Someone was inside her apartment.

Shiho could feel the presence of someone that should not be here, and it made her skin crawl. Shrugging on a jacket, she crept out of her bedroom, gun in hands.

"I trained you well, didn't I?" came the whisper next to her ears. Shiho jumped and whirled around, training the gun on the person behind her.

"Wha-Gin?" Shiho hated the squeak in her voice, but she couldn't help it.

Under the faint moonlight, she could make out the familiar silhouette of the man. He was dressed in his usual clothes, his silver hair partly covered by the hat on his head. The grin on his face was predatory.

"Lower the gun, Sherry. We can't have you accidentally shoot me, now can we?" he ordered smoothly, grin widening to show his teeth. "Otherwise I'll have to punish you."

With a start, Shiho dropped the gun to the ground. She hadn't even noticed that she was still holding it up. It was as if, the unconscious part of her brain had recognized this man as someone that she shouldn't lower her guard around.

Swallowing thickly, she crouched down to pick the weapon up, avoiding his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" said Shiho in a small voice.

"I wanted to pay you a visit. We haven't met in quite a long time."

"Oh, is that so?" she mumbled.

Rough fingers snaked under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. Gin towered over her, his face a picture of dark, grotesque shadows and feral grin. They were standing close enough that she could feel the heat emanating from his body, and yet, she was shivering still.

"Too bad you don't seem to miss me," he whispered, stepping even closer. Instinctually, Shiho took a few steps back, until her back hit the wall.

She was trapped.

"You look a lot like your mother," Gin continued, fingers trailing downwards. "You have her eyes…her face…her hair."

His nails grazed against the tender skin of her neck, leaving marks on her pale skin. Shiho wanted to do something, to stop his fingers and to push his body away, but her body refused to move. It was as if there was an invisible force holding her in place.

Its name was fear.

Shiho sprung up in her bed, breathing hard. Her heart was thumping against her ribcage and she could feel goosebumps all over her arms. Strands of brown hair stuck to her forehead, matted with sweats.

Another dream, she mentally told herself, burying her face into her hand, not real!

Shiho could still recall the feel of his fingers against her skin, the hardness of the wall that had trapped her and the shade of the moonlight spilling into her old apartment. It was all too vivid, like it had happened just mere minutes before and not three years ago.

The clock on her bedside table read three forty five. This was the third time that she had woken up from a nightmare tonight, and all of them had centered around that night. Shiho was exhausted.

"Fuck you, Gin," she muttered, lying back down again. Even in his death he was still haunting her, making her life difficult.

But was he dead?

A cold shiver swept through her body. The PSB had confirmed that Gin had died in the ensured explosion. It had been almost three months. Judging from how dangerous he was, if there was even the faintest hint that he was alive, the PSB and FBI would have continued their relentless pursuit. As it was, they were still on alert, but rather relaxed as a whole now that the fight was almost over.

Yet, something didn't sit right with Shiho. She knew she didn't imagine the strand of silver hair she had found in that glass. She had held it between her fingers, and had later put it into a small vial. There was no way for her to make sure it belonged to Gin - she had no DNA sample of him - and for all she knew, it could have been the thief's.

But it was too much of a coincidence, that the trespasser had the exact same shade of silver hair as the one man whom she feared most in this world.

The one man who was supposed to be dead.

It was unlike him, though, she reasoned. The scene was too sloppy, too attention-grabbing. Gin never did anything unnecessary. If his purpose had been to inform her that he was alive and after her, then there was no need to destroy her furniture. The hair was enough, especially when it was placed where she was sure to pay attention to.

Still…

I'm going in circles, she thought. Rationalizing things was not helping. Shiho had thought that she would take a leaf out of Kudo's book and allowed cold logic to take over.

Because, if even for one second she started thinking with her heart, she knew that the fear and terror lurking within would eat her alive.

In the end, Shiho had only had about two or three hours sleep at most. Her thoughts had kept her up most of the night and she had only passed out due to exhaustion. It was a good thing, perhaps, because she didn't have any more nightmares that night.

The first thing she did when she woke up was retrieving Akemi's letter from her bag and placed it in a box in her study for safe-keeping. Yesterday's happening had kept her from opening it. She desperately wanted to read the letter, but felt that the paranoia swirling inside her body would only spoil her sister's words.

Later, when she had calmed down, then she would open it. The letter had waited her this long, it could wait a bit more.

Shiho could feel Kudo's eyes on her the entire day. He was suspicious, and he had good reason to be. She knew that her behavior yesterday wouldn't escape his notice.

Sometimes, that guy was too perceptive for his own good.

Yesterday, when he had found her kneeling on the floor, bleeding hands shifting through shards of broken glass, he had demanded to be told what was going on. Shiho didn't know if he had seen the hair or not, as she had pocketed it as soon as he neared her. He probably hadn't, or otherwise he would be much more relentless. As it was, he had dropped the subject once the police arrived, though his narrowed eyes told her differently.

True to her prediction, by the time lunch rolled around, he had dragged her out of the classroom on the pretense that he needed to show her something from the professor.

"Tell me what happened," Kudo demanded.

"That sort of attitude won't give you what you want."

"Quit with the act already, Miyano. I'm not blind! Ever since yesterday, you have been acting strange. You didn't sleep much, you are jumpy and every time someone approaches you, you look like you are seconds away from bolting out of class. What have gotten you so frightened?"

Shiho swallowed. She knew that she was not being herself, but to hear about it so bluntly from Kudo…had she been that transparent? What would the others take of her behavior?

It might just be because this was Kudo Shinichi. They had been through a lot together and he knew her well. He had seen her afraid more times than she cared to count. Probably, out of all the people that she knew, he was the one most attuned to her fear.

"The last time that I saw you like this…" he trailed off suddenly, a look of realization dawned on his face. "Miyano, what did you find in that glass yesterday?"

"It's none of your concern," Shiho said through gritted teeth.

"It's damn well my concern!" he snapped, then in a lower voice, he continued, "It has to do with them, doesn't it?"

Shiho paled. "Don't…don't be ridiculous!" her voice came out as a squeak at the end, and she had to stop herself from wincing.

Come on, Miyano, you're better than this, said a voice inside her head that sounded suspiciously like Kudo.

"Exactly who are you trying to fool again?" Kudo asked flatly, forehead creasing in concern. "Please, just tell me. You don't have to do everything alone, you know."

The offer was tempting. It was nice to know that she had an ally through and through, especially when it was someone as capable as Kudo. He was not doing it because he felt obliged to, or because he had some sort of debt to pay. He was doing it because he was her friend and he cared about her.

But perhaps it was precisely because he was her friend, that Shiho was keeping this from him. It was only one strand of hair, and she wasn't even sure if it belonged to Gin. For all she knew, she was just being overly paranoid. She didn't want to worry Kudo unnecessary, especially not now when he had just got his body back and was easing back into his old life. He deserved a chance to live, once again, as a normal sixteen-year-old without constantly looking over his shoulders for a ghost from the past.

"It's only psychological damage left from what happened," she said, in the most matter-of-fact tone she could muster. It was the same voice she used when talking about something related to her research. "You know how PTSD is."

Not that there had ever been any official diagnosis, but Shiho knew she had to have sustained some sort of psychological damage from the life she had led. Half-truths were always easier to tell than lies.

It was not enough to fool Kudo, though.

"I know that you always call me an idiot," he started, pinching the bridge of his nose in a tired manner, "but you don't really think that, do you? Because that's complete and utter bullshit."

Shiho pursued her lips, arms crossed. "There's no need for you to get involved in this. It's only a hunch."

"I know it's not as simple as that. Your behavior says it all." He gave her a pleading look, "Miyano, I just want to help you."

Her resolve broke down. Shiho didn't know what it was that had made her cave. Maybe it was because of the way he looked. Maybe she was tired of him drilling her for information.

Or maybe, it was that she just needed to get it off her chest, because she couldn't keep it in any longer.

Whatever it was, she found herself saying, "Yesterday, I…when you were in the kitchen, I looked into the glass and there was…I dropped the glass because I found…"

"You found?" he prompted.

"Hair," she whispered, "A strand of silver hair."

Kudo's eyes widened, his whole face darkening. She could practically see the wheels turning inside his mind as he took in the piece of information she had revealed. Would he able to see the connection, she wondered, and what would he suggest her do?

"You think it belongs to him." It wasn't a question.

"There's no way to make sure," Shiho said. "That's why I didn't want to tell you, or anyone. It might just be someone else."

"I don't think you believe that."

She didn't say anything. She suspected that somewhere, deep down, she knew it was Gin. But it was one thing to keep that knowledge at the back of her mind and another to admit it aloud, even if it was Kudo. She wasn't ready for that.

"There is a possibility that it belongs to the trespasser, but we can't depend on chances," Kudo muttered, almost to himself, "We have to make sure."

"I have a plan, actually."

"You do?" his voice was full of surprise.

Shiho scowled. "I'll pretend I'm not offended by that. As I was saying, I have a plan. I have another session with the PSB in a few days," which she knew would go about as well as the first one did, "I'll sneak into the record room and get the file on Gin. The PSB is bound to keep records of his death."

"I don't think I need to point out to you how many ways that plan would fail," he commented dryly, "But I'll do it anyway."

"Excuse me for not being an evil mastermind, or a detective geek," she retorted, voice dripping with sarcasm, "Well, what do you have to say, oh genius one?"

"First, how would you sneak into the record room undetected? Do you even know where it is? You can't spend all day wandering around the building and I doubt anyone would be so kind as to lend you a floor plan of the place. Second, this is the PSB, not some ordinary police headquarters. Their security is bound to be tight, especially concerning records on the Black members. They are not about to let someone waltz in and just look Gin up in the registry.

"And third," he gave her a look that made her feel like she was being scolded for misbehaving, "you used to be in the Organization, a codenamed member at that. Whatever trust the PSB has for you, it's tenuous at best. If you carry out this plan and get caught, it will only increase their suspicion on you. They might just retract the deal of immunity for you."

Even though Shiho hated to admit it, she knew that Kudo had a point. Or several points, actually. Her plan, concocted after a restless night of little sleep, had too many wild variables that she could not account for. If this was an experiment, then she was conducting it without knowing the characteristics of the subjects, the testing condition or the possible outcomes. She would be guaranteed to fail.

Still, she needed to know what happened to Gin that night. It was the only way for her to make her next move - be it continuing to live in peace or fleeing the country in fear. Shiho had a feeling that that record would provide her with the answer she needed, whatever it might be.

"What do you suggest then?"

"It's a lot simpler than you think, really. All we need to do is ask."

"Ask?"

A triumphant smirk spread across Kudo's face as he held up his phone in front of her. "Yes, ask. After all, we do know some pretty powerful people in high places."

The name Furuya Rei was foreign to her, but Shiho recognized the contact picture instantly.

"No."

"What? Miyano-"

"We are not involving the PSB, at least not now. They'll make a big deal out of this and I…well, I don't want that."

Not to mention that she did not trust that person, Bourbon. She knew he was a double agent for the PSB, but she couldn't bring herself to relax around him. Especially not after the way he had drilled her about her relationship with Gin last time.

"We won't do that. I'll ask Furuya-san to keep this a secret for now. But if it happens that…" he paused, though the both of them heard what he wanted to say loud and clear, "you are not running off and fighting Gin alone this time, do you hear me? We'll work with others. No one can do everything on their own."

Her lips thinned. Judging from what happened last time, he might just have a point.

_o0o_

Shiho rubbed her temple in a tired manner as she exited. The session had gone about as well as to be expected. The PSB had decided, given what they had observed so far, to appoint her a therapist. They said it was for her own good and had made it clear that it was not a suggestion on their part. So starting from next month, she would spend two hours every week with Dr. Hasana Mayu.

If the PSB was expecting her to have weekly heart-to-heart with the woman, they would be sorely disappointed.

Kudo had decided to accompany her to the PSB's HQ for today session. When she was done, he was standing outside with Bourbon (should she refer to him as Furuya now?), talking in a voice too low for her to hear. Upon noticing her, they halted their conversation.

"So?" she asked expectantly.

"I've made a copy of the file and sent it to Shinichi here," Bourbon said, voice matter-of-fact. "You can take a better look at that. I'd say that the chance of him surviving is very low. Akai Shuuichi shot him multiple times, one in his hamstring which made him unable to walk. He couldn't have been able to escape the explosion."

Bourbon's straightforward description did little to ease her worry. It had been information she had already known and "couldn't have" was not the same as "didn't". Shiho had known people who had escaped death under worse odds - Akai would be at the top of her head.

"Did you find his body?" she asked. Even an explosion wouldn't completely incinerate his body.

A displeased look crossed Bourbon's face, although this time, Shiho knew it doesn't have anything to do with her.

"We found a few bodies in the wreckage, but since we didn't have his fingerprints or any sort of identification to compare with," he paused, frowning, "The body count fit the number of people left in the building, including Gin. There was also one body with numerous bullet wounds, in places which Akai has confirmed to have shot Gin. We have enough evidences to conclude that he was dead."

"But you're not 100% sure?" Shiho pressed. It wasn't a question.

Even as she said those words, she felt oddly calm. Shiho had expected to feel fear washing over her at Bourbon's revelation - that there was a chance (however small) that Gin might still be alive. The man who had terrorized her for most of her life might still be out there somewhere, and he apparently knew where she lived. One day, he might come for her, to finish what he had started.

She should be afraid. And she was, but it was the sort of fear that gave her no urge to run somewhere far away and hide in a place that no one could find her. The Shiho of a year ago would have done it without thinking. Haibara Ai would jump at the first chance to disappear for good.

But the person that she had become now - the one who had come to know friendship and the feeling of being safe, the one who had just started living her life for the first time ever - that person was reluctant to give it all up for a ghost.

Make decisions for yourself, not for anyone else.

Shiho was tired of living for Gin. In a way, she had always been that way, hadn't she? Doing things to make sure she was safe from him, what good had it ever done to her?

"Miyano?" Kudo's voice pulled her back to the present. The look of worry was evident on his face. If she could wager a guess, Shiho would say that he thought she was considering something stupid. Like running away.

But really, had she ever achieved anything out of that?

"I'm fine," she said. It was a lie, sort of, but she would be fine, in the future. She would.

"Takako-san is already looking into the trespass," Bourbon informed them. "Considering what you've just told me, a reinvestigation is in order. We can't afford to have Gin alive and moving freely."

"Maybe you can show them the hair you found?" Kudo suggested. "Where did you put it anyway?"

"In a vial at my house," Shiho hesitated, looking at Bourbon. She didn't trust him, but there was no denying his loyalty when it came to the fight against the BO. The PSB had resources and means that she could never get her hands onto. It might be a good idea to let them handle this. "Should I bring it here next time?"

"That won't be necessary. The agent assigned to you can retrieve it."

She wasn't the least bit surprised that the PSB kept her on surveillance.

"Fine with me. Are we done here?"

Kudo shrugged. "I suppose. We can go."

"One last thing. Miyano Shiho, you know we are on the same side, right?" Bourbon asked.

Shiho raised an eyebrow. What was he playing at, exactly?

"Then you'd do better to not treat me like I'm your enemy," she said, then turned around and left.

Shiho spent that evening doing homework. The questions were embarrassingly easy (high school assignments weren't exactly up to par with university coursework, after all), but she relished in the normality of it. The more mundane aspects of life felt like a luxury that she rarely had the chance to enjoy till now.

After leaving the PSB building, Kudo had spent the entire bus ride home drilling her about what she would do with the information they had and making sure that she understood they were in this together. Shiho had to wonder if maybe he was even more unsettled about the unknown status of Gin than she was.

"For the last time, Kudo, I'm not gonna run off," she hissed to him in an exasperated matter. "But if u continue to behave like this, I'll make sure you are in the hospital for the next month because of diarrhea."

Kudo grimaced. "I'd rather not."

"So shut it."

"Okay, good that you understand me. Because just so you know, being a martyr is not admirable."

Thinking back on that had Shiho rolling her eyes. Kudo could be such a drama queen sometimes, but she couldn't deny that he had a point. She was touched by how much he cared about her, not that she would ever admit it to his face.

Just then, her phone went off. An unknown number flashed across the screen, but judging from the US country code, Shiho could already tell who was calling her.

"I hope you have enough money for international calls," she said flatly. What was Akai doing calling her?

"You should have told me," came his measured voice from the other end, although she could detect a note of displease.

"Told you what?"

"What happened yesterday. At your house."

Shiho set the pen she was holding in her other hand down and pinched the bridge of her nose. "How do you know about this?"

"Like I told you, the PSB and FBI are working closely together," there was a pause, and then he continued, "But you should have told me all the same."

He sounded like he was scolding her.

"I don't have to do anything," Shiho snapped, glaring into the empty space.

"It's my responsibility-"

She cut him off, "Last time I checked, you're not my family, my friend, nor the agent directly responsible for me. I know you fancy yourself some sort of guardian angel, but I've never asked you to watch over me. So no, it's not your responsibility."

Silence followed her words, making Shiho wonder if he had hung up. She hadn't meant to say those things, not really, but she felt it had been necessary. The existence of Akai Shuuichi in her life had been nothing but a big question mark so far. She wanted an explanation, or just a clarification of some sort as to exactly what he was.

"Why are you so intent on protecting me?" she finally asked. It wasn't the kind of conversation that should be had over the phone, but who knew when she would meet him again to talk about this?

"I promised your sister," he replied in a quiet voice, "to keep you safe."

It finally made sense, his actions all these times. Even in her death, Akemi had tried to make sure that no harm would come to Shiho and she had picked the person she trusted the most to do it. The thought brought tears to her eyes and Shiho hurriedly wiped them away.

"But at some point, I've also wanted to become your friends. Seems like you didn't see it that way, though."

Shiho let out a bemused laugh. "I wouldn't exactly call whatever relationship we've had between us as friendship."

Not when he terrified her every time she saw him.

"I know. I'm not…it's not exactly my forte," he stumbled. There was something like a grimace in his voice, and for some reason, it brought a smile to her lips. "But I'd like to be your friend all the same."

"I'm not that much better at the whole friend thing," Shiho said, to which he let out a laugh, "but okay."

She could do with Akai Shuuichi as her friend.

Tbc.