I killed him.
There was no one around to stop me.
Is there even anyone around who could stop me?
The baby. The baby is safe.
But I killed him.
These aren't my monsters. This isn't my world.
This is not my problem.
But it sure as hell was a problem created by me.
Peter stayed at the hospital. Not in the waiting room. Rather, he remained crouched on a wall outside near a window where he could see what was happening with the baby.
And I feel…
I killed him.
Who gave me the right to take a life?
Was it vengeance? Was it even avenging?
A woman was mutilated…
The baby hasn't stopped crying. He needs his mother.
I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.
Peter left once the baby was asleep in the nursery. He deemed it a good sign that the baby wasn't in the NICU. He went home afterward.
What was I thinking? That I could just stop a few muggings to assuage my responsibilities?
It didn't work, did it?
It's never enough.
So I let myself be carted around like a sidekick.
I learned just enough, didn't I? Or that's what I told myself.
I didn't know…
It was all on files. Plain facts. But numbers are just numbers. People are not numbers.
Seeing that woman. What he did to her. After I let him get away.
I killed him.
Oh, god. What have I done?
Peter didn't do anything productive other than wear down his walls and ceiling and floor. He forced himself to go to bed after a few hours of pacing. He lay there and stared at the ceiling.
I shouldn't be here. This isn't my world.
And what have I done to leave?
Nothing. I haven't done a thing.
I think about it once in a while. But what good did thinking ever do for me?
I know I don't belong here.
Mila and Aiden…
I made a little family for myself.
Why? These people are strangers.
They don't feel like strangers.
…
They don't. I know them. They're a part of me. And I am a part of them.
The guilt, anger, grief, and regret were a tsunami in his mind. It wasn't until there was a knock at the door that Peter realized how much time had passed. He hadn't slept a wink. He threw on some sweats and answered the door without a thought.
Peter's guilt must have tripled in magnitude when he saw Aiden's worried face upon opening the door. He allowed the boy entry and apologized for running late. He took a quick shower and dressed before heading out with the boy. But his mind was working double time the entire time he was with Aiden.
I can't leave. This is starting to feel like home. And that's what scares me.
I gave myself space from them but it's not enough.
Aiden… Man, this kid is… This how it feels to have a brother.
Peter looked at Aiden and smiled down at the boy. Aiden was having a good time. But Peter…
He couldn't help but be worried about the baby's well-being and wondering whether or not he committed murder the night before.
Peter cut his time with Aiden short. He walked the boy home after a couple of hours and felt guilty about that. He only saw him once a week. But Aiden shouldn't be with him. Not now.
My heart is being torn in two. My old life. My new life. And then…
I shouldn't be here. But I can't go back. I need to stop evading the truth. I died. I know that I died.
Why am I here?
It was like a dream at first.
A game.
I pretended.
Only let them see a small side of me.
Then it was fun to be Spider-man here. To work alongside someone who saw it as a responsibility. A way of life. To help the forgotten.
Fighting bad guys that didn't have a personal connection to Peter or Spider-Man made it easier to not take them so seriously.
Made me forget how dangerous they were.
It was sort of funny when they thought they had me. That they believed I was unconscious.
It stopped being funny when I thought the place would blow.
Things got real when the Joker got away.
It was downright critical when the Red Hood began to blame himself.
It came to a disastrous end when that woman was mutilated.
And it's all my fault.
These people are real.
I'm fucking up their lives just by being here.
A newborn is an orphan.
I left that pathetic excuse for a human for dead.
Good.
I heard the resolve so clearly in that one word. Red Hood was going to let that monster die.
He should have never been put in a position of deciding someone's fate to fix my mistake. And I can't blame him for not wanting to.
This is all on me.
I feel so heavy. Like the Earth itself is pulling me down. My shoulders are tense. My chest is tight. My stomach is in knots.
How do people kill mercilessly?
Oh, god. I can't do this.
Peter rubbed his face and then looked up at the sky. He wondered if there was a god in Gotham. Was it the same god that was back home?
He looked around and saw a newspaper stand. He walked up to it slowly. His vision blurred. He needed to know what would happen to Spider-man. Was there a manhunt for him now?
Peter bought a paper without looking at the headlines. He folded it and tucked it under his arm as he walked. He passed a cafe and went inside to buy a coffee. He wasn't going to drink it. He just wanted an excuse to sit at one of the tables.
He closed his eyes and held the paper in front of him. Then slowly he allowed himself to look. And he read the headline. The headline was wrong. It had to be wrong. It should say,
SPIDER-MAN MURDERER,
or
SPIDER-MAN WANTED,
or
SPIDER-MAN KILLED JOKER
not
JOKER APPREHENDED.
What the hell is this? Did the Red Hood actually do what he couldn't?
Peter read the article. He had to know what had happened.
JOKER APPREHENDED
by, Vicky Vale
Early this morning, the Joker, who had remained elusive to authorities, was apprehended by the newest vigilante in Gotham.
Witnesses report that they were engulfed by a fear unlike any other. The Joker's sinister laughter had permeated the atmosphere forcing everyone to remain as quiet as possible out of fear that the clown-prince of crime would find them.
The sounds of the newest vigilante punching a hole through the roof of the vehicle the Joker was driving gave nearby Gothamintes hope. They came out of hiding to witness the quick and effective means their newest hero used to apprehend their real-life boogeyman.
The spider-themed vigilante left the Joker bound and the vehicle dismantled as he disappeared overhead before authorities arrived.
'He saved a baby,' said a witness.
For the first time since the Joker's appearance, his causality count is one. The mother of the baby the vigilante saved was found dead on arrival.
Citizens of Gotham have the spider-themed colorful hero to thank that the number of casualties was not higher. Although they tell a different story of Batman.
Many citizens caught a fight between our local hero and the Red Hood on video.
Sources say that the spider man had left Joker for dead. He'd bound his mouth and nose in a web-like substance. It covered his entire body, we were told.
'He was suffocating,' said a witness.
The Red Hood was not allowing first responders onto the scene.
'The Hood wanted what the rest of us wanted. The Joker dead,' said a witness while others chimed in with their agreements.
Batman had another plan. He fought the Red Hood off and removed the webbing from the Joker. He then proceeded with a life-saving emergency procedure. Before the crowd could wrestle the Joker out of Batman's grasp, the two disappeared into the night.
The Joker was left in Arkham's care while citizens protested Batman's actions.
It took authorities over an hour to settle the crowd and finally take the most recent of the Joker's victims to the city morgue.
The Joker is back in Arkham. He is sporting broken ribs and a broken arm courtesy of Batman after an interrogation, a source in Arkham tells us. The Commissioner refused to comment on the reason behind the interrogation.
'The Joker always has something up his sleeve. Let's just say that it was a good thing Batman revived him to find out what was hidden there,' said a police officer who asked to remain anonymous.
With a body count that rivals a small country, one could argue that the Joker's secrets were better left unknown.
`The citizens of Gotham can rest easy tonight now that the Joker is locked up again,' said GCPD spokesman Harvey Bullock with a sneer.
How true that statement is, remains to be seen.
With the Joker having been resuscitated by Batman there is a question lingering in the mind of Gotham's citizens; whose side is Batman on? From where this reporter is standing the answer seems clear.
Peter started to laugh. He felt a weight lift off of him. But it didn't last. All the relief washed away and the guilt came back with a vengeance.
Oh, no.
I made Gotham hate Batman.
That wasn't my intention.
I'm not the good guy here!
What is wrong with these people? How could they prefer that I become a murderer?
JJJ would have been calling out for my head. With good reason this time around. What I did was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
The Red Hood. He… No. I can't put this on him.
This is all my fault.
I need to apologize to Batman.
To the Commissioner.
To the Red Hood.
Because he was right. About me. About Gotham. About it being hard for him to stop me when I eventually crossed the line. I should have never put him in that position.
I make my own choices. And the choice I made last night went into the mother-of-all-fuckups pile. I need to take responsibility for my actions.
But first, I have a lot to think about. And I do my best thinking while I'm high above the city.
Peter made his way through the city aimlessly. He was moving so fast that no one noticed him. Except for a few pigeons that had to fly away when they felt the air pressure push them off ledges. Peter focused on the rush he felt every time gravity pulled him back down. He felt his adrenaline flood him every time he let go of the web string and shot out another. As he moved his legs to propel him upwards, he felt a sense of calm fill his mind. He loved swinging. It was freeing. As he was being pulled back down, he released his web string and flipped in the air before he shot another strand. He opened his eyes when he was at the prawn of his upswing and he saw Bruce.
In his excitement, Peter forgot to release another strand of webbing. He grabbed onto a streetlamp. He did a double twist before a front toe on and propelled himself into the air. He shot out a web and swung towards the building.
He landed in a crouch on the parapet next to the gargoyle that decorated the building. He grinned widely. It was like a piece of home followed him to Gotham. Not that Gothic architecture only existed in New York. He knew that wasn't the case. But this gargoyle and the one back home were one and the same.
"Bruce! I'm so happy I ran into you!" Peter sighed heavily. "If you only knew what it's been like for the past, I don't know, sixteen hours or so, your heart of stone would soften. Though I imagine that you already know about last night. I doubt there isn't anything your eyes miss. And as you can imagine, I haven't slept a wink. I tried. But I just can't stop thinking about it. You know how it is, Bruce. I don't know why I'm even trying to talk to you. It's not like you can help me. I guess I just need you to lend me your ears for a bit, buddy." Peter sighed again and allowed his body to relax.
He was about to stand when he heard someone clear their throat.
"I'm listening," said a deep baritone.
Peter tensed and jumped up onto the side of the building. He had been so lost in thought then subsequently excited to see Bruce that he didn't pay attention to his surroundings. He was now and he realized there were two other people on the roof, besides the one who spoke.
From the shadows to his right Batman emerged. He was followed by Nightwing. And from his left, he saw who he believed to be Batwoman. Her red hair was just as she was described in the papers.
"Hello," Peter said nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Am I interrupting some sort of Bat-camp?" His eyes widened. "Oh! Is it a bat-ervention?"
"Something like that," said Nightwing with an amused tone.
"Who were you talking to?" Batwoman said tersely.
"Uh," Peter said with a nervous chuckle. "I guess you all heard me talking to Bruce, huh?"
"Bruce?" Nightwing said and looked from Spider-man to Batman.
"Uh, well, obviously that's not his real name. Not that he," Peter glanced at Batwoman, "or she has a name. But I can't just call it gargoyle. Bruce felt fitting for, you know, the guardian of the city. If you believe in the myths that is."
"You were talking to the gargoyle?" Batwoman said skeptically.
"Bruce is a great listener," Peter said defensively. "And unlike pigeons, Bruce doesn't steal my pizza."
"Sounds like a Bruce I know," Nightwing said and grinned.
Batwoman chuckled then coughed to hide the fact that she did.
Peter would have laughed too if he knew who they were referring to and if Batman hadn't been staring daggers into him. Peter didn't look away. He had something to say.
"I…" Peter cleared his throat and tried again. "I wanted to thank you. For what you did. And to apologize for…I don't normally…seeing what he did to that woman…knowing I was responsible… I let my emotions get the better of me. If I had been thinking clearly, uh, that's not an excuse, but I shouldn't have put the Red Hood in that position." Peter groaned. He couldn't get his thoughts straight. If he would've had time to talk to Bruce, his apology would have been a lot smoother. Probably not. The entire situation was awkward. He wasn't used to this. Working in someone else's city. "What I'm trying to say—"
"You were both exposed to a fear toxin," Batman said, interrupting Spider-Man before his next rant. He heard enough to know that Spider-Man wasn't aware that he had been exposed to the toxin. To think that he had stopped the Joker, dispersed the toxin into the air to be diluted, and arrived at the hospital in time to give the baby a fighting chance before he succumbed to the fear toxin just as his mother had all the while pushing past the fear. Batman was impressed.
What?! Fear toxin?! Does that mean that I hallucinated what happened?! No! Not possible!
Peter felt his spider-sense flare to life. He turned towards the direction he thought the danger was coming from. Other than seeing a mirage that he probably imagined, nothing else was amiss.
Wait. A mirage at night? That's not right. It's not even hot enough for it to have been a heat haze. Peter looked around and saw the ripple in the air again.
"Did anyone else see that?"
Batwoman and Nightwing turned to look at Batman who was carefully observing Spider-man.
"Could he still be under the effects of the fear toxin?" Nightwing whispered to Batman.
Peter heard him loud and clear. "Was this gathering, by chance, scheduled to talk about little ol' me?"
Batwoman took a step closer. Nightwing raised a placating hand. Batman pulled something out of his utility belt.
"Oh, man. I once surprised my friends while they were planning a surprise party for me. But to actually intervene on the planning of my own intervention takes the cake." Peter jumped off the wall to get to higher ground.
"I would stay and help. I'm sure you would love any insights directly from the source," Peter looked at his cloth-covered wrist. "But, would you look at the time! Though most spiders are nocturnal, I'm of the diurnal sort. In other words, this little spider needs to tuck in for the night."
Peter shot out a few webs, but only managed to web Batwoman to the roof. Nightwing and Batman dodged out of the way. But since they jumped for cover, Peter used that opportunity to jump in the opposite direction and swing away before they had a chance to get back up.