You're considered legally drunk at .08% BAC. Imagine if you had more than that. Your blood would be alcohol at 100%, though you'd be long dead by then (lethal is considered .35-.40%). The most I've heard of in a drink is 96% by volume, which is pretty extreme, but that doesnt translate to BAC. Now, since Aqua is a 175 pound female, if she were to drink a six pack of that over an hour, she'd only be at a 3.34% BAC. It'd take 18 to get her to at least 10%. Of course, alien blood is some hardcore shit, as I replied to a review once upon a time.
Now somewhat tangentially related to alcohol is Dwarf Fortress, which I referenced in the pre-chapter last time. Mermaid bone farming was an actual thing at some point in that game's development (there was a hilarious thread about it on Bay 12 entitled 'Chasing the Elusive Mermaid') where, for whatever reason, mermaid bone items were worth a large sum of money.
So Bay 12, being Bay 12, set about designing a mermaid farm involving breeding and air drowning children. As a matter of fact, here's two quotes describing the whole laughfest.
"This is quite possibly the most extraordinary thread I have ever seen."
"'The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?'
You misspelled 'hilarious'"
As a matter of fact, Bay 12 is a goldmine of hilarious out-of-context quotes. Just pull up a random thread (TV Tropes provides some great jumping-off points) and start reading user sigs. You'll be coughing up a lung in minutes.
For example: "The closest thing Bay 12 has to a flame war is an argument over philosophy that slowly transitioned to an argument about quantum mechanics."
It might also explain my morbid sense of humor, since everyone else ain't as used to casual mentions of horrific violence as I am.
MarauderPrime12: Noticed, did you?
Thanks to JammyONE and kokugatsu for the follow/favorite.
Journal of Admiral Steele, January 10, 2558
I got awoken rather rudely by the sound of sawing logs. And early too; 0400 hours.
The source turned out to be Hood, who was snoring loud enough to be heard through a steel door. My steel door, which she was sat outside of. I left her there and went to the office.
On the way I passed by Ooyodo at her desk. Sure enough, she sleeps there. Facedown.
However, the usual pile of paperwork was still there. Well, queue of files- technology, after all.
Among them was Naka's 'fleet idol' request, R&D requesting a MAC round, and…
Hold on a second.
One does not just ask for a 600 ton ferric tungsten/depleted uranium slug.
So I did. Learn not to question, and point the finger when questioned. First rule of Officer's Camp...
I was finishing breakfast when Hood re-entered the stage play my life was becoming. I saw her make to tackle me before holding herself back- my nose was still broken by Yuudachi- and instead sat down next to me.
"Admiral! Don't do that!" She snapped. "I woke up and you were gone, and you could have been kidnapped, or attacked, or-"
"ODST, remember?" I replied. "Besides, I'm always armed."
"With a pistol." Hey, some swear by the thing. But I suppose I should demonstrate.
"Scooch over a bit, would you?" I asked. When the battlecruiser complied, I drew my energy sword.
"I see your point." Hood squeaked.
"I'll say!" Tenryuu appeared in front of me, visible eye shining. "That's fucking awesome!"
"Yeah, and you can fight a Sangheili for one." I cheerfully replied.
"Orrrrr, I could study and replicate it?" Luna purred, stroking my arm.
"I took this thing out to make a point, not be the center of attention." I complained. Then I deactivated the sword and handed it to Luna. "Fine, but if that thing comes back with a vibrate function, I'm shoving it into a very uncomfortable place."
"Fair enough." The scientist said, slowly reaching for it, and coincidentally giving me a view down the tight, low cut blouse she was wearing. I merely gave her an unamused look. Though I spotted Tenryuu and Hood giving her looks as well. Of jealousy?
"God, my life is becoming a fucking drama." I groaned in despair.
"So I found this game, and oh my god is is addicting." I overheard Akizuki say as she and her two sisters entered the not-bar. I was sitting at the actual bar, drinking away the realization my life was a terrible sitcom, and only hearing her out of half an ear.
"So why are we here to play it? We have consoles in our dorm!" One of her sisters- Teruzuki, I think- responded.
"Because the Ashfords are on it, and I don't like a 6-on-3 fight's odds. And they have better armor."
"Yeah, I see. So, what's the game?"
"One second!" Akizuki chattered, navigating menus at a speed only practice or several doses of caffeine grants you. "Here!"
"Call of Duty: Black Ops?" Hatsuzuki read.
"Yeah, but that's not what I mean." Akizuki clicked through the menu.
"Zombies?" Her sister chorused.
"Yup! Survive as long as you can!"
I wandered over as Akizuki began a game to show her sisters how it worked. She started a game of Kino der Toten, aka the map everyone plays because it's on-disc and not 'Five'.
She died on Round 4.
"No! Dammit!" She swore. I stepped up as she put the controller down and pouted.
"Mind if I show you how it's done?" I said with an amused smirk. She gasped in surprise, her and her sisters shooting into salutes.
"Admiral!"
"At ease, kids." I chuckled. "Didn't I say I don't really care? Besides," I cracked my knuckles as I picked up the controller. "I'm an old hand here. Allow the master to show you how it's done." I started another game.
"What's that?" Teruzuki asked as I spent my starting money on a drink of soda.
"Quick Revive. Gives me a second chance." I said. I took aim at a zombie, finger blurring on the trigger as I blasted the full clip into it's leg, then knifed it to death.
"Wait, you can do that?" Akizuki questioned.
"Yeah. It's kinda intuitive." I said. I began to move deeper into the theatre, moving towards the dressing rooms.
"Wait." Hatsuzuki pointed at the dark Speed Cola. "Why's that one dark, but Quick Revive is lit up?"
"You get three mercy Revives in solo." I explained. "They don't require power, but the real perks do. Like so." I flipped the power switch, turning on the power to the place. The girls jumped as they heard the howling of Novas.
"What was that?"
"Nova Crawlers." I frowned. "You will learn to hate those things." I connected the teleporter to Pack-A-Punch, but didn't use it. Instead I went back into the theater area and grabbed a Bowie Knife and a drink of Juggernog. "This perk here, this is the most important." I said, pointing at the perk emblem on the HUD. "It keeps you going longer." I hung out in the theater a little longer, grinding points from the zombies and Novas, training in a circle before opening up with the MP40 I'd bought on the way to power.
"Whoa! You're good!" Teruzuki said as I took a sip of Speed. I began to whistle the Speed Cola jingle as I rerouted to the other side of the map, opening the door to the support room and side alley.
"Practice." I said, checking the round. 7. The dogs hadn't come out to play yet, but…
"There we go." I muttered as the fog descended over the map, the call of 'FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!' heralding the arrival of fiery dog death.
"AH! What's that?" Hatsuzuki pointed at a hound.
"Hellhounds." I grunted as the dog leapt at me only to get a knife to the face. "But at least they drop a Max Ammo."
I continued on in silence aside from the occasional grunt as I chugged down Double Tap, then beelined for the teleporter.
"Punch your fist into the air and raise a rebel yell~. There's lotsa bad'uns out there, ya need to send to hell~!" I sang along as I pulled my two little friends, Mustang and Sally from the machine.
"What's so special about them? You just got another gun and a color scheme on them." Akizuki asked.
"Watch, and say hello to my little friends." I said. I waited in the theater for a horde, then fired once.
"Whoa!" All three watched the grenade decimate a good chunk, before paling as more rushed me.
"Now, allow me to show you something." I said, running like hell. I stopped off back in the foyer to look at a red rock. I activated it, hearing the confirmation noise and then booking it to the dressing room. I repeated it there, then ran to support for the last.
"What?" Hatsuzuki asked as the first notes of 115 began to blast out. I smirked.
"No one can see me, and I've lost all feeling, but I know I won't die alone~." I sang along. "Or stop you from breathing, and all your deceiving, and this night, is not my own~!" I unloaded upon the horde, 9x19 Parabellum popping heads left and right.
"This is awesome!" Akizuki crowed. I merely grinned, continuing on until I downed.
"Well, that's how it's done." I allowed myself to die, on round 28.
"Can we play too?" All three asked.
"Yeah, sure." They all connected a controller, and we played for the rest of the hour. Highlights include me reviving all three while being chased by a horde, Akizuki managing to hold out for a whole round without downing, and Teruzuki scoring ten headshots in a row.
It was fun.
An hour later and I was back in my office, designating targets in Bravo subsector. Alpha was pretty much entirely abandoned with Iso and Amie out of the picture, but we'd have to keep an eye on it. The Covenant hit Harvest twice before they glassed it, and it's the closest subsector spatially, so I'm taking no chances.
I did some unusual task mastering with this one. I held back Hood, and designated Ashford flagship. I wanted to test the fleet's flexibility, and also train Hood some, since she was serious about the whole bodyguard bit.
The battlecruiser stood beside me as the fleet departed, then turned and followed as we made our way to the most trafficked location on base; the range.
Well, most trafficked besides the dorms and mess hall.
I started by coaching her on hand-to-hand and melee skills. While she technically couldn't be disarmed, what she was permanently armed with were ship-caliber weapons, and an Archer pod salvo wasn't an optimal solution for someone attacking me unless they were a particularly tough Abyssal. Plus with her strength, she could easily benefit should she run out of ammo (though, thankfully the shipgirls seemed to understand implicitly the concept of 'ammo conservation'.)
Energy swords, meanwhile, are still goddamn kickass.
I then moved on to the ballistic weapons she'd be hanging onto, giving her a choice between having an MA5D assault rifle, BR85N battle rifle, M395B DMR, or M45D shotgun. She chose the shotgun.
So I gave her a rifle course to run.
No, no, it was a shotgun course. I was just screwing with you. Unredacted jokes for the asswipes reading this without permission (you know who you are) aside, she did quite well.
I sighed, mentally preparing myself for the worst part.
"Alright, now for the real fun part." I told her. She was panting somewhat from the exertion, but unlike most, she wasn't laid out entirely.
"Diplomatic training."
"What? I must have, pant, misheard you, huff. Could have sworn, huh, you said diplomatic?" She replied.
"Yes." I grimaced. "I hated it too. In between time on the front lines and the bureaucrats that aren't likable, more than once I nearly decked someone out their window. But unfortunately, you get to do it too. Standard UNSC protocol."
"Why?!"
"Because those of rank Colonel and above get to speak to the masses." I deadpanned. "And as a bodyguard to an Admiral, you are, technically, being promoted beyond that. Ooyodo had to take that training to be my secretary, I had to do it when I hit Colonel too. Well, once the war was over, and I was Admiral by that point..." I trailed off. "Point is, it's fucking stupid, but we gotta do it."
Hood sighed. "Fiiiiiineee…"
Several hours later, Hood finally matched up with the requirements, allowing us to book it for the mess. After getting food, we somehow managed to find a place to sit. The place was crowded with shipgirls now, and though the hall was rated for ten thousand plus grunts, somehow a few dozen shipgirls made the place feel like a sold out concert.
The typical noise level didn't help either.
Either way I just ate as fast as possible and left. It doesn't bother me that much, but seven years of eating as fast as possible because you don't know when a plasma shot's going to be coming for your head just ingrains the habit into you.
The others also had metric pounds of food that I did not. So I had that going for me too.
Research & Development was my next destination. Akashi met me at the door, but I could hear both Luna and Aether celebrating deeper in the place.
"You caught us at a good time." Akashi winked at me. "We figured it out."
"So long as Luna isn't molesting Aether and my sword still works." I intoned. "I may be freewheeling, but I could still kick your asses." Akashi raised her eyebrow.
"Uh-huh." She said, slowly.
"Sword?" I gestured. She allowed me in.
Thankfully Luna was not molesting Aether. The shouting was because there on the table…
….was a sword hilt.
"... is that it." I deadpanned. Aether shook her head, sending her braid flying around her like a crashing Banshee.
"Nope! Watch!" She grabbed it and pushed a button.
"I see now." I whistled as the blade snapped into existence with the same ksshh as my energy sword. However, the blade was shaped like a typical katana instead of… whatever the Sangheili shaped their swords like.
"Yeah. Tenryuu requested it after she saw yours." Luna pointed out. "So we shaped it like hers so she wouldn't have to learn a whole new fighting style."
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to align a plasma stabilization and containment field so that it is slightly curved?" Akashi asked, with a spark of madness within her eye.
"As hard as reverse-engineering alien technology to get armor shields." I responded. Akashi opened her mouth. "I watched the engies foam at the mouth to figure out the shield generators for the Infinity, I know what I say." She closed it.
"Be that as it may," Luna cut in. "Could you call your girlfriend in, please?"
"Y- excuse me?" I asked, deliberately keeping my face blank.
"You heard me." The science ship replied, equally as emotionless. Slowly, I raised my hand.
"Tenryuu." I enunciated into my communicator. "Could you come to R&D real quick? Thaaanks."
"You rang, Admiral?" Tenryuu poke her head into the room a few minutes later. I tossed the sword hilt at her.
"Here." Me and Luna were still staring each other down.
"What's this?" Tenryuu asked, fiddling with it for a moment. Then it activated.
I'm fairly certain the sound she made wasn't measurable on the human hearing scale. Or volume register. While I didn't hear it (and had the foresight to brace), Luna got tossed into the wall, her hands clamped to her ears, while Akashi and Aether desperately held headphones over theirs.
"This is so awe-he-he-some!" The light cruiser squealed as she swung the blade around like it was weightless- which it kind of was, since that hilt is the only solid part of the thing and it was easy to lift for me. Wonders of plasma, eh?
"Glad you like it." I said. I left Akashi and Aether to help Luna out of the wall, grabbing my energy sword along the way.
At least she didn't stick a vibrate function in there.
The 'eeeeeeee' sound that Tenryuu had been making since we'd left to the melee arena was still steadily rising in volume, though lowering in pitch at least, if I could hear it now.
"Tenryuu, could you please stop?" I asked. "You're only just now reaching the top of my audible pitch scale, and you're getting louder."
"Sorry, but it's just…!" She tackled me from behind (thankfully without much force, and without her new sword in her hands) and clung to me as she tried- keyword- to muffle the noise.
"My back does not make an effective dampener." I deadpanned, ignoring everything about the hug, especially the hands.
"You have no idea how much I love you right now." The light cruiser hadn't moved.
"I'm getting a quite extensive idea." I replied testily. Then grabbed a wrist that was guiding a particularly curious hand. "Go below the belt and lose the hand."
"Got it!" Tenryuu was then five feet away in front of me, hands in the air.
"Clever girl." I withdrew my own sword. "Now, let's see just how clever you are, hm?" The plasma blade flared to life.
"Thought you'd never ask." Tenryuu's smirk matched my own as her blade formed in front of her.
Fighting a katana with a Sangheili blade was pretty much just like dueling with any other energy sword-wielder. The interdiction field between the twin points of the blade kept Tenryuu's energy katana out, and she was swift-fingered enough to keep my marauding blade away from her hilt. But she was pretty freakin fast when she wanted to be.
A stab was countered, a thrust was barely parried, and two sweeping cuts slammed into each other. I had to dodge way too many close calls, and did lose some hair to a quick slash.
But I got one over her. I turned my sword off.
When she charged in for the kill, I dodged inside her swing, dropped my sword into my left hand, and held it out, the reignited points hovering over the small of her back.
"Mercy?" I asked nonchalantly. She tensed, then sighed, deactivating her blade. "Thought so."
"Yeah, but you totally cheated!" She complained.
I just laughed. "Pragmatism is what's kept me alive for seven years. Reason before Honor." The cruiser steamed a little longer, before sighing.
"Fair enough. Flippin'cheatin… luckyshe'ssocute…" I merely smirked as she grumbled.
"It's not cheating if it works."
"Is too!"
The Rant
I would like it to be known that, yes, that is exactly how I play Kino (I even played a game to model the one I wrote), and yes, it infuriates me to see/play with noobs. I overall don't care, since I'm still somewhat of a noob myself (I'm only now hitting 15+ consistently) and am aware that there are far better people out there, but still, sometimes... Look up some solo world records on ZombieRecords to see what I mean. People literally play for days. I stop at a half hour, maybe.
Yes, Aqua's life is slowly becoming a sitcom/harem anime. No, I do not regret it. I'm busy laughing my ass off at fucking over an alternate universe version of me. I lost count of how many there are anyways- multiverse is infinite, y'know. I'll be completely honest, I wasn't planning on including Luna in the polygon, but then KC sent me their Luna personality, so she's in now. Because it's entirely in character.
MAC rounds (i.e. standard ship MAC) rounds are actually 600 tons of ferric tungsten/depleted uranium. That's the stuff that was floated for an actual orbital bombardment platform/used to armor M1 Abrams tanks. For the record, a standard ship-based MAC fires these slugs of either ferric Tungsten or depleted Uranium and approximately 9.1 meters long at around 30,000 meters per second. The high muzzle speed gives the 600-ton slug the kinetic energy and momentum necessary to damage a target and partially mitigates the unguided nature of the slug and its lack of maneuverability; once the round leaves the barrel it's trajectory essentially a straight line and cannot reorient it's direction. Orbital Defense Platform MACs fire a 3,000-ton slug at four-hundredths, or 4% of the speed of light, around 12,000 kilometers per second. Unlike explosive artillery rounds or missiles and energy weapons, the destructive force of the MAC round is via kinetic energy on impact. That is straight from Halo Nation. I recently drove myself to insanity attempting to figure out what the Series 8 MAC on the Infinity fires on a video discussing whether or not Infinity would win in a fight against the First Order's dreadnought. It would, because that movie was a crappier version of Empire Strikes Back.
Enough nerdery.
Being a bodyguard, especially for an important figure (see: Secret Service) isn't a walk in the park. People do crazy shit when there are famous people about. Don't ask me why, I just shrug and go about my life.
Yes, she does have that going for her. I regret nothing.
I imagine that people were wondering if Tenryuu would get an energy sword after the Particle Accelerator thing, and I do oblige if you did. If you didn't, fuck you, energy sword.
It's true, honor has gotten people killed. And lost battles. And wars. Always be practical. And I mean take the smart choice, not bomb an orphanage, Jesus.
I don't really like this chapter's title, but I really couldn't come up with a snappy name on the fly.
Let There Be Rock. And Metal. Basically anything that's not most '10s pop.