Assumption for this story: Yukito and Yue are different persons who happen to time share their existence.
Reasons:
1. Eriol talks to Yue about Yukito's heart which implies that they do not possess the same hearts.
2. In the clear cards arc, Touya says "the power I gave you guys," implying that he is talking about two different persons.
The following evening, Touya was studying in his room with his best friend after dinner. They were both meritorious and hardworking students, and usually these study sessions went on quite smoothly. However, that day, Yukito found that his friend was fast asleep within less than an hour, his face buried in his physics textbook. The look of worry came back to his gray haired boy's face.
"To-ya,-," Yukito nudged the boy seated at the adjacent edge of the table. "Oi Toya, wake up," he said.
"Let me sleep, Yuki," the dark haired boy replied in a drowsy voice.
"Absolutely not. We have the tests coming up next week. If your grades suffer because of this, I will never forgive myself," Yukito stated.
"You better not. I tried to tell you so many times before, but you never took it seriously. If you did and if that Akizuki wasn't around, I would have given my powers to Yue at a more convenient time, long before the tests were around the corner," Touya said.
"I was such a fool, wasn't I Toya," Yukito replied quietly, gazing down on his math exercise.
"Hey, I was only joking, okay," this time Touya finally lifted his head from the desk and extended his hand to rummage the soft gray hair on his friend's head. "That damn Akizuki and her constant interruptions caused me to nearly lose you," he grumbled.
"Arigato, Toya," Yukito picked up his pencil with a smile and resumed solving the problem he was working on.
"If you say thanks to your best friend, next time you need anything, I will refuse to give it," Touya said, flipping the pages of his Physics textbook to start a new chapter. Yukito only smiled that smile that made him look cuter than he already was.
"Speaking of interruptions," Touya looked up from his book only a moment afterwards. Yukito's hand trembled a little at the suddenness, ruining his perfect handwriting at one spot. "You were saying something yesterday at the festival when the lights went out," it seemed that his friend just recalled that part.
Yukito put down the pencil on the desk and steadied himself for what was about to come. "That day,-," he paused for a moment. "That day, Sakura-chan asked me if there was someone whom I liked the most," he said.
Touya, who was calmly sitting with his elbow on the desk, and his face on the palm of his hand, only raised an eyebrow.
"I said I did," Yukito continued.
"So?" Touya asked nonchalantly.
Yukito looked up at Touya's face at the question. His amber eyes were very still. "And you are not going to ask me who it is?" he answered with a question of his own. He wondered how was Touya being so calm in this situation when his heart felt that it had jumped up to his throat from his ribcage, and his hands and feet felt so cold. Is all these inconsequential to Toya then? He thought.
"I think I already know that part," Touya calmly responded.
Yukito's eyes widened, and his lips parted a little as if to speak, but no words came out. His held his own left hand tightly with his right one.
"It is me, isn't it Yuki?" Touya finally asked after enjoying his friend's thoroughly confused and somewhat scared look.
"It is," Yukito responded in a shaky voice.
"Good," Touya said, and glanced at his textbook again.
Yukito was astounded beyond words. He could not think clearly anymore. What was happening? He just confessed his feelings to his best friend and he was acting so casual about it? Good? What was that reply supposed to mean? Was it an acceptance? A rejection? If it was anyone else, he would think that they were mocking him, but Touya would never do such a thing. He decided to try one last time. "And it doesn't bother you?" he asked, his voice breaking a little toward the end.
Touya looked up. "Why would it bother me? Geez, Yuki, you are acting all nervous as if you are declaring your love to a girl you barely know and have a crush on," he chucked a bit.
Suddenly, a realization dawned on Yukito. Could it be that Touya did not understand what he was trying to say? Because they were both boys, was it beyond Touya's imagination that his best friend could have such feelings for him? He did refer to him as the person he liked the most. Friends do like each other right? In fact, they were best friends because they liked each other a lot. That must have been how Touya interpreted it. He sighed, reaching through his glasses to rub his stinging eyes with his fingers. It was strange though, that the farsighted Touya who saw through everything could not understand such a simple thing, especially when the topic came up in conjunction with Sakura's confession. He could play along, and pretend that what his friend understood was all that there was to the matter, but he did not feel like backing out anymore. If Touya was really that guileless, it would be unfair to deceive him any further.
"Toya," Yukito called in a determined voice. "You probably do not understand. That is exactly what I am doing. Well, not to a girl of course, and I believe that my feelings are far more deeper than a simple crush, but it is essentially that," he paused, drawing his eyes away from his friend's face and towards his folded hands. "Sumimasen, I need a glass of water," he said, wanting to excuse himself from Touya's presence. It seemed that Touya was thinking how to respond. He had said what he needed to, and he knew Touya was too kind to reject him with hurtful words; he did not want to increase the burden his words must have created on his friend's mind by sticking around for an answer. He knew firsthand how bad it felt to reject someone's feelings, especially when that person is someone you deeply care for. He never felt good each time he had to reject one of the several girls from junior high that he barely knew and who approached him with similar confessions, and when it came down to poor dear Sakura-chan, he had to place a stone on his own heart to be truthful with her. Touya had also faced similar situations several times in the past, so he knew that awful feeling all too well.
Yukito got up from his spot at his friend's desk and proceeded towards the door. As he was passing by Touya, a tanned arm reached up and held him by his wrist. "Yuki, there is water right beside your desk. And I understood you perfectly the first time itself," his friend said calmly.
Yukito finally dared to glance back at Touya's face to note a soft expression gracing his handsome features. "You did?" he almost stuttered.
"Of course. You are quite easy to read. Especially if even that monster of a sister could eventually read your feelings. I wish she understood sooner though. Besides, there are hardly a few hours in a day when we are not together. Who else could it be?" the teenage boy said in a practical manner.
"Then why didn't you say anything? I thought–" Yukito started, but was interrupted by the other boy.
"Yuki, did you already forget what I told you that day? Right after you fell from the balcony?" Touya's expressive brown eyes gazed intently at his friend's delicate young face.
"How can I forget that?" Yukito responded quietly.
"I haven't said those words to anybody else but you. Not even to Kaho. And I will never say those words again to another person who is not Yuki," he pulled his friend's wrist a bit to make him sit down beside him. "Is that elaborate enough for you to understand who the person most important to me is?" Touya said.
"Toya," Yukito said as he slumped beside his friend. His wrist was still held firmly in Touya's grasp.
"Those girls from school who confessed to me asked me the same thing as Sakura asked of you. And my answer was the same as yours," Touya finally removed his hand from Yukito's wrist and looked down, his shy nature returning as the intense moment passed. He mentally thanked the heavens that it was only his best friend whom he fell in love with, and not someone he did not know well enough. If he had to say such things to such a person, he would have been half-dead halfway through it.
So, Sakura chan was right after all," Yukito's pale fingers reached for Touya's face.
"That monster," Touya said. "But that makes you dumber than a monster, let that sink in," his tone lightened as he spoke.
"I was unsure. But Sakura-chan was wonderfully supportive of a brother who always calls her a monster though," Yukito smiled after a long time. "To-ya," he called his name with a pleasant lilt to his voice. The other boy did not answer. "Since when?" he asked.
"Huh? You mean–," his friend fumbled for words.
"Your feelings towards me," Yukito explained.
"Oh, that," Touya ran his fingers through his sleek dark hair. "I guess it is difficult for me to say exactly. I mean we have always been together since you enrolled in our school, so it sort of, you know,-, just happened. I did not know it myself till I felt that your energy was fading away," he answered, gently lowering his head to rest on Yukito's shoulder.
"I guess it is the same for me. I liked spending time with you, but never thought much about it. You know Toya, when I thought that I was dying from some novel and incurable disease, the first thought that came to mind was that I would never see you again. I knew it then," his friend said, as he drew his face nearer to Touya's till their foreheads touched. He brought up his other hand to rest on his friend's broad shoulder. "How much I cared about you," he said in a whisper.
The taller boy only closed his eyes as felt his face heating up from their closeness. It was true that they had always been close; he had often held Yuki in his arms during the phase when he was slowly fading away, ruffled his hair, and pulled his cheek. He also knew how they both felt about each other. Nevertheless, after having said it out aloud, being near to his Yuki like this somehow felt different. He could feel the other boy's breath on his neck, and the warmth of his face next to his as he leaned down towards him. Suddenly, he heard a small gasp. He opened his eyes to see a horrified look on his friend's face.
"Yuki," he simply uttered his name, and waited for him to speak, lifting his head from his friend's shoulder.
"We are not alone, are we Toya?" Yukito asked aghast.
Touya decided to be honest with his friend. After all, it could not be helped. "No, that magical moon guardian or whoever is probably watching us from within you," he replied simply.
"Yue-san," Yukito said in a whisper, not bothering to explain how he came to know the name of the moon guardian at that moment.
"Yue? Yeah, I believe that's the name he gave when we met," Touya said.
"He is here with us, right?" Yukito asked again, as if to reaffirm the previous answer. .
"I believe so. He did seem to know that I had told you that I do not want to see you disappear that time," Touya replied.
"I see," Yukito sighed. "It makes sense. I am his temporary form after all. This form will no longer be needed one day," his voice fell.
"Yuki," Touya placed an arm around Yukito's shoulders and slowly pulled him against his chest in a gentle embrace. "You are more real to me than anybody else. I did not give away my powers to Yue for the sake of anyone's temporary form. I did it for the person that is irreplaceable to me. Yue promised me that he will not allow you to disappear. I don't think he will go back on his word," he tried to reassure his friend. Poor Yuki would still need some time to process his reality. "I will be right back," without waiting for an answer, he decided to allow his friend a bit of time to organize his thoughts.
When Touya returned to his room a little later carrying a tray of two cups of tea and a snack, Yukito was still sitting motionless at the same spot. His glasses were placed on the desk before him and his hands covered his eyes. A look of concern passed on Touya's face as he carefully placed the tray on the desk, and sat down beside the upset boy. "Yuki," he called, placing a hand on his back.
Yukito removed his hands from his face and looked at the boy he loved. Touya saw that the expressive amber eyes that would normally shine with a smile even when his lips did not smile were now devoid of any expression. They almost looked like Yue's eyes, empty and hopeless. There were also two damp spots underneath his eyes, it looked like he had wiped away some tears just a moment ago. Touya's heart tightened in his chest. He had never seen his best friend cry before, not even when he was about to fade away.
"Why is it like this Toya? I thought I would be the happiest person in the world the day I hear from you the words that you told me today. And honestly, I could go mad with joy. Yet, why do I feel this pain in my heart? Why do I feel like I can sob all night, and yet it seems like someone is forcibly holding back my tears from within, making my eyes burn like hot flames? What is this feeling Toya?" Yukito asked.
"Maybe you have been reading too many sappy love stories," Touya chuckled in an attempt to cheer up his companion. "Our story is nothing like those," he added softly.
"Love. Yes, that would definitely explain why I feel such contentment. I want to be in love with you, be loved by you, more than anything else. But I do not want our relationship to be built upon Yue-san's pain, upon Yue-san's sadness. Is this the pain that Yue-san feels that I am feeling now?," Yukito replied, two drops of tears finally rolling down his eyes, not caring anymore if his friend would tease him later about it.
Touya did not answer immediately. He was gazing at the ceiling blankly, appearing to think something. "Toya, you don't agree?" Yukito asked in a broken voice.
"No Yuki, in fact I do," Touya brought back his intense stare upon Yukito's face. "You haven't seen him, Yuki, I did. The empty look in his eyes made me shudder. I don't know who this Clow Reed was or what caused Yue so much pain, but-," he suddenly pulled his friend in his arms once again, and placed his chin on top of the shorter boy's head, "I know that I would give anything to not see the same look in your eyes," he said earnestly.
"Toya, I have always been happy with you and Sakura-chan. You and your family, you all never gave me a reason to feel such emptiness," Yukito said.
"I wish I could tell you the pain you feel is not true," Touya continued, not paying much attention to Yukito's earlier remark. "I wish I could be selfish and just banish this Yue from my mind and keep all of you just to myself, because that is what I indeed want," his arms tightened around the slender form of the boy in his arms. "But I cannot do that when I know that Yue is as much of a victim in this situation as we are," Touya sighed. "Maybe even more," he ran a finger along each side of Yukito's delicate face, wiping away the streaks left by his tears. "That is why I did not tell you anything. I knew that nothing will change between us at this point," he finished.
"You are saying that we cannot be together?" Yukito asked, the dismay evident in his voice.
"Don't be stupid. I said nothing will change at this point. But that does not mean that I shall give up the hope that one day I will be able to make you mine entirely," Touya responded.
"But how?" Yukito asked, raising his large eyes to Touya's face.
"Honestly, I don't know at this point. At this point, Sakura needs your other form and he has his own set of duties to fulfill. But maybe, one day all these will be behind us. Yuki, if I do not hope, you will never be mine, but I know that if I keep that hope in my heart then surely that day will come. I shall do whatever it takes," Touya said in a resolute manner.
"Toya, you really can, make anything possible, isn't it," Yukito finally relaxed in Touya's arms, His eyes shimmered with the hope that his friend's words were able to successfully transmit to his heart. "Then I will also wait for that day, and I will do my best to help you to accomplish that," he stated.
"Just don't burden yourself too much alright? And stay with me until that day," Touya said quietly.
"There's nothing else that I need beyond that. You know, I would stay with you forever if I could," Yukito smiled. "Although, for now, I just want to know Yue-san a bit better. You know he has been silently helping me since he took your powers," he said.
Touya raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Helping you? He did not reach out to me ahead of time, and I almost lost you that day when you fell off the balcony," he muttered.
"He is probably just shy, Toya. Somewhat like you," the other boy giggled softly.
"I am nothing like that brooding guy. Well, what's he doing now? Tell me," Touya demanded.
"Nothing to be concerned about, Toya. Well, sometimes he takes care of the housework when I am asleep. I wake up to find the dishes done and rooms cleaned," Yukito said cheerfully.
"He doesn't seem the type to do all that stuff. At least the one at our house does nothing but make desserts disappear. Are you sure that your house has not recently got haunted or something?" Touya remarked, cracking a small smile at the mental image of Yue vacuuming the floor. Somehow, it seemed like a hilarious scene.
"Don't be rude To-ya, he might be listening you know," Yukito said. "Let's try our best to help Yue-san, onegai?" he added.
"Ah, if he ever bothers to tell us what his problem is, that is?," Touya said. "Hey I brought tea, it is getting cold. He released his friend from his embrace, took a cup of tea from the tray and handed it to him. "Here, have this, dad baked an apple pie yesterday, he wanted you to have some," he cut a piece of the slice of pie with a fork and brought it up to Yukito's mouth. After having their tea and snack, they went back to their respective textbooks for the remainder of the evening.
Later that night, Yukito quietly stood by the window in his bedroom. The moon shone in all its glory outside his window. Yue-san, I can never be truly happy with the person I love the most until you are too. Why are you suffering so? What can erase this pain? He tried to have a silent conversation with his other self. There was no answer in his head, just a deathly silence.
Please review. Thanks for reading.