So, obviously I was the one who planted all that evidence in Ryders room. Well, other than his porn sites (I so did not need to know Ryder frequented a porn site called 'GothBondageBabes', and seemed especially taken with ones with said 'babes' in submissive restraints. Like...ew, squick. Don't get me wrong, me and Beck like to play Dominant/Submissive in the bedroom, but this stuff was like...the hardcore stuff. Too extreme even for me.) and that horrific, disgusting video – I didn't even know he still had it; I wasn't sure if it'd end up in the evidence, but like everyone else in that fucking court room, I was horrified at it. I had no clue about the rohypnol either, but it seemed like Ryder had sealed his own judgement with those few things – it all fitted in so deliciously with my plans.
The stuff found on him the night of the 'attack' - the second cell phone especially, and the little tube of lube, was really a true piece of genius. The burner phone Beck had been using to call me, filled with unanswered texts and a call log that was only ever used to call me – or Andre and Beck, just for good measure. And because I'm not an idiot, we made sure to call from different areas – if I was supposed to be called when I was with Beck at the RV, Beck would nip out to pick up froyo or something and then call from the burner phone while out and about, just in case the police decided to 'ping' the cell towers that picked up the call. Of course, occasionally it was from when we were both together, as if he was watching us at that exact moment. The photos were all candids of me out and about LA – at the mall, at the smoothie shop, at Nozu or the Medical History Museum (I love all the gnarly gross stuff there, even if it makes Beck look all pale and queasy under his tan; that's why I prefer going with Robbie weirdly – the one thing we do together, to be honest, was monthly trips to Southern California Medical Museum. It's a quirk, what can I say?).
I knew the stuff I hid at Ryders would be found easily enough. The vents. I remembered, once I was hanging at Tori's because Beck was in Canada and everyone else was busy, and I needed to get out of my house. Tori's dad, Officer Vega, had been telling Holly about how they found a drug dealers stash in his bedroom vents – about how teenagers still never realised that vents were one of the first places police looked these days, because teenagers got away with hiding stuff in there for so long, with the cops not checking. So, I also knew that it would never even occur to Ryder to look in his vents – he had a loose floorboard in his closet that he showed me once when we were kids, which is where he always hid everything. His maids, however, were another problem all together. Who knows how well they cleaned his room? Did they clean out the vents? I know mine did because my dad was a weirdo who had special filters put in to scrub the air clean. So I pitched a little fit, playing off my oh-so-very well known jealousy and demanded Ryder not let the maids in to clean his room anymore, because I didn't like the thought of another girl being in his room, maid or not. Weirdly, he fuckin' loved that – probably because it made 'us' more concrete in his twisted little mind. It was well known, after all, that I was so jealous I let no other girls go into Beck's RV except Cat, the cleaning lady and his mother; even Tori was only allowed over when I was there (Well, especially Tori to be honest. She was more of a threat than the whole of Northridge High). And everyone knew how serious me and Beck were.
I guess he thought since I started acting jealous about other girls or women in his room, it assured him that I was truly his; the sickening little grin he got when I told him about the rule made me almost want to vomit. I can't believe I used to find his comments and little grins charming, even if I was utterly uninterested; I could see how he managed to trick all those girls so easily with his looks and boyish smiles, even if I didn't really see why my friends vilified him for using girls for grades – it was the exact same reason people tried to pair up with me whenever possible, especially in academic classes; because they wanted a good grade and I was one of the best students. Tori was the best singer in that class (because me and Cat (especially Cat) weren't in it with her), everyone wanted to pair up with her. Ryder just managed to sweet talk her into it. Sure, dating girls and leading them on was jerkish, but even though I kept quiet about it at the time, I didn't see the huge problem with it.
But now though? That smile made me feel nauseous. Was it the same smile he gave Tori when she agreed to partner with him? Back when everything was still sugar rush high, with nothing on the horizon to bring any of the gang down? Before Cat got too quiet sometimes and Robbie tried to hide his tears in the boys bathroom and Andre didn't restlessly loose inspiration for songs before even starting them? When me and Beck could still fight and shout and argue over stupid things, before all this happened and kicked us into the stark reality that tomorrow we could be gone so why suffer through arguments that meant next to nothing just for the adrenaline rush?
What Ryder did...even with Tori gone, the impact was still there. Even with him gone, his name smeared with dirt and stomped into the ground, we still had to suffer and I wasn't sure if it would ever go away. I don't think Cat will ever regain that last shred of innocence she once had, that hadn't been ripped up and torn down by parents who were too busy with her brother, by middle school classmates who treated her like a freak. Robbie may not cry as much in the future, but he had so few people in his life who truly cared for him, his parents and us, that was it and having one of those people ripped away so unfairly and quickly has no doubt left a scar that wouldn't ever fade. I have no doubt Andre will get back into his music and singing. But every so often, I would bet money on a song about loss and hurt and grief coming out of his work, songs that can taint the rest of his music with this depressive darkness. And would I ever fight about little shitty things with Beck again? Many would assume that it was a good thing, that those fight stopped but I miss them. They were miniature supernovas, exploding then vanishing in an instant, and fueled our desire to be better, to work harder at our relationship.
Ryder caused this. This nuclear-but-only-for-us fall out. An exclusive club for the people in Tori's life who loved her.
To be honest? I'd have rather not been invited.