An- More missing month! Okay, I was at work over the summer randomly talking about Elves with a friend, and this idea came up. I wanted to shoot myself for not thinking of it before, but then we decided to do this, and well...it gets to see the light of day!

'The Missing Month'

Niori stretched awkwardly, her back protesting with every move she made. She rotated her neck, wishing that she hadn't decided on crashing on the couch opposed to making that final effort to get down to bed.

Hell, she probably shouldn't have come back last night at all; there had been a date that she was unwilling to pass up the previous night (despite the irritation of the other three girls, Niori's social life was not going to suffer because the Fellowship managed to land themselves in Carla's closet), and of course had come in WAY to late and a little drunk (though, much less than normal). And she had decided to be considerate; instead of stumbling through the house and down stairs and possibly waking everyone up she had decided that the couch looked inviting. Not to mention it was closer to a bathroom, just in case.

It wouldn't have surprised anyone if she stayed over at his house (they'd probably be surprised that she had come back at all), but Niori felt an obligation to her friends to be here, because God knew what new mess the Fellowship would get in if she wasn't here.

"Should have gone down to the bed…any bed…" Niori muttered to herself as she sat up, twisting her neck to undo the knots.

That was the last time she tried considerate. It hurt to damn much.

Though, she was discovering with every passing moment, she wasn't hung over.

Niori loved times like this; she got to party the night before and not feel like crap the next morning.

Coffee sounded very good at the moment.

She listened for sounds of the others in the house, particularly any that could be coming from the kitchen. If someone was in there maybe she wouldn't have to make the journey to get the coffee herself.

She heard nothing, and that made her assume that it was either way earlier than she thought, or everyone else had gone out somewhere without telling her.

Glancing at the clock Niori discarded the first choice; it was nearly three o'clock in the afternoon. Apparently they had gone out without telling her. Bless her friends for deciding not to wake her up.

"So I get my own coffee…" she mumbled to herself, forcing herself off of the couch.

She somewhat stumbled into the kitchen and to the coffee maker. Miracle of all miracles, everything was out and ready for her to put in.

"Girls," she whispered thankfully, "you are all Godsends."

As the coffee began to drip down, Niori managed to hear sounds coming from the living room that she had just left. She listened and realized that someone had turned on the television. She didn't think that she had heard a car pull in thus people come back, so someone must have stayed behind.

She moved back to the doorway that separated the dining room from the living room and glanced in. Sitting there on the seat that she had just finished sleeping in was Legolas, remote in hand and flicking through the channels.

If Niori had had her camera on her she would have snapped a picture; it was just all too amusing.

"Want some coffee?"

Her voice startled him a little, and he turned to look at the direction she stood in. When Legolas's eyes focused on her, he looked a little confused.

"I thought that you went home last night?"

"No, I went out. Normally I would have crashed at his house, not my own…"

"His?" Legolas inquired, looking completely passive as he asked the question.

"Well, my date…whoever I'm seeing…" Niori let her voice trail off as she considered her words.

Okay, a person –Elf- from Middle Earth probably did not understand the concept of sexual freedom, so continuing would make her just sound like a whore.

"Oh," was Legolas's only reply.

Silence stretched on, and it really made her uncomfortable; not that she was ashamed that she had a very active sex life, but confessing it to Legolas suddenly made her very uncomfortable.

"So, coffee or not?" she finally asked to break it.

Legolas considered for a moment before he gave a nod.

Niori returned to the kitchen, filled two mugs with coffee and walked them back into the living room. She took a seat on the couch beside Legolas, who moved over to give her more space.

"Um Niori, may I ask if you're going to get dressed?"

Niori looked down at herself, and realized that she had forgotten that the night before she had practically stripped down when she had fallen asleep here; all she had on was a pair of underwear and a somewhat transparent tank top.

That was apparently making Legolas uncomfortable. Go figure.

"My clothes are on your side of the couch," she told him, pointing to the jeans and bra that were a pile, "hand 'em over."

Legolas did as he was told and then turned away as she pulled the articles of clothing on.

With that done, Niori sat back down and snatched the remote away from Legolas.

Instead of really protesting, he took up conversation again.

"You look….somewhat formal; where did you go on this 'date'?"

Niori looked over at him with raised eyebrows. If she didn't know any better she'd think he was probing for information.

"Just a bar," she replied, feeling no urge to list where they went after that.

A look of confusion passed across his face when he spoke again.

"I thought you said that you were too young to get into one of these 'bars' you speak of."

She couldn't believe that he remembered that; they had gone to that dance nearly two weeks ago, and had only mentioned fleetingly that the girls were underage.

"Technically we are, but that doesn't stop me," Niori replied with a mischievous grin, "I barely ever get Ided, and when I do I just flirt my way in…I haven't been turned away yet, and I've been club hopping since I was fifteen. Personally, the only reason I didn't protest going to that dance is because there was no way the Hobbits were getting into that bar. Not to mention anytime the rest of the girls have tried to get in, Jane's face just screams that she's doing something wrong, Carla's short so she gets Ided all the time and Erin isn't all that fond of the bar thing."

"So it's only you and your 'date'?"

"Pretty much," Niori replied, deciding that it was more than time to change the subject, "so where did the others go?"

"To the grocery store," Legolas replied, still unsure what exactly that meant, "but I decided to stay behind…I've grown rather fond of this television of yours."

That made Niori grin widely; that was probably the last thing she would have ever expected him to say.

"Well then, let's see what's on."

She flicked through the channels, seeing nothing that interested her. She was beginning to lose hope of finding anything to watch when she came across a children's station that was currently airing a Christmas special.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, "Christmas in July specials!"

Niori loved Christmas specials, despite the fact that most of them were little kids cartoons. The only thing that beat Christmas specials was Halloween specials, which were still quite a few months off. If only they did some sort of Halloween in July her life would be made.

"Christmas?" Legolas asked, looking over at her questioningly.

"According to Christen beliefs Christmas was the day that the son of God…" Niori started to explain, but when she noticed Legolas's completely blank look she rolled her eyes, "you know what, it's a holiday."

"Ah."

Just watch the show, ignore the Elf. So Niori did just that.

It was your run of the mill Christmas specials, showing Santa in his workshop, checking over that list of his (which Niori was undoubtedly on the naughty one) while Mrs. Claus baked cookies and the elves ran around building toys.

Pretty much it was the cliché, but what would Christmas –in July or not- be without he cliché?

"What in the name of the Valar are those?"

Legolas's question jolted her out of her semi-thoughts.

"What?"

"Those tiny human mutant things," he replied, pointing to the screen.

Niori opened her mouth to reply with the word 'Elves', but then thought better of it; The answer might not please him all that much. Personally if Niori was an Elf she wouldn't be too thrilled with the prospect of the short, kind of chubby and goofy toy makers being classed in the same race.

"They're a…" Niori replied, "…Santa's little helpers…"

Of course, the moment the words were out of her mouth, Mrs. Claus took that opportunity to exclaim to Santa "My, the elves surely are working hard this year!"

It didn't even take a millisecond for Legolas to react.

"WHAT!"

Niori grimaced at his loud voice, realizing that her head wasn't as clear as she had originally thought; damn, there was a bit of a hangover there, and his yell just seemed to echo in her skull.

Before Niori could even begin to calm him down, Legolas was already off ranting.

"What do you mean those things are ELVES! They are NOT Elves! They are SHORT and RIDICULOUS looking! We look NOTHING like that!"

"Legolas," Niori tried, "they're Christmas elves…totally different…"

"Who named them, and how DARE they call them Elves! What is WRONG with you people!"

"I have no idea who named them, nor do I care. Maybe they're some subspecies of Elf…"

"NO! Look at those creatures, and then look at me! I am an Elf, and we look NOTHING alike!"

"Damnit Legolas," Niori cursed, getting sick of his rant and what it was doing to her head, "I'm well aware of the physical differences between you and Kebler there!"

"First off," a voice spoke from behind them, "who is Kebler and why haven't we heard about this one, and just how is his physique different from Elf boy?"

Both of them turned to find that the others had returned and were standing there looking at them. Carla was the one who had spoken, and she was smirking in amusement.

"Kebler happens to be him," Niori replied with a roll of her eyes, pointing to one of the 'elves' showed on the television, "and the difference is quite obvious…you don't even have to get personal to tell."

Niori assumed that Legolas would have gotten somewhat embarrassed by her answer, but he was still too busy freaking out at the television to hear what she had said or the comment that had brought her response on.

"Your people are apparently completely BLIND!"

"What exactly is he ranting about?" Jane asked, coming into the room to stand beside Carla.

"I made the mistake of watching Christmas in July…he isn't exactly pleased with the Christmas elves."

"THEY ARE NOT ELVES!"

"Not exactly pleased seems to be an understatement," Carla muttered to herself, looking at Legolas as though he had gone insane.

"What aren't Elves?" Aragorn now asked.

"See the little people on the screen making toys?" Niori asked, and Aragorn nodded, "them."

Aragorn looked almost horrified where Legolas had gotten furious…

And then there was Gimli, who broke out in hysterical laughter.

"I haven't given the people of this world enough credit!" he snorted.

It was then that Legolas turned from the screen and his glare fell on Gimli.

"If anything they resemble Dwarves more than Elves! Elves are not short, unlike you!"

Now Gimli got mad.

"You-"

"ENOUGH!" Niori finally screamed, knowing that there was no way that she could avoid a headache now.

Now both the Dwarf and the Elf fell silent at her voice.

This stupid argument would get out of control if she didn't stop it.

"They are not Elves, nor are they Dwarves!" she continued in an equally loud and irritated voice, "Let's just call them freaking Lawn Gnomes and be done with it!"

Legolas looked like he wanted to argue some more, but one cold glare from Niori made him rethink that idea.

"Now if you're through sounding like over reacting idiots," Niori spoke again, "I'm going to go sleep off this impending hangover."

l.l.ll.

An- You know he would have freaked out over that. LOL.