Bull was nowhere to be seen when I awoke this morning. The fire had burned down. My bed was still damp and I ached. I was not the type of person to think the worst of people. But sneaking out? That's a bit of a low blow, especially since we were friends.
I boiled water, washing myself up. I scrubbed the sheets and got dressed for the day. I tried not to think about Bull not being there. I wasn't upset in the traditional sense, I didn't feel used or anything like that. It was just strange, or maybe I was overthinking it.
"Thought you would be sleeping in today," Leliana appeared on my right.
"Because I has sex last night?"
"Yes."
"No such luck," I smiled at her. "Have any letters come for me? Specifically from Jowan?"
"No, nothing yet. He is taking care to cover his tracks."
"Well thank you anyways," I sighed and looked up towards the mountains. Where was he? And why did he feel he couldn't come to me about whatever it was? I missed him.
"Does this mean you will be...spending more time with the Iron Bull?" she asked, handing me a cup of dark liquid. I raised an eyebrow at her.
"It is tea," she told me. "It will ensure nothing comes of your night with him."
"Nothing comes of...oh you mean like a baby? Is that possible? I mean, you need to share DNA to, never mind," I smiled and took a sip. It was bitter as bitter can be.
"I don't think anything is going to change between Bull and I. I mean, he snuck out before I was even awake this morning."
Leliana's thin red brows came down in a bit of a scowl.
"None of that. I didn't spend the night with him with the intention of developing deep feelings for him. It was...stress relief and mutual desire at best."
"You're up early," Blackwall smiled at me as he walked up.
"You know what they say about rest and the wicked," I grinned at him.
"Aye," he nodded. "What plans have we for today?"
I looked at Leliana and then back to him and shrugged.
"We need to discuss who to approach for assistance with the breach, so I think a little round table action is necessary."
"Round table?" Blackwall asked, crossing his big arms over his chest.
"Get everyone together and hash it out. See where we land and go from there."
"That will prove interesting."
An hour later and we were all in the back room in the Chantry, discussing loudly who to approach. I listened as Cassandra argued with Varric. Sera and Vivienne were like two angry cats trapped in a sack together. Cullen and Solas were at the very least talking instead of raising their voices. But it was Bull and Blackwall that were the loudest. Bull wanted the Templar's. Blackwall steadfastly adhered to a 'whomever the herald chooses' attitude.
"This was an interesting idea," Leliana spoke from my left.
"At least no one is throwing fists," I whispered back.
"Give it time," Josephine clipped. "Blackwall and Bull look ready."
And they did.
"You're just mad I slept with her."
And the entire room went silent. I looked to Bull.
"What exactly does that have to do with anyone's opinion on who we approach for assistance?"
No one spoke, not even Bull.
"Right. So as mortifying as this is for me, we need to move past it and continue our discussion. Because time is not on our side and the breach has to be closed. I can't do it alone, I tried. It almost killed me. If you cannot come together and make a decision, just say so and I will decide without you."
I got up and left them to it. Leliana followed after me as I walked out into the cold, crisp air.
"I'm sure you expected it to go something like that," I sighed and looked at her. She had a small smile on her face.
"To a certain degree yes."
"What does that mean?"
She handed me a letter, and I read it over once and then again, feeling my stomach sour.
"Please tell me this came in after," I whispered.
"Yes, midway through your round table."
"So do I kick him out?"
"It is you he hurt," she looked at me. "I am sorry."
"I feel disgusting."
"You aren't."
"Doesn't stop me from wanting to crawl out of my skin."
"Nor me for wanting to slit his throat."
"Dial that back a bit," I wiped a few tears that escaped from my eyes.
"He doesn't know that we know," she offered. "That could be useful to us."
"Nope," I shook my head. "I don't work like that. You do what ever you think is necessary on your end, but I'm confronting him."
"You're more like your mother than you know."
We stood in silence for a few moments before the doors opened behind us and they filtered out.
"I cannot believe he said that," Cullen came to stand at my other side. "Of all the...are you alright?"
"I'm okay," I smiled at him. He was like a big brother, always fussing over me.
"You will not like this," Leliana took the paper from my hands and handed it to him.
"By the Maker," he gasped and looked down at me after he finished reading it. "That insidious..."
"I got this," I told them, interrupting the start of Cullen's rant.
"Are you sure?" Leliana asked, her sharp eyes narrowing on me. I could feel Cullen watching me as well.
"Not really," I smiled. "But it's my behavior and my actions that lead to this so I will handle it."
"Want my sword?" Cullen gritted his teeth.
"I don't think that will be necessary," I replied and wandered off to where I knew he was. The Singing Maiden.
"Shit," I heard his voice before I saw him. When I moved passed a small group of people and saw him downing a tankard of ale quickly. He slammed it down and waved for another. His good eye rolled down to me just as the next tankard was set in front of him.
"Wanted to have at least 2 of these down before you got here," he sighed and pulled a stool out for me.
"I didn't realize ale was required when dealing with me," I used my foot to slide the bar stool back in. "I won't need it, this won't take long."
"You look mad," his eye assessed me for awhile and I let him.
"I'm actually furious," I smiled at him. "You should drink that before you deal with me. I'll wait." I turned so my back was against the bar and leaned on it, surveying the room.
"This is about more than just what I said earlier," he didn't touch his ale.
"Were you ever my friend?" I asked him, turning to look at his face. "Or was it all so you could get closer and get more information to send back? Before you lie to my face, you should know Leliana intercepted a letter from you destined for Par Vollen."
"That'll explain the anger," he grabbed his tankard and felt myself get honestly and truly angry.
"Despite my feelings, I am not going to ask you or the Chargers to leave. You are assets to the Inquisition."
"You read that letter?"
"Yes. I particularly enjoyed when you called me emotional and easy to manipulate. Oh, and how you were going to use my attraction to you to get even closer."
"Who knows?" he asked casually.
"Goodbye Iron Bull."
I smiled and waved to Sara who had raised her hand and waved for me to come over and sit with her. I wasn't going to at first. I was going to head back to my room and cry, maybe break some stuff. But I needed to put it away. I made the choice, despite Bull's motives. And I would have to live with it. I slunk through the crowd of people, smiling and hugging as I went, people were excited to see me, see my mark and speak with me.
"What a tit, hey?" Sera said the moment I sat down.
"Huge tit," I agreed, taking some of the cheese off her plate.
"He was big though, right?"
I nodded and then added, "Huge."
She snickered. I drank with her for a little while before going to seek out Varric. I knew I could confide in him, in a way that I couldn't yet do with Leliana. I was hurt. Bull hurt my feelings, made me feel foolish and naive and used.
He wasn't in his tent so I headed to my cabin, figuring I could just sit in front of the fire and read, drink and do a little crying. But when I saw the smoke coming out of my chimney, I knew Varric was there waiting for me. I opened the door and smiled to see him sitting in a chair near the fire, two glasses out and a bottle of my favorite wine sitting there. He had a book in his lap and when I didn't speak, he looked up at me.
"Sweetness," his voice was soft and my lip began quivering almost immediately. He set his book down and came toward me just as I burst into tears. The rest of the night was spent with him consoling me as I cried, laughing with me, reading to me and of course, drinking wine. I must have passed out at some point because when I woke up in the morning, I was tucked into bed.
Life went on, and I made the decision to go to the mages for assistance. I met Dorian, time traveled, closed the Breech. I was laughing and singing with everyone until the alarm was sounded. I ran to the gates, being held up by terrified people wanting to know what was happening. I directed them to take cover and help others find it as well until I knew what I was going on. I was the last one there, after having found a missing child who was hiding under a wagon and returning him to his nearly hysterical mother.
"What's going on?" I asked, slipping my hair tie off my wrist and pulling my long hair up into a messy bun.
Cullen explained a force was marching over the mountains to us, flying under no banner. It was silent for a moment before pounding on the door could be heard. I ran to it, opening it to see Dorian. He greeted me and I hugged him tightly before ushering him inside and shutting the doors again. Being trapped in time kind of bonds you forever. He smiled tightly at me, but rested his hand on the small of my back while he spoke to everyone and explained what was coming. Cullen sent some of the team to assist the trebuchet's that were under attack and not firing. I spoke with him for a few moments before racing to the southern most one, where it had been overrun. I fought hard, knowing Varric, Blackwall and Cassandra were with me. I was turning the trebuchet while they held off the templars that were obviously effected by red lyrium when a large one broke their wall and raced towards me. I had up to this point never taken a life, and I did not want to start now. I held out a hand to him, freezing his feet to the ground as I went back to cranking, putting my whole body into turning it. He broke free was on me in a second. I moved too slow and he landed a slice upon my back, drawing a scream of pain from me. I heard my name being yelled and continued to crank, despite the horrendous pain. He was coming back and I held out my hand towards him and screamed. I had no thoughts, no conscious idea of what to do, all my focus was torn between the pain in my back and the trebuchet. He froze, and began to fall apart, like he was a statue that was crumbling. I was horrified, but the trebuchet was in position and I scampered up it, not entirely sure how it worked.
"The lever!" Cassandra called to me and I pushed with all my might, falling down when it let go and launched a massive boulder into the air. Varric was at my side, wiping my face before pulling me off it. I watched as the boulder hit the mountain and at first nothing happened. But then the avalanche came, taking a majority of the enemy with it. I laughed happily for a moment before a loud roar exploded through the air.
"DRAGON!" Cassandra screamed and Varric hauled me to my feet and we ran just in time to miss being caught in the debris field of the trebuchet exploding into a ball of fire. We made it back to the gate, my back killing me, probably literally, to find Cullen barking orders.
"Get everyone to the Chantry!" I felt a strong hand grip my bicep and I turned to see it was Bull. He was pulling me with him and I felt anger flare up in me, but let it go. Now was not the time or the place. But when I heard cries for help I broke free of him and ran toward the burning building. I was not physically very strong, but I had learned a great deal about my magic and what I could do. I lifted massive timber beams, blew doors off hinges and pushed a loaded cart to help trapped people get free. It was exhausting, and I wondered for a moment if it was how Professor Xavier felt when moving things with his mind. I quickly shook the absolutely obscure thought from my mind and continued my race through Haven, only heeding the dragon above me barely. The people were far more important in my mind, and that was what kept me from panicking. Cullen was directing stragglers into the Chantry when I came upon him.
"Thank the Maker."
I patted his shoulder and entered, finding Chancellor Rodrick was gravely wounded, dying, from the look Dorian gave me. I had never liked him, but I would never wish death upon him. I listened as he spoke of a path out of Haven. I tuned in and out due to the waves of pain running up and down my back, hearing Dorian talk about it coming for me specifically, the monstrous thing I had managed to catch the briefest glimpse at.
"Could you get them out?" I asked Cullen. He nodded after a moment, but I could see there was something else.
"What?"
"We'll need a distraction," he ran a hand over his face, looking pale, worn and afraid.
"I'm the one it's after," I forced a bright smile and I didn't give him the time to argue before I was out of the Chantry and running. There were red templars everywhere and I began tossing them as I ran. I had no clear thoughts as to what I was doing, save to keep them away from the Chantry and hopefully distract the dragon. As I ran I lifted a hand and shot out steaks of light. And boy did that work. I heard it right behind me and dove for the ground just as it passed a few feet above me.
"Are you crazy?!" Varric was there, picking me up. With him was Dorian, Sera and Bull.
"Probably," I replied with a grunt after getting to my feet.
"What's the plan?" Dorian asked, moving behind me to look at my wound. "This is deep."
"I'm going to bury Haven, hopefully take that dragon down with it."
No one spoke and I began moving to the last standing trebuchet.
"At least let me bandage it," Dorian called as I walked.
"I'll live for a little while longer," I smiled over my shoulder at him. We had only just made it when the dragon came down, breathing fire and separating me from my friends. I was terrified, hearing them yelling from behind walls of flame and watching as the mutated monster came walking at me, half his face deformed from lyrium growing out of it. He called me a thief, accused me of stealing the anchor, which I retorted back with some incoherent thing as my hand was radiating more pain than I had ever felt in my entire life. I could barely get my breath to speak, let alone scream. He threw me when whatever he was doing didn't work. His deep voice was still speaking when I realized I was on the trebuchet. The world was blurry now, big dark spots were creeping into my vision but I saw the streak of light, like a flare shoot up into the sky. My heart soared for a moment, knowing they had gotten clear.
"Dumb ass," I laughed and threw my body at the lever. He turned to see where it would land and I took off as fast as I could, I wasn't planning on surviving, that seemed obvious to me now. But I ran anyways, hoping beyond a hope that I might.
I was freezing and that's when I realized I must have passed out and not died. I got up with some effort, there was snow on top of me, I had to wriggle and crawl before I was able to get to my feet. I looked up and saw a hole with broken wood. I must have fallen through and been knocked out. My teeth chattered and I wrapped my arms around myself. Only one way to go. I stumbled forward, walking through the cave until I reached the mouth. It was snowing heavily out there. But to stay was certain death. I took the sliver of hope and stepped out, not ready for the icy wind and pelting snow. It hurt my skin as I walked. In the moment the wind died down, I would hear the howling of wolves that would raise the hairs on my arms. I tried several times to use magic, but it seemed that it would not come. I fell numerous times, and each time it got harder and harder to pick myself back up again. Hope grew when I passed an old cook fire partially buried in snow. I was on the right path at least. That was something. I was nearing the mountain wall when my legs just gave out from underneath me and I slumped to my knees. I heard yelling as I went down sideways.
"Sweetness?"
I fought to open my eyes, they felt like they had weights on them. But I got them open and saw Varric staring down at me. I smiled in relief.
"You made it," I whispered. "Is everyone alright?"
He nodded, helping me sit up. He took a seat beside me and I leaned against him. I watched as they fought, trying to decide what to do next. Mother Giselle asked me questions about Corypheus, and about incurring the wrath of the Maker. I wasn't a believer, but I wasn't going to poo poo her religion, I had no right to do that. Her beliefs did not effect me in the slightest. So I didn't tell her about the things he said.
I tuned in and out and watched in puzzled wonder as she began to sing and the entire camp joined her, even Varric. I was looking around when I saw Solas. He indicated his head that I should follow him and I did. I felt eyes watching me as I went and turned to see Bull was sitting on a crate near entrance of a tent, eye focused on me. I turned around and continued to follow after Solas. After lighting a torch, he began to explain what he knew. I stopped myself from being angry, I wasn't well versed in this world yet, but I knew the stigma surrounding elves. If the world knew it was elven in origin, people would get hurt.
"I understand why you kept this to yourself," I began, looking at him and then over the mountains and all around us. "It's not right, how your people are treated. Judged. Used." I looked over to him to see him studying me. "I'm not upset with you for protecting your people, but I am disappointed that you didn't trust me."
He continued to watch me, face unmoved, eyes cold.
"I suppose that means I'll just have to work harder in the future to get it," I smiled at him. He nodded after a few moments. And then talked about a place we could go, where we could build anew.
I was singing to myself as I rubbed oil onto my leather chest piece, conditioning it and checking for areas that would require repair when I heard the door open downstairs and heavy footsteps coming up. I paid it no mind at the moment and continued what I was doing. I felt the rush of cool air come up the steps a few moments later, as I was in a thin slip. It was bed for me after this.
"Inquisitor."
I looked up to see Krem. I grinned.
"Hey Krem!" I got up and moved to embrace him. "Are you settling in okay?"
"Yeah, thanks," he nodded, but his face was saying something else.
"What's the matter?"
"It's the chief," he looked around and then back to me. "I know you two had a falling out."
"Is that what he called it?" I smiled, but wasn't the happiest to be talking about him. I had kept my distance from him since the whole ordeal, seeing him now and again, rarely speaking and never taking him with me.
"He was just telling them what they wanted to hear," he began.
"He called me emotional and easy to manipulate," I told him. "Right before he slept with me."
"He doesn't feel good about it," Krem looked at me.
"Not that I don't enjoy your company, but why are you really here? You're circling around it."
"He misses you," he blurted out. "Gets tense and agitated when you go and leave him behind. He's always watching you..."
"Krem, he's a shameless flirt, who sleeps with literally anything that breathes. He's probably pissed about the lack of information he gets now that he's on the outside of the circle."
He shook his head no and we fell into silence. Krem looked at me and I sighed.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Talk to him!" he exclaimed. "I'm not saying you have to forgive him, he did a shit thing to you. Just talk. Okay?"
"Okay," I agreed. "I'll talk to him."
"Oh and stop punishing the entire company for what he did. I'm sick of guard duty."
I grinned.
"Well that's Cullen, but I'm sure I can get him to give you guys more interesting things to do."
"I would appreciate it."
And then the conversation stopped and he kept looking at me. It clicked in my head.
"Right now? You want me to go and talk to him right now?"
He nodded. I grabbed my clothes that I wore around Skyhold. It consisted of a creamy white colored dress with gold stitching that Dorian had brought me. It was beautiful and comfortable and light. It felt amazing against my skin and I missed being girly.
"I've seen you wear it before," Krem blushed when I walked out with it on. "But it takes my breath away every time. You look beautiful."
"Thank you Krem," I smiled.
I walked down the stairs and out into the main area. Varric asked me where I was headed off to and I briefly explained I was going to check in on the Bull because Krem said I needed too. Varric raised a ginger eyebrow and looked at Krem.
"I could use a drink," and he put his quill into the ink bottle and got up with us. When we entered the tavern, loud yells sounded and I grinned at them. I was greeted warmly by everyone before looking for him. He was seated in the back, in a lone chair. That was uncharacteristic of him, he was usually the life of the party.
"I knew you would be a vision," Dorian clapped as he approached me. "You're nearly as beautiful as me!"
"I wear this every day," I told him. "Why is everyone making such a fuss."
"Because every time we see it feels like the first time we've seen it."
"Well that was beautiful, but I've come to expect nothing else from you."
He grinned. Dorian was fast becoming very dear to me. Bull looked up and then right back down to his drink. I broke away from Dorian and picked up the small stool, bringing it over and sitting right in front of Bull.
"I should premise this by saying I do not owe you an apology, you hurt me. Destroyed our friendship and trust with your lies. But I am sorry none the less. I should have been more professional, you and your company are exceptional warriors and deserve better than guard duty. Cullen will be giving the Chargers work more befitting their experience and you are welcome to join whenever I leave with the others."
He barely looked at me throughout the whole thing, and said nothing.
"I should have done this a long time ago, it was childish of me. And for that I am also sorry."
He didn't say anything, just looked at me. I said my piece, apologized for my half of the behavior, but he didn't seem to want too, so I got up and joined Dorian and the rest of people in the Herald's Rest. I didn't drink much, and only from what Varric brought with him. Poisoning was a real threat now that I was the Inquisitor.
"So?" Krem asked me, taking a seat on my right, cutting off my view of Bull.
"I apologized, he barely even looked at me."
"What?" Krem sat up straighter.
"Bree," Cassandra was at the door and the tone of her voice made almost everyone hush. "There has been an update on Jowan."
I was on my feet and in front of her in seconds.
"Someone in Leliana's network thinks they have found Jowan . Brace yourself, it might not be good news."
I nodded and immediately reached my hand out for Varric, but it was Dorian who took it.
"He is talking with the brute," he smiled at me kindly. "I hope I am a worthy substitute."
I hugged him and he returned it.
"You are more than worthy," I told him, kissing his cheek. "And one of the few I would want with me if this news is unpleasant."
We three walked all the way to the war room, where Leliana stood still as a statue. I met her eyes and I knew.
"I'm sorry," was all she got out before I tears began to run down my cheeks in waterfalls.
"What happened," I tried to retain my composure, but it was nearly impossible. I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"He was looking for his family in Fereldan when he was taken by the Venatori."
I nodded, knowing it wasn't quick. He suffered, for months.
"Do we have his body?" I asked, swallowing hard.
"I have inspected it myself," she looked at me. "There is no need for you to see him like that. The grave is dug, we can bury him."
I opened my mouth to argue, to say that I wanted to see him. But Dorian pulled me to him, his hand directing my head to his chest.
"Seeing him now will only tarnish your memory of what he was. Hold on to that," he whispered. I sobbed, feeling as though my heart would break. Jowan raised me, he was a father to me. The hurt was unbearable, I had never felt anything like this before.
For days I couldn't function. I laid in bed and cried. And when I couldn't cry anymore I fell into an exhausted, fitful sleep. Full of nightmares of Jowan that would end with me screaming myself awake. And the cycle would continue.
I was sitting in the tub, Dorian, my ever constant companion in my grief, read to me from a seated position on a stool he had pulled up next to the tub.
"Does it go away?" I asked him, watching his handsome face.
"No," he shook his head. "The pain lessens, but it never truly leaves. You go on, but you carry it with you for all your days."
I nodded.
"Are you ready?" he asked, and I knew he wasn't asking me about getting out of the tub. He was the one who pushed everyone out, fought them to let me grieve in my own way, for as long as I needed.
"It hurts, but not like before," I told him.
"Some days you won't even remember it and others it will feel fresh and raw all over again."
"Thank you," I reached out and took his hand. "I don't know what I would do without you."
"Oh, a woman as strong as you? You would have found your way with or without me."
"I don't want to ever try," I squeezed his hand. He smiled at me and it was one of his rare, genuine smiles that broke my heart because it was so sad.
"You know I am always going to be here for you," I told him, bringing him back from where ever he had wandered off to. "No matter what."
He opened his mouth and I shook my head.
"No matter what."
He nodded and squeezed my hand back.
"Bree," Josephine smiled at me. "It is good to see you."
I smiled and thanked her. But there was a tightness around her mouth that made me look at her again. And also she was just standing on the landing outside my room.
"What's the matter?"
"Your father is here," she blurted out.
"What?" I asked, my mind going to Jowan first and then to Alistair.
"The King of Fereldan is out there, Leliana is speaking to him."
I sighed and looked at Dorian.
"Is Anora here as well?" Dorian asked.
"Yes."
Dorian motioned me to head back upstairs. I was already wearing the white dress, but I sat and pulled my hair up into a slightly messy, but still sort of elegant bun. Dorian pulled a few pieces out here and there, and I did some very natural looking makeup.
"If he has come here to say he arranged a marriage for me or something, I'm going to lie and say we're engaged," I told Dorian as we walked down the stairs together.
"What do I get out of this?" he asked.
"You will one day be King of Fereldan, we will change all the laws, divorce, you will marry the man of your dreams. I will then leave the kingdom in your capable hands and live in a small cottage on Lake Luthias."
He thought it over and then nodded.
"You didn't mention anything about you remarrying," he chastised me.
"I probably won't. How could anyone possibly take your place?"
"A valid point," he grinned as he opened the door. "But I'm sure there is a runner up out there for you somewhere."
I had to stifle a laugh as we entered the common area. Everyone stopped talking and looked at me.
"By the Maker," and I turned to see him. He was dressed regally, but not overly as some of the nobles in Orlais did. He had my strawberry blonde hair, with dark eyes and was sporting a neat beard. I could see the resemblance immediately.
"I'm.." he began and then faltered and tried again. "I am Alistair Theirin."
"My biological father," I nodded at him. He looked very nervous.
"Yes," he smiled. "I do not know what to say," he began.
"You don't have to say anything," I told him. "It's alright to not have the words sometimes. Would you like to sit with me in the garden?"
"Yes," he nodded.
Once seated, he seemed to calm some. Maybe it was because we weren't being stared at.
"I am sorry, for your loss," he started. "I knew Jowan once."
I nodded, it was a gut shot, but I steeled myself.
"Thank you," I looked at him.
"Do you have questions?" he asked. "Because I have hundreds"
"Just one," I told him. "Why won't Fereldan commit more troops to stopping Corypheus?"
He looked at me and then opened his mouth. Then closed it again.
"I honestly didn't expect that. I thought you were going to ask about me and Elissa."
"That's between you and my mother," I began, ready to give him a speech about how he will never fill Jowan's shoes. But the look on his face, the happiness in his eyes pulled at me. "I know you weren't aware of me until it was too late to change things, and I understand you want to know me. I would like to know you as well. But I am still grieving the loss of the man who raised me like a daughter."
He nodded and smiled softly.
"I do not mean to replace him. You are my daughter by blood, but I have done nothing to earn the title father. So perhaps we could start as allies, and maybe one day we will be friends."
I smiled at him.
"That sounds good."
We met with my council, including Iron Bull. Anora was hesitant about committing forces, but when Cullen and Cassandra were done, she was willing, although I believe it was because she wanted a show of uniformity between her and Alistair.
He ate with me and we talked. He had so many questions. He stayed for almost a week before he had to leave, but not before he and Anora officially accepted me as their daughter and heir. The documents were signed, I was presented with a tiara and reintroduced as Bree Rosalind Eleanor Cousland Theirin, Princess and heir to the the throne of Fereldan. I had to do the same thing in a month in Denerim, apparently it was to be my coronation celebration.
I had barely seen any of my council since Alistair showed up, I was either in talks with him or learning from Anora. But now they had left, I was standing up on the battlements, leaning in a gap to watch the sunset. I turned to see them approach, the wind blowing my long ginger hair.
"Your highness," Varric bowed and I shot him a look.
"Do I have to wear this all the time?" I asked them, indicating the tiara that was still on my head.
"Yes," Josephine nodded. "Forgive me. Yes, your highness."
"I forbid any of you to address me as your highness unless it is absolutely warranted."
"As you wish princess," Dorian bowed and I shook my head at him. "You look lovely. Anora picked out a wonderful gown."
"I can't breathe," I told him, holding my constricted waist. "I also can't bend at the waist, eat or go pee."
Cassandra was trying to hide a grin and Josephine was laughing outright.
"One of you should have warned me that I was going to feel like a sausage."
They all laughed at my expense and it felt normal again. I was worried things would change.
"Okay, someone is cutting me out of this when we reach the herald's rest, because I am so hungry I might feint."
We began the slow walk across the battlements, going through the rooms up there to take the stairs down. I found I could barely walk down the stairs, much to the uproarious laughter of Varric and Dorian, who said I was waddling. Krem saved me, seeing me on the stairs and offering me a piggyback down. I took it, just dangling off the back of him as I wasn't able to wrap around him.
"Corset?" he asked when we got to the bottom. I nodded. "Need help getting out?"
"Oh please," I begged.
"Come on," he laughed and we walked past Bull, who met my eyes for the first time in a long time. I smiled at him as Krem ushered me into a small closet. He quickly undid the many buttons down the back of my dress before I heard the sound of him undoing the laces. Relief was almost instant. He worked fast, and before I knew it, he was pulling it out.
"It was too tight," he commented before I felt him touch my back. "You are bruised."
"Price of their beauty I suppose," I told him.
"Take some deep breaths, I'll bring you some wine and we'll get you buttoned back up."
I nodded, taking a seat on a barrel. It was chilly with my back exposed. But it felt so good to take in deep breaths again.
"Krem said you wanted wine."
I turned to see Bull. I smiled at him.
"I did, thank you," I reached my hand out to take it. My hand brushed his briefly and I heard him take in a breath. I took a sip and sighed. I was beginning to feel the pain and I knew sleep was going to be hard coming tonight. I put a hand on my left side, where the pain was the worst.
"Corset to tight?" he asked.
"That's what Krem said," I told him. "He said I was bruised up, is it bad?" I asked and turned.
"Who put that on you?" he asked sounding angry.
"Anora," I told him, looking over my shoulder at him. He was staring at my back.
"This the scar from Haven?" he asked, gently touching the seven inch pink scar that marred my freckled back.
"Yeah, healed pretty good."
"I heard the corset was to tight," Josephine stuck her head in. "Oh, I can go."
"It's alright, Bull was looking at my scar. Am I really that bruised?"
"Yes," Bull replied.
Josephine came in and turned me around so my exposed back was away from Bull. It made me giggle.
"He's seen me naked Josie," I told her. "But thank you for worrying about my modesty."
She gasped.
"What?"
"It was far to tight, why didn't you say anything?"
"Anora said they were uncomfortable," I told them. "Especially for someone who had never worn one, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to be a whiner."
"With this much bruising you could have damage internally, we need to go see the healers."
"Alright, someone button me up," I sighed.
"No," Josie and Bull said at the same time.
"It could make it worse," Josie explained.
"I think you guys might be overreacting," I took another drink of wine. "But I will go."
And I walked out, with the back of my dress open to the top my my butt. I heard Dorian catcalling until it cut off. I walked down the stairs and spoke to a healer, who was terrified to ask me to strip down to the waist so he could inspect my stomach, so he had a Mother Giselle assist him.
"I do not feel anything out of the ordinary," Mother Giselle pushed in various area's of my stomach. "Do you feel any discomfort?"
"My skin hurts, but I don't feel anything when you push."
She nodded.
"You must be very careful your highness, wearing a corset to tight can bruise and break bones, damage you internally, and restrict breathing."
"So I've heard," I sighed and sat up. I was sore, I'd give them that. But I would survive. It struck me that everyone was getting flustered over little things. This was just some bruising. I was buried alive a few months ago after having my back flayed open. I reasoned it had something to do with my recently acquired title.
When the tent opened, they were all there, waiting.
"It's just some bruising," I told them. "I know you were worried, and it warms my heart. But please don't go changing the way you treat me just because of this," I flicked the tiara on my head. Which hurt a little.
Cassandra nodded first.
"Your fa...King Alistair gave us all a very stern, vaguely veiled threats about how your safety is tied to ours," Josephine replied.
"And now what? I am the Inquisitor who sits in Skyhold because everyone is afraid of upsetting the King? Sounds like we can use that to our advantage."
I walked back to the herald to get more wine before heading up to my room. I wanted a bath. I called up the attendants, who brought hot water quickly and I sprinkled crystal grace and elfroot, along with a few drops of oil Josephine gave me. It's from Antiva and made my skin so soft.
I don't how long I was in there, but I could tell the herbs were working as my pain eased. I heard someone coming up the stairs and called out,
"In here."
I didn't expect it to be Bull. He came in leaned against the wall opposite me.
"Everything alright?" I asked.
"I'm sorry," he looked at me. "What I wrote, part of it was what they wanted to hear, and the other was what I assumed was true."
"Do you still think it's true?" I asked.
"I think you let people get to close," he looked at me.
I smiled.
"People or just you?" I asked. His one eye leveled at me. "I already forgave you Bull. Let it go."
He sighed.
"I feel like I've been covered in some kind of dirt I can't get off, no matter how hard I scrub," he looked at me.
"Wash it off, because the only person who is upset with you anymore, is you."
He sighed.
"I realize feelings aren't the easiest thing to express at the best of times, and you were raised to cut them off at the knees. But this isn't the Qun. It's my tub room and it's just you and me. You can say or not say anything you like."
He was silent for a long while and when he opened his mouth it wasn't what I expected.
"The Ben-Hassrath are offering an opportunity for an alliance."
I nodded, disappointed.
"I'll meet with them, let me know when and where."
And with that he was gone. I didn't know why I expected anything more. Dorian came running in as soon as Bull was gone. I explained the conversation and he shook his head.
"He is still very much a member of the Qun,," Dorian offered.
"I don't know why I even made the suggestion," I closed my eyes.
"Because despite everything that's happened between you two, you still like him. And you were just exploring to see if it was mutual."
I thought that over. It made me sad.
"This is so dumb," and I felt it. Why did I keep extending the olive branch? Putting myself out there for him? "Well, I am done doing it."
"Cullen is handsome," Dorian offered.
"He is like a brother to me," I told him. "It feels wrong to think of him in any other way."
"Well, you could always wait for the King to arrange a marriage," he jested.
"It will be a warm day in the Frostbacks when I agree to an arranged marriage."
I met Bull and the Charger's in the Storm Coast, with Dorian and Blackwall.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, though I am not sure if I am to call you Highness or Inquisitor?"
"As I am both, I will let you use your discretion. It is a pleasure to meet you as well Gatt," I nodded my head at him.
"Thank you. Hissrad's reports say you are doing good work."
Dorian snapped off a cocky remark about free will and he and Gatt spatted for a few minutes.
I sighed.
"We'll need to eliminate the Venatori, then signal the dreadnought so it can come in and take out the smuggler ship," Gatt ignored Dorian now. I looked to Bull. This was his deal.
"That work for you?" I asked him. He nodded at me. He briefed Krem and I looked at Dorian and Blackwall.
"Are we really becoming allies with the Qun?" Dorian asked. Bull signaled us before I could answer and we followed him. I hadn't fought with Bull since Haven, and it showed. He raced in, expecting to do most of the work.
I was so steadfast on not taking a life, and most times I could avoid it. But when they were trafficking people, forcing them into slavery, and intent on killing me, I made exceptions. I threw the group high into the high before freezing them and letting gravity do the rest.
"Impressive," Gatt grinned.
"Please do not congratulate me on murdering those men," I told him, walking to the edge of the cliff to see how the chargers were faring. They were already done. I lifted a hand and Krem returned it.
Gatt lit the signal fire and the dreadnought pulled in just before the Venatori ship. It launched it's attack and the ship sank almost immediately. Bull cheered but he stopped quickly as dozens of Venatori came out of the mist, walking towards the chargers.
"They'll be slaughtered!" Blackwall exclaimed.
"We'll never make it in time," Dorian added in, already running to their aide. Blackwall followed behind him.
I listened to Bull and Gatt talk, Gatt wanted him make the chargers hold, Bull knew if they did they were dead.
"They are my men," Bull growled out.
"I know. But you need to do what's right Hissrad. For this alliance and for the Qun," Gatt spoke to Bull. He barely moved and the Venatori were getting closer.
"What is wrong with you?" I exclaimed, grabbing the horn and blowing it without a second thought. The chargers retreated and the Venatori began attacking the dreadnought who couldn't pull out of range quick enough.
I looked at Bull and then at Gatt before leaving to join Blackwall and Dorian, who had already made it down to the beach and were attacking the Venatori. I signaled for the chargers to follow me and we ran down the beach, finishing them off, but not in enough time to save the dreadnought.
"Shit," Krem looked at the dreadnought and then up to the cliff where Bull was standing with Gatt. "There goes the alliance."
"We'll get along without them," I told him.
"Chief is gonna be pissed," he sighed.
Did he know how close he came to dying due to Bull's indecision? Because I did and it terrified me.
"Who blew the horn?" Dorian asked loudly. I knew what he was doing and I lied. Not for Bull, but for Krem. For the chargers.
"Bull," I said as I walked back towards the cliff. The trip home was uneventful. But when we arrived, Gatt was waiting for us. He wanted me to know the alliance was off, and that Bull was Tal-Vashoth now and we would no longer get reports from and Ben-Hassrath contacts.
"So much for that," he sighed when Gatt walked away. I looked at him.
"Were you really going to let them die?" I asked.
"I deferred to your judgment in a situation where I was compromised."
"Fuck you," I said and walked away. I had never talked like that, but he made me so mad.
"Welcome! Welcome welcome!" Alistair quickly walked down the stairs to greet me at the steps of the Castle in Denerim. It was a big city, as far as cities in this world went. "How was the journey?"
"Uneventful," I told him.
"Something has come to my attention which may be more your area of expertise," he took my arm and walked me away, as my friends watched with looks of annoyance.
"If it's demons, rifts, the fade, or magic I really need my allies before we go charging in head first," I told him.
"Yes of course," he nodded.
I pointed to Dorian, Varric and Cassandra and waved them my way. The rest began to unload, except the Iron Bull who came along uninvited. We went down and down, deep into the underbelly of the castle where a rift had opened. Alistair had posted dozens of men, and they slayed whatever came out, but they were unable to close it. I walked towards it, holding my hand up and feeling the familiar connection. A few demons came scrambling out, but were cut down quickly by none other than Alistair himself. I nodded to him and he smiled. He peppered me with questions about the anchor and I answered the best I could.
The coronation was scheduled for the next day, and I didn't plan on staying long. We had a lot to do back home before heading into Orlais. And a decision to make. Save the Empress or let her die? This all weighed on my mind while I settled in for the night. Per Cassandra, I said my farewells and retired to my room, and then used my magic to move me to her room. I slept on the chaise and her the bed. It wasn't until we heard shouting in the early morning hours that we knew it was for good reason. Apparently a fire broke out in the rooms I was given. Alistair came running, barking orders and he had to be held back from running into the blazing room.
"I am here," I called to him. He stopped in his struggle to look at me. His face was awash with fear, tears on his cheeks. But the longer he looked at me, the more relief sunk in. He raced to me and pulled me to him hard.
"Forgive me, but I feared you were gone," he composed himself. "How did you get out?"
"At the behest of my friends I did not sleep in the room assigned to me," I told him. I watched his face darken.
"Because you feared this," he pointed to the flames which were slowly being put out by mages and men alike.
"I didn't suspect anything," I told him. "But I trust my friends and did as I was asked."
"I will double your guard, you will leave immediately after the coronation," he was still looking into the flames. "I will find those responsible for the attempt on your life and see they are tried and punished. I will forward the findings of the investigation to Leliana."
He had always seemed so joyous, but right now he looked furious. His hands were shaking with his anger.
"I am alright," I reached out and grabbed one of his shaking hands. "It was more than likely a Venatori agent sent by Corypheus and not one of your own."
He nodded, holding my hand for a moment.
"This was supposed to be a joyous occasion. I was going to show you the city, let the citizens meet you. Introduce you to your birthright."
"There will be time," I told him.
He nodded.
The rest of the day went off without a hitch, Cassandra, Josie and Leliana dressed me, I had my hair done up, make up applied. Alistair drowned me in jewelry and gifts. Along with Earls and lords from all across Fereldan. It was surreal. I had the most fun when I was able to dance. Dorian and I had been practicing for weeks and we tore that dance floor up. It was late when we left, using the cover of dark. Alistair told no one of our departure, not even his wife. He lent us carriages and we were off, making the long trek back to Skyhold.
We were waylaid several times by bandits who thought we were nobles but boy, they ran fast when Iron Bull stepped out from one of the carriages. Once, all I had to do was stick my glowing hand out the door and they ran screaming the Inquisitor was coming. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I was tired and decided I could discuss my image with my advisors when we got back to Skyhold.