The Road to Unicorn Chapter 26: Fantasia, a glee fanfic

Hello Unicorns! This time this really IS my last chapter. It's set soon after the last one ended, and it's very long. This last 20k is kind of all I had left in me, any more would just be too hard. Just as saying goodbye is hard now too.

Brightside- I'm glad to have helped you as much as you helped me. You've been such a ray of sunshine and I will miss you popping in and making me smile a lot… oh and I will definitely add an alternate ending or at least an update if I ever see her again. Thank you so much for your support, and I hope your future is as bright as you are… :)

Miara848 - Now I'm crying :p but I have something I really want to say to you before I go. You might be on my team but i'm on Team Miara! I really believe in you, I think you're an absolutely lovely person, and that the world outside here could do with a few lessons from you. :) You have a very big heart, and you've shown both "Santana" and I a lot of love. I think of kindness can be almost like the balloons that I send to heaven. The kindness and understanding that you've sent Santana's way is priceless, and I'm sure she can feel its warmth wherever she is. Keep being you, and never change... I'm proud of you, you've helped me find many answers, and I know that one day you will make your Santana, or whoever you choose to be with very happy. You are the unicorn… and many BIG hugs to you. :) I will miss you very, very much….
Ps. Kurt has kind of figured it out now, but I never really told people I was writing, but I had to pretend I had because otherwise Chapter 25 would have just been me talking to myself like one big monologue and that would have just looked funny :p

luceroadorada - I have always looked forward to your reviews since you found me in Chapter 17, and you never disappointed me, I knew I could always count on you being there with a lovely positive and meaningful comment. Much love to you and I will miss you. Keep being awesome. :)

Puff614 - I may be talking to you in PM's but that doesn't mean I can't leave you a huge hug here too :p Oh, and don't think I mentioned that I did give Kurt a hug from you! I nearly knocked the breath out of him with the run and the jump but he said he liked it anyway :P

CookieMap - You're welcome… It really means a lot to me that I could share the story this way, because sharing it and letting it belong to other people now too makes me feel like it's being carried around in more people's hearts than just mine, and that is comforting to me. It give it more of a 'forever' feeling. Thank you for the sweet things you said, and I wish you all the love too. :)

A - You did review before but just a short one, 'cause I remember you… I never forget a unicorn… especially one so nice :) Moving forward is a hard thing, actually what I think has been hardest about it was just giving myself permission to move on in the first place. I guess the hardest part of letting go is just making the choice to do so, and it helps a lot to hear that it gets better from someone who has been through it too and can reassure me that nothing could ever diminish what she and I had. Thank you, and I hope that you've moved forward into something not the same, but just as wonderful.

brittana1314 - Thank you! and wishing you hugs and all the best too :)

oddsinfavor - Thank you and I hope you like this chapter and find it much happier, and lots of love to you too :)

Flor - I don't know where to start either! I'm such a mess right now writing these responses. I have been so privileged to know not only you, but the side of you that you keep hidden from others. I think I would have hidden my emotions from the world too if I had a chance, but I never did because I don't have that kind of control over myself. I think it is wonderful that you felt safe enough here in a place that I created to express yourself freely.
Oh, and I did listen to Nothing Like Us, and you're right I was surprised! It's a very heartfelt song and deserves its place in this story's soundtrack.
I'm glad you felt honored with the mention, and so glad that in that moment I could make you feel as special as you really are :)
I have a lot of love for you, and much admiration for taking my words into you heart and using them to grow, because that's not easy.
I wish you every bit of success and happiness in your life that a unicorn should have :) Thank for all your beautiful, kind words, I will never forget them and you.

allal0ngthewatcht0wer - Thank you so much! :)

broken-timemachine - I wanted to send you a really big hug as a big thanks for always reminding me that I'm worth something. This whole time your comments always left me feeling smart and deserving, be it whether you were giving me praise, or defending my honor and reminding me that I shouldn't just put up with things. I think I'm stronger for having known you and I thank you for that, and I will always wish and hope that life treats you with the kindness that you deserve… You've been a constant anchor for me. :')

heybrittbritt - Thank you for those extra hugs! I totally caught them and sent a whole bunch back :) Thank you for caring about us, and I wish you lots of luck and love in your life :)

r e l - Thank you, I hope you like this chapter :)

hlnwst - Inspiring creativity is a beautiful thing, and I'm so honored that I helped to inspire an idea of yours… that's so exiting!
I really do have you to thank for a lot of answers I've found, because I got a lot of help, but I wouldn't have got nearly as much had you not guided people here. I feel so fortunate to have had your unwavering support, you are the sweetest and most giving person and hope that every one of your dreams come true… :) I will miss you… but I'll be looking out for your name on the best sellers lists, and I hope that maybe I'll be up there too with you one day :)

iwillalwaysloveyouthemost - Don't worry I will definitely keep everyone posted with any news I get on "Santana" … and I want to wish you good luck too! Thanks for the lovely comment :)

wkgreen - Thanks for sticking around! It's been super great reading your reviews for all this time :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, and more importantly, I hope you keep smiling :) Stay awesome!

Fanficfan19 - I'm the one who is honored to have been able to touch you and have you realize things about yourself… that makes me so happy. Also, it's amazing you read it all in pretty much a day and a night…. I'm so glad you loved it, and the best of wishes to you :)

Beth - Thank you, I feel proud to hear that, and I promise I will never give up :) Best wishes to you …

And lots of hugs to all the guests too :)

I wanted to do this chapter because at work when I have a long session with a child who has had it hard, the sad stories come out and so do the tears. But, I always make a point to stop before our time is up and make some jokes or talk about something happy so they don't leave me feeling so sad. It's not just with the kids, I do it in all parts of my life. I never want to see anyone leave their time with me without a smile.

So I do hope I can make you smile with this chapter :)

None of this happened, I made it up, but let's pretend…

Chapter 26 - Fantasia

"Do you think that Santana saw the tape?"

"It's not called a tape, Britt," Kurt corrected. "We've been in the digital age for quite some time now. We made MP3 tracks for each chapter and put it all on a CD instead, remember?"

She poked out her tongue. "Yeah, but I could have done it myself though if you'd let me use my tape recorder. It's just press record and bam! No super confusing computers involved, and you can take it anywhere with you. It's super fun."

Kurt groaned. He had no idea where she'd even found that old thing but she'd been playing with it for weeks, and had been recording every single sound that everyone, or everything around her had made. He'd heard an entire remix of animal noises and snippets of conversations that he'd really rather not have known about. Still, her playing with it so often did give us the idea that we should record the audio version of her story, he reminded herself. So it did have some use.

"And, if I'd used my recorder-y thing-y I could have walked around telling the story while I ate my breakfast and stuff, instead of hogging your computer all day talking into that microphone."

"I doubt Santana would have wanted to hear your crunching your Cheerios, but really Britt, the main reason we did it my way is that she would not have been able to listen to it otherwise," he reminded her. "Nobody has cassette decks to play tapes anymore. Just because your sense of technology roams with the dinosaurs doesn't mean that the rest of us haven't moved on." He poked her in the ribs.

"Yeah, I rap with the raptors," Brittany said grinning at him, clearly not offended in the slightest. "I still can't believe that I managed to read the whole story out to her, chapter by chapter. It took forever to record it all. Thank you for helping me."

Kurt nodded at her, giving her a small smile. He'd been glad to help.

"But I think it was worth doing," she said after a pause. "I wanted her to have it. I labeled it 'answers' and made a special case for it with hearts and rainbows on it so she'll know it's from me."

"How did you get it to her?" Kurt asked curiously.

"I didn't. I still have no idea where she is. I just left everything on her old bed at her mom's house and hoped she'd find it one day. I didn't know where else to leave it."

He touched her hand. "I guess you didn't have much choice."

She contemplated this. "Well, I actually wanted to leave the CD in one of 'our' places, you know? You know, like somewhere that she'd come looking for me, or a place that she might come back to if she wanted to remember the good memories. But, then I thought more about it and decided that someone might sit on it if I left the case on the bench at the duck pond, or someone could totally steal it if I left it on our special seat that we used to share at the movies."

He nodded.

"Oh, and leaving it at the aquarium was definitely a bad idea, because the dolphins might have listened to it." Brittany giggled slightly. "But, all the same, I really loved going there with her, and I did want to leave it in the exact same place that we slept over that one night."

He stared. "Did you really spend the night at the aquarium?"

Brittany wrinkled her nose. "Hey, stop looking at me like that, it wasn't like we broke in or anything. We were there for school, and we were kids. We had a problem with finding the bus back, so we ended up hiding out and watching the dolphins while we fell asleep. Well, I watched the dolphins. For some reason she couldn't take her eyes off of me."

"That sounds kind of beautiful." He wasn't Santana's biggest fan but he could still appreciate a nice moment.

"It was." Brittany said with the same easy smile. "Okay, well, when we did it a second time we weren't so innocent, but let's ignore that part."

Kurt studied her. She talks about Santana so differently now, he thought. To him it now seemed like forever ago that she couldn't even mention her name without her face clouding over with pain. It's like now she can remember the good parts without dying to go back in time to them, he realized. She's lost that persistent hangover of loneliness, and seems so much happier. Naturally he was concerned that this was all about to change.

"Well, I think she's found it, and listened to it," Kurt told her, wringing his hands slightly with nerves. "Why else would her name be on the flyer for our Official Glee Club Reunion Extravaganza? Surely Rachel wouldn't have put her name in the guest section unless she was coming?"

"It's a mistake," Brittany said simply, "or maybe Rachel put Santana's name in the guest section because she wrote the names of the old whole Glee club just as it was then, no matter if they were gonna be there or not, kind of like an old cast list."

Kurt gave her a disbelieving stare. They had received their invites to the reunion some weeks earlier, and had immediately confirmed their attendance. Today, the schedule, poster, flyer and the checklists telling them what they needed to bring had arrived. Rachel had planned an extravagant trip to California, perhaps not realizing that not everyone had become as rich and successful as she had managed to in recent years. But, the cost hadn't been anywhere near as big of a bombshell as it had been to see Santana's name staring at them on the second page.

Brittany shrugged. "She probably just didn't want Santana's name to feel left out," she added, not daring to believe the alternative.

"Or maybe she only made the flyer in the first place to warn you that Santana is really coming," Kurt said quickly, his anxiety rising.
She's gonna make an entrance big time, if this is for real, he thought.
He picked up his cell. "I kind of want to call Rachel and ask her if she knows anything, but yet I don't want to at the same time."

He didn't think he could bear to see Brittany's disappointed face. Plus, calls to Rachel went on for hours and he didn't exactly have an empty schedule. That girl sure can talk, he thought with a frown.

"It will be a surprise," Brittany said, shrugging her shoulders. "Either way, I'll be happy to be with the Glee Club again, and after all the reunion is at Disneyland! Seriously, who could be unhappy there?"
"Not me," she added firmly, as if he might not have got her point.

"Britt," he said slowly. "You've been back to see if the CD was still on her bed haven't you?"

"Yeah," Brittany said softly. "It was there the first two times I checked, but on the third time it was gone."

"Luggage checked in. Tickets for the flight and for Disneyland. Trashy in-flight reading material. Headphones. No sharp things." Brittany walked up and down the airport lounge checking all the reminders off on her fingers. She was pretty sure that she was the first person on the guest list to arrive, and she wanted to get everything sorted out before they came and she got so excited that she forgot all of her organization skills.

No Pixi Stix as it might look like an illegal substance, she thought to herself, not taking any chances of missing out on this super important flight which was going to take her to her holy grail of places.
And maybe even to my holy grail of people. She tried not to get her hopes up, but found she couldn't stop her own imagination. If Santana is really here I'll probably see her on the plane.

"She'll have to talk to me on the plane," Brittany said to herself brightly, "unless she has a parachute and jumps out to get away from me."
She allowed herself a small, strained smile. She knew that Santana found talking so difficult that she might actually consider jumping out of a plane to avoid a conversation.

"Maybe that's changed," she hoped to herself, ever the optimist. Kurt had always said that she was a pathological optimist.

"And, suddenly I'm a compulsive list checker-er," Brittany mumbled after a beat, checking more things off.

"I brought a stuffed unicorn to sleep with, and I have my watch to know the time," she said, regardless of the fact that there was an enormous clock above her head.

"I have my laptop. Okay. Yep, I have clothes on."

Ooops, that should have been the first thing I checked, she thought giggling.

Check, check check. I wonder if I remembered to put on makeup this morning, she mused, still vigilant that she might see her dark, dark-haired ex-lover.

Ooh dark, dark-haired ex-lover. She walked into the nearest bathroom. That sounds like the trashy romance novel I have here in my bag for in-flight reading.

Deep in thought about what naughty words her very first romance novel would add to her vocabulary, she didn't once look up until she had crossed to the opposite side of the bathroom, planning to use the hand dryer to warm her cold hands before she did anything else. Turning it on and rotating her hands, she sensed more than saw the subject of her thoughts bent over the faucet, one hand rubbing at her eyes.

Brittany's organized, chipper mood seemed to fade out as she watched the last of the water that had been running slide into the drain after Santana had hastily lowered a shaking hand, turning it off with her fingertips.

They both froze, and Brittany dropped her hands at her sides and stared at the figure in front of her that had for today traded her usual darker colors for an all white dress. She felt herself begin to perspire, her heart thudding as she was assaulted with senses that hit her too strong. She still uses the same shampoo, and the same perfume, and she's as beautiful as ever, if not more so.

The room began to spin and close in on her, and Santana's face suddenly loomed over hers at twice its size, and in all the wrong colors before everything went back.

When she came to, she could see Santana from a different angle. Squinting and trying to focus, she soon realized that she had her head in Santana's lap and was looking at the underside of her chin. The other girl's necklace was hanging down and swinging slightly, lightly brushing the top of her head.

"You passed out like that the day I met you, remember?" Santana whispered to her, taking the moment to lovingly smooth back Brittany's hair. "Your mom rushed in right before everyone panicked, shouting in that authoritative way of hers that it wasn't a medical condition. She said it was just a 'weird thing' that you did sometimes."

Why is she whispering, Brittany wondered. This isn't a library. Or maybe I'm still out of it and sounds aren't reaching my ears properly yet.

"Santana," she breathed out, finding her voice and beginning to speak in fast run-on sentences. "You really came. When they told me you were coming I thought it had to be a mistake. Why do all our conversations always happen in the bathroom?"

Suddenly remembering the past few years in all too much detail, she tore herself out of Santana's lap, supporting herself on her hands and struggling to her feet.

"Are you okay?" Santana asked, sounding a little louder, but Brittany waved her hands away. Her head was pounding, but that wasn't her biggest problem right now.

She spared a brief glance to the mirror and noted that she had in fact forgotten to put her makeup on. She didn't care about that now.

She looked Santana in the eye, and the other girl bowed her head.

Brittany took a step closer. "Where were you?" The sentence was loaded, but with which emotions she couldn't tell. Maybe all of them, she thought, her head still spinning.

Santana bit her lip and seemed to be struggling to articulate anything, let alone to say what she knew she wanted to say. Beside her, on the basin lay a powder compact. Brittany briefly wondered if she'd been so nervous about the reunion that she'd forgotten to do her makeup this morning too, and if like her she had also been resorting to checklists and compulsively checking them.

Realizing after a moment of silence that she wasn't going to get an answer, Brittany tried again. "You listened to the CD?"

Santana gave a small nod. She had. She had spent three days doing nothing but walking up and down the city and sitting in small coffee shop, most of the time with an empty cup, and tears streaming down her face. She tried to look Brittany in the eyes. "I did, but that's not why I'm here."

"It's not?" Brittany felt hot. The story hadn't made any impact on her? She clenched her fists, and tried to shake the sudden anger out of her head. She counted to ten, and then all the way to sixty. She wanted to wait before she said anything. She sensed that for every minute that she waited she would react a different way. She wanted to choose the right moment, and not jump in too soon or too late. Santana deserves a fair chance to explain without me being so angry. Maybe things will look different in the next minute, she thought, counting to sixty again.

Santana stood still, waiting anxiously, and scarcely daring to breathe. She sensed Brittany's anger and knew that she had already said the wrong thing. Hearing the story had meant everything to her, but it still wasn't why she was here.

Some of the things that Brittany had said on the CD had made it harder to face her, but other things had made it easier. It had taken a weight off her back to know that Brittany had already figured out so much for herself.
"I just meant that hearing the story made it easier for me to face you," she explained quietly.

They both jumped slightly as Brittany's cell started vibrating. Seeing the call ID number Brittany shrugged an apology about the timing, before she answered it, even though Santana still wasn't looking at her to see it.
On the positive side it doesn't seem to look like Santana's going to run away from this conversation, Brittany thought, side-eyeing her and tapping to receive the call. If anything it looks like she just got comfortable leaning against the basin.

"Hello? Hi Alice," Brittany said greeting the child on the line warmly, making sure the tension had left her voice. "Are you okay? Yes, I am soon on my way to Disneyland, and I'm going to go broke bringing back all of you something Mickey-related. What? No, not an ice-cream, but I do wonder if they deliver. Goodness, I can hear all of you, did someone put you all on speaker? No Peter, I will not bring you back a snake, I know how much you want one, but in spite of popular belief there aren't really loads of them on planes, I made that same mistake myself once. Oh, no Jasmin, planes aren't scary sweetie, I'm going to be fine, and I'll see you all soon. Oh? Is that you Miss Jones?" Brittany straightened up and adopted a more formal tone. "Yeah I figured that the kids took over the line. You were notified that I'm going to be away for the week? Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. See you then. Bye."

"You have kids," Santana said feeling faint, her forehead already slick with a light sheen of sweat. "It sounds like you have kids."
Was that the babysitter? Have I really been gone long enough for Brittany to be now in a relationship with a man or woman who brought children into the equation? She gasped. She knew that the blonde could maybe even have a baby of her own. Has the world been turning long enough for Brittany to have given birth? She's still as skinny as ever, she tried to reassure herself, her thoughts racing.

"Yeah, I have one hundred of them," Brittany said, fidgeting with a small Hello Kitty that was dangling from her cell.

Santana's eyes widened, and she gripped the basin for support before understanding dawned on her features.
"You mean you work with kids now?" she clarified, realizing with a pang of sadness how much things had changed since she left. She has known that a lot would be different, but seeing it for herself was another thing altogether.

"Yes," Brittany agreed. "Sorry I had to take that call. Apparently we have a new girl who finds it hard to speak just like I used to. She doesn't talk at all. They want me to spend some time with her and see if I can get her talking."

"Do you do that a lot? Does it work?" Santana asked, wondering what this child had gone through to get her to the point of constant silence.

"Yeah," Brittany said distractedly. "The trick is to never act like speaking is a big deal. I just keep talking to them like I expect them to talk back any moment, and when they do I don't praise them or anything because they never want that sort of attention. I mean, if anything, part of their silence is about fearing the adult's reaction when they do speak again after a long time. You just have to act like it's nothing and they get braver. You always did that with me too, remember? You never acted like anything I did was a big deal."

"Oh," Santana said, turning and squinting her eyes at Brittany. She could kind of see her now dressed in a power suit, and trying to save the world. It was a whole new image of a new and more responsible Brittany, and Santana didn't even know what to think about it yet.

Brittany turned and held her gaze. The time for anger had now passed. She was glad that she hadn't acted on the harsh feelings that she'd had only minutes before. Maybe this next moment is the right one where I will act only by thinking of what is really important. She thought she would take it and try. Three. Two One. Now! With feeling, she stepped forward and raised her hands up in a quick jerky moment.

Santana recoiled and held up her own hands, as if to defend herself.

"Oh, Santana I would never hit you!" Brittany said, her voice high and surprised. "Never. No matter what you did I would never do that. I was just going to hug you. I am very glad that you're not dead," she added bluntly.

"It's okay if you're angry," Santana muttered. "I get it. You know I'm pretty sure that when I go out there I will be slapped by several people, and out of everyone, it's you who has the most right."

Brittany shook her head. "I don't think that they will slap you. Oh. Well, I can't speak for Quinn," she joked.

Santana gave a weak smile back.

"And I am angry with you," Brittany said more seriously. "I would have at least liked a goodbye, you know. But at the top of my list right now is to just be grateful that you are okay. That's always going to be the most important thing in the world to me."

Hearing Brittany's words seemed to trigger something in Santana, and she began to shudder and shake with sudden sobs.

Not knowing what part of what she had said had just upset her, Brittany gently put her hand on Santana's arm, standing close to her and leaning with her against the basin. She rubbed her fingers over the other girl's skin, having missed the feel of it for so long. Even the mild contact hit her with a jolt of electricity, and she took a breath, reeling.

Santana put her other hand up to wipe some of the moisture on her face away, and Brittany felt strange keeping even the small distance. No matter the circumstances, she would always feel weird just standing there when the person she still loved the most was sad.

Trying to be understanding of how Santana had left without a word, she tried to picture what their goodbye would have been like if the other girl had found the courage to do it.
It can't have been more dramatic than when we were eight and I had to go on family vacations, she thought, remembering.

"Brittany, let go of that fence. We're leaving now. I'm not at all pleased with you. I had to chase you all the way to Santana's house. You are going with your mom to visit your relatives and that is that," Brittany's aide Josie told her sternly.

"No!" Brittany screamed, sliding down the fence, adopting the posture of a broken doll. "I want to stay with Santana for the summer! Don't make me leave her! I want to stay with her."

Only somewhat more composed, Santana stepped in. "I'm sure Mrs P wouldn't mind, Josie," Santana begged, not wanting for a second to spend the summer alone.
"Brittany doesn't fit in at her relative's house anyway. She told me that it smells funny and nobody talks to her. And, I also know that there is a monster in the closet of the room she sleeps in," Santana improvised, thinking that nobody would be so cruel to make Brittany sleep in a scary room.
My family wouldn't care about monsters, Santana thought matter-of-factly. But Brittany's family usually protected her from scary things.

Brittany's eyes widened, and more tears dripped down to her chin. She hadn't known about the monster.
Santana is the only one who can protect me from monsters, Brittany thought. I'm not gonna come back alive if I go to that haunted place.

"I want Santana!" she cried again. "Don't make me go!"

Josie, sighed, and almost felt sorry for them. They were just so attached to each other it was like separating Siamese twins. "Girls it will be over before you know it."

She gestured to Brittany. "Make sure you keep a-"

"I kept my lower lip stiff when you left," Brittany told her, remembering the phrase that Josie used to say and trying to make Santana smile and feel less bad.

Santana looked up and sniffled. "That's keep a stiff upper lip, Brittany. That's the saying. Not that I've ever heard anyone around here use it."

"Why the top one?" Brittany asked. "My bottom one is the one that trembles the most when I'm gonna cry," she told her. "I kept it as still as I could when you left."

"Well, I didn't," Santana choked out, and more tears started pouring out of her eyes.

"Oh. San," Brittany said, giving in and encircling her arms around her from behind, her front flush against her back. "You're here now."

"Yeah, yeah," Santana sobbed quietly. "I'm here now."

Needing to know where she'd been all this time, and wanting to make sure that she knew how hard life had been without her, Brittany paused, trying to find a more gentle way to ask the question. She didn't want to pressure Santana into shutting down, but at the same time she couldn't deny how she felt about the situation, and the pain that it had caused her.

Resting her head on Santana's shoulder from behind, Brittany reached around and tilted the other girl's head up until Santana finally looked up and surveyed them both standing together in the slightly foggy mirror of the airport bathroom. Even just standing together again felt warm to her, almost like coming home.

"Where'd you go?" Brittany sung softly, "I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone."

She rubbed Santana's arm, silently hoping she'd join in and sing the next part of the song.

Santana inhaled shakily, and squeezing Brittany's hand she shook her head, clearly not able to sing.

Brittany squeezed back and kept going. "Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone. Please come back home," she sang, seeing Santana mouth that line back with her, her eyes clouding and travelling a distance away into another place and another time.
She couldn't hear her clearly, but she could feel the vibrations against her chest as Santana quietly hummed the melody with her.

Santana's eyes darted around the room as if something there could help her find words and an explanation, and a thousand apologies, but every word that came into her head sounded like a hollow effort at describing her feelings.

Brittany's eyes sparkled with inspiration, and wanting to break the ice, she rapped her own version of a verse, keeping in time with Santana's distant sounding tune. The bathroom had great acoustics.

"You said 'Some days I feel like shit. Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit.'

And you did, you left, one day you were gone.

I stayed by the phone, thinking you wouldn't be long.

And I made for you excuses, said that you were on vacation,

But knew that I was lying when you missed my graduation

Then feeling like a zombie, with my heart beating half time,

I couldn't let go of those days you were mine,

I missed the feel of your love, missed the feel of your touch.

I kept on talking 'bout you cause I need you so much

I wrote to you, though you didn't write back.

Me and the rest of the unicorns singing 'where'd you go?'"

Brittany paused, letting the question hang in the air, wondering if the other girl would answer it. It probably hadn't been the best of her made-up raps, and she hadn't performed it with her usual hand movements, but she knew it was the best she could have come up with right now.

"Rehab," Santana said finally, her voice quiet. "I ended up in rehab."

Brittany's verse hadn't been easy for her to hear, but the absurdness of her rapping about her emotions in an airport bathroom had somehow made her remember how to speak.

"Okay," Brittany said just as quietly, breathing out a sigh of relief. Santana leaned into her for support, and sighed, as if she wanted to say more, but just that one admission had tired her out.

Sometimes the first step is the hardest one, Brittany thought, knowing that there was much more to the story, but also knowing that this was enough for now. They could talk more about it later.

She tightened her arms around Santana's waist. "What do you say we put everything behind us for now, and go and join everyone and have a good time?" she said, turning Santana around gently to face her. "I bet the others have all arrived, and Puck's probably wondering where you went. Did you come with him?"

Santana's eyebrows shot up almost to her hair, in disbelief. "Brittany, you know… um Puck and I…well, I set him free a long time ago. I wish I had let you know."

What a strange way to put it, Brittany mused, trying not to look too overjoyed. It kind of sounds like she thought that she had kept him in a cage as a pet.

"What about you?" Santana could hardly bear to ask the question. Brittany hadn't mentioned meeting anyone in her story, and that had given her hope through next few sleepless nights that she had spent wondering. "A beautiful girl like you must have every guy, girl and their dog chasing after you." Ugh, when did I get all cheesy, she thought kicking herself.

"I'm committed to my cat," Brittany joked, but inside her heart suddenly soared. She still thinks I'm beautiful, which means she must still love me.
She knew that if somebody loved her, then she would always look beautiful in their eyes. She knew that she couldn't be as beautiful as all that otherwise.

Seeing Santana's tight, expectant expression, Brittany hurried to explain to her that no, there was nobody in the picture, except for a new kitten that she was adopting the following Sunday. She knew that the trip would be well and truly over be then and she could go back to being a dedicated full time cat-lover.

Santana took a sudden intake of breath. She knew that she didn't deserve for Brittany to still be single, but the relief that washed over her upon hearing that she still was, nearly brought her to her knees.

"Come on Santana, let's get this reunion party started then," Brittany joked, steadying her.
"Everyone's probably wondering where we are by now," she added after a beat, looking at her watch, feeling shocked at how much time had gone by.

"They're totally gonna give me a hard time," Santana said, looking down. "I deserve it, but really Britt, I don't think this is going to be much of a party."

"Well, they'll have to get through me first," Brittany said strongly, holding out her hand for Santana to take.

Santana accepted it, and with it, she accepted her fate. She was still sure that she was going to get bitch-slapped by Quinn the moment that she saw her. It would be done partly in Brittany's defense, but mostly because Quinn never missed an opportunity. She also knew that Kurt would probably take her aside at some point and give her a strongly worded lecture, or worse. It made her nervous, but then again, she had been trying to learn to face things lately instead of running away from them.

Following Brittany out, she stopped by the door.

Brittany turned toward her questioningly, with a slight raise of her eyebrows.

"I've changed, Britt," she said, wanting so desperately for her to know. I'm going to show you, she promised herself.
"I'll prove it to you," she added out loud.

Brittany shrugged. "I know," she said instantly, without missing a beat.

Santana relaxed slightly. "How do you know?"
She wondered how Brittany could sense so much about the world when she found it so hard to see so many things.

"Remember when you thought I was going to hit you before?" Brittany asked.

Santana felt her face heating up slightly at the memory. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that,"

Brittany sidestepped the apology. "Even though I wasn't going to, what matters is that you put your hands up to stop me," she said adamantly, letting it sink in. "You cared about yourself enough on reflex to protect yourself. It's been some time since you've been on your own team enough to do that."

Santana met her gaze and smiled at her. I really have changed, she thought.

"You have," Brittany echoed her thoughts as if she could read her mind. "I can already see it."

"They're singing," Santana said in wonder when they came close to where the ex-Glee Club were waiting in the airport lounge. "I've missed this. They never miss a chance do they?"

"Nope. They're in full Glee mode," Brittany agreed.

Santana listened to the words. "I'm pretty sure that this is a Gaga song, but I don't really recognize it."

"We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love

I'm on the road, I'm on the road to love

I'm on the road, I'm on the road to love."

Both comprehending the not-so-hidden message directed at them at the same time, they suddenly looked at each other with screwed-up faces.

"They are so cheesy," Brittany complained, rolling her eyes. "We are so not that cheesy."

"No of course not," Santana agreed. "We couldn't be. Look at these big cheeseballs. God, I haven't sung in such a long time."

Rachel put her arms out, beckoning them over, and Quinn, who was looking decidedly not as bitch-slap happy as usual, unexpectedly did the same.

"Then again," Brittany said with an almost longing look at their friends, "everyone's doing it."

"Wanky," Santana said, a spark coming back into her eyes.

Brittany laughed, and let Mercedes sling an arm around both of their shoulders.

"We have no choice," Brittany told her, grinning. She guessed that their old friends were taking on the same philosophy that she'd ended up with – for now what mattered most was that Santana was alive and well, and that was truly worth celebrating.

"If you can't beat 'em, then join 'em," Santana agreed moving into the fray.

"Pardon my French but fuck you," Quinn said by manner of greeting to Santana.

Why does everyone say that French people always swear, Brittany thought, confused. They actually have very good manners and are very polite.

"Fuck you very much right back," Santana shot back amused, before they were dragged apart and encouraged to sing another verse together. I'm lucky to have these people, she thought, smiling at them in spite of herself.

"Brittany, can you go sit with your homegirl? I swear she's flipping out right about now. It's like she's afraid of flying or something," Mercedes told her, moving aside and hoping that Brittany would get up.
"You can have my seat right next to her. I've been looking for a good chat with Kurt anyway," she prodded him, getting no response.

"Oh, you won't wake him," Brittany giggled. "He's in one of his old man moods and needs a nap."

Mercedes was incredulous. "But we've barely been in the air for twenty minutes!"

"Tell me about it." Brittany rolled her eyes. "He's totally conditioned to sleep on planes. I have no idea how he does it."

"Mmmm, I'll work on him," Mercedes said with an evil glint in her eye. "Go to her, Britt."

"Okay," Brittany agreed, walking down the aisle and slipping into the seat next to Santana, who had lost some of her color, and was gripping the seat in front of her in desperation.
She looked at her questioningly. She'd never been on a plane with Santana before, but she'd still never known that she was so afraid of them.

"Stupid late night Final Destination movie last night," Santana grumbled by way of explanation, and Brittany strained to remember what she was talking about. She thought that maybe she could remember a plane crash scene in the movie. Yeah, that's probably it, she realized.

"Oooh," Santana moaned as they hit some turbulence. "Brittany I need to tell you something."

"Not like this," Brittany said gently, not wanting Santana to tell her anything big while she was so scared. She would prefer that they were both comfortable and level headed.

Santana nodded shakily. "Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell you later. If we're still alive."

Brittany was silent for a moment, and then she suddenly grabbed Santana's empty cup out of its holder, then turned it over and began to play a tune on it, using a familiar rhythm with claps and sounds made by knocking the sides of the cup against the pull-down tray.

After the third round of the 'cup beat' Santana started frowning. "Britt I love you, but I can't take much more of that."

Brittany stuck her tongue good-naturedly. "But it's distracting you. And, you'd rather be pissed than be scared right?"

"That's true," Santana said thoughtfully. "Okay, keep going."

"You want to learn?" Brittany asked. "You just clap twice, tap it three times, then clap again. Then move it to the side. Then grab it, then-"

"Just keep doing it," Santana interrupted anxiously, feeling the aircraft shake.

Brittany put words to the beat. "My cup, my cup. Sayin' what's up to my cup, my cup-"

"Just gonna stand there and watch me roar! But that's all right because I am a dinosaur," Brittany sung, along, going a little bit slower now that the ex-Glee Club all had cups and were all trying to get the beat going too.

I swear this flight is taking forever, Santana thought, but found she couldn't help but to be amused by Brittany's antics. She had changed the lyrics of 'Love the way you lie' by Eminem and Rihanna to sound more like a dinosaur love song, and she was still smacking that cup around.
"That's the same cup beat you're using, to 'play' that song, Britt, how does that even work?" she asked.

"It's a magical cup beat," Brittany said, not for a moment sick of it. "It fits just about any song."

The plane shook and shuddered, and Santana's knuckles went paler as she gripped Brittany's knee hard. "We're all gonna die," she said, looking horrified, "and I've only just found you again."

"San, it's okay honey," Brittany tried to calm her.

"Britt, can you play that song that you sung on the last track of the CD?" Santana said desperately.

Brittany frowned, confused. "I sung you a lot of songs."

"No, the very last one, the one on the separate track. The Sara Bareilles song. I listen to it sometimes when I need to be brave. It helped me to come today."

"Oh, yeah, sure San," Brittany turned around and asked if everyone knew the song. Fortunately there were more yes's than no's, and with everyone else now playing the cup beat for her, Brittany found that she could instead sit back and put an arm around Santana, letting her lean into her shoulder while she sung softly into her ear.

"You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave"

"You're sleeping with Barbra," Santana hissed to Quinn. "I want Brittany."

"Fine by me," Quinn drawled, slinging an arm around Rachel as they walked towards the hotel's entrance. "Ours is the party room, right Rach?"

"Right!" Rachel said, beaming. "I'm so pleased to be staying in the all-girl suite. It's just what I needed to get over my latest Broadway disappointment; one fabulous girls night."

"I wish that Mercedes and Tina were rooming with us too," Brittany said, falling into step with them and helping to drag their luggage, "and Kurt, he's almost like a girl."

Santana took a bag from Brittany, even though the taller girl was more physically able to carry it than she was. "Mercedes is going to be having the time of her life with Sam and Kurt," she reminded her gently. "And, Tina is with Mike rekindling their relationship, and doing god-knows-what," she added wickedly.

"Having sex," Brittany informed her, taking her literally and thinking that she really might not have known.

"Of course, silly me," Santana said indulgently, walking up to the desk and checking them in.

After they had been shown to their suite, Brittany raced inside first to check it out, while Santana and Quinn sauntered in slowly aiming for the mini bar, letting Rachel claim the bathroom as she had already announced several times that she needed to pee.

"Think you can tear yourself away from Brittany long enough to have a drink with me tonight?" Quinn asked, nudging Santana, and gesturing to the selection of alcohol lined up neatly in a row. "We should catch up."

"Sure, just one drink," Santana said absently, listening to the sounds of Brittany jumping on the hotel bed evidently having found one that was especially bouncy. She couldn't help but to feel nostalgic remembering all the pillow fights they'd had over the years.

Rachel joined them, having already changed into a somehow-still-modest vintage looking bikini. "Shall we hit the beach now?" she asked, then turned to Santana. "Quinn and I, and a few others have planned to go and check out Seal Beach."

"But I'm not gonna swim," Quinn said, pulling on a large floppy hat.

"Seal beach?" Brittany said joyfully, running in and revealing that she was somehow already dressed too, and ready to go. "Will we see seals?"

"We might," Rachel said, not really sure. "The name seems to suggest that we will."

"Yes!" Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and hauled her into the bathroom. Santana always took forever to get ready and she doubted that had changed.

Rachel smiled at the back of her. Crazy kid, she thought.

"What did you guys find?" Brittany asked Quinn when she came back a moment later, seeing that the mini bar fridge was still open.

"Mostly just expensive chocolate," Quinn said dismally, tearing her eyes from it.

"Well, it's all on me," Rachel interrupted, smiling sweetly and wanting to make this reunion as much fun as it could be. She knew that she could afford it.

Quinn immediately unwrapped the chocolate bar closest to her. "Don't mind if I do," she said with a nod.

Now secretly hoping that Santana would take as long as possible to get ready, the three girls spent the extra time in the room feasting on the chocolate and candy varieties, finding that all the remaining tension in the room was leaving in place of a sugar rush.

When Santana finally emerged already wearing her over-sized shades, the three were giggling and in competition to make the best seal noise. Rachel was winning by far, her voice training allowing her to make the most inhuman sounds.

"Oh god," Santana said rolling her eyes. She'd had many years of experience making animal sounds to amuse Brittany, so she considered herself somewhat of a professional. "You all sound like dying seals. Everyone knows a seal goes ow ow ow ow ow."

"Yeah." Brittany looked at Santana giving her a wicked grin, wondering if they were on the same page. "But there's one sound that no-one knows. What does the fox say?"

Santana grinned back and took a deep breath.

"Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!" they hollered in unison, bursting into fits of laughter.

Rachel and Quinn stared.

"What?" Santana said defensively. "It's a song."

"Yeah, we know it, but you're singing it," Quinn stressed the point.

Santana glared. "I can't be in the weird club with you guys sometimes too?"

"We'd love to have you," Brittany said smiling, and tucking her arm into hers. "Let's go and see the real seals."

Twenty minutes later they were all in fold-able deck chairs on the beach, having been joined by Mercedes, Kurt and Sam.

"This is the life," Quinn said, stretching out.
"I hate my job," she added after beat. "I think I'll stay here."

"I love my job," Brittany called out, running up and down the beach on a seal hunt, "but, I'm with you, I want to stay here forever."
She spread her hands out as a wave came, and scooped up some of the water, pouring it all over her body. Then, she jumped away and giggled when a much bigger wave came that she wasn't ready for.

"Ahhh," was all Santana could say. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd felt this relaxed.
She kept an eye trained on Brittany, not willing to let her out of her sight just yet. She watched the taller girl search everywhere along the shoreline, picking up a shell or two every now and then, and then going over to Mercedes and playfully splashing her.

"Hey girl, you playing with fire now," Mercedes said, splashing her back with twice as much force, laughing when she shrieked. The water seemed colder on their lightly sunburned skin than it really was.

"Nope, we are playing with water," Brittany said giggling harder. Now drenched, she ran up to Mercedes and gave her a soaking wet hug.

"Oh you!" Mercedes, grumbled with a smile, and hugged her back. "I've missed you Lil Eve."

"I can't find the seals," Brittany said wading out a little, and gesturing for Mercedes to follow.

She didn't. "Not many seals here, Britt," Mercedes told her, "not since the fifties. I know that because I looked it up before we came. Maybe you might find a stray one or two, but for the most part, no seals."

Brittany looked so dejected that Mercedes called over Quinn, who had been standing idly nearby, and started an all out water fight, showering Brittany with their own waves.

After a few minutes, Rachel and Santana were running up to join them, shrieking and shivering as the water hit them.

Trying to escape the war, Brittany half ran, half swam out to sea as fast as she could against the current.

Mercedes glanced at her worriedly. "Isn't she going out a bit too far?" she asked Santana, laying a hand on her arm.

"Brittany swims like a fish," Santana said confidently, then looked a little less sure as they both watched the blonde get swept off her feet by a wave.

When she didn't come up immediately, Santana drew in a breath. "She usually swims like a fish," she repeated anxiously.

"Rrrrarrgh!" Brittany shouted appearing suddenly behind them as if by magic, and tackling Santana down and landing on top of her.

Santana lay still, and Brittany thought she looked a bit like an angel with her dark hair splayed out in all directions floating in the shallow water. She doesn't look like the angels pictured in the books I have, but she sure does look the way I would have drawn them had I written those books myself, Brittany decided.

"You got me, Britt," Santana said in a low voice, looking into her eyes. She touched her fingertips to Brittany's face, and the other girl closed her eyes, as if the feeling was washing over her and becoming part of her again.

Santana's eyes seemed softer than Brittany remembered them being, and even more hypnotic. I love you, Brittany thought, inhaling her scent, and then pulling back, realizing that she was getting carried away.

Wriggling off Santana quickly, she stood up. She felt her eyes begin to fill up with tears as she was assaulted with her own desires. She wanted to touch Santana's hair, and then hold her close and kiss every inch of her beautiful skin, but instead she felt the pain of every second of the past year when she hadn't been able to do that. Most of all she wanted to hear her say 'I love you back, Britt,' even if it was in front of everyone.

She looked at Santana for a beat, then ran back up the beach.
It isn't so easy to just put everything aside for the sake of not ruining the reunion. Especially when 'everything' mostly means feelings, Brittany thought, running blindly forward, going in no particular direction.

"I don't think she's getting ice-cream," Mercedes said, about to tell Santana to go after her, or even go after her herself, but Santana was already off and running.

"Britt, wait, WAIT!" Santana called out, moving faster, gradually catching up as if determination alone could propel her faster.

When she was within earshot, Brittany heard her and stopped, looking around wildly for an excuse to explain her own erratic behavior and finding none. Instead, she turned around and said only the truth.
"I asked you where you went, San, but I never asked how you could go. How could you leave me for all that time?" Brittany asked, hearing her voice break. "Things just can't go back to normal, you know. I'm trying, but I just can't."

She sank down on a hollow log that was intended for people to sit on while they waited to use the nearby beach showers. She hadn't run far, but she still felt exhausted.

"I know that!" Santana told her sitting down beside her. "I knew before I even saw you that I was going to have to earn you back. That's why I came back now. Because now I think I finally have a chance."

"What?" Brittany turned to face her. "I gave you a million chances. I'm still giving you chances, but when you left I felt like I'd lost mine. I felt like you left because you gave up on me, and didn't love me anymore," she sobbed, feeling her emotions get the better of her. She tried to wipe away some of her tears to clear her vision.
She'd known that Santana had been going through a lot, but losing all that she knew had at times made her question everything.

"I loved you every day I was gone, every moment." Santana reached her hand out, holding it an inch from Brittany's arm, then letting it fall again.

Feeling more confused than ever, Brittany wouldn't allow herself to be comforted. "So, what you mean is that you think I wasn't giving you a chance to love you?"

"That's not what I meant at all," Santana faltered, "It wasn't about anything you did. Having a chance just means that I'm finally worthy now."

"Of what?" Brittany was completely lost, and she knew it.

"Of you," Santana said softly.

"You were worthy of me before you left, Santana. You were maybe more worthy of me then, than you are now, after abandoning me for so long."

"No I wasn't!" Santana immediately lowered her voice having realized she was shouting. "Britt, back then, I was breaking you. I couldn't stand it, and I didn't want to make you worse. That's why I left. That was how I could leave you."

"We were fine, Santana. I was fine. Then you left and then I wasn't."

"No." Santana's voice was harsh and insistent. "I spent a lot of time talking about this in therapy, and I've done a lot of thinking. Brittany, I know that you know that you weren't okay, and neither were we as a couple. That story that you wrote proves to me that you knew it too. I listened to all of the tracks on that CD, and each one told me three things; one that I screwed up, two that you loved me endlessly in spite of it, and three that doing so was killing you. I saw you break down, do you remember? You got so thin that I thought you might snap in half every time I touched you. Every time that I looked at you I just wanted you to go to sleep in my arms because I hoped that if you did you'd wake up better. But, you never slept. You were so lifeless, neither here nor there, and every time that I called you I'd be reminded of that."

"I got over that!" Brittany reminded her. "I was only like that for a little while and I never dropped out of college."

"It doesn't matter," Santana said. "If I had been looking after you right, then you wouldn't have got to that point in the first place."

"You couldn't even look after yourself, San," Brittany said gently. "I don't blame you for what happened to me for a second."

Santana shook her head. "It wasn't just that, it was everything. Everything was wrong, and everything that was happening was hurting you. I couldn't look at your face anymore when you'd come to see me, because you always found me sleeping with someone I didn't even like. I hated to see how worried you'd get when you found me high on something, or throwing up the morning afterwards. You carried around this weight on your shoulders, and I knew that weight was me. It was tearing me apart. So I left."

"I know you didn't have much control over those things," Brittany told her. "You don't have to feel so much guilt over what you couldn't control."

"I left to find some kind of control over myself," Santana stressed, willing Brittany to understand. "At first I didn't know where to go or what to do, so I just made a bigger mess of everything. I'd cut myself off from everyone that I loved, and I was in a place where nobody cared what I did, not even me. But then I got caught stealing something because I'd run out of money long ago, and they put me in rehab. And, as it turned out, that was the way up."

"It can't have been easy," Brittany said, taking her hand. "I'm sorry you thought you had to do it alone."

"It was hard being alone, but it was still easier in some ways without the pressure," Santana shrugged. "This way I was only letting me down, but if you'd been there watching me fail for the first few times that I tried to complete the steps of the program, then it would have only hurt you, and I'd have hated that."

"Yeah, but on the last time I would have been lucky enough to watch you succeed. That's all that matters. I could have supported you through the bad times."

She watched Santana shake her head. The dark haired girl had always had a fear of any kind of failure, always seeming to take it so personally. Brittany knew that she was probably wasting her breath telling her that failing was okay.

"I'm sorry," Santana said suddenly, and Brittany looked up in surprise. "I know that you're right, you know. I'm still trying to learn to deal with those kinds of feelings."

"Why do you think you have a fear of failure, Santana?" Dr Martin asked, shutting the door against another patient's screams. Detoxing always looked so painful and never got any less shocking no matter how many times he saw it.

"I don't know," Santana said, crossing her arms and sitting back in her chair.

"When did these kinds of feelings start?" he prompted.

Santana thought about it. "When I was really little," she admitted, "it started when people started going away. I started trying so hard to be the best kid that there was so nobody else would leave. But the people that I loved still kept leaving me. So, I tried even harder, but it still felt like nothing I ever did was good enough for anyone, even when I was at my best. So then I started failing spectacularly at everything instead, including at being a good friend and girlfriend. And then, I made sure I was the best at that. The worst thing that I ever did was when I walked away from everyone I cared for without a goodbye, just like my dad did. I guess I'm more like him than I thought."

"Fuck your parents and the rest of them," he said back, his usual controversial self. "Let's talk about you. You had a crappy start in life. Shit happened, and you thought you weren't worth anything because nobody seemed to care enough about you to stay. Then, you never wanted to fail anything, because the highs of success were the only way you could ever feel good about yourself. It wasn't so much other's expectations, it was your own that you could never fulfill. You jumped from each of your successes like a junkie, then you actually became a junkie yourself because the natural highs never lasted. We're going to fix this. Rehab isn't about quitting a drug; it's about changing your life."

Santana stared at him. He was different to the other doctors, and she considered that a good thing.

"But first," he continued, "give me the first reason that you want to be here. We'll think of a new one every session, but unless you can give me one straight away then you're gonna turn around and walk out of that door right now."

Santana, drew a shaking hand into the worn pocket of her jeans, and pulled out a photo and laid it down on the table. "Brittany," she said, leaving it at that.

"I know I shouldn't have left you the way I did," Santana said, taking the leap and squeezing Brittany's hand. "I wouldn't have done it the same way now, it's just at the time I thought it was the only way. I didn't want to hurt you anymore."
I'm going to get her back, she promised herself for what seemed like the millionth time in two days.

Brittany nodded at her understandingly. She was glad that they had talked, because what Santana had said had explained a lot.

"I wanted to deserve your love," Santana said again, after a comfortable silence.

"Oh, Santana," Brittany said, getting up and extending a hand to help the other girl up too. "I swear to you, you always did."

"What the hell are you doing?" demanded Quinn, angrily.

Santana froze, her hand still on the tap that she'd been turning to pour herself a glass of water. Retracting it, she reeled from the shock of Quinn's angry voice cutting into the otherwise pleasant sounds of the early morning. She hadn't known that anyone else was awake. Brittany was still asleep exactly where she'd left her, and as far as she knew Rachel was still sleeping too.

Brittany seems so independent lately, she thought distractedly, unable to clear her mind of the blonde. Does that mean that she doesn't need me anymore? I couldn't bear that. She felt more than a little tired having lain awake for half the night being preoccupied with these same thoughts. Turning away from Quinn, she distractedly dried her hands on a small towel.

It was strange that she wouldn't let me check under her bed for her last night, she thought. Late last night, Brittany had stood in the doorway bathed in the light coming from the hall, making uncertain glances at her hotel bed as if she was scared there was something frightening lurking beneath it. Santana knew all too well that she always got like that when she had to sleep in strange places, and she had been more than willing to break out her ghostbuster routine to help the other girl feel more secure. But when she'd offered, Brittany had quickly told her no, and running across the floor she had flung herself into bed without saying another word.

It had hurt, but she knew that maybe Brittany was afraid of needing her again and had just got scared. She didn't blame her for not saying goodnight.

Having woken early and being unable to do anything but to watch the hours fall away, Santana had been hoping that the taller girl would wake too so that they could talk and watch the sunrise together, but Brittany hadn't stirred, not even when Santana had waved the scent of candy around the room.

What if she never does need me again? she thought. She so wasn't in the mood to fight with Quinn right now.

"What the fuck is this?" Quinn said again sharply, bringing Santana back to earth and waking up Rachel who had wandered into the hotel kitchen in search of the noise, and was still rubbing her eyes.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked, suddenly bright and alert seeing the tension in the room.

"Ask her," Quinn said pointing to Santana who still had several pills in her hand.

"She's-" Rachel began and faltered. She wanted to defend Santana but those definitely weren't aspirin that she was taking. She didn't want to think that Santana was already back to her old habits, but then again, it wasn't an impossible assumption.

"You brought that shit here? Once a druggie always a druggie," Quinn said harshly.

"Once a bitch, always a bitch," Santana shot back, her temper flaring.

"You showed up here pretending to be clean, just to play with our emotions? Brittany's emotions?" Quinn reached a hand out, and slapped her hard across the face, the crack echoing through the room.

Rachel gasped, and Santana opened and closed her mouth not sure what to say.

"Whoa!" Brittany shouted, hearing the commotion and rushing to Santana's side. She gave a quick glance around at the angry faces, and then a second glace to what Santana was holding, recognizing it at once as the same medication that one of the older boys at her work took to cope with his Bipolar disorder.

She sought Santana's eyes, and they had an unspoken conversation, and at the end of it Santana gave a small nod.

"It's her medication," Brittany said leaving no room for argument. "Let her take it in peace please," she said attempting to shoo them out of the room.

"Sorry Santana," Rachel said immediately, and Quinn gave a small nod of apology, meekly adding that she would make it up to her later, before she disappeared around the corner.

"Your cheek is red!" Brittany exclaimed, going to the bar fridge and looking for some ice. "Did she slap you? She's so silly for mistaking meds for party drugs."

"She's not really, Britt, I probably would have thought the same thing if I was her, but thanks for the trust," Santana said gratefully, "and don't be mad at them. They're just protecting you, and let's face it I was bound to get slapped sometime."

"I'm no expert in people, but I'm pretty sure that they reacted like that because they care a lot about you too, San." She placed a bag of ice gently on Santana's cheek. "I'm just surprised you didn't hit her back."

"I nearly did," the other girl admitted.

"I'm proud of you," Brittany said softly.

Santana said nothing, and instead gulped down some water, swallowing the pills.

"Do those work?" Brittany asked her, wonderingly.

"They help more with the crazy thoughts than the lows," Santana told her shrugging. "I feel calmer and I make better decisions. Most of the time," she added vaguely.
"I tried a couple of different types and brands, and these ones worked the best. It's nice to be less paranoid and less impulsive."

"You mean you haven't bought any more shoes worth thousands of dollars?" Brittany joked.

Santana grinned. "Thank god, no. But guess what, Britt? I put up an ad and sold those orange pumps that I showed you to some trend obsessed fool for twice what I paid for them. Turns out the designer retired those ugly things fast."

They both laughed.

Brittany looked at her more seriously. "Are you okay with it? The diagnosis, I mean. I'm guessing you found out some time ago."

"It was a relief more than anything," Santana told her. "Dr Martin figured it out after like fifteen sessions with me, so it wasn't like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but it was nice that what was going on with me had a name. Knowing why it was happening to me was good too."

Brittany wrinkled her forehead thoughtfully. "I guess what you went though before you knew was how it would have been like if I never got diagnosed. It would be scary wondering why I was so weird and not having a reason for it."

"Yeah, we're both forever in the weird club," Santana tickled Brittany's ribs, and Brittany brushed her fingers away, instead turning towards her and pulling her into a tight hug.

Santana relaxed into her, her fingers stroking the back of her neck as Brittany held on tightly as if her life depended on it.

"Hey, what's this for?" Santana whispered into her ear, enjoying the hug.

"For coming out of that dark place you were in," Brittany mumbled back into her shoulder. "I will always love you no matter what happens, but, I'm just so glad that you did."

"I'm gonna get me one of those Mickey ice-creams," Brittany said gleefully, with more than a little bounce in her step. She was so happy to be inside the Disneyland park at last.

"I think we all are," Kurt laughed, linking his arm through hers to try and get her to walk slower. "Slow down Britt, you're almost running, and they told us over the loudspeaker that there was to be no running through the gates. No stampedes," he corrected himself, knowing that saying that always convinced her that walking slower was smart.

"No stampedes," Brittany agreed seriously, remembering again what happened to Mufasa.

"So what are we going to do first, guys?" Rachel said at a loss without a schedule in her mind.

"Well, Kurt really wanted to see the 'Peter Pan's flight' attraction!" Brittany exclaimed, "So we have to pretty much go now, because the lines get crazy later in the day. It's this way. We can grab fast passes for 'Splash Mountain' as soon as possible too."

"How would she know?" Quinn asked. "Are we really going to go by what she says?"

"Just trust Brittany," Kurt and Santana said in unison, and Santana added, "when it comes to anything Disney related she somehow turns into a walking guidebook. Don't question her, just follow her."

"Quinn went quiet, and fell back to for once follow the crowd."

When they arrived at the ride, the queue was already crazy, but the other people waiting were quick to assure them that how the line was now was considered to be the shortest wait time of the day, because the ride was so popular.

"Told you," Brittany said grinning, leaving the others to wonder how she knew her way around here like it was a second home to her even though she had never been here before.

They all agreed that the ride was fantastic, as it took them into the 'sky' and made them feel like they were really flying.

"Awesome," Mike uttered and danced his way out of the ride, as Tina looked on at him adoringly.

"What Disney characters would you be if you could choose any one?" Brittany asked, attempting to direct the question to as many people as she could. The reunion group was too large to talk to all at the one time.

Several people paused to contemplate this.

"I'd be Peter Pan," Kurt said immediately, still enthused by the ride. "I rock a pair of tights."

"As do I," remarked Rachel, "but I think I'd be Tinker Bell."

"Yeah, you'd make a good overly-emotional dramatic fairy," Quinn told her.

Rachel huffed. "Well, what about you, Quinn?"

Quinn paused. "I've always liked Cruella De Ville, but I think I'd be Rapunzel," she said. "I've found that everything changes with a haircut. Cutting it can be so freeing."

"I'd be Jessie from Toy Story!" put in Sugar, excitedly. Brittany stared. She hadn't even noticed her there before. Rachel must have got a cramp in her hand typing up the super long guest list, she thought. Then again, I only saw one name. She knew that all the other names on the list had blurred into nothing.

"I think I'd be Tiana," Mercedes laughed. "At first I thought I might like to be Nala, but then Tiana wants to open up her own restaurant and I'm down with that. Besides I've kissed a lot of frogs," she joked.

"What about you, Mike and Tina?" Brittany said, hoping Mike would start dancing with her again. He was being a lot of fun today.
"How about The Lady and the Tramp?" she suggested trying to think of characters in love. "Or Timon and Pumbaa?"

Tina wrinkled her nose at her last suggestion, while everyone else smirked. "I think I'd be the Jasmine to your Aladdin," she said to Mike humming a few bars of 'A Whole New World.'

Santana rolled her eyes.

"Well, what about you, Santana?" Tina asked with some bite.

Santana didn't hesitate. "I'd be the Beast," she said.

"Why the Beast?" Kurt asked, not seeing the connection between them. "He's kind of beastly."

"Yeah, exactly, he's totally misunderstood and angry because nobody gets him."

"But he's nice on the inside, and really a prince!" Brittany put in, giggling.

"Yeah, yeah," Santana rolled her eyes, but still managed a smile, and when the others weren't looking, she bought Brittany one of the Beauty and the Beast flowers from a passing vendor. "Nobody gets him but Belle," she corrected herself with a wink.

"I was going to say I'd be Alice in Wonderland," Brittany said, accepting the flower happily, "because she finds everything so confusing. But now I'm so gonna be Belle."
She gave Santana a warm smile. "I think books are totally useful anyway, and I'd never marry that Gaston guy that keeps chasing her in the movie, no matter how rich he was."

"No one got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston," Mike sung, out of key, laughing, and pretending to stumble when Mercedes gave him a little push.

"Hey, where'd Brittany go?" Mercedes asked, suddenly finding she was no longer walking with them. "I've noticed that she keeps disappearing on us for a couple minutes at a time every now and then. What's up with that?"

Santana shrugged with a smirk, pretending she didn't know.

Mercedes put her hands on her hips, and posing dramatically she waggled her fingers at Santana. "You have to learn to keep a leash on your girl."
She paused. "Oh, wait she isn't sick or anything is she?"

"No, she's fine," Santana said, still smiling. "She keeps running off to those pressed penny machines. There was a lot of them back on Main Street. She finds the whole process of getting a penny stretched and stamped with her favorite characters all too fascinating. Did you noticed that she was gone for ages when we walked past the one by the souvenir shop. She was busy making at least a dozen of the angry Donald Duck penny, and she's been making a Hansel and Gretel-esque trail of them everywhere we go."

"Why the obsession with angry Donald duck?" Mercedes wondered.

Santana giggled. "I guess she has a thing for people or animals with rage."

"Lucky you," Mercedes said, laughing with her.

"Yeah," Santana said, "and, if I know her as well as I think I do she's probably run off to see if she can find us Beauty and the Beast pennies."

"Lucky you," Mercedes repeated again, to drive her point across.

"I know," Santana said with a soft smile.

"Seriously has anyone got any ideas about what we can do next," Rachel asked. "There are so many things to do that even I can't decide."

"I want to see 'It's a small world,'" Brittany said, suddenly materializing beside them again, and thrusting a Belle coin into Santana's hand and saying it was for good luck. "It's nearby. Will anybody come with me?"

"Sure!" Mercedes said, "that's the one with all the little dolls dressed up in cultural outfits right? It will be like travelling around the world, and we've already been to Neverland so we might as well cover some more countries!"

Oh, yeah, Brittany will love the dolls, Santana thought. "I'm coming," she told them, and with Brittany's help she led the way, feeling strangely pleased when she noticed that most of the rest of the group were following.

"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears

It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world."

"I swear it will be a very small world soon, if that song doesn't stop playing," Santana threatened.

"Feeling homicidal?" Quinn asked dryly. "But seriously whose idea was this?"

"Shut up," Santana told her, gripping the sides of the boat, and almost wishing that she could jump out. Clearly the creators of this ride intended to drive everyone mad with that music and make them want to jump out and drown themselves.

"But-" Quinn began.

"Shut up," Santana said again for Brittany's sake, as she could see that the other girl was loving the ride, and was looking around at everything in childlike wonder.

"French Can-Can dolls!" Brittany exclaimed, pointing, "and a Scottish guy in a skirt playing the bagpipes off-key."

"Kilt," Kurt corrected her, also finding the constant repetition of the song hard to take. It had been playing for at least eight minutes by now, in all different languages, and he hoped and prayed that it wouldn't keep playing for the entire ride.

"Look Mexican dolls!" Brittany almost shouted, pointing. "Aren't they beautiful?"
"Buenos Dias," she added, reading out the sign near the display as the song switched to the Spanish language.

"Oh joy," Santana moaned, "the heights have got nothing on this place." She continued to look tormented, only brightening when the ride was finally over.

The faint echoes of song followed them outside even when the boat had finally stopped and they had stepped out, and then it seemed to follow them still further until Santana realized that Brittany and Quinn were still singing it; one in fun, and the other to continue the torment.

"Quinn, I am feeling homicidal, I warn you," Santana hissed at her, then strategically handed Brittany some candy. A jawbreaker will save my sanity, she thought hopefully, watching Brittany's attention become consumed with struggling to get her mouth around the large candy. Peace, at last.

"I could go for some good old-fashioned carnival games," Mike suggested. "I think that there are some Toy Story themed ones around here somewhere."
He spotted a gang of army soldiers from the movie, being followed by a trail of young and old fans. "You know, I desperately want to go up behind them and yell 'Andy's coming,'" he said smirking.

Santana eyed them wickedly. "I dare you!" she hissed.

Mike shook his head. He knew from being a dancer that even when it was a rehearsed move, falling to the ground suddenly kind of hurt, and he didn't want to annoy the poor guys in costume.

"Oooh, there's Ariel," Rachel said, and immediately marched up to her, intent on getting a photo.
I could so do this job, she thought wistfully, envisioning herself as any one of the singing characters. Then, as she heard the less pleasant noises of Cinderella's Ugly Sisters singing 'Sing Sweet Nightingale' to Sugar, who was joining in and sounding just as off-key, she changed her stance. Well, I wouldn't take just any role, she thought, amused.

Mike stood still, studying the map and looking for the 'Toy Story Mania' games.

"Oh, that one is actually in the other park nearby, the one called 'Disney California Adventure,'" Brittany told him, helping him look.
"But, we could go on 'Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters' here and shoot at everything and see who gets the highest score! That one isn't so far to walk to, and it's kind of a similar thing. I think you'd like it," she offered.

"I'm up for shooting things," Santana said cheerfully.

"As am I," Quinn added, linking arms with her and heading to Tomorrowland.

"Shoot Zurg's chest and you'll get a bonus 50,000 points!" Brittany hollered in Santana's ear. "Nobody knows that because it's not one of the official targets!"

Brittany had long since abandoned her own space-gun in favor of watching and helping Santana shoot and get the highest score.

"Thanks Britt," Santana said, using her perfect aim to hit the spot. "I bet I've got the top score in the history of this ride in the bag. It's a pity they don't give you a prize for this. Or a medal. Or a statue next to the one of Walt Disney holding Mickey's hand."

"You could probably convince them to," Brittany said laughing.

"Damn straight," Santana agreed, checking the high score board when the ride came to a close, and finding that hers was indeed the top one, at least for the day.

"How did you score so high," Mike asked with a frown. "I only managed to score just under a million and I know I hit nearly everything."

"It's magic," Santana said, letting the secret stay a secret.

"What now," Rachel asked, feeling fed up with target shooting. She had barely managed to hit any of the brightly lit targets at all.

"We have only a little time before we can go stand in the fast pass lines for 'Splash Mountain,'" Brittany told them, knowing that everyone unanimously couldn't wait to get on that ride. "Let's go get ice-creams shaped like Mickey's head? They will cost you $3.79."

"How does she know that," Tina wondered, directing the question to Santana.

"Don't question it!" The entire group said in unison, and before long they had all paid and were sitting down and enjoying their ice-creams, eating the chocolate coating around the outside before the inside. Brittany thought it was a little bit creepy eating the 'skin' of the mouse first so she was eating him one ear at a time, thinking that had to be better.

In the excitement to buy the ice-creams, Brittany's wallet had fallen out of her bag and was lying face down on the ground. Santana immediately moved to pick it up and close it for her, when a note fluttered out and landed in front of them on the table. Santana immediately recognized her own handwriting, but couldn't place when she had written it.

'Meet me at your locker, B? Love Santana x'

"Britt, this note has to be like eight years old," Santana said, staring. She knew she had probably passed it to her in class at some point when they were in high school. "Why do you have this?"

Brittany looked at her feet. "I don't know," she mumbled. "I just found it in one of my shoes one day and couldn't throw it out. I like to carry it around."

Santana replaced it where she found it. "What ever for?" she asked.

"Because every time I read it I remember that day, and I feel like you really are at my locker waiting for me again. It's a nice feeling."

"Oh," Santana said feeling goose bumps spring up on her back. She would never understand how the little things Brittany did could make her feel like this.

"Splash Mountain?" Kurt asked, seeing that Brittany was still blushing, and wanting to rescue her. "It's supposed to be a great ride."

"Yeah!" Brittany cheered, forgetting her embarrassment. "This is going to be great!" She grabbed Santana's hand and led them to the Fast Pass line.

"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A

My oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A"

"Oh, fuck no, not again," Santana groaned, realizing that this horrible 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah' song was probably going to be played endlessly through this part of the ride. They had reached the cavern inside the mountain, and were supposed to be watching the animatronic Brer Rabbit play tricks on the animatronic Brer Fox before the big drop on the other side.
"Why do they always put us in a boat before tormenting us with these songs," she complained, looking over the edge of the boat.

"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah. Zip-A-Dee-A. My oh my what a wonderful day!" Brittany sung along, surprised when the ride started speeding up. "Woah, ahh!" she exclaimed happily, screaming with the others when the boat rushed down the mountain at a fast pace. "That one sure was exciting," she told the others.

"And wet," Kurt, laughed trying to dry himself. "We all got soaked! I guess that's why it's called Splash Mountain."

"That song," Santana said shuddering. "At least it didn't go on as long as the last one."

"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah!" Brittany started and was immediately presented with another jawbreaker. "Ohh! Thanks Santana," she said happily, taking the candy. She always thought that it was a good day when there was free candy.

"Fucking repetitive Disney music," Santana muttered to Quinn who wholeheartedly agreed.

Mike offered Tina his jacket, seeing that she had got the biggest splash of all, and in return she kissed him, and put a hand on his chest.

"Aww, aren't they cute," Rachel said to Santana with a smile, pointing the couple out.

Santana could only scoff at the sight. "Hah. It looks like she's about to unhinge her jaw and devour him." She took a step backwards and stood behind Kurt as if to protect herself. "Save me, Lady Hummel."

"Why are you even here if you're going to complain about everything?" Rachel said, whirling around and glaring at her with more than hint of exasperation. "You're being such a total drag. I planned this perfect trip for everyone to have fun. I thought that even you couldn't possibly be a downer at Disneyland, even if you've always had a talent for ruining everyone's day."

There was a silence. Even with the sounds of fun and laughter going on around them, the tension in the air was suddenly as thick as ever. Santana shrugged and then mumbled an excuse about going to the bathroom, before walking off with her shoulders slumped.

Brittany walked up and tapped Rachel on the shoulder. "Santana really is having fun," Brittany explained loyally, understanding her in ways that the others didn't. "She just likes to complain about everything so you all don't realize how much fun she's really having. I'm gonna go after her okay? Don't worry about us if we don't come back for a while, we'll be fine."

When Brittany finally caught up with Santana they were a long way away from where they started, and well isolated from the others, which she realized was probably Santana's plan. They had ended up in an Alice in Wonderland themed bathroom, with a statue of the White Rabbit visible, reminding them to 'hurry up.'

"No, fuck you White Rabbit, off with your head. I'll take as long as I want in here," Santana shot at him, seeing that Brittany was behind her in the mirror. "You can stay with the others, Britt, I'm okay by myself."

Brittany stood still, not wanting to leave her side. "San," she said gently. She knew it was all she needed to say. Santana looked like she was about to explode, so she knew that it wouldn't be long before she told her what was upsetting her.
She leaned against a stall door painted to look like the ace of hearts, and waited.

"I bet they're talking about me right now!" Santana burst out suddenly, beginning to pace the room. "I bet they're laughing and saying all kinds of shit."

Brittany frowned. She didn't know if that were true or not, but she did know that Santana's fear of being hurt by people had always made her wear a hard mask to hide herself away. Nobody else seemed to understand that inside her tough exterior was a fragile, sensitive girl. Shouts of unkind laughter and personal remarks could so quickly chip away at her self esteem, withering it away to nothing. It's why she's too afraid to say that she loves me, Brittany thought to herself, having always known it. She's afraid of what people will say about her. She knew that other people's opinions mattered more to Santana because the other girl had never had a good opinion of herself.

"You're not a drag, San," Brittany told her, coming closer and resting her hands on her shoulders from behind. "We're all having a great time. Don't listen to Rachel."

A strange look crossed Santana's face, and Brittany watched and waited as she struggled with her new thoughts. "I know that," she said quietly, trying clear her mind of the rampant paranoia that was so often present when she thought about other people's perception of her.

"Then what's wrong?" Brittany started rubbing the muscles gently.

"Fuck them," Santana muttered, not answering the question. She exhaled a soft sigh. "I know I can't stop people judging me, Britt, and it will always hurt. I used to think that I could control people by convincing everyone that I was hot stuff and that they should be scared of me, but I can't."

"No," Brittany agreed. "People will always talk, and even if it's not in front of you, they will still do it behind your back."

"I know, and I hate that more than anything," Santana said emotionally. "I used to be so paranoid about it that it got to a point where I thought I could even hear the thoughts of the people around me. In a room full of people it was like everyone was attacking me from all sides."

Brittany shifted on her feet, not knowing what to say, and feeling like she had come in late on a movie that had been playing for a long time. Santana had obviously been trying to deal with this in therapy, and Brittany was immediately proud of her for it.

"I try to push those kinds of thoughts out of my head now. Usually I just think of you," Santana mumbled, "because your opinion is the one that matters. So I try to only see you in my mind, and shut the rest out."

"I really am proud of you," Brittany said out loud. She knew how hard it was to try and face your own insecurities.

There was a long pause. Brittany didn't move a muscle. She really wanted to help, but she wasn't sure how.

"I guess I'm just kind of overwhelmed at the moment," Santana stammered, trying to explain what she was feeling, "I'm not used to so many people being around anymore. When I was at rehab, I was kind of away from the world and I had a routine. This is different. This is a lot."

Brittany met her eyes in the mirror. "Do you want me to leave you alone and give you some space?"

"No, that's what I mean Britt, you don't count. I could spend forever with you and never get stressed about it. That's why I always picture your face, and only yours when I want to calm down."

Brittany smiled, then remembering why they were here, she frowned again. "I know our friends can be kind of overpowering."

"Well, I honestly was never much good at being around people even before I was in rehab," Santana said. "I used to take drugs to deal with them. When I didn't know what to say or do, or how to make people like me I usually just got high, and that kind of solved everything, at least I thought it did. That was my problem."

"Do you feel tempted to take something right now?" Brittany asked, knowing she didn't have anything with her, but realizing the feeling could still be there all the same.

"Yes," Santana exhaled and Brittany paused for a moment before resuming rubbing her shoulders. "I think I'll always feel tempted," Santana continued, "but that doesn't mean I'd actually do it again."

"I know that," Brittany wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug from behind. "How about we spend some alone time together? Just you and me."

"That sounds good Britt, I'd like that, I just need a little longer in here though, okay?" Santana told her, through clenched teeth as she leaned over the faucet staring herself in the mirror.
"Maybe I shouldn't have tried to leave rehab yet," she said, lines appearing on her face.
Maybe I wasn't ready. I just didn't want to wait any longer. I didn't want to lose you, she thought feeling the same sense of desperation she'd felt at the clinic as she'd wondered every day what Brittany was doing, and what she was feeling.

"It's going to be okay," Brittany said as confidently as she could. "You're going to be okay," she reassured her again, this time believing it.

"I just need a little longer in here," Santana repeated, feeling around for Brittany's hand.

Brittany took one step back, feeling that she needed to give her at least a little space, but she still made sure to keep a tight hold of Santana's hand for support, squeezing it every now and then so she would know she was there. "It's okay, take as long as you need. You totally don't have to listen to that stupid White Rabbit."

"I knew I could win you something huge and stuffed," Santana said triumphantly, presenting Brittany with the enormous Dumbo plush she had won at the 'Dumbo Bucket Brigade' game. They had spent the past few hours since splitting up with the others checking out all the other attractions, and on a whim Santana had demanded to be taken to a place where there were giant winnable stuffed animals.

"You were so awesome!" Brittany told her, hugging both Santana and the plush tight. Santana had aimed the water cannon just right to propel the clowns all the way up the ladder. They hadn't had as much luck at the fishing game nearby, but now with Dumbo, neither of them cared.

"Not as freaking awesome as 'California Screaming' was!" Santana said, mentioning the attraction again for the millionth time. Brittany had thought it was pretty great too, though she wasn't so sure about 'Space Mountain' or the 'Haunted Mansion.' They were both very exciting, but she had also found them both to be a little dark and scary. She thought that Santana was brave for not being scared at all.

Speaking of the dark the sun is beginning to set, she thought, already anticipating the night shows and the fireworks.

"So awesome," Santana said again, happy that they'd now been on the rides that she'd been looking forward to the most.

Brittany caught her hand. "Can we go on the Ferris Wheel and see everything just one more time while it's still light?" she begged.

"Uh, sure," Santana agreed, "but don't forget Dumbo."

Brittany nodded, hating the thought of losing her new prize. "He can come too and sit between us."

"Oh, San, it's not that bad," Brittany said trying not to laugh. Santana was gripping hard onto anything she could find, and looking even more scared than she had on the plane trip. "You were a total daredevil on all the other rides, what's wrong with the Ferris Wheel?"

"It's freaky," Santana whined, squeezing Brittany's hand as hard as she could. "I forgot how much I hate these things. It's so high up and it keeps rocking around. Don't move Britt!" she pleaded, sitting as stiffly as she could.

"Poor Dumbo," Brittany commented, seeing him shoved in the corner of the seat, no longer riding between them.

Santana took a sharp intake of breath. "Forget the elephant! What about me?"

"Oh yeah, poor Santana," Brittany joked in the same tone.

"Britt!" Santana screeched in her ear.

"Okay, okay," Brittany said gently, wrapping her arms around her, letting her hide her face in her shoulder. "Is that better?"

"Much," Santana agreed, daring to crack open one eye and then squeezing it shut again. The view isn't that bad from here. I just wish it wasn't so slow. It's giving me way too much time to contemplate how I'm going to die up here.

"Just look at me, okay?" Brittany soothed, tilting her chin up. "It's no fun hiding in my shirt."

Lifting her head, Santana found that it was a lot easier surviving the ride when she could look into Brittany's eyes.

"Fuck California, Britt, I just want you," she murmured.

"What was that?" Brittany adjusted Dumbo into what she thought looked a more comfortable position for him.

Santana shook her head pretending she hadn't said anything. "You should tell me more about your life?" she covered. "What's new? I wanna know everything."

"Well I got another text just now. From work. They don't know what to do with this little boy I help sometimes and they sound desperate."

"Oh, what are you going to do." The super-responsible Brittany was back, and Santana couldn't help but to be curious about this new side of her.

"I don't know," Brittany's forehead creased. "He's upset and I'm all the way over here and he's all the way over there."

"What's his name," Santana asked.

"It's Sam, now. But he used to be called Samadi. A rich couple near where you used to live adopted him from Afghanistan."

"Not Mr and Mrs Jackson," Santana gasped.

"Yeah, that's them," Brittany sighed.

"You killed their snowman!" Santana exclaimed, remembering. "The loss of it must have been so great that they had to do a Brangelina." She smirked.

Brittany smirked back. "You're never gonna let me forget that. Anyway, Sam is the sweetest little boy, but he does have some problems. It's like the Jackson's didn't realize that an orphaned boy might be going through a lot. They seemed shocked at his behavior and weren't too happy that they had to bring him in for therapy."

"And the people on duty really don't know what to do?"

"Well the text says that he is speaking Persian," Brittany said confused. "I don't know why he'd be pretending to be a cat. He's big into dinosaurs."

Santana giggled. "No, Britt, Persian would be the name of his native language."

Brittany's eyes widened. "But he told me he spoke Dari."

"Yeah," Santana said giggling harder, "but Persian is what we call it."

"Oh! Right, I get it." Brittany pulled out her cell to text back.

"Don't rock this thing!" Santana grabbed her arm "What are you texting?"

"I'm asking what he's doing. It doesn't matter what he's saying so much, and that they can't understand, because actions can talk too."

"Yeah," Santana agreed, keeping her eyes trained on Brittany as the wheel climbed higher again.

Seconds later, Brittany's phone vibrated, and she immediately texted back.

"Problem solved?" Santana asked, seeing that Brittany looked less worried.

"Yeah." Brittany breathed a sigh of relief. "He just wanted to watch 'The Land Before Time' again. He was trying so hard to tell them, that the staff thought he was going to get violent. I knew he wouldn't hit anybody, but I might have to tell him later that his impersonations of the movie's T-Rex are not for the faint-hearted."

"Hah." Santana scoffed. Brittany immediately knew she'd said the wrong thing. She didn't want to say anything bad about anyone.

"Mrs Jones and the other staff are usually smarter than that," she added quickly as the ride came to a stop

"Sure they are," Santana agreed, linking her arm through hers. Next to you I bet she's a dumbass, she thought loyally.

"What do we call our language," Brittany asked suddenly, extending her hand to help Santana get out of the cart.

"Um," Santana stalled, digging her feet into the concrete, glad to be once again on solid ground. "What do you mean?"

Brittany took her hand, swinging their joined hands between them. "Well, have our own language right? Barely anyone can understand us sometimes. What should we call it?"

"I don't know, Britt. You're more creative than me when it comes to naming stuff. But you're right, we should name it. Something that represents your made-up words, and my Spanish. Oh, and my broken attempts at your made-up words, and your imitations of me speaking Spanish," she said amused.

"Right," Brittany agreed.

Santana smiled at her. "But best of all, just like Samadi I don't need many words to talk to you at all."

Brittany couldn't help but to smile back at her. "That's true. How about we call it-" She rattled off a long unpronounceable name that Santana knew that she would never be able to say herself.

"I like it." Santana said, squeezing her hand. "But how about we call it Brittanglish for short," she said, offering up what she thought were the few three syllables of what Brittany had said.

Brittany looked up. "Okay, and we can make good use of it now if you like 'cause I can see the others in the distance, and I don't wanna stop talking to you. They're only little specks moving slowly, but you can't miss an eyesore like the ex-Glee club"

"Ugh, Britt did you text them that we were here? Or did Rachel use that enormous schnoz of hers to sniff us out like a bloodhound?"

"No, I told them. They seemed really desperate to meet up with us for the fireworks for some reason. I know Rachel was mean but-"

"It's okay, Britt," Santana interrupted. "I'm not mad at her. She's just obsessed with giving us the best reunion ever that she can't think straight."

"Obsessed," Brittany echoed, stopping by a cotton candy stand. "Oh my god cotton candy! I love this do you want some?"

Santana talked fast and backed away. "Hell no, Britt. I'm not going near anything that huge, pink and fluffy. It looks like it would spawn to twice its already massive size, latch on and start eating my head."

"No, no, it's friendly!" Brittany insisted. "Really. It likes you. And, I bet it would taste kind of like how I would taste if I were meant for eating. I feel a fluffy pink kinship with it."

"Oh, just wanky," Santana gave her a devilish grin and pulled off an enormous piece, savoring the taste. It really is good, she realized with a start. Just the right amount of sweet.

"Here come the others," Brittany said, seeing they were now close by.

"Well, as long as they don't throw holy water all over me then we're all good," Santana whispered to her putting on what she hoped was a reasonably friendly face.

"Hey girl," Mercedes, clapped her on the back. "You missed some wicked character dining experiences in Goofy's kitchen."

"Yeah, those Princesses just wouldn't leave me alone," Mike said looking nervously at Tina who was still crossing her arms jealously.

"You guys I-" Santana started.

"Don't worry about it," Kurt said generously in her ear. "I had a talk to Rachel. Did you have fun with Brittany?" he asked her a little louder.

"Yes!" Brittany answered for both of them. "Look at what she won for me." She held Dumbo in front of her as if he were made of gold.

Unable to stop herself, Santana placed a soft discreet kiss on the side of Brittany's head, her heart clenching when Brittany turned to look at her with foggy confusion in her eyes. She wished that she could find the words to explain to her that today had meant more to her than the past two years of her life.

"Come on," Mercedes hurried her, sensing the tension and taking Dumbo by the trunk, "lets go get a good seat for the night shows, and then afterwards we can all sit and talk for a while as we wait for the fireworks."

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Wow," Brittany whispered, speaking barely audibly as the first of the fireworks crackled and shot into the sky. "These are amazing."

"They sure are", Santana agreed, her eyes roaming Brittany's face, watching as she lit up with the show, almost reflecting the different colors. She wrapped her arms around Brittany more firmly. The taller girl had managed to fit perfectly in her lap, and was sitting between her legs, curling up and resting her chin on her collarbone.

Both girls knew they had Mercedes to thank for the way they were holding each other. They had spent most of the time before the fireworks creeping closer an inch at a time and trying to make it look less obvious, until Mercedes had finally sighed in mock-exasperation, pushing them together with a not-so-gentle shove.

Huddling together now, they watched the show in quiet awe, seeing the bursts and spirals light up the sky as far as they could see.

"San, will you cover my ears for me?" Brittany asked suddenly.

Santana drew in a breath. She had thought that Brittany was doing okay with the loud noises this time.

She'd come such a long way since- Her thoughts broke off as the memory hit her, and she pictured herself sitting on a blanket with Brittany on that warm summer's night many years ago when they had first kissed.

She remembered Brittany's face had twisted in pain at the sounds that had overwhelmed her, only turning to an expression of bliss and joy as Santana had shown her how she had felt about her. And I only love her more now, Santana thought, her heart thudding. I love her day after day, each one more than before.

On that night when they were teenagers, everything had felt new, and on this day years later it felt like another new beginning. It could be, Santana thought hopefully, feeling her hand start to shake.

"No, I'm fine," Brittany said, seeing her expression. "I'm better with dealing with sound than I used to be. It's just, the last time that we saw fireworks-" She paused realizing that it had been a long time. "Do you remember?"

"Of course I do," Santana said softly, feeling tears spring to her eyes. It was all she could see in her mind right now. She knew that the others were sitting beside them sneaking glances at them every now and then, but she didn't care. I could never forget the best day of my life.

"Well, I guess that what I remember most about the last time was that I really liked you having your hands over my ears, because when you did that I felt really connected to you. I felt like it was just us and the fireworks."

Santana jokingly reached out and put shaky hands over the top of Brittany's newly acquired mouse ears to cover them.

"San," Brittany pouted, nudging her playfully.

"Okay," Santana said, moving closer and smoothing Brittany's hair down as she covered her real ears. "Once, we started a journey like this you know," she murmured, wondering if Brittany felt the same sense of déjà vu.

Brittany said nothing, but her bottom lip begin to tremble slightly with emotions that she was determined to keep inside. She found Santana's wrist and began tracking patterns into the underside of her arm trying to calm herself down

I've hurt her so much, Santana thought rubbing her thumb over her cheek. She looked into Brittany's blue eyes again, willing the fear inside the other girl to dissolve in the heat of her touch, like ice in hot water. It has to be me that tries to repair the damage. But where do I begin.

Brittany's eyes flickered to hers, and in that instant Santana knew what to say. "Britt, you know, it wasn't the way I had my hands over your ears that time that connected us," she said gently, feeling the others girl's fingers walk up her leg, stopping at her knee.

"It wasn't?" Brittany's forehead puckered in confusion.

"No." Santana could barely hear the small explosions, or see the changing colors anymore. She was too focused on the girl in front of her.

"Brittany you know what I want to do." Santana removed her hands from her ears and instead began to trace her face gently, exploring the curves. She wanted to get to know every inch of her again.

"They're all watching," Brittany mumbled to her, still looking unsure. She could see Tina in particular side-eyeing them.

"Fuck them," Santana replied easily.

"Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and Donald and Goofy will see us," Brittany added, not believing that Santana would really do it. She had never wanted to kiss her in public before. She had never even told the Glee club the true nature of their relationship.

"Fuck them too," Santana added.

"San, they're filming us," Brittany pointed out. "Look they're projecting us onto the big screen up there right now. Have you thought about this? The whole of Disneyland will see. That's a whole lot of people."

"I don't care! I only care about you" Santana begged, hoping that Brittany would hear how much she meant it. It was on her seventh day of rehab that she had begun to mourn how much time she had lost with Brittany. Even worse, she mourned how much time she had let Brittany stand by while she fooled around with other people.
"Please Britt, just give me another chance. It's going to be different this time." Her heart was thumping in her chest, threatening to throw her forward any minute. She didn't think she could wait any longer. This time we really will take the right road together.

"Okay," Brittany whispered breathily, her face breaking into a huge smile. She could feel heat warming her body from her toes to her ears.

"Okay?" Santana could scarcely believe it. This was more than she'd dared to expect. As hope began to dawn on her, her entire face lit up with happiness, and not wanting to waste any more time; she finally flung herself forward and drew Brittany's face closer, kissing her hard on the mouth, relaxing her body into hers. The second that they connected, it felt to them like the world had stopped. Brittany's body felt feather-light, like every pore of her skin was soaking up everything that is Santana, tethering her back to her, to where she belonged. She felt Santana dig her nails into her back slightly as if she felt the same. Brittany knew that she didn't want to stop this again, ever.

Looking into Santana's eyes, she could see that they were no longer as clouded and preoccupied as they had been when they were younger. Santana had never been able to let go and completely enjoy a moment in time – until now. Now, Brittany could see only a peaceful calmness, like she had finally broken free from the shackles of her mind that had always caused her so much despair, at least for this moment. It elated Brittany to think that right now, nothing else mattered to the girl she loved but this kiss.

"Awwww," the audience cried as they saw them on screen, and the old Glee club gave a collective cheer of joy. A high reaching firework burst into small pieces of light that looked like tiny golden shooting stars

Some commentator made a comment about love being in the air, but the two barely heard him, though they did listen when a song started to play.

"I know this song," Santana said pulling Brittany all the way to her feet and wrapping her arms around her waist to keep her close, their faces still barely an inch apart. Sidestepping the other park-goers who made room for them to dance, they swayed side to side as Santana softly sung the words.

"Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight
You will be alright
'Cause there's no one like you in the universe

Don't be afraid
What your mind conceives
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe
And tonight
We can truly say
Together we're invincible"

Finding a break in the song, Santana pressed her mouth close, showering each corner of Brittany's mouth with kisses held back from the time she'd been gone. All this time, things had changed, but loving Brittany had been her only constant, the only thing that had always kept her steady. She knew she would never leave her again.

"This day is amazing," Brittany gasped out happily between kisses, glad that Santana was holding her up because she didn't trust her legs right now. She felt suddenly so complete, like her heart had been waiting for this moment to start beating again. Santana's mouth was even more perfect than she remembered. Having now thoroughly explored the outside, Santana moved on to the inside, flicking her tongue in each crevice and sucking on Brittany's bottom lip.

"Best. Day. Ever," Brittany said again, with a tiny contented sigh. She felt like her skin remembered this too, and that it was reminding her of every Santana-kiss she'd ever had. Her lips apparently had a very good memory. Her hands did too. Santana's hands were the first hands she had ever held.

Santana paused and looked her in the eyes. Brittany was used to short wonderful days followed by fights and distance between them. She knew she would have to do better than that from now on to be worthy of Brittany's unconditional trust. Sometimes, pain could turn into strength, but she was fast realizing that love made her stronger too.

"It's just like every other day is going to be Britt," she promised. "It's just another day that I love you."

"During the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please
Let's use this chance
To turn things around
And tonight
We can truly say
Together we're invincible"

There were actually a couple of things that were true, but for once instead of just having to pick a few things, I'm pretty sure I can fit everything that could possibly be said here.

1. The last line was something she always said to me in the past in her sweeter moods, especially when I asked her a question about what the future would be like. It could be any question, some were more trivial like "tomorrow will I fail my test?" to heavier stuff like me being scared of my birthday because I felt I was falling further behind in life.

She'd always just say to me "Don't worry, because it's just going to be another day that I love you."

And it felt right to end on that note.

2. The children I mentioned that I work with are real. I also know a psychiatrist just like the controversial guy Santana saw in rehab. Also, the flashback to our childhood with the adults trying to split us up for the holidays was a real memory. And, I have always been fascinated with recording sounds like in the beginning of the chapter, maybe I should have been a DJ :p

3. I think I might be kind of a professional at the 'cup beat'. I noticed it was featured in that Pitch Perfect movie but I learned it a long time ago from watching Sesame St :p

4. I wasn't really focusing on the other characters but I know "Artie" in particular was conspicuously absent, and that's because he is sadly dead in my timeline and I just couldn't pretend that he wasn't.

5. My Disneyland facts are mostly true, with a few exceptions that I added in for fun or to progress the story. I've never been to Disneyland (yet) but I somehow still manage to know a lot about the place. I think my guesses at how "Santana" would have reacted to the rides were pretty good, and she does hate Ferris wheels. Ps. I now challenge all Disneyland park goers to win a large Dumbo from Dumbo's Bucket Brigade game!

6. Brittany was obviously easy to write because all I had to ask myself was 'What would I do?', but this 'alternate universe Santana' was harder. While I've obviously shown her to have become more emotionally stable, at the same time I never wanted to change her personality in the slightest so of course she is still her old snarky self, but with something more.

I could be right with some of the explanations I used for her feelings, or I could be wrong, I really don't know.

I always felt like "Santana" had so much potential to do amazing things if only she'd give herself a chance. I felt like in this timeframe it was realistically possible for 'alternate universe Santana' to have completed rehab, and to have done some hard work dealing with her issues.

Oh, and of course she would have been helped along by medication. In this version, I wrote the 'manic' side of her Bipolar Disorder to be significantly better with the meds which meant no more intrusive grandiose thoughts and desperate feelings to be on top of the world or wild impulses to sleep with everyone for popularity….and no more crazy shopping sprees.

But I showed her to be still struggling with the 'depressive' side, and particularly her anxiety around people. Meds don't fix everything, but while in rehab 'alternate universe Santana' was helped by a good therapist and is now able to face more of her fears, and as a result she was able to be 'invincible' at the end, and can now have a healthy relationship with Brittany.

There is no reason the real "Santana" could not have achieved these things, if only she tried. I will always believe in her.

The songs were:

Where'd you go? - Fort Minor

Highway Unicorn - Lady Gaga

Brave- Sara Bareilles

And a personal favorite: Invincible – Muse.

And to answer some questions I've been asked:

Where will I go from here? I don't know. I do solemnly swear that if I ever see Santana again I will post an update, be it a month, ten years, or fifty years from now. I know I will remember to come back here.

I will mostly likely quietly edit out all references to Glee out of a copy of this story, but whether that ever sees the light of day will be up to "Santana."

Somebody told me that I can leave reviews for my own story, so if you review and ask me a burning question, then from this point onwards check back and I may have posted a response on top of yours.

I do like writing a lot, but I think I'm gonna take a long break from it and try to keep growing as a person, and try new things, and keep trying to connect with people and love them as much as I can. I know I will write something else, but what it will be I really don't know. The Glee fandom has been wonderful, and I won't say that I won't ever write anything else for Brittana one day. Never say never.

It's bittersweet that this amazing experience is over for me, it has certainly been a journey in itself, and it's sad to say goodbye to the unicorns that came along too. You guys gave me the confidence to keep going, and I don't think I would be here otherwise.

I'll see you over on the acknowledgements page :)