[01/09/16]

We're better off as friends, you know?

The setting was the large estate of Mimi's grandparents, an impressive place just outside Tokyo in Yokosuka, in the Kanagawa Prefecture. The occasion: yet to be determined. The cajoling had included multiple reasons why leaving the city was a great idea, that they needed to bond, and celebrate accomplishments, and life, and youth. As usual, it hadn't really mattered. No-one had the guts to stand up and tell Mimi she couldn't have a party.

And so he found himself there, surrounded by the crisp autumn air, gazing up at the moon and feeling the familiar bite of loneliness he always felt in these things. It was something that went beyond people, and it didn't matter if he was alone at home or here, enjoying a vastly generous barbeque with his closest friends. Somehow, it was a feeling Yamato couldn't quite shake off.

The girl in question stood with his brother, poring over the traditional grill area and looking back impressed at Ken-kun and Iori-kun, who seemed to know a lot about these things. There had originally been help preparing the food, but Mimi had felt that it stiffened up the ambiance, having people work while they had fun, so she had sent them on inside with strict orders to enjoy themselves for the night. The staff had been baffled, but Hiroko-san, who had been butler of the Tachikawas since before Mimi's father had married her mother, was used to his charge's eccentricities and had made sure that neither the food or drink ever ran out, whilst remaining unseen and unobtrusive. Yamato was impressed, and a touch amused.

His hand wrapped around his glass of umeshu, sipping lightly as he turned his back on the cheerful party, sighing softly. On his right, he saw him draw closer to her, his hand touching the small of her back in a polite, intimate gesture. She didn't flinch, didn't jump — but she inched just that much closer to him, smiling benevolently as she took the steaming cup he offered.

"Do you want some more cider, Kururagi-san?" Sora asked, and the young man smiled politely, nodding his head.

"Yes, thank you, Takenouchi-san."

He watched his best friend pour his drink for him, look up at Yamato, and smile. He did his best, finding it difficult when Kururagi-san looked straight at him with his big, liquid brown eyes, and he turned away almost immediately. Of course, someone had to have seen it all.

"Does it bother you?" Taichi, who was never gentle, never soft, was looking at him strangely.

"No," he said, and the lie almost got stuck in his throat. "She's good, he's good to her. I'm happy."

He felt her before she spoke, turned just a fraction before her hand touched his arm.

"Yamato-kun, Taichi-kun!" she exclaimed happily, holding a bottle of sweet plum wine in her hand. "Are you having fun?"

"The food's fantastic," Taichi said, at the same time Yamato added, "It's a great party."

Yamato shot him a half-glare, but Mimi laughed her high, sweet laughter, and he was forced to look back at her.

"I'm happy you like it, Taichi! There's tons to go around. Trust me." She turned to them, shaking the bottle in her hand, and Yamato, knowing it was rude to decline, offered his half-empty glass while Taichi took a drink to make room for his. Mimi poured their drinks quickly and efficiently and, after a few more minutes of light small talk and jokes, left their side. His eyes followed her back to the table, laughing next to Miyako, pushing back Ken's hair, leaning against Takeru's arm...

It felt not very long ago, he was the receptor of those small touches and bright smiles. It was his arm she leaned against, his hair she pushed back, his neck she held on to. And now those little touches were spread amongst her friends and he, who by all means should've been standing next to her, was separated by an invisible wall that kept him out. He watched Suzaku come closer when Mimi called him, the faint smile on his face and the blush on his cheeks once she hugged him, nipped his neck, kissed his lips. And God, she was so beautiful, always had been. But this was good, he reminded himself, this was safe. In the distance from here to there, Mimi could be everything he had ever wanted, and everything he had never asked for. Here, the impossibility of not knowing how to love her, did not hurt as much.

Yamato turned to look at her, and she was busy chewing a prime cut of toro, having difficulty keeping her smile from spreading out. Her eyes rose and met his and Yamato smiled softly, tipping his glass towards her. Just a twinkle in her eye, a small, involuntary blush, and she was back in Suzaku's arms and he had turned his back on her, looking at Taichi.

"It's better this way," he shrugged, took a swig and the lie tasted sweeter. "For both of us."

Notes: Kururugi Suzaku is a character from Code Geass and I love him dearly, (can you tell?).