I wish I could have told "Brittany" that one day in the year 2012, people from all over the world would sympathize with, and understand her. I don't even know what to say about some of the things that have been said. It means a lot and definitely heals some old wounds. Thanks so much everyone :)

xoxo- Your reviews always spark off so much thought, I also didn't even think to include how "Santana" responded to "Mrs Pierce's" Brittana ban, which would have been a huge mistake on my part because in spite of it being disobeyed as often as possible, it was still very hard for her. I've written some of your comments on sticky notes because they remind me of things I have to address later as well. :)

KitKat- 50 points to you! I read The Glass Menagerie some time just before I started this, after hearing "Katie" complain about having to read it for school (which is a fair indication that I'd like it myself). I loved it and realized "Brittany" is much like Laura, but instead has Asperger's not a club foot and a menagerie of plush animals instead of glass ones (with the unicorn being her favorite, and also there's the dependence on not Amanda, but "Santana." It's pretty cool, because you've noticed the only thing I'm really good at which is drawing parallels between two separate things which is an autism related talent. I use it heavily writing this story linking the Glee world to mine. Anyway, thanks for reading and inspiring me to write more. :)

Chapter 7 – Run Away With Me.

Brittany S. Pierce, Present

Dear Santana,

You passed me a note at the lockers with averted eyes when we were all of thirteen. You'd typed it the night before, and you'd had it in your pocket all day obviously waiting to get up the courage to give it to me. You wouldn't look at me afterwards and you didn't want to talk about it.

"Don't you know, Brittany, that the very day you walked into my life was the day my life really began to shine? You didn't notice me at first but from the second I saw you I knew it was meant to be. Don't ever doubt that you're my Britt Britt, the one I want forever, right until the very end."

I'm summarized it a little, but that's what you said. How did I seem to you? Did I really convey how I felt back?

Isn't it crazy now that back then I felt connected to you by your words, yet I couldn't see that you'd written them because you felt connected to me?

You were struggling, Santana, some days you'd write me notes like that as if I was your whole world and other days you would remind me of how much more you needed that I could not provide you. Now that I'm older I can see your struggle between two paths, one, giving in to your own feelings and opening yourself up even though you knew you could get hurt. When you were there, you surrendered to our forbidden love. The second option wasn't the unicorn one, Santana. The second path wasn't a path at all, it was a black hole - where you gave up and closed yourself off to feelings. You were self aware of it, I know, because later on, we began to refer to the Santana who walked that black path as 'Snix,' because honey, after a while I didn't recognize you when you were like that and I'm not sure you recognized yourself either. You weren't 'my Santana' anymore.

You kept straddling both paths as much as I tried to pull you back to me, but it wasn't your fault, you know? You were hurting so much and you didn't love you like I loved you and it made you make some bad choices. I forgive you for that, Santana. I forgive you for everything. I'm just trying to understand.

Love,

Brittany

Brittany S. Pierce, age 13-14.

Brittany never finished The Lord of the Rings. She packed the disk up then and there as soon as she got home. She had seen more than enough Orcs for one night.

Her mother had ignored her the entire car ride home and Brittany was pretty sure she was in disgrace. She was certain of it when her mother pointed up the stairs to her room and said 'you are in disgrace' and that Brittany wasn't to come out for at least a week, except of course to eat and use the bathroom.

Mrs Pierce was very firm, as if she sensed that Brittany might challenge her. Brittany had been very vocal about the fact that she found being grounded for saving Santana tonight totally unfair.
It was as unfair as it had been when she was eight and had been grounded for carrying out her master plan of getting to know Lord Tubbington better. She had decided to run away with the fat cat who was then, a fat kitten. She'd declared herself as the Lord's lady and for all of three hours they had roamed the streets as feral cats with Brittany doing as Lord Tubbington did.

Being grounded that time was totally unfair, Brittany grumbled to herself. And being grounded this time was even worse.

In the end, running away had caused more repercussions to her make up and hair care supplies than to anything else. Lord Tubbington had decided that Brittany was an honorary cat and that he could share all of Brittany's belongings. He had no shame in doing so. Santana often asked why Brittany had citrus-flavored-everything and Brittany would just shrug, but the real reason was because that was the one scent that Lord T disliked. If Brittany didn't buy citrus scented shampoo, any shampoo she bought would be all used up on Lord T's furry coat before she could use any herself.

She wondered if the dance's consequences could be worse than seeing a cat in lipstick.

Now that she was on house arrest once again, she knew that the 'Britt and Tubs club' would once again be in each other's pockets and Brittany feared that by the end of it, the cat might forget about personal space entirely to the point that he might be convinced that Brittany wouldn't mind him reading her diary. Nothing could be hidden from that savvy cat, he had learned too much from observing Brittany and Santana's spy detective missions. How was she ever supposed to go to school again if she couldn't trust that her own cat wasn't reading her diary? It was going to bother her forever now.

Brittany threw herself on her bed and stared agitatedly into space until she felt like she could get up and walk at the same time as breathing again. She and Santana had planned to have a sleepover tonight, and now they couldn't and she never could deal very well when plans were changed. She wasn't too worried about the fact her mother said she wouldn't be seeing Santana again. Now that Brittany had torn up her behavior charts she made her own rules and she planned to only make ones in their place that were logical. If she had three points of logic for the creation of every rule then it seemed pretty solid. Three was a good number.

She was certain that the reason her mother was keeping her away from Santana was really because she had been a bad friend to Santana because she didn't save her from the Orcs. So, she should get a chance to make up for that, right? All she had to do was keep protecting Santana until she had made up for it and make sure her mom saw and then they could go back to having sleepovers again. If her mom couldn't see that she was being a good friend again even then, then her mom's rule wasn't logical and Brittany's rules were better anyway. Maybe her mum was having an adolt moment in the first place when she made it, or was it spelled, adult?

She heard her phone buzz and she leapt at it, hoping that it was a message from Santana. It was.

(S) I'm sorry Britts, I've ruined everything. S

(B) Don't worry San, I've got a plan. Hey, that rhymes. I'm the one who should be sorry, I should have protected you from them. B

(S) Who, your mom? The teachers?

(B) No… the Orcs that were trying to steal your clothes.

(S) Britts, that's not what happened. I wanted them to steal my clothes. I was having fun, I didn't want it to end up the way it did with your Mom but I really liked those guys. This is one of those things that you aren't able to understand.

Santana sent her text, sighed, and leaned back against her headboard on her bed. She had told Brittany she liked being with those boys, and that was almost half true. She had hated them touching her, but she liked touching them. She had liked feeling needed for something.

The boys had grabbed at her, their hands course, their movements rough. Their hands were nothing like Brittany's smooth, gentle long fingers. She didn't exactly have an aversion to touch like Brittany. She knew Brittany would panic if someone she didn't know touched her hand even to guide her somewhere, like the physical sensation of it truly hurt her.

It wasn't like that, but still, something was gnawing away at Santana. This kind of touch was different and maybe it should mean something. It wasn't a touch of the hand, they were touching her in much more private places and it felt like a betrayal of some kind. Who have I betrayed? Santana wondered. The most important person in the world to her was Brittany and maybe she felt like it was Brittany she had betrayed because this could maybe be the one thing Santana ever did that Brittany wouldn't approve of.
Santana couldn't bring herself to actually consider that maybe she had betrayed her own self. She figured that maybe if she blocked everything out in her head then maybe she could let them do it again. If she could just numb herself to everything, it would make everything so much easier.

Their hands on her might have felt wrong, but when she touched other people it wasn't so bad. It was like she stayed clean and everything happened without the same consequences. Santana thought of it almost like a job with a different kind of pay. She got to say when and how, and it felt good to touch them because she knew that while she did it she had their full attention and they were thinking about her. Touching boys made Santana matter. It was like having power, and power was what Santana needed most of all. She didn't have nearly enough of it, if she had, she would be able to have stopped her Papi from abandoning her and she'd have been able to convince Brittany's mom that Santana hadn't done anything wrong tonight with Quinn and would have never have seen that disgusted look on her face.

Her own mother hadn't even bothered to listen to what Santana had allegedly done. When she had arrived, Maria had just shoved her in the car and screamed at her for making her leave her nightshift for this and didn't that 'stupid mother of her little friend' know the proper meaning of emergency? Santana was clearly not dying so why was she called?

Santana knew her mother wouldn't care. She never did. While part of her was glad of it because that meant she got away with tonight, part of her was upset that she wasn't in trouble. Although Susan had overreacted and said some hurtful things, she wished her mom would freak out just a little bit and be worried about her. Mostly, she wished that she could talk to her mother about the feelings she was having.

Santana would hardly admit it herself, but kissing Quinn had been better than any of it. Neither of them had been planning to do it, but the boys had made some typical-teen-boy comment about how hot it would be to see two cheerleaders kiss. They'd meant it as a joke, but Quinn had turned to Santana and smiled wickedly, telling her that she always listened to public opinion because she planned to become a politician one day if she couldn't be a famous model.

Quinn had then leaned over and kissed Santana in front of everyone, including the other Dalton boys who had come by to have a look. A second later, it was over and Quinn turned her head to face the others and all Santana had a view of was a head full of blonde hair. In that moment, Santana pretended it was Brittany she had kissed which made the whole thing seem less confusing and oddly right. Quinn had seemed completely unaffected, laughing with the boys afterwards and before Santana knew it she was already straddling one again and Santana was being nudged by another. Was kissing girls okay if Quinn did it, or was it only okay if it was for the entertainment of the boys that were watching? Her thoughts trailed off when her phone buzzed and Brittany's name flashed up again.

(B) You know San, You're a brown cat with brown eyes, but I'm like a white cat with blue eyes because lots of them are born deaf and that's kind of like me because I'm those colors too and I can't hear what people are really saying to me sometimes.

It was a bit random, but Santana went with it.

(S) I know it's not that you're not listening Britt, it's just that sometimes you can't hear the message of what I'm telling you.

(B) Do you speak Hobbit San? We could translate it to that.

(S) No Britts, but I hope you're practicing your Spanish.

Santana tried to bring the conversation back under control and she sent her another text.

(S) Look Britts, we're gonna find a way to get around your mom okay? I'm not going anywhere okay? So don't worry. -S

(B) I'm not worried. I'm gonna protect you. And if I can't will you run away with me?

Santana's heart started pounding for no apparent reason known to her and that weird feeling of things in this one moment feeling right took over her again. She typed out a response quickly.

(S) Anytime.

Brittany didn't reply for a while, and Santana lay down and tried to sleep when suddenly her phone lit up in the darkness.

(B) Is the message that you mean that you really like getting your clothes stolen by boys?

(S) Yeah. That's right Britts.

(B) Are all boys like raccoons? They like stealing stuff?

(S) I'm pretty sure most of them are. And girls can also be like raccoons too if they want to.

(B) I'll never be a raccoon, I'd rather be a cat like Lord T because he likes sharing stuff rather than stealing stuff. Will you explain all this to me someday?

At the first part of Brittany's message, Santana's heart sank. Brittany probably thought Santana was really gross for wanting this and it kind of hurt that Brittany didn't want it herself. Then she read the second half and wondered if Brittany's random logic was actually the smartest thing she'd heard all week. Maybe it should be about sharing, not using. She shrugged that thought off because it made her uncomfortable for some reason.

(S) Of course I will Britts, But I'm gonna go to sleep now. Wish I was there. Night.

(B) Night San. Wish you were here too.

In spite of being grounded, Susan allowed Brittany a visit to the library because any sort of academic interest on Brittany's part had to be encouraged.

There were twenty-three books on the shelves about raccoons. Brittany checked each and every one of them out and flipped through them all studying habitat, population numbers and diet. Finally she found what she was looking for under 'social behaviors' She soon found what Santana was getting at. The Orcs had been engaging in 'mating' behavior just like these raccoons. Whilst she was interested to note that this 'mating' season peaked from January through late March, it seemed like raccoon couples didn't really like each other. They weren't even friends.

Santana had said that it was important for friends to need each other and like that they needed each other. Brittany nodded her head at this even though nobody else was around and she didn't have to show anybody she understood. She had certainly witnessed how rough those Orcs had been, it wasn't any wonder they had been like that if they weren't even friends while they were trying to 'mate.' Apparently, the female raccoon only tolerated, rather than needed, the presence of the male raccoon during actual 'mating' and then kicked him out afterwards until next year because he was too aggressive, especially to the little raccoons.
Maybe Santana only wanted to hang around boys-who-were-like-raccoons at annual Dalton dances (was that another word for mating?) and she'd still need Brittany for the rest of the time?

Why did Santana want to be a raccoon anyway? Brittany thought and checked out a few more books on cats while she was there, just for fun.

Later on that day as she was lying on her bed reading her favorite section in 'The Encyclopedia of Cats' which listed the top one hundred most common cat diseases, a page Brittany knew word for word, she suddenly had an idea. She flipped to the previously-unexplored-by-her 'cat social behaviors section and saw that the cats in the books liked sharing as much as Lord Tubbington did. She ran her fingers up and down the pages as she studied them.

As it turned out, when cats 'mate', they are sweet and affectionate and rub up against their partners. They also talk to each other and do cute stuff like putting their tails in the air. When Brittany 'mated' she was going to be like a cat. Maybe Brittany, Santana, and Lord Tubbington really should all run away together, so Lord Tubbington could teach Santana how to live as a cat just like he taught Brittany. When she asked him what he thought about that, Lord Tubbington started purring which made him a little bit hard to understand, but Brittany could still tell he was into the idea.

Susan kept her word. Brittany begged to see Santana most days over the break before High School started but Susan was stubborn. Over the holidays, Brittany's activities were easier to monitor and Susan had plenty of time to do so. To her dismay, Brittany was kept at home with her little sister, and when she wasn't there she was mostly at dance class.

Katie wasn't too pleased to have Brittany around her so much, especially since every sentence Brittany began started with "Santana." Katie was tired of hearing about someone she hardly hated how at the dinner table, all Brittany could find to talk about was speculation about what Santana had done today, including all the little details such as her favorite flavor of ice cream (Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough). Last night all Brittany could find as a topic of conversation was that Santana was probably enjoying the figure skating competition on TV right now. Katie didn't care, and she thought Brittany's obsession with this girl was weird, but with Brittany, what else was new?

Brittany had messaged Santana every time anything happened in the first couple of weeks and in the beginning Santana had responded enthusiastically to her commentary about what was going on at the duck pond or Brittany's cooking adventures, but now Santana's messages had almost stopped coming. When they did come, they were distant and short.

Brittany still left her phone by her bed at night, keeping it close to her head so it would wake her up if Santana messaged her. She didn't message her goodnight anymore, but Brittany still waited and hoped. She never switched it to silent, just in case Santana wanted to reach her.

Just in case.

The ban had affected Santana more than it affected Brittany. When they were caught calling each other, Santana could hear Susan hollering at Brittany down the phone even though Brittany was clearly making an effort to muffle the speaker.

Brittany never cried, the fact that she couldn't understand what she was doing wrong stopped her from really feeling anything about Susan screaming at her. Brittany was doing the right thing by her logic and the rest was just loud noises she could avoid by putting her hands over her ears. The main issue was that she usually got cut off again right in the middle of telling Santana something really important, like how the ducks in the nearby duck pond had all had babies.

Santana cried though. From the moment Susan ripped the cell phone from Brittany's hands and until Susan figured out how to hang up, and then sometimes even longer after that, Santana cried.

She wasn't sure exactly why she cried. It wasn't easy for her to witness anyone shouting at Brittany, and the powerless feeling that came with it when she couldn't be there with her wasn't easy to deal with either.
She got angry and wanted to knock Susan out sometimes, and that scared her a bit too because it was Brittany's mom. Sometimes Santana was afraid that all the fighting was really hurting Brittany deep down and she hadn't made enough meaning of the situation to properly realize it yet. The 'Santana issue' was the only thing Brittany and her mom fought about to this extent.

Santana wouldn't admit it, but what hurt the most was when 'she's not good for you' came echoing down the line. Santana never really had much of a good opinion of herself, the only times she felt like she was a good person was when she was helping Brittany.

And now she was being told she wasn't even very good at that?

She never felt as comforted as she should when Brittany howled back at her mother, telling her 'Santana is the best thing that's ever happened to me!' Santana had always known Brittany was kind of unreliable at knowing what was good for her, which made her afraid Brittany would find out one day it was all true and that maybe her mother was actually right.

Santana pulled away and put some distance between them because she couldn't take it anymore. She stopped answering, but the calls never stopped coming, although they did lack the same frequency as before.

Brittany got the chicken pox right at the end of their break, and it was so bad that she missed the first few weeks of high school. She figured that all the chickens of Lima that had placed a pox on her must have been pretty pissed off to curse her so bad, because her skin was bumpy and red and sore and she was miserable.

She looked up chicken voodoo curses on the internet and found that not a whole lot of chickens were online posting about their craft because she couldn't find an antidote anywhere. She lamented the fact that she'd pissed off at least one chicken (maybe several) for days as she tried not to scratch at her bumps and to make pictures out of them instead, connecting them like dot to dot pictures. More and more of them kept appearing. Brittany's pictures went from looking like cats and funny faces to just looking like boring asterisks because there were too many of them to draw around now.

She spent the rest of her time watching the Sweet Valley High TV series and then reading the entire collection of Sweet Valley High books. They taught her a lot about people. Many of the books had people feeling something called jealousy and after a while, Brittany realized that was why the chickens had made her sick. They were jealous of all her time spent with the ducks.

She knew it was a chicken curse, not a cock curse because over in Sweet Valley, the girls seemed to get more jealous than the boys which is why Brittany's skin hurt so much. If a boy rooster had done it, it wouldn't be hurting so bad.

It was an easy fix, Brittany just had to promise the chicken gods to visit more chicken farms and less duck ponds. Why had that taken her so long to figure out? She felt really stupid. Sure enough, Brittany's pox began to heal much faster and before she knew it, she was slowly getting ready for school, wishing that Santana had come over to help her because she had so many new classes to prepare for and figuring out what she needed was going to take her all night and maybe even til the next morning. Brittany wasn't sure why Santana wasn't talking to her much anymore, she wondered what she had done wrong. She was sorry that she had pissed off a chicken and had been cursed, but she was far more worried about what she had done to upset Santana. She wondered if she'd ever really know what she'd done.

Brittany walked down the hall at her first day at McKinley High, tired and rubbing her eyes from being up all night trying to figure out what she would have to bring to school. She was equally exhausted from spending the whole morning being hopelessly lost hunting for classes by herself. She had Spanish next. She wished Lord Tubbington could take the class for her, he was really getting pretty good at the language. Brittany was still working on figuring out English, at least that's what all her teachers had told her in her report cards.

She tried to stick close to the lockers to move around and search for her next class, but she kept getting swept up in the pack of students milling around and she was afraid that they would stampede all over her like the wildebeests had done to Mufasa in the Lion King.
She didn't want to be trampled, so she flattened herself closer to the lockers, ready to climb up on them and hang on to the top if things got too bad. Or maybe just until the crowd thinned out a bit.

She finally spotted Santana at her new locker, adjusting some photo of a male model that she'd pinned to the inside.

Brittany brightened up instantly and ran up to her.

She was so excited to see her that she leapt right into her arms, just like the time she had done on one of their sleepovers when they had just watched Scream for the first time. Brittany had been certain that Ghostface was at the door and was about to get in. Santana had actually been in the bathroom getting herself dressed at the time, and only just managed to pull her nightshirt over her head before Brittany had thrown herself on her, hollering about never answering the phone because 'he was outside'. She had easily been able to hold Brittany up then by locking her arms around her. Brittany wasn't as tall in those days. Brittany had clung to her, winding her arms tight around her neck until Santana was forced to remind her that oxygen was important too, before gently lowering the girl to her feet and promising that nobody was answering any phones and she would protect Brittany from any creepy guys in masks.

Now a year later, the size different was starting to become noticeable, but that wasn't what was bothering Santana as she carefully pushed Brittany away trying to ignore the hurt look on her face.

"I missed you Santana," Brittany said, not remembering to say hello like always.

Santana mumbled it back, looking at her feet, "I'm sorry I've been kind of MIA Britt. Mom's new boyfriend moved in with his son and I've kind of been dealing with that."

Before Brittany could ask any questions, Quinn walked up to them and sneered in Brittany's direction, "Come on Santana. We'll be late to class."

"Wait! I need to find the portal to Mexico," she said showing Santana her arm on which a very messy map was scrawled all over it from Brittany's wrist right up to her elbow. Paths were crossed out and then redrawn in places as if the she had no idea what she was really doing.

Santana softened, "Britts, have you been able to find any of your classes?"

"Well… I found the first one! Mostly because my mom helped me. I did a lot of important work there, I had to say my name and everything."

"Britts, that was attendance. What happened after that?"

"Well… I kind of forgot how to leave for a while, because it wasn't our classroom, you know? I mean, I haven't had a chance to study it and work out which way the door is yet."

Santana nodded. She knew what Brittany was saying. Every year of Elementary school when they got a new room and a new teacher, it took Brittany at least a week to figure out the layout of the classroom. She had gotten faster every year though, and Santana had kind of hoped that this year she would have been alright by herself. Apparently not. The completely new setting and mass quantity of new classrooms had regressed her a bit.

"Come on, Quinn and I know the way to Spanish. We're in that class next too. I'm sorry… I should have helped you," Santana said ashamed.

Brittany smiled at her as if she was the earth and sun, just happy that Santana was paying attention to her again, "Is the portal to Spain stuck in a fat lady painting?"

"Ah, no… It's just down the hall. It's pretty easy to find. I'll draw you a more Brittany-friendly map in class, okay?"

"Yeah… Thanks Santana!"

Quinn rolled her eyes, but Santana's own misted over a little, "You're welcome Brittany."

Brittany was as grateful and enthusiastic as ever. She hardly even seemed mad over Santana ignoring her, even though deep down Santana felt like she probably would have deserved it.

Feeling bad, Santana made some excuses up as to why she hadn't talked to her. As they walked to class, she talked about her mom's new boyfriend taking up her time which at least was true. It didn't seem enough, so then she made some more excuses up about having to look after her sick 'snake' around the clock over the holidays, and how she'd been studying because she wanted to get ahead on her new high school classes. Brittany bought them all. She never questioned anything Santana told her. With one look at Brittany's open forgiving face, Santana knew the minute she saw her that the distance thing she'd planned was never going to work out.

After school, Santana pushed open the door to her house and sighed in relief when nobody was home.

She hated Craig, the loud obnoxious man her mom was dating, but she kind of liked Tomas his son. Tomas was two years older than she was and was tall with impossibly neat wiry black hair. He hadn't taken his eyes off Santana ever since he'd moved in to the spare room across the hall. He was only here sometimes because he lived with his mom for the rest of the time but lately he'd been making excuses to stay here longer. Craig was delighted because his son was so rarely interested in the woman that he dated and he assumed that Tomas wanted to get to know his new partner better, not thinking even once that maybe he was more interested in his new partner's daughter.

Maria Lopez had shifted out a lot of her ex-husband's old stuff to make room for Craig and Santana had been furious. Worst of all, Craig had taken over Papi's space. He was now using the room that had once been the office Papi had used to sort out his medical files. It was in that same room a very long time ago now, that Santana had sat in his lap as he had promised her the world, or at least ice-cream when he was next not busy.

He always would tell that when he was finished with his files they would go out and Santana could have Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor her favorite They only ever went one time. He hadn't even been finished working on what he wanted to do, and he was tense and frustrated the whole time, wanting to get back to his work.

Six year old Santana stared at him over her cone waiting for him to do 'Papi stuff' like he used to do when she was really small. She wished he'd tickle her or pretend that there was an ice-cream monster in her tummy. She got ice-cream on her nose on purpose, hoping her dad would laugh and get some on his too and they would rub noses like they used to. When they did that, it was giving each other a cold Eskimo kiss, as cold as their noses would really be if they lived in igloos. Instead he just stared at her, yet not even noticing what she'd done. Santana had never felt more invisible.

A month later, he was gone.

When Santana caught her mom throwing out his desk a few weeks ago over the holidays she had started screaming at her in a torrent of enraged Spanish and it wasn't long before Maria was screaming back.

"Mami. Usted no puede sustituir a papi como este! YOU CAN'T JUST REPLACE HIM LIKE THIS!" Santana yelled, tears dripping down her cheeks, trying to physically block her mother from getting rid of any more things. It was the first time her mother had asked someone to move in, usually she just spent a lot of nights away from home.

"I damn well can! He's never ever coming back Santana. He doesn't want us! Tratar con ella! Deal with it!"

Santana had then yelled back that she hated Craig, and Maria had made to slap her in the face, before she caught herself and lowered her hand slowly before it connected with her daughter's tear-stained cheek.

Although she hadn't been struck, it had scared Santana all the same and she'd spent the next three hours looking numbly at her phone wanting to call Brittany but not quite being able to bring herself to do it.

Reliving the moment again now, she felt tears come to her eyes and the same familiar pull to get to Brittany. She knew that if she'd asked, Brittany would have followed her home, she'd probably already wanted to, but hadn't because of how weird Santana was acting.

Santana had been lost in thought for most of the afternoon, and it was getting late now. Brittany was probably eating dinner, sorting it all into colors and trying to make a rainbow before she ate it like she usually did. When Santana was with her, nothing ever seemed as bad as it was, she was able to get lost in Brittany's purity and innocence and forget all the shit in her life. Just being around Brittany could relieve her of her problems like nothing else could. It wasn't as if Brittany didn't have stuff to deal with too, it was just, it didn't seem to affect her and bring her down the same way Santana's life affected her. She had almost convinced herself to dial Brittany's number so they could sneak away together, hopefully while her Susan was in the shower, and they could talk about different cat breeds or whatever, when Tomas strode into her room like he owned the entire place even though she guessed he actually could now call it his part time home. He'd been quiet though, she hadn't even known he was here.

She didn't want him to see her red eyes so she quickly turned away so she wasn't facing him and spoke through a curtain of her hair, "Hi Tomas, is everyone downstairs?"

"Nah," he said, coming over to sit on the edge of her bed fiddling with the corner of her blanket, "It's just me. Dad and Maria have just headed off to a retreat somewhere, they figured I should stay over here for a couple of days and watch you and go to mom's again when they get back."

"Oh," Santana said and processed this. Her parents hadn't set up any sort of babysitter for her since she'd turned six. She didn't need one. She voiced this to Tomas, "I don't need anyone to watch out for me. I don't need like a big brother or anything" she said with a small pout.

Tomas laughed. It was an all knowing laugh that set her on edge a little.

"Trust me, I have no intention of being your big brother," he said, "I can't say I don't have other intentions though."

"What?" Santana was confused, "What do you mean."

He got up and closed the door to her room, although the move was pointless because there was no one else in the house. When he had shut the door all the way he gave her a pointed look, appraising her small form still lying on the bed with her cell phone in her hands as he made his way over to her.

"We have common enemies," he said sitting close to her and running his hand up the back of her thigh, "Dad and Maria. Can't say I've ever got along well with Dad and no offense but your mother kind of reminds me of a praying mantis. I'm just waiting for her to rip Dad's head off any day now."

Santana giggled, and moved her hair aside to look at him.

"Anyway," he continued, "I don't expect them to stay together long, Dad's record of keeping girlfriends is about nine months. What's your mom's?"

"Less," Santana muttered.

"Yeah, so I say screw 'em. I say we make the best of our… brief cohabitation and try to enjoy ourselves as much as they are. Because why should we always be the one's to suffer?" He spread his arms out to emphasize his point.

"You want to kiss me?" Santana said trying to keep cool.

Kissing Tomas wouldn't be so bad, would it? It would give her a story to tell Quinn and she kind of liked the idea of knowing that she'd done something that would really piss off her mother if she only knew. She'd so far only bested her mother once when she'd borrowed her earrings years ago and accidently lost them during a space mission with Brittany. Santana had then said that Maria must have lost them herself at a singles party, after which she'd come home extremely drunk. Her mother had arrived home with only one shoe, so she bought Santana's explanation for those missing earrings readily and for once in her life when it came to her mother, Santana was the one laughing.

"Mami would be furious if she found out about …us," Santana said lowering her arms down and resting her chin on top, "She'd kick me out."

"Trust me, they won't be finding out. And I don't want to kiss you," he said, his eyes piercing hers.

"What do you want to do then?" Santana asked. Santana smiled in relief, maybe she could just sort of feel him up and then she could just tell Quinn that there had been kissing.

He frowned, "You're not very experienced are you?"

Santana hated to be told she wasn't good at anything, she was kind of a perfectionist that way so she scowled and immediately looked for someone to blame. It fell to Brittany.

"My best friend isn't into this stuff, so I haven't had the connections most people have," she said stiffly.

"Oh. What a drag," he sighed.

"Yeah," said Santana her voice hoarse. That one little word was the cruelest she had ever been to Brittany, in front of or behind her back. Santana felt like scum which made her all the more willing to do what Tomas asked of her next.

"You've never gone down on someone have you?"

"No," she whispered.

"It's easy," he said, "and it makes a guy feel awesome."

"Okay," she said. It couldn't hurt to try it right?

When it was over and Tomas had gone back to his room, she lay back and looked at the ceiling at the glow and the dark hearts Brittany had stuck up there years ago. She couldn't see them. All she could see was Tomas's eyes and how for those minutes he had looked down at her like she was his whole world. Santana was pretty sure that she had made him love her. It was gross, she didn't have feelings for him, and Tomas had looked so offended when she had spat it out. She would have to remember not to do that next time. But before that, Santana had felt that sense of euphoria, like she was the center of his world. So was what she did such a huge price to pay? She wasn't sure.

She was even less sure the next day. When she saw Brittany, she was as apologetic as one of Brittany's 'apologizing to blades of grass moods.' Feeling as fragile as she'd ever had, she didn't hesitate, she timidly approached her and wound her arms around Brittany's neck, her body caving into hers. She needed Brittany. It felt like all her insides had been carved out of her and she needed filling back up.

They were growing into each other somehow. The first time they had hugged each other properly hadn't been awkward at all, but it hadn't been like this. It seemed the older they grew only served as more time to mold into each other. Santana had imagined they had started off once upon a time like two more generic semicircles which could meet in the middle to form a circle. Now, they were more like a yin yang symbol, parts where Santana left off could be filled by Brittany and the same in symmetry. Santana could feel all of Brittany against her and her shoulder was almost just the right place for her to lay her head. It would be perfect soon, Santana wasn't getting any taller, but Brittany was still growing.

She whispered that she was sorry over and over in Brittany's ear. Brittany didn't say a word. Brittany noticed Santana was rubbing her eyes which meant that she was either sleepy or sad and if she was sleepy, Brittany didn't want to make any noise at all because maybe if she was quiet enough, Santana would fall asleep right here and Brittany could carry her up to bed.
She's seemed so tired lately, Brittany thought. On the other hand, if she was sad, Brittany didn't want to use any words because she was certain she didn't have the right ones, and she would mess things up. Being silent was the best way to show she cared.

Santana's body ached and she burrowed closer to Brittany for comfort. She knew why it hurt. Something inside Santana had changed and she almost smiled as she remembered back to a year ago when the same thing had happened to Brittany and what her response to it had been.

Brittany hadn't spoken a single word in almost an entire week. Santana was getting desperate. This kind of elective mutism was extremely common with her, but that didn't ever make it a good thing and it usually meant she was upset about something. She cornered Brittany and begged her to tell her what's wrong and after a while Brittany began breathing harder and humming, a sign that she was trying to convince herself to talk. Santana held her hand, stroking her palm and tracing the lines gently trying to encourage her. The longer she went without speaking, the harder it was for her to start again. It was almost like she forgot how to speak entirely and this worried Santana. She should never have let this go on for a whole week.

"Santana I…I'm…I'm dying." Brittany's voice eventually spoke up, cracked from disuse. Her face was solemn, yet pinched and drawn as if she was trying desperately to stay in control and not cry.

"What?" Santana immediately panicked.

"I'm dying," Brittany pleaded, obviously not able to explain it better than that.

Santana forgot herself in the moment and grabbed hold of Brittany's shoulders even though the girl already looked terrified. "Did you go to the doctor or something Britts? What happened? What did they say to you? What's going on?" Tears were beginning to leak out of Santana's eyes.

"Somebody hurt me," Brittany whispered, "I think it was Ghostface or that fisherman. There's a crime scene under my clothes."

Santana reeled back. "What?"

"A crime scene," Brittany whispered again, "It was probably the fisherman with the hook. That would explain everything."

"That's a movie Brittany!" Santana snapped and then made her voice considerably more gentle when it looked like Brittany was about to close up again.

"It's okay sweetie," Santana soothed, taking both her hands this time. Realizing that it wasn't helping asking who had hurt Brittany, she changed tactics, "Where did they hurt you? We'll fix it."

"Down here," Brittany pointed, "I've been bleeding all week. I think I'm going to die soon because it's not stopping and healing like the cut on your head did that time. I'll miss you so much, Santana," she said with almost no emotion whatsoever which revealed only that she was struggling to keep control.

Suddenly the tension dissipated and a wave of calm washed over Santana. She bit her lip trying desperately not to laugh. Laughing was absolutely the only reasonable response to this situation as seconds ago her heart had been pounding almost out of her chest and all that nervous energy as it left her body had to go somewhere. Yet she didn't, she showed remarkable control and explained to Brittany about periods and how everyone got theirs eventually.

"I don't use periods," Brittany pouted, shaking her head, "just exclamation points."

This was entirely true, Brittany much preferred to end every sentence with a line and a dot. Dots were too small, Brittany found exclamation points had more to love.

"Not like in writing Brittany," Santana said patiently, "more like in… growing up. It's just what happens when all girls grow up and their bodies become ready for things."

"But I'm not grown up." Brittany said confused.

"I know, Britts, but our bodies get confused sometimes, especially yours, like when you're really cold in Summer."

Brittany paused for a moment, and unlike Santana the tension did not leave her face.

"You were really scared, huh?" Santana asked, cupping her hand under Brittany's chin, trying to get her to look into her eyes again rather than at Santana's Converse shoes, "it's okay, I was scared just now too. I thought you were really dying and I was going to lose you."

Brittany still didn't respond, she just began wringing her hands together and tapping her feet.

"It's okay to cry if you need to." Santana kept her hand under her chin and extended her fingers along Brittany's jawline, moving them up under her eyes where tears should be. Santana's own tears hadn't had time to dry on her face yet.

Brittany shook her head. She wouldn't cry. She never cried anymore.

Santana nodded. She understood. Brittany didn't always 'just cry' like everyone else. For her, a lot of the time crying only turned into meltdowns that were intense and went on forever like that time Quinn had insulted her and stolen her hat. If they started, she couldn't stop so she tried to never start crying at all. It was a fear, maybe almost a phobia now. Santana didn't mind, she wouldn't have minded if Brittany had a meltdown or if she had cried right here. But if Brittany couldn't, that was okay too. These days, Santana was crying enough for the both of them.

Santana kept whispering apologies as Brittany's arms tightened around her lower back. She didn't know exactly what she was apologizing for. Maybe it was because she now had a secret from her. Maybe it was because she had ignored her for the sake of a stupid boy like Tomas and because of how she'd ditched her for those nameless boys at the dance. If it was a betrayal, the worst part was that Santana didn't think she could stop. She'd started something now, she'd gone down another path and there were expectations that she keep going.

The ache in her lower stomach reminded her that her body thought she was ready, but maybe her body was the one that was betraying her. The one thing she was certain of was that the girl holding her close right now had never betrayed her and maybe never would. With this thought, Santana apologized all over again and in response, caring hands rubbed her back and Santana wondered if Brittany could actually sense she was in pain this time.

"You're making the same face you made when I first met you and you were all sore and beat up." Brittany murmured.

"You really noticed," Santana couldn't help whispering back, shocked. She'd taken a sharp intake of breath when Brittany spoke and Brittany had mirrored it. They were now breathing exactly in sync, their chests rising and falling against each other. Santana shuffled impossibly closer to her. Brittany's warmth soothed the ache in her stomach which was only partly caused by her coming of age and otherwise a result of confusion and mixed feelings swirling inside her.

Brittany shrugged. She always noticed everything about Santana, she noticed everything as far as her own eyes could see.

I've particularly tried to tell "Santana's" side in this chapter, because if I don't get that right she'll be misunderstood when she gets snarky and mean at times later on… exactly the same as the character often did on the show. This whole story is actually kind of a personal challenge for me in empathy, that elusive skill that has taken me so long to develop. It's like, if I can be empathetic enough to tell her side properly, then I know you'll all feel sympathy for her the whole way through. If everybody isn't rooting for her too, then I've failed her. She went through a lot, there's a couple of heavy themes in this chapter and everyone deals with their pain only as best as they know how. I didn't even realize how heavy some of this stuff is until I saw it in writing, it makes me look forward to sharing something happier. Also, I think I'm only one chapter away now from hitting season 1 timeline.

Three things:

1. I am sorry for the "Tomas" thing. It makes me sick to write about him, any scenes I have to write with "Santana" and boys will be as brief as possible. In the interest of full disclosure of the truth, I couldn't omit him completely. Also if I did, it would be like saying what she went through doesn't matter.

2. "Brittany" has some small extent of an eidetic/photographic memory. Most people with autism have some claim to it even if they don't realize. It's why she can recall a memory of Santana's face like a snapshot years later and match it to the present one like at the end of this chapter. It's also how I recall exact details of conversations to include them in the story. I'm noting it here because I'm not going to say anything about it in the story.

3. At this age, I really did read every Sweet Valley related book ever written and watch that TV series. :P

I always want to hear your thoughts if you've got time. :)