The Waiting Game
It was just another day in Royal Woods Elementary, Laney was walking over to the cafeteria and noticed that everybody we looking excited for something.
[Laney walks over to Lincoln and Clyde who looked most excited]
Laney: Hey, Lincoln. Any idea why is everybody acting all excited?
Lincoln: Today's the day that our classmate Chandler is handing out invites to his birthday party. It's at the sewage treatment plant where his dad works!
Laney: A birthday party at a sewage treatment factory?
Lincoln: I know! It's gonna be epic!
Clyde: I hear the facilities can process five hundred metric tons of human waste a day!
Lincoln: I hear they have a secret room for the mutant animals they find in the sewers!
Clyde: I hear, if you take off your mask in there, the stink will burn off your nose hairs!
Lincoln: I really hope we get invited!
Laney: Not to crush on your dreams, Lincoln. But don't you think that might be a bit I don't know... hazardous for your health!?
Clyde: It'll be fine, Laney. Chandler's dad will be handing out hazmat suits.
Laney: Oh, well. That's alright. But I still think that a sewage treatment plant is a lousy place to have a party.
[The lights suddenly turn off, and a kid plays music while many kids cheer.]
Clyde: It's happening! [He and Lincoln hold hands, then a bunch of sweat from Clyde's hand appears.] Oh, ha ha, sorry, sweaty palms.
[The doors open, and Chandler walks in. The students gasp upon his entrance.]
Chandler: Put on your galoshes, people... [busts out galoshes and tosses them in the air.] ...'cuz it's time to party!
[One of the students grabs a galosh as the others look on in awe. Chandler holds out a plunger and passes the invites out with it.]
Chandler: Darren! Miguel! Mollie! Girl Jordan! Boy Jordan! Kyle! Kat! [Goes over to Laney] Oh, hello there. Haven't seen you around before. [Chandler holds Laney's hand and Laney pulls it back, feeling uncomfortable]
Laney: [Uncomfortable] I'm Laney. Thanks for noticing.
Chandler: You know, I'm having a birthday party in a couple of days. [Hands her an invitation] You wanna come?
Laney: [Declines the invitation] No thank you. I don't know about you but I don't want to be partying in raw sewage.
Chandler: Suit yourself. [Takes the invitation back] But, feel free to call me. [Clicks]
Laney: [disgusted] Ugh. Creep.
Chandler: Okay. And the last two invites go to... [plunges them and walks over to Lincoln and Clyde as they eagerly squeal but then walks away from them.] ...Joy and Jen!
[Lincoln and Clyde are devastated as the birthday boy leaves and the kid playing the music turns it off and the lights come back on.]
Lincoln: [crushed] We can probably stop holding hands now.
[At Gus's Games & Grub, Lincoln and Clyde are playing video games with not being invited still on their minds.]
Lincoln: "I don't get it. How could Chandler not invite us? I loaned him a pencil in math class and held the bathroom door open for him!"
Clyde: And I made eye contact with him everyday! Like this. [takes off his glasses revealing his astigmatic eyes.] Who wouldn't want this face at a party?
[Enter Lori wearing an employee outfit.]
Lori: Hi, Lincoln.
Clyde: L-L-L-Lori? [gets a nosebleed and faints]
Lincoln: [downtrodden] Hey, Lori.
Lori: Thanks for telling me about the job opening here. Guess what? I literally got hired! Now I can buy a new dress for the big dance this Friday! The theme is "Romance Under the Sea", and Bobby and I are the Sea King and Queen. It's gonna be the greatest night ever!
Lori's Boss: [off-screen] Loud! Back to work! If you got time to lean, you got time to clean!
Lori: [rushes over] Coming! [goes back to Lincoln] Oh, I almost forgot. Employees get free tokens every shift. You guys can have mine. [gives Lincoln her tokens and leaves as Clyde comes to.]
Lincoln: [more optimistic] Thanks! Clyde, check it out! Free tokens from Lori!
Clyde: L-L-L-Lori? [faints again]
Dance Machine: SWEET MOVE. FIFTY POINTS.
YOU GOT THE GOODS
[Later, Lincoln is playing a shoot 'em up and Clyde is playing Skeeball and sinks a ball in one of the point holes.]
Clyde: Woo-hoo!
Lincoln: Wow! Way to go, Clyde!
Clyde: I'm saving my tickets to buy Lori that bobblehead pig. [points to the indicated prize which looks less than appealing while horror sting music plays.] Ooh, I hope she doesn't already have one!
Lincoln: [concerned] Are you going to be okay with Lori working here?
Clyde: As long as I don't see her, hear her, or smell her, sure.
Lori: Here you go. Free pizza and root beers. [serves them] Just my way of saying thanks for helping me get this job.
[As she walks off, Lincoln notices Clyde has a basket on his head, mustard and ketchup bottles against his ears, and breadsticks up his nose and chanting "La-la" to block out her voice. Just then, Chandler walks up to their table.]
Chandler: Hey, Larry.
Lincoln: [bitterly] It's Lincoln. The guy who held the bathroom door for you?
Chandler: Hmm...I don't remember that. Hey, did I just see you get free pizza?
Lincoln: Yeah, my sister works here.
Chandler: Man, that must be nice.
[Just then, Lincoln gets an idea and gives Chandler Clyde's slice of pizza.]
Lincoln: Here, why don't you take it?
Chandler: Really? Thanks. [takes it and walks off.]
Clyde: Hey! Lori gave me that pizza! I was going to put it in my scrapbook!
Lincoln: Clyde, if we give Chandler all our freebies from Lori, he might invite us to his sewage party after all.
Clyde: Brilliant! Man with the plan.
Lincoln: You got that right! [bites into a breadstick, and then realizes...] This was up your nose, wasn't it?
[Clyde unfortunately nods. Chandler is playing Rip Ride and loses.]
ILLEGAL LEFT TURN!
RIP RIDE
リップライド
GAME OVER
Rip Ride Machine: GAME OVER. INSERT ONE TOKEN TO CONTINUE PLAYING.
[Chandler checks his pockets only to find he has no tokens left.]
Lincoln: Hey, Chandler. Need some tokens? [offers him some]
Chandler: Sweet. Thanks, Larry. [takes them]
Lincoln: I'll grab us some free drinks. [goes to the counter to get some from Lori.]
Lori: Here you go. Anything for the brother who helped me get this job.
[The boys raise a toast with their drinks.]
Lincoln, Clyde, and Chandler: CHEERS! [sip]
Chandler: Hey, you guys are alright. You know, I'm having a birthday party this Friday...
[Lincoln and Clyde do a spit take.]
Lincoln: [feigning unawareness] It's your birthday? I had no idea.
Clyde: [feigning as well] Me neither. I didn't know you were having a party at the sewage treatment plant- [realizes what he just said] -I mean, wherever your dad works, I mean-
Lincoln: [shutting Clyde up] Uh, Clyde, why don't we let Chandler finish what he was saying?
Chandler: Yeah. So, my party. I was hoping that Laney girl would come but she declined my offer.
Lincoln: Wait, Laney? That's my other sister.
Chandler: She is? Dude, you've got to score me a date with her!
Lincoln: If I do will you let us in your party?
Chandler: Sure.
Lincoln: Yeah. Cool. Whatev.
[The moment he leaves, the boys squeal and start dancing and singing.]
Lincoln and Clyde: We're goin' to the partay! We're goin' to the partay!
[However, they notice Chandler's still watching them and go back to laying back. Cut to later in Laney's room]
Laney: You want me to do WHAT!?
Lincoln: It's just for this one time, Laney! He said he'll let me and Clyde come to his party!
Laney: Forget it! I am not dating that creep just so you can party in raw sewage!
Lincoln: Well, Laney. Will you do it just to help your big brother? [Widens his eyes, Laney groans]
Laney: Fine. But just this once!
Lincoln: Yes! [Frantically shakes Laney's hands] Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Chandler will be at Gus' Game n Grub tomorrow after school! [dashes off] See you there!
Laney: [Sighs] Something tells me I'm gonna regret this...
[The next day, the boys are awaiting anxiously for Chandler to show up with their invites while Laney sat by a table]
Lincoln: Here he comes. Play it cool.
Clyde: Cool is my middle name. [grabs a glass of water only for it to slip and splash him due to his sweaty palms.]
Lincoln: Chandler, buddy! How's it go-
Chandler: Laney! [sits down at her table] I thought you weren't gonna make it!
Laney: [Mutters to herself] Same to you...
Lincoln: Uh, Chandler. About those invitations?
Chandler: Huh? Oh, yeah sure. Hey, you got anymore free tokens?
Lincoln: [confused] What? [coolly] Oh, yeah. Sure. [gives him some more]
Chandler: Thanks. [takes the tokens and walks away.] I'll see you later, Lanes. [Laney shudders]
Clyde: Where are the invitations?
Lincoln: He probably just forgot. He's got a lot on his mind planning that big sewage party and all.
Laney: [mutters to herself] I'll be surprised if there's anything in his mind...
Chandler: Hey, guys. I almost forgot... [they smile hopefully for what they think is the moment of truth.] ...to ask for four root beers. Can you get us some from your sister? [heads off]
Clyde: What's with this guy?
Lincoln: Be patient, Clyde. I'm sure we're gonna get our invitations. [goes up to the counter to ask Lori who is cleaning it.] Hey, Lori, can you spare some root beers for my friends?
Lori: Sorry, Lincoln. I gotta cool it on the free stuff. I don't wanna get in trouble with my boss.
Lincoln: [playing the guilt card] I get it. I know how your boss is. I remember how tough he was when I talked to him about hiring you.
[He smiles toward her as she frowns at this. Meanwhile Chandler tries to flirt with Laney]
Chandler: So like, what are your hobbies?
Laney: Well, I like to pai-
Chandler: [Not listening to Laney] Yeah, that's cool. Me? I like to skateboard. I got some swewt high scores at Half-Pipe Havoc. Wanna hear about it? [Laney groans annoyed]
[Lincoln is now now hands Chandler and his posse the root beers.]
Lincoln: Sorry it took so long. The soda machine exploded. Heh. Almost looks like a sewer backed up in there.
Chandler: [not caring] Hm. Yeah. Sad story, Larry. [as they took their root beers and go elsewhere.] Hey, I almost forgot. [Lincoln smiles hopefully] We'd love a pizza. Half pepperoni, half meatball... [To Laney] You want anything, babe?
Laney: Ugh, no thanks. I just lost my appetite...
Chandler: [shrugs] Hm. Anyway. Thanks, dude!
Lincoln: [exasperated] Sure, dude. Not a problem.
[Cut to Lincoln asking Lori the pizza order]
Lori: Yeah, that's a problem. Root beers are one thing, but a pizza is too much.
Lincoln: [falsely sympathetic] I know. I'm sorry. I mean, if anyone knows how hard it is to get you a job, it's me.
Lori: Are we really doing this?
Lincoln: [pretending with a cute smile] Doing what?
[Laney looks on at Lincoln and worries about him]
Chandler: What's the matter, Laney? Hungry?
Laney: I'm just worried about my brother. Don't you think you might be using him?
Chandler: Nah, he's fine. He's just doing favors for us. Your brother is a really generous kid.
Laney: [sighs] He sure is...
Lincoln: [returns to Chandler with the pizza.] Here's your pizza, guys. Hey, Chandler, may I invite you to have a slice?
Chandler: Thanks, dude. [eats pizza]
Lincoln: Aren't you forgetting something?
Chandler: Some pepper flakes would be great.
[Lincoln frowns, sighs, and walks over to Clyde.]
Clyde: All my clever hints and NOTHING! Maybe we should just ask him for the invitations.
Lincoln: Clyde, if we're too pushy, he might uninvite us. Let's just keep playing it cool.
Clyde: You're right, Larry. Ah! Now he's got me doing it.
[Meanwhile, Laney was getting exasperated from seeing Chandler playing video games]
Chandler: Check this out, Babe. I'm about to do a sweet triple flip! [He wins and he only gets to tickets] Two tickets? Oh, man. I really wanted that ukulele, but it costs 500. Guys, gimme yours.
[Chandler's friends reluctantly hand him their tickets]
Laney: Hey! You can't just take these guys tickets!
Chandler: Relax, Laney. They're cool with it. [Laney looks at Chandler's posse and the look unhappy. Laney scowls at Chandler as he counts his tickets and sees it's still not enough for a ukelele] Dang it! Still not enough!
[Lincoln looks over to Clyde who's carefully counting his own tickets.]
Clyde: 498...499...
Lincoln: Clyde, give Chandler your tickets.
Clyde: WHAT?! No way! I almost have enough for Lori's bobblehead pig. A courting man must come bearing gifts, Lincoln.
Lincoln: Focus on the invitations. We're so close, I can feel it.
Clyde: [sighs and reluctantly offers his tickets] Here, Chandler. You can have my tickets.
Chandler: Sweet! [takes the tickets and goes to cash them in and stops.] Guys, I can't believe I forgot! [the boys put on their hopeful faces] I promised to bring home some garlic knots. [Laney growls at Chandler]
Laney: [Fed up] That's it! I can't take it anymore! That kid is just so selfish and rude and totally annoying! I'm gonna- [Lincoln stops her]
Lincoln: Cool your jets, Laney! Just hold it a little longer. He's gonna give us those invitations.
Laney: Don't you get it!? He's never gonna give you those invitations because he's been using you guys!
Clyde: What are you talking about? We've just been doing some favors for him.
Laney: No you are not! You are his chore boys! He's nothing but a jerk who only cares about himself!
Lincoln: [sighs] Alright, we get it. You hate Chandler. I can respect that. But, trust me, he'll keep his promise. Now, if you excuse me. I gotta go get some garlic knots. [Goes to Lori]
Lori: [defiantly] No more, Lincoln. And don't give me that "you got me this job" baloney. It's not gonna work.
Lincoln: [pleadingly] Lori, please! I promise, this is the last time! Clyde and I really wanna go to this kid's party, and if we don't give him everything he wants, we could lose our invitations, which, technically, we don't even have yet.
Lori: Lincoln, you're literally babbling.
Lori's Boss: [off-screen] Loud! Get back to work!
[Lori looks on scornfully at a desperate teary-eyed Lincoln, groans, and brings up the garlic knots.]
Lori: Fine. Now leave me alone.
[Lincoln hands Chandler the garlic knots.]
Chandler: You rock, Loud. Later! [takes the garlic knots and stops before heading out the door.] Oh, one more thing.
[Lincoln and Clyde frown, believing he's gonna mean something other than the invitations.]
Lincoln: [unconvinced] Right. The marinara dipping sauce.
Chandler: No, these. [tosses them their invitations]
Lincoln & Clyde: [elated] YES! [grab them]
Chandler: Remember, it's my birthday, so you should bring presents.
[As soon as he walks off, they squeal and sing and dance again.]
Lincoln & Clyde: We're gonna party with sewage! We're gonna party with sewage!
[They realize Chandler's watching them again and resume their cool poses like before.]
Chandler: Can't wait to see you too, Laney.
Laney: What are you talking about?
Chandler: I'm talking about you being my plus one! [Holds Laney's hand] We're gonna be the talk of the party. I can picture it now... [As Chandler continues Laney starts to heat up with rage] Chandler x Laney... Hottest couple in Royal Woods Elementary... [Laney pulls back her hand in anger]
Laney: [Furious] THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!
Chandler: What's wrong, Laney?
Laney: [Angry] You're what's wrong! This whole time, you've been a complete selfish jerk! You've taken advantage of my brother who led to take advantage of my older sister! You've completely ignored what I had to say! You have been thinking about only yourself and your stupid party! Why would people even party in a place full of raw sewage?! It's disgusting! And another thing my brother's name is Lincoln! Not Larry!
Chandler: [Shocked by Laney's words] Uhh... does this mean you won't give me a present? [Laney hits Chandler in the face with a pizza]
Laney: I'm going home... [Storms off]
[The pizza slumps off Chandler's face. Friday night, Laney was in her room still angry at Chandler.]
Laney: I knew I was going to regret this... [Just then, Lincoln walked by wearing a tuxedo and galoshes and notices Laney]
Lincoln: Hey, Laney. [Laney said nothing to Lincoln] Uh, are you okay?
Laney: How can I be okay? After the way Chandler treated me?
Lincoln: [sighs] Sorry, you had go through that Laney. But look at the bright side: now that I got invited to his party, you don't have to go on a date with him anymore.
Laney: [sighs] Just leave me alone...
Lincoln: Okay... [As he heads out, he drops by Lori and Leni's room to check on his sister.]
Lincoln: Hey, ready for your dance? [notices something] You're not wearing that, are you?
[Lori is actually in her employee uniform and her dance dress is hung up on the door.]
Lori: I'm not going to the dance. My boss is making me work tonight to pay for all the free stuff I gave you. Instead of Romance Under the Sea, I'm gonna have mozzarella under the fingernails. Thanks a lot, Lincoln. [leaves for her overtime shift]
[Lincoln looks on at her position with concern. Clyde arrives in a hazmat and knocks on the door. The door opens to reveal Lori. When he sees her, he gasps, puts on his helmet, and chants "La-la" again.]
Clyde: [takes the helmet off] Phew. That was a close one.
Lincoln: Clyde? What are you wearing?
Clyde: This is the only way my dads would let me visit a place where I might get splashed with raw sewage. Speaking of which, are you ready to make this the greatest night ever?
Lincoln: [noticing Lori drive off to work.] Yes...I am.
[Later, Laney was reading a book in the living room. Just then, Lori comes down the stairs wearing her sea queen dress]
Laney: Lori? You're wearing your dress to work?
Lori: I'm not going to work, Laney. I'm going to the dance!
Laney: The dance? I thought you were gonna work off all the free stuff Lincoln got.
Lori: About that, Lincoln said he's convinced the manager to cover my shift for me! I'm gonna go drop him off. Bye! [Leaves]
Laney: [Thoughts] Wow, Lincoln's really doing this? Maybe he's learned his lesson. Hm. Guess he cares about her sisters more than some silly party. I'm proud of him. Still, I feel kinda bad for Lincoln missing out on a party. Even if it is at a sewage treatment plant. But at the same time I'm not happy at Chandler taking advantage of my brother and trying to make moves on me. I guess this is one time I can't help him. He's already solved his own problem. I'm proud of him.
[Gus's Games & Grub]
Lori's Boss: Loud, get to work! If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!
[Instead of Lori, it's Lincoln working the shift.]
Lincoln: I'm on it!
[As he starts cleaning the tables, Lori arrives in her sea queen dress, sparkling with radiant beauty.]
Lincoln: [frightened] GYAH! SEA MONSTER! [realizes] I mean, you look great, Lori.
Lori: [excited] I know, right? Hey, little bro, thanks for convincing the manager to let you fill in for me.
Lincoln: Heh. It's the least I could do. I mean, this dance is why you got this job in the first place.
Lori: I'm sorry you won't get to go to your friend's party.
Lincoln: That's okay. He's not really my friend. Laney was right. He was just using me, the way I was using you. Have an awesome time tonight.
[They hug]
Lori: Thanks, Lincoln.
[A loud crash is heard outside.]
Lincoln and Lori: [at the same time; Lincoln concerned and Lori jubilant.] Bobby's here.
[Sometime later, Clyde drops in on Lincoln's shift.]
Clyde: Hey, Linc!
Lincoln: Clyde? What are you doing here?
Clyde: I couldn't go to that party without you, Lincoln. Besides, the hazmat suit was giving me a heat rash.
Lincoln: I guess we'll never get to experience the wonders of raw sewage.
Clyde: Or have our nose hairs burned off by the stench.
Lori's Boss: [off-screen] Hey, Loud! Grab a mop! The toilet in stall three is overflowing. It's a real stinkfest in there.
[The boys have an idea]
Lincoln: Put on your galoshes, Clyde, 'cuz it's time to party!
Lincoln and Clyde: YEAH! [tango into the restroom]
[The shot changes to outside the arcade while the stinkfest can only be described.]
Lincoln: Whoa! This is better than the sewage treatment plant!
Clyde: It's burning my nose hairs!