Author's note: Soooo I've been procrastinating with posting this. This chapter has been a bit strange to write...not my favorite to be honest. And it turned out to be so long that I had to cut it into two parts.

Warning: Some explicit images in this chapter.

Several short, persistent knocks to the door pulled her out of her slumber. Shiho bolted upright, and immediately winced. She would get premature back pain at this rate if she continued to spend the night like this - slumped against her desk.

"Coming," she muttered, blearily making her way to the door. Who would be looking for her this early in the morning?

An ugly voice at the back of her head whispered Gin, but Shiho knew better. He would never bother with knocking.

Ever the careful person, Shiho looked through the peep hole. Much to her surprise, there was Akemi, shuffling nervously in front of her door, eyes darting back and forth in an agitated manner.

What was her sister doing here?

"Nee-chan?"

"Oh, hey! Did I wake you?" Akemi brightened up at the sight of Shiho, but she could see the strain on her sister's smile. Something was not right.

"It's okay. Come in," Shiho stepped aside to make way for her sister.

"No, no, I shouldn't…I'm not supposed to…Anyway-"

"Is something wrong?"

"What? No, nothing's…everything's fine!" Akemi squeaked out the last few words.

Shiho narrowed her eyes. "You're being strange, nee-chan."

"Oh, well…I just want to tell you…couldn't say it over the phone but," Akemi lowered her voice to barely a whisper, "I've found a way to get us out."

All the blood drained from Shiho's face at those words. For a few moments, all she could do was staring unblinkingly at her sister, unable to process what Akemi had just said.

Then disbelief set in, and panic.

"What?" Shiho hissed under her breath. "What are you-"

"Just…trust me, Shiho. I've really, really thought this over," Akemi insisted, voice low but steely. "I know what they are making you do. I can't let this go on any longer."

"No, Akemi…No! You know there's no out…please don't-"

Her words were cut off as Akemi swept her into a tight hug. It was a warm, protective hug, the kind that Shiho constantly yearned for, but she could feel her sister's fear.

"Trust me," Akemi whispered and kissed Shiho's cheeks.

And then she was gone.

Shiho stood rooted to her spot, frozen. She wanted to reach out to her sister, to stop her, because Akemi had just made a deal with the devil. Nothing good would ever come out of that.

And yet for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to move. It was as if there was a part inside her - that ugly, selfish part - that secretly approved of this…insanity, because she wanted out, too.

A few weeks later, Akemi was dead. And Shiho had never wanted to die more than she did in that moment.

Shiho knew what day it was. She knew it in her bones.

She laid frozen on her bed, eyes glued to the ceiling, feeling every fibre in her body drained of energy. Shiho didn't want to move, didn't even want to lift her fingers or do anything at all.

Because on this day, two years ago, the last member of her family was gone. On this day, she was truly and utterly alone.

Shiho had made up her mind a few days ago - she would visit Akemi's grave this year. She hadn't been able to do so when Akemi died, because the BO had prevented her from doing so. And she had been too afraid to go as Haibara Ai, lest someone would figure out the connection.

(It had been for naught in the end, because Gin had known)

This year, she would not stay away. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how shattered it made her feel afterwards, Shiho would go and pay her respect. She owed her sister that much.

So she forced herself to get up, bathe and get dressed. She would have to miss school today, but it was the least of her worries. Even the simplest action felt like it took everything in her to do and it was a wonder that she had managed to make her way to the cemetery.

Now that she was here, however, the sight of rows after rows of black marble only made her want to bolt. Shiho could feel her resolve splintering away, replaced with a sea of pain, regret and guilt.

How could she do this?

"Shiho-san?"

She jumped and whirled around. There was Akai Shuuichi, dressed in black, a bouquet of her sister's favourite flowers clutched in his hand.

Shiho mentally cursed - why hadn't she thought of bringing flowers?

"I'm…I…here…" Shiho stuttered out, unsure of what to say. She should have known that he would come here to visit Akemi's grave, but she hadn't thought that they would run into each other. Or that he was back from the States. "You're…here."

"Ah…I landed last night. I didn't want to miss…" he trailed off, but the meaning was loud and clear. "And I take it that you're here for the same reason."

Shiho let out a humourless laugh. "Well, you can say that. But I can't seem to bring myself to enter. I'm such a coward."

A beat of silence passed between them. Shiho wondered if perhaps she had said too much, or worse, said something wrong. She couldn't think clearly, not on a day like this.

"It's not cowardice," Akai said quietly, surprising Shiho. "It's not easy, even under the simplest of circumstances. And yours…ours…is anything but simple."

"I….I just want to go see her," Shiho admitted, slumping against the gate. "I've never been. But it's so…I'm so scared!"

She didn't know why she was being so forthcoming, but there was something about Akai that made her want to pour her heart out. Maybe it was because of the situation they were in. Or maybe it was because it was Akai Shuuichi, who would understand what she was going through perfectly.

Whatever it was, she felt a sense of comfort knowing that he was here with her today, something that she had been struggling with since she woke up this morning.

There was a rustling sound and the next thing she knew, Akai was offering his free hand to her, a gentle look on his face.

"You don't have to do this alone."

Shiho looked at the extended hand, then back to Akai, then back to the hand again, disbelieving etched on her face. For him, someone who had never struck her as remotely affectionate, to make such a gesture…

"I…" she choked, gratitude overwhelming her.

"Don't worry, you can take it," he said, a hint of a smile on his face.

"Akai-san, thank you," she murmured, taking his hand.

"You can call me Shuuichi, it's okay."

And like that, they made their way into the cemetery, passing rows after rows of people long past while clutching to each other like lifelines. Two lonely people, finding comfort in each other's presence.

Akemi's headstone was simple: just her name, date of birth and death, carved into black marble. The sight made Shiho's blood boil, because her sister deserved so much more than just a headstone that was every bit as detached and heartless as the organization that had ordered this made.

Precious daughter.

Loving sister.

Kind, brave angel.

These were what her sister was. She was everything to Shiho and she was gone. Had been for a long time.

"I'll let you have some space," Shuuichi murmured and retreated to a far corner.

Shiho knelt down in front of Akemi's grave. It had been two years, but the wound felt as fresh as yesterday. She would never heal from this, Shiho was sure of this, but perhaps with time, it would get better.

"Hey nee-chan, I'm here. Finally," Shiho let out a breath, "It has taken me quite long, hasn't it? But at least…well, at least I'm free. It's what you have always wanted, isn't it? You have…you have paid with…with yo…your life for it."

Something wet and hot rolled down her cheeks. There was a million and one thing that she wanted to say to her sister, but the human language lacked the capabilities for her to properly express what she was feeling in this moment.

So she settled with, "I'm sorry. Really…truly sorry. Because of me…you…"

Shiho thought back to that day, a long time ago, when they were standing in front of her door. Perhaps if she had reached out then, if she had stopped her sister from leaving, then Akemi would still be alive today.

But Shiho was selfish. She had wanted to gamble on the off chance that Akemi could pull it off.

And the gamble had cost her the person she loved the most.

For that, Shiho would never be able to forgive herself.

It was past noon when they left for the entrance. Shiho had chosen not to mention Shuuichi's red eyes, in the same way that he did for her. What was there to say, really, when it had already been laid bare on the table?

They were a few steps away from the gate when Shiho felt it, for the first time in months. That bone chilling pressure that she had learned to trust in the time she had spent as a runaway from the organization (and even before that).

Shiho looked around wildly, heart hammering inside her chest. The cemetery was empty, but her sense did not lie.

Someone was watching her. Someone from the BO.

"Shiho-san?" Shuuichi questioned, noticing the falter in her step. Alarm crept onto his face when he saw the look in her eyes. "Is everything alright?"

"I felt…" she stopped mid-sentence. The feeling was gone, as abrupt as it came. She felt like she could breathe again, but her fingers continued to shake.

"You felt?" he prompted, stepping closer.

Shiho bit her lips, unsure if she should say anything. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she was being overly paranoid. There was no reason to worry Shuuichi unnecessarily, given the way she knew he would react to this. Today was supposed to be about peace and closure - she didn't want to spoil that by letting in ghosts from the past.

"It's nothing," she eventually settled with, but the way he looked at her showed that he didn't believe a word she said.

Damn Akai Shuuichi and his overly intuitive mind.

"Shiho-san, if you really think-"

But she was no longer paying attention to what he said, because her eyes had caught something laying on the ground, just outside of the entrance. It was a photo and when she came closer, she immediately recognized the people who were in the photos.

The silver hair and the posture that she would know from anywhere. Gin. And her own body, bare from the waist up, breasts covered by his hands. Gin had his face buried in her neck, while hers was frozen in an expression that was difficult to tell if it was a grimace, or a look of pleasure.

Shiho's breath was caught in her throat. Her limbs felt like they were trapped by invisible force. She wanted to stop Shuuichi when he bent down to pick the photo up, wanted to scream, wanted to do anything so that he wouldn't see her like that. But all she could do was standing rooted to the spot, locked by her own fear and shame.

No, no, no, her mind chanted over and over again, as a million memories was dredged up. Things that she never wanted to experience ever again. Nights that she had considered taking her own life, but stopped herself.

And in the middle of it all, that man.

Shuuichi's face was unreadable when he finally, finally looked at her. The corner of the photo crumbled where he was gripping it, so tightly it was a wonder the paper didn't rip.

"What is this?"

His words seemed to pull her out of the spell. Shiho could move again and the first thing she did was to rip the photo out of his hand and stuff it in her pocket.

"It's none of your concern," she croaked out, avoiding his eyes. She couldn't bear to look at him, not when he had seen…it.

"The hell it isn't!" he snapped, for the first time raising his voice. Shiho flinched and a look of guilt crossed his face. His voice was gentler as he said, "This is…I don't know what to say."

Shiho felt something inside her broke.

"Of course you don't know what to say. What do you say when you find out your friend is as dirty and shameful as I am?" she said quietly, turning away

"What? That's not-"

"Just…leave me alone," she grounded out and walked towards the bus stop.

He didn't follow.

The next few days passed by in a blur. In an effort to not think about what had happened, Shiho had busied herself with preparation for the cultural festival (turned out, there was a lot that needed to be done, which was fine with her). At night, she took laps around the neighbourhood so that by the time she went to bed, she was so exhausted that she would just pass out.

It was no way to live her life, but for right now, Shiho couldn't care less.

Not that any of those things helped with the nightmares. They came and went as they pleased, torturing her at the wee hours of the night. Eventually, she took to taking sleeping pills to ensure her sleep was dreamless, because other people had started to notice the bags under her eyes and the last thing Shiho wanted was unnecessary questions.

Especially from Kudo, who had started to develop this habit of narrowing his eyes whenever she looked particularly haggard. It was a wonder that he had held off this long and Shiho had the sneaking suspicion that Ran had something to do with this.

At the very least, all of these had achieved what she wanted: she hadn't a moment to think about the picture, or the person who had planted it in front of the cemetery, or Akai Shuuichi. All three of those topics were equally bad and while she knew that she would eventually have to face them, Shiho wanted to put it off as long as she could.

You're a damned coward, whispered the voice inside her head, so it, too, was shoved to the far back with everything else.

On Friday, she went over to have dinner with the Professor and Kudo. Shiho had grown tired of having meals alone and this was an excuse to make sure that Agasa was eating properly (for once). Kudo might be a bit of a pain, but she had had some decent sleep last night so she didn't look too bad today.

With that thought in mind, she knocked and waited patiently for the door to open. She could have walked in, but now that she no longer lived there, Shiho couldn't shake off her deeply ingrained sense of etiquette.

"Ai-kun! You know you don't need to knock right?"

Shiho gave him a rueful smile as she walked in and hung her coat on the hanger. The weather had taken a turn for the worse lately - a combination of wind, rain and cold - so she was glad to finally be inside and shake off the chill.

"Hi, Professor. How are you doing?"

"Just perfect. Perfect!" his voice went up an octave at the last word. Shiho raised an eyebrow - something seemed wrong.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!" he laughed nervously, "Let's go into the kitchen, yeah?"

"O…kay."

It was in the kitchen that she had the answer to the Professor's strange behaviour, because sitting there was not Kudo, as she had expected, but Akai Shuuichi.

The smile slid off Shiho's face.

"What's he doing here?" she hissed at the Professor, looking at anywhere but him. She didn't know if it was anger, panic or shame that was making it hard to breath.

Perhaps all three.

"Ah, well…he's…invited too! I didn't…mention that?" the Professor stammered, scratching the back of his head. "You guys…sit. I have to go. Need to…ah, check on something…invention."

And with that, he was gone.

Shiho looked at the empty spot where the Professor was, then towards the entrance. She was seriously contemplating making a run for it, because the last thing she wanted was to have this conversation with Shuuichi.

She wasn't ready.

"Shiho-san, we need to talk."

Shiho flinched. "No, we don't."

"I think we do," he countered softly.

"Why are you here?" Shiho mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. She had no doubt as to how he was here - Kudo was being a busybody again.

She was going to kill him.

"Like I said, we need to talk. And you wouldn't see me if I came to your place," Shuuichi sighed. "So I have to do this. Underhanded, but efficient."

"Obviously," she muttered sarcastically. "How much does he know?"

"Only that I need to talk to you," he assured her. "It's not my story to tell."

"You don't even know what the story is," she bit out. Somehow, it was easier being cutting and defensive than opening herself up. Perhaps this way would deter Shuuichi from insisting on talking with her. Maybe he would be offended enough that he would just leave.

"You're right, I don't," Shuuichi looked straight at her then, his eyes boring into her own. "So whatever it is that you think that I think about you, they are not true, because I don't know what the story is."

Shiho looked away, unable to carry his gaze any longer. How was it that he always seemed to know exactly what she was thinking, when he was such a mystery to her? She wished for a chance to look inside his mind, to see his thoughts, to know what he thought when he saw her - the broken, stained sister of his dead lover.

Would she be able to handle whatever it was that she would find?

"Why do you care so much?"

Shuuichi raised his eyebrow. "Would you rather than I don't?"

Shiho opened her mouth to say yes, but then stopped herself. Because the truth was that she didn't know the answer to that question.

Or maybe she did. Just not the answer that she wanted.

Because somehow, after all these times, Shuuichi had become someone that was important to her. He had wormed his way into her life and had made a place for himself. He was there for her when she needed him most and had never once judged her despite knowing as much as he did about her past.

But would that be the case once he knew about this?

"If you don't want to tell me…well, it's not my place," Shuuichi conceded, and then added, "But let it be because I'm not worthy enough a confidant, not because you're afraid of what I would think about you."

Shiho's eyes widened. This man, he was something else.

"The former is not true," she said quietly, staring at the table. She didn't want to look into his eyes, to know what he was thinking at that moment. It was better this way. "And the latter…why shouldn't I be afraid?"

"Because I've never and will never think of you as dirty and shameful, no matter what," he answered without missing a beat, voice even and steady like he was merely stating a fact. There was no room in his statement for any doubt.

Shiho stared at the man, the echo of his words ringing in her ears. Trust was a strange thing. It would take everything that she had to lay herself bare. It would be the single most difficult thing that she had ever done in her entire life, but perhaps it would be worth it.

Trusting someone not to hurt her - just the sound of it already felt liberating. Her entire life, she had rarely been given the opportunity to trust. Even with Akemi, Shiho hadn't trusted that her sister would be safe with this knowledge. But time had changed and her life was so different now, that maybe she could allow herself this.

After all, she had held this in for too long. Shiho could feel it festering inside her. One day, it might kill her.

So, she pulled out the chair opposite from Shuuichi and sat down, stomach churning with anxiety and anticipation.

"You're right, we do need to talk."

Tbc.