Chapter 34

Severus watched Granger closely as she sipped at her tea. She seemed different tonight; quiet and pensieve instead of her usual loquacious self. Severus had certainly seen her tense before, but usually when he had been steering the conversation into distressing realms for her. Today, however, Severus had only engaged in pleasantries and the bright young witch was clearly preoccupied. Instead of pushing a topic of conversation, therefore, he waited, allowing silence to fill the space between them.

Granger put down her teacup and looked at him expectantly, thinking the Professor would ask some form of question. Severus wasn't bothered by the awkwardness of the silence; he could wait the girl out if she needed more time to get to what was affecting her. Hermione on the other hand began to twist her fingers in her lap, discomforted by the deliberate lack of conversation.

"Professor," Granger finally broke the silence, her effort hesitant and stuttered.

"Yes?" Severus encouraged when she went no further. Still Granger held her tongue, unwilling or unable to say more. She looked down at her lap, avoiding his curious gaze, to her fidgeting fingers.

"Take your time."

Hermione looked up sharply with a frown, suspecting him of sarcasm. She found none there, however, only concern tinted his features; a genuine willingness to wait until she was ready to say more.

Perhaps that was the reassurance she needed as she soon went on, her voice surprisingly strong. "You said that you might be able to do something about my scar."

She spoke with such confidence that one might assume she was unaffected by the topic, were it not for the trembling of her limbs.

Severus gave no indication that he was surprised by the inquiry. "Perhaps," he offered. "But I would need to see the scar first."

"You could give me something you think might work and I'll try it." Hermione countered.

"I couldn't."

"You won't." Granger snapped.

"If I don't see the injury, I won't know what poison has caused it or the condition of the wound. I could make your scar worse instead of better." Severus said firmly.

Silence settled between them again as Granger considered her options. Severus gave her a moment before speaking again.

"What is it about the mark that concerns you?"

"Is it not enough that it is there at all?" Granger asked incredulously. "That she scarred me beyond repair?"

Snape's head tilted. "Perhaps." He allowed. "Would you not be willing to show a scar like that in the hope it could be healed?"

Hermione's eyes closed in painful resignation. She breathed tightly against the tide of emotion and, when her eyes opened again, she had enough strength left to admit, "I'm ashamed."

"Of what was done to you?"

"Of the scar itself. Of what it means."

There was another prolonged pause until Severus spoke quietly. "You are not alone in being marked by something you are ashamed of." The professor's gaze on his own covered forearm told Hermione that the man was not speaking of the raised white lines around his throat. "Our 'marks' are in the same place, I believe. And we are both horrified by their appearance and existence." He continued, "The difference is that my shame is justified. I am the cause of my scar. I can blame no one else and so I must bear my shame." He gave Hermione a sharp look. "You, however, are not responsible for what was done to you. There is no shame in having suffered it, and your scar, while a horrific reminder of that traumatic event, is nothing to be ashamed of."

The witch's eyes filled with tears, but still she did not speak. In frustrated, jerky movements Severus began shrugging out of his robe, followed by his frock coat until he was unbuttoning the cuff of his left shirt sleeve. Hermione's eyes widened as the professor jerked his shirt away from his arm revealing the lifeless black image of his Dark Mark.

"If I can show you this." Snape said harshly. "Evidence of the worst decision I ever made, can you not show me yours?"

Granger's face remained passive, but silent tears gave away her true feelings. Severus wondered briefly if he had pushed her too far, but a moment later Granger had removed her jumper and was pushing up her sleeve.

Severus gasped.

A flick of his wand banished the tea tray, leaving an open space on which Hemione could place her arm for examination. Severus had expected a vicious looking scar, large jagged lines, unattractive but mundane. He had not expected that word to be carved into her flesh. The letters were raised, still red and angry as though it had occurred only a week ago instead of nearly 10 months ago.

Mudblood. God, how Severus hated that word; the damage it had done in his life and the lives of others. Bellatrix was a psychopath. It was one thing to cause someone physical pain, but to permanently mark someone in such a degrading way was another level of maliciousness.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it doesn't feel how it looks."

"May I?" The professor indicated with his hands, asking permission to examine her arm.

She nodded.

For a short time there was quiet again as Severus poked and prodded the tender flesh. Granger made no noise of discomfort, so he assumed she had told him the truth in its lack of pain.

"What have you tried already?" Severus asked, leaning back in his chair.

"The basic healing charms that you'd expect, plus Bitterroot Balm, Chelidonium miniscula, the Wiggenweld potion." Hermione listed. "Oh, and some concoction of George's. None of it worked."

Severus nodded. "You have tried everything I would have suggested, but based on what I have seen I have a hypothesis or two of what might work. I'll do some research and see what I can find."

Hermione took her hand back, rolling her sleeve down over her scar, concealing it once more.

"Why did you change your mind?" Severus asked once she was settled again.

"How do you mean?"

"You were reluctant, previously, to show me your scar, even if that meant leaving it unhealed. Today, however, you seemed quite intent on finding a solution, despite the vulnerabilities that may expose." Severus clarified.

Granger looked down at her lap and then back up with her emotions raw and exposed. "I keep seeing it happen." She admitted, voice almost at a whisper.

"Flashbacks?" Severus asked in alarm.

Hermione shook her head quickly. "Just dreams." She clarified. "I see them taking Harry and Ron away and I feel so powerless. And then, sometimes…sometimes I see them die instead."

She stopped, but Severus waited, allowing her the space and silence to either compose or continue.

"I suppose I had been blocking it out rather a lot, but the dreams make me remember. I think about how much it hurt," her voice cracked. "I think about how ashamed I felt afterwards." She forced a deep shuddering breath. "I don't want to see it anymore."

Severus felt for her keenly, recognizing her grief. He too had experience of being reminded daily of a traumatic life event by his own body.

"I doubt that healing your arm will heal your memories of the experience." He advised gently. "I do, however, think that your sharing these feelings with me, and being willing to reveal your scar will begin to support you in working through the linked emotions."

Hermione nodded but didn't comment. "Have you ever tried to remove the Dark Mark, sir?"

Severus swallowed, lips pursed. Though he had initiated the comparison between their marks, he now felt vulnerable as she turned the conversation on to him.

"At points." He admitted warily.

"Since the battle?"

"Yes." He said, shortly this time.

"Funny how it can persist even after his death." Granger pondered aloud.

"Magic like this does not dissipate after one's death. Though the pain has desisted, the original magic enbibed within the tattoo remains."

"I suppose." Granger said in a way that indicated she way not yet finished with the concept. "Still, there's no scientific reason why the mark should be irremovable. It must be because Voldemort was so powerful."

"You need not concern yourself with my affairs, I have long since come to accept the permanence of the Dark Lord's mark, and with my own culpability for it. Now," He changed the topic swiftly. "Do you require any Dreamless Sleep?"

Hermione shook her head. "I can brew it myself if I need."

"Very well. I trust you now have a more suitable brewing location than the girls' bathroom."

He was a little satisfied with the blush this induced. "Professor Jones has open house for brewing in the lab."

Severus nodded, satisfied. He would make sure Hestia knew to look out for what the girl was brewing and have her drop Granger some vials of Dreamless Sleep if she didn't brew any herself.

Once again he thanked Minerva internally for allowing the 8th years to return. Merlin only knew where they would be if they weren't here.

Harry reached out his hand, stretching his fingertips until he felt the current of the Hogwarts wards. At the contact he gasped, snatching his fingers back to himself. It wasn't painful as such, though it had felt rather like a static electricity shock. The ferocity of it had taken his breath away. Harry was on the far side of the black lake, not yet outside Hogwarts' grounds, but, if he was honest, not quite within bounds for the students. Here, up close to the ward boundaries, Hogwarts' pull on his magic was so strong that it made him physically shudder. Sometimes, when the castle's magic was particularly forceful, Harry was worried it would overwhelm him and he would cave in on himself under the weight of it, but then his own magic would seem to rise up to meet it, matching the intensity. It wasn't an altogether unpleasant experience when it happened, but it concerned Harry how little control he had over it; his magic bypassing his conscious direction.

Coming down here had been more within his control, though perhaps not entirely. Harry was stil reading up on wards; finding any book Hermione recommended and studying each word carefully. The wards of Hogwarts seemed to pull on him, drawing him to the edge of their coverage and his innate curiosity nudged him further.

From his research, Harry knew that all wards required some form of cornerstone, from which the magic could be anchored. He didn't know what that was for Hogwarts, but he thought it might be on the periphery of the grounds. The circumference of the wards travelled around the far edge of the lake, where Harry was, down to the gates, past the Quidditch stands and cut through the Forbidden Forest. This was one of the easier points to get to , though he hadn't ruled out a jaunt into the Forest if that was where his research led. He wouldn't have the time today however. Harry had only found the time since Hermione had Arithmancy and Professor Jones had forced Ron into a Potions study session. He'd had time, therefore, to wander down the meandering path towards the lake to explore the wards and feel out his own magic.

Experimentally, Harry cast a lumos into a ball and flicked it towards the ward wall. He had expected it to bounce off the invisible shield, to hover on the inside perhaps or maybe even dissipate upon contact. Instead, Harry observed the ball drifting elegantly towards where he knew the barrier to be and, upon contact with the ward, sizzled, morphed into a new shape, separating molecules so that it could pass through the ward. Other than the slight buzzing, the intersecting magics made no sound as the lumos was effortlessly absorbed and expelled from the wards.

Harry tilted his head as he observed the strange yet inconspicuous occurrence. Nothing he had read abou wards suggested that should happen, but then, the books didn't suggest that his extreme perception of the wards was normal either. Hermione would probably have a reason; he thought as he turned to walk back towards the castle. He realised, quite suddenly, that the sun was starting to set and the sky was beginning to darken behind the castle. Harry wrapped his cloak around himself tighter. It was late February, and though the day had been sunny and bright, the fading light meant that the air was cooling quickly. Tomorrow night he was meeting with Snape and Harry moaned as he realised that he would need to spend the evening studying and not playing wizard's chess with Ron as he had planned. Still, he could probably squeeze in some quality time with Ginny before dinner, the Charms essay could wait.

The next day, and after a quick dinner, which passed mostly with Ron bemoaning studying, potions and everything connected to either one, Harry was back at the Room of Requirement for his next meeting with Snape. This time the Professor had already arrived and had been granted a room which was similar but arguably more pleasant than his usually requested training space. The dummy and dueling space remained but there was also a plush seating area with a grey sofa and matching armchair where Snape was sat waiting for him. It was strange to see the deputy in this scenario, relaxed with one ankle hooked onto the opposing knee, instead of stood imposingly at the front of a class or sat behind a desk.

Snape waved him over once he had entered the room and gestured quickly for him to sit down on the sofa adjacent to him. "Tea?" He offered pleasantly.

Harry nodded as he sat. "Aren't I going to duel?"

"We will have time for that later." Snape passed Harry a mug of his favoured Moroccan mint tea. "First we have to do the talking bit." He smirked, noting Harry's reluctance.

Severus waited until Harry had taken a sip of tea and leant back into the sofa before he began. "How has your week been?"

Harry shrugged, warming his hands around his mug of tea. "Alright."

Snape gave him a look. "Would you care to elaborate on that, Potter?"

Harry pulled a face. "I dunno. It's been fine."

"When we last spoke, you were concerned about backlash from the rest of the student body. Has that been the case?"

Harry shrugged once more and Severus pursed his lips to stop himself from saying anything. "There was definitely an increase in the looks and whispers, but it's settled back down to the usual levels now."

"And how do you cope with the 'usual levels'?"

Harry sighed deeply, world weary. "You just deal with it. You get used to it after a while. And they get used to me. It's better here at Hogwarts where people see me everyday. Eventually they realise that I'm not actually very interesting and they've got more to worry about in their own lives."

Severus nodded, understanding. "You visited Andromeda last weekend?"

"Mmhmm." Harry confirmed. "It was nice to get out of the castle while things were still a bit…noisy."

"And you are managing to keep up with your workload?"

Harry smiled at the normality of the question. "Yeah, just about."

"Very well. Let's do some magic." Snape said, standing suddenly and walking away from the chairs, leaving Harry adrift.

The Gryffindor jumped up and joined the professor in the large open space created by the room.

"Last week we explored your magical power, but today I want to think more technically."

"Ok." Harry nodded.

"I want to know what makes your magic different, so I need to see how it works more closely."

"Do you have any ideas?"

"None with any merit as yet." Severus answered, not wanting Harry to set his hopes on what was only theory and conjecture at this point.

"Right." Harry said, his disappointment evident.

Severus moved on quickly, not allowing Harry to dwell in his despondency. "You need to cast a spell that is long-lasting and visible."

Harry thought for a moment. "Like a Lumos?"

"That would be sufficient." Snape nodded his approval. "Wandlessly and wordlessly if you can."

Harry nodded and held out his hands, palms up as though to catch a ball. He looked intently into his cupped hands and thought clearly about what he wished his magic to do. A bright orb materialized in his hands, much as it had down by the lake the day before. Harry hoped this never got old; every bit of magic still felt just a little bit magic to him.

Snape walked towards him steadily. "Keep up the power. I am going to try and take the sphere of light and move it into my own hands so that I can examine it further, but it will still be your magic fueling it."

"Ok." Harry concentrated, not taking his eyes off of the orb. Snape approached cautiously, and with gentle hands guided the Lumos away from Harry into his own possession. Harry continued to watch the ball of light intently, not wanting to lose focus on his magic.

Severus allowed the Lumos to hover gently between his palms, surprised by that Potter's magic had come with him so easily. The first thing he noticed was he feel of the magic. When he made contact with the glowing sphere, he could immediately sense the thrumming pulse of the magic within. The sensation, though expected, was startling in its intensity.

The Professor examined the magic for a while, then had Harry cut the spell, recast and scrutinized the magic again. This was done three times before they repeated the process using different spells, a levitation charm and a bubble producing spell. By the time they were finished Severus could see that Harry was exhausted from the amount of magical energy he had expended and guided him back to the sofa.

"So?" Harry asked impatiently as Severus passed him some hot chocolate.

The professor raised one eyebrow.

"What do you think is going on with my magic?"

Severus leant back in his armchair; one ankle hooked itself over the opposing ankle, elbows propped on the armrests and fingers steepled together. "I'm not yet ready to draw any conclusions."

Harry huffed aloud, visibly frustrated and looking more like his 18 year old self than he had in a long time. "I don't want conclusions, I just want to know what you think!"

"Well unless you have developed master Legilimency skills to go alongside those Occlumency shields of yours, you will have to accept what I am ready to tell you." The professor snarked back.

"You're not telling me anything!"

Snape waved his hand around in a nonchalant gesture that indicated he had nothing more to say on the matter.

Harry flopped back into the sofa, "Are we done then?" He asked, a little petulantly.

"I have one last thing to talk to you about." Severus denied, somewhat amused by Potter's childish response. "Should I be concerned about your renewed habit to go wandering?"

Harry sat up, surprised. "I haven't." He denied.

"Yesterday after classes and again at lunchtime today." Harry quickly schooled his features behind his Occlumency shields. "You've been out to the other side of the lake, where, incidentally, you couldn't be closer to the Hogwarts' boundary if you tried."

"How do you know that?"

"I make it my business to always know where the most troublesome students spend their free time." Severus smirked.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I wasn't doing anything wrong."

"I didn't say you were."

"Am I not allowed to walk on that side of the lake?"

Severus tilted his head as he observed the Gryffindor closely. "It's not wise to be quite so far from the castle in the current climate."

"That doesn't really answer my question."

Snape frowned and gave Harry one of the stern looks he was known for. "Then let me be clear. You are not to go wandering off to the far side of the lake."

Harry crossed his arms and leant back again, clearly disgruntled. Severus could see that the young wizard was still worn out from his magical expenditure and took pity on the boy.

"Why does this bother you?"

"I don't like being restricted to a certain place or space." Harry admitted and, if asked, both of the wizards there could have said why that was.

"I'm not trying to restrict you to the castle." Severus explained. "Just keep you a little further from the boundary edge. I wouldn't allow you to go wandering into the Forbidden Forest either."

"Fine, whatever." Harry waved away Snape's reasoning, feeling unexplainably irritated.

Severus sighed. "Surely you can find a secluded spot closer to the castle to do whatever mischief it is you are up to."

"God, I'm not 12!" Harry argued. "Look, I just wanted to have a look at the wards, alright?"

"You wanted to look at the wards."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I can feel them." Harry finally admitted.

"When you cross the entry gate, you mean?" Snape clarified.

"No, I mean, all the time." Harry explained. "It's like, since the battle, I can feel the magic of Hogwarts."

"You – " Severus paused. He took a long deliberate sip of his tea. "You believe that you can feel the magic of the castle."

"Yes, Sir."

"And the wards."

"Mhmm." Harry nodded.

Severus rubbed his forehead. "And you've been holding on to this little titbit of information because….?"

Harry shrugged. "Didn't want my magic to sound even freakier."

Severus closed his eyes for a moment while he sighed. "I see." He opened his eyes so he could look closely at Potter. "What else have you not told us about your magic?"

"It's not just Hogwarts. I can sense any strong magic. I feel it at the Ministry and around strong wizards too."

"How can you be sure then that it is Hogwarts you are feeling and not just the magic of all the students here?"

Harry shrugged again. "I just know."

"Very well." Severus accepted. "Now go back to why you were down at the lake."

Harry leant forward, elbows on his knees, as he explained. "The way I can feel Hogwarts, sometimes it's like the castle is calling out to me. I've been reading about wards, trying to understand a bit more about how they work. I thought that seeing the Hogwarts wards would help me understand them better."

"And did it?"

Harry pulled a face. "Not really. I ended up with more questions to be honest."

"Such as?"

"Well, I felt the intensity of the magic when I reached out to touch the wards, so I wondered how it would interact with my magic, or any magic really." Harry went on describe what had happened when his Lumos made contact with the wards. "I don't know much about wards really." He said when he was finished. "I added some of my magic to the ones at Grimmauld Place but they were mostly already present. And then I did my room here but that was just working within the magic of the castle. I didn't think my magic would be able to pass through the wards like that. Is that what you'd expect to happen?"

"No." Snape answered, simple and honest, only slightly regretful that this answer would not comfort Harry. "That shouldn't happen, although that doesn't necessarily mean that it is because of your magic. It may be an issue with the wards or just something to do with how Hogwarts perceives that particular spell."

"Oh."

"With this new information," Snape gave Harry a pointed look. "I have more to go on in my research. For now it is time you got some rest."

"But we haven't worked anything out yet." Harry protested.

"We will." Severus reassured confidently. "But you have expended a lot of magical energy tonight; you need plenty of sleep."

"Okay. Will you tell me if you find anything out?"

"Of course, Harry. This is your life, I will not be keeping things from you."

"Right." Harry thought for a moment. "Sorry, I didn't tell you about my magic."

Severus sighed. "I understand why you didn't."

"I just didn't want to seem like any more of a freak."

"I suspect there's a bit more to it than that." Severus went on a Harry's quizzical expression. "Much of your life has been out of your control. Everyone around you has made decisions for you and kept vital information from you. It is perfectly natural that you should want to maintain control by holding onto the information you have about your own life."

Harry frowned thoughtfully. Snape's explanation rang true, he couldn't deny. "Yeah, okay." He rose from the armchair, already starting to feel stiff and achy. "Night, Sir."

"Goodnight, Harry."