An- Niori angst, because that's always fun.

It turned blue. Not pink, but blue. A little blue plus sign.

Niori stared down at the small stick in her trembling hand, not truly understanding what she was looking at. It was a plus sign. She knew what it meant, but she couldn't believe it. She had taken two of these before, and they had always been little pink minus signs. This time it was the complete opposite.

This time she really was pregnant.

The stick dropped from her hand , a sharp cry just managing to stop short of coming out. It clattered to the floor, echoing in the silent, empty washroom.

What was she going to do? Oh God, what was she going to do?

Niori couldn't be pregnant…not now. Not with him.

Without warning, images flashed through her mind. Her back in Middle Earth, finding this out. Running to where she would find Legolas and then screaming out the news. He would cry out in joy and swing her around in his arms and then they would eventually end up in bed to celebrate…

Niori brushed back the vision fiercely, cursing her mind for even imagining it. She couldn't think about him! It hurt too damn much. Just thinking his name, let alone…let alone his reaction about their…their…child.

"Oh my God," Niori whispered.

Niori felt like she should cry as she put her head in her hands, but no tears came. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. Her eyes hadn't so much as watered since she had left Carla's house two weeks ago. She thought that if she could cry some of the pain would flow out with the tears, but no matter what she thought of, it wouldn't work.

Oh God, what was she going to do?

Both times before Niori figured that abortion would be her best option. She wasn't the mother type. She pitied any child she brought into the world because she would make a horrible mother. The idea of abortion now made her recoil violently and her stomach turn over. It wasn't as though she was suddenly pro-life or confident in her maternal abilities…but it was Legolas. Unbeknownst to them both, she had brought a piece of him back with her. How could she destroy that? How could she throw away that last remaining tie when all she could do was long for him? Niori couldn't, no matter what. Same went with adoption. She was going to hold fast to this connection with Legolas and never let it go.

She had to keep the baby. No matter what…

No matter that she would probably one of the worst mothers in the world after her own. She would never abuse or hurt, but she didn't have a maternal bone in her body. She wasn't good with kids. She was selfish.

But wait...hadn't she proved that last part wrong? If she had been as selfish as she thought, she wouldn't be here right now. Niori would have ignored it all and stayed in Middle Earth. Not to mention she hadn't been that bad with Elijah. Maybe she could do this after all.

One thing Niori knew for sure was that this child –her child, Legolas's child- would never want for love. Maybe for mothering skills and certainly a father, but never love. She had never regretted something so fiercely than at that moment. Her child would never know their wonderful, amazing father…and Legolas would never know his child. Hell, unless a miracle happened Legolas would never even know that he had a child.

God this wasn't fair…none of this was fair.

Suddenly, the sound of something vibrating broke the silence, ripping Niori away from her thoughts. She jumped, startled as she looked around to locate the source. She found it a moment later. It was her cell phone that was lying on the tiled floor beside her purse. Automatically she reached for it, though after a moment she hesitated. She didn't want to talk to anyone, not right now. Not even the girls. The only person she wanted to talk to right now was Legolas, and that was impossible.

Only after the phone had stopped did she reach down and take it into her hand. It hadn't been a call, but a text. Just like she had automatically reached for the phone in the first place, she automatically opened the text.

It was from Erin and it read "Where are you?"

Niori looked down at the phone and told herself to ignore it. She wanted to be alone…she didn't want them here. None of them could understand. Jane was still a virgin, Carla had been with a few guys but had never had a pregnancy scare and Erin had had Frodo at her side when she first found out.

Niori was alone.

True, Erin had had to give Elijah up, but Erin had known that he would be taken care of. Single motherhood in their world was a lot different than being raised by your father in the Shire.

Niori's parents practically hated and would never support her, Legolas could never be there and the only people who would stand by her side were her three best friends, and they had their own lives to live and problems to deal with.

Niori could handle whatever nasty words that would be thrown at her, but not what could be at her child. People could be cruel, even to a child. But she would handle it when it came, not freak out about it now. She would have and then raise this child as best as she could…and damnit, they would be happy.

"I can do this," Niori whispered to herself in a cracked voice, "I will do this."

She took a steady breath as she texted Erin back and told them to meet her in the cafeteria. She'd tell them and they would help her get through this. They'd be there for her, and Niori needed them more than she ever had. She took another deep breath before she stood up. When she was on her feet she adopted her usual attitude as she walked out the door, dropping the pregnancy test in the trash bin as she passed.

Niori didn't want anyone to realize that she was in emotional turmoil. Thank God she was a great actress. Erin, Jane and Carla would probably be able to tell, but that was only because they knew her so well. If she wanted, she could easily hide her emotions from them too.

As she moved through the hallway she saw a few looks thrown her way, but she ignored them. Before she would have looked and flirted with her eyes, maybe even gone over. But not now…not ever again. Niori knew that everyone wondered why she had become like this (she wasn't deaf, and the whispers weren't kept quiet anyway), but she made no move to even try and make up an explanation. Not even about the huge ass scar that ran across her stomach.

Niori had never cared what they thought before, and that hadn't changed.

When she reached the cafeteria, none of them were there, so she took a seat at an empty table to wait. She began to think over what exactly she was going to say to them. She couldn't just blurt it out in the middle of the school cafeteria.

"Hey Niori."

Niori looked up at the voice and saw that Brittany and her trio of worshippers were standing above her.

"Hello," Niori replied.

Just because they pretty much hated each other didn't mean that Niori couldn't be polite. Until Brittany brought the claws out, then Niori would have to bring out hers. It was a game they played, the two of if Brittany made one innuendo about her being a whore, Niori wouldn't be able to stop herself from killing her.

"So, what ever happened to your friend?" Brittany asked slyly, her voice innocent.

For a moment Niori was confused, but when she caught on a pang went through her chest.

Legolas. She was talking about Legolas.

"Who was that total blonde, male model hottie anyway?" she pressed on when Niori didn't answer.

It was that question that brought everything down on Niori.

Legolas was gone, probably forever. She was pregnant. She was alone.

Finally Niori was able to cry.

The tears came fast and hard and were pouring down her cheeks. She managed to hold back sobs, but only barely. She lowered her head into her hands and continued to cry as her body shook.

"God," she vaguely heard Brittany sneer in disgust, "you really have lost it!"

Niori didn't care that she was balling in the middle of the school or that everyone was watching. She wanted Legolas. She needed him.

"Niori?"

Finally, she looked up at the sound of Erin's compassionate voice. Carla and Jane were moving across the large room, looking as concerned as Erin sounded.

"Are you alright?" Erin asked softly as she sat down opposite her.

There was a sense of knowledge in Erin's eyes, but she didn't know the half of it. It wasn't just about Legolas…

But how could she could tell Erin that? 'Erin, you lost your son two weeks ago and it still hurts beyond all measure. Oh, and by the way I'm about to have a baby while your son is lost to you forever. Hope you're fine with that.'

"Niori," Erin repeated, "Are you alright?"

No! Niori wanted to scream, I'm not! I'm pregnant! I want the father of my child! I was an idiot for leaving! I'm not sure I can do this, and I'm scared! Fuck, I'm terrified and alone!

"I'm fine," is what she said instead.

l. .l

An- On that depressing note, happy holidays everyone!