Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Chapter 2: Albus Dumbledore

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat in his office brooding over the recent events with Ginevra Weasley and the Chamber of Secrets. But he wasn't brooding over the lapse in security, or the endangerment of a student's life or anything so mundane.

How come Tom Riddle had a cooler name than him! He was older! He had better jobs! But nooo, he was 'Headmaster', or 'Professor', while Riddle was 'Lord Voldemort'! Harrumph. He'd have to get onto that. It couldn't be too hard. Just the use of the anagram charm.

Albus Dumbledore, he wrote. No point in including his middle names. "Mutardinem," he intoned.

He stared. Mould's Bluebeard. That wouldn't do. "Mutardinem."

Redoubled Albums. He was not some music duplicator, dammit! "Mutardinem."

Sal Redoubled Bum. What? "Mutardinem."

Boulder Lead Bums. No Bums! "Mutardinem."

Bums, Lad, Redouble! He said no bums! "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem."

Durable Olde Bums. Doubled Laser Bums. Della Bum Rosebuds. No bums! "Mutardinem."

Duo Burbled Meals. What does that even mean? "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem."

Earl Double Dumbs. Earl Bums, Doubled. Earlobe Blum Duds. What does that even mean? And no bums! "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem."

Aroused Dumbbell. Our Dumbbells, Dea. Old Sum Bluebeard. Duo Bed Umbrellas. Huh. You can make umbrella from his name. "Mutardinem."

Soluble Mud Beard. His beard was not made of mud! "Mutardinem."

Blu Beard Modules. That's not even how you spell blue! "Mutardinem."

Rude Bobs, Medulla. Nope! "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem." "Mutardinem."

Unbeknownst to him, but unbeknownst to us, Dumbledore had much the same luck as Tom Riddle. It kept going for quite some time, with various, humorous results, including:

Rude Lamb Doubles

Burbled Soda Mule

Omar Deed Bubbles

Rude Bauble Molds

Lamb Ubud Delores

Dull Bermuda Bose

Burmese Buda Doll

Bearded Sumo Bull

Just like Tom, Dumbledore banged his head against the table. "Mutardinem," he groaned. Then he sat up straight. He grinned. Perfect.

o0o0o

The next day at breakfast, Dumbledore called out for the school's attention. "It has come to my attention that many people have better names than me. As such, I spent several hours last night, until I came to a conclusion. From now on, I shall not be known as Albus, or Dumbledore, Headmaster of Professor. From now on, I am…

"Almus Le Dum Bored!"

A/N: When did I start this? A month ago! *Dodges thrown fruit* I'm sorry! I didn't mean too! If it helps, it was written the whole time. *Sound of author being hit by more fruit*.

Anyway, hope the wait was worth it. I think he ending was fitting - Albus is quite eccentric, after all. What do you guys think? Yay? Nay? Let me know in the reviews. While your at it, please follow and favourite me, it would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to ask me any questions via PM.

As part of my big account do-over, I have started my new, serious fanfic, 'Lessons of the Pit'. If you like Percy Jackson, do give it a try.

As part of my new account policy, I will only be doing this, that and the odd one-shot until one of these fics is complete. That way, they should both be higher quality (OK, maybe not this one as much) and out on a more regular basis.

Also, I will be redoing my profile page, so check in once that's done.

See you all next time.

This is JaguarAJG, signing off.