I had already been getting less sleep than necessary because of my ever-persistent dreams, but buying that machine for Asuka has set me back even more. This last week felt like it had flown by, as every spare minute I had was spent on that… baffling game; either playing it, or thinking about it, or talking with Asuka about it. Who comes up with all this intricate espionage stuff? What kind of person eats snakes, anyway? It was built like a playable movie, and for some reason, I found it absolutely fascinating.

Through the process of playing the game, both of us would usually end up heading to bed an hour or two later than we usually do. Heck, the other day the two of us just fell asleep in the living room with the game still running for a few hours. Asuka doesn't seem any worse for wear, but I'm practically running on fumes.

It was fun though. Almost makes me want to see if I could get Misato to let me in on a little firearm training sometime. I don't think I'm muscular enough to pull off the impressive CQC stuff Squalid Drake can in the game, but I should be able to handle a pistol.

Who knows, it could come in handy.

This particular day, I also had my first experience of teaching Asuka how to cook.

Aside from the toaster ordeal earlier in the year, I don't believe she's actually ever given a fair shake towards cooking. So, with that in mind, I had no expectations to put onto her. Whatever she made, that's what we'd have to work with, for better or worse.

When I asked her what she'd like me to pick up ingredients for, she surprised me by saying chicken katsu. It's something I make quite often, and a Japanese classic to boot, but even more than that it was also a perfect dish to start a beginner with. When dealing with fried chicken of any kind, it's very easy to make, and also very easy to mess up. That fine line will be the perfect litmus test to see if she had what it takes. Good choice.

I ran out quickly to gather the things she would need, and when I returned I could tell she spent the whole excursion pumping herself up. I could practically see the flames burning in her eyes, she was that prepared to get to work!

Though, maybe her flame burned a little too hotly.

"...how did you manage to burn the outside, but keep the inside almost completely raw..?"

"Wh– What do you mean!? Let me see…" Asuka looked at the coated chicken cutlet before us which I had just sliced; pink throughout, contrasting impressively with the jet black exterior. "...well, it's… my own special style." Her voice had an unusual meekness to it.

"This is inedible."

"Says the person who hasn't even tried it, geez!"

I winced. "I'm really sorry, but food poisoning sucks too much for me to humor you." She stuck her tongue out at me, immediately grabbing another raw chicken breast to start again with. It was admirable of her to not get slowed down by her failures here, so I had to at least give her that, despite the atrocity against food she had committed moments ago. She noticed me smirking as she prepared another batch of coating.

"...something funny, Lieutenant?" From just her saying that alone, it was easy to tell she misread why I smiled. "Don't act so damn cocky just because I messed up once!"

"That's not it at all, actually." Her annoyed expression disarmed as she raised an eyebrow. "I guess I'm just happy you didn't give up after hitting a snag like that."

Her annoyed expression returned, albeit less severe. "Wow, did you expect me to or something? It's not like I want to waste food you know, I'm actually trying here!"

"I know, I know. I didn't mean it like that." I chuckled. "Just take your time, watch the heat of the oil, and mind that you don't burn yourself. You can do this." She eyed me suspiciously before turning back to the countertop.

"Well, it's not like me to just run away from a fight, right? May as well keep trying until I master it."

Her words got another chuckle out of me as I watched her add a… worrying amount of salt to the flour. "I'd say you're better off aiming for something edible first so we don't starve tonight. We can worry about mastery some other time."

I'm pretty sure I heard her growl at me under her breath, but instead of a retort, she began focusing intently on the task at hand.

Her second attempt came out far better. Was it kinda ugly? Sure, though as far as I could tell, it was surprisingly a success! That only left one final thing, and undoubtedly the most important part:

The taste test.

I knew her eyes were glued to me expectantly. What could I do? My mouth was rejecting it. It tasted of pure salt, and the meat somehow had become devoid of all moisture. Was salt all she used? This wasn't food, Asuka! This was blasphemy! It took every shred of my willpower to force it down my throat, and even then I wasn't certain I could keep it there.

"Well? How was it?" I couldn't answer her right away. I was having a moment. "Aw, it's okay Lieutenant, I get it! You're speechless! I know you said I didn't have to become a master tonight, but it was inevitable with me at the helm, wasn't it?" My breathing had become labored. I was fighting for my life here.

"Asuka…" I barely was able to squeak that out.

"...yes?"

"Did… you use anything besides salt to season with?"

She screwed up her face, as if I had insulted her. "What? Of course not. Isn't salt the key to making good food? I just figured the more salt I added, the better it would be!" It took a few seconds for it to sink in what I was trying to imply. "...that was a mistake, wasn't it?"

After I was able to calm down and she tasted her creation for herself (immediately spitting it into the bin), I took her back to the counter and showed her each step again on the final piece we had left. As she watched what I did attentively, I couldn't help but feel impressed again. She wanted to get better at this, and whether it was a respect thing or a pride thing I couldn't tell.

All I could say for certain is that we would have quite the culinary road ahead of us.

"...well, you look like death."

I appreciated the joking concern in Misato's voice, but I just laughed it off.

"I feel fine, at least." I had grown more aware of the bags underneath my eyes lately, but they weren't that big of a deal. That's what I told myself, anyway.

Misato frowned. "I'm just letting you know now, as your commanding officer, if I see you looking any worse I'll be forced to order you to get a full body check up downstairs." I shuddered reflexively.

"Th-That's not necessary, really. I'm fine! I'm a bit tired, sure, but I promise I'll relax during Christmas."

The last couple days had become a whirlwind of playing video games, waking up in the middle of the night sweating, and trying to teach Asuka more cooking fundamentals. Each one of those was a battlefield in their own rights. Neither was directly relating to work either, and here I was running myself ragged again. I was hoping I wouldn't have to think about any of that while I was down at the HQ for today's sync tests, but Misato unwittingly put it at the forefront of my mind.

I really should do something about my nightmares. Just endless hallways, a shadow nipping at my heels every step of the way, and it always ends with me getting engulfed …but who would I even talk to about that? Dreams are supposed to have some sort of deep meaning, right? How can I explain it without even knowing what it means to me?

The Major could tell I was thinking hard about something, so she gracefully changed the subject.

"So, uh, Shinji told me you're teaching Asuka how to cook, eh?"

How curious. Asuka must've said something at school. "That's right. I'm teaching her the basics, and she's teaching me how to play video games." Misato relaxed back against the lab wall.

"Oho, that must be exciting. According to Shinji, she hasn't stopped bragging to her class about how good she's gotten at making tasty food."

…maybe I should've been more clear with my critiquing. Didn't think she'd get an inflated ego this quickly from that, which, maybe that was just a blunder on my part. Asuka was getting better, no doubt, but that didn't come without its fair share of spectacular failures.

"I-Is that so? Asuka's certainly got a… unique style."

Misato could immediately tell how I felt from my voice's inflection. "...how bad is she?"

I scratched my chin. "Bad's a strong word. I'd say it's more like she somehow manages to be a magnet for awful cooking luck."

"...funny, Shinji said something similar when he first tried my home cooking." She began glaring out towards the glass overlooking the test plugs. That was certainly a worrisome look, though considering Misato's "home cooking" consists of mixing canned soups and pastes into instant ramen cups, all I felt was pity for the young boy's diet.

We both stood in silence for a few minutes, just observing the operators and Dr. Akagi running the tests. The soft whirring of all the tech in the room made for an oddly peaceful scene. Almost like I could fall into a nice nap here, though that could just be my sleep deprivation talking.

"Video games, huh." Misato broke the silence, which made me realize I really was almost falling asleep here. "I don't know a whole lot about them myself, but I've noticed Asuka usually has a handheld one with her pretty often."

I nodded. "She uses it to 'keep her skills in top form', or something like that." I chuckled, thinking it was a pretty silly reason, but Misato almost looked impressed.

"So, she's keeping up with her training even when having fun, huh? That's so like her."

"I don't know if I'd go far enough to say playing a video game is keeping up with training, but she does play it a lot. Basically whenever she's not hanging out with her friend from school or with me." Misato seemed oddly interested in this particular topic, given her attention was turned towards me more now than it had been before.

"You'd be surprised." The Major started. "I mean, the Eva's combat training programs are essentially video games. Every little bit helps, especially if the games are focused on timing or shooting. Asuka seems to always take care not to let those skills get even the slightest bit rusty."

I guess putting it that way did make a lot of sense. Even with Rebel Gear, while I've been intrigued by the story and characters, the virtuous mission and the espionage, Asuka's definitely been most enamored with the gunplay. I think we only make progress when she plays too, as it's very rare I'm able to handle the combat or the stealth on my own.

…but, if even something as purely entertainment-based as video games are being used by her as an extension of training, then that'd almost make it seem like the only times she really gets to relax and not have to think about any of that are when she's spending time with me or Hikari. That's a little… sad, though at the same time is also Asuka to a T.

"...on that note." Figured I may as well ask, since we're on the topic of skills and video games. "Just curious, would it be much trouble to get me into some real firearm training?"

Misato screwed her face up. "Even if you do it, you won't be permitted to take a gun outside the HQ anyway, especially not with your current clearance level." Her face softened a bit. "You're at some of the lowest risk in this entire place with your station, essentially just a civilian hiree. Why would you need to know how to fire a gun? The NERV issued service pistol won't make a lick of difference against an Angel."

She laughed about it, but even that didn't deter how I felt. "Misato, I'm serious. Even if it never amounts to anything, I'd rather have the skill than not. We don't know what'll happen in the future." Her laugh tapered off soon after she saw my expression, giving me a smirk instead.

"Well, if you're really serious, there's nothing else I can say. I can give you the full rundown next week sometime before the holidays, if that's fine by you." As I nodded, the Major's smirk slowly began creeping into a much more sly grin, with a glint in her eye. "I'm going to make the assumption that this sudden interest in firearms might be related to the game you and Asuka have been playing?"

I gritted my teeth. It felt kinda lame to have it spelled out like that, but that made it no less accurate. "S-So what?"

Triumphantly placing her hands on her hips and humming a fanfare, her smile peaked. "I knew it! Why, aren't you just the most adorable thing? How very heroic of you to step up to the plate of real military combat training to protect your little gaming buddy!~"

The way she enunciated infuriated me for some reason.

"That's not it at all!" Well, not entirely anyway. It was actually even worse in reality! I just thought a video game character was kinda cool. No way I'd tell her that though…

Misato giggled like a schoolgirl at my reaction. "Relax, skippy. Gosh, you're so easy to tease." As she did, she noticed me glaring at her, which just intensified her giggling fit. Once she calmed down, she started speaking again with a sigh. "Y'know, I needed a lively conversation like this, I've been pretty tired myself lately."

"Oh? I wouldn't've figured." She smiled.

"Trust me, it's part of my job description to be good at keeping stuff like that under wraps. Coffee only does so much, though. I really am hoping the holidays will actually give us a break and not give rise to a… Christmas tree styled Angel or something." Misato's imagination was impressive sometimes. No, it was all the time; that was the same imagination that's been able to come up with strategies and training styles that have benefitted us all in these trying times. She really is amazing. Her hands quickly clapped together, snapping me out of my admiration. "Well, in any case, it seems like the tests are finishing up. Let's go see how the scores are looking!"

I knew how Asuka'd react to news like this as soon as I saw the screen.

Shinji's harmonic values were the highest they had ever been, and even more than that, he had even begun passing Asuka's, firmly putting himself in first place for this session.

Misato wasted no time connecting to his test plug to deliver the news, giving him a thumbs up and enthusiastically congratulating him on a job well done. It really was great news for us; the stronger the pilots could become, the better chance we have to deal with anything that comes our way in the future.

There was absolutely no way Asuka wasn't fuming right now, however.

Rei wordlessly passed us in the hallway outside of the changing rooms. Her harmonic values were performing as normally as they always have, as well she didn't really seem to mind who was in what place overall. Rei was just doing the tests because that was what she was ordered to do, I suppose. As I looked back, the blue-haired girl turned the corner we had just come around, and at the same time, a loud bang rang out from the female changing room.

"...what the hell was that?" I questioned, taking a swift step towards the door. My mind immediately went to something happening to Asuka, but I was cut off by Misato before I could enter the room.

"Ohhh no, mister. I get that you and Asuka are close, but you can't just barge in there! It's a changing room, for god's sake. Have some decency, go check on Shinji or something!" Understandably, the Major shooed me away from the door, my ears beginning to grow warm from what could've been a potentially embarrassing accident.

I hoped Asuka was taking it okay, but that sound was a little too worrying for my liking…

Entering the opposite side, I heard a locker close softly and a lock click into place nearby.

"Hey, Shinji, you in here?" I called out, though these particular locker rooms were only for Eva pilot use. We only have one male pilot, so it'd be weird for anyone else to be here.

"Lieutenant?" The boy's head poked out from around the corner of a locker row. "I'll be right out."

"Take your time." I answered, as his head retracted out of view. "I saw your scores, by the way. Well done, you've really come a long way since you first started piloting!" There was a short pause before he answered.

"...uhh, thanks." Another pause. "...do you think… do you think Asuka's gonna be mad at me for this?"

Pretty standard of Shinji to worry about something like that. "I wouldn't worry too much. No matter what anyone says, today was your victory. It may have only been for training, but you should still feel proud!"

He came out around the row of lockers wearing his school uniform. "Maybe you're right. It did feel good when Misato told me I was number one…"

"Well if that's the case, you really don't have anything to fret over. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine."

He gave me a half smile before he started speaking again. "So, wait, where did Misato go anyway?"

I motioned towards the door next to me. "She's checking on Asuka. We can wait for them in the hallway if you want." Shinji hesitated for a moment before nodding and the two of us exited the locker room.

A flustered Misato and a belligerent Asuka were already standing in the hall when our door opened. It was essentially the view I expected to see, yet Asuka's left hand was the first thing to really catch my eye. A white bandage had been wrapped around her knuckles. She caught me staring at it and quickly put her arm behind her back before gritting her teeth.

This girl…

We exited the Geofront in relative silence. I could tell Asuka was nearly boiling over the entire trip, the way she pursed her lips and clenched her jaw. Rather than blurting out some angry spiel at Shinji in the middle of a hallway, she held it all in. I hesitate to say she was keeping her cool, but she wasn't making it anyone else's problem at least.

As soon as we got in the car, I expected her to explode. Yet, she didn't.

She just sat, with her jaw still clenched tightly, staring out the window. I noticed she was also gently nursing her bandaged hand with her free one.

"It's alright, you know. Feel free to say whatever you want." The least I could do was let her vent about what she had bottled up. Never good to keep stuff like that in.

"I'm fine."

Her answer was snippy. Not to mention, a clear lie. I pulled the car onto the main road leading to the apartments.

"People who are fine don't usually punch things to get their anger out."

Asuka's head swiveled towards me at mach speed. "How did you–"

"You think it wasn't obvious? Why else would Misato have to treat your hand, as well as that loud bang…" I chuckled softly. I didn't know for certain that was the case, but her reaction confirmed it. "What am I ever going to do with you?" She scoffed, turning back towards the window.

"You might not have to do anything with me. If the great and powerful Shinji starts passing me, I may as well pack it up. The battlefield's no place for little girls when a big, strong man can…"

"Okay, okay. I get it." We both sat in silence for a bit. I know I said I'd let her vent, but that kind of thinking wasn't going to serve her well at all. "You know this isn't as simple as all that. You're not just going to get kicked out because Shinji passed your sync rate once. We need all the pilots we can get, and the stronger you are alone, the better you'll be as a team. We've been over this."

"But what if it's not just once?" Asuka started, her voice becoming strained. "What if it's every time? What if I can't catch up? What then?" She ignored my comment about teamwork and focused in on her own individuality.

"Asuka…"

Her arms crossed as she looked down at her feet. "I can't help it. It's just the way my head works, Lieutenant. I don't want to let it bother me, but then I start thinking and… it just pisses me off so much. So so much."

We drove into the complex's lot, and I parked the car. Neither of us moved from our seats.

"There are better things you can use that anger for, Asuka."

"Don't tell me you're gonna say 'oh Asuka, channel that into your strength!' or some dumb cliché line like that. This isn't a video game. It's not easy to just sidestep these feelings."

"..."

"...I can't believe it, that was exactly what you were going to say, wasn't it!? Mein gott, you actually thought that was going to be a good line, didn't you? You actually thought that!"

Her sudden laughter filled the parking lot.

I didn't like my inspirational speech being cut short like that (or having it made fun of), but… at least she was just laughing it out now. It sucked all the tension out of the conversation we were having, and that was at least better than going around in circles again. She did worry me, regardless.

If Asuka still felt any lingering anger, I couldn't notice it for the rest of the night. We entered the apartment and as soon as we finished eating, we went straight back to the Playstallion. Tonight, we had to face off against a boss named Pistol Jaguar, and I was honestly more enamored with his ability to twirl his guns around his hands like it was a circus act than actually focusing on the fight itself. It didn't take long before Asuka had to yank the controller out of my hands to finally put him in his place.

My nightmares have become far more vivid lately as well, I've noticed, and the shadow approaches me much faster now than it ever had before.

I worry plenty enough about Asuka as it is, yet, I may have neglected myself for too long now. Something's wrong with me. I can feel it.