After walking for a fair distance, Shadow sat down on a rock and whipped out his journal, which he proceeded to write in:
"Dear Journal: I have had the happiest and most interesting day of my life so far. After watching one of my favorite action movies, I was heading back to my room when my Hedgehog Sense told me to poke through Rouge's papers. In doing so, I found a report saying that Roseinian scientists were planning to open a portal to Hell. Without hesitation, I armed myself and rendezvoused with Sonic and Tails, who were hesitant to take me to the lab at first, but I managed to convince them otherwise. Granted, they're still not my favorite people, but they're good people, and they deserve to be happy.
Anyways, I got to the lab and discovered that not only had the portal already been opened, but various creatures from Hell had already come through. Without question, I blew them all away and entered Hell itself. I was expecting to have a long trek with a lot of bloodshed. What I wasn't expecting, however, was that there would be beautiful demon women down here. Now, I'm not much of a sucker for romance, but considering that Rouge had given me a box of condoms and that I was tired of masturbation, I just couldn't resist having my way with them.
Thus far, I've made love to four women, and all of them have been an absolute joy to have. Probably my favorite so far is a lust-crazed woman named Modeus. Not only is she the most beautiful of the ones I've had so far, but she was so insatiable that she let me make love to her four times. However, she collapsed after the fourth round. I guess that's the only disadvantage of having no refractory period. Another woman I really liked was Cerberus, who was really three identical women being controlled by a single hive mind. I guess I know now why people are so turned on by the idea of threesomes, or I should say 'foursome' in her case. On the other hand, Pandemonica's moaning was music to my ears, and Malina had a really sexy accent.
Before I conclude this entry, I'm going to be honest: I have lost all perception of time down here. Nevertheless, I am encouraged to go on, knowing that the women I've met so far have not only been beautiful, but also very good in bed."
After concluding his journal entry, Shadow brought his M60 to bear and moved along for some more demon killing. Soon enough, he came across a large group of Pinkies and Cacodemons, with a few Imps plus a couple of Lost Souls and Pain Elementals for good measure. As he'd done many times before, he let loose with his M60. Compared to the 5.56mm M16, the 7.62mm M60 made short work of the Pinkies and Cacodemons, and it even handled the Pain Elementals nicely. Naturally, the Lost Souls didn't stand a chance.
(Go ahead, make my day.)
Compared to the last stretch that Shadow been through, this stretch was proving to be quite chock-full of enemies. However, he was undeterred, and he continued to shred an onslaught of Imps, Pinkies, Cacodemons, Spectres, Lost Souls and Pain Elementals with his big bad M60, laughing maniacally as his foes fell before him. By now, he didn't even care about returning home. As long as he had plenty of ammo and plenty of enemies to tear to pieces, he was perfectly content to stay down here in Hell.
(I AM a force to be reckoned with!)
For a time, Shadow didn't encounter anything that he hadn't dealt with before. Then, coming upon a stone bridge, he encountered a couple of Revenants. One thing he noticed about these guys was that they were faster than Pain Elementals, and in shooting them, he discovered that they were tougher, although they recoiled visibly from being shot at. Not only did the Revenants' missiles fail to damage Shadow, but they too ended up in the ever-filling cemetery of monsters that were unlucky enough to mess with him, thus causing him to laugh some more.
(YES! More blood! MORE!)
After crossing the bridge, Shadow encountered a group of Cacodemons and Pain Elementals. Again, however, these proved easy for him to ventilate, and once they were nothing but a pile of blood and guts, he swapped the barrel on his M60 and kept going. As he proceeded further through this area, he wondered just what the next woman would be. If his calculations were correct, Malina's sister Zdrada was going to be next in line. At one point, he even wondered why such sexy women were living with such evil demons in Hell. However, he cast those thoughts aside and continued to ventilate random demons, including a group of Pinkies, Pain Elementals and Revenants.
(All right, these guys are really pissing me off!)
As if Shadow didn't have enough to be pissed off about, after blowing away a few more Cacodemons, he encountered a group of four Mancubi. Without hesitation, he fired at one, ignoring the fireballs that it and the others shot at him. However, the Mancubus – like a Baron of Hell – was able to take a full 100-round belt of ammo and live, so Shadow pulled out the M79 and fired at it. Fortunately, this single grenade finished off the monster, so he loaded another high explosive round and proceeded to finish off the rest of the Mancubi, each of which took no more than three grenades to finish off.
(Hmph, so pathetic.)
Having finished off another group of monsters, Shadow holstered his M79 and moved on. A couple of ways away, he encountered another woman. Like the previous women he'd done, she had pale pinkish skin, red eyes, white hair, black horns and an arrow-tipped tail. Unlike the others, she had a short hairstyle that mostly covered her left eye, black eyeshadow, lip, nose, tongue and ear piercings, and she was slightly less busty than Malina or Cerberus. Her attire had pretty much the same color scheme as the other women as well, consisting of a red short-sleeve button-down shirt, black dress pants and black knee-high high-heel leather boots. Additionally, she wore a black choker, a cross necklace and a bunch of black wristbands, the one on her right arm almost covering her entire forearm. She took a cigarette from between her lips and blew a cloud of smoke as Shadow approached.
"Yo, I heard there was a guy goin' around fuckin' everybody. I'm in."
Shadow crossed his arms. "Ordinarily, I would say 'no' since smoking is so disgusting, but since I think you're attractive enough, I'll fuck you anyways."
The woman laughed and belched a huge smoke cloud. "Too bad! I don't give a fuck! Go ahead, try to stop me!"
"That aside, I'm presuming you're Zdrada."
"The one and only!"
"Well Zdrada, I'm Shadow the Hedgehog."
"Nice to meet ya, you cute little bastard!"
Shadow and Zdrada shook hands.
"So tell me," said Zdrada, "did Malinka scream like a little bitch when you were givin' it to her?"
Shadow nodded. "You could say that."
Zdrada pumped her fist. "HA! I knew my sister was secretly a sex-crazed pervert!"
"Although, not as much as Modeus."
"No surprise. Modeus will give it up to anybody!" Zdrada flicked her cigarette butt aside. "Now enough chit-chat, let's fuck!"
Zdrada kissed Shadow, who did his best not to barf upon tasting cigarette smoke on her breath. Despite this flaw, Shadow found that kissing Zdrada was hardly any less pleasurable than kissing any of the other women he'd fornicated in his travels. As a matter of fact, her lip and tongue piercings actually made the experience rather interesting for him. Heck, she was soft, warm and cuddly like the other women, so he was willing to tolerate an imperfection here and there. Besides, he never expected perfection from any partner he was with. All he asked for from them was that they respected him for who he was and gave him their love, and even if certain demon women down here had better tempers than others, they had all succeeded in giving him what he wanted. When Zdrada ended up tearing her clothes off, Shadow was unsurprised to see that her nipples and navel were pierced as well. He was, however, surprised to see that the cross necklace had burnt an outline of a cross just below her neck.
"Do me, you sexy hedgie."
After putting on another condom, that was exactly what Shadow did to Zdrada. Despite having been put off by her smoke breath earlier, he found her to be no less warmer or wetter than any of the other women he'd stuck it to. In fact, the more he thrust into her, the more he wanted her. At this point, he'd pretty much completely stopped caring that he originally came here to blow away evil demon creatures that were attempting to invade his world. As far as he was concerned, they were an ancillary quest to his desire to make love to more Hell women. After all, every one of them had been attractive, so why not?
"Yeah, that's right! Fuck me HARD!"
Despite having never seen an artificially-created immortal alien hedgehog before, Zdrada found Shadow to be immensely handsome, too. She welcomed his length and girth as he pumped hard into her. While not necessarily as sex-crazed as Modeus, Zdrada nevertheless enjoyed a hearty round of lovemaking, and she was especially enjoying Shadow in spite of him being an artificial alien hedgehog. Heck, she was especially turned on by the fact that he was an artificial alien hedgehog. The more he gave it to her, the more she came to understand how much Malina had enjoyed him, and she continued to enjoy him until…
"OH YEAH! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!"
Like the other women before her, Zdrada had what was quite possibly the best orgasm of her life, once again digging her fingernails into Shadow, whose own orgasm was just as good as the ones he'd had before. Thus, he kept thrusting into her until both of them were well and truly finished.
"Was that good for you, Zdrada?"
"Oh, hell yeah! Now I see what Malinka was talkin' about! Hell, I'm gonna need a whole pack for that one!"
"OK, enjoy your lung cancer and emphysema, then."
Zdrada laughed as she was putting her clothes back on. "Yeah, like anybody lives forever! Oh, and by the way…"
Shadow disposed of the used condom. "Yes?"
"Malinka told ya to tell me 'fuck you', right?"
Shadow shrugged. "She might have."
"Well, tell her I said 'fuck you, I don't fuckin' care!'"
"If you insist. Now if you'll excuse me, I have important business to conduct…that is, unless you wanted another round of sex like Malina got?"
Zdrada laughed so hard that she nearly dropped the cigarette that she was about to light. "NO WAY! You're tellin' me that she actually fucked you TWICE!?"
Shadow nodded. "She did."
"Oh, I am SO gonna tease her about that! Anyways, once was enough for now, but you're always welcome to come back!"
Shadow nodded. "Very well. Here, have a crepe, too."
Shadow handed Zdrada a crepe, which she immediately tore into.
"This is really good! Did you make this?"
"No, my best friend did."
"Well, tell them I said 'thanks'!"
"Will do. Have a nice day, Zdrada."
"You too! Best of luck blowin' all those monsters away!"
Shadow nodded, pulled out his M60 and moved along.
Criticism is gold. Negativity and nitpicking are pyrite.