AN: Apologies, it has been so long, this chapter was my everest! So many parts of it gave me a block so I'm just glad it's finished! I hope it is worth the wait :)
Chapter 50
Potter had the gall to shrug at him.
Severus could feel the heat rising on his neck in anger at the boy's stupidity, but before he could say anything, Granger was whacking Potter's shoulder with the back of her hand.
"Harry!" She admonished, turning back to Severus with wide eyes. "He's not, Sir, I swear."
Severus' frown only deepened, and Potter seemed hardly to care either way. "We cannot discuss this here." He instructed them. "Miss Weasley, do you know the full story of what has transpired?"
"Yes, Sir."
"We cannot all leave the room; it would be far too conspicuous. Granger and Weasley, you will stay and appease the crowd with two-thirds of the Golden Trio. Miss Weasley, take Potter to the old arithmancy classroom. Not through the main doors, use the staff exit at the back of the hall. I will meet you there in a moment."
Ginevra nodded and started guiding Harry away with her arm linked through his. They would make for an elegant couple, Severus thought, were Harry not completely out of it.
"Sir, I promise, he hasn't had any alcohol." Granger was whispering to him again.
Severus only nodded his acknowledgement before walking away from the teenage pair. He would find out for himself soon enough.
He dodged the mingling groups who were gathered chatting and the waiting trays that hovered between them laden with canapes, making his way to the main doors as quickly as he could without raising suspicions. The room he had sent them to wasn't far, just around a few corners so they wouldn't be seen.
When he entered, the pair were standing close, foreheads touching intimately. They moved apart when they saw him, though the embrace was more sweet in nature than provocative. He raised an eyebrow at them.
"We weren't doing anything wrong." Harry snapped.
"I didn't say you were." He replied calmly.
"I'm not a problem for you to fix." Harry persisted, itching for a fight.
"I am quite aware," Severus made his voice a little sterner, though he was more concerned than angry. A little irritated perhaps. "But we appear to have a problem, don't we? One I would like to hear the nature of so we can do some damage control."
He stared Harry down until the young wizard deflated slightly. "Fine." He turned his back on the professor.
Severus let his gaze fall to Ginevra. "What's happened?"
For the first time the young witch looked slightly nervous. She was normally remarkably composed, save for a few times when Severus had witnessed her really lose her temper. Now, however, she glanced hesitantly at Harry's tense figure before speaking.
"Harry has been…struggling today." She admitted. "We weren't sure how he would cope tonight. He's been so…sad, grieving, I suppose."
"Ginny!" Harry objected from his self-assigned corner.
"There's nothing wrong with feeling that way." She told him firmly.
"Go on." Severus urged her on to avoid a time-wasting argument.
"Hermione gave him a mood-enhancer, just to help him through the night, only she didn't know that Harry had already taken a calming draught earlier to try and settle his nerves about giving the speech." The red-head explained. "The potions seem to have reacted with each other. He's not really sad anymore, but he isn't happy either. It's made him a bit…snippy." She decided on.
Severus dragged a hand down his face wearily. The potions weren't often administered together so their combined side effects weren't well-documented. There was no way Harry could have known what would happen upon taking the two potions consecutively, it was just another prime example of Potter's phenomenally bad luck.
"I see." He addressed Harry's back. "We can't give you any more potions. You'll just need to wait for them to work through your system. When did you take them?"
Ginny answered when Harry remained silent, "The calming draught at about four and the mood enhancer about an hour and a half ago."
Severus nodded. "Good, the effects should have worn off by the time you have to accept your award."
Harry scoffed, "Yeah, cause that's what really matters tonight."
Severus ignored him while still addressing him. "You'll need to eat to try and soak up the potions. In the meantime your friends will continue to run interference for you. Try not to speak to anyone outside your circle of friends."
Harry finally turned with a spiteful look. "God forbid anyone should know what I really think."
"Miss Weasley, could you wait outside a moment please?" Severus asked her calmly, never breaking eye contact with Harry.
"Yes, Sir." She spared her boyfriend a glance but left quietly.
"What?" Harry demanded when Severus kept looking at him.
The professor approached him slowly, walking right up close and maintaining that fierce look that seemed to see right through Harry. He placed his hands on Harry's shoulders, arms outstretched.
"I won't allow you to sabotage yourself. I know the potions are affecting your mood and lowering your inhibitions, but you can control it. Use your occlumency shields and manage it."
"What if I don't want to?" Harry asked angrily.
"I realise this is hard." Severus said sympathetically. "It is painful to remember the battle and to think of the people you lost. I know it is hard, but you, Harry Potter, have done things much harder than this." He saw tears in Harry's eyes, but he forced himself to go on even as they began to leak down his cheeks. "Those people in there have already asked so much of you, and that is awful, but if you go in there and say all those things that you have every right to say, you will tarnish your reputation forever and I cannot allow you to do that."
"I don't care about my reputation." Harry continued to argue, but his resolve was weakening and his voice cracked brokenly.
"I am aware," Severus accepted. "But I will care about it for you and protect it nonetheless. I will have your agreement, Harry, that you will try and control yourself against the influence of the potions." He insisted sternly.
Harry held his gaze defiantly for a moment before relenting. "Fine."
Severus continued holding the gaze as he assessed the young wizard's sincerity. Finally he nodded, satisfied.
"Tappy." He summoned the Hogwarts house-elf with a quick call of her name. "Bring Mr Potter coffee and a bread roll, please."
The little elf popped away and Severus went to the door to retrieve Miss Weasley from the corridor outside. By the time they had re-entered the room, Tappy had already provided the requested items for Harry on a side table.
"Ensure he consumes that before you both return." Severus addressed Ginevra. "If you return in 10 minutes or so, we should be nearly getting seated. That will limit the number of people he needs to speak to."
Receiving her nod of agreement, Severus left them to return to the ball, conscious that their combined absence would be even more noticeable than Potter's alone.
He was accosted by Minerva the moment he entered the Great Hall. "Severus, where in Godric's name have you been? And where has Harry got to?"
"Potter will be back shortly, in the meantime, you need to add a seat for Miss Weasley at our table."
"Miss Weasley?" The witch frowned. "Miss Weasley is seated on a table with her parents."
"Yes, but you need to move her to ours." Severus said lowly.
"Severus, I cannot just move her. The tables are each laid for ten people, it would look completely bizarre to change that at this point."
The deputy lowered his voice further. "Potter has had a potions mishap. He will be fine. I am dealing with it. All I need you to do is change the bloody table."
Minerva looked at him, stunned for a moment. She considered asking the many questions his statement had prompted and observed but in the end she merely gave him a sharp nod and went off to do as she had been asked.
The young Gryffindor couple managed to slip into the hall discreetly just as people were being encouraged to find their tables. Ginny held Harry's hand tightly and he kept close enough to her that their shoulders brushed with every step. Granger and her Weasley beau rushed over to greet then and they were all soon making their way to the table where Severus awaited them.
He scrutinized the boy's expression once he was close enough. His mouth remained set in a grim line, but his eyes seemed clearer, less glazed.
They all took their seats as greetings were made across the table. As their glasses were filled and the entrees arrived, conversation began to flow. Severus frowned as every conversation opener seemed to be directed to Potter, every polite query flung his way. Of course, everyone wanted to speak with the boy-Saviour, it was down to Severus and his three friends to try and prevent that.
"So, Mr Potter," one of the Wizengamot big-wigs addressed him pompously. "I'm sure we can expect many more great things from you in the future. What are your plans for after Hogwarts?"
Severus looked at Harry anxiously as he waited for the young, drugged wizards to answer. There was a pause just slightly too long before Granger jumped in to answer on his behalf. "Harry's got a place at Auror training, Sir. We'll both be at the Ministry next year and Ron is planning to join the year after."
"Hm, very good, very good." The elderly wizard nodded approvingly, wine sloshing around in his goblet as he raised it to his mouth.
"You'll all be a breath of fresh air in the Ministry." Kingsley said happily. "I've told Harry, here, that he's got a year before I expect him to start shaking up the Auror department."
It was said, and obviously meant, jovially, but it grated on Severus. How much more did they want the boy to give?
When he looked sideways at him, Harry was staring down at his half-empty dinner plate, hands clenched far too tightly around his cutlery. Severus shifted slightly in his seat so that his elbow would nudge Harry's arm inconspicuously. He looked up at the contact, catching Severus' eyes as the Professor looked meaningfully at the boy's dinner and then back up to his face. The little crease in between Potter's eyes appeared to express his displeasure, but his hands relaxed after a beat and he then resumed eating.
"Oh? Got big plans have you, Potter?" The Wizengamot member asked.
No one else could jump in this time; Harry would have to answer for himself. "I just want to do my job. Help people."
"Very honourable." The old man hummed in approval. "Still, I'm sure there won't be much for the Aurors to do now the last Death Eaters have been rounded up. The Ministry can get back to business, eh Shacklebolt?"
"That's the aim." Kingsley quipped back.
The elderly wizard took another long swig from his goblet. "It will be good to see the Ministry restored to its former glory. To get it back to how things were before."
"Yes, well, with some changes, of course." The Minister said pointedly.
The old man grumbled. "Change for change's sake must be avoided." Severus felt Harry go rigid beside him. "The country needs the stability of returning to how things were before. There was no problem with how the Ministry ran until the dark side took power."
"No problem?" Harry repeated scornfully.
"Potter." Severus murmured a warning.
"Perhaps if the Ministry had been run a bit differently, then Voldemort wouldn't have been able to rise to power. Maybe if they hadn't actively tried to discredit me then people would have seen what was happening."
The old man blustered, half sheepish, half defensive. Potter could go on, Severus knew, but a gentle hand on his arm from Miss Weasley seemed to calm him enough.
Kingsley interjected, "Of course. The Ministry is not above censure." He agreed. "And it is time for us to make progress."
Granger jumped in then with questions about the Minister's policy initiatives, steering the conversation to werewolf and house-elf rights and beyond to blood equality and muggle classism. While the others were engaged in polite debate, Severus was able to cast his assessing eye over the Saviour.
"What?" Harry growled crossly, feeling the professor's gaze.
Severus narrowed his eyes. "Use. Your. Shields." He scolded.
Harry's eyes flashed with anger and Severus felt the brief spike in the boy's magic. He softened his own expression. "Try, Harry."
Harry's shoulders dropped, defeated. He took three slow, deliberate breaths and Severus could see when he had reinforced his Occlumency shields.
"Thank you." He murmured to Harry gently. "You're doing well, not long now until the potions wear off."
Harry only nodded at his plate in acknowledgement and turned for a whispered conversation with Ginny while Hermione had the other wizards engaged.
He seemed to be able to avoid most conversation for the rest of their main meal, only chipping in occasionally while Ron regaled the table with stories of their many school-time adventures. He was starting to feel a bit lighter and even managed to smirk slightly when he caught sight of Severus' expression as Ron spoke about their trip down to the Chamber.
As the ball's attendees finished their meals, the plates popped away and the noise in the room rose again as people mixed with guests from other tables during the lull before desert. Suddenly, a voice from across the room carried over to where Harry was sitting. He looked up and regardless of his mental shields, annoyance rose up within him fiercely.
"What is he doing here?" He said through gritted teeth.
Severus followed Harry's gaze to where Cornelius Fudge was circulating around the tables like a power-hungry vulture. The former Minister looked desperate as he schmoozed his way around the room.
Unfortunately, Harry's sharp comment gained the attention of the people at their table and multiple pairs of eyes were turned towards him.
"It was expected that he be invited as former Minister." McGonagall explained. "We didn't really expect him to accept, but his ego seems to be even bigger than we anticipated."
Severus saw Harry grit his teeth again and held his breath in fear of what the young wizard might say.
"Excuse me." He said eventually and rose abruptly from his seat, walking away from the table and out one of the side doors.
Ginny looked as though she would follow, but Severus shook his head when he caught her eye. It would look more suspicious for anyone to follow Harry now. A few minutes later when Harry was yet to return, Severus excused himself from the table and set off in search of the young saviour.
He found him eventually, not in the gents, but outside, kicking stones absentmindedly across the courtyard. Severus learnt against the stone archway and waited.
"I'm fine."
Severus said nothing.
"I am." Harry repeated, looking up now. "I can feel the potions wearing off, I just didn't want to say anything to Fudge that I might regret. Although, I would argue that I wouldn't regret it." He said pointedly to Severus before looking back down at the stone which he rolled under his shoe.
"You made the right decision." Severus said approvingly. "I know it hasn't been easy tonight, but I'm very proud of you, Harry."
Harry looked up with surprised eyes, slightly vulnerable. "No one has ever said that to me before."
The people in Harry's life had a lot to answer for. Not even including the Dursleys, since Severus had already disqualified them as 'people', but what about the rest? Black, Lupin, the Weasleys, Albus? Had none of them told this boy they were proud of him? They had all expected the world from him, but they hadn't even given him this?
"They should have told you all the time, Harry. I know there are so many people who are and have been immensely proud of you. Albus was, I know. And you should have heard Black crowing about you when he found out you could cast a corporeal patronus – it was unbearable." He drawled causing Harry's lips to quirk. "And your mother." Severus added quietly. "Your mother was the most proud of you, even when you were just a baby. I saw her once when you were a few months old, shopping in Diagon. I don't think she saw me, but she was showing you off to one of her friends and I could see in her eyes how much she loved you, how proud of you she was."
"Yeah?"
"Yes." Severus confirmed with confidence.
By the time they returned to the Great Hall, puddings had been served and were waiting in Severus and Harry's places. The rest of the table had politely awaited their return before they too dug in to their treacle tart.
Minerva, seeing the boy's eyes light up at the sight of the sweet treat, smiled. "Apparently a certain house elf turned up in the kitchens and told the Hogwarts elves that the guest of honor has a certain proclivity for treacle tart." Harry blushed and ducked his head in slight embarrassment. He couldn't bring himself to care too much though, he did love treacle tart. "Don't be surprised if it features on the menu a lot more frequently in your last weeks at school."
"You won't hear me complaining." Harry smiled feeling, lighter than he had all evening. "Nothing beats Hogwarts treacle tart."
"Just don't let Mum hear you saying that." Ron quipped.
Dinner eventually came to an end and the anxious feeling settled over Harry once more as the award giving drew closer. Kingsley got up to speak to some other Ministry people and prepare for the ceremony.
A few minutes later a hush came over the room as the Minister took to the assembled stage.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are gathered here today, not only to commemorate a great victory, but to honor those whose actions not only led to, but were critical to achieving that victory."
They started by awarding the second class Order of Merlins. Most of the order received one, including Molly and Arthur, along with Minerva. Harry clapped loudly for every one, immensely grateful to each of them. When it got to the last name, one they had all agreed should be kept secret from the recipient until the moment it was given out, Harry led the cheers loudly and rose to his feet to clap proudly as Kingsley read out the name, "Rubeus Hagrid."
The poor half-giant sat completely stunned until Professor Sprout next to him tugged him up and gave him a shove in the right direction. He bumbled up to the stage, still looking round at all the proud beaming faces around him showing their support. Kingsley handed over the award but stopped Hagrid from leaving the stage.
"Hagrid, in recognition of your services not only to Wizarding Britain, but specifically to Hogwarts and its students, we would like to inform you that your expulsion from Hogwarts has been expunged and the Ministry will be paying for you to receive a new wand."
Hagrid, who had been crying since the moment he was lifted from his seat, now began to sob loudly. "Oh, thank you, thank you. I were only doing what was right." He pulled an unexpecting Kingsley into a bone-crushing hug which, Harry imagined from experience, would have made it difficult for the man to breathe. Kingsley gave him a few weak pats on the side and Hagrid let the man go, retuning to his seat with a hanky the size of a small tablecloth.
"The following award," Kingsley continued. "Is the greatest honor we can bestow in Wizarding Britain. It is reserved for only those who have shown the utmost bravery, sacrifice and commitment to protecting the lives of others and the values for which we stand. The First Order of Merlin has only been awarded to 42 people in the history of the Ministry and tonight it shall be awarded to four more. There is no doubt that these recipients have shown these traits and have quite rightly earned this prestigious recognition."
Harry clapped as first Hermione, then Ron and then Severus all received their awards. He was truly proud of each of them and knew they thoroughly deserved it, but in his own anxiety, he could only muster up polite applause for each of them as he detached from the events. He knew Kingsley was talking about him now, but he wasn't listening, he took a sip of water and felt for the parchment of his speech in his robe pocket. He heard his name being announced, but Ginny had also given him a nudge as though she knew he wasn't really listening.
Kingsley handed him the award with a handshake and stepped back from the podium to where Ron, Hermione and Severus had waited on the stage as instructed. He leaned discreetly toward Severus while Harry was fumbling for his speech, "Is he going to be alright doing this?" He mumbled under his breath.
Severus murmured back honestly, "I'm not sure."
At the podium, Harry took a deep breath and looked up into the crowd for long enough to find Ginny's reassuring smile. He glanced back down at the speech he had in front of him, though he knew it by heart, looked back up and began.
"Thank you. On behalf of myself and the other recipients of the First Order of Merlin today, I would like thank the Ministry of Magic and the Wizengamot for awarding us this honour." He looked down at the figurine in his hands and rubbed his thumb over the engraving. "This is not just for me though. It has been awarded to me for defeating Voldemort, but we all did that. You did that." He told the audience. "If you helped us escape or hide last year, then you defeated Voldemort. If you stood up against bullies and protected those who were persecuted, then you defeated Voldemort. Looking out at you all now, I can see people who taught me the things that I needed to know, and I see people who gave me hope, made me laugh, even during my darkest days. You all defeated Voldemort. Tom Riddle was just a man. That is who I defeated. Voldemort was an idea, a threat to what we believe to be right and that was far more dangerous. It took far more than me to destroy that. It took us all.
"I'd like to take my own turn at thanking the three people up here with me. Hermione Granger. They call her the brightest witch of her age, and she is, but she's also the kindest witch of her age. Hermione stands up for those who can't do it for themselves, she protects people who need it, and, as Ron puts it, she can be bloody terrifying at times!" Chuckles sounded around the room, along with some murmurs of agreement, and Hermione smiled bashfully. Harry half turned to look at her. "Hermione, without you, Ron and I would have been eaten by a three-headed dog, consumed by Devil's Snare and I would have fallen 200 ft from my cursed broom, all before we turned 13!" More chuckles, this time a little less sure as people tried to decide if this was a joke or exaggeration. Ron however was nodding sagely. "I admire you so much and I am so grateful to you for all the help you have given me and for your unwavering support." The audience applauded, some politely and others, those who really knew them, the Weasleys, the DA, cheered and hollered their love for her raucously.
Harry waited for the cheers to die down before he continued. "Ronald Weasley was my first true friend. Everyone should have a friend who makes them laugh until their sides hurt, who would fly a car across the country for them and dive into a frozen lake for them. Unfortunately, there is only one Ronald Weasley, so I'm glad that it is me that gets to call you my best mate." Ron's cheeks were red with embarrassment, but also pride. Hermione, on the other hand, had given up the fight and was now crying openly at Harry's thoughtful words. "Ron, you followed me into so many dangerous situations and never even questioned it – except that one time with the giant spiders." Ron visibly shuddered and the Weasley table, particularly George and Charlie, laughed uproariously. "I'm so glad that I met you that day at Kings Cross and sat in your compartment. Give two boys a couple of hours and a trolley full of sweets and you can forge a friendship that will last a lifetime. You gave me so much more than friendship though. You brought me to your home and made me a part of your family. For that, and for not punching me in the face when I kissed your sister," Harry's lips quirked slightly in a cheeky grin. "I owe you so much."
The crowd seemed to be even louder this time; no doubt swept up in the Weasley family's loud clapping.
"Professor Severus Snape," Harry said clearly once the room was again quiet. "Has saved my life on multiple occasions. Without him, none of us would be here celebrating victory, because we would not have won the war. It is what he has done for me since the war ended however, that I am most thankful for." He turned his head to look over his shoulder at his stern-faced professor. "Sir, you saw that I was broken and put me back together again. I was only just surviving, and you taught me how to live. Thank you." Applause swept through the room once more, giving Harry the chance to scan the crowd. Hermione wasn't the only one crying now, Molly was mopping her eyes with a handkerchief, and he caught McGonagall dabbing at the corner of her eye too.
"As the victors, it can be easy to rewrite history, to remember the story and its characters in black and white. Only the world isn't really like that. Some people make mistakes or do the wrong thing in the name of good. As my Godfather, Sirius Black, once told me: the world is not made up of good people and death eaters. We all have both dark and light inside of us. It is our choices which define who we really are." Harry took a deep breath against the pain of his grief. "I never want a war like this to happen again. So I ask this of each and everyone one of you. Remain vigilant to intolerance. Challenge it, protect against it. Be kind to one another." He held the award slightly up in the air and nodded in conclusion at the crowd. "Thank you."
The audience was on their feet in seconds, the cheers and applause deafening as Harry walked away from the podium. He held himself as composed as he had been delivering his speech, but as he turned to face them, Severus could see the pained look in his eyes. This event may be healing for the wizarding community, but for Harry it was just another reminder of a painful past. He had lost so many people through the conflict that he could only be flooded with grief.
The applause continued and Kingsley turned to him with a beaming smile. "The boy is a pro. Seems there was nothing to worry about."
Severus gave him his fiercest scowl and hissed back at him. "Don't ever make him do that again." He barely had time to see the minister's face fall before he had stormed from the stage.
Following the award giving, the tables were magically vanished and music began playing as the guests mingled and congregated. The golden trio had managed to huddle themselves into a corner and were inconspicuous for the moment among the moving crowds. Severus moved towards them discreetly and the three parted to allow him into their circle as he approached. Harry, who had somehow managed to hold it together all night, was now red eyed, grief etched into his features. He looked up at Severus with raw vulnerability.
"Thank you. I don't think I would have made it through tonight without you keeping me grounded."
Severus laid his warm hand on Harry's shoulder. "You're alright." He comforted. "You've done so well tonight. You've been so brave."
Harry swallowed against the lump in his throat and quirked up the side of his mouth. "Saying shit like that isn't helping me pull myself together, Sir."
Severus smirked. "You'll survive." He patted the shoulder he held once and removed his hand to leave the three of them alone.
Harry watched the professor walk away with mixed emotions. He was so grateful to Severus for everything he had helped Harry with, but it was dawning on Harry how reliant on the man he had become and with this, the realization that there were only a few weeks left of the school year. Harry had become used to his evening chats with Severus and the reassurance the man provided, but soon he would be leaving Hogwarts and he would be alone again. Harry would need to prepare himself for that.
It was time to accept that things would change and Harry was going to start standing on his own two feet, even if he hated it.