managed to hide any trace of her near emotional breakdown. Sayori watched as one of the handlers set down a small box of plastic cards the size of credit cards for one of the counselors, recognizing them as business cards for the Animal Therapy Program, and had a sudden idea that was so clever even Natsuki would have been impressed. She turned away and whispered a single word as reassurance to Yasu.

"Tonight."

---

Sayori spent the rest of the day trying to think of a way of sneaking into one of the administrative offices without anyone noticing, getting Yasu's stuffed kitty, sneaking back to the dorms to deliver said stuffed kitty, and busting out of a high-security facility that was purposefully designed to prevent anything of the sort. She also had to get all of this done before 11:00 which according to the mysterious phone operator was the only chance she had at escaping before security would catch wind of her. This was assuming she did the rest of her job well enough to not alert the camp security beforehand. All in all, Sayori was pretty sure she had faced worse odds.

The curfew for the camp started at exactly 9:30 P.M. That gave Sayori only an hour and a half to get everything she needed done, and she still didn't know how she was going to get out of her dorm and snag a pair of keys. She glanced at the door leading out into the hallway from where she laid on her bed in the cold; being dropped from her Level 3 privileges to Level 2 meant she was allowed to attend the Animal Therapy Program, but not have blankets during the night.

Thank goodness for central heating, Sayori thought to herself. She had started paying attention ever since her memories had returned, ever since she knew she had to leave, to how the counselors handled watching over them all. A counselor was to keep watch by the door in the outside hallway from 9:30 P.M. to 12:30 before being swapped out, and as much as trying to sneak out during a shift swap sounded like a very action movie thing to do, she knew it'd be far too late by then. Instead she slid out of bed and crept over to the door, praying that if any of the other campers awoke they would have the sense to not acknowledge her. All she needed to do was wait for whoever was on the other side to go to the bathroom, or grab a snack, or leave, anything that would give her an opportunity to leave. Surely they couldn't stand to just sit in one place all night?

She pressed an ear to the door and listened carefully; some of the counselors breathed pretty heavily or read books to pass the night, allowing Sayori to hear when they were and weren't present. Outside however, she heard nothing. No heavy breathing, no page turning, not even a repetitive out of beat toe-tapping. Could it be that the coast was clear? Perhaps her otherworldly benefactor who had communicated using the operator was pulling more strings for her, giving her the exact line of events she needed to escape. She grinned and creaked open the door, stepping out into the hallway and shutting the door behind her.

"What on earth are you doing, young lady?"

Aw, fiddlesticks.

Sayori slowly turned to see none other than Counselor Müller sitting on a wooden chair beside the door with a distinctly disapproving look on her face and a crossword on her lap. Sayori knew she needed to say something really smart and really eloquent really fast, or else her plan of escape would be really screwed before it ever began. So she said the first thing the little fuzzy voice in her head suggested.

"Gotta pee. Like, super bad." Sayori lied confidently, as though she had been waiting to take a leak at this moment her whole life. She even crossed her knees for effect. "I know we have to ask permission to go, and hoped you could escort me? Please?" She bounced up and down as though the issue were a time-sensitive one (Which it was, even if it wasn't for the reasons Counselor Müller thought.) and tried to pull off her most pitifully strained expression. Counselor Müller looked turned from disbelief, to contemplative, to resolute in a matter of seconds as she set her crossword down. With the amount of hormone blockers many of the campers were subject to, she wouldn't have been the first or the last to wet the bed, and Sayori had the feeling the less sheets that had to be changed during the night, the better.

Counselor Müller huffed and stood from her chair, dusting off her knees. "Oh, very well. But only because I need to go as well, I don't want the others to start thinking I'm favoring you, Ms. Moriyama. Be quick now, or else I'll have to report this for breaking curfew."

"Thaaaank yoooou." Sayori followed beside the counselor with a big smile of relief towards the other end of the hall where the second floor bathrooms were. The large door was propped open with a thick wooden door wedge for "maximum security" and was completely devoid of life save for a fluorescent buzz that started humming as soon as she hit the light switch. Counselor Müller eyed her taking the first stall to the right, and in turn took the one immediately beside hers. Sayori took a deep breath and unrolled her underwear, waiting for the just the right moment. Her mind was racing with possibilities, and admittedly a few were pretty bad, but if she did everything right she had a feeling she could still salvage this escape plan. She was going to do this. She was going to get out.

BOOM! The clap of thunder that echoed outside shook the entire building, making Sayori elicit a small gasp as panic shot through her like electricity. Just as she was calming herself down and getting ready to try and crack a joke to ease the tension, there was an arching hum as the energy in the building fizzled out, and the bathroom was left in complete darkness. Surely she wasn't this lucky, not Sayori Moriyama. Was it something extraordinary? Was it them? Was it really just a coincidence? Frankly, she didn't care. She pulled up her underwear and practically sprinted out of the bathroom, turning to pull the doorstep out and let the door close. There was a faint gasp from the bathroom as Counselor Müller realized too late what was happening.

"Don't you dare! MORIYA-"

The door closed, and Sayori kicked the door wedge underneath as hard as she could before leapt down the hall. The wedge wouldn't hold Counselor Müller forever, of that Sayori was sure, but she also knew those things were darn sturdy and would hold the door from opening for just a little while. That was all she needed, just enough time to get her things and escape. She hopped down the stairs two at time, putting her heel first to muffle any excess noise only to nearly trip on the final step. After a short-lived stumble, she tried peering down the halls leading to either side for guidance, but the power surge had its drawbacks too. Sayori could barely see in the overwhelming darkness, and had to feel around just to avoid hitting her shins on inconveniently placed console tables that often held flower vases. Everyone liked to think of her lack of coordination as funny and cute, but this was not cute. This was infuriating.

Every second she slipped down the hallway she concentrated on listening for the sound of rapid footsteps coming to stop her, or to turn a corner and see a counselor lying in wait for her, but nothing stopped her until she came to the door itself, a large wooden one with a brass handle and a frosted glass window that had words, "Conference, Contraband, and Supplies" written on it. Sayori gave a silent little fist pump and as carefully as her butterfingers would allow, attempted to turn the handle. The door was locked tight. Sayori sighed, and reached into her bra.

On a list of things she didn't want cutting into her chest, a plastic business card had surprisingly become one of them over the past four hours. She had had to sneak one when everybody was distracted on leaving the common room after the animal therapy, and stuffing it beneath the ugly purple t-shirt that all the campers were forced to wear so that she could slide it into her bra had been one of the most anxiety-inducing seven seconds of her life. Now however, those seven seconds were going to be her saving grace. She stuck her tongue out as she concentrated on sliding the card between the door frame and the doorknob itself, the tiny gap that she could barely see being her target. She leaned against the door, pushing the card in and wiggling it so that it pressed against the latch which would open the door. No keys necessary.

After a solid minute of jimmying, bending, and whispers of, "Fizzity-uck!", the doorknob gave a small Click and Sayori grinned like a madman as she entered inside. In other circumstances she might've been doomed, but Monika had shown her that particular technique with an online video after they had first moved in, having become increasingly concerned Sayori would lock herself in the bathroom while she was at work after she managed to do it twice in one day. Thinking of Monika made her heart hurt, then it made her heart angry, and then sad again. She smacked her cheeks to snap herself out of it and began crossing the conference room to find her belongings. The room was small, roughly the size of the bathroom but with only a wooden table and six sets of chairs surrounding it, various papers and clipboards, a coffee machine, an electronic whiteboard, and a projector. The back wall was lined with filing cabinets, though there weren't nearly as many as Sayori had been expecting. Thirty, maybe thirty-five?

She tiptoed over to them and began searching for the "S's" after realizing they had been categorized alphabetically. After a few seconds of searching she realized that there were only names of the students currently enrolled in the camp and none who had left. Did that mean students got their things back after their enrollment was over, or were they just thrown away? She didn't want to think about it. She focused instead on her searching, time was of the essence after all.

"Saito, Seino, Shibata, Someya- oh, oh! Wait!" Sayori reached back for the filing cabinet labeled with Yasu Shibata's name and yanked it open to reveal a set of clothes neatly folded and stuffed inside. Sayori lifted them out of the cabinet and set them aside, peering in to try and find her quarry but the complete lack of light left her having to reach in and grab with abandon. She felt a pen, a notepad, something that felt like a piece of hard candy, and finally the soft and squishy texture of cotton and stuffing. She pulled it out and by squinting through the darkness she could see it was a tiny hand stuffed cat that fit in the palm of her hand, and on the belly was a felt heart stitched to it with what looked like the kanji for "love". Sayori couldn't help but smirk and admire the silly little toy, and how much she would've loved for her mother to do something like that for her.

The sound of footsteps and muffled voices from outside sent Sayori in a panic, hastily stuffing the clothes back inside the cabinet and closing it shut just a little too fast, and a little too hard. She slid down with her back against the cabinets, causing several bumps and bruises from the handles that made her wince in pain as the voices grew closer. Had Counselor Müller already gotten out and alerted the staff? How doomed was she? She had already sealed her fate by locking the counselor up, if the camp didn't kill her for it her mother almost certainly would. Frankly, she didn't know which one scared her more.

"... didn't hear anything. Anyway, it's stupid, you know?"

"Of course I do. Unlike you though, I have the common sense not to say that dumb shit around the person who signs my checks."

"It's like they can't grasp the concept that this is an attempt at helping, that we are adamantly working towards bettering them for society. Their minds are so twisted already they think I'm being perverse. I don't want to look at some little faggot in the shower, but it is my job to ensure the class gets through the showers and into fitness class without contraband. So when they start complaining that I-"

"Yeah yeah, weird hill for you to die on and all that but at least you're dead. Now flip the breaker, breaker flipper."

Sayori felt her heart practically beat out of her own chest as two silhouettes passed by the frosted window, beams of light extending outwards from them. They had flashlights, which was bad, and they were going for the circuit breaker which was even worse, because the circuit breaker was in the closet directly next to the conference, contraband, and supply room. Which she was in. Even if they didn't come in, they would be right there beside the door which meant that getting out would be near impossible until they left. How long did it take to flip a breaker? Would they give up if it didn't work, or try to repair it?

She glanced at the cabinets on either side of her, and saw that the ones behind her right arm were labeled with the letters "L" through "P". With a quick glance towards the window she opened the cabinets under "M" and saw that the only name under it was her own. Her cabinet was filled with the few things she had brought with her to the camp, unaware that her possessions would be taken and tucked away out of sight as though they were something to hide. Just like the campers. She found her clothes (She had never been so happy to see a pair of jeans in her entire life.) along with her jacket and her beanie, all of which would come in handy when she broke out, her wallet with all of her identification, and of course her phone. She'd definitely need that alright. She was about to shut the cabinet again when she saw it, just barely visible in the dark by the shape alone.

A ribbon. A black ribbon streaked with jagged bolts of gold, crumpled and shoved into the corner of the cabinet.

"You can kill off this version of you without dying, however you choose to do it, because I know you don't want to die. But, you're allowed to be a bit broken. You have to… you have to give yourself time to heal."

Sayori almost slammed the cabinet shut, but as her knuckles whitened from her grip on the handle she decided that would just get her caught. She reached in, gently fingering the fabric before stuffing it into her jacket. She didn't know what she would do with it, keep it, burn it, but she wouldn't leave it here. There was a loud Click from the room beside her suddenly, but no lights came on much to her relief. Her hands began to sweat as she realized just how cornered she truly was and decided to at least move out of their line of sight, should they walk by the window again. Sayori almost let out a sigh of relief as the beams of light passed by the window again, but her relief turned to panic when she heard what was being said,

"Yeah, no, those wires are bad. Shit, what kind of old building are we in where there's still wires that go bad? This isn't the eighties."

"Just check the supply room, come on man."

"Isn't it locked? I don't have any keys."

Sayori shut her eyes and silently prayed to whoever was watching her, be it God, Goddess, or them, that the door had automatically locked when she had closed it. If it hadn't then a boost of energy for the sprint she was about to do would suffice as well. The doorknob jiggled, but to her immense relief it remained shut and the counselor on the other side gave up. Before she could start silently thanking every God and Goddess she could remember, the other voice spoke up on the other side of the wall.

"Lucky for you, I do. Here, move out of the way."

Aw, come on! Sayori reached over and held the doorknob with both of her hands, gripping as hard as she could to give the impression that the lock was broken. Her sweat gave her such little traction however that she felt the cold brass slide beneath her fingers with only minor resistance. She held tighter, pushing her whole body against the door and gritting her teeth to the point of cracking them.

"Fucking- did she change the lock? Or is something blocking it, what the hell?"

The beam of a flashlight shone through the window and Sayori just barely crouched down in time, pulling in her feet while still clinging desperately to the doorknob. Why was escaping an expensive facility with the bare minimum such a pain in the butt? The doorknob was shaken twice more before Sayori felt a thumb against the door that nearly knocked her over.

"It's not opening, fuck it. I'm not waking up the whole camp just to break into an office that may or may not even have the wires we need. Who do we go to then, Yagi or Müller?"

"You can go find Müller, or call Yagi on the radio or whatever. I'm going back to sleep, I gotta get up at five to prep for the sermon ceremony."

"H-hey, come on. It's dark as hell and I can't see worth a lick. Just walk me to the other side-"

"No."

The voices carried off down the hall, leaving Sayori breathing heavily and shaking the sweat off of her hands as she cracked open the door and peered down either side of the hallway. With nobody coming or going, Sayori took her chance and bolted down the opposite end of the hall from whence she came. Her feet felt big and clumsy as she trudged up the stairs, always thinking she was making too much noise no matter how much she tried to shift from her heel to sole as smoothly as possible. She purposefully avoided the bathroom on her way back up, not wanting to know whether or not her counselor was out yet. Instead she slipped up to her dorm and cracked the door open, peeking inside just long enough to ensure nobody was awake before closing the door silently behind her. Once she was certain she was clear, she snuck further into the room.

Yasu was asleep in her bunk, or so she thought. Her ears must've been keen because as soon as Sayori approached she turned around and stared at her with her wide anxious eyes. The question was clear despite the fact that the only things that passed between them was a twinkle in their eyes, and Sayori took the little stuffed kitty-cat from her jacket pocket and presented it to Yasu, who reached forward gingerly and cradled the stuffy in her hands like it was gold. Sayori smiled warmly and patted Yasu on the shoulder.

"Take care of it, okay? Keep it safe, because you could get in trouble if they see it." She whispered. She wanted to say something more, to tell this little girl who reminded her so much of herself when she was younger that it would be okay. That someone would look out for her. That she would come back and raze this entire infrastructure to the ground to make sure nobody was ever hurt by it again. But how could she be sure of any such thing? Yasu seemed to understand Sayori's confliction because she smiled and whispered in her fragile little voice.

"I'll be okay, I have my kitty now. Kitty understands, and if I have that… I'll be okay. Thank you so so much, and I think mommy would thank you too."

Sayori smiled her goodbye and turned around; she didn't think she'd be able to say her farewells without crying, and knowing her she'd probably slip on her own tears and crash into an alarm or something. Instead she slipped over to the door and snuck outside of her dorm for a final time, careful to not let the door click too loudly as she closed it behind her. Only too late did she realize she had made the same mistake yet again as something suddenly grabbed her around her throat and pushed her into the opposite wall. Immediately her airways constricted, and a terrifyingly familiar mixture of fear and panic began to take hold of her.

No, no no no! Not again, never again! Counselor Müller's nails pressed into her skin as she stared daggers, but Sayori only saw stars from how hard her head had hit the wall. Counselor Müller turned her head around to someone Sayori couldn't see and called out in a voice that made Sayori's ears ring.

"I've got her, Watanabe! She's here!" Counselor Müller turned back around with an impressed sneer, looking Sayori up and down without loosening her grip, a walkie-talkie in her free hand. "Never took you for a runner. Suppose we'll have to fix that dirty part of you too, won't we? Well- MOTHER FUCKER!" Her hand retracted as though she had been electrocuted as four freshly dug scratches from Sayori's nails began to bleed profusely, leaving the counselor's hand gleaming red as she cradled it in surprise and pain. Sayori hadn't meant to, her hands had instinctively reached up to claw at her own throat to escape the rope, but there had been no rope to scrape at. She wanted to apologize, but the fuzzy whisper in the back of her head told her to run, and so she did.

She pushed past Counselor Müller and flew down the hall only to be face to face with another counselor who she recognized from fitness with a surprised look on his face and a flashlight in his hand. Perhaps he hadn't expected Sayori to be so determined, or maybe he just assumed that she was weaker due to her average stature, but Sayori slammed into him and knocked the both of them to the floor, tumbled, and continued running. Her mind seemed unable to form a rational thought as she ran, the only coherent thing she could focus on was escaping from Camp Liberty. Nothing else from before, or after, mattered. She skirted around a corner she could barely see, tripped down half a flight of stairs that she could see, and never looked back.

She knew she wouldn't be so lucky twice, they hadn't been expecting her to bolt. As if on a cue a single loud beep echoed from multiple spots near her – waking-talkies emitting the alert that told every member of staff that there was a runner. Several doors opened down the hall as disoriented counselors stepped out to try and wrap their heads around the situation, and Sayori knew she wasn't leaving the camp as easily as she had hoped. Getting caught meant utter failure, and she knew she had to leave tonight no matter what. But how was she to dodge and weave through so many people who were grown adults with experience in preventing exactly what she was attempting?

She tried to push through her memories as she ran, the ones that were hers and the ones that were not, for any situation that she might learn from. Maybe if she pushed really hard…

Sayori heard the ring of the Westminster chime from somewhere above them as she bathed in the sun, smiling gleefully as the other children walked past her to enjoy their summer holiday. She turned and waved at a boy clambering down the school steps; her best friend. He smiled meekly at her and raced to meet her with both hands holding onto the strap of his backpack. Sayori giggled and gave him a hug, something that earned a few stares and snickers from the other kids, but she didn't care. Not until someone bumped into her shoulder and-

Sayori grimaced, nearly stumbling down the hallway. This was not the right memory. She needed to remember how to be useful, how to run. A counselor was going to stop her. The clock on the wall read 11:28. She plunged into the strange strand of memories further than she had dared to.

The guards were coming. Oh, were they coming. Libitina was not keen on letting them leave, but they had known that. Monika pushed through a metal door to their right and pulled out a pair of keys from the vest they had stolen but the guards were too fast, reaching in through the grated door before Sayori could slam it shut and knocking her to the ground. Natsuki took her place and swung a-

-vase directly into the counselor, water and flowers spilling everywhere as they slipped to the floor, but giving Sayori just the time she needed. Too deep. Not even a memory; an imprint of a different life entirely. Another Sayori. Not her. She hoped the counselor wasn't hurt, God she didn't want to hurt anyone at all. She just wanted to leave. Please, let me go. Just let me go. Please-

"-don't be dead, please oh God don't be dead. Moni…" She crawled up the rocky embankment, heaving from the weight of a body that would not move, and clothes that were more water than cloth. She felt pebbles and twigs tear through her stockings and dig into her knee as she fell, but she did not care. The only energy could muster was quickly spent setting Monika down on the shore as gently as possible before collapsing in a heap. Her chest felt like someone had run it over with a truck, but whether that was a physical or mental pain she couldn't tell. One of fingers was broken, and she tried not to look at it as she rolled herself onto her side and reached with her good hand for Monika's neck.

Monika looked peaceful. Almost as if she had taken a nap after a swim in the pool, but the trickle of blood leaking from the corner of her mouth revealed the far less pleasant truth. She was smiling, as though she had done something very clever and rewarding, but there was nothing rewarding about dying. Only after attempting it did Sayori realize that. Her eyes filled with tears, but words no longer came. If Monika died, it was her fault. She had let Monika approach, and had allowed her to jump in after her. Who would she tell if Monika died? No family, no home. She thought about having to bury Monika. Her best friend, her club President.

There was no pulse.

"Monika… I'm…" The words caught in her throat. Gone, gone, gone. It should have been her. Her body shook as a low painful wail escaped her throat and she laid her head upon Monika's breast. This was a hell she could not wake up from. "I wanted to… you always… I'm sorry. I-I'm really, really sorry." If she said it enough, she was certain she could bring her back. That made sense, right? "I'm-"

"Sorry! Get out of the way, now!" Sayori cried as she ran straight for two counselors blocking the back doors. She feinted left, but rather than ducking right like she knew they had probably been trained to expect she dropped to the ground and slid on her side between their legs. Unlike in the movies, she didn't come clean out the other side and instead collided with one of their legs, knocking both counselors over and directly on top of her. One's knee smacked her forehead and made her dizzy all over again while the other made a strangled cry as their ankle twisted. Sayori winced in regret, but her well of pity didn't go too deep when she heard the counselor call her a few choice names. She bounced off the metal door frame, pushed through the powerless electric doors, and straggled through the rain and grass as she raced for the fence.

She tried to dodge the flowers they had been planting out of respect for the other campers' hard work, but all this did was slow her down as her foot slid in the grass and sent bolts of pain through her knee as it skidded into the dirt. Her broken leg seemed like so long ago, but the old pains were making reappearances. There were footsteps behind her. She could see the chain link fence. Her fingers gripped the metal as she pushed herself upwards, one hand, one foot, one hand, one foot. She was at the top when something gripped her ankle, a hand. She didn't look back to see if it was Counselor Müller, or someone worse, she simply launched herself over the fence and soared to the ground like a dying eagle.

Her tumble failed horribly, rather than roll along the ground she landed painfully on her side with her arm to cushion her head. Everything spun and there was a searing pain in her calf, not to mention every inch of her body felt like someone had decided to give her a massage with a brick, but she pushed herself up. She didn't know if she would be chased, if she would be followed. She didn't care, she just knew she had to keep going until she got away. The fuzzy little voice assured her of this, and she couldn't help but trust the voice. Something compelled her to believe that the strange sense of clairvoyance wanted to keep her safe.

She ran.

And she ran.

Through the alleyways.

Through the streets.

The streetlights of the city guided her way. She asked the voice where to go, but it said nothing. She begged it to show her the way, but it remained silent. She was lost in an unfamiliar city, with no friends or family for miles, no safety, and no way home. She stumbled to the stairwell of a closed bistro and shielded herself from the rain under the awning. Her breathing was labored, sweat mingled with the rain to leave her absolutely freezing. She looked down both sides of the sidewalk for anyone chasing after her, but the night was empty. When she was certain she was in the clear, Sayori took a peek at her leg.

Two long cuts grazed her calf, leaving a trail of blood down her jeans which bore identical tears. Victims of the exposed links from the fence, she figured. She cupped her hands beyond the protection of the awning and splashed some water on it, clenching her teeth and stomping her good foot against the stairs. Getting cut, as it turned out, really hurt. She considered using her socks to stop the bleeding, but decided against it. With her luck she'd end up getting the cuts infected from sock fuzz, and while the cuts were uncomfortable, they didn't look deep enough to be concerned. With a sigh she leaned against the glass door of the bistro and closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the sound of rain slap the sidewalk around her. What now?

Her eyes jolted up and in an instant she was reaching deep into her pocket, fishing out her phone and silently praying her constant tumbling, falling, leaping, sliding, and running through the rain hadn't reduced her phone to shards of glass and metal. To her relief the only visible damage was a large crack across the top half and some funny colors, but other than that it turned on without issue. She tapped her foot anxiously across the pavement, had it always taken this long to start up? When she finally saw the background to her phone, her heart skipped a beat and she nearly dropped it. There she was, smiling and sticking her tongue out with her eyes crossed as her ex-girlfriend smiled good naturedly at the camera beside her with a drink in her hand. They were wearing nice clothes, Monika had gone and bought a toffee colored button up, and Sayori was wearing a cream cardigan so that they looked like a couple of cafe treats brought to life.

It was a simple picture, anyone who saw it might've assumed they were just friends when the picture was taken, not two silly teenagers on their first date together. It hadn't been that long ago, but to Sayori it felt like actual years. Had it really been just a few months since she had been so happy, so carefree? Everything was so complicated now, so much more complicated than it should've been. She should've been worried about graduating high school and getting a job, not the existentialism of knowing the truth behind the world she had been created for and the one she was currently in. Whether or not she had any control over her own destiny, whether or not she loved or hated someone who meant the world to her and at the same time she never wanted to see again. All of it was ridiculously complicated and made her head pound so hard she felt like she was going to hurl up a bunch of nasty vegetables, but what was the point? Nobody else could understand this.

I wonder if this is how you felt, all that time.

A notification window popped up on her phone's screen, snapping Sayori from her stupor.

Low Battery: 4% battery remaining.

"Oh shoot, no no no! No no, please no!" Sayori's fingers desperately tapped away the notification, her screen becoming uncalibrated as water dripped from her fingers onto the already damaged glass. She raced to her contacts, scrolling through for a saving grace to give her some kind of aid, be it advice, a ride, or just the reassurance that she wasn't a complete screw up.

The police? No, they'll just take me back to Camp Liberty.

Mom? Ugh, no. That's even worse.

Yuri? She has a car, she can get me back to Yakumo- oh, but her brother is watching her. She might not even answer if she's asleep.

Dad! No, shoot! That'll get him in so much trouble, shoot shoot shoot! The battery flickered from 4% to 3%. Time was running out. She scrolled further down, past Himari, past the twins she had met at the mall, past Natsuki who was hospitalized, past everyone she had ever met in her life. Who would be awake near midnight and liked her enough to help her? She paused as one name in particular flew past her screen and she stopped her scrolling, forcing herself to do a double take. It was risky, oh it was so risky, but she had no other options. She clicked the call button and held the phone up to her ear and sent another silent prayer for her call to go through. Had a slowly controllable sense of omniscience not been thrust upon her a few days prior, she might've regretted not adding more coins into the shrines back home.

Briiiiiing.

Briiiiiing.

Briiiiiing.

"Moriyama? What's up, girl?! You move out on your own and suddenly you're too good for us at the shelter, huh?"

"Naomi!" Sayori sighed a breath of relief. "Oh thank gosh, okay where are you? I need your help super bad, I've-" Sayori held the phone away from her ear as a loud cheer erupted from the phone, and she gingerly brought it back again. "What was that?"

"Damn, sorry. Hey, chill out guys! I'm on the phone, yeah? I'm with some friends up in Otaru for a birthday, so many sake distilleries but not enough bars, you know?"

Sayori's heart leapt upon hearing Otaru, it was less than an hour away. It sank like a stone as she heard the clinking of glasses however, and she put the pieces of the puzzle together. "You've been drinking?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to be the designated driver – that was my birthday gift for my friend, me driving him around, but the poor guy looks like he's about to pass out so I'm enjoying myself. Anyway, enough of that, what's up? You sound stressed."

Sayori squeezed her phone and wiped something wet from her eye with her sleeve. Probably just rain.

"Yeah, all good. Just uh, just wanted to call and check up with you since I never do. But you're busy, and I just realized my phone is dying, ehehe. Call you later, okay?"

"You sure? Hey, I'm here if you need-" Click.

Sayori dropped her head between her knees and let out a long sigh. She needed to leave Sapporo, that much was obvious. Camp Liberty was a fully legalized and endorsed school for behavioral modification and therapy, which meant that they had the full backing of the law to retrieve her and be treated as a runaway. The camp hadn't been as bad as Yuri's experience, as far as Sayori knew nobody was ever electrocuted to try and make them straight, but things like the excessive use of force to restrain campers who talked back, or denying them food for days on end as a punishment, was undeniably cruel. She would not go back there, she would claw and cry and scream until her lungs went out before she returned, and the fact that she could not take every other fellow camper out of that horrid place sickened Sayori to her core.

She gave her phone another squeeze; the battery was draining the longer she moped. She needed to get back to Yakumo. She didn't know why, or what she would accomplish, but going back just made sense. She missed her friends so much, even though she had made peace with leaving them, Sayori raised her phone again and scrolled through her contacts down towards the bottom again. If Naomi couldn't help her, there was only one other person she could think of. She only had the battery life for one call anyway, and that was stretching it

Briiiiiing.

Briiiiiing.

Briiiiiing.

"... Sayori?"

"Yuri, thank gosh! I'm sorry, I'm so super duper sorry but I really need your help. I'm out in freaking Sapporo, and I need to get back home as soon as possible! Please please please, I know it's around midnight, but this is important! I have no money and my phone is about to die!" The words left Sayori's mouth like a hurricane on a sugar rush. She was so desperate for help that she would have taken a bicycle ride at this point, anything to get away from Camp Liberty. She tapped her foot as her nerves took hold of her, waiting for Yuri to speak for what felt like ages until finally…

"... Sayori, I'm sorry but, that just isn't possible at the moment. I'm at the hospital with Natsuki right now, and I honestly never know if she'll make it to the morning at this point." Sayori could hear the raspiness in her voice, the slight stuffiness that suggested she had been crying not too long ago. "I've only just convinced my brother to allow me visits to the hospital alone, driving to… where did you say, Sapporo? That's practically six hours, there and back! I'm sorry, truly, but I just… I can't." The exasperation in her voice was so evident that Sayori almost felt bad for asking in the first place. She felt the dead weight of defeat sink into her shoulders, but something in her pushed her to keep going. She could not stay here.

"Yuri. Please, I can't stay here." She tried to punctuate each word with confidence and determination to show she wouldn't take no for an answer. It wasn't like she didn't know what she was asking, not only to drive so far for so little, but to risk repeating something that gave Yuri trauma to this very day. To have someone she loved die, alone, and be too far to help or to even say goodbye. She didn't want to ask that of Yuri, but she had to. "If I don't get out of here by sunrise, they'll find me, I have nowhere to go or hide. I won't be able to break out of that camp a second time."

The phone was silent. For a moment Sayori was worried it had died on her until she heard the deep breath from the other side.

"My God, you actually got sent to a…? Fuck me… you- you should have started with that, I- nevermind. Give me your address, now. I'm on my way." As Sayori listed off the address from a sign across the street, she heard Yuri whisper in the background something that didn't quite reach the receiver, though the words, "Love you" and "Just a bit longer" were unmistakable. After a second of silence and a sniffle from the otherside, Yuri spoke again. "Just hang tight, I've written your address down. I'll try and get there as soon as I can, but stay out of sight. Don't-"

What Yuri suggested she should not do, Sayori never found out. Her voice cut off suddenly, and Sayori raised an eyebrow until she glanced at the screen and saw the pitch black screen of a dead phone. Her battery was dead, and with it went any other hope of getting out of Sapporo. If Yuri came through, she'd be back in Yakumo before morning. If she had somehow written down the wrong address, or if Camp Liberty got in contact with the police (Or worse, her mother.) and had them on the lookout for her, she'd be put on a Cat-5 watch for the next two years assuming she didn't freeze to death. The worst part was, Sayori wouldn't know for at least another several hours.

Twice Sayori was startled by sudden noises in the night, be it a dog barking two streets away or the shutting of a door, but otherwise she was left entirely alone on the doorsteps. It gave her a lot of time to think about her situation, about her memories. About Monika. It had been just over two hours by Sayori's calculations when she heard the sound of tires barreling down the road to her right. Immediately Sayori assumed the worst and looked for someplace to hide from her pursuers, but before she could dive head first into the local dumpster her eyes were blinded by a pair of headlights and she slipped on the stairs.

"Sayori!" A voice hissed. Sayori glanced up, rubbing her backside from where she had landed on the next stair down, only to see the familiar face of Yuri waving her down from the driver side window of a silver hatchback. She stuck her head out, glancing up and down the sidewalk before waving her to get in again, to which Sayori didn't hesitate. She leapt off the steps and practically slid across Yuri's hood, sighing with relief as she sat back in the oh-so comforting cushion of the passenger seat. Never before had a car seat felt so good, but two hours on cement on top of falling twice in one night had left her incredibly sore and more than grateful for any kind of relief on her body. She wanted to hug Yuri then and there, but Yuri floored the accelerator which left Sayori pressed against her seat as they zoomed off the street and down the Hokkaido Expressway.

For a few minutes neither one of them spoke, Sayori closed her eyes and took several deep breaths as she realized that it had worked. She was going home. Closing her eyes made her realize how sleepy she was, with the warmth of the car wanting to lull her to sleep after spending so long in the cold, but when she opened them she saw Yuri taking occasional glances towards her as if she was inspecting her. Finally Sayori caught her eyes for a brief second and smiled.

"You came."

"I couldn't leave you out here on your own, not after going through… whatever it is you've experienced." Yuri mumbled as she turned on her blinker. "I had to go a bit above the speed limit to get here so fast, but I'll take a speeding ticket over losing you too. First Natsuki, then…" She paused as though something had slipped her mind, but quickly shook her head. "You and Natsuki are all I have left, and I get the feeling I may not have either of you much longer. If you actually broke out- well, I imagine you won't be sticking around."

Sayori stared at the floorboards as Yuri spoke. She had almost mentioned Monika, but her memory had jumped over it like a record skip. Could that mean remnants of Monika's code remained intact somehow, not completely deleted from the program? Rather than have everyone's actions reset like in the game, this world pushed forward over the deletion of a file. It made sense after all, they weren't in a game anymore. A game could be reset, tried again, but in this world? That would require immense amounts of power and change, it was almost completely unfeasible, and Sayori understood what that meant.

Our story has to continue, with or without Monika.

"I'm… not going anywhere, I think." Sayori said. "I don't know how yet, but I'm going to try and stay. Find a way out of all of this." Yuri looked at her skeptically, but nodded all the same. Sayori couldn't blame her, even with all the knowledge of this world and the previous one, she didn't have a clue how she was going to fix her life. But she was working on it, step by step. Escaping Camp Liberty had been the first step, and going home was the second one.

She wanted to talk to Yuri more, to try and explain all of the crazy things she was understanding. She wanted to speak to a friend, to someone who cared, to someone she cared for. Sayori wanted to feel a bit of peace and joy for just a few minutes, but her eyes were closing. Too many days of sitting alone with only her new memories and thoughts to consume her, too many days of disgusting meals that were portioned for someone two sizes smaller than she was. Her mind, body, and spirit were utterly exhausted. Yuri seemed to notice her eyes fluttering open and close, because she smiled and turned the heat on just a bit higher.

"You look miserable. Get some rest, I'll wake you up when we get to Yakumo, okay? I'll keep you safe until we get there."

Sayori wanted to argue, but her eyes were already closing. The sounds of the expressway were already pulling her into a peaceful slumber that she couldn't resist. She wave a hand limply and muttered something profound about alarm clocks when the warm comfort of safety drifted her away from all of her worries and concerns.

---

"Sayori. Sayori, wake up. We're here."

Sayori jerked awake, her whole body shaking and looking around for her counselor so that she could apologize and maybe earn a bit of sympathy for sleeping through her alarm. As her eyes adjusted and ears adjusted to being awake, she looked beside her and saw Yuri. Yuri's eyes were wide, staring at Sayori as though she screamed at her, but she didn't ask what was wrong. Sayori had a feeling she understood all too well. She glanced outside and saw the dark apartment complex that she had once lived in, so long ago. Monika's apartment. Suddenly, coming home felt like a terrible idea.

"Are you going to be alright?" Yuri asked. Sayori nodded, though she wasn't quite sure if she believed it herself yet. Part of her wanted to stay in the safe, warm, cozy car beside her friend, but the bags under Yuri's eyes told her that she had impressed upon her friend's hospitality enough. She reached over halfway to give Yuri a hug, only to remember that her friend preferred being asked first and hesitated with her arm in midair. To her surprise, Yuri leaned over and pulled her into a deep and protective hug, as though she feared she was sending Sayori off into danger.

"Please, be safe. If you need something, call and I will endeavor to help however I can. I'm so, so sorry that you had to experience what I did, and no matter what you do from here, you will always be our friend, Sayori." She squeezed Sayori extra hard before relinquishing her, which Sayori hated only because it had been the first bit of friendly human contact in nearly a month. Who knew hug-energy could make someone cry and smile at the same time?

"I will. I'm going to fix everything, one way or another." I promise. It didn't matter if Yuri believed her or not, she knew she would find a way. That was why she had broken out, that was why she was back in Yakumo. "Thank you for helping me, I really thought I would be stuck up there, ehehe… you're a lifesaver, Yuri. Now go get some rest, I got work to do!" She wanted to say so much more, but instead she gave Yuri a big smile, receiving an admittedly confused one in turn before she opened the door and stepped out into the chilly January morning. Yuri pulled away, leaving Sayori alone once again, but with newfound determination that pulsed through her veins. Yuri had made good time, as the morning was still dark with night, but she didn't stay out to appreciate it. She crossed the sidewalk leading up to the complex and reached for her doorknob.

Unlocked. Had Monika forgotten to lock it, or was some otherworldly force still assisting her? She wasn't sure, but the cold of the room did little to comfort her as she stepped into the familiar living space she had enjoyed for so long. It didn't look like anyone had broken in, though a few things were different than she remembered. Her sixty-four had been brought out and used on the television, and the mattress they slept on sat in the actual bedroom instead of the living room, deflated. All of the effects she had left behind were in boxes, out of sight but always within reaching distance, such as her favorite band shirt that she had left behind, lying on the floor beside the mattress.

Sayori didn't like the apartment like this, cold, barren, devoid of warmth or life. This was not a home anymore, just memories, and she had more than enough of those. She was walking back towards the front door to leave when she spotted something in the kitchen chair that had completely slipped her attention the first time. Mr. Duck, her beloved stuffed feathered friend, sat across from her. He looked like the one thing that had been taken care of, gently positioned with a cushion below him as though he was watching over the house until Sayori's return. She almost smirked at the notion until she saw what was tied around his giant duck neck: an orange ribbon.

Sayori stepped over and gave her old stuffed toy a friendly pat. "Thanks for watching the house, Mr. Duck. I mean, you could've cleaned a little, but I'll cut you some slack since it's been a while." She picked him up and gave him a big squeeze that did little to truly comfort her, but it reminded her of when she was little and would hug the stuffed animal the same way during thunderstorms. She was in the biggest thunderstorm of her life right now, so if there was ever a time for some extra hug-energy, this was it. As she set him back in his spot her fingers curled around the ribbon, letting it come undone and lay limply over her fingers as she looked it over.

"And it sounds like you already know Monika, is that right?"

"The only thing I have that's absolutely clear is the literature club, of all the things I could remember, and even those memories are tainted worse than Natsuki's god awful home-life."

"H-hey, don't do it... please."

Sayori wiped a tear from her eyes as she clenched the ribbon tight. How could you? Sayori thought to herself. How could you, after everything we did… everything you said, was it real? I can't take this you know, all this knowledge, it's terrible. Knowing what you did, knowing what we all went through, and now I'm here with a choice. The choice was so obvious now that she was home, how had she not seen it the moment her memories came back? She could see where to go, and she didn't even know how, but she did. That's what Sayori was. If Monika was the one who knew what everyone else did not, Sayori was the one who saw. She took the black and gold ribbon from her pocket and tied both around her wrist, like tethers, and walked back out into the night air.

Clarity. She saw clarity. She felt it, tasted it like sea-salt on the air of a pier. The road, the sidewalk, even the stars, she saw them in the way nobody else did. It amazed her in a way, but she had no time for amazement. She was going to bring Monika back, drag her back into the world whether she wanted to or not, and she was going to tell her ex girlfriend a lot of things that she would absolutely not want to hear. But Sayori didn't care, Monika had this and more coming. It was time to set things right, to fix what had been broken, and she would make sure that Monika never hurt anyone ever again. Her eyes glinted in the dark like a cat, with memories that others could not see. This was right.

She passed by her old house without a second thought. It wasn't her destination, their house was. No cars passed by on the street, nobody walked by on an early morning jog, it was as if the very world was holding its breath for Sayori as she trudged through the dead grass and reached for the doorknob. She felt excitement, anticipation, so many things fueled her brain that she felt like she might explode right then and there, but she managed to take a deep breath and calm herself. She smiled, and threw open the door, with no voice in her head necessary to guide her where she was headed.

"Hey, I know you're listening right now." Sayori said aloud to nobody. "But I want you to know, this has to happen. You know that, don't you? That's why you busted me out of camp, why every little thing has gone right to get me here. Why I had just enough of a battery charge to get a ride home? You wanted me here, didn't you?" The smell of dust and decay reached her nose, but she pushed it aside and took a step inside the decrepit old house. "I get it now, I get what you want. Don't worry! I'm going to fix all of this, and then… then we can all finally let go, and begin again."

---

Fanart! Holy cow, Fanart! You can find this beautiful piece depicting Chapter 6's climax on twitter theotakubutter under the title of "[Then Don't.]" In time I'll compile all the fanart and put links to the source on my profile, that way it's easier for everyone to see the wonderful work done by you guys!

Since these are the last few chapters, I'm afraid I'm going to have to instill one final deadline extension. I know, I hate it too, but I want to make sure the last chapters of this story are the best they can be without having to rush and ruin things just to meet time limits I made up. Therefore, there will be no deadlines for the last couple chapters. I'll still be writing them every day, and I wouldn't expect them to be late more than a day or two (I've been pretty consistent for the past year, so please have faith!) at the very most. Until then though, see you all in around three weeks. :)