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I do not own FMA, nor do I wish to.
This chapter has a PG13 rating, language.
italics are inside thoughts.
So, the deal on this one. Probably my last while i take another year or so off due to being unmotivated. At least, i just counted i have 4 stories started and they're all about 5 sentences, so let's put it at about 2 years and maybe i'll have finished one of them.
I wrote the first half of this one about 6 months ago and then just made up the last of if this morning. I like comedy so it should be better than the last one, but everyone has their opinion so whatever.
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Al insisted that Ed exist as a woman now, at least occasionally. Ever since their bodies had been returned (mostly, Ed's leg did not appear) Al had been pretty firm that they turn their lives back into something resembling normal, it WAS the 1900s after all so you could wear boys' clothes if you wanted, but it was still frowned upon.
Since Al could feel things, taste things, and experience things as a young human man then Ed should return to 'normal' as well. Al knew 'normal' needed air quotes when dealing with Ed but if he could get her to at least wear some dresses now and then, well, he'd call it a win.
Today's outing was at the zoo. What could go wrong at the zoo? Al had brought Winry and forced Ed to come along. Riza had volunteered after helping find the dresses and they all headed into the park mid-morning.
Ed however, was determined to hate the situation for the simple reason that she had to wear the dress. Before they'd even arrived she'd come up with several scenarios to cause trouble and get to go home. No matter how determined her brother was, she'd win this. The only glitch in her plans was that Al had included Hawkeye in the planning. It would be harder to sneak out with Riza around.
Plan 1: Pick a fight with some punk.
They'd arrived in line to get tickets and Ed 'accidentally' bumped into the biggest jerk she could find. Before she could even feign insult and start yelling about it Riza had grabbed her by the collar and thrown her through the gates. "Two please" was all she could hear as she flew overhead.
Well that didn't work out. Next.
Plan 2: Hopefully not as obvious as plan 1. Get injured.
Not hard, she'd just been thrown through the gates. Ed decided that continuing to lie where she'd landed was the best way to enact this plan.
Al came running over, exaggerated concern flowing out of him. "ED! Are you ok? Do you need milk?" Ed's eyes opened. what? "SOMEONE GET MILK! SHE'S LOW ON VITAMIN D!"
Ed sat up and glared at him.
Al grinned back. "Bring it on sister." and hauled her up to a standing position.
Plan 3: Ruin her clothing
This one made her feel a bit guilty but she'd make sure she apologised to Riza later.
They'd made it passed the elephants and giraffes by the time Ed found a juice vendor. Seconds later red cherry flavoured drink was covering the front of her new dress.
Al, Winry, and Riza just stared at her. Without breaking eye contact Riza pulled a second dress out of her bag. "There's two more in there and if you wreck them all you have to spend an entire weekend shopping with me AND you're wearing heels the entire time."
Ed caved and went to change her dress. That was a hell of a threat.
Plan 4: Break her shoes
Ed looked at her feet. They were flats but if the sole ripped off of them they'd be useless.
"Don't even think about it, i have a spare pair of those too."
Dammit!
Plan 5: Make up some imaginary danger and get to leave.
"Hawkeye, i think there's someone following us."
"There is."
"Wait, what?"
"It's Mustang, he's got a date and he doesn't know he's following us but he keeps hearing your voice when you yell so he's looking around. I've been trying to keep us moving but i think we all have to stop at the canteen for lunch and it's right over there."
Al and Winry had picked up the second half of the conversation, "Oh! Lunch time already?"
Ed wasn't going to let this opportunity pass even if she was now in actual danger. "Mustang's here, i have to go home before he sees me."
"No."
"WHAT?! AL! He'll kill me!"
"You've been a jerk all morning while the rest of us have been trying to have a nice time. You deserve it."
Ed just started at him for a moment, "WELL FINE! YOU'VE JUST KILLED YOUR OLDER SISTER! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY WITH THAT!"
Al shrugged and pointed behind her, "If you were that concerned about it you wouldn't have been shouting about it just now."
"Fullmetal?"
Ooooooooh shit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit. Ed's veins filled with ice and she watched in horror as her crew abandoned her a little too quickly for the lunch bar beside the park.
She panicked, her hands ripped the elastic out of her hair causing her pony tail to fall loose around her shoulders, "Oh no Monsieur, Je ne comprend pas." as she half turned to peek through her hair at him.
"Your leg is still automail and if you didn't know me, or understand me, you wouldn't have pulled your hair out to hide like that. And why are you wearing a dress? What the HELL is going on here!"
She could tell Mustang's anger was growing as he realised the truth and his ignorance to it.
"Edward Elric! Explain yourself now!"
She stammered, "well, uh.. No?"
Then ran.
She knew she'd never run from anything before, but this time she felt justified and above all it gave her a head start because Mustang clearly wasn't expecting a 'flight' response and it took him a while to head off after her.
Mustang's date watched him take off across the park after the new girl. It was an odd feeling to describe, watching someone whom you though had eyes only for you, chase another girl around a park. Though she had to admit, finding out that THE Famous FullMetal Alchemist was a woman and that you'd been her commanding officer for several years without noticing, might trigger some anger. She saw the group that had been with FullMetal when she and Roy had arrived on scene and decided to join them for an expensive lunch. Roy was going to pay for it anyway because it's rude to abandon your date for any reason and also because when those two were done running around throwing obscenities at each other he'd be too tired to protest the bill.
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They'd also be too tired to fight about it but i couldn't get that to fit into the story from the date's point of view.
Ok, all done, that's all i had in storage (sort of) see you in a couple of years… or something.
Also, this is how old i am:
We're goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you?
You can come too, too, too
We're goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo
-Raffi