The girl's name was Gwen.

She was in Shiho's AP Chemistry class. Ever since they had been assigned as lab partners, Gwen had taken it into her head that the two of them were friends.

While they most certainly were not. But Gwen didn't get the memo.

"Hey Shiho, want to grab lunch together?" Gwen asked, smiling. The girl was always smiling. Shiho wondered if her jaw muscle hurt from all that work out. It had to.

"No. And don't call me by my first name. We're not friends."

That should have been enough to drive anyone away, but not Gwen. Gwen was stubbornness personified and giving up was not in her vocabulary. She never got tired of asking Shiho if she wanted to grab a bite together, or walk home together, or go to the movies together, or do anything together really. Shiho shot her down every time, each time as cold and scathing as she could manage, but Gwen was relentless.

Was all Americans this…friendly? Couldn't be, the rest of her classmates had left her alone once they realized Shiho had no intention of being friends with anyone.

It wasn't that Shiho was a loner. Akemi might occasionally call her a recluse, but Shiho wanted friends, too.

But having friends complicated things. The organization watched her like a hawk. Anyone who came into contact with her would be investigated and, if deemed dangerous, dealt with. Shiho might not be an official member yet, but she understood what the organization was and its methods.

They were ruthless.

And Shiho would never willingly subject anyone, especially someone who could smile the way Gwen did, to those methods.

The next few weeks passed by without any incident. Shiho would be lying if she said that the issue with Gin had stopped bothering her, but the truth was that the lone silver hair had strayed from the forefront of her mind, giving space to new things.

Things that Shiho had never allowed herself to try and enjoy.

Life as Haibara Ai had blessed her with certain freedom. She got to experience what it was like to grow up as a normal kid (save for the dead bodies that seemed to follow Kudo wherever he went and the looming threat of the BO dangling over their heads). She went to the movies, she hung out with friends after school, she spent weekends camping and playing sport, she gorged herself on ice cream and chips. Those were the sort of moments that she desperately missed growing up and Shiho was glad that she got to live them at least once.

But it was one thing to be a child when you were truly a child. It was another thing altogether when your body was that of a child but your mind was of a young adult. Life as a seven-year-old had certain…restrictions that Shiho hadn't particularly enjoyed.

Now that she was back in her own bodies and spent her time interacting with people of her own age, Shiho found that there was a sort of liberating feelings to it. People didn't really question when she demonstrated the extent of her knowledge, they simply chalked it up to her being something of a genius. If she acted older than her own age or displayed her (somewhat) dark and morbid sense of humour, no one was going to give her weird looks and chided her about how it was inappropriate for a child to behave that way.

Her life now was, in so many ways, completely different from the time she spent studying in America. Gone was the constant fear that she had of being punished if she put one toe out of line. It was a wonder she had done as well as she did in high school and university, when her mind was plagued day and night by thoughts about the organization, about the things that she would have to do once she was an official member and about…Gin.

Now those fears were things of the past. If Shiho made it back home a bit later than she was supposed to, no creepy man would come by to question her about it. If she wanted to take a weekend trip somewhere, she wouldn't have to ask for permission from Gin weeks in advance and brave his reaction (or anger). If any potential friend approached her, she wouldn't have to pretend to be cold and disdainful in order to chase them away for their own protection.

Not that she was any good at making friends.

Shiho suspected that her past ordeal had left her…stunted, for a lack of a better word, unable to form new connections. The kids were a special case - they had done most of the work and she had found that she couldn't bring herself to brush them off the ways she did everyone else.

Perhaps it was because they were so innocent and genuine, or perhaps it was because Shiho desperately craved companionship after having heard about her sister's death and realized that she was completely, utterly alone.

No wonder Akemi had always been overly concerned about Shiho's apparent lack of friends. The bond of friendship was forged through fire. It was her saving grace when she was at the lowest point of her life. For that, she was forever grateful for every person who had touched her and had saved her from a life of darkness with their love.

"Shiho-san, would you like to be on the committee for the cultural festival?"

Shiho blinked owlishly at Ran. The raven-haired her might as well had spoken to her in German for all she had understood Ran's words.

"Cultural festival?" she repeated.

The concept was somewhat familiar to her, but barely so. American high schools didn't have anything similar and Shiho hadn't been at Teitan high long enough to experience something like this, either.

"That's right!" Sonoko exclaimed, an excited look on her face. "See, me, Ran and Sera are planning to sign up for the committee, so we thought-well, I thought-"

"It's not just your idea, Sonoko!"

"-it would be nice to ask you to join us," Sonoko continued blithely, ignoring Sera's remark. "Kudo said you went to school in the States, so you haven't been to anything like this, right?"

Shiho threw a look at Kudo, who gave her a sheepish look in return and shrugged as if to say "Well, what can you do?"

"So, what do you think?" Sera prompted and for a moment, she looked so innocent and normal that Shiho had to marvel at the fact that she was Akai's younger sister.

"Er, well…wouldn't it be better for someone with a lot of experience to be part of the committee?" Shiho managed. It wasn't that she wanted to turn down the three girls, per se. It was just that Shiho hated doing anything where she was out of her depth and this was exactly what it was - being out of her depth.

"Nonsense!" Sonoko waved away her concern. "The committee doesn't have any criteria like that."

"Besides, I'm sure you'll do wonderfully, Shiho-san. You just have to try," Ran said encouragingly and Shiho was surprised to detect the sincerity in her voice. The girl fully believed what she had just said.

"This is what being in high school is like, Shiho-san. Don't miss out on experiences like this."

Shiho had to give it to Sera. She knew exactly what to say.

Looking at the three girls, Shiho felt her resolve splintering away. They weren't trying to embarrass her by making her do something she had no previous experience with - they just wanted her to have fun and be a part of something that she had never tried before. Shiho didn't want to say it aloud, but she found herself warming up to the idea of this cultural festival thing and organizing it together with Ran, Sonoko and Sera sounded like something that she would enjoy immensely.

So with that thought in mind, she agreed to their proposal and the three girls cheered and out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Kudo giving her a thumbs up. A warm feeling erupted inside her chest, not unlike the feeling she often experienced when she was around the kids.

Shiho silently thanked Kudo, for that day when he came into her bedroom and suggested that she attended high school with him.

In the end, it was her, the girls and three other guys who were on the committee. Shiho recognized one of them as Nakamichi on Kudo's football team and had the sneaking suspicion that he was only there to oogle the girls. The other two, Nohara and Shen, she had never talked to before.

Shiho volunteered for the role of note-taker, if only because she doubted she had much inputs to make and because she was the only one among them with a laptop. The rest had stared in wonder as she brandished the device and it took Shiho a moment to realize why - unlike American colleges, it wasn't very common for students here to carry laptops around to take notes in class.

"Okay, well, anyone has any idea?" Sonoko asked in an authoritative voice. Shiho wasn't surprised that she had naturally assumed the leadership role. Sonoko might act like an airhead most of the time, but she was the Suzuki heiress, after all. Despite however much protest she might put up, she had been groomed all her life to one day command a billion-dollar empire. This was probably nothing in comparison.

"What about a café? With live music?" Nohara started.

"Didn't we do that last year?" Ran questioned, looking thoughtful. "And I heard that class C is doing that as well."

"It is one of the popular choices for cultural festivals. I bet we would see a lot of cafés around," Shen mused. "We ought to go for something more…I don't know, unique."

"Hey, maybe we can make a mini-football museum!" Nakamichi exclaimed. "We can have live demonstrations of the techniques and stuff."

Sonoko rolled her eyes. "Yeah and then the only people who would bother to show up are you and that dork Kudo. Next!"

"Just an idea," Nakamichi muttered.

They went around like that for a while, with Shiho dutifully typing in ideas under the discarded column. So far, the only suggestion that everyone seemed to like was a sort of role playing game, though Shiho hadn't the foggiest idea how they were going to execute that. She herself had offered an input, purely as a joke when Ran asked her what she thought.

"We can sell chemicals - like a drink that will turn your hair pink for an hour or burping tea or something like that," Shiho said offhandedly, thinking of the things she had made when she was bored and had a lab full of different chemicals at her disposal.

The rest of the room's occupants stared at her.

"You know, Miyano, Shinichi mentioned that you're good with chemistry," Nakamichi said uncertainly.

"Shiho-san, are you sure that's not gonna get us into trouble?" Sera asked and Shiho knew exactly what kind of trouble she was referring to. The PSB would be on her in a minute if they knew she was selling illegally made substance to high school students.

"It's just a joke! A joke!" Shiho laughed awkwardly.

Even if she was allowed to, Shiho doubted she would go through with it. The substances weren't made with the purest of intentions.

"Right," Sonoko muttered. "Well, any other ideas?"

"I'm thinking…" Sera started, an excited look bubbling on her face. "Have any of your guys been to an Escape room?"

"Oh, I have!" Nakamichi yelled. "Those things are nice…but only if you don't go with Kudo. That guy really spoils the fun!"

Everyone laughed.

"I'm familiar with the idea of an Escape room," Shiho said, thinking of the ads she had seen on social media. "Are you suggesting…?"

"Yes, that we turn the classroom into an escape room. It's a bit of work, but we can definitely do it!"

"With you and the geek, I'm sure we'll have a decent puzzle for the visitors to figure out," Sonoko said.

"It's a good idea, Sera!"

"Yeah, definitely."

Shiho smiled at the scene playing out in front of her. She didn't mind that she hadn't contributed anything substantial to the meeting and perhaps the class really ought to have selected someone else with more experience, but she did not regret signing up for this. Rarely did she have the chance to create something good and whole. Shiho would much rather coming up with ideas for a high school cultural festival, than discussing with the top minds in Japan how to create drugs that can hurt people most efficiently.

Doctor Hasana Mayu had not been what Shiho had expected. When she thought of therapists, especially one that worked with the police on high profile cases such as this, she imagined them as the straight-laced, overly friendly, deceptively normal-looking type who liked to pretend they were only there for a quick chit-chat.

Hasana Mayu was none of that.

For starter, the woman had a lot of tattoos. Shiho had nothing against tattoos (it was an art form and she was of the opinion that all arts deserved to be treasured), but she didn't think that someone like this would be on government's payroll. She would be less surprised if this was the US, but Japan was…different. The nail that stuck out would always, always be hammered back in.

Hell, people gave her so much shit just for being of mixed race and that was probably nothing compared to Hasana, who (funnily enough) looked like she fit in with the BO more than Shiho.

Then, for another thing, Hasana had not bombarded Shiho with questions after questions about how she felt, if she was sleeping well, or if she thought she would be overcome with the urge to go on a killing spree from time to time. Instead, the woman had just greeted Shiho and asked if she wanted to talk.

"No," was her answer. Shiho most definitely did not want to talk. At least, not with this stranger who would no doubt report back to the PSB.

The people that she truly wanted to talk to…well, three of them were six feet under, a couple more not in that room and one was all the way in the US.

Why had she thought of Akai?

"Fair enough," Hasana shrugged, then checked the clock. "Let's see, we have an hour and forty five minutes left before you're free to go. I'm in the middle of this really good book, so maybe you can find something to occupy your time?"

Shiho blinked. "Wait, what?"

"You don't have anything with you? I have a couple of books-"

"No, I mean…aren't you a therapist or something?"

"I am."

"So you're not gonna ask how I'm feeling and stuff like that? What the hell am I here for if you're just gonna read a book?" Shiho snapped, annoyed.

She might not enjoyed being made to see a therapist, but she disliked people who slacked off in their jobs even more.

Hasana raised an eyebrow and when she spoke, it was in that same calm, unaffected voice. "Why would I ask you anything if you don't want to talk? And as for why you're here, Miyano-san, I think you know why. You don't have a choice. You have to uphold your end of the deal."

"Are you…threatening me?" Shiho asked in disbelief. What kind of therapist was this woman? The PSB must be out of their mind when they assigned her to Hasana.

"I am not, Miyano-san. I'm merely stating why you're here. I really don't have any intention of threatening you as I don't think that would be conductive to our session," Hasana gave her a gentle smile just then, but there was a twinkle in the woman's eyes that Shiho did not like. "Now, I can see that you don't want to be here - that's fine with me. So I'm proposing that we put our time to better use. I can finish my book and you can do whatever you want to do."

And that was how the three sessions Shiho had had with her therapist turned out so far. Hasana would be reading her books (the woman had moved to another one) and Shiho would be finishing her homework, or working out the finer details of the cultural festival.

When she thought about it, Shiho supposed that she couldn't really complain. She had not looked forward to having a therapist and had essentially got off scout-free.

It was a win-win situation.

Until one day, when her curiosity got the better of her.

"Does it hurt?"

Hasana looked up from her book, blinking. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Does it hurt?" Shiho repeated, "When you got your tattoo?"

"Oh, this," Hasana laughed, looking down at the etchings on her arms. "It sure did. The first ones were the worst. But I got used to it. Mind you, that doesn't make the tattoo hurts less - I just know what to anticipate."

Shiho stared at the woman, trying to wrap her head around her words. Having grown up the way she did, she was no stranger to pain. She knew it like an intimate lover and had learned to be afraid of it - because pain meant a lot more than just endurance in her world. It certainly didn't mean beauty and art like it did for Hasana.

Perhaps that was why she couldn't understand. But then who was she to judge other people for what they chose to do?

"Do you always like your tattoos?" she asked instead.

"At first. Over time, I grew tired of some of them. Some were bad ideas, I won't go into too much details over that," Hasana chuckled, a fond look on her face, "So I guess the answer would be no, I don't always like my tattoos…not all of them anyways."

"Then why get them in the first place, if you don't know you'll like them in long run? You can't really erase them," Shiho frowned, "They are so…permanent."

The psychologist regarded her.

"Do you always know what is going to happen in the long run with every of your decision, Miyano-san? Especially the permanent ones?"

Shiho's eyebrows flew up.

"I…" but what would she say to that, except "no"? She had lived with a noose around her neck - everyday could be her last. Save for doing everything in her power to make sure that she (and the people close to her) was safe, she had never considered five years, or ten years from now on.

Shiho hadn't even thought that she could live that long before.

"That's the thing, isn't it?" Hasana smiled, "We never know what will actually happen, but we do the things we do anyways. They might not turn out how we want them to turn out, and they might even be permanent - as my tattoos are - but that's life. If bad things are permanent, then good things are, too. I'm not gonna call it…ah, the beauty of life. That sounds terribly cliché, don't you think?"

"Ah."

"I just think, regardless of whether you like them or not, they make up the person that you are now. Good and bad. All of it. Like my tattoos, you can't erase the past, you can't have a do-over. The only thing you can do, and maybe the best thing you can do, is to accept them as they are. Things happened…you don't have any power over them anymore. But you learn. Just like how I learned not to get a tattoo in the name of my ex," Hasana winked and Shiho couldn't help but laugh.

"But what if…what if you did really bad things?" Shiho asked. She was sure the psychologist knew exactly what she was referring to. The woman should have full access to her files, after all.

"Will you do bad things in the future?" Hasana questioned, looking like she already knew the answer.

And Shiho did, too. It was an easy question, after all.

"Not for as long as I live."

Tbc.

Author's note:

No Akai in this chapter. I just thought that it was important to show how Shiho was growing and healing. He'll be back soon, promise :)

I also made that little inference about Sonoko's leadership capability. I just think it's such a waste that she is the sole heiress to a major empire, and yet is made out to be just a silly airhead in the manga. I think she has a lot more potentials than that.

But then again, female characters are not treated kindly here...